Chapter 10: Simultaneous Release
"I hope your wife gives birth to a centipede and you have to spend the rest of your days slaving away to buy shoes for it."
— 24 —
Yang Xiao Long's shirt stuck to her chest, bunching on the creases of her joints. The mix of sweat and the occasional ocean spray gave the cold a way to crawl under her skin, like winter itself was stripping her flesh away with a flensing knife. Her Aura did nothing. Once upon a time, as she set off alone into Catchfire to chase rumors of her mother, she'd been reminded of just how easy things and people were to break. To someone like her, if she stopped to stare at the changing color of her eyes in the mirror, the entire world could be like Catchfire. And if she got cold feet, she could always remind herself that in this house of rotten wood and dry bones, she was a
goddamn flamethrower.
She flexed her fingers, hoping for maybe one last bit of heat from the friction of her muscles. And realized it didn't help right now. This wasn't something she could try to reason or fight her way through. Because it wasn't something she could do anything about, period. Neither the weather nor the disaster she was watching from distant safety. Yang shivered, and far ahead of her, the city of Montluçon shivered too—the wail of sirens, the roar of jets, and the occasional pop of gunfire for the last holdouts of Grimm left in the city.
For all her time slumming it in Catchfire on her weekends, on and off again going into the worst parts of Vale whenever the idea struck her, Yang wasn't a city girl. While Patch did have big towns, like its capital city of Five Wives or the endless steels mills of Magneria at the center of the island, nothing it had had prepared her for the warren of concrete, highways, light rails, and the dizzying smells of civilization. Sure, she'd seen the gritty gangster and crime movies all about Vale's seedy underbelly. Her friend and compulsive card cheat, Indigo Jack, had been raised there and had even shown her around areas she might find more interesting in Catchfire.
Instead of what she'd expected, she'd just found a city constantly building over itself in a mad rush to violate the latest building codes in new and exciting ways. She'd found people in the land of plenty fighting for scraps of food, money, and other things she'd always just taken as granted. Where using her Aura hadn't made her stand out as an icon, but made people start to run away as if she'd opened fire in a crowded theater. She remembered getting into a brawl with a pair of girls known only as the Malachite Twins, and the way Jack had claimed that half of all serious violent crime in Vale was caused by washed-up Huntsmen.
Montluçon reminded Yang of that, in a distant, abstract way. She was seeing it here from a distance, but its glamorous hotels and industrial districts reminded her so much of the parts of Vale she found uncomfortable and alien. She wondered if maybe it had something to do with her half-Mistrali heritage. Her uncle Qrow told her she was a descendant of the Branwen tribe, one of the fiercely nomadic people from the Mistrali steppe. People who took what they wanted and didn't believe in fences. Sometimes she wondered if she would've been happier growing up with her mother, born and raised in a saddle instead of the island of Patch. Maybe that was why she was so fond of her motorcycle, some kind of genetic memory surrogate or whatever. But then again, who would have looked after Ruby all those days when her dad just couldn't?
Yang supposed maybe it didn't matter. It was one of those theoretical questions. She'd actually been talking about it with her partner Nora, about life in Mistral and the infamy of her mother's tribe, when everything went to hell. It had all happened so fast and had been incredibly chaotic. Near as Yang could tell, Team VYPR's leader, Pyrrha, had made a bad call. She had gotten Ruby front and center of what became a riot just to defend their little corner of their mission. Sure, it had been boring, mostly just walking around and trying to look impressive, occasionally trying not to look like she was schmoozing with the most powerful man in Atlas in order to sate her curiosity about the country. But Yang would have preferred that to things turning into a riot that weirdly appeared to have been instigated by the Whites. If Team VYPR hadn't been forced to evacuate the general to his airship, Yang probably would have liked to stick around that riot to try to figure out if it was natural or not. Because it smelled like a rat.
One thing had led to another. Before she knew it, she and her team had nowhere to go but stick around on a foreign aerial warship. They were just sort of existing there in awkward silence as the ship took off and provided an escort to Huntsmen flying their way to Montluçon. She spent the time on her scroll, looking at the news and social media, trying to figure out what was going on as Ruby went through various stages of panic attacks over her friends, Coco and Jaune, who were supposed to be in the city. And while she wasn't a fan of the boy by any stretch, she didn't think anyone deserved to be eaten alive by Grimm. Especially considering that because VYPR were students, they weren't supposed to get involved in the fighting.
Yang had spent the afternoon high in the sky, watching the city engulfed in combat. What started out as somewhat irritating, became almost morbidly fascinating. As evening fell, she could actually pinpoint the areas most infected with the occasional demon by pockets of light from Dust, explosives, and gunfire. But as the lights just kept roaming across the city, it stopped being fascinating and became almost depressing. Yang couldn't do anything as people fought and died throughout the night. The best she could do was make out communications from the ship's bridge as she just kind of ghosted the command tower, having nowhere else to go. She learned the exact number of Huntsmen who had shown up, and their casualties. Yang listened as the Royal Navy provided artillery support, clashing with Atlas over fields of fire. Other army corps trickled into the city as they arrived in the region to support. There was even some talk that a ceasefire had broken out between the military and the local White Fang, which was typical in a way. It was ancient custom for two sides in a battle to broker a temporary peace when Grimm showed up.
And by the morning, when everything was said and done, the Valean guns had turned towards the Atlesian airship. One of the boats fired a warning missile salvo to make it leave their airspace. Ironwood had, rather offensively, used Team VYPR as collateral. A sort of "hold your fire, we have Valean nationals onboard."
Yang almost felt like some kind of prisoner of war as Ironwood apologized to her team, and then negotiated their safe passage back into royal custody in exchange for leaving the region. But another part of her felt vaguely flattered that the military of all people was that concerned for her. She wondered what might have happened if no one on her team was from Vale.
One way or the other, as Huntsmen and soldiers cleaned up the city in the aftermath of the battle, she found herself on a massive carrier called the
HMS Risk of Rain. With most of the fighting ended, the Navy had docked in the harbor to provide medical services. Apparently an airship carrier could double as a kind of hospital as well as provide other miscellaneous services, like opening up their cafeteria to supply refugees meals. Yang didn't really have an opinion on the military, but she supposed she was glad Vale had them and Huntsmen to deal with trouble like this.
VYPR had scattered to the wind upon being released. Pyrrha wanted to stay put. Nora had been curious about all of the missile batteries currently floating in the harbor. Ruby had turned into a storm of rose petals and left to try to find her friends among the wounded and refugees either on the ships or the mobile army surgical hospitals scattered throughout the docks.
And in the end, like always, Yang was alone in a strange place, not sure how she was going to get back, and only vaguely able to keep up with her team via text. But even her scroll was barely useful. The Hunters and soldiers had protected the city's CCTS Tower, but that just meant all of her friends back at Beacon were blowing her scroll up with texts.
Yang stood there by one of the elevators going from the carrier down to the docks, watching men in blue sailor uniforms transport material and wounded personnel. The scent of gunsmoke and old combustion Dust burned her nose. The occasional splashes of ocean water and the snow chilled her to her bones.
She kept her Aura up to stay warm, and shivered.
Yang looked at the last text in her scroll, seeing who was buzzing her this time. She was about to ignore it before she read who sent it.
Jack: Our friends good?
You: what do u mean?
Jack: You're texting me, so you're good. What about Shamrock and the Schnee?
You: oh crap they're with one of the teams here
Jack: Yeah I tend to remember people who owe me money
Jack: Send me a depression selfie if you find out they're dead
You: yeh sure
Yang collapsed her scroll, running a hand through her hair. She knew Ruby had been in a complete panic over Jaune and Coco. So much that Yang really couldn't stop her or keep her on lockdown before she ran off. But she'd forgotten that her other card partners were with Jaune on Team BASS. It had simply slipped her mind with all the chaos and stress inherent to all of this deathly nothing. At first she would have texted them to see if they were okay, but then it occurred to her that she'd never really gotten their scroll numbers.
She rubbed her arms and sneezed. Then texted Ruby. But as was often typical, Ruby didn't even check the text. Yang stood there and watched the message get left on
sent until she just gave up. Weiss and Shamrock might be here, and they might be someone she could talk to. If for no other reason than to have something to do other than stand around and wait for someone to remember Team VYPR and bring them home.
Yang looked around the deck of the massive ship and just picked a direction. In a weird way, Yang felt like she actually knew her way around the boat. During the last days of the Great War, or perhaps some kind of sabotage during that failed Revolution, one of the last great supercarriers the Royal Navy built had been run aground against Catchfire. Unable to recover the ship for whatever reason, the
Say My Name had just turned into an extension of the city as denizens built out towards and through the ship. Until an old weapon of war had been repurposed by the people it had been designed to protect into a claustrophobic warren of houses and shops. She'd been there a few times, looking for leads on her mother; it was a big ship, and almost a kind of tourist trap despite its hellish nature. The boat was almost a city unto itself, it was so big and packed.
This ship looked to be about the same design. Minus the endless shanty towns on the deck and below.
So Yang suspected she knew her way below deck. None of the sailors who looked at her seemed inclined to stop her. They were more concerned with refueling and repairing bullheads, and tending to wounded. One man with an anchor symbol on his chest even bumped into her, squinted for a moment, before apologizing and calling her
ma'am. The dude had to be nearly twice her age and it felt weird. It seemed a somewhat more tired form of respect that Hunters got everywhere except from the slums. Everyone just presumed Yang was exactly where she belonged and wasn't worth questioning.
It would probably make finding Weiss easier. Jack had called her and Shamrock their friends, but Yang had never really thought of it like that. She hadn't thought differently, on the other hand. They were people whose company she enjoyed playing cards with, trying to win money off of and best. And Weiss had incredibly deep pockets and was often too stubborn to know when to quit. But Yang had never really been tempted to grab their numbers and ask them to hang out outside of cards. They barely spoke to each other in class. Most of the people Yang actually hung out with by choice were people she knew from her days at Signal Academy: old partying buddies, guys who still thought they had a chance with her after all these years of nothing, and the members of her old combat school team, BYRN. But aside from her little sister, Ruby, there really weren't many people Yang felt especially close or attached to in Beacon. Even her partner, Nora, seemed to prefer hanging out with that Ren boy from Team CRDL.
Maybe if Weiss and Shamrock were alive and well, and not too mentally scarred from whatever happened his last couple of days, she should actually invite them out for something. Hang out with them and get to really know them. In a pinch, Yang could typically rely on Indigo Jack's streetwise know-how to find an interesting bar, restaurant, or club worth spending time in.
Yang smelled the cigarette smoke, and for some reason felt an almost supernatural hand on her shoulder guiding her in its direction. She opened a doorway onto a kind of balcony below the flight deck or whatever it was supposed to be called. On the
Say My Name, this part of the ship had been turned into a hanging noodle bar and garden, suspended with ropes and bolts to the side of the ship. Here, it was just a kind of walkway with a little fence to keep sailors from falling off.
She looked around for a brief moment, before she nearly stumbled over the familiar blond boy sitting on the ledge, feet dangling over, holding a cigarette in one hand as he looked out across the harbor.
Jaune gazed up at her, looking beat to shit and then some. He was nearly half naked, covered in bandages over burns and cuts that covered up nearly his entire body. She was pretty sure he had a couple more scars since the last time she had seen him about a month ago back in the Fishery, dancing with Ruby as they tried to mess with his weapons, equipment he was still carrying on his body right now. These weren't just regular scars, but obviously battle scars. Those were usually a mark of pride for a Hunter.
To have truly vicious scars meant a Hunter had been in a life or death situation so bad that his Aura broke, and they were badass enough to still come out of their alive due to their wits and talent. Yang knew of a couple of boys trying to cook up fake battle scars to try to look more sexy and badass. A scar across the eye like Weiss had was kind of hot. The patchwork this boy had was almost kind of vulgar. Seeing them and the glow of Aura behind his tired eyes as he looked up at her, Yang once again found herself worrying about all the time he spent with her little sister.
"Hm," he said, giving her a lazy smile. "Cigarette's a bust."
"Is that supposed to be a clever joke?" she asked, defaulting to a kind of weary hostility.
Jaune shrugged. "No. Usually when I get all up in my feelings and light a cigarette, someone shows up to tell me smoking is bad and then we have a heart-to-heart. Was trying to find my partner in this mess, and thought lighting up my emergency cigarette might summon her. Instead," he said, compressing a sigh, "I get you. Therefore my last emergency cigarette is broken. All this can do is give me cancer. Which sometimes unfortunately includes you, I guess."
"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" she asked, crossing her arms. She was very consciously trying to ignore that jab. Not that she really knew why. Half of the time she was just looking for an excuse to bite the boy's head off. Other times, she was just after a way to grab Ruby and bring her away from the boy. Something about Jaune never sat right with her. And just walking up on him like this wasn't doing her mood any favors.
Instead of doing anything like asking her the obvious question, he held up his scroll for her to see. It was a text conversation with Ruby, including a picture from a couple of days ago when VYPR was out in Vale for the early parts of what had been their mission.
"Nah, I know all, I see all, and I don't really care-all," Jaune said with a kind of laid back attitude that ground her flowers into flour. "Ruby's out there playing some kind of elaborate game of hide and seek with me. I got the story from her. You don't owe me an explanation, and honestly I wouldn't expect you to ever be straight with me anyhow. You're a lost cause."
Yang bristled, feeling at once like she had better things to do, and yet like she didn't want to walk away letting him think he won. "I'm not a cause. And who'd want to be straight with
you? You're like the living definition of a turn off, Jaune."
He eyed her for a long moment. It was a force of effort to keep her eyes locked with his, the uncomfortable glow of Aura behind his eyes and the way it made her skin crawl at the edges of perception. It was almost like the spiritual equivalent of taking a bite of something spicy right before you realized it was about to destroy your sinuses.
"So what are you?" he asked simply, gesturing with the cigarette between his fingers. He hadn't smoked it once.
"I—" Yang pulled her face away in a half scoff. "I don't even know—what?"
Jaune shrugged, looking back out towards the city. "What are you, Yang? Pretty much all I know about you are the things you don't like. But basing yourself on what you dislike and won't do idn't the same as having a personality."
She scowled. "Okay, dial it back a notch. That's both weirdly personal and creepily existential. Stop it."
He idly kicked his legs hanging over the side of the ship. "You're the one who approached me. You've got all the power in this interaction. I happen to be in one of those rare moods where I'm wondering about yadda yadda, girl trouble, my friends, this whole fuckery. Thus the cigarette." He held it up to her. "It's a cry for help. Care for a drag?"
Yang brushed the smoke away, looking down at the boy. The way he just seemed almost pensive, lost in his own head, had her feeling self-conscious as she grimaced at him. His lack of any particular reaction made her feel like doing anything at all was by definition an overreaction. Usually, before, their interactions had been a bit more loud and angry. She'd tried to punch him the first time they met, when she had thought Jaune stole Ruby's necklace. Instead, she learned she had simply given it to him. Even now, wrapped up in patchwork first aid, Yang saw the slanted crucifix hanging from the boy's neck. It made her uncomfortable just to consider it. It didn't belong to him. Ruby didn't belong to him. Yet here he was, wearing the necklace, texting her sister, and having the
audacity to feel sorry for himself?
Then she saw the flask at his hip. She recognized the leather on top, the worn cap, and the symbols carved into the side. Even the little dent from where she had bitten it as a little girl in a childish attempt to wrestle it away from its owner.
Jaune had Uncle Qrow's flask at his hip.
Yang stared long enough that even Jaune seemed to get uncomfortable under her gaze. "Is that my uncle's flask?" she asked.
He pulled it free from his belt. "Yeah. Gave it a' me last time we met. Filled me it wit' Dust since I don't drink."
"He
gave it to you?" she asked, shaking her head. Her mouth wouldn't close right.
He shrugged. "Mm, well, y'know. Your sister's necklace, dad's virginity, uncle's flask. I'm collecting gifts from your family to adorn on myself like some kind of raven. What are
you gonna give me after we finally see eye-to-eye and vibe?"
"Why would I give you
anything?" she scoffed. "You're a douche!"
Jaune looked down at Qrow's flask contemplatively, giving it a little shake to hear the liquid inside slosh. "Yeah, but what girl doesn't need a douche in her life at least once a month?"
Yang gagged. "But,
why? Why would he give you anything?"
He reattached it to his hip. "We had a talk. Don't know if he meant it, but I think he wanted to get a handle on his drinking. Gave me this as a result of what we said."
She couldn't help herself. Yang laughed, her expression anything but happy. "You had a talk and he wanted to give up drinking? Yeah, sure. He says that every time he comes over. 'Yeah, sure, I'll cut back,' he'd say, filling up that damn flask with Deathstalker-151."
Jaune shook his head. "Well, he ain't got his lucky flask on him no more to pour into. Maybe it'll help. Maybe it's just symbolic. But symbols mean things to people."
"As if anything he said actually
meant anything," she hissed. "I bet he's drunk right now. Just bought a new flask to take on the go."
He put his hand on the flask like it was a revolver he meant to quickdraw on her. "We talked about that, actually. When he was driving me back to Five Wives."
"When was that?"
Jaune looked back out at the city. "Long story. Not terribly interesting. Just two pieces of shit talking." He sighed. "He's an addict, and to an addict, there's a special kind of high you get when you tell yourself 'this is my last one.' I would know; I'm still one. Your last drink, last cheat meal before a diet, last cigarette." Jaune gestured the cigarette he wasn't smoking at her. "It's a kind of guilt-free enjoyment of something you know is killing you. You savor it on your tongue, as addiction becomes a kind of release unto itself. And then what? That feeling's something you want again. That's what Qrow and I talked about."
"Going clean?" She laughed again. It sounded somehow desperate. "Gimme a break."
"No, it's more than that. It's the ability to enjoy a vice guilt-free because you can keep telling yourself 'I can quit whenever I want' that becomes a special kind of vice itself. So you do another cheat day. You have another drink. You light up one last time. Over and over. The fact that you can quit at any time, so you tell yourself, makes
that feeling the true addiction you're after. You can't really be addicted to something unless you tell yourself it's not a problem and that you can quit whenever. Has to be done spur of the moment, almost. Or else the anticipation of your last fix becomes the new drug."
"He didn't quit just because you had, like, what, one talk with the man!"
He looked at her with blue eyes that seemed oddly old, oddly sad for a boy her age. "When he came back from the last bar run on the Long Night, did he bring any booze home like he said he was?"
Her eyes went wide. "How do you—"
"Answer the question," he said dispassionately.
She folded her arms tight enough it was like she was hugging herself. "He… didn't. Everyone was kind of disappointed. He just came home super late and we were all worried for him. Then he just hugged us and tried to play it off."
He shrugged with one-hand. "Then maybe I did get through to him. But changing is a man's own business. Can't nobody make him change and have it stick unless he does it for himself."
"That's—" Yang laughed, shaking her head. "No, that's stupid. That's
crazy. You're just some random asshole. A complete creep that likes to hang out with my sister. You don't get to talk about my uncle like that! He's
my family. Ruby is
my family. And you don't just get to show up once or twice and screw all that up because it's funny to you or whatever."
He didn't seem angry or bothered. He just sighed, resting his head on his arms on the shipside balcony. "I don't get to talk about my friend just because he's your uncle or she's your sister?"
"He's not your friend!" she said, slamming the side of her hand into the hull of the ship. "Uncle Qrow is always drunk, and it's killing him, and we all know it. No matter what me or Ruby say, no matter how many times we tell him to stop. No matter how many times we've had to clean up his messes, we never get through to him! He'd always just fill that flask up again no matter how many times we tried to help him!"
She stabbed her finger at him. "You really expect me to believe that you, some random asshole, could have one chat with him and, poof, he's cured! His family, nothing. His nieces, whatever. His brother-in-arms, whatever. But talking it over with some piece of shit like you,
that's what makes him rethink his life? He never listened to me. He doesn't listen to anyone like that!"
When she was done, she was panting. She felt her Aura bubbling up, more than just what she was using to try to stay warm through all her cold sweat. She hit the wall again, and Jaune didn't even flinch. He just looked sad, a little surprised. Like he fucking
pitied her. On some level, she knew what he was doing. It was like when he and Ruby acted super buddy-buddy just to piss her off, and she was taking the bait. Hook, line, and sinker, but Yang just
couldn't not take it, not here, not with him, not over something this serious.
She felt ridiculous
She felt pathetic.
"That's," he tried, and faltered. He swallowed and let out a slow breath. Slowly, fingering the flask, he said, "That's not surprising. That he couldn't listen to you."
"
What?" she demanded, feeling her eyes shift color. Her Semblance burned a hole through her heart. She just
wanted him to finish that thought. To give her an excuse, any excuse, to throw him off the ship into the harbor. Anything so she could brain this cocky creep.
"Because you're put together, Yang. You got things figured out, you and Ruby both," Jaune said softly, like it hurt him to say. He grimaced, this uncomfortable expression that put goosebumps on her neck. "Qrow loves and cares for you both. I mean, he
really does. Did whatever he could to make sure you both wouldn't end up fuck-ups like him. And that's why whatever you tell him about his problems means so little. Despite himself, he feels he did right by you two. You're better people than he is, he feels. And a man like Qrow just can't
relate to people like that. You've never been where he is, and he considers that his only real source of pride: that you are better than him because he did his best to do right by y'all. To turn you and your sister into people worth respecting. Into everything he feels he could never be. It's why we got each other, in a way."
He ashed his cigarette over the railing. "I have a knack for worming my way through to hearts, promises, and
other broken things."
"I—I just—I," Yang stuttered, a sputtering of useless attempts to reply to that. Half-formed ideas she couldn't really put coherent thought to, let alone try to speak. She felt her Semblance retreating. The cold seeped back into her bones, and she shivered.
Finally, in a low, quiet voice, she felt her hate and anger collapse beneath her as she asked, "What would have made him listen to me?"
He stared at her for a long time. "That he didn't meant he loved you. Meant he figured he was a fuck-up who was still doing his best for you in spite of himself. That he listened to me meant he was so,
so afraid of how far he could still fall. That for everything he's done, he could still find a way to hurt you."
Yang took two steps forwards before her knees gave out. She fell down on her ass beside the boy, staring out at everything and nothing. "Is that why Ruby listens and hangs out with you no matter how much I tell her not to? Is she broken too and I—I don't know. Is that why?"
He looked like he wanted to put a hand on her shoulder and then reconsidered. Hanging his hands into his lap, he said, "If I'm Qrow's second coming like she says I am, then I guess she's kind of my Summer. Someone better than me who's got things more figured out than you'd give her credit for. Takes a certain kind of person to realize just how fucked up everything around her is, and choose to smile and face it head-on with full knowledge. In a way, I'm jealous. You and Qrow, you did right by her."
"Us?" she laughed.
"Who is Ruby to you?"
Yang looked at her hands, slowly flexing fingers in thought. "She's my sister. She's family. She's…" She let herself smile a fraction. "She's a precocious little brat who's usually more trouble than she's worth, but she's always been there for me, because I've always been there for her. She's my sister, and she's my friend, and she's someone I'd do anything for. And it feels like…"
She stopped and let out a breath. "Feels like I've been losing that, I guess. I tried pushing her away once, y'know? Back when she first came to Beacon after somehow skipping grades and impressing the right people like she always does. I thought, I don't know, that giving her a nudge towards other people would help her. Then Initiation happens. We wind up on a team together. And I felt like she took me trying to help her a little too close to heart. We share classes, study together, go out together, but it feels like she's more distant than ever before with new friends, new experiences, but she's still the same girl I grew up with. She got screwed over by Pyrrha and instead of being sad, she focuses all her energy into making sure her friends are safe and okay, not thinking about herself or anything. I don't know. It sounds stupid. Stupider yet because I'm talking about her with
you of all people."
"There's lots we don't know," he said. "Both of us. No two ways about it, but it's all stupid shit. Stupid that we don't talk. Stupid that we put so much of our self worth into how other people see and need us. Stupid that I was once afraid of you because you tried to kill me."
She cocked a brow. "When was that?"
"First time we really met," he said with a sigh. "Fishery, remember? Couldn't tell if you were trying to flirt with me or tell me to fuck off, until you nearly brained me."
"You woulda been fine," she dismissed, waving a hand.
Jaune stared at her for a long moment before shaking his head. "Sort of poisoned any well we coulda had. I don't like you, Yang. I still really don't like you."
"Thanks, you too, dick," she said without any heat.
"But we got something in common worth respecting."
"Being?"
"We got people in common we care about," he said. "Sometimes they're the same people, like Ruby. Sometimes they're not, like Blake, my partner."
"Mm," she hummed.
"But now do we know we have that together, do you still want to kill me?"
She made a so-so gesture. "A little."
"Good. Because after this, just talking or whatever, I don't think there's anything about you worth being scared of. All you've done is flail at me or start screaming. But it's like, so what? Just putting off trying to actually deal with each other as people just made it worse, hasn't it? I just kept thinking of you as this violent bitch, and you kept thinking of me as some unnerving creep who keeps sniffing around your sister."
"You
are a creep," Yang said. "Categorically. Check off every box on the list."
"Do you like me?"
She snorted a laugh. "Gods,
no!"
"But do you hate me?"
Yang opened her mouth, then hesitated. "Still not cool with the stuff you and my sister do, but, I don't know."
He looked out over the railing for a long moment. "And we only got this far, this bad, because I let this fester. We got in our feelings and let them build and explode, and it's a miracle you're actually a
sane human being and this didn't come to blows. Mostly because I'd win and then Ruby would be sad."
"Ha! As if, Jaune. I'd kick your ass six ways till Sunday."
He pretended to check a watch he didn't have. "Think today is Sunday. You'll need to pull overtime to make it six ways before night. You up for it?"
Yang let out a breath, looking away. "No. It's… it's stupid. It's not worth it. You're not worth it."
Jaune pulled his legs up and got to his feet. He stretched, his bandaged straining over his body. Her eyes went to the fragments of tattoo hidden beneath the gauze. "Good. Because there's someone out there who
is worth it, for me at least. And, I think I've realized after finally dealing with you head on, that letting that sit and fester because I was afraid of it is only gonna make things worse. It's shit I need to face head-on and just get it over with. Rip the bandaid off and hope the bleeding ain't none too bad."
He offered her his hand up. "Thanks, Yang. You're the last person in the world I ever wanted to talk with, but, yeah. Thanks for being willing to hash out words conmigo."
Yang stared at his hand for a long moment, eyeing the scars on his knuckles. Before she hesitantly reached out and allowed him to haul her to her feet with surprising strength. "I'm going to just pretend that sentence made any sense."
His unsmoked cigarette was down to the filter. He flung it into the ocean. "Don't. Trying to understand me is detrimental to your own spiritual wellbeing."
"I'll keep that in mind," she said evenly.
Jaune nodded. "Smart call. I gotta go find my partner and see if any of us are going to survive today. You should find Ruby and do whatever yourself, blondie."
And with that, he went through the door into the ship, leaving Yang alone with the cold and her thoughts.
Yang shivered one last time.
— 25 —
Soldiers made Blake's skin crawl. They had ever since her months fighting to survive against them with the White Fang out on the frontier with Adam. Sailors weren't much better, but for a reason that made her press her palms into her eyes and try to forget.
Blake had grown up in the shadow of her father, the former leader of the White Fang. She had learned about injustice and the evils of the world, about boycotts and civil disobedience and protesting, before she ever really had any understanding of what that actually meant. She had come to understand that humans were bad, and faunus were victims before she'd ever met her first human.
The first human she'd ever met had been a sailor, an officer with the Royal Navy whose carrier had docked in Kuo Kuana, the capital of Menagerie where she had grown up. It towered over the fishing vessels, more steel in one place than she had ever seen anywhere in her life. Its captain had come to talk with her father, and she had been struck by the way he didn't have a tail, or claws, or ears like a faunus. Humans just looked wrong, like a race of cripples. She couldn't understand how people like this were somehow stronger and oppressing people like her around the world. When he saw her hiding behind her mother's legs, he had crouched down and smiled, offering her a king-sized bar of
chocolat Valais he had apparently brought just for her.
She had promptly just bit his hand. It just seemed like the thing to do. Growling and snarling, she tried to dig her teeth into his glove, but all he did was break out laughing. Somehow the kids in town found out she had just bitten a stranger, and boy was that something hard to live down.
In some sense, Blake supposed she had left home just to reinvent herself as someone besides the girl who just bit people with candy.
Instead, she had found a world of insanity, injustice, and soldiers. Adam had been there, but all he had been party to was cycles of violence that bred more violence and hatred. People got hurt, and people died. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. And always with flecks of blood getting on her hands no matter what she tried to do.
Blake wondered if the ship that had docked that day was the same one she was on right now. When she looked at her hands now, raw and chafed from days fighting in street to street combat with demons, she saw past them to the ship's flight deck below. And beyond that, the city only recently saved through death and violence.
She remembered the Humming Lady, the woman who had trapped her and her friends in the cave to die. How that same lady had shown up with a smile beneath her mask, saying that things had changed all the way at the top, and that somebody had a special interest in Blake and keeping her alive. Trying to parse out her motives had been a confusing mess, whether she was loyal to the White Fang, or with LaChance as some kind of double agent, or what. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe she was just an opportunist. Maybe she was playing every side to avoid getting her and her people killed, liberally interpreting LaChance one moment, trying to kill her and her friends another, and giving her a wink as she made veiled references to Adam.
She didn't like the idea of Adam knowing she was out there. But it wasn't hard to realize how he knew. The news airships had been keen to record everything. Even her and her team.
She pulled out her pistol, examining it. When she had crossed the point of no return, even she didn't have the guts to shoot Adam like he deserved. Because maybe a part of her remembered the good times. Remembered when he was capable of being her friend, someone she could respect, someone who did care for her. Just like she could remember when he had lost himself to everything she hated.
And yet, in that confusing mess beneath the rocks and liquid Grimm, when she thought she'd seen him again in Jaune, she hadn't backed down. She had been afraid, but hadn't run away. She had held her gun in hand and faced him head on.
And then she had tried to shoot him.
And then she told Jaune that she trusted him.
Her ears perked up as she heard someone climbing up the metal ladder. She felt goosebumps as she stared, suddenly feeling heat in her chest and sweat on her back.
Until Jaune hauled himself up. Blake stood up on reflex, watching him rub his hands together. He was covered in bandages and gauze that wrapped around the muscles of his body tightly. More than that, he was bruised and scabbed in a way that was almost repulsive. She stared at the claw scars running over his stomach and chest, remembering when they first locked eyes during Initiation and she'd bitten down her disgust and hatred of him to tend to his wounds.
"Fuck," he said, breath misting. He folded his arms, putting his hands under his armpits to keep warm. "Did you have to hide all the way up atop the command tower? I get that you're a cat and all, but this is ridiculous. These ladders are freezing."
For some reason, she felt her cheeks flush. "Hi."
The creases of annoyance left his face. He smiled, rolling his eyes. "Really? After all this time together, now is the moment you get all awkward and flustered?"
She continued to stare at him, unsure what to really say, what to do.
Jaune didn't have that problem. He put his hand on her shoulder and pushed down. They sat down together like that, looking out across the ship and the city.
"Honestly," he said flippantly, "I feel betrayed right now."
Her eyes fluttered. "Wait, what! Why? Although we had an entire talk about things being cool between us!"
He mimicked the gesture of dragging on a cigarette. "That was before I lit my emergency cigarette. You know what happened? You didn't just randomly appear at my beck and call to tell me smoking was bad before having a deep conversation with me. Some other random girl showed up and had one with me."
And suddenly, the fear and tension just melted away. Blake groaned. "Ugh. You're the worst. You actually had me worry for a second there."
"About my inevitable lung cancer or talking to other girls?"
She scoffed. "Are you stupid?"
He considered, hands in his lap. His leg was touching hers, and it was warm. "I mean, broadly yes, but what prompted you to ask this time?"
"It's a recurring theme between us," she said dryly.
"I think the term at this point is motif."
"A persistent character flaw?" she suggested.
"It's not a flaw; I'm the team's himbo." He turned his nose up. "You need my optimistic, bubbly personality and dominant chest size to really round out this team and make us a family."
Blake blinked, making a series of expressions as she tried to reason out just how dumb that sentence was. "Thanks for that. God, talking to you is like huffing exhaust fumes. Because of you, I have exactly two brain cells left, and they're both competing for third place."
"Yeah, but would you really have it any other way?" he asked, poking her cheek. The entire cheek went red, and boy was that frustrating.
She couldn't keep the smile away, even as she played with her hands and tried to look away. "No. No, I wouldn't. You bring just the right amount of stupidity and lame drama to keep my life interesting."
"I aim to impress."
"Usually you fail," she said helpfully.
"Lucky for me, you have low standards."
"Mm. The lowest there can possibly be!"
"Don't know about that one. We could always invest in shovels and just keep digging!"
She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Hard pass. I think I've had enough of being underground for the rest of my life."
He squinted up through the clouds. "I don't know about that. Up here on the surface, there's a giant ball of fire in the sky trying to give me radiation burns."
"The sun? Sunburns?"
Jaune nodded, looking like he was about to go on some inane rant, and she couldn't help but smile. "I think people would actually use sunscreen if we called it by its proper name; sunburns are just a form of radiation damage. In any case, that's why I bit the sun's fingers off to protect you."
And just like that, Blake felt a pit welling in her stomach. She bunched her hands together, staring into her lap. "Oh. So this
is going to be about that."
He eyed her seriously. "Did you really just think I came up here to ruin your day with my very presence?"
"For a moment, I let myself pretend. It was… nice to imagine."
With a sense of distant panic, she watched Jaune root around in his pocket. The sweat on her back fell the worst, and the cold chill of the sea breeze turned into something unbearable. She shivered, and her throat felt dry as he pulled out a compressed bullet. The caliber she used, dented and smashed from an impact with a hard object it couldn't pierce.
"I meant to return this to you," he said, tossing it.
Blake lunged to grab it before it fell off the edge and tumbled towards the sailors working on the deck below. But holding it felt hot and cold at the same time. Like softly running her hand across the edge of a blade, not enough so that it cut you, but enough that you could almost feel it. With just a little more pressure, you would slice your finger off.
"It's been a complicated couple of days," she said weakly, the words just sliding through her teeth.
He shook his head. "We talked about that already. You tried to shoot me. I had it coming. You always were the more sane of us two. Even if things were complicated and confusing, if I had just stopped and listened to you from the start, maybe the worst of that shit could have been avoided. But I kept trying to do what I thought was right, because I failed to realize that you're the one who knows right from wrong of us two. I don't blame you, and I'm sorry. But we still agree that, one or the other, that it doesn't really change things between us, birthday girl."
She felt her ears go flat beneath her hair bow. Everything felt hot.
"But even talking about this, I think we're avoiding the issue," he said.
She sat up rigid, staring at him. Her heart couldn't find anywhere to rest in her chest. It was like it was constantly trying to dig a way out of her rib cage. She felt her body rocking side to side, one moment bouncing towards him until they were rubbing against each other, and the next moment shifting her away. Like some kind of metronome.
Jaune was warm and firm, like some kind of implacable rock. Like something Blake knew would always be there for her. Whenever she felt her heart rub her against him, something in it was comforting. Just his presence and touch. It reminded her of that night in the hotel, when she'd slept with her head on his bare chest, and how it'd be nice to go back to something simple and reassuring like that again.
"What Weiss said," she whispered.
Her hands started to shake. Until he took them in his calloused palms, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.
He was giving her one of those boyish smiles of his. "I mean, I'm only dense because I choose to be. But it's." He laughed awkwardly. "Been kinda obvious for a while now. Been kind of weird?"
Blake wanted to cross her arms and look to find, but wasn't willing to remove her hand from his. She settled for a skeptical expression. "What part of it was weird?"
"Fussing over my injuries."
She scoffed. "You were hurt. The first thing we really did as partners was me trying to save your dumb ass. It's par for the course!"
Jaune cocked an eyebrow. "The way you're adopting my lingo."
Blake pouted. "I'm highly impressionable. Shame on you for taking advantage of me."
He tapped his thumb against her hand. "The way you kind of grabbed me that one night in the hotel and used me as a body pillow."
"I—" She made a noise in the back of her throat. "Okay, yeah, I guess I was kind of weird and obvious. But also, you're very comfortable. So really, I'm the victim here."
"Are you?"
She snorted. "Oh please, it's not like you don't know what you're doing. The way you're always there for me. Your completely brain dead sense of humor that somehow always gets me to laugh. Hell, just the way you seem to be pathologically allergic to wearing shirts."
He made a face. "Are you saying I had this coming because I dress like a slut?"
Blake elbowed him playfully. "More like how you
don't dress. Ever. Not that I'm complaining."
Jaune scoffed. "You saw the other version of me who never got into weight lifting. He had a body that was designed for wearing shirts. I have built myself into a man who can't be contained by mere cotton blends!"
She rubbed her eyes, trying not to laugh. "See? That right there. You're doing it again. I'm trying to be serious, and you're making it stupid."
Jaune idly kicked his legs over the edge, rubbing against hers. The way he sighed gave her a bad feeling. "It's because I don't really know how to deal with things. When shit bothers you, you just have to find a way to laugh about it. Otherwise you let it consume you. You let it destroy you until you rot and fester with it. But I'm done pussyfooting the issue. I had a talk recently after I lit my emergency cigarette. Came face to face with someone I was avoiding, and realized that the longer we put off our problems, the longer we just assume that maybe our problems will just go away if we keep piling more and more problems onto them and ignoring them—all that does is make it worse. For everyone involved. And you're the last person in the world I want to make things worse for."
She gave his hand a squeeze, and both of them said nothing. Whenever they were trying, they would meet each other's eyes, and just kind of falter from there. Slowly, she allowed herself to lean against him, idly running her finger across his hand. Savoring this moment before either everything collapsed or everything went perfectly, and she doubted either of them knew how it would go. She liked to think it would go great. But that pit in her stomach wouldn't go away. And trying to face it head on like this felt both weirdly inappropriate and yet the only way forward.
"So," she finally managed, feeling her heart strangling her vocal cords. "Are we…
something?"
"Yeah," he said distantly. "I just don't know what that something is. But that we have, I guess, feelings or whatever."
For some reason, watching him flounder over his words made her smile in a weirdly sideways manner. "Oh, don't give up at the finish line, boy. Weiss is right. I hate to say it, but she is. Feelings could be anything. Just say it."
He frowned. "Why do I have to say it?"
Blake put a finger to her nose. "Because
not it."
"Fuck," he hissed. "That's an inviolable law of the universe! Best two out of three?"
She spread her hand until she had two fingers on her nose. "I still win."
Jaune rolled his eyes. "Can't believe we fucking love each other when this is how we act."
And somehow, there it was. She always expected this kind of moment to be somehow magical and breathtaking. Someone she cared about admitting that they loved her, and her agreeing. She had pictured it taking place at night, in a few of the fireflies, with her hair done up all nicely. Or maybe laying together under the stars, having barely survived a heated battle with only each other for support and comfort in the aftermath. Someone would confess to her, and then press his lips to hers, and then the story would just end there. Because really, what were you supposed to do in a story after that moment?
But instead, here it was. In the most back-handed way she could imagine. That somehow left her smiling and laughing more than something genuine and heartfelt. She both hated it and kind of preferred it this way. It didn't feel like a moment of world shattering truth. It just felt like someone was giving voice to the obvious, putting things into place where they belonged.
"Worst birthday ever," she said, nodding.
"Yeah, well, I aim to disappoint."
"I thought you said you aim to impress?"
He shrugged. "I'm impressively disappointing."
Blake let out a long sigh. "Remind me again why I love you?"
"Potential daddy issues,
I'm hot, penis envy, attraction to leadership, a bond formed over months physically training together, our frankly
startling codependency." Another shrug. "Really, just spin the wheel and guess. The psychologically worrying implications are your oyster."
She eyed him skeptically. "I'm pretty sure most of those aren't true."
He put a hand to his chest. "Are you saying I
don't have penis envy? How dare you deny my very real self-diagnosed mental illness."
Blake rested her head comfortably on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "Stop trying to be funny. You know what I told you about your sense of humor."
"It's your biggest turn-off, I know," he said, compressing a breath. "But that's kind of the thing. When my thoughts are a mess, I just start rambling. Because I'm doing that thing again where I'm trying to avoid the issue."
She opened her eyes, staring at him. Slowly, Blake asked, "You mean figuring out where we actually go from here. It's like, I don't know. I don't think we're
just friends anymore. I think the point for it, even pretending we are, is gone. But I don't know if this means we're dating now or—"
"We're not," he said with the steel finality of a guillotine.
And just like a headless corpse, she felt all the blood draining from her face. Until the only warmth she had left in her body was from contact with his. She found herself pressing up against him tighter, grabbing his hand as if afraid he would remove it.
"What?" she asked, voice creaky. "But we just—this whole conversation—you and I, after everything—what?"
He screwed his eyes shut and swallowed as he searched for words. "We keep dancing around it, because I don't know how to bring it up. I'm terrified of losing you, of hurting you in any way. Because I think the problem is I do love you, and you love me. But it's not the same way. I love spending time with you, giving you bullshit and a hard time, and you doing the same with me. I love training with you, figuring out how I work, and how to be a better Hunter. Love that you're someone I can support and be there for, because it gives me this sense of personal value, of being worthy. Like I've tied my entire self-worth into you and how you feel about me. But."
Jaune did the unthinkable and took his hand away from hers just to rub his face again. "It wouldn't work.
Couldn't work. And I love you too much to pretend otherwise. To make believe that this wouldn't end a disaster. That it wouldn't be horribly toxic for both of us. Wouldn't end with us hating each other. That it's just—"
She felt as though every joint were unoiled pieces of clockwork as she sat up straighter, until they were barely touching anymore. "Oh. I. Ha! Oh." She stared ahead aggressively. "This is about Adam, Simone, the whole soul parasite thing too, right?"
He laughed without any humor. "I mean that's a factor, yeah. I mean for one thing, I'm your team leader, so any kind of relationship would inherently be a bit one-sided and abusive."
She shook her head with a disbelieving expression. "Now that just sounds stupid!"
"And also the age and experience gap between us, which is just inherently unsettling."
She thought back. "The other you said you were maybe twenty-five."
He rocked side to side briefly. "Six months ago I was fifteen. Six months before, nineteen. At some indeterminate time I was around twenty-four. But for some reason everyone thought I was eighteen. Because that's what an effective skin care routine does for your face!" He threw his hands up. "I'm not positive how old I actually am, but I've had me a lot of faces. It almost feels like you're kind of a child by comparison and I'm an adult and that's just a can of worms I'm deeply uncomfortable with."
Blake couldn't believe what she was hearing. "It's like you're just making up excuses because you're scared! Each one just sounds stupider than the last. I've spent nearly a year fighting and surviving and somehow not dying. I was a goddamn terrorist! Exactly what part of who I am makes you think I'm a kid? You have the sense of humor of a five-year-old. I'm
still not convinced this isn't cradle robbing from my end!"
He scowled. "Don't pull the
ara ara card on me. The idea makes me deeply uncomfortable and, y'know. You can't try to peer pressure me into this."
She blinked. "I'm not! I'm trying to say you're just making excuses because you're scared. But you know what, I'm scared too. Fucking terrified. I have so many questions, so many things that don't make sense, so many fears and worries, but
you're still you and—" She rubbed her face. "We're still each other. And at this point, I don't know what I'd do without you."
Jaune's shoulders slumped. "I don't know what I would do without you either. That's why I don't think it's a good idea. That this could be toxic, poisonous, and leave us both miserable—I'm just not into that, y'know? I love talking with you, spending time with you, and all this shit we would do. We could literally be doing nothing together, and I'd just be happy to have someone I can do nothing with. And I don't want that to change. But the genie's out of the bottle. Cat's out of the bag. If we didn't bring it up, the knowing but inability to talk about it would have been poison. The same kind of poison it would be if we acknowledge it and ignored the red flags. Blake, I love you, but—"
"But I love you," she said, and instantly felt a rush of embarrassment. She wanted to hide her face in her hands. But she was a little too angry to do that, to look like she was backing down. "And you know what, sometimes you are a piece of shit. Sometimes you're narcissistic, lose sight of things, get in your feelings and destroy yourself. But that's what makes you you. Makes you someone worth spending time with and having fun with. All these other supernatural or whatever things that I can't explain, that's just some weird quirk about you. I used to be a terrorist, you might be a soul parasite thing. But who cares? I mean that, Jaune—you and me, after all we've been through an all we're still going to go through,
who the fuck cares?"
He raised his hand. "Does caring about you count?"
She gestured wildly at him. "Look, there, see what I mean? One moment you tell me we have feelings, the next moment you're trying to push me away, and the next moment you're flirting with me with all the skill of a grade schooler."
Jaune frowned deeply. "I can seduce girls on at
least a high school level!"
"You're thinking of yourself. You know how I feel, how we both feel, how we feel together, and you're still thinking of yourself because you're scared. And I—" Blake laughed frantically. "I really don't care. Because I know what you want. And I know what I want. It's like you said, just dancing around the problem only makes it worse. It's complicated and stupid and inevitable, and all we're doing is being afraid of it because I don't think either of us knows what to do at this point. We're not really, I mean—"
It was so hard to speak. Blake didn't even think she was making a coherent argument. Just an argument for its own sake. Trying to get through to the dense core of Jaune, through the pain and the fear and the confusion and the other emotions that people hadn't yet discovered words for. These weren't red flags. These were just the way things were. For both of them. And there was only one way it could end.
"Fuck it!" she growled, grabbing him. "Do you love me?"
"Do you?" he asked, eyes wide.
"
Answer me!"
"Yes," he breathed. "But—"
"Then love me, you stupid, inconsiderate, handsome, thoughtful, considerate, unfunny piece of shit! Because I love you!"
"Well now you're just being hurtful," he said, and she pulled him towards her.
Blake kissed Jaune, tasting the salt of his lips. The heat of his face against hers. The scent of his breath and old gunsmoke. His body as she held and pulled him into her.
And then she felt everything crack and break. How she felt all of her hopes and her dreams and her expectations shattered one by one upon his lips. As she realized that despite everything, this stupid, confusing, perfect moment,
Jaune wasn't kissing her back.
He grabbed her and, almost gently, pushed her away. She didn't want to let go. She thought she must have messed up. Maybe done something wrong. This wasn't how this was supposed to work.
None of this was how it was supposed to work.
"
Blake," he said distantly, his voice echoing as if she were falling out of her own body. "I love you, but I'm not
in love with you.
We need to talk."
END OF VOLUME 6
See you next week for the final chapters of this story, for the very
final volume. See you in
Volume 7: Thirty Second Till Midnight. It'll be as long or, hopefully, as short as it needs to be. In some ways, V6 saw the end of Jaune's story. This is just a long epilogue bringing it all back together for one last hurrah.
I hope to continue to live rent-free in your head until then.