HOW TO TURN A PROFIT OUT OF CRISIS: A SF FRONTIER ADMIRAL QUEST

[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks
 
[X]- IMPROPER TREATMENT OF SUBJECT NATIONS: Damn, they actually had friends in the Senate. There's a big noise about dragging you back and putting someone more suitable in charge, but again, there's trouble in Centre. They're going to have some time before someone reaches that item on their agenda, what with all the rioting and the dead Archon.

[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks.
 
[x]- IMPROPER TREATMENT OF SUBJECT NATIONS: Damn, they actually had friends in the Senate. There's a big noise about dragging you back and putting someone more suitable in charge, but again, there's trouble in Centre. They're going to have some time before someone reaches that item on their agenda, what with all the rioting and the dead Archon.
[x]- DECLARE WAR: Obviously you need to get your ducks in a row for this, but look, the ENEMY is right there. The Centre is light years behind you, sucks for them. And if you make everyone busy enough with the prep-work for a full invasion, they'll think less about trying to kill you. And bonus-ly, you can shake down Centre for more medal money if you win.
 
[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks

Let the games begin.
 
[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks
 
[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks.

How do we avoid getting slammed with charges of bribery? With even MORE bribery, obviously.
 
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[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks.

I don't care which of the crimes we pick - but this is too fun an option not to pick.
 
[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks
 
[X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.

[X]- DECLARE WAR: Obviously you need to get your ducks in a row for this, but look, the ENEMY is right there. The Centre is light years behind you, sucks for them. And if you make everyone busy enough with the prep-work for a full invasion, they'll think less about trying to kill you. And bonus-ly, you can shake down Centre for more medal money if you win.


I just want to watch everything burn.
 
[X]- FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY: Oh shit. They found out that deal you had with the ENEMY, the spy for spy deal. Now, this is a big accusation, and they're making sure the case is airtight before they pack it back to Centre. Once that happens a very polite man in a very sober suit is going to show up and put a bullet in your brainpan.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three
 
[X]- IMPROPER TREATMENT OF SUBJECT NATIONS: Damn, they actually had friends in the Senate. There's a big noise about dragging you back and putting someone more suitable in charge, but again, there's trouble in Centre. They're going to have some time before someone reaches that item on their agenda, what with all the rioting and the dead Archon.
[X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks.
 
Votes closed. Update this weekend, or next week.
Scheduled vote count started by Laplace on Feb 13, 2023 at 7:26 PM, finished with 14 posts and 14 votes.

  • [X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three chucklefucks.
    [X]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION: Even though everyone does it, that doesn't cut it with the plebs. At this point, you're concerned that they're going to haul you back and make a big show trial of it to show that the edifice of the Empire is still intact. It's going to take years and by the end of it no one's going to hand you a plum retirement job.
    [X]- IMPROPER TREATMENT OF SUBJECT NATIONS: Damn, they actually had friends in the Senate. There's a big noise about dragging you back and putting someone more suitable in charge, but again, there's trouble in Centre. They're going to have some time before someone reaches that item on their agenda, what with all the rioting and the dead Archon.
    [x]- DECLARE WAR: Obviously you need to get your ducks in a row for this, but look, the ENEMY is right there. The Centre is light years behind you, sucks for them. And if you make everyone busy enough with the prep-work for a full invasion, they'll think less about trying to kill you. And bonus-ly, you can shake down Centre for more medal money if you win.
    [x]- BLATANT AND OBVIOUS CORRUPTION
    [x]- DECLARE WAR
    [X]- FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY: Oh shit. They found out that deal you had with the ENEMY, the spy for spy deal. Now, this is a big accusation, and they're making sure the case is airtight before they pack it back to Centre. Once that happens a very polite man in a very sober suit is going to show up and put a bullet in your brainpan.
    [X]- WELCOME TO THE THEATRE: Look, if they're going to bring you up on trumped up charges, you'll protocol fuck them all the way. You're going to go along with it, in fact, you'll demand that it be investigated by impartial observers, and look, Ploskiy Tan's right there. You're certain you can bribe him better than those three
 
UPDATE TWELVE: SWAMP CREATURE
You're not quite sure what Alessandro gens Idrine expected when you had Luca call him up to Meeting Room Eight, but it certainly wasn't you. That's a score over the bugger.

"Marquis Admiral!" he snaps a salute. "You got out of the medicos early, sir?"

"I have indeed. At ease, at ease. Please, take a seat." You gesture at the chair in front of you.

Meeting Room Eight does not have an alphanumeric designation. It has become a place of legend, after the Marquis-Admiral before the Marquis-Admiral before the Marquis-Admiral before you pulled out a gun and executed, on the spot, a bunch of barbarian ambassadors that were giving it lip. On the wall around you are the bullet holes. It got a medal for this unprecedented diplomatic maneuver, and a grinding hellwar that ended in a draw. Go figure.

Alessandro remains silent as you figure out the words you want to say. You go with, "I've heard that I'm to be investigated for corruption." That's the way, you figure. Real casual, real it-is-what-it-is. "As you know, Captain, it has been my life's work securing this front. I have always prided myself on effecting a sturdy defense. I fear for the future."

"You have a capable staff," Alessandro replies, after considering his words. "I have every confidence in Colonel Luca and Commander vi Markoviz."

"They will likely get hit in the backblast. No, sir, I think it's time to introduce some fresh blood." Stars, stone, and fire, this man is eager. Dilated pupils. Elevated heartbeat. "Czhwy, that's the woman," you say after pretending to decide. "No good at politics, I'm afraid, but a more capable battle commander you can't find. Tszin, sure, let's do him." Now he's almost at the edge of his seat, so shameless in his greed. Damn, but you are good. And damn, has the quality of the careerist promotion chaser declined. In your day you would have smelled a trap. "And," you say with finality, "you, sir."

He is a dog that caught the car and now he doesn't know what to do. Come on, you urge him, gimmie something real generic, real boilerplate. "I'm not sure I'm worthy of the honor." And there it is! Self effacating deprecation!

"Of course," you continue, "I would certainly hate to see you fall into the same fate as mine. We cannot let the vipers and backstabbers of home ruin the frontier." You see Alessandro note this potentially treasonous tidbit down. "And you're just the man, Alessandro! After me, I'd like you to be the next Marquis-Admiral. You're already commanding a pretty big area of the front, so your skills aren't wanting."

"You overpraise me."

"So I'd like you to take a bigger role. Move you up a department. You have anyone in mind for your position? Wait, don't tell me now, send me a form." You take a breath. "I'll send you the promotion form in the slip. Welcome the Centre away from Centre, Captain!"

Okay, line up the dots. You're lining me up for corruption charges, you think to him, but I've just promoted you. What am I getting out of this?

Neurons furiously cogitate. Conclusions bubble out of unconscious thought. Logic forms.

And there's that moment of despair you were waiting for. Impotent fury and pure oshit factor rolled into one. "And that's all, sir. As you were." You fiddle around with a tablet, just to look important. "The Inspector General will start your investigation sometime before the end of the month. Poor man, he has to look through my records first, heh."

"Hahaha, sir," Alessandro repeats woodenly.

You smirk at the back of his head as he storms outside stiffly. Shortly you hear a muffled thump and all is right with the world.



Of course, you later think, dragging down Alessandro (and by proxy Chzwy and Lyinsan, but those are easy. Chzwy you can just let the press get word of the PoWs fired into the sun and the latter you can just jail for uh, all the shit the bandit gets up to, so it's not even worth planning for them) doesn't actually help you none. You want to enjoy your pension, your profitable portfolios in United Shipping Co, and just possibly a quiet retirement. None of that can be accomplished inside Club Empire, where all the white collar criminals turn up for a couple of decades.

That is, if your investments will still be secure after all this shit. You wish you had two bodies, one here, one at Centre, just so you can know what's happening there. Total bloody black box, and all the shit you juggle here isn't helping. So you'd like a third one, chilling at some beach. Or well, not for long. Because the other two would gang up on it and give it a beating for being a slacker shite.

Okay, back on track. What are you going to do? Frankly, even aside from your natural graft seeking habits, the whole quasi-legal thing with United, you have made enough funny backroom deals to see you clapped up for a long time. What to do…

WHAT TO DO
[]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.
[]- SHAM TRIAL: Move fast, break things. Including legal procedure. If you keep the trial on you quick and breezy, you're fairly certain that your laundering skills are enough to hide any obvious things. Now, you'll let Ploskiy Tan bring the expert panels, and you'll concede some things. You'll thread the needle just enough to tarnish your name a little bit, so they can go home happy-ish. And then you'll skate free, the other guys get scared, everyone's happy except for Justice.
[]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.
 
[X]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.
 
[x]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.
 
[x]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.
 
[X]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.
 
[X]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.
 
[X]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.

I love this quest.
 
[X]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.

I want to see what the ENEMY is like, and also it'd be really funny to get out of a corruption investigation through committing blatant treason.
 
[X]- BLUSTER AND MUSTER: You're fighting a war out here, you howl. Are you traitors, eh? Are you traitors? Spies? Why do you hate the Empire, you subversive agent? And you'll do this again and again, until the examiner gives up. You'll never concede an inch, you'll deny everything and go on the rhetorical offense until they give up and find better things to do. 'Course, you'll rely on your pal to stuff the panels with either flunkies or moto dumbasses, but eh, it is what it is.
 
[X]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.
 
[X]- ENEMY SABOTAGE: Okay, here's an idea. You have a bunch of cloud servers that contains your financial transactions, legit, unlegit, graft, bribe, payout, and salary. It'd be a shame if they all… blew up, wouldn't it? By the ENEMY, as well. Who has spies in your camp. The semievolved mongrel bastard may consider doing you a solid, for an equal-ish favour down the line. The thing is, it probably won't use it. It'll just dangle it over your head and make catty comments at the next peer to peer meeting.
 
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