Remove ads

How I Accidentally Dark Lorded Arda (LOTR SI)

Reader mode
The Brown Council... truly, this story is pure crack.

EDIT: Now we need a similar meeting of the baddies where someone mentions Sauron falling off his tower. Which is mad because he's a disembodied fiery eye...
 
Last edited:
ironwar32 said:
He could use them to do an wizards drive by with them. Just speed by and pop a cap in his ass.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Yeah, SI is at a distinct disadvantage relative to Sauron.

The Istari are under orders from Manwe not to confront the enemy directly meeting force with force, lest they accidentally a continent again.

The "enemy" they were ordered not to meet force with force was Sauron, and as Durin's Bane shows, there's no restriction on meeting other enemies with force - and the SI not being at continent-breaking power yet means they're not going to be holding back for fear of escalation shattering scenery.

He meets one of the five enfleshed maiar expecting them to act as in canon, he's going to be unpleasantly surprised to find them acting with kid gloves off. Using divine power to pop a cap in his ass is not, in fact, off the table for them the way it usually is.
 
Hmm. I hope this will be a *bit* more serious than the crack I've read so far. It's gotten a few chuckles out of me, to be sure, but I don't typically read LOTR fanfics to laugh. >_>;
 
ironwar32 said:
Yes but you forget. He has rhosgobel rabbits. I like to see him try to run.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Damn it, there used to be a version of this with the Run Rabbit Run song played on top, but it seems to be gone now :(
Oh well, here have the original song. Just play the two of them together to get the experience.
 
Last edited:
Hopefully this stays funny and never goes all serious(every now and then is fine) like most of those boring lotr fics.
 
Jamie Roberts said:
Seriousness isn't really the main issue for LotR fanfic, its cynicism. Things like cynicism or machismo are death to writing a good Middle Earth story.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Truth. LotR is wonderfully earnest and enviably lacking in machismo or toxic masculinity. It's serious, and bad things happen, people die, people lose hope, darkness covers the land, but in the end it is the power of love that wins the day, from the smallest and most overlooked of creatures. LotR has the hero fail, give into temptation and fall, but those who love him save him and through him, the world. And in a literary world that currently seems to be obsessed with who can be the next George RR Martin and pen the next grimdark world where good people have only death and ruination to look forward to while utter bastards thrive and cynicism and hard men making hard decisions win the day, where women die to motivate their man or are raped to give them character development, where any character you can relate to and honestly think are good people are destined for only horrible things, reading LotR is like a breath of fresh air for all it's the originator of the genre, a cleansing shower to clean off all the muck of 'gritty realism'.

I just love Tolkein's world, okay?
 
Last edited:
RecklessPrudence said:
Truth. LotR is wonderfully earnest and enviably lacking in machismo or toxic masculinity. It's serious, and bad things happen, people die, people lose hope, darkness covers the land, but in the end it is the power of love that wins the day, from the smallest and most overlooked of creatures. LotR has the hero fail, give into temptation and fall, but those who love him save him and through him, the world. And in a literary world that currently seems to be obsessed with who can be the next George RR Martin and pen the next grimdark world where good people have only death and ruination to look forward to while utter bastards thrive and cynicism and hard men making hard decisions win the day, where women die to motivate their man or are raped to give them character development, where any character you can relate to and honestly think are good people are destined for only horrible things, reading LotR is like a breath of fresh air for all it's the originator of the genre, a cleansing shower to clean off all the muck of 'gritty realism'.

I just love Tolkein's world, okay?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
To be fair, for it's day, LotR was a grimdark fantasy.

It had an earnest look at war in a time when people were still romanticising it. As you said, the hero fails and gives in to temptation, which was unheard of at the time. The traditional hero figures, Boromir, Aragon, etc, all have major character flaws that prevent them from being or even wanting to be the hero. Gandalf dies in battle without any last words, which, while traditional now for the Mentor to die in such a galvanising way, wasn't normal prior to LotR. Mentors, if they died, died in their beds and gave a rousing speech about how the MC has to believe in themselves, where the macguffin is, etc, etc. The death of a Mentor was a huge plot point that drove the story, not the sudden 'well, he's dead' the way Gandalf's was.

Tolkein invented the modern sword-and-sorcery genre, in a time when The Lion, The Which and the Wardrobe was pretty much the standard for fantasy. Hell, Tolkein gave Lewis shit for his lack of creativity in their letters.
 
Reader mode
You must login or register to reply here.
Remove ads
Back
Top