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Chapter 3
On the snow covered side of a mountain, there was a sudden flurry of snow as a translucent and ghostly hand punched upwards from under the snow. A moment later, the snow heaved and turned over as a ghostly and translucent body rapidly followed, digging its way out of the snowbank with a string of curses…...
"Ow! And also, Aw!" I groaned as I finally planted my feet in the ground and had a look around. "I'm never doing that again."
I appeared to be on a mountain.
It was a massive affair that rose up into the sky until its top almost brushed against the clouds. The entire mountain seemed to be a lifeless edifice of rock that was covered with snow and all steep cliffs and steeper slopes. There were no human (or other), habitation anywhere that I could see.
And just to make things even more craptastic, this mountain appeared to be surrounded by an entire range of other mountains, with this one towering above them like a giant middle finger rising up out of a bony knuckled fist.
It all looked thoroughly inhospitable and not at all conductive to civilization.
Where was I?
Was this the Misty Mountains?
That was the only large mountain range in Middle-Earth that I knew of. And this one was certainly large enough to qualify.
If I was in the Misty Mountains, then I have to go east to eventually hit either Gondor or Rohan, and west for Rivendell or the Shire.
Of course, I had no idea as to the exact locations of any of those locations, and I had no map. So, finding them might be a little harder than just looking them up in Google Maps.
However…...I frowned.
I could probably ask Mel for help. He might be able to help me divine my current location magically, or by some other esoteric method like reading the stars.
Though that would involve me having to actually talk to him and as for help.
My teeth ground together.
No.
Not if I was absolutely desperate.
Besides, I justified to myself, it wasn't as if I was that badly off.
This mountainside was a long way above sea level and the atmosphere should be noticeably thin and the cold must be so intense that anyone one wearing proper gear would freeze to death, but I felt absolutely no discomfort. And my translucent body was only clad in a (ghostly) pair of jeans and a long sleeved button-up shirt.
I made an educated guess that this was because I was a wraith now.
Simple things like cold and a lack of air didn't bother me anymore.
I also hypothesized that I would never go hungry or thirsty thanks to my nature. Wraiths don't need food after all.
So, the elements and hunger were none issues for me.
I could stay up here indefinitely if I wanted to.
I also had all the time in the world to carefully explore the mountain and find a way down.
From there, I could keep exploring until I actually met someone, and I would use them to get directions and figure out where I was.
I nodded firmly.
I could do this.
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Three days later, I discovered that the mountain was much larger than I ever anticipated, and that there were a couple of downsides to being a wraith.
For one, I cannot sleep.
That means that I do not have the ability to go to sleep. I simply cannot do it.
This was a much bigger deal than you would think, because the ability to sleep and rest was a huge part of the human psyche. The ability to just switch your mind off and rest before starting the next day fresh was a remarkable thing. And not being able to do it was slowly driving me bonkers.
And to make things worse, I couldn't feel anything.
I couldn't feel the cold or the lack of air, true. But I also couldn't feel the sun on my face, the wind ruffling my hair, or the softness of the snow.
It was like trying to live on tasteless food.
It was nurturing, true, but it was bland.
This was the existence I was condemned to.
Feeling nothing, tasting nothing, never sleeping, never dreaming.
No wonder the Witch-King went all emo if this was what he had to deal with.
For hundredth time, I regretted taking Mel's deal.
Currently, I was ensconced inside a cave I had discovered during my exploration of the mountain, just sitting down with my back to the cave wall and staring at a circle of stones I had assembled in mockery of a fire pit.
I had no need of a fire and there was no wood here anyways, but I had done it because I felt the need to do something to take my mind off the endless boredom.
I was busy trying to recall what I remembered about this world I was now in when I heard a sound that made my ghostly heart pound.
Footsteps.
The regular cadence that indicated that someone with booted feet was marching up a stone surface.
I leaped to my feet in joy.
Footsteps meant people!
People meant I could finally figure out where I was!
People meant no more boredom!
And if I was especially lucky, it will be a beautiful elf maiden who will become my constant companion throughout my adventure on this world, eventually developing feelings for me and-
I closed my ghostly eyes as a three hundred pound dwarf stood framed in the doorway, three foot beard decorated with both tobacco and bread crumbs.
My eye twitched.
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While I stood trembling and trying to collect myself, one dwarf became two, and then two became four, as more dwarfs stepped up to the cave mouth.
I let out a ghostly sigh and collected myself before raising my arm and gave them a little wave. No need to start my association with this words inhabitants on the wrong foot after all.
None of them responded.
But, a moment later all four of them trooped into the cave.
They seem to be pretty unconcerned with the ghostly man occupying the cave they had entered.
Well, they were pretty open minded or remarkably brave.
Or, I amended a minute later as I watched them set up camp and not give me so much a glance, babbling at each other in a language I didn't understand, they cannot see me.
I experimentally stepped right in front of a dwarf who was setting up an actual fire pit and held my ghostly hand over his eyes.
It should have disrupted his vision. Because I was translucent, not fully see through.
Sighed and stood up.
So they cannot see me.
It seems I have discovered another drawback of being a wraith.
I cursed Mel in my head.
He had to have known this.
He probably planned this.
I wonder…..
I used my foot to trip the dwarf, causing him to fall on his ass.
As the dwarf fell and started cursing in his guttural language and began looking for what tripped him, I grinned.
So, I could affect living beings with my power.
Still, this put a crimp in my attempts to communicate with them.
Just as I was about to start writing ghostly messages on the walls to establish contact with the little bearded buggers, matters were taken out of my hands.
"The Dark Lord made heavy metal,"
I blinked as heavy metal music blasted out from my jeans pocket.
"And He saw that it was good,"
The dwarfs went into a panic and frantically started to search the cave for the origin of the noise.
"He said to play it louder than Hell!"
The quartet of vertically challenged humanoids quickly scrambled to gather up most of their supplies and vacated my cave, leaving behind half their stuff in the process.
They also proved that while I cannot be seen by the denizens of this world, I was able to make noise that could be heard by them. Which made no sense whatsoever.
"We promised that we would!"
I watched the dwarfs hightail it out of the cave, no doubt convinced that it was haunted.
"When Manwe says it's over with,"
After a brief internal struggle, I let out an ethereal sigh and reached into the pocket of my jeans to pull out my early 2000's flip phone.
"you know that-"
I flipped the phone open and answered.
"Hello, Mel," I said very calmly in my best, totally not sarcastic, voice. "Nice ring tone."
"I hoped you would like it," his voice was as annoying as ever. "How are you enjoying your new un-life?"
"I can't sleep," I said blandly. "And I have no idea where I am. Other than that, I'm just peachy."
"Ah," I could just imagine him nodding on the other end. "We're used to the no sleep situation, but I imagine that it's a bit jarring to you. Simply lay down and meditate for a few hours each day and it will cease to be an issue. Its nothing physical that's stopping you, its just your mind that needs rest."
"And my location?"
"Ah," he chuckled nervously. "About that….."
"Mel!" my voice rose in alarm. "What did you do?"
"I assure you it was not intentional!" he said quickly. "My aim was just a tad off!"
"Mel!"
"Do you remember the Grey Mountains?"
I wracked my memory.
I knew the map of Middle-Earth pretty well, but the Grey Mountains? Didn't ring a bell.
"I can't quite recall…."
"North of Mirkwood and the Lonely Mountain?" Mel prompted. "Think of the very edge of the map? The outer edge?"
My eye twitched.
That was the ass end of nowhere.
A wasteland that was inhabited by savage men and even more savage orcs.
"MEL!"
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A couple of days later, I was doing what Mel had suggested and meditating when the next random encounter happened.
There was noise at the mouth of my cave, and a moment later, the cave door darkened to reveal a humanoid figure that was obviously not a man. Short, squat, and broad, with a wide mouth filled with fangs, a flat nose, narrow yellowish eyes, and yellowish skin covered with coarse brown hair.
Orcs.
Still, beggars can't be choosers.
I hauled myself to my feet and faced the creature.
Now, I had figured out that I was invisible to the denizens of this world in my wraith body, so I had decided to solve that problem by using the stuff that had been generously left behind by the dwarfs and make myself a makeshift robe.
They might not be able to see the wraith, but they certainly could see the black hooded robe that had a invisible person shaped object in it.
So, the orc was actually able to see me this time.
As evidenced by the way he brandished a sword at me and babbled in a language I actually understood.
He seemed to be demanding to know who I was, what I was doing, and just what kind of creature I was.
I frowned.
Wait a minute…..
Just how was I understanding orcish? I for sure didn't speak it when I died.
So I had to have acquired it after death.
Which meant-
"Mel!"
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