Recent wordz have inspired me to finish this before the main plot moves too far in a potentially incompatible direction.
Omake: Harry Potter and the Psionic Solution
Harry shared a glance with his friend as they approached the suburban house. They'd been through the argument enough times that nothing more needed to be said. While Ron's accusations had stung, Harry had finally admitted to himself that he was right. Harry truly didn't know what he was doing, and he needed help, preferably help from someone he could trust not to sell him out to Voldemort.
That was why they were following up on the tip Professor McGonagall had given them all those months ago. She hadn't been happy when they'd refused to fully explain their mission from Dumbledore, but at the end of the day all she could do was give them a list of contacts and beg them to reach out when they became stuck.
So here they were, stuck, desperate, and approaching someone they knew nothing about in the vague hope that she could help them save the magical world.
With one final glance with Ron, Harry raised his hand to knock. The door opened before he could touch it.
"I thought I told you lot to get lost."
"Er, what?" Harry blinked and stared dumbly at the young woman in the door.
"Wizards," she spat. "I thought I'd seen the last of you years ago." She paused, taking in their visible confusion. "You do seem a bit young, though. Hazing ritual among the Obliviators I suppose? Send the new kids after me for a lark?"
Ron, more familiar with the magical bureaucracy, caught on quickly. "We're not from the Ministry," he jumped in. "Professor McGonagall said you might be able to help us."
This merited a raised eyebrow from the girl. "Interesting. Perhaps you'd best come in." She smirked as they began to follow her through the door, "Do be warned though, wands don't function in or around this house. Should you try to use them you'll be teleported into the Ministry atrium without your clothing."
"That was you?!" Ron exclaimed.
Harry, still trying to regain his footing, managed another, "What?"
"It was all over the Prophet the summer before our first year. Aurors kept turning up wandless and naked in the Ministry atrium, but no one would ever explain why."
The girl nodded grimly. "They took offense when I turned down Hogwarts, and I had to insist quite firmly that I would not submit to having my or my parents' memories modified. Eventually, your ministry and I came to an agreement."
They came to a table, and she gestured at them to sit. "Right," she said, "introductions. I am Dr. Hermione Granger, Ph.D. Physics and Psionics. You two are?"
"Harry Potter," Harry had finally recovered and was desperate to move forward with the actual reason for their visit. "And this is my best mate Ron Weasley."
"Pleasure," she replied. "I admit I am curious. What sort of problem do you have that would cause McGonagall to admit defeat and send you to me? She was rather put out when I called her parlor tricks inefficient, inelegant, and uninspired."
"She, er, doesn't know," Harry admitted. "Professor Dumbledore insisted we keep it a secret. She was annoyed with us, but in the end she let us go with the insistence that we remember some names of people to contact when we inevitably realized we were in over our heads."
"Which you have," Hermione stated.
"We have," he confirmed. "We need a way to destroy this." Harry took the locket off his neck and placed it on the table in front of him.
Hermione stared at it for a few moments. "Easy enough," she claimed, before glancing at him. "And did you also want to destroy the one attached to your forehead?"
Harry froze. A number of memories jumped to the surface. Voldemort possessing him. The visions from Nagini's point of view. The mental connection with his enemy that Dumbledore had never adequately explained, diverting his attention whenever the subject came up.
"What are you on about?" Ron demanded, not quite as quick on the uptake.
"The, ah, 'magic' connected to that necklace is nearly identical to the construct woven into the scar on his forehead," she nodded at Harry. "Did you honestly not know?"
Harry had begun to panic. What little they knew about Horcruxes was clear. The vessel had to be destroyed. He had to be destroyed. Harry was going to die.
Hermione glanced sharply at him, as if she could sense his rising heartbeat. "Whoa, hey, stop. Calm down." Her gaze softened. "What's wrong?"
"It all fits," Harry muttered as despair overtook him. "He never told me, but it all fits. I'm the last one. I'll have to end it once we're done."
It was Hermione's turn to look confused. "Okay, I am definitely missing some context here. I'm going to make some tea, and we're going to have a proper conversation about what's going on." She took on a lecturing tone as items began floating about the kitchen of their own accord. "Are you familiar with the XY problem?"
Harry merely stared, unable to muster a response to either the question or the casual display of power.
"The XY problem is when you're trying to accomplish thing X, and after some fumbling about you decide that the right approach probably involves thing Y. By the time you finally go looking for help, you've fallen too deep down the rabbit hole and start asking highly specific questions about the small bit of thing Y you're struggling with, when you really should be asking questions about thing X.
"So," she concluded, as mugs set themselves down in front of them. "Let's back up a few steps. What is your overall goal here?"
"We're not supposed to talk about it," Ron grumbled.
"Do you want my help or not?" Hermione replied, exasperated. "This is clearly rather important to you, and I think by now we've established that I'm not on speaking terms with anyone interested in your secrets."
"Tell her," Harry gasped, as Ron prepared to object. "Just get it over with and tell her."
So they did. For nearly two hours they discussed Voldemort, Horcruxes ("Souls are real?!" "Yes." Queue furious notepad scribbling. "You're absolutely certain?" "Yes."), and the second blood war.
"So to confirm, you want to track down and destroy all of these to render the terrorist mortal?" Dual nods. "Well then," Hermione stood and gestured for them to follow, the locket floating up behind her. "Let's see what we can do. And yes," she paused as she recalled their earlier conversation. "We can get that thing out of your head without harming you."
She led them up the stairs to what was clearly a bedroom, with a desk buried in… stuff. Harry recognized the sight of a home computer, looking rather more expensive than any of those in Dudley's pile of broken toys. Though it seemed to be missing some important components, like the display. He was less certain about the other pieces of equipment, though he had the vague sense they were related to electronics. Arthur Weasley, he thought, would likely start performing accidental magic in his excitement at seeing the collection.
Hermione sat, cleared some papers off a slightly glowing metal pad, and set the locket down upon it, turning toward the desk as a screen simply appeared, hanging in midair. Harry shared another glance with Ron, this time tinged with confusion, as they settled themselves down on the edge of the bed.
For several long minutes they sat silently, watching as Hermione typed furiously and muttered to herself, technical details composed largely of five-syllable words mixing freely with sharp commentary casting aspersions upon the competence, parentage, and sexual prowess of wizards in general and Herpo the Foul in particular.
"Right," Hermione announced, "I've tweaked my experimental magic detection net, and it looks like we have eleven Horcruxes in Britain."
"That's… a lot more than we were expecting," Ron said nervously.
Hermione shrugged and stared at her screen a bit longer. "Six seem to share some common markers with this locket. At a guess, I'd say the other five belong to other people."
Harry wasn't quite sure how to respond to any of that and simply sat as she continued.
"Of the six, we have two here in this room, one the middle of nowhere in Scotland - Hogwarts, maybe? -, one deep under London, somewhere near the Charing Cross spatial anomaly-"
"Are you talking about Diagon Alley?" Ron cut in. "That sounds like Gringotts."
"If you say so. The last two are in Wiltshire, but both are moving around."
"I suppose that fits," Harry confirmed. "One of the moving ones is his snake, Nagini, but if there are two then he must have made another."
"Hmmm," Hermione hummed as she typed a bit more. "I'm not sure he did. The last one is slightly different from the others and is connected to a much larger structure. I suspect his physical body is using the same sort of construct to bind his soul in place."
"So you can track exactly where he is," Harry breathed, admiringly.
"Yes, I can make you a tracer of some sort to hunt him down and arrest him or whatever, or…" she trailed off, appearing uncomfortable, "it's not actually any more difficult to unravel that particular soul binding along with all the rest." Seeing their confused looks, she continued, "From here. Right now."
Harry stared, feeling hope for the first time in months, before reality crashed back into him. "Won't work," he sighed. "There's a prophecy."
Seeing Hermione's aggrieved look, as she visibly prepared to launch into a rant about the merits of fortune-telling and evils of leaving out critical information, Ron jumped in. "Harry has to kill him."
Hermione glared until he continued, "'Either must die at the hand of the other.' Anyone else who tries to kill him will fail spectacularly. It's the entire reason Harry's survived all the insanity he has."
"So if Harry were to push a big red button?"
Harry thought for a moment before confirming. "That could work."
"Fine," Hermione grumbled, as she looked back to her computer.
Twenty minutes later, Harry pushed a button. With his hand.
A/N not particularly happy with the ending, but I hope it works. The original plan had Hermione contacting the Home Secretary through the government contacts she's presumably gathered over the years ("You know that magical terrorist you were complaining about? I've got a piece of his soul on my desk. What do?"). The whole plot spiraled out of control and left this omake in an unfinished state for months, so this is what happened instead.