All I am getting from this thread is that
@Vorpal is probably the most educated person on this board, ..
I'm completely and utterly sure I'm not that. And I hope you're kidding, because basic familiarity with some technical topics relevant to this thread shouldn't be taken as expertise even in them, much less over-generalised so broadly.
If I understand correctly, the reason why the above doesn't work is because moon dude and Houston have no way to check if entanglement has been broken without breaking entanglement, thus prohibiting transfer of information to the past. Which seems like a bit of a cop-out, it seems like arranging for a if/then device that produces different results depending on a quantum entanglement shouldn't be impossible... or is it?
There's actually several different points of failure in this scheme. Say for simplicity, we're talking about entanglement between two qubits (e.g., down/up spins of two electrons). A state like |01〉 = |0〉⊗|1〉, which says that the first qubit is 0 and the second is 1, is a product state, so it's by definition not entangled. Neither are |10〉 or even (|0〉+|1〉)⊗((|0〉+|1〉) in which the both qubits is in superposition. Note that for the last state, the two qubits can each be measured to be either 0 or 1 with equal probability, but knowing the outcome of one doesn't tell you anything at all about the probabilities of the other.
A (pure) state is entangled whenever it
isn't a product state. It is essentially equivalent to classical random variables being not-indepedent whenever their joint probability distribution is not factorable into a product of individual distributions. Here's an ur-example of an entangled state:
|ψ〉 = |01〉 - |10〉.
If we're talking about electron spins, this would be the case where each individual electron has equal probability of spin-down or spin-up, but the total spin is zero, so knowing the outcome of one completely determines the other. More generally, you could have weaker correlations than that, too.
Because entanglement is simply a quantum-mechanical version of subsystems of being correlated, one should immediately realise that measuring entangled systems doesn't involve transfer of information.
Correlation is not causation, brah. The issue really does boil down to something that simple.
Given some hypothetical device that tells the dude whether the entanglement exists or is broken, this device only has access to half of the entangled pair, so it can't verify what happened or didn't happen to the other half. So, at minimum, it would need access to the other half of the entangled pair as well. Unless this happens no faster than light, you're basically presupposing an FTL scheme to make another FTL scheme.
However, it turns out that it
still wouldn't work as advertised because there can be no entanglement observable for the device to measure, not even if it has access to the entire system! Since all observables in quantum mechanics are linear operators, what we want is a linear operator  that's with eigenvalue 0 ('no') for |01〉 and |10〉, but 1 ('yes') for the singlet state |ψ〉, or in any case something different from zero. But that's not possible because linearity means that Â|ψ〉 = Â|01〉 - Â|10〉 = 0 - 0 = 0.
In other words, there is no possible measurement that can determine whether or not a system is an entangled state in the first place.