Fate/Off the Rails (and onto hiatus again)

[Look to the Left]

OOC: I really need to go back and fix and retcon some of the things back in my old updates. Also have an early update I guess. Maybe I should change up my update schedule a bit again.

[X] As much as I hate it, our little Einzbern rival will have to do

"This is a bad idea." I felt prana concentrate around me as I floated high into the air. My magical reserves are still holding strong, good, I can manage a transportation spell to get them to the battlefield. I can't exactly teleport to them, not only would it surprise them, but going through space and time is hard, that and very costly, especially after firing giant laser beams. "I will not be surprise if I find a sword shoved right through my head. Though I'd be too dead to know."

I flew across the skies as fast as I could possibly go. I didn't bother going invisible, I needed them to know that I was coming. After some time I sensed that they stopped moving, guess they noticed me coming; good.

Slowing down to a halt, I lowered myself until I could barely touch the ground with my tiny little toes. Before me stood the knight in red and the young mistress that he served sitting on the back of his shoulder. "State your business," the knight said coldly. "I would have slain you where you stand but my lady has asked me to stay my blade in parley. Make good use of that mercy." He gripped his sword harder.

"Well I guess you don't recognize your old friend Pretty Sailor Soldier Servant Assassin now do you?" I said with a sing song tone.

I could've sworn that I heard a restrained snicker but that line of thought got cut off when the young girl smacked the helmet of the knight. Soon afterwards she started sucking on her had as it became a shade of pinkish red. "Stupid metal armor... Stupid dumb magical girls... Stupid dumb Saber..." She had gotten her composure back a few moments later before directly addressing me. "So... Assassin... What are you doing here so far from the battlefield? Leaving your master to die before pledging your loyalty to me?"

"Nonsense." I waved it off. "I'm merely here to ask for your assistance."

"My assistance?... Wait... Why does that voice sound familiar?"

"Oh that?" I took my hood off. "I just think you looked cute, that's all."

Her eyes widen while Saber began to gather prana around himself before the young girl halted him. "Tell me, you took my form because it was cute?"

I gave her a playful smile. "What? Are you saying that you have painfully low self esteem and thus consider yourself a horrid looking damsel? Sorry but that cliche has been done to death."

"Hey! Don't dodge my question!" She pouted.

"Fine, fine. Maybe I sort of took it so I could mess with you a bit." I shrugged. "I but frankly, I did it because in my own stupid sense of logic I reasoned to myself that it was the best way to chat with you."

She gave me a good long stare while her knight scratched his head (helmet) in confusion. "So let me get this straight. You made yourself look like me because you'd think it make it easier to converse with me..." She wasn't amused. "There is something seriously wrong with your thought processes..."

"My lady, I think it best that I go and gut her here and now in this spot. It's obvious that she has little to no marbles in that skull of hers."

I raised a hand to protest but after some thinking I lowered it. "Well I can't exactly argue against that, even I have a hard time following my own line of logic."

She stared at me again for a while before shrugging. "She's probably just a defective servant." She said in a mockingly cheerful tone. "Maybe she bumped her head as she was summoned? These unstable leylines were messing with quite a few master's summoning. If you ask me they're complete amateurs if they can't work around it."

So she's aware of the unstable leylines and how to work around it (or at least implying to)? I could ask her but the time for chat chit has ended. "While I would love to chat more with you, we really need to get down to business." I pulled the hood over my head again as I took on a more flatter tone of voice. "As I stated before. I would like to ask for your assistance."

She gave a sigh as she rested her chin of her hand. "Why exactly are you asking me this?"

"I'll be brief. We're currently overwhelmed, outnumbered and possibly out gunned. Well, it's less we're outgunned and more we have guns and they have a tank with fists manhandling our Lancer while fire ants crawl up our pants... actually most of us are wearing skirts but you get the point." I explained. "In short, we're pretty desperate and well... You're Saber is the only other servant that I know of who's great in close range combat."

There was silence, then the sound of a little white fairy yawning. "Really? Is that all?"

"..." This was NOT going to be easy. "Fine, how about this? You help us and we can give you a bit of compensation, how about that?"

"Hmmm..." She was tapping her chin, taking her sweet time as my allies were fighting for their lives. "How about the head of my dear big brother?" She demanded in the tone of a child asking her parents for an expensive new toy for Christmas.

"Lancer will hate my guts if I did that." I responded.

"Ah yes... Lancer... You know there's something REALLY off about her. She's one of the few people who can scare me you know." She looked very annoyed. "You know, I tried to kill him when he went back home. Almost did too, if he didn't summon her by accident." She started rubbing her neck. "She was quite weak but she was also a crafty little hag. Took me hostage as she held a spear made of pure shadow to my neck."

The prana around the knight seemed to violently fizzle for a brief second. "She will pay dearly for that."

"An eye for an eye they say." She giggled. "Though she didn't hurt me. My dear big brother wasted a command seal to stop her..." Her childlike facade fell as she went into deep thought. "Tell me Assassin? Why did you think he did that? To confuse me? To manipulate me? To put me in a state of self doubt?" She asked me in a honest tone, or at least as honest as I can tell.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" I asked her.

"Huh?"

"Well, here's my proposition," I gave her a sinister smile.

-(0)-
​

There were too many. Dead after Dead after Dead after Dead. No matter how many Dead she shot down with her Gandr, there was always more. "I'm down to two gem, one pendant and a lapis lazuli. Lancer's currently distracting Berserker, Archer is the only source of limitless ammunition, Luvia's down to eight gems, the maid's almost out of bullets, I have no fucking clue where the hell Assassin went to and a certain IDIOT's trying to fend off the Dead himself."

"I'm sorry Tohsaka but I can't leave you all like this." The young man said, bloodied and holding a white blade in his good hand. "I can't look at myself in the mirror if anything were to happen happened to you guys."

"It's nice and all but please TRY not to get yourself killed." She hissed out as she shot down a few more dead. "Should've just stayed asleep," she grumbled.

"Oh let the poor guy fight." The maid called out as she got out of the Humvee, a rifle in hand. "We're all most likely going to die here anyway. Might as well let him go out with a roar than a snore."

"Geez. Thanks for the morale support there." The raven haired witch responded as she punched away one of the dead.

She cocked her gun. "You're welcomed." She opened fired into the crowd of Dead, she knew it wasn't going to do them any good. She was after all just delaying the inevitable.

"Well, you can't argue with her Miss Tohsaka." The Finnish girl interjected. "In our line of work this is to be expected. At least in MY family's line of work at least. You can't take any jobs without knowing the risks; plots to kill you disguised as jobs, betrayal by your own partner, the occasional vampire." She tried to maintain a noble deposition despite how tattered her dress was as well as the amount of blood she was losing. "I consider this a fitting end, not one that I would prefer but nothing that I didn't prepared myself for."

"Well at least this is a more dignified death for me if at least messy." Archer joined in as she kept pulling out musket after musket. "Back when I first walked amongst mortals I got caught off guard as one of my own allies betrays me. At least here I can die fighting." She had a remorseful tone.

"So... this is the end huh." Shirou said to himself. "Well... I've always wanted to be a hero of justice, I just didn't think it would end before it even started and against vampire zombies of all things." He gave a pained laugh. "I just wished we could survive this so I can learn to become a proper hero of justice.

"WISH GRANTED!" All heads turned to a bright light in the sky as a knight in red armor fell to the Earth. A large crater formed beneath his feet as a dust cloud formed around him. The dead stopped their assault as they watched this new strange factor that came out of nowhere. Slowly the dust dissipated showing a fairy as white as snow on one shoulder and a possibly mad, definitely memory confused, miniature hooded sorceress on the other. "Don't worry guys! The cavalry's here!"

-(O)-​

Man, traveling across space and time is exhausting, I can feel myself weaken as I used up more of my power. In some ways, I hate being Assassin, this smaller magical reserve is gonna be the death of me someday. "Assassin! What's going on, why's Saber here? What's even happening right now! What's-"

"Please master, one thing at the time." I called out to her. "I know you have no idea what's even happening anymore and so do I in some places but please just bare the pain a little longer and I'll explain things in all due time!"

"Have you finished your squabbling?" The knight in red asked. "If so then I shall begin a small demonstration, a small display to show you all my power."

"Sorry but I already saw it." Archer called out from behind the Humvee.

"Assholes don't count." The knight retorted.

"You know uh... Miss Einzbern. This knight doesn't seem at all like a... Well a knight."

"I don't know Assassin, I find it's part of his charm." The albino said with a giggle. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you my name. Illyasviel von Einzbern at your service."

"Assassin is fine." I replied. "Though one of my cover names is Natsui Kinoko."

"Nice to meet you then Natsui." Illya scanned the area, looking at the Dead that watch us with pale blank faces. Turning her face away from them disgust she later spotted the sight of Lancer fending off Berserker's attacks.

I'll be very honest. When she was using the bow she used it like a pro. Using the spear? Well... It was decent.

She fought with the spear as if it was the first time she ever used it. All she did was use thrusting attacks at Berserker, always constantly trying to keep her distance but you could tell that a simple thrust technique was all that she knew of. It's almost akin to a child trying to ward off a rabid dog with a floor mop.

In this case however, Berserker being so lost in his insanity is working to her advantage. He's so mad and insane that he can't use anything other than haymakers and the occasional wild hooks. If he had his wits about him he could've just gabbed the shadow spear and pull in her in for the kill. The only reason why she can't just get away and snipe him from afar was because in all cases he was always faster than her. A stalemate is what it was.

"So that's the other Berserker? Saber, see what he's made of."

"With pleasure." Prana erupted around the red knight. Red fire of power cascaded around him as he charge full speed towards Berserker. I had to reinforce my arms just to keep my grip on the knight.

He smashed into him, sword first and into his side. Upon closer look it was easy to tell that he at least took some hefty damage from his fight with Lancer. He had a deep wound in his right shoulder, the left side of his jaw had lost it skin showing muscles that had no business being that grotesquely bulging, a part of his leg had lost a bunch of its mass, muscle fibers dangled as he forced his legs to move. All those injuries had slowed him down considerably, the only reason he was still moving was because none of the injuries were fatal to him, except maybe blood loss. Doesn't stop him from retaliating with a wild backhand.

Saber tanked it, holding up an arm to block the blow. In retaliation he brought back his head before headbutting the madman in the face. Lancer, looking once again worse for wear took that as her cue to retreat. "If you want him, be my guest. I'm at my limits anyways."

"I don't even want your help demon." Saber hissed under his breath. Lancer said nothing as she retreated to the Humvee.

Berserker wildly clawed at Saber. Trying to get him off his side as the sword in his side refuse to leave. The grotesques sounds of a blade slashing around his guts almost made me want to puke. Illya seems to be taking it all in strides. "Yes! More! More! Finally someone who's fun with play with!" She was laughing with pure glee. "Haha! Tear him apart Saber! Turn him into a bloody mess! Show no mercy!"

"Glad to know you're having fun!" Saber laughed out loud as he punched at the bottom of the hilt, driving it further into the madman's side until it the flesh of his skin met the guard of his sword. "Up you go!"

Fiery red prana cackled around Saber as he lifted up Berserker. His wild screams permeate the forest as he wildly lashes at everything. Lifting him high above his head, he smashed him down into the ground, creating a massive crater that only got bigger and deeper with as Saber kept repeating the same brutal tactic.

"Bullshit!" I heard the voice of Rin shouting just out of my sight. So much for being the cool, composed magus. "He's supposed to be a Saber?! I know he has A++ Strength and all but this is just ridiculous!"

"Pfft, she's just jealous." The knight laughed off as he kept smashing Berserker into the ground. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, but I can almost hear the sounds of pained screaming, a helpless plea to stop with the assault. I almost feel bad for the guy.

Guessing that he had gotten bored with him, he lifted his sword behind his head. Planting his feet firmly into the ground the knight swung his blade at the air like a baseball bat. The madman slipped off his sword with a sickening, slushy sound as I could see entrails all chopped up fall from his side. He flew through the air blood and flesh trailing behind him before he crashed into a bunch of trees. He's still alive, but his body's broken thoroughly. It's a miracle that he can even still breath.

"Is that it Berserker? What a disappointment, my last Berserker lasted longer than you." Illya mockingly shouted at the fallen madman. "You're not fun anymore. Saber, kill him."

"Yeah, I guess so." He sighed. "I really wished you were a better foe, more fun that way... Oh well, time to end your misery." He casually walked over to his fallen foe.

"Berserker, by the power of this command seal. Return to my side." The echoing voice said. In an instant, the body disappeared in a flash of light. As if on reaction, the Dead begin to retreat from the forest as they all disappear into the air themselves. "This was a disappointment, but at least I got a better grasp of all your latent abilities. That Saber though, he's an enigma, can't gleam anything off of him." The voice sounded more like he missed a special limited time deal at the sandwich shop than losing a fight to the death battle. "Oh well. Fare you all well. I'll be seeing you in the future."

"Hey! Wait! Come back here!" Saber ran around, looking around for the source of the voice but came up empty handed. "Come back coward!... Fine! Run like the pathetic excuse you are..." He grumbled under his voice before looking over to the Humvee. "Now then, to parley with my foe..." He seems hesitant.

"Don't worry Saber." Illya said calmly to her servant. "You're a knight aren't you? Parleying should come naturally to you."

"You're right. I am a knight, the greatest in fact. This should be no problem." Dismissing his sword from reality. He walked over the the Humvee with a jolly air. "Greetings my fellow contenders, might I-"

He stopped when a musket was pointed at his face. "Fuck off tin man."

"Well you can fuck off too you delusional excuse for a king." Wow, this is such wonderful displays of diplomatic exchange. So much so that I might need to intervene.

"Come on guys." I said as I slipped off Saber's back before walking in between them. "We don't need another fight, not when we're all tired and battered from battle."

"Not me." Saber nonchalantly.

"Neither am I." Archer challenged.

"...Wow... Such maturity..." I responded with a tired voice.

"Come now, Archer." Luvia said as she walked by to Archer's side. "The knight before us has come to parley with us. As much as I hate the little pixie's guts I refuse to turn away a gesture of friendly intent."

"I don't know Luvia." Archer said as she kept her gun trained on Saber's head. "This is an awfully good opportunity to kill us all in one fell swoop. I know, I'm an expert on these kinds of things."

"Unlike you I'm not so dishonorable." The knight huffed.

"Enough, enough just... augh..." Rin walked over to Archer's side as well with Lancer holding up an injured Shirou by the arm following suite. "Just tell us what you want."

"What I want? Oh I thought we had came to an agreement?" Illya said with a mischievous smile.

"A what now?" Rin tilted her head at Illyabefore her before slowing looking at me. "Assassin..."

"Well..." I tugged my hood further down.

"Well. First things first, an exchange of names that I have all so rudely forgot." She bowed down in curtsy. "My name is Illyasviel von Einzbern."

"Luviagelita Edelfelt, likewise."

"Rin Tohsaka."

"Um... Shirou Emiya, but just call me Shirou."

She gave a small smile. "Now that we got that out of the way. Assassin here had sought me out for help against Berserker and perhaps, even a little alliance between the four of us. In exchange, she offered a form of compensation."

All eyes turned to me. "Assassin." Rin asked in a low, cold voice. The kind that promised pain if I gave an answer that she likes. "What did you offer?"

I gave a sigh. "Yup, I can see the other side already." I weakly walked in front of Shirou. Looking at him from below, I gave him a bow of apology. "I'm sorry Shirou." A sharp spear made of shadows was trained on my head almost immediately as the stares and glares at me got more intense.

"Assassin, what did you fucking do?" She must've instinctively turned on her Fear Inducement as everyone started to take steps away from her. Most of them anyway. I could've back off if she wasn't threatening me to not move an inch with those glowing purple eyes of hers. The poor guy was sweating as he looked around in confusion. He didn't give me a response, guess he's too bewildered to speak.

I gave another sigh. "Shirou, get your best suit. You're going off to a date."

Her Fear Inducement shut off entirely as her shadow spear fell from her hands. "What." Out of the corner of my eyes I could see both Luvia and Rin choking on their own saliva. The others just gave me a confused stare.

"In return for her help I agreed to let her have a date with Shirou for one day." I simply stated. "Granted the arrangements will be all up to us so we'll have to make it all worth while to properly compensate for her help."

"What."

"He's going on a date with Illya."

"What."

"A date is the modern practice of-"

"I know what a date is!" Lancer shouted at me as she picked me off the ground, inadvertently letting Shirou to fall to the ground. "This is even MORE terrible!"

"Wait, it is?"

"It. Is. The. Absolute worse thing you can do!" She started to vigorously shake me. "That little harpy's going to get her claws into Shirou I tell you! She'll steal his heart and play him like a damn fiddle!" I don't know whether I should be laughing or puking my guts out. 'Hey! Pay attention! I'm serious!"

"Than's not nice you know." Illya said as she pouted at Lancer. "I'm right here and I can hear everything you just said about me."

"I know."

"You hate me that much do you?"

"I do."

"Guys." Everyone turned their eyes to Shirou who was trying to get up from the ground. "Guys, I have absolutely zero idea what's even happening. Everything's going so fast that my mind is still even processing the fact that I'm injured."

"Shirou! Oh I'm so sorry!" Lancer walked over to him, taking his arm and holding it over her neck. Meanwhile I was on the ground, recovering from having my neck nearly wrung off my body.

"Eh, that's okay Lancer. You're just worried about me..."

"The idiot's right." Rin interjected as she collapsed to her knees. "I think I've spent most of my magical reserves in that fight. We need to recuperate and sort things out first."

"Indeed." Luvia looked around the area as she shook her head. "So many bodies here, it'll take a while to clear this up. I'll have to contact the overseer about this."

"Would you like me to contact him?" Maid asked.

"That would be nice dear. If you could do that a thousand thanks would never suffice."

"I need no compensation. The work is reward enough." She gave a polite bow.

"I'm very lucky to have a devoted servant like you Margaret."

Archer however seemed to still be on edge. "Hmmm... Seems like there are others around us. Hiding in the bushes and trees." She informed us.

"Must be the other parties." I responded. "Must've been drawn here by the battle. I think I can put up a few more spells."

I focused on reinforcing my throat, a simple spell known by most magi. Mine was more advanced than theirs but it was simple all the same. "Hello all of you drawn to this place by the sounds of battle." My voice echoed across the forest in a ghostly tone. "I'm sorry to regret that the battle has long been fought already. All you will find here is monument of destruction and mounds of people who have died long ago and have been reanimated as Dead. I suggest you all leave here, can't risk drawing any of the normal folk to our side of the world, we'll follow suit. Before that however I will place a boundary here to dissuade anyone from coming here, the bodies? Well, we'll give that burden to the overseer. That is all."

For a while we didn't felt any of them move yet, it was tense for a while but slowly over time one presence after another left us in peace. "Well that went over well."

"Surprisingly well." Rin agreed. "I really want a bed right now."

"Well, you guys can rest over at my place." Shirou offered. He was currently being tended to by Lancer who took out a first aid kit. "My place is big and it's the closest to this area. We can get there quick."

We all looked at each other. "Well, guess no one is going to argue then." I said.

-(O)-
​

It was very grueling. Me and the servants did most of the heavy duty work, packing up everything that wasn't destroyed in the ensuing battle which not surprisingly wasn't many. The rest we piled into one of the craters (the one that Saber made specifically) and set it all on fire. I left a boundary field there just in case the fire tried to spread. Like I promised I made another one to dissuade other form coming here. Illya piggy backed on Saber while the rest of the masters got in the Humvee.

The trip to Shirou's house was quiet. The maid dropped us off at the front entrance as we all grabbed our stuff from the back trunk before she left to inform the overseer of the battle. The servants minus me took their place in the garden and dojo. Rin and Luvia got their own separate guest rooms while I called dibs on the attic. Illya stayed in the dinner room while Shirou went straight to his bedroom.

I set up what remains of my own equipment. Something that looks like (and by all means was) a simple chemistry set and a box holding all the samples I've gained. "Huh, well most of my research really just consisted of me trying to figure out my own magic so whatever."

I sat on the floor in this mostly empty room. If I had Territory Creation I could make this into a great makeshift lab. Except I can't, I'm stuck in this Assassin class container being only able to provide espionage and battle support, not that there's anything wrong with it but it was still frustrating. "I guess I know how Shirou feels then... You know what... Sitting here isn't going to do anything. Might as well chat with someone while I wait for my reserves to refuel, but who should I start with?"

[] Talk to Shirou and Lancer. The guy's trying to be as helpful as he can be, time to cut him some slack. Hey maybe I can even open his Magic Circuits for him. Also Lancer, she seemed pissed.

[] Speak with Rin. She's sure to be needing some support after all those Dead tried to attack us.

[] Check on Luvia, I wonder what's her thoughts on Illya.

[] Slumber party with Illya... Or something like that.

[] Check with the servants, see how they're doing.

[] Write in

 

[Look to the Left]

OOC: Sorry about this but this update will be very dialogue heavy. Hope you guys are okay with this.

[X] Talk to Shirou and Lancer. The guy's trying to be as helpful as he can be, time to cut him some slack. Hey maybe I can even open his Magic Circuits for him. Also Lancer, she seemed pissed

I came down from the attic and through the long hallways of the Emiya Residence. I have to say this place is quite nice for a teenager to live in, where does one get a small Japanese style mansion?

After some searching I finally found Shirou's bedroom door when I felt a build up of energy on the other side. I gave a sigh as I slide open the door. I was met with a spear made of shadows, pointed straight at my face. "Go away."

"Come one Lancer you can't be that mad-"

"Go. Away." She towered right over me, purple eyes glowing behind her mask as her Fear Inducement was switched on. I had to force every muscle in my body not to move in the sight of the angry spear wielding bow women in front of me.

"C-Come on Lancer, stop that she was just trying to help." A voice called out from behind.

Lancer froze as soon as she heard his voice. Dropping her aura of dread and dismissing her spear from sight, she turned towards Shirou. "But Shirou! She sold you out! Pull you right under the rug!"

"Lancer, you're making it seem like a bigger deal then it is." Shirou was in his futon, his top half naked showing a bunch of gauze wrapped around his muscular body... Is it possible for teenagers to have bodies that ripped?

"It is a big deal!" Lancer threw her arms up. "I don't know why you're perfectly okay with this, going on a date with a girl who tried to kill you, twice." She thought to herself for a while. "Why are you?"

"Well..." He scratched the back of his head. "Well, she called me brother and well... I kinda want to know why."

"You sure she isn't doing that just to mess with you?"

"No, no. I don't think so, she doesn't seem like the person to do such thing."

"Shirou I hate to break it to you but this is the same girl who was laughing with murderous glee as she commanded her servant to rip and tear." Even with the mask on I could tell she was giving him a blank stare.

"I know it sounds dumb but... Well she helped us out, it's only fair that we repay her." I could hear a pout from Lancer. "Besides, I kinda want to understand her."

"You want to know why she's trying to kill you huh?" She sighed.

"Well..." I interrupted. "It's not everyday someone crashes both your house and school riding on top of a knight from Medieval Europe, calling you brother and attempting to commit fratricide."

"That's... Pretty accurate." Shirou replied.

Lancer gave another sigh. "I guess I can share you with the pixie..."

"Eh? Share me?"

"Uh... Nothing... Just Nothing... So, Assassin, what are you here for?"

"Oh nothing. Just wanted to check on you two... Well Shirou specifically," I looked straight at him. "Tell me Shirou, how much prana are you giving Lancer?"

He looked away. "Little to nothing according to Lancer."

"That's the problem Shirou. You're giving her squat when it comes to providing here an anchor to the world." I gave him a beaming smile. "Good thing for you, I got a present!"

"A... Present?" He looked at me with a confused look.

"I'm gonna open your Magic Circuits!"

"Open?" He tilted his head. "I uh... I thought you guys kinda... Just make them?"

"Make what now?" I asked in confusion.

"Well... I think it's because I'm not that good of a magus but what I always did was that I made one of my nerves into a magic circuit."

"The what now."

"I make my nerves into magic circuits?"

I stared at him. I stared at him some more. I stared so hard that I'd risk burning a hole through his dumb suicidal face. "Oh Hades what kinda idiot am I working with here."

"Eh?" He was starting to sweat.

"Uh... Shirou. I may have a poor education in magecraft," Lancer interjected. "But even I know that you don't make make new magic circuits."

"Eh!?"

"Shirou," I said in a calm, collected voice. "What you did was the equivalent of ripping out your own nervous system, one nerve at a time. I have no clue how you're not a cripple and for the moment I'm very happy that you aren't but by the gods what you did was fucking stupid."

"But the good news is that he's not a cripple!" Lancer beamed at us, or at least tried to. "Right?"

"Well, good thing I'm here," I said as I walked towards Shirou before kneeling by his side. Before I did my work, I turned my gaze to Lancer.

"What are you looking at me for... Oh! You're asking permission," Lancer nodded to herself. "Well, if you do anything funny I'll cut your head off, 'kay?"

"Got that," I gave a thumbs up. Looks like she's cooling down a bit... Is it me or does thinking that a threat to cut my head off my shoulders in a cheerful tone to mean that she's warming up to me seem a little off? Eh, I'll just push it to the back of my head for later.

"Glad you understand," she beamed at me.

I looked towards Shirou. I concentrated as I placed my hand on him arm. "Hmmm... Seems like you have 27 unopened magic circuits in there... Yup, it's gonna be painful."

"What's painful?" He looked at me with a worried expression.

"Opening them of course. It's kinda like using a muscle you haven't used for years, it's all stiff and painful to use," I explained. "Just a heads up really."

"Well if a little pain is all that's needed, I'm all up for it."

"You seem pretty casual about this," I pointed out.

"Hey. I just faced down an army of zombies," he gave a smile. "What's a little more pain gotta do?"

I looked at Lancer. She shrugged. "Okay then..." I floated over to his back where I placed my hand just below his neck. "Here goes nothing. Lancer, I think you might want to hold him a bit." She nodded, kneeling beside him.

I sent prana into him, like cleaning a pipe clogged with mud by forcing water through it, I forced open his circuits by flooding it with prana. He responded with a lurch. He was sweating hard, in clear pain as Lancer held him, gripping his hand. I could hear him grit his teeth, clutching his blanket so hard that he's at risk of tearing it to pieces. Then in a moment, the pain was gone. He was panting, drenched in sweat. "Is it over?"

"For now at least," I said at last. "We'll check how well you can use your magic circuits after you get some rest. For the moment though; Lancer, you getting any prana from this guy?"

"Yeah... I am..." I couldn't help but feel like she's frowning underneath. "It's a small stream though. Kinda underwealming."

"That's to be expected. Shirou has about 27 magic circuits but they're all at a low quality, not sure why though. Still, it's better than nothing," I cocked my head at him. "By the way, I couldn't help but notice that there's something inside of you. I have no clue what it is but..."

Shirou doubled over. Holding his arms around his stomach.

"Shirou?! What's happening?!" I touched him again. "Oh Hades you got to be kidding me," I looked at Lancer. "I need the first aid kit! Also some painkillers if you can find some! Oh and grab my kit from the attic, I need that too."

"If anything happens to him, it's all on your head Assassin," despite her threat, she sounded more worried than angry as she ran out the door.

"Okay, Shirou. Just stay calm," I said as I took out my tome. "Come on, come on... There. Καλμάρω."

He started to breath more easily but he was still in clear pain. Lancer came back a few moments later, a first aid kit under one arm and my potion set under the other. "Good, now just set them here and we can get to work."

"I placed all the painkillers I can find in the first aid kit."

"Thanks," I took out a strip of gauze and a bunch of substances from my kit as I skimmed the pages of my tome. "Okay... This goes here... Mix with that... Drench for about 10 seconds..." I produced a strip of cotton dyed in deep green. "Here Shirou. I made this on the spot with some eh... Improvisations. Also yes it does smell like someone left the dead corpse of a road kill accident in a toilet with broken plumbing, deal with it." I took off the gauze that was previously wrapped around his rock hard abs (what? Can't a witch compliment a guy?) and replaced it with the new deep green tinted gauze.

"Oh god that smells bad," he held back his stomach. "How long do I have to wear this?"

"Until you stop being in pain."

I guess Lancer running around made a bit of a ruckus as our little group started to pool into his room. It was Rin who came in first, "Assassin? I saw Lancer running around and... Ugh just what is that smell?!"

"Medicine."

"Assassin? What're you doing to Emiya?"

"No time, get out. Doctor Assassin is doing her thing."

"Oh just what is that- Assassin? Is there something wrong with Mister-"

"Get out."

"Hey, why's everyone gathering at big brother's room?"

"Assassin's trying to heal Emiya... What she's healing him for, I'm not sure."

"You guys aren't going to leave aren't you?" I said without looking back. "Fine, you can stay. I needed to explain Shirou's condition to everyone anyway."

I finished up wrapping around the gauze as I levitated a few painkillers. "Dang it, forgot the cup of water. Can anyone grab one for me?"

A moment later, Lancer came back with a cup of water. "Thanks. Here, Shirou, take these pills. Nothing magical about them but they'll ease the pain a bit. Same with the special coating."

Rin sat beside me. "Assassin? What's wrong with Shirou?"

I sighed. "Well. Please try not to kill him but before I opened his magic circuits. He's... Well... He had been turning his nerves into makeshift magic circuits."

"OHOHOHOHO!" We all turned our attention to Luvia as she doubled over in hysterical laughter. "OHOHOHOHOhoho... Oh... Please do excuse me but you can't possibly think that I would believe that right? I mean, it so utterly stupid that the only way anyone would do it is because they both have a death wish AND have the brain of a goldfish... Hey, why are you all staring at me like that?"

I gave her the best death glare I could from underneath my hood while Shirou gave her a serious expression. Lancer just tilted her head at the Finnish girl as if to say 'Really?'

"You... You're all serious, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"Shirou..." Rin had a small cold smile on her face. "Just what kind of training did you receive?"

"Well... My dad only gave me the basics."

"We know that. You said so on the trip to the cave..."

"I did, but well... I didn't quite understand some of them. He didn't really seem to care about my training."

"So basically he half assed it," we all turned to the sight of the red knight peeking from the door along with Archer who was just watching us. "What? It's pretty accurate from where I'm standing."

"Well... I guess it accurate?" Shirou shrugged.

"Anyways. Because of that particular venture, upon opening his ACTUAL magic circuits his nervous system reacted violently as they never had this much prana before. At least, that's what I think it is," I shrugged. "Anyways, you're not going anywhere. For three days at least." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Illya leaving the room quietly but I ignored that.

"Well... I needed the rest anyways," he gave a small laugh.

"Indeed you do," Lancer sat beside him. "Don't worry, I'll make sure all your chores gets done. I'll set up breakfast, lunch, dinner... "

"Lancer."

"...feed you, clean you..."

"Lancer."

"...wash the laundry, maintain the courtyard, kill anyone who gets in your way..."

"Lancer!"

"Eh?! Shirou?!"

He sighed, "I appreciate the help but you don't have to do that much for me."

"Oh well... I guess I did get a bit carried away..." She shied away form Shirou.

From behind my back, I heard Rin and Luvia whispering to each other, "what with this servant? No matter what she does I just can't get a handle on her."

"I don't know either Miss Tohska. Her lovey dovey attitude combine with murderous intent once made me thought that she was Brynhildr but I don't recall any part of that myth having a spear that can turn into a bow..."

"Well... Maybe we shouldn't talk about her while we're in her general vicinity," Rin motioned with her eyes. Looking at where she was motioning to, she saw that Lancer was staring at them.

"Well... I believe it's time to excuse ourselves from your room."

"Yeah, we'll just leave you Emiya. Talk with you tomorrow." They both left as fast and politely as possible.

"Well... I guess I'll be leaving too," but before that, one last talk with Lancer for the day. "He'll need a new concoction each day so expect me to come by at noon. Also give him painkillers before he sleeps, it'll help make sleep easier for him. Otherwise, call me if his arms start exploding or something," I levitated my kit to me. "My work here is done. Farewell!" With a bit of magical special effects I disappeared in an ominous purple cloud. I didn't teleport or anything I just entered my invisibility as I floated over to the attic.

"Well now that's covered. What should I do?"

[] Seems like Luvia and Rin are chatting with each other. Maybe I should go and make sure they don't kill each other...

[] Illya seemed to have left on a whim. Why is that?

[] Let's check up on the other servants. Wonder what they're up to?

[] Go to sleep

-(O)-
​

"What was that last part all about Lancer?"

"Eh, I think she just wanted to be showy."