ELDRITCH VOIDTUBER VIRIDIAN S. LAUGHTER HUNTING BLOOD-STREAM | BLUE HILLS APARTMENT COMPLEX FULL WALKTHROUGH!

I mean, it doesn't bother me. But it bothers them, doesn't it? The things that aren't us. That's my theory as to why they keep manifesting these distorted parodies of our own organic functions. As if to say, 'can't you see that this is what you are, you gross, disgusting meat-puppet?' When I found the House it was halfway through the process of digesting its owners, and by that point the house was meat. Walls like stomach sides dripping juices that burned my skin, furniture turned tumorous with fleshy sacs. The owners were still technically alive at that point - the most painful thing I've ever seen in the course of this job was the flicker of hope in their eyes when they saw me arrive, thinking I could save them, unaware that their bodies were half gone and they would die soon after the house could no longer keep them alive. So I told them it would be okay, I found the House's heart, and I stabbed it. Then I watched as it bled to death, and its occupants with it.

I took a while recovering from that one.

This and the anatomy quote are some of my favorite small little bits - I think you've really expanded on that vibe in a fascinating way and pulled in a lot of other stuff, and it's great.
 
Fantastic stuff, I love the idea of a manmade cosmic horror, a conceptual system that nobody designed yet inexplicably controls every aspect of our lives and seeks to extend its tendrils ever further and deeper.

...

I'm glad we saved the cat.
 
I cringed at how bad that was. Part of this… this job, if you can call it that, is self-marketing, and I sucked at it. You need to construct yourself as a symbol, as a beacon that things from beyond the void will be drawn to, and want to watch, and wish for your victory. And I struggled with that. With delivery and improv. With being funny and fun.

She says, as she narrates 16k words worth of engaging prose. Clearly she should upgrade her rig already to give the audience access to her inner monologue. Maybe some brain ants.

Anyway, this was fun. Reminds me greatly of iHunt: Slaying Monsters in the Gig Economy, a satirical series of novels/TTRPG about Uber app but for monster hunting in how it incorporates modern technology with older established narrative as well as the social themes it establishes.
 
She says, as she narrates 16k words worth of engaging prose. Clearly she should upgrade her rig already to give the audience access to her inner monologue. Maybe some brain ants.
I've streamed myself playing video games before and while I can do the occasional engaging commentary, it's a far cry from my prose and I get tired after an hour max :V
 
I might write up another short story featuring another of the Private Chat characters to have a better handle on one of those that I plan to be prominent in the full story. Probably Tempus Fugit?
 
uwu don't mind me just killing existential eldritch demons~~~

kyuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~~~
 
You know Omi, I was half expecting some horrific abomination to appear near the end, talking about how light was unnecessary, and that the form of the building was ideal, as a reference to our most favourite current 'architect', but I guess addressing the system works better as a metaphor, or whatever :p

I still feel like even if you didn't include him, he was present in spirit at least.
 
You know Omi, I was half expecting some horrific abomination to appear near the end, talking about how light was unnecessary, and that the form of the building was ideal, as a reference to our most favourite current 'architect', but I guess addressing the system works better as a metaphor, or whatever :p

I still feel like even if you didn't include him, he was present in spirit at least.
Guess who designed the building I used as a cover picture ;)
 
This is 100% spectacular. You had me right at the opening Anatomy quote because heck yes I want more of that in the world, and the 'realistic' and 'fantastical' elements blend perfectly. Like yes, the landlord and apartment complex is a metaphor turned literal, the streamer streams their content by playing pass the eyeball and the social media brainworms are literally- you get the idea, but in terms of actual interactions they're completely on point. The cat being the most obvious instance: the internet will always helplessly fall over itself when confronted with a cat. Especially a cat in actually legitimate danger. I'm only familiar with vtubers by osmosis but the depiction here all felt on-brand from what I understand of it.

The mystery and build-up to the... 'Landlord System' as it were (not the landlord-as-person, but the system-that-enables-landlords) was excellent and I loved the origami business suit aesthetic. And getting to punch it in the face with a clawhammer and set its shit on fire was gloriously cathartic.

Absolutely do drop an announcement when this gets published, because it deserves to be.
 
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I am slightly disturbed by how well you captured her Chat. You just know that it'll be an in-joke from here on out.

There's many, many things to be said about the quality that I don't have the words for but that bit I did. So shut up.

<3
 
glory!! :D
im a little sleepy and incoherent but i love this setup! add body horror to anything and i'm for it. and it was pretty funny watching viridian scramble to get her proper eye back in before passing out -- does it really matter? would the audience watch her sleep, or get bored and drift off, and would that impact her ratings? or, is it more just icky passing out with some weird void eye in your socket?
 
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The Landlord was originally meant to be the equivalent of the monster that's defeated in Chapter 1 of a monster-hunting manga; it was supposed to have a cool visual gimmick and speech, a threatening fight scene, die, and then leave the way open to the story's core antagonist. Then the story blew up to 16k words and he reached at the limit of what its concept is meant to support. It still works, I think, but I wouldn't use it for more than what I did here
Honestly, I think this can still work as the intro, it just needs to be cut down. The whole "it's a mild + lead, no actually it's mold that possessed the landlord, no it's actually something else using the mold" stuck out at me for exactly this reason because while they're all *fun* ideas and I enjoyed how they were implemented they did feel a little... Much for what seemed like a short story.

Like, you have Viridian meet the Saturnine, at which point V puts two and two together, realizes how the mold and the lead spirit can work together and outlines the villains plot.

But then it turns out the Saturnine hates the mold and so V advanced into the 6th floor and puts together a *new* explanation of what is going on, and then V enters the Presidential suite at which point we meet Oragami King and he explains what the *actual* plot is.

And those were all cool scenes which told us a lot about the world and showed various ways the supernatural world can interact while also demonstrating that V isn't infallible in their knowledge of the supernatural.

But it's also 3 back to back scenes of exposition about what is going on.

I think you could this a lot shorter if you make the plot a little more straightforward, either replacing the mold with a pure paper plot (and replace the environmental mold focus with more focus on the mails/flyers/ etc) or remove the revelation with the paper (and remove a lot of the paper stuff) to focus on the mold.

Especially for an introductory chapter you'll probably want things to be more straightforward.

But what the fuck do I know, I certainly never wrote something as good as any of the work you've posted here
 
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I'd previously tried read this twice and bounced off each time, but virtually everyone is nominating it for best of the year and so I gave it a third try. I still don't like it, but I understand why everyone else does. I did really like your monster concepts and descriptions though, they were very cool.
 
I'd previously tried read this twice and bounced off each time, but virtually everyone is nominating it for best of the year and so I gave it a third try. I still don't like it, but I understand why everyone else does. I did really like your monster concepts and descriptions though, they were very cool.
I appreciate that you gave it more than one try, though!
 
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