Effigy – 1.8
Taylor paced around her room, nervous energy keeping her from to siting still or focusing on anything for very long. The funeral was tomorrow, or more accurately given the time, later today.
Attempting to distract herself she looked out at the rest of the base with her senses. Armsmaster and Missy were the only two capes still on the base with the rest either out on patrol or gone home; idly Taylor wondered why her friend chose to stay overnight on the base so often. The only other people on the base were a handful of security people, clerks, and scientists working overtime.
She threw a glance over at the folder on her desk, she'd already read it over once tonight, and it felt like studying for a test that was never going to happen.
Turning her mind to a different distraction she thought of the note she had found taped to her door a few hours earlier. The note was from Dr. Caldwell explaining that they had finally finished testing the materials she was made of. All of it shared the same general properties; tough, highly temperature resistant, and most importantly were relatively easy to produce. They couldn't match top of the line tinker materials but were comfortably mid-upper tier; at the bottom was an apology for not being able to tell her in person.
Taylor felt an odd glow of pride at that before her thoughts inevitably came back to the funeral and the possibility of her memories returning.
With her memories back she could stop feeling like a fake; wearing a face and name from a life she hadn't lived.
Looking at the clock told her it was barely past one in the morning.
The next few hours felt like an eternity to Taylor, alone with her thoughts.
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Taylor hadn't really grasped that someone was dead until now. Intellectually she had known what it meant but standing there with all the other attendees, watching the casket close and the pall bearers take up their positions; it finally hit her. Danny Hebert, her father, was dead.
Up until that point the ceremony had been a blur of new faces, greetings and condolences; she didn't say much only listened as others spoke about her father's life. A few names and faces stayed with her however; like Kurt and Lacey Dawkins a couple who had worked with her father and had been friends of family for years. Emma and her father were also there dressed in the same subdued dark clothing everyone else, including Taylor, seemed to be wearing.
The sunny, warm weather contrasted sharply with the somber atmosphere of the people gathered near the entrance of the graveyard; Taylor had noted that this was the only situation she had encountered where her slightly solemn neutral expression was almost completely appropriate.
Despite the small number of people many wore expressions of pain, grief and sadness; a small traitorous part of Taylor's mind was glad for the detachment her lack of memories brought her.
She'd heard that the dead often looked like they were sleeping; she couldn't see it. It was too artificial; his balding hair had been carefully combed, his eyes were closed and he was wearing a freshly cleaned blue suit.
Taylor's focus was snapped back to the present by the slight squeak of the handles the pall bearers used to lift the coffin. As she turned with the rest of the attendees to follow them warmth enveloped both of her hands. Looking to her left she found Hannah had taken her hand and was looking at her with concern, a glance to the right showed Emma doing the same complete with a similar expression.
"Are you ok?" Emma asked before Hannah could get a word in.
"I'm alright", Taylor replied quietly, looking away from the other girl.
"Are you
sure?" Hannah asked from the other side.
"I- yeah", Taylor said, hoping her tone wouldn't give her away.
"Alright", Hannah said, glancing at Emma. It was clear neither of them believed the girl.
Following the casket as it made its way past the rows and rows of headstones the group finally came to the freshly dug grave. Daniel Hebert would be laid to rest next to his wife.
'If I hadn't triggered would I be buried here too?' Taylor wondered.
While the rest of the group came to a stop the pall bearers continued onwards to the grave, silently and efficiently lowering the casket to its final resting place. For a second everyone stopped, feeling that there should have been more to the moment, some physical sign showing the significance of the event.
None came.
There was a pause before Alan Barnes shook off the feeling and stepped into position behind Danny's headstone. Clearing his throat he pulled out a sheet of paper, "Danny was a good friend of both me and my family." Another pause as he worked up the will to continue, "He was a friend, co-worker, and father to everyone here. . ."
That was the point Taylor lost track of the eulogy. She had come to a realization at those words; she hadn't come here for her father. She hadn't come here to pay her respects to the man who, by all accounts, had died trying to protect her.
She was here because she thought she would benefit from it.
". . .may he rest in peace, god speed Danny", Alan said as calmly as he could. Reverently he folded up the piece of paper before rejoining the group, wiping the tears off his face.
There was an expectant pause before Emma quietly broke into Taylor's thoughts, "You're supposed to toss a handful of dirt in."
Breaking free of the people to either side of her Taylor mechanically walked over to the pile of dirt that had been dug up earlier. Reaching down she took a handful of still wet dirt before stepping over to the grave.
"I'm sorry", she whispered to her father as the dirt fell, her hopes of regaining her memories falling with it.
Her thoughts whirled inside her, who was she sorry for? Herself? Her father?
She had come here, certain that she would regain her memories; she hadn't even felt a hint of them.
'I came to a funeral because I thought I could get something out of it. What does that say about me?' Taylor thought as she heard the muted patter of dirt hitting wood.
Head down she trudged back to where Hannah and Emma were standing.
She didn't say a word for the rest of the proceedings.
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Hannah was almost frantic as she ran back to Taylor's room with the key she had gotten from the base security office.
She had tried to get Taylor to talk to her on their way back to the Rig from the funeral; as soon as they arrived the younger girl had teleported away. Hannah had almost sprinted from the dock to Taylor's room only to find it locked.
The first thing she noticed after throwing the door open was the mess of papers scattered across the right side of the room, she recognized one of the pictures among the mess; an image of pre-trigger Taylor smiling up from the floor.
Taylor herself had her back to the opposite wall with her arms wrapped around her legs and her face pressed against her knees.
"Taylor?" Hannah asked as she cautiously approached the girl.
The younger girl didn't respond to Hannah as she slowly advanced across the room.
"Please, say something", Hannah said, dropping to her knees in front of the other girl.
Receiving no response she leaned forward and pulled Taylor into an awkward hug, "Talk to me Taylor, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."
Without saying anything Taylor reached up and wrapped her arms around Hannah. They stayed like that for a few minutes before the truth started to spill out.
"I-I'm a fake", the dark haired girl said, a hint of desperation in her voice as she pressed closer; her nose digging uncomfortably into Hannah's shoulder.
Hannah felt like she was taking an exam she hadn't studied for; she couldn't exactly run off to grab Dr. Gavel at the moment and the wards weren't on the base in the middle of the day. Part of her marvelled at how much had happened so far today; it wasn't even past one in the afternoon yet.
"How so?" Hannah asked soothingly, trying to make sense of the situation.
"I'm not Taylor; I can't even remember being her."
"But you were and still are Taylor Hebert, it doesn't matter whether you can remember or not; you're here and you're real."
"But I'm just wearing her name and face, I don't- there's nothing else."
Hannah let out a sigh as she tried to think of something to say to the girl, "Everyone but you accepts that you are Taylor Hebert, you don't need to be exactly the same as you were before you changed. No one expects that."
Taylor's grip tightened a bit more eliciting a grunt from Hannah. "Sorry", she mumbled, releasing her grip on the older woman and returning her gaze to her knees.
Hannah took the opportunity to lean back, "Taylor, look at me." She spoke evenly, placing her hands on the other girl's knees, "Don't try to force yourself to be the same person."
"But my memories-"
"-Aren't coming back", Hannah interrupted quietly, looking Taylor directly in the eye.
Taylor's shoulders slumped at that; a part of her had known that for a while, it was something that had turned up when she researched Cases. None of them had ever gotten their memories back. Hearing it said out loud spelled the end of the unspoken hope that they would come back.
"I don't want you to waste away chasing an impossible goal", Hannah said sadly, fortunately she had (hopefully) figured out what to say to distraught girl. "Who's your best friend?"
"What?" The question came out of nowhere for Taylor knocking her off her increasingly gloomy train of thought. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Humour me, it'll make sense soon."
"O-k, Missy."
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Green?" Taylor said, unsure of where this was going.
"Favourite smell?"
"Mint tea."
"How many people have you met?"
"A lot? I don't know exactly how many."
"How many of them do you think remember you? How many people have you talked to? How many memories have you left with other people? If nothing else that man whose life you saved will remember you." As she spoke Hannah mentally crossed her fingers and offered prayers to every deity she could think of that the words coming out of her mouth would help.
For her part Taylor's body language had gone from clearly upset to something a bit more thoughtful; she wasn't
relaxed by and standard but she was at least thinking about what Hannah had said.
"You are your own person Taylor, all I'm asking is that you keep that in mind", the olive skinned woman said before pulling the girl into another hug.
"Ok", Taylor said, her voice almost a whisper; she didn't sound completely convinced but it was a far cry from the completely lost tone she had had earlier.
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A/N: The last scene here was pretty hard for me to write so I hope it turned out ok. Next up will be the end-of-arc interludes.