Doris and the Olympians

Rainbow the Blacksmith
Convincing a cyclops to let her use his tools and workshop was actually quite easy. He just made her promise not to damage any of it. Theoria felt grateful, and decided she might even leave him a feather in thanks.

The celestial bronze, on the other hand, was a pain in the rear to get her hooves on. Her first thought had been to go beg a weapon off of her sisters, the Keres. But then she thought that Doris might not want a weapon that had been acquired through someone's violent death, and the Keres were always… unpleasant to be around in any case. They were far too obsessed with death for it to be healthy.

So instead she'd gone to her half-sister, Philotes. Among other things, Philotes was the personification of friendship. Theoria figured that she might be willing to help source materials for a gift for a friend, or would at least not laugh in her face for asking.

Philotes was… eager to help. Too eager, to the point of making it uncomfortable to be around her. Especially with the innuendoes. So many innuendoes. Eventually Theoria had gotten fed up with them and quickly, but politely, excused herself from her sister's presence.

Now she was all set up to make Doris a spear. She got a flame roaring in the furnace, gathered all the scraps of celestial bronze that would be melted into the spear, and waited patiently for the fire to heat up. Then she frowned.

Now what?



She critically examined the formless hunk of metal that would become the spear tip, which currently glowed softly with from the heat within. At this temperature it was malleable enough to work with. Well, she hoped it was malleable enough, she hadn't done this before.

She raised a hoof into the air, and then brought it down forcefully onto the metal.

Clang!

But instead of flattening part of it like she'd expected, the metal piece shot off like a cannonball. It collided with the far wall with a dull thunk, and then clattered to the ground. Theoria looked back to her hoof, and frowned. She probably should have secured the metal before she struck it.



She once again examined the glowing piece of metal. Unlike before, it was carefully cradled by her hind legs into position for the main strike. Once again she raised her hoof high into the air, and then brought it down hard.

Clang!

She raised the now wafer-thin piece of metal up to her eyes. It was completely unsuitable for anything, other than perhaps a pancake substitute. She almost nibbled on it to check the taste, but stopped herself. This was a gift, not a snack.

Now had the metal been too hot and soft or her strike too hard?



Finally having wrangled the metal into something resembling a spear tip, she put the glowing-hot piece down so that she could work on the shaft. She would come back and put some finishing touches on it later, all it would need was a little heat.



Making the shaft was not any easier. She had to keep it straight, keep it round, and keep it in one piece. What she finally ended up with was noticeably bent, but that could be stomped out later. It was time to join the tip to the shaft.

But there was a problem. Namely that since she had put the tip down, gravity had bent it out of shape and it now resembled… well a limp noodle was a delicate way of putting it.

Was she supposed to have dunked it in water, or was that just for swords? Did she heat it up too much? Did she stop working the metal too soon? Were the scraps she was working with of poor quality? Was that Philotes giggling in the background?



The cyclops was oddly amiable to the idea of assisting her. It seemed like he had been expecting this all along.

"You at least seem to have had a vague idea of what you were doing. This is a personal piece, or a gift, am I right?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, everyone always wants a personal touch on things like that. Tell you what, I saw what you could do with those bare hooves, I'll let you hammer the tip once or twice. Of course I'll still touch it up afterwards, but this way you can legitimately say you had a hand, er, hoof in its construction."



"Alright, now hit it with all your might."

She raised an eyebrow one inch. "Are you sure that is wise?"

The cyclops waved off her concern. "This is celestial bronze, it can take it. Besides, I'll be holding it still."

She reluctantly complied, and brought a hoof down at full force.

Boom!

The metal object exploded, showering the room in shrapnel. Thankfully the two of them escaped with nothing worse than minor injuries, but it had been a narrow thing. She lightly rubbed a new scratch along her neck and shivered.

"Alright, we'll tone it down on the next try." Said the cyclops.



Theoria smiled as she laid the gift in front of Doris.

"This is great! I was kind of getting worried without a weapon once I realized that I gave Custer's sword to Emily to keep, not as a loaner. Poor wording on my part, I kind of liked having that thing around."

There was a funny feeling inside her chest. She decided she liked it.

"There's just one thing."

Her face fell. What was wrong with it? She was sure that with the assistance of the cyclops that the weapon had turned out perfectly.

"You do know that there is a piece of celestial bronze melted into your mane, right?"

Damn it!
 
Meanwhile at Camp Half-Blood
The thing Hector liked most about camp was that there were other halfbloods there.

"There's no way a scythian dracanae helped you rescue your dad!"

The thing Hector disliked most about camp was that there were other halfbloods there.

"Yeah, the last one I ran into went on about how she was going to turn me into a soup. She said I'd be a mean French Onion."

Sure, he finally got to practice sword-fighting, something his sister had absolutely refused to do with him. Sure there were other kids who could relate with some of his frustrations, especially towards reading. He also finally had an audience larger than three for his magic tricks.

"I won't believe it until I see proof."

But then there were the downsides. It turns out that turning someone only half-invisible wasn't all that great. The Ares kids could still easily see he was there and gave him the swirly they'd promised him when he'd first arrived. Plus, there was an Athena kid who had a hat that could do it better and with a lot less effort.

"Yeah, we want proof!"

That and they didn't believe him when he told his story of how he'd helped rescue his dad from that dumb cruise ship. Oh, they definitely believed he'd run away and had an adventure that had resulted in his dad being freed from the ship, they just thought he was embellishing it. They didn't believe that his mortal sister had killed an empousa, they didn't believe that he got kidnapped by a unicorn, and they didn't believe that a pegasus could be the size he'd described Rainbow as being.

"Proof! Proof! Proof! Proof!"

They really didn't believe that Doris would help him out. Some told him it was dangerous to think that he could trust a monster, and warned him that it could easily lead to him getting hurt. Others just smiled and nodded when he mentioned her, in the same way adults did when they totally didn't believe a word out of his mouth. He hated that.

"Well, there's always Iris-messaging. Anybody willing to waste a drachma on this kid's story?"

They also hadn't believed him when he describe what Rainbow was. They laughed off his claim that she was really a daughter of Night who lived with a monster in Manhattan. They also didn't believe she could talk. Well, the kid from the Poseidon cabin that everyone thought was hot stuff seemed to believe Rainbow could talk, but seemed skeptical that Hector could understand her.

"No, but I'm willing to bet he's lying. Will anyone take that bet?"

Things had eventually devolved into a full-blown argument outside the Hermes cabin. A dozen or so campers had just listened to him finish telling his story again, and were adamant that Doris did not exist.

"How about this?" Asked an Ares kid. "I'll put up the drachma, and if the kid's lying he has to do my shift at kitchen patrol. Doesn't the Hermes cabin have a free period during that time slot?

There were a few murmurs of assent, and the group tracked over to the nearest garden hose. Connor Stoll turned it on, while his brother Travis held up the nozzle and produced a rainbow.

The Ares kid threw a drachma through the rainbow and stated an incantation that ended with, "Show me Doris!"

The image shimmered, before displaying a woman brushing her hair in a bathtub. Everything looked a little strange and blue, sort of like they were looking through a color filter. The woman looked up, saw them, and screamed. She then dove down into the bathtub, hiding from sight.

"That's a nymph, not a scythian dracanae. The kid was lying."

Money began to be passed around, but Hector shoved forward to stand in front of the image.

"We want Doris the scythian dracanae, not Doris the… whoever this is."

He half expected the image to ignore him, but after a moment of static the image shifted to a lady with glasses, who was frowning at them.

"Well sorry, next time give me a location to make sure I've got the right person. How was I supposed to know you didn't mean Doris the ocean nymph? You could have also meant Doris the Amazon! See Fleecy, this is what I have to deal with all day."

Then the image shifted again to show a familiar scythian dracanae inside of her apartment. She wasn't alone though, and was on the ground with her limbs wrapped around Rainbow. The two soon rolled out of the picture, but mild grunts, panting, and groans could be heard.

"Okay, okay, I think we've seen enough." Said the Ares kid, swiping his hand through the image just as it started to emit a scream.

"What? They're just fighting over the remote again. They did that several times while we were at hotels. Rainbow always won." Hector tried to explain.

One of the older kids patted him on the head, which made him feel angry inside. Only his sister and Rainbow were allowed to do that! Only they did it in a way that wasn't dismissive of him!

"You keep thinking that way kid. Keep your innocence a little while longer. Besides, look at the bright side, you definitely proved you weren't lying."

There were several groans and money began exchanging hands again.



Meanwhile, in Doris's Apartment…

"VICTORY!" Doris screamed, having finally won a battle over the remote with Rainbow. She had been sure she was going to lose again when Rainbow suddenly seemed distracted, allowing her to snatch the remote and victory from the pegasus's hooves.

"We can finally stop watching the boring news channels and catch up on Loony Tunes." She declared.

Rainbow got to her hooves nearby, a frown on her muzzle. "I could have sworn we were being watched…"
 
Interlude - Eris's Fun Adventures in the Fields of Punishment
Interlude

Eris hummed to herself as she wandered through the Underworld. The Fields of Punishment were so nice this time of year. All the screaming, wailing, and suffering brought warmth to her ancient heart.

She hopped over Sisyphus and his boulder, kicking a rock so that the man would trip on it during his next attempt. She skipped past a man being boiled in cheese fondue for eternity, and made it seem like the one being boiled had insulted the boiler's choice in cheese. She heard an argument between the two break out as she jumped towards where the pirates were kept.

As a personified spirit of discord, strife, and all the other good stuff, it felt nice to just be herself. It felt even better when she passed a man forced to walk the plank for eternity, and shoved him off herself. As he found himself back at the beginning of the plank, he glared at her. Her smiled widened.

She had always loved pirates. They were such great creators of strife, men after her own heart. They plundered, they held hostages, they murdered, they interrupted the mail service, and a hundred other things. She'd even thrown them a bone every now and then, convincing a few monarchs and governors to hand out pardons to pirates who renounced their ways. This gave her favored mortals a chance to rest for a year or two and not burn themselves out, before they inevitably returned to piracy.

Well, some inevitably returned. She always left a 'gift' to those who seemed like they were planning on leaving the life fully.

She paused as she came to one pirate in particular, a man begging for his crew to save him from drowning. She watched for a few minutes as the shades of his crew watched impassively, and their 'leader' eventually dipped below the water. Then he reappeared about a foot in the air and the process began all over again.

Ahh yes, she remembered this man well. She'd toyed with him a few times in his career, and when she'd heard that he was thinking about settling down she might have interfered with his plans. But that was centuries ago, why did she feel like he'd cropped up in her mind in the past months?

She paused, deep in thought. She ignored his pleas for aid, and reviewed the recent events that had caused the most strife. She got about halfway down her top 10 most discordant events of the past year when she struck gold.

Her smile widened, and she double checked that the Furies and other assorted security guards weren't paying attention. She then marched over and plucked the pirate captain from his predicament, and carried him to shore. As the shades of his crew chittered among themselves, the captain embraced her legs.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He repeated over and over, tears getting on her black toga.

Eww. She'd have to wash her clothes later.

Normally one of the prisoners here would have known better than to do that to someone like her. Most inmates of the Fields of Punishment were kept as mentally intact as they had been the day they died. It seemed like this man had started to lose it before his death. His crew were among the exceptions to the rule, as they were only here as a form of their captain's punishment. Their existence was essentially the same as any other member of the Asphodel Fields, except that they stood here to form part of their captain's punishment.

In fact, on second look it seemed like some of the shades weren't actually members of this man's crew. She recognized a man who served under Calico Jack and another who served under Bartholomew Roberts. She'd wager that other members of this captain's crew had also been condemned to eternal tortures, and Hades had roped in a few other shades to fill in those missing gaps. It's not like the shades noticed the difference in scenery.

She kicked the captain off of her feet. As he sat in a quivering ball, she thought on exactly how she'd play this. She'd need to get these men out of here, get them a ship, and tell them of a few recent events. She'd also need to restore them to their full mental faculties, and prevent Thanatos or the Furies from finding them.

The easiest way to do that would be to empower them with a little essence from herself, like Ares did for the shades that crewed his spoils of war ghost ships. But that was too easily tracked back to herself, and lacked any sort of pizazz to it.

She reviewed her inventory of stolen appropriated items. Three golden apples, one golden mango from the Hermes twins, two of Cupid's arrows, two of Apollo's arrows (one the invisible killing kind, one the pestilence causing kind), every single customer complaint to Hermes' delivery service, some of Poseidon's nose hair, a cornucopia of cursed objects, a bag of Theoria's feathers…

Oh yes, that would do. Her newest baby sister had been extremely diligent in destroying those most of the time. Key words being most of the time. In addition to the few that she'd managed to nab over the decades, she'd had a windfall from a monster's hideout that was being secured by the police. Her sister had been too occupied with that monster she eventually moved in with to notice little ol' Eris sneaking around.

Those two were an odd pair. It'd make a lot more sense if they were lovers, but to her surprise and disappointment that wasn't the case. There wasn't as much fun in screwing with people who, well, weren't screwing. So she'd left them alone for the time being.

But this opportunity was too good to pass up. She quickly wove some spellwork into the feathers, taking care to remove any trace of her own essence as she did so. If the spells functioned correctly, they would make the holder both more cognizant and hidden from the senses of any immortals. She pressed the first into the hands of one of the shades.

To her satisfaction, he both disappeared from the more mystical of her senses and looked around in shock. She passed out the rest to the other shades, and was left with only two feathers. She repeated the process on the first, doubling the mental reinforcements and handed it to the captain. The other she simply scrubbed clean of her essence before letting it fall to the ground.

After all, wasn't it the duty of every older sister to pick on their younger ones?
 
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Chapter 25 - Doris and the Pirates of the Caribbean
As summer neared its end, I enjoyed a wonderful day in Central Park.

Central Park is a great place to visit. It's a great place to birdwatch, or feed the pigeons like the little old lady across from me was doing. It's also a great place to sun yourself if you're a scythian dracanae like myself. In general, it's a great place to relax. I closed my eyes, stretched out, and basked in the sun.

I felt someone else sit on the bench beside me. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" I asked.

I heard a chittering noise, sort of like the sounds bats make. I opened my eyes and realized that my companion was a well-dressed skeleton.

I managed to keep from screaming. It wouldn't have done any good, and might have given the little old lady a heart attack. Instead I scooped up my new (and improved!) spear off of the ground and bared it just in case.

The dead weren't that scary, I told myself. Mestra was completely right when she said that the dead were to be pitied, they weren't something the Greeks had feared. Aside from its sudden appearance, the skeleton wasn't scaring me any more than the sudden realization that there was a skeleton inside of me all along.

Unless of course, a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, I had ticked off Hades somehow. In that case I was boned, quite literally. But typically the armies of the damned didn't consist of one unarmed mook in fine clothing, so I figured that wasn't happening.

"So, nice weather we're having?" I asked. Pity, not fear, I reminded myself.

I totally wasn't shaking.

The skeleton chittered and began to move. I'd almost started to bash its skull in with my spear before I realized that it was simply handing me something. I lowered my weapon and carefully took the envelope from its hand.

I looked down. On it, in fancy handwriting that would make John Hancock proud, were two simple words. 'To Theoria'.

Oh no. I had hoped Rainbow had taken my request to make the telemarketers go away as the joke it had been and not a literal request.

I looked back up at the skeleton, which chittered at me again. "I'll make sure to get this to her." I said.

The skeleton chittered before collapsing into a pile of bones before me. Huh. I should probably make myself scarce before some mortal saw those bones and wondered what I was doing near them. On second thought, I should also make sure that the little old lady doesn't see them and freak out.



"Hey Rainbow, you got a skelo-gram." I called as I entered my apartment.

When Rainbow had fulfilled her second favor by getting me a new spear almost two months ago, I had half expected her to leave afterwards. To my delight the protogenos had hung around. Well, she mostly hung around. Every now and then she vanished for a day or two, but she always showed back up within the week. Usually with a box of some old metal engine parts.

I wasn't sure what was up with that.

The pegasus got up from the couch and approached me. "A what?"

"You know, a skelo-gram. It's what the Rich One does when he wants to deliver mail and scare the daylights out of a monster at the same time."

"Hades gave you mail for me?" She asked, tilting her head. This time it was a proper head tilt, none of that 90 degree nonsense she'd been doing earlier.

I nodded and handed her the letter. Her wings reached out and plucked the envelope from my hands in an impressive display of dexterity. That or an impressive violation of pegasus anatomy, it was kind of hard to tell with Rainbow.

She tore it open with her mouth and pulled out the contents. A frown came across her muzzle.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"There was a recent breakout from the Underworld. It seems that I am the primary suspect."

"Well… you didn't do it, right?"

She shook her head. "I've never had reason to enter the Fields of Punishment, much less release one of its inmates. Hades has summoned me to a meeting though, one that I will have to attend."

I shivered at the thought. "Are you sure that's safe? He's pretty powerful, what if he doesn't believe you?"

"To refuse would seem to indicate my guilt. Hades is typically quite fair in his dealings, I should be able to resolve this." Then she gave me a small smile. "Don't worry, I can take care of myself."

"Be safe, and don't do anything stupid." I urged her.



Meanwhile, in Jamestown, Virginia

Eris smiled as she watched her newest pawns throw the last of the museum staff on the recreated Susan Constant overboard and into the water. She laughed as the man screamed invectives as he swam the short distance to shore. Puny mortals, thinking their words could affect something like her.

She then focused on more spellwork, weaving a veil from the Mist that would hide the vessel from the inevitable mortal search parties, but still show that something was there. It wouldn't do to have the vessel sunk in a collision. She followed it up with one last little bit of magic that touched up the vessel into a proper sea-going ship, then once again scrubbed any trace of her presence.

Walking down into the ship's cabin, she unloaded numerous nautical charts she had stolen acquired from a harbor shop, as well as a few other tools and trinkets her pawns would likely need. Chief among them were weapons, many of which she had pilfered from Ares over the years.

How ironic.

"My lady, I cannot thank you enough." Spoke the ship's captain.

She sniffed. "No, you certainly cannot. You can, however, repay me with copious amounts of violence, strife, and general mayhem."

The specter grinned. "I will have my revenge."

This chapter felt a little rough to me.

By the way, does anyone want to play our favorite game, Who's that Pirate?, and guess who it was that Eris plucked out of the Underworld? In addition to the couple of hints in the previous chapter, it would be useful to remember that this takes place maybe two or three months after the end of The Sea of Monsters.
 
Chapter 26 - Be the Rainbow in the Underworld
To get to the Underworld, Theoria chose to go through the Door of Orpheus.

Orpheus had been a demigod so talented at music that he had charmed the very earth into making a path to the Underworld for him. He had almost succeeding in bringing his dead wife back to life, but at the last moment he had looked back. The door had later shifted to New York, as much of mythological Greece had.

When she had left her mother's mansion in tartarus over a year ago, she had used this path as a shortcut. While the exit might have been sealed, the passage still remembered the music of millennia ago, and was forcibly easily coaxed into parting for her. The deciding factor was that it exited into Central Park, not too far from her destination.

As she slipped past the cordoned-off section of the park the door was located in, she felt some regret for her actions. In her haste to go inform Hermes of her idea, she might have caused just enough damage to prevent the door from ever fully closing again. It was a terrible idea in any case, and in retrospect she understood why he was so angry with her. She wished his reaction hadn't been so violent, but then she would have never met Doris.

She had feared that the damage done to this priceless remnant of ancient history might have provoked a response. So far, Hades had posted a security skeleton at the bottom and her mother had (eventually) congratulated her on learning how to make a dramatic exit. Aside from that nothing had come of it.



When Hades had demanded requested a meeting with her, Theoria wasn't sure what to expect.

The Underworld's mightiest guards could meet her as a show of force. A more peaceful approach would be for a single shade to escort her to a meeting chamber. Hades himself greeting her was not out of the possibilities. In fact, Hades, with his invisibility-granting Helm of Darkness, could be stalking her at this very moment.

She paused, then slipped out of her 'Rainbow' guise and into her natural form. She spread herself into a fine mist, and drenched her surroundings with her presence. She searched herself intently for any disturbances, any pockets where she could not reach, or… well… anything that wasn't the wall or herself.

After a moment, she re-condensed and donned her normal guise. If Hades was present in the passage with her, none of her senses could detect him. When she got to the base of the passage, she found her welcoming party.

She had not expected Mestra in a fancy dress. Here in the Underworld, the undead shapeshifter looked very different. Her skin was like ivory, her cheeks were sunken in, and her hair was ragged. Her facial expression, to pardon the pun, looked grim.

"Lord Hades is extremely angry. I don't think the Furies have been more wary of his presence since his Helm of Darkness was stolen last year."

Theoria frowned. "If his anger is with me, it is misplaced."

Mestra didn't answer. Instead, she turned and led Theoria deeper into the Underworld. Eventually she was lead to a room with a long table. Hades sat at the head, idly cutting a fruit.

Unsure of how to react, Theoria stood in the entranceway. Considering what Mestra had told her, she was expecting at least some reaction out of her host. Yet Hades simply continued cutting his fruit up into small pieces, and then slowly ate it.

When he swallowed the last piece a minute later, she tensed. Hades didn't look up, but he slowly put down his silverware and spoke.

"Please, have a seat. I would offer you a drink and some food, but it tends to have a rather unpleasant side effect."

She slowly trotted over to the indicated chair and sat down. She was thankful for the size of her typical guise, a full-grown pegasus would not have fit comfortably. She wasn't sure if shifting form would be considered appropriate.

"Now I seem to have a problem. There was a recent breakout from the Fields of Punishment. The pirate Stede Bonnet and his crew have seemingly vanished, with the only trace being a single feather."

Hades looked up, and for the first time in her life Theoria felt true fear. Dark fires burned in those orbs, and it was then she realized that apart from her own mother, Hades was the most powerful person she had ever met. His hand reached below the table, and produced a feather.

Her feather.

"Explain to me why this was found at the scene." Said Hades as he stood up to his full stature.

She felt extremely small.

She couldn't speak fast enough. "I swear on the River Styx that I did not participate in the breakout."

Thunder boomed.

There was a flicker in Hades's eyes, but otherwise his face remained impassive. "However ill-advised it may be, oaths on the River Styx can be broken. In addition, do not think your presence here in the Underworld has gone unnoticed."

She flinched. Now her attempt to keep abreast of events had backfired, and her best defense was useless. "I might watch the newly-arrived dead, but I've never entered the Fields of Punishment. You've never objected to my presence in your realm before."

"You used to be a denizen of tartarus. Don't mistake my toleration of your antics to mean I condone them. In the future a guard will be present with you at all times you are in the Underworld, but not tartarus."

Her… well she didn't have a heart, but something inside of rose at that statement. Probably the essence that surrounded her lungs and vocal cords.

"So you believe that I am not responsible?"

Hades picked up her feather and examined it intently for a moment. "I believe that it would be incredibly reckless and idiotic for you to break a group out of the Underworld so successfully, yet leave behind such an obvious piece of evidence. Either you are involved, or someone wants to make it seem like you are involved."

He threw the feather into the air, and a cold breeze slowly floated it in her direction.

"Find the pirates. Bring them back to me so that I may… question them about who was truly responsible. They will feel my wrath."

Her feather landed before her, and she snapped it up in her mouth. Huh, it tasted… sad.

"Before you leave, a word of advice. Shades often return to places that were familiar to them in life. From what I remember of Bonnet, that would be Barbados and the Carolinas. I care not how you find him and the other pirates, nor whom you work with. But do not return to my presence without them. Mestra, escort her out of the Underworld!"

She fled his presence as quickly as was possible. After a few seconds she paused and reoriented herself. Tartarus had not been her destination.


From what I understand, Stede Bonnet was a pirate of the early 1700's. He met up with Blackbeard, who for a variety of factors (most notably Bonnet's crew wanting an experienced commander) ended up taking over command of Bonnet's ship. Bonnet ended up stuck as a 'guest' of Blackbeard for months, with very few of his crew actually loyal to Bonnet. Later the two would go for a pardon, and when Bonnet returned to go take his ship and change careers to privateering, he found that Blackbeard had beached Bonnet's ship, stolen most of his supplies, and taken all the plunder. Bonnet tried to go after Blackbeard, but couldn't catch up with him. He ended up stuck with low supplies and started being a pirate again to rectify this. He was captured on the orders of the Governor of South Carolina, and brought to Charleston, a city he along with Blackbeard had laid siege to. There he was tried and hanged, along with the majority of his crew. There were reports that his mental health was in serious decline at the time.

So his eternal punishment is dying with his crew not helping him. As he was once helpless despite being surrounded by 'allies', he is forever trapped that way. Eris's present to his pardon attempt was to help inspire Blackbeard to turn on him while he was gone. Neither Blackbeard nor Bonnet know of Eris's role in that, and she certainly isn't telling.

In the PJO books, Blackbeard is a son of Ares who, instead of dying in his final battle, somehow wound up on Circe's island in the Sea of Monsters (Bermuda Triangle). Circe, who in PJO has a more hardline stance against men than freaking Artemis, turned him and his crew into immortal guinea pigs. When Percy gets turned into a guinea pig for the crime of being male, Annabeth restores all the transformed guinea pigs (with medicine provided by Hermes) because she can't tell which is Percy. Blackbeard and his crew, now immune to Circe's magic due to the Hermes medicine, promptly burns down and takes over the place, while Percy and Annabeth steal his ship and leave.

Eris freed Bonnet and told him about this. So Bonnet, with his restored and pissed crew, are going after the guy who got most of them hanged by stealing all their stuff. The few other guys with them got outvoted on what to do. Blackbeard is running the ruins of an island resort like his own fief, where all the men are pirates and all the woman are the workers for the goddess who turned said pirates into animals.

I… really pity the all-female staff of that island.
 
Chapter 27 - Theoria and the Olympians
Before she returned to the apartment, Theoria made a quick stop. Before her lay the strawberry fields of Camp Half-Blood in all of their glory. A lone satyr was making his way through them, charming the plants with his reed pipes. She wasn't an expert on crops, but it looked like harvest time was nearing.

Her knowledge of the camp was not as great as she would have liked. Her mother's description of the camp had been brief, and much of what she knew came from her own… ranged observations. Those had promptly ended a few months back when Thalia's tree had been poisoned.

Thalia's tree was quite important to the camp. It had previously been a daughter of Zeus, who had been transformed by her father moments before her death. It powered the wards and border for Camp Half-Blood, and marked the spot where campers traditionally entered.

She hid stood next to the tree in question, which had a glittering sheepskin draped high in its boughs. That was probably the Golden Fleece, which had been retrieved by Clarisse La Rue. Theoria's duplicate on Olympus couldn't help but overhear Ares bragging about the actions of his daughter. The war god wouldn't shut up about it.

The tree seemed to be doing much better than when she had last seen it. The leaves looked healthy, the limbs were thick, and the border felt strong. There was a sort of pervading emptiness though, and she briefly wondered what that might mean. Perhaps Thalia's spirit had finally moved on to the Underworld?

She heard two voices approaching, and swiveled her ears to better listen in.

"As I've told you, ever since Thalia's tree was healed and the border restored, border patrol is a boring and useless task. You just march in a large circle around the camp."

"But Travis told me about the pizza delivery guy! Can't mortals sometimes get through?" Asked a familiar voice.

A sigh. "Yes, every decade or so a really lost mortal shows up on the beach or something, but that isn't likely to ever happen while you're on the job. The most I've ever found when the border was strong was a monster that got themselves stuck halfway through the wards."

"I'm pretty good at finding things. I bet I'll find the coolest thing ever while on border patrol!"

"Calm down kid. If you use that much enthusiasm on something boring like border patrol you won't have anything left for the really fun parts of camp. You're going to be a hot commodity in capture the flag."

A ghost of a smile came across her face. She couldn't pass up this opportunity. She marched around the tree to face the approaching campers.

Hector, covered in bits and pieces of ill-fitting armor and toting a sword half his own height began to hobble his way over. His companion was a much larger kid in a well-kept set of battle armor, who stared at her in shock.

She felt small arms circle around her, and she raised a wing to pat the boy on the head.

"So… what're you doing here?"

She chose her words carefully. "I would like to speak with the camp's director."

Hector pouted. "What do you want to speak with that old- erm, I mean what do you want to see Mr. D for?"

"Be careful what you call him." She warned.

"Yeah, yeah, everyone keeps saying that. I don't see what the big deal is, all he does is drink diet coke all day and play cards with Chiron. Can't you just come by to say hi to me or something?"

"Your mother took a rather dim view of our association together."

That was putting it mildly. Her sister Hecate had wanted her son to remain safely at Camp Half-Blood, believing he was too young. Theoria was of the opinion that if her nephew wanted to leave to save his father, he had the right to make the attempt (with proper supervision of course). Hecate had responded with a wordless scream of frustration, and made it clear she didn't want Theoria purposely interfering with Hector's life ever again.

Theoria wondered if her sister had learned about Clifford, the big black hellhound yet.

Fortunately, Hecate's emphatic request that Theoria stay away from Hector was just that, a request. Theoria had already thought up several ways to get around it. One way was for her to go to Camp Half-Blood for totally unrelated reasons and the demigod just happen to be there at the same time. Other loopholes were if she were to visit his mortal sister or his mortal father.

"Eh, I've only seen her once anyways, and that was when she was talking with dad. You're much cooler and actually showed up."

She gave him another pat on the head, then trotted down towards the camp below. Hector followed along behind her as she headed towards the large house between her and the strawberry fields. Theoria ignored the few startled campers they passed on the way.

On the porch of the house was a pudgy man, wearing a spotted Hawaiian shirt and sitting in a rocking chair. He didn't even open his eyes as they approached, but did speak up. "You're interrupting my siesta. What do you want?"

Hector opened his mouth and words immediately began to spill out. "So I was on border patrol with Sherman, and he was all like 'blah blah, border patrol is boring, stop being so happy, blah blah'."

The man before him snorted. "Sounds about right."

"I was like 'I bet I'll find something cool one day while on border patrol', and he said 'no, you won't'. And then we got to Thalia's tree, although I don't think that's a good name for it. Shouldn't we call it Thalia's ex-tree now? The tree that used to be Thalia? The ex-Thalia tree? Anyways, we got to the tree that once had Thalia in it, like a pea in a pod, and we came across Rainbow here. Sherman was all like 'wow, border patrol is the most exciting thing ever, I should have believed you!' and Rainbow was like 'I need to speak with Mr. D'."

The man still didn't open his eyes. "Fine. What does the newbie want? Newbie is what the kids are calling new people, right Hutchins boy?"

An angry expression came across Hector's face. "Don't call her that!"

Fear shot through Theoria, and she took a half-step closer to the boy. Just in case.

The man continued to rock back and forth in the chair. "I'll call her whatever I want to. She's almost as young as Pac-Man, so she's a newbie. Now why is she here?"

"Like I said, she said she wanted to speak to you."

"Well get it over with. You're wasting my highly valuable time."

She bowed low to the ground. "Lord Dionysus, I would like to request an audience with the Oracle."

Dionysus cracked open an eye, and looked at her. A chill crept down her body, and her senses screamed at her. Hades might have been more powerful, but Dionysus could break her in ways she could never heal from.

He studied her for a moment. Theoria fought to keep perfectly still, ignoring her instincts that screamed at her to back away, to flee, to do anything other than stand here before this man.

Dionysus snorted, then closed his eye. "What do I care? Just know that if you break my brother's toy, he'll be very angry."



She passed all sorts of objects throughout the attic. The collected trophies of demigods from the past few centuries were piled up throughout the room. She even passed the Sword of Damocles, tossed next to a pair of fuzzy dice.

One might think that just tossing them here would be quite irresponsible. Many of these items could be quite dangerous, and it's not like the same man who stole Zeus's Master Bolt hadn't worked at this very camp as the consular of the Hermes Cabin.

One would be wrong to think that. These artifacts were protected by the most powerful woman of ancient Greece. The spirit of the Oracle of Delphi.

In the corner of the room, the mummy that housed the Oracle sat in a chair. Light from the window illuminated her tie-dye t-shirt, but her head was shrouded in darkness. Theoria bowed before the Oracle, as one had to always be careful when dealing with prophecies.

"Can you tell me how I can find the pirate Stede Bonnet."

Nothing happened. She waited a few minutes, but it was clear that if the mummy had any answer for her, she wasn't sharing.

Theoria frowned. Glancing left and right, she crept closer to the mummy.

She double checked that she and the Oracle were alone in the attic before whispering. "Can you tell me how to avoid the coming darkness? Is there any way I can change the future?"

Nothing happened. The Oracle's face remained in the shadows.

She snorted. Of course the Oracle wouldn't help her. She turned around to leave and found herself muzzle to knee with a man reclining in a chair with a lyre.

"Sorry about that, there's been some technical difficulties with the Oracle the last couple of decades. Well, difficulties in appearance, at least, I can attest that the prophesying abilities of the Oracle are working just fine."

"Lord Apollo." She said with another bow.

"None of that." He said, waving his arms as if to chase away her words. "Just call me Apollo." He then picked up his lyre and took in a deep breath.

Oh no. He was about to start a haiku. Rather than give him the opportunity to start, she quickly interrupted him. It might have been rude, but if there was anything that Olympus laughed about more than her it was Apollo's terrible haikus.

"Is there anything you can tell me about how to change my future?"

His eyes darkened, and his grip on the lyre grew tight. "The young are foolish, and rarely listen to their elders. If you've caught a glimpse of the future, you are best off not fighting it. The more you strive to stop the future, the more you have a hand in creating it."

What did he know of this? He was Apollo, the slayer of the mighty Python! Someone with his level of power could easily destroy all but the strongest of foes. He didn't have to worry like she did. He didn't have to work with nearly as much uncertainty.

She almost asked him what he could possibly know, but decided not to. He was the god of prophecies after all. But when was the last time that he had been weak when compared to his foes? What would he do if faced with what she was?

"I'll take that under advisement." She said with a bow, then turned to leave. She got the feeling that Apollo didn't believe her, but he didn't move to stop her either.

She exited the attic. She passed by Chiron in the hallway, whose eyes widened comically. She gave him a wave with a wing, but kept trotting. She needed to be elsewhere.

On the outside, Dionysus was seemingly asleep in his chair. Hector joined her as she trotted past him.

"So how'd it go?"

She couldn't find any reason to lie. "Poorly."

"Oh, sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can help with?"

She shook her head. "Not unless you own a boat or a pirate detector."

She took off, heading back to Doris's apartment.



Three hours later, she realized she'd made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

I wanted to have Apollo hit on Rainbow (as he hits on basically anything female… and most things male), but I couldn't come up with a shitty haiku for him to say. So I had her stop him in his tracks.

For people who haven't read the books:

Thalia's Tree: The Golden Fleece healed Thalia's tree so well that Thalia herself was restored to life and just popped up one day next to the tree, horribly confused. This is set in the days just after that (or ideally later that same day), and the news hasn't made it into the Olympus rumor mill for Rainbow to hear.

The mummy: In the PJO universe, the Oracle at/of Delphi is stuck inhabiting a mummy due to an incident that happened during World War II. (The following is from memory, so I might be wrong)

When the Great Prophecy was given back then, apparently the next two halfbloods in line to turn 16 were Nico and his sister. Considering the massive war Hades other kids had caused and the general dislike towards Hades and his children, Zeus was inclined to kill Nico and Bianca with a bolt of lightning. Hades prevented that from happening, but their mother did die and Hades chucked Nico and Bianca into the Lethe and then the Lotus Casino and Hotel, where time passes differently relative to the outside world.

Then the Oracle shows up. Hades can still see the cooling corpse of his dead lover, and the Oracle basically goes "I told you so."

Bad move. Hades curses her, and the spirit is stuck in that same body until his kids are accepted by everyone. So the mummy of that poor, stupid girl, inhabits the attic at Camp Half-Blood. She doesn't do anything most of the time, except to belch green smoke to give prophecies and one notable incident where she takes a zombie stroll to track down Zoe Nightshade.

Mr. D: Dionysus, in punishment for going after an off-limits wood nymph, was punished to be in charge of Camp Half-Blood for 100 years, and be prohibited from wine during the period. He spends most of his time ignoring the campers, drinking diet coke, pretending he doesn't care about halfbloods at all, and playing pinochle with Chiron.
Thoughts? Parts of this chapter felt a little clunky for me, but it sets the stage for a lot of things that will be important in this arc and the following ones.
 
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