Dingdimension Sniptunia

[dingbat779]

The Blues



It was just an old American movie. Nothing special. Irina found it in a box in her dad's basement. He didn't watch movies much anymore but this one held a special place in his heart. When he saw what she found at the tender age of seven, a tear came to his eye. They sat down to watch it together and Irina felt like her whole world was changed in an instant. A world of music was opened to her. She felt the Call and it was beautiful.

She, like her father, was probably one of the only Protestant Southern Baptists in the world.

Getting Issei involved wasn't hard. The two were best friends and did everything together. If it was fun he was always interested. Irina and Issei received lessons from her father in how to play. It was as if a divine hand was guiding their hands, their hearts, and their words.

Either that or they were obscenely talented for their age.

The two friends took to playing in the park to the delight of onlookers. People would stop to watch or even dance along to the catchy music. Issei on vocals and guitar with Irina on saxophone. She could belt them out with Issei any day of the week but his skill on sax needed a lot of work. Her dad filled in for the drummer. Only one day was their performance interrupted and it was because of a weird guy with a breast fetish. Issei merely adjusted his shades while Irina deadpanned.

The day her father was transferred was the hardest. She remained stoic even as her eyes brimmed with tears. Issei merely gave her a single nod. The band would get back together someday. It was inevitable.

She was separated from Issei physically but they were together in spirit. Nothing would change that. When Irina met her new partner Xenovia it was like a new beginning. The message still longed to be spread and she was devoted to teaching. Her blue haired compatriot was a natural with a harmonica. She could express her soul through the deceptively simple instrument better than anyone Irina met. Xenovia liked the drums even if she was too enthusiastic. The power fighter could absolutely wreck a drum kit even if it did sound glorious.

They went on many successful missions together. Even if their combined collateral damage estimates would make the Dirty Pair blush in shame. The two had synergy. Strada insisted the two be kept together even though they were as explosive as a train full of nitroglycerin. However their ability to get the job done was highly regarded. So when four of the Excaliburs were stolen the Church knew who to call. Their destination was Kuoh.

As inevitable as the tides, Irina knew. It was time for the band to come together. Her heart beat fast as the glorious moment approached. Xenovia was looking forward to meeting Issei. At first the girl thought she was replacing him. The idea didn't sit well with her. Until Irina sat her down and explained that she wasn't replacing him. She was an individual and just as important in her heart as Issei. True bands could have more than two people after all. Since that day Xenovia was anxious about meeting him.

Kuoh hadn't changed a bit. Irina and Xenovia drew stares due to their unique manner of dress. The power striker kept Excalibur Destruction in a cello case. On her back. They were trying to remain inconspicuous after all. The duo made their way to the Hyoudou residence. Eager to see Issei and reunite the band. Auntie Hyoudou answered the door and froze. The kind woman looked baffled at what she was seeing before her expression cleared.

"Irina! It took me a moment but the shades were a dead giveaway," she smiled and embraced the younger girl. How many young girls ran around in a black suit, tie, sunglasses, and fedora?

"Hello, Auntie. Is Issei home?" Irina asked.

"Sorry dear, but he's out with his friend Asia right now. Please come in...My you both look so cute," Auntie looked Irina and Xenovia over fondly. The blue haired girl pulled her hat down quietly drawing an "awww" from the older woman. Once she made sure they were comfortably seated the Hyoudou matriarch went into the kitchen.

"Asia Argento. Excommunicated for healing a Devil," Xenovia murmured quietly.

"Ahhh...she had such a great voice. Amazing on the keys..." Irina lamented. Xenovia gripped her shoulder in silent support.

"Even if you forget the Blues it never forgets you. You taught me that," she said consolingly.

"Thank you, Xenovia. I needed that," Irina gave a brief smile of appreciation.

The afternoon was spent looking at Issei's baby pictures. Some of them even drawing a laugh from Xenovia. Irina smiled fondly at the picture of her and Issei standing together, dressed the same, and holding their instruments. The anticipation was starting to get to her. She couldn't be as stoic as her heroes. That wasn't her path. Xenovia was better as it was her path. The front door opened drawing her attention. He was home. Excalibur Mimic, used as a hat pin, pulsed to tell her Devils were nearby. Irina casually brushed the warning aside. Devil or not he was still Issei. The sword relented easily.

"Oh Issei! Look who it is. Irina is here and she brought her friend Xenovia," Auntie smiled at the figures standing in the doorway.

Issei had grown into a fine young man who filled out his suit nicely. He adjusted his tie with a roguish smirk. It was a smile that drove her wild, in many different ways. Standing beside him was Asia. Irina had to contain the squeal that threatened to escape. The small blonde girl was also dressed in a black suit and fedora. Issei managed to do what Irina and Xenovia hadn't. He brought the Blues to Asia in full. Mimic reminded her they were Devils. She reminded the sword that forgiveness was a virtue most holy.

"Surprised to see you here, but I knew who it was. Right here," Issei tapped his chest, right over his heart.

"H-hello Irina...Xenovia," Asia fidgeted cutely, fussing with her sunglasses.

"What brings you here?" Issei asked slyly.

This was the moment she was waiting for. Trust her old friend to give her the opening.

"We're on a mission from God," Irina and Xenovia adjusted their shades.



A room full of Devils and two Exorcists. Talk about a tough crowd. At least it would have been if they weren't already used to Issei's idiosyncrasies. Irina and Xenovia were dressed the same as Issei and Asia? Getting along? Might as well hear them out. Rias Gremory was more of a Japanophile than anything but she could appreciate the talent her Pawn and Bishop had. Irina adjusted her collar.

"You're here tracking the Excaliburs?" Rias asked mildly. Xenovia went full on stoic and arched an eyebrow.

"That's right. The trail of dead bodies leads right to your doorstep. We know the Devils aren't responsible. All we ask is for permission to search Kuoh," Irina said.

"Try not to set anything on fire," Rias sighed even as gave Issei a sidelong look.

"Sometimes fire is the answer," Issei shrugged.

"Tch...So the Church makes more demands..." Kiba scoffed and folded his arms. His entire demeanor radiated anger. The Blues could help him release that pain but he wasn't ready yet. Issei laid a hand on his soul brother's shoulder.

"What is your problem?" Xenovia asked without inflection.

"Oh sorry. I suppose you could call me your 'sempai,'" Kiba said mockingly.

Irina's eyes widened behind her shades. He was one of the victims of the Holy Sword Project. No wonder he was so angry. Xenovia picked up on what she did. The two came to an instant agreement.

"He comes with us," Irina pointed at Kiba. The blond Knight looked flummoxed at how his hostility was seemingly ignored.

"Ara...Are you sure?" Akeno, the bustiest woman in the room, looked startled.

"We'll take Issei, Asia, and Kiba," Irina said.

"If that is what you wish..." Rias started to acquiesce.

"Me too," Koneko, the white haired Rook, said.

"Just be careful. Please," Rias silently pleaded with her eyes for her Peerage to return safely.



The warehouse was conspicuous for being inconspicuous. There was no sign of activity outside even if their search lead them here. It was obviously a trap.

"How do you want to do this?" Issei asked, hands in his pockets.

"We go in and take what comes," Kiba started towards the warehouse only to get hauled back by Koneko.

"Plan," Koneko scolded him.

"There has to be something we can do to set it off safely..." Asia fretted.

"Safely spring a trap...Hey Irina? Remember Madrid?" Xenovia asked.

"How does that...Oh yeah I remember that," Irina grinned.

There was nothing even remotely sane in that grin.

What would have worried the onlookers was how the grin spread to Xenovia, Issei, and even Asia's faces.

Irina took it as a sign from God when she saw the 1974 Dodge Monaco Sedan. She placed the hat pin Mimic up to the car door. In a moment it turned into a perfectly sized key. Her and Xenovia didn't often talk about Madrid. It was how they discovered that in unscrupulous hands Excalibur Mimic was the world's best thief tool.

"Buckle up," Irina said as she hopped in the driver's seat. Issei grabbed shotgun while Koneko ended up wedged between Kiba and Xenovia. Asia hopped into Issei's lap in blatant defiance of traffic laws. It wouldn't be the first law broken that day.

"We're just going to drive in there?" Kiba demanded.

"Have Faith," Xenovia said.

Irina used Excalibur Mimic to fake an ignition key and started the car. Asia adjusted the radio. When the music came on it was like a sign from on high. As Irina gave it some gas Issei's Boosted Gear manifested. With a cry of [Boost!] the car surged forward towards the open warehouse doors.

"Holy shit!" Kiba yelped.

"Oh she caught the Katy…!" The black suit wearing quartet sang along with the radio.

The Fallen Exorcists thought they were ready for anything. No one is ever quite ready for a former police car to barrel through with people singing in the front seat. Freed stared stupidly as the car drove straight for him. He managed to dodge to the side only for the driver to perform a perfect bootlegger's turn and catch him in the hip. The madman hit the ground hard enough that his precious toys were spilled all over the ground.

"Wait wait wait!" Someone cried from inside the car. The back door burst open to disgorge Xenovia. She ran over and scooped up the scattered Excaliburs. Freed cursed vociferously as his busted hip kept him from acting. The blue haired Exorcist jumped back in the car before it sped off again.

For almost a solid minute no one was sure what to do. The ex-bishop managed to rally the troops and ordered them to give chase. Next door just happened to be a car warehouse. Soon the chase was on!



Kiba glanced over his shoulder at the line of cars chasing after them. Where did they find them all? There had to be at least thirty cars! He turned back around to a sight that was somehow even more insane. Issei's brand of insanity was apparently inherited from his friend. The holder of the Boosted Gear was always dependable whether it was song, dance, or kicking ass. He tried to get him involved in the "band" but it was a distraction he couldn't afford. Asia, as smitten with him as she was, converted instantly. She just seemed to get him in a way no one else did. Even Rias barely understood him even if they were good friends. Now Kiba was trapped in a car with people who were on Issei's wavelength and he didn't have a clue. Koneko held his hand comfortingly but it wasn't helping.

"What part of this makes any sense?" Kiba asked plaintively. What was so difficult? Hunt down and destroy some Holy Swords, gain catharsis, move on with his life. Now he was stuck in a car chase with Fallen Exorcists through the streets of Kuoh. The unmistakable sound of sirens cut over the din signaling the police were joining in on the fun.

Until Asia turned up the radio and drowned them out.

"We're on a mission from God!" Irina called out.

"We're making great time!" Issei assured him.

"Just have to lose the tail..." Xenovia, somehow, was heard over the racket.

"Is that a Fallen Angel?" Asia asked with far too much calm.

In the rear view mirror there was, indeed, a Fallen Angel. He had ten wings and long black hair dressed in clerical vestments. For some reason he decided to join the chase in broad daylight. Kiba drew his legs up to his chest in alarm. Koneko burrowed under his arm seeking comfort. The sight of his friends in such fear caused a change to come over Issei. He gave a single nod to Irina.

"Keep the car straight. I have work to do," Issei he climbed out through the passenger window and got on top of the car.

"What's he doing?" Kiba asked.

"Dunno," Irina shrugged.

"You don't know? I thought you guys understood each other!" Kiba exclaimed.

"We do. I might not know exactly what he's going to do but I have faith in him," Irina said.

"Issei won't fail!" Asia clenched her fists.

"Whatever it is he's doing, Issei-sempai will succeed," Xenovia nodded.

"I would say 'start praying' but I think we're past that point," Kiba smirked wryly.

Just then the feeling of draconic power washed over the car. Issei's purest feeling were always communicated through the 'harmony of his soul.' A grin started to make it's way across Kiba's face. Koneko smiled as hope returned. It was at that point red claws sunk into the roof of the car.

"Time for lift off!" Issei roared as the car left the ground.



Rias and Sona stared blankly at the sight. There on the news, captured by a news helicopter, was an old police car involved in a massive car chase. The pursuing cars were bizarre in an of themselves. Why was everyone driving a Mini Cooper? Where would you even find thirty Mini Coopers on short notice? At least the police cars made more sense. The chase was soon joined by a Fallen Angel. Both Kings bit their lips at seeing proof of the supernatural so blatantly on screen.

Oh and concern for the people in the car of course.

Rias facepalmed as Issei crawled onto the roof of the car. She held out some vague hope that it wasn't the seekers. A hope torpedoed by the sight of her Pawn. Defiantly he began to glow with the unmistakable light of Balance Breaker.

"Does the term 'subtlety' mean nothing to them?" Sona asked in resignation.

"This isn't even the strangest thing he and Asia have done. Do I need to remind you of Riser?" Rias asked dryly. Both Devils shivered at what happened to Riser. He would never look at a stop sign the same way again.

"Why does his Scale Mail have a fedora?" Sona deadpanned.

More of the mystery surrounding her Pawn.

The old friends watched as Balance Breaker Issei lifted the car off the ground and started flying away rapidly. Kokabiel of the Fallen gave chase into the sky. Just as it couldn't get any weirder the figure of the blue haired Exorcist could be seen climbing out of the back window. She managed to, against all laws of physics, stand straight with two large Holy Swords in hand. Her lips moved.

"Get me closer…I want to hit him with my swords..." Sona read her lips in disbelief.

The car did an about face before careening rapidly for the ascending Fallen. Their disbelief ratcheted up a notch as a red haze like Boost enveloped the Exorcist. She brought both swords together over her head. A blade of pure holy radiance shot out from between the two, joining them together. Kokabiel watched in stupefaction as the bizarre sight finally registered. It was at that point he took both swords, and the front end of a car, to the face.

It was probably the first time in history someone was run down by a car in midair.

"Alcohol...I need alcohol..." Rias mumbled. Akeno brought out a bottle of good scotch, a gift from her father for gaining her first territory. She cracked it open and took several deep pulls before the bottle was snatched away by Sona.

"Don't hog it all," Sona scolded before taking a deep pull herself.

"He's not getting up," Akeno noted.

The Fallen General was, indeed, not getting up. In fact he looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. His shame immortalized for all to see. It was at that point the car landed not far away and disgorged it's passengers. What were they doing? Why weren't they running?

When did Kiba and Koneko start wearing suits?



Irina stood at the ready. This was it. The final confrontation with the Fallen General Kokabiel. There would be no second chance to get this right. They had to defeat him here and now. She brought Excalibur Mimic, turned into a saxophone, to her lips.

Xenovia would never back down from a fight. The stakes were too high. It was time to show the world everything she learned. She brought Excalibur Destruction up like a guitar, strung with strings, and drew her pick.

Issei had been waiting for years to truly release his soul. Now that he was here, with his true companions, it was time to bring his spirit to the fore. He slid the microphone from his pocket. A single Boost turned it pure red with gold trim and a green gem on the end. His voice would be heard.

Asia was ready. She trained for this very moment beside Issei. The time was now. Twilight Healing manifested on her fingers. Her slender digits ran across the air making the sound of a keyboard. Her lessons in magic were paying off.

Koneko didn't know what was happening. There was a song inside yearning to be freed. She had a voice that was denied for too long. To give voice to her feelings she needed a proper instrument. Four oil drums and broken rebar for sticks would suffice for now. Issei smiled and gave it a Boost. The improvised drum kit turned red with gold trim and a black surface. Gold cymbals appeared. She spun the now black sticks between her fingers.

Kiba knew that it was the time of release. He couldn't let his feelings go unanswered any longer. The Knight bowed his head as he remembered fallen friends. From the sky a blue orb descended. His friends' love reached down and raised up Joshua's heart. He raised a hand to the sky as Sword Birth created a sword that fit his resolve. The sword looked like a microphone stand with a black 'blade' to balance. The blue gem transformed into a microphone and sat on the pommel.

The music started to play…

(Cue the Lyrics to "Soul Man")



The dream was alive and it was glorious. Kokabiel was cleansed of his evil ideals and joined the band on the triangle. No one had the heart to tell him otherwise. The performance was aired around the world going viral in just two hours. It was covered up as a publicity stunt to drum up interest in their musical tour.

And there was much rejoicing.

 

[Lovhes]

You... You absolute mad lad! I never knew you can mix a fanservice oriented shounen story with the goddamn blues Brothers of all thing!

This story will eventually ends with ophis and big red joining the band and ressurecting God somehow, won't it?
There's also probably some zombie/mind broken people dancing in there somewhere won't it?

 

[Dirtnap]

And there was much rejoicing.

Click to shrink...

 

[Judge Mental]

There's one small problem with the above story, and it revolves around which of the Blues Brothers Issei is supposed to be.

If he's playing the Elwood to Kiba's Jake, then there's no problem. But if it's the other way around, then that kind of implies that the Mystery Woman was Raynare.

And I categorically refuse to accept her as a stand-in for Carrie Fisher.

 

[dingbat779]

DLC Taylor 2



I ran the calculations again. Now I had to account for Harry's temporal mass as well. After some testing I realized that I grabbed a Child of Prophecy. A Protagonist of another story. No wonder the universe tried to hold onto him so tightly! He was still smaller than regulation sized for a first adventure. Barely even eight years old. I had three more years before his universe pulled him back whether I was ready or not. What I was going to do was set up a Jump Point between the Ultradimension and Harry's home dimension. Jump Points were my own personal creation with some help from MAGES. Essentially they were permanent landing pads that could be keyed to those I chose. The issue was that I had to make the journey first to place the point. Hence why I had to go back to Harry's dimension.

"Mom? Are you sure I have enough stuff?" Harry looked over his travel kit.

"Do you think you do?" I asked without looking up from my work.

"Probably...I should put some of this back..." He wandered off clanking with each step.

I turned to watch him go in bemusement. Why was he wearing a suit of child sized fullplate? The ridiculously oversized (and bulging) rucksack was strange too. Did he think we were going to have to survive in dragon infested wilderness? I made a final notation, half preoccupied by the latest mystery, before Harry returned.

My son and IF became very good friends in a short time. Aunt Iffy was always happy to tell Harry stories about 'the Demon Sealed in her right arm' and 'La Delphinus.' To be honest I expected him to gravitate to the more mystically inclined of our circle of friends but he favored the Chuuni path. Sometimes it felt like no time passed at all. I loved my power and hated it in equal measure. Jump was useful but it had an annoying habit of skipping what it saw as 'filler.' At least I got the memories.

Poor Harry thought he was going with me on this trip. I wanted to make this Jump without a passenger first. If I was right about the location then I would bring him over. Only mad scientists (and MAGES.) used untested methods on unsuspecting 'subjects.' I drew the line at subjecting my son to the whims of existence. He would have enough trouble with Fate and Prophecy in his own dimension. The thought saddened me. I had to finish this so that he could always count on me to be there. I might not be able to do everything for him but I would be damned if he was alone.

"H-help...me..."

What was that?

"It...it hurts..."

That voice...a child?

"P-please...Mommy...Daddy...Sissy..."

The broken sound was tearing me apart inside. Like the child had lost to will the live. I flashed back to my time in the Locker. Even now the memories had a way of creeping up on me. The very idea of someone, anyone, suffering like I did filled me with rage. I wouldn't even subject my worst enemy to that. Not out of some nebulous desire to hold the moral high ground. There are just some things you Do Not Do.

My power started to respond to the child's pleas. I scribbled out a quick note for Harry as Jump wasn't giving me much time. With a thought I summoned my full combat gear. The modified alchemical pistols hung heavy at my sides. I surrendered myself to the pull and vanished from the lab.

The room I appeared in was almost like a dark mirror to my lab. My lab was bright, clean, and orderly. This lab was still orderly but it wasn't nearly as bright. The darkness hung over everything like filth. I appeared in a brown/white circle a short distance from the crying child. There was a pit in the room where I could sense the one who called me. I crossed the room swiftly and almost instantly recoiled. The child was in the pit covered in crawling...things.

In a flash I was in the pit, lifting the child into my arms, and out again. A moment later the entire pit was filled with fire so hot it turned clear at the edges and white further down. At the heart it was bluish and pulsating with my fury.

"What have you done you foolish servant!? My research! Damn useless girl! Even when she does something right it's only a prelude to a screw up!" An angry old man railed.

"Uhhh...ahhh..." The child in my arms was slipping in and out of consciousness. I cast a scan spell to determine just how much damage she took. The results came back and I had to fight not to vomit. I thanked the Goddesses that Harry didn't remember the night he held a shard of pure Evil. She would not be so lucky. Not without extensive memory modification and therapy.

"Are you even listening to me!? Put out that fire right now!" The old man didn't realize I couldn't care less about his problems. It was then that the child in my arms started to writhe and scream in pain.

"What did you do to her!?" I demanded angrily.

"If you do not stop the fire right now I will continue to hurt your Master. Do you understand now you stupid Servant?" He demanded coldly.

The capitalizations made their way through the haze of rage. One of us was making assumptions. I sensed a connection to the child (Sakura) who was apparently my Master (yes). The weird voice reinforcing the statements couldn't compel me (Grrr…) but I was listening for now. First thing I had to do was end her suffering. The worms were too far inside of her for a purge. Anything I could use was either for physical trauma or spiritual damage. The worms were apparently connected to her soul while burrowed in her body.

I was breaking one of my rules but this was serious.

Without hesitation I popped the cork on a vial of my formula and poured it down her throat.

"What are you doing…? The worms...I can't feel the worms any longer!" He seemed especially distressed now.

"Ahhh..." Sakura slumped against me in pure relief. The alchemical formula breaking down all foreign matter and expelling it from the body while repairing the trauma. I just condemned her to eternal childhood in exchange for repairing the harm to her spirit.

"Why aren't you saying anything!? How are you going to explain yourself!? Why aren't you stopping the flames!?" The old man was working himself into a frenzy. I looked to the Pit which was steadily melting inward. Flames were starting to consume the stone itself. The substance turned to dripping taffy as the ceiling started to sag downward.

"Your wards are actually well done. The Flames of the Demon Lord are hot enough to melt steel in mere seconds," I mused appreciatively.

"That is all you have to say?" He thundered. The loud noise woke Sakura who instinctively flinched back from the sound. I gently turned her head towards my shoulder and patted her hair softly.

"Don't look sweetheart. Mama Taylor is going to make everything all better..." I crooned softly. Even if that voice called me Caster I was still Taylor. Sakura put her arms around my neck trustingly. Good girl. I drew my pistol, flicked a switch, and pulled the trigger.

"Wh-!" He didn't even get to finish as my Mass Drive round ripped straight through him. Hyper gravity instantly dragged the shattered remains into a miniature gravity well. It was a devilish bit of mathematics to make it work but the results were worth the time. The entire corner of the room was simply gone as the gravitic anomaly winked out.

Sakura was still in shock. I wouldn't be able to get answers from her. The flames really were getting too hot to deal with so I left the house. A wild eyed man sprinted past in a drunken haze. He didn't seem to notice anything except his own need to flee. The house groaned as the fire down below continued to melt and devour the basement.

The fire department was coming. I heard the sirens down the block as we exited the house. The fire would run out of mana soon and quickly devolve into normal fire. Sakura buried her face in my chest. The poor girl needed somewhere to rest. I attempted to Jump only for two forces to seize me fast. A third force tried but it was the one I was already ignoring. The two forces were much stronger and felt connected to this reality.

Lovely. A needy, graspy, universal force a thousand times worse than Harry's.

"Miss…? Where are we going?" Sakura asked softly in Japanese. A language I suddenly knew instinctively. Did I Jump the language barrier? How conceptual was this bullshit?

"We're going away from the scene of an arson, dear," I told her. She must have seen it over my shoulder because a little gasp escaped her.

"Oh wow..." She said in the same tone as a child gazing upon a decorated Christmas Tree. The encapsulation of all childhood wonder.

"Fuyuki City? I am in Japan but not my world," I sighed. The information flowing into my mind explained the details I missed. Apparently we were in the middle of The Holy Grail War. The Fourth convened in Fuyuki since its inception. I was one of seven 'Servants' summoned to fight for a 'Wish.' My Master was Sakura. The Class I was summoned under was Caster. Though the Grail helpfully informed me that a Caster was already summoned.

How the Hell did I break this thing just by arriving?

More importantly the other Servants would be looking for me soon. After all this war was some stupid Highlander crap of 'There can be only one.' My Master, Sakura, was in danger. She would be considered the weakest link. I almost stumbled. Wait a minute. I gave her an elixir of immortality. Okay that made things a little easier but only slightly. Immortal didn't mean we couldn't feel pain.

"Ah...Miss...What about Uncle Kariya?" Sakura asked.

"I can leave you with him if you like..." I wanted to meet him. What kind of person allowed their niece to suffer like that? She rapidly shook her head.

"No! Uncle Kariya!" She pointed to something over my shoulder.

I drew my gun and spun quickly, the blade affixed to my weapon grinding against another blade. Sakura managed to warn me a half second before a black armored figure speared me through. He was a hulking person in black armor with red glyphs and black smoke wafting out. In his hand was a black sword that was probably beautiful once, but was now warped by madness. Berserker was here and clearly unhappy.

"Put her down!" A ragged voice cried.

"Stop attacking me! I'm her Servant, Caster!" I tried reasoning with him.

"No! I don't believe you! You're one of them! Filthy monsters using innocent children as hostages!" Kariya looked as mad as his Servant.

"Uncle Kariya stop! I did summon her!" Sakura cried.

"Raaaaagh!" Berserker roared angrily as he brought his sword around to cleave me in two. The angle of attack would destroy my legs and leave Sakura unharmed. How considerate of the monstrous Servant. I blurred away from the strike.

"I'm going to put you down near him. Once he has you I can try and talk him down," I said hastily to Sakura even as I stayed one step ahead of Berserker.

"O-okay Miss Caster!" Sakura nodded her head quickly.

I blurred over to Kariya and set Sakura down. Then quickly fled before Berserker caught up to me. If I wasn't restricted then taking out the berserk idiot would be child's play. I had another Mass Drive round. Kariya held a conversation with the child, and looked at her hand for a time, before calling off the rampaging death machine.

"Sorry..." He said hoarsely through a throat choked by tears. The nearly broken man stroked his niece's hair tenderly as he held her close.

"Oh I understand. If I saw my niece in the arms of a strange woman, and her home burning down, I would be suspicious too," I waved it off with a cheerful smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. He winced as the meaning behind that stare became clear.

"Zouken promised to free her if I won the Grail for him. I couldn't save her otherwise," he said miserably.

"You still tried," I forgave him. Sakura brightened up immediately.

"Where are we going now?" Sakura asked excitedly. Her uncle looked surprised that she was so perky. I would have to explain what happened but there would be time for that later.

"Well...We need someplace to hold off the other Servants until the end of the war," Kariya decided.

"Where would that be?" I asked.

"Ryuudou Temple. The entire area is warded save for the stairs leading into the temple. Spiritual beings, like Servants, would have only a single entry point. The only issue is the monks who live there..." Kariya trailed off.

"I can put them to sleep for the duration and ward the entrance. Forcing them through a choke point is better than standing around out in the open," I said.

Making our way to the temple was disturbingly easy. Did I muddy the waters so badly that no one could act? It seemed too good to be true. A few gas bombs were all we needed to put the monks to sleep. There wasn't much time before the others made their move. According to Kariya it was imperative to keep any Servant/Master from taking the temple. I set up a reactive barrier that would only activate when an enemy approached. Let them think it was still perfectly safe.

"I heard the Magus Killer is involved in the war as well," Kariya said.

"The Magus Killer?" I asked.

"Over...around..." Sakura was kneeling on the ground with Berserker. The large Servant was learning how to make a cat's cradle apparently. I snapped a quick picture as Kariya continued to talk.

"He uses mundane means to kill and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty," Kariya said.

"Good thing I have anti-personnel defenses. I want you take these traps and set them up..." I handed him a bag full of my patented traps. Wardstones, Lightning Bombs, Cryo Spheres, Erupting Mines, and Shrapnel Launchers.

Wardstones were fairly simple. All they did was lower the effectiveness of magic. For each layered field it lowered the effectiveness further. Since they were instant traps it wasn't quite as good as a solid ward. Lightning Bombs drew ionized particles in the air violently to the trap's center. The entire area would become an instant field of death with the same wattage as a bolt of lightning. Cryo Spheres instantly removed the heat from the air, lowering the temperature drastically, before releasing the stored energy in a flash of killing frost. Erupting Mines were the same as Cryo Spheres except in reverse. Shrapnel Launchers were claymore mines if a demented Tinker got a hold of them. Individually each one was a deadly threat. Together? Ah but together they had synergy.

Storm of Vengeance. The ultimate culmination of setting off the traps together overlapped their effects in a terrible chain reaction. Servants might shrug off the individual effects but even they would feel the pinch with all of them acting in concert. Humans might as well forget any hope of survival.

In just an hour I had the Temple set to withstand a siege. Popping a few smoke bombs would obscure visibility as the grayish mist hung in the air in defiance of wind.

"You're like no Caster I ever heard of..." Kariya was still surprised at how fast everything came together.

"I'm used to fighting outside of my weight class," I smiled wryly.

"Are we safe here, Miss Caster?" Sakura asked. I knelt down to eye level and ruffled her hair.

"We sure are. Just remember your part," I reminded her gently.

"If an enemy gets through I use a Command Spell," Sakura said dutifully.

"And what are you asking for?" I asked.

"You want me to 'fill your EXE Drive until the enemies are gone,'" she repeated.

The kind of havoc I can cause with just my prepared materials sometimes horrifies me. What my EXE Drives can accomplish? I once went toe to toe with all five CPUs and won. It was a Coliseum match but they were still nearly as strong as the originals. I wasn't too worried about our chances.

I felt the first Servant approach. It was showtime.

Fuyuki City would hopefully remember the events of that night as a spontaneous fireworks display. Lancer's legendary (bad) luck kicked in as he stepped on a Shrapnel Launcher after being afflicted by several Wardstones. The explosion signaled his end. Assassin died ignobly to the chain reaction set off by activating the Shrapnel Launcher. Dead by accident. I held Sakura securely in my arms as Berserker took up a visible defense position at the head of the stairs. Saber charged straight up the center only to rebound sharply off of the glittering gold reactive barrier. Her magic resistance was high enough to ignore the barrier if she was prepared. When the other traps started going off further down the hill I let out a breath of relief. She wouldn't be killed by it but definitely inconvenienced. Berserker suddenly threw a rock into the bushes. A brief cry of pain signaled Caster's embarrassing end.

Hours passed as the Servants attacked. Saber was a recurring foe as she continued to try and get through the barrier. Each time more of it's radiance was lost. That wasn't what bothered me. What was bothering me was just why it was holding for so long. The barrier should have fallen hours ago.

"Of course...The Leylines...I'm an idiot! The traps will keep replenishing from the Leylines. Except the Shrapnel Launchers," I shrugged.

"Why?" Kariya asked.

"They're purely mechanical traps. The rest use ambient mana to replenish themselves," I said.

Another round of lightning, fire, and ice swept across the field. Another Servant died. Assassin again? How many were there? Maybe if I knew their name it would help but what did it matter? The weakest Servant in the Grail War was relegated to Kenny from South Park. Heh. I'll call him Kenny from now on.

"What's that Miss Caster?" Sakura pointed to the sky. I lowered my goggles and used enhanced magnification.

Was that some kind of golden starship? It was so golden and fabulous Dio Brando would steal it in an instant. The figure sitting on the clearly visible throne was blinged out in gold armor with spiky hair. Spiky hair, pimped out armor, and a golden spaceship? Probably the strongest guy in the whole Grail War.

"That's Archer! He's Gilgamesh!" Kariya exclaimed in sudden fear. Gilgamesh? From the tales of Babylon? That's a name I knew. Thank you Mom for being a literature teacher. I took several strides towards Berserker and slapped both guns in his hands. I clicked them both to Mass Drive.

"Kariya! Order Berserker to blow that thing out of the sky!" I called back even as my weapons started to twist and shift organically. Soon Berserker was holding a pair of large cannons with four blades around each barrel.

"Berserker! Full power! Shoot him down!" Kariya's hand flashed as one of his Command Spells vanished.

"Grrrrrraaaaaaaaagh!" Berserker aimed the cannons at the flying vessel and pulled the trigger. Twin spheres of midnight blue annihilation screamed through the night. Black lightning formed over each sphere and arced between the two creating a pitch dark void in the center.

Gilgamesh looked absolutely stunned as the fast moving anomaly tore through his ship in moments. The stunned look didn't even leave his face as he was violently compressed by warping pressures. A shattering electrical explosion split the night. Kariya's jaw dropped as Sakura fell on her rear. Even Berserker was eyeing the guns in his hands with some trepidation.

"Now that was satisfying," I sighed. My inner demolitionist was fully sated.

Saber froze at the top step of the temple as Berserker pointed both guns at her. She brought up her sword only for a twin reports to echo in the night. My pistols, augmented by Berserker, made absolute mincemeat out of the shining knight's defenses.

A fierce howling tore through me.

Words...incomprehensible...furious...hammered at my mind…

I started to flicker as if Jump was trying to activate.

Berserker pointed one of my guns at his head and pulled the trigger.

The howl rose into a shriek.

"Miss Caster…!" I felt Sakura crash into my legs...

...just as the universe kicked me out.

I landed in my lab, pistols missing, and a child on my chest. The world slowly spun into focus as the sudden transport left me dazed. A small figure wearing, inexplicably, a knight's helm leaned over us.

"You left without me mom. At least you brought me a sister," Harry looked Sakura over with interest. The brunette waved at him in bemusement.

Right. That's what got his attention.

Were all my trips going to involve souvenirs?

 

[Reinholdt]

Were all my trips going to involve souvenirs?

Click to shrink...

Children. Something to remember your inter-dimensional travels by.

 

[Jack of Olives]

I took several strides towards Berserker and slapped both guns in his hands. I clicked them both to Mass Drive.

"Kariya! Order Berserker to blow that thing out of the sky!" I called back even as my weapons started to twist and shift organically. Soon Berserker was holding a pair of large cannons with four blades around each barrel.

Click to shrink...

This plan has the Takamachi Nanoha Seal of ApprovalTM​.

Were all my trips going to involve souvenirs?

Click to shrink...

If it makes you feel any better, Taylor: most of Neptune's trips involve her falling from the sky.

 

[Lovhes]

uh, so what exactly happen at the end of that grail war? impromptu grail asking for all servant to die? alaya/gaia/other-stronk-thingy realizing something is wrong?

also, silly taylor, little kids aren't souvenirs! they're pets investment for future! also for hugging!
also a plot device!

okay, so what other story can taylor mis-jump and adopt new kids?

 

[Hunter 1]

uh, so what exactly happen at the end of that grail war? impromptu grail asking for all servant to die? alaya/gaia/other-stronk-thingy realizing something is wrong?

also, silly taylor, little kids aren't souvenirs! they're pets investment for future! also for hugging!
also a plot device!

okay, so what other story can taylor mis-jump and adopt new kids?

Click to shrink...

Well... I heard there are a lot of orphans on a ship called the Zariman Ten-Zero, and the people who ended up taking care of those kids... let's just say most of them shouldn't be trusted to look after another living being (or AI, for that matter), and of the two I would trust, one tried to turn the kids into child soldiers, and the other, well... She's the Lotus. I don't think I need to explain what she's doing with the kids?

 

[Dirtnap]

I don't think I need to explain what she's doing with the kids?

Click to shrink...

You leave space mom alone, she did the best she could.

 

[Hunter 1]

You leave space mom alone, she did the best she could.

Click to shrink...

Oh, I won't argue that, but... she's still acting as mission control for a bunch of superpowered child soldiers. Not exactly the sort of thing most of the multiverse looks kindly upon.

(Admittedly, she could have just stayed Natah and fulfilled her final objective instead of becoming the Lotus, but I'm pretty sure that would qualify as a BAD END. Yes, the emphasis is needed for that, given what said objective was.)

 

[PAGDTenno]

The problem is without the Tenno, the Sentients are going to murderize the inhabitants of the Origin system.

 

[SzmteX]

I liked gehaburn most

 

[Dirtnap]

Oh, I won't argue that, but... she's still acting as mission control for a bunch of superpowered child soldiers. Not exactly the sort of thing most of the multiverse looks kindly upon.

Click to shrink...

Yeah but it ain't like DLC Taylor wouldn't be able to figure out what was going on with a little bit of looking around in a grineer database or in the Orbiter.

 

[Hunter 1]

Yeah but it ain't like DLC Taylor wouldn't be able to figure out what was going on with a little bit of looking around in a grineer database or in the Orbiter.

Click to shrink...

The sad thing is, that's true. The sadder thing? The Origin System, circa the timeframe of the game, is still better than when it was under Orokin control...

Although, there is one Tenno that wasn't watched over or put in cryosleep with the rest... Rell, who honestly could use someone to watch out for him (and the way things seem to be going, Taylor would be good at that). Although, without him there, what would happen with the Man in the Wall...?

 

[Tekail]

The sad thing is, that's true. The sadder thing? The Origin System, circa the timeframe of the game, is still better than when it was under Orokin control...

Although, there is one Tenno that wasn't watched over or put in cryosleep with the rest... Rell, who honestly could use someone to watch out for him (and the way things seem to be going, Taylor would be good at that). Although, without him there, what would happen with the Man in the Wall...?

Click to shrink...

Considering the Man in the Wall is theorized to be the void Rell would take him along wherever Rell goes no matter the distance since the Void is likened to exist outside of any theoretical boundaries like time and space.

 

[PAGDTenno]

Considering the Man in the Wall is theorized to be the void Rell would take him along wherever Rell goes no matter the distance since the Void is likened to exist outside of any theoretical boundaries like time and space.

Click to shrink...

It wouldn't surprise me if the Void is everywhere and nowhere, within the boundaries of time and space and outside them just to be contradictory and eldritch like that.

 

[dingbat779]

Feeling Loopy 5



Issei felt like banging his head on something. How was he supposed to know fighting even one of Trihexa's heads would count as fighting the whole thing? Kohryu wasn't angry with him, even though he should be, as thanks to Issei the Expansion failed. Lilith was knocked offline and would have to be reacquired. They still didn't know what happened to the third pillar!

"Stupid hot blooded protagonist bullshit!" Issei roared to the uncaring sky.

He trudged through the park wearily. Did he break his reality so thoroughly that not even Raynare was here? Issei woke up under a bench of all things. His pocket was still intact so there was that. Ddraig left him to his thoughts. It was as he started to leave the park that his partner spoke up.

{Hey kid? Check out the fountain.} Ddraig sounded disturbed.

After that last Fused Loop with Eiken, Excel Saga, and Tengen Toppen Gurren Lagann there wasn't much that could disturb them.

Okay, so maybe that was his punishment for crashing reality.

Over by the fountain was a girl with long brown hair, a nice figure, and bright green eyes. She was staring at the bombshell figure of Raynare with fear and betrayal. Did he end up somehow in a Variant Loop with his own reverse gender self?



"I never wanted to be your friend. Why would I do a stupid thing like that? You're not worth much, even for a human," Raynare smirked.

"I...I...I trusted you...Why?" The girl trembled as her eyes welled up with tears.

"Because it's fun to take someone's hopes and twist them to despair. Could you do me one last favor? Die for me," Raynare thrust the spear of light forward. The girl's eyes showed no signs of life. Her despair was so great she was already an empty shell.

Raynare's shock was complete as her spear shattered on an onyx breastplate. She stared at the armored figure before her in disbelief. Pulsing red orbs made up the eyes glaring out from behind a gold visor. The dragon themed armor sent a thrill of atavistic dread through the Fallen.

"Who are you?" She demanded as anger lent her courage.

The figure before her slowly brought his right up, palm to the sky and fingers held like a claw. His left arm was slowly drawn down to his waist. He went through a flurry of arm movements. The gesture was meant to intimidate her as the person demonstrated their mastery of martial arts. She would never admit it to anyone but it was working.

"You may call me Kamen Rider Onyx. The Black Dragon of Justice," Onyx snarled.



{Didn't think you would ever get a chance to use the Advent Deck.} Ddraig said.

Issei didn't answer. Right now he was Onyx. The Black Dragon wasn't evil but he had opinions on right and wrong. What Raynare did was wrong on all levels. Destroying someone's hopes and dreams just because they could? He felt his anger swell and merge with the armor. Onyx's eyes glowed like fiery coals.

"For your crimes...Time to get Vented!" Onyx shouted as he rushed the Fallen. Raynare tried to escape into the air but he was just too fast. A blisteringly fast series of strikes forced her immediately on the defensive. A right claw hand struck her shoulder, dislocating her arm. His left fist shot forward and rocked her head back.

"Guh! W-what...ahhhhHHHH!" Raynare screamed as he seized her dislocated arm and twisted it behind her back. He placed a hand against the back of her head before riding the Fallen to the ground. The force of the sudden descent smashed her face off the pavement. Her lip split on impact.

"You think it's fun to torment people? Maybe I should give it a try!" Onyx snarled. He brought his knee up before bringing it down into her spine. The pavement cracked as Raynare screamed.

"P-please...m-mercy...mercy..." Raynare blubbered.

Onyx stood up, dragging Raynare to her feet by her hair, before giving the Fallen a light shove. The battered Fallen was probably cursing her resilience as she couldn't just pass out from pain. She staggered around while trying to turn towards her assailant. Almost casually he removed a card from the technological buckle at his waist. It looked like a black deck with a gold dragon emblem. He showed her the card stenciled with a black dragon on the face.

"Time for you to go. Final Vent!" Onyx held up the Black Dragon Blaster. He slipped the card into the reader and closed the face. A vast well of power rose up as he backflipped into the air. From out of nowhere a technological black Eastern dragon appeared, winding around his body, as he came to a stop in midair. The dragon let out a terrible roar as he joined with the Rider's leg as Onyx assumed the classic Rider Kick pose.

"Wait...NO!" Raynare screamed as the descending kick took her in the chest. She was picked up off her feet by the force of the blow and sent hurtling through the air, trailing black flames. The Fallen's screams of pain cut off as she vanished into a dimensional rift obscured by the fire. Luckily for her the fire was put out. Unluckily for her she was now trapped in a dimensional prison with no hope of release. At least not until the Loop ended.

Onyx heaved a sigh as he slowly came down from the rush. Kamen Rider Dragon Knight was an American version of Kamen Rider Ryuuki. He liked the American version better as it had a happy ending. Getting the Onyx Advent Deck was a stroke of luck. The issue was how Dragblacker synchronized so well with his own Draconic spirit. The Black Dragon was not a nice dragon even if he wasn't evil.

{Issei...Rias is here.} Ddraig warned.

He turned slowly to the familiar redhead standing beside the female him. The girl was staring at him with sparkles in her eyes. Where there was once despair was now hope, excitement, and determination. Rias was staring at him with a similar degree of hero worship. Issei chuckled inwardly while outwardly giving nothing away. He couldn't break character now.

"Oh my gosh a real live Kamen Rider! They do exist! Can I be like him, Rias-sempai?" The girl bounced excitedly.

"With enough training, certainly Tsubasa-chan. Thank you, Rider-san. You are a true hero," Rias smiled.

A whimsical idea struck him. Issei fished around in his pocket, masked by putting his hand behind his back, and pulled out an Advent Deck similar to his own, only red. Tsubasa eyed the Deck with laser-like intensity. He tossed it to her.

"Train hard, little dragon. Be the Dragon Knight this world needs," Onyx said. He gave a brief nod to Rias before turning and walking away. In a flash of light he manifested the Dragshredder before riding away at full speed. Ddraig laughed hysterically at what he just did.

{What's your plan for this Loop?} Ddraig asked.

{I'm thinking I play the mysterious mentor and give other worthy heroes Advent Decks. I have a few Henshin Rods from that trip through Sailor Moon…}

{You looked good in a fuku.} Ddraig snickered.

{I was somehow still a guy and the reincarnation of Venus. Usagi laughed herself sick. I still have the Henshin Rods I picked up from there. Hmmm...I got a few other transformation items knocking around in my pocket…} Issei mused as he inventoried everything. The idea of giving Irina the Sword of Protection made him smile.

She-Ra Princess of Power anyone?

Now who was he going to find that would fit the original Power Rangers?

The only thing Issei found annoying about this Loop was how it actually reached a conclusion. Tsubasa, Kamen Rider Dragon Knight, combined it with Juggernaut Drive and Queen Form, to Vent Rizevim Lucifer. Trihexa wasn't released, the Khaos Brigade fell apart as every magical girl/sentai team in the world stormed their bases, and she ended up married to Kiba. The blond Knight being given the Advent Deck for Wing Knight and taking over Issei's position of Harem Protagonist.
It was such a nice Loop that Issei decided it would have to happen again sometime.

He Awoke next with a payphone to his ear repeating that all phones were out of service. Issei very slowly put the phone down and turned towards the water. The Fourth Angel shambled forward as Japan's best couldn't even get through it's AT Field. He let out a sigh and triggered Balance Breaker.

{I am not becoming Tang!} Ddraig declared.

"Never Tang!" Issei's weird battle cry echoed over the city as the conflict was joined.

A naked blue haired girl facepalmed in the distance.

 

[korat56]

A naked blue haired girl facepalmed in the distance.

Click to shrink...

Rei must be the butt of so many tang jokes from the loopers she is sick of them.

 

[Faraway-R]

The only thing Issei found annoying about this Loop was how it actually reached a conclusion. Tsubasa, Kamen Rider Dragon Knight, combined it with Juggernaut Drive and Queen Form, to Vent Rizevim Lucifer. Trihexa wasn't released, the Khaos Brigade fell apart as every magical girl/sentai team in the world stormed their bases, and she ended up married to Kiba. The blond Knight being given the Advent Deck for Wing Knight and taking over Issei's position of Harem Protagonist.
It was such a nice Loop that Issei decided it would have to happen again sometime.

Click to shrink...

The greatest story... Never told. /notactuallydistraught

 

[Lovhes]

Tang! the greatest orange liquid ever!
Tang!
wait, why is rei naked? no, really, why is she naked?

 

[Hunter 1]

The Fourth Angel shambled forward as Japan's best couldn't even get through it's AT Field.

Click to shrink...

Um, Ding, unless you're messing with the timeline here, the Angel from the first two episodes is the Third Angel, not the Fourth.

 

[Dirtnap]

Um, Ding, unless you're messing with the timeline here, the Angel from the first two episodes is the Third Angel, not the Fourth.

Click to shrink...

R E B U I L D

Sachiel is the 4th not the 3rd. Which means a few things: After Ramiel, things go really pear shaped. Mari Makinami is around. We get Asuka Langley Shikinami (German Airforce Lt, nacht) instead of regular Asuka. If we make it to 3.33 then wew lad.

 

[dingbat779]

Feeling Loopy 6



Raynare didn't usually Loop without Issei. He was her 'Master' after all. The Familiar Bond was enough to let him take her wherever he went. Except this last time after reality cracked. She could still feel her connection to him, somewhere off in infinity, but it wasn't the same. Georgina was lost somewhere else as well. Saber didn't have as much time with Issei as she did. She hoped her kouhai was fine in whatever weird portion of reality she landed in.

The Fallen honestly wished she was somewhere else.

"Team Seven is Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Kuroihane Uzumaki. Your Jonin Teacher is Kakashi Hatake," Iruka Umino read from the scroll in his hand.

She sent out a Ping to see if anyone else was Awake. Two pings came back. A barely concealed sigh of relief escaped her. Trying to play the part of Kuroihane Uzumaki would get tiring without someone to talk to. Her memories finally synced up. She was the number one prankster in Konoha. Dead last in her class because her chakra nature was weird. It was dense and plentiful like all Uzumaki, as the old man assured her, but she had an unusual affinity for Light. The universe was clearly fucking with her.

To pass the exam she needed to demonstrate three jutsu, or techniques, for molding chakra. She knew the Kawarimi, Henge, and learned the secret jutsu Kage Bunshin. Amusingly enough her nature turned 'Shadow Clones' into really nasty flash bangs when popped. The only reason she knew a forbidden jutsu was because of Mizuki-teme convincing her to steal the Forbidden Scroll. Too bad she only Awoke now or she might have slipped it in her pocket. Missed opportunities.

Why was she hated and feared by the village? Apparently the Kyuubi no Kitsune took one look at her, laughed, and gamboled out of Konoha. Coincidentally demolishing everything in his path without killing a single person. The villagers concluded that she somehow holds dominion over the beast and is biding her time before unleashing him. Were they really that stupid? If she did hold dominion over him then why were they provoking her? Morons!

When it was just Team Seven remaining she relaxed a little more. Her clothing consisted of a dark purple hoodie, dark pants, black sandals, and purple stockings. Why was she wearing sandals and stockings like a fashion blind idiot? The blue band on her hitai-ate clashed with the dark colors, but it was a gift from Iruka-sensei. Aside from the old man (Hokage of the village), he was the only one to treat her like a person.

"You Awake yet?" Sakura asked. Her pink haired teammate smiled encouragingly.

"Yeah...I just Woke up," Raynare smiled back.

"Good. How much do you know?" Sasuke joined them.

Raynare told them what Ranma, Naruto, and Harry already explained. By the end the pair of experienced Loopers looked relieved.

"Okay, we don't need to explain anything. At least nothing major. We do have a rule where a newcomer has to do the Loop as a baseline run. Well, as close to baseline as they can manage," Sasuke explained.

"No out of universe powers, right?" Raynare asked.

"That's right. Your power set is still influencing things here. I take it Light is integral to your being," Sakura said.

"In my home universe I'm a Fallen Angel. If I didn't have Light it would be like part of my soul was torn out," Raynare said. Sakura and Sasuke looked at one another.

"Well that explains a few things. It's not like you can choose to not be a Fallen Angel then," Sasuke realized.

"I can keep from flying, and stick to jutsu, but I might slip and use my other powers," Raynare said.

"Don't worry too much about it. How much do you know about the universe?" Sakura asked.

"Nothing. I don't know anything beyond what I've already experienced and my Loop memories," Raynare replied.

"Then doing a baseline run would be easier," Sasuke smirked.

The bell test was a bust. Sasuke and Sakura hid without explaining what the goal actually was. Raynare, or Kuroihane, took it seriously and did as Kakashi said. He said come at him as if they were going to kill him. By the time the bell rang the entire field was devastated. There were patches of smoldering grass, toppled trees, and a Jonin instructor extra crispy. He was alive but it was a very near thing. Due to the lack of instructor the Hokage was forced to assign a new teacher. Anko Mitarashi.

Truly there was no God.

Later that night, on top of the Hokage monument, Team Seven gathered.

"So much for a baseline run," Sasuke shrugged.

"You didn't tell me what the point of the test was. I went at him with intent to kill," Raynare complained.

"It was a test on our teamwork. Yeah we wanted to screw with you, but we didn't think you could actually hurt Kakashi-sensei," Sakura shook her head wonderingly.

"I'm capable of generating clones that act like exploding flashbangs. My martial arts skills come from training with Ryuzanpaku. You said no outside powers not outside martial arts knowledge," Raynare deadpanned.

"She's not wrong. So now we have a snake loving sadist for a teacher in this Loop. This can only end in fire," Sasuke nodded sagely.

"An optimal result," Sakura nodded agreeably.

Raynare had the uncomfortable feeling her teammates were insane.

Before the end of the Loop she would know the truth.

They were, very definitely, insane.

Horny too. Insane and horny. Raynare knew what horny was like. This was her longest dry spell ever. Not enough to hook up with crazy though. Even if it was just for one Loop. She was not that desperate.



Issei Woke up in front of Raynare once again. The Fallen had an unreadable expression on her face. He sent out a Ping and got one back. This was his Raynare. Why was she staring at him like that though?
"Issei?" Raynare asked tensely.

"Yes?" He asked hesitantly.

With a wild cry the Fallen tackled him so hard his shoes flew off.

Soon other articles of clothing were flying off as well.

Issei had no idea what happened in her last Loop but he wasn't complaining. Not at all.



St. Georgina the Dragon Slayer faced her toughest opponent yet. She had bested dragons, demons, and various supernatural entities by the score. There was nothing she was afraid of as her will was pure. Her vast wealth of experience with the strange prepared her for many things.

They did not prepare her for this.

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" The man asked.

The valiant knight facepalmed. This was going to be a long Loop.



King Arthur stood heroically...ahem.

King Arthur crouched heroically behind the rocky outcropping. His knights peered out from behind the boulder towards the mouth of a cave. None wished to approach. He glanced at the new guy (girl?) this Loop.

"Sir...Ahem. Lady Georgina? Do you mind terribly exploring that dark, and possibly perfectly harmless, cave?" He gestured grandly.

Georgina deadpanned at her 'valiant' king. Did he truly have to do this? She did watch Monty Python with Issei and Raynare. The Dragon Slayer stood and strode towards the cave mouth. She was aware of the knights leaning out from behind the safety of the boulder.

From within the cave a terrible beast stirred. Drawn from it's slumber by the smell of prey. It hopped forth from the darkness to brace the foolish challenger. White fur shone as sharp fangs gleamed. A single twitch of it's cute pink nose made the hardest of hearts quail in fear. The Rabbit of Caerbanogg eyed Georgina.

"Come then you hellish thing..." Georgina slowly drew the fabled sword Ascalon from its sheath. She gathered a bit of prana into the blade causing it shine with holy fire. The beast approached undeterred.

The knights leaned forward anxiously. One even had the temerity to pass around popcorn.

"Dinner time!" She cried, and with a swift turn, turned the boulder into pebbles.

"Ha…!?" The knights reeled back in alarm.

"Hrrr…?" The rabbit sniffed the air.
"AGGGGGHHHHH!" The brave brave knights, lead by the brave brave Sir Robin, ran away away away…

...with the Beast of Hell in hot pursuit.

"Lawful Good Paladin does NOT mean Lawful Stupid. Suppose I should save them..." Georgina heard screaming off in the distance.

She pondered that a moment.

"...In a few minutes."

So what if she took a hit to her alignment? Sometimes a good prank was worth it.



Issei Woke to see Georgina standing across from him. Saber looked a tad unusual in Raynare's usual outfit (except in green), but really filled it out nicely. Six black wings spread behind her. Issei took a step back at the look in his knight's eyes.

"Issei?" Georgina asked tensely.

"Y-yes…?" Issei asked tentatively.

With a wild cry the Fallen tackled him so hard his shoes flew off.

Soon other articles of clothing were flying off as well.

Once again, he had no idea what happened, but he wasn't fool enough to ask.



Kohryu eyed the log from the Monty Python loops.
"What is it about their Loops that cause mass corruption of whoever enters?" He asked. The Dragon at the Center of Creation was currently dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans. A rather busty person pressed their chest against the back of his head. He didn't immediately look up.

"What can I say? I like my humor a little raunchy," a seductive voice said.

"Is that how you explain Merlin, Nimue?" He asked.

"What can I say? Merlin was my best project to date," Nimue smiled.

"Not according to literally every Arthur in existence," Kohryu deadpanned.

"Not every Arthur, or Arturia," she said dismissively.

"We don't count her," Kohryu said.

"We found her treatment quickly enough so she only has a...small chance of relapsing with Sakura Syndrome," Nimue giggled nervously.

"Either way your universe turned a Saint into a Fallen Angel of Lust in a single Loop. That has got to be some kind of record," Kohryu said admiringly despite himself.

"I didn't come by to talk about that though," Nimue said.

"I don't have time for a booty call at the moment. Sorry," he shrugged. She smacked the back of his head.

"Again that's not what I came to talk to you about. Did you figure out why your universe crashed?" She asked.

By their very nature the Loops were impossible to define. Even by the admins who watched over reality. There were hints that the DxD universe crash had an actual cause. There was a frantic pressure on Kohryu to figure out what happened. Maybe there was a clue to how the rest of existence could be saved? All he had to do was find a missing universal constant. Shouldn't be too hard because constants are easy to track. This one however was aligned with Void. The Void was a force few truly understood.

"We need a reliable way to track down a Void entity," he groused.

"Maybe talk to the admin in charge of Void? They might be willing to help," Nimue suggested.

"Great idea, Nimue. How do I find them?" Kohryu asked.

Nimue grimaced as the question lingered in the air. The admin for those Loops involving Void tended to be more secretive than the rest.

"Maybe Issei will Loop into the Void Loops?" Nimue laughed nervously.

Both admins stared at the silently glowing screen for a long time. The pressure they were all under was enormous. They told the Loopers there was a possible solution, but it might be a pipe dream. Whatever happened to DxD might not be the same as the rest. All they had at this point was hope.

A hope that was slowly dwindling.

 

[Lovhes]

Wait, this Sakura isn't the one with Sakura syndrome?

Also, that escalate quick. And raunchy.

Did issei manage to not be tang?