Devastation Comes In Big Packages [Planetary Annihilation/Multicross SI]
Well yes.
But that's how stuff is treated in Red Alert. The power to control time, create singularities of gravity, weather control, cryogenic technology, shielding, nanomachinery, clean fossil fuels, instant building creation, psionics, workable power armor, teleportation, etc.
All are revolutionary things with countless civilian applications that could create a meteoric rise in the standard of living for all peoples.
But uh, no. Gotta use 'em to kill them Commies. Or Japs, or Capitalist Pigs, or Western Barbarians, as the case may be.
Welcome to Red Alert, dude.
Okay Yuriko, you have just lost your Empire the War with those two sentences. So, I guess the officer was right, this was the worst Yuriko.
LastStandZiggy
Last To Fall
- Location
- Kingman, Az
I know, it's just depressing. *Sigh*
FEMA and Doctors Without Borders would willingly give up both feet and a hand for the non combat applications of this stuff.
Morphic Tide
Crazy Brainstormer, Munchkin and Wannabe Min-Maxer
- Location
- MI, USA
Actually, the Japanese probably do use most of their super tech for civilians and the Allies are directly stated to use the cryotech for police work. Namely riot control and capturing criminals. And given the CAPITALISTWANK! of the Allies, chances are that basically all their super tech has some use in the civilian sector. You don't get that sort of crazy technological advancement from nothing but secret military research and the Allies have a lot of their super tech come from privately owned labs in canon.
Massgamer
Advance toward the Future
- Location
- The Future
It truly is unfortunate that people that care more about war and dominance tend to be in charge of how advanced tech is used.
Thankfully at least some tech gets down in civilian areas over time.
Myeah? I don't think I said it was battlefield only, just that it was all Yuriko-13 had ever had.
Massgamer
Advance toward the Future
- Location
- The Future
Which is why you are doing her a load of good by getting her something else.
Course I totally expect her to be in a food coma after your little world restaurant tour.
Morphic Tide
Crazy Brainstormer, Munchkin and Wannabe Min-Maxer
- Location
- MI, USA
You implied it.
Here's where it's implied.
Jackercracks
In a British accent
- Location
- England
Well in that case they're probably already killing each other because that's exactly what Soylent is and its been on the market for years now. Also Mealsquares and some other stuff as well.
Part of the ship, part of the crew.
Ardion Prosili
An (im)Perfect Cell
Yes leave the cow in the ship with all the shiny buttons. I'm sure nothing Uplifting will happen to Commander Cow at ALL.
- Location
- The Great Beyond
- Pronouns
- He/She/They
That's Her Majesty Cowmmander to you.
BobtjeNORMALguy
Color From Beyond
- Location
- Lost in time and space
*narrows eyes* There's something off with that cow..
Massgamer
Advance toward the Future
- Location
- The Future
Yeah, it's suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
Just kidnapped and already really likes the Guy.
Evonix
Aspiring Lovecraft antagonist.
- Location
- Canada to 2 sigmas
"Commander! commander! Enemy's are attacking on the eastern front!"
"Can't you see this cow is being insubordinate!?"
70 – Food Break
70 – Food Break
"What…is this?"
"Uh, those are chittlins…might wanna stay back with the collared greens and fried chicken for right n- or you can just shove some in your mouth, that works too."
She'd been rather hesitant at first. I was too once I calmed down for a second as we shuttled up to Savannah. She was gestated to full 19 years biologically but was only about four months old chronologically. One of those months was spent training and receiving psionic imprinted training. I guess one could almost liken it to Space Marine training with hypnotherapy except minus a bunch of the extra organs and what not. The trauma parts were all still there though, for sure. Definitely there. The paste thing was a concern though not for potentially mental reasons but for physical ones, what with her not having had any physical food since 'birth.
So uh…I fixed it. With nanomachines.
They breakdown organic matter and help release…what's important is that she's not going to be getting stomach cramps. To give her credit she didn't just randomly accept nanomachines from someone who is still mostly a stranger, but after she made it through the first course she was telling me to give them to her. She uh…she didn't ask. But hey that's whatever I'd already had them ready so that's all right. The food was the more important part and the fact that she didn't immediately turn against it is pretty cool in my book.
Seriously, I took pictures with my eye cameras of how her expression lit up when she bit into a leg of fried chicken. Hell of a jump from nutrient drink…paste…stuff, and it turned out that she liked it. Score one for the South ya'll? Even if uh…even if I haven't been home in several hundred years. Not that my house and places will be there in this universe at all. Also just thinking about that sort of thing is just…
"Right, I'm going to get some more potatoes, and then I'll pay so we can go."
"Gmnu?"
I have to look up at that but before I can actually say anything I have to force myself not to laugh. Yuriko's cheeks are stuffed so full that she looks like a chipmunk, an entire slice of pie in one hand and a different kind of pie in the other hand. I don't even know what she's got in her mouth at this point, I literally ordered 'one of everything' off of the menu of this place. I put down the cash and everything and while I've sampled a bit of most things after she realized my nanobots were keeping her from getting too full Yuriko started eating with more gusto than I ever have.
At least I knew what good food tasted like, she never has and now she's gobbling it like its ambrosia.
"Yeah, we're gonna 'gmnu' on to other places. We've got to try pizza, burgers, steaks, several different kinds of cheese, escargot, a bunch of different kinds of fish, and a shit ton of candy."
"Bmmu," she chewed a lot and swallowed, "But I'm not done!"
"We can get it to go, then we'll go. What, you think I can't make a good enough fridge to hold of this? Fuck it won't even be a fridge, it's going to be a time locked box so that anything we put inside is held in that exact moment of time until we open it again."
Her answer was to shove the entire piece of pecan pie in her mouth and start chewing rapidly. The moan that came out of her mouth was not entirely kosher either but uh…I guess I kind of knew she might react like that when I started this.
"…I'm gonna go pay."
===========================
"And the new winner of our special Humongo Buffalo Special Challenge is…YURIKO!!!"
Jesus Christ she'd done it. She'd eaten a hundred wings with such heat behind them that they were just on that bleeding edge of criminal and toxic. Hell it had put previous challengers into the hospital if everyone around here was telling the truth. As for Yuriko herself her face was completely scarlet but the smile on her face was the widest I'd ever seen. She held both hands in the air and screamed in victory as the crowd who'd watched applauded.
As for me?
Eh, I'd eaten a hundred too but not from the challenge.
===============================
"Hoddog?"
"Hot. Dog. One word each, Yuriko."
"Hoddog."
I couldn't help it. It was funny, all right? She was a master of Japanese, as befitting a native speaker and graduate of the sanitarium's teaching but she was crap at English. I guess they'd never seen the point to making her learn if she can read intent and memories out of people's heads. Or if the Empire was truly successful in their attempt to rule the world I had no doubt that they would want to impose their 'superior language' along with their superior culture.
"Look, how you pronounce it doesn't matter, I can order for you," and speaking of which I turned to the good man on the other side of the cart, "One classic Chicago Dog if you would?"
"Whatabout you, man? You gonna get something for yourself?"
"Oh, yeah. I'll get five for me."
"…five?"
=================================
"Ok, see this is classic New York style pizza. The best kind," I pointed to the product on the table. "On the other hand, you could get Chicago style, which is terrible and everyone who likes it is wrong. But in interest of fairness I got one for you so you could try it."
Yuriko frowned.
"But…why is it bad? The Chicago Dog was wonderful!"
"Because CHICAGO PIZZA ISN'T PIZZA!"
She jumped a little at me yelling, but what made it truly worse was that my pitch perfect rendition of Stewart wasn't appreciated because he didn't exist in this reality. No Colbert, no Daily Show. Behind the campy dressing sometimes this planet could be a real existential horror show.
================================
Peking duck in China, Tandoori chicken in the Punjab region itself, Korean kimchi, Philly Cheesesteak in the city of brotherly love, Pad Thai, currywurst, Masgouf in Iraq, every kind of Pho we could find in Vietnam, slow roasted lamb in Turkey, a dozen different other ways to have lamb in Greece, braised rabbit pappardelle in Italy, Moroccan meatballs in Morocco, ndole in Cameroon, injera in Ethiopia, thieb in Senegal, some kind of chocolate thing in Australia, a lot of sushi in Japan, udon in Japan, ramen in Japan, and then we were back to the States again.
It was…a whirlwind.
Yuriko was, once she got a taste for, you know, taste, she was as ravenous as I could be. With the nanomachines keeping her from literally exploding from the gut outwards she could even sort of eat like me. Well not entirely.
=================================
"Bah gawd it's inhuman, it's a travesty, it's unholy…we are taking bets even now between The Stranger and the mysterious girl Yuriko!"
The barker's call on the bullhorn could be heard throughout the county fair.
"Heeeee came from the north, a city slicker with no name who hails from some fancy place waaaaay up high in New England! Sheeeeee came on from the south with nothin' but a smile that could put even ya'll's most sour uncle to chuckling! And they are both! On! Their! Fortieth! Pie!"
I could hear people yelling that it was fake. That it was impossible. It should have been but I wasn't about to let up just because Yuriko wanted to try and come up against me in my chosen field of battle. But I could feel my stomach groaning on the inside. The machinery was struggling just to tamp it all down and keep it from piling up any further than there and while it was doing it I could honestly say that I felt a bit unwell for the first time since I'd created this body.
Yuriko…wasn't doing any better. Despite the nanomachines her stomach was bulging out enough to show skin despite the baggy t-shirt I'd bought her somewhere in a bazaar on the eastern coast of Africa. Her eyes had bags under them from the exhaustion, her hair was entirely out of array, and I could see the signs of surrender in her eyes. But that was all I saw, for then, looking me square in the eye, she started putting the next forkful in her mouth.
"Oh…oh you wanna go…little..urgh…girl?!"
I reached up, and in front of the crowd, stuffed the whole piece in to screams of fear, disgust, horror, and adulation. I let it drop down my escophagus and then held it there.
It's not like I needed to breathe.
Ahahah, and she knew it. She tried, god help her she tried, but she only got it halfway down before her body up and had to stop.
"OooooooooOOOOOHHH AND SHE'S DOWN! YURIKO IS DOWN! IT GOES TO THE STTTTRRRAAAAANGERRR!!"
In the moments that had passed, I burnt the pies in my stomach ash and then vaporized that. Which was good, because it let the last pie fall down into my stomach so I could turn to the crowd.
"THANK YOU SOUTH CAROLINA!"
=============================================
Later, when she was sleeping off managing to finally overeat to the point that the nanobots actually needed a bit to finish working, I also remembered to feed the cow.
"Hey, Dude! C'mon and get your feed, man."
I am aware that cows are female, and bulls are male. But it's my cow. I stole it. So I got to name it.
"Moo!"
"Yeah, c'mon Dude. Come and get your food."
She nuzzled in after trundling over and shoved her face into the giant burlap sack of grass I'd grabbed.
"Good stuff, yeah? I got it from Texas and everything. Made a crop circle and everything."
Of course, then she pooped. Onto my deck man! Damn it, I need like, a full on dirt and grass layer going on here.
"Dude! You…damn it you have a pooping spot, it's over there! I marked it with a sign and everything man!"
Dude, of course, was too busy stuffing her stupid cow face with the grass I'd stolen for her.
Fucking cows, man.
=====================================
"I can't wear the other clothes you gave me," Yuriko groused to me as I teleported down to her deck.
It'd taken her about an hour to recover, which sounded right, but now she was all up in my faces and complaining. So that was…you know.
"Why, exactly?"
"Because they are destroyed? All that funnel cake, syrup, turkey legs, fried cookies, double fried butter, and pies ruined that shirt. And those pants. So I need new clothes."
"Yeah but-,"
"I want new clothes."
"Yuriko, I can't keep just...yanking money out of people's accounts. I don't want to crash the global economy."
"You…," she blinked and then scowled, "All the money you've been using is stolen?!"
"Yeah? I stole it all from the Shiro Institute where they've been lobotomizing hundreds of Yuriko clones, from officials in the Union who were already embezzling, and a few corrupt American businessmen."
Because there are always a few corrupt American businessmen who could afford to be taken down a peg. Apparently in any universe with a population on Earth that was the truth. Which was kind of sad in a sort of way I suppose.
"That's…I don't even know how to react to that."
"Could we go for not reacting to it?"
Then she's turning away from me and crossing her arms. Which is sort of ruined by the fact that she's wearing pajama pants, one of my t-shirts somehow, and the snuggy.
"I want new clothes. You showed me all sorts of food, now I want new clothes."
"I…," my eyes narrowed, "I feel like you're sort of taking advantage of me."
"We've been eating, sleeping, and eating again for two months! I need new clothes!"
…ugh, fine. I guess some people do need more than one outfit.
"And you can't wear what you always do!"
"Yuriko, look at me."
She did.
"You see this face?"
She did, and the scowl on her face slipped slightly into a tremble.
"I'm wearing what I want to wear, which is the Guy Ensemble. Yeah?"
"Y-yeah."
"….fine we can go buy you clothes."
"Yay!"
Teenage girls.
Psionic Commando or not, I guess some things are genetic?
…wait is that sexist?
"C'mon! I want to go!"
Yeah, Guy. Show the person whose been raised as a weapon their entire life the rest of the world. What could go wrong with that? Could they…possibly go out of their way to be as extravagant as all possible to make up lost time? Why no Guy, that is a silly assumption! After all, you're just going to give a Yuriko clone some hot chocolate and then drop her off somewhere that she wants to go! You aren't going to stumble into something far beyond the scope of your own half-baked idea!
"…coming…"
I've made a new kind of monster.
==============================
"And finally, our tour of the world's foods come to a halt, my young padawan."
"What's a padawan?"
I sighed. One of the downsides of travelling the world with Yuriko was that I kept on wincing whenever one of my references didn't hit. Which was literally all of them. This world's Tolkien hadn't been mine. There had never been a Spongebob. Certainly no 'meme's. It was all Anti-Communism and Anti-Soviet. In the months since the Empire had decided to show up on the world stage both of the other superpowers had already begun making media to decry the new foe. But you know what was one of the most amazing parts about it?
It wasn't racist.
Race didn't even factor into it…most of the time.
In the course of turning every aspect of society into the war between different ideologies, a lot of civil rights stuff got way accelerated. It didn't matter if you were white, black, yellow, or purple. What mattered is if you bled Blue and White or Red and Yellow. I'm not quite sure what the version of that entire concept would be for the Empire but honestly the fact that they are based around a single country unlike the Allies or the Soviets probably means that Japanese people might get a few hits against them. So…that'll be 'fun' to see.
"A padawan is a student of a Jedi."
"What is-,"
"It's not important. Listen, just...eat the tacos. Welcome to Mexico City."
Thankfully she just starts eating. In her oh so expensive dress made of silk that was made by GOD. That wasn't the actual description of course but by the price of that boutique in France it should have been described as such. Was it a nice dress? Yes. Was it a beautiful dress? Sure. Should she be wearing it in a dusty little shop for tacos that I didn't even see a sign out front for? Who cares it's her dress now. But man it was the buying that got me. That was some absurd shit.
Even if I disregard the looks I got for my manner of dress, which went away when I started showing cash in my hand, it was still a bit concerning. I didn't even know clothes could get that expensive and I was an Emperor for a bit. In the meantime, as she busied herself with the tacos, I decided to check what was on one of the TVs. I'd purposely kept myself from regularly checking the satellite network and agonizing over the war. But regular TVs? That was probably ok, right?
"New York City Under Attack By Empire of the Rising Sun!"
Ahhhh fuck.
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- Location
- California
From someone who went to Mexico City and had tacos there, they can be absolutely wonderful.
Massgamer
Advance toward the Future
- Location
- The Future
Always have to leave crop circles behind.
You asked for it.
Well since you decided you didn't want the Empire the win you actually have to get involved now.
Could most likely do it quietly like sabotaging all their bases and pass off important intel to the Americans so they win the battle themselves.
As someone who also did this, yes. Best tacos I've ever had. Again, in this...weird little shop that didn't have a big sign over it.
It just had a bunch of guys cooking the meat off by this huge grill thing, while you went to the table and paid for 10 or 15 little tortillas. They came with free limes, salt, pepper, onion, some other spicey stuff, and some sauce. Then just brought the meat in bowls for you to scoop out and make them how you wanted them to be.
But I have no idea how to get there again, I was driven by the father of the household that was hosting me at the time.
Strunkriidiisk
THE LEGEND
- Location
- Canada
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Sandals with socks? You fiend.
It's not the saaaaaaaaame says the teenager with enough psychic power to crumple carriers.
And the designs he has are all Wu themed, asian style.
She, obviously, wanted to experience A Whole New World...of clothing. Like he'd done with the Food.
Extremely deprived people, can, I think, be known to sometimes heavily indulge if they have the opportunity, yes?
Also This:
"Hey man, I gotta spend the money I took. Global economy, dude. Gotta keep the cash flowing to make the world go round."
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