Really? That's new to me. sarcasm
Confessions infinite stratos
- Thread starter blueayes
- Start date
The grammar and chaos are hurting my head.
Get 'OpenOffice' its free and comes with a basic but reliable spell check.
Heck. You can write it in here and it will do a good job too.
Read every sentence you make. 2 or 3 times even. And once you finish a segment, read that too.
As for the story. Slow down with the action. Flash out some details.
I mean. In one segment they are getting their asses whooped. Suddenly there are reinforcement, they get Plebotium upgrades and shields can tank an IS on equal footing. What happened there? Who made those? How and when were they delivered?
Units were not properly introduced in the manufacturing stage, and their abilities are thus not known to us.
You throw the unit names around, say they did something. But its not telling us anything.
I have absolutely barely any idea of what is going on here. Well I do... but thats because I had to reread it a few times.
A guy runs in panting and yells the news. We get a description of what's on the screen:
-A navy boat show.
-Two units pursuing a third.- Water IS? The IS are hostile, you mean some sort of naval maneuvering armor?
-One of the warships opens fire. -With what?- While declaring propaganda speech.
-The IS return fire and attack the other ships too.- The IS pilots were by no means confused or didn't try to reach for their CO's
How did they return fire? What did they use in this retaliation? Did they only target the weapon systems? Did they attack the other vessels because they joined in on the surprise attack?
-Forgotten Naval IS jumps out of the water, grabs both IS and drowns them.- It is standard MO to not maneuver when under fire and staying close by. Also you can tell for a TV show that they have drowned...
As a purely theoretical description ment as an example.
I know that acting on ideas fast is important for an author. But while you yourself are fully aware of what is going on, you need to convey that to us.
Get 'OpenOffice' its free and comes with a basic but reliable spell check.
Heck. You can write it in here and it will do a good job too.
Read every sentence you make. 2 or 3 times even. And once you finish a segment, read that too.
This should be impossible to make. Realy.
As for the story. Slow down with the action. Flash out some details.
I mean. In one segment they are getting their asses whooped. Suddenly there are reinforcement, they get Plebotium upgrades and shields can tank an IS on equal footing. What happened there? Who made those? How and when were they delivered?
Units were not properly introduced in the manufacturing stage, and their abilities are thus not known to us.
You throw the unit names around, say they did something. But its not telling us anything.
I have absolutely barely any idea of what is going on here. Well I do... but thats because I had to reread it a few times.
A guy runs in panting and yells the news. We get a description of what's on the screen:
-A navy boat show.
-Two units pursuing a third.- Water IS? The IS are hostile, you mean some sort of naval maneuvering armor?
-One of the warships opens fire. -With what?- While declaring propaganda speech.
-The IS return fire and attack the other ships too.- The IS pilots were by no means confused or didn't try to reach for their CO's
How did they return fire? What did they use in this retaliation? Did they only target the weapon systems? Did they attack the other vessels because they joined in on the surprise attack?
-Forgotten Naval IS jumps out of the water, grabs both IS and drowns them.- It is standard MO to not maneuver when under fire and staying close by. Also you can tell for a TV show that they have drowned...
As a purely theoretical description ment as an example.
I know that acting on ideas fast is important for an author. But while you yourself are fully aware of what is going on, you need to convey that to us.
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blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
I know what you and the guy before are saying, why din't I expand when they first woke up all the way up to that part where they start fighting. ?
Simple to easy. Anyone can come up with that, as for the armors, everything will be known pretty soon.
So ill be nice Ill give you a spoiler, Why din't they get help when they were surrounded with people that could help them? Orders, protocol.
10-
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
The sounds of the machines helping him breath sounded in the background inhaling and emailing, while the heart monitor marked every beat his heart missed. Lance laid in his hospital bed trying to remember everything that had happened, unfortunately, he failed to do so, the only thing he could remember was the intense pain that came and went.
He remembered his sister, but he couldn't remember his mom and dad, sometimes he even wondered if he ever had them to begin with.
At times Lance wanted to get up and walk, only for his body to refuse to answer him, he may have not been able to see, speak or move, but he could feel and listen. He listened to his sister whenever she came to visit him, he listened to his old friends who told him about the events going on and he listened to the doctors that took care of him.
It was this way he had learned just how bad his body had been torn apart, apparently, every bone in his body was broken, the joints had been shattered in a form that only an intense specialized surgery could repair and his nerves system, that would have to be fixed using a highly expensive synthetic tissue.
According to the doctors, the only reason he was alive, was just how stubborn he was.
He listened as the door to his room open and he listened to the woman that took care of him, the same nurse that washed and inspected his machinery, he guessed that considering the sounds of buttons being pressed whenever she came in.
The woman would talk to him about pointless things, like the tv show she had watched, a book she was reading and a party she was evicted to, now the normally cheerful carefree voice of the woman sounded broken and Lance could hear her crying.
Apparently, Ismael had fallen, it was no surprise everyone knew this could happen, but no one believed it, the leader of the Independence was someone that could stand on his own that would rise to the occasion when all others failed to do so and yet he now laid uncritical condition.
The doctors had to remove his entire arm from the shower down and were now replacing it with a mechanical one, apparently, bits and peases of metal had gone into his body, so more surgery was needed.
Yet despite this, the man lived, he was like a castle whose stones were broken, but were now being replaced with newer stronger ones.
Lance felt the woman hold his had and for a brief moment he opened his eyes and found himself met with the woman's own light brown ones. The woman's eyes widened before she took in a deep breath and screamed.
"Doctor!"
The room began to fill with men dressed in white lab coats and Lance could see his sister looking at him from the opened door to his room.
"He's awake, prepare him for surgery." A doctor said before Lance felt a needle pierce his skin, but he failed to know where it had entered.
Even as Lance felt his bed move as the doctors rushed him into surgery, word had begun to spread abou about him being awake again, so much so that even in the depths of the research department Michael had heard about it.
Michael for his part smiled at the news, that meant one less life they would carry on their conscience, there is a line every scientist do you want life or do you want progress, if one chooses progress then they will encounter everything from human experiments to the stuff one hears about mad scientists.
But if one chooses life, then progress will be slow but all of the note and bolts will be tightened, it was for thus reason that Michael knew that those that had created the Infinite Stratos were sociopaths, they hadn't even considered his human society would be changed, no all they cared about was whatever goals they had in mind.
If those goals were achieved didn't matter anymore, the consequences of their actions will be felt for years to come, one simply has to look to the empires of the past to understand that all of this had happened before and because of that the fall of this empire was only slowed down by the Independence.
Still, as he looked at the new designed of the power suits Michael couldn't help but smile, high-speed grappler would soon be back in full operation and with him Lancer would rise once again.
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11-
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
Minutes became hours and all Michael could do was stare at the computer in front of him, from time to time he would have to correct lines of coding that would have crashed the suit's systems, but other than that he had little else to do. He could hear the researchers working on the possibilities of the implications of what some of the technology they had given to them could be used for, engineers argued about the design of the suits and what would be more practical for each one.
Michael couldn't help but let a smile cross his face, they had come along way from just using random wear houses and shady business that kept their mouth shut about who they sold their equipment to.
"Why don't you tell me about what happened during the three days." A man's voice said behind Michael.
"Never thought I'd hear from you again, It was my understanding that your group was going to stay neutral." Michael answered the man.
"Situations changed, even if we wanted to stay clear from all of this we ain't going to be able to. Especially now since the Valkyrie has fallen and the Knight was brought down." Answered the man.
"I don't see why I owe you anything considering that by all means you and your group are considered deserters, but sure why not... Look around you, look at the people here, look at the people out there and you will understand why all of this just kept going, even after the three days."
"..." The man didn't answer, he just wanted Michael to begin his story.
Michael for his part simply exhaled and began to speak. "You know you really have to lighten up, look long story short, politically, socially and economically the who ordeal was a mess, on the surface most people wouldn't have been able to tell the difference but for anyone that owned a business or simply worked in any government job."
"... Well, you get the idea."
"Look, let's cut the story time in half I have work to do, so we managed to get deals with companies using the few backdoors we already had, we sold to them plasma weapon designs, even a ways to purify water with ought having to use hard chemicals or expensive machines."
" Sounds simple right... Good, with that out of the way, it all started back when we fled the school. Ismael had given the order to leave grappler behind knowing that more people would show up and would take him to one of our safe houses, unfortunately, our armors and weapons were completely outmatched by the enemies."
"So we had no other choice but to use the prototypes we had already built before, let's be perfectly honest here, we both know that those guns, swords and shields were defective and had so many bugs that we were lucky they didn't kill us."
"Ismael wasn't so lucky, that sword of his melted his armors hands just because of the amount of heat it was putting out, add to the fact that he was fighting his sister and its no wonder the guys still holding our alliance together even in the state hes in right now."
"Want something to drink, wine, I have both red and white, if that's not up your alley I also have some vodka." Michael said as he opened his desk drawer and pulled out several bottles.
"You started drinking again." The man said, there was no deep reason for it, he simply wanted to see Michaels reaction.
"I've seen a lot of things, boys killed for no reason, all because of some bitch pointing their finger and saying bad, our armors malfunctioning and breaking some of the people's bodies and the fact that I can barely shut it off anymore. I try not to think about it, all the things I've seen, but even when I close my eyes those memories keep coming back."
"It would be easier, if it was just those memories alone, but sometimes, I can remember the fighting and seeing a bullet hit my armor, or my shields stopping a shot that would have killed me."
"But you know the worst part, it's seeing tho men under our command die and some of the soldiers and police officers shocked and frightens faces when we killed them. I can see each of their faces clearly." Michael said as he pours himself a drink by simply raising the vodka bottle and letting the alcohol fall into his mouth.
"You know, I thought we were the scum of the world for what we did to that school, turns out I was right. All of a sudden one of the companies called us, beats the hell out of me how they got one of our numbers, but we needed the money so Ismael along with a struck crew went to meet with them."
"And lord behold, all of a sudden we had an entire research facility opened to us."
Michaels begins to laugh as tears begin to roll off his face. "I remember looking at several soldiers walking in and thinking to myself that we were betrayed and were now either going to be shot or forced to work for whoever this was."
"Imagine my surprise when those boys announced that they were there for training... They died fighting, the Stratos aren't human, no, they stopped being that a long time ago and it not until you face one that you realize just how much they are separated from us, they truly are.
Michael couldn't help but let a smile cross his face, they had come along way from just using random wear houses and shady business that kept their mouth shut about who they sold their equipment to.
"Why don't you tell me about what happened during the three days." A man's voice said behind Michael.
"Never thought I'd hear from you again, It was my understanding that your group was going to stay neutral." Michael answered the man.
"Situations changed, even if we wanted to stay clear from all of this we ain't going to be able to. Especially now since the Valkyrie has fallen and the Knight was brought down." Answered the man.
"I don't see why I owe you anything considering that by all means you and your group are considered deserters, but sure why not... Look around you, look at the people here, look at the people out there and you will understand why all of this just kept going, even after the three days."
"..." The man didn't answer, he just wanted Michael to begin his story.
Michael for his part simply exhaled and began to speak. "You know you really have to lighten up, look long story short, politically, socially and economically the who ordeal was a mess, on the surface most people wouldn't have been able to tell the difference but for anyone that owned a business or simply worked in any government job."
"... Well, you get the idea."
"Look, let's cut the story time in half I have work to do, so we managed to get deals with companies using the few backdoors we already had, we sold to them plasma weapon designs, even a ways to purify water with ought having to use hard chemicals or expensive machines."
" Sounds simple right... Good, with that out of the way, it all started back when we fled the school. Ismael had given the order to leave grappler behind knowing that more people would show up and would take him to one of our safe houses, unfortunately, our armors and weapons were completely outmatched by the enemies."
"So we had no other choice but to use the prototypes we had already built before, let's be perfectly honest here, we both know that those guns, swords and shields were defective and had so many bugs that we were lucky they didn't kill us."
"Ismael wasn't so lucky, that sword of his melted his armors hands just because of the amount of heat it was putting out, add to the fact that he was fighting his sister and its no wonder the guys still holding our alliance together even in the state hes in right now."
"Want something to drink, wine, I have both red and white, if that's not up your alley I also have some vodka." Michael said as he opened his desk drawer and pulled out several bottles.
"You started drinking again." The man said, there was no deep reason for it, he simply wanted to see Michaels reaction.
"I've seen a lot of things, boys killed for no reason, all because of some bitch pointing their finger and saying bad, our armors malfunctioning and breaking some of the people's bodies and the fact that I can barely shut it off anymore. I try not to think about it, all the things I've seen, but even when I close my eyes those memories keep coming back."
"It would be easier, if it was just those memories alone, but sometimes, I can remember the fighting and seeing a bullet hit my armor, or my shields stopping a shot that would have killed me."
"But you know the worst part, it's seeing tho men under our command die and some of the soldiers and police officers shocked and frightens faces when we killed them. I can see each of their faces clearly." Michael said as he pours himself a drink by simply raising the vodka bottle and letting the alcohol fall into his mouth.
"You know, I thought we were the scum of the world for what we did to that school, turns out I was right. All of a sudden one of the companies called us, beats the hell out of me how they got one of our numbers, but we needed the money so Ismael along with a struck crew went to meet with them."
"And lord behold, all of a sudden we had an entire research facility opened to us."
Michaels begins to laugh as tears begin to roll off his face. "I remember looking at several soldiers walking in and thinking to myself that we were betrayed and were now either going to be shot or forced to work for whoever this was."
"Imagine my surprise when those boys announced that they were there for training... They died fighting, the Stratos aren't human, no, they stopped being that a long time ago and it not until you face one that you realize just how much they are separated from us, they truly are.
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12-
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
The sound of the alcohol being swallowed was the only thing that could be heard as Michael tried to forget.
"Faces, names, hell even places are forgotten with time. Maybe I don't really remember anyone anymore and the only thing I can remember is how I felt, but dam it seeing those boys due..."
"We needed information, the drones are good but they aren't that good. So they can be hacked, destroyed and so on, making them easily capturable by the enemy." Michael said.
"I can still remember those armors, multiple layers of ceramic and metal, one or two basic shields and some weapons and the Stratos tore right thru them all."
"They broke those boys hands like if they were nothing and smiled while doing so" Michael said as he took another drink.
"What happened?" The man asked.
Michael whipped his mouth and lowered his head onto the table, as his drink began to affect him.
"A lot of things, direct combat, caught spying on important people and simply bad luck. We both know that not everyone dies a soldiers death." Michael answered the man.
"Sounds like if you guys were the ones an agonizing the Stratos and the governments" the man said.
"Pfff" Michael began to laugh.
"Don't you remember how, the police began to raid schools, sports teams, even computer and science groups. We had to go in there and get those people out, those girls, like their power and the cold looks in their eyes, was told us everything we needed to know." Michael answered before finally passing out.
The man just sat there looking at Michaels passed out form, he didn't say anything nor did he bother acting, there was no point in doing so, he just sat there thinking about his options.
The Fifth Colum wanted supremacy, the Independence wanted their freedom, the Governments and Corporations wanted what better suited them, what that was didn't matter at the moment and finally, the Infinite Stratos along with a big chunk of the world's population wanted to keep the status quo.
But what about those that simply said the hell with it, I can't side with any of you. This whole ordeal, is just trading one monster for another.
This was his group, a group of people that remained hidden in the shadows of every city and small town, unfortunately, even the shadows were being affected and so they now had to pick a side.
The man felt his cellphone ring, he had put it on vibrate so the damn ringing didn't disturb his conversation, as be took out his cellphone and looked at the text message, he understood that the decision had been made for him.
The scout sent to the government was dead, the one sent to speak with an Infinite Stratos was in critical condition and he was the only one in one peace.
As for the person sent to the fifth column, that person had completely disappeared, like or not it seemed like the best option out of all the groups was the Independence and that alone wasn't comforting at all.
So with nothing else to say or do, the man rose from his seat and walked out, he never bothered looking back.
[][][]Character Change [][][[
He sat in front of the computer not knowing what to say or do, over five hours of nothing being recorded or being typed.
Finally, he began to speak. "To whoever is listening to this, I'm not going to apologize."
"I'll be the first to admit that what happens shouldn't have happened and that the events that followed were completely out of control"
He stopped speaking, but only to take puff of his cigar.
"Perhaps you lost someone, or someone that someone you knew died or was crippled during the whole ordeal"
"Well guess what, nobody cares. Do you think so many of us would have existed if people cared about what was going on in the world."
"Who am I you can call me Michael and what you are going to hear are the events that occurred during this whole ordeal and why even if could have been prevented it wasn't" he said before he stopped again and took another puff from his cigar.
"And here comes the president of the [][][] Corporation, now" said a reporter.
He had kept the tv on, for other reason than to have something to keep away the silence, it wasn't that he didn't like it when it was quiet. It was the fact that when it was quiet he got bored and when he got bored, he would work and he was already dangerously close to depression.
He turns to look at the television and sees a man wearing a black suit, walk on to the stage, before a live video of a giant gulf ball was displayed behind him.
"Ladies and gentlemen, our esteemed researcher have been working in a new weapon capable of defensive and offensive capacity." The man said as he let the reporters do their usual pointless talks.
"As we all know the world has become a much dangerous place, so in a way of making sure that people can rest at night, our corporation has created the Baby Magnum"
"It's armor is so thick it can take a direct hit from a nuclear weapon and nothing will happen to its pilot. It's equipped with everything from missiles, lasers, rail guns and even plasma weaponry." The man said before the reporters asked their usual questions.
The man simply answered them all until a woman asked a question, no it was more like she arrogantly said something and didn't expect the man to answer her.
"What's the matter, want to put the Stratos out of the job?" The woman asked
"If possible yes, we are a company and companies grow" the man answers the woman, never allowing his smile to fade.
What followed next were a series of videos, of the man's new toy fighting off ships, fighter jets and taking multiple missile and various weapons while suffering little to no damage at all.
Michael just smiled, that thing was covered in guns and in any normal situation, it would be a nearly impossible weapon to stop.
"Too bad this isn't a normal situation." Michael said to himself, before closing his computer and deciding to go out for a walk
"Faces, names, hell even places are forgotten with time. Maybe I don't really remember anyone anymore and the only thing I can remember is how I felt, but dam it seeing those boys due..."
"We needed information, the drones are good but they aren't that good. So they can be hacked, destroyed and so on, making them easily capturable by the enemy." Michael said.
"I can still remember those armors, multiple layers of ceramic and metal, one or two basic shields and some weapons and the Stratos tore right thru them all."
"They broke those boys hands like if they were nothing and smiled while doing so" Michael said as he took another drink.
"What happened?" The man asked.
Michael whipped his mouth and lowered his head onto the table, as his drink began to affect him.
"A lot of things, direct combat, caught spying on important people and simply bad luck. We both know that not everyone dies a soldiers death." Michael answered the man.
"Sounds like if you guys were the ones an agonizing the Stratos and the governments" the man said.
"Pfff" Michael began to laugh.
"Don't you remember how, the police began to raid schools, sports teams, even computer and science groups. We had to go in there and get those people out, those girls, like their power and the cold looks in their eyes, was told us everything we needed to know." Michael answered before finally passing out.
The man just sat there looking at Michaels passed out form, he didn't say anything nor did he bother acting, there was no point in doing so, he just sat there thinking about his options.
The Fifth Colum wanted supremacy, the Independence wanted their freedom, the Governments and Corporations wanted what better suited them, what that was didn't matter at the moment and finally, the Infinite Stratos along with a big chunk of the world's population wanted to keep the status quo.
But what about those that simply said the hell with it, I can't side with any of you. This whole ordeal, is just trading one monster for another.
This was his group, a group of people that remained hidden in the shadows of every city and small town, unfortunately, even the shadows were being affected and so they now had to pick a side.
The man felt his cellphone ring, he had put it on vibrate so the damn ringing didn't disturb his conversation, as be took out his cellphone and looked at the text message, he understood that the decision had been made for him.
The scout sent to the government was dead, the one sent to speak with an Infinite Stratos was in critical condition and he was the only one in one peace.
As for the person sent to the fifth column, that person had completely disappeared, like or not it seemed like the best option out of all the groups was the Independence and that alone wasn't comforting at all.
So with nothing else to say or do, the man rose from his seat and walked out, he never bothered looking back.
[][][]Character Change [][][[
He sat in front of the computer not knowing what to say or do, over five hours of nothing being recorded or being typed.
Finally, he began to speak. "To whoever is listening to this, I'm not going to apologize."
"I'll be the first to admit that what happens shouldn't have happened and that the events that followed were completely out of control"
He stopped speaking, but only to take puff of his cigar.
"Perhaps you lost someone, or someone that someone you knew died or was crippled during the whole ordeal"
"Well guess what, nobody cares. Do you think so many of us would have existed if people cared about what was going on in the world."
"Who am I you can call me Michael and what you are going to hear are the events that occurred during this whole ordeal and why even if could have been prevented it wasn't" he said before he stopped again and took another puff from his cigar.
"And here comes the president of the [][][] Corporation, now" said a reporter.
He had kept the tv on, for other reason than to have something to keep away the silence, it wasn't that he didn't like it when it was quiet. It was the fact that when it was quiet he got bored and when he got bored, he would work and he was already dangerously close to depression.
He turns to look at the television and sees a man wearing a black suit, walk on to the stage, before a live video of a giant gulf ball was displayed behind him.
"Ladies and gentlemen, our esteemed researcher have been working in a new weapon capable of defensive and offensive capacity." The man said as he let the reporters do their usual pointless talks.
"As we all know the world has become a much dangerous place, so in a way of making sure that people can rest at night, our corporation has created the Baby Magnum"
"It's armor is so thick it can take a direct hit from a nuclear weapon and nothing will happen to its pilot. It's equipped with everything from missiles, lasers, rail guns and even plasma weaponry." The man said before the reporters asked their usual questions.
The man simply answered them all until a woman asked a question, no it was more like she arrogantly said something and didn't expect the man to answer her.
"What's the matter, want to put the Stratos out of the job?" The woman asked
"If possible yes, we are a company and companies grow" the man answers the woman, never allowing his smile to fade.
What followed next were a series of videos, of the man's new toy fighting off ships, fighter jets and taking multiple missile and various weapons while suffering little to no damage at all.
Michael just smiled, that thing was covered in guns and in any normal situation, it would be a nearly impossible weapon to stop.
"Too bad this isn't a normal situation." Michael said to himself, before closing his computer and deciding to go out for a walk
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Better, but you still forget quotations for speech (it also apply to your SI). Now I'll say it's readable (last three chapters), still far from good, sentence construction would use some work as would punctuation and of course make sure that words you use mean what you think they mean ("where" refer to location, "were" to being).
Now that it doesn't hurt too much to read, your SI is moronic asshole. You'd think that someone whose conspiracy was just unveiled resulting in open warfare would be more careful and consider that maybe laying down for some time and being generally careful are good choices. Not that going out to do something is stupid but dismissing all concern over safety?
Oh, we also know next to nothing about members of your little club (I may be not remembering them due to horrible quality of earlier chapters). Right now I can't even bother to remember if you even gave them names.
No, just no. Never do that again, just stop at "ask", typical driver part, if you must put it here, can stay. It's not always imperative to know who is wearing what.
Now that it doesn't hurt too much to read, your SI is moronic asshole. You'd think that someone whose conspiracy was just unveiled resulting in open warfare would be more careful and consider that maybe laying down for some time and being generally careful are good choices. Not that going out to do something is stupid but dismissing all concern over safety?
Oh, we also know next to nothing about members of your little club (I may be not remembering them due to horrible quality of earlier chapters). Right now I can't even bother to remember if you even gave them names.
13
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
A miniature helicopter with a machine gun on the bottom follows the Infinite Stratos into the air, accompanying it is a miniature F/A-18C fighter jet plane. Both are designed to record everything that goes on-however for a situation like this they carry EMP pulse generators, nothing that will do any harm to the Stratos but they seem to make them have some problems.
Suddenly a voice comes thru the communicator ''Fall back they reached the rondevu point.''
''Sack what the hell? Why are those drones out in the open?'' Tecaro asks
''Haven't you noticed it's getting worse, our surprise attack is all gone and we barely caused any damage, were running out of ammunition, I'm down to my last grenades we have to fall back, just look around.'' Sack says thru the communicator
He was right the area around us was in ruins, the buildings were somehow barely standing they could com down on us at any moment, more importantly his team no his friends were starting to lose their edge.
David was still on the girl but you could tell that he was getting tired, even with the armor there's a huge recoil for the gun he uses, and the Stratos is starting to move more and more like if she sensed he would soon be out of ammo.
Mark, Mark was almost completely out of it, somewhere along the way it seemed his gun over heated, all he had left was the standard and that thing could never cause enough damage.
Greening his teeth he had to make the call weather he liked it or not. This wasn't a suicide mission after all ''Damn it. All unites I repeat all unites, fall back were leaving, Leave behind some distractions and get over here now.'' he ordered
All of them instantly dropped grenades on the girls, and ran. When they all were together again Sack the only one that seemed unaffected by all this slammed the crystals together.
As the dark bubble surrounded them Tacaro saw when the drones managed to slip thru before it closed, he'd soon find out that he was the only one that saw what would later mark them as the Demolition team. The Stratos aimed her Lance and fired however it didn't get thru, instead her attack was reflected back at her. Before the bubble closed he saw her slam into one of the nearby buildings.
He just smiled.
That day three things happened, a Lawyer won a nearly impossible case in behalf of the men of the world, many would comment of how similar it was to the argument for women's rights. How right they were.
The second was seen by the entire world the Infinite Stratos were pinned and nearly defeated. However the defeated part would be up for debate.
The last would only be known to the government, a chain of warehouses were raided but not a single soul was found within them. Clothes , books, and bandages were found but not a single clue as to where the people went.
Initiating Dirty money ][][
Suddenly a voice comes thru the communicator ''Fall back they reached the rondevu point.''
''Sack what the hell? Why are those drones out in the open?'' Tecaro asks
''Haven't you noticed it's getting worse, our surprise attack is all gone and we barely caused any damage, were running out of ammunition, I'm down to my last grenades we have to fall back, just look around.'' Sack says thru the communicator
He was right the area around us was in ruins, the buildings were somehow barely standing they could com down on us at any moment, more importantly his team no his friends were starting to lose their edge.
David was still on the girl but you could tell that he was getting tired, even with the armor there's a huge recoil for the gun he uses, and the Stratos is starting to move more and more like if she sensed he would soon be out of ammo.
Mark, Mark was almost completely out of it, somewhere along the way it seemed his gun over heated, all he had left was the standard and that thing could never cause enough damage.
Greening his teeth he had to make the call weather he liked it or not. This wasn't a suicide mission after all ''Damn it. All unites I repeat all unites, fall back were leaving, Leave behind some distractions and get over here now.'' he ordered
All of them instantly dropped grenades on the girls, and ran. When they all were together again Sack the only one that seemed unaffected by all this slammed the crystals together.
As the dark bubble surrounded them Tacaro saw when the drones managed to slip thru before it closed, he'd soon find out that he was the only one that saw what would later mark them as the Demolition team. The Stratos aimed her Lance and fired however it didn't get thru, instead her attack was reflected back at her. Before the bubble closed he saw her slam into one of the nearby buildings.
He just smiled.
That day three things happened, a Lawyer won a nearly impossible case in behalf of the men of the world, many would comment of how similar it was to the argument for women's rights. How right they were.
The second was seen by the entire world the Infinite Stratos were pinned and nearly defeated. However the defeated part would be up for debate.
The last would only be known to the government, a chain of warehouses were raided but not a single soul was found within them. Clothes , books, and bandages were found but not a single clue as to where the people went.
Initiating Dirty money ][][
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1. Your SI speach go into quotation just like everyone else.
2. Why the fuck do you cut dialogue with quotations after each sentence? That mean someone else is speaking but that doesn't make sense and if speaker change you need to show that somehow. Seeing as they have no personality you ned to note that. Assumimg the same person is speaking you can put multiple sentences inside single quote.
3. Words you are using don't mean what you think they mean.
2. Why the fuck do you cut dialogue with quotations after each sentence? That mean someone else is speaking but that doesn't make sense and if speaker change you need to show that somehow. Seeing as they have no personality you ned to note that. Assumimg the same person is speaking you can put multiple sentences inside single quote.
3. Words you are using don't mean what you think they mean.
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blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
Which ones
Yes, that's why I bother with posting in this thread.
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
man your hurt full
I try.
Now to more serious matters. It's interesting enough to give it chance and became good enough to keep reading. So all is good.
14
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
My way of saying, I am sorry for not updating this thing was hell. Just getting the material, so I made sure I knew what I was talking about.
Sneak peak Confessions Infinite Stratos Shadow wars redo no beta
A red light flashes in the background of a once abandoned room. Its once white clean walls now dirty covered in dust.
Its only occupants are a man who looks no older than fifteen, across from him a woman whose face is hidden in shadows, surrounded by five others all of which are covering the exits making sure no one enters or leaves the building.
1''What no introduction? Not even an Ill make you an offer you can't refuse speech.''1
2''No.''2
1''Then what do you want? Cause no one does what you did just to see little o me''1
2''Ill be clear with you Mr. Carlos. My associates and I are willing to make a deal with you and who ever you work for. We offer technology, medicine, laboratories, many secure locations for you to work.''2
1''And what do you guys get in exchange?''1
2''The technology of the Fifth Column. A new arms race has begun. Infinite Stratos are incredible, however they only allow half of our soldiers to fight. You and your group solve that problem.''2
1''Lady I'm not Fifth Column, if you want an alliance with the the Independence. You have to realize there's more to this story then what you think you know. 1
1''Now before I tell you about that, why don't you tell me who exactly are you?'' 1
2''Lieutenant-Coronel Martha of Soviet Union''2
Shadow wars ;The beginning on whose side will you stand
Sneak peak Confessions Infinite Stratos Shadow wars redo no beta
A red light flashes in the background of a once abandoned room. Its once white clean walls now dirty covered in dust.
Its only occupants are a man who looks no older than fifteen, across from him a woman whose face is hidden in shadows, surrounded by five others all of which are covering the exits making sure no one enters or leaves the building.
1''What no introduction? Not even an Ill make you an offer you can't refuse speech.''1
2''No.''2
1''Then what do you want? Cause no one does what you did just to see little o me''1
2''Ill be clear with you Mr. Carlos. My associates and I are willing to make a deal with you and who ever you work for. We offer technology, medicine, laboratories, many secure locations for you to work.''2
1''And what do you guys get in exchange?''1
2''The technology of the Fifth Column. A new arms race has begun. Infinite Stratos are incredible, however they only allow half of our soldiers to fight. You and your group solve that problem.''2
1''Lady I'm not Fifth Column, if you want an alliance with the the Independence. You have to realize there's more to this story then what you think you know. 1
1''Now before I tell you about that, why don't you tell me who exactly are you?'' 1
2''Lieutenant-Coronel Martha of Soviet Union''2
Shadow wars ;The beginning on whose side will you stand
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Proof read your chapters, there are typos and wrong words used. Besides that check when you put comas, they often are put in places they shouldn't be or are missing. Check interpunction in general because many marks aren't where they should be or again are missing.
I see you're trying to do something with characters you created, nothing more to say than keep trying.
Did I mention that I don't give a shit about any of your characters? You run MANY OC so it's your job to make readers care about them (like them, hate them [for something other than being shitty OCs], make us care about their fate).
I see you're trying to do something with characters you created, nothing more to say than keep trying.
Why do I care about it? Flesh your characters if they are expies. Do the same for full crossover and don't forget to introduce them properly.
Did I mention that I don't give a shit about any of your characters? You run MANY OC so it's your job to make readers care about them (like them, hate them [for something other than being shitty OCs], make us care about their fate).
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
Did I mention that I don't give a shit about any of your characters? You run MANY OC so it's your job to make readers care about them (like them, hate them [for something other than being shitty OCs], make us care about their fate).[/QUOTE]
Good you will care, and dam I though I was getting better.
Good you will care, and dam I though I was getting better.
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...what...
Still a chaotic mash of events, viewpoints, and pointless time changes.
blueayes
If you want peace, then you must prepare for war.
- Location
- austin
That pritti much explains it. A helps you move things that are heavy
1. First remember to separate dialogue from narrative, use quotation mark for that. Also when someone new start speaking start them from new line.
2. Besides that, proof read your own fucking work and make sure you use correct words.
3. Any action is as always just incoherent mess that is inreadibly rushed.
4. Single sentence in brackets isn't good way to set a scene, it's actually pretty shitty.
PS. Your characters are still not worthy of being called cardboard cutouts.
2. Besides that, proof read your own fucking work and make sure you use correct words.
3. Any action is as always just incoherent mess that is inreadibly rushed.
4. Single sentence in brackets isn't good way to set a scene, it's actually pretty shitty.
PS. Your characters are still not worthy of being called cardboard cutouts.
What? No, really what? Can't you tell when someone is criticizing your work because how badly you wrote scene not because you desribed chaotic situation?