Despair is Killer: Part 5
UsurperOfTruth
Amateur Writer
- Location
- Somewhere
Despair is Killer: Part 5
Results.
That is what the world cares most about, regardless of what some may tell you. It is an unfortunate truth of the world that we live in. People may tell you to give it your all or to at least try as hard as you can, but if your best efforts end up being worthless who will really care? It's a very pessimistic outlook, but I can certainly see why someone would think like this if I had to think like that for but a moment. Saying you will save someone, but failing to do so means that your efforts went to waste, that ultimately the results were zero for you.
So what was the result of me coming to this world so far?
I had been dragged into a battle for a corrupted wish-granting device because of poor placement, though saying dragged would be somewhat inaccurate. I'm sure if I had been thinking logically, I could've simply buggered off somewhere far from this city after confronting Illya for the first time and even now if I'm lucky, but call it a... desire to continue to participate in this unpleasant game. I had been granted great power after all, and with said power I can do what I am capable of to fix whatever mistakes would be caused from my presence here.
Or so I had thought.
This world had so far been doing it's best to try and ruin whatever sort of hopes that I might have after all.
I had personally killed Illya, and while you could argue that 2 out of 3 times she was pretty much guaranteed to die during the war, I fell a bit of remorse in having things happen like that when I could've done things differently. I wasn't going to beat myself up over it much, it had been me or her after all. My life comes before these people, I'm a selfish human just like a good portion of the rest of the world after all. My needs come before others, but even so... I'm sure that if I had put just a bit more thought into it I could have found a different solution. At least, that's what I would like to think anyways. If it was destined to happen or something, well that would suck.
Moving on, I had kind of interacted with a few members of the main cast, and had accidentally gotten one of them tortured because my lack of forethought. I've also been beaten down horrendously and handed out my own beating for a change and blew things up, and I think that's pretty much all of the notable things that I had done. Those were the results I had gotten so far from all of the various escapades that I had gotten myself involved in.
It was kind of sad to think that with all of the power that I was granted, it didn't really mean much in the face of what I had fought so far. Sure, you could argue that I was just being really pessimistic again, but I think it's a bit of a valid concern to some extent. I usually didn't have to think about things like this, and I went out of my way to not think negatively, but now that there's no big fight for my life happening I guess I just can't help it. Guess, I should get myself off of this self-pity train sooner rather than later, it wasn't good for me.
"So, you've been staring at me for quite some time Tohsaka, is there something you wish to speak to me about?"
I could feel the cerulean eyes that were staring into me narrow as their owner tried to glare holes through me, it probably would've had a more noticeable effect had I not been in more dangerous situations than having some girl glare at me in the past three days. Yeah, only three days have passed since I've been here, take that into consideration when you think about all of the shit that has happened so far.
Anyways, Rin had of course been one of the first people that I had managed to run into last night. She had apparently decided that because Shirou had never turned up to school something horrible must've happened to him, she wasn't wrong admittedly, and had taken it upon herself to try and find out where exactly he was. It was quite lucky that I had walked with Saber otherwise she probably would've committed some heinous acts at a lucrative price so that she could get the information that she needed. Suffice, to say that once she found out what had happened, she was suitably angry at me as well as being worried about Shirou in her own way.
I also had the misfortune of making up a cover story for what happened to Shirou and explaining it to both Sakura and Taiga, the latter who I was supposed to talk to a bit more later. That was certainly going to be a conversation to remember, but I suppose I should focus on the now currently. Turning my head ever so slightly, I regarded Rin with a sideways glance as she finally decided to open her mouth and speak.
"What's your plan?" Her voice was nonsensical, she was quite serious it seems.
"Plan? I have no idea what you're talking about Miss Tohsaka, I'm simply here to pay my apologies to the boy when he finally wakes up. Beyond that, well I don't have anything concrete yet."
She seemed to bite back a sound of frustration as she looked at me, I knew she was trying to unravel my secrets or figure out just what made me tick. In the light that I had thus far presented myself under, I could see how I could be considered a bit of an enigma. If she already had some sense for what my power was, I'm sure she was hesitant to act due to the possibility that I might be able to kill her before she had a chance to do something drastic. Something she shouldn't really be afraid of if she had no ill intent, but even I know that the fact I'm here at all is throwing up a lot of red flags.
"Do you have some sort of issue with me, Tohsaka? I mean, I haven't done any real damage besides protecting my would-be murderer and possibly injuring your Servant and maybe your pride. All things that have no real effect on anyone in the long run, so can I ask what problem you have with me?" Despite my thoughts however, I had a role to play if I wished to reach a sort of end game. I could only hope that no more pointless killing would have to be apart of this route.
As I continued to sit there on the sort veranda thing that was apart of the Emiya compound, the sounds of rain a relaxing tone that contrasted the tense atmosphere, Rin's gaze was practically glacial. However, I could only assume whatever she thought about doing must've not been worth it as she stalked away, the sounds of her grumblings trailing with her.
I had successfully dodged a bullet there.
That definitely seemed like one of those scenes where saying the wrong thing could possibly lead me to either an immediate bad end or one that would pop up later down the line. Seeing as she hadn't shot a full-powered Gandr at the back of my head or anything, and Archer had yet to make me a pin-cushion, I can at least assume that I'm safe for a little while longer. I would have to look out for what Rin might ever be plotting up behind my back now, even if it was simply proving that I was not on the up-and-up to Shirou. Though, thinking of Shirou, I couldn't help but think that there was entirely separate beast that I'd have to deal with.
I mean, how do you explain to someone that you had to kill his Dad's biological daughter, that tortured you because I thought I had killed her rage monster of a Servant, to protect myself? If I wanted to be insensitive I could wrap it up in that one sentence, but that would make me feel a bit like shit to be completely honest. I'd have to do this in some sort of method that didn't make me seem like a complete asshole, and more like someone that felt bad about what had happened. You'd think it'd be easy, but I'm bad at displaying the proper emotion when it comes to being absolutely serious most of the time. A bad habit really, and it was only made worse by the media I paid attention to.
"The Third Law of Power, Conceal your Intentions." I muttered those words to myself as I watched the rain fall.
After I said my apologies, and laid the foundation for my plan, I had other people that I needed to go towards. Call it foolhardy to believe that I could manipulate events to go a certain way, but I felt as if something was pushing me to do it. Not something as pointless as my own ego, but something else. I couldn't lay a finger on what it was exactly, but it was part of the reason I had to do what I planned. I wanted to get home, however my choices were limited, thus I had to pull a few strings.
"Lead them down a familiar path, lead them into a trap. Guide them far enough down this path, envelope them in smoke and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late." A small smile stretched across my face as I uttered these words.
The significance behind them would become relevant soon.
But... was this really the right thing to do?
Results.
That is what the world cares most about, regardless of what some may tell you. It is an unfortunate truth of the world that we live in. People may tell you to give it your all or to at least try as hard as you can, but if your best efforts end up being worthless who will really care? It's a very pessimistic outlook, but I can certainly see why someone would think like this if I had to think like that for but a moment. Saying you will save someone, but failing to do so means that your efforts went to waste, that ultimately the results were zero for you.
So what was the result of me coming to this world so far?
I had been dragged into a battle for a corrupted wish-granting device because of poor placement, though saying dragged would be somewhat inaccurate. I'm sure if I had been thinking logically, I could've simply buggered off somewhere far from this city after confronting Illya for the first time and even now if I'm lucky, but call it a... desire to continue to participate in this unpleasant game. I had been granted great power after all, and with said power I can do what I am capable of to fix whatever mistakes would be caused from my presence here.
Or so I had thought.
This world had so far been doing it's best to try and ruin whatever sort of hopes that I might have after all.
I had personally killed Illya, and while you could argue that 2 out of 3 times she was pretty much guaranteed to die during the war, I fell a bit of remorse in having things happen like that when I could've done things differently. I wasn't going to beat myself up over it much, it had been me or her after all. My life comes before these people, I'm a selfish human just like a good portion of the rest of the world after all. My needs come before others, but even so... I'm sure that if I had put just a bit more thought into it I could have found a different solution. At least, that's what I would like to think anyways. If it was destined to happen or something, well that would suck.
Moving on, I had kind of interacted with a few members of the main cast, and had accidentally gotten one of them tortured because my lack of forethought. I've also been beaten down horrendously and handed out my own beating for a change and blew things up, and I think that's pretty much all of the notable things that I had done. Those were the results I had gotten so far from all of the various escapades that I had gotten myself involved in.
It was kind of sad to think that with all of the power that I was granted, it didn't really mean much in the face of what I had fought so far. Sure, you could argue that I was just being really pessimistic again, but I think it's a bit of a valid concern to some extent. I usually didn't have to think about things like this, and I went out of my way to not think negatively, but now that there's no big fight for my life happening I guess I just can't help it. Guess, I should get myself off of this self-pity train sooner rather than later, it wasn't good for me.
"So, you've been staring at me for quite some time Tohsaka, is there something you wish to speak to me about?"
I could feel the cerulean eyes that were staring into me narrow as their owner tried to glare holes through me, it probably would've had a more noticeable effect had I not been in more dangerous situations than having some girl glare at me in the past three days. Yeah, only three days have passed since I've been here, take that into consideration when you think about all of the shit that has happened so far.
Anyways, Rin had of course been one of the first people that I had managed to run into last night. She had apparently decided that because Shirou had never turned up to school something horrible must've happened to him, she wasn't wrong admittedly, and had taken it upon herself to try and find out where exactly he was. It was quite lucky that I had walked with Saber otherwise she probably would've committed some heinous acts at a lucrative price so that she could get the information that she needed. Suffice, to say that once she found out what had happened, she was suitably angry at me as well as being worried about Shirou in her own way.
I also had the misfortune of making up a cover story for what happened to Shirou and explaining it to both Sakura and Taiga, the latter who I was supposed to talk to a bit more later. That was certainly going to be a conversation to remember, but I suppose I should focus on the now currently. Turning my head ever so slightly, I regarded Rin with a sideways glance as she finally decided to open her mouth and speak.
"What's your plan?" Her voice was nonsensical, she was quite serious it seems.
"Plan? I have no idea what you're talking about Miss Tohsaka, I'm simply here to pay my apologies to the boy when he finally wakes up. Beyond that, well I don't have anything concrete yet."
She seemed to bite back a sound of frustration as she looked at me, I knew she was trying to unravel my secrets or figure out just what made me tick. In the light that I had thus far presented myself under, I could see how I could be considered a bit of an enigma. If she already had some sense for what my power was, I'm sure she was hesitant to act due to the possibility that I might be able to kill her before she had a chance to do something drastic. Something she shouldn't really be afraid of if she had no ill intent, but even I know that the fact I'm here at all is throwing up a lot of red flags.
"Do you have some sort of issue with me, Tohsaka? I mean, I haven't done any real damage besides protecting my would-be murderer and possibly injuring your Servant and maybe your pride. All things that have no real effect on anyone in the long run, so can I ask what problem you have with me?" Despite my thoughts however, I had a role to play if I wished to reach a sort of end game. I could only hope that no more pointless killing would have to be apart of this route.
As I continued to sit there on the sort veranda thing that was apart of the Emiya compound, the sounds of rain a relaxing tone that contrasted the tense atmosphere, Rin's gaze was practically glacial. However, I could only assume whatever she thought about doing must've not been worth it as she stalked away, the sounds of her grumblings trailing with her.
I had successfully dodged a bullet there.
That definitely seemed like one of those scenes where saying the wrong thing could possibly lead me to either an immediate bad end or one that would pop up later down the line. Seeing as she hadn't shot a full-powered Gandr at the back of my head or anything, and Archer had yet to make me a pin-cushion, I can at least assume that I'm safe for a little while longer. I would have to look out for what Rin might ever be plotting up behind my back now, even if it was simply proving that I was not on the up-and-up to Shirou. Though, thinking of Shirou, I couldn't help but think that there was entirely separate beast that I'd have to deal with.
I mean, how do you explain to someone that you had to kill his Dad's biological daughter, that tortured you because I thought I had killed her rage monster of a Servant, to protect myself? If I wanted to be insensitive I could wrap it up in that one sentence, but that would make me feel a bit like shit to be completely honest. I'd have to do this in some sort of method that didn't make me seem like a complete asshole, and more like someone that felt bad about what had happened. You'd think it'd be easy, but I'm bad at displaying the proper emotion when it comes to being absolutely serious most of the time. A bad habit really, and it was only made worse by the media I paid attention to.
"The Third Law of Power, Conceal your Intentions." I muttered those words to myself as I watched the rain fall.
After I said my apologies, and laid the foundation for my plan, I had other people that I needed to go towards. Call it foolhardy to believe that I could manipulate events to go a certain way, but I felt as if something was pushing me to do it. Not something as pointless as my own ego, but something else. I couldn't lay a finger on what it was exactly, but it was part of the reason I had to do what I planned. I wanted to get home, however my choices were limited, thus I had to pull a few strings.
"Lead them down a familiar path, lead them into a trap. Guide them far enough down this path, envelope them in smoke and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late." A small smile stretched across my face as I uttered these words.
The significance behind them would become relevant soon.
But... was this really the right thing to do?