Chapter 8 - The Winds of Change
Strawberry
Dessert Faerie
- Location
- Derbyshire, UK
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Woo! Chapter 8. This was a hard one to write!
Chapter 8 – Winds of Change
Last revised 06/06/2021
And if those threads you made do fall apart,
You know you'll always have my heart,
And when the mountain peak seems too high to climb,
I will pull you every time.
"Nihao!" Shampoo's voice is cheerful as she steps through the entrance to the Saotome house and takes her shoes off. "Shampoo brought guest for talk to Ranma!"
Akane steps onto the genkan and Nodoka watches her, eyes tightening. "Tendou-kun." The auburn-haired woman says coldly. "I do believe I told you to await us at your home, not invade mine and my family's."
"Saotome-sama." Akane replies, respect in her voice, fear crushing the anger down. "Shampoo told me I should come. I had no choice but to follow if I didn't want a chúi to the head."
"Shampoo sorry Auntie, but this not continue!" Shampoo says, bowing. "Shampoo sick of two of them not talking, so she making them talk!"
Nodoka raises an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well then, I'm sure I don't need to warn you that you won't harm another hair on my daughter's head, Tendou-kun?" She says it sweetly, but a chill runs through the room as if she'd made an overt threat. "When you're done with Ranma, I wish to speak with you. Alone." The words carry an awful finality to them.
Akane stares evenly at Nodoka, and though her body trembles her voice is steady. "You are not the one I have wronged, Saotome-sama." She says in the most formal speech she can muster, "Only after I have made things right with your daughter will I submit to your mercy."
She bows, a formal saikeirei and moves to the stairs, Shampoo grabbing her arm and moving with her up the stairs. Nodoka watches her go impassively and once she's gone, Ryouga lets out an explosive breath as Nodoka visibly relaxes, letting out a long sigh.
"Auntie?"
Nodoka shakes her head. "Teenagers," She sighs disgustedly, "You all take things so seriously. I think she actually thinks I'm going to kill her."
"You, um, you did actually threaten to kill Ukyou-san. And you uh… kind of… heavily implied just now, with Akane-san." He points out and she laughs, rolling her eyes.
"I suppose I did for Ukyou-chan, but that was family honour, not childish squabbles. As angry as I am with Akane-kun for hurting my daughter so, I am not so foolish as to expect it to tarnish my family's honour, Ryouga-kun. Besides, they love each other, and the power we wield over those we love is incredible. The ability to hurt or heal is magnified with that. You should know that, dear."
Ryouga looks confused. "I should, Auntie?"
She titters, "Yes, though of course, love is blind." She smiles and ruffles his hair. "You're a good boy, dear, but please do let her know how you feel soon."
He looks down. "I don't think she really wants me, Auntie. I turn into a pig."
"And? It's a very cute form and we have plenty of hot water here. She doesn't seem to mind, anyway. You're a good boy, Ryouga-kun, even if you're impulsive at times and let your anger get the better of you. But you're also gentle and kind, and you've treated my daughter with such respect since you caught her. I don't think you understand how little I can pay you back for what you've done for the both of us."
Ryouga blushes. "It wasn't anything big, Auntie, I just… I didn't want her to die. When I saw her falling I just… I had to act."
"You brought my baby back to me, Ryouga-kun. As far as I'm concerned, the Saotome clan owes you a great debt." She takes his hand and squeezes it as she sits next to him. "If you wonder if I approve of you wishing to date my daughter, let me tell you now – there is no one I'd approve of more."
"I don't… think I… Wish to…"
"Ryouga-kun." Nodoka's voice is sharp. "Please, don't lie to me or yourself. Tell me your intentions. How do you feel for my daughter?"
Ryouga swallows and looks down. "I… I…" His hand shakes in Nodoka's. "I… really like her, Auntie. I think I… really like her." He swallows again, forcing the confession past his thick tongue.
Nodoka squeezes his hand. "There now, dear, it wasn't so hard to admit was it?"
"It was… because it's Ranma… And sometimes I see her old self there and it makes me feel… funny."
"Oh?"
"Like… I don't know. Shampoo thought there was something between us before, Auntie and I just… I'm not into boys."
Nodoka shrugs. "We love who we love, Ryouga-kun. Perhaps you knew who she was already."
"What do you mean?"
Nodoka purses her lips. "I mean hitting your head and suddenly becoming an entirely different person isn't exactly… ordinary. Some small differences, perhaps, mood swings and such, but a whole personality shift seems like magic."
"Auntie, she turns into a boy with application of hot water." Ryouga points out. Nodoka nods and concedes the point. "But I… I want to wait…" He says, looking down. "It's only been a few days. I want to be sure. I don't want to get hurt and…" He smiles gently. "I don't want to hurt her."
Nodoka nods and pats his hand. "You're a good boy, dear." She repeats. "You should try to believe it, too."
Shampoo half-drags Akane up the stairs towards Ranma's room. She slams open Ranma's door and practically throws Akane in, slamming the door shut behind the short-haired girl and leaning against the door.
Akane takes a moment to look around the room. As expected of a recently moved-into room it's sparse, without the soul a well-lived-in room has. The curtains are a dark green, the furniture is all fairly standard and there's a western-style bed in one corner. There's a few plushies around but otherwise it looks like a guest room, aside from the wardrobe which looks to be bursting.
The short-haired girl looks around and sees a lump on the bed, Ranma on her side facing the wall, hair unbound, red curls splayed out behind her, shuddering as she silently cries. She's changed into marginally oversized green pyjamas with a small flower pattern on them.
Akane sighs softly to herself and walks over quietly, not sure if Ranma's aware that she's there. She sits on the bed and looks at the back of the girl's head.
"Hey Ranma." She says quietly. Ranma doesn't reply, just stays on her side facing the wall. Akane can almost hear the pouting. "Shampoo's locked us in here."
"Go away." Ranma says, ice in her words, her voice thick. "I don't want to talk to you. I told her already."
"Well, I'm afraid that's too bad, because I want to talk to you." Akane says, voice heating. The girl lying next to her flinches to the wall and Akane's anger is flushed with the hot, liquid shame squirming in her gut. "…I'm sorry." She adds, softly.
"You're sorry?" Ranma hisses, voice choking up. "Oh, it's all fine now that you're sorry, none of what happened, happened, did it? None of the hitting and the yelling and the insults and the telling me to die!"
"W-well… I am sorry!" Akane snaps, then bites her lip. She forces the irritation down.
Ranko's voice is chilly. "That's just it, Tendou-san," Akane winces at the coldness, "You're always sorry after you hurt me. And you hurt me a lot."
Her rage snuffs out like a candle. Akane's head hangs low and she sighs. "Yeah. Yeah I did."
Ranma shuffles until she's turned around, staring up at Akane's defeated tone. "…Tendou-san?"
"Akane." The short-haired girl says, looking away.
"No." Ranma's gaze is cold. "Tendou-san." Her voice is colder, an undercurrent of something Akane'd never felt from Ranma before, at least, not directed at her. Rage. Pure and undiluted. "You've made it clear how you feel about me."
Akane feels a shiver run down her spine. Sure, Ranma had been angry with her before, but there'd never been more than annoyance and it cleared up quickly. This speaks of an anger that runs deeper than she'd ever seen it run.
What's worse for Akane is that she realises how justified that anger is. She can't imagine her own response to someone treating her like she'd treated Ranma. The old Ranma would have done something to deserve it, but Ukyou was right. She'd abused the new Ranma. The girl hadn't done anything other than be overly feminine in Akane's eyes, and she'd reacted angrily. Like she always did.
"…I'm a monster, aren't I?" Akane asks eventually, breaking the deepening, awkward silence. She looks down at her hands and flexes them. "I'm just… I'm just an angry, awful monster. I just… I'm… I'm angry all the time."
Ranma shifts at the defeated, tired tone in Akane's voice as the short-haired girl carries on talking in a dead voice. "I don't know how to stop it. It just… churns and churns and… It makes me hate myself. It makes me hate everything when it goes red. It makes other people hate me. Like you. Even though I love…d you, it makes me hate you. Then I wake up and everything's grey again until it flashes red… And then I'm standing there and I've hurt you and you're looking at me, and I don't know how it's happened except that I got so angry…"
Akane can't stop the babbling words as they pour out of her. "And I hate myself because all I'm doing is cycling round… It's like violence leading to violence, but I can't break it. I c-can't even stop it. When I promise myself I'll stop, something breaks my control and then when I'm not angry I'm just grey. Grey all the time and now I've made everyone hate me." Akane's eyes squeeze shut. "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to hate everything." Her hands squeeze into fists, tight and white-knuckled. "I don't want to make you hate me any more than you already do." The last sentence is said in such a tiny voice Ranma can barely hear it.
A small pair of arms circle's Akane's waist from behind and squeezes gently. A muffled voice speaks into the small of her back as Ranma moves herself closer.
"I don't hate you." The petite redhead says gently. Akane can feel dampness through her blouse from tears. "I can't hate you, Ten… Akane."
Akane looks at the small hands on her waist, feels the warmth of them. Not as warm as she used to be, but warmer than Akane has felt for weeks. She feels like a guttering candle being blown around by a wind. "…You don't?" She asks, disbelief in her voice. "After all I've done? Shampoo told me she saw all the bruises. I-I can tell you're enraged at me. I… I all but told you to… to kill yourself…" Tears drip onto Ranma's hands and Akane buries her face in her own. The small arms around her squeeze Ranma closer.
"Yes." Ranma says softly. "You did a lot of bad. I don't think… I don't think I'm ever going to be completely okay again." The girl gives a shuddering gasp and the liquid, burning shame runs through Akane's body again. "But… it wasn't just you. It was father and Tendou-san and Nabiki as well. While I was still… forming. Cooking, I suppose."
Tears soak the back of Akane's blouse again. "And part of me knows, it knows I should resent you. Maybe even hate you for what you've done to me. I can't heal like I used to, Akane. And everything's cold, like I've got ice in my chest. And I can't… I can't like myself like I used to. I can't understand why I'm valued."
Akane's sobs grow ragged, deep breaths choked off. Ranma's arms squeeze closer and the red-haired girl moves around so she sits on Akane's crossed legs, arms around Akane's neck. "…Perhaps I should hate you. But I don't. I can't. I can't hate you, Akane because I love you so, so much." She squeezes closer to Akane, holding her neck tightly. Tears drip onto the front of Akane's blouse as the short-haired girl wraps Ranma in her arms and holds her close.
Shock runs through Akane's whole body. "You… what?"
"Do you think I let just anyone actually hit me?" Ranma shudders in her arms. "No, I let you hurt me because I know you hurt as much and it's the only way you know how to let it out. I always understood that, even… before. I know how it feels when it's choking everything you are. It's ice for me, ice that clenches and spreads and hurts until I can't feel anything but misery but I know what it's like to be overwhelmed, and you need that outlet." She shudders and winces as Akane's arms touch one of the bruises from slamming into the bridge. "And… and I don't think I should have let you, I should have sat you down and talked and made you listen to me, but the world was new and wonderful and scary and I could barely hold down who I was, let alone anyone else and I'm sorry. I let you down."
Akane squeezes her tighter, holding her close and trying to give the cold redhead warmth back. "No. No, this isn't your fault. It's on me. I should be better. I have to be better. For your sake, and for my sake, too." She puts a finger under Ranma's chin and makes the blue eyes stare into her own. "I will be better." She promises. "And if I'm not, then you hit back. You give as good as you get, if I'm pathetic enough to lose control again."
"I don't like violence." Ranma says, frowning. "But mother says a lady sometimes must wage war. If you hit me again, I won't stop with hitting you back. I will defeat you."
Akane shivers at mention of Nodoka. "…Why did you hide how much I hurt you?" She asks. "I know you told her some, but if you told her the full extent, I'm surprised I'm not in about fifteen pieces on the genkan."
Ranma looks uncomfortable, and moves her head to Akane's shoulder, resting it there. "I told you. I love you. I don't want you to be hurt by Mother."
Akane flinches. "…You love me?" She wonders. "After all I've done to you, before and after you changed?"
Ranma nods into her shoulder, then leans back to stare directly into her eyes. "I don't love you as he loved you, Akane. I'm sorry." Akane's heart clenches painfully, and fresh tears track down both of their faces. "Changing ourself… We had to sacrifice things."
"…'We'?" Akane asks. Ranma doesn't seem to notice the slip or the words she's saying.
"To change, to… regenerate, we had to give things up, and it was hard, so hard, but we couldn't carry on as it was…"
"I don't under-"
"I'm sorry that what came out was just… just a changeling. A jibakurei, hanging around. Walking-talking corpse." Ranma's tone is defeated. "…I probably should have just died. Then you'd have the body and could mourn…"
"Don't… don't talk like THAT!" Akane snaps, anger boiling up in her that extinguishes itself when Ranma cringes away on her bed, hitting the wall in her desperation to avoid being hurt. Akane swallows, takes a deep breath. Forces away the red mist creeping into her vision.
It's hard, one of the hardest things she's done. But she manages it. Controls it. Masters it. Forces it down and into the darker parts of her soul to bleed into concrete later, not into her friend who needs her right now.
Akane speaks more calmly, taking Ranma's arm and gently pulling the redhead back to her side. "…I'm sorry, Ranma. I wasn't thinking, I was acting again. It wasn't anger at you, it was at me and I need to control it better."
Ranma eyes her but Akane pulls her back down into the position she was in before, laying the girl's head on her shoulder and running her hands through Ranma's loose red curls. "I'm sorry." Akane says, softly. "You don't deserve to bear the brunt of my fucked up temper." She closes her eyes, trying not to let more tears spill out of them. "But please. Please. Don't hate yourself. You're not a jibakurei, you're here. You're you."
"I…"
"A changeling isn't wanted, Ranma, a changeling is left by faeries when they take a child. But that's not what happened. You're still you, but in a different light." Akane tries desperately to think of how to put it. How to fix what she's done to the girl. "But look at everyone around you. They've changed everything in such a short time and it's for you. Don't… don't think like you're not wanted."
Ranma shivers. "But…"
Akane shakes her head. "No buts. Please. Please don't say that again… I get angry, but it's not at you, I get angry at me, I get angry at Daddy and your father and Nabiki. I get angry at all of us for treating you like you were invisible, but you were right that day you snapped, you're here and we just didn't see you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Akane squeezes the petite redhead closer.
They stay like that for some time. Comfortable silence rings out as the two of them cry quietly, holding onto one another. Eventually Ranma speaks up, her voice soft and choked.
"Akane… Do you… think you know why you're always angry or sad?" Ranma's arms tighten the embrace about Akane's neck, holding the short-haired girl closer. "Do you… think there's anything you can… do about it?"
Akane looks up at the ceiling. The room's darkened since they came in, the faint light from a lamp on the sideboard the only thing illuminating it. "…I don't." She says, trying to search back in her life. When had she started being so angry at everything?
The hentai horde?
No, she was angry before that.
When Daddy refused to train her anymore?
No, she was angry before that, too. Was it because he refused after…?
"…Oh." Akane says softly. A few more tears run from her eyes, though she'd been certain she'd cried them all out over this. "Oh, kami-sama."
"Oh?" Ranma asks. Akane looks down to see the blue eyes looking at her. Akane nods, and just says one word.
"M-Mom." It's quiet, and choked out, and Ranma's eyes soften. She sits up straighter and draws Akane's head down to her own chest, wrapping her arms about her friend.
"When… when Mom died, I just r-remember being so angry that she was g-g-gone. It w-was like breathing nothing but r-rage for m-months." Ranma squeezes her tighter. "A-and then I was just… sad. Burnt out, like I'd been a candle and the flame got blown out, but then it kept coming back to life wrong." She shudders. "You know those birthday candles that you blow out, and then they burst back into flame? It was like that, it's always like that."
Ranma rubs her back as she cries and a thoughtful look crosses her face as something occurs to the redhead. "Your f-family." She says, swallowing. "I d-don't think… any of you ever really… r-recovered."
"D-daddy didn't." Akane replies.
"And b-because he c-couldn't, y-you didn't. Kasumi-nee-chan had to be your m-mother and sh-she's put everything of herself away and N-Nabiki…"
"Became the I-Ice queen…" Akane breathes. "And Daddy really can't… move on… So, he's just… stuck."
Ranma holds Akane closer to her. "I'm s-so sorry, Akane, I n-never realised."
Akane shakes her head and moves back so she's looking at Ranma directly. "No." She says sharply. "No. It's no excuse for what I've done. Or how I've b-been. Or Nabiki. Or Daddy." Ranma blinks as Akane's voice grows stronger. "I can be better. I will be better. No one deserves what I put you through, Ranma. The old Ranma might've been insulting, but even so it doesn't excuse abuse. I shouldn't have instincts to hit you. You deserve better."
Ranma bites her lip, her inner thoughts telling her she doesn't deserve better, that she doesn't deserve to be treated well at all, that she's just a corpse that got up after it died, except that this talk jarred something loose. A memory of a moment of clarity, of pure, unadulterated sight. It's gone, fleeting memory, but something in her tells her to seek Cologne's help. She knew weird ki tricks for memory.
Eventually she nods, forcing the words out, even though she feels unworthy, even though she feels like she should apologise just for existing. "Okay. I will hold you to that, Akane." Then she makes a face.
Akane eyes her questioningly. "What?"
"…Everyone keeps saying 'Old Ranma' or 'New Ranma'." Ranma's face falls. "…We're the same person, some keep saying, but I don't feel entirely the same even though I do. It's very confusing. Being a boy is all… fuzzy, and I am different, but there's a core of me that isn't…"
Akane wipes at her eyes with her sleeve, drying her tears and shrugging. "What do we do about that then?"
Ranma shrugs. "I don't know." She thinks back over the day, to the warmth, the tears, and some characters on an okonomiyaki, made with love. "…Ucchan made me an okonomiyaki." She says, throat thick. "She- She put a name on it. I think… I think she was being… Nice, trying to comfort m-me." She swallows, "But… the name was Ran-ko. Kanji for 'Orchid' and 'Child', rather than a wild horse…"
Akane laughs. "Well, we could try using that as a new name for you?" She says, smiling. "It'd stop people going 'Old Ranma' or 'New Ranma'. It'd just be… Ranma and Ranko. Like two sides of a coin or something."
Ranma thinks. "…I could still use the kanji for 'Wild'." She says, smiling a watery smile.
"'Wild Child'. It would have to be ironic." Akane says, amusement tugging her lips into a smile as she teases. "Seeing how you're so ladylike now. A real Yamato Nadeshiko." She tries not to let the pain and annoyance that causes her show. She knows. She knows that's all in her own heart and it isn't fair to blame her friend for it.
Ranma purses her lips. "W-well… I think the Orchids are still wildflowers, like the nadeshiko."
"So… You want to be 'Ranko'?" Akane smiles, and again pushes the pain down. "It's cute."
Ranma nods. "I can try it, I suppose." She says, shrugging. Akane smiles at her.
"Go for it. It might help with all this. We all know you're the same person, but you're very different at the same time. It might help separate it." She closes her eyes and this time does let the pain show. "It might help us move on."
The newly named Ranko looks at Akane and her eyes fill with tears. "I'm sor-" She begins, intending to apologise for killing her old self, but Akane's hands grab the side of her head, anger and self-loathing simmering in her brown eyes as she stares at Ranko. The anger bleeds out, but it isn't directed at her. It's at everything, the whole situation, the damage, the fathers, the family. The shitty communication, their inabilities to spit anything out like how much they mean to each other.
"Saotome Ranko you are not to apologise for being who you are again, do you hear me?!" Akane says, loudly. "Never again! Our crappy dealing with the loss of your old self is not your fault! That's all on us. It's on me, and it's on Daddy, and it's on Nabiki. It's on Kasumi and it's on everyone that treated you badly!" Tears start flowing again and Akane finds herself filled with that burning shame again. "I will make it up to you, Ranko. I will. I'm going to make sure you're happy. I'm going to make sure everyone gets the fuck in line or there'll be hell to pay!" She's yelling now, and Ranko flinches slightly at the anger, even if at the same time there's something uplifting about Akane's anger being directed for her rather than against her.
"You're going to get what you want in this stupid life. I'm going to promise you now that I will never abandon you again. And I won't hit you unless we're sparring, because that's not what a friend does for her friends! I've been a shitty friend and that's stopping right now!"
Akane is breathing heavily after her yelling and Ranko's face crumples as something inside her starts to melt the ice that's been clenching in her chest. It isn't completely gone; there's still a ball of hollow pain there that grows if she thinks about it, but Akane's angry, heated words bring the pain down, they put the ice away. She has her friend again, her best friend, and in Akane's eyes she sees that understanding she glimpsed on that trip when Akane had bought her the dress that became her favourite.
Something in that look brings her a joy she can't name, a glad feeling that everything might be okay.
Akane gently brings Ranko closer and hugs her again. "And I mean it. I-I'm sad I never got to… tell your old self how I felt. I wish we were… better at communication."
Ranko shivers. "I… It would have been better. I… don't have those problems…" She sighs softly. "I'm sorry, I took him away."
"I think perhaps we drove him away. You said something about changing, not being able to… Carry on."
Ranko's tone is genuinely curious. "I… did? I can't really remember that time, everything before is… fuzzy."
Akane sighs and finally lets go. The two girls separate, both kneeling on the bed and looking at each other.
"So, what now, Ranko?" Akane asks quietly. "You said you love me, but it's not the same?"
Ranko nods. "In here." She presses a hand to her heart. "I love you, but he loved you as a boy should. I… don't know how I love you. I just know I love you."
Akane blinks, then she laughs ruefully. "Wow. I guess you really don't have those problems saying how you feel now."
Ranko looks away. "W-well… m-maybe not with you…"
Akane's eyebrow raises and then something clicks in her mind. Ryouga. Her hand goes to her mouth and she can't tell if she feels angry, sad or amused, or some strange combination of all three. The part of her in love with Ranma still feels fractured and hurt and bleeding, but the shy look on Ranko's face makes her realise something.
Love is just that, it's love, and love can transmute.
"…Ranko I… Can we…"
Ranko looks curiously at her. "Yes?"
"I-I mean… You don't… l-love me in the s-same way, but…" She swallows. "C-could we… I don't know… t-test it?"
Ranko looks more confused and Akane goes bright red. "I m-mean. C-could we tr-try…" The short-haired girl fumbles with her fingers. "C-could we…?"
Ranko plays with her own fingers, going red too. "Y-you want to…?"
"A-ah.. a kiss?" Akane says. "T-to see. I kn-know you say you d-don't love me th-the same, but a g-g-girl loves in a d-different way… S-so maybe it's…" She swallows, trying to push the feelings down, the awkwardness and inability to talk. She's so close. "M-maybe it's worth a sh-shot." She looks Ranko directly in the eye.
Ranko is as red as her hair now and shaking slightly. "E-even though… I'm a g-girl?"
Akane closes her eyes and bites out her next words, admitting something she'd never even told Kasumi or her best friends about. "I d-d-don't mind… g-girls." She says harshly. She softens at Ranko's 'deer-in-headlights' look. "I… d-don't mind k-kissing g-girls at all."
Ranko gives a slight shake to her head. "But I don't think I… love you l-like that, Akane…"
Akane sighs. "It's f-fine. I just thought…"
Ranko watches her friend and looks down at her hands. Then back up. Her jaw works. "I suppose… if i-it's you… and w-we should m-make sure…" The redhead says, moving closer on the bed and leaning over. "I c-could…"
Akane stares, heart hammering in her chest. Part of her, the ugly part, telling her it's wrong, the other confusedly cheering her on. She looks into Ranko's eyes and sees those sparkling depths she'd wanted to get lost in when Ranko had been Ranma and tries to think it will be OK.
Her train of thought dies as Ranko captures her lips with her own. It's soft, and warm as Ranko's hands grip the sides of her head gently, eyes closing. The kiss is searching, but there's something about it that doesn't feel right to Akane. Flashes of a black-haired boy go through her mind, and it feels a little like cheating.
They separate and Akane looks away while Ranko sits back on her legs and frowns. Akane looks up and Ranko sighs.
"It was uh… nice?" Ranko tries.
"And… kinda soft, I guess?" Akane replies.
"I suppose."
"Okay, fine, it was so much worse than I thought it would be…" Akane sighs. Ranko nods. "Well, I guess we're not in love in that way, Ranko-chan." Akane gags slightly and Ranko giggles.
"I already told you, Akane-chan." She says.
Akane laughs and then kisses her on the cheek. "No, I suppose… this is more our kind of kiss." She says, smiling, trying to cover the fracturing in her heart, the disappointment she feels. She desperately wishes the kiss had been something wonderful, that would bring them together, but it wasn't and it hasn't.
Like Ranko, she can recognise that the love in her heart for Ranko is not the same love she held for that black haired, constantly rude and egotistical boy. She'd do anything to make Ranko happy and she knows, somehow, that Ranko would do the same for her, but it doesn't feel like romantic love in the slightest.
Ranko blushes but smiles. "Yes." She says softly. "You're right. I love you, but not like I like…" She clams up and Akane raises an eyebrow. She doesn't dig on that though.
"Well, that's that." The short-haired girl says into the awkward silence. "I'll take whatever love you do have for me as far more than I deserve."
Ranko smiles softly at Akane. "Ditto." She says, and the two lapse into a companionable silence quite different from the awkward one before.
After a short while, Akane clears her throat. "So what now?"
"What do you mean?"
"What happens now? Are you going to stay with your mom?"
Ranko looks down and plays with the covers on her bed. "I don't know."
Akane smiles at the redhead. "I think you should. You're part of our family, but…" Her face falls in remembered grief. "If I h-had a ch-chance. To s-see my mom again, I'd…" Her breath hitches and Ranko clambers over to hug her again. "I'd take it in a h-heartbeat." She wraps her own arms around Ranko. "You sh-should too."
Ranko nods. "Th-then, I w-will. But I'd l-like to stay o-over sometimes. I'd… I'd miss you guys."
Akane nods and wipes her eyes dry again. She sighs. "Kami-sama, feels like I've done nothing but cry today."
Ranko nods. "I f-feel like I've let all my emotions be wrung out of me, like a mop." She sighs. "I feel… a b-bit better, but I'm so tired."
"Me too." Akane admits. "A lot better actually. I'm glad we can talk now."
Ranko rests her head on Akane's shoulder and sighs. "…Yes." She says.
Neither notices when they drift off, still hugging one another. Akane's back is against the wall, Ranko's head on her shoulders and their arms about each other.
The door opens and Shampoo looks in to see the two of them, and she smiles to herself. Guarding the door as she had, she'd overheard most of it, except when they quietly spoke. Part of her's glad that their kissing didn't work out in a romantic way, part of her further heartbroken at more proof of the new Ranma.
No… what was it? Ranko.
Shampoo laughs softly to herself and closes the door back behind her, going down the stairs and whistling tunelessly. She enters into the family room where Ryouga and Nodoka are sat watching the television. Shampoo gives an appropriate Cheshire cat grin. "Akane and Ranko made up." She says happily.
Nodoka starts and looks up the stairs. "Oh? 'Ranko'?"
"Auntie not miss a trick! Is name Ukyou put on okonomiyaki for her earlier. She talk to Akane. They fight and argue but Shampoo think they kiss and make up now." Her grin is mischievous as she looks to Ryouga. "Emphasis on kiss!" She cackles as his face goes stricken. "Lost Boy not feel so anxious! They have same experience as time Shampoo accidentally kiss Mousse!" She makes a gagging noise. "Probably make exact same face."
Nodoka titters. "Well, it sounds like it worked out for them, dear."
Ryouga glowers at Shampoo. "You could sound a little less entertained."
Shampoo laughs again. "Worry not Lost Boy! Still in with chance, Shampoo thinks! But Akane maybe-rival to your affections!"
Nodoka laughs again and shakes her head. "I will have words with Tendou-san when they come down. Are they ready?"
"They sleeping together." Shampoo says with a teasing grin.
Ryouga sighs. "That's bait. You're baiting me."
Nodoka titters again. "Well then, shall we make food for when they wake up? I know how much my daughter eats, and emotional upheaval tends to make one rather hungry." She stands and the two other teens follow her into the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This took some writing and went places and ways I didn't expect. Honestly I was expecting a slap fight when I started and it turned into... that. I hope I did the situation and feelings justice.
Chapter 8 – Winds of Change
Last revised 06/06/2021
And if those threads you made do fall apart,
You know you'll always have my heart,
And when the mountain peak seems too high to climb,
I will pull you every time.
-----------------------------------------
"Nihao!" Shampoo's voice is cheerful as she steps through the entrance to the Saotome house and takes her shoes off. "Shampoo brought guest for talk to Ranma!"
Akane steps onto the genkan and Nodoka watches her, eyes tightening. "Tendou-kun." The auburn-haired woman says coldly. "I do believe I told you to await us at your home, not invade mine and my family's."
"Saotome-sama." Akane replies, respect in her voice, fear crushing the anger down. "Shampoo told me I should come. I had no choice but to follow if I didn't want a chúi to the head."
"Shampoo sorry Auntie, but this not continue!" Shampoo says, bowing. "Shampoo sick of two of them not talking, so she making them talk!"
Nodoka raises an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well then, I'm sure I don't need to warn you that you won't harm another hair on my daughter's head, Tendou-kun?" She says it sweetly, but a chill runs through the room as if she'd made an overt threat. "When you're done with Ranma, I wish to speak with you. Alone." The words carry an awful finality to them.
Akane stares evenly at Nodoka, and though her body trembles her voice is steady. "You are not the one I have wronged, Saotome-sama." She says in the most formal speech she can muster, "Only after I have made things right with your daughter will I submit to your mercy."
She bows, a formal saikeirei and moves to the stairs, Shampoo grabbing her arm and moving with her up the stairs. Nodoka watches her go impassively and once she's gone, Ryouga lets out an explosive breath as Nodoka visibly relaxes, letting out a long sigh.
"Auntie?"
Nodoka shakes her head. "Teenagers," She sighs disgustedly, "You all take things so seriously. I think she actually thinks I'm going to kill her."
"You, um, you did actually threaten to kill Ukyou-san. And you uh… kind of… heavily implied just now, with Akane-san." He points out and she laughs, rolling her eyes.
"I suppose I did for Ukyou-chan, but that was family honour, not childish squabbles. As angry as I am with Akane-kun for hurting my daughter so, I am not so foolish as to expect it to tarnish my family's honour, Ryouga-kun. Besides, they love each other, and the power we wield over those we love is incredible. The ability to hurt or heal is magnified with that. You should know that, dear."
Ryouga looks confused. "I should, Auntie?"
She titters, "Yes, though of course, love is blind." She smiles and ruffles his hair. "You're a good boy, dear, but please do let her know how you feel soon."
He looks down. "I don't think she really wants me, Auntie. I turn into a pig."
"And? It's a very cute form and we have plenty of hot water here. She doesn't seem to mind, anyway. You're a good boy, Ryouga-kun, even if you're impulsive at times and let your anger get the better of you. But you're also gentle and kind, and you've treated my daughter with such respect since you caught her. I don't think you understand how little I can pay you back for what you've done for the both of us."
Ryouga blushes. "It wasn't anything big, Auntie, I just… I didn't want her to die. When I saw her falling I just… I had to act."
"You brought my baby back to me, Ryouga-kun. As far as I'm concerned, the Saotome clan owes you a great debt." She takes his hand and squeezes it as she sits next to him. "If you wonder if I approve of you wishing to date my daughter, let me tell you now – there is no one I'd approve of more."
"I don't… think I… Wish to…"
"Ryouga-kun." Nodoka's voice is sharp. "Please, don't lie to me or yourself. Tell me your intentions. How do you feel for my daughter?"
Ryouga swallows and looks down. "I… I…" His hand shakes in Nodoka's. "I… really like her, Auntie. I think I… really like her." He swallows again, forcing the confession past his thick tongue.
Nodoka squeezes his hand. "There now, dear, it wasn't so hard to admit was it?"
"It was… because it's Ranma… And sometimes I see her old self there and it makes me feel… funny."
"Oh?"
"Like… I don't know. Shampoo thought there was something between us before, Auntie and I just… I'm not into boys."
Nodoka shrugs. "We love who we love, Ryouga-kun. Perhaps you knew who she was already."
"What do you mean?"
Nodoka purses her lips. "I mean hitting your head and suddenly becoming an entirely different person isn't exactly… ordinary. Some small differences, perhaps, mood swings and such, but a whole personality shift seems like magic."
"Auntie, she turns into a boy with application of hot water." Ryouga points out. Nodoka nods and concedes the point. "But I… I want to wait…" He says, looking down. "It's only been a few days. I want to be sure. I don't want to get hurt and…" He smiles gently. "I don't want to hurt her."
Nodoka nods and pats his hand. "You're a good boy, dear." She repeats. "You should try to believe it, too."
----------------------------------------------------
Shampoo half-drags Akane up the stairs towards Ranma's room. She slams open Ranma's door and practically throws Akane in, slamming the door shut behind the short-haired girl and leaning against the door.
Akane takes a moment to look around the room. As expected of a recently moved-into room it's sparse, without the soul a well-lived-in room has. The curtains are a dark green, the furniture is all fairly standard and there's a western-style bed in one corner. There's a few plushies around but otherwise it looks like a guest room, aside from the wardrobe which looks to be bursting.
The short-haired girl looks around and sees a lump on the bed, Ranma on her side facing the wall, hair unbound, red curls splayed out behind her, shuddering as she silently cries. She's changed into marginally oversized green pyjamas with a small flower pattern on them.
Akane sighs softly to herself and walks over quietly, not sure if Ranma's aware that she's there. She sits on the bed and looks at the back of the girl's head.
"Hey Ranma." She says quietly. Ranma doesn't reply, just stays on her side facing the wall. Akane can almost hear the pouting. "Shampoo's locked us in here."
"Go away." Ranma says, ice in her words, her voice thick. "I don't want to talk to you. I told her already."
"Well, I'm afraid that's too bad, because I want to talk to you." Akane says, voice heating. The girl lying next to her flinches to the wall and Akane's anger is flushed with the hot, liquid shame squirming in her gut. "…I'm sorry." She adds, softly.
"You're sorry?" Ranma hisses, voice choking up. "Oh, it's all fine now that you're sorry, none of what happened, happened, did it? None of the hitting and the yelling and the insults and the telling me to die!"
"W-well… I am sorry!" Akane snaps, then bites her lip. She forces the irritation down.
Ranko's voice is chilly. "That's just it, Tendou-san," Akane winces at the coldness, "You're always sorry after you hurt me. And you hurt me a lot."
Her rage snuffs out like a candle. Akane's head hangs low and she sighs. "Yeah. Yeah I did."
Ranma shuffles until she's turned around, staring up at Akane's defeated tone. "…Tendou-san?"
"Akane." The short-haired girl says, looking away.
"No." Ranma's gaze is cold. "Tendou-san." Her voice is colder, an undercurrent of something Akane'd never felt from Ranma before, at least, not directed at her. Rage. Pure and undiluted. "You've made it clear how you feel about me."
Akane feels a shiver run down her spine. Sure, Ranma had been angry with her before, but there'd never been more than annoyance and it cleared up quickly. This speaks of an anger that runs deeper than she'd ever seen it run.
What's worse for Akane is that she realises how justified that anger is. She can't imagine her own response to someone treating her like she'd treated Ranma. The old Ranma would have done something to deserve it, but Ukyou was right. She'd abused the new Ranma. The girl hadn't done anything other than be overly feminine in Akane's eyes, and she'd reacted angrily. Like she always did.
"…I'm a monster, aren't I?" Akane asks eventually, breaking the deepening, awkward silence. She looks down at her hands and flexes them. "I'm just… I'm just an angry, awful monster. I just… I'm… I'm angry all the time."
Ranma shifts at the defeated, tired tone in Akane's voice as the short-haired girl carries on talking in a dead voice. "I don't know how to stop it. It just… churns and churns and… It makes me hate myself. It makes me hate everything when it goes red. It makes other people hate me. Like you. Even though I love…d you, it makes me hate you. Then I wake up and everything's grey again until it flashes red… And then I'm standing there and I've hurt you and you're looking at me, and I don't know how it's happened except that I got so angry…"
Akane can't stop the babbling words as they pour out of her. "And I hate myself because all I'm doing is cycling round… It's like violence leading to violence, but I can't break it. I c-can't even stop it. When I promise myself I'll stop, something breaks my control and then when I'm not angry I'm just grey. Grey all the time and now I've made everyone hate me." Akane's eyes squeeze shut. "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to hate everything." Her hands squeeze into fists, tight and white-knuckled. "I don't want to make you hate me any more than you already do." The last sentence is said in such a tiny voice Ranma can barely hear it.
A small pair of arms circle's Akane's waist from behind and squeezes gently. A muffled voice speaks into the small of her back as Ranma moves herself closer.
"I don't hate you." The petite redhead says gently. Akane can feel dampness through her blouse from tears. "I can't hate you, Ten… Akane."
Akane looks at the small hands on her waist, feels the warmth of them. Not as warm as she used to be, but warmer than Akane has felt for weeks. She feels like a guttering candle being blown around by a wind. "…You don't?" She asks, disbelief in her voice. "After all I've done? Shampoo told me she saw all the bruises. I-I can tell you're enraged at me. I… I all but told you to… to kill yourself…" Tears drip onto Ranma's hands and Akane buries her face in her own. The small arms around her squeeze Ranma closer.
"Yes." Ranma says softly. "You did a lot of bad. I don't think… I don't think I'm ever going to be completely okay again." The girl gives a shuddering gasp and the liquid, burning shame runs through Akane's body again. "But… it wasn't just you. It was father and Tendou-san and Nabiki as well. While I was still… forming. Cooking, I suppose."
Tears soak the back of Akane's blouse again. "And part of me knows, it knows I should resent you. Maybe even hate you for what you've done to me. I can't heal like I used to, Akane. And everything's cold, like I've got ice in my chest. And I can't… I can't like myself like I used to. I can't understand why I'm valued."
Akane's sobs grow ragged, deep breaths choked off. Ranma's arms squeeze closer and the red-haired girl moves around so she sits on Akane's crossed legs, arms around Akane's neck. "…Perhaps I should hate you. But I don't. I can't. I can't hate you, Akane because I love you so, so much." She squeezes closer to Akane, holding her neck tightly. Tears drip onto the front of Akane's blouse as the short-haired girl wraps Ranma in her arms and holds her close.
Shock runs through Akane's whole body. "You… what?"
"Do you think I let just anyone actually hit me?" Ranma shudders in her arms. "No, I let you hurt me because I know you hurt as much and it's the only way you know how to let it out. I always understood that, even… before. I know how it feels when it's choking everything you are. It's ice for me, ice that clenches and spreads and hurts until I can't feel anything but misery but I know what it's like to be overwhelmed, and you need that outlet." She shudders and winces as Akane's arms touch one of the bruises from slamming into the bridge. "And… and I don't think I should have let you, I should have sat you down and talked and made you listen to me, but the world was new and wonderful and scary and I could barely hold down who I was, let alone anyone else and I'm sorry. I let you down."
Akane squeezes her tighter, holding her close and trying to give the cold redhead warmth back. "No. No, this isn't your fault. It's on me. I should be better. I have to be better. For your sake, and for my sake, too." She puts a finger under Ranma's chin and makes the blue eyes stare into her own. "I will be better." She promises. "And if I'm not, then you hit back. You give as good as you get, if I'm pathetic enough to lose control again."
"I don't like violence." Ranma says, frowning. "But mother says a lady sometimes must wage war. If you hit me again, I won't stop with hitting you back. I will defeat you."
Akane shivers at mention of Nodoka. "…Why did you hide how much I hurt you?" She asks. "I know you told her some, but if you told her the full extent, I'm surprised I'm not in about fifteen pieces on the genkan."
Ranma looks uncomfortable, and moves her head to Akane's shoulder, resting it there. "I told you. I love you. I don't want you to be hurt by Mother."
Akane flinches. "…You love me?" She wonders. "After all I've done to you, before and after you changed?"
Ranma nods into her shoulder, then leans back to stare directly into her eyes. "I don't love you as he loved you, Akane. I'm sorry." Akane's heart clenches painfully, and fresh tears track down both of their faces. "Changing ourself… We had to sacrifice things."
"…'We'?" Akane asks. Ranma doesn't seem to notice the slip or the words she's saying.
"To change, to… regenerate, we had to give things up, and it was hard, so hard, but we couldn't carry on as it was…"
"I don't under-"
"I'm sorry that what came out was just… just a changeling. A jibakurei, hanging around. Walking-talking corpse." Ranma's tone is defeated. "…I probably should have just died. Then you'd have the body and could mourn…"
"Don't… don't talk like THAT!" Akane snaps, anger boiling up in her that extinguishes itself when Ranma cringes away on her bed, hitting the wall in her desperation to avoid being hurt. Akane swallows, takes a deep breath. Forces away the red mist creeping into her vision.
It's hard, one of the hardest things she's done. But she manages it. Controls it. Masters it. Forces it down and into the darker parts of her soul to bleed into concrete later, not into her friend who needs her right now.
Akane speaks more calmly, taking Ranma's arm and gently pulling the redhead back to her side. "…I'm sorry, Ranma. I wasn't thinking, I was acting again. It wasn't anger at you, it was at me and I need to control it better."
Ranma eyes her but Akane pulls her back down into the position she was in before, laying the girl's head on her shoulder and running her hands through Ranma's loose red curls. "I'm sorry." Akane says, softly. "You don't deserve to bear the brunt of my fucked up temper." She closes her eyes, trying not to let more tears spill out of them. "But please. Please. Don't hate yourself. You're not a jibakurei, you're here. You're you."
"I…"
"A changeling isn't wanted, Ranma, a changeling is left by faeries when they take a child. But that's not what happened. You're still you, but in a different light." Akane tries desperately to think of how to put it. How to fix what she's done to the girl. "But look at everyone around you. They've changed everything in such a short time and it's for you. Don't… don't think like you're not wanted."
Ranma shivers. "But…"
Akane shakes her head. "No buts. Please. Please don't say that again… I get angry, but it's not at you, I get angry at me, I get angry at Daddy and your father and Nabiki. I get angry at all of us for treating you like you were invisible, but you were right that day you snapped, you're here and we just didn't see you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Akane squeezes the petite redhead closer.
They stay like that for some time. Comfortable silence rings out as the two of them cry quietly, holding onto one another. Eventually Ranma speaks up, her voice soft and choked.
"Akane… Do you… think you know why you're always angry or sad?" Ranma's arms tighten the embrace about Akane's neck, holding the short-haired girl closer. "Do you… think there's anything you can… do about it?"
Akane looks up at the ceiling. The room's darkened since they came in, the faint light from a lamp on the sideboard the only thing illuminating it. "…I don't." She says, trying to search back in her life. When had she started being so angry at everything?
The hentai horde?
No, she was angry before that.
When Daddy refused to train her anymore?
No, she was angry before that, too. Was it because he refused after…?
"…Oh." Akane says softly. A few more tears run from her eyes, though she'd been certain she'd cried them all out over this. "Oh, kami-sama."
"Oh?" Ranma asks. Akane looks down to see the blue eyes looking at her. Akane nods, and just says one word.
"M-Mom." It's quiet, and choked out, and Ranma's eyes soften. She sits up straighter and draws Akane's head down to her own chest, wrapping her arms about her friend.
"When… when Mom died, I just r-remember being so angry that she was g-g-gone. It w-was like breathing nothing but r-rage for m-months." Ranma squeezes her tighter. "A-and then I was just… sad. Burnt out, like I'd been a candle and the flame got blown out, but then it kept coming back to life wrong." She shudders. "You know those birthday candles that you blow out, and then they burst back into flame? It was like that, it's always like that."
Ranma rubs her back as she cries and a thoughtful look crosses her face as something occurs to the redhead. "Your f-family." She says, swallowing. "I d-don't think… any of you ever really… r-recovered."
"D-daddy didn't." Akane replies.
"And b-because he c-couldn't, y-you didn't. Kasumi-nee-chan had to be your m-mother and sh-she's put everything of herself away and N-Nabiki…"
"Became the I-Ice queen…" Akane breathes. "And Daddy really can't… move on… So, he's just… stuck."
Ranma holds Akane closer to her. "I'm s-so sorry, Akane, I n-never realised."
Akane shakes her head and moves back so she's looking at Ranma directly. "No." She says sharply. "No. It's no excuse for what I've done. Or how I've b-been. Or Nabiki. Or Daddy." Ranma blinks as Akane's voice grows stronger. "I can be better. I will be better. No one deserves what I put you through, Ranma. The old Ranma might've been insulting, but even so it doesn't excuse abuse. I shouldn't have instincts to hit you. You deserve better."
Ranma bites her lip, her inner thoughts telling her she doesn't deserve better, that she doesn't deserve to be treated well at all, that she's just a corpse that got up after it died, except that this talk jarred something loose. A memory of a moment of clarity, of pure, unadulterated sight. It's gone, fleeting memory, but something in her tells her to seek Cologne's help. She knew weird ki tricks for memory.
Eventually she nods, forcing the words out, even though she feels unworthy, even though she feels like she should apologise just for existing. "Okay. I will hold you to that, Akane." Then she makes a face.
Akane eyes her questioningly. "What?"
"…Everyone keeps saying 'Old Ranma' or 'New Ranma'." Ranma's face falls. "…We're the same person, some keep saying, but I don't feel entirely the same even though I do. It's very confusing. Being a boy is all… fuzzy, and I am different, but there's a core of me that isn't…"
Akane wipes at her eyes with her sleeve, drying her tears and shrugging. "What do we do about that then?"
Ranma shrugs. "I don't know." She thinks back over the day, to the warmth, the tears, and some characters on an okonomiyaki, made with love. "…Ucchan made me an okonomiyaki." She says, throat thick. "She- She put a name on it. I think… I think she was being… Nice, trying to comfort m-me." She swallows, "But… the name was Ran-ko. Kanji for 'Orchid' and 'Child', rather than a wild horse…"
Akane laughs. "Well, we could try using that as a new name for you?" She says, smiling. "It'd stop people going 'Old Ranma' or 'New Ranma'. It'd just be… Ranma and Ranko. Like two sides of a coin or something."
Ranma thinks. "…I could still use the kanji for 'Wild'." She says, smiling a watery smile.
"'Wild Child'. It would have to be ironic." Akane says, amusement tugging her lips into a smile as she teases. "Seeing how you're so ladylike now. A real Yamato Nadeshiko." She tries not to let the pain and annoyance that causes her show. She knows. She knows that's all in her own heart and it isn't fair to blame her friend for it.
Ranma purses her lips. "W-well… I think the Orchids are still wildflowers, like the nadeshiko."
"So… You want to be 'Ranko'?" Akane smiles, and again pushes the pain down. "It's cute."
Ranma nods. "I can try it, I suppose." She says, shrugging. Akane smiles at her.
"Go for it. It might help with all this. We all know you're the same person, but you're very different at the same time. It might help separate it." She closes her eyes and this time does let the pain show. "It might help us move on."
The newly named Ranko looks at Akane and her eyes fill with tears. "I'm sor-" She begins, intending to apologise for killing her old self, but Akane's hands grab the side of her head, anger and self-loathing simmering in her brown eyes as she stares at Ranko. The anger bleeds out, but it isn't directed at her. It's at everything, the whole situation, the damage, the fathers, the family. The shitty communication, their inabilities to spit anything out like how much they mean to each other.
"Saotome Ranko you are not to apologise for being who you are again, do you hear me?!" Akane says, loudly. "Never again! Our crappy dealing with the loss of your old self is not your fault! That's all on us. It's on me, and it's on Daddy, and it's on Nabiki. It's on Kasumi and it's on everyone that treated you badly!" Tears start flowing again and Akane finds herself filled with that burning shame again. "I will make it up to you, Ranko. I will. I'm going to make sure you're happy. I'm going to make sure everyone gets the fuck in line or there'll be hell to pay!" She's yelling now, and Ranko flinches slightly at the anger, even if at the same time there's something uplifting about Akane's anger being directed for her rather than against her.
"You're going to get what you want in this stupid life. I'm going to promise you now that I will never abandon you again. And I won't hit you unless we're sparring, because that's not what a friend does for her friends! I've been a shitty friend and that's stopping right now!"
Akane is breathing heavily after her yelling and Ranko's face crumples as something inside her starts to melt the ice that's been clenching in her chest. It isn't completely gone; there's still a ball of hollow pain there that grows if she thinks about it, but Akane's angry, heated words bring the pain down, they put the ice away. She has her friend again, her best friend, and in Akane's eyes she sees that understanding she glimpsed on that trip when Akane had bought her the dress that became her favourite.
Something in that look brings her a joy she can't name, a glad feeling that everything might be okay.
Akane gently brings Ranko closer and hugs her again. "And I mean it. I-I'm sad I never got to… tell your old self how I felt. I wish we were… better at communication."
Ranko shivers. "I… It would have been better. I… don't have those problems…" She sighs softly. "I'm sorry, I took him away."
"I think perhaps we drove him away. You said something about changing, not being able to… Carry on."
Ranko's tone is genuinely curious. "I… did? I can't really remember that time, everything before is… fuzzy."
Akane sighs and finally lets go. The two girls separate, both kneeling on the bed and looking at each other.
"So, what now, Ranko?" Akane asks quietly. "You said you love me, but it's not the same?"
Ranko nods. "In here." She presses a hand to her heart. "I love you, but he loved you as a boy should. I… don't know how I love you. I just know I love you."
Akane blinks, then she laughs ruefully. "Wow. I guess you really don't have those problems saying how you feel now."
Ranko looks away. "W-well… m-maybe not with you…"
Akane's eyebrow raises and then something clicks in her mind. Ryouga. Her hand goes to her mouth and she can't tell if she feels angry, sad or amused, or some strange combination of all three. The part of her in love with Ranma still feels fractured and hurt and bleeding, but the shy look on Ranko's face makes her realise something.
Love is just that, it's love, and love can transmute.
"…Ranko I… Can we…"
Ranko looks curiously at her. "Yes?"
"I-I mean… You don't… l-love me in the s-same way, but…" She swallows. "C-could we… I don't know… t-test it?"
Ranko looks more confused and Akane goes bright red. "I m-mean. C-could we tr-try…" The short-haired girl fumbles with her fingers. "C-could we…?"
Ranko plays with her own fingers, going red too. "Y-you want to…?"
"A-ah.. a kiss?" Akane says. "T-to see. I kn-know you say you d-don't love me th-the same, but a g-g-girl loves in a d-different way… S-so maybe it's…" She swallows, trying to push the feelings down, the awkwardness and inability to talk. She's so close. "M-maybe it's worth a sh-shot." She looks Ranko directly in the eye.
Ranko is as red as her hair now and shaking slightly. "E-even though… I'm a g-girl?"
Akane closes her eyes and bites out her next words, admitting something she'd never even told Kasumi or her best friends about. "I d-d-don't mind… g-girls." She says harshly. She softens at Ranko's 'deer-in-headlights' look. "I… d-don't mind k-kissing g-girls at all."
Ranko gives a slight shake to her head. "But I don't think I… love you l-like that, Akane…"
Akane sighs. "It's f-fine. I just thought…"
Ranko watches her friend and looks down at her hands. Then back up. Her jaw works. "I suppose… if i-it's you… and w-we should m-make sure…" The redhead says, moving closer on the bed and leaning over. "I c-could…"
Akane stares, heart hammering in her chest. Part of her, the ugly part, telling her it's wrong, the other confusedly cheering her on. She looks into Ranko's eyes and sees those sparkling depths she'd wanted to get lost in when Ranko had been Ranma and tries to think it will be OK.
Her train of thought dies as Ranko captures her lips with her own. It's soft, and warm as Ranko's hands grip the sides of her head gently, eyes closing. The kiss is searching, but there's something about it that doesn't feel right to Akane. Flashes of a black-haired boy go through her mind, and it feels a little like cheating.
They separate and Akane looks away while Ranko sits back on her legs and frowns. Akane looks up and Ranko sighs.
"It was uh… nice?" Ranko tries.
"And… kinda soft, I guess?" Akane replies.
"I suppose."
"Okay, fine, it was so much worse than I thought it would be…" Akane sighs. Ranko nods. "Well, I guess we're not in love in that way, Ranko-chan." Akane gags slightly and Ranko giggles.
"I already told you, Akane-chan." She says.
Akane laughs and then kisses her on the cheek. "No, I suppose… this is more our kind of kiss." She says, smiling, trying to cover the fracturing in her heart, the disappointment she feels. She desperately wishes the kiss had been something wonderful, that would bring them together, but it wasn't and it hasn't.
Like Ranko, she can recognise that the love in her heart for Ranko is not the same love she held for that black haired, constantly rude and egotistical boy. She'd do anything to make Ranko happy and she knows, somehow, that Ranko would do the same for her, but it doesn't feel like romantic love in the slightest.
Ranko blushes but smiles. "Yes." She says softly. "You're right. I love you, but not like I like…" She clams up and Akane raises an eyebrow. She doesn't dig on that though.
"Well, that's that." The short-haired girl says into the awkward silence. "I'll take whatever love you do have for me as far more than I deserve."
Ranko smiles softly at Akane. "Ditto." She says, and the two lapse into a companionable silence quite different from the awkward one before.
After a short while, Akane clears her throat. "So what now?"
"What do you mean?"
"What happens now? Are you going to stay with your mom?"
Ranko looks down and plays with the covers on her bed. "I don't know."
Akane smiles at the redhead. "I think you should. You're part of our family, but…" Her face falls in remembered grief. "If I h-had a ch-chance. To s-see my mom again, I'd…" Her breath hitches and Ranko clambers over to hug her again. "I'd take it in a h-heartbeat." She wraps her own arms around Ranko. "You sh-should too."
Ranko nods. "Th-then, I w-will. But I'd l-like to stay o-over sometimes. I'd… I'd miss you guys."
Akane nods and wipes her eyes dry again. She sighs. "Kami-sama, feels like I've done nothing but cry today."
Ranko nods. "I f-feel like I've let all my emotions be wrung out of me, like a mop." She sighs. "I feel… a b-bit better, but I'm so tired."
"Me too." Akane admits. "A lot better actually. I'm glad we can talk now."
Ranko rests her head on Akane's shoulder and sighs. "…Yes." She says.
Neither notices when they drift off, still hugging one another. Akane's back is against the wall, Ranko's head on her shoulders and their arms about each other.
The door opens and Shampoo looks in to see the two of them, and she smiles to herself. Guarding the door as she had, she'd overheard most of it, except when they quietly spoke. Part of her's glad that their kissing didn't work out in a romantic way, part of her further heartbroken at more proof of the new Ranma.
No… what was it? Ranko.
Shampoo laughs softly to herself and closes the door back behind her, going down the stairs and whistling tunelessly. She enters into the family room where Ryouga and Nodoka are sat watching the television. Shampoo gives an appropriate Cheshire cat grin. "Akane and Ranko made up." She says happily.
Nodoka starts and looks up the stairs. "Oh? 'Ranko'?"
"Auntie not miss a trick! Is name Ukyou put on okonomiyaki for her earlier. She talk to Akane. They fight and argue but Shampoo think they kiss and make up now." Her grin is mischievous as she looks to Ryouga. "Emphasis on kiss!" She cackles as his face goes stricken. "Lost Boy not feel so anxious! They have same experience as time Shampoo accidentally kiss Mousse!" She makes a gagging noise. "Probably make exact same face."
Nodoka titters. "Well, it sounds like it worked out for them, dear."
Ryouga glowers at Shampoo. "You could sound a little less entertained."
Shampoo laughs again. "Worry not Lost Boy! Still in with chance, Shampoo thinks! But Akane maybe-rival to your affections!"
Nodoka laughs again and shakes her head. "I will have words with Tendou-san when they come down. Are they ready?"
"They sleeping together." Shampoo says with a teasing grin.
Ryouga sighs. "That's bait. You're baiting me."
Nodoka titters again. "Well then, shall we make food for when they wake up? I know how much my daughter eats, and emotional upheaval tends to make one rather hungry." She stands and the two other teens follow her into the kitchen.
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This took some writing and went places and ways I didn't expect. Honestly I was expecting a slap fight when I started and it turned into... that. I hope I did the situation and feelings justice.
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