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Broken Dreams

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    • The door swished open and I allowed Rachel to carry me inside before activating my antigrav system and thrusters to float out of her grip into the air.

    The captain's ready room on a Galaxy Class was big. Bigger than Captain Masons had been. This particular one even had a terrarium with a four eyed lizard where Picard had his fishtank.

    Rank had it's privileges.

    "Starship Wonder What Is Dreaming Under The Cold Light Of Distant Stars reporting as ordered, sirs." I said as I scanned the room.

    This situation required my full name.

    I recognized Captain Mason at once. The other being I didn't recognize but I could see his rank so it must be Captain Remora, It turned out that he was a Antican. They looked a bit like shaved, bipedal dogs.

    Not the most attractive species from a human viewpoint.

    Captain Mason got up from the couch, "Welcome back, Star." he said and then he gave Rachel a nod, "Dismissed, Ensign."

    "Yes sir." She saluted before she left, giving me a hesitant glance.

    "We feared that you had been destroyed." Captain Remora stood up from behind his desk and crossed the room, "There wasn't a lot left of the ship."

    "I was installed in the most heavily armored section." I answered, "I'm sorry, Captain Mason. I failed at my job."

    He frowned, "Whatever make you think that? You did your duty beyond all expectations."

    "Several of my crew are dead and my former body is floating broken in space."

    Captain Mason sighed and glanced at Remora, "Trust me on this, Star, no one could have done better than you did."

    "I agree." Captain Remora said, "Were you damaged in the fighting?"

    "I am fully functional, however my battery reserves are low. I have perhaps another hour of power if I keep moving under my own power."

    Remora nodded, "Very well. Report to engineering. One of the engineers will adapt a charging port for you. Starfleet want a full report by tomorrow morning."

    "Yes sir."

    "Make that 48 hours." Captain Mason frowned, "We already know most of what happened from the ship's main computer."

    "Yes Captain."

    He sighed and then gave me a nod, "Dismissed." before he walked over to press the button to open the door, before he peeked outside to the left, "I suspected that I would find you here, ensign." he smiled as Rachel stepped into sight.

    "Captain."

    Mason smiled slightly, "Ensign, escort Star to engineering and assist her in setting up a charging port. Try to have it ready before the memorial service tomorrow."

    "Yes sir."

    I slowly lowered myself into Rachel's open hand before cutting my engines again to save power, "Captains." I said before she carried me out the door.

    "How did it go?" Rachel asked, holding me at eye level as the doors of the turbolift closed behind her.

    "They're not angry with me."

    But I think they will be when they get my full report, and my admission that I'd lied to get them to abandon ship. I knew if I'd tried to explain the situation to the Captain he never would have gone for it.

    I'm not lying about that. I did what had to be done to save my crew.

    Most of my crew.

    Damn it!

    "See? You did your best." Rachel said with a smile, "You got us out of there and you saved the convoy."

    "Most of you..."

    Rachel sighed and pressed me to her chest in approximation of a hug, "You can't always save everyone."

    "I know."

    So why did it feel like I failed? I wondered how Captain Mason feel about this entire matter? He... must feel something similar.

    He lost his ship too. Members of his crew.

    Rachel carried me out of the turbolift and down the corridor, "Come on, we'll fix you up a charging station, and I'll see about getting you a wireless datalink fitted to one of your data ports. So you can open doors if nothing else."

    "That's sound good."

    I actually wanted one installed in my little hull, but it would mean I would either be bulkier or have to live with a a 25% lower battery time as it would involve a smaller battery. And if I went bulkier, I would be less portable.

    I wanted to keep this platform as small as possible so it was easy to move between platforms with as little room wasted as possible and in a emergency, I could be put in somebodies pack without problems. It was not meant to be used on it's own for more than a couple of minutes at a time. So I skipped for a actual speaker instead. Now that seemed stupid.

    Rachel stopped outside engineering and held me up at eye height again with a small frown, "Star... are you alright?"

    Was I?

    No. I felt... horrible.

    "No... No. I don't think I am."



    AN// Many thanks to PsyckoSama for betaing this section.
     
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    • I don't recall what shape you ended up having for your core now. I remember you switched out of mini-reaper form, but thats it.
     
    Try to see if you can get a hot-rodded Akira for your next body. Some crew roles you simply don't need, and the space used for those quarters and the like can be replaced with additional thrusters and setup for more powerful drives, plus better active countermeasures.

    As for what crew you don't need? The guys in tactical who control the guns and maneuvering in combat are redundant - star does that better. Ditto for on-ship security. You don't need security personel when the ship can just selectively triple the artificial gravity, cut life support to boarder-controlled sections, or beam the enemy into space or into the brig. And yes, you can beam them into space with shields up. Shields form a bubble, for starters, and if the goal is to kill them it doesn't matter if they die from vacuum or the transporter beam interacting badly with a shield.
     
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    query said:
    Ah, given the title I wonder if he will get a warship and become extremely proficient at annihilating the enemy. While at the same time sinking deep into depression, as a warship was not his dream.

    He wanted to be like the Enterprise.
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    Eh... He should be able to do most of what the Enterprise does even as a warship - he will just be more prepared for possible conflicts. Heck, the Enterprise-D was basically a warship by another name - in a couple alternate timelines, the Galaxy-class were labeled battleships. Now his taskings might be different than what he wanted, but that was always going to be a risk of joining Starfleet.

    And I didn't see any indication that killing the enemy bothered him. What really bothered him was losing crew members he felt responsible for and as a warship, he would be less likely to have that happen.
     
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    Fredo said:
    And I didn't see any indication that killing the enemy bothered him. What really bothered him was losing crew members he felt responsible for and as a warship, he would be less likely to have that happen.
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    Hiver said:
    I didn't want to be a weapon.

    I wanted to fly, to discover. To see and discover new things. Not fly escort to a convoy of mining equipment and personnel.

    How many had died so far at the end of my phasers... I had not calculated. But the Mogai alone had a crew compliment of nine hundred.

    And I had not just taken down two Mogai, even if they were individually my largest kills.

    The excitement of combat was one thing. I enjoyed testing my skill against another. But at the same time I hated it.

    I didn't sign up to be a soldier or a weapon. Even worse, every time I got into battle, my friends lives relied on me not making a mistake.

    Even if I didn't have them on board, I would soon gain new friends. How could I not when I talked to everyone on board and got to know them?

    It was... horrible.

    I just wanted to explore.
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    It bothered him.
     
    query said:
    It bothered him.
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    Huh. Forgot that.

    I wonder that he really didn't think things through before joining Starfleet then - I will have to go back and reread that section of the story. Starfleet has many roles, but one of them is being the military arm of the Federation. And if he was flying any ship with weapons, he could be called on to fight. I guess he could ask to be on a non-combatant ship, but I seriously doubt those are sent out exploring - going into new areas can be dangerous.

    I do find it a little odd that he is focusing so much on the people he killed, but doesn't mention the number of people he saved. Of course, he appears to be depressed and that tends to put people into a glass half empty mode.

    I guess I have a hard time personally feeling any empathy for the crew members of the Mogais. They chose to attack - he just defended himself and the ships he was escorting. But then, I have never killed anyone in combat, so I can't really identify with his situation. But most of the combat vets I have talked to might feel a little sorry for killing the enemy, but mostly they are just glad that they and their buddies (hopefully) survived.
     
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    • It's funny, really.

    In some ways, I actually felt worse now than I did when I discovered who I really was. For one thing, I was the cause this time.

    Intellectually, I know I did the right thing.

    If I had not actually done what I did, there would have been an approximately seventy percent chance that the Romulans would have destroyed us and then moved on to attack the convoy and the colony.

    That didn't mean that I didn't feel horrible about the ten people who died because of my choices.


    I slowly scanned my surroundings. I was laying on the table in Ajan's and Shran's quarters. I was actually offered some quarters of my own, but I declined. I didn't really see the point.

    All my belongings were either destroyed or too irradiated to be worth salvaging and as such were scuttled with the remains of my old ship.

    Other than to store stuff, what would I have quarters for?


    It was almost like that classic mental problem. A train cart is barreling down the track and you are at a switch. If you throw the switch, it will hit one innocent person. If you do nothing, it will hit a group of ten innocent people.

    What do you do?

    The numbers were clear. There was really only one moral choice.

    They had been even clearer in my case, especially as there had been a really good chance that the escape pods would get out of range in time.

    Twenty thousand people against sixty? Ten? Or even one? Not to mention how it would help the war effort to have those materials and qualified personnel?

    It wasn't even a choice.

    But... I knew those ten people. How could I not? Even those who didn't talk to me regularly as a person instead of a smarter ship's computer I knew well enough to call friendly. Most of them I had daily conversations with about... anything really.

    I knew the names of their wives, sisters... parents and pets.

    Is this... this is the lesson the fake Troi in the simulation had to learn to reach command staff rank.

    That sometimes you had to order a friend to this death to save everyone else.

    It made me miss Deanna even more.

    The fake one in the TV series had not even been close to the real one other than in appearance and emphatic ability.

    I wish I could talk to her about this. She would have known what to say.

    At least I had a session booked with the Australia's counselor, Rela, tomorrow. She made it clear when I talked to her this morning that she would also be evaluating my mental state for an official Starfleet report as well.

    Honestly, I didn't expect anything less.

    Doctor/Patient confidentiality only went so far when the patient is an AI they might put into another warship. I actually approved. If I was going to crack completely, it was better that it was discovered before it happened and I was not in control of an antimatter warpcore and responsible for the better part of a hundred lives.

    The door chimed and I turned my attention to it. "Enter."

    The door swooshed to the side and T'Ro walked inside. "Star." She said and walked over to sit down by the table. "How are you?"

    "...Not brilliant. Thank you for getting me out of there... and I'm glad they finally let you out of sickbay."

    "We needed to find out of you were still functional. To do otherwise would have been... illogical." she said and frowned, almost too faintly for my limited sensors to pick up. "Your presence was missed."

    I gave my thrusters a small amount of power and floated off the table up to eye level. "I missed you too, T'Ro."

    She reached up to pick me up, allowing me to cut my engines. "We should construct a proper platform for you. This one is not meant to operate on its own for extended periods of time."

    "...I don't feel like it..."

    "...If not for you, then for me. I require something to do."

    Her brothers. Logical Vulcan or not, she had been working herself to exhaustion since she found out.

    There was no way in hell I was letting her fall back onto that behavior.

    "You need to talk to somebody, T'Ro. Whatever it is you are doing to deal isn't helping."

    "I am in full control of my emotions."

    "So it may be, but you still have them. Distracting yourself from them by working isn't healthy."

    "And laying on a table in a dark room is?"

    I let out a somewhat frustrated sigh. "No. But, damn it, T'Ro, let us help!"

    "I could say the same thing to you."

    "I'm meeting the ship counselor tomorrow. What's your excuse?"

    She hesitated but nodded, putting me down on the table. "...Very well. I'll talk to her."

    "Thank you."

    "You still require an actual platform. This one is not meant for long-term independent use. I have holosuite time booked in half an hour for rapid prototyping."

    "... Okay." I finally said and lifted off again.

    "I have some ideas that I believe will be efficient and that we will be able to finish constructing before we reach Earth."

    I had to admit, having some way to pick things up again would be nice.



    AN// *Cues klingon battle theme and decloaks, firing a salvo of Thanks at Grey Rook*
     
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    • Its been a slow day at SV, but like regular clockwork, a hiver update.
    I not only enjoy your stories but I admire the dedication, even if you enjoy writing there is still days that you must not feel like it.
     
    Hiver said:
    Which is why I write ahead. I have another month and a half of updates just sitting there.
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    Good to know we have at least that long before you decide to move to something else.

    I wonder what his new body is going to look like... Anyone have any guesses?
     
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    Guesses:
    1. Arnold Terminator
    2. That exo suit Ripely used in fighting an alien
    3. WALL-E
    4. EVE from WALL-E
    5. Robin Williams from bicentennial man (any version)
    6. Bender
     
    Geth Prime this time, complete with shields, siege pulse cannon, and drone manufacturing capabilities.

    . . . No?
     
    Arafell said:
    Geth Prime this time, complete with shields, siege pulse cannon, and drone manufacturing capabilities.
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    I'm thinking a Geth Prime might be a bit too big. Maybe as a replacement heavy platform, but for regular use, it'd probably be something smaller. But I can definitely see him going for something a bit bigger than human average so he can stuff more useful tools inside.
     
    I'm thinking some kind of rugged Dalek/mini-Bolo hybrid. Tough, maneuverable, and simple enough that it can have massively redundant systems without being too bulky.
     
    Hiver said:
    Which is why I write ahead. I have another month and a half of updates just sitting there.
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    now all you need is an online script that automatically posts things for you like what the guy who writes Schlock Mercenary has and we won't know you're on vacation or whatever unless you say something.
     
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    • Admiral Hagen leaned back in his chair and looked out the window of Starfleet Headquarters. The view over the San Francisco bay was a nice one, the sun shining brightly over the waters and bridge.

    He sighed and looked back at Counselor Rela of the USS Australia. "So what you are telling me is that the AI is unstable?"

    The Trill shook her head and frowned. "Not at all. But the experience did cause mental trauma that can be compared to somebody being trapped, pinned down in a crashed ship for a week, not knowing if help is coming or if they will starve to death. In addition to that, she feels guilty for the crew she lost."

    "Is it safe to have it installed in a new ship?"

    Rela brushed her short hair behind her ear. "You tasked me with deciding whether she was stable or not... I would say, maybe. Is it safe to install her in a new ship? In my personal opinion, yes. Is it safe to return her to the front? Absolutely not. She seems superficially fine, but currently... putting her under such extreme stress could cause serious long term problems."

    "But you don't know. It is after all completely different from Commander Data?"

    "She is. However. Her mental processes are similar enough to ours that I feel confident doing a qualified guess."

    Hagen nodded slowly. "The effectiveness of the AI has been proven and it would help the defense of the Federation to return it to the front as soon as possible." he grimaced slightly and continued, "But you are quite right that rushing things and losing it pointlessly would be outright stupid."

    He drummed his fingers on his desk for a moment. "What is your professional recommendation?"

    Rela stood up and handed over a PADD. "I recommend that she is returned to a ship in a couple of weeks and is NOT returned to the front, at the very least not at first. But assigning the ship to a rear area would be even worse, indicating that Starfleet doesn't trust her. Something important but that doesn't have combat as a primary objective is my recommendation."

    Admiral Hagen nodded, thumbing through the PADD, speed reading it. "For how long?"

    "It's not something you can rush. It is my belief that she will recover fully, but keep in mind that she is essentially an Ensign who was given the responsibility of a full Captain. She had the basic training for it, but not the experience to buffer against the emotional effects of it."

    "Thank you, your report will be taken into consideration, counselor. Dismissed."


    When the door closed behind Rela, Hagen turned to his console. "Suggestions?"

    "I believe we should follow her suggestion. There is little point to get the recommendation of an expert if you are going to ignore it. We can assign its ship to another area. It would free the ship that used to have that position up for front line duties." Admiral R'Tal said, the Vulcan sitting behind her own desk on the conference call.

    "Agreed." Admiral Ericson said, even though he looked annoyed. "It feels like a serious waste, but if it's what needs to be done, it needs to be done. If the AI turns out to be unstable, we need to know before we decide to proceed with the project. Now the question is what ship do we offer her?"

    "Well, there are plenty of ships being repaired at Utopia Planitia." Hagen said. "However, they have crews and command staff already. I believe it might be better to keep a command staff used to handling it. As far as possible, at last."

    "There are three new ships finishing construction in that time frame, not counting smaller vessels..."



    XXXXXXXXXX



    "That was out of bounds!"

    "I don't believe it was. It was a valid point."

    "Star, back me up here!"

    I mentally sighed before I answered him. "Sorry, Shran, but T'Ro is right. While it was on the line, according to the rules it was a valid play."

    I'm not entirely sure why I agreed to be the judge in their volleyball game, but somehow I ended up there. T'Ro and Rachel vs Shran and Ajan.

    So far, it was pretty even.

    I had to admit that it was nice to see Earth again, we were in a park close to Starfleet Academy, it could easily be seen in the distance.

    I was even installed in a new platform. It was basically a slightly elliptical disk with thrusters, antigrav, some good sensors, a wireless datalink and a couple of extendable manipulators, similar to the tails of my old 'doggy' platform. I even had three optical sensors, at one end... mostly to give people something to focus on when talking to me. They were technically secondary to the tricorder.

    I admit they made sunrises nice though. Tricorders sensors were nice, but they didn't really display colors.

    Power supply to handle all that wasn't brilliant and I didn't want to put a fusion reactor in a civilian model. Still, I had enough for about twenty four hours of full operation before I needed to recharge and as it was not meant for anything serious, it was more than enough.

    Besides, we tinkered it together of what we could scrounge up on the Australia during the weeks of travel to Earth and they didn't have what we needed for a small fusion reactor. Not all the parts of one replicate well.

    I think... I think the work helped T'Ro as well. She had been withdrawn since her brother's death. Vulcan or not, she had emotions like everyone else. They were just kept under control.

    It was good to see her open up again... if you could call anything Vulcans do 'opening up'.

    I think... I think the talks I had with Counselor Rela on the way back to Earth helped. I still felt bad for what happened, but... it was the only thing I could have done.

    "Point to Shran and Ajan." I declared as the Rachel dove for the ball, hitting the sand and just missing it.

    "Damn it!" she cursed and punched the sand before getting up, brushing the sand off her shorts. "I was sure I could get it." she said before she walked over and picked the ball up.

    This... this was nice.

    I liked this.

    "How about we call it a draw and go find something to eat?" Ajan said. "Remember that Taiwanese restaurant by the stadium?"

    Shran snorted. "How could I forget. Last time we were there, you ordered the hottest thing they had."

    "I didn't think it was that spicy!"

    "How about we just get some pizza instead?" Rachel asked as she walked over and dropped the ball back into the dispenser. "Not everyone here likes spicy food."

    "I am not overly fond of pizza either." T'Ro injected. "But either is fine. Both have alternatives I find more palatable."

    "Do you have any preferences, Star?" Rachel asked, pulling a t-shirt on over her bikini top.

    "Not particularly."

    Currently, the war was far away. But I suppose that if there was anything worth fighting for... It was this.




    AN// Many thanks to Grey Rook for betaing this section.
     
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    • I'm confused about one thing, wasn't it your other AI self-insert that people kept thinking was female afterall this is the AI build by a mad doctor, who lived his life in a simulation until the doctor cruelly pulled him out it.

    It was the self-insert who was somehow born from a holodeck, and the took over to become a ship that had the plot point of everyone assuming it was female, and not correcting them because a female AI feels slightly less Threathning.

    This AI has been known to be male from the start, and has had no reason to not assert its gender, I think your mixing your self-inserts up Hiver but i could be wrong.
     
    His SI uses different names if in a different body. He established the precedent when he used a shuttle body in his previous thread. When he became a ship he used a new name which was shortened into Star. Since he was a ship, people started gender stereotyped him into a her(ships tend to be considered a she rather than a he). This is the reason why UberJJK made his comment.
     
    Hiver said:
    I had to admit that it was nice to see Earth again, we were in a park close to Starfleet Academy, it could easily be seen in the distance.
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    Being a lifelong resident of the area around San Fransisco, and using the view from the academy in STO plus some of the shots seen in the series and movies, i can confidently guess that said park is the Presidio. A pretty nice park, actually.
     
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