Chapter 29: Air
"Air is the element of freedom. The air nomads detached themselves from worldly concerns and found peace and freedom… also they apparently had pretty good senses of humor."
***
The skies were clear today, and Aang reveled in the freedom. Nowadays, he had all sorts of fun on the ground, but he always remembered that it was in the sky that he could get away from all of his problems for a while. Appa roared, drawing his attention back down to the capital below. He'd overflown it, just to extend the journey a bit longer, Katara sitting by his side and looking at him in a knowing way.
She didn't hate it either, he knew, because there was a real big problem down there. Azula. He had nightmares sometimes about how she'd almost killed him, and how he'd almost lost himself just shortly before that… had almost made a choice to abandon Katara and everyone he cared about for some vague ideal version of 'the right thing.'
A part of him worried that that's what Zuko was doing, actually. He knew that Azula was mean, but she was Zuko's sister, and what was "politically advantageous" wasn't always, or even often, what was the right thing to do…
He knew how easy it was for duty to become a trap. The monks had had many wise sayings on the fact, and as he tried to piece together everything he remembered of his people, aware that he wanted to preserve something. There were people who cared, he could perhaps revive something of them. What else? He wasn't sure what he could save, but Airbending was spiritual far more than it was physical. Maybe one day someone would just… Airbend.
He wasn't sure at all how it'd work.
"Aang," Katara said softly.
His thoughts drifted sometimes, just here and there and everywhere, even when he wasn't energetic, and she usually helped bring him back.
"I don't wanna go down," he admitted.
"We have to," Katara said, but the reluctance in her voice helped a little bit.
"We do," Aang said. Lives were at stake.
They landed in the grand courtyard, and Zuko was there waiting for them. He looked tired. Mai was at his side, and she was looking with hooded, thoughtful eyes. She was thinking too, but he just looked around. There were assembled guards, but they were standing at a remove. "Zuko, what's going on? I've been hearing stories about you, and Toph, and…"
"We can talk somewhere else," Zuko said, rubbing at his eyes.
Somewhere else turned out to be his office, piled high with enough papers to give Aang hives. He was glad that the Avatar wasn't expected to do paperwork, though there were sometimes things to sign just to confirm he'd seen them. But he didn't have an office, and Katara… handled some of the stuff like paperwork, so he didn't have to.
It was a nice office, honesty, and Aang almost felt relaxed. Appa was off doing his own thing, and they'd decided to leave Momo behind, with Sokka and Suki. Hopefully Kyoshi Island would still be there when they got back. You could never be sure, Momo being like they were.
It was a fond thought. He smiled and said, "So, we've heard about everything going on with Azula."
"Right now there are dozens of people resisting trials and getting support because it seems unfair," Zuko said. "Trials that need to be done because the Fire Nation has done evil things, it has sullied its honor and there needs to be justice, there needs to be a process by which at least some of the old supporters either repent their ways or find themselves imprisoned or worse." Zuko looked tired, drawn, and he said, "I… don't want to try her, and I don't want to risk the judge declaring her guilty and deserving of death, even if I've tried to choose the fairest judge I can. But… if it comes to that, I can make my decision later."
"What do you mean, later?" Aang asked, confused.
"I could pardon her for treason or commute her sentence to life in prison if she's going to be executed… and maybe I'll do that, but if I promise that in advance Azula would take advantage of it. And… I don't know if I can afford even that. She's always going to try to take advantage and lie to people, and she's already fooling Toph."
"What's going on there, anyway?" Aang asked. "I didn't want to talk to her about it. It was her birthday!"
"I
would have talked to her about that if I'd known," Katara said, and Aang almost laughed because Toph had gone out of her way to avoid being entirely alone with Katara after her birthday for the remaining day or two before they left, just in case she got a repeat of her lecture about how bodies changed and how sex worked.
But then again, it wasn't as if she was going to get up to anything anytime soon. There were honestly bigger concerns.
But… he didn't know how he could feel bad about it? "Why does it matter if she's made friends with Azula? I know she's… bad, but even bad people have friends, don't they? And Toph's tough. I'm sure she'll be alright." Toph was really strong, he really did admire her… okay, he was also a little scared of her, but then he was a little scared of Katara too.
"Azula's hurt people who are strong and sure of themselves. She's had friends before," Zuko said, softly. "She's… dangerous. I don't know if she could ever be let go, and I don't know if she's even safe to leave in prison or whether I'll be dealing with a coup sooner or later." He sounded tired, and now Zuko's head was in his hands. "I don't know what to do, compared to everything else where it's… about doing it right." He rubbed his eyes and looked up, and Aang couldn't help but hurt for his friend.
They'd been through much together, but Aang could not run the Fire Nation. If he even tried, it would only lead to disaster. He knew that people were already saying that the Avatar was too powerful, had too much influence: respected by the Earth King and a good friend to the Fire Lord, and with strong connections to both the Water Tribes. He could make things happen, even if not any of the things he
wanted to happen.
But if he wanted to smash with an iron fist, he could have. Aang hated it. Was there anything
less free than to rule others? Except of course to be imprisoned.
…yet now Zuko was the Fire Lord. Azula had supposedly gone crazy from it, at least according to Ty Lee. Apparently Zuko didn't believe it, but Aang did, because.. why not? There was a reason the Air Nomads hadn't really had a King or anything like that: they'd had multiple Head Monks at each of the four Temples, and together they would all get together for what few decisions were needed.
And of course plenty of Air Nomads existed only partially in the system of the temples, or rather… well. It was all complicated and he hadn't learned it. But of course he thought that was better than… than all of this.
It was so much more free, so much less detached when
everyone had their daily rice and clothing and could focus on higher things. He wasn't sure, but he considered Zuko's perspective. "I could take away her bending… if there's no other choice, but I'm not sure if I'm convinced there isn't some better way to make sure nobody gets hurt."
"It's too late for that," Zuko said. "There's already plots and schemes. There's been at least one assassination attempt on me in the last year… and that's just the plans I know." He sounded tired, but… wait. An assassination? How hadn't he heard?
"Why didn't you tell us?" Katara asked.
"Because it was being handled internally, and if you show up every time there's a problem…" Zuko trailed off, groaning. "They already think I'm a puppet. It's not helping. I'm only calling you here because it's for advice, and talking through options. And because it might be worth it. But everyone who tried to kill me was arrested and jailed, and the ringleaders are being tried. It'll take time, but they'll face justice… and a charge for treason. I'd rather not kill them either, but please don't start a fight with me over that."
Aang looked at his friend, and said, "Is there any way you can take a break, relax a little bit? Maybe sail on your ship or whatever, that you told us about?"
He believed in the power of relaxing, and Zuko had told him after the birthday party that he'd gotten a whole new ship for official visits and trawling around if he ever got a vacation, after…
Aang did a double take. "Did the assassination attempt have to do with the boat?"
"No," Zuko said, baffled. "How would someone assassinate me with a boat?"
"Poking a hole in it?" Aang guessed, because honestly he had no idea either. "Or… you told me once that Zhao blew up your ship?"
"Oh, right," Zuko said, nodding and looking even more tired. "That… would do it." And then all three of them found themselves staring at each other…
…In awkward silence. They'd lost the thread of the conversation. Aang was pretty sure showing off a neat Airbending trick involving moving things with a little ball of air wouldn't distract people this time.
"Do you need me to talk to Toph? I'm… still not convinced, but if I do take away her bending, maybe Toph could be able to help her?" Aang couldn't believe that anyone except maybe the Fire Lord was beyond saving. Even then… a part of him hoped that one day he'd see that he was in the wrong and be less angry, less broken, less cruel.
Aang believed in people, even after all of this. He had to, or what else was there? He hated killing, and he hoped he never had to do it… even though he was pretty sure that he wasn't going to be able to avoid it forever. But, spiritbending had helped him out. It had saved him, and killing was fundamentally wrong in a way he knew he could not justify with fancy philosophy. He just felt it. "And either way, we can at least understand where she's coming from more clearly."
Katara made a sound that he was going to not interpret like a scoff. She was not nearly so invested in sparing Azula, which made sense. "You don't think there'd be any good if we went to see her? Azula, that is?" Aang checked.
Zuko shuddered. "No, absolutely not."
Aang… was glad that Zuko had said no, because he'd have to force himself to do it through shaking hands. She scared him. If anything she scared him more now, because at the time he'd had so many other things to worry about that he'd just pushed through all of it. But fighting Azula now, or even arguing with her, would feel a little bit like it was the…
Bad old days? There'd been so much fun, so much friendship, but also so much suffering. He'd almost died week in and week out for the better part of the year and come out of it in love and with friends he
knew he'd have for the rest of his life.
"Okay, we'll talk to Toph, and we'll… see what we can do," Aang said, slowly.
It was hard to find a place to pin Toph down. She was free-wandering, and they'd talked for a while about all sorts of things, him and Zuko. Zuko had sorta convinced him that there might be all sorts of good political reasons to allow her to be convicted of treason or that… her execution for her crimes shouldn't be off the table. But he himself wasn't sure either, was clearly wrestling with his own conscience.
He'd told them after a while that he'd selected the judge carefully; there weren't any judges that could be
trusted in the Fire Nation, but they had managed to find at least some judges who acknowledged that the Fire Nation had been wrong in a lot of ways, and Zuko had picked one of them - a judge who'd been shuffled around to a minor regional courthouse because he had been unwilling to put his seal of approval on whatever new illegality Fire Lord Ozai had tried to pass.
Zuko had even admitted to Aang and Katara that he'd taken the judge aside and told him that whatever happened in the trial, execution shouldn't be an option, that he ought to just sentence her to life imprisonment.
But he had to admit, this was harder than it should've been. The news from the colonies was bad and getting worse, and it seemed to only encourage his harsher instincts, his more nervous reactions. Aang guessed he understood it. If things were going well, it was easier to be nice and easier not to panic.
But he wasn't sure if that was an excuse or not. Aang knew that most of his life had been peaceful… but he also knew, now, that the Colonies were going up, the castes were being created, the world was careening towards war and the extermination of Airbenders during his happy childhood. It… that part of it wasn't his fault, even if he ran away from his duties.
Roku had done his best too, and yet Aang knew that he'd made mistakes, just like Kyoshi, who made the Dai Li and made other decisions…
Sometimes when he meditated he'd follow the whole chain back, which was silly because he hated chains and these sorts of strict rules. But one could trace the first hints of the Fire Nation going wrong back a dozen Avatars, apparently? Aang didn't know what to do with it, with all this knowledge from his past lives that showed versions of him (or, he a version of them) that… that were all so very different.
There was no piece of advice that would not have another Avatar, if he spent long enough asking, disagreeing with it. He'd even found past Avatars who agreed with his reluctance to kill under any circumstances, though he'd had to dig far too hard… even if plenty of his past lives acknowledged that he'd made it work with Ozai.
Katara sometimes teased him that he talked to himself too much, but this past year as the situation in the Colonies got worse he found himself diving again and again to talk with his past lives.
It was oddly free, to know that whatever he did, he couldn't be the greatest Avatar either, or the worst, because there had been plenty of great Avatars and those who, despite their efforts… had not felt they'd truly done what they set out to do.
So, what did Avatars do? Well, if he was going to talk to Toph, then that's what Avatars did.
She wasn't easy to find - she wasn't in her quarters, nor the training fields; not even down in the cells, when Aang finally asked one of the guards to check
Aang didn't like prisons - he had never liked them, and his multitude of spells of imprisonment in the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom both had done little to endear them to him. Suffocating and still, trapped underground without any way to feel the air on his face, the sun on his shoulders. No, Aang didn't like prisons.
The Air Nomads had never had prisons, or at least he had never heard of them, and doubted Gyatso would've lied to him about it. If someone in one of the Air Temples committed a crime, they would find out why, and accordingly make them make their amends. In the worst cases, they would be sent into exile, so they could do no more harm.
But he understood the Fire Nation was different, and he didn't object, not like Toph did.
He tried to imagine how she must feel, tried to imagine how he would feel if he had just made a friend and all of a sudden, a whole nation was bent towards putting her on trial, maybe killing her.
Disgusted, probably. So disgusted that he wouldn't want to even look at them - or, see them with his feet, as Toph did.
Aang squinted up into the sun, at the volcano's rim all about them.
"Appa!"
Toph was on the very rim of the Caldera, positioned just above the tunnel through it, between the city and the harbour, a dagger in each hand, 'sparring' with a pair of molded stone figures, and Appa landed on the ridge behind her with a huff of effort.
"Hey Twinkletoes." Toph said, without turning around. "Hey Sweetness."
"Hey Toph," Aang replied reflexively, walking up to stand at her shoulder.
She was looking - or, rather, she was
facing - east, towards the sea. The great climbing road up zigzagged before them, alive with merchant caravans and travellers. The harbour below was dotted with ships of all kind - the light, fast craft of the Northern and Southern Water Tribes, the delicate Junks of the Earth Kingdom, and the ever present steel behemoths of the Fire National Navy, now laden heavy with trade goods.
"What's up, Twinkletoes?" Toph asked, "I'm pretty sure you came up here to talk 'bout
something, so spill."
"We've been looking for you everywhere!" Katara said, frustration lending her words a timbre that was almost accusatory, "Were you avoiding us?"
"No," Toph said, "Just sick of the Royal Palace."
"Why?" Aang asked, "Has Zuko not been making you feel welcome enough?"
"I just don't like one of my friends trying to convince me that another one needs to
die." Toph said bitterly.
Aang and Katara exchanged an uneasy glance.
"Zuko told me about that," Aang said delicately, "No one wants Azula to die, Toph."
Toph stamped her foot, and the two stone figures on the clifftop exploded into dust, making Aang flinch as powdered stone fell around them, into Toph and Katara's hair and Aang's clothes.
"No, but Zuko is willing to risk it to
look better," she snapped, "I told him she needs help, not a trial, and he didn't
believe me."
"Other than the comet," Katara said, "Azula always seemed sane to me."
"And how much time have you spent with her lately?" Toph replied acidly, "How much time has
Zuko spent with her lately?"
"I believe you." Aang said, "If you say Azula needs help, if you think a trial would do more harm than good, I believe you."
Toph turned to him in a flash, "So you'll tell Zuko not to try her?"
"Well," Aang said, "I don't think I should do that?"
"Oh," Toph said, "Right, 'cause Zuzu's worried he looks like your puppet?"
"Well… yes?" Aang said, "I don't run the Fire Nation, and I shouldn't run the Fire Nation! There are people all over who want to go back to war, and they
will, if we undermine Zuko's rule!"
"Who's undermining Zuko's rule?" Toph asked petulantly, "I just don't think a trial is the only way to deal with Azula - if everyone thought she was crazy, no one would wanna make her Fire Lord anyway, so she wouldn't be a threat!"
"Even crazy," Katara replied, "She's a powerful firebender, and a symbol people can rally around."
"Isn't that the fault of the people looking for a symbol?" Toph said, "Just deal with
them instead."
"Do you think we aren't trying?" Katara asked, "Every day, more of Ozai's loyalists are dismissed from the army, more factories are shut down or made to stop producing tanks and battleships, more ships turned into traders! Zuko is taking their power as fast as he can without restarting the war, Toph."
"Why would the war restart if he did it any faster?" Toph asked, "Why can't Zuko just tell the whole lot of them to lay down their weapons, and then we beat up anyone who refuses?"
"I thought that!" Aang said, "But King Kuei said some of his Generals would invade the colonies and he wouldn't be able to stop them."
"Then we could beat
them up!" Toph said, but weaker.
"Toph," Katara said kindly, "We could talk you through why this is more complicated than that, but you decided you didn't want to be involved! You don't have to run the colonies like Zuko asked you to, but it means you can't
also tell us how to do it."
"That doesn't mean we don't want to hear from you!" Aang said hurriedly, "We always want to hear your opinion! We just can't spend time explaining things to you after you choose not to get involved, you know?"
"Well maybe I don't want to run the colonies for Zuko," Toph said, "But I'm involved with Azula, and I don't see why I can't be!"
"She can't just be let out," Aang said, "She's too dangerous politically and-"
He shifted his weight uncomfortably, and the scar tissue on the bottom of his foot felt dull and senseless again.
"Her bending scares me." It felt like weakness to admit it, like a fear that he ought to be past, as the Avatar, but if he couldn't admit weakness in front of Toph and Katara, who could he trust? "She
killed me, Toph. Katara had to bring me back from the dead!"
"Yes, but-" Toph began.
"I know she can't just be locked away because she scares me," Aang interrupted, "I'm not a
baby, I just… It matters! It matters that she killed me, and it matters that you're asking me to protect her from the consequences of that!"
"She hurt you," Toph acknowledged, "And she's not sorry about that, and I don't know when, or even if, she ever will be. I'm sorry about that! But I'm not sorry for asking you if there's another way, because there has to be!"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Aang said cautiously, "I think I do have a solution."
Toph turned to him suspiciously. "Do you?"
"The problem isn't
Azula really," Aang said, "The problem is the symbol she represents! An alternative Fire Lord, a bender who could fight the Avatar, the Fire Nation Princess who took down Ba Sing Se!"
"But how does that help?" Toph asked, "She will still represent those things no matter what happens?"
"Not no matter what," Aang replied, "No one's calling for Ozai to reclaim his throne."
The words fell like a lead weight. Aang winced at his own lack of tact, whilst Katara made a face and Toph…
Toph staggered back, hand up to her mouth, as though holding back the desire to throw up.
"Are you suggesting," she said quietly, "Taking Azula's bending away?"
"It's worth thinking about!" Aang said, "Without her bending, she's not useful to any of the people Zuko is worried about, so she can get treatment for her problems! No one needs to die, and Azula doesn't even need to stay in prison!"
"Death would be kinder," Toph said angrily, "Her bending is a part of who Azula is, Aang! It'd be like taking my Earthbending, or your airbending! You can't do that to her!"
"We can't try her, we can't take her bending, we can't send her to the asylum, what can we do with her?" Aang asked, throwing his hands up.
"I don't know!" Toph shouted, "I don't know what to do with her, but I feel like everyone is just
giving up on the problem! Zuko just wants the court to handle her so he doesn't have to, Ty Lee is just leaving it for
Zuko to handle her, and you just want to take her bending so you don't need to worry about her any more!"
"Maybe," Katara said, voice growing sharp. "You could be right that if we really thought about it, we could come up with another option for what to do with Azula. We could fly around the world on Appa, finding some guide or spirit or expert who could come here and help her out. We could find somewhere she could go and be healed, or something! Maybe. But we don't have time, Toph. Do you know how many other people are imprisoned in the Fire Nation?"
Toph frowned, "No, but-"
"
Nor does anyone else," Katara said, "There's so many prisons, and so few records! We don't know how many people are in them, and we don't know
why half of them are in there, and the prison wardens are so hostile that we can't find anything out without a writ from Zuko and a platoon of soldiers! And that's just
one thing in
one of the Nations, Toph! You don't need to help us with this, but we can't just do whatever you ask, you know?"
"So that means Azula just gets discarded?" Toph asked, "Either Aang takes her bending so she feels dead or Zuko drags her out for a trial in front of everyone, and she gets sentenced to death?"
"That's not fair," Aang said, "If I don't take her bending, I was going to talk to Zuko, and we'd talk to the judge about-"
Whatever Aang was going to say was cut off abruptly, as the stone beneath their feet roiled and cracked.
A great pillar stabbed up out of the ground, lifting Toph to tower over them both.
"I'm not a child!" Toph shouted over the grinding of rock beneath her feet.
As she spoke, she shifted, and the pillar tilted abruptly, setting the whole side of the caldera to rumble. Before Aang or Katara could say anything more, Toph's pillar began to move, first slow, then a lot faster, grinding through the stone and rock of the caldera, headed more or less directly down, towards the road between Caldera City and the harbour below.
"I know sometimes things are hard!" Toph said, "I'm not stupid! I just thought if I asked for something, my
friends would at least
try!"
The chasm left by her rocky drill as she disappeared into the mountain was large and rough, and Aang and Katara made heavy going, only occasionally managing to gasp out a plea for Toph to slow down or wait for them, before the end of Toph's tunnel burst into sudden light - she'd made it to the Caldera-Harbour tunnel, scattering stone and dirt all over the tunnel as she landed, unsteady on her feet, and then stood, looked up at Aang and Katara, perched halfway down the tunnel, and disappeared without another word.
Aang didn't speak to Toph again before he had to leave the Fire Nation.
TL AN: It'd honestly be so much easier if any of them didn't actually mean well.
VM AN: Everyone's doing their best, they just have different priorities, and different preconceptions. It's unfortunate.
