And what a mess it became... (Battletech CYOA)

Chapter 2 - Part 5
Feeling like putting some toast early. Who wants toast? You have toast. And you have toast. EVERYONE GETS TOAST!

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Primus Julian Tiepolo was a very busy man. As the leader of ComStar, the organization publicly dedicated to running humanity's only means of interstellar communications other than the Pony Express but secretly the sixth wheel on the disastrous train of the Succession Wars which wrought untold pain and suffering throughout the Inner Sphere, he suffered from the most dreaded of all afflictions.

Paperwork. Reams of paperwork. And meetings, briefings and all sorts of ings that took time, energy and mental acumen not to make a total dog's breakfast of.

"Primus."

"Have a seat, Precentor."

Tojo Jarlath, Precentor ROM after Vesar Kristofur's debacle with the Wolf Dragoons, took his seat before Tiepolo.

"I am not sure I recall the last time you gave me good news, Tojo. How's the outlook this week?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't get better. If anything, it's just gliding down the same slope."

"I was hoping otherwise. Go ahead," said Tiepolo with resignation.

Tojo nodded and began, "Efforts to suppress the Helm data core proliferation are proceeding, but our analysts are coming to the conclusion that it is a pointless exercise. It is spreading like a virus and for every copy we catch at least three more slip through our fingers. Every House has multiple copies stashed away by now - we know of some locations but not all - and we're aware of some super proliferators who are, or were, sending out cores around as fast as they could make copies and have them shipped."

Tiepolo nodded.

"We may as well throw the towel on that effort and redirect our efforts into ensuring the critical industries we don't want the Houses to repair and upgrade with the data core information remain so, unrepaired and unupgraded. This will be more difficult and riskier, but is actually feasible."

"How so?"

"The reluctance of the Great Houses to strike at each other's industrial assets will have to be overcome. Barring direct action of our own, the only way we can affect in a major way the adoption of Helm core technology is to entice and trick them into attacking each other's infrastructure. Sabotage at the scale we need, in the timeframe we need done, is infeasible."

"Direct action is not possible at the moment," Tiepolo stated. "While the more radical elements within ComStar favor this option, the ComGuards are not ready for the conflict that would inevitably arise from that. Am I wrong in this assessment?"

"No, you are not, Primus. Our readiness is improving and the new units should be combat ready in two to three years, but in a slugging match against the experienced troops of the Great Houses? Even with more advanced technology, I know where I would place my bets."

"And standing up warships isn't even in the cards," Tiepolo finished from memory. "The training program isn't scaled up enough for that. So we have an army that we can't use and expect to win and a navy we can't get out of the dockyards."

"But we're the only ones with any Warships at all, Primus. That alone is far more than any of our foes have."

"True," he admitted. "But our safety's still primarily assured by the threat of interdiction, nothing else. And that's being undermined by the Rothschilds and their ilk."

Tojo grimaced and silently cursed Vesar for his carelessness and the mess he left behind. Thanks to him, Terran companies and banking institutions breached the insulating bubble ComStar had placed the entire Terran star system in, and they were not only providing banking services around the Inner Sphere - undermining the C-Bill's role - but if some of his agents were to be believed, alternative HPG networks were being placed. That information he was yet to confirm, though, and he'd elected to spare the Primus the heart attack inducing reaction to even the possibility that were true.

He would rather make sure of the veracity of the information before telling Tiepolo that, with a medical team on stand-by. Not that the Primus wasn't right in his assessment, even undermining the C-Bill by itself was already a major issue as it could serve as an alternative conduit for financial transactions across national borders - conduits not under ComStar's control. And what galled him the most was that they didn't have a legitimate excuse to demand of anyone the shutting down of the banks. The Communications Act technically gave them the legitimacy to ask any other HPG networks to be shut down or handed to ComStar's possession, but he couldn't believe anyone would admit to their existence, backing or even knowing of them. And, in the back of his head, he knew just how much dead letter that agreement really was due to Blake's own actions and of some of his successors.

"They'll be dealt with, Primus, once we can devote the resources to do so."

He nodded. "The militant wing needs to be starved of arguments. I'm barely keeping the hotheads in check as it is, we need successes."

"We've been having some, Primus, but as you know, it's like trying to keep the tide away with sand castles. It's not working. And there's another bit of bad news. In fact, three bits of bad news wrapped in one package."

The Primus sighed. "Do tell, Tojo."

"The fleet base in Telos, which we believed to be owned by Giacomo Raventhir, is now in the possession of a woman called Yuriko Hasegawa. According to our most recent intelligence on her, she's Japanese by birth and moved with her parents to the Combine. I'm going to skip the long story of her life so far in order to focus on the bad news. The first is she's actively working to restore that shipyard to life."

Tiepolo frowned.

"The second is… she's also working with the locals to restore the Weather Inhibitor system, apparently from the original blueprints."

The Primus blinked in surprise. "Bad? I suppose it is, from a lot of perspectives, but it's not a technology that negatively affects us. I can't say I particularly care about sabotaging that initiative."

"You see, Primus… it's bad, because we don't have those blueprints."

"We have a copy of Helm ourselves. Multiple copies. If she has them, then so should we."

"No. You see. We checked the data core. The blueprints for that system aren't there. At all. And that's the third bad news."

Tiepolo stiffened.

"Hasegawa has her hands on something other than Helm's. And since, from traffic analysis we know she used command chains on two occasions in 3016 to go from the edge of the back end of Combine space to Luthien, then from Luthien to Telos, it is a reasonable assumption that she found some sort of cache somewhere, which she likely handed over to the Dragon."

"Tojo… the scenario you present is possibly more dangerous than the proliferation of Helm's data core. Find out all you can about this Hasegawa and her operations. Find out what she was up to, what if anything she gave to the Dragon. Burn her shipyard. Not directly, mind… only under my authority will I even consider acting directly. But if you can find patsies to do the job for us? You have my permission."

Tojo nodded. "Thank you, Primus, for your trust. As a matter of fact, I've already begun attempts to infiltrate her operations."

"Good, good. You're doing well in these trying times. Blake help us, but nothing seems to go our way lately. That accursed Hughes twisting the arms of multiple Precentors to authorize the rebuilding of a League battlemech facility? The Feddies building a new battlemech facility themselves in the boonies without us even catching wind of it until it was already mostly built? And here, at home? Those squabbling nations can't just sit down and have a civil talk with each other without raising tensions. One day somebody is going to do something stupid and start another war we'll be caught in the crossfire of."

"To be fair, Primus, rebuilding that facility in the League actually benefits the balance of power overall. The Free Worlds is already behind on military forces, if it also permanently loses that factory it will never have a chance of recovery… and that means the Lyrans have a freer hand. Not good for us."

"I know, I know, and I looked the other way for that reason. I can still complain about it because nobody asked what I thought of it before all the approvals were made. And I know and will remember the names of those who went behind my back to do it."

Tojo nodded. Woe be to the Precentor who went behind the Primus' back. There were plenty of HPG stations in the boonies who could use an additional warm body to lead it… or just as a 'spiritual retreat' for 'meditation'.

"Any other news?"

"Not right now, Primus."

"Good. I don't think I could've taken much more of that. Before you go… I have a proposal from Precentor Luna Lovegood here. She's suggesting we use one of our second tier hidden worlds for an additional purpose."

Tojo looked on with interest. "Which world, and what is she proposing?"

"Artoo, and she's proposing an industrial upgrade and establishing battlemech and aerospace lines in it."

"Interesting… it's actually a well populated and reasonably well developed world, but not one where the locals buy into our beliefs. It wouldn't be too difficult to upgrade some of their existing industrial base and build more on top to support modern weapon manufacturing. I don't know if we won't be borrowing trouble in the process, but it's certainly workable."

"I can scrounge up the budget for it - I'll just impose a small rate increase to pay for it - but I need you to take a deeper look at Artoo and make sure we aren't creating a problem. We have other worlds we can use for manufacturing and large stockpiles here on Terra that are going unused."

"That is true, Primus, but Artoo has an additional advantage none of the Five have. It's not a world that has ever appeared on the navigation charts, much less that it was ever owned by any of the Great Houses. If there ever was a list of safe places to stash some industrial base at, Artoo would be at the top of the list."

"That is a very valid point, Tojo. Bring me an analysis next week of Artoo's suitability for Luna's proposal. I'll make a decision then."

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Next, it's back to New Avalon...
 
Chapter 2 - Part 6
Please post your reaction videos at the end, kthx!

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Corporal Charles-Henri Sanson started climbing up the stairs, followed by soldiers of his platoon. It was just about two floors up to the door to what it seemed like the hangar's control room, wall on one side and rail on the other and it was not until he was just a few steps from the top that he realised he should've inspected the staircase before going up.

Faster than he'd gone up, he found himself sliding down on what formerly had been a staircase but suddenly became a slide.

"Oh, fuuuuuck!", he head someone saying before he reached the bottom and impacted against the sudden dogpile of unfortunate soldiers. That hurt, he thought.

Standing up, he took stock of the situation… and the rest of the platoon, particularly those who hadn't gone up.

"Shut it, soldier," he shot at a private who was chuckling at the dogpile.

"Yes, sir."

"Now help the others," he ordered with a hint of satisfaction at the private obeying him. Then he turned his attention to the stairs turned slide and saw that, with a bit of work, he could get up the stairs using the railing alone. He reached out for it and, one step at a time, started working his way up.

"You can do it, sir!"

He grinned at the cheering. Hell yeah, this was working, though in the back of his mind he wondered if this was all he was going to find. He brushed that thought off and kept going until he was all the way up and then inspected the door. It looked like a pretty bog standard door and it even seemed to be unlocked.

Suspicious or fortunate, he wondered.

Unwilling to let doubt hinder his progress, he pressed the button to open the door. The door slid open, a bip sounded followed by a loud pop and then the most agonizing blossoming of pain found its way through his nerve system to his brain as a smallish rubber ball bounced off one of his most precious body parts, then the floor and then out the door, to be found much later.

"Man down!," he heard saying as he fell over, whimpering, his hands covering his most aggrieved part, eyes staring at the little device that had fired off the rubber ball…

---

The golden Archer going down one of the ramps to a lower level was a seventy ton war machine designed for long range support. Captain Gilgamesh, commander of one of Jeanette's battalions, was its pilot, at the head of a column with battlemechs and armored personnel carriers following him.

"All units," he heard over the radio, "be aware there are reports of boobytraps in the area. None so far designed for lethality, but exercise caution."

Psh, he was inside a battlemech. He could take it, he thought. He arrived at the bottom of the ramp and found himself before a shut door about 300 meters away.

"Obstacle ahead, closed blast door," he reported. "Engineering team, get to work."

He paused his battlemech briefly, the column stopping behind him sans for a single APC carrying the engineering team, which sped ahead to the blast door. Less than a minute later after stopping, they started working on the door. Gilgamesh started moving his 'mech closer, but by the time he was halfway to the door he was taken by surprise as a concealed door opened on the ceiling just ahead of him, dropping a large jar of some purple liquid attached to a rope.

He had just long enough to realise it was swinging at him before it impacted against his mech, just below the cockpit. The glass of the jar broke easily, splattering its contents all over his golden Archer and entirely covering his cockpit.

"... I'm hit with something. Lieutenant Souji, please assess threat."

Souji's battlemech, a Phoenix Hawk, approached to inspect.

"Captain? Your entire mech's head is covered with… whatever that is. You can't leave until we make sure it's safe… or wash it all off."

"If they were not long dead, I would make the mongrels who did this pay. Pick up someone to take a close look."

It took a bit of time to decide who would do it (short stick strategy works wonders), but eventually, one of the foot soldiers was lifted to take a look, decked in protective gear.

"Be quick, I don't have all day," Gilgamesh instructed him.

The soldier ran a few tests, ruling out all sorts and classes of chemical weapons before he realised something.

"It looks like jam, sir."

"Jam? Are you saying it's jam?," asked Gilgamesh in confusion. Surely he was mistaken?

"Well… it looks like it, tested negative to all chemical weapon tests so far…"

"What flavor is it?," said Souji in jest.

"I would like to know that, private."

"... Sir, are you serious?"

"I am, private."

Wasteful mongrel, his time was far too valuable to be wasted here. Did he not know that?

"Captain, this sounds unwise to me," protested Souji, but Gilgamesh cut her off.

"Private, taste the jam."

He very reluctantly obeyed, taking off the mask first before drawing a line on the 'mech with his finger and then, carefully, tasting it with the tip of his tongue. After a few moments, he said, "Raspberry, sir. Definitely raspberry."

A moment's silence. Then Souji pulled away, with the private, before the captain started raving.

"Raspberry? Raspberry! What mongrel dares to give me, the raspberry! I am GILGAMESH!"

Then he stepped forward, towards the blast door, his 'mech hand wiping at the cockpit but less than thirty meters forward the floor gave below him, dropping the Archer into a 10-meter tall pit… half-filled with more raspberry jam.

Souji looked over the edge of the pit, and saw the struggling Archer, fighting to get up from the muck, and commented. "Well… the captain first got jammed and then got into a jam. Sounds about right."

She sighed and set about coordinating 'mech rescue operations while Gilgamesh raved about damned mongrels unworthy of his presence deigning to embarass him in such an undignified manner.

---

Jeanette ground her teeth as she heard yet another report of a trap going off. There had been dozens already and morale among her crew was rock bottom, with the only upside being that nobody was seriously injured and there were no deaths. A few would need a small hospital stay, but no more than that.

At least, so far.

Compounding her aggravation was the fact that as of yet nobody had found anything of value in the base that wasn't bolted down to the floors, ceilings or walls or was otherwise essentially part and parcel of operating or maintaining the facility itself. The warehouses so far found were bare, none of the mechbays had battlemechs and even industrial mechs were all but absent. Some trucks and other logistical vehicles were found, but those weren't worth the trip.

"Jean, this may be the weirdest day I've ever seen."

"Cousin, you sure you want to be in here? So far… but who can tell what else is here."

"No, I don't think we're in true danger at this point. Whoever did all this went out of his way to make all the traps non-lethal, yet humiliating and, from a certain perspective, rather humorous."

Well, she had to admit to herself Thomas had a point… some of the stuff that happened to certain people was hilarious. But it could all still be a setup.

"That may be so, cousin, but until we clear out the area we can't be sure."

Before Thomas could reply, Captain Artoria's voice cut in. "Colonel, we found the way to central command. Just a couple blast doors left to get open."

"Roger that, Captain. I'm on the way," Jeanette replied, setting her 'mech on the move. A few moments later, she noticed Thomas following her in his Warhammer. "You're coming?"

"Yes, Jean. Nothing to do up here."

She thought about arguing, but decided not to try. He hadn't listened to her concerns when he'd decided to come along for the ride and he wasn't going to listen to her now.

"In that case, just follow behind me. I have the mapping information."

The trip wasn't a particularly short one - Castle Brians, even the smaller ones, were big complexes - but there was nothing to slow them down and 'mechs travelling at 48kph ate the distance quickly and steadily. One of the blast doors was reported open while on the move, to their pleasure, but it was not to last.

As Jeanette entered one of the last access tunnels before reaching the opened blast door, panels on the walls and ceiling opened up and started spraying a black liquid at her 'mech. Her surprise, however, gave way to instinctive reaction as she turned her 'mech around, bleeding inertia and trying to get out of the trap she'd sprung. Before she could complete the maneuver, however, the spraying stopped and the liquid sprayers retracted… only for another set to pop out and start blasting something white at her 'mech instead. Moments later, she got her 'mech out of the danger zone and stopped to assess the situation.

"Jean… ha… haha… hahahahahahahaha!"

Jeanette stared at Thomas' battlemech for a moment, as he started to laugh hysterically for a few seconds before cutting off transmission. What was he laughing about, she wondered, before she caught sight on her cockpit glass of some of the white stuff and stiffened. Oh, no, they hadn't...

---

The command center was finally breached and swept through, but it was not until an unusually stiff Jeanette and a clearly amused Thomas arriving that they learned just why the platoon doing the sweep had been evasive about what they'd found.

A sign hung on one of the walls, with a lot of boxes stacked against it underneath.

"Congratulations for making it through Castle Nautilus! I hope you enjoyed the invigorating experience, I certainly enjoyed modifying all the most certainly lethal traps and defense mechanisms into far less lethal ones!

Now, I do apologize if you are a gold digger looking for lost treasures from the Star League. Finders keepers and all that, I'm afraid, and I got here first. Neener neener. On the other hand, I can't cart off this entire place so there's that. If you want, just sell it to the local overlord. The Calderons would probably pay a pretty penny for it.

In the meantime, because no adventure of this sort can go unrewarded, you may find in the boxes something to your size.

See ya around, bambini
Giacomo Raventhir"

Jeanette ground her teeth as one of the soldiers pulled from one of the boxes a T-Shirt with 'I found Castle Nautilus and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt' emblazoned on it. Thomas snorted and tried to hold back his laughter, to a moderate success. She glanced at the other officers who'd made it there. Gilgamesh looked affronted and it was a miracle he was not raving. Artoria looked blandly at the T-Shirts, clearly not amused but since she'd escaped personal embarassment… and then Emiya walked in, clearly amused at something and talking to a subaltern of his.

"I never thought I'd see a 'mech tarred and feathered," Emiya commented, "Wonder whose?".

Then he looked at Jeanette and saluted her, before noticing all the glares he was getting from the officers, sans Gilgamesh. "What?"

"Nevermind," said Jeanette, mentally cursing Giacomo. "Captain Emiya, you are in charge of distributing those to the entire unit," she ordered, pointing at the T-Shirt crates.

Castle Nautilus was a loss to her, for sure. Thomas would get his Castle Brian, but she had been counting on her share of the booty for the profit. Instead, all she was getting was a stockpile of T-Shirts. If that was the case, then she was going to make it a point to hand everyone at least one to their size. Dealing with this crap definitely warranted having a reminder of the shared painful experience everyone had to get through.

---

"Hmm… I like this very much," said Guntram as he read the report in his hands. "Good work, Luna."

She wasn't there with him, but he wished she was so he could congratulate her in person for landing the position he needed her to be in. Precentor Artoo, with the duty and resources to upgrade its industrial base? It would serve ComStar well… but it would serve him even better. If all went as planned, that is.

He eyed the other piles of papers. He'd gone a long way setting up his own network of agents throughout the former Hegemony worlds and was well on the way to planting the seeds for his plan to bear fruit. In the meantime, all the hardware he'd pulled off of Helm was being put to good use. With mercenaries helping, he was literally raising his own army without anyone the wiser. Getting dropships was more difficult and expensive but bit by bit even that was not an insurmountable problem. Jumpships even more so but he had backup plans to make up for deficiencies in that regard.

"Fort Knox, eat your heart out," he said with a chuckle as he remembered how he'd been financing the whole thing. The Hegemony had been quite the packrat, hiding away all sorts of stuff where it couldn't be easily found. A monetary metal repository whose existence and location had been lost during Amaris' destruction? Best possible source of funding. Completely untraceable. And he was yet to find a world that wouldn't pay cash for gold. Or silver, platinum and even some of the other metals and valuables stored there.

Guntram's father had found it and now it was his.

Of course, all of his plans rested on one thing above all. The fall of ComStar. He eyed the pile related to his own agents on Terra and smiled.

"Soon, Primus, you'll reap what you've sown."

But not too soon. Oh, no. He needed his army ready to take advantage of it. The Hegemony would rise again… and he would be at the helm.

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Yes, that was Castle Home Alone. *hums tune*

Chapter 3 in progress but it will take time. Feedback so far is most welcome. And don't forget the reaction videos. :)
 
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