An Imago of Rust and Crimson
Chapter 1.04
It was dark. I couldn't get out. I could taste the blood on my tongue and every inhalation made me want to vomit. I couldn't get out. The pain stabbed through my arm, and I screamed.
I couldn't ever get out.
I woke, gasping for air. My clammy skin was cold against the morning air. I smelt of fear, the hot, damp sweaty tang filling the room. Rolling onto my side, trying very hard not to bang my hands, I whimpered. I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. But I couldn't get a proper night's rest.
The nightmares were getting worse and worse. As they brought down the dose of the painkillers – something I had asked for – I was dreaming at night. Dreaming again and again of the locker.
Letting out a shuddering breath, I tried to think of something else. The clock on the bedside table was showing 07:39. It was only just light outside, and the world I could see through the crack in the curtains looked grey and dull.
Regular. Mundane.
Maybe I could ask for a night-light, to see if sleeping in a better-lit place would stop the dreams. Or I could ask for more painkillers. Maybe my body was associating the pain in my hands with being back there.
No. I couldn't let them know what I'd seen. I couldn't control what I said when I was on the medication, and I didn't want people to think I was crazy. I'd already let my dad know more than I wanted him to. I wasn't sure if he knew that it was Emma, Sophia and Madison who'd pushed me in there, but I'd heard him shouting on the phone outside. He wasn't letting the school handle things. He had taken things to the police. Someday soon, I'd have someone come in to take a formal witness statement.
Just the thought of that made my mouth feel dry. I painfully reached to the sports bottle on my side table, and found it empty.
Damn. My eyes went to the sink in the room. Over the past few days, I'd found just how painful trying to do anything was. My injured hands were torture in their own right. Not just because they hurt – though they did – but because they made me useless. There were so many things I couldn't do for myself. I could get out of bed and make my way to the sink. Unscrewing the lid of the bottle, filling it up, and then resealing it? I honestly didn't know if I could do it.
I was still going to try. I hated being useless.
Painfully, I levered my aching body out of bed, and stumbled over to the mirror above the sink. I looked exhausted. My lips were pale, and there were bags under my eyes. There were plasters down both cheeks, covering self-inflicted wounds. I tried not to look at them. Apparently they were shallow, didn't seem to be infected and might not scar. I was still vain enough to not want to think of what I might see when the dressings came off.
Holding the bottle in both hands, keeping it held up more through pressure than any grip on it, I managed to unscrew the cap with my teeth. I kept it gripped in my mouth, because I certainly wouldn't manage to pick it up again on my own. I managed to wedge the bottle under the faucet, and I thanked whoever had designed this hospital that the tap was a lever design.
There were flecks of rust in the water.
I screamed, spitting out the bottle cap, and leapt back. Of course, I fell back, landing heavily on my bottom, which joined the chorus of aches and pains. Much more prominent was the stabbing pain white-hot from my hands. I bit back another scream, eyes watering.
There was a clatter of feet from outside, and one of the nurses entered. "Taylor," asked the nurse, alarmed. "What happened?"
"I just fell," I lied. I put on a fake smile, trying to slow my breathing. I wiped my eyes on my shoulder. "I thought I could manage to refill the water bottle on my own. Looks like I wasn't as steady on my feet as I thought I was."
The woman tutted. "You should have just rung for help," she said, not unkindly. "I know it must be frustrating, not being able to do things for yourself, but you need to give yourself time to heal."
"I didn't want to be a bother," I said weakly.
"Look! You've gone and started bleeding again," she said, holding my hand out for me. I could see the dark stain spreading on the middle finger of my right hand, soaking through the dressing. "Young lady, forget 'not being a bother' and just ring if you want your water refilled. Your hands are infected. I don't want you making yourself any worse!"
My cheeks were flushed, from humiliation as well as pain, while she helped me back to bed. I would have been screaming from frustration, if I hadn't been terrified out of my wits by the sight of the rust in the water.
The nurse refilled the bottle, and made a note on the sheet at the end of my bed. With a stern 'Next time, call for help', she departed. The water was clear this time. There was no sign of rust. But of course there wouldn't be, because I'd run the tap.
I wasn't seeing things. Hopefully.
I cried myself to sleep, and I wasn't sure if the tears were coming from frustration, pain or fear.
Of course, I didn't even get a proper amount of rest out it if. I got woken up by my dad, who told me that he'd got a sudden phone-call asking if they could take my statement today. Then came the humiliating bit where he fed me breakfast, because I couldn't hold cutlery myself. Somehow it was worse than when the nurses did it. There was just enough time after that for him to sponge down my face so I at least wasn't so sweaty, but I wasn't going to be winning any beauty pageants looking like this. Not that I would have won them anyway.
The policewoman was a somewhat-overweight motherly looking Hispanic woman. She was wearing lily-of-the-valley perfume, and had a red butterfly clip in her hair. Just the sort you'd want to be talking to an 'emotionally fragile' teenage girl, I thought cynically.
I wondered how many sad stories like mine she'd heard, and whether she really cared when she heard another one.
"So, Miss Hebert… or would you prefer me to call you Taylor?" she began, after pulling up a chair beside my bed.
"Taylor," I said.
"Okay, Taylor. You can call me Maria. I'm here to take a witness statement from you… have you ever done that before?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Well, okay. Basically, what's going to happen is that I'm going to ask you some questions, and I'm going to record the conversation. We can go at your own pace. All I want you to do is try to be honest and say everything you remember. Just stick to what you can remember, do you understand? Don't make guesses – just say if you don't remember something or if you're not sure. And if you lie, you can get in trouble, so don't do that, okay?"
I swallowed. "I understand," I said. I understood, but I still wasn't going to say everything.
"Now, you can have your dad in here, or I can ask him to leave. Which would you prefer, Taylor?"
I was in two minds about that. If he was here – he was my dad. And I was going to actually, possibly, really be getting the three who did this to me in serious trouble. When I put it like that, it was a scary idea. It felt better to have him here. But on the other hand, if I let things slip, I didn't want him to hear.
"I'd like to be alone," I said. I felt awful just from the way he looked at me when I said that. I tried to look apologetic at him, but I'm not sure if it worked. The cop cleared her throat, and I turned my attention back on her.
Something flickered in the background. No, that wasn't quite it. It was more like the background flickered. My dad and the woman stayed where they were sat, but the world around them changed. Just for a moment.
"Taylor?" the cop said kindly. She could obviously see my expression, and how my breathing had sped up. "Is something the matter?"
Was something the matter? No, of course nothing was the matter, officer. I mean, it wasn't as if I had just seen the walls around me as bare concrete, rust bleeding from the exposed beams in loops and swirls. It wasn't like the temperature had just dropped twenty degrees for a few seconds, and all the hair on my arms was standing on end. It wasn't like I had just heard the water in the pipes.
"My hands just hurt," I lied. It wasn't actually a lie, even. They were hurting more. "I bent them by accident," I added.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the cop said. "Do you want me to get some…"
"I'll be fine," I said quickly. "I just… well, I'm still on some painkillers, but not as much as I could have because I really don't like the way they make me feel. Some pain is better than the dizziness."
She tucked back a stray lock of hair. "Do you think you can go on?" she asked.
"I'll be fine," I assured her, ignoring the expression on my dad's face. I thought the staff might have told him that I had asked them to reduce the dosage of painkillers a bit, but apparently not. Yes, asking him to leave had been a good idea. I didn't want to think about what he'd say when he found out about all the bullying last term.
"Well, okay," she said, pulling out a recorder from her pocket, along with a few lapel mikes. "If Mr Hebert… sorry, but she's asked you to leave and…"
"I understand," he said slowly, pulling himself to his feet. "I'll… I'll just go get some food at the canteen, how about that?"
The door slammed behind him with a grating shriek of metal against metal. I bit down on my tongue to avoid yelping at that sound, and tried not to think of what the momentary flash had revealed to me.
I tried my very best to make it through the interview. Focusing on the questions and carefully working out my answers helped. As long as I was otherwise occupied, I didn't have to think of the burning figure who stalked out in place of my father, or the hollow-eyed porcelain doll which had replaced the cop who was listening to my every word.
I wasn't going mad. I was just stressed out and tired. That's what I told myself.