- Location
- A state of cleverness
All the Freedom in the World [Rebuild of Evangelion]
Ch08: Mari
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Rei stopped for only half a second. Most people wouldn't even have noticed any hesitation. The Commander might have, or maybe Shinji. Then she entered the class room and spoke.
"Good morning."
It was barely above a whisper, and yet it still felt very strange to her: Addressing people. Showing initiative. But it was a form of creating bonds: People reacted to her, heads turned in silent surprise.
Rei had always craved connections with people, after her life had been utterly devoid of that. In all the years in which she hadn't been allowed to leave that room far beneath the Geofront, there had only been the Commander. His visits had been rare rays of light in a life of greyness. But even upon entering the school, nothing had really changed. There had been much commotion when she had first come to this class over a year ago, but she had found herself lost, cast adrift in a sea she didn't know how to navigate. She couldn't speak up, couldn't respond to people speaking to her, couldn't take part in the life of the people around her.
So very soon, her classmates had started ignoring her. She was seeing all the people around her, but piloting EVA remained her only bond to the world. And now, maybe her renewed effort would fail. But ever since she had first met Shinji, and ever since she had stopped taking her meds, piloting wasn't enough anymore. She wanted those bonds in her day to day life – she wanted people to regard her, interact with her.
Those were very confusing feelings for her, and just whispering "good morning" had been difficult.
Routine took over, and she just walked towards her desk without even thinking about it. She had never thought much about any of her actions; unreflecting rote had always been the norm for her. It was safer not to think; thinking meant realizing how much she lacked and what she was.
But then she stopped and turned right around, walking instead up to Asuka's desk. The European pilot was already there. She leaned her chair back against the wall so that it only stood on two legs anymore, and was looking down on the gaming device in her hands.
"Hello," Rei greeted her. She was a fellow pilot, after all.
"Hrm," Asuka merely grunted in reply.
For some seconds, Rei remained silent. She had no idea what to do now. Eventually, she defaulted to aping what she had seen other people do. That strategy had worked with Shinji, after all. "How are you?"
Asuka didn't look up from the Wonderswan. "What do you want, First?"
"I don't know," Rei answered truthfully. She didn't quite know what she had thought would happen when she had started the talk.
"Then leave me alone," Asuka told her grumpily, still not looking at her.
Rei did just that. Without saying another word, she simply turned on the spot and walked to her desk now. It used to be that with her mind not focusing on any particular matter anymore, time would just wash by her. But without Ritsuko's meds, that was no longer the case. She had no choice but to recognize the world around her: How some people were still looking at her with curiosity, how Shinji still wasn't there, how Kensuke walked up to Asuka. The redhead laid the Wonderswan on the desk and smirked at him, an expression to which the boy answered with a sort of tolerant smile.
The two seemed to talk for quite a while. It made Rei wish Shinji would finally come. It seemed she just couldn't find a connection with anybody e…
"Ah! Kitten!"
Rei turned her head around. Somehow, Mari was standing right next to her, with the biggest grin on her face. Rei just kept looking right at her.
She shrugged. "Since I decided Shinji is the puppy, you get to be the other cute baby pet. Don't worry, he'll be here shortly." Then she laughed. "Oh, you're just being too obvious. Say, what are you even doing when he isn't around?"
Rei just kept looking at her. There just was nothing to answer. Most her day to day activities consisted of reading, but only school material and technical manuals, and waiting.
"Look, clearly you need something else to occupy your time," Mari continued. "And I have just the thing for you!" And without further ado, she just dropped a carrying bag onto Rei's desk. Rei peered inside… to find small booklets there. "Manga!" Mari exclaimed. "All kinds of it. Magical girl, slice of life, isekai and so on. Okay, the mecha ones are probably a bit redundant, I admit."
Rei looked at the bag again, then back to Mari. "Manga?"
"Surely you have heard of it!" Mari insisted. Rei nodded. "See! It's something to do when you're alone. Though you really should get going on Shinji, lest another girl snatches him away." Rei looked at her puzzled. "Hey, he's a looker! I think even some of the boys wouldn't say no to him."
"No to what?" Rei asked.
That finally stopped Mari's enthusiasm. She blinked. "Uh… ah… do I have to tell you the story of the birds and the bees?" she muttered. When Rei still didn't understand, she just laughed. "Ah well. Just read some of the manga. They should give you a good overview."
That reassured Rei somewhat. Then again… She has an odd gleam in her eyes. And she was grinning in almost vicious way. Rei wondered what was up with that.
Asuka wanted to go home. It was bad enough how the local NERV branch had just returned to routine business after the angel attack, how her life again consisted of going to school, going to synch-tests, hearing orders, but she supposed that was at least simply part of being a pilot. Another part of that was going home after those tests, though. But no, Misato had told them to wait in the ready lounge, and that was pissing the redhead off. How did the Lieutenant Colonel dare steal her free time? So she sat in one of the armchairs, sunken deep into its cushions, playing on the Wonderswan and occasionally emitting angry grumbles.
"Ridiculous," she finally muttered through clenched teeth. "What the hell are we sitting here for?"
And if things weren't annoying enough, now Rei spoke up. The monotony in the blue-haired girl's voice could drive Asuka up the walls. "Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi ordered us..."
"Yes I know!" Asuka exploded at her fellow pilot, jumping up from the armchair and looking her right in the face. "You don't need to tell me again! But I guess for you that's all just fine and dandy, isn't it? You'll just follow every order without complaining!"
"Yes," Rei merely answered, holding Asuka's gaze with an unmoved face.
"No matter what they do," Asuka continued in a dark voice.
A uncomfortable feeling cropped up inside the redhead. A feeling of being caged, of being powerless, of just being expected to follow orders and to shut up. Just like… just like… She snarled and shook those old memories off. That was years in the past.
But she really had it to here with Rei's attitude. She felt mocked by it. Back at home they had all told her that the training and her role would be worth it in the end, because it would make her special. She was an elite mecha pilot, after all. But Rei… Rei just went along with everything. She didn't even claim a special status. She was just a tool that went along with everything.
"Hah," Asuka scoffed. "Useless."
"Oh," Rei said softly, and then looked down. Hah!
"Uh, A-Asuka…" The redheard swirled her head around and now looked angrily at Shinji, who had spoken up. The boy visibly gulped. "I… ah I think you should leave Rei alone. It's not her fault we're stuck waiting here."
Asuka kept glaring at him. As usual, Shinji had just no clue at all. But she supposed that wasn't his fault. He was just somebody they had picked off the street and were giving no respect to, either. So finally, she jerked her head around defiantly, crossed her arms and said, "Okay, fiiine." She sat down again to resume her Wonderswan session.
Goddamn puppy boy. Why is he so close to Rei anyway? It's not like she has any sort of personality at all. But if it made him happy, she'd leave her alone, even though that was a bit absurd. Soon, her anger was more focused on Misato again, anyway. How can she simply make us wait here? With what justification? It's not like an angel will break through just because we stay here…
She glanced over the edge of her Wonderswan when she heard the door to the ready room being opened. It wasn't Misato entering, though, but Mari. Asuka groaned.
"So, uh, Katsuragi said to come here?" she asked. It made Asuka look up from her gaming device again: The girl with the long twin tails sounded untypically subdued. "I hope I'm not too late."
Rei just shook her head, but Asuka commented aggressively, "Where have you been anyway?"
Mari had positively vanished after the synch-test. Not that Asuka had really minded that, exactly. As usual during synch-tests, Mari had been completely out of control – she had talked, hummed, even shouted. It made concentration during the tests nearly impossible.
The girl tried a weak smile. "I didn't feel so well." And sounding somewhat like her usual upbeat self again, "Didn't want to depress anybody with that, so I stuck to myself."
"Do that more often," Asuka muttered and focused on her Wonderswan again.
That caused Mari to laugh. Oh god, she is back to her old self. "Does the Princess no longer require my leal service, m'lady?"
Asuka stopped. Then paused the Wonderswan. Then looked up. "Please never say that again."
Before Mari could respond, the door was swung open again. This time, Misato entered, a big grin on her face. She was followed by Kaji, who was simply rolling his eyes. The officer stopped when she saw Mari. "Ah, there you are. I was already wondering." Then she turned her attention to the other pilots. "Good news, everyone!"
Asuka groaned, both at Misato's demeanour and at Shinji and Rei looking attentively at the Operations Director.
Misato pointed to the rank insignia on her shoulders. "I got promoted! It's Colonel Katsuragi now!"
"So it is in fact Colonel Buxom now!" Mari exclaimed.
"Ah… con… congratulations, Misato," Shinji added in his shy way.
Rei, meanwhile, just stood at his side and looked at the newly minted Colonel. And Asuka couldn't care less. She was just happy Misato and Kaji weren't shouting at each other, as had happened that one time he had visited her appartment. Why's that guy here, anyway?
"I think this needs to be celebrated, don't you think?" Misato told them. "We all deserve a bit of fun, and this is a perfect opportunity!"
Asuka gripped the Wonderswan harder. Ah. This is a perfect opportunity for celebration? THIS? She worked her mouth, but remained silent. Confirmed in her belief that people around her all sucked, she just focused on the game.
"So how about I treat you to something nice?" Misato suggested. "Let's go out to eat something together."
That made Asuka look up again. "Somewhere nice? And you're paying?" If it would get Asuka a nice meal for free, then at least all this waiting would have had a purpose.
Misato rolled her eyes but was still smiling. "Yes, Asuka, I'm paying."
The redhead jumped up from the armchair again. "Right. Let's go then."
This earned her some surprised looks; apparently people hadn't counted on such a quite reaction. Only Mari looked somewhat awkward.
"Ah… I don't think I'll come along," she declared. "I'm happy for you and all, big girl, but I'm still not feeling all too well… I think I'll just… you know… go home." And with that, she had already slipped past Misato and Kaji and was walking out of the door.
"Wait!" Misato shouted after her, into the corridor outside, but Mari was already gone. The colonel shook her head and then looked into the room again. "What's with her?"
Asuka shrugged. "Haven't you noticed? She's always like that after synch-tests. Either aggressive as hell, or awkward and avoiding everybody." Misato and Kaji exchanged a meaningful look, but Asuka didn't really care. "So, are we going now?"
They took the quickest way out of the Geofront, which still consisted of a confusing series of elevators, ridiculously oversized escalators and yet even more elevators before they reached the top level and its glittering entrance hall. There was a stark contrast between its light and shining interior design and the obvious signs of heightened security, like the card checkpoint and the armed security people standing guard. However, it hadn't been much different in Germany, so Asuka was used to that. It was just that in Germany, where they didn't have a gargantuan subterranean base for their use, everything had been at a much smaller scale.
Outside there was a small park, which meant the usual cacophony of the cicadas, which seemed to never end in Tokyo-3, was at a crescendo peak here. Sun shone from high above and dipped everything in a bright light and a gentle warmth. Coming to a land of permanent summer was like a holiday trip sometimes.
"You know, I haven't had a good steak in months," Asuka began talking. "Certainly not since coming here to Japan. You people here eat too much fish and too many vegetables, you know that. Hm, a good steak, medium-rare..."
After all, that would only be appropriate for what she had done, wouldn't it? So she was looking forward to something like that.
Kaji muttered something, though Asuka couldn't hear what, which caused Misato to break out in a giggle, as if almost against her will. Asuka sighed, but then just ignored that immature behaviour. It all didn't matter as long as she would get a good meal, preferably steak.
"Well, I don't know about that, Kaji," Asuka heard Misato laugh as the group walked along the pavement. Traffic was light in these streets, and only now and then did a car drive by. "You're really incorrigible. Just be happy that things have taken a turn for the good! All problems seem to be solved now."
Asuka furrowed her brows. It had to look like that for Misato, yes, but…
"Well, I… I'm glad you got your promotion, Misato," Shinji spoke up with some hesitation, naive fool that he was.
Asuka turned her head to see Misato's reaction and saw her shrugging her shoulders. "The Commander commended me for my plan employed against the last angel. He thought I had handled myself well. How did he put it… I handled command authority as becoming of a Colonel. Or something like that."
Asuka picked up on that. "So I got you a promotion?"
That made Misato stop for a moment. "Ah… I suppose so… you, Rei and Mari."
"So…" For a moment Asuka had wanted to say 'I', but as much she disliked Rei and Mari, they unfortunately were all in this together. "...we are the reason things turned out okay? Hm. I hope you take us out somewhere good then."
Misato sighed and smiled tolerantly. "Yes, Asuka."
Asuka had to give the Japanese credit for one thing, at least: They were excellent city planners. Tokyo-3 had been planned and built from scratch, and it showed. The streets formed an orderly grid, there were rarely any traffic jams, and the pavement was broad and welcoming. There even were small trees planted at the side of it. And the buildings to the other side were laid out quite cleverly, with just the right amount of little stores to catch one's interest. And of course, restaurants.
"You look like the proverbial cat that ate the canary," Kaji told Misato.
The new Colonel scoffed. "And why shouldn't I? All your worries, they were completely unfounded. Everything is going just fine, isn't it?"
Kaji worked his mouth, looked over the pilots and then sighed. "Yeah. It seems it is."
Asuka could merely roll her eyes at that. But whatever. She was actually nearly humming. Hm. Steak steak steak…
In fact, the group soon reached a restaurant that looked like a steak house. Asuka ran up to it, to look at the menu showcase next to the door.
"Oh! Look at that! Quite the menu. Hmm..."
Misato had caught up to her by now. "Also quite the prices. Ah… my poor wallet…"
"I do not eat meat." Asuka jerked her head around. Rei had spoken up. What?
"I'm sure they have vegetarian stuff here as well," Asuka grumbled. Just eat the side dishes if need be.
"Yeah, but…" Misato began. It sounded a bit embarrassed. "Rei doesn't like it here, and I, uh… even with my new salary, that's a bit much..."
"Your new salary we got you," Asuka muttered.
"Asuka!" Misato sounded sterner now. "Don't make a scene. There's a nice ramen stand down the road that..."
"A ramen stand?" Asuka echoed, outraged. "That is what you offer me after that fight? Some noodles?"
Misato crossed her arms and looked at her. "I'm sorry, but I need to watch my finances. You can take the noodles or..."
"Thanks, I pass," Asuka hissed. Now she was getting more than just annoyed – she was getting angry. I get hurt, I suffer and SHE gets the promotion. And then we don't even get steaks? Fuck this then. She saw no reason to put up with people around her then. "I'll take the train home."
Kaji sighed and pinched his nose bridge. Asuka, meanwhile, simply turned and stomped off. Behind her she could hear Misato: "Asuka! Where do you think you're..." but she didn't care. What's she gonna do? Fire me?
It was only when she heard steps running behind her that she turned her head – and stopped when saw that Shinji had run up to her. She wanted to just wish him to hell with all the others, but she just… couldn't. He had understood her. Maybe just that one time, but that was more than could be said for, well, anybody else. Except maybe Kensuke.
"Asuka..." he began, and then hesitated. "Uh… you could still have… don't you want to come and eat with us?"
Really? For a long time she just stared at him. Neither side said anything.
Then she said, "No," and just turned around again.
"See you tomorrow then, I guess."
"Yeah, till then. I'm looking forwards to beating your European ass again tomorrow."
A scoff. "I'd rather not think about what you'd do with my ass."
Kensuke could only muster a weak smile as Asuka stepped into the train. Those arcade sessions with her were really fun, but now…
Asuka had seemed kind of out of it from the moment she had arrived at the arcade. She still insisted in coming later, so she would never arrive at the same time as him. That was fine by him; if that made her feel more comfortable, he had no problem with it. He just wanted to share some fun with her. But today…
She had told him about how she and Misato had argued. Children arguing with their parents, or their guardians for that matter, that happened, but it seemed there was more to it. Something was eating Asuka up. So he had tried to be friendly to her.
And then that look in her eyes when he had told her that, hey, he couldn't buy her steak, but how about some ice cream at the café? Because she had earned that, and he had told her as much. This time that message had seemed to come through, because… she had tried to hide it, of course, as she always did, but she had definitely been surprised. Almost shocked.
And then also those stories that she had told in the café. Her training as a child. The way she had been handed over from from guardian to guardian, with all of them just being focused on making a pilot out of her. Stuff like the endurance week, where she had been pushed to her limits while being deprived of sleep. Kensuke knew why pilots had to be trained to be always ready, but she had been nine at that time.
All in all, Kensuke was beginning to get worried, and he didn't know how to deal with that. He realized he wasn't just playing video games with Asuka anymore. He was becoming… well…
...concerned for her. He just wished there was anything he could do. And those feelings confused him.
He trotted the station's stairs from the platforms down to the dusty street. Even here in Tokyo-3, small, barely used train stations always appeared somewhat unclean. Kensuke paid no heed to the setting sun. Instead he just kept his head down and focused on the ground in front of him. He walked the streets back to his home almost by instinct, too lost in thoughts.
This all felt wrong to him on a fundamental level. All his young life he had looked to mecha anime as a source of inspiration. A mecha was nothing more than a human writ large; it was the embodiment of its pilot's fighting spirit and of humanity's determination. It was supposed to be a source of heroism and valour, a force for good, and not… not…
…not this!
Kensuke felt his entire world turning upside down. It wasn't right that life had to be like that for EVA pilots. But what made it even worse, or even more complicated at least, was that Asuka was a genuinely fun person to be around, once one had gotten past her obvious thorns. That meant it wasn't just an abstract problem for Kensuke. It wasn't just that something far off wasn't like it was supposed to be, no matter how fundamental to him. It was something that directly affected a… well, a friend.
It wasn't the first time he had been concerned for a friend, of course. The Suzuharas had gone through some considerable financial troubles a few years back, so much so that it was unknown if they would be able to stay in the city. And then, of course, Shinji… but it was different now. It was funny, considering that Asuka would most likely be able to snap his spine if she wanted to, but he felt protective towards her. Protective and, and… tender. A feeling of tenderness.
And Kensuke was not so stupid as to not see where this was leading. But he just felt completely overwhelmed by Asuka's background, by what she was telling him, by the sheer wrongness of the real life mecha business. He really didn't know how to deal with it.
He passed the familiar white garden gate of his family's house without even much noticing it and sighed. He supposed he would warm up some ready-made food and then… what? Half his anime collection and half his model collection were rapidly losing its appeal. Well, he supposed he could work on some tanks. Things were more straight forward with them: You volunteered for the military and got assigned to tanks. Easy. Nothing at all like what happened with Shinji or Asuka.
The small garden with its several neatly trimmed bushes was quiet. The house itself was fairly, but not outrageously large. Its architects had tried to give it some pseudo-historical flair, by covering the wall at ground level in highly polished wood and by having a historic style roof, but this had not worked out very well. All in all, it was just a standard modern house.
Kensuke was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that the lights were on. He was only thrown out of his fugue when he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. His heart suddenly began racing. Slowly, on tip toes, he began approaching that room. Part of him felt like he was in a military infiltration mission, even though this could be so much more serious. This could be…
...he breathed out when he recognized the mumbling voice from inside the kitchen. Then he stepped around the corner.
"Dad? What are you doing?"
Hideo Aida seemed to be going through several cupboards, all of them open by now. He was a small, sometimes even frail looking man with dark grey, thinning hair and round spectacles. His face usually looked friendly but, as Kensuke often secretly thought with some amusement, also frequently a bit confused.
Hideo smiled at him. "Ah, hello there, Kensuke. I just wanted to see if we still had some spices here..." A silly smile was playing around Kensuke's lips. Why? You don't even cook. "And I take it you were in the city again?"
Kensuke shrugged and nodded. "Was in the arcade, and then out with Asuka."
"Ah yes. 'Asuka'," Hideo echoed and snickered a bit.
That actually did get a rise out of Kensuke. "I told you, she started using first names! She's just…"
Hideo smiled reassuringly. "Very European, I know."
"European," Kensuke echoed. That isn't all of it. He had no doubt regular European kids were different. "Yeah."
He turned around and trotted out of the kitchen. His father immediately followed and grabbed him at the shoulder. "Hey. Is something the matter?" When Kensuke didn't answer to that, he tried again, "What did you two do out in the city, anyway?"
Again, Kensuke shrugged. "Played at the arcade. Talked." He hesitated. "She had a rough life."
Hideo withdrew his arm and nodded. "You mentioned so before. It's getting to you."
"I won't..." Kensuke began with rising anger, but his father interrupted him.
"I don't say you should drop her," he told him. Then he smiled. "How about you invite her over for dinner?"
"Wh-what?" Kensuke stuttered. "I mean, it's not like that we're… you know…"
Hideo sighed. "I'll make you a deal, Kensuke. You invite her over, and I promise you it will mean absolutely nothing. No 'meeting the parents' kind of stuff, if you know what I mean. But it's clear this whole thing is bothering you. So I want to hear myself what she has to say."
"Why?" Kensuke asked.
"So I can help you better with this," Hideo told him.
"Oh," Kensuke voiced. His relationship to his father had always been good, but never particularly close. So this was unexpected. "Well, I suppose I can ask her…"
Now Hideo grinned. "From what you told me, free food will be a convincing enough argument for her. And I'll cook." He hesitated. "No, I suppose I'll have someone cook." He smiled brightly. "Well, same difference! Just ask her over one of these days."
Rei had never exactly hated all the medical check-ups. However, she had never liked them, either. She just had never cared one way or the other, just as most things in her life had always simply gone past her, without ever really touching her. Her meds had always seen to it that she was dulled like that. It had been better that way. Going through life caring about all the things she was missing out, caring about how she was treated, caring about her loneliness… that would have been crushing.
But those meds were wearing off now. She began to feel the world again. Or, more to the point, she began to care again. She had always felt when she had been pushed around roughly in a check-up, or when everyone had just treated her like a tool; it just had never mattered. Now, it began to bother her, on some level, but she had no words for it.
She was walking through the labyrinthine corridors of Terminal Dogma. The corridors were neat and well maintained, but nonetheless unusual. Illumination came from two stripes of light along the upper wall, and the corridors themselves were semi-octagonal. There were probably hundreds such corridors down here, some leading to areas nobody really knew about. Rei meanwhile just stuck strictly to her usual path.
The latest check-up had just been over, held down here in the most secret part of the NERV headquarters. And for some reason, Rei felt… annoyed. Or, no that wasn't it. Something like hurt, but that wasn't quite it, either. Ritsuko had taken a thorough look at her body, everywhere, poked with instruments everywhere. It made Rei feel like… like this made her not whole in a way. Like the perimeters of her being had been breached.
This is the meaning of the AT Field.
For ordinary humans, this had no physical effect, but it could have for her, if she wanted. However, she never thought in those veins. She was what was called Rei Ayanami, a catalyst for the Commander's plans. She would unfold her AT Field when it served his purposes, not when it was breached.
She was just the Commander's catalyst.
...Rei took the wrong turn at a crossing. It did not matter; she had the whole setup of the corridors memorized. She did not know why she had made this sudden turn. It was unlike her.
Ritsuko's test had not been the end of it today. Normally, such a checkup could also have been done at the regular medical wing of the facility, or at Ritsuko's office. Sometimes, people just walked in during those tests. In those cases, they didn't even regard Rei or her state anymore. That was also something that had never bothered her before. Being clothed or unclothed, it didn't matter. The drugs ensured that nothing mattered.
But now there was an annoyance inside her that she didn't quite understand herself, about how they never even cared about whether she might care.
After that check-up, they had just told her to go, unclothed as she was, to the next room, where already a handful of technicians had been waiting, and where she was to enter a LCL tank. And there she had remained for over two hours. Two long hours with nothing to do, with nobody talking to her, with nobody even caring how she was feeling.
Suddenly, this did bother her.
They needed her enagrams and mental routines, Rei had understood that much. She didn't know what for, and she hadn't asked; she never did. All she knew was that after two hours she was told to get out of the tank again, get dressed, and go home.
Why is this staying on my mind? She was still bothered by it. Home should have been the promise of calm and quiet, the location where she went when she had no duties. Now even that fact bothered her. I value my apartment because I'm free of my tasks there. Yet I participate in those tasks. What she wanted…
It was strange. Right now, she wished Shinji were here.
She heard the silent humming of electric transformers ahead. She knew by memory she would soon pass small hall important for the energy distribution down here. It was a soothing noise. Maybe I should come here more often. Down here, in these mazes, she wouldn't easily be found. Here, she would maybe be able to… well, to just be herself.
She stopped and blinked. There had been movement. Then she resumed her steps with determination. Nobody should be down here. She furrowed her brows as she walked around a corner… and found Mari Makinami looking up a wall. That small corridor was in fact a dead end, created only for ventilation purposes.
"Well, shit," Mari cursed. Then she turned around with a lazy smile on her face. "So it seems the kitten caught me."
Rei just stared at her. She was glad about Mari's company whenever the girl was around. Her manga had proven to be very entertaining and even educational. But she shouldn't be here.
"So, uh… what now?" Mari asked.
"I'll report your presence," Rei told her calmly. "This area is off-limits for non-authorized personnel."
Mari's grin turned insolent. "And you are authorized?"
"Yes," Rei simply answered.
"Special, huh?" Mari asked. Rei didn't give a reply, causing the girl to sigh. "You know, we could just pretend this didn't happen, right? Have it be our little secret!" Rei simply shook her head. Mari's voice got just a hint darker in reaction. "Well. Too bad for Shinji."
This finally did get a reaction out of Rei. She did a double take and blinked several times. Shinji…? She wasn't sure how he fit into the picture, but she didn't like the way Mari had talked. For several seconds, there was silence.
"I mean, he would still have you," Mari went on. "That's good. I'm kinda happy for you two." Happy? Rei didn't know what she was talking about. "But I still think he would be hard hit if they take me away, don't you think? And he can make such a sad, lonely puppy."
Rei considered that. There was something to that. Shinji seemed to generally be livelier in Mari's company. And with him and Kensuke basically not talking anymore… there were still Asuka and Touji, but…
Ikari has done much for me. It wouldn't be right for me to hurt him.
So without further comment, Rei just turned in the spot and continued walking along the main corridor.
Mari felt a bit guilty. But just a little.
Manipulating the kitten had been easier than it should have been by right, so easy that now it almost felt like cheating to Mari. The poor blue-haired girl seemed to have truly zero experience with personal interaction. It hadn't been a fair contest, and that bothered the new pilot of Unit 00 a bit…
...but only a bit. Playing against n00bs was not as satisfying as it could be, but it was still better than not playing at all. She liked Rei, just as she liked any good riddle, and the girl was genuinely nice, but she was sure Rei would get over this episode. After all, you win some, you lose some. That was a self-explanatory truth to Mari.
With a smirk, she let her hand run over the walls of the semi-octagonal corridors. Nobody would bother her here now anymore. She could go on exploring, like she already had with the electric transformers. That was one advantage of having quarters in the Geofront: Over short or long, all of its secrets would open up to her. It was an exciting thought.
Of course, she hadn't lied: If Section 2 found out, she would be taken away. It was very possible that nobody would ever hear of her again then. However, that didn't bother her greatly. It was like EVA fights: There would have been no thrill if there were nothing at stake. Life was a big game, and one always had to try and win – and if one lost, well… You win some, you lose some.
Anything was better than her previous life.
Right now she was living her life at the fullest. A tease in school, an EVA pilot in the afternoon, and at nights, well… there was also her other mission. Not that she really cared for NERV Europe or NERV Russia or NERV Japan, or the IPEA, or for any of the countless other UN agencies vying for power. It didn't matter who would eventually come out on top. Only the challenge mattered. The game.
She began humming. "You did what you did to me, now it's history I see..."
The title of the song made her grin smugly. She turned around a corner…
...and jumped back. The man with the un-ironed shirt, beard stubbles and cigarette in his mouth could grin just as smugly as she.
"Hello there, Mari," he greeted her.
"Ryoji Kaji, isn't it?" she remembered. He nodded. She smiled at him awkwardly. "Eheheh. Really much traffic down here today…"
She doubted she could lull him in the same way she had Rei. Adrenaline began rushing through her body, and she lowered her body stance. Fight or flight… She would either hit him right in the face and run, or just start by running. Now her grin became predatory. Let's see how good I am at that.
Kaji merely raised an eyebrow. "You seem stressed." He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out smoke.
"Yeah, well…" Mari began, ready to turn and run.
However, she stopped when Kaji said, "And I merely wanted to talk." She looked at him, and he grinned again. "That would be quite the twist in the story, wouldn't it be?"
Mari grinned back. "Quite the twist indeed."
It was clear he had her figured out, but it didn't matter. Talking, eh? Now Mari was really interested where that would lead. After all, she didn't really care about her employers. Only the game mattered.
"Good morning."
It was barely above a whisper, and yet it still felt very strange to her: Addressing people. Showing initiative. But it was a form of creating bonds: People reacted to her, heads turned in silent surprise.
Rei had always craved connections with people, after her life had been utterly devoid of that. In all the years in which she hadn't been allowed to leave that room far beneath the Geofront, there had only been the Commander. His visits had been rare rays of light in a life of greyness. But even upon entering the school, nothing had really changed. There had been much commotion when she had first come to this class over a year ago, but she had found herself lost, cast adrift in a sea she didn't know how to navigate. She couldn't speak up, couldn't respond to people speaking to her, couldn't take part in the life of the people around her.
So very soon, her classmates had started ignoring her. She was seeing all the people around her, but piloting EVA remained her only bond to the world. And now, maybe her renewed effort would fail. But ever since she had first met Shinji, and ever since she had stopped taking her meds, piloting wasn't enough anymore. She wanted those bonds in her day to day life – she wanted people to regard her, interact with her.
Those were very confusing feelings for her, and just whispering "good morning" had been difficult.
Routine took over, and she just walked towards her desk without even thinking about it. She had never thought much about any of her actions; unreflecting rote had always been the norm for her. It was safer not to think; thinking meant realizing how much she lacked and what she was.
But then she stopped and turned right around, walking instead up to Asuka's desk. The European pilot was already there. She leaned her chair back against the wall so that it only stood on two legs anymore, and was looking down on the gaming device in her hands.
"Hello," Rei greeted her. She was a fellow pilot, after all.
"Hrm," Asuka merely grunted in reply.
For some seconds, Rei remained silent. She had no idea what to do now. Eventually, she defaulted to aping what she had seen other people do. That strategy had worked with Shinji, after all. "How are you?"
Asuka didn't look up from the Wonderswan. "What do you want, First?"
"I don't know," Rei answered truthfully. She didn't quite know what she had thought would happen when she had started the talk.
"Then leave me alone," Asuka told her grumpily, still not looking at her.
Rei did just that. Without saying another word, she simply turned on the spot and walked to her desk now. It used to be that with her mind not focusing on any particular matter anymore, time would just wash by her. But without Ritsuko's meds, that was no longer the case. She had no choice but to recognize the world around her: How some people were still looking at her with curiosity, how Shinji still wasn't there, how Kensuke walked up to Asuka. The redhead laid the Wonderswan on the desk and smirked at him, an expression to which the boy answered with a sort of tolerant smile.
The two seemed to talk for quite a while. It made Rei wish Shinji would finally come. It seemed she just couldn't find a connection with anybody e…
"Ah! Kitten!"
Rei turned her head around. Somehow, Mari was standing right next to her, with the biggest grin on her face. Rei just kept looking right at her.
She shrugged. "Since I decided Shinji is the puppy, you get to be the other cute baby pet. Don't worry, he'll be here shortly." Then she laughed. "Oh, you're just being too obvious. Say, what are you even doing when he isn't around?"
Rei just kept looking at her. There just was nothing to answer. Most her day to day activities consisted of reading, but only school material and technical manuals, and waiting.
"Look, clearly you need something else to occupy your time," Mari continued. "And I have just the thing for you!" And without further ado, she just dropped a carrying bag onto Rei's desk. Rei peered inside… to find small booklets there. "Manga!" Mari exclaimed. "All kinds of it. Magical girl, slice of life, isekai and so on. Okay, the mecha ones are probably a bit redundant, I admit."
Rei looked at the bag again, then back to Mari. "Manga?"
"Surely you have heard of it!" Mari insisted. Rei nodded. "See! It's something to do when you're alone. Though you really should get going on Shinji, lest another girl snatches him away." Rei looked at her puzzled. "Hey, he's a looker! I think even some of the boys wouldn't say no to him."
"No to what?" Rei asked.
That finally stopped Mari's enthusiasm. She blinked. "Uh… ah… do I have to tell you the story of the birds and the bees?" she muttered. When Rei still didn't understand, she just laughed. "Ah well. Just read some of the manga. They should give you a good overview."
That reassured Rei somewhat. Then again… She has an odd gleam in her eyes. And she was grinning in almost vicious way. Rei wondered what was up with that.
Asuka wanted to go home. It was bad enough how the local NERV branch had just returned to routine business after the angel attack, how her life again consisted of going to school, going to synch-tests, hearing orders, but she supposed that was at least simply part of being a pilot. Another part of that was going home after those tests, though. But no, Misato had told them to wait in the ready lounge, and that was pissing the redhead off. How did the Lieutenant Colonel dare steal her free time? So she sat in one of the armchairs, sunken deep into its cushions, playing on the Wonderswan and occasionally emitting angry grumbles.
"Ridiculous," she finally muttered through clenched teeth. "What the hell are we sitting here for?"
And if things weren't annoying enough, now Rei spoke up. The monotony in the blue-haired girl's voice could drive Asuka up the walls. "Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi ordered us..."
"Yes I know!" Asuka exploded at her fellow pilot, jumping up from the armchair and looking her right in the face. "You don't need to tell me again! But I guess for you that's all just fine and dandy, isn't it? You'll just follow every order without complaining!"
"Yes," Rei merely answered, holding Asuka's gaze with an unmoved face.
"No matter what they do," Asuka continued in a dark voice.
A uncomfortable feeling cropped up inside the redhead. A feeling of being caged, of being powerless, of just being expected to follow orders and to shut up. Just like… just like… She snarled and shook those old memories off. That was years in the past.
But she really had it to here with Rei's attitude. She felt mocked by it. Back at home they had all told her that the training and her role would be worth it in the end, because it would make her special. She was an elite mecha pilot, after all. But Rei… Rei just went along with everything. She didn't even claim a special status. She was just a tool that went along with everything.
"Hah," Asuka scoffed. "Useless."
"Oh," Rei said softly, and then looked down. Hah!
"Uh, A-Asuka…" The redheard swirled her head around and now looked angrily at Shinji, who had spoken up. The boy visibly gulped. "I… ah I think you should leave Rei alone. It's not her fault we're stuck waiting here."
Asuka kept glaring at him. As usual, Shinji had just no clue at all. But she supposed that wasn't his fault. He was just somebody they had picked off the street and were giving no respect to, either. So finally, she jerked her head around defiantly, crossed her arms and said, "Okay, fiiine." She sat down again to resume her Wonderswan session.
Goddamn puppy boy. Why is he so close to Rei anyway? It's not like she has any sort of personality at all. But if it made him happy, she'd leave her alone, even though that was a bit absurd. Soon, her anger was more focused on Misato again, anyway. How can she simply make us wait here? With what justification? It's not like an angel will break through just because we stay here…
She glanced over the edge of her Wonderswan when she heard the door to the ready room being opened. It wasn't Misato entering, though, but Mari. Asuka groaned.
"So, uh, Katsuragi said to come here?" she asked. It made Asuka look up from her gaming device again: The girl with the long twin tails sounded untypically subdued. "I hope I'm not too late."
Rei just shook her head, but Asuka commented aggressively, "Where have you been anyway?"
Mari had positively vanished after the synch-test. Not that Asuka had really minded that, exactly. As usual during synch-tests, Mari had been completely out of control – she had talked, hummed, even shouted. It made concentration during the tests nearly impossible.
The girl tried a weak smile. "I didn't feel so well." And sounding somewhat like her usual upbeat self again, "Didn't want to depress anybody with that, so I stuck to myself."
"Do that more often," Asuka muttered and focused on her Wonderswan again.
That caused Mari to laugh. Oh god, she is back to her old self. "Does the Princess no longer require my leal service, m'lady?"
Asuka stopped. Then paused the Wonderswan. Then looked up. "Please never say that again."
Before Mari could respond, the door was swung open again. This time, Misato entered, a big grin on her face. She was followed by Kaji, who was simply rolling his eyes. The officer stopped when she saw Mari. "Ah, there you are. I was already wondering." Then she turned her attention to the other pilots. "Good news, everyone!"
Asuka groaned, both at Misato's demeanour and at Shinji and Rei looking attentively at the Operations Director.
Misato pointed to the rank insignia on her shoulders. "I got promoted! It's Colonel Katsuragi now!"
"So it is in fact Colonel Buxom now!" Mari exclaimed.
"Ah… con… congratulations, Misato," Shinji added in his shy way.
Rei, meanwhile, just stood at his side and looked at the newly minted Colonel. And Asuka couldn't care less. She was just happy Misato and Kaji weren't shouting at each other, as had happened that one time he had visited her appartment. Why's that guy here, anyway?
"I think this needs to be celebrated, don't you think?" Misato told them. "We all deserve a bit of fun, and this is a perfect opportunity!"
Asuka gripped the Wonderswan harder. Ah. This is a perfect opportunity for celebration? THIS? She worked her mouth, but remained silent. Confirmed in her belief that people around her all sucked, she just focused on the game.
"So how about I treat you to something nice?" Misato suggested. "Let's go out to eat something together."
That made Asuka look up again. "Somewhere nice? And you're paying?" If it would get Asuka a nice meal for free, then at least all this waiting would have had a purpose.
Misato rolled her eyes but was still smiling. "Yes, Asuka, I'm paying."
The redhead jumped up from the armchair again. "Right. Let's go then."
This earned her some surprised looks; apparently people hadn't counted on such a quite reaction. Only Mari looked somewhat awkward.
"Ah… I don't think I'll come along," she declared. "I'm happy for you and all, big girl, but I'm still not feeling all too well… I think I'll just… you know… go home." And with that, she had already slipped past Misato and Kaji and was walking out of the door.
"Wait!" Misato shouted after her, into the corridor outside, but Mari was already gone. The colonel shook her head and then looked into the room again. "What's with her?"
Asuka shrugged. "Haven't you noticed? She's always like that after synch-tests. Either aggressive as hell, or awkward and avoiding everybody." Misato and Kaji exchanged a meaningful look, but Asuka didn't really care. "So, are we going now?"
They took the quickest way out of the Geofront, which still consisted of a confusing series of elevators, ridiculously oversized escalators and yet even more elevators before they reached the top level and its glittering entrance hall. There was a stark contrast between its light and shining interior design and the obvious signs of heightened security, like the card checkpoint and the armed security people standing guard. However, it hadn't been much different in Germany, so Asuka was used to that. It was just that in Germany, where they didn't have a gargantuan subterranean base for their use, everything had been at a much smaller scale.
Outside there was a small park, which meant the usual cacophony of the cicadas, which seemed to never end in Tokyo-3, was at a crescendo peak here. Sun shone from high above and dipped everything in a bright light and a gentle warmth. Coming to a land of permanent summer was like a holiday trip sometimes.
"You know, I haven't had a good steak in months," Asuka began talking. "Certainly not since coming here to Japan. You people here eat too much fish and too many vegetables, you know that. Hm, a good steak, medium-rare..."
After all, that would only be appropriate for what she had done, wouldn't it? So she was looking forward to something like that.
Kaji muttered something, though Asuka couldn't hear what, which caused Misato to break out in a giggle, as if almost against her will. Asuka sighed, but then just ignored that immature behaviour. It all didn't matter as long as she would get a good meal, preferably steak.
"Well, I don't know about that, Kaji," Asuka heard Misato laugh as the group walked along the pavement. Traffic was light in these streets, and only now and then did a car drive by. "You're really incorrigible. Just be happy that things have taken a turn for the good! All problems seem to be solved now."
Asuka furrowed her brows. It had to look like that for Misato, yes, but…
"Well, I… I'm glad you got your promotion, Misato," Shinji spoke up with some hesitation, naive fool that he was.
Asuka turned her head to see Misato's reaction and saw her shrugging her shoulders. "The Commander commended me for my plan employed against the last angel. He thought I had handled myself well. How did he put it… I handled command authority as becoming of a Colonel. Or something like that."
Asuka picked up on that. "So I got you a promotion?"
That made Misato stop for a moment. "Ah… I suppose so… you, Rei and Mari."
"So…" For a moment Asuka had wanted to say 'I', but as much she disliked Rei and Mari, they unfortunately were all in this together. "...we are the reason things turned out okay? Hm. I hope you take us out somewhere good then."
Misato sighed and smiled tolerantly. "Yes, Asuka."
Asuka had to give the Japanese credit for one thing, at least: They were excellent city planners. Tokyo-3 had been planned and built from scratch, and it showed. The streets formed an orderly grid, there were rarely any traffic jams, and the pavement was broad and welcoming. There even were small trees planted at the side of it. And the buildings to the other side were laid out quite cleverly, with just the right amount of little stores to catch one's interest. And of course, restaurants.
"You look like the proverbial cat that ate the canary," Kaji told Misato.
The new Colonel scoffed. "And why shouldn't I? All your worries, they were completely unfounded. Everything is going just fine, isn't it?"
Kaji worked his mouth, looked over the pilots and then sighed. "Yeah. It seems it is."
Asuka could merely roll her eyes at that. But whatever. She was actually nearly humming. Hm. Steak steak steak…
In fact, the group soon reached a restaurant that looked like a steak house. Asuka ran up to it, to look at the menu showcase next to the door.
"Oh! Look at that! Quite the menu. Hmm..."
Misato had caught up to her by now. "Also quite the prices. Ah… my poor wallet…"
"I do not eat meat." Asuka jerked her head around. Rei had spoken up. What?
"I'm sure they have vegetarian stuff here as well," Asuka grumbled. Just eat the side dishes if need be.
"Yeah, but…" Misato began. It sounded a bit embarrassed. "Rei doesn't like it here, and I, uh… even with my new salary, that's a bit much..."
"Your new salary we got you," Asuka muttered.
"Asuka!" Misato sounded sterner now. "Don't make a scene. There's a nice ramen stand down the road that..."
"A ramen stand?" Asuka echoed, outraged. "That is what you offer me after that fight? Some noodles?"
Misato crossed her arms and looked at her. "I'm sorry, but I need to watch my finances. You can take the noodles or..."
"Thanks, I pass," Asuka hissed. Now she was getting more than just annoyed – she was getting angry. I get hurt, I suffer and SHE gets the promotion. And then we don't even get steaks? Fuck this then. She saw no reason to put up with people around her then. "I'll take the train home."
Kaji sighed and pinched his nose bridge. Asuka, meanwhile, simply turned and stomped off. Behind her she could hear Misato: "Asuka! Where do you think you're..." but she didn't care. What's she gonna do? Fire me?
It was only when she heard steps running behind her that she turned her head – and stopped when saw that Shinji had run up to her. She wanted to just wish him to hell with all the others, but she just… couldn't. He had understood her. Maybe just that one time, but that was more than could be said for, well, anybody else. Except maybe Kensuke.
"Asuka..." he began, and then hesitated. "Uh… you could still have… don't you want to come and eat with us?"
Really? For a long time she just stared at him. Neither side said anything.
Then she said, "No," and just turned around again.
"See you tomorrow then, I guess."
"Yeah, till then. I'm looking forwards to beating your European ass again tomorrow."
A scoff. "I'd rather not think about what you'd do with my ass."
Kensuke could only muster a weak smile as Asuka stepped into the train. Those arcade sessions with her were really fun, but now…
Asuka had seemed kind of out of it from the moment she had arrived at the arcade. She still insisted in coming later, so she would never arrive at the same time as him. That was fine by him; if that made her feel more comfortable, he had no problem with it. He just wanted to share some fun with her. But today…
She had told him about how she and Misato had argued. Children arguing with their parents, or their guardians for that matter, that happened, but it seemed there was more to it. Something was eating Asuka up. So he had tried to be friendly to her.
And then that look in her eyes when he had told her that, hey, he couldn't buy her steak, but how about some ice cream at the café? Because she had earned that, and he had told her as much. This time that message had seemed to come through, because… she had tried to hide it, of course, as she always did, but she had definitely been surprised. Almost shocked.
And then also those stories that she had told in the café. Her training as a child. The way she had been handed over from from guardian to guardian, with all of them just being focused on making a pilot out of her. Stuff like the endurance week, where she had been pushed to her limits while being deprived of sleep. Kensuke knew why pilots had to be trained to be always ready, but she had been nine at that time.
All in all, Kensuke was beginning to get worried, and he didn't know how to deal with that. He realized he wasn't just playing video games with Asuka anymore. He was becoming… well…
...concerned for her. He just wished there was anything he could do. And those feelings confused him.
He trotted the station's stairs from the platforms down to the dusty street. Even here in Tokyo-3, small, barely used train stations always appeared somewhat unclean. Kensuke paid no heed to the setting sun. Instead he just kept his head down and focused on the ground in front of him. He walked the streets back to his home almost by instinct, too lost in thoughts.
This all felt wrong to him on a fundamental level. All his young life he had looked to mecha anime as a source of inspiration. A mecha was nothing more than a human writ large; it was the embodiment of its pilot's fighting spirit and of humanity's determination. It was supposed to be a source of heroism and valour, a force for good, and not… not…
…not this!
Kensuke felt his entire world turning upside down. It wasn't right that life had to be like that for EVA pilots. But what made it even worse, or even more complicated at least, was that Asuka was a genuinely fun person to be around, once one had gotten past her obvious thorns. That meant it wasn't just an abstract problem for Kensuke. It wasn't just that something far off wasn't like it was supposed to be, no matter how fundamental to him. It was something that directly affected a… well, a friend.
It wasn't the first time he had been concerned for a friend, of course. The Suzuharas had gone through some considerable financial troubles a few years back, so much so that it was unknown if they would be able to stay in the city. And then, of course, Shinji… but it was different now. It was funny, considering that Asuka would most likely be able to snap his spine if she wanted to, but he felt protective towards her. Protective and, and… tender. A feeling of tenderness.
And Kensuke was not so stupid as to not see where this was leading. But he just felt completely overwhelmed by Asuka's background, by what she was telling him, by the sheer wrongness of the real life mecha business. He really didn't know how to deal with it.
He passed the familiar white garden gate of his family's house without even much noticing it and sighed. He supposed he would warm up some ready-made food and then… what? Half his anime collection and half his model collection were rapidly losing its appeal. Well, he supposed he could work on some tanks. Things were more straight forward with them: You volunteered for the military and got assigned to tanks. Easy. Nothing at all like what happened with Shinji or Asuka.
The small garden with its several neatly trimmed bushes was quiet. The house itself was fairly, but not outrageously large. Its architects had tried to give it some pseudo-historical flair, by covering the wall at ground level in highly polished wood and by having a historic style roof, but this had not worked out very well. All in all, it was just a standard modern house.
Kensuke was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that the lights were on. He was only thrown out of his fugue when he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. His heart suddenly began racing. Slowly, on tip toes, he began approaching that room. Part of him felt like he was in a military infiltration mission, even though this could be so much more serious. This could be…
...he breathed out when he recognized the mumbling voice from inside the kitchen. Then he stepped around the corner.
"Dad? What are you doing?"
Hideo Aida seemed to be going through several cupboards, all of them open by now. He was a small, sometimes even frail looking man with dark grey, thinning hair and round spectacles. His face usually looked friendly but, as Kensuke often secretly thought with some amusement, also frequently a bit confused.
Hideo smiled at him. "Ah, hello there, Kensuke. I just wanted to see if we still had some spices here..." A silly smile was playing around Kensuke's lips. Why? You don't even cook. "And I take it you were in the city again?"
Kensuke shrugged and nodded. "Was in the arcade, and then out with Asuka."
"Ah yes. 'Asuka'," Hideo echoed and snickered a bit.
That actually did get a rise out of Kensuke. "I told you, she started using first names! She's just…"
Hideo smiled reassuringly. "Very European, I know."
"European," Kensuke echoed. That isn't all of it. He had no doubt regular European kids were different. "Yeah."
He turned around and trotted out of the kitchen. His father immediately followed and grabbed him at the shoulder. "Hey. Is something the matter?" When Kensuke didn't answer to that, he tried again, "What did you two do out in the city, anyway?"
Again, Kensuke shrugged. "Played at the arcade. Talked." He hesitated. "She had a rough life."
Hideo withdrew his arm and nodded. "You mentioned so before. It's getting to you."
"I won't..." Kensuke began with rising anger, but his father interrupted him.
"I don't say you should drop her," he told him. Then he smiled. "How about you invite her over for dinner?"
"Wh-what?" Kensuke stuttered. "I mean, it's not like that we're… you know…"
Hideo sighed. "I'll make you a deal, Kensuke. You invite her over, and I promise you it will mean absolutely nothing. No 'meeting the parents' kind of stuff, if you know what I mean. But it's clear this whole thing is bothering you. So I want to hear myself what she has to say."
"Why?" Kensuke asked.
"So I can help you better with this," Hideo told him.
"Oh," Kensuke voiced. His relationship to his father had always been good, but never particularly close. So this was unexpected. "Well, I suppose I can ask her…"
Now Hideo grinned. "From what you told me, free food will be a convincing enough argument for her. And I'll cook." He hesitated. "No, I suppose I'll have someone cook." He smiled brightly. "Well, same difference! Just ask her over one of these days."
Rei had never exactly hated all the medical check-ups. However, she had never liked them, either. She just had never cared one way or the other, just as most things in her life had always simply gone past her, without ever really touching her. Her meds had always seen to it that she was dulled like that. It had been better that way. Going through life caring about all the things she was missing out, caring about how she was treated, caring about her loneliness… that would have been crushing.
But those meds were wearing off now. She began to feel the world again. Or, more to the point, she began to care again. She had always felt when she had been pushed around roughly in a check-up, or when everyone had just treated her like a tool; it just had never mattered. Now, it began to bother her, on some level, but she had no words for it.
She was walking through the labyrinthine corridors of Terminal Dogma. The corridors were neat and well maintained, but nonetheless unusual. Illumination came from two stripes of light along the upper wall, and the corridors themselves were semi-octagonal. There were probably hundreds such corridors down here, some leading to areas nobody really knew about. Rei meanwhile just stuck strictly to her usual path.
The latest check-up had just been over, held down here in the most secret part of the NERV headquarters. And for some reason, Rei felt… annoyed. Or, no that wasn't it. Something like hurt, but that wasn't quite it, either. Ritsuko had taken a thorough look at her body, everywhere, poked with instruments everywhere. It made Rei feel like… like this made her not whole in a way. Like the perimeters of her being had been breached.
This is the meaning of the AT Field.
For ordinary humans, this had no physical effect, but it could have for her, if she wanted. However, she never thought in those veins. She was what was called Rei Ayanami, a catalyst for the Commander's plans. She would unfold her AT Field when it served his purposes, not when it was breached.
She was just the Commander's catalyst.
...Rei took the wrong turn at a crossing. It did not matter; she had the whole setup of the corridors memorized. She did not know why she had made this sudden turn. It was unlike her.
Ritsuko's test had not been the end of it today. Normally, such a checkup could also have been done at the regular medical wing of the facility, or at Ritsuko's office. Sometimes, people just walked in during those tests. In those cases, they didn't even regard Rei or her state anymore. That was also something that had never bothered her before. Being clothed or unclothed, it didn't matter. The drugs ensured that nothing mattered.
But now there was an annoyance inside her that she didn't quite understand herself, about how they never even cared about whether she might care.
After that check-up, they had just told her to go, unclothed as she was, to the next room, where already a handful of technicians had been waiting, and where she was to enter a LCL tank. And there she had remained for over two hours. Two long hours with nothing to do, with nobody talking to her, with nobody even caring how she was feeling.
Suddenly, this did bother her.
They needed her enagrams and mental routines, Rei had understood that much. She didn't know what for, and she hadn't asked; she never did. All she knew was that after two hours she was told to get out of the tank again, get dressed, and go home.
Why is this staying on my mind? She was still bothered by it. Home should have been the promise of calm and quiet, the location where she went when she had no duties. Now even that fact bothered her. I value my apartment because I'm free of my tasks there. Yet I participate in those tasks. What she wanted…
It was strange. Right now, she wished Shinji were here.
She heard the silent humming of electric transformers ahead. She knew by memory she would soon pass small hall important for the energy distribution down here. It was a soothing noise. Maybe I should come here more often. Down here, in these mazes, she wouldn't easily be found. Here, she would maybe be able to… well, to just be herself.
She stopped and blinked. There had been movement. Then she resumed her steps with determination. Nobody should be down here. She furrowed her brows as she walked around a corner… and found Mari Makinami looking up a wall. That small corridor was in fact a dead end, created only for ventilation purposes.
"Well, shit," Mari cursed. Then she turned around with a lazy smile on her face. "So it seems the kitten caught me."
Rei just stared at her. She was glad about Mari's company whenever the girl was around. Her manga had proven to be very entertaining and even educational. But she shouldn't be here.
"So, uh… what now?" Mari asked.
"I'll report your presence," Rei told her calmly. "This area is off-limits for non-authorized personnel."
Mari's grin turned insolent. "And you are authorized?"
"Yes," Rei simply answered.
"Special, huh?" Mari asked. Rei didn't give a reply, causing the girl to sigh. "You know, we could just pretend this didn't happen, right? Have it be our little secret!" Rei simply shook her head. Mari's voice got just a hint darker in reaction. "Well. Too bad for Shinji."
This finally did get a reaction out of Rei. She did a double take and blinked several times. Shinji…? She wasn't sure how he fit into the picture, but she didn't like the way Mari had talked. For several seconds, there was silence.
"I mean, he would still have you," Mari went on. "That's good. I'm kinda happy for you two." Happy? Rei didn't know what she was talking about. "But I still think he would be hard hit if they take me away, don't you think? And he can make such a sad, lonely puppy."
Rei considered that. There was something to that. Shinji seemed to generally be livelier in Mari's company. And with him and Kensuke basically not talking anymore… there were still Asuka and Touji, but…
Ikari has done much for me. It wouldn't be right for me to hurt him.
So without further comment, Rei just turned in the spot and continued walking along the main corridor.
Mari felt a bit guilty. But just a little.
Manipulating the kitten had been easier than it should have been by right, so easy that now it almost felt like cheating to Mari. The poor blue-haired girl seemed to have truly zero experience with personal interaction. It hadn't been a fair contest, and that bothered the new pilot of Unit 00 a bit…
...but only a bit. Playing against n00bs was not as satisfying as it could be, but it was still better than not playing at all. She liked Rei, just as she liked any good riddle, and the girl was genuinely nice, but she was sure Rei would get over this episode. After all, you win some, you lose some. That was a self-explanatory truth to Mari.
With a smirk, she let her hand run over the walls of the semi-octagonal corridors. Nobody would bother her here now anymore. She could go on exploring, like she already had with the electric transformers. That was one advantage of having quarters in the Geofront: Over short or long, all of its secrets would open up to her. It was an exciting thought.
Of course, she hadn't lied: If Section 2 found out, she would be taken away. It was very possible that nobody would ever hear of her again then. However, that didn't bother her greatly. It was like EVA fights: There would have been no thrill if there were nothing at stake. Life was a big game, and one always had to try and win – and if one lost, well… You win some, you lose some.
Anything was better than her previous life.
Right now she was living her life at the fullest. A tease in school, an EVA pilot in the afternoon, and at nights, well… there was also her other mission. Not that she really cared for NERV Europe or NERV Russia or NERV Japan, or the IPEA, or for any of the countless other UN agencies vying for power. It didn't matter who would eventually come out on top. Only the challenge mattered. The game.
She began humming. "You did what you did to me, now it's history I see..."
The title of the song made her grin smugly. She turned around a corner…
...and jumped back. The man with the un-ironed shirt, beard stubbles and cigarette in his mouth could grin just as smugly as she.
"Hello there, Mari," he greeted her.
"Ryoji Kaji, isn't it?" she remembered. He nodded. She smiled at him awkwardly. "Eheheh. Really much traffic down here today…"
She doubted she could lull him in the same way she had Rei. Adrenaline began rushing through her body, and she lowered her body stance. Fight or flight… She would either hit him right in the face and run, or just start by running. Now her grin became predatory. Let's see how good I am at that.
Kaji merely raised an eyebrow. "You seem stressed." He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out smoke.
"Yeah, well…" Mari began, ready to turn and run.
However, she stopped when Kaji said, "And I merely wanted to talk." She looked at him, and he grinned again. "That would be quite the twist in the story, wouldn't it be?"
Mari grinned back. "Quite the twist indeed."
It was clear he had her figured out, but it didn't matter. Talking, eh? Now Mari was really interested where that would lead. After all, she didn't really care about her employers. Only the game mattered.
Timerider
That guy who really should get out more.
- Location
- The End of the World.
I'm probably gonna need to reread the whole thing later, but for now:
Misato is getting more and more clueless, and Asuka is having none of it. Nice to see Kensuke growing fond of her. Rei is starting to break out of her shell. Mari and Kaji are up to no good as always.
I wonder if Gendo knows (or even cares) that his pawns are starting to slip their leashes?
Misato is getting more and more clueless, and Asuka is having none of it. Nice to see Kensuke growing fond of her. Rei is starting to break out of her shell. Mari and Kaji are up to no good as always.
I wonder if Gendo knows (or even cares) that his pawns are starting to slip their leashes?
Macros
omnisciently vague councilman
- Location
- Dirac Sea
I have to admit, having Kensuke being the member of the cast who's probably the closest to Asuka feels so weird, yet it works perfectly here somehow. What is this sorcery?!
As is often the case with Gendo, it's hard to tell, but you can be certain that if he doesn't know, he'll claim he didn't care anyway.
As is often the case with Gendo, it's hard to tell, but you can be certain that if he doesn't know, he'll claim he didn't care anyway.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Well, I'd say self-deluding. Just like in both canons, telling herself everything is alright and in order while sending kids out into battle... For Asuka that's just a giant reality whiplash. She had been told all her training that all her burdens, all her work and her pain, would be worth it once she could fight the angels and be special. And now she realizes she is fighting the angels, she is still suffering from that, and yet still nobody pays attention - just like in canon...
Well, there always was a certain risk in Gendo's plans. Winning over Kaji by giving him access to secret information means you have the setting's James Bond, but it also means your setting's James Bond now has your secret information. Using Rei to influence Shinji means Shinji will go out there and fight for you, just according to keikaku, but it also means Shinji will influence Rei in turn. And leaving handling the pilots entirely to Misato means you don't have to face your estranged and resentful son, but also means that said handling of the pilot's depends on Misato's competence for that and err... yeahhhh...
Which, of course, is another facet: It isn't just about Gendo. EVA fans, especially in fanfic, have a certain tendency to lay all the focus on Gendo - and forget that in all of this, in every canon, Misato never once has not been part of the same system. Her frequent portrayal as 'momma bear' in fanfics couldn't be wronger and against the spirit of Evangelion; she herself is quite exploitative towards the children.
It was then that Kensuke became Otacon.
It was then that Rei really wanted to connect to absolutely anybody else.
"All of my understanding of Japanese culture comes from Manga!"
- Location
- U.S.A.
I'm glad you're continuing this. Loving the character interactions so far.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's rather nice to see this focus on how everyone else views the Eva pilots as means to an end, in their own way, and not just Gendo.
The technical writing is fantastic, and you do a really damn good job of getting into the heads of the Pilots.
And it is really something new to see Rei becoming Shinji's anchor, his rock.
Kaji comes pretty close to realizing the issues of the Pilots. It is true that Shinji isn't the only one suffering. But it doesn't mean it's right at all, that's like saying "I'm suffering, so that justifies you suffering." And you can read between the lines his own fixation on the truth and Misato, just as Misato is fixated on killing the Angels and making meaning of her life after Second Impact.
Keep up the great work!
The technical writing is fantastic, and you do a really damn good job of getting into the heads of the Pilots.
And it is really something new to see Rei becoming Shinji's anchor, his rock.
Kaji comes pretty close to realizing the issues of the Pilots. It is true that Shinji isn't the only one suffering. But it doesn't mean it's right at all, that's like saying "I'm suffering, so that justifies you suffering." And you can read between the lines his own fixation on the truth and Misato, just as Misato is fixated on killing the Angels and making meaning of her life after Second Impact.
Keep up the great work!
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Ch09: Asuka
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Air bubbles floated upwards in the LCL as Asuka breathed out a sigh. At least she was in Unit 02 again – her Evangelion. The one place where nobody could touch her. She had always felt safe in here. No matter what instructors would yell at her, no matter what new guardian would await her at home, hell, no matter where she would live this year or month… none of that could reach her in her entry plug. The lesson Asuka had taken from her fourteen years of life was that people sucked, that everyone only ever looked out for their own interests, that people only ever made demands of each other: "Protect me!", "Fight for me!", "Suffer for me!". But here in her Evangelion she was safe from them all.
What was more, the Evangelion was maybe the one thing, the only thing, she had for herself. An 80m combat machine of several thousands tons, and it was hers. No matter where she moved, no matter what they got her or took away again from her, she always had had this unit. Nobody else had ever used it, and she had never used another unit. She was the pilot of Unit 02. Nobody could take that away from her.
So at least there was that. However, overall, she didn't want to be here, in the forests some thirty to fifty kilometres north of Tokyo-3. She wanted to be at home and play video games... or maybe play video games with Kensuke. It was bad enough she had to go to school everyday, but today, Misato had picked her up afterwards, and Mari as well. It wasn't even a regular synchtest, it was some bullshit special exercise that was eating up her free time, and as usual, she hadn't even gotten any prior notice.
Maybe, before coming to Japan, she would have been more enthusiastic about a training exercise against another Evangelion, testing new prototype weapons. But it seemed nobody here cared that she piloted, that she was saving them all, so why should she? It was something she had done all her life, and if told she had extra training she would do it, but… right now, she didn't feel very enthusiastic about it.
Oh well. At least she would get to hit that smug four-eyes in the face.
She could see the forests all around her, as if she were in a fully transparent cockpit. Even the largest trees only reached to 'her' waist. Even so, few would see this exercise: This was a mountainous area with no human settlement for several kilometres in all directions. Which, for a densely populated country like Japan, made this the middle of nowhere.
Currently, she was standing in a clearing… kinda. Basically, her EVA's feet entirely filled out a clearing. Opposite of her, deeper into the woods, she could see the blue paint and cyclopean face of Unit 00. There was something on the shoulders the opposing Evangelion, and also something on the left arm, and in its right hand, it held a stick with a large, EVA scale chain attached – a morning star.
EVA-02 had this something on the shoulders and the left arm as well. Meanwhile, Asuka wasn't quite clear what she held in her right hand.
"Alright, ladies." This was Misato over the comms. The newly minted Colonel was in one of NERV's high tech command trucks, which had been parked a safe distance away, to ensure that she and the 'bridge bunnies' would not get accidentally trampled in the bout. That Asuka and Mari surely would get some bruises, that was apparently considered acceptable. "I have come with some surprise presents for you!"
Asuka made a face. It would in fact be like the Colonel to consider more tools for Asuka to do her job with as 'presents'. It was another thing that most likely wouldn't have bothered a year ago – she would even have agreed back then. But now…
"Ritsu has been busy," Misato continued. "And with her help, we'll use the angels' own weapons against them! You'll note that your Evangelions are carrying something on their arms. These are unfoldable sh..."
Another voice cut in, Ritsuko's: "It is the Multivariable Metamolecular Defence and Deflection Engine 'Aegis'!" It sounded thunderous.
Mari laughed. "A shield, in other words."
"Reverse engineered from the angel designated Ramiel," Ritsuko specified. "It's 'potentially multi-formed' - that is, it can take on several geometric shapes, just like that angel could. It is merely a question of willpower. Try it some."
Asuka furrowed her eyes, then raised the EVA's left arm and looked at it. What looked like a blue disk was attached to it. She concentrated… and the EVA stumbled back. Suddenly, the disk had expanded to become a large, weird, multi-corner something… like a circle of different sized rays meeting in the middle.
"Was zur Hölle…"
She tried it again, this time imagining something more solid, something more coherent. There was a screeching sound, and suddenly the blue thing was now an orderly square.
"Hammer!"
Now that was something neat. A physical shield she could shape whatever way she wanted. She looked at Unit 00… and began to snicker maliciously when she saw Mari's shield had transformed into an irregular triangle, with one point stuck in the ground.
"Hey look!" Mari exclaimed. "It's a spade as well!" And in an added mumble: "Whether I want that or not."
"So what's the stuff on our shoulders?" Asuka asked.
Misato tried to answer, "Those are energy wh…"
"Those are your new Flexicoherent Plasamakinetic Shortrange Sidearms!" Ritsuko announced.
Misato's annoyed grunt was audible over the comms. "As I was saying… energy whips. Range of thirty to forty metres, depending. Not very strong, but might be enough to distract and irate the enemy."
Asuka wiggled her shoulders… and indeed, something that looked like whips of pure light unfolded from it. She wiggled some more, and the whips sprung into action, cutting over the forest, and shearing off several tree tops
"Not very strong, huh?" Asuka muttered.
"Now, as for your main weapon, Asuka," Misato spoke up again. The redhead looked to her EVA's right hand. The thing in there looked like a mix of a baton and a short staff with a sword guard. "Concentrate on it and shake it a bit."
Asuka scoffed at being addressed in such a patronizing way, but did as she was told. Suddenly, that thing opened up. It seemed to consist of several small parts, tubes, gears, which now re-arranged themselves… and it became a sword. Another shake, and it became a real staff. Another shake, another mechanical recombination, it was a naginata.
"Like… like…" Asuka stuttered.
"Like the angel you fought in the air, Asuka," Misato confirmed. "Yes. It's…" She stopped herself, and then sighed. "Yes, okay do your thing, Ritsu."
"My… oh," Ritsuko spoke up now. "Yes. This is the..." There was an audible pause for effect. "Submechanically Reinversible Multimartial Utility Staff 'Aaron'!"
Asuka rolled her eyes.
"So what did I get, Blondie?" Mari exclaimed.
"Oh, you got a morning star and a boomerang" Ritsuko explained matter-of-factly. Silence followed that announcement. "What? That's what they are!"
"It's… long" Mari stated about the morning star. It certainly was. The spiked ball of iron at the other end of the chain lay more than 80m away, an EVA's length.
"The specific form of the chain and the ball make it particularly susceptible to AT Fields," Ritsuko explained. "Use Unit 00's AT Fields, and you can control it. You've gotten extra training in AT Field use, haven't you?"
"You could say that," Mari muttered. That was unlike her.
"The boomerang is in your left shoulder pylon," Misato added. "It's unfoldable, as it works along the same principles as Asuka's… uh… swordclubsaberspearstaff thing."
"Alright!" Mari announced enthusiastically. "Let's rock'n'roll!" That was more like her.
"Remember to play nice, girls!" Misator reminded them. "This is just to test the new equipment. You can start at my command. Three… two… one… go!"
However, neither side moved. The two Evangelions stood there, in defensive positions, about half a kilometre apart, looking at each other, daring each other to make the first move. Eyes still fixated on Unit 00, Unit 02 shook its right hand, and the object there reconfigured into a naginata. Asuka figured she would need that reach against the morning star.
Meanwhile, Unit 00, also still looking straight ahead at its counterpart, threw the morning star's iron ball into the air and kept it circulating there. It rotated over the cyclopean head, nearly a hundred metre above it, faster and faster and faster, but in a surprisingly small circle. It shouldn't have stayed up at the end of such a long chain, but it did.
Asuka eyed the iron ball carefully. Any hit by it would probably be very painful. For a moment, everything seemed to stand still except the morning star… and then it slightly changed its motion. Immediately, Unit 02 began sprinting. The morning star came down on it from above, but Asuka ran around it in a zig-zag.
Mari swung low – Asuka jumped over the chain. Mari swung again – the iron ball landed right next to Unit 02's feet, splintering a dozen trees, while the Evangelion jumped forward. Mari pushed the ball right at Unit 02 – Asuka stepped aside, the spikes of the ball just so grazing the Evangelion's chest.
"Urrrgh…" It still hurt.
But then she leaped forwards again, bursting all trees in her path, lowered the naginata and swung. The naginata's blade connected and Unit 00 was thrown to the side.
"Hah!"
Again Asuka shook Unit 02's hand, and with a lot of mechanical noises, the naginata transformed into a solid club. The Evangelion ran to its prone counterpart and raised the club…
...when suddenly a chain swung itself around it, including the raised arm.
"I have you, Princess!" Mari taunted and then laughed manically.
Asuka wiggled in her entry plug, causing her Evangelion to do the same. Unit 02 strained against the chains. "We'll… see…" Asuka managed to push out.
Again, gears and clicking sound. The club became an incredibly lean spear with a very sharp point. It easily slid through the chains and towards the still prone Unit 00.
Mari rolled around on the ground, evading the spear, but this meant letting go of all tension in her chain. Unit 02 unentangled itself and stepped forward again. Mari tried to retreat on her back, but Asuka was upon her. Unit 02 simply passed by the spear stuck in the ground, too focused on Mari. Asuka grinned. Her Evangelion raised its leg to stomp its counter-part…
…and suddenly Asuka saw blue and her Evangelion fell over. She didn't even think – she simply started her Ninlil jumpjets in a controlled manner to get to her feet again and grabbed the spear, now holding it in a defensive position.
"Forgot our new toys?" Mari taunted. Unit 00 was on its feet again – with its shield extended, and in a diagonal position. Asuka cursed mentally. Her own Evangelion must have stepped on that diagonal area.
The two units now circled around each other, crushing trees, bushes and even small dirt hills beneath them. But it wasn't like Asuka to just sit and wait. On her left arm, the blue disk grew in size until it had become a decent roundshield, while tiny gears and tubes turned the naginata into an impressively long saber.
Then Asuka charged forwards again.
Unit 02 jumped, whirled around, made a saldo. Metall hit metall as the iron ball crushed against the sabre blade, getting deflected by it. Metal hit… whatever when Asuka used her shield to ward off another blow. And then the saber struck at Unit 00…
...but Mari's Evangelion wasn't there anymore. One flip backwards, another flip backwards, a third flip backwards. It was an impressive display of control. And then the iron ball came flying again…
...but by the time it reached Asuka, her weapon was a staff again. She struck the chain with it, closed her eyes, concentrated on her unit's AT Field… and then the chain twirled around the staff. Asuka opened her eyes again, grinned a predator's grin and pulled.
Both girls activated their energy whips at the same time. A lash landed right across Unit 02's face.
"Aahhhh..." It hurt. It really was like getting a whip lash.
Another lash. And another one. Asuka was getting whipped, and she felt every lash.
..."Mama! It hurts!" A six year old girl, in her first combat training… the man who was supposed to watch over her all cold and stony...
Asuka snarled and shook off the memory. He is gone! Long gone out of my life! And she would be damned if she lost here. Mari might remember their new toys better, but Asuka remembered that her Evangelion was more than just fancy equipment. She pulled Unit 00 even closer… and rammed her own Evangelion's knee into its stomach.
"Urrrgh." Mari's grunt was audible over the comms.
The chain became limp again. And suddenly there was a staccato of whip lashes on Asuka's shoulder.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck" Asuka cursed. She didn't want to, but her Evangelion let go of Unit 00. And when she could orientate herself again, the blue machine was nowhere to be seen.
"Coward," Asuka scoffed. She looked at the ground in front of her, and saw the severed end of Unit 00's umbilical cable. "Well, her energy will soon run out."
"We have supply trucks dispersed all over the area," Misato announced cheerfully.
...seriously? Asuka had enough of that. Her face, her back, her shoulders stung, and that just because Misato had set her and Mari against each other. This wasn't even an angel. The city or the world weren't at stake. Yes, okay, maybe the new weapons did need to get tested, but why should she let herself be hurt in the process?
...it is really like back then...She had thought she had buried all her memories, become a successful EVA pilot, but… it never ends...
"Really, Misato? I want to go home," Asuka requested. "I just got the crap whipped out of me."
"We still have no data on the boomerang," the Colonel reminded her.
"So this only ends once I have another bruise?" Asuka complained.
"Asuka, this is important. These are the weapons you will use to defend against the angels," Misato argued.
Asuka scowled. No end to the training exercise then. Very well. She ripped her own umbilical cord out – this would soon be over one way or the other. Then she started her jump engines.
It was impossible to hide an 80m mechanical giant from an aerial view.
"Hab dich, Brillenschlange…"
Unit 00 was literally crawling through the woodworks, almost completely prone so that some high trees at a mountain slope would cover it. Asuka was unsure what Mari even thought to achieve with it.
It didn't matter. Unit 02's jump engines fired again, and the Evangelion darted towards said slope. With a loud thunder, its s boots touched ground again, raising dust and soil into the air.
Unit 00 was not far away, down on one knee and looking down… but then its head rose, and Asuka could have sworn its single eye lit up.
"Surpriiise!" Mari exclaimed… and threw her boomerang.
Instinctively, Asuka raised her hand… and the boomerang crashed against an octagonal field of yellow light, and then flittered away.
That was an obvious downside of the morning star. Mari had to spend so much of her AT Field's strength on controlling it that she couldn't completely nullify's Asuka's AT Field.
"That was your surprise?" Asuka taunted.
"Not quite…" Mari answered. She paused. "That is."
"What…" But Asuka didn't get to end the sentence. Something hit her back, full force. She groaned in pain… and Unit 02 fell over.
In one smooth movement, Unit 00 got up from the ground and darted forward, catching the returning boomerang on the way. Before Asuka could react, a heavy boot landed on her weapon hand.
"It's a boomerang, silly!" Mari laughed. "What did you think it would do? Well, time to end th…"
Asuka screamed.
With an even mightier roar, the Ninlil jump engines started again. Unit 02 rose form the ground and rammed against its counterpart full force. Again Asuka screamed as she felt something snap in her right arm as it was violently pulled free of the boot, but she ignored it. Soon, both Evangelions had each other in a chokehold now, but the jump engines still continued to fire. Trails several metres deep were cut into the dirt, but Unit 00 was pushed more and more against the slope… until finally, Asuka's Evangelion was on top of it.
"Now it is ended," she declared under heavy breath and raised her weapon.
Mari just laughed. "Seems like".
…and she powered down her Evangelion.
Kensuke felt nervous. It was all so silly, really. He and Asuka had hit the arcade near-daily for several weeks now. Even when they had gone to a restaurant together, it had all stayed relaxed and casual. And now his father just had to go and make this big thing out of it, having him invite Asuka over for dinner.
It wasn't like Kensuke was opposed to the whole affair. He had been worrying about Asuka for some time now, and had no idea of his own how to deal with her issues. If there was any chance his father did, well, then he would deal with this dinner. That didn't make the prospect any less awkward, though.
So now, he just sat at the made table, drummed his fingers on it, and now and then looked at his watch.
"Hm, I hope she comes in time," he heard his father mutter from the dining room's door. "The food can be warmed up again, but I think it always loses some flavour when you have to do that, don't you think, Kensuke?"
The boy smiled drily, his face still turned away from his father. The attempt to distract him was really damn blatant. "I think she'll agree to everything as long as it is plentiful and not ready made."
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Ah, the hidden advantages of youth. Enjoy your growth spurts while you can, afterwards it gets more difficult to control your weight."
Kensuke's dry grin remained. That was just such an Aida senior thing to say.
He darted up when he heard the doorbell. Now it was his father's turn to grin. Damn it. Kensuke cursed his lapse in self-control, then spurted to the door to open it.
Asuka was wearing her usual grumpy face… and a cast around the middle of her right lower arm. Before Kensuke could comment, she spoke up darkly, "Training accident. Now, what's for food?"
"Ah… yeah… right… it's all prepared," Kensuke stuttered and stepped away from the door. "Come in."
Asuka scoffed, but did so. Her mood seemed to be extraordinarily sour today.
"Welcome," Kensuke's father greeted her with a benevolent smile on his face. "My son told me of you. Nice to meet you, Asuka."
Asuka just nodded curtly, and then sat down at the table.
Kensuke and his father did as well. "A training accident?" the elder Aida inquired.
Asuka shrugged. "EVA versus EVA training." She nodded towards the food. "May I…?"
Aida senior nodded and smiled broadly at her. "Help yourself. I think we can consider that dinner started." He began placing food on his plate. Immediately, so did Asuka as well, at a rapid pace - or at least, as rapid as her bandaged arm allowed.
Only Kensuke wasn't. "You fought another EVA?" He couldn't help it; it just tickled his 'ohmygod coool' reflex. But, after all he had learned about Asuka in these past weeks… "That seems…" Making them fight each other? On the one hand, it was cool, on the other it was… troubling.
"Misato decided we needed some extra live action training," Asuka explained. "Kinda sucks, especially how it ended."
There it was again, Asuka's attitude. Yeah, she complained, but only in the way one would complain about an extra chore at home or extra homework from school, a sort of 'what can you do?'.
Kensuke's father seemed less disturbed. He simply asked, "What happened?"
"I probably shouldn't get into the specifics," Asuka said. "Confidentiality issues."
"So you get hurt because of their orders and you can't even tell why?" Kensuke exclaimed.
It wasn't that he, the military nerd, didn't understand confidentiality. And normally he would have agreed with the importance of it. But this wasn't just an abstract concern any longer. This was… well… Asuka. He felt like he had a personal connection here.
"That's how it works," Asuka merely replied and began eating.
An awkward silence followed that. Hesitantly, Kensuke turned the attention to his plate as well. He didn't have much of an appetite, though. The food was fantastic - a wide variety of meat, vegetables, rice… But Kensuke was a picky eater at the best of times, and now, well… there was other stuff on his mind.
Finally, even Asuka couldn't seem to stand the silence any longer. "It was a weapons test," she grumbled. "Can't say what, but…"
She told them about her day. Kensuke had entirely stopped eating, and the grip around his chopsticks got a bit tighter. After Asuka had ended, the awkward silence returned.
It was Kensuke who finally blurted out, "Why didn't you just stop?"
"What?" Asuka countered.
"After Makinami had run away," Kensuke explained his position. "You wanted to stop. I… I don't think they should then make you continue."
After all, piloting mecha was awesome! Or so Kensuke had always thought. Mecha pilots were supposed to be eager heroes full of drive and determination, who struck out on their own and fought for what they believed in. Mecha pilots were supposed to do this out of their ow will and determination - and most importantly, nobody was supposed to tell them what to do.
Asuka looked at him oddly. "The training wasn't over yet. There wasn't enough data on the weapons yet."
"And they wanted you to get beaten up to get that data," Kensuke replied through clenched teeth. "I think that would've given you a right to just end it. For… for… self-protection!"
Now Asuka furrowed her brows and looked down at her plate.
Kensuke's father smiled. It always looked a bit goofy, Kensuke found, but then again, Aida senior usually did mean well. "I think Asuka is used to thinking in different terms, aren't you, Asuka?"
Asuka rested her head on one hand and picked at the food with the other. "I mean… yeah. You can't just end a training in the middle of it just because you want to go home. I mean, I'm sure the others want as well, but there's a job to be done."
Kensuke breathed in to comment, but a short signal from his father, just an ever so slightly raised hand, made him stop. He furrowed his brows instead.
"A job, indeed," Aida senior answered kindly. "You've been in that business for a while, haven't you?"
Asuka just shrugged, but then answered. "Since I've been four."
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Sorry. I'm just imagining a little redheaded girl, inside such a big robot." Asuka just shrugged again. "Ah, again, sorry. An old man's thoughts sometimes go to strange places. You have to admit, it is a bit unusual."
"It is special," Asuka responded, and it sounded defiant, almost hostile. "Except for two months, there have only ever been three EVA pilots in total. And I am one of them."
"Ah, that's true," Kensuke's father admitted. "You do very important work, and that at your age. Being selected as a pilot must have been quite exciting for young you." Asuka… flinched. She didn't say anything, but just sat there, a brooding expression on her face. "I bet you were all fire and spirit," Aida senior continued jovially. "Or were you a little bit nervous, maybe?" He winked at her.
"I wasn't…" Asuka protested, but then cut herself off and returned to brooding.
Kensuke's father raised his hands. "Ah sorry, I shouldn't have implied anything. So, fire and spirit then?"
Asuka frowned. "Once I hadn't gotten used to it all. I didn't realize immediately how special this all made me. At first…" She stopped, even biting herself on the lip.
"I mean…" Kensuke now spoke up slowly. "It was kinda difficult for me when I first entered school. And that was just school, and I was six." He glanced sideways to Asuka.
"Isn't anything new difficult for children?" Asuka answered, almost in a muttering tone.
"Well, I didn't get a broken or sprained arm in all my time at school," Kensuke pointed out.
"That happens," Asuka grumbled. "It sucks, but…"
"Not to most kids it doesn't," Kensuke's father stated quietly.
Silence followed. Finally, Kensuke felt like he had to say something. "I… When I first heard the UN might have actual, real mecha I got so excited. Even more so when I found out some where stationed here, in Tokyo-3. I could maybe see mecha! Or even meet mecha pilots! I… I could…" He shook his head. "That's what I always dreamed of. Being a mecha pilot. I always imagined it as so grand and magnificent… the conductor of a near-invincible multi-thousand ton war machine, the strongest on Earth. I would be able to show my determination, to have a purpose, to do my part…"
"Yeah, that's what they've always told me," Asuka said in a hollow voice. "From the start."
"I don't really believe that anymore," Kensuke stated. "And… neither do you?"
Asuka shook her head. "It was… it was…"
"What was it like?" Kensuke now almost pleaded.
"You wanna know?" Asuka shot back. "My first tests inside the Evangelion itself? They had to calibrate the synchtest, after all. To know what readings meant a higher synch-rate. How do you think they could figure that out?"
Asuka's right hand gripped the back of chair hard, and for a moment, Kensuke thought she would stand up and run out. But then she breathed out and began to talk, in a low, almost hollow voice. How it had sounded exciting to her at first as well, but how that excitement had soon faded after weeks had turned to months had turned to years of just training. Now, it had just become normalcy for her. How she had been a four year old girl, surrounded by people and machines and concepts she didn't understand. And, how at age 6, they had started combat training.
They had to be ready, after all. They knew the angels were coming.
She had refused to go on at first. It had hurt, after all. They couldn't risk her developing the wrong instincts for a battle, so they had left the pain feedback intact, if dialed down. But that had only let to her being grounded, and nobody speaking with her. As Asuka saw it now, that was just necessary discipline for a child - children often don't do what they're supposed to do, after all.
So, really, how else to make sure a literally irreplaceable child pilot would do what was necessary?
"My first guardian, he..." Her voice became very low. "He made sure I went through with everything."
She told about the constantly changing guardians and instructors. She had a new guardian every year, sometimes every half year. Again, that made sense, as far as Asuka was concerned: Given the angel threat to the world, they had to prioritize getting her ready for combat. The most important thing was that she could pilot and fight; other issues, like attachment and feelings just weren't as important, what with the world at stake.
So they used whatever means necessary to achieve that goal. Asuka got very sparse with words at this part, but apparently some instructors were worse than others. Some would only shook their head in disappointment; others would shout at an elementary school girl.
Some events Asuka told basically by the by, like the time they tested new plugsuit features. They had to make sure the emergency defibrillators would work, so they induced a cardiac arrest in the young girl. Asuka now just passed over that quickly. Or the one time they tested her pain tolerance. Just a necessary medical test…
Kensuke just sat there, the food on his plate getting cold, and listened intensely. Repeatedly, his hands formed into fists, but he didn't comment.
There was only one time where Asuka showed any reaction, when she told of a special synchtest just over a year ago. She had been thoroughly cleaned at the NERV facility… and then was told that she had to do the test stark naked. All protests of her had been swept aside, it had just been expected that she do that, no matter her own feelings: There had been no talk of this before, no apology about how it could make her uncomfortable, just an order. And while Asuka didn't say much, it was quite clear she had been embarrassed, probably humiliated.
At first, Kensuke had gone slightly red hearing the story, but then his uneasiness about the tale had won the upper hand: How the people at NERV apparently didn't even care about how she felt, about her sensibilities. And Misato had already been her guardian at that time, for a while.
The people at NERV had also always told Asuka that this all made her special, and the girl had believed them. Whatever they were doing to her, it had a purpose, and that purpose elevated her. She had looked forward to the day when she would finally get to fight the angels - when all that hard training would pay off. She was special, and the world would see it. Of course, what had actually happened was that she had been treated like just another schoolgirl in Japan, and fighting the angels? Well, that was taken for granted, no special remark about it necessary.
Kensuke's food had gone cold on his plate, and so had Asuka's. She took a bite from her chopsticks, and then furrowed her brows. "Well, shit. Seems like I missed this chance for food."
Again, Kensuke's father smiled at her. "It's easy to rewarm food, and we have large doggy bags, don't we, Kensuke?" Unsure what else to do, Kensuke just nodded awkwardly. "Just make sure Colonel Katsuragi doesn't steal this from you." He winked at Asuka.
"That would be just like her," Asuka muttered.
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Remind her that she doesn't exactly have an abundance of pilots."
Asuka scoffed, half-amused. "I guess I could do that."
"Then let's pack up," Aida senior suggested. Everybody stood up. "Oh, and Asuka - if there is more to tell…" He searched for something in his pocket and then got a business card from there. "Just call me at any time."
Asuka held the card with both hands and looked at it, muttering what was written there: "Vice Director… Business Section… Asahi Shimbun Media Group…"
NERV headquarters was a place full of uncomfortable, sometimes even painful memories for Shinji. The spacious architecture or the light-filled halls presented a pleasant image, but that was just an illusion, smoke and mirrors, a camouflage. It hid the facility's true purpose, which had nothing pleasant at all about it.
And yet…
The facility had lost much of its sting. Somewhen during the last weeks, coming here had become not so terrible anymore. Shinji simply felt freer now. He went to the synch-tests, but that didn't mean he would have to face angels upon their arrival. And without this sword of Damocles constantly hanging over his head, the routine had become comfortably familiar, even friendly. It was somewhat like a school club. Sure, lying in LCL for an hour doing nothing was still boring. They still demanded his time and took him giving it for granted. But it wasn't so bad going somewhere together with Asuka, it wasn't so terrible to meet Mari, even though she kept acting oddly during synchtests, and it definitely wasn't horrible at all to meet Rei.
The way Shinji began feeling about her, everywhere was a good place with the blue-haired girl around.
The synchtest had just ended, and they all were leaving their entry-plugs, climbing down ladders to the gangways spanning over the coolant liquid in the EVA cages. There was a sharp aroma in the air, but Shinji hardly noticed that anymore. Instead his eyes were fixated on the ladder next to his: Rei's lithe figure climbing down, its curves basically not covered at all by the tight plugsuit.
She wasn't the most expressive person. Even now, she hardly smiled. But just seeing the ends of her lips tugging upwards made Shinji glad. It reminded him of the aftermath of the Ramiel fight, her smile, small but radiant. And moments like now, when they both hit the gangway and her face every so slightly brightened up in reaction to seeing him… it made him feel all fluttery.
Not that it meant anything, mind. Shinji was just glad to be around Rei whenever he could; he would absolutely not want to ruin this wonderful, brilliant bond by pushing for more. It was bad enough how he thought about Rei's body at times. She was a wonderful person, and not an object for half-formed desires in his mind. She was his harbour of calm and safety, and he worried that already could mean he was using her too much.
But still, it was wonderful to be around her.
Neither of them said much, really. They didn't need to. Both were content with harmonious silence next to each other. And it wasn't like they were entirely silent. Shinji asked her about her school day, and Rei asked him if the test had been okay. He blinked when he heard this. She is still concerned about me. Realizing that, it felt like something in his chest was about to burst.
The huge hall that formed the EVA cages was completely silent besides the sound of steps on metal… and Asuka's annoyed grunts as Mari was holding her up with something or other. The bespectacled girl was always slightly unhinged during and after synchtests, and Shinji was glad that right now he wasn't the target of her eccentric behaviour. He liked Mari, he just… liked walking in peace next to Rei more. And this ensured that both Mari and Asuka were occupied.
Shinji and Rei walked together to the lockerrooms and parted ways there. Shinji's thoughts lingered only for the barest moment on Rei in the girls' room. He sighed. It wasn't like it wasn't a beautiful thought. Rei had grace and serenity and a calm beauty, elegant curves and pristine, fair skin. It was just… inappropriate
It didn't matter. He was used to pushing such thoughts out of his mind. As he first undressed and then put on his normal clothes, he just hoped he could spend some more time with Rei. He still felt good.
...and then he left the locker room and saw Misato outside waiting for him. Her arms were crossed, her right hand cupping her left elbow.
"The Commander wants to see you, Shinji."
And just like that, Shinji's happy little bubble burst. Suddenly, NERV headquarters with its multitude of corridors and rooms was just as he initially remembered it: Oppressive, forbidding, ominous. My father…
On some level, Shinji knew this was an overreaction. Most likely, his father just wanted a status report or something of the sort. But as he trotted alongside Misato, all stiff and tense, he felt a deep anxiety growing inside him. He didn't even pay attention to where he was going; meeting his father loomed too large in his mind. He always had wanted his attention, but whenever he had gotten it, something bad had happened. It made Shinji feel like he was four again: A child who doesn't know what he wants, and who is just powerless, so utterly powerless.
The Commander's office fit to that feeling. A giant, barely lit room with arcane symbols on the ceiling, and a desk that seemed a mile away from the entrance. Shinji felt like he didn't belong here. For a moment he just wanted to turn away and run, but he felt Misato's hand on his shoulder. The whole situation still appeared overwhelming to him, though.
His father sat behind the desk, his arms resting on it and his hands crossed in front of his face. Shinji looked away.
Next to the Commander stood Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. It was he who spoke. "I'm glad you could come so quickly, Shinji." He nodded curtly in greeting towards Misato. "Colonel Katsuragi. The Commander and I have decided on certain changes in the NERV command structure and Operations division you need to be aware of."
Shinj, still not really looking in front of him, furrowed his brows. Since when was he informed of anything going on here? Usually, any times he got news, it was bad news. Nearly always, any change was a change for the worse. His anxiety grew.
"The Operations Division has run very smoothly during the last few battles, in no small part due to your personal efforts, Colonel Katsuragi," the Vice Commander continued. "Therefore, the Commander and I do not see the necessity for fallback options anymore. We have thus decided to streamline our structures."
Shinji didn't understand. Neither did Misato, or so it seemed. There was a silence.
"Starting next month, the position of 'reserve pilot' will be abolished," Fuyustuki explained.
What? Shinji couldn't even process what that meant.
"But, Vice Commander..." Misato began to protest.
Speaking calmly over her protests, Fuyutsuki continued, "Either the Fourth Child becomes a regular pilot again, to be deployed regularly in battles as Command sees fit..." He hesitated slightly.
"...or he will have to leave Tokyo-3," Gendo finished the sentence from behind his stapled fingers, his voice low and dark.
What? Shinji took a step back and raised an arm, as if somebody were to strike him. And it did feel that way. But… what about Touji? Asuka? Mari? What about Rei?
"Is that really necessary?" Misato asked, almost pleaded.
"There will be no further special treatment for Shinji," the Commander explained. "If we can't deploy him in battle, he is of no use to us. In which case, he has no business being in this city."
"I could..." Misato began, but was cut off again.
"Colonel!" Fuyutsuki cut in. "You are aware of the special authority NERV has over Tokyo-3. This is Shinji's decision to make. Either he will be a regular pilot again, without special treatment… or he will have to leave the city."
Why… Shinji couldn't voice this, but that thought ran in his head. Why this? Why now? He didn't want to leave, didn't want to be all alone again, but…
I'll lose Rei. I'll either have to face the angels again, or I'll lose Rei.
What was more, the Evangelion was maybe the one thing, the only thing, she had for herself. An 80m combat machine of several thousands tons, and it was hers. No matter where she moved, no matter what they got her or took away again from her, she always had had this unit. Nobody else had ever used it, and she had never used another unit. She was the pilot of Unit 02. Nobody could take that away from her.
So at least there was that. However, overall, she didn't want to be here, in the forests some thirty to fifty kilometres north of Tokyo-3. She wanted to be at home and play video games... or maybe play video games with Kensuke. It was bad enough she had to go to school everyday, but today, Misato had picked her up afterwards, and Mari as well. It wasn't even a regular synchtest, it was some bullshit special exercise that was eating up her free time, and as usual, she hadn't even gotten any prior notice.
Maybe, before coming to Japan, she would have been more enthusiastic about a training exercise against another Evangelion, testing new prototype weapons. But it seemed nobody here cared that she piloted, that she was saving them all, so why should she? It was something she had done all her life, and if told she had extra training she would do it, but… right now, she didn't feel very enthusiastic about it.
Oh well. At least she would get to hit that smug four-eyes in the face.
She could see the forests all around her, as if she were in a fully transparent cockpit. Even the largest trees only reached to 'her' waist. Even so, few would see this exercise: This was a mountainous area with no human settlement for several kilometres in all directions. Which, for a densely populated country like Japan, made this the middle of nowhere.
Currently, she was standing in a clearing… kinda. Basically, her EVA's feet entirely filled out a clearing. Opposite of her, deeper into the woods, she could see the blue paint and cyclopean face of Unit 00. There was something on the shoulders the opposing Evangelion, and also something on the left arm, and in its right hand, it held a stick with a large, EVA scale chain attached – a morning star.
EVA-02 had this something on the shoulders and the left arm as well. Meanwhile, Asuka wasn't quite clear what she held in her right hand.
"Alright, ladies." This was Misato over the comms. The newly minted Colonel was in one of NERV's high tech command trucks, which had been parked a safe distance away, to ensure that she and the 'bridge bunnies' would not get accidentally trampled in the bout. That Asuka and Mari surely would get some bruises, that was apparently considered acceptable. "I have come with some surprise presents for you!"
Asuka made a face. It would in fact be like the Colonel to consider more tools for Asuka to do her job with as 'presents'. It was another thing that most likely wouldn't have bothered a year ago – she would even have agreed back then. But now…
"Ritsu has been busy," Misato continued. "And with her help, we'll use the angels' own weapons against them! You'll note that your Evangelions are carrying something on their arms. These are unfoldable sh..."
Another voice cut in, Ritsuko's: "It is the Multivariable Metamolecular Defence and Deflection Engine 'Aegis'!" It sounded thunderous.
Mari laughed. "A shield, in other words."
"Reverse engineered from the angel designated Ramiel," Ritsuko specified. "It's 'potentially multi-formed' - that is, it can take on several geometric shapes, just like that angel could. It is merely a question of willpower. Try it some."
Asuka furrowed her eyes, then raised the EVA's left arm and looked at it. What looked like a blue disk was attached to it. She concentrated… and the EVA stumbled back. Suddenly, the disk had expanded to become a large, weird, multi-corner something… like a circle of different sized rays meeting in the middle.
"Was zur Hölle…"
She tried it again, this time imagining something more solid, something more coherent. There was a screeching sound, and suddenly the blue thing was now an orderly square.
"Hammer!"
Now that was something neat. A physical shield she could shape whatever way she wanted. She looked at Unit 00… and began to snicker maliciously when she saw Mari's shield had transformed into an irregular triangle, with one point stuck in the ground.
"Hey look!" Mari exclaimed. "It's a spade as well!" And in an added mumble: "Whether I want that or not."
"So what's the stuff on our shoulders?" Asuka asked.
Misato tried to answer, "Those are energy wh…"
"Those are your new Flexicoherent Plasamakinetic Shortrange Sidearms!" Ritsuko announced.
Misato's annoyed grunt was audible over the comms. "As I was saying… energy whips. Range of thirty to forty metres, depending. Not very strong, but might be enough to distract and irate the enemy."
Asuka wiggled her shoulders… and indeed, something that looked like whips of pure light unfolded from it. She wiggled some more, and the whips sprung into action, cutting over the forest, and shearing off several tree tops
"Not very strong, huh?" Asuka muttered.
"Now, as for your main weapon, Asuka," Misato spoke up again. The redhead looked to her EVA's right hand. The thing in there looked like a mix of a baton and a short staff with a sword guard. "Concentrate on it and shake it a bit."
Asuka scoffed at being addressed in such a patronizing way, but did as she was told. Suddenly, that thing opened up. It seemed to consist of several small parts, tubes, gears, which now re-arranged themselves… and it became a sword. Another shake, and it became a real staff. Another shake, another mechanical recombination, it was a naginata.
"Like… like…" Asuka stuttered.
"Like the angel you fought in the air, Asuka," Misato confirmed. "Yes. It's…" She stopped herself, and then sighed. "Yes, okay do your thing, Ritsu."
"My… oh," Ritsuko spoke up now. "Yes. This is the..." There was an audible pause for effect. "Submechanically Reinversible Multimartial Utility Staff 'Aaron'!"
Asuka rolled her eyes.
"So what did I get, Blondie?" Mari exclaimed.
"Oh, you got a morning star and a boomerang" Ritsuko explained matter-of-factly. Silence followed that announcement. "What? That's what they are!"
"It's… long" Mari stated about the morning star. It certainly was. The spiked ball of iron at the other end of the chain lay more than 80m away, an EVA's length.
"The specific form of the chain and the ball make it particularly susceptible to AT Fields," Ritsuko explained. "Use Unit 00's AT Fields, and you can control it. You've gotten extra training in AT Field use, haven't you?"
"You could say that," Mari muttered. That was unlike her.
"The boomerang is in your left shoulder pylon," Misato added. "It's unfoldable, as it works along the same principles as Asuka's… uh… swordclubsaberspearstaff thing."
"Alright!" Mari announced enthusiastically. "Let's rock'n'roll!" That was more like her.
"Remember to play nice, girls!" Misator reminded them. "This is just to test the new equipment. You can start at my command. Three… two… one… go!"
However, neither side moved. The two Evangelions stood there, in defensive positions, about half a kilometre apart, looking at each other, daring each other to make the first move. Eyes still fixated on Unit 00, Unit 02 shook its right hand, and the object there reconfigured into a naginata. Asuka figured she would need that reach against the morning star.
Meanwhile, Unit 00, also still looking straight ahead at its counterpart, threw the morning star's iron ball into the air and kept it circulating there. It rotated over the cyclopean head, nearly a hundred metre above it, faster and faster and faster, but in a surprisingly small circle. It shouldn't have stayed up at the end of such a long chain, but it did.
Asuka eyed the iron ball carefully. Any hit by it would probably be very painful. For a moment, everything seemed to stand still except the morning star… and then it slightly changed its motion. Immediately, Unit 02 began sprinting. The morning star came down on it from above, but Asuka ran around it in a zig-zag.
Mari swung low – Asuka jumped over the chain. Mari swung again – the iron ball landed right next to Unit 02's feet, splintering a dozen trees, while the Evangelion jumped forward. Mari pushed the ball right at Unit 02 – Asuka stepped aside, the spikes of the ball just so grazing the Evangelion's chest.
"Urrrgh…" It still hurt.
But then she leaped forwards again, bursting all trees in her path, lowered the naginata and swung. The naginata's blade connected and Unit 00 was thrown to the side.
"Hah!"
Again Asuka shook Unit 02's hand, and with a lot of mechanical noises, the naginata transformed into a solid club. The Evangelion ran to its prone counterpart and raised the club…
...when suddenly a chain swung itself around it, including the raised arm.
"I have you, Princess!" Mari taunted and then laughed manically.
Asuka wiggled in her entry plug, causing her Evangelion to do the same. Unit 02 strained against the chains. "We'll… see…" Asuka managed to push out.
Again, gears and clicking sound. The club became an incredibly lean spear with a very sharp point. It easily slid through the chains and towards the still prone Unit 00.
Mari rolled around on the ground, evading the spear, but this meant letting go of all tension in her chain. Unit 02 unentangled itself and stepped forward again. Mari tried to retreat on her back, but Asuka was upon her. Unit 02 simply passed by the spear stuck in the ground, too focused on Mari. Asuka grinned. Her Evangelion raised its leg to stomp its counter-part…
…and suddenly Asuka saw blue and her Evangelion fell over. She didn't even think – she simply started her Ninlil jumpjets in a controlled manner to get to her feet again and grabbed the spear, now holding it in a defensive position.
"Forgot our new toys?" Mari taunted. Unit 00 was on its feet again – with its shield extended, and in a diagonal position. Asuka cursed mentally. Her own Evangelion must have stepped on that diagonal area.
The two units now circled around each other, crushing trees, bushes and even small dirt hills beneath them. But it wasn't like Asuka to just sit and wait. On her left arm, the blue disk grew in size until it had become a decent roundshield, while tiny gears and tubes turned the naginata into an impressively long saber.
Then Asuka charged forwards again.
Unit 02 jumped, whirled around, made a saldo. Metall hit metall as the iron ball crushed against the sabre blade, getting deflected by it. Metal hit… whatever when Asuka used her shield to ward off another blow. And then the saber struck at Unit 00…
...but Mari's Evangelion wasn't there anymore. One flip backwards, another flip backwards, a third flip backwards. It was an impressive display of control. And then the iron ball came flying again…
...but by the time it reached Asuka, her weapon was a staff again. She struck the chain with it, closed her eyes, concentrated on her unit's AT Field… and then the chain twirled around the staff. Asuka opened her eyes again, grinned a predator's grin and pulled.
Both girls activated their energy whips at the same time. A lash landed right across Unit 02's face.
"Aahhhh..." It hurt. It really was like getting a whip lash.
Another lash. And another one. Asuka was getting whipped, and she felt every lash.
..."Mama! It hurts!" A six year old girl, in her first combat training… the man who was supposed to watch over her all cold and stony...
Asuka snarled and shook off the memory. He is gone! Long gone out of my life! And she would be damned if she lost here. Mari might remember their new toys better, but Asuka remembered that her Evangelion was more than just fancy equipment. She pulled Unit 00 even closer… and rammed her own Evangelion's knee into its stomach.
"Urrrgh." Mari's grunt was audible over the comms.
The chain became limp again. And suddenly there was a staccato of whip lashes on Asuka's shoulder.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck" Asuka cursed. She didn't want to, but her Evangelion let go of Unit 00. And when she could orientate herself again, the blue machine was nowhere to be seen.
"Coward," Asuka scoffed. She looked at the ground in front of her, and saw the severed end of Unit 00's umbilical cable. "Well, her energy will soon run out."
"We have supply trucks dispersed all over the area," Misato announced cheerfully.
...seriously? Asuka had enough of that. Her face, her back, her shoulders stung, and that just because Misato had set her and Mari against each other. This wasn't even an angel. The city or the world weren't at stake. Yes, okay, maybe the new weapons did need to get tested, but why should she let herself be hurt in the process?
...it is really like back then...She had thought she had buried all her memories, become a successful EVA pilot, but… it never ends...
"Really, Misato? I want to go home," Asuka requested. "I just got the crap whipped out of me."
"We still have no data on the boomerang," the Colonel reminded her.
"So this only ends once I have another bruise?" Asuka complained.
"Asuka, this is important. These are the weapons you will use to defend against the angels," Misato argued.
Asuka scowled. No end to the training exercise then. Very well. She ripped her own umbilical cord out – this would soon be over one way or the other. Then she started her jump engines.
It was impossible to hide an 80m mechanical giant from an aerial view.
"Hab dich, Brillenschlange…"
Unit 00 was literally crawling through the woodworks, almost completely prone so that some high trees at a mountain slope would cover it. Asuka was unsure what Mari even thought to achieve with it.
It didn't matter. Unit 02's jump engines fired again, and the Evangelion darted towards said slope. With a loud thunder, its s boots touched ground again, raising dust and soil into the air.
Unit 00 was not far away, down on one knee and looking down… but then its head rose, and Asuka could have sworn its single eye lit up.
"Surpriiise!" Mari exclaimed… and threw her boomerang.
Instinctively, Asuka raised her hand… and the boomerang crashed against an octagonal field of yellow light, and then flittered away.
That was an obvious downside of the morning star. Mari had to spend so much of her AT Field's strength on controlling it that she couldn't completely nullify's Asuka's AT Field.
"That was your surprise?" Asuka taunted.
"Not quite…" Mari answered. She paused. "That is."
"What…" But Asuka didn't get to end the sentence. Something hit her back, full force. She groaned in pain… and Unit 02 fell over.
In one smooth movement, Unit 00 got up from the ground and darted forward, catching the returning boomerang on the way. Before Asuka could react, a heavy boot landed on her weapon hand.
"It's a boomerang, silly!" Mari laughed. "What did you think it would do? Well, time to end th…"
Asuka screamed.
With an even mightier roar, the Ninlil jump engines started again. Unit 02 rose form the ground and rammed against its counterpart full force. Again Asuka screamed as she felt something snap in her right arm as it was violently pulled free of the boot, but she ignored it. Soon, both Evangelions had each other in a chokehold now, but the jump engines still continued to fire. Trails several metres deep were cut into the dirt, but Unit 00 was pushed more and more against the slope… until finally, Asuka's Evangelion was on top of it.
"Now it is ended," she declared under heavy breath and raised her weapon.
Mari just laughed. "Seems like".
…and she powered down her Evangelion.
Kensuke felt nervous. It was all so silly, really. He and Asuka had hit the arcade near-daily for several weeks now. Even when they had gone to a restaurant together, it had all stayed relaxed and casual. And now his father just had to go and make this big thing out of it, having him invite Asuka over for dinner.
It wasn't like Kensuke was opposed to the whole affair. He had been worrying about Asuka for some time now, and had no idea of his own how to deal with her issues. If there was any chance his father did, well, then he would deal with this dinner. That didn't make the prospect any less awkward, though.
So now, he just sat at the made table, drummed his fingers on it, and now and then looked at his watch.
"Hm, I hope she comes in time," he heard his father mutter from the dining room's door. "The food can be warmed up again, but I think it always loses some flavour when you have to do that, don't you think, Kensuke?"
The boy smiled drily, his face still turned away from his father. The attempt to distract him was really damn blatant. "I think she'll agree to everything as long as it is plentiful and not ready made."
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Ah, the hidden advantages of youth. Enjoy your growth spurts while you can, afterwards it gets more difficult to control your weight."
Kensuke's dry grin remained. That was just such an Aida senior thing to say.
He darted up when he heard the doorbell. Now it was his father's turn to grin. Damn it. Kensuke cursed his lapse in self-control, then spurted to the door to open it.
Asuka was wearing her usual grumpy face… and a cast around the middle of her right lower arm. Before Kensuke could comment, she spoke up darkly, "Training accident. Now, what's for food?"
"Ah… yeah… right… it's all prepared," Kensuke stuttered and stepped away from the door. "Come in."
Asuka scoffed, but did so. Her mood seemed to be extraordinarily sour today.
"Welcome," Kensuke's father greeted her with a benevolent smile on his face. "My son told me of you. Nice to meet you, Asuka."
Asuka just nodded curtly, and then sat down at the table.
Kensuke and his father did as well. "A training accident?" the elder Aida inquired.
Asuka shrugged. "EVA versus EVA training." She nodded towards the food. "May I…?"
Aida senior nodded and smiled broadly at her. "Help yourself. I think we can consider that dinner started." He began placing food on his plate. Immediately, so did Asuka as well, at a rapid pace - or at least, as rapid as her bandaged arm allowed.
Only Kensuke wasn't. "You fought another EVA?" He couldn't help it; it just tickled his 'ohmygod coool' reflex. But, after all he had learned about Asuka in these past weeks… "That seems…" Making them fight each other? On the one hand, it was cool, on the other it was… troubling.
"Misato decided we needed some extra live action training," Asuka explained. "Kinda sucks, especially how it ended."
There it was again, Asuka's attitude. Yeah, she complained, but only in the way one would complain about an extra chore at home or extra homework from school, a sort of 'what can you do?'.
Kensuke's father seemed less disturbed. He simply asked, "What happened?"
"I probably shouldn't get into the specifics," Asuka said. "Confidentiality issues."
"So you get hurt because of their orders and you can't even tell why?" Kensuke exclaimed.
It wasn't that he, the military nerd, didn't understand confidentiality. And normally he would have agreed with the importance of it. But this wasn't just an abstract concern any longer. This was… well… Asuka. He felt like he had a personal connection here.
"That's how it works," Asuka merely replied and began eating.
An awkward silence followed that. Hesitantly, Kensuke turned the attention to his plate as well. He didn't have much of an appetite, though. The food was fantastic - a wide variety of meat, vegetables, rice… But Kensuke was a picky eater at the best of times, and now, well… there was other stuff on his mind.
Finally, even Asuka couldn't seem to stand the silence any longer. "It was a weapons test," she grumbled. "Can't say what, but…"
She told them about her day. Kensuke had entirely stopped eating, and the grip around his chopsticks got a bit tighter. After Asuka had ended, the awkward silence returned.
It was Kensuke who finally blurted out, "Why didn't you just stop?"
"What?" Asuka countered.
"After Makinami had run away," Kensuke explained his position. "You wanted to stop. I… I don't think they should then make you continue."
After all, piloting mecha was awesome! Or so Kensuke had always thought. Mecha pilots were supposed to be eager heroes full of drive and determination, who struck out on their own and fought for what they believed in. Mecha pilots were supposed to do this out of their ow will and determination - and most importantly, nobody was supposed to tell them what to do.
Asuka looked at him oddly. "The training wasn't over yet. There wasn't enough data on the weapons yet."
"And they wanted you to get beaten up to get that data," Kensuke replied through clenched teeth. "I think that would've given you a right to just end it. For… for… self-protection!"
Now Asuka furrowed her brows and looked down at her plate.
Kensuke's father smiled. It always looked a bit goofy, Kensuke found, but then again, Aida senior usually did mean well. "I think Asuka is used to thinking in different terms, aren't you, Asuka?"
Asuka rested her head on one hand and picked at the food with the other. "I mean… yeah. You can't just end a training in the middle of it just because you want to go home. I mean, I'm sure the others want as well, but there's a job to be done."
Kensuke breathed in to comment, but a short signal from his father, just an ever so slightly raised hand, made him stop. He furrowed his brows instead.
"A job, indeed," Aida senior answered kindly. "You've been in that business for a while, haven't you?"
Asuka just shrugged, but then answered. "Since I've been four."
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Sorry. I'm just imagining a little redheaded girl, inside such a big robot." Asuka just shrugged again. "Ah, again, sorry. An old man's thoughts sometimes go to strange places. You have to admit, it is a bit unusual."
"It is special," Asuka responded, and it sounded defiant, almost hostile. "Except for two months, there have only ever been three EVA pilots in total. And I am one of them."
"Ah, that's true," Kensuke's father admitted. "You do very important work, and that at your age. Being selected as a pilot must have been quite exciting for young you." Asuka… flinched. She didn't say anything, but just sat there, a brooding expression on her face. "I bet you were all fire and spirit," Aida senior continued jovially. "Or were you a little bit nervous, maybe?" He winked at her.
"I wasn't…" Asuka protested, but then cut herself off and returned to brooding.
Kensuke's father raised his hands. "Ah sorry, I shouldn't have implied anything. So, fire and spirit then?"
Asuka frowned. "Once I hadn't gotten used to it all. I didn't realize immediately how special this all made me. At first…" She stopped, even biting herself on the lip.
"I mean…" Kensuke now spoke up slowly. "It was kinda difficult for me when I first entered school. And that was just school, and I was six." He glanced sideways to Asuka.
"Isn't anything new difficult for children?" Asuka answered, almost in a muttering tone.
"Well, I didn't get a broken or sprained arm in all my time at school," Kensuke pointed out.
"That happens," Asuka grumbled. "It sucks, but…"
"Not to most kids it doesn't," Kensuke's father stated quietly.
Silence followed. Finally, Kensuke felt like he had to say something. "I… When I first heard the UN might have actual, real mecha I got so excited. Even more so when I found out some where stationed here, in Tokyo-3. I could maybe see mecha! Or even meet mecha pilots! I… I could…" He shook his head. "That's what I always dreamed of. Being a mecha pilot. I always imagined it as so grand and magnificent… the conductor of a near-invincible multi-thousand ton war machine, the strongest on Earth. I would be able to show my determination, to have a purpose, to do my part…"
"Yeah, that's what they've always told me," Asuka said in a hollow voice. "From the start."
"I don't really believe that anymore," Kensuke stated. "And… neither do you?"
Asuka shook her head. "It was… it was…"
"What was it like?" Kensuke now almost pleaded.
"You wanna know?" Asuka shot back. "My first tests inside the Evangelion itself? They had to calibrate the synchtest, after all. To know what readings meant a higher synch-rate. How do you think they could figure that out?"
Asuka's right hand gripped the back of chair hard, and for a moment, Kensuke thought she would stand up and run out. But then she breathed out and began to talk, in a low, almost hollow voice. How it had sounded exciting to her at first as well, but how that excitement had soon faded after weeks had turned to months had turned to years of just training. Now, it had just become normalcy for her. How she had been a four year old girl, surrounded by people and machines and concepts she didn't understand. And, how at age 6, they had started combat training.
They had to be ready, after all. They knew the angels were coming.
She had refused to go on at first. It had hurt, after all. They couldn't risk her developing the wrong instincts for a battle, so they had left the pain feedback intact, if dialed down. But that had only let to her being grounded, and nobody speaking with her. As Asuka saw it now, that was just necessary discipline for a child - children often don't do what they're supposed to do, after all.
So, really, how else to make sure a literally irreplaceable child pilot would do what was necessary?
"My first guardian, he..." Her voice became very low. "He made sure I went through with everything."
She told about the constantly changing guardians and instructors. She had a new guardian every year, sometimes every half year. Again, that made sense, as far as Asuka was concerned: Given the angel threat to the world, they had to prioritize getting her ready for combat. The most important thing was that she could pilot and fight; other issues, like attachment and feelings just weren't as important, what with the world at stake.
So they used whatever means necessary to achieve that goal. Asuka got very sparse with words at this part, but apparently some instructors were worse than others. Some would only shook their head in disappointment; others would shout at an elementary school girl.
Some events Asuka told basically by the by, like the time they tested new plugsuit features. They had to make sure the emergency defibrillators would work, so they induced a cardiac arrest in the young girl. Asuka now just passed over that quickly. Or the one time they tested her pain tolerance. Just a necessary medical test…
Kensuke just sat there, the food on his plate getting cold, and listened intensely. Repeatedly, his hands formed into fists, but he didn't comment.
There was only one time where Asuka showed any reaction, when she told of a special synchtest just over a year ago. She had been thoroughly cleaned at the NERV facility… and then was told that she had to do the test stark naked. All protests of her had been swept aside, it had just been expected that she do that, no matter her own feelings: There had been no talk of this before, no apology about how it could make her uncomfortable, just an order. And while Asuka didn't say much, it was quite clear she had been embarrassed, probably humiliated.
At first, Kensuke had gone slightly red hearing the story, but then his uneasiness about the tale had won the upper hand: How the people at NERV apparently didn't even care about how she felt, about her sensibilities. And Misato had already been her guardian at that time, for a while.
The people at NERV had also always told Asuka that this all made her special, and the girl had believed them. Whatever they were doing to her, it had a purpose, and that purpose elevated her. She had looked forward to the day when she would finally get to fight the angels - when all that hard training would pay off. She was special, and the world would see it. Of course, what had actually happened was that she had been treated like just another schoolgirl in Japan, and fighting the angels? Well, that was taken for granted, no special remark about it necessary.
Kensuke's food had gone cold on his plate, and so had Asuka's. She took a bite from her chopsticks, and then furrowed her brows. "Well, shit. Seems like I missed this chance for food."
Again, Kensuke's father smiled at her. "It's easy to rewarm food, and we have large doggy bags, don't we, Kensuke?" Unsure what else to do, Kensuke just nodded awkwardly. "Just make sure Colonel Katsuragi doesn't steal this from you." He winked at Asuka.
"That would be just like her," Asuka muttered.
Kensuke's father chuckled. "Remind her that she doesn't exactly have an abundance of pilots."
Asuka scoffed, half-amused. "I guess I could do that."
"Then let's pack up," Aida senior suggested. Everybody stood up. "Oh, and Asuka - if there is more to tell…" He searched for something in his pocket and then got a business card from there. "Just call me at any time."
Asuka held the card with both hands and looked at it, muttering what was written there: "Vice Director… Business Section… Asahi Shimbun Media Group…"
NERV headquarters was a place full of uncomfortable, sometimes even painful memories for Shinji. The spacious architecture or the light-filled halls presented a pleasant image, but that was just an illusion, smoke and mirrors, a camouflage. It hid the facility's true purpose, which had nothing pleasant at all about it.
And yet…
The facility had lost much of its sting. Somewhen during the last weeks, coming here had become not so terrible anymore. Shinji simply felt freer now. He went to the synch-tests, but that didn't mean he would have to face angels upon their arrival. And without this sword of Damocles constantly hanging over his head, the routine had become comfortably familiar, even friendly. It was somewhat like a school club. Sure, lying in LCL for an hour doing nothing was still boring. They still demanded his time and took him giving it for granted. But it wasn't so bad going somewhere together with Asuka, it wasn't so terrible to meet Mari, even though she kept acting oddly during synchtests, and it definitely wasn't horrible at all to meet Rei.
The way Shinji began feeling about her, everywhere was a good place with the blue-haired girl around.
The synchtest had just ended, and they all were leaving their entry-plugs, climbing down ladders to the gangways spanning over the coolant liquid in the EVA cages. There was a sharp aroma in the air, but Shinji hardly noticed that anymore. Instead his eyes were fixated on the ladder next to his: Rei's lithe figure climbing down, its curves basically not covered at all by the tight plugsuit.
She wasn't the most expressive person. Even now, she hardly smiled. But just seeing the ends of her lips tugging upwards made Shinji glad. It reminded him of the aftermath of the Ramiel fight, her smile, small but radiant. And moments like now, when they both hit the gangway and her face every so slightly brightened up in reaction to seeing him… it made him feel all fluttery.
Not that it meant anything, mind. Shinji was just glad to be around Rei whenever he could; he would absolutely not want to ruin this wonderful, brilliant bond by pushing for more. It was bad enough how he thought about Rei's body at times. She was a wonderful person, and not an object for half-formed desires in his mind. She was his harbour of calm and safety, and he worried that already could mean he was using her too much.
But still, it was wonderful to be around her.
Neither of them said much, really. They didn't need to. Both were content with harmonious silence next to each other. And it wasn't like they were entirely silent. Shinji asked her about her school day, and Rei asked him if the test had been okay. He blinked when he heard this. She is still concerned about me. Realizing that, it felt like something in his chest was about to burst.
The huge hall that formed the EVA cages was completely silent besides the sound of steps on metal… and Asuka's annoyed grunts as Mari was holding her up with something or other. The bespectacled girl was always slightly unhinged during and after synchtests, and Shinji was glad that right now he wasn't the target of her eccentric behaviour. He liked Mari, he just… liked walking in peace next to Rei more. And this ensured that both Mari and Asuka were occupied.
Shinji and Rei walked together to the lockerrooms and parted ways there. Shinji's thoughts lingered only for the barest moment on Rei in the girls' room. He sighed. It wasn't like it wasn't a beautiful thought. Rei had grace and serenity and a calm beauty, elegant curves and pristine, fair skin. It was just… inappropriate
It didn't matter. He was used to pushing such thoughts out of his mind. As he first undressed and then put on his normal clothes, he just hoped he could spend some more time with Rei. He still felt good.
...and then he left the locker room and saw Misato outside waiting for him. Her arms were crossed, her right hand cupping her left elbow.
"The Commander wants to see you, Shinji."
And just like that, Shinji's happy little bubble burst. Suddenly, NERV headquarters with its multitude of corridors and rooms was just as he initially remembered it: Oppressive, forbidding, ominous. My father…
On some level, Shinji knew this was an overreaction. Most likely, his father just wanted a status report or something of the sort. But as he trotted alongside Misato, all stiff and tense, he felt a deep anxiety growing inside him. He didn't even pay attention to where he was going; meeting his father loomed too large in his mind. He always had wanted his attention, but whenever he had gotten it, something bad had happened. It made Shinji feel like he was four again: A child who doesn't know what he wants, and who is just powerless, so utterly powerless.
The Commander's office fit to that feeling. A giant, barely lit room with arcane symbols on the ceiling, and a desk that seemed a mile away from the entrance. Shinji felt like he didn't belong here. For a moment he just wanted to turn away and run, but he felt Misato's hand on his shoulder. The whole situation still appeared overwhelming to him, though.
His father sat behind the desk, his arms resting on it and his hands crossed in front of his face. Shinji looked away.
Next to the Commander stood Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. It was he who spoke. "I'm glad you could come so quickly, Shinji." He nodded curtly in greeting towards Misato. "Colonel Katsuragi. The Commander and I have decided on certain changes in the NERV command structure and Operations division you need to be aware of."
Shinj, still not really looking in front of him, furrowed his brows. Since when was he informed of anything going on here? Usually, any times he got news, it was bad news. Nearly always, any change was a change for the worse. His anxiety grew.
"The Operations Division has run very smoothly during the last few battles, in no small part due to your personal efforts, Colonel Katsuragi," the Vice Commander continued. "Therefore, the Commander and I do not see the necessity for fallback options anymore. We have thus decided to streamline our structures."
Shinji didn't understand. Neither did Misato, or so it seemed. There was a silence.
"Starting next month, the position of 'reserve pilot' will be abolished," Fuyustuki explained.
What? Shinji couldn't even process what that meant.
"But, Vice Commander..." Misato began to protest.
Speaking calmly over her protests, Fuyutsuki continued, "Either the Fourth Child becomes a regular pilot again, to be deployed regularly in battles as Command sees fit..." He hesitated slightly.
"...or he will have to leave Tokyo-3," Gendo finished the sentence from behind his stapled fingers, his voice low and dark.
What? Shinji took a step back and raised an arm, as if somebody were to strike him. And it did feel that way. But… what about Touji? Asuka? Mari? What about Rei?
"Is that really necessary?" Misato asked, almost pleaded.
"There will be no further special treatment for Shinji," the Commander explained. "If we can't deploy him in battle, he is of no use to us. In which case, he has no business being in this city."
"I could..." Misato began, but was cut off again.
"Colonel!" Fuyutsuki cut in. "You are aware of the special authority NERV has over Tokyo-3. This is Shinji's decision to make. Either he will be a regular pilot again, without special treatment… or he will have to leave the city."
Why… Shinji couldn't voice this, but that thought ran in his head. Why this? Why now? He didn't want to leave, didn't want to be all alone again, but…
I'll lose Rei. I'll either have to face the angels again, or I'll lose Rei.
Macros
omnisciently vague councilman
- Location
- Dirac Sea
Ooooh, blackmail. I see Gendo is going back to the true and tried strategy. That being said, they'd still have four pilots for three EVA. Is another one en route, or is it just that Gendo decided the time for subtlety was over? Now, it seems pretty unlikely that Shinji will be shipped out of Tokyo 3, yet I... don't feel like the story is taking the direction where he'll be an active pilot once again? Perhaps I'm completely wrong of course, but right now I'm betting on a third option being found.
In other matters, Ritsuko was surprisingly... dorky this chapter. Which isn't something I see too often. Good for her! Probably. And Asuka seems to be one bad day away from going on strike. She really has a different approach to piloting than in canon, eh? Even tech upgrades doesn't lift her spirits anymore.
Anyway, the disappointing lack of Rei notwithstanding, good chapter!
In other matters, Ritsuko was surprisingly... dorky this chapter. Which isn't something I see too often. Good for her! Probably. And Asuka seems to be one bad day away from going on strike. She really has a different approach to piloting than in canon, eh? Even tech upgrades doesn't lift her spirits anymore.
Anyway, the disappointing lack of Rei notwithstanding, good chapter!
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Mmm, the tension winds ever tighter.
Interesting that they can make weapons out of Eva flesh. Is it partially powered/based on the Evas' AT-Fields?
Interesting that they can make weapons out of Eva flesh. Is it partially powered/based on the Evas' AT-Fields?
One "l" too many.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Well, it's true - if NERV was just an organization tasked with the defence of the world, Shinji's involvement would be unnecessary. But alas, that's not quite the role the Commander has envisioned for it
Well, for one thing, this is Shikinami, not Soryu. Soryu is both fiery and actively venomous, whereas Shikinami only ever appeared as, well, embittered and withdrawn to me. Kinda ironically, Rebuild made even its Asuka yet another introvert, a hostile introvert at that.
So I wondered what would cause such bitterness. What's her deal? It can't be her series canon background; this is actively refuted in Rebuild by Asuka playing with that doll. But then I considered - well, really, Asuka doesn't need a "deal". Having been a child soldier since age 4 will do the trick just fine. And will lead to Asuka building her identity on that, as she does in Rebuild (see the canon variant of her futon conversation with Shinji). But here, she now experiences a complete clash between her self-identification and what she experiences. She has always been told piloting will make her special, and now it... doesn't. Nobody treats her as special.
And it will only get worse...
At least I didn't forget she exists
Well in the series they developed S2 technology by basically retroengineering Shamshel's S2 engine. It really doesn't have to do with the AT Fields itself per se so much, but with the material the stuff is made of.
... right. Thanks. That was a Germanism I didn't catch.
Timerider
That guy who really should get out more.
- Location
- The End of the World.
If you listen very carefully, you can just barely hear a whistle blowing off near in the distance.
Once again Gendo takes cruelty to an art form. And I'd bet $20 that Misato's just gonna roll over for him.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Good point, silly me. I didn't consider Super Solenoid stuff.
- Location
- Surrey
Why would that be the wrong thing to do? Shinji's a far more capable pilot than anyone else NERV has. Leaving him in reserve and not someone less competent like Rei is just a monumentally poor decision, given that the price of failure is Global Extinction.
And Misato has no actual authority to oppose Gendo on this, as fighting it would likely get her instantly sacked. Then she has absolutely no way to fight for the pilots, if she ever switches off Team Evil. After all, the adults are replaceable, the Pilots are not.
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- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Indeed. Something they should consider in the treatment of pilots...
Timerider
That guy who really should get out more.
- Location
- The End of the World.
That would be the logical and sane thing to do. Especially considering the situation involves a potentially extinction-level catastrophe.
But noooooo. That just ain't 'llowed 'round here.
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Hey now! That would mean Misato would have to actually face what she's doing to the kids instead of just laughing it off and making light of it for her own emotional benefit! And we can't have that!
I mean, Shinji is... Shinji. Can't really clearly articulate what it is what he wants, feeling selfish if he does want something, usually so clinically depressive that he just accepts everything that is done with him. Even so, he basically more or less told Kaji what could make him return to piloting...
I mean, Shinji is... Shinji. Can't really clearly articulate what it is what he wants, feeling selfish if he does want something, usually so clinically depressive that he just accepts everything that is done with him. Even so, he basically more or less told Kaji what could make him return to piloting...
Post-Near Third Impact
Shinji: Is Asuka mad about me nearly destroying the world?
Sakura: "No, she's mad that she's functionally immortal."
Shinji: "Well that's not so bad."
Sakura: "Mari is immortal too. The only other one like Asuka in the whole world."
Shinji: "Okay being mad about that is fair."
Ch10: Mystery Angel I
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"
The third synch test in as many days. Asuka was a professional; if Command set such a routine she would follow it. But it was still annoying and senseless. What bug has bitten Ritsuko's ass now?
Asuka's body was all stiff and her face a frown as she walked through one of the countless corridors of NERV headquarters. She didn't look ahead; her face was plastered to the Wonderswan screen in front of it. At one point she bumped into a science assistant, but she didn't apologize. Why were all those idiots in her way, anyway?
The truth was that for weeks now, Asuka was feeling… she didn't even know herself. Unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. Just generally discontent. Of course, she had never been the most upbeat person, she knew that much herself, but these days, she couldn't even find joy in doing her job, in being special, in being the best pilot. It all seemed so senseless to her, now that she actually was in Japan. The only thing that at least distracted her from her feelings was in fact her gaming device.
However, this wasn't the first time in Asuka's life when she maybe wasn't perfectly content. She had gone through similar phases before. It happened. So why then died Kensuke, that idiot, need to make such a big deal out of it? It was annoying, it was unwanted, it was… it was infuriatingly adorable. Asuka was a soldier. Soldiers didn't always like their orders. That was it. That Kensuke was concerned… well, thinking about that created a certain fluttery feeling inside her, but his worry was still misplaced.
As for the other people in Asuka's life – Misato still treated her like a little child. Three days of synch-tests meant three days of crazy Mari. And Shinji… ever since after the first synch-test in that series he had been all quiet and mopey, and didn't even want to say what was up. Misato had said it was up to him to tell, but so far he had refused. The only other sane person in the pilot corps, and now he is going crazy as well. Just great. It added to Asuka's simmering feeling of vague frustration.
At least the synch-test was over for now, and no further ones were planned this week. God, so annoying… She spent all her attention on the Wonderswan, trying to get away from those thoughts, and came to a halt in front of an elevator. She only looked up when the elevator door opened with a ping sound… and saw Rei inside. Asuka furrowed her brows. The girl had been missing from today's test. Now she seemed to come from something even further below on this maze like facility. Just my fucking luck…
She had never come to like the blue-haired girl, and why should she have? Rei only followed orders, with no enthusiasm, no zeal, no emotions, nothing. It was as if being an EVA pilot meant nothing to her, yet she did everything they told her to do. It cheapened everything, and Asuka just couldn't stand how compliant and submissive her fellow pilot was. Shinji liked her, that much was clear, but then, Shinji was an idiot. A nice idiot, but still an idiot with no skill in judging people.
Reluctantly and with a disgusted face, Asuka stepped inside the elevator, and then immediately turned her back to the blue-haired girl, trying to ignore her as well as possible.
Bling kachow bling bling… Asuka tried very hard to concentrate only on the Wonderswan, but in the silent elevator its sound appeared too loud, too out of place. And the elevator was slow. Very slow. Try as she might, Asuka could not shake off the knowledge that Rei was behind her, in her dead spot, looking at her.
"You are troubled."
Asuka stopped. Hit pause. She hasn't just…
"Your life is not going as you think it should. You can correct that."
Anger rose up in Asuka. She swirled around now, all fire and fury, looking right at her fellow pilot. "How dare you lecture me?" She scoffed. "You of all people. A pretty little doll, nothing more."
She had tried to be polite to Rei all the time, if only for Shinji's sake. Of course, that had meant keeping her distance... and now it had been the blue-haired girl herself who had broken that distance. Asuka breathed out in disgust, but Rei didn't even react to her outburst. The Japanese girl just stared straight ahead, not a single emotion on her face.
That only angered Asuka even more. She continued, "I did something with my life! I have a purpose! I am valued! I am an EVA pilot! I reached that status through my own ability, and not through connections like you did. My life is as it should be!"
Well, in broad strokes, anyway. It was still frustrating how nobody cared here in Japan, as if all her sacrifices had meant nothing. But still, she was in fact something special. The EVA made her someone special.
"It is EVA which formed my connections," Rei answered… corrected her? It was hard to tell with that annoyingly monotonous voice. "EVA bonds me to other people."
What nonsense… "You think that makes you sound clever?" Asuka barked. "You're here because you're the Commander's pet, willing to do everything he tells you to do! Even his own son has shown more spine towards him than you do!"
Rei didn't answer to that, either. Quiet returned to the elevator. Finally, it reached Asuka's level. With another ping, the door opened. Just as Asuka wanted to go through it, Rei spoke up again, "You're also doing everything they order you to."
Asuka turned around on the spot. "What is your fucking problem!!??" she shouted now, right at Rei's face.
"I might lose Ikari," Rei answered in all seriousness, her face unmoving, her voice calm and monotonous as always.
…
Asuka blinked.
She hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected any factual answer.
"...what?"
"NERV will abolish the position of reserve pilot soon," Rei informed her. "If Ikari doesn't return into service as active pilot, he will have to leave Tokyo-3."
"….Oh." Well, that explained Shinji's moodiness then. He doesn't want to leave Tokyo-3… But probably mostly because he didn't want to let go of Rei. That annoyed Asuka somewhat. She had no designs on Shinji, but it still annoyed her that she was only playing second fiddle. She scoffed to overplay that. "And what's that to you?" She leaned against the elevator door shaft, so that the door couldn't close, and crossed her arms. "Why do you even care?"
"Whenever I spend time with Ikari, it is a good time," Rei explained. "I like that feeling I have near him. I would not like to never have it again."
Asuka looked up sideways from under her hair at Rei. The blue-haired girl's voice had been as monotonous as ever, but… was there a hint of faint pink on her cheeks now?
"That feeling?" Asuka echoed, sounding incredulous. "What do you mean with that feeling?" When Rei still remained silent, Asuka turned again to face her, and pushed back the elevator door trying to close again. "Tell me, just what do you feel for that idiot?"
"I don't know," Rei answered.
"Bullshit!" Asuka claimed. "You said you felt something. What is it?"
"I'm not sure," Rei answered. "I feel warm and fuzzy when I'm with Ikari. Sometimes, when I talk with him, there is a feeling in my stomach. It's all fluttery. And I want him to feel warm and fuzzy as well. When he has troubles, I want him to not have troubles anymore. I want to see him smile. That fluttery feeling is strong then. It's a strange feeling, but it is a good one."
Again, Asuka blinked. Can anyone be that naive and stupid? Really? Seriously? She breathed in. "Love!" she yelled. "What you're feeling is love, you absolute, massive, total ultra-idiot!"
"Love…" Rei echoed.
"And gottverdammt nocheinmal, call him 'Shinji' next time you see him!" Asuka continued to shout. Japanese customs can be so damn annoying at times. "If you truly love him."
"I think I do," Rei answered, full of sincerity. "Is that also what you feel for Aida?"
…
...what?
"Stupid! Stupid! You're absolutely stupid, you idiot!" Asuka protested. "That's completely different! Why would I feel anything for that..." Sensitive, friendly, fun guy… "that nerd!?"
Frustrated with herself, fearing she had made herself look stupid, Asuka groaned inarticulately and stomped off.
Once again, Asuka just wanted to go home.
School in Japan had never not been stupid to begin with. There never had been a good reason for her to come here in the first place. In addition, the classes here had always been boring, with uninterested teachers just rattling down the textbooks or getting lost in personal anecdotes, and the students, Asuka's supposed classmates, had always been stupid, childish airheads, blissfully blathering on about the most inane nonsense. For the most part, ever since Asuka had come to Japan, she had just endured school.
It's all been very infuriating, actually. She had been thrown into this school as if she were just a normal teenager, no different than anybody around here – as if she hadn't defended the whole of Earth and humanity two times already, as if she weren't special. And it wasn't like anybody here cared. For all the students here behaved, NERV could as well simply have been an after school club she regularly went to.
An after-school club where she had her hands pierced clean through, where she was jumping out of planes and what was more, were people were simply expecting that of her as part of regular affairs. But to her classmates, that apparently was nothing special. Ingrates, all of them. Both at NERV and here at school. And yet, what other choice did she have? People should recognize what she was doing, that she was special, but without EVA, she wouldn't have a shot at it…
So school had never not sucked. But today it felt especially bad. There was no particular reason for that, it just… it just had all gotten way too much for Asuka. All the people, all the mindless chit-chatting, the ignorance of it all, the mundanity of it all, and here she was, Asuka, the saviour of the world forgotten by every last one of them. She just couldn't stand it anymore. People always drained her. People were always work. But now, she just wanted to get away from those mindless crowds. She just wanted to flee into her sanctum, the loneliness of her room, and sink into her Wonderswan, in order to forget the world around her. That world sucked.
That whole bowing ceremony at the end of class nearly pushed her over the edge. So stupid! So… servile! She barely stood straight again when she rushed out of the classroom already.
She reached the city park that lay on the route between school and Misato's apartment when this all did push her over the edge.
What was the sense of it all? She could go to that apartment now, yes, could sink into her Wonderswan for hours and forget the outside world. But then tomorrow she would have to go to school again anyway, and then again the next day, and the day after that, and in between she had to fight monsters and get orders barked at and waste her free time in some foul liquid smelling like blood and nobody would even just comment on that, no matter what she did. It just would never end, or so it seemed to her. And yet, this life was the only chance she had at being special, at being valued.
So she just stomped through the park, broke off small branches from trees and bushes, and threw them into the grass. It made no sense, but then, neither did the world. Finally, she just stopped and breathed heavily.
"There you are!"
A deep sense of fight-or-flight took Asuka. She whirled around… to see Kensuke running towards her. He seemed to be a bit out of breath. Asuka breathed out herself. As soon as she had recognized the boy, her fight-or-flight reflex was gone. People were work, exhausting, but Kensuke was…
...he was okay. Acceptable.
"You… you were gone so suddenly..." the boy spoke amidst slight gasps for air, "I was wondering where you are. I was…" He stopped.
What? He was… oh. Both stood there kinda awkwardly without speaking.
"Uh… you okay, Asuka?" Kensuke asked.
"Fine," Asuka grumbled. And after a pause: "It's just…"
"It's just what?" Kensuke asked after she had trailed off again.
"It's nothing!" Asuka insisted forcefully.
Kensuke blinked, and then grinned. It was a smile very typical of him, trying to look brash and carefree, but ending up looking somewhat, well... Awkward. And endearab… Asuka stopped herself there.
"Well then," he said. "Let's go to the arcade. I thought we'd go there anyway."
"I guess," Asuka grumbled. It had sorta become their routine, after all.
"You 'guess'?" Kensuke echoed. "Ah… I mean… we don't need to! We could also just go get something to snack, look up the shops, stuff like that!"
Asuka scoffed. "Yet more people around." When Kensuke looked at her quizzically, she continued, "I'm sick of people being around." Strangely, that didn't seem to extend to Kensuke, though.
"Oh," the boy voiced. He seemed dejected.
Shit. That kinda forced Asuka to actually say something. "You… you're okay. Not stressful to be around. You know how to keep me entertained."
"Well… uh…" Kensuke stuttered. He breathed out, as if something made him nervous. Then he smiled oddly. "I suppose that means you also don't want to see Misato and Shinji if you can help it? Eh... why not come over to my house then? It's not like I don't have enough video games around."
Now it was Asuka's turn to be dumbfounded for a moment. A boy inviting a girl over? That might already have people grinning and gossipping back in Germany, but here in Japan they seemed to be even worse about it. Like it was something that couldn't just be something ordinary.
...but it was Kensuke. The thought that he of all people would try to take advantage of a girl was ridiculous. Or, come to think of it, of her specifically. And it would get her away from all those people…
"Okay. Let's go," she decided in a gruffy voice.
Kensuke smiled at that. It was kinda annoying – here she was, feeling all depressed and grumpy, and then he showed such bright smiles that she couldn't help but kinda not feeling as dark anymore, either…
The Aida residence… Well, why not. It sounded like something that could be a refuge for her.
The ends of her lips tugged slightly upwards as she resumed walking through the park, now Kensuke at her side.
"Uh, I don't think we have much at home, though," Kensuke said. "Mind if we stop by a convenience store?"
Asuka just shrugged. As long as he would get it over with quickly. She still really wanted to get away from humans. However, she did have her Wonderswan after all, so when Kensuke entered the store, she just waited outside, leaned against the shop's facade, and continued her game.
When Kensuke came outside again, he was carrying two bags of chocolate peanuts. Asuka had hardly looked up from her console when the boy was already tossing her one of them. Without even really consciously noticing it, she caught it lightning quick with one hand.
"That's your meal?" she asked drily.
Kensuke shrugged. "I also got some insta ramen. Not sure if I'll eat it today, though."
Such an attitude would explain the figure…
She smirked and opened the bag, ignoring the weird look Kensuke gave her. He had just stowed the candy into his school bag, but Asuka thought she might as well try some of it right now.
"I gotta say, though, your disappearance act was nicely done," Kensuke commented with a grin. "All stealthy and so on. Very ninja like."
Asuka scoffed. "More like utterly bored from the history lesson and eager to get away."
Kensuke nodded. "I wonder where they turned him up. Our teacher, I mean. I mean, I guess it makes sense that he teaches history. He seems like an unearthed historical artifact himself."
Asuka emitted a rather vicious short laugh. "That would explain him." She ate one of the peanuts.
"Seriously, the way he goes on and on about pre-Second Impact Japan… I get it, that was his world and all, but he even does that in math classes!" Kensuke complained.
"Not that I need those classes," Asuka grumbled. But actually, it felt good to be able to grumble. To complain together with somebody else. It felt…
It felt normal. Like the sort of thing all the other kids in class seemed to be able to have in their lives.
"Yeah, that's a bit odd," Kensuke agreed. "I mean, the way they stuck you into our class." He paused. "I… I mean… not that I'm complaining! You're… you… uh…"
"I get it," Asuka just said, mostly just amused.
The two continued to just walk side by side in silence on the sidewalk, entering a neat neighbourhood of single home residences with small gardens, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The sun was shining overhead but it wasn't all too hot, or at least not by post-Second Impact Japan standards. The cicadas chirped, and a faint cool wind was in the air. Asuka thought that if interaction with all people were that nice, she probably wouldn't even need the wonderswan. But that was not how the world worked. Still, right now was kinda nice.
"So let's see…" Kensuke spoke up after a moment. "We could play a fighting game back home, but I think we already do that a plenty at the arcade. I have some nice racing games, that are rather mindless but fun, and I've also got..."
Asuka interrupted him with a scoff. "Afraid that I'll beat you again?"
"You are speaking about my home turf here," Kensuke answered with a cocky grin – a bold grin Asuka rather enjoyed and returned.
...and that was when the angel alert began to sound all over the city.
No! Nononono.
"Shit!"
It was just unfair. All the pain she had suffered in angel fights and even in training, all the years lost to mindless drill and training, the non-attention she had always gotten, and now that whole pilot business was even destroying the rare moments of contentedness she had? That just couldn't be fair.
She sighed. There was no helping it. She couldn't falter now. Not in front of Kensuke. Not if she wanted to keep having those content moments. Piloting still was her only shot at being special. So she turned to run towards the nearest main avenue, where Section 2 would pick her up.
Kensuke grabbed her wrist.
Surprised, Asuka stopped and silently turned around.
Kensuke visibly gulped. "Ah… Asuka. I just wanted to say… sorry." Asuka looked at him with a confused face. "Well, it's…. you shouldn't have to do that. Fight alien monsters, being ordered around, being just used as a tool, all that. And… and that's what's happening. And it's all for our sake, so that we get defended. That's why you're treated so badly. And… and you are, Asuka. You deserve better." Oh. Ohhh. "I… I guess I should have told you sooner. What they're doing to you, Asuka, it's all very fucked up. You deserve better. And I… look. I care about you whether you pilot or not, alright?"
Asuka just stood her, looking at Kensuke, her wrist still in his hand. The world seemed to turn around her.
Finally, she managed to say, "I… I need to go."
Kensuke nodded. "For our sake. But… once you come back I'll find a way to thank you, alright?"
Asuka stared at him again, then nodded, despite his words not fully registering – and then turned and ran.
At least she would be able to kick ass and take names now. To show the world her superiority.
...though she'd still rather be at home. Or at Kensuke's home.
Asuka breathed out some bubbles into the transparent LCL around her. She felt frustrated, once again. Angry, but unable to articulate at what. Powerless, despite controlling the most powerful war machine ever designed by humanity. Boxed in in a life that didn't go as she thought it would.
"Come on! Where is this supposed angel?" she demanded to know. "I'll tear it apart!"
That would be something at least then. So far, the three Evangelion units – Mari's 00, Rei's 01 and her 02 – had been deployed on the surface, somewhere near the northern edge of Tokyo-3, right next to the forested hills that formed the northern wall of the caldera. Behind them, the hyper-compact city lay eerily quiet, its citizens evacuated into the subterranean shelters. Branches of nearby trees swung in the wind.
Weapons had already been stored all around the Evangelions. Expecting the fight to start with an engagement at range, all Evangelion units had been equipped with pallet rifles. They all had their blue, transformable shields attached to their left arms as well, and had their energy whips stored in their shoulders – but beyond that, a veritable collection of EVA-scale swords, sabres, spears and axes lay around them, ready to be picked up at a moment's notice, and even a bazooka, Mari's morningstar from the weapons test and Asuka's transformable sword/lance.
"Only if you're quicker than me," Mari commented, a predatory tone in her voice. She sounded like she was having fun.
Rei remained quiet, and so did Command. Finally, Misato announced: "Pattern Blue was detected one hour, eleven minutes ago, twenty-three kilometres away from your current position in a north-north-easterly direction, with no sign of movement." A pause, then she sighed in defeat. "Currently we have no idea where it is."
Asuka groaned, but Rei acknowledged, "Understood.", which only agitated the redhead even more. Always playing the obedient little tin soldier. That was probably why people liked Rei. It didn't matter that the blue-haired girl didn't have a simple angel kill to her name. But she was quiet, unassuming and subservient. That was all people expected of others. That was what they would have wanted of Asuka as well.
She growled in frustration.
"New Pattern Blue sighting!" That was that bridge girl… Maya something-something, that was her name. "Ten point four clicks straight north of the city, moving south-eastwards… estimated speed below ten clicks an hour."
Leisurely bastard…
"Do we have a visual?" Misato asked.
"One moment…" Maya answered. "Visual confirmed."
A moment later a holographic screen popped up to Asuka's right, a rectangle with cut off corner. It showed a wooden area full of pine trees, though half of them looked ill, without any green, or had broken down – remaining ecological fallout from Second Impact. And above it there was…
"What the hell is that?" Asuka asked.
Above the forest, there was a giant circle of just white light, nearly a kilometre in diametre. On closer inspection, the thin sides of the circles were not just curved lines; rather the white light formed a criss-crossing pattern which in turn formed the circle.
"The MAGI are running analysis," Ritsuko replied. "So far our data is vastly insufficient, though. It's definitely an angel. Mid-range to low AT Field strength."
Asuka groaned again. That meant the fight would be too easy. No doubt she would again suffer some kind of injury, but nobody would care, as the angel seemed likely to be easily defeated anyway. It was nothing where she could show off her skills.
"Angel is changing course, now going in a south-west-westerly direction and picking up speed." That was Maya again. Then the bridge technical gasped. "It's… it's gone. Visual contact lost. Our sensors aren't picking up the Pattern Blue anymore, either."
"Pilots, stay on guard!" Misato ordered sharply. "If the enemy can appear and disappear like that, it could appear here at any moment."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Not much we can do about that now is there..."
"Asuka! Discipline!" Misato bellowed at her.
The pilot grimaced in response but remained quiet. They have no idea what's going on, but they feel they need to always appear in control. Pathetic.
Another gust of wind went through the trees. The three Evangelions, lumbering giants of blue, purple and red, just stood there motionlessly.
...a blinding light filled the sky.
Asuka groaned and covered her eyes with her arm.
"Enemy contact!" Maya shouted. "Pattern Blue confirmed. It's the angel!"
"I got him!" Mari screamed, sounding supremely bloodthirsty.
"Asuka, Rei! Enemy at half past three!" Misato shouted.
Asuka squinted. Her eyes hurt, but she could see again. With thundering steps, her Evangelion turned around to look in the direction Misato had indicated.
In about a kilometre distance, there was thick line of pure white light line in the air, like a flying snake without face. It moved like a snake as well, zig-zagging through the air but clearly approaching the EVAs.
Evangelion Units 02 and 01 immediately raised their pallet rifles in unison, the double 'clack' of the released safeties a well known martial sound to Asuka. Mari, however, seemed to have other ideas. She picked up two EVA-scale cavalry sabres from the ground and crossed them in front of Unit 00's cyclopean face – Asuka thought she could practically hear their sharpness. Then she looked at the still sharply incoming angel, tipped the flat side of one of the sabres against the side of her Unit's head, almost as in greeting…
...and charged.
Dust rose in the air behind Unit 00's feet, and the asphalt of the streets cracked. Holding one sabre horizontally in front with the right arm, and letting the left arm with the other sabre trail behind, the blue Evangelion ran along a small street. Its giant legs strafed the building front to one side, and splinters of stone, steel and glass fell to the ground behind it.
And on the opposite side of the street, the angel. It now seemed to have locked onto Unit 00.
It truly was like a snake in the air, its head aiming right for Mari's Evangelion even while its body zig-zagged to the left and to the right as in uncontrolled spasms.
Asuka raised her pallet rifle to her EVA's head, to get a better aim, but she could get no good fix on the angel – Unit 00 was in the way. She growled and mentally cursed her fellow pilot. Mari's behaviour during synchtests was bad enough, but her instability during fights could make her a real burden. Asuka didn't think that demanding a bit of professionalism during fights was too much to ask for.
Asuka saw the angel and Unit 00 meeting through the visor of her rifle. It looked like they would just impact, but at the last moment, Mari threw her Unit to the right. Its torso missed the angel by a hair's breadth, while its trailing left-hand sabre was ready to strike…. But in a mockery of the laws of inertia and gravity, the angel changed direction 90° in full motion in order to hit Unit 00 full centre.
A fiery explosion ensued, hemmed in by the two sides' AT fields, its flames escaping upwards and sidewards like a giant cross. For a moment, Unit 00 held. Mari extended her transformable shield in front of it… and then the Evangelion was pushed violently away in the building front behind, crashing through it, the street of the other of it, and the building front behind that.
"Mari!" Misato shouted.
The angel stopped, as if to regard its work. Then it slowly elevated further into the sky, and with every metre it rose it seemed to further and further expand in size. Finally, it was at least half a kilometre above the ground, and over a kilometre in size. Its head found its tail, and formed that giant, rotating ring of light again. The ring's sides were made up of…
"Helices," Asuka whispered while continuing to look up.
The angel just hovered there and rotated, as if mocking the people below it.
The third synch test in as many days. Asuka was a professional; if Command set such a routine she would follow it. But it was still annoying and senseless. What bug has bitten Ritsuko's ass now?
Asuka's body was all stiff and her face a frown as she walked through one of the countless corridors of NERV headquarters. She didn't look ahead; her face was plastered to the Wonderswan screen in front of it. At one point she bumped into a science assistant, but she didn't apologize. Why were all those idiots in her way, anyway?
The truth was that for weeks now, Asuka was feeling… she didn't even know herself. Unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. Just generally discontent. Of course, she had never been the most upbeat person, she knew that much herself, but these days, she couldn't even find joy in doing her job, in being special, in being the best pilot. It all seemed so senseless to her, now that she actually was in Japan. The only thing that at least distracted her from her feelings was in fact her gaming device.
However, this wasn't the first time in Asuka's life when she maybe wasn't perfectly content. She had gone through similar phases before. It happened. So why then died Kensuke, that idiot, need to make such a big deal out of it? It was annoying, it was unwanted, it was… it was infuriatingly adorable. Asuka was a soldier. Soldiers didn't always like their orders. That was it. That Kensuke was concerned… well, thinking about that created a certain fluttery feeling inside her, but his worry was still misplaced.
As for the other people in Asuka's life – Misato still treated her like a little child. Three days of synch-tests meant three days of crazy Mari. And Shinji… ever since after the first synch-test in that series he had been all quiet and mopey, and didn't even want to say what was up. Misato had said it was up to him to tell, but so far he had refused. The only other sane person in the pilot corps, and now he is going crazy as well. Just great. It added to Asuka's simmering feeling of vague frustration.
At least the synch-test was over for now, and no further ones were planned this week. God, so annoying… She spent all her attention on the Wonderswan, trying to get away from those thoughts, and came to a halt in front of an elevator. She only looked up when the elevator door opened with a ping sound… and saw Rei inside. Asuka furrowed her brows. The girl had been missing from today's test. Now she seemed to come from something even further below on this maze like facility. Just my fucking luck…
She had never come to like the blue-haired girl, and why should she have? Rei only followed orders, with no enthusiasm, no zeal, no emotions, nothing. It was as if being an EVA pilot meant nothing to her, yet she did everything they told her to do. It cheapened everything, and Asuka just couldn't stand how compliant and submissive her fellow pilot was. Shinji liked her, that much was clear, but then, Shinji was an idiot. A nice idiot, but still an idiot with no skill in judging people.
Reluctantly and with a disgusted face, Asuka stepped inside the elevator, and then immediately turned her back to the blue-haired girl, trying to ignore her as well as possible.
Bling kachow bling bling… Asuka tried very hard to concentrate only on the Wonderswan, but in the silent elevator its sound appeared too loud, too out of place. And the elevator was slow. Very slow. Try as she might, Asuka could not shake off the knowledge that Rei was behind her, in her dead spot, looking at her.
"You are troubled."
Asuka stopped. Hit pause. She hasn't just…
"Your life is not going as you think it should. You can correct that."
Anger rose up in Asuka. She swirled around now, all fire and fury, looking right at her fellow pilot. "How dare you lecture me?" She scoffed. "You of all people. A pretty little doll, nothing more."
She had tried to be polite to Rei all the time, if only for Shinji's sake. Of course, that had meant keeping her distance... and now it had been the blue-haired girl herself who had broken that distance. Asuka breathed out in disgust, but Rei didn't even react to her outburst. The Japanese girl just stared straight ahead, not a single emotion on her face.
That only angered Asuka even more. She continued, "I did something with my life! I have a purpose! I am valued! I am an EVA pilot! I reached that status through my own ability, and not through connections like you did. My life is as it should be!"
Well, in broad strokes, anyway. It was still frustrating how nobody cared here in Japan, as if all her sacrifices had meant nothing. But still, she was in fact something special. The EVA made her someone special.
"It is EVA which formed my connections," Rei answered… corrected her? It was hard to tell with that annoyingly monotonous voice. "EVA bonds me to other people."
What nonsense… "You think that makes you sound clever?" Asuka barked. "You're here because you're the Commander's pet, willing to do everything he tells you to do! Even his own son has shown more spine towards him than you do!"
Rei didn't answer to that, either. Quiet returned to the elevator. Finally, it reached Asuka's level. With another ping, the door opened. Just as Asuka wanted to go through it, Rei spoke up again, "You're also doing everything they order you to."
Asuka turned around on the spot. "What is your fucking problem!!??" she shouted now, right at Rei's face.
"I might lose Ikari," Rei answered in all seriousness, her face unmoving, her voice calm and monotonous as always.
…
Asuka blinked.
She hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected any factual answer.
"...what?"
"NERV will abolish the position of reserve pilot soon," Rei informed her. "If Ikari doesn't return into service as active pilot, he will have to leave Tokyo-3."
"….Oh." Well, that explained Shinji's moodiness then. He doesn't want to leave Tokyo-3… But probably mostly because he didn't want to let go of Rei. That annoyed Asuka somewhat. She had no designs on Shinji, but it still annoyed her that she was only playing second fiddle. She scoffed to overplay that. "And what's that to you?" She leaned against the elevator door shaft, so that the door couldn't close, and crossed her arms. "Why do you even care?"
"Whenever I spend time with Ikari, it is a good time," Rei explained. "I like that feeling I have near him. I would not like to never have it again."
Asuka looked up sideways from under her hair at Rei. The blue-haired girl's voice had been as monotonous as ever, but… was there a hint of faint pink on her cheeks now?
"That feeling?" Asuka echoed, sounding incredulous. "What do you mean with that feeling?" When Rei still remained silent, Asuka turned again to face her, and pushed back the elevator door trying to close again. "Tell me, just what do you feel for that idiot?"
"I don't know," Rei answered.
"Bullshit!" Asuka claimed. "You said you felt something. What is it?"
"I'm not sure," Rei answered. "I feel warm and fuzzy when I'm with Ikari. Sometimes, when I talk with him, there is a feeling in my stomach. It's all fluttery. And I want him to feel warm and fuzzy as well. When he has troubles, I want him to not have troubles anymore. I want to see him smile. That fluttery feeling is strong then. It's a strange feeling, but it is a good one."
Again, Asuka blinked. Can anyone be that naive and stupid? Really? Seriously? She breathed in. "Love!" she yelled. "What you're feeling is love, you absolute, massive, total ultra-idiot!"
"Love…" Rei echoed.
"And gottverdammt nocheinmal, call him 'Shinji' next time you see him!" Asuka continued to shout. Japanese customs can be so damn annoying at times. "If you truly love him."
"I think I do," Rei answered, full of sincerity. "Is that also what you feel for Aida?"
…
...what?
"Stupid! Stupid! You're absolutely stupid, you idiot!" Asuka protested. "That's completely different! Why would I feel anything for that..." Sensitive, friendly, fun guy… "that nerd!?"
Frustrated with herself, fearing she had made herself look stupid, Asuka groaned inarticulately and stomped off.
Once again, Asuka just wanted to go home.
School in Japan had never not been stupid to begin with. There never had been a good reason for her to come here in the first place. In addition, the classes here had always been boring, with uninterested teachers just rattling down the textbooks or getting lost in personal anecdotes, and the students, Asuka's supposed classmates, had always been stupid, childish airheads, blissfully blathering on about the most inane nonsense. For the most part, ever since Asuka had come to Japan, she had just endured school.
It's all been very infuriating, actually. She had been thrown into this school as if she were just a normal teenager, no different than anybody around here – as if she hadn't defended the whole of Earth and humanity two times already, as if she weren't special. And it wasn't like anybody here cared. For all the students here behaved, NERV could as well simply have been an after school club she regularly went to.
An after-school club where she had her hands pierced clean through, where she was jumping out of planes and what was more, were people were simply expecting that of her as part of regular affairs. But to her classmates, that apparently was nothing special. Ingrates, all of them. Both at NERV and here at school. And yet, what other choice did she have? People should recognize what she was doing, that she was special, but without EVA, she wouldn't have a shot at it…
So school had never not sucked. But today it felt especially bad. There was no particular reason for that, it just… it just had all gotten way too much for Asuka. All the people, all the mindless chit-chatting, the ignorance of it all, the mundanity of it all, and here she was, Asuka, the saviour of the world forgotten by every last one of them. She just couldn't stand it anymore. People always drained her. People were always work. But now, she just wanted to get away from those mindless crowds. She just wanted to flee into her sanctum, the loneliness of her room, and sink into her Wonderswan, in order to forget the world around her. That world sucked.
That whole bowing ceremony at the end of class nearly pushed her over the edge. So stupid! So… servile! She barely stood straight again when she rushed out of the classroom already.
She reached the city park that lay on the route between school and Misato's apartment when this all did push her over the edge.
What was the sense of it all? She could go to that apartment now, yes, could sink into her Wonderswan for hours and forget the outside world. But then tomorrow she would have to go to school again anyway, and then again the next day, and the day after that, and in between she had to fight monsters and get orders barked at and waste her free time in some foul liquid smelling like blood and nobody would even just comment on that, no matter what she did. It just would never end, or so it seemed to her. And yet, this life was the only chance she had at being special, at being valued.
So she just stomped through the park, broke off small branches from trees and bushes, and threw them into the grass. It made no sense, but then, neither did the world. Finally, she just stopped and breathed heavily.
"There you are!"
A deep sense of fight-or-flight took Asuka. She whirled around… to see Kensuke running towards her. He seemed to be a bit out of breath. Asuka breathed out herself. As soon as she had recognized the boy, her fight-or-flight reflex was gone. People were work, exhausting, but Kensuke was…
...he was okay. Acceptable.
"You… you were gone so suddenly..." the boy spoke amidst slight gasps for air, "I was wondering where you are. I was…" He stopped.
What? He was… oh. Both stood there kinda awkwardly without speaking.
"Uh… you okay, Asuka?" Kensuke asked.
"Fine," Asuka grumbled. And after a pause: "It's just…"
"It's just what?" Kensuke asked after she had trailed off again.
"It's nothing!" Asuka insisted forcefully.
Kensuke blinked, and then grinned. It was a smile very typical of him, trying to look brash and carefree, but ending up looking somewhat, well... Awkward. And endearab… Asuka stopped herself there.
"Well then," he said. "Let's go to the arcade. I thought we'd go there anyway."
"I guess," Asuka grumbled. It had sorta become their routine, after all.
"You 'guess'?" Kensuke echoed. "Ah… I mean… we don't need to! We could also just go get something to snack, look up the shops, stuff like that!"
Asuka scoffed. "Yet more people around." When Kensuke looked at her quizzically, she continued, "I'm sick of people being around." Strangely, that didn't seem to extend to Kensuke, though.
"Oh," the boy voiced. He seemed dejected.
Shit. That kinda forced Asuka to actually say something. "You… you're okay. Not stressful to be around. You know how to keep me entertained."
"Well… uh…" Kensuke stuttered. He breathed out, as if something made him nervous. Then he smiled oddly. "I suppose that means you also don't want to see Misato and Shinji if you can help it? Eh... why not come over to my house then? It's not like I don't have enough video games around."
Now it was Asuka's turn to be dumbfounded for a moment. A boy inviting a girl over? That might already have people grinning and gossipping back in Germany, but here in Japan they seemed to be even worse about it. Like it was something that couldn't just be something ordinary.
...but it was Kensuke. The thought that he of all people would try to take advantage of a girl was ridiculous. Or, come to think of it, of her specifically. And it would get her away from all those people…
"Okay. Let's go," she decided in a gruffy voice.
Kensuke smiled at that. It was kinda annoying – here she was, feeling all depressed and grumpy, and then he showed such bright smiles that she couldn't help but kinda not feeling as dark anymore, either…
The Aida residence… Well, why not. It sounded like something that could be a refuge for her.
The ends of her lips tugged slightly upwards as she resumed walking through the park, now Kensuke at her side.
"Uh, I don't think we have much at home, though," Kensuke said. "Mind if we stop by a convenience store?"
Asuka just shrugged. As long as he would get it over with quickly. She still really wanted to get away from humans. However, she did have her Wonderswan after all, so when Kensuke entered the store, she just waited outside, leaned against the shop's facade, and continued her game.
When Kensuke came outside again, he was carrying two bags of chocolate peanuts. Asuka had hardly looked up from her console when the boy was already tossing her one of them. Without even really consciously noticing it, she caught it lightning quick with one hand.
"That's your meal?" she asked drily.
Kensuke shrugged. "I also got some insta ramen. Not sure if I'll eat it today, though."
Such an attitude would explain the figure…
She smirked and opened the bag, ignoring the weird look Kensuke gave her. He had just stowed the candy into his school bag, but Asuka thought she might as well try some of it right now.
"I gotta say, though, your disappearance act was nicely done," Kensuke commented with a grin. "All stealthy and so on. Very ninja like."
Asuka scoffed. "More like utterly bored from the history lesson and eager to get away."
Kensuke nodded. "I wonder where they turned him up. Our teacher, I mean. I mean, I guess it makes sense that he teaches history. He seems like an unearthed historical artifact himself."
Asuka emitted a rather vicious short laugh. "That would explain him." She ate one of the peanuts.
"Seriously, the way he goes on and on about pre-Second Impact Japan… I get it, that was his world and all, but he even does that in math classes!" Kensuke complained.
"Not that I need those classes," Asuka grumbled. But actually, it felt good to be able to grumble. To complain together with somebody else. It felt…
It felt normal. Like the sort of thing all the other kids in class seemed to be able to have in their lives.
"Yeah, that's a bit odd," Kensuke agreed. "I mean, the way they stuck you into our class." He paused. "I… I mean… not that I'm complaining! You're… you… uh…"
"I get it," Asuka just said, mostly just amused.
The two continued to just walk side by side in silence on the sidewalk, entering a neat neighbourhood of single home residences with small gardens, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The sun was shining overhead but it wasn't all too hot, or at least not by post-Second Impact Japan standards. The cicadas chirped, and a faint cool wind was in the air. Asuka thought that if interaction with all people were that nice, she probably wouldn't even need the wonderswan. But that was not how the world worked. Still, right now was kinda nice.
"So let's see…" Kensuke spoke up after a moment. "We could play a fighting game back home, but I think we already do that a plenty at the arcade. I have some nice racing games, that are rather mindless but fun, and I've also got..."
Asuka interrupted him with a scoff. "Afraid that I'll beat you again?"
"You are speaking about my home turf here," Kensuke answered with a cocky grin – a bold grin Asuka rather enjoyed and returned.
...and that was when the angel alert began to sound all over the city.
No! Nononono.
"Shit!"
It was just unfair. All the pain she had suffered in angel fights and even in training, all the years lost to mindless drill and training, the non-attention she had always gotten, and now that whole pilot business was even destroying the rare moments of contentedness she had? That just couldn't be fair.
She sighed. There was no helping it. She couldn't falter now. Not in front of Kensuke. Not if she wanted to keep having those content moments. Piloting still was her only shot at being special. So she turned to run towards the nearest main avenue, where Section 2 would pick her up.
Kensuke grabbed her wrist.
Surprised, Asuka stopped and silently turned around.
Kensuke visibly gulped. "Ah… Asuka. I just wanted to say… sorry." Asuka looked at him with a confused face. "Well, it's…. you shouldn't have to do that. Fight alien monsters, being ordered around, being just used as a tool, all that. And… and that's what's happening. And it's all for our sake, so that we get defended. That's why you're treated so badly. And… and you are, Asuka. You deserve better." Oh. Ohhh. "I… I guess I should have told you sooner. What they're doing to you, Asuka, it's all very fucked up. You deserve better. And I… look. I care about you whether you pilot or not, alright?"
Asuka just stood her, looking at Kensuke, her wrist still in his hand. The world seemed to turn around her.
Finally, she managed to say, "I… I need to go."
Kensuke nodded. "For our sake. But… once you come back I'll find a way to thank you, alright?"
Asuka stared at him again, then nodded, despite his words not fully registering – and then turned and ran.
At least she would be able to kick ass and take names now. To show the world her superiority.
...though she'd still rather be at home. Or at Kensuke's home.
Asuka breathed out some bubbles into the transparent LCL around her. She felt frustrated, once again. Angry, but unable to articulate at what. Powerless, despite controlling the most powerful war machine ever designed by humanity. Boxed in in a life that didn't go as she thought it would.
"Come on! Where is this supposed angel?" she demanded to know. "I'll tear it apart!"
That would be something at least then. So far, the three Evangelion units – Mari's 00, Rei's 01 and her 02 – had been deployed on the surface, somewhere near the northern edge of Tokyo-3, right next to the forested hills that formed the northern wall of the caldera. Behind them, the hyper-compact city lay eerily quiet, its citizens evacuated into the subterranean shelters. Branches of nearby trees swung in the wind.
Weapons had already been stored all around the Evangelions. Expecting the fight to start with an engagement at range, all Evangelion units had been equipped with pallet rifles. They all had their blue, transformable shields attached to their left arms as well, and had their energy whips stored in their shoulders – but beyond that, a veritable collection of EVA-scale swords, sabres, spears and axes lay around them, ready to be picked up at a moment's notice, and even a bazooka, Mari's morningstar from the weapons test and Asuka's transformable sword/lance.
"Only if you're quicker than me," Mari commented, a predatory tone in her voice. She sounded like she was having fun.
Rei remained quiet, and so did Command. Finally, Misato announced: "Pattern Blue was detected one hour, eleven minutes ago, twenty-three kilometres away from your current position in a north-north-easterly direction, with no sign of movement." A pause, then she sighed in defeat. "Currently we have no idea where it is."
Asuka groaned, but Rei acknowledged, "Understood.", which only agitated the redhead even more. Always playing the obedient little tin soldier. That was probably why people liked Rei. It didn't matter that the blue-haired girl didn't have a simple angel kill to her name. But she was quiet, unassuming and subservient. That was all people expected of others. That was what they would have wanted of Asuka as well.
She growled in frustration.
"New Pattern Blue sighting!" That was that bridge girl… Maya something-something, that was her name. "Ten point four clicks straight north of the city, moving south-eastwards… estimated speed below ten clicks an hour."
Leisurely bastard…
"Do we have a visual?" Misato asked.
"One moment…" Maya answered. "Visual confirmed."
A moment later a holographic screen popped up to Asuka's right, a rectangle with cut off corner. It showed a wooden area full of pine trees, though half of them looked ill, without any green, or had broken down – remaining ecological fallout from Second Impact. And above it there was…
"What the hell is that?" Asuka asked.
Above the forest, there was a giant circle of just white light, nearly a kilometre in diametre. On closer inspection, the thin sides of the circles were not just curved lines; rather the white light formed a criss-crossing pattern which in turn formed the circle.
"The MAGI are running analysis," Ritsuko replied. "So far our data is vastly insufficient, though. It's definitely an angel. Mid-range to low AT Field strength."
Asuka groaned again. That meant the fight would be too easy. No doubt she would again suffer some kind of injury, but nobody would care, as the angel seemed likely to be easily defeated anyway. It was nothing where she could show off her skills.
"Angel is changing course, now going in a south-west-westerly direction and picking up speed." That was Maya again. Then the bridge technical gasped. "It's… it's gone. Visual contact lost. Our sensors aren't picking up the Pattern Blue anymore, either."
"Pilots, stay on guard!" Misato ordered sharply. "If the enemy can appear and disappear like that, it could appear here at any moment."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Not much we can do about that now is there..."
"Asuka! Discipline!" Misato bellowed at her.
The pilot grimaced in response but remained quiet. They have no idea what's going on, but they feel they need to always appear in control. Pathetic.
Another gust of wind went through the trees. The three Evangelions, lumbering giants of blue, purple and red, just stood there motionlessly.
...a blinding light filled the sky.
Asuka groaned and covered her eyes with her arm.
"Enemy contact!" Maya shouted. "Pattern Blue confirmed. It's the angel!"
"I got him!" Mari screamed, sounding supremely bloodthirsty.
"Asuka, Rei! Enemy at half past three!" Misato shouted.
Asuka squinted. Her eyes hurt, but she could see again. With thundering steps, her Evangelion turned around to look in the direction Misato had indicated.
In about a kilometre distance, there was thick line of pure white light line in the air, like a flying snake without face. It moved like a snake as well, zig-zagging through the air but clearly approaching the EVAs.
Evangelion Units 02 and 01 immediately raised their pallet rifles in unison, the double 'clack' of the released safeties a well known martial sound to Asuka. Mari, however, seemed to have other ideas. She picked up two EVA-scale cavalry sabres from the ground and crossed them in front of Unit 00's cyclopean face – Asuka thought she could practically hear their sharpness. Then she looked at the still sharply incoming angel, tipped the flat side of one of the sabres against the side of her Unit's head, almost as in greeting…
...and charged.
Dust rose in the air behind Unit 00's feet, and the asphalt of the streets cracked. Holding one sabre horizontally in front with the right arm, and letting the left arm with the other sabre trail behind, the blue Evangelion ran along a small street. Its giant legs strafed the building front to one side, and splinters of stone, steel and glass fell to the ground behind it.
And on the opposite side of the street, the angel. It now seemed to have locked onto Unit 00.
It truly was like a snake in the air, its head aiming right for Mari's Evangelion even while its body zig-zagged to the left and to the right as in uncontrolled spasms.
Asuka raised her pallet rifle to her EVA's head, to get a better aim, but she could get no good fix on the angel – Unit 00 was in the way. She growled and mentally cursed her fellow pilot. Mari's behaviour during synchtests was bad enough, but her instability during fights could make her a real burden. Asuka didn't think that demanding a bit of professionalism during fights was too much to ask for.
Asuka saw the angel and Unit 00 meeting through the visor of her rifle. It looked like they would just impact, but at the last moment, Mari threw her Unit to the right. Its torso missed the angel by a hair's breadth, while its trailing left-hand sabre was ready to strike…. But in a mockery of the laws of inertia and gravity, the angel changed direction 90° in full motion in order to hit Unit 00 full centre.
A fiery explosion ensued, hemmed in by the two sides' AT fields, its flames escaping upwards and sidewards like a giant cross. For a moment, Unit 00 held. Mari extended her transformable shield in front of it… and then the Evangelion was pushed violently away in the building front behind, crashing through it, the street of the other of it, and the building front behind that.
"Mari!" Misato shouted.
The angel stopped, as if to regard its work. Then it slowly elevated further into the sky, and with every metre it rose it seemed to further and further expand in size. Finally, it was at least half a kilometre above the ground, and over a kilometre in size. Its head found its tail, and formed that giant, rotating ring of light again. The ring's sides were made up of…
"Helices," Asuka whispered while continuing to look up.
The angel just hovered there and rotated, as if mocking the people below it.
Ch11: Mystery Angel II
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
The command bridge of the NERV headquarters was the same professionally constrained hecticness as always during an angel attack. This was the sixth angel to attack here already; for most people it had become a strange sort of routine.
But not for Misato.
It wasn't just that she hated waiting and always had done. Ever since she had left the mental hospital all the years back, she had hated all forms of inactivity. Standing still meant death. But what was more was that she needed this – she needed the fight against the angels. These days, she felt truly fulfilled, for the first time in 15 years, now that she could strike back at those abominations.
This was her first year of being alive again. She would do her best in this fight. She wouldn't fail her father again.
With narrowed eyes she looked at the huge holographic screen that stretched in front of the various bridge levels. Evangelion Units 01 and 02 were looking up at the giant circle of helices rotating in the sky, their pilots clearly unsure what to do. Unit 00 was slowly raising again from the rubble around it. Some bridge tech or other had acted very quickly upon seeing the explosion unfold between the Unit and the angel, and had capped Mari's synch-rate at 15%, despite the lack of orders to do so. Misato hoped that he or she wouldn't get in trouble for that, given the successful outcome of the action, but she couldn't be sure – and right now she had other things to worry about.
Looking over a tech's console nearby, Misato saw that Mari's life-signs were stable, and that the pilot still was conscious, though dazed. That meant the Colonel still had three active units and three pilots to fight the angel with. Now it was on her to direct them.
"Mari is stable and will rejoin the fight once she has collected herself" she told the other two pilots. "Rei, move 60° around the angel to the right." After the girl confirmed, Misato continued: "Once she is in place, you take the angel under crossfire."
"With the pallet rifle?" Asuka growled. "When has that thing ever achieved anything in a battle?"
Misato just sighed. What's up with that girl? Asuka had always been a bit… difficult. Always gruff and abrasive, always thorny and somewhat aloof, sometimes even outright hostile. But the last few weeks had been especially bad. Asuka was moody, constantly irritated, even just angry.
Puberty, I suppose. Which made for a bad combination with the need to save the world.
Misato knew of course that the pallet rifle wasn't a particularly effective weapon. This wasn't about hurting the angel, it was about probing it – poking it with a stick. The way it just hovered over the city, gigantic and aloof, it was pretty damn unclear what could even hurt it, or what its capabilities were.
Two streams of fire met in the middle of the huge circle of light that was the angel. The depleted uranium enriched bullets seem to just go right through the helices that formed its sides. The angel just continued hovering and rotating, as if nothing could ever touch him.
Let's see if we can get its attention.
"Asuka, grab your flexisword and ready yourself," Misato ordered. "Rei, grab the bazooka. Let's see if those rockets will have any effect."
A predatory grin appeared on Misato's face. Sooner or later, they would find a way to hurt the angel; she was sure of that.
"Finally," Asuka grunted as her Unit simply left the pallet rifle fall down onto the street as if it weren't a piece of equipment worth dozens of millions of dollars. She went to pick up the flexisword. On the giant holoscreen in front of her, Misato could see the red Evangelion raising the sword high into the air, the sun reflecting on it in a shimmer. Then the titanic warmachine turned around to face the angel again.
Some moments later, Unit 01 bowed down to softly lay its own pallet rifle onto the street and pick up the bazooka… but Rei didn't even manage to turn her Evangelion up right again. In a matter of seconds, the circle in the air broke, its helices melted down to just one thick line of light again… and the head of that line darted down right at Unit 01.
Just as Unit 01 stood straight again, the angel dived right into its torso, right there where humans would have their belly.
A series of heavy grunts and panting from Rei could be heard over the comms. Unit 01 threw back its head and its arms, the bazooka falling to the ground. The angel seemed to physically enter the Evangelion, more and more of its longdrawn body diving ever further into it. Smaller lines of white, like powerful, pulsating varices, began to spread all over the Evangelion from that point of entry. Unit 01 tumbled backwards, while Rei finally managed a scream of pain… and yet ever more angel seemed to enter it, and soon the entire unit seemed to be engulfed in tumor-like varices of white light.
The four green eyes of Unit 02 were fixated on the situation, and its sword raised in offensive posture… but Asuka stopped at the strange sight in front of her. Angel and Evangelion had blended into one, and even Asuka would hesitate to attack a fellow pilot. Finally, her Unit came to life with a frustrated scream by her. The Evangelion darted forwards, its sword raised high. Asuka stroke at the snake of light that still further made its way into Unit 01…
...or tried to, anyway. Just as she brought the sword down, an octagon of orange light appeared and repelled her, pushing Unit 02 back.
"Sudden spike in AT Field strength!" Maya shouted on the bridge.
No shit… damn. Misato flinched. Rei's vital signs were getting critical, and all attempts to cap her or even cut her synchronization to Unit 01 were failing. Her groaning and panting had been reduced to only some infrequent weak sounds of pain. We're losing her…
"Rei!"
Misato was taken aback. That had been Shinji's voice over the comms. The ready room's comm systems have been activated and connected… but why? By whom? Instinctively, she swirled around and looked up to the bridge level high above her, where Commander Ikari sat behind a large desk, Vice Commander Fuyutsuki standing behind him. But Ikari was calm and silent, his face hidden behind steepled fingers.
"Asuka!" Shinji shouted. "Asuka! Whatever is happening out there, you've got to save Rei! You have to!"
In response, Asuka managed to push out between her teeth, "I'm trying, idiot! I'm trying, if only for your sake!"
And indeed, turning back around to the giant holoscreen in front of the command bridge, Misato could see Unit 02 trying again and again to hack down on the angel, the sword always stopped by orange octagons flaring up.
"Life signs of the First Child getting critical." Maya's report was calm and collected, but that was with an audible conscious effort.
It was then that the sensors picked up a high pitched scream, as if from a bat or similar. The holoscreen split its view, and on the right Misato could see Unit 00 standing again, the crumbled and ruined building front behind it, faint lines of smoke rising from it. The Evangelion's hands formed to fists held high to its sides… and its mouth was open. The sound coming out of that mouth was certainly neither mechanic nor human.
"It hurts!" Mari complained. "Goddamnit, it hurts!"
And then Unit 00 sprinted, right towards Unit 01 and the angel.
"Synch-Rate of the Third Child rising," Maya reported hastily. "But her life signs… they're erratic!"
Again, Mari screamed. Unit 00 had now reached the angel and tried to grab it with both hands. Again, orange octagons formed in front of those hands… but Mari simply pushed on. Her Evangelion's hands slowly pushed against the AT Field, through the AT Field. The machine's single red eye flared up.
"In Unit 00?" Misato heard Ritsuko mumble. "That's… is she helping her?"
Maya turned around to the head of the Research Section. "Sempai, what's up with those vital statistics? They make no sense."
Ritsuko walked over to Maya's station, put a hand on her subordinate's shoulder and looked at the terminal. Then she shook her head. "What has Europe sent us there?"
Finally, Unit 00's hands broke through the AT Field – and then they ripped it up as if it were a screen of fabric. All the while, Unit 00 laid its head in his neck and screamed again, that un-human, un-mechanical sound.
"Unit 00 shouldn't be able to do that!" Ritsuko now protested loudly.
With the AT Field shattered, Unit 00 now grabbed the thick line of light that was the angel with both hands. Smoke rose from where the hands touched the angel, and Mari screamed again. Then she announced through gritted teeth, "Reducing synch-rate."
Unit 00 began to pull, but to no avail. The angel was no longer further entering Unit 01, but it seemed to have spread over all its body already, thick white veins running all over the Evangelion, Trying to just forcefully pull it out looked silly to Misato, but she had to admit, she had no better idea about what to do, either.
With a loud battlecry from her, Asuka's Unit 02 ran towards the angel again and let its sword fall down on it. The angel glistered where it was hit, but seemed unaffected.
"Stirb, verdammt nocheinmal!" Asuka shouted. "Stirb endlich!"
While Unit 02 still stood there, sword raised in front of it, its pilot panting heavily, Unit 00's grip on the angel finally strengthened. It rose up the angel with both hands… and bit into it.
Misato was shocked. And Mari… Mari growled like a wolf over the comms and made snapping noises, as if she herself were biting into it.
Finally, Unit 00 snapped upright again, and there was something between its teeth – it had actually managed to tear off a part of the angel's substance. That material now fell down to the ground, but Unit 00's mouth remained smeared with blood. And there was more – its armour had fractured there, revealing a much broader and much more toothy mouth underneath it. Misato shuddered. It looked like a blood-stained predator's grin from the machine.
The angel was definitely hurt. It snapped back and forth while red blood positively poured out of its wound, splashing onto the street below it. It contracted violently, pulling its appendages out of Unit 01. Rei screamed through the whole process, a high-pitched sound Misato had never heard from the girl before. Unit 01 collapsed on the spot after the angel had left it.
"Pilot of Unit 01 unconscious!" Maya reported in a curt voice.
The cyclopean head of Unit 00 lunged forward again, to tear off another bit of angel flesh, but the enemy reacted immediately, wrapping its appendages around the Evangelion and contracting around it. Now Mari was groaning.
"Leave her alone!" Asuka shouted. All the while the angel had shook erratically she had backed off, step by step, keeping Unit 02's four green eyes fixated on the enemy and holding the sword in front of her.
Now, some dozen metres away from the angel, she was raising that weapon with both of her Evangelion's hands – and there, its tiny red gears set in motion, moved the parts, crawled all over the object, found new spots. It really is eerily reminiscent of the angel Ritsuko took the concept from.
...and finally, Asuka was holding up a scythe.
Slowly but surely, Unit 02 set into motion, falling into a speeding up gallop towards Unit 00 and the angel. Cars parked along the street shook as megaton heavy steel feet punched the ground next to them. Asuka held her Evangelion's head in front, while the scythe trailed behind, ready to strike.
"Pilot of 01 conscious again," Maya reported. Misato hardly noticed it. "She is recovering."
"Vital signs stable," another bridge tech added.
Misato was entirely focused on the scene on the gigantic holographic screen in front of her. "Asuka..." she commented through gritted teeth. She didn't dare disturb the girl, not now. Now she could only watch and hope. Unit 00 and the angel were an inseparable mess by now, and Asuka clearly intended to strike at it. Be careful about Mari…
Just as Unit 01 slowly rose from the ground again, Asuka's red Evangelion was now in a full run. The German girl screamed a martial "Kyaaa..." – and then stopped. The street's asphalt in front of her feet broke, forming a small heap of dirt in front of them. Unit 02 came to a perfect halt – and the scythe swung forward. Misato sucked in her breath…
...the strike hit perfectly. It sliced along the angel without even so much as touching Unit 00 'underneath' it. An inhumane shriek filled the air. Then the angel tightened once more around Unit 00… and escaped into the air. Unit 00 fell to its knees.
Misato breathed out. She hadn't even noticed that she had stopped breathing. She looked around to assess the situation. Unit 01 was standing again, but looked weak on its knees. Unit 00 was downed. And that damned angel, that Adam spawn, began hovering above the city in a circle again. The part where Mari had bitten into it still occasionally lost blood.
"Vital signs of First and Third Child stable but weak," Maya summarized the situation. "Mental signs of Third Child fluctuating all over the place. Unknown if Unit 01 is damaged. Units 00 and Unit 02 as well as Second Child unharmed."
"Mari?" Misato asked. "Mari, are you there?"
There was no response. Just a frequent panting and eerie mumbling could be heard over the comms now and then.
"Pilot of Unit 00 unresponsive," Maya stated glumly.
What happened there? Things looked grim. Mari had successfully freed Rei from the angel, but it seemed the action had rendered herself combat incapable. That leaves Asuka and Rei. We need to be more careful. We should…
"Withdraw Unit 01 from the battle."
Misato turned around on the spot and looked up to the command deck. In a rare moment, Comander Ikari had intervened in the battle. His voice was as eerily calm as always.
"Sir!" Misato protested. "Unit 00 is unresponsive. It won't be part of the fight. Withdrawing Unit 01 would leave A… the pilot of Unit 02 alone on the field!"
"We are aware, Colonel," Vice Commander Fuyutsuki replied in Ikari's place.
Misato balled her hands into fists, then turned around. "Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance," she relayed the order in a grave voice.
"Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance."
What?
Asuka couldn't believe her ears. Misato was withdrawing the only other still functional unit from the field?
They're leaving me out here all alone. They're sending me alone against that monster. She sneered, thumbed the ground with her scythe, grabbed it with both hands and held it in front of her. Very well then. I'll destroy that angel alone. I'll show them! I need nobody else.
They were all terrible anyway. Treating her like a little child, expecting her to fight without giving her any attention at all, leaving her alone on the battlefield now. It was thus even better if none of them were around. She would destroy the angel all on her own.
Then I will have saved them! Then they will have to take me serious!
It still galled her that it wasn't her pushing forth on her own, but her being left alone by people who didn't seem to care a dint about her. She grimaced and had her Evangelion step forwards.
"Come on then, coward!" she yelled at the angel. "Show me what you got!"
For a moment, the city lay entirely still. Unit 02 stood on the ground, the scythe in its right hand, its torso pushed forwards, daring the angel to come. Meanwhile, the angel just hovered over the city, a circle of helices again, as if nothing in the world could touch it. There was no other movement anywhere.
Then, slowly, deliberately, the circle lowered itself towards the ground – the majestic descent of an inviolable being.
Asuka didn't care for majesty. Her red Evangelion jumped forwards in a big leap and struck with the scythe.
…the helices dissolved. The angel wrapped itself around the scythe, crawled alongside it, and reached Unit 02… and then it entered Unit 02.
At first, it merely felt like a needle entering Asuka's wrist. Then it felt like something bigger pushing onto it, but it still was okay – but then, suddenly, Asuka could feel something entering her arm, crawling all the way up to her shoulders. Synch-feedback… She tried to find the lever for reducing the synch-rate. She raised her arm…
… and saw it covered in bulbous veins.
"Angel spreading within Unit 02." That was Maya's voice on the comms, but Asuka barely noticed it. She kept staring at her hands now.
"Just like with Unit 00," Ritsuko hissed. "How can we defeat that thing? What tools do we even have?"
Tools…
And then there was another push, right into Asuka's chest. She emitted a short, loud scream. Gottverdammt, what is this?
Images flashed in front of her eyes – Misato ordering her to live with Shinji, a coach yelling at her, being pushed out of a plane in her EVA, her walking away from Misato's 'celebrations', the first test of the plugsuit's defibrillation function, the fight against Sahaquiel, her running in the training hall until she nearly vomitted, crying in her bed when she was five, school break with gossipping airheads all around her…
Again, Asuka looked at her hands. They had changed. There were now gaping holes inside them. She began to pant heavily.
And there was more. That… that thing, it wasn't just in her body. Its greedy tentacles were now also entering her mind, sifting through it. No, no, no, no… Asuka began to panic. That was not something she was willing to let anybody see, human or angel. There was just too much… too much… there was just too much in there.
"No! Get out! Get out get out get out!" she screamed, holding her head. "Raus hier!"
She wasn't even aware anymore, but outside her entryplug, Unit 02 was doing the same gesture, and an inhumane groan could be heard from it.
"Asuka! Asuka, listen to me!"
That was Misato's voice, determined, self-secure and business-like like she always was on duty. Something to hang on to.
"Asuka! Calm down! Breath in, breath out! The angel is trying to overwhelm you, but you can fight it!"
Yes. That sounded… that sounded right. She needed to calm down. She had received training. She could do this. She had… the… training…
The synchtest wasn't supposed to be like that. She has to undress, whether she wants to or not. Nobody cares about her discomfort, her burning humiliation. Battle simulations. They hurt. They have to hurt so she doesn't get the wrong instincts. She dislikes that. She wants to go home. But this is the third simulation this day already. It's because she skipped the last synchtest. A coach, red faced and square faced with stubble bowing down to her and yelling at her. Again. She can't meet with friends, because she has synchtests again. Soon, she doesn't have friends anymore.
But soon, soon it will pay off. She is special. Everybody says so. She believes it. And in Japan, in Japan she will be able to show it. In Japan, they will respect her.
"Asuka! Focus! Focus on my voice."
Again, Asuka raised her hands. They were shaking… and still, the bloody gaps right in the middle.
Misato all cheerful after the battle. "The operation was a success! The angel is dead, without any damage to the city. Everything has ended well." Asuka's hands hurt.
"Asuka..."
Tears well up in her eyes. She swats at the little holographic screen at her side showing the Operation Director's face. It goes away, and now there is no voice anymore.
There will be no help from Misato. There would never have been any help from Misato. Misato is part of the problem.
Asuka shakes. She still feels the angel inside her, everywhere inside her, veins in her arms pulsating, new veins pushing towards the neck and the stomach. She hates it. She doesn't know what to do. She can't get help from outside, but she also can't end this on her own. She is stuck in her entry-plug, unable to control her Evangelion.
All her hopes. All that has carried her throughout ten years of her life. All for nothing. She still feels the angel moving inside her body, sullying it, destroying the last barrier of her sanctum, her own body, but that isn't even the worst.
"What do I do..." she asks herself in a shaky voice. A beat. Then, "Who am I?"
Asuka groans. The veins, the angle's tentacles, have reached her face. There is something along her cheek bones…
She feels it. The hand freezes in place. It shakes. Hastily, she pulls off the glove and feels again. It's a strong cheekbone now, as befitting to a square face. And there is stubble there.
"What… what are you doing with me? Stop! Stop! Stop this!"
A holographic window pops up in front of her. It shows her face, like a mirror, but it's… changing. The face becomes broader, more hardline. The stubble spreads.
"My body! Leave my body alone! It's my body!"
It's a violation. The angel takes her body, and forms it according to his wishes – according to her nightmares, which by now it knows pretty well.
"I'm not him! I'm Asuka! Asuka Shikinami-Langley! You can't… you can't…"
The face now looking at Asuka is well known to her, but it isn't hers. Not truly. And yet, the holographic screen shows her face.
"No! That's not me that's not me that's not me that's not me…"
A dark, cramped room. Lying on a futon, somebody at her back. "I'm still an EVA pilot. That's still who I am. Someone better."
"I… I am… I need to…" But in truth, Asuka doesn't know anymore what she wants or who she is. Probably hasn't known that ever since she had come to Japan, that battle at the latest.
Another groan. Something is happening to her shoulders. It wanders down her arms. She almost doesn't dare look, but she also can't look away. Slowly, with dread in her mind, she raises her left arm. It is transforming. Her flesh is taking on new forms right in front of her eyes. They are becoming… boxier. Also square. Like… Like EVA armour.
She closes her eyes and grits her teeth. That's all I am.
"What tools do we even have?"
So why shouldn't the angel violate her, body and mind? It was only bringing forth what has been the truth all along. She has never been Asuka Shikinami-Langley, renowned elite pilot. She has always been just a tool for NERV's convenience. Misato's bread ticket. Misato got the accolades, Asuka was just expected to function. A tool. They needed the right people to pilot the Evangelions, and from that moment on they weren't people anymore.
Misato, Ritsuko, even that Maya girl… They all just wanted to do their jobs. And for that, they needed Asuka. Asuka was just a way for them to fulfill their jobs.
I'm just a tool and the angel knows it. This is nothing more but the truth.
Shinji Ikari was a mess.
The ready room was nice enough, with couches, tables, even potted plants in the corners. But he had been sitting here all alone during the entire fight and been forced to listen to it. Not that he could have turned away. Mari, Asuka, Rei… They were out there, fighting for him, protecting his worthless self. Rei piloted so that he didn't have to.
And what had that brought her?
As Shinji had listened to her groans of pains, finally even her screams of pain, a sound he had never heard before from the girl, he had grown more and more desperate. Just sitting here, hearing her pain from the distance, unable to do anything but knowing it was all his fault, that Unit 01 should have been his unit, but also unable to do anything about that right now… it was just too much. Shinji sat on the couch, the communication unit on the table in front of him, curled together, his arms thrown over his head, shaking back and forth, tears running down his cheeks – and he hated himself.
"Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance."
Shinji was so lost in his self-pity and despair that it took almost half a minute until he realized what he had just heard. He cautiously unfurled from his position, unsure if Misato had really just ordered Rei off the battlefield – but then he heard technicians confirming the arrival of Unit 01 at an elevator.
Shinji jumped up. It made no sense. He had heard how Maya had pronounced Mari unresponsive. Why would they leave Asuka alone on the field. And yet…
...without even thinking further, Shinji began running to the EVA cages. He had to see Rei. He just had to.
He didn't really have any authorization to enter them, to be there when Unit 01 was recovered, but people didn't know that. He was the reserve pilot, so it made sense he would come rushing to the EVA cages. Thus, he saw a lifting platform that had been positioned right next to Unit 01, how it was raised to the entry plug, how Rei managed to get onto it with weak steps, and how the platform was lowered again. Immediately, he rushed forwards, pushing through the waiting medical team… and then hesitated.
After all, he was behaving selfish. He had only cared about that he needed to see Rei was alright, not what she needed. And she had gone through this ordeal only because of him, because he wasn't piloting Unit 01 anymore.
He had stopped halfway between the platform, which now reached ground level, and the medical team, and was about to turn away again with hanging shoulders when he head a soft "Ikari… Sh-Shinji."
He stopped and looked over his shoulder. Rei came walking up to him, slowly, exhausted, the pains she had just gone through visible every bit on her. Shinji was just about to turn around to her, when she basically fell against him, holding on to him tightly and desperately.
"Aya…" Shinji stopped and just laid her arms around her. She laid her head on his shoulder, almost burying it against his neck.
Shinji didn't understand. He didn't understand why she wasn't hating him, why she even had sought him out. And part of him was still very much aware of all the people around him. But it didn't matter. For what reason ever, Rei seemed to need this. She was still clinging tightly around him, like a shipwrecked person to a flotsam. And that was all that mattered: If Rei needed this, he would provide it.
He could smell the LCL in her soaked hair, that unpleasant smell of blood, and her plugsuit was all slippery. And yet… Rei's head, that face of grace and alost celestial tranquility, was now directly next to his. Her lithe body was pressed against his. It was… good. Shinji didn't think he deserved this, but as long as Rei wanted him to be here, he would be here.
"Rei. Follow the medical team. We will need to have you thoroughly checked for signs of contamination."
Shinji tensed, even with Rei still in his arms. That voice came crashing into his contentedness, destroying the blessed silence of companionship: The voice of his father.
Almost immediately, Rei took a step back, leaving Shinji's embrace. Both looked up from where the voice had come: Commander Ikari was standing on an elevated balcony, the backside of his command deck on the bridge – the very same place where Shinji had first seen him again after several years, the very same place from which he had told Shinji to go out and suffer, or Rei would have to do it again.
"Yes, sir," Rei said softly and turned around in order to join the medical team.
Frustration and a feeling of helplessness rose in Shinji. Even now, Rei was simply following his father's command instantly, without question, whereas he… he balled his hands into fists.
"Father!" he called up to the balcony.
The Commander had already turned around to leave, but now stopped, his back to his son.
"What about Asuka?" Shinji shouted. "She is alone on the field now, isn't she?"
Gendo turned around again. From that distance, his facial expression was indeterminable, but Shinji could see light reflecting off his glasses. "Yes," he answered. "Unit 02 and its pilot are currently under attack."
A feeling now spread in Shinji's guts, cold and hard and terrifying. For a moment, he was too overwhelmed to say anything. He didn't want to do this, he was horrified, he didn't want to do this…
"...let me out there!" he shouted up to his father. "I am the reserve pilot, am I not? Let me take Unit 01 in Ayanami's stead!"
It was a terrible prospect, to go out and fight again, to surely suffer again and dread death… but… he couldn't leave Asuka out there. Damn the world and its expectations, damn the people around whom he had always defended and who had never said a single word of thanks or praise, damn them all – but Asuka, Asuka was in the same boat. She suffered the same as he had, the fights and the orders and the people who all didn't care… In fact, she was only out there because of that. Because of the same things that had happened to him.
Whatever it took, he couldn't leave her alone, and if it would destroy his mind for good.
"No."
Shinji was taken aback. He didn't understand. For once, he had offered to pilot and yet…
"I will not send Unit 01 out again," his father continued. "And you… you need to learn this lesson. You will see the consequences of your decisions."
He pushed his glasses up his nose. Shinji couldn't be sure, not at this distance, but he thought his father was grinning. Then he turned around and entered the command deck again.
Shinji was dumbfounded. A wave of relief washed over him, and it sickened him. At the same time, he felt powerless and guilty. Asuka was out there, fighting alone, because he… no. They left her alone. That was why he had wanted to help, after all, because she was in the same boat as him. It showed again now. But regardless, Asuka was all alone, and Shinji didn't know what to…
...he stopped his thoughts. Asuka is all alone… no. No! He turned on the spot and ran back to the ready room.
I will not let her be alone!
Shinji almost ran the door to the ready room through and left it behind himself open. It didn't matter. Only the device on the table in front of him did: The comm unit. He didn't know why they had placed it here, but now that it was, he could try to use it.
"Pilot of Unit 02 still unresponsive."
"Destrudo rising exponentially!"
"Unit 02's system unresponsive."
"Foreign element in Unit 02 at 54% integration with the Unit."
Shinji didn't care about the bridge techs' chatter. Instead, he knelt in front of the comm unit, trying to find the input area, and shouted, "Asuka! Asuka, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
"Asuka! I know you're out there! It's me, Shinji. Just…" He didn't know what to say. Then he breathed out. "You are not alone, Asuka." Yes. That was what Shinji had wanted to communicate. He got bolder. Damn them all! "Do you hear? You are not alone. I will not let you be!"
Asuka felt disgusted.
She watched as the very flesh on her stomach turned, formed grotesque little faces, opened up gaping holes barely covered by remaining stretches of skin and plugsuit. It wasn't even just the gore of it all. This was her body, being mangled and shaped and reformed by the whims of an alien power. She was reshaped by outside whims.
She was being despoiled.
She hated it. She loathed it. She hated herself for what was being done to her. But at the same time, she accepted it. After all, this was nothing new; it was just more blatant. But people had always taken her and reshaped her according to their needs, hadn't they? Had touched her, had commanded her, had never accepted a no, had changed the very way she thinks.
This was nothing new.
So she accepted it. Why would she start resisting now? That was all she had ever known, to go along with what people told her, to make it a matter of pride for herself even. She felt like she didn't have a right to resist now. It would have been… hypocritical. She was disgusted by what was done to her, terrified, too sick to properly express – but that was nothing new, either.
I'm loathsome. No, there was more. There is no 'I'. There has never been.
Her cheeks began burning up. "Arrr..."
She didn't need to raise her hand and feel it. She knew what she would look like now.
An elevator in the NERV headquarters. "You're also doing everything they order you to."
Asuka had no energy left anymore to fight back tears. No… I'm not like that… I can't be… I… I have to be someone, surely?
She began panting heavily as the realization dawned on her, that she wasn't someone, that she had always just been a tool, that she hence had no right to complain, that Rei was the same but had just all figured it out sooner, that…
"Asuka! I know you're out there! It's me, Shinji."
She would always be just a tool. Not a person with wants or needs, with preferences and disdains, just…
"Just…" A clearly audible breath. "You are not alone, Asuka."
She blinked. Now she realized that somebody was speaking to her over the comm system.
He was speaking with more certainty now: "Do you hear? You are not alone. I will not let you be!"
Shinji!
She didn't know what to reply. Didn't even know what to call her situation, didn't know what to tell him, didn't know if he could even help her. But it was Shinji. He had come through to her before already. So she tried gathering her thoughts.
"The angel… it's inside me. Inside my body, inside my mind. It's violating me! I'm… I'm just his tool..."
Silence.
Then a shout. "Fight it, Asuka! Fight it! I know you can! You… You're…"
"Nothing…" Asuka whispered.
A sound like something had been hit or punched. "Not true! Asuka, I… I know we never fought side by side, but… even as a flatmate, I kinda liked your presence…"
As a flatmate?
That was… new.
Another memory, but this time – this time it was her own.
A boy holding her wrist. "What they're doing to you, Asuka, it's all very fucked up. You deserve better. And I… look. I care about you whether you pilot or not, alright?"
"Kensuke..." she whispered. Yes. Kensuke would see her as Asuka, not as pilot of Unit 02, right? He had to. He just had to.
And maybe Shinji as well. She had those two. Shinji, who would support her and Kensuke, who… liked her. Her flatmate who had gone through the same shit, and her, ah, good friend. And that was enough, wasn't it? To hell with Misato. To hell with her former coaches and guardians and what they wanted of her. To hell with NERV. To hell with Tokyo-3. She didn't need any of those.
"I am Asuka Shikinami-Langley!" she yelled. "And I want to liiive!"
She raised both her arms in front of her. They looked just like Evangelion arms now, but the flesh there was still moving and crawling. There was disgust in Asuka, but now also anger about that disgust. That was not her. That was what they wanted her to be, but she had Kensuke, and she had Shinji, and to hell with everybody else.
The flesh moved. The arms began to become less bulky.
"Asuka? Are you there?" That was Misato. Communication to her seemed to have been restored again. "Asuka, you need to..."
"No!" she cut her off. "You can go to hell!"
"Asuka…" Misato sounded shocked.
"This is me!" Asuka exclaimed. "My body! My life! I rule! I… arrrrgh!"
Her arms began to move, and not by her doing. She tried to control them, tried to move in the opposite direction, but it didn't help: Slowly and shakily but surely, Asuka's own hands came ever closer to her throat.
"No..." she whispered.
"Unit 02 moving!"
"Movements not in synch with pilot's mental signs."
"Unit 02 contaminated!"
Asuka tried to resist that, tried to resist her own arms and the Evangelion of which she was supposed to be in control.
"My life!"
But right now, she had to struggle for control over even just her own body.
"Unit 02 moving towards Geofront entrance!"
"The angel wants to use the Unit to intrude into the Geofront…" That was Ritsuko.
"Then we have to stop it, by any means necessary." Misato, voice cold and hard as stone.
"How? Unit 00 is still unresponsive and Unit 01…"
"We don't have a choice anymore, and neither does the Commander!"
With all of her energy, Asuka tried to turn the Evangelion around, but it didn't work. She sat on her seat in the entry plug and wiggled, trying to even just keep her own hands away from her throats.
And now that I am no longer of use to them, they'll 'stop me'…
"Damn you, Misato! Damn you all!" she screamed.
No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Shinji was constantly aware of the smell of blood around him. He hated it. He hated being here. Now he was back inside the entry-plug of Unit 01 as if nothing had happened, as if all his protests and decisions had been meaningless. Now he would suffer and feel dread again.
He had asked for this. He couldn't leave Asuka alone. He still stood by that. But he also still hated it.
Thus he didn't answer when the bridge asked if Unit 01 was ready for launch, but just kept quiet sullenly. They only send me out because Unit 02 has become a thread to them. When it had been just about Asuka, nobody had cared.
The launch pad accelerated upwards. Shinji hated that part as well. It was a very uncomfortable feeling – one of many that were associated with piloting, but which nobody had ever bothered to acknowledge.
Most of all, it was just another reminder that he was indeed back to piloting an Evangelion unit. That he hated most of all.
Unit 01 launched high above the skyline of Tokyo-3 and landed gracefully one one knee. Then it stood up again and looked around. There! In some 300-400m distance, several street blocs away, Shinji could spot the giant, hulking form of Unit 02. The red Evangelion moved erratically – stepping forwards, stopping, swaying sideways, lurching forwards again. Left and right it stepped into buildings, which easily crumbled under its giant mass, ejecting dirt and clouds of dust into the air.
And over and over, the Unit was covered in bulbous veins.
What happened to it? What happened to Asuka? What have they made her face?
"Shinji." That was Misato's voice, now all professional and sharp. "Can you hear me?"
Shinji frowned, but then replied with a simple, unenthusiastic "I can hear you."
"Our first priority is preventing Unit 02 from gaining entrance into the Geofront," Misato told him. "You know what is at stake. Unit 02 may not be allowed to enter any entrance paths to the Geofront. If need be, it must be stopped… by any means necessary."
Shinji turned his head, as if he could look away from what Misato was saying. There was no empathy in her voice for Asuka, just military hardness, as always during sorties. What do they expect me to do? Kill her?
"Draw your prog-knife and approach," Misato ordered him. "But do so slowly and carefully!"
Grudgingly, Shinji followed the order. Prog-knife in hand, slightly bent forwards, Unit 01 came closer to its fellow Evangelion.
Unit 02 was still struggling. It staggered like a drunkard, and at one point raised its head to the sky, like a silent scream to the heavens. Asuka is inside there… Shinji knew he should stay alert, should ready himself to oppose that Evangelion, but what he felt was pity instead, empathy for Asuka.
Finally, Unit 01 was just down the road from its red counterpart.
"Keep your distance!" Misato ordered. "We're dealing with an infection style angel here. Do not, under any circumstances, touch Unit 02. We cannot risk Unit 01 getting infected… again! Just stay there and observe. Do not engage until absolutely necessary!"
Again, Shinji frowned. It was easy for Misato to give such orders, from the safety of the subterranean bridge. But it wasn't like he would have further advanced anyway. He wanted to help Asuka, somehow, not attack her.
Just then, Unit 02 fell to its knees. It slowly rose again, but not smoothly. It stood up in bursts and flare-ups of movement, shakily wobbling, its flailing hands punching down the front side of a building.
"Asuka!" Shinji cried out. Unit 01 took a step forward and stretched a hand out… but then Shinji stopped. He wouldn't know what to do anyway.
"Ich kann nicht mehr…" That was Asuka. She sounded weak, exhausted, defeated. "I can't… I can't fight anymore. That thing… it'll kill me. Kill us all."
Unit 02 came staggering towards Shinji. Mindful of his orders, no matter how resentful he felt about them, Shinji stepped back. Just as Unit 02 came lurching towards it, Unit 01 walked away backwards from it.
"I can't stop it…" he heard Asuka whisper over the comms.
"You can!" Shinji insisted. "You've shown so much strength…"
"I'll always only be a tool," Asuka retorted weakly.
"No!" Shinji shouted. "You're… you're… damnit! Asuka, you're you! Get out of this, and you can be whatever you want!"
"Too late..." Asuka whispered hoarsely – and then, Unit 02 collapsed on the spot. Shinji could hear a pained groan from Asuka, but nothing further came. Unit 02 kept twitching a bit, but remained broken down on the street.
"Asuka!" Immediately, Shinji had Unit 01 leap two large steps forward.
"Shinji, stop!" Misato ordered sharply. "Do not come in contact with Unit 02!"
Resentfulness began to build up in Shinji, but he followed the order. Unit 01 came to a halt. "But Asuka…"
"We're analyzing the situation," Misato told him. "We'll find a way to help her. But we can't risk another unit getting infected."
Unit 02 was a barely moving heap on the ground. For a moment, Unit 01 just stood there, a hundred metres or so away, looking at its counterpart. Then Shinji thought he heard something on the comms. Not speech, but it did sound like Asuka.
Slowly, carefully, he walked some steps forward, always ready to jump back if need be, and only stopped less than an Evangelion's length away from the red Evangelion. He stretched out Unit 01's hand, but again stopped. He did not dare touch the infected Unit. The moment seemed to stretch into eternity, Unit 01's hand just a dozen metres or so away from Unit 02. Then the sound Shinji heard got stronger.
It was sobbing.
"Asuka…" Shinji whispered.
"The angel seems to be inert for the matter being, but we are still getting Pattern Blue signals," Misato reported. "We're currently trying to find a way to cleanse Unit 02 of the infection. Stay guard there, Shinji, in case anything changes."
But all that Shinji could see or hear were Asuka's lonely sobs over the comm system. EVA-01's hand was still stretched out, still just hovering slightly over the shoulder of its red counterpart.
"Do not touch Unit 02," Misato reminded him again.
Shinji hesitated…
...and then heard another strong sob from Asuka.
I'm leaving her alone… all alone…
That was his order, and it was for a good reason. And yet…
…Unit 01's massive purple hand slowly, softly descended onto Unit 02. Shinji's Evangelion knelt down behind its red counterpart, and laid both its hands on its shoulders.
"I'm here, Asuka," Shinji simply announced. And to hell with what they think. They should be grateful we're piloting for them at all.
"Shinji!" Misato protested. "Get away from there!" It sounded actually fearful. Shinji ignored it.
Asuka sounded more surprised than anything else. "Shinji… but you… the angel will infect you as well!"
Shinji's face darkened. "Either we come out of this together… or not at all. I won't just… I can't just leave you alone."
Unit 01 now embraced Unit 02 from behind, the giant purple head leaning itself against the immense red back. For a while, there was quiet…
Then Shinji groaned. It felt like something had hit him.
"Pattern Blue confirmed inide Unit 01!"
"Infection has begun!"
"Angel infection spreading from Unit 02 to Unit 01 along the vectors of touch."
"Shinji!" Asuka cried out. "No! Not to help me!"
Shinji felt something pushing into his shoulders, than into his arms, into his torso… it was painful, yes, but it was also alien and disgusting and unlike anything else he had ever felt. He closed his eyes and concentrated, imagined pushing along his arms against the infestations, tried to end all thought, so that his mind and ultimately his body would be closed off – but to no avail.
"No!"
That was Asuka. And with a rocking motion, Unit 02 came alive again. One giant foot of the red Evangelion stamped onto the ground again, making it quake. Unit 02 was now down on one knee, held by Unit 01 from behind. And slowly, very slowly and struggling, it began to rise again. Dust from the nearby collapsed building was shaken off its back and shoulders, and Unit 01 pushed upwards alongside it.
"Shinji!"
Unit 02 turned around, now standing face to face with its purple counterpart. However, it was plain that this was costing Asuka all the energy she still had. She groaned and strained herself to keep her machine up. Finally, Unit 02's knees got weak. It would have collapsed again…
…but Unit 01 caught it, grabbing it below its shoulders.
"Got… you…" Shinji managed to press forth from behind gritted teeth.
It still hurt. Shinji could still feel the infestation spreading in him. His arms were already covered in the same bulbous veins that also covered Unit 02 and Asuka all over. But it didn't matter. He wouldn't leave Asuka alone. That was what they would do – that was what they had done in fact: NERV and his father and Misato and just about everyone. All those people who had never cared an inch about how he or Asuka had defended and saved their very lives several times over.
So they could get lost. Everybody could get lost. He would help Asuka, no matter what. No matter the consequences.
Unit 01 pulled Unit 02 into an embrace again. The two giant war machines, megatons of steel, armour and weaponry looming over all buildings, stood there, facing each other, in each other's arms, its two titanic heads side by side. They were both infected now, but Shinji thought that better than to leave Asuka alone in her suffering.
Something the redhead realized. "Idiot…" she whispered.
And suddenly, the pressure on Shinji's stomach… lessened. The pressure in his arms withdrew.
A surprised "Shinji!" came over the comms from Asuka.
Shinji couldn't see it, but outside, the giant veins on both Evangelions retreated as well. It looked like they were crawling backwards to their point of origin.
"Pattern Blue lessening!"
"Enemy integration with Unit 02 down to 40% and further falling!"
"Harmonous convergence of the AT Fields of Units 01 and 02."
"The angel… it's trapped!"
"Enemy integration with Unit 02 down to 20% and falling! No Pattern Blue sign on Unit 01 anymore!"
"Vital signs of the pilot of Unit 02 stable!"
And as the two Evangelions stood there in harmony between the gravely damaged buildings of the city, a magnificent rainbow materialized in the sky above them.
"Units 01 and 02, the angel has been defeated. Return to base immediately for debriefing."
"What about M…"
"You have your orders, Shinji."
That had shut the boy up. Misato had sounded harsh and icy cold. So, the two Evangelions disentangled. A small, awkward pause ensued, neither Shinji nor Asuka knowing how to deal with the emotional scene that had just happened. Finally, Unit 02 just turned around and began trotting towards the nearest Geofront entrance. Leaving the collapsed Unit 00 at the wayside, as per Misato's orders, Shinji had his own Evangelion follow it.
Both Units were lowered down to the Geofront in neighbouring shafts, but neither Asuka nor Shinji said anything. In fact, the quiet was somewhat eerie. One would have thought that after managing to break through to Asuka in such a dramatic fashion, Shinji would also have been able to break through the silence, but the truth was that he was still feeling very awkward, especially because of what just had happened. What do you say to somebody after such an experience?
Asuka had allowed the opening of a visual channel between the two Units, but wasn't using it. Shinji could see her, though: Sitting in her entry plug, mute, bent forward, shoulders hanging down, as was the hair obscuring her face. It looked… gloomy. Eerie. Shinji tried finding the right words, at one point even breathed in to speak, but… it was as if his tongue were tied. He had always felt so powerful in an EVA, but now, on their return, he was just the little boy again who didn't know what to do – and he felt disgust at himself for that.
There was also Misato. Shinji was aware that he had violated a direct order, and Misato sounded rather serious about that – angry, even. That made him sneer in resentment. We defeated the angel, did we not? What more does she want? But it had always been like that. She and all of NERV only wanted the pilots to function as they were ordered to. That thought didn't exactly help with making Shinji more talkative.
And Asuka, by the time their Units had arrived in the EVA cages, looked completely shut off to the world.
Outside, people were already waiting. Asuka could leave the entry plug on her own, climbing down the ladder from the entry plug with hanging shoulders and hanging head. Even on the ground she was only looking down, a curtain of yellow hair obscuring her face to all sides.
Shinji looked towards her, but before he could say a thing, Misato stepped forth from the waiting medical team. Two men in the black business suits of Section 2 followed her – broad-shouldered gorillas with blank faces covered in shades.
"Asuka." Her voice sounded measured and calculated. "Since you have been in contact with the angel for several minutes, we cannot be sure that you are free from contamination. We have to put you in quarantine. Follow the medical team and do not touch anything."
The girl just stood there, motionlessly. Shinji balled his hands into fist. That was all Misato had to tell her? Finally, Asuka began trotting forwards, head still held low, and was eventually surrounded to all sides by people in white hazmat suits – impersonal workers that might as well have been robots.
Shinji wanted to call out to her, but Misato moved herself between him and the departing group. "You'll follow me, Shinji."
The boy furrowed his brows. "Follow you?"
"Yes. That's an order."
Shinji jerked his head to its side. And that's why she has brought the Section 2 thugs along, I suppose. He knew there was no way he could resist this, so he just began walking in resentful silence.
Misato, Shinji and the Section 2 agents followed Asuka and the medical team outide. Shinji now held his view downwards as well. Even when we defeat angels, we just get scolded further. Who voluntarily gets themselves in a position where they'll just get berated anyway and nothing else?
He was shaken out of his melancholy just outside the EVA cages, but not in a good way. While Asuka walked by them without even taking notice, Shinji did a double take when he saw his father standing in the corridor, accompanied by Vice Commander Fuyutsuki and two further Section 2 agents.
"Shinji," the Commander said gravely. The boy regained his composure and looked away sullenly. "You violated a direct order."
I helped Asuka. However, Shinji remained silent. Whenever he was around his father, he felt like he was four again. It was frustrating. Shinji hated himself for how weak and whiny he got around his father, but he also knew there was nothing he could do.
"You put Unit 01 at risk, despite several warnings and direct orders to the contrary," Gendo went on. There was a pause. "It was a childish gesture, more concerned about a single person than the safety of the world." Another pause. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Again, Shinji balled his hands into fist, but remained quiet. "Very well. This action needs to have consequences," Gendo continued. Inwardly, Shinji was boiling. "You endangered Unit 01 and the whole world. You…"
Finally, all the anger and resentment boiled over. All the years of neglect and pain, and now this – this was that one bit too far. "I saved you! I saved all of you! You'd be dead without me!"
Misato looked at him shocked. Even Fuyutsuki looked a little bit surprised, but he maintained his composure. Gendo merely slightly furrowed his brows, then corrected the seat of his glasses.
"That is your duty as a pilot," he commented. "I will not…"
"He saved me as well!"
Shinji turned his head around. On the other side of the corridor, Asuka's medical group had come to a halt. Now the redhead, suddenly all motion and anger again, darted out of the group.
"You left me to die and he saved me! If you do anything to him…"
However, before she could reach Gendo, or even only Shinji or Misato, people in hazmat suits had caught her at the shoulders, and pulled her back again. She struggled against that, growling like an animal, but finally just gave up and returned to her previous semi-catatonic state.
But this scene did allow Shinji to speak up. Or at least, he tried to.
"Not anymore," he whispered, his head still hanging low.
"What do you mean?" Gendo demanded to know.
This time, Shinji managed to look up, right into his father's eyes. His face was distorted by a grimace of anger. It was the only thing that enabled him to confront his father. "You said I had to choose!" he yelled. "That I had to become a full pilot again, or leave Tokyo-3. Very well. I'm not a pilot anymore. I'm not bound by your 'duty' anymore. I'm leaving!"
For maybe the first time ever, Shinji saw his father mildly surprised. Gendo blinked, once, twice. Then his face hardened again. However, before he could speak, Fuyutsuki stepped forward.
"Very well. You have exactly one week to pack your belongings and leave, Shinji," the Vice Commander told the boy calmly.
Shinji breathed heavily, still running on nothing but adrenaline. He still looked right at his father's eyes. Gendo merely looked back stone-faced. An almost threatening aura seemed to surround him, an oppressive aura of silence and power. Finally, Shinji had to look away.
"Hrm," his father made, then turned around and left, followed by Fuyutsuki and all their two Section 2 agents.
After they had walked away a few steps, Misato murmured softly, "Shinji…"
However, Shinji didn't care. He just turned around and walked away in the opposite direction. If Misato's Section 2 thugs had a problem with that, well, they could stop him.
They did not.
But not for Misato.
It wasn't just that she hated waiting and always had done. Ever since she had left the mental hospital all the years back, she had hated all forms of inactivity. Standing still meant death. But what was more was that she needed this – she needed the fight against the angels. These days, she felt truly fulfilled, for the first time in 15 years, now that she could strike back at those abominations.
This was her first year of being alive again. She would do her best in this fight. She wouldn't fail her father again.
With narrowed eyes she looked at the huge holographic screen that stretched in front of the various bridge levels. Evangelion Units 01 and 02 were looking up at the giant circle of helices rotating in the sky, their pilots clearly unsure what to do. Unit 00 was slowly raising again from the rubble around it. Some bridge tech or other had acted very quickly upon seeing the explosion unfold between the Unit and the angel, and had capped Mari's synch-rate at 15%, despite the lack of orders to do so. Misato hoped that he or she wouldn't get in trouble for that, given the successful outcome of the action, but she couldn't be sure – and right now she had other things to worry about.
Looking over a tech's console nearby, Misato saw that Mari's life-signs were stable, and that the pilot still was conscious, though dazed. That meant the Colonel still had three active units and three pilots to fight the angel with. Now it was on her to direct them.
"Mari is stable and will rejoin the fight once she has collected herself" she told the other two pilots. "Rei, move 60° around the angel to the right." After the girl confirmed, Misato continued: "Once she is in place, you take the angel under crossfire."
"With the pallet rifle?" Asuka growled. "When has that thing ever achieved anything in a battle?"
Misato just sighed. What's up with that girl? Asuka had always been a bit… difficult. Always gruff and abrasive, always thorny and somewhat aloof, sometimes even outright hostile. But the last few weeks had been especially bad. Asuka was moody, constantly irritated, even just angry.
Puberty, I suppose. Which made for a bad combination with the need to save the world.
Misato knew of course that the pallet rifle wasn't a particularly effective weapon. This wasn't about hurting the angel, it was about probing it – poking it with a stick. The way it just hovered over the city, gigantic and aloof, it was pretty damn unclear what could even hurt it, or what its capabilities were.
Two streams of fire met in the middle of the huge circle of light that was the angel. The depleted uranium enriched bullets seem to just go right through the helices that formed its sides. The angel just continued hovering and rotating, as if nothing could ever touch him.
Let's see if we can get its attention.
"Asuka, grab your flexisword and ready yourself," Misato ordered. "Rei, grab the bazooka. Let's see if those rockets will have any effect."
A predatory grin appeared on Misato's face. Sooner or later, they would find a way to hurt the angel; she was sure of that.
"Finally," Asuka grunted as her Unit simply left the pallet rifle fall down onto the street as if it weren't a piece of equipment worth dozens of millions of dollars. She went to pick up the flexisword. On the giant holoscreen in front of her, Misato could see the red Evangelion raising the sword high into the air, the sun reflecting on it in a shimmer. Then the titanic warmachine turned around to face the angel again.
Some moments later, Unit 01 bowed down to softly lay its own pallet rifle onto the street and pick up the bazooka… but Rei didn't even manage to turn her Evangelion up right again. In a matter of seconds, the circle in the air broke, its helices melted down to just one thick line of light again… and the head of that line darted down right at Unit 01.
Just as Unit 01 stood straight again, the angel dived right into its torso, right there where humans would have their belly.
A series of heavy grunts and panting from Rei could be heard over the comms. Unit 01 threw back its head and its arms, the bazooka falling to the ground. The angel seemed to physically enter the Evangelion, more and more of its longdrawn body diving ever further into it. Smaller lines of white, like powerful, pulsating varices, began to spread all over the Evangelion from that point of entry. Unit 01 tumbled backwards, while Rei finally managed a scream of pain… and yet ever more angel seemed to enter it, and soon the entire unit seemed to be engulfed in tumor-like varices of white light.
The four green eyes of Unit 02 were fixated on the situation, and its sword raised in offensive posture… but Asuka stopped at the strange sight in front of her. Angel and Evangelion had blended into one, and even Asuka would hesitate to attack a fellow pilot. Finally, her Unit came to life with a frustrated scream by her. The Evangelion darted forwards, its sword raised high. Asuka stroke at the snake of light that still further made its way into Unit 01…
...or tried to, anyway. Just as she brought the sword down, an octagon of orange light appeared and repelled her, pushing Unit 02 back.
"Sudden spike in AT Field strength!" Maya shouted on the bridge.
No shit… damn. Misato flinched. Rei's vital signs were getting critical, and all attempts to cap her or even cut her synchronization to Unit 01 were failing. Her groaning and panting had been reduced to only some infrequent weak sounds of pain. We're losing her…
"Rei!"
Misato was taken aback. That had been Shinji's voice over the comms. The ready room's comm systems have been activated and connected… but why? By whom? Instinctively, she swirled around and looked up to the bridge level high above her, where Commander Ikari sat behind a large desk, Vice Commander Fuyutsuki standing behind him. But Ikari was calm and silent, his face hidden behind steepled fingers.
"Asuka!" Shinji shouted. "Asuka! Whatever is happening out there, you've got to save Rei! You have to!"
In response, Asuka managed to push out between her teeth, "I'm trying, idiot! I'm trying, if only for your sake!"
And indeed, turning back around to the giant holoscreen in front of the command bridge, Misato could see Unit 02 trying again and again to hack down on the angel, the sword always stopped by orange octagons flaring up.
"Life signs of the First Child getting critical." Maya's report was calm and collected, but that was with an audible conscious effort.
It was then that the sensors picked up a high pitched scream, as if from a bat or similar. The holoscreen split its view, and on the right Misato could see Unit 00 standing again, the crumbled and ruined building front behind it, faint lines of smoke rising from it. The Evangelion's hands formed to fists held high to its sides… and its mouth was open. The sound coming out of that mouth was certainly neither mechanic nor human.
"It hurts!" Mari complained. "Goddamnit, it hurts!"
And then Unit 00 sprinted, right towards Unit 01 and the angel.
"Synch-Rate of the Third Child rising," Maya reported hastily. "But her life signs… they're erratic!"
Again, Mari screamed. Unit 00 had now reached the angel and tried to grab it with both hands. Again, orange octagons formed in front of those hands… but Mari simply pushed on. Her Evangelion's hands slowly pushed against the AT Field, through the AT Field. The machine's single red eye flared up.
"In Unit 00?" Misato heard Ritsuko mumble. "That's… is she helping her?"
Maya turned around to the head of the Research Section. "Sempai, what's up with those vital statistics? They make no sense."
Ritsuko walked over to Maya's station, put a hand on her subordinate's shoulder and looked at the terminal. Then she shook her head. "What has Europe sent us there?"
Finally, Unit 00's hands broke through the AT Field – and then they ripped it up as if it were a screen of fabric. All the while, Unit 00 laid its head in his neck and screamed again, that un-human, un-mechanical sound.
"Unit 00 shouldn't be able to do that!" Ritsuko now protested loudly.
With the AT Field shattered, Unit 00 now grabbed the thick line of light that was the angel with both hands. Smoke rose from where the hands touched the angel, and Mari screamed again. Then she announced through gritted teeth, "Reducing synch-rate."
Unit 00 began to pull, but to no avail. The angel was no longer further entering Unit 01, but it seemed to have spread over all its body already, thick white veins running all over the Evangelion, Trying to just forcefully pull it out looked silly to Misato, but she had to admit, she had no better idea about what to do, either.
With a loud battlecry from her, Asuka's Unit 02 ran towards the angel again and let its sword fall down on it. The angel glistered where it was hit, but seemed unaffected.
"Stirb, verdammt nocheinmal!" Asuka shouted. "Stirb endlich!"
While Unit 02 still stood there, sword raised in front of it, its pilot panting heavily, Unit 00's grip on the angel finally strengthened. It rose up the angel with both hands… and bit into it.
Misato was shocked. And Mari… Mari growled like a wolf over the comms and made snapping noises, as if she herself were biting into it.
Finally, Unit 00 snapped upright again, and there was something between its teeth – it had actually managed to tear off a part of the angel's substance. That material now fell down to the ground, but Unit 00's mouth remained smeared with blood. And there was more – its armour had fractured there, revealing a much broader and much more toothy mouth underneath it. Misato shuddered. It looked like a blood-stained predator's grin from the machine.
The angel was definitely hurt. It snapped back and forth while red blood positively poured out of its wound, splashing onto the street below it. It contracted violently, pulling its appendages out of Unit 01. Rei screamed through the whole process, a high-pitched sound Misato had never heard from the girl before. Unit 01 collapsed on the spot after the angel had left it.
"Pilot of Unit 01 unconscious!" Maya reported in a curt voice.
The cyclopean head of Unit 00 lunged forward again, to tear off another bit of angel flesh, but the enemy reacted immediately, wrapping its appendages around the Evangelion and contracting around it. Now Mari was groaning.
"Leave her alone!" Asuka shouted. All the while the angel had shook erratically she had backed off, step by step, keeping Unit 02's four green eyes fixated on the enemy and holding the sword in front of her.
Now, some dozen metres away from the angel, she was raising that weapon with both of her Evangelion's hands – and there, its tiny red gears set in motion, moved the parts, crawled all over the object, found new spots. It really is eerily reminiscent of the angel Ritsuko took the concept from.
...and finally, Asuka was holding up a scythe.
Slowly but surely, Unit 02 set into motion, falling into a speeding up gallop towards Unit 00 and the angel. Cars parked along the street shook as megaton heavy steel feet punched the ground next to them. Asuka held her Evangelion's head in front, while the scythe trailed behind, ready to strike.
"Pilot of 01 conscious again," Maya reported. Misato hardly noticed it. "She is recovering."
"Vital signs stable," another bridge tech added.
Misato was entirely focused on the scene on the gigantic holographic screen in front of her. "Asuka..." she commented through gritted teeth. She didn't dare disturb the girl, not now. Now she could only watch and hope. Unit 00 and the angel were an inseparable mess by now, and Asuka clearly intended to strike at it. Be careful about Mari…
Just as Unit 01 slowly rose from the ground again, Asuka's red Evangelion was now in a full run. The German girl screamed a martial "Kyaaa..." – and then stopped. The street's asphalt in front of her feet broke, forming a small heap of dirt in front of them. Unit 02 came to a perfect halt – and the scythe swung forward. Misato sucked in her breath…
...the strike hit perfectly. It sliced along the angel without even so much as touching Unit 00 'underneath' it. An inhumane shriek filled the air. Then the angel tightened once more around Unit 00… and escaped into the air. Unit 00 fell to its knees.
Misato breathed out. She hadn't even noticed that she had stopped breathing. She looked around to assess the situation. Unit 01 was standing again, but looked weak on its knees. Unit 00 was downed. And that damned angel, that Adam spawn, began hovering above the city in a circle again. The part where Mari had bitten into it still occasionally lost blood.
"Vital signs of First and Third Child stable but weak," Maya summarized the situation. "Mental signs of Third Child fluctuating all over the place. Unknown if Unit 01 is damaged. Units 00 and Unit 02 as well as Second Child unharmed."
"Mari?" Misato asked. "Mari, are you there?"
There was no response. Just a frequent panting and eerie mumbling could be heard over the comms now and then.
"Pilot of Unit 00 unresponsive," Maya stated glumly.
What happened there? Things looked grim. Mari had successfully freed Rei from the angel, but it seemed the action had rendered herself combat incapable. That leaves Asuka and Rei. We need to be more careful. We should…
"Withdraw Unit 01 from the battle."
Misato turned around on the spot and looked up to the command deck. In a rare moment, Comander Ikari had intervened in the battle. His voice was as eerily calm as always.
"Sir!" Misato protested. "Unit 00 is unresponsive. It won't be part of the fight. Withdrawing Unit 01 would leave A… the pilot of Unit 02 alone on the field!"
"We are aware, Colonel," Vice Commander Fuyutsuki replied in Ikari's place.
Misato balled her hands into fists, then turned around. "Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance," she relayed the order in a grave voice.
"Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance."
What?
Asuka couldn't believe her ears. Misato was withdrawing the only other still functional unit from the field?
They're leaving me out here all alone. They're sending me alone against that monster. She sneered, thumbed the ground with her scythe, grabbed it with both hands and held it in front of her. Very well then. I'll destroy that angel alone. I'll show them! I need nobody else.
They were all terrible anyway. Treating her like a little child, expecting her to fight without giving her any attention at all, leaving her alone on the battlefield now. It was thus even better if none of them were around. She would destroy the angel all on her own.
Then I will have saved them! Then they will have to take me serious!
It still galled her that it wasn't her pushing forth on her own, but her being left alone by people who didn't seem to care a dint about her. She grimaced and had her Evangelion step forwards.
"Come on then, coward!" she yelled at the angel. "Show me what you got!"
For a moment, the city lay entirely still. Unit 02 stood on the ground, the scythe in its right hand, its torso pushed forwards, daring the angel to come. Meanwhile, the angel just hovered over the city, a circle of helices again, as if nothing in the world could touch it. There was no other movement anywhere.
Then, slowly, deliberately, the circle lowered itself towards the ground – the majestic descent of an inviolable being.
Asuka didn't care for majesty. Her red Evangelion jumped forwards in a big leap and struck with the scythe.
…the helices dissolved. The angel wrapped itself around the scythe, crawled alongside it, and reached Unit 02… and then it entered Unit 02.
At first, it merely felt like a needle entering Asuka's wrist. Then it felt like something bigger pushing onto it, but it still was okay – but then, suddenly, Asuka could feel something entering her arm, crawling all the way up to her shoulders. Synch-feedback… She tried to find the lever for reducing the synch-rate. She raised her arm…
… and saw it covered in bulbous veins.
"Angel spreading within Unit 02." That was Maya's voice on the comms, but Asuka barely noticed it. She kept staring at her hands now.
"Just like with Unit 00," Ritsuko hissed. "How can we defeat that thing? What tools do we even have?"
Tools…
And then there was another push, right into Asuka's chest. She emitted a short, loud scream. Gottverdammt, what is this?
Images flashed in front of her eyes – Misato ordering her to live with Shinji, a coach yelling at her, being pushed out of a plane in her EVA, her walking away from Misato's 'celebrations', the first test of the plugsuit's defibrillation function, the fight against Sahaquiel, her running in the training hall until she nearly vomitted, crying in her bed when she was five, school break with gossipping airheads all around her…
Again, Asuka looked at her hands. They had changed. There were now gaping holes inside them. She began to pant heavily.
And there was more. That… that thing, it wasn't just in her body. Its greedy tentacles were now also entering her mind, sifting through it. No, no, no, no… Asuka began to panic. That was not something she was willing to let anybody see, human or angel. There was just too much… too much… there was just too much in there.
"No! Get out! Get out get out get out!" she screamed, holding her head. "Raus hier!"
She wasn't even aware anymore, but outside her entryplug, Unit 02 was doing the same gesture, and an inhumane groan could be heard from it.
"Asuka! Asuka, listen to me!"
That was Misato's voice, determined, self-secure and business-like like she always was on duty. Something to hang on to.
"Asuka! Calm down! Breath in, breath out! The angel is trying to overwhelm you, but you can fight it!"
Yes. That sounded… that sounded right. She needed to calm down. She had received training. She could do this. She had… the… training…
The synchtest wasn't supposed to be like that. She has to undress, whether she wants to or not. Nobody cares about her discomfort, her burning humiliation. Battle simulations. They hurt. They have to hurt so she doesn't get the wrong instincts. She dislikes that. She wants to go home. But this is the third simulation this day already. It's because she skipped the last synchtest. A coach, red faced and square faced with stubble bowing down to her and yelling at her. Again. She can't meet with friends, because she has synchtests again. Soon, she doesn't have friends anymore.
But soon, soon it will pay off. She is special. Everybody says so. She believes it. And in Japan, in Japan she will be able to show it. In Japan, they will respect her.
"Asuka! Focus! Focus on my voice."
Again, Asuka raised her hands. They were shaking… and still, the bloody gaps right in the middle.
Misato all cheerful after the battle. "The operation was a success! The angel is dead, without any damage to the city. Everything has ended well." Asuka's hands hurt.
"Asuka..."
Tears well up in her eyes. She swats at the little holographic screen at her side showing the Operation Director's face. It goes away, and now there is no voice anymore.
There will be no help from Misato. There would never have been any help from Misato. Misato is part of the problem.
Asuka shakes. She still feels the angel inside her, everywhere inside her, veins in her arms pulsating, new veins pushing towards the neck and the stomach. She hates it. She doesn't know what to do. She can't get help from outside, but she also can't end this on her own. She is stuck in her entry-plug, unable to control her Evangelion.
All her hopes. All that has carried her throughout ten years of her life. All for nothing. She still feels the angel moving inside her body, sullying it, destroying the last barrier of her sanctum, her own body, but that isn't even the worst.
"What do I do..." she asks herself in a shaky voice. A beat. Then, "Who am I?"
Asuka groans. The veins, the angle's tentacles, have reached her face. There is something along her cheek bones…
She feels it. The hand freezes in place. It shakes. Hastily, she pulls off the glove and feels again. It's a strong cheekbone now, as befitting to a square face. And there is stubble there.
"What… what are you doing with me? Stop! Stop! Stop this!"
A holographic window pops up in front of her. It shows her face, like a mirror, but it's… changing. The face becomes broader, more hardline. The stubble spreads.
"My body! Leave my body alone! It's my body!"
It's a violation. The angel takes her body, and forms it according to his wishes – according to her nightmares, which by now it knows pretty well.
"I'm not him! I'm Asuka! Asuka Shikinami-Langley! You can't… you can't…"
The face now looking at Asuka is well known to her, but it isn't hers. Not truly. And yet, the holographic screen shows her face.
"No! That's not me that's not me that's not me that's not me…"
A dark, cramped room. Lying on a futon, somebody at her back. "I'm still an EVA pilot. That's still who I am. Someone better."
"I… I am… I need to…" But in truth, Asuka doesn't know anymore what she wants or who she is. Probably hasn't known that ever since she had come to Japan, that battle at the latest.
Another groan. Something is happening to her shoulders. It wanders down her arms. She almost doesn't dare look, but she also can't look away. Slowly, with dread in her mind, she raises her left arm. It is transforming. Her flesh is taking on new forms right in front of her eyes. They are becoming… boxier. Also square. Like… Like EVA armour.
She closes her eyes and grits her teeth. That's all I am.
"What tools do we even have?"
So why shouldn't the angel violate her, body and mind? It was only bringing forth what has been the truth all along. She has never been Asuka Shikinami-Langley, renowned elite pilot. She has always been just a tool for NERV's convenience. Misato's bread ticket. Misato got the accolades, Asuka was just expected to function. A tool. They needed the right people to pilot the Evangelions, and from that moment on they weren't people anymore.
Misato, Ritsuko, even that Maya girl… They all just wanted to do their jobs. And for that, they needed Asuka. Asuka was just a way for them to fulfill their jobs.
I'm just a tool and the angel knows it. This is nothing more but the truth.
Shinji Ikari was a mess.
The ready room was nice enough, with couches, tables, even potted plants in the corners. But he had been sitting here all alone during the entire fight and been forced to listen to it. Not that he could have turned away. Mari, Asuka, Rei… They were out there, fighting for him, protecting his worthless self. Rei piloted so that he didn't have to.
And what had that brought her?
As Shinji had listened to her groans of pains, finally even her screams of pain, a sound he had never heard before from the girl, he had grown more and more desperate. Just sitting here, hearing her pain from the distance, unable to do anything but knowing it was all his fault, that Unit 01 should have been his unit, but also unable to do anything about that right now… it was just too much. Shinji sat on the couch, the communication unit on the table in front of him, curled together, his arms thrown over his head, shaking back and forth, tears running down his cheeks – and he hated himself.
"Unit 01, withdraw to the nearest Geofront entrance."
Shinji was so lost in his self-pity and despair that it took almost half a minute until he realized what he had just heard. He cautiously unfurled from his position, unsure if Misato had really just ordered Rei off the battlefield – but then he heard technicians confirming the arrival of Unit 01 at an elevator.
Shinji jumped up. It made no sense. He had heard how Maya had pronounced Mari unresponsive. Why would they leave Asuka alone on the field. And yet…
...without even thinking further, Shinji began running to the EVA cages. He had to see Rei. He just had to.
He didn't really have any authorization to enter them, to be there when Unit 01 was recovered, but people didn't know that. He was the reserve pilot, so it made sense he would come rushing to the EVA cages. Thus, he saw a lifting platform that had been positioned right next to Unit 01, how it was raised to the entry plug, how Rei managed to get onto it with weak steps, and how the platform was lowered again. Immediately, he rushed forwards, pushing through the waiting medical team… and then hesitated.
After all, he was behaving selfish. He had only cared about that he needed to see Rei was alright, not what she needed. And she had gone through this ordeal only because of him, because he wasn't piloting Unit 01 anymore.
He had stopped halfway between the platform, which now reached ground level, and the medical team, and was about to turn away again with hanging shoulders when he head a soft "Ikari… Sh-Shinji."
He stopped and looked over his shoulder. Rei came walking up to him, slowly, exhausted, the pains she had just gone through visible every bit on her. Shinji was just about to turn around to her, when she basically fell against him, holding on to him tightly and desperately.
"Aya…" Shinji stopped and just laid her arms around her. She laid her head on his shoulder, almost burying it against his neck.
Shinji didn't understand. He didn't understand why she wasn't hating him, why she even had sought him out. And part of him was still very much aware of all the people around him. But it didn't matter. For what reason ever, Rei seemed to need this. She was still clinging tightly around him, like a shipwrecked person to a flotsam. And that was all that mattered: If Rei needed this, he would provide it.
He could smell the LCL in her soaked hair, that unpleasant smell of blood, and her plugsuit was all slippery. And yet… Rei's head, that face of grace and alost celestial tranquility, was now directly next to his. Her lithe body was pressed against his. It was… good. Shinji didn't think he deserved this, but as long as Rei wanted him to be here, he would be here.
"Rei. Follow the medical team. We will need to have you thoroughly checked for signs of contamination."
Shinji tensed, even with Rei still in his arms. That voice came crashing into his contentedness, destroying the blessed silence of companionship: The voice of his father.
Almost immediately, Rei took a step back, leaving Shinji's embrace. Both looked up from where the voice had come: Commander Ikari was standing on an elevated balcony, the backside of his command deck on the bridge – the very same place where Shinji had first seen him again after several years, the very same place from which he had told Shinji to go out and suffer, or Rei would have to do it again.
"Yes, sir," Rei said softly and turned around in order to join the medical team.
Frustration and a feeling of helplessness rose in Shinji. Even now, Rei was simply following his father's command instantly, without question, whereas he… he balled his hands into fists.
"Father!" he called up to the balcony.
The Commander had already turned around to leave, but now stopped, his back to his son.
"What about Asuka?" Shinji shouted. "She is alone on the field now, isn't she?"
Gendo turned around again. From that distance, his facial expression was indeterminable, but Shinji could see light reflecting off his glasses. "Yes," he answered. "Unit 02 and its pilot are currently under attack."
A feeling now spread in Shinji's guts, cold and hard and terrifying. For a moment, he was too overwhelmed to say anything. He didn't want to do this, he was horrified, he didn't want to do this…
"...let me out there!" he shouted up to his father. "I am the reserve pilot, am I not? Let me take Unit 01 in Ayanami's stead!"
It was a terrible prospect, to go out and fight again, to surely suffer again and dread death… but… he couldn't leave Asuka out there. Damn the world and its expectations, damn the people around whom he had always defended and who had never said a single word of thanks or praise, damn them all – but Asuka, Asuka was in the same boat. She suffered the same as he had, the fights and the orders and the people who all didn't care… In fact, she was only out there because of that. Because of the same things that had happened to him.
Whatever it took, he couldn't leave her alone, and if it would destroy his mind for good.
"No."
Shinji was taken aback. He didn't understand. For once, he had offered to pilot and yet…
"I will not send Unit 01 out again," his father continued. "And you… you need to learn this lesson. You will see the consequences of your decisions."
He pushed his glasses up his nose. Shinji couldn't be sure, not at this distance, but he thought his father was grinning. Then he turned around and entered the command deck again.
Shinji was dumbfounded. A wave of relief washed over him, and it sickened him. At the same time, he felt powerless and guilty. Asuka was out there, fighting alone, because he… no. They left her alone. That was why he had wanted to help, after all, because she was in the same boat as him. It showed again now. But regardless, Asuka was all alone, and Shinji didn't know what to…
...he stopped his thoughts. Asuka is all alone… no. No! He turned on the spot and ran back to the ready room.
I will not let her be alone!
Shinji almost ran the door to the ready room through and left it behind himself open. It didn't matter. Only the device on the table in front of him did: The comm unit. He didn't know why they had placed it here, but now that it was, he could try to use it.
"Pilot of Unit 02 still unresponsive."
"Destrudo rising exponentially!"
"Unit 02's system unresponsive."
"Foreign element in Unit 02 at 54% integration with the Unit."
Shinji didn't care about the bridge techs' chatter. Instead, he knelt in front of the comm unit, trying to find the input area, and shouted, "Asuka! Asuka, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
"Asuka! I know you're out there! It's me, Shinji. Just…" He didn't know what to say. Then he breathed out. "You are not alone, Asuka." Yes. That was what Shinji had wanted to communicate. He got bolder. Damn them all! "Do you hear? You are not alone. I will not let you be!"
Asuka felt disgusted.
She watched as the very flesh on her stomach turned, formed grotesque little faces, opened up gaping holes barely covered by remaining stretches of skin and plugsuit. It wasn't even just the gore of it all. This was her body, being mangled and shaped and reformed by the whims of an alien power. She was reshaped by outside whims.
She was being despoiled.
She hated it. She loathed it. She hated herself for what was being done to her. But at the same time, she accepted it. After all, this was nothing new; it was just more blatant. But people had always taken her and reshaped her according to their needs, hadn't they? Had touched her, had commanded her, had never accepted a no, had changed the very way she thinks.
This was nothing new.
So she accepted it. Why would she start resisting now? That was all she had ever known, to go along with what people told her, to make it a matter of pride for herself even. She felt like she didn't have a right to resist now. It would have been… hypocritical. She was disgusted by what was done to her, terrified, too sick to properly express – but that was nothing new, either.
I'm loathsome. No, there was more. There is no 'I'. There has never been.
Her cheeks began burning up. "Arrr..."
She didn't need to raise her hand and feel it. She knew what she would look like now.
An elevator in the NERV headquarters. "You're also doing everything they order you to."
Asuka had no energy left anymore to fight back tears. No… I'm not like that… I can't be… I… I have to be someone, surely?
She began panting heavily as the realization dawned on her, that she wasn't someone, that she had always just been a tool, that she hence had no right to complain, that Rei was the same but had just all figured it out sooner, that…
"Asuka! I know you're out there! It's me, Shinji."
She would always be just a tool. Not a person with wants or needs, with preferences and disdains, just…
"Just…" A clearly audible breath. "You are not alone, Asuka."
She blinked. Now she realized that somebody was speaking to her over the comm system.
He was speaking with more certainty now: "Do you hear? You are not alone. I will not let you be!"
Shinji!
She didn't know what to reply. Didn't even know what to call her situation, didn't know what to tell him, didn't know if he could even help her. But it was Shinji. He had come through to her before already. So she tried gathering her thoughts.
"The angel… it's inside me. Inside my body, inside my mind. It's violating me! I'm… I'm just his tool..."
Silence.
Then a shout. "Fight it, Asuka! Fight it! I know you can! You… You're…"
"Nothing…" Asuka whispered.
A sound like something had been hit or punched. "Not true! Asuka, I… I know we never fought side by side, but… even as a flatmate, I kinda liked your presence…"
As a flatmate?
That was… new.
Another memory, but this time – this time it was her own.
A boy holding her wrist. "What they're doing to you, Asuka, it's all very fucked up. You deserve better. And I… look. I care about you whether you pilot or not, alright?"
"Kensuke..." she whispered. Yes. Kensuke would see her as Asuka, not as pilot of Unit 02, right? He had to. He just had to.
And maybe Shinji as well. She had those two. Shinji, who would support her and Kensuke, who… liked her. Her flatmate who had gone through the same shit, and her, ah, good friend. And that was enough, wasn't it? To hell with Misato. To hell with her former coaches and guardians and what they wanted of her. To hell with NERV. To hell with Tokyo-3. She didn't need any of those.
"I am Asuka Shikinami-Langley!" she yelled. "And I want to liiive!"
She raised both her arms in front of her. They looked just like Evangelion arms now, but the flesh there was still moving and crawling. There was disgust in Asuka, but now also anger about that disgust. That was not her. That was what they wanted her to be, but she had Kensuke, and she had Shinji, and to hell with everybody else.
The flesh moved. The arms began to become less bulky.
"Asuka? Are you there?" That was Misato. Communication to her seemed to have been restored again. "Asuka, you need to..."
"No!" she cut her off. "You can go to hell!"
"Asuka…" Misato sounded shocked.
"This is me!" Asuka exclaimed. "My body! My life! I rule! I… arrrrgh!"
Her arms began to move, and not by her doing. She tried to control them, tried to move in the opposite direction, but it didn't help: Slowly and shakily but surely, Asuka's own hands came ever closer to her throat.
"No..." she whispered.
"Unit 02 moving!"
"Movements not in synch with pilot's mental signs."
"Unit 02 contaminated!"
Asuka tried to resist that, tried to resist her own arms and the Evangelion of which she was supposed to be in control.
"My life!"
But right now, she had to struggle for control over even just her own body.
"Unit 02 moving towards Geofront entrance!"
"The angel wants to use the Unit to intrude into the Geofront…" That was Ritsuko.
"Then we have to stop it, by any means necessary." Misato, voice cold and hard as stone.
"How? Unit 00 is still unresponsive and Unit 01…"
"We don't have a choice anymore, and neither does the Commander!"
With all of her energy, Asuka tried to turn the Evangelion around, but it didn't work. She sat on her seat in the entry plug and wiggled, trying to even just keep her own hands away from her throats.
And now that I am no longer of use to them, they'll 'stop me'…
"Damn you, Misato! Damn you all!" she screamed.
No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Shinji was constantly aware of the smell of blood around him. He hated it. He hated being here. Now he was back inside the entry-plug of Unit 01 as if nothing had happened, as if all his protests and decisions had been meaningless. Now he would suffer and feel dread again.
He had asked for this. He couldn't leave Asuka alone. He still stood by that. But he also still hated it.
Thus he didn't answer when the bridge asked if Unit 01 was ready for launch, but just kept quiet sullenly. They only send me out because Unit 02 has become a thread to them. When it had been just about Asuka, nobody had cared.
The launch pad accelerated upwards. Shinji hated that part as well. It was a very uncomfortable feeling – one of many that were associated with piloting, but which nobody had ever bothered to acknowledge.
Most of all, it was just another reminder that he was indeed back to piloting an Evangelion unit. That he hated most of all.
Unit 01 launched high above the skyline of Tokyo-3 and landed gracefully one one knee. Then it stood up again and looked around. There! In some 300-400m distance, several street blocs away, Shinji could spot the giant, hulking form of Unit 02. The red Evangelion moved erratically – stepping forwards, stopping, swaying sideways, lurching forwards again. Left and right it stepped into buildings, which easily crumbled under its giant mass, ejecting dirt and clouds of dust into the air.
And over and over, the Unit was covered in bulbous veins.
What happened to it? What happened to Asuka? What have they made her face?
"Shinji." That was Misato's voice, now all professional and sharp. "Can you hear me?"
Shinji frowned, but then replied with a simple, unenthusiastic "I can hear you."
"Our first priority is preventing Unit 02 from gaining entrance into the Geofront," Misato told him. "You know what is at stake. Unit 02 may not be allowed to enter any entrance paths to the Geofront. If need be, it must be stopped… by any means necessary."
Shinji turned his head, as if he could look away from what Misato was saying. There was no empathy in her voice for Asuka, just military hardness, as always during sorties. What do they expect me to do? Kill her?
"Draw your prog-knife and approach," Misato ordered him. "But do so slowly and carefully!"
Grudgingly, Shinji followed the order. Prog-knife in hand, slightly bent forwards, Unit 01 came closer to its fellow Evangelion.
Unit 02 was still struggling. It staggered like a drunkard, and at one point raised its head to the sky, like a silent scream to the heavens. Asuka is inside there… Shinji knew he should stay alert, should ready himself to oppose that Evangelion, but what he felt was pity instead, empathy for Asuka.
Finally, Unit 01 was just down the road from its red counterpart.
"Keep your distance!" Misato ordered. "We're dealing with an infection style angel here. Do not, under any circumstances, touch Unit 02. We cannot risk Unit 01 getting infected… again! Just stay there and observe. Do not engage until absolutely necessary!"
Again, Shinji frowned. It was easy for Misato to give such orders, from the safety of the subterranean bridge. But it wasn't like he would have further advanced anyway. He wanted to help Asuka, somehow, not attack her.
Just then, Unit 02 fell to its knees. It slowly rose again, but not smoothly. It stood up in bursts and flare-ups of movement, shakily wobbling, its flailing hands punching down the front side of a building.
"Asuka!" Shinji cried out. Unit 01 took a step forward and stretched a hand out… but then Shinji stopped. He wouldn't know what to do anyway.
"Ich kann nicht mehr…" That was Asuka. She sounded weak, exhausted, defeated. "I can't… I can't fight anymore. That thing… it'll kill me. Kill us all."
Unit 02 came staggering towards Shinji. Mindful of his orders, no matter how resentful he felt about them, Shinji stepped back. Just as Unit 02 came lurching towards it, Unit 01 walked away backwards from it.
"I can't stop it…" he heard Asuka whisper over the comms.
"You can!" Shinji insisted. "You've shown so much strength…"
"I'll always only be a tool," Asuka retorted weakly.
"No!" Shinji shouted. "You're… you're… damnit! Asuka, you're you! Get out of this, and you can be whatever you want!"
"Too late..." Asuka whispered hoarsely – and then, Unit 02 collapsed on the spot. Shinji could hear a pained groan from Asuka, but nothing further came. Unit 02 kept twitching a bit, but remained broken down on the street.
"Asuka!" Immediately, Shinji had Unit 01 leap two large steps forward.
"Shinji, stop!" Misato ordered sharply. "Do not come in contact with Unit 02!"
Resentfulness began to build up in Shinji, but he followed the order. Unit 01 came to a halt. "But Asuka…"
"We're analyzing the situation," Misato told him. "We'll find a way to help her. But we can't risk another unit getting infected."
Unit 02 was a barely moving heap on the ground. For a moment, Unit 01 just stood there, a hundred metres or so away, looking at its counterpart. Then Shinji thought he heard something on the comms. Not speech, but it did sound like Asuka.
Slowly, carefully, he walked some steps forward, always ready to jump back if need be, and only stopped less than an Evangelion's length away from the red Evangelion. He stretched out Unit 01's hand, but again stopped. He did not dare touch the infected Unit. The moment seemed to stretch into eternity, Unit 01's hand just a dozen metres or so away from Unit 02. Then the sound Shinji heard got stronger.
It was sobbing.
"Asuka…" Shinji whispered.
"The angel seems to be inert for the matter being, but we are still getting Pattern Blue signals," Misato reported. "We're currently trying to find a way to cleanse Unit 02 of the infection. Stay guard there, Shinji, in case anything changes."
But all that Shinji could see or hear were Asuka's lonely sobs over the comm system. EVA-01's hand was still stretched out, still just hovering slightly over the shoulder of its red counterpart.
"Do not touch Unit 02," Misato reminded him again.
Shinji hesitated…
...and then heard another strong sob from Asuka.
I'm leaving her alone… all alone…
That was his order, and it was for a good reason. And yet…
…Unit 01's massive purple hand slowly, softly descended onto Unit 02. Shinji's Evangelion knelt down behind its red counterpart, and laid both its hands on its shoulders.
"I'm here, Asuka," Shinji simply announced. And to hell with what they think. They should be grateful we're piloting for them at all.
"Shinji!" Misato protested. "Get away from there!" It sounded actually fearful. Shinji ignored it.
Asuka sounded more surprised than anything else. "Shinji… but you… the angel will infect you as well!"
Shinji's face darkened. "Either we come out of this together… or not at all. I won't just… I can't just leave you alone."
Unit 01 now embraced Unit 02 from behind, the giant purple head leaning itself against the immense red back. For a while, there was quiet…
Then Shinji groaned. It felt like something had hit him.
"Pattern Blue confirmed inide Unit 01!"
"Infection has begun!"
"Angel infection spreading from Unit 02 to Unit 01 along the vectors of touch."
"Shinji!" Asuka cried out. "No! Not to help me!"
Shinji felt something pushing into his shoulders, than into his arms, into his torso… it was painful, yes, but it was also alien and disgusting and unlike anything else he had ever felt. He closed his eyes and concentrated, imagined pushing along his arms against the infestations, tried to end all thought, so that his mind and ultimately his body would be closed off – but to no avail.
"No!"
That was Asuka. And with a rocking motion, Unit 02 came alive again. One giant foot of the red Evangelion stamped onto the ground again, making it quake. Unit 02 was now down on one knee, held by Unit 01 from behind. And slowly, very slowly and struggling, it began to rise again. Dust from the nearby collapsed building was shaken off its back and shoulders, and Unit 01 pushed upwards alongside it.
"Shinji!"
Unit 02 turned around, now standing face to face with its purple counterpart. However, it was plain that this was costing Asuka all the energy she still had. She groaned and strained herself to keep her machine up. Finally, Unit 02's knees got weak. It would have collapsed again…
…but Unit 01 caught it, grabbing it below its shoulders.
"Got… you…" Shinji managed to press forth from behind gritted teeth.
It still hurt. Shinji could still feel the infestation spreading in him. His arms were already covered in the same bulbous veins that also covered Unit 02 and Asuka all over. But it didn't matter. He wouldn't leave Asuka alone. That was what they would do – that was what they had done in fact: NERV and his father and Misato and just about everyone. All those people who had never cared an inch about how he or Asuka had defended and saved their very lives several times over.
So they could get lost. Everybody could get lost. He would help Asuka, no matter what. No matter the consequences.
Unit 01 pulled Unit 02 into an embrace again. The two giant war machines, megatons of steel, armour and weaponry looming over all buildings, stood there, facing each other, in each other's arms, its two titanic heads side by side. They were both infected now, but Shinji thought that better than to leave Asuka alone in her suffering.
Something the redhead realized. "Idiot…" she whispered.
And suddenly, the pressure on Shinji's stomach… lessened. The pressure in his arms withdrew.
A surprised "Shinji!" came over the comms from Asuka.
Shinji couldn't see it, but outside, the giant veins on both Evangelions retreated as well. It looked like they were crawling backwards to their point of origin.
"Pattern Blue lessening!"
"Enemy integration with Unit 02 down to 40% and further falling!"
"Harmonous convergence of the AT Fields of Units 01 and 02."
"The angel… it's trapped!"
"Enemy integration with Unit 02 down to 20% and falling! No Pattern Blue sign on Unit 01 anymore!"
"Vital signs of the pilot of Unit 02 stable!"
And as the two Evangelions stood there in harmony between the gravely damaged buildings of the city, a magnificent rainbow materialized in the sky above them.
"Units 01 and 02, the angel has been defeated. Return to base immediately for debriefing."
"What about M…"
"You have your orders, Shinji."
That had shut the boy up. Misato had sounded harsh and icy cold. So, the two Evangelions disentangled. A small, awkward pause ensued, neither Shinji nor Asuka knowing how to deal with the emotional scene that had just happened. Finally, Unit 02 just turned around and began trotting towards the nearest Geofront entrance. Leaving the collapsed Unit 00 at the wayside, as per Misato's orders, Shinji had his own Evangelion follow it.
Both Units were lowered down to the Geofront in neighbouring shafts, but neither Asuka nor Shinji said anything. In fact, the quiet was somewhat eerie. One would have thought that after managing to break through to Asuka in such a dramatic fashion, Shinji would also have been able to break through the silence, but the truth was that he was still feeling very awkward, especially because of what just had happened. What do you say to somebody after such an experience?
Asuka had allowed the opening of a visual channel between the two Units, but wasn't using it. Shinji could see her, though: Sitting in her entry plug, mute, bent forward, shoulders hanging down, as was the hair obscuring her face. It looked… gloomy. Eerie. Shinji tried finding the right words, at one point even breathed in to speak, but… it was as if his tongue were tied. He had always felt so powerful in an EVA, but now, on their return, he was just the little boy again who didn't know what to do – and he felt disgust at himself for that.
There was also Misato. Shinji was aware that he had violated a direct order, and Misato sounded rather serious about that – angry, even. That made him sneer in resentment. We defeated the angel, did we not? What more does she want? But it had always been like that. She and all of NERV only wanted the pilots to function as they were ordered to. That thought didn't exactly help with making Shinji more talkative.
And Asuka, by the time their Units had arrived in the EVA cages, looked completely shut off to the world.
Outside, people were already waiting. Asuka could leave the entry plug on her own, climbing down the ladder from the entry plug with hanging shoulders and hanging head. Even on the ground she was only looking down, a curtain of yellow hair obscuring her face to all sides.
Shinji looked towards her, but before he could say a thing, Misato stepped forth from the waiting medical team. Two men in the black business suits of Section 2 followed her – broad-shouldered gorillas with blank faces covered in shades.
"Asuka." Her voice sounded measured and calculated. "Since you have been in contact with the angel for several minutes, we cannot be sure that you are free from contamination. We have to put you in quarantine. Follow the medical team and do not touch anything."
The girl just stood there, motionlessly. Shinji balled his hands into fist. That was all Misato had to tell her? Finally, Asuka began trotting forwards, head still held low, and was eventually surrounded to all sides by people in white hazmat suits – impersonal workers that might as well have been robots.
Shinji wanted to call out to her, but Misato moved herself between him and the departing group. "You'll follow me, Shinji."
The boy furrowed his brows. "Follow you?"
"Yes. That's an order."
Shinji jerked his head to its side. And that's why she has brought the Section 2 thugs along, I suppose. He knew there was no way he could resist this, so he just began walking in resentful silence.
Misato, Shinji and the Section 2 agents followed Asuka and the medical team outide. Shinji now held his view downwards as well. Even when we defeat angels, we just get scolded further. Who voluntarily gets themselves in a position where they'll just get berated anyway and nothing else?
He was shaken out of his melancholy just outside the EVA cages, but not in a good way. While Asuka walked by them without even taking notice, Shinji did a double take when he saw his father standing in the corridor, accompanied by Vice Commander Fuyutsuki and two further Section 2 agents.
"Shinji," the Commander said gravely. The boy regained his composure and looked away sullenly. "You violated a direct order."
I helped Asuka. However, Shinji remained silent. Whenever he was around his father, he felt like he was four again. It was frustrating. Shinji hated himself for how weak and whiny he got around his father, but he also knew there was nothing he could do.
"You put Unit 01 at risk, despite several warnings and direct orders to the contrary," Gendo went on. There was a pause. "It was a childish gesture, more concerned about a single person than the safety of the world." Another pause. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Again, Shinji balled his hands into fist, but remained quiet. "Very well. This action needs to have consequences," Gendo continued. Inwardly, Shinji was boiling. "You endangered Unit 01 and the whole world. You…"
Finally, all the anger and resentment boiled over. All the years of neglect and pain, and now this – this was that one bit too far. "I saved you! I saved all of you! You'd be dead without me!"
Misato looked at him shocked. Even Fuyutsuki looked a little bit surprised, but he maintained his composure. Gendo merely slightly furrowed his brows, then corrected the seat of his glasses.
"That is your duty as a pilot," he commented. "I will not…"
"He saved me as well!"
Shinji turned his head around. On the other side of the corridor, Asuka's medical group had come to a halt. Now the redhead, suddenly all motion and anger again, darted out of the group.
"You left me to die and he saved me! If you do anything to him…"
However, before she could reach Gendo, or even only Shinji or Misato, people in hazmat suits had caught her at the shoulders, and pulled her back again. She struggled against that, growling like an animal, but finally just gave up and returned to her previous semi-catatonic state.
But this scene did allow Shinji to speak up. Or at least, he tried to.
"Not anymore," he whispered, his head still hanging low.
"What do you mean?" Gendo demanded to know.
This time, Shinji managed to look up, right into his father's eyes. His face was distorted by a grimace of anger. It was the only thing that enabled him to confront his father. "You said I had to choose!" he yelled. "That I had to become a full pilot again, or leave Tokyo-3. Very well. I'm not a pilot anymore. I'm not bound by your 'duty' anymore. I'm leaving!"
For maybe the first time ever, Shinji saw his father mildly surprised. Gendo blinked, once, twice. Then his face hardened again. However, before he could speak, Fuyutsuki stepped forward.
"Very well. You have exactly one week to pack your belongings and leave, Shinji," the Vice Commander told the boy calmly.
Shinji breathed heavily, still running on nothing but adrenaline. He still looked right at his father's eyes. Gendo merely looked back stone-faced. An almost threatening aura seemed to surround him, an oppressive aura of silence and power. Finally, Shinji had to look away.
"Hrm," his father made, then turned around and left, followed by Fuyutsuki and all their two Section 2 agents.
After they had walked away a few steps, Misato murmured softly, "Shinji…"
However, Shinji didn't care. He just turned around and walked away in the opposite direction. If Misato's Section 2 thugs had a problem with that, well, they could stop him.
They did not.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
You do a great job getting across the truth of Misato's issues as opposed to the lighter shade cast on her by the fandom in regards to her treatment of the pilots.
This is quite intense. One of those stories to make you want to get back into Evangelion.
This is quite intense. One of those stories to make you want to get back into Evangelion.
