Things Nanjing Accord Personnel Are No Longer Allowed To Do (Part 4)
ChrisProvidence
Time Traveling Unequal Treaty Destroyer
- Pronouns
- He/Him
101. Traveling through Rifts does not count as "Isekai Adventures." Stop calling them that.
102. Active Camouflage is an experimental military technology useful for infiltration. Not playing pranks on your friends.
103. "I've Never Met A Nice American" is a fun song satirizing the Nationalists' shortcomings. Playing it on loop to torment American Nationalists probably counts as torture.
104. Stop screwing with antisemites by saying that you decided to "Join the Judeo-Asiatic Cabal on the side of the Judeo-Asiatic Cabal."
105. Exo-skeletons ("Exos") have a built in boos system to help propel operators and cushion falls. They are not jetpacks.
106. We are not designing jetpacks. Not yet.
107. Igor Sakharov was nearly fatally-wounded at the end of the Russian Civil War and is currently awaiting trial. Stop making jokes about him coming back as "Mecha-Sakharov" before you scare somebody.
108. Prosthetic limbs are engineering marvels that may even surpass human limbs, but we're not removing your perfectly-fine arm or leg so you can get one.
109. We are intervening in Liberia to deal with a potential white supremacist settler state. Not to "test our weapons on the Neo-Nats."
110. Rifts are portals to alternate timelines, and Rift Teams are sent there to do reconnaissance. Not so they can get copies of Cyberpunk 2077.
111. No, you can't open another Rift so you can "get a copy from when they fixed the bugs."
112. Exos are for maneuverability and enhanced combat. Not so you can "actually stand a chance against my brother in baseball."
113. Timeline-002 (Designation: TYRANNIS) is an ongoing operation to covertly supply another timeline's rebel movement with materiel and humanitarian aid. Not where we "dump all the weapons we don't need anymore."
114. Yes, we know what the Saint James Islands were used for in the Lost History timeline. Stop calling the potential Neo-Nationalist base "Epstein's Islands."
115. Just because we agreed to call DC recovery teams "Stalkers" does not mean there are "anomalies."
116. Agent Jin Xianyu is no longer allowed to gamble with mission funds at casinos.
116a. Even if she managed to quadruple them.
117. Do not refer to the Garvey Flag as "The Pan-African Flag" and the African People's Flag as "The Cooler/Better Pan-African Flag."
118. If you volunteer for Rift Teams, "The Neo-Nats probably starved to death on the other side of the Rift" is not a valid excuse for not going on patrol.
119. While it might be the world's largest corporation, please stop calling the Eurasian Cooperative (the libertarians' massive worker cooperative federation) a "Megacorp." They find it insulting.
120. No, we aren't going to dump all the Neo-Nats and Neo-Ultranats in a Rift and "throw away the key." Those guys are dicks, but those are entire timelines' worth of resources we can use.
121. Yes, we know the Neo-Nats in the Amazon are tied to the drug trade. No, we don't have plans to "take it over like the CIA."
122. Agent Morgan Chen is also no longer allowed to help Agent Jin Xiangyu gamble with mission funds by counting cards at blackjack.
123. Just because "Celebrity Death Pools" are banned does not mean you can have "War Criminal Death Pools" where you bet on who gets found guilty first.
124. In the (hopefully unlikely) chance you encounter dinosaurs or other pre-historic life forms, please do not capture and bring them back here "so we can build our own Jurassic Park."
125. We have have ways of getting our hands on funds the Nationalists and Ultranationalists stashed in Switzerland. They're called "Forensic Accounting and Diplomatic Pressure," not "Let's go plan a heist in Bern."
126. Just because MIB Director Rachel Fong goes on vacation does not mean she is "getting back in the field." She enjoys her privacy and is a very good shot.
127. Stop asking to go through a Rift for your vacation. Hawaii and the Philippines exist. Go there.
128. Joint Training Exercises are to maintain military preparedness. Not to invade alternate timelines.
129. The fact that alternate timelines exist is still a valid threat, and we should have contingencies just in case we need to invade them.
130. Creating contingencies is a good training exercise and it doesn't cost much to keep them around. "This is dumb and would never happen" is not an excuse for not making more of them.
131. Howard Hughes is not the "Elon Musk of our timeline" and he gets very offended when people call him that.
132. Please stop referring to Chinese politics as "Three Parties of the People in a Trenchcoat."
133. When referring to North American nations in Spanish, do not just call them "Los Estados Unidos." Three countries can go by that name, and it gets confusing.
134. The Most-Wanted decks if playing cards come in "American Nationalist" and "Russian Ultranationalist" flavors. Please take care to not mix your war criminals up.
135. Kudzu should be removed with goats. Not flamethrowers.
136. Yes, the Nanjing Accord regularly employs alternate history writers as contingency advisors. No, it is not an excuse for Director Fong to spend more time with her wife.
137. Stop referring to Henry Ford's propaganda videos as "PragerU but it's funded by the car companies this time."
138. Disrupting enemy communications is a clever strategy. Playing "Ram Ranch" over their radio to screw with them is unprofessional, even if it is really funny.
139. None of our members are planning to build mechs anytime soon. Stop asking.
140. No, we aren't going to open a Rift to ancient times to settle theological debates. It doesn't count if it happens in an alternate timeline.
141. Yes, we even have contingencies to deal with aliens. No, you can't see them.
142. "Let's give guns to the natives" is a really bad idea if you encounter colonialism on the other side of a Rift. We have plans for these types of scenarios for a reason, so we might as well use them.
143. The Eurasian Flag represents "A New Beginning," not "A typical day in Siberia."
144. Exos are designed to augment the user's strength and agility. Not as the basis for an Iron Man suit.
145. Do not try to submit old Chinese Browning M2 machine guns to museums as historical artifacts just because they are over 100 years old. Those weapons still work.
146. Stop referring to the Rifts as "Stargates." Every time one of you says that, it leads to a three hour conversation about the differences between trans-dimensional travel and using portals to travel across the galaxy.
147. The British tricolor was designed to represent many things, but none of them are "We are not Hungary."
148. Antarctica is a neutral research site, not a potential dumping ground for assholes. Those penguins deserve better.
149. You don't get to take credit for stuff created by people from other timelines. Even if they're an alternate you.
150. The motto of the Nanjing Accord is "Always Looking Forward," not "Democracy Is Non-Negotiable."
102. Active Camouflage is an experimental military technology useful for infiltration. Not playing pranks on your friends.
103. "I've Never Met A Nice American" is a fun song satirizing the Nationalists' shortcomings. Playing it on loop to torment American Nationalists probably counts as torture.
104. Stop screwing with antisemites by saying that you decided to "Join the Judeo-Asiatic Cabal on the side of the Judeo-Asiatic Cabal."
105. Exo-skeletons ("Exos") have a built in boos system to help propel operators and cushion falls. They are not jetpacks.
106. We are not designing jetpacks. Not yet.
107. Igor Sakharov was nearly fatally-wounded at the end of the Russian Civil War and is currently awaiting trial. Stop making jokes about him coming back as "Mecha-Sakharov" before you scare somebody.
108. Prosthetic limbs are engineering marvels that may even surpass human limbs, but we're not removing your perfectly-fine arm or leg so you can get one.
109. We are intervening in Liberia to deal with a potential white supremacist settler state. Not to "test our weapons on the Neo-Nats."
110. Rifts are portals to alternate timelines, and Rift Teams are sent there to do reconnaissance. Not so they can get copies of Cyberpunk 2077.
111. No, you can't open another Rift so you can "get a copy from when they fixed the bugs."
112. Exos are for maneuverability and enhanced combat. Not so you can "actually stand a chance against my brother in baseball."
113. Timeline-002 (Designation: TYRANNIS) is an ongoing operation to covertly supply another timeline's rebel movement with materiel and humanitarian aid. Not where we "dump all the weapons we don't need anymore."
114. Yes, we know what the Saint James Islands were used for in the Lost History timeline. Stop calling the potential Neo-Nationalist base "Epstein's Islands."
115. Just because we agreed to call DC recovery teams "Stalkers" does not mean there are "anomalies."
116. Agent Jin Xianyu is no longer allowed to gamble with mission funds at casinos.
116a. Even if she managed to quadruple them.
117. Do not refer to the Garvey Flag as "The Pan-African Flag" and the African People's Flag as "The Cooler/Better Pan-African Flag."
118. If you volunteer for Rift Teams, "The Neo-Nats probably starved to death on the other side of the Rift" is not a valid excuse for not going on patrol.
119. While it might be the world's largest corporation, please stop calling the Eurasian Cooperative (the libertarians' massive worker cooperative federation) a "Megacorp." They find it insulting.
120. No, we aren't going to dump all the Neo-Nats and Neo-Ultranats in a Rift and "throw away the key." Those guys are dicks, but those are entire timelines' worth of resources we can use.
121. Yes, we know the Neo-Nats in the Amazon are tied to the drug trade. No, we don't have plans to "take it over like the CIA."
122. Agent Morgan Chen is also no longer allowed to help Agent Jin Xiangyu gamble with mission funds by counting cards at blackjack.
123. Just because "Celebrity Death Pools" are banned does not mean you can have "War Criminal Death Pools" where you bet on who gets found guilty first.
124. In the (hopefully unlikely) chance you encounter dinosaurs or other pre-historic life forms, please do not capture and bring them back here "so we can build our own Jurassic Park."
125. We have have ways of getting our hands on funds the Nationalists and Ultranationalists stashed in Switzerland. They're called "Forensic Accounting and Diplomatic Pressure," not "Let's go plan a heist in Bern."
126. Just because MIB Director Rachel Fong goes on vacation does not mean she is "getting back in the field." She enjoys her privacy and is a very good shot.
127. Stop asking to go through a Rift for your vacation. Hawaii and the Philippines exist. Go there.
128. Joint Training Exercises are to maintain military preparedness. Not to invade alternate timelines.
129. The fact that alternate timelines exist is still a valid threat, and we should have contingencies just in case we need to invade them.
130. Creating contingencies is a good training exercise and it doesn't cost much to keep them around. "This is dumb and would never happen" is not an excuse for not making more of them.
131. Howard Hughes is not the "Elon Musk of our timeline" and he gets very offended when people call him that.
132. Please stop referring to Chinese politics as "Three Parties of the People in a Trenchcoat."
133. When referring to North American nations in Spanish, do not just call them "Los Estados Unidos." Three countries can go by that name, and it gets confusing.
134. The Most-Wanted decks if playing cards come in "American Nationalist" and "Russian Ultranationalist" flavors. Please take care to not mix your war criminals up.
135. Kudzu should be removed with goats. Not flamethrowers.
136. Yes, the Nanjing Accord regularly employs alternate history writers as contingency advisors. No, it is not an excuse for Director Fong to spend more time with her wife.
137. Stop referring to Henry Ford's propaganda videos as "PragerU but it's funded by the car companies this time."
138. Disrupting enemy communications is a clever strategy. Playing "Ram Ranch" over their radio to screw with them is unprofessional, even if it is really funny.
139. None of our members are planning to build mechs anytime soon. Stop asking.
140. No, we aren't going to open a Rift to ancient times to settle theological debates. It doesn't count if it happens in an alternate timeline.
141. Yes, we even have contingencies to deal with aliens. No, you can't see them.
142. "Let's give guns to the natives" is a really bad idea if you encounter colonialism on the other side of a Rift. We have plans for these types of scenarios for a reason, so we might as well use them.
143. The Eurasian Flag represents "A New Beginning," not "A typical day in Siberia."
144. Exos are designed to augment the user's strength and agility. Not as the basis for an Iron Man suit.
145. Do not try to submit old Chinese Browning M2 machine guns to museums as historical artifacts just because they are over 100 years old. Those weapons still work.
146. Stop referring to the Rifts as "Stargates." Every time one of you says that, it leads to a three hour conversation about the differences between trans-dimensional travel and using portals to travel across the galaxy.
147. The British tricolor was designed to represent many things, but none of them are "We are not Hungary."
148. Antarctica is a neutral research site, not a potential dumping ground for assholes. Those penguins deserve better.
149. You don't get to take credit for stuff created by people from other timelines. Even if they're an alternate you.
150. The motto of the Nanjing Accord is "Always Looking Forward," not "Democracy Is Non-Negotiable."
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