Chapter XIV - Back to the Tower
As usual all speech in italics is in the Old Tongue
Chapter XIV - Back to the Tower
Taija returned to true consciousness a couple of days after the Battle of Falme, feeling like death warmed up. Tentatively reaching for the comfort of saidar produced an agonising spike of pain in her head and she quickly withdrew.
It didn't matter, that pain told her what was important - she hadn't burnt herself out. Thinking back to that last desperate fight, spinning balefire at figures fighting in the air, Taija winced. Madness, especially at the end, she was very lucky she hadn't killed herself. Although she couldn't help but wonder whether that would have been the worst outcome.
At some point Taija was moved to her own room as Falme's civic buildings were taken over and over the next few days she slowly recovered. Moiraine seemed to have popped up just late enough to be completely useless. Perhaps that was unfair, she did heal her, but Taija couldn't help thinking about how a woman of her strength with her angreal would have been more than useful. Maybe enough that she could have intervened in Rand's fight before he so stupidly let Ishamael stab him. Then again, given the performance of these modern aes sedai, she might just have gotten herself and Taija killed.
Moiraine seemed determined to take advantage of Taija's bedridden condition, visiting her regularly. Every time she did it was exhausting. The woman's words had so many layers of meaning behind them, her cool composure irritated Taija and the probing questions combined with what seemed to be veiled commands exhausted her.
Every time she saw Moiraine's serene, aloof face it reminded Taija of everything that was wrong with the aes sedai. The ruins of the greatest organisation of her time, being squatted in by half-trained children with a superiority complex.
Her feelings weren't helped by the vulnerability that she was very conscious of while she was unable to channel. What if Moiraine knew how to use compulsion…?
Verin also visited a couple of time, absent minded as she was. One time she had the girls in tow and told Taija they were planning to leave for the Tower. Ridiculous. Taija told her not to worry, she'd get the three of them back safely as soon as she could channel again. No point in spending a month trudging around on horse back.
Thankfully Verin seemed to forget Taija existed after that. Elayne told her she'd apparently developed an interest in Falme's architecture, sending her warder off to do sketches.
Aleksi was a mercy. He spent hours sitting in Taija's room, talking with her about what both of them had been doing and updating her on what was happening with the rest of the group. Taija had to give him the edited version, with a promise that she'd tell him everything once she could ward the room, but it was enough. He was non-judgmental and kind and she was ashamed that she'd ever considered leaving him behind in her earlier days in this time.
Aleksi's biggest worry seemed to be Taija herself. He certainly had no fear of aes sedai when he told her that she was pushing herself too hard and was going to end up killing herself. It had been a while since someone in their early twenties had called her an idiot, but her account of the end of the Battle of Falme probably did deserve that.
He also seemed to have no fear of aes sedai when he shooed Moiraine out of Taija's room. In fact she was fairly sure he'd started guarding her door at night. He really was taking too much influence from the Shienarans.
Taija's other pleasure was visits from the girls. Mainly Elayne and Egwene, but occasionally Nynaeve too. She could see the signs of deep trauma, hovering below the surface in Egwene and Nynaeve, but she never knew what to say. So she just tried to talk to them. Really they needed proper counseling, therapy… but Taija strongly suspected that was something that no longer existed and she had no idea how to start with it herself.
Ironically, while she'd been worrying about the girls, it seemed like they were worrying about her. She didn't know how it happened, but at one point Egwene and Elayne just moved into her bedroom, insisting they were going to protect her until she was better. It was ridiculous. Heart-warming, but ridiculous. All her protests were ignored though, so eventually Taija had no choice but to give in and accept them fussing over her.
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It took a week before Taija was properly out of bed and able to safely embrace saidar again. She still felt like a woman of 700 rather than a not even middle aged 180, or was it 181 now? Perhaps it was 3181, the oldest person alive. Other than the Forsaken she supposed. 10th oldest perhaps? She tried to remember whether any of them were younger than she was…
Taija had already decided during her time in bed that she was going to help Rand rather than stay in the White Tower. Siuan clearly had matters in hand and she was largely useless anyway. In her heart she had the self-awareness to realise that it was also bad for her being in the Tower. Every day she was reminded of everything that had been lost and of how much she disliked the way the women claiming to be aes sedai in this time behaved.
Taija gave herself a shake, it wasn't the time for introspection. Rand was awake, but not very mobile yet, she had time to take the girls back, give Siuan an update and then be back in Falme before Rand could do much more than stare at the ceiling while that Min girl mooned over him. Had anyone given him the Talk? How did this kind of society even deal with that kind of thing? Hopefully they had contraception. Maybe Lan could? Or Aleksi?
After a number of goodbyes the girls were finally ready to leave and Taija spun a gateway to outside Tar Valon, inverted as ever. Traveling was one secret she was in no hurry to spread.
After she emerged she quickly disguised herself once more as the Lady Alfreda. Hopefully it was the last day she'd ever have to do that.
It took them a couple of hours on horses to reach the city's gates. There were more guardsmen than Taija remembered, but it was still a beautiful city. She was reminded of that riding through the streets while she briefed the girls.
"Look, we can't arrive together. It would be suspicious and I have my own business to attend to. I'll keep an eye on you up to the Tower grounds where you'll be safe, but I'm going to come in later."
They responded with nods and "yes Taija sedai."
"You also need to remember to be careful what you say. You'll probably be thought of as runaways, maybe punished, don't try to deny it until you speak to Siuan, the Amyrlin, she knows the truth, but it would be dangerous for you to say anything to anyone else. We can speak again later, before I leave. Now, off you go!"
Taija reined back her horse and watched them head off ahead of her towards the Tower. She'd follow at a suitable distance until they actually entered it, then spend an hour or two wandering around the city before she entered the Tower by a different gate.
Light! She hoped they didn't say anything stupid when they got there.
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After two hours spent riding around the city, torn between boredom and enjoyment of its beauty it was time for Taija to head to the Tower. Finding an alleyway without witnesses, she spun a gateway to the Amyrlin's bedchamber, only to see it fizzle in a flash of sparks. That was concerning. Had Siuan figured out how to ward against Traveling? Taija supposed it was possible, the trick wasn't that difficult if you knew how to Travel and understood wards. Still…
Given she couldn't travel, she had to get to the Tower the slow way. At the gate she was greeted by one of the guardsmen, Dennim she thought, "Lady Alfreda, you're well? I had feared…" He trailed off.
She gave him a confused look, "of course I'm well, but thank you for your concern."
There was clearly something odd going on and her absence had been noticed. Obviously there wasn't an order for her arrest or anything like that, but Taija drew a bit deeper on saidar nevertheless.
She rode on, there seemed to be more armed men around than before. Warders and Tower Guard both. The worry that had started to flutter in her stomach when her gateway failed was steadily growing.
At the stables Taija quickly arranged for her horse to be stabled and her bag to be delivered to her room before she continued on. There was nothing in the bag that she couldn't afford to lose if she needed to make a quick exit.
There were a couple of places where Taija would swear the walls had recently been repainted. People seemed to be moving around with their eyes down, more jerky and awkward than she remembered. Something was wrong.
She needed to get into the Tower-proper and find a way to contact Siuan as soon as possible. Or failing her perhaps Anaiya or Maighan. It might look less odd than demanding to speak to the Amyrlin.
Taija walked through the inner gate, trying to look relaxed, but practically vibrating with internal tension. Her eyes were roaming left and right scanning for any threat. Her plans to get in, get out and go back to Rand had been forgotten and the ecstasy of saidar flowed through her as she held it at her full capacity.
In the inner courtyard she came to a stop. It wasn't as busy as usual, but there were still people around. No one she immediately recognised though, she looked up along the buttressing above the Tower's main doors, towards the windows… Wait.
Taija's eyes flicked back to the main doors. That wasn't, that was…
Her mind ground to a stuttering halt as she processed what she was seeing. A head, coppery skin framed by dark hair, impaled on a spike over the doors. Eye staring sightlessly out of her ageless face. That couldn't be Leane. It couldn't be! But it was.
Taija's mind was whirling. What did this mean? Had the Black Ajah taken the Tower? Where was Siuan? She needed to leave, now. But she also needed to get the girls out. She'd just delivered them to the Tower. Straight from the abomination that was the Seanchan into the hands of the blacks. Run? Fight? Stealth? Was this her fault? If she'd been a bit more discrete would Leane still be alive?
Taija didn't know how long she stood there staring, torn by indecision, frozen by shock. She'd clashed with Siuan, but Leane was always the peacemaker…
The river of saidar hurtled through her, spikes of joyous pain stabbing at her, right at the limit of what she could hold even with an angreal.
Then she felt a gentle hand on her arm. Taija wrenched herself round, spinning inverted fire, earth and a touch of spirit. Just before she threw it she released the web feeling it fade away.
Bennae had a concerned smile on her face, "Alfreda darling, you're back. I'd worried about you, it is good to see you unharmed my dear."
"I i it's good to see you too Bennae," she managed to stammer.
Bennae glanced up at Leane's head and clucked her tongue, "yes, I can see why that would upset you my dear." Her smile faded, replaced with a sympathetic look. "A terrible business that, a horrible sight too, I cannot say I agree with that kind of display." She looked back to Taija, "you must be so discombobulated you poor thing, come along, let me get you some tea. Everything will feel better after a cup of hot tea."
Before Taija knew it she was being hustled into the Tower and up some stairs while Bennae fussed over her. She protested, she needed to get to the girls, "honestly Bennae, I'm fine, I was just surprised that's all."
"Nonsense young lady, sights like that will distress anybody. Now are you hurt? Did anything happen to you? You are looking a bit worn." Her hands patted all over Taija's arms ignoring her half-hearted efforts to try to fend them off.
In no time at all she was gently pushing Taija into her rooms. Taija realised she'd never seen them before, but her reception room was quite luxurious in a comfortable way. Of course the walls were covered in book shelves and she had a large, very untidy desk with more stacks of papers around it, but she also had thick, intricately decorated rugs warming the floor and some very comfortable looking armchairs.
Taija would have protested more, but she was still in shock and Bennae was surprisingly difficult to deny when she was in full on mothering mode. That was probably why she was so often assigned to teach novices.
Taija was quickly deposited in one of the armchairs, it really was very comfortable.
"So did you enjoy your trip out of the Tower my dear? It truly was fortuitous timing for you, avoiding all that unpleasant business." Taija saw the light of saidar spring up around Bennae as she heated a teapot with a simple flow of fire, bustling around at the back of the room. The vaguely positive noises she made in response seemed to be enough for Bennae to keep talking, "of course it's all safe again now and I have missed our little talks so I really am delighted that you're back again."
Taija needed to be taking action, not stopping for tea with Bennae, but she couldn't think of a polite or convincing excuse to extricate herself and it was nice seeing her again, even if she did occasionally seem to lapse into treating her like a surrogate granddaughter.
Eventually she finished whatever she was doing over there and came back with two steaming cups of tea. "Here you go my dear," she handed Taija one.
Taija sat there blowing on the hot drink. If she was honest with herself, she needed this. Essentially the only company she'd had for the last week was corpses, traumatised teenagers and Moiraine trying to trick her into Light knows what. She didn't have time for it, but when she had no choice…
Taija gave Bennae a tremulous smile and a genuine, "thank you," before taking a sip. It was as good as she'd hoped and she took another bigger one with a sigh.
Bennae paused with a kind smile, "so you got everything you wanted to out of your trip my dear?"
Taija nodded, "I suppose so, nothing ever goes perfectly, but I was able to meet the people I needed to and it may even do some good in the longer run."
"Well I am glad to hear that." She leant forward and smileed conspiratorially, "you'll be excited to hear that I have been speaking to one of my brown sisters and I have an absolutely fascinating new book on the great cities of the Age of Legends, I am very much looking forward to discussing it with you."
Her enthusiasm was infectious, but Taija had to let her friend down gently. "That will be lovely Bennae, but I'm sorry, I'm going to have to leave the Tower again shortly. I can't stay for long at all. You know with things how they are back home…" She trailed off.
Bennae nodded understandingly and patted her on the leg. "Yes, over in western Andor is it not?" Of course she already knew that. Then the dim light of saidar sprang up around her and she started to spin a web against eavesdropping.
Within a fraction of a second of seeing the light spring up around her Taija had opened herself to saidar, already spinning except... There was nothing. The light of saidar was still there, but it felt like water slipping through her fingers. In fact her fingers didn't really want to move either. She tried again, and again. Each time there was nothing, in fact even the light felt more distant, unlike the panic that was roaring up inside her.
She looked back at Bennae who suddenly looked much less absently mindedly motherly than normal. Taija had her full attention now and she could feel it. Bennae took a sip of her own tea.
"Honestly, what a pickle you've got yourself in Alfreda my dear." Despite the sharp focus in Bennae's eyes, her tone was still kind, gentle. "Or should I call you Taija?"
"H h how did you know?" Taija stammered, cursing internally.
"Hm," she gave a small self-satisfied nod. "I did not, until you just told me."
Well fuck. Taija tried to get up from her chair and failed. At the same time she felt the air harden around her. Fear spiked within her. Had she just delivered herself straight to the Black Ajah?
Bennae looked her up and down and hummed to herself, her tone musing, "is the tea working? Hmm yes, I do suspect we would both know if it was not. Now… if the tea is working than that must mean you can channel, yes?" She didn't wait for an answer, "so you must have some clever little way of hiding it. What would it be?"
Taija wasn't sure if she was toying with her or genuinely musing, but Bennae just smiled at her furious glare.
"Mmm yes, a way of hiding a weave, but just because I cannot see it does not mean it is not there..." Taija could barely see the light of saidar around Bennae anymore, let alone her flows, but she felt the cold shiver when her concealing webs were sliced and her appearance rippled.
Bennae's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline, "Oh… Oh my, you are a strong one. Such a lovely young lady too. I am glad for the tea my dear, otherwise I suspect I might be in a pickle of my own. Still, I might just… yes, I am going to add a shield on top, just because, well…" she trailed off as if she'd lost her train of thought.
Taija wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Normally she could shatter her shield with a fraction of her strength and now she was sat there trussed up like a bird for the roast while Bennae happily mused to herself about her predicament.
"Now Alfreda dear, or I suppose I should call you Taija now, I would love it if we could have a more honest talk, I really would be fascinated to know where you are really from."
Taija was having to suppress a full on panic. Maybe if she could keep her talking for long enough the tea would wear off before she handed her over to whoever she was working for. Elaida? The Black Ajah? The Forsaken? All she needed was long enough to channel again and she'd be safe. She could tear down the anti-Traveling wards in a couple of minutes. It would be very obvious, but there'd be nothing to stop her escaping then.
Taija took a breath, speaking slowly, trying not to slur through the heavy dullness of the tea, "the truth… Alright. I'm sorry I lied to you Bennae, but I'd been asked, no ordered, to keep it a secret. I'm from across the Aryth Ocean, I came here on behalf of the aes sedai there to…"
"Taija dear," her smile was as gentle as her tone, "the truth. Please."
"Fine." Taija grimaced. "The truth is that I've been working for the Amyrlin as a secret operative outside the bounds of the Tower. I've been hunting enemies of the Tower for her and…"
Bennae cut her off again. "That one is even less plausible than the last Taija dear, I do have plenty of time though, so if you would like to try again?"
Bennae already knew more than enough and seemed to be able to see straight through her. If she knew this much telling her the truth, might at least keep her talking, if she even belied it. "The truth is, I was born over 3,000 years ago in a city named Adanza..." Bennae just gave her an encouraging smile. "I grew up, lived, worked in what you people now call the Age of Legends. I saw the collapse. I fought in the War of Power and somehow I ended up here in what you call the Third Age." Taija looked defiantly at her.
Bennae cocked her head, "there that was not so hard, was it? And you are not a darkfriend?" She didn't wait for an answer, "no, of course you are not." A second later the light of saidar winked out from around her, the shield over Taija unraveled and she felt the bonds of air vanish.
Taija stared at her wide eyed, speechless as she prattled on.
"I am ever so glad we could clear that up. In fact I am very excited, you had so many absolutely fascinating nuggets of knowledge even when you were pretending to be Alfreda, I have so many questions." She seemed to shiver with excitement.
"W w what!?" Taija finally managed to get the words out. "You drug me, shield me and then just let me go? Just like that? Why?!" She struggled to keep her voice under control.
Bennae looked confused by her question, "oh well it is quite simple. Because I like you my dear, but you really cannot lie for toffee. Now I hope you can forgive me for this little adventure," she gestured vaguely around the room, "I just had to be sure and now, well, if you should choose to take offence I am not sure there is much I could do about it once the tea wears off."
Taija was torn between collapsing into hysterical laughter and crying relief. If she wasn't so completely thrown she might be furious, as it was she found herself being swept along by Bennae, "no no… I understand the why. It's just… you're just… you're a very good liar Bennae."
She didn't really mean it as a compliment, but Bennae had the temerity to look a bit pleased with herself. "Taija dear, you are an absolute treasure, but it is a good thing you were an aes sedai in the Age of legends because you would have been eaten alive as one in this Age. You were an aes sedai weren't you?" She frowns, "oh dear, I suppose I should really be calling you Taija sedai."
Taija scowled. "Well not many of today's 'aes sedai' would have qualified in my time." She folded her arms across herself petulantly. "I wouldn't have voted for you to get the title if I was on the panel back then."
Bennae just looked at her and then laughed, "of course you would have dear, like I said, you can't lie for treacle."
Taija wanted to be offended, but Bennae's smugness was just too funny, or maybe it was just stress, either way she found herself breaking into uncontrollable giggles. "Just Taija is absolutely fine for you…"
The two of them talked a bit longer, Taija's anger forgotten, but she had too much that she needed to do.
"I'm sorry Bennae, I really was telling the truth when I said I couldn't stay. I had a message I needed to give to the Amyrlin. Well… to Siuan Sanche anyway…"
"Ah. Yes, like I said you really are in a pickle. I noticed the girls had returned, they will be seeing the Amyrlin now. No doubt to be heavily punished for running away. I assume you had something to do with that too?"
Taija shrugged, "well I brought them back. They were taken by the Black Ajah, tortured."
"Oh, my goodness. how unpleasant. I take it you dealt with them?"
"I don't think any of those individuals will be troubling anyone again." Bennae smiled at that.
"Well that is a delight to hear," Bennae stood, brushing her dress down. "Now, what about you? The old Amyrlin is gone, I don't know where."
"She's not dead? She survived?"
"Oh no. I think it would take more than a coup to kill Siuan Sanche. They do not tell the likes of me what happened, but she has gone somewhere, Elaida declared her a traitor and a darkfriend. Foolishness if you ask me, all foolishness."
Taija gave her a sideways look, "you do realise that if Elaida isn't a darkfriend herself, she's almost certainly the puppet of them. Why are you still in the Tower?"
"Well that is simple, someone has to keep an eye on the novices do they not? Anyway I am much too old to go running around outside the Tower now. I prefer to leave adventures for the young."
Taija shook her head, "I can see there's no point trying to persuade you."
She smiled sweetly, "indeed my dear. Anyway it will take a few hours for the tea to wear off. Perhaps we could have a bit more of a chat before you have to rush off? I take it you will be taking the girls with you?" Taija tried not to react, "yes of course you will. Well it is probably for the best I do not think they would enjoy their time back in the Tower. A big adventure is good for a young woman and you will look after them will you not?"
Taija nodded, somewhat lost for words.
"Oh good. Now, while I have you here…" Bennae got up and ambled over to her bookshelves. "Mmm yes, here." She pulled a large book bound in green leather out. "I have been trying to decipher this work for a long time, it is a play you see, but in the Old Tongue and the language used is terribly obscure. Now that you can stop doing such a bad job of pretending not to speak it…"
She pulled her chair beside Taija's and opened the book to a particular page, "now this passage here talks about a celebrity taking images of themselves at the beach to improve their follower count. I must confess I am stumped by what it is describing."
Resigned to her fate, Taija skimmed the passage.
"Maja poses at the beach at sunset, her boyfriend taking photographs.
Maja: Don't stop, I need to make sure I've got every angle.
Joon: But Maja, can't we just enjoy the beach, you're already a successful influencer.
Maja: My followers need…"
Taija stopped reading it with a look of disgust. For all the things to have survived… "Actually Bennae I recognise this."
She perked up, "oh really? How fascinating!"
Taija wasn't sure sure whether it waws funny or tragic, "yes it was a play about… I suppose about young people not taking society and their duty to it seriously enough. I actually saw it performed with Te… I saw it performed and it was utterly terrible. Badly written, trite and just boring."
That only seemed to make Bennae more interested, "really? Well, you must tell me more, what is a celebrity?"
Taija sighed and tried to think about how she'd explain social media and influencers to someone like Bennae.
She must have spent a few hours talking with Bennae. It was wonderful being able to be open with her, but like so many of the conversations between the two of them, it was a delightfully frustrating experience. Bennae seemed to revel in gently teasing her without ever making her feel bad. It was deeply refreshing and it was with more than a little regret that Taija found herself able to touch the Power again and say she had to be leaving.
Sadness briefly washed across Bennae's normally cheerful face too, "yes I know dear. You've got things to be doing and so have I. I expect the girls will be in the kitchens scrubbing pots already. They will probably be publicly birched tomorrow, so I suppose you had better go and get them."
Taija reapplied her webs of illusion and got up from your chair at the same as Bennae did. She paused and then impulsively gave her a tight hug. Bennae gently rubbed her back, "life can be difficult for all of us my dear, but you are a talented woman. Things will get better, you will find happiness again. You must come and visit me, but for now shoo, off you go!" She gently hustled Taija out of her room.
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Taija's spirit felt a little lighter as she walked away from Bennae's rooms. Who would have thought that she'd come out of being drugged and caught out by someone feeling better about the world than she had for quite a while?
Clearly her time at the Tower was over for now, and good riddance to that, but before she left she needed to collect the girls. Whether Elaida herself was Black Ajah or not, the Tower was certainly heavily under their influence.
Taija turned towards the kitchens. If they were being punished she couldn't just ask for them, she'd need a good excuse. That should be simple enough.
As she got close to the kitchens a quick look around told her she was alone and her appearance rippled into that of a woman she'd known and vaguely disliked before the War, tall and haughty, with the red dress and shawl of an aes sedai.
Putting on her most irritated look she picked out Laras, the Mistress of the Kitchens, and strode over to her, deftly avoiding scullions and labouring novices. On seeing Taija and the look on her face she dropped into a low curtsy. "Can I help you aes sedai?"
"Yes, the Amyrlin requires that the three runaways be taken to the Mistress of Novices, summon them at once." She gestured at the busy room.
A scowl crossed Laras' face at her preemptory tone, "I had understood that they were to spend the next two hours here." She added a belated, "aes sedai," when Taija scowled.
"It is not for me and certainly not for you to question the Amyrlin, unless you wish to explain the delay to her yourself?"
"No, no of course not aes sedai." She was not a submissive woman, Taija suspected that if she were actually one of the Tower's aes sedai she might have just caused herself problems. As it was, she got what she wanted. Soon the three girls were hauled up in front of her, looking both filthy and thoroughly miserable. Channeling her best 'modern' aes sedai Taija looked them over and sniffed, "come."
Without another word she turned to leave, not bothering to check they were following, kitchen staff jumping out of her way.
As soon as she was out of sight of the kitchen Taija turned down a less busy corridor and channeled, forming a gateway back to Falme. With a fizz it failed to form. Shit. The whole Tower? If Siuan was gone… One of the Forsaken?
She turned to the confused, increasingly worried looking girls.
"Right girls, it's me. We're leaving, right now. You're my servants, don't speak to anyone unless you're spoken to." She spoke quickly.
"Taija sedai? Elaida is…" Egwene gasped and then clamped her mouth shut at a stern look from Taija and nodded. Taija spun inverted flows of saidar around them and all three rippled, their faces altering and dresses changing into plain brown servants' wool. A quick knot in the webs and then she also hid their ability to channel.
"Whatever you do, let me do the talking and don't embrace the source." Again they nodded hurriedly. "Good, let's go, right now."
Taija turned on her heel and channeled again, her face and outfit rippling into what she hoped was a dark skinned, wealthy merchant's look. Then she headed for the Tower gates. The girls trailing behind her, eyes downcast. Taija wished she had something for them to carry, but it would have to do.
As it was, no one challenged her leaving the Tower. She'd have to leave the horses and her pack behind, but the risk of collecting them was too great. If Bennae was suspicious of the Lady Alfreda then no doubt other people were too.
Taija was soon striding through the streets of Tar Valon, safely out from whatever anti-Traveling wards there were in the Tower and looking for a suitable alley to duck into. There!
A few more steps and the four of them were back in Falme.
As she headed back to the palace that had been occupied by Rand and the rest after the Seanchan departed Taija saw Moiraine and a familiar face coming down the street. Because of course Siuan Sanche would have made her way there.
Chapter XIV - Back to the Tower
Taija returned to true consciousness a couple of days after the Battle of Falme, feeling like death warmed up. Tentatively reaching for the comfort of saidar produced an agonising spike of pain in her head and she quickly withdrew.
It didn't matter, that pain told her what was important - she hadn't burnt herself out. Thinking back to that last desperate fight, spinning balefire at figures fighting in the air, Taija winced. Madness, especially at the end, she was very lucky she hadn't killed herself. Although she couldn't help but wonder whether that would have been the worst outcome.
At some point Taija was moved to her own room as Falme's civic buildings were taken over and over the next few days she slowly recovered. Moiraine seemed to have popped up just late enough to be completely useless. Perhaps that was unfair, she did heal her, but Taija couldn't help thinking about how a woman of her strength with her angreal would have been more than useful. Maybe enough that she could have intervened in Rand's fight before he so stupidly let Ishamael stab him. Then again, given the performance of these modern aes sedai, she might just have gotten herself and Taija killed.
Moiraine seemed determined to take advantage of Taija's bedridden condition, visiting her regularly. Every time she did it was exhausting. The woman's words had so many layers of meaning behind them, her cool composure irritated Taija and the probing questions combined with what seemed to be veiled commands exhausted her.
Every time she saw Moiraine's serene, aloof face it reminded Taija of everything that was wrong with the aes sedai. The ruins of the greatest organisation of her time, being squatted in by half-trained children with a superiority complex.
Her feelings weren't helped by the vulnerability that she was very conscious of while she was unable to channel. What if Moiraine knew how to use compulsion…?
Verin also visited a couple of time, absent minded as she was. One time she had the girls in tow and told Taija they were planning to leave for the Tower. Ridiculous. Taija told her not to worry, she'd get the three of them back safely as soon as she could channel again. No point in spending a month trudging around on horse back.
Thankfully Verin seemed to forget Taija existed after that. Elayne told her she'd apparently developed an interest in Falme's architecture, sending her warder off to do sketches.
Aleksi was a mercy. He spent hours sitting in Taija's room, talking with her about what both of them had been doing and updating her on what was happening with the rest of the group. Taija had to give him the edited version, with a promise that she'd tell him everything once she could ward the room, but it was enough. He was non-judgmental and kind and she was ashamed that she'd ever considered leaving him behind in her earlier days in this time.
Aleksi's biggest worry seemed to be Taija herself. He certainly had no fear of aes sedai when he told her that she was pushing herself too hard and was going to end up killing herself. It had been a while since someone in their early twenties had called her an idiot, but her account of the end of the Battle of Falme probably did deserve that.
He also seemed to have no fear of aes sedai when he shooed Moiraine out of Taija's room. In fact she was fairly sure he'd started guarding her door at night. He really was taking too much influence from the Shienarans.
Taija's other pleasure was visits from the girls. Mainly Elayne and Egwene, but occasionally Nynaeve too. She could see the signs of deep trauma, hovering below the surface in Egwene and Nynaeve, but she never knew what to say. So she just tried to talk to them. Really they needed proper counseling, therapy… but Taija strongly suspected that was something that no longer existed and she had no idea how to start with it herself.
Ironically, while she'd been worrying about the girls, it seemed like they were worrying about her. She didn't know how it happened, but at one point Egwene and Elayne just moved into her bedroom, insisting they were going to protect her until she was better. It was ridiculous. Heart-warming, but ridiculous. All her protests were ignored though, so eventually Taija had no choice but to give in and accept them fussing over her.
======
It took a week before Taija was properly out of bed and able to safely embrace saidar again. She still felt like a woman of 700 rather than a not even middle aged 180, or was it 181 now? Perhaps it was 3181, the oldest person alive. Other than the Forsaken she supposed. 10th oldest perhaps? She tried to remember whether any of them were younger than she was…
Taija had already decided during her time in bed that she was going to help Rand rather than stay in the White Tower. Siuan clearly had matters in hand and she was largely useless anyway. In her heart she had the self-awareness to realise that it was also bad for her being in the Tower. Every day she was reminded of everything that had been lost and of how much she disliked the way the women claiming to be aes sedai in this time behaved.
Taija gave herself a shake, it wasn't the time for introspection. Rand was awake, but not very mobile yet, she had time to take the girls back, give Siuan an update and then be back in Falme before Rand could do much more than stare at the ceiling while that Min girl mooned over him. Had anyone given him the Talk? How did this kind of society even deal with that kind of thing? Hopefully they had contraception. Maybe Lan could? Or Aleksi?
After a number of goodbyes the girls were finally ready to leave and Taija spun a gateway to outside Tar Valon, inverted as ever. Traveling was one secret she was in no hurry to spread.
After she emerged she quickly disguised herself once more as the Lady Alfreda. Hopefully it was the last day she'd ever have to do that.
It took them a couple of hours on horses to reach the city's gates. There were more guardsmen than Taija remembered, but it was still a beautiful city. She was reminded of that riding through the streets while she briefed the girls.
"Look, we can't arrive together. It would be suspicious and I have my own business to attend to. I'll keep an eye on you up to the Tower grounds where you'll be safe, but I'm going to come in later."
They responded with nods and "yes Taija sedai."
"You also need to remember to be careful what you say. You'll probably be thought of as runaways, maybe punished, don't try to deny it until you speak to Siuan, the Amyrlin, she knows the truth, but it would be dangerous for you to say anything to anyone else. We can speak again later, before I leave. Now, off you go!"
Taija reined back her horse and watched them head off ahead of her towards the Tower. She'd follow at a suitable distance until they actually entered it, then spend an hour or two wandering around the city before she entered the Tower by a different gate.
Light! She hoped they didn't say anything stupid when they got there.
======
After two hours spent riding around the city, torn between boredom and enjoyment of its beauty it was time for Taija to head to the Tower. Finding an alleyway without witnesses, she spun a gateway to the Amyrlin's bedchamber, only to see it fizzle in a flash of sparks. That was concerning. Had Siuan figured out how to ward against Traveling? Taija supposed it was possible, the trick wasn't that difficult if you knew how to Travel and understood wards. Still…
Given she couldn't travel, she had to get to the Tower the slow way. At the gate she was greeted by one of the guardsmen, Dennim she thought, "Lady Alfreda, you're well? I had feared…" He trailed off.
She gave him a confused look, "of course I'm well, but thank you for your concern."
There was clearly something odd going on and her absence had been noticed. Obviously there wasn't an order for her arrest or anything like that, but Taija drew a bit deeper on saidar nevertheless.
She rode on, there seemed to be more armed men around than before. Warders and Tower Guard both. The worry that had started to flutter in her stomach when her gateway failed was steadily growing.
At the stables Taija quickly arranged for her horse to be stabled and her bag to be delivered to her room before she continued on. There was nothing in the bag that she couldn't afford to lose if she needed to make a quick exit.
There were a couple of places where Taija would swear the walls had recently been repainted. People seemed to be moving around with their eyes down, more jerky and awkward than she remembered. Something was wrong.
She needed to get into the Tower-proper and find a way to contact Siuan as soon as possible. Or failing her perhaps Anaiya or Maighan. It might look less odd than demanding to speak to the Amyrlin.
Taija walked through the inner gate, trying to look relaxed, but practically vibrating with internal tension. Her eyes were roaming left and right scanning for any threat. Her plans to get in, get out and go back to Rand had been forgotten and the ecstasy of saidar flowed through her as she held it at her full capacity.
In the inner courtyard she came to a stop. It wasn't as busy as usual, but there were still people around. No one she immediately recognised though, she looked up along the buttressing above the Tower's main doors, towards the windows… Wait.
Taija's eyes flicked back to the main doors. That wasn't, that was…
Her mind ground to a stuttering halt as she processed what she was seeing. A head, coppery skin framed by dark hair, impaled on a spike over the doors. Eye staring sightlessly out of her ageless face. That couldn't be Leane. It couldn't be! But it was.
Taija's mind was whirling. What did this mean? Had the Black Ajah taken the Tower? Where was Siuan? She needed to leave, now. But she also needed to get the girls out. She'd just delivered them to the Tower. Straight from the abomination that was the Seanchan into the hands of the blacks. Run? Fight? Stealth? Was this her fault? If she'd been a bit more discrete would Leane still be alive?
Taija didn't know how long she stood there staring, torn by indecision, frozen by shock. She'd clashed with Siuan, but Leane was always the peacemaker…
The river of saidar hurtled through her, spikes of joyous pain stabbing at her, right at the limit of what she could hold even with an angreal.
Then she felt a gentle hand on her arm. Taija wrenched herself round, spinning inverted fire, earth and a touch of spirit. Just before she threw it she released the web feeling it fade away.
Bennae had a concerned smile on her face, "Alfreda darling, you're back. I'd worried about you, it is good to see you unharmed my dear."
"I i it's good to see you too Bennae," she managed to stammer.
Bennae glanced up at Leane's head and clucked her tongue, "yes, I can see why that would upset you my dear." Her smile faded, replaced with a sympathetic look. "A terrible business that, a horrible sight too, I cannot say I agree with that kind of display." She looked back to Taija, "you must be so discombobulated you poor thing, come along, let me get you some tea. Everything will feel better after a cup of hot tea."
Before Taija knew it she was being hustled into the Tower and up some stairs while Bennae fussed over her. She protested, she needed to get to the girls, "honestly Bennae, I'm fine, I was just surprised that's all."
"Nonsense young lady, sights like that will distress anybody. Now are you hurt? Did anything happen to you? You are looking a bit worn." Her hands patted all over Taija's arms ignoring her half-hearted efforts to try to fend them off.
In no time at all she was gently pushing Taija into her rooms. Taija realised she'd never seen them before, but her reception room was quite luxurious in a comfortable way. Of course the walls were covered in book shelves and she had a large, very untidy desk with more stacks of papers around it, but she also had thick, intricately decorated rugs warming the floor and some very comfortable looking armchairs.
Taija would have protested more, but she was still in shock and Bennae was surprisingly difficult to deny when she was in full on mothering mode. That was probably why she was so often assigned to teach novices.
Taija was quickly deposited in one of the armchairs, it really was very comfortable.
"So did you enjoy your trip out of the Tower my dear? It truly was fortuitous timing for you, avoiding all that unpleasant business." Taija saw the light of saidar spring up around Bennae as she heated a teapot with a simple flow of fire, bustling around at the back of the room. The vaguely positive noises she made in response seemed to be enough for Bennae to keep talking, "of course it's all safe again now and I have missed our little talks so I really am delighted that you're back again."
Taija needed to be taking action, not stopping for tea with Bennae, but she couldn't think of a polite or convincing excuse to extricate herself and it was nice seeing her again, even if she did occasionally seem to lapse into treating her like a surrogate granddaughter.
Eventually she finished whatever she was doing over there and came back with two steaming cups of tea. "Here you go my dear," she handed Taija one.
Taija sat there blowing on the hot drink. If she was honest with herself, she needed this. Essentially the only company she'd had for the last week was corpses, traumatised teenagers and Moiraine trying to trick her into Light knows what. She didn't have time for it, but when she had no choice…
Taija gave Bennae a tremulous smile and a genuine, "thank you," before taking a sip. It was as good as she'd hoped and she took another bigger one with a sigh.
Bennae paused with a kind smile, "so you got everything you wanted to out of your trip my dear?"
Taija nodded, "I suppose so, nothing ever goes perfectly, but I was able to meet the people I needed to and it may even do some good in the longer run."
"Well I am glad to hear that." She leant forward and smileed conspiratorially, "you'll be excited to hear that I have been speaking to one of my brown sisters and I have an absolutely fascinating new book on the great cities of the Age of Legends, I am very much looking forward to discussing it with you."
Her enthusiasm was infectious, but Taija had to let her friend down gently. "That will be lovely Bennae, but I'm sorry, I'm going to have to leave the Tower again shortly. I can't stay for long at all. You know with things how they are back home…" She trailed off.
Bennae nodded understandingly and patted her on the leg. "Yes, over in western Andor is it not?" Of course she already knew that. Then the dim light of saidar sprang up around her and she started to spin a web against eavesdropping.
Within a fraction of a second of seeing the light spring up around her Taija had opened herself to saidar, already spinning except... There was nothing. The light of saidar was still there, but it felt like water slipping through her fingers. In fact her fingers didn't really want to move either. She tried again, and again. Each time there was nothing, in fact even the light felt more distant, unlike the panic that was roaring up inside her.
She looked back at Bennae who suddenly looked much less absently mindedly motherly than normal. Taija had her full attention now and she could feel it. Bennae took a sip of her own tea.
"Honestly, what a pickle you've got yourself in Alfreda my dear." Despite the sharp focus in Bennae's eyes, her tone was still kind, gentle. "Or should I call you Taija?"
"H h how did you know?" Taija stammered, cursing internally.
"Hm," she gave a small self-satisfied nod. "I did not, until you just told me."
Well fuck. Taija tried to get up from her chair and failed. At the same time she felt the air harden around her. Fear spiked within her. Had she just delivered herself straight to the Black Ajah?
Bennae looked her up and down and hummed to herself, her tone musing, "is the tea working? Hmm yes, I do suspect we would both know if it was not. Now… if the tea is working than that must mean you can channel, yes?" She didn't wait for an answer, "so you must have some clever little way of hiding it. What would it be?"
Taija wasn't sure if she was toying with her or genuinely musing, but Bennae just smiled at her furious glare.
"Mmm yes, a way of hiding a weave, but just because I cannot see it does not mean it is not there..." Taija could barely see the light of saidar around Bennae anymore, let alone her flows, but she felt the cold shiver when her concealing webs were sliced and her appearance rippled.
Bennae's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline, "Oh… Oh my, you are a strong one. Such a lovely young lady too. I am glad for the tea my dear, otherwise I suspect I might be in a pickle of my own. Still, I might just… yes, I am going to add a shield on top, just because, well…" she trailed off as if she'd lost her train of thought.
Taija wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Normally she could shatter her shield with a fraction of her strength and now she was sat there trussed up like a bird for the roast while Bennae happily mused to herself about her predicament.
"Now Alfreda dear, or I suppose I should call you Taija now, I would love it if we could have a more honest talk, I really would be fascinated to know where you are really from."
Taija was having to suppress a full on panic. Maybe if she could keep her talking for long enough the tea would wear off before she handed her over to whoever she was working for. Elaida? The Black Ajah? The Forsaken? All she needed was long enough to channel again and she'd be safe. She could tear down the anti-Traveling wards in a couple of minutes. It would be very obvious, but there'd be nothing to stop her escaping then.
Taija took a breath, speaking slowly, trying not to slur through the heavy dullness of the tea, "the truth… Alright. I'm sorry I lied to you Bennae, but I'd been asked, no ordered, to keep it a secret. I'm from across the Aryth Ocean, I came here on behalf of the aes sedai there to…"
"Taija dear," her smile was as gentle as her tone, "the truth. Please."
"Fine." Taija grimaced. "The truth is that I've been working for the Amyrlin as a secret operative outside the bounds of the Tower. I've been hunting enemies of the Tower for her and…"
Bennae cut her off again. "That one is even less plausible than the last Taija dear, I do have plenty of time though, so if you would like to try again?"
Bennae already knew more than enough and seemed to be able to see straight through her. If she knew this much telling her the truth, might at least keep her talking, if she even belied it. "The truth is, I was born over 3,000 years ago in a city named Adanza..." Bennae just gave her an encouraging smile. "I grew up, lived, worked in what you people now call the Age of Legends. I saw the collapse. I fought in the War of Power and somehow I ended up here in what you call the Third Age." Taija looked defiantly at her.
Bennae cocked her head, "there that was not so hard, was it? And you are not a darkfriend?" She didn't wait for an answer, "no, of course you are not." A second later the light of saidar winked out from around her, the shield over Taija unraveled and she felt the bonds of air vanish.
Taija stared at her wide eyed, speechless as she prattled on.
"I am ever so glad we could clear that up. In fact I am very excited, you had so many absolutely fascinating nuggets of knowledge even when you were pretending to be Alfreda, I have so many questions." She seemed to shiver with excitement.
"W w what!?" Taija finally managed to get the words out. "You drug me, shield me and then just let me go? Just like that? Why?!" She struggled to keep her voice under control.
Bennae looked confused by her question, "oh well it is quite simple. Because I like you my dear, but you really cannot lie for toffee. Now I hope you can forgive me for this little adventure," she gestured vaguely around the room, "I just had to be sure and now, well, if you should choose to take offence I am not sure there is much I could do about it once the tea wears off."
Taija was torn between collapsing into hysterical laughter and crying relief. If she wasn't so completely thrown she might be furious, as it was she found herself being swept along by Bennae, "no no… I understand the why. It's just… you're just… you're a very good liar Bennae."
She didn't really mean it as a compliment, but Bennae had the temerity to look a bit pleased with herself. "Taija dear, you are an absolute treasure, but it is a good thing you were an aes sedai in the Age of legends because you would have been eaten alive as one in this Age. You were an aes sedai weren't you?" She frowns, "oh dear, I suppose I should really be calling you Taija sedai."
Taija scowled. "Well not many of today's 'aes sedai' would have qualified in my time." She folded her arms across herself petulantly. "I wouldn't have voted for you to get the title if I was on the panel back then."
Bennae just looked at her and then laughed, "of course you would have dear, like I said, you can't lie for treacle."
Taija wanted to be offended, but Bennae's smugness was just too funny, or maybe it was just stress, either way she found herself breaking into uncontrollable giggles. "Just Taija is absolutely fine for you…"
The two of them talked a bit longer, Taija's anger forgotten, but she had too much that she needed to do.
"I'm sorry Bennae, I really was telling the truth when I said I couldn't stay. I had a message I needed to give to the Amyrlin. Well… to Siuan Sanche anyway…"
"Ah. Yes, like I said you really are in a pickle. I noticed the girls had returned, they will be seeing the Amyrlin now. No doubt to be heavily punished for running away. I assume you had something to do with that too?"
Taija shrugged, "well I brought them back. They were taken by the Black Ajah, tortured."
"Oh, my goodness. how unpleasant. I take it you dealt with them?"
"I don't think any of those individuals will be troubling anyone again." Bennae smiled at that.
"Well that is a delight to hear," Bennae stood, brushing her dress down. "Now, what about you? The old Amyrlin is gone, I don't know where."
"She's not dead? She survived?"
"Oh no. I think it would take more than a coup to kill Siuan Sanche. They do not tell the likes of me what happened, but she has gone somewhere, Elaida declared her a traitor and a darkfriend. Foolishness if you ask me, all foolishness."
Taija gave her a sideways look, "you do realise that if Elaida isn't a darkfriend herself, she's almost certainly the puppet of them. Why are you still in the Tower?"
"Well that is simple, someone has to keep an eye on the novices do they not? Anyway I am much too old to go running around outside the Tower now. I prefer to leave adventures for the young."
Taija shook her head, "I can see there's no point trying to persuade you."
She smiled sweetly, "indeed my dear. Anyway it will take a few hours for the tea to wear off. Perhaps we could have a bit more of a chat before you have to rush off? I take it you will be taking the girls with you?" Taija tried not to react, "yes of course you will. Well it is probably for the best I do not think they would enjoy their time back in the Tower. A big adventure is good for a young woman and you will look after them will you not?"
Taija nodded, somewhat lost for words.
"Oh good. Now, while I have you here…" Bennae got up and ambled over to her bookshelves. "Mmm yes, here." She pulled a large book bound in green leather out. "I have been trying to decipher this work for a long time, it is a play you see, but in the Old Tongue and the language used is terribly obscure. Now that you can stop doing such a bad job of pretending not to speak it…"
She pulled her chair beside Taija's and opened the book to a particular page, "now this passage here talks about a celebrity taking images of themselves at the beach to improve their follower count. I must confess I am stumped by what it is describing."
Resigned to her fate, Taija skimmed the passage.
"Maja poses at the beach at sunset, her boyfriend taking photographs.
Maja: Don't stop, I need to make sure I've got every angle.
Joon: But Maja, can't we just enjoy the beach, you're already a successful influencer.
Maja: My followers need…"
Taija stopped reading it with a look of disgust. For all the things to have survived… "Actually Bennae I recognise this."
She perked up, "oh really? How fascinating!"
Taija wasn't sure sure whether it waws funny or tragic, "yes it was a play about… I suppose about young people not taking society and their duty to it seriously enough. I actually saw it performed with Te… I saw it performed and it was utterly terrible. Badly written, trite and just boring."
That only seemed to make Bennae more interested, "really? Well, you must tell me more, what is a celebrity?"
Taija sighed and tried to think about how she'd explain social media and influencers to someone like Bennae.
She must have spent a few hours talking with Bennae. It was wonderful being able to be open with her, but like so many of the conversations between the two of them, it was a delightfully frustrating experience. Bennae seemed to revel in gently teasing her without ever making her feel bad. It was deeply refreshing and it was with more than a little regret that Taija found herself able to touch the Power again and say she had to be leaving.
Sadness briefly washed across Bennae's normally cheerful face too, "yes I know dear. You've got things to be doing and so have I. I expect the girls will be in the kitchens scrubbing pots already. They will probably be publicly birched tomorrow, so I suppose you had better go and get them."
Taija reapplied her webs of illusion and got up from your chair at the same as Bennae did. She paused and then impulsively gave her a tight hug. Bennae gently rubbed her back, "life can be difficult for all of us my dear, but you are a talented woman. Things will get better, you will find happiness again. You must come and visit me, but for now shoo, off you go!" She gently hustled Taija out of her room.
=====
Taija's spirit felt a little lighter as she walked away from Bennae's rooms. Who would have thought that she'd come out of being drugged and caught out by someone feeling better about the world than she had for quite a while?
Clearly her time at the Tower was over for now, and good riddance to that, but before she left she needed to collect the girls. Whether Elaida herself was Black Ajah or not, the Tower was certainly heavily under their influence.
Taija turned towards the kitchens. If they were being punished she couldn't just ask for them, she'd need a good excuse. That should be simple enough.
As she got close to the kitchens a quick look around told her she was alone and her appearance rippled into that of a woman she'd known and vaguely disliked before the War, tall and haughty, with the red dress and shawl of an aes sedai.
Putting on her most irritated look she picked out Laras, the Mistress of the Kitchens, and strode over to her, deftly avoiding scullions and labouring novices. On seeing Taija and the look on her face she dropped into a low curtsy. "Can I help you aes sedai?"
"Yes, the Amyrlin requires that the three runaways be taken to the Mistress of Novices, summon them at once." She gestured at the busy room.
A scowl crossed Laras' face at her preemptory tone, "I had understood that they were to spend the next two hours here." She added a belated, "aes sedai," when Taija scowled.
"It is not for me and certainly not for you to question the Amyrlin, unless you wish to explain the delay to her yourself?"
"No, no of course not aes sedai." She was not a submissive woman, Taija suspected that if she were actually one of the Tower's aes sedai she might have just caused herself problems. As it was, she got what she wanted. Soon the three girls were hauled up in front of her, looking both filthy and thoroughly miserable. Channeling her best 'modern' aes sedai Taija looked them over and sniffed, "come."
Without another word she turned to leave, not bothering to check they were following, kitchen staff jumping out of her way.
As soon as she was out of sight of the kitchen Taija turned down a less busy corridor and channeled, forming a gateway back to Falme. With a fizz it failed to form. Shit. The whole Tower? If Siuan was gone… One of the Forsaken?
She turned to the confused, increasingly worried looking girls.
"Right girls, it's me. We're leaving, right now. You're my servants, don't speak to anyone unless you're spoken to." She spoke quickly.
"Taija sedai? Elaida is…" Egwene gasped and then clamped her mouth shut at a stern look from Taija and nodded. Taija spun inverted flows of saidar around them and all three rippled, their faces altering and dresses changing into plain brown servants' wool. A quick knot in the webs and then she also hid their ability to channel.
"Whatever you do, let me do the talking and don't embrace the source." Again they nodded hurriedly. "Good, let's go, right now."
Taija turned on her heel and channeled again, her face and outfit rippling into what she hoped was a dark skinned, wealthy merchant's look. Then she headed for the Tower gates. The girls trailing behind her, eyes downcast. Taija wished she had something for them to carry, but it would have to do.
As it was, no one challenged her leaving the Tower. She'd have to leave the horses and her pack behind, but the risk of collecting them was too great. If Bennae was suspicious of the Lady Alfreda then no doubt other people were too.
Taija was soon striding through the streets of Tar Valon, safely out from whatever anti-Traveling wards there were in the Tower and looking for a suitable alley to duck into. There!
A few more steps and the four of them were back in Falme.
As she headed back to the palace that had been occupied by Rand and the rest after the Seanchan departed Taija saw Moiraine and a familiar face coming down the street. Because of course Siuan Sanche would have made her way there.
" on repeat, he can also start saying "Tel, her beloved 
