Voldemort, the Joker and Zod were sitting around a table drinking when Palpatine brings over a menu. Voldemort took it and read it.
"Food?" Voldemort was deeply confused. "Barkeep, why are you suddenly serving food? I thought you declared that pubs were for alcohol, and alcohol only."
"Yes, however I found someone who is properly dedicated to producing the most evil of food, so I want to give him a test run. He is so evil that he doesn't even have a personality, which means that he won't corrupt the dishes with his own personal preferences." Palpatine smiled. "Yes, Angra Mainyu truly is the most Evil Chef."
As Palpatine walks away, the pub door opens, letting a small, albino girl in.
"I think you've gone to the wrong building, young lady." Voldemort says. "This is-"
"Silence." The girl cuts him off. "I am Illyasviel Von Einzbern, and this is the Villain Pub."
"Hey Illya!" Zod smiles and waves, before going back to drink.
The Joker looks towards Illya, then towards Zod. "You know her?"
"What? Of course I know Illya! Her Servant and I brawl every Friday night, it's great!"
"The question, then, is what she has done that qualifies her as evil." Palpatine says with a sneer.
"I mean, we can start with the fact that she's a Magi, and they're pretty much universally evil?" (Voldemort: "Right." Joker: "Yeah." Palpatine: "That's fair.") "Plus, y'know, the big thing she wants to do is basically murder her brother because she thinks their dad abandoned her, plus she has a rage-monster called Berserker that she has kill people she doesn't like. She's
totally evil."
"Alright, but I don't intend on serving you alcohol!" Palpatine states, before using the force to bring up a glass of sparkling apple juice.
Illya frowns. "First off, why do you have sparkling apple juice? Second off, why won't you serve me alcohol? If it makes you feel better, I'm technically 18 years old."
"Do you know how much trouble it took for me to get a license to sell alcohol? Anything related to the supernatural is sent to one agency, which meant I needed to deal with
Waller." Various sounds of appreciation come from around the table. "Yes,
there is a truly evil woman."
"And the sparkling apple juice?" Illya asked with a bored look on her face.
"Oh, some of my patrons don't like alcohol. Like Magneto. Or them drinking would be a bad idea, like when Scarlet Witch is a villain: A drunk Scarlet Witch is not fun for anybody."
"I dunno." The Joker interrupts. "I kind of like drunk Scarlet Witch!"
"You would." Voldemort mutters.
Illya takes a sip of her juice. "Anyway, Shirou asked me to stop by and warn you people that Gilgamesh plans on coming over, so I would suggest behaving if you want to keep an intact pub. Or not: I enjoy when Gilgamesh is upset. With that done, I bid you people a good day and I will see you, Zod, on Friday."
"See you, Illya!" Zod responds as Illya walks out.
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"I like this new cook!" Superman says.
"Yeah," Batman responds, "but isn't it kind of weird for a place to sell stuff like sushi and shawarma and breakfast?"
"Ehh, I like the variety! Waitress?" A purple haired waitress comes over. "Can I get a refill of coffee? Also, I'd like another order of what I just got: It's really good!"
The waitress smiled. "I'll tell Sempai that you said so! He is always happy when someone says they like his food." She refills his coffee and walks to the back.
Superman smiles. "Nice kid."
