Torgamous
Aspiring Gynoid
- Pronouns
- She/Her
It does deserve this.
🦋 Team Butterfly Forever 🦋
- Thread starter open_sketch
- Start date
- Original Mature Novel
Amazing. Every single word you said was wrong.
- Location
- Soviet Canuckistan
This story has been great so far, and the depth of your research add to the texture and depth of the world itself. It's awesome to see and I hope your RPG session goes smoothly
1: Not pathetic.
2: Little details that intrude really sells the ADD experience.
3: You're sounding pretty down on yourself. Have you fed/watered/exercised/rested/socialized/medicated yourself enough lately? I'd rather wait, than have you suffer.
Emote Control
Plenty of genius, not enough sense.
I proposed something similar to this in another thread years ago,
forums.sufficientvelocity.com
Edit: Just to be clear this is not an accusation of plagiarism in any form. I just had the idea independently, and never did anything with it.
Spreading Love and Justice at Sufficient Velocity (Magical Girl ideas and discussion)
This one just came to me today, it's been less than a month since the last post so I don't think this counts as necro. Suppose you have a team of magical girls, living double lives. In one life, they are normal high school students. In the other life, they are heroes defending the world, and...
forums.sufficientvelocity.com
Edit: Just to be clear this is not an accusation of plagiarism in any form. I just had the idea independently, and never did anything with it.
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Details are appreciated. This is a 'very well-made cake' situation where we're all happy to find a really nice cake someone left for everyone to enjoy, don't rush it.
The Froggy Ninja
The Blade Will Never Die
As a chronic world builder (and even more chronic blocked writer) myself, you have both my condolences and my deepest respect. Go off Queen.no update today, i'm heading off to play An RPGs, but i want to show off something that's pretty silly and should show you how disproportionately seriously i'm taking this extremely stupid thing
see this?
that's not the wordcount of Team Butterfly Forever's draft
that's the wordcount of the synopsis and character profile document. which isn't my research file *or* the file where i figured out a timeline of their old adventures *or* my random notes file. in it is not just a complete plot breakdown scene by scene, but complete character profiles for every named character that will appear, including education, everywhere they've lived, work history, family histories that are usually several generations deep, and fashion notes.
to be clear; this isn't me bragging. it's me apologizing for how long the updates take. i know its a frivolous, stupid, and shallow story that doesn't deserve this, but i don't normally write things set in the modern day with stuff i can be outright wrong about, so i basically have to stop and do research every other sentence. i know its activtely making the work worse because i keep having these pathetic little details intrude when the narrative should be more focused, but i'm doing my best. hopefully once i get the first draft in front of a proper editor it can be made more readable.
if you can tolerate this bullshit, update tomorrow or monday. my apologies for how short they are; if i don't post what i have when i have it, i'll stop writing.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
First of all, that's super impressive. I very much appreciate the dedication you're taking, even if it might be a little over the top.
Second of all, which is the hugs reaction? 💙💙💙
The story is great and worth waiting however much it takes 💙💙💙
p.s. I would love to read those documents
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chickenbouillon
Purveyor of the Eldritch
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Don't put yourself down like that. This is incredibly impressive and quite inspiring actually.
IllegibleScream
Actually a goat.
- Location
- A petting zoo
You've got Terminal Art Brain I'm afraid. Only solution is to cultivate a really weird online fandom and wear a silly hat in all public appearances.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
To chime in with my own two cents (while that's still a currency worth fucking anything) first to address the thing that's dear to me: details aren't intrusive -- they're immersive. For instance, seeing data usage (and extortionate charges) rack up doesn't distract me, it puts me right in there with Eve, anxiety percolating. And more than that, the details help with the second thing: this isn't frivolous, shallow, silly or stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'd tune in with a bowl of popcorn in my lap for anything that was frivolous or stupid so long as it had your name on it, but this ain't it, chief. If this is something that makes you want to write, that gives you some forward momentum during what is turning out to be a spectacularly shitty time, then it's important.no update today, i'm heading off to play An RPGs, but i want to show off something that's pretty silly and should show you how disproportionately seriously i'm taking this extremely stupid thing
see this?
that's not the wordcount of Team Butterfly Forever's draft
that's the wordcount of the synopsis and character profile document. which isn't my research file *or* the file where i figured out a timeline of their old adventures *or* my random notes file. in it is not just a complete plot breakdown scene by scene, but complete character profiles for every named character that will appear, including education, everywhere they've lived, work history, family histories that are usually several generations deep, and fashion notes.
to be clear; this isn't me bragging. it's me apologizing for how long the updates take. i know its a frivolous, stupid, and shallow story that doesn't deserve this, but i don't normally write things set in the modern day with stuff i can be outright wrong about, so i basically have to stop and do research every other sentence. i know its activtely making the work worse because i keep having these pathetic little details intrude when the narrative should be more focused, but i'm doing my best.
And speaking as somebody who grew up with Valve? I learned a long time ago that update schedules are bullshit. You'll get it out when you're good to. And unlike Valve, I don't doubt it'll be worth the wait.
- Location
- Ottawa
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Whatever
thanks everyone. i'm sorry about that; i've been going back and forth hard between being proud of this and embarassed and i've been having a rough week. Well, uh, we all are, but... yeah.
I'm working on inserting a new flashback between chapter 1 and chapter 2, as i've finished the outline entirely and chapter-flashback-chapter is the fixed format now. after that i'm going to get chapter 3 part 2 done, which will likely take us to the end of the chapter outright.
I'm working on inserting a new flashback between chapter 1 and chapter 2, as i've finished the outline entirely and chapter-flashback-chapter is the fixed format now. after that i'm going to get chapter 3 part 2 done, which will likely take us to the end of the chapter outright.
Flashback - September 10th, 2004
New
- Location
- Ottawa
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Whatever
Heads up: This part has been edited into the story at the beginning of Chapter 2, so the second threadmark, as I've solidified onto a chapter/flashback/chapter pattern for the book. If you've already read it in your first read through, nothing about it is different here.
Also, content warning for implied threat of sexual assault.
Also, content warning for implied threat of sexual assault.
September 10th, 2004
Butterfly Ward stepped gingerly across her suburban street, shadows dancing against the pavement as the night insects scattered away from her approach. She wasn't supposed to be out this late, and it wasn't just demons she was scared of.She knew she wasn't alone; the cat was watching her, somewhere, blending into the background. He'd volunteered to stick close to her side, but she'd asked if he could defend himself any better than a normal cat could, and as he couldn't, she insisted he hang back.
It was difficult not to be self-conscious in the outfit. She looked ridiculous, she knew it, the exact middle ground between cartoon princess and fantasy knight, but the part that was worse was the part where she resented her own resentment. The dress was cute as hell! The glasses made her look smart and stylish, the amber gems complemented its dark blue and white elegantly, yet it felt and looked strangely practical.
The armour plates were polished like a mirror; if she held up her gauntleted hand to the light, she could just see herself reflected on the cuff, around the gem. The cat had said that the costume didn't have a mask because it didn't need one; the magic would disguise her so thoroughly her own mother wouldn't recognize her. She didn't expect that same magic to also work on her. The girl in the reflection was not Eve. She shared every single feature, expression, and habit, and yet they were completely different. Butterfly Ward saw Butterfly Ward in the reflection; Eve barely crossed her mind.
A car rolled passed, slowly, and somebody yelled something from the window; the words were indistinct but the cruelty behind them was not. She made an angry gesture with her gauntleted fist back.
She wasn't out to fight a particular evil today; she was starting small. Walk around the block, Butterfly Ward, grow comfortable with your new form, look for what might be wrong. Practice seeing what was out of place. Unfortunately the evil in question was going to be some kind of horrid demons, not just jerks in crappy cars.
She reached Wawona Street, cutting down the street and staring at the strange, gated building recessed among the trees there. It certainly looked spooky; its positioning down the hill managed to make it look like it was lurking, all dark grey wood and boarded-up windows, the flat roof covered in leaves and detritus from the surrounding trees just visible through the lights opposite.
But… it was just some kind of city utility building or something. It had been here forever, certainly since before her family moved here. She forced herself to move on, crossing 19th Avenue into the grove and onward down the unlit path.
The dark didn't look as dark to her as it should; the shadows softer, painted in blues and purples instead of unforgiving black. She hadn't really noticed it on the road, it only really occurred to her as she trod along the path toward the small playground inside. There were people there, a trio of boys, and she recognized one of them even in the dark and from such a distance; he was an older student, she'd caught glimpses of him once or twice in the halls of Lowell over the last two weeks. The other two she didn't; maybe she hadn't seen them, or maybe they went to ALHS instead.
They were drinking.
She paused, considering what to do. Perhaps it would be best to duck off the path or turn around, it's what she'd have done if she'd been stupid enough to come out here in any other circumstance… but she wasn't Eve, scared and fragile and human. She was Butterfly Ward, she was a knight, a superhero. How could she save the world if her night patrol got stopped by some seventeen year old boys?
Squaring her shoulders, she walked on down the path, doing her best to ignore them. She just had to walk on past them, just to the trees on the other side of the park, and she'd turn back out onto the road and nearly be there. She just had to ignore them whispering, them laughing.
"Halloweens not for a month, retard!" one of the boys called.
"Shut up, Jake, Jesus," another retorted. "You'll scare her off."
"Hey, come hang out! We got beer!" another called. What would a superhero do in this situation? Say something like, not now citizen, the city of San Francisco needs me!, right?
She couldn't quite manage that, so she sped up a bit instead, power-walking down the path. She had a mission, that was fine. She was ignoring distractions.
She wasn't looking, but she could hear one of them moving toward her. Hear the sound of his sneakers flicking through the dry grass, his breathing, the fabric of his clothes with each motion.
"Hey, come on. I don't think I've seen you around, you go to ALH?" he said. In her peripheral vision, she saw him reach out toward her wrist.
She snapped her hand away faster and more forcefully than she had intended, and the boy stumbled off balance, cutting in front of her. He was tall, much taller, feathered dirty blond hair, in a bright red Blink-182 t-shirt and torn jeans. He stumbled up in front of her and smiled, trying to play off his near-faceplant and look cool. It was the one from her school.
"You're a freshman, right? At Lowell?" he asked; there wasn't malice in his eyes, but there also wasn't any understanding of how vulnerable Butterfly Ward was feeling, why he might be coming off as intimidating. His friends were moving and something in her brain was screaming that they were coming to cut off her escape. "What is that, some kinda movie thing? Is that real metal?"
She took a step back and raised her arm defensively, and the small disc on her forearm twisted and unfolded into a shimmering, interlocking brass shield, shaped like a pair of butterfly wings. The boy's shocked face was still visible through a round loophole at the top, but it was strange. Blurry.
She was crying.
"Leave me alone!" she yelled, backing away. Backing into another one, recoiling, stuck in the middle as the voices got closer and the world seemed to collapse in on itself. They should have backed away, or stopped, or anything other than laugh and get closer.
"What the hell are you doing out here?"
"Come on, sit, calm down. Jesus."
"Guys, we're freaking her out."
"Shut up, dude, stop being a fag."
"She's crying though-"
"Jesus Christ, Eric, get her a fucking drink."
"Why are you crying? We're just-"
There was a rustle of fabric, a gust of wind, and the sound of metal whistled through the air. Butterfly Ward lowered her shield to see the boy closest with wide eyes, trembling, with a gleaming line of silver metal at his throat.
"Back away. All of you," the newcomer said. His voice was clear and level, deep and resonant, and it belonged to a man that had appeared among the three in an eyeblink. Illuminated only by the sodium light of the park building, Ward could still make out the long white cloak, the trim lavender coat and white sash, the white masquerade mask in stark contrast to the dark skin underneath and the curls of long, dark hair spilling over the side. His white-gloved hand held an ornate sabre, its layered basket hilt the shape of rose petals, perfectly steady, its razor's edge an inch from skin. "Now."
Two of them rushed to comply, one of them tripping over his feet and falling off the path into the dry, dusty grass, the can in his pocket rupturing and hissing from the fall. The one in the red shirt, the one from her school, though, filled with the idiot bravado of youth and alcohol, laughed, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a slim cell phone.
"Fuck off, dude, who the hell do-"
There was a whistle and a flash. The top half of the boy's phone clattered to the dirt, and the front of his tight-fitting t-shirt parted like paper torn on a perforated line, exposing a window of pale, intact skin under it.
"Now," the newcomer repeated, and the boy fled. The newcomer waited until they were out of sight, eyes scanning the park, and only when they were gone did he reach down a hand to Butterfly Ward. "My apologies, miss."
"... n-not at all. Who are you?" Butterfly Ward asked, blinking away tears as her eyes flicking to the hilt of the sword. The man's face twitched, just a moment, and then he released her hand and stepped well back, hands raised in front of him and well away from his sword.
"Just a stranger," he said. "I'll stay away, but you should know; you don't have to be scared of guys like that. You're stronger than that."
"I didn't want to hurt them either," she stammered, looking down to dust herself off. "I'm Butterfly Ward, who-"
She looked up, and he was gone. There was nothing but the wind, distant footsteps, and a single white rose pedal fluttering to the dirt.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
You hit a midway between Alan Moore sexual violence and Steven King casual psychopathy that feels far more real and, thus, MUCH MORE UPSETTING. (Complimentary!)
- Location
- Ottawa
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Whatever
this is her very first outing after running away from the demon in the opening text; she doesn't know what her powers are yet
it says a lot how fast this changes that the next flashback happens just 18 days later, and she's crushing demons with her shield.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Well, yeah, she gets XP per session, 18 days can be like, six, seven sessions of play at the table, she levels up fast
- Location
- Soviet Canuckistan
Yeah, imparted skills and magic only help so much, the person using them needs to figure out how they work and then get comfortable with them. Good on her for learning quick, and great to see one of her future girlfriends was on the lookout to help from the start.
- Location
- Ottawa
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Whatever
"Okay so, I just read the rules for 'Aura', I can apply my Bright aspect keyword to it?"
"Yes, and any of the supporting keywords you've picked up along the way."
"Like Star... what does touch damage mean?"
"It means, well, that's the damage it does when your spell is in contact with something."
"... how often?"
"Every turn, i think?"
"... And you said I could hold a grapple for how many turns? :3"
DracoDracul
Transbian Communist
- Location
- Austin
- Pronouns
- She/They
This continues to be one of my favorite ongoing web novels. Have you considered posting it other places?
- Location
- Ottawa
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Whatever
just wait until the next chapter, when i substantially reduce the number of places i would be able to post it
seriously though, SV is my online home and i'll keep my stuff here. i want people who enjoy my shit to come join a forum; maybe i can save some people from social media
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DracoDracul
Transbian Communist
- Location
- Austin
- Pronouns
- She/They
I completely respect that. Well than I'll just have to risk my IRL friends finding out what I mean when I say I'm pretty left wing.just wait until the next chapter, when i substantially reduce the number of places i would be able to post it
seriously though, SV is my online home and i'll keep my stuff here. i want people who enjoy my shit to come join a forum; maybe i can save some people from social media