Let me play among the stars (Neon Genesis Evangelion).

What? No comments? I guess that means this is either really good or really bad. Considering there's a "like," I'll go with "really good." Since Irma is bearing down on where I live, and I could lose power, I'm going to post the next two chapters now. One post per chapter. Enjoy!!
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Chapter 2

Back in Gendo's office, Misato hasn't calmed down in the slightest from her foyer into what would later become Rei's and I's quarters.

Misato: "Commander. Care to explain how our 'competent' Section Two officers can let The First Child live in these conditions? I can understand them not being able to go into her apartment, which is substandard on the best of days, why aside from the kitchen, the poor girl clearly can't care for herself in the slightest, but the outside? The neighborhood is run-down, with many buildings scheduled for demolition, including possibly the one she lives in, the outer door was not only missing its overhead light, and the doorbell doesn't work, but would not lock at all, until I took matters into my own hands and made the repairs myself. Furthermore, she has a witch's brew of medicines on the refrigerator near to her bed, many of which I can't even begin to identify, and of those I can, some are dangerous prescription-only drugs with a slew of rather nasty side-effects, including addiction, in the case of the Oxycontin. How can a child on that many drugs be expected to pilot an Eva competently?"

Misato hands over copies of her photographic evidence to Fuyutsuki who then hands it to Gendo.

Gendo opens his desk and pulls out several binders filled with documents and photographic evidence of his own.

Gendo: "Captain Katsuragi. I share many of your concerns. In fact, I have been fighting to improve The First Child's condition for some time. As you'll note in these work orders, I have been attempting to get the safety and security of that apartment addressed for months. You've been in military service during the Second Impact wars. I'm sure you're aware that petty bureaucrats love to justify spending money on big, expensive projects by neglecting the small, mundane minutia of day-to-day life, even if that ultimately puts the big, expensive project in jeopardy. Which reminds me, the receipts you've given me for the repairs will be reimbursed to you, plus labor. As to the interior apartment's condition?"

Gendo has Fuyutsuki hand over to Misato pictures of her own apartment, and her rage meter not only pegs at maximum, but breaks from the strain.

Misato: "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS!? Who went into my room uninvited and took these?!"

Gendo: "As it is within your authority to photographically document the living conditions of your subordinates, Captain, it is within my authority to photographically document yours, as you are my subordinate. Frankly, I'm surprised some kind of feral animal hasn't jumped out and bit you yet. The sheer quantity of discarded alcoholic beverage containers is the most disturbing part. How you manage to function on a day-to-day basis boggles the mind, and unlike Rei, who has a deep underlying condition for which we can only treat the symptoms, with the drugs you've mentioned, among other top-secret treatments I am not currently at liberty to divulge, I fail to see how trying to embalm yourself alive is in any way conducive to your health, let alone your competence as the top soldier in NERV."

Misato:"... That still doesn't explain how you expected The Third and First Children, who I must remind you are teens of opposite genders, to live in the same one bedroom efficiency, with only one bed and clearly no room for another. Heck, there's not even enough room for Shinji to unpack his clothes without displacing Rei's!"

Gendo points to the floor diagrams he's prepared of available units. They're either identical to Rei's, or have a big, red X marked through them.

Gendo: "The ones with an X are units that were damaged by Angel attack to the point that they're uninhabitable, or simply destroyed. As you can see, our options are very limited, and before you suggest The Third moves in with me, aside from his wishes on the matter, I'll have you know that my superiors are already accusing me of nepotism simply because he's Eva-01's pilot, as chosen by the Marduk Institute. His living with me is simply not an option."

Misato having no further logical means to rebuff him begins to fume in impotent rage.

Gendo: "As this is all deeply upsetting you, Captain, I'm giving you one last chance. If you really want to be their personal caretaker, you have to prove some minimal basic competence. As such, you have until Rei comes out of the hospital to clean up your apartment, if not your act. A full inspection will be conducted by an impartial third party, if you fail this inspection, you will drop the matter entirely and that will be final. If you pass, on the other hand... we'll discuss our options further. You are dismissed, Captain."

Misato: "Yes, sir. Understood, sir!"

Misato salutes and then storms out of the office in completely unbridled fury.

Fuyutsuki:"Is it really wise and necessary to alienate her like this? Especially over so trivial a matter?""

Gendo: "She knows what I'm saying is right, even if she's too temperamental and immature to admit it. Besides, her abject hatred of the Angels and overwhelming desire to see them annihilated vastly outweighs whatever perceived slight she might have against me, and she will not jeopardize the chance for her revenge carelessly."

….

Finding myself having to share Rei's quarters, which has only one bed, and getting punched in the face upon transferring to the local high school, which after many years of "therapy" I've finally come to acknowledge was in no way my fault, was going to be the least of the shocking developments that day.

Following the fight with the Second Angel, as the fight ended, Kensuke, being the military otaku, pointed out that I would have been unable to retreat as ordered, and my snap decision to take the opening Sachiel offered and go for its core was the tactically right decision. When Misato started to yell at me for disobeying her order to retreat, I said so.

Misato: "Wait, you followed the advice of a civilian to ignore my order to retreat when said civilian was in the entry-plug with you?!"

Shinji: "Well, there is the fact that the Angel was chasing me, and I was running out of power. If I had retreated, the Angel would have still been coming after us, and I would have been out of power, helpless, with two civilians on board."

Misato: "Well, as angry as I am that you disobeyed my direct order, endangering the civilians with you in the process, I'm glad that you thought it through, and found a more viable, and less risky, path to victory than mine."

Misato then lovingly smacks her fist on the top of my hard-hat. "Good work, soldier. Keep it up. Soldiers are supposed to follow orders, but not blindly."

I was later informed that Ayanami was moved from the hospital we both were in after I woke up from the battle with the first Angel. Her "advanced" treatments were being performed at NERV headquarters, so I had to have Misato ferry me there, but not before she shanghaied me into cleaning up her place, as punishment for my earlier "insubordination"... and boy was THAT a mess. The "reward" for that was Misato's "home cooking." The less said about that, the better. Allowing me to clean-up in Misato's shower afterward, and there's my infamous encounter with Misato's pet genetically engineered penguin, Pen2 or Pen-Pen wherein I ran out of the shower screaming, and naked as the day I was born with Misato completely unfazed, drinking her Yabisu, and the camera's perspective really insulting my nether regions for good measure. She still shares the photos at the slightest excuse where a box of toothpicks is more than enough to be a scenery censor.

It is in that mindset where I am escorted to Rei's "treatment chamber" and invited in, to find her inside a giant glass chamber full of LCL completely naked. She doesn't react to the fact that she's naked in front of a boy, who is a complete stranger, in the slightest, except to acknowledge that I'm in the room.

Rei: "Hello, Ikari-kun. I am informed that we'll be living together from now on, once my treatment is complete."

Shinji: "N-n-nice to meet you."

Her response to seeing me stutter and turn away embarrassed is highly unusual, to say the least.

Rei: "Is there something unpleasant about my body? Is it that my injuries upset you?"

Shinji: "Th-that-that's not it! Why...why are you completely defenseless in front of a complete stranger?"

Rei: "Ikari-kun. You are not a stranger. I have read your dossier. Pilot Ikari, male, black hair, blue eyes, mother Yui Ikari, father Gendo Ikari, raised in..." and she goes on to list fact and detail down to the tiniest minutia, including my blood type.

Shinji: "That's not what I mean! What do you know about my personality, my likes and dislikes,.. how I'm going to react to seeing a very attractive girl nude in front of me?!"

Rei: "I'm … attractive?" She begins to show just the slightest trace of a blush, though it's hard to tell with the color of the LCL she's marinading in.

Shinji: "Well, yeah... What the hell could that dead-beat dad be thinking to make me share a room with a girl who is not only defenseless, but someone I know absolutely nothing about, at all!"

Rei: "Pilot Ikari! You will not speak ill of the Commander, especially in my presence. If I wasn't in this healing tank, I would slap you."

Shinki: "Sorry! What sort of relationship do you have with the Commander?"

Rei: "As long as you understand. He is my savior, I owe my very life to him. I will obey any order he gives me, even if that means ordering me to die. I have to assume there is some much larger goal and objective, and he has no other viable option."

Shinji: "Why? Why does he abandon me and then take you in? It makes no sense."

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi: "Perhaps this will help."

The very attractive, but clearly bleached-blonde scientist hands me Rei's dossier and my jaw hits the floor.

Shinji: "Wait. She's not only been in NERV since age four, but the LCL treatments are the only thing keeping her alive? And all those medications in her apartment only stave off the symptoms?"

Dr. Akagi: "When she says Gendo is her life, she's not kidding. If the Marduk Institute didn't decide to make her The First Child, her fate would have been a horrific death. As to why she's so 'defenseless,' she's had to grow up being in that tank for extended periods of time, with technicians of both genders and all orientations working to keep her alive and well. So she doesn't grasp the concept of 'modesty.' We at NERV figure it's best if you are exposed to this information early, in a controlled environment, than being ambushed by it when you two find yourselves together."

Shinji: "But why would the Commander choose me, a teenage, presumably heterosexual, boy to be her 'roommate?' as opposed to a medical professional, presumably of the same gender? And not a lesbian? Especially with more than just one bed for sleeping arrangements?"

Dr. Akagi: "We've been trying. Nobody qualified has come forward to help. Either the demands were unreasonable, they had prior commitments, or there was something in their profile that made them... undesirable. You're the first candidate we've had that is both willing and able to watch over her. Further, our options on living space are quite limited. A one bedroom efficiency is all that's available."

Shinji: "I-I see. Well, Ayanami, I'll be in your care."

Rei: "Please take good care of me."

(Asuka's notes in the margin. This is apparently common among the Japanese, not to mention other Asian cultures when they either start dating, or find themselves being room-mates with those of opposite genders. Makes no sense to me, but whatever.)

The days passed quickly, visiting Rei daily in her tank slowly but surely got less and less disturbing with time, although the fact that other people see her au naturale like this, regardless of their orientation, and she doesn't have an issue with it really grates me for some reason.

She's amazingly smart, and her poor school grades are purely a result of habitual excused absence, due to her unusual and rather long list of illnesses. When someone brings her the class notes, something that hasn't happened prior, she's amazingly quick on picking up subject matter, which also helped my grades, as having a study partner is not something I've had much experience with either.

Having gotten her permission to do laundry on her clothing, including the intimate items, while she's in treatment, so she'll have something clean to home to, I discovered that all she owns are a sensible black school-swimsuit, a track and field suit, and several "sailor fuku" school outfits.

It shouldn't take a genius to understand why this is unacceptable, now that we're going to be living together and being forced to share a bed.

Of course, a tactless comment from one of the school teachers, within earshot of the student body, immediately caused a furor, and I was hammered insistently by just about everyone on what Rei and my relationship is, as well as intimate details from Rei, like is her blue hair "natural." The worst, of course, are Toji and Kensuke who being healthy heterosexual teen males, are very, very curious about the opposite sex.

Despite my repeated protests that we're being forced to live together, and that there's no "intimate" relationship, the gossip just doesn't stop. All of this together gives me the resolve, that come hell or high-water, I'm taking Rei on a clothes-shopping date the moment she sets foot out of the hospital.

While Rei doesn't object, she completely fails to comprehend the reason for the endeavor.

Rei: "I fail to see the purpose of this excursion and expenditure, Ikari-kun."

Shinji: "Ayanami-san, since we're going to be living together from now on, and we don't have separate rooms, we need some kind of barrier, even if it's only symbolic, to prevent unfortunate misunderstandings."

Rei: "I still do not understand."

Shinji: "Well, it might be fun to see you trying out new outfits."

Rei: "Getting dressed is fun?!"

Shinji: "It can be, yes."

Rei: "I... see. I must trust in your judgment."

Of course, the shopping trip is hardly the quiet affair I had hoped. We run into Toji, who is shopping for his hospital bound sister, and Kensuke who goes wherever Toji goes, and they can't keep their mouths shut, so the whole class descends on the clothes store where we're shopping, making Rei very uncomfortable, until Hikari steps in and uses her authority as class-rep to make them behave.

Hikari: "What the hell is going on here?!"

Rei: "I fail to find this amusing, Pilot Ikari."

Hikari: "Shinji-san?!"

Shinji: (Sigh) "Since she spends so much time in the hospital, she lacks 'casual' clothes, including pajamas, at least in good shape, and so I brought her here to get her some, I certainly did not intend to make this a circus."

Hikari: "Rei-san, is this true?"

Rei: "I fail to comprehend the need, but Ikari-kun is telling the truth."

Hikari: "Ok, so who did start all this?! Suzuhara-san?!"

Toji: "What? Why are you accusing me?"

Hikari: "Because trouble follows you around like a stray kitten, that's why."

The rest of the class sells him out almost immediately.

Hikari: "I figured as much. Rei-san, I'll help you pick out some things that are comfortable, and look good, but don't give people the wrong idea."

Rei: "I thank you, Hikari-san."

Blue and white turn out to be Rei's colors, and she turns out to be stunning in a simple conservative night-gown and blue flannel pajamas, made of wool and cotton respectively. She also gets some rather sensible shorts/skits and shirts combos that make her look nice without being too titillating, which gets my heart racing.

Hikari: "I'm not going to press on your relationship, but be sure to lay down boundaries, and make sure Shinji doesn't step over them, okay, Rei-san?"

Rei: "Your advice is welcome, Hikari-san, and I now see what Ikari-kun meant. Clothes-shopping can be fun, with the right partner."

Hikari: "Good. Now get home, we still have school tomorrow, be sure to get plenty of rest, and for the rest of you, scram! SHOW'S OVER!"

Everyone: "Aww!"

Hikari: "I mean it! GO HOME!"

Hikari glares at me right in the eyes, "I better not hear any complaints from Rei regarding the way you treat her in her home, got it?!"

Shinji: "Yes, MA'AM!"

Hikari: "Good. Now get some rest, okay?"

Of course we head home, and once we're past the threshold with the door shut, Rei starts undressing, right in front of me.

Shinji: "Ayanami-san! What are you doing?"

Rei: "This is my home, I am preparing for bed."

Shinji:"But, but, but..."

Rei: "Not this again. Look. I intend to bathe, and I expect you to be joining me."

Shinji: "WHAT!?"

Rei: "I still fail to comprehend your trepidation. Do you require assistance removing your clothing?"

Shinji: "I... I still have to cook our Bento for tomorrow!"

Rei: "Really? Pilot Ikari, that can wait. Now either undress yourself or I will undress you, and I must warn you that I've never undressed a boy before."

Shinji: "Are you serious?"

Rei pins me to the wall. "Do you understand now?"

Needless to say I complied, as she's surprisingly strong, after which Rei examined me very carefully.

Rei: "Hmm, no obvious signs of disease or obesity, muscle mass is slightly below the norm but well within acceptable parameters, bone density looks sound, good heart rhythm.."

Shinji: "Um, Ayanami-san, what are you doing?"

Rei: "I must make a baseline health assessment before we start living together and this is the way I was taught."

Shinji: "Couldn't you have told me that beforehand?"

Rei: "That's odd. Don't all people normally do this?"

Shinji: "Ayanami-san, only doctors and researchers do that, and then only to patients or test subjects. People don't normally do this to one another."

Rei: "Oh. I apologize, Ikari-kun. Now, let's take a bath, then we need to work on dinner and those bentos."

(Asuka writes in the margins again. "What... what the fuck?! Did it really happen like that?! I've heard mixed-bathing and bath dates are a thing in Japan, but that's over the top even there.)

(Rei writhes in the margins..."And your point is? Really, I completely fail to see what the problem is, we were just bathing together.")

Aside from being a bit weird, I found bathing with Rei to be quite pleasant. As long as the issue of Commander Ikari didn't come up, she's very pleasant to talk with. She's the first person to accept me, as I am, without making any demands or simply ignoring me outright when I didn't fit their internal expectations. I'm quite certain this is what made me fall for her, hard.

Even after what we went through to get her some practical night-wear, she simply outright refuses to wear it, while sleeping, though she does happily wear it while we're eating, cooking, or doing other stuff around the house, and stripped herself nude before climbing into bed. By this point, I stopped objecting to Rei making herself naked around me. I figured I should just be flattered that she trusts me that much, even if it does make me quite uncomfortable, which even to the present, after learning the meaning of modesty, she still doesn't understand. Especially when she curled herself around me like I was a body pillow, and although she found the experience quite pleasant, for me, it took quite a bit of getting used to.

Our peaceful life wasn't going to last, and I knew it, because less than a week after we started living together, along comes the flying rhombus later known as the Angel Ramiel.

When I come back from the initial sortie against Ramiel, where Eva-01 got blasted in the chest by a high-energy beam, Rei is the first one by my side, with Misato a close second.

Rei :"Shinji! I was so worried! I.. I thought I was going to lose you! You're the first to ever accept me! Me! 'The girl with a bad personality' that everyone else shuns! If I die, I can be replaced, but not you. You..."

Shinji: (Cough) "Ow! That's my line. You're the first to accept me, without making weird demands, or outright ignoring me when I don't live up to your own internal expectations. I don't care what others told you, you are irreplaceable. Don't ever talk about yourself like that again, please?"

Rei begins crying, showing more emotion than I've ever seen her show, nodding fervently. "Yes, Shinji-kun, if you say so!"

Shinji: "Thank you."

After the joint operation where I used the massive Positron Rifle to shoot down Ramiel while Rei shielded me with a rocket re-entry shield was re-purposed into an Eva-sized tower shield to block Ramiel's energy beam, and I ripped her out of a half-molten entry-plug, I decided right then and there that I would profess my feelings for her, regardless if she may not reciprocate, because considering how our fight with the Angels is a life or death struggle where we could die at any moment, I'd rather die without regretting never having said it.

Shinji: "Ayanami! I.. I love you. I want to become one with you. Will you please marry me?"

Although it felt like hours waiting for her response, my plug-suit's internal clock only noted a few seconds of total silence before she made that genuine little smile that I love so much and said "yes." The rescue teams found us in each others arms, crying and laughing.

After Baran3's input, I was inspired to write this to explain why Rei was so quick to jump into a marriage with Shinji. I hope it serves to bring the enjoyment I intended with Chapter 2.

Bonus Chapter: Rei's Diary. Entry 1....

This is Rei Ayanami. I have been instructed by my primary caretaker, Ritsuko Akagi, to maintain a diary to help fill in any memory gaps should my body die and my consciousness be transferred to another vessel. I have been doing this since I "awakened" 10 years ago, introduced to the world as "the child of a family friend" by Gendo to NERV staff.

(Skipping 10 years worth of backstory, we come to the most recent entries.)

Day 1: Today, I have met the Third Child, Shinji Ikari, the Commander's son, on the cusp of an Angel attack. I am unable to greet him properly due to being bandaged and bloody due to the after-math from a failed Eva-00 activation test. He seems kind of cowardly, letting me, refusing to fight despite knowing that we're all doomed. It is only when he's told that I will take his place that he decides to pilot. I resent that.

Day 2: I see Pilot Ikari in the hospital corridor,.as I am being wheeled away on a stretcher for treatment. I am still a bit put-off by his earlier cowardice, he just looks at me in confusion and a bit of fear.

Day 3: I learn that the Third Child's hesitation resulted not from cowardice, but from having absolutely no previous pilot training before being ordered into Eva-01, as he volunteered to fight another Angel, and directly rescued two civilians caught in the crossfire in the process, one of whom assaulted him just moments before. My assessment of him improves greatly.

Between treatments, I am treated to a Star-Trek marathon. I must admit a certain enjoyment of the series, especially for the character, Spock, as he reminds me of .. me.

Day 4: Commander Ikari visits me, personally, in the hospital before I am to be transferred to NERV to finish my recuperation in the LCL tank.

Commander Gendo Ikari: "Hello, Rei. How are you holding up?"

Rei Ayanami: "I am alive, sir. My injuries still have me bedridden and I can not move much without risking opening them again. Ritsuko Akagi tells me a few days in the LCL tank should correct this."

Gendo: "Good. I am here to inform you that due to constraints in available living space, you are to be sharing your quarters with The Third Child once your treatments are complete."

Rei: "I understand."

Gendo: "Good. While you are recuperating in the LCL, he will be visiting you on a daily basis. I will be checking up on you to make sure you do your best to give him a favorable impression. Do you understand?"

Rei: "Yes."

Gendo: "Good. Rest now, and get well, this is all far from over. Remember, Humanity has no time left, and we have little margin for error."

Rei: "I understand."

For the rest of the day I am treated to the movie "The Lord of the Rings." It is a highly entertaining and enjoyable experience.

Day 5: Shinji Ikari meets me at Ritusko's lab for the first time. He looks confused, anxious, and highly uncomfortable. This is the first time I have ever seen such a reaction to my presence. Is it a result of my injuries? Is it guilt over his initial hesitation? I do not understand his reaction. I find it annoying. Him speaking ill of the Commander doesn't help. I would have slapped him had I not been in the tank, and I don't hesitate to tell him this.

Day 6: Gendo and Ritsuko both inform me that Shinji's reaction was expected, as he was not raised by NERV, he has no way of knowing how things work here, and had no way to know how to react to my... unique circumstances. I am ordered to be patient and give him time to adjust.

Gendo: "Otherwise, what is your impression of The Third Child?"

Rei: "He is... frail He seems unreliable, timid, easily spooked and uncertain of himself."

Gendo: "As expected. I must reiterate that it will be your job to correct this. Build up his confidence, by any means necessary."

Rei: "I.. do not understand. What do you wish me to do?"

Gendo: "I want you to get him to like you, to find you sexually attractive. In short, I want you to marry him, after you've entrapped him."

Rei: "I... am not confident I can comply with that order, Commander."

Gendo: "That's why I'm having the two of you live together in a one-bedroom apartment. Give it time. As long as you're not so pushy that you scare him away, he will eventually give in to his teen urges."

Rei: "I fail to understand, but I will obey."

Gendo: "Good. Just in case, you are not to reveal these orders to the Third Child. He will react... poorly, and it will have the opposite effect."

Rei: "I understand."

Gendo: (smiling) "Okay then. Let's get something to eat."

Rei: "Yes."

I sense Ritsuko's hostility at that last exchange, but do not understand the reason.

Day 7: After being discharged and found in good health, the Third Child takes me to buy new clothing. I fail to comprehend the meaning of the action, but after being joined by the class president, Horaki, I must admit a certain level of … enjoyment.

That night, The Third Child tries to run from my body, again. I do not let him. I must admit, I find the experience of bathing together with him quite pleasant, he has a very, very gentle touch. Perhaps I should seek advice from Horaki before going further?

Day 8: I seek out Horaki, to speak with her, in private, as my orders specifically mention not letting the Third Child know of the Commander's intentions.

Hokari: (Quite agitated) "Let me see if I understand this right. Commander Ikari of NERV flat out ordered you to sexually entrap and marry Shinji? And you've been going into the same bed with him, nude, every night?"

Rei: "Yes. What am I doing wrong? Is my body not attractive? Why does Ikari-kun try to run from me?"

Hokari: "What is this, the Heian era? I can't speak for the Commander's intentions, but he's completely going about it the wrong way! Does Shinji-kun know about this?"

Rei: "No. I have been ordered not to tell him, as the Commander believes it would be … counter-productive."

Hokari: "Well, he's right about that. Shinji-kun would likely be insulted if he found out that a girl as attractive as you was only approaching him because she was ordered to do so."

Rei: "So I am attractive?"

Hokari: "Yes. I must admit, I have a whole new level of respect for Shinji-kun that he hasn't tried to take advantage of you, since, by your own admission, you've been coming on to him quite strongly. I mean, climbing into bed naked every night?"

Rei: "I fail to see what you're implying. The human body is not something to be ashamed of."

Hokari: "No, but there is.. a certain order to these things. Now for the big question, do you want to marry him? And no 'I was order to do it' isn't enough of a justification."

Rei: "I... I don't know. Nobody has ever asked me what I want before."

Hokari: "See. That right there is why Shinji is … reluctant. He wants you to want him, because you want him not because you're being ordered to. His restraint shows an immense amount of respect for you, as a person."

Rei: "So he's treating me with respect by shying away? I.. do not understand, but I like it."

Hokari: "Oh? Are you blushing?"

Rei: "..."

Hokari: "That's fine. The important thing is to take your time, and be yourself. Don't try to rush or force it. That is only likely to backfire. If he likes you, he likes you, If not, he doesn't. Just let him figure out his feelings, while you try to figure out yours."

Day 9-??? Over the next several days, until we're attacked by Ramiel, Shinji-kun, when he learned I like "Star-Trek" and "Lord of the Rings" stuff began getting me small, but pleasant, little gifts like Spock action figures, and Laserdiscs of the Star-Trek series, one episode at a time, and we'd watch them in our cramped quarters during our free time. This proves to me that Horaki was right, he does like and respect me, for who I am, not for Gendo's orders, and I hope he never finds out, as Horaki tells me that could utterly break him.

Realizing this, when Shinji-kun tells me he wants to "become one" with me in the battle after Ramiel, and asks for my hand in marriage, I'm genuinely happy, not because I'm carrying out orders, but because I'm going to marry the man who wants me happy, even if he has to put his life on the line for it.

Most Recent Entry:

Our wedding day was strange, to say the least. So much so that even I realize it, and I couldn't be happier. I'm married to him because I want it, not because I was ordered to, and it feels very, very nice. The fact that Shinji cares enough to actually learn about how my body really works instead of going with the whole "it only hurts the first time" common myth is certainly a plus. I know I'm not likely to have kids in the near future, considering that I have no uterus, and I know it, but if by some miracle a child enters our lives, I wouldn't be opposed to it as I know how lucky a girl I am, and not only does Shinji-kun repeatedly tell me I'll be a good mother, but I know he'll be a great father.

End of log.

Since I'm getting such an active response, and could still lose power at any moment, I'm going to post Chapter 4 a bit early. I hope I've supplied sufficient logical and reasonable rationale for the introduction of my first cross-over character and have faithfully captured her quirky personality.

So without further ado...

Chapter 4

Despite the fate of humanity riding on us, we're still considered minor teens, and as such are still required to go to high-school, so no extended honeymoon.

The day after Rei and I got married was still a normal school day. When Rei and I got to class, I was immediately mobbed by the rest of my classmates who were more than a bit curious as to how "married life" with Rei, affectionately known as "The Ice Queen," is. Shockingly, she's the one who puts an end to all of it, by addressing the class.

Rei: "I fail to see what the fascination is all about. Yes, my hair is naturally this color, and I'm not the only one who has unusual colors, The Second Child's hair seems to change from day-to-day without explanation, and it doesn't appear to be dye either."

(Murmurs) "Wait. Is she talking to us?" "She's actually talking?" "What have you done, Shinji-kun?"

Rei: (Clears throat) "As for our married life, forget asking about detailed explanations, they're not going to happen. I will say this. Our wedding night was quite pleasant. Shinji-kun is a boy who likes to take his time, and that is all I'm going to say about that. You can fill in the blanks with your imagination, or better yet, DON'T. Now would you all be so kind as to pipe down and take your seats? Class is about to start. Shinji-kun, follow me, please."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am!"

Rei: "Good boy." (Smiles sweetly)

Toji: "Man, completely pussy-whipped already, huh."

Kensuke: "I'd prefer to think of him being 'ahead of the curve' if he can bring out this side of such a shy little girl. And that smile..."

Of course, it wasn't long after that before Asuka joined the picture. The whirlwind that Rei brought into my life was nothing compared to the cyclone of this fiery red-head.

Right before this fateful and unavoidable encounter, Misato, Rei, and I are called into a parent-teacher conference by the school principal. Per usual, my father has "more important things to do." For the last 10 years, I only saw him once a year on the anniversary of my mother's "death." Why should today be any different?

Misato: "Sorry the Commander couldn't be here today. It seems the running of NERV doesn't leave him enough leeway to squeeze in a simple parent-teacher conference."

Yuzuku-Sensei: "I agree. It is a shame that he can't be here. I suppose that we should be grateful that he can at least spare you, their legal guardian, to attend, despite your many military duties."

Misato: "Yeah. It wasn't easy, but I'm here. So what kind of problems are these two facing, or dare I ask causing, that merits this meeting?"

Yukuzu-Sensei: "Oh, you misunderstand entirely, Major. I asked you all here to congratulate and praise them."

Misato: "Oh? Please go on."

Yukuzu-Sensei: "Well. I must admit that I was stunned, confused, and considerably concerned when I heard that Commander Ikari first outright ordered them to live together in the same one-bedroom efficiency apartment, and then signed off on the paperwork to get them married, at such a tender age. I'm pleased to report that my concerns were not only unfounded, but entirely wrong. I don't know what Commander Ikari was thinking, but he clearly had the right idea as both of them are now model students."

Misato "Really?"

Yuzuku-Sensei: "Really! Prior to their---cohabitation, Shinji was a doormat, all that was missing was the word 'Welcome' stamped onto his t-shirt, and as for Rei, attendance issues aside, through no fault of her own I understand, she would do her homework, yes, but she was almost completely detached, spent class doing nothing but staring out the window, and never participated in group activities, always curling up in the corner all by herself."

Misato: "I've noticed. So how are they now?"

Yuzuku-Sensei: "Their improvement has been phenomenal. Rei is actively engaged in class, she volunteers to answer class related questions, she mingles with other students, and participates in group activities without having to be dragged into them. Shinji, well, he's become more assertive, openly raises his hand to ask questions, and even speaks up when he notices a mistake or misunderstanding. In short, they've gone from outcasts to being near model students. Still, their prior... issues have left them considerably behind the rest of the class. I'd strongly recommend getting them a tutor, like this distinguished gentleman."

Misato: "Much as I hate to admit it, perhaps the Commander did have the right idea pushing the two of these children together. May we see that list?"

Yuzuku-sensei: "Certainly, I recommend the guy on top, as he's a local and is familiar with NERV."

After seeing the list, I have to speak up.

Shinji: "Yuzuku-Sensei, I'm sorry, but I don't think he's going to work out."

Yuzuku-sensei: "See what I mean? Ikari-kun here would have just gone along with whatever I said before, but now he's actually offering input! Ikari-kun, what makes him unfit?"

Shinji: "He's the Sensei who raised me over the last ten years, by literally putting me in a dog-house, calling me a 'cursed child' when he thought I couldn't hear him, and doing his best to pretend I didn't exist. I don't think he'd be too keen on putting in the effort to bring us up to speed with the rest of the class."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Now that is very odd. He's a renown and highly professional teacher. Let me get him on the line."

After dialing a bit on the class phone, Yusuku-Sensei gets in touch with the Sensei who "raised" me.

Sensei: "Moshi-Moshi. Who's calling?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Yes. This is Yusuku-sensei. We here at Tokyo-3 have need of a tutor. We'd be willing to foot the bill for transportation and provide both food and housing for your stay, would you be interested in helping us?"

Sensei: "Sounds reasonable. What child and in what subject?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Pretty much the whole curriculum for one Ikari, Shinji-kun."

Sensei: "Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but my contract with Commander Ikari ended the moment that 'cursed child' left here to go join NERV. I have no interest in getting swept up in whatever grudge that brat has earned from the gods!"

Yusuku-sensei: "Just to remind you, all calls here at Tokyo-3, especially from NERV related facilities are recorded and transcribed on a regular basis, and you're telling me, and whoever at NERV might be listening, that you're not a rational man of science, and teacher, but a superstitious paranoid religious .. fanatic?"

Sensei: "Now don't go putting words into my mouth, whoever you are. That child clearly did SOMETHING to offend the gods, his mother died right in front of him, and frankly, we here at the neighborhood believe that the Commander was right to walk away, leaving him in a train station. There's nothing you can say or do to make us take him back!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Wait, you're telling me you somehow have come to believe that, as a four-year-old, he was directly and intentionally responsible for his mother's death, and his father abandoning him in a crowded train station, presumably in a fit of grief and depression, and have been horribly neglecting him as a result?"

Sensei: "Fine. Do whatever you want, just keep that 'cursed child' away from all of us here!"

Yusuku-sensei: "I see. Well, the staff here and the Japanese Board of Education will be reviewing your tenure, qualifications, and credentials to teach if that's what you truly believe about children in unfortunate circumstances."

Sensei: "Look at what you did! Trying to bring that 'cursed child' back into my life has ruined me, bastard!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "No, no, no! You did that all by your self through your words and actions, 'Sensei.' You certainly didn't need MY help or the help of any 'cursed child' to destroy your career! Sayonara!"

Yusuku-Sensei slams down the phone receiver, hard then turns to us.

Yusuku-Sensei: "Tsk! I used to look up to him! Now we're going to have to carefully audit his records and see just how he actually schooled children, and how he earned all those merits and accolades that made him the most recommended teacher and tutor in the country. Perhaps you have some recommendations, Major?"

Major Misato Katsuragi briefly skims the list.

Misato: "Oh. This one looks interesting, but he's rather far away. What do you think?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "A Mr. 'Indiana' Jones? Says here he's a highly-tenured professor in Archaeology, and well respected by his students and peers alike. Sadly, he's clearly in his eighties, despite being in surprisingly good health, doctors say he's still got several decades of life in him, provided he doesn't meet with an 'accident,' but sadly, he doesn't speak a lick of Japanese, so that rules him out."

Misato: "Then how about this one?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Hmm. A Miss Lara Croft? Why her in particular? Although her credentials are clearly quite impressive."

Misato: "My father knew hers before either of us was born due to sharing many of the same fields, so although we've never met, we can at least come to an understanding."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Well, her credentials are quite possibly over-qualified, speaking at least twelve official languages, and a few non-official tribal tongues in very remote regions. She's highly athletic, and agile, has first hand expertise in a great many obscure fields, and is an expert in guns and hand-to-hand combat, operating vehicles of all types, deep-sea diving, computer programming and security, architectural engineering and design, having designed her own mansion, and she's freaking RICH. She's also rather... eccentric. I'm not sure she'd be interested in just tutoring a couple of school children. Hmm. Wouldn't hurt to give her a call."

Again he dials, after a few rings, he finally manages to connect, and we hear the sounds of gunfire and explosions.

Lara Croft: "Who is this? I'm kind of busy at the moment!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "What's going on? This is Yusuku-Sensei at Tokyo-3 trying to hire a tutor.. not calling for a para-military op... Is there a good time to try to reach you?"

Lara Croft: "Oh this is a good time. Fighting off the Taliban here at the Afghan Museum of Art is actually a bit of a breather compared to what I usually have to deal with."

Loud Curses in Arabic come from some disembodied voice and Lara responds in kind before some more shooting and then everything going silent at the other end.

Lara Croft: "Ah. That's better. Now what is this about a tutoring job?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Well see, we need someone who can bring two teen-age children who have both suffered extreme neglect and illness since they were four-year-olds up to high-school comprehension and competence, and you're the most … talented candidate on our list."

Lara Croft: "Wait just a second, you're telling me that you want me to bring up to speed two teenagers from a 4-year-old comprehension level to a high-school level?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Not at all, they've had other forms of education, some self-taught, but we need someone skilled to fill in the gaps."

Lara Croft: "Oh. That's a bummer. I would have loved the challenge of the first interpretation. So what kind of background and environment can I expect, should I take on the job?"

After getting a brief summary of the situation in Tokyo-3.

Lara Croft: "Oh, fighting giant beings of an incomprehensible nature on a regular basis AND trying to have a high-school life in between?! With the local military getting pissy that a couple of kids are making them look bad? Is that an accurate assessment?"

Misato: "Uh. Yeah, but when you put it that way..."

Lara Croft: "And who, pray tell, are you?"

Misato: "Major Misato Katsuragi, top military attache for NERV and the legal guardian of Shinji and Rei Ikari."

Lara Croft: "Oh, their superior officer and legal guardian? That's got to be a headache, not to mention serious conflict of interest. So a pair of siblings?"

Misato: "Husband and wife actually."

Lara Croft: "Wait.. They're MARRIED. And pray tell how old is this happily married couple?"

Misato: "Fourteen."

Lara Croft: "Four—FOURTEEN?! Child soldiers, married, and still not exempt from high-school? Okay, you lot have certainly piqued my interest. When do you need me to start?"

Yusuku-sensei: "When CAN you start, you mentioned fighting off the Taliban not too long into this call..."

Lara Croft: "Oh that? Yeah, just a splinter cell. Got to love it when these self-proclaimed 'Muslims' that don't think a woman should be good at anything but cranking out sons that they can strap bombs to, get their asses kicked ten ways to Sunday by one. Besides, all the non-muslim artifacts just finished getting shipped out so these dirty-night-sheet wearing hoods can't blow them up and then turn around and pretend they never existed. So my tour here is pretty much done."

Yusuku-Sensei: "In that case, right away?"

Lara Croft: "Oh, my two favorite words in a contract. Be glad to be working for you lot. If you'll get the Visas and paperwork so I can enter your country squared away, I can handle the rest."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Do you even know where you'll be living?"

Lara Croft: "Like I said, I'll handle it, personally. I'm making the arrangements right now. Don't be too shocked if a large 'Western' mansion suddenly shows up in your quaint little town. Got to go now, Luv. See you in a couple of weeks."

(Click) (Dial-Tone.)

Yusuku-Sensei: "Like I said, eccentric."

Misato: "Yeah. No kidding. What does she actually do?"

Yusuki-Sensei: "Professional Treasure Hunter."

Misato: "Oh. Oh boy! Nothing like what I had in mind from my father's notes. Wait.. Crap. Forgot to tell her about Asuka-san, the Second Child. NERV Berlin is shipping her over in a week or two."

Yusuki-Sensei: "Oh, I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

Misato: "Oh well. Nothing to be done about that now. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. Shinji-kun, call your two other stooges. As a reward for being such a model student, I'm going to be taking the four of you, to the 'Over The Rainbow' to meet Asuka-chan. "

Shinji: "Oh, Kensuke will be thrilled."

Rei: "I... see."

Shinji: "Rei-san? What's wrong?"

Rei: "I've never been on a ship. How... am I supposed to act?"

Shinji: "Like my lovely, blushing bride? Just be yourself, and I'm sure you'll be fine."

Rei: (Sigh) "If you say so."

Shinji: "Look, I'll be with you the entire time, so we can tackle any problems that show up together. Okay? Besides, I've never been on a ship before either, especially not an aircraft carrier."

Rei: "Okay. Thank you, Shinji-kun, that does make me feel a bit better."

A week later, the five of us, Rei, Misato, Toji, Kesuke, and myself are riding a Chinook to the U.S. Aircraft Carrier where we're going to meet Asuka, The Second Child.

To be continued in chapter 5.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.... (Drum-roll sounds in the background) Our favorite red-haired bob-cat joins the cast! Behold the wonder, the glory, the pure Tsun-Dere splendor of the Great Asuka Langley Soryu!

Chapter 5

Soon enough, it was time to go meet the illustrious Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu. True to her word, Major Misato rounded us up, Rei, Toji, Kensuke, and myself and flew us to the American aircraft carrier, "The Over The Rainbow" on a leased Chinook troop transport helicopter.

Of course, we're not the only ones to arrive by helicopter. To everyone's surprise, we're greeted by Dr. Lara Croft, but she doesn't get a chance to introduce herself until after our favorite red-head makes her grand entrance, stomping on Toji's hat and then slapping him when he tries to pick it up and the crosswinds flip her sundress up in his face, revealing her panties.

Asuka: "And that's the 'viewing fee.' Quite the bargain, right?"

Lara Croft smacks Asuka upside the head, hard. "And that's his change! You were raised in the military! If you don't want people seeing your panties, don't wear a sundress on the deck of an aircraft carrier, for crying out loud. By the way, stepping on his hat was rather rude, even if it was just to keep the wind from blowing it away!"

Asuka: "OW! You hit me, ME, the great Asuka Langley Soryu! Who the hell are you anyway?"

Lara: "Dr. Lara Croft, archaeologist, treasure-hunter, college professor, and millionaire philanthropist. Not to mention the personal tutor for you and the other two Children, who just so happen to be here too."

Asuka:"What? When? Who made such a decision without telling me?"

Lara: "A Mr. Kaji got in touch with me after learning NERV hired me to teach the other two. Said something about not leaving you behind or the like if memory serves."

Asuka: "Leave ME behind? HA! The other two should consider themselves lucky to touch my shadow!"

Lara: "We'll see about that. Shinji and Rei Ikari, will you two please step forward?"

Asuka: "Siblings?"

Lara: "Spouses, to be precise."

Asuka:"..."

"....."

"SPOUSES?! Whose bright idea was that?"

Misato: "Commader Ikari set it up."

Asuka: "Oh! Now I get it, the rich, pampered commander's son gets whatever he wants, including a wife, eh? Is that how it is?!"

Shinji: "OH HELL NO! That … man.. gave me NOTHING.."

Rei puts her hand on my shoulder, "Shinji-kun, dear, allow me."

Knowing full well that when Rei gets in a fighting mood, it's best to let her do what she asks, I step aside.

Rei: "It was Shinji-kun's idea to ask for my hand in marriage, I agreed, and the Commander approved, true, but not once was I ordered to do anything of the sort. I married him of my own choice and my own volition because he earned my affection. I was certainly not 'given as a gift to a rich, pampered Commander's son who gets whatever he wants.' Especially considering the fact that from age four onward, my darling Shinji has only seen his fathers face one a year on his mother's funeral anniversary, at her grave."

Asuka: "Oh. So the poor weakling can't even speak for himself, eh? What's wrong, Shinji? Aren't you a man? Eh?"

Shinji: "You bet your pompous cherry-covered head, I am! I just know keeping my dearest Rei happy is what's good for my long-term health!"

Asuka pouts."Oh! Nothing more boring than a house-broken male."

Lara: "Oh. This is going to be interesting."

Suddenly ships in the fleet start disappearing under the water as something, something BIG starts taking them down, one by one, and heading our way.

Misato: "Pattern Blue?! An Angel? Here? And without any Eva for us to fight with?"

Lara: "Well, just so happens I have experience fighting big nasties, but my options are damn limited under water."

Misato: "Appreciate the offer, but this isn't the type of job we hand out to civilians, no matter how talented."

Asuka: "Actually, we have an Eva. Eva-02. Now you plebeians get to see the glory that is Asuka Langley Soryu in action! Third Child! You're coming with me!"

Shinji: "Wait what?!"

Asuka: "Shut up and watch closely! You might just learn something. Just be grateful that I'm being generous enough to field-train you!"

Rei: "And you're not going to train me?"

Asuka: "Hush it, Wondergirl! You've been at this at least as long as I have. I've checked, and you're still not able to get a synch rate over 30% by yourself. You're a lost cause. This dumbkopf here might, just might, benefit from my hands-on training. Besides, the entry plug is going to be cramped enough as it is with two people inside, there's not going to be room for three!"

Rei: "I... I see. Pilot Ikari, don't go getting any strange ideas. I mean it!"

Shinji: "I understand, I'll be back soon."

One kiss and embrace later "Shinji, come back safe, or not at all, okay?"

Shinji: "Sure thing!"

Asuka: "GAG! What a stupid couple! Here, take this spare suit and lets get ready, that Angel isn't going to wait around for us!"

Shinji: "HAI!"

Considering how cramped the changing quarters are, I couldn't help but get a peek at Asuka's body, and apparently, she mine.

Asuka: "HEY! Don't peek!"

Shinji: " SORRY!"

Asuka: "Honestly, why are boys all such perverted dorks?"

Says the girl who shoved me into a girl's plugsuit, with cleavage...

(Asuke writes in the margins again) Hey! It's all that was available!

(Rei writes in the margins) Was that the only reason?

Not long after, Asuka drags me into her Eva's entry plug, and begins the initiation sequence.

Asuka (In German) : "Entry plug activation sequence, alpha, opening circuits one, two, three, crossing the border-line"

Shinji (In German): "Your thoughts to my thoughts, my feelings to your feelings."

(The following is all in German.)

Asuka: "What the? What ARE YOU doing, Third Child?"

Shinji: "Preparing to dual-synch, like last time..."

Asuka: "You've done this before?!"

Shinji: "Yes. With my wife when we got married."

Asuka: "What kind of wedding did you have?! Never-mind. Wait, where did you learn German?"

Shinji: "Rei has been teaching it to me to welcome you."

Asuka: "Oh. So you DO know how to respect your betters. That's good to know. Border-line crossed, Eva-02 activate! What the … 68% synch rate?! Guess you're not so useless after all! Let's go kill this thing"

Wow, so Asuka wants to be praised even more than I do, and she's so impeccably cute when she's happy.

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am. With pleasure."

Asuka: "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about, keep it up and we won't have any problems."

I've never seen an Eva being used to play hop-scotch before, and it's both as fascinating and terrifying as it sounds. Still that's not enough as the Angel, later identified as Gaghliel jumps on to the deck of the Over The Rainbow and knocks us into the ocean, then simply toys with us.

Rei: "Major, perhaps it's time to use Eva-00 with the under-water combat equipment?"

Misato: "But it's completely untested!"

Rei: "Eva-00 is the experimental test-model, what better way is there?"

Misato: "Ugh! I guess you're right." (Misato radios back to NERV command) "Deploy Eva-00 with the experimental under-water combat gear, The Second and Third pilots are in trouble."

Aoba: "Roger. ETA 30 minutes."

Misato: "Thirty minutes?!"

Aoba: "We took the liberty of attaching the under-water combat gear before you headed out, just in case, but the Eva still has to be flown to your location, there's no other practical way.."

Misato: "Practical way? What about the emergency water-based evac system?"

Aoba: "Are you NUTS?! It's completely untested, unproven, and unchecked. Not to mention we don't know how Eva-00 will fare through the transit."

Gendo: "Do it!"

Aoba: "Sir?"

Gendo: "Now. The pilots won't last 30 minutes."

Aoba: "Yes, sir."

Gendo (thinking) "We can't let the Angel get a hold of 'that.' Inspector Kaji better have it secured for instant transport."

Gendo: "Major. Have all non-essential and civilian personnel evacuate by helicopter immediately."

Misato: "Understood, Commander." (Turns to the people on board the Over The Rainbow) "Kaji, get on board the Chinook. Admiral, have everyone that isn't absolutely vital to ship's operations depart as well. Our pilots can't effectively concentrate on fighting the Angel and protecting your people at the same time."

Admiral Yamomoto: "Understood, but what are your people doing in the meantime."

Aoba: "Major. Eva-00 is en route, arrival time, ETA 10 minutes, be advised that Eva-00 will have, at most, 30 seconds of operating time, and then it's dead weight."

Misato: "Understood, good work. Shinji, Asuka, reinforcements are on the way, keep it busy for just a little bit longer."

Shinji: "Understood, Misato-san!"

Asuka, "HEY! What are you doing? Get away from the controls!"

Suddenly, the Angel opens its mouth and swallows Eva-02 whole.

Misato: "Don't panic, pilots. This is exactly what we want to happen. Eva-00 will be there to assist you shortly. In the meantime, see if you can locate its core or any other weak points!"

Asuka: "I don't take kindly to being used as fish-bait!"

Shnji: "Welcome to Tokyo-3."

Asuka: "What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

Shinji: "Oh, just that this is a step up from how I got dragged into this."

Asuka: "Whatever THAT is, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

Shinji: "We can't see the core, Misato-san, and I don't think the umbilical will hold much longer!"

True enough, the Over The Rainbow starts to rock and sway as Gaghagliel yanks Eva-02 around. In fact, the winch holding the cable is straining to break free from the deck.

Misato: "Come on, Eva-00, where are you?!"

Eva-00 amazingly arrives in 5 minutes as opposed to the estimated 10 due to catching a lucky and temporary sea current.

Misato: "Thank God! Okay, Rei, don't waste any time, get in there and help them. No don't bother trying to change into a plug suit, just go!"

Rei: "Roger, Major."

I wasn't aware of it, but as soon as Rei got into Eva-00, she went into battle like a living torpedo, making a bee-line towards Gaglahiel and wrestling it to submission, the progressive knife failing to pierce its skin despite tearing through its A-T field like paper.

Rei: "Major, progressive knife is proving ineffective. We need something bigger, and heavier."

Misato:"Bigger and heavier? What?! Wait, Asuka mentioned fishing earlier! And the stupid fish is already on the hook! Rei, listen to me very, very carefully. How good are you at fishing?"

Rei: "Excellent."

Misato: "Alright! Well, this fish has already bitten the hook, but the pole's about to break! So we need to do something a bit different."

….

Admiral Yamamoto: "What do you mean, Major, you want us to deliberately sink two of our destroyer escorts, and then once inside its mouth, have them open fire and self-destruct?"

Misato: "Exactly, Admiral. It's our only shot!"

Admiral Yamamoto: "You realize this is crazy, don't you?"

Misato: "With certainty."

Admiral Yamamoto: "Alright, you lot! Do what she says, let's kill this thing!"

Misato: "Rei: HOLD THAT SUCKER STILL! Shinji, Asuka, we need the two of you to get its mouth, open when I give the word!"

I can clearly feel Asuka's breasts on my back as she climbs into the seat behind me.

Asuka: "Don't get any strange ideas, Third Child."

Misato: "NOW!"

Asuka and I think of nothing but the word "OPEN" over and over again, until Eva-02 forces the Angel's mouth open and the two destroyers sink past us, down its throat."

Misato: "Rei! Get! Them! Out! Of! There!"

Rei: "Roger, with pleasure."

Rei grabs us and yanks us out its mouth moments before the two destroyers fire and then self-destruct, blowing the Angel to smithereens! Then she runs out of power, and the carrier's winch reels us up to the deck.

To be continued in chapter 6.

I could post chapter 6 now, but that would leave me no buffer as Asuka and Rei are actively fighting over Shinji in later chapters, and they want to go into fanservice that's way, way too racy for their age bracket and the rules of this forum. As such we have an... OMAKE!

Omake:

The Azure Priest: "And... ACTION!"

Asuka: "No way I'm going to let that pass! Now STRIP!"

The Azure Priest: "CUT! Oh, for the sake of all that's holy, I thought I made perfectly clear, NO AD LIBBING! I'm dangerously close to the line as it is with this show!"

Asuka: "I'm not ad-libbing! It's in the script!"

The Azure Priest:"WHAT?! Let me see." (Flips through several pages) "Okay, who snuck this in there? Are you trying to get me arrested?! Shinji, was it you?! I know you have a bit of wish-fulfillment going on, and you haven't been in a scene with Rei naked for a while, but..."

Shinji: "Damn It, Azure Priest, I'm a wimp/berserker, not a playboy who has naked women fighting over him!"

The Azure Priest: "Good point! So who is responsible for this travesty then? WHO?!"

Asuka: "Alright! It was me!"

The Azure Priest: "You?! Why the heck would you have a scene where you disrobe on-camera?"

Asuka: "I'm frankly getting a little sick and tired of how the bluenette is the only one who gets to prance around in the buff while Shinji-baka flat-out ignores me!"

Rei: "You have a serious misunderstanding."

The Azure Priest: "Oh for crying out loud. Asuka, we've been over this! Rei does not 'get to prance around in the buff'. Your characters are 14! That's 14-YEARS-OLD! Kiss X Sis has teenagers doing some pretty explicit stuff, sure, but the youngest one of them on-screen is 16! While it does have a 14-year-old who also wants to 'play', that character is specifically exempt from any on-screen action as the mangaka would get arrested!"

Asuka: "Then why the hell does Rei have nude scenes?!"

The Azure Priest: "Rei's character has been raised from the age of 4, on display, naked, in a giant test tube! Her nude scenes are invariably NOT SEXY! The character frankly does not know better. Even then, that's pushing it as the camera-man has to use special filters to make it look like she has no nipples or genitals."

Rei: "It's not fancy camera-work, it's wardrobe. Specifically flesh colored swimsuit nipple-covers, and a flesh-colored thong."

Asuka: "Ew! That sounds unpleasant."

Rei: "It is. Furthermore, I had to have the nipple-covers glued on during episode 5 so they wouldn't keep falling off when Shinji 'fell on me.'"

Asuka: "GAH!!!"

Rei: "Yeah. Ever wonder why the camera panned away to Shinji staring at his hand just before I put those panties on?"

Asuka: "Yeah. That was kind of odd."

Rei: "Can you imagine trying to put panties over a thong?"

Asuka: "Oh, OH! YUCK!"

Rei: "Now you know why it was so easy to fake being mad at Shinji during the escalator ride where he badmouthed Gendo. Weill, now that there's not going to be any filming while you guys 'debate'... Shinji! We're going to my trailer for a bit."

The Azure Priest: "Now hold on! Normally, I don't mind what you guys do in your private lives, but Rei, your character is supposed to be sterile, STERILE! Yet, here you are, almost to the end of your first trimester! Had to get you and Shinji married on both sides of the camera to smooth things over with the censors, and then make up a couple of good stories to allay the audience! Have you never heard of 'protection'? Condoms, Birth Control pills, anything?"

Rei: "Now look. I don't do well with latex, and I sure as hell am not going to tolerate a rash 'down there'. As for 'birth control pills', I suffer a paradoxical reaction to them, making my periods MORE severe and frequent, not less. Doesn't do well for a 'woman that does not bleed' to have massive cramps and spotting during the set! While the character is sterile, I sure as hell am not, and I WANT KIDS. My parents have also been pushing for the pitter-patter of little feet for a while. I'm not going to jeopardize that with an IUD."

The Azure Priest: "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but have you considered abstinence?"

Rei: "HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I have considered it, for about 5 seconds, and then thrown the idea in the dumpster, where it belongs. Boinking my boyfriend silly at least once a day is what keeps me going! You have any idea how hard it is to act like I'm doped up on a bunch of drugs to the point of being a living, breathing wind-up doll for hours on camera?! Especially with how inane the plot is?! You have no idea how much I want to yell and scream at how stupid NERV staff acts most of the time."

The Azure Priest: "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Go 'take a break' in your trailer. Today's shot is well... shot anyway."

Rei: "You heard the director, Shinji. We're going!" (She grabs Shinji by the collar and drags him off. Yes, she is just as strong as the show implies.)

Shinji: "Wait! Slow down! HELP!"

After Rei and Shinji have left the set...

The Azure Priest: "Okay, Asuka. Now why exactly are you so desperate for a nude scene?"

Asuka: "I'm getting rather sick of the fan-mail I'm getting for 'being a cock-tease' and being told to go die in a fire, 'for being such a frigid bitch and slapping Shinji around on-camera!' You don't know how much I get told 'just show some skin already!' It's really, really been getting on my nerves, and unlike Rei, I don't get to go into my trailer and boink a boy silly to vent my frustrations!"

The Azure Priest: "I'm sorry, Asuka, but your character isn't at a point in her relationship with the cast where she feels comfortable walking around 'in the buff' in front of them, even just off-screen, and she doesn't have a backstory excuse like Rei where she's been raised in a giant test-tube, on display. Your character grasps the concept of 'modesty' and defends it VIOLENTLY, emphasis on violent. The one time she's had no issue being nude was when she was so suicidal, she was basically in a waking coma."

Asuka: "Well, damn it that's Hoef Scheise! It's grating to see Rei get all the 'tasteful nudity' and 'best actress' awards while I get nothing but hate-mail!"

Misato: "Word! Maybe you can get Rei and Asuka into a relationship with each other?"

The Azure Priest: "That's what I'm trying to do, damn it all! But the narrative just won't cooperate! Their characters would rather kill each other than kiss each other!"

Gendo: "Dude! When's my scene filmin'? The waves are getting gnarly!"

The Azure Priest: "Soon, Gendo. The Children and I are having artistic differences here in the narrative!"

Gendo: "Bummer, man!"

The Azure Priest: "By the way, your idea to have Rei's diary showing you ordering her to entrap and marry Shinji was brilliant! I've looked at your other submissions, and … that's really, really dark! How does a surfer like you come up with such good 'Evil Overlord' stuff?"

Gendo: "Word, dude! Totally tubular. Like, I just feel the Dark-Side, man!"

The Azure Priest: "Okay, the camera crew is setting up now, you should be playing your scene in a little under half an hour and then you can hit the beach for the rest of the day."

Gendo: "Radical!"

The Azure Priest: "You wouldn't happen to have a good way to get Rei and Asuka to hook up, and Asuka doing some tasteful nude scenes would you? Anno's source material isn't very kind to her."

Gendo: "Sorry, man. But 'Evil Gendo' has no need to see Asuka happy. She's totally square, man. BOGUS!"

The Azure Priest: "Thanks anyway, now get to your set!"

Gendo: "Way Out! Man, PEACE!"

Ritsuko: "I could give them some drugs, maybe."

Asuka and Azure: "NO!"

The Azure Priest: "Rei on drugs is bad enough already! We don't need Asuka tripping out! Besides, she's got issues with drugs, thanks to her step-mother."

Lara Croft: "Maybe I can punish them by making them live, sleep and eat together? It worked in 'The Parent Trap' part 1!"

The Azure Priest: "Hmm. That might just do it. Heck, having Rei and Asuka bathe together, as long as there's no specific body parts being mentioned, could maybe, just maybe, qualify for a 'tasteful' nude scene that features them! Especially if they're talking about anything and everything except boys and sex! Even Anno had Asuka and Misato bathe together. Thanks, you're a life-saver!"

Lara Croft: "My pleasure."

The Azure Priest: "Now what would Asuka and Rei do that qualifies for such a strict punishment?"

Misato: "Probably sneaking into Shinji's room in the middle of the night, and into his bed. With Asuka having stolen my top, that doesn't fit me well, and fits her even less. And Rei sees nothing wrong sleeping nude anyway!"

The Azure Priest: "Yeah, that should do it! But for that to work, Shinji would have to turn from both of them, and do absolutely nothing to either of them the whole night!"... We know from Anno's scene in that regards that Shinji wouldn't normally do anything to an unconscious girl...

"I'll have to get in touch with them, and Legal first. See what they say on the matter. Asuka, take a wrap, go change in your trailer into something more comfortable, Ritsuko, Fuyutsuki, go with Gendo to your set and film your scene and we'll call it a day here."

Everyone: "Right!"

The Azure Priest: "Man, I hope the later chapters go better than this!"

End of Omake!

Well. Good news. Inspiration has struck. Asuka and Rei have agreed to abide by the rules of the forum, and to avoid engaging in wanton violence. Getting Asuka to agree to that last part was a bit tricky.

In exchange, Asuka and Rei are free to compete with each other as much as they want. So without further ado....

Chapter 6

Being introduced to Asuka, and fighting an Angel at sea are the least of the surprises that day, the day that Lara Croft came into our lives.

She immediately took custody of us the moment the battle ended and we got out of the entry-plugs.

Lara Croft: "Starting right now, I'll be taking custody of these three pilots, Asuka Langley Soryu, Rei Ikari and Shinji Ikari."

Misato: "Now wait just a moment, you were hired to be their tutor, not their guardian! Besides, do you have any idea what I had to go through..."

Lara Croft: "Stop right there, Major. While I can appreciate how big of a shock this is to you, you have to admit there's a major conflict of interest involved here. The primary guardian is also the commanding officer? The one responsible for overseeing their well being is the one who is ordering them to put their lives on the line? Your overwhelming desire for revenge against the Angels versus their continued … well being; does that sound about right?"

Misato: "How, how the heck do you know all this?!"

Lara Croft: "I always do my research when I take on a job, Major. Besides, them living with you sounds nice, but your apartment is too small for you and three teenagers. I'm not casting you out of their lives, but I am gong to be enforcing a certain professional distance between you from now on."

Misato: "Hold on here, I'm the one who brought you on board, how can you..."

Lara Croft: "Major, you may have brought me in, true, but I work for NERV in this, not you. Besides, I have the Commander's orders right here."

Misato: "Why that four-eyed, bearded, backstabbing... He pulled the rug out from under me, AGAIN!"

Lara Croft: "Don't worry, they're not going far. My mansion is all set up, and there's going to be plenty of room. Why you should be familiar with the address, here you go."

Misato reads the note. "Hey! This can't be right, that entire neighborhood was condemned!"

Lara Croft: "Oh, it was, and it was certainly a fixer-upper, which my people took care of. I'll need you to help move Shinji and Rei's stuff tomorrow, but for the rest of today, I'll be showing them their new home. On the way there, would you mind sitting in while I interview the three of them?"

Misato: "HMPH! I may have to go along with this, but don't expect me to like it!"

Lara Croft: "That's fine. Besides, it's better that way. Keeps us both honest. Kensuke, Toji was it?"

Kensuke and Toji: "Yes?"

Lara Croft: "I could use your first hand interpretations of Shinji and Rei's daily school lives if you don't mind..."

While Dr. Lara Croft goes over with Toji and Kensuke a bit and the rest of us get grilled concerning our past prior to her arrival, the final questions she has are the most poignant.

Lara Croft: "Okay, Children, that pretty much wraps up everything and brings my records up to date, there's just one little question left. 'What brought you into this whole Evangelion thing in the first place?' True, I do have some notes about it, but I'd like to hear it from you directly, in your own words. Starting with you, Shinji-kun."

Of course, I tell her how I was escorted by Mistato to Tokyo-3 and NERV's geofront, all thanks to my father's letter with the only word legible being "come" and Misato's scantily-clad picture, which not only do I still possess, but Rei sees fit to openly display at the slightest excuse.

Lara Croft: "Now that is interesting. What else?"

Shinji: "Well, I was told to get into Eva-01, for which I had absolutely no previous training, while we were under active Angel attack, and told to pilot, or Rei here, all bandaged, bloody, and clearly unable to stand on her own, or anything else, would be forced to do it. It's a miracle we got out of that situation alive."

Lara Croft: "So you were basically drafted, and with no prior training or experience. Hmm. That's one strike for NERV, especially the top commanding officer. Yet you won. Congratulations. Rei. Same question for you."

Rei: "I was raised by Commander Gendo Ikari at NERV. Piloting Eva is all I know, it is my life. The future of Humanity rests upon me. If the commander's orders tell me to die, I would do it without hesitation, for I know I can easily be replaced... At least prior to marrying Shinji, he gives me other reasons to live, treasures me, unconditionally, and makes me feel very, very... pleasant. I only hesitate now because I don't want to leave him alone and hurting."

Lara Croft: "I see... So far, what I'm hearing about NERV is certainly not good. Asuka, sorry you're last, but as the newest member here in NERV Tokyo-3, I had to get your senior's accounts first."

Asuka: "Oh, I've been training and practicing to be a pilot from age 4. Heck, when I was chosen for it, I was ecstatic! Until I ran to my mother to show her and saw with my own eyes that she hanged herself, and a doll with my name stuck on it! She'd been losing her marbles day by day for a while, and my father's behavior clearly didn't help. Her body wasn't even buried before he went and married his freaking mistress! Whom he'd been banging in the room right next to the both of us, so we could fucking hear it! Then the bitch nurse, who should have known better than banging the spouse of a patient, was shocked that I didn't like her, and tried to drug me into an obedient little wind up doll for her own damn peace of mind! I'm going to be a famous pilot, and the best there is, so I can stick it to both of them, and when they come to me, trying to horn in on my fame, I CAN FINALLY TELL THEM WHERE TO STICK IT! Oh and don't any of you dare pity me, or I'll go after you first!"

Lara Croft blinks rapidly a few times. "Okay. So the whole organization is rotten to the core, regardless of nation, but we can't do anything about it because they're the only ones with the tools to deal with the Angel threat. Eesh! And I though being an orphan having to explore ruins and facing doomsday cults coming after me since the age of 10, after both my own parents died, was bad. Father, airplane accident, gave up his parachute to save me.. Mother, well, not really sure what happened, but I got to see her disintegrate."

Lara Croft: "Well here's my preliminary results."

She ruffles my hair, and it feels good. "Shinji-kun, A+. Conscript aside, you've been the ideal little soldier so far. In fact, the one time you disobeyed orders was more than justified, from a purely tactical and strategic standpoint. I gather you hate being a Pilot, but that's okay. You just want to get home safe, to your loving wife, and that's how a soldier should think."

Asuka: "HMPH!" and she starts pouting.

Lara Croft: "Rei-san. B-. Sure, you've been good at this so far, but your death wish is alarming. While it does give your companions the reassurance that you'll take the bullet in their place, it opens you up to taking needless risks, that will eventually jeopardize them and the mission, and going by what we know of the Angels, that would be bad for all mankind, and I don't care what you've been taught, you are CLEARLY NOT REPLACEABLE!"

Rei: "Shinji-kun says the same thing to me all the time, crying.. I do not like seeing him cry, it hurts."

Lara Croft: "Shinji-kun! Extra credit! Good job!"'

Asuka; "Guess it's finally my turn?"

Lara Croft: "Asuka, luv. C-"

Asuka: "You give me, the ace, a C-?!!!?"

Lara Croft: "I'm being generous here. Ideally, you'd be borderline unfit to pilot. Your need to carve your name blazing across the sky so you can stick it to your father and step-mother is not only clearly unhealthy, but makes you a liability. As someone with a first-hand life of thrill-seeking, treasure hunting and having murderous cults going after her since childhood, I can say with absolute certainty that if your attitude and demeanor don't improve, and quickly, your life will end, badly."

Asuka clearly does not take that well, and rushes to Lara-Sensei to try and slap the insolence out of her, but Lara-Sense takes her down, effortlessly.

Lara Croft: "Okay, now I have to downgrade you to D-. Your propensity for violence to your own team-mates and superiors, not to mention the general public, would have you spending time in the brig in any anywhere near functional military outfit, period. It will be much easier for everyone, including yourself, if you just admit that you're a loose cannon and need to work on your internal discipline. I strongly recommend that you don't raise your hand in a violent or threatening way again to me, or your team-mates without what I consider a damn good reason, as I'm not just a pretty face, but an actual hardened combatant skilled in several martial arts, and numerous types of firearm. I could probably take you down in my sleep if I wanted."

Asuka proceeds to unleash a string of words in German that I don't recognize, and I'd be told later that she was screaming profanities in a stream of consciousness fashion.

Lara Croft: "Oh, you have quite a mouth there, fraulein. I'm just going to hold you down until you calm down and come to your senses. If that means holding you down for the rest of the trip, so be it."

Sure enough, that's what happens. It takes the rest of the ride back to Japan on the Over The Rainbow before Asuka finally stops struggling like an enraged badger.

When we finally reach shore and Asuka has calmed down to the point that she doesn't need to be put into a sleeper hold, Misato, Rei, Asuka, and I are loaded onto Lara's helicopter with her in the pilot's seat. Arriving at Lara's mansion has us all stunned.

Misato: "How... How was that mansion built so quickly?!"

Lara Croft: "When I hire someone, Major, I hire the best. I don't tolerate foot-dragging and cutting-corners.'"

After landing on the helipad, disembarking, and actually going inside through the roof entrance, while Rei remains as stoic as ever, and Misato is quietly nonplussed, we can only look on and gasp in sheer awe as the mansion is mostly empty space, covered with fine art, scaffolding and implements that wouldn't be out of place in a circus trapeze act, although the ground level is mostly one (yet to be filled) giant swimming pool with numerous painted targets.. along the bottom.

Lara: "And THIS is my physical fitness room. Part of your after-school training will be navigating this course, especially the pool, once it's properly filled, that is. Yes, I am aware that you pilots are tasked with fighting in giant, for lack of a better term, 'robots' against horrors that are just as large, but you're going to need to be physically fit in the event something goes tragically wrong and you have to evacuate."

After she pushes a button or two on a hand-held remote, we start seeing mockups of soldiers with various weapons pop out at random.

Lara Croft: "I also expect you to be able to handle yourselves in a conventional fire-fight. It is my long, and hard-learned, first-hand experience that governments and armies tend to be ungrateful bastards to their heroes and servants who prove a bit too good at their designated task, and I've already heard that the JSSDF has a serious hate-boner for you Children, since they've been made to look bad by being utterly helpless before the Angel threat, and being shown up by 'little kids.' That means you!"

Asuka seems to get starry-eyed at that last part. "Wait, we actually get REAL training? As opposed to simply going through the motions?"

Lara Croft: "Of course, once I determine your baseline aptitude, yes."

Asuka: "YEEHAW! Just wait until you see what I'm really capable of, Third Child, Wondergirl! You'll be green with ENVY!"

Lara Croft: "That's the spirit! Any questions?"

Shinji: "So exactly what form is this training going to take? The closest I've had to training so far is 'line up the target, pull the switch,' and it hasn't helped much."

Misato: "Shinji-kun!"

Lara Croft: "It's a perfectly valid question, Major Misato Katsuragi, aside from learning how to handle a firefight, I'm going to expect you children to be able to navigate this obstacle course here."

She pushes a button and a massive cement slab closes the pool so that the walls start moving around and pillars come out from all directions.

Lara Croft: "Now pay attention, as I'm going to show you how it's done."

She proceeds to sky-dive off the catwalk we're on, grab the closest handle bar and start swinging through the air like a skilled circus acrobat until she reaches ground level, then starts racing to and fro among the obstacle course until she climbs a ladder at the other end and uses a zip-line to zoom back to us, all in about one minute, 45 seconds, which Misato confirmed with a stopwatch.

Lara Croft: "One minute 45? Hmm, must be slipping a bit. My best time is One-oh-five. Well, I don't expect you rookies to start off with the acrobatic stuff, at least not until the pool's ready so your lives aren't put at too much risk, but I will be running you through the ground gauntlet, daily, and what you've seen here is just the most public part, the rest of the house has all sorts of hidden paths and chambers that you are going to be exploring."

Misato: "While I can understand everything you've said so far, NERV asked for a tutor, for their academics, not a drill instructor!"

Lara Croft: "I am aware of that, Major, but academics are meaningless if the people who learn it don't live long enough to apply it."

Misato: "HMPH."

Lara Croft: "Hmm, I suppose I'll have to put you through the course as well. Now as for the ground rules, while I am aware that Shinji-kun and Rei-chan are legally married, there's not going to be any hanky-panky in this household, as long as you're under my care, at least until I'm satisfied that it won't cause issues in your combat performance. That means separate bedrooms for everyone. Sorry about that. Any future Pilots will meet the same restrictions, don't you worry about that."

Rei is visibly crestfallen as she's quite fond of sharing my bed, and I must admit, I've grown to rather like the feel of her soft, naked skin up against me when we sleep.

Lara Croft: "Next, I have my own private bathroom, which I will showcase to you a bit later. Anybody who goes in there without my explicit permission, barring some major emergency, like the house being on fire, is likely to find themselves facing the barrels of my shotgun, and I do tend to shoot first, ask questions later, and no this isn't a joke. Before you ask, I'm just going to say I have issues that I'm not going to elaborate on."

I can understand wanting to protect your privacy and chastity, but pointing a shotgun at you for going into the bathroom seems a bit extreme to me.

Lara Croft: "Lastly, as long as we're going to be in my house, what I say goes. When I tell any of you to do something, and that includes you, Major, I expect it done right away. I won't tolerate back-talk, grumbling, or insubordination without a damn good reason, and any questions I get better be on how to do what I tell you, not if I'm sure, serious, or if someone else can do it instead. Am I understood?"

Shinji and Rei: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Lara rubs our heads. "Good! I've heard you're a great cook, Shinji, soon as we're done here, we're going to the kitchen and see what you can whip up!"

Lara Croft: "Major?"

Misato: "Fine, but I protest in advance that I'm only doing this under duress."

Lara Croft: "Fair enough. Asuka-san?"

Asuka: "Hmph! I don't see why, I, The Great Asuka Langley Soryu should have to be your lap dog!"

Lara Croft: "Oh? So you don't want to benefit from the training, and show off your stuff? You just want to go on the streets and panhandle like the loser you are?"

Asuka: "WHAT?!"

Lara Croft: "Because that's precisely what's going to happen if you give me any more lip like that, Miss Soryu."

Asuka: "Hmph! I won't stand for this unfair and preferential treatment against me!"

Shinji: "Anta Baka, Asuka? What 'preferential treatment' are you talking about? I don't think any of us would get away with talking to Lara-Sensei the way you are, or trying to slap her either."

Asuka: "Baka! Dumbkopf! Swinehund! I have a freaking college degree! I shouldn't have to lower myself to deal with the likes of you two marginal dropouts!"

Rei: "There's book smarts and street smarts, Asuka-san. While you claim to have the former, you certainly lack the latter. If anything, we're the ones lowering ourselves to deal with you."

Asuka: "Bwargharhagahrah!"

Asuka rushes over to try and strangle Rei, but Rei easily grabs her arms and pins them behind her back.

Rei: "I strongly suggest you do not struggle, Asuka-san, as I could break your bones like twigs, entirely by accident. I don't want to do that. I can tell you have problems with authority, but this is neither the time nor place to display them."

Asuka: "You blue-haired, ice-cold bitch! YAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

I suddenly see very dark bruises appear on Asuka's forearms, and she's in clear pain.

Rei: "I warned you. Stop it now."

Asuka: "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you!"

Lara Croft cold-cocks her with her side-arm, rendering her unconscious in seconds. "Oh good grief. Why is she fit for being a Pilot again?"

Misato: "Supposedly, she's the only one who can pilot Eva-02."

Lara Croft: "Oh brother. So a raging war-machine is to be trusted to an unstable ball of anger with authority and inferiority-superiority issues? If this level of provocation is all that's needed to set her off, she's going to have to be side-lined, and hard."

Sure enough, when Lara-Sense is having Asuka examined in her private medical room by her trained medical staff, that she keeps on staff in case she has an accident while "training," they find that Asuka's forearms do indeed have hairline compression fractures where Rei grabbed them, to Lara Croft's horror.

This exchange takes place in the Lara's nearby office.

Lara Croft: "I've seen these wounds before, when someone was run over with a truck! Just how strong is this Rei girl? And that Shinji boy married her? He must be scared out of his mind every day!"

Misato: "Actually, from what I can tell, he proposed to her, and she's the one who accepted. Not to mention that he loves her dearly."

Lara Croft: "That's not what I mean. I'm sure Shinji is scared because if he pisses her off, she could utterly break him like a twig!"

Misato: "Yeah, I'm betting that's why he asked her to marry him before they had sex, despite the fact that our 'esteemed commander' saw fit to put them in the same one-bedroom apartment while they were both still single."

Lara Croft: "Oh, that's interesting, do go on."

Misato fills Lara in on our backstory...

Lara Croft: "Co-dependent. That's what they are, alright. I don't see any benevolent reason for this. I trust that what I say next is not to be repeated out of this room."

Misato: "Well I certainly won't, not as long as we have to work with NERV, as is."

Lara Croft: "Good. Frankly, I've seen Rei's behavior and mindset before, in child suicide bombers. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Palestine, you name it. It's utterly despicable what those kids go through. Their hopes, dreams, sense of self-worth, love for their friends, family, and community are all thoroughly crushed or twisted beyond reason, utterly driving them to despair, so they want their miserable little lives to end, then they're given the promise of going to 'Paradise' or their heads are filled with all sorts of propaganda about how some 'evil enemy' is the reason for their suffering, and if they just go strap a bomb to themselves, and blow up this 'hated enemy' everything will be all right, and they'll make 'god' happy! It's absolutely sickening, and frankly, if I could, I'd hunt down every last mullah, 'prophet', or other self-proclaimed 'holy-man' that teaches this is a good thing, and shove their own so-called religious texts right down their throats! Killing them horribly in the process, or better yet, strap them with bombs, unaware, and then blow them up right in the middle of their congregations. But that's not the scary part here."

Misato: "Then what is?"

Lara Croft:"There's no religious or ideological bent to Rei's behavior. No central premise to deconstruct. Sure, she has an almost religious fervor to Gendo himself, but she doesn't have any ideology or agenda to her complete obedience, except that she just wants to die. Right now, Commander Ikari is using her as a leash, a leash with a bomb on it, to control Shinji's behavior. Neither she nor Shinji are aware of this, and that's a good thing. I shudder to think what's going to happen when the Commander reaches a point in his agenda where he thinks he doesn't need a leash on Shinji any more."

Misato: "So we have to find a way to break ties between Rei and the Commander?"

Lara Croft: "Sure, eventually, but the real scary part is how SHINJI is going to react."

Misato: "Shinji?! He's harmless, a doormat, he has to stop and ask permission to defend himself!"

Lara Croft: "No. He's a pressure-cooker. What's worse is that he's been so starved for affection that he latched on to the very first person who treated him kindly, and we're lucky it's Rei, who has no agenda for him, at least not as far as we know, or that even she's aware of. And that's a good thing."

Misato: "What do you mean by that?"

Lara Croft: "I hate to have to lecture a Japanese person on Japanese culture, but here goes. Shinji was abandoned by his father, at age four, in a crowded train terminal, after his mother's apparent death. He is considered by most, thankfully not by you or Rei, as 'cursed by the gods,' and people don't want to acknowledge he exists, which is actually the more benign outcome as Japan tends to treat anything different or out of the ordinary with fear, revulsion, and hate, brutalizing those that stand out until they stop standing out, even if making them stop standing out means they're killed as a direct result. The phrase 'the nail that sticks up gets hammered down' is a phrase you should be very familiar with, Major. That's why Shinji looks like a doormat to the untrained eye. He has no socially acceptable outlet for his pain, grief, and most importantly, rage. His marriage to Rei helps alleviate that pain, immensely. So if anything happens to Rei, I suspect all the pain, grief, and anger will come to the surface at once, and he'll utterly explode like a high-yield nuke. Need I remind you that Rei and Shinji both pilot giant robots against giant 'Angels' for a living? Need I also remind you that Rei was raised to be utterly suicidal?"

Misato: "Oh, oh my GOD!"

Lara Croft: "Exactly. Asuka's anger and problems with authority may be well-founded, but the last thing we need is to throw a live grenade into a nuclear stock-pile. That's why I'm coming down on her so hard. I just hope she realizes that her outbursts and hot-dogging are not going to give her the affection she so desperately needs before it's too late."

Misato: "And what do you mean by that?"

Lara Croft: "Think about it. At age four, her mother becomes seriously mentally ill, to the point that she eventually commits suicide, and Asuka watched her mother deteriorate day by day, with her callous father boinking his goddamned mistress in the room right next to them, so they'd hear it, and then chances upon her mother's hanged corpse.. and her callous father marries his mistress before the body's even buried, shipping Asuka off to NERV Eva training because he couldn't put up with her grief and rage anymore, and his 'new wife' couldn't medicate Asuka's 'problem personality' away. So now Asuka desperately wants to get close to people, to get hugged, and squeezed, pampered, and most importantly, loved. But she can't do that. She's too damn scared to get close to others because she's horrified that they'll just wind up leaving or hurting her too. So she lashes out. She demands fame, glory, praise. She demands to be treated like royalty because she's actually a very, very scared little girl who wants to cry in a corner, but is too hurt by ridicule to do it."

Misato: "Dear sweet Lord, is the Marduke Institute deliberately searching for the most broken children they can find to pilot our war-machines that we need to protect us from the Angels?"

Lara Croft: "I can't answer that question, and frankly both psychiatry and psychology are two of the very few fields that I haven't mastered. But here in Japan, good luck finding a therapist that isn't going to be treating these children like monsters because they walked in the door, with the whole 'insanity is a dishonorable lack of strength of character for the whole family' sickness the Japanese culture, as a whole, has been suffering from for centuries."

Misato: "Then what CAN we do about it?

Lara Croft: "Now remember, I'm neither an expert nor a licensed therapist, so take what I say next with a grain of salt, though I what I am about to propose is going purely by what I've witnessed, first-hand."

Misato: "Alright, Ms. Harvard. You've got the legal disclaimer out of the way, what is it?"

Lara Croft: "Well, Major, we have three options, all of them carry considerable risk. Option one, we break Asuka down, make her hit rock bottom, and then, when she doesn't have the energy to resist anymore, or put up her iron-wall defenses, nurture her back to health and build her up again. I very, very strongly discourage this approach, as we already have one suicidal pilot on our hands, we don't need another."

Misato: " Uh.. Yeah! So what's option two."

Lara Croft: "Well, we enable her fantasy and escapism. Praise her as the best at all times, and never let her have to worry about the consequences of her hot-dogging. Sure, we'll get her cooperation, short-term, but as you've already seen, she's already a loose cannon, and if we enable her, she's going to doom everybody while showing off and not giving a crap about herself or others."

Misato: "Yeah. That doesn't sound good either. The last one?"

Lara Croft: "Okay, this is going to be the trickiest to pull off. Those other kids, Shinji and Rei, are going to have to sneak past her defenses and drown her in kindness, until she's willing to come out of her shell, and then they're going to have to love her up one side and down the other until she realizes they're neither going to betray nor abandon her. Considering how jaded, abrasive, and violent, she is, that's going to be rather hard. This is why I've been so hard on her. I want her to vent her hostility at me so those kids can have a chance. So far, it's not really working."

Misato: "Well, for starters, Rei should apologize. I'm sure she was only trying to restrain Asuka, but breaking her arms is a bit too far."

Lara Croft: "I agree, and hmm."

Misato: "What?!"

Lara Croft: "Oh. Oh, I see. That may just work." She starts nodding to herself. "Yes, yes. Major, please bring The First and Third Child in. I have an idea."

To be continued in Chapter 7.

After being cleared by the mods, with some minor edits, here's chapter 7, and we get to see Lara Croft's "idea" for Rei and Shinji to deal with Asuka.

Chapter 7

Lara Croft: "Yes. Yes. That could work."

Misato: "Wait! WHAT could work?"

Lara Croft presses a button on the intercom, "Shinji and Rei Ikari, please report to my private office. It's located at the penthouse suite. I'll be joining you shortly."

Misato: "Now what are you up to?"

Lara Croft: "Oh, you'll see. If this goes as I predicted, this is going to be FUN!"

Misato begins nursing a headache, "Oh no. What you consider 'fun' is nothing but a headache for the rest of us!"

After about a half-hour of searching, we finally find it. Man this mansion is a freaking maze, full of nasty "do not touch" things. Lara-Sensei says it's for personal security, but I think she's just nuts.

(Lara Croft writes in the margins, "Oh you poor, naive child. You have absolutely no idea what's happened in my last two homes. I'm not sure all those internal defenses were enough, but considering I'm having tenants now, I had to tone it down a bit so my fellow residents don't wind up tripping all over them.")

Lara Croft: "Well, glad you finally manged to make it here. Yes, before you say anything, I know my house is a maze. That's deliberate. I have a long, sordid history of death cults coming after me and mine, and I'm so far beyond sick of it, that I can't even see 'sick of it' any more."

Shinji: "So why did you call us here?"

Rei: "Yes, Lara-Sensei, please enlighten us."

Lara Croft: "I was getting there. I understand your sentiments, but the two of you need to stop provoking Asuka, regardless of what she does. She's unstable enough as it is. Further, you owe her an apology, Rei; restraining her to keep her from assaulting you is fine, but breaking her arms is going over the line, and no 'I warned you, I can't control my strength' isn't going to cut it. I don't know when you got strong enough to mimic injuries caused by being run over by a truck, but you're obviously able to control it quite fine or you'd be smashing Shinji into a pulp in your sleep without meaning to."

Rei: "I.. understand."

Shinji: "It's okay, Rei, I'll be there with you when you apologize, but still are we just supposed to let Asuka treat us like punching bags, and dump all over us whenever she's in the mood?"

Lara Croft: "I will discipline Asuka if need be, your jobs will be to try and make her feel welcome, treasured, and most importantly, safe, by every means at your disposal. It's the only way she will ever calm down."

Shinji: "Wait, you're telling us she's scared?!"

Lara Croft: "Exactly. I've seen this before. She's lashing out, and acting like the Queen of the Universe precisely because she's scared and insecure. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm counting on the both of you. If you, Shinji, can be best friends with the guy who punched you in the face the first day of school, I think you can figure out a way to get Asuka to mellow."

Shinji: "Um, I had to save his life, and have his little sister, who got hurt the first time I fought an Angel, chew him out before he and I could even think about being friends. I'm not sure someone like Asuka is going to be that easy."

Rei: "Shinji-kun. I do not think Lara-Sensei would tell us to do it if it was impossible."

Shinji: (Sigh) "Fine, but it's not my fault if I walk away when she starts calling me 'idiot', 'pervert', or 'pervert idiot' at any time."

Lara Croft: "That's fine. Emotional abuse is still abuse. I'll punish her for that too. Now get to work, tomorrow. Tonight, she's under too much sedation and pain relief medicine to hear you. Now get to your bedrooms and get some sleep. It's going to be a long, and busy day tomorrow."

Shin and Rei: "Yes, Sensei!"

The night winds up being rough for Rei and myself, we've grown so accustomed to sharing the same bed that the sudden empty space has us tossing and turning, reaching for someone that's not there, and in the morning it shows, to Asuka's amusement.

Asuka: "Serves you losers right, hope you had nightmares all night for what you've done! HMPH!"

Rei: "You are correct, Asuka-san. I went too far, I apologize."

Asuka: "Good! Glad you admit it! Now stay out of my face!"

Rei: "Pilot Soryu!"

Shini: "Rei, dear" I place my hand on her shoulder, gently. "Remember what we agreed."

Rei: "Yes, Ikari-kun, but she makes it... difficult."

Asuka: "Oh? What's this? You convinced her to stand down! Did you get her to apologize too

Shinji: "Actually..."

Asuka: "Never let it be said that the great Asuka Langley Soryu ignores her debts!"

Completely unprompted, she walks up, lays one hand gently on one of my cheeks and gives me a gentle peck on the other cheek with her lips, and it feels surprisingly good.

Rei, to the surprise of no one, is furious.

Rei: "Shinji-kun is my husband, Pilot Asuka Langley Soryu! For your safety, I strongly suggest you don't touch him like that again without my consent!"

Asuka begins prancing around flirtatiously, "Oh? Is Ms Wondergirl feeling threatened by the thought of competing with this hot, sexy body?"

As she starts putting her hands on her hips and moving very seductively, I'm glad she's not in her plug-suit as that would make it worse, and considering that Rei and I haven't shared a bed in a while, it's quite difficult to keep from reacting.

Rei: "Ikari kun!"

I have obviously failed.

Asuka: "See! He agrees! Or at least his body does! LOOK AT THAT BLUSH! For starters!"

Rei: "AAAAAAASSSSSSUUUUKKKKAAAAAA!!!!!"

Before Rei completely loses it, I whisper in her ear that Asuka isn't trying to provoke her to violence, but challenge her on who is sexier, and it's best to show her why I'm her husband, not Asuka's. Rei glares at me a second, and if looks could kill, they'd be holding my funeral right now, but then... understanding crosses her face, and she suddenly looks like a predator eyeing her prey. I can tell she's hungry, and not for breakfast.

Rei: "Why, Asuka-chan, I wasn't aware you felt that way. I'm honored."

Asuka: "Wait, what... What are you talking about, you crazy bluenette?"

Rei: "Now, now. It's too late to deny it, Asuka-chan, what with all that flirtatious posing you just did"

Asuka starts going pale. "Wait! That was directed at him, AT HIM!"

Rei: "But yet, you were addressing me while you did it."

Asuka clearly begins panicking now.

Asuka: "I... I … I!"

Rei: "Well, since Lara-Sensei doesn't want us pregnant, that still leaves us plenty of room for girl on girl action, and I really, really look forward to tasting every inch of your hot, sexy body, and seeing how eager you are to taste mine."

At this poimt. Asuka's nose bleeds explosively and she falls over backwards, unconscious, with the most bizarre look on her face, a mix of terror, lewdness, and unadulterated joy.

Rei: "And Shinji-kun, for cluing me in, I think I'm going to let you watch."

I feel my nose erupt and the last things I hear before passing out...

Rei: "My, what an interesting, and highly amusing reaction. FFFFTTT Bwahahahaha!"

Misato: "I need a freaking drink!"

…..

I wake up in Lara-Sensei's infirmary, somehow already changed into my school uniform with Rei lying beside me, snuggling up, in her school uniform.

Rei: "Morning, Shinji kun. I've missed lying beside you like this, among other things."

Maybe it's just my imagination, but she seems to be purring, and it's just so adorable that I can't help but stroke her lovely blue hair which causes her to snuggle up more.

Asuka: "I feel sick! Why don't you stupid couple go get a room already!"

Rei: "Ah! Asuka-chan! Good morning! So you're feeling left out. I'm sorry, I'm going to start snuggling you now..."

Asuka: "Oh, hell no, Wondergirl, keep me out of your perverted 'happily married' delusions! I want no part of it!"

Rei: "Oh? That's odd. Your reaction in the kitchen says different, what with the look on your face as you passed out..."

Asuka: "What! NO WAY! Nah-huh! I have... a condition, yes, that's it! I have a condition!"

Rei: "Now that's really, really odd. There's nothing describing you having a condition like what happened to you this morning in your file, I've checked."

Shinji: "Yeah, she does that. She peruses your file very, very thoroughly before she meets you, as a pilot."

Rei: "Shinji-kun, dear, hush."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am!"

Rei: "Now, would you like me to call Akagi-sensei, (sensei meaning "doctor" here) and make sure?"

Asuka turns beet red, with steam coming out of her ears. "No! Don't you dare!"

Rei: "I thought so. Now will you admit it?"

Asuka sighs in resignation. "Alright. I admit it, what do you want?"

Rei and Shinji: "What?"

Asuka: "Oh come on! Don't play dumb now! Everyone who's nice to me or gets leverage on me like you did clearly wants something. My freaking step-mother wanted an obedient doll! My oh so 'loving' father wanted me to be nothing more than something he could tack his PRECIOUS LEGACY to, screw my well being! In fact, he did that literally, right next door to the room where I, at four, was with my birth-mother as she faded away, day by day, not recognizing me, at all, but calling a mother-fucking doll by my name and pointing at me like I was the evil step-child. Oh, you know those 'nice' people in NERV Berlin? Oh sure, they kept Eva-02 in top shape, but me? Praise me to my face, snicker behind my back! I hate them, I hate them all, AND I HATE YOU! So tell me what you want before I gouge your eyes out and EAT THEM!"

Rei and I look at each other for just the briefest of moments, before we nod, and decide on our course of action. Each of us grabs Asuka on one side, Rei on the left, I on the right, and hug her until she stops struggling.

Asuka: "Don't touch me! Let me go! I mean it!"

Shin: "All we really want is to be your friend, Asuka-san. We're going to be going into battle together, and it's better if we're not fighting each other too."

Rei: "It's alright, Asuka-chan. Let it all out, cry, scream, shout with rage, whatever. We won't judge you, we know what pain and loneliness feels like."

Asuka: "Bullshit! Let me go! What do either of you know about pain and loneliness? You, the commander's son, and Wondergirl, NERV's pet and poster girl? I bet you both get every luxury on the planet just by snapping your fingers!"

We hug her even tighter.

Shinji: "No, Asuka-san. The Commander abandoned me in a crowded train-station at age 4, and it's his second-in-command, Fuyutsuki-san, who pawned me off on a 'Sensei', a distant uncle, that literally put me in a dog-house and tried to pretend I didn't exist. I only saw my father once a year, every year, on the anniversary of my mother's death, which just so happens to fall on a day a week or so from now, and he destroyed absolutely everything that reminds him of her, so I can't see it. He even burned the family house down. I don't know what he would have done with me if I wasn't in public, but was at home when she died."

Asuka: "Hahahaha! Bullshit, Third Child. The Commander gave you Wondergirl as a wife! How privileged is that?!

Shinji: "No. He did not. He put me in her living quarters, as a guest, while she was in the hospital, because he couldn't be bothered to prepare a place for me, in advance, before having Misato come to pick me up with a letter having her picture and one word 'COME' and you know what I find when I get to NERV, as an Angel is bearing down? Rei, bandaged, and bloody, on a stretcher, being wheeled in to pilot Eva-01, if I refuse, despite the fact that I had absolutely no training whatsoever! It's a miracle we at Tokyo-3 aren't all dead!"

Rei: "And I wasn't 'given' to anyone, thank you. Shinji asked for my hand in marriage, after living and loving me for weeks, and we took down Ramiel together, both of us nearly getting killed in the process. My saying 'yes' is a decision I do not regret as I know he loves and accepts me, good, bad, or just plain weird, and I know he thinks 'weird' about me far more than anything else. Now if by 'poster-girl' you mean 'put in a test-tube, naked and put on display for pretty much one and all' since pretty much the age of 4, then yes, I suppose I'm NERV's 'poster-girl.' As to my 'privileged' life? I've been raised to want to die, and I'm on a cocktail of drugs to keep my body together, and pain-killers to keep me from dying 'too soon.' Even though Shinji's kindness has given me reason to live, my every day is an exercise in agony far, far beyond your wildest imagination, and my nights when I don't share his bed.. Well, can you imagine having dreams of being strangled to death, and waking up with bruises on your neck? That then disappear in a few minutes, but the pain doesn't?"

Shinji: "Rei..."

Asuka: "No way! You're lying! You're both lying! There's no way any of that is true!"

Misato: "I can vouch for Shinji, at least. Here's his file, and as for Rei, well the 'put in a test-tube and put on display' thing has some truth to it. Dr. Akagi does routinely put her in a transparent jar of LCL for medical procedures I can't even begin to understand, and yes, she's buck naked in there."

Asuka: "Of course, you'd be on THEIR side. They're your precious 'gifted' Children, I'm just the loudmouthed foreign girl. Forget that. I'm not going to read that fiction."

Not letting up in the strength of our hug, we begin patting her head and leaning our heads closely, rubbing our faces against her cheeks, and her struggles eventually start to wane.

Shinji: "Do you really want us to stop?"

Asuka: "No... fine. You win. If you lot are going to play pretend and act like my friends, I'll play along, but when the inevitable betrayal comes, be warned, I'll beat you to it, and I'll make your deaths slow, painful, and utterly horrific, as a warning to the next ten generations not to FUCK WITH ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU!"

We kiss her on the cheeks, and then she breaks down and genuinely starts crying. We stay that way for a while.

Naturally, we show up a bit late to school, but Misato decides to cover for us, stating a NERV training exercise, which is also used to cover the fact that Asuka has two broken arms, from a "training accident."

When we get into class, Asuka is asked to identify herself, and she does so with flair, scrawling her name on the blackboard, in English.

Asuka: "Hello, everyone! I, The great Asuka Langley Soryu, have been appointed to your class. Due to NERV circumstances, I will be staying with the First and Third Children, so don't get any strange ideas.

Hopefully we can get along well together!"

Toji: "Man, what luck! You not only get the blue-haired idol, but the fiery red-head too!"

Shinji: "You, of all people, shouldn't be saying that, Toji. I'm sure you remember why."

Toji: "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Still, she's nice to look at and you get plenty of excuses to 'look' if you get my meaning..."

Shinji: "Are you TRYING to get me killed?"

Asuka is assigned the seat nearby where she hears everything, and starts to death-glare at me, and yes, I'm fully aware she's doing it.

The class devolves into thirty minutes of sheer terror as I can sense Asuka's biting hatred, and knowing full well, broken arms or no, she can and will act out on it given the chance.

I'm almost too happy for lunch break to roll around, until I realize that we didn't pack our bentos today thanks to the early morning "confusion."

Asuka: "What do you mean we don't have our lunches?! I've had to put up being sat next to you 'three stooges', and your teeen-boy pervy talk about me, and now I have to go hungry too?!"

Shinji: "Calm down, Asuka, we can still get something in the cafeteria..."

Asuka: "OH! Hell no! That cheap, mass produced trash they have down there? If there's anything that keeps you from being completely worthless, is that you know your way around a kitchen pretty damn well! Who taught you to cook anyway? Your eats are the best I've had in.. forever, and I don't hand out praise lightly."

Shinji: "I've had to learn to cook for myself, by myself, thank you. It wasn't easy."

Asuka: "Another tall tale, I see, fine, don't tell me. Wouldn't fill my belly anyway."

Toji: "Shinji. Are you sure you married Rei? Cause you and Asuka quarrel like you've been married for years."

Asuka and Shinji (Blushing furiously): "It's not like that!"

Toji: "Whoah! Perfect sync!"

Rei: "... I was planning to tell you right away, but that reaction was worth the wait."

Asuka: "What, Wondergirl?"

Shinji: "Rei?"

Rei: "It was my turn to make and pack the lunches. Here you go."

Shinji: "Thanks, sweetheart! You're a life-saver!"

Asuka: "Hmm. Well. I suppose this beats being hungry, thanks."

As we all start eating...

Asuja: "Wow. Hey, this is really good! Third Child! Are you sure you aren't letting Wondergirl take the credit?! Here! This omelet rice is one of your specialties! I also see some boiled octopus, a bit of canned asparagus, and some pickled beets for a bit of a sweet and spicy kick!"

Shinji: "She's right, dear. You've improved! And I thought you didn't like meat..."

Rei: "I don't, but I put in octopus, this time, as a bit of an apology to Asuka-san for the 'accident' this morning."

Asuka: "Wait... You've been teaching her to cook?!"

Shinji: "Yes, among other things, and in return she's been teaching me German, among other things."

Asuka: "Wait?! YOU KNOW GERMAN, WONDERGIRL?!"

Rei: "Jawohl, fraulein."

Asukua: "And how, pray tell, did you learn German? It's not a common language here in Japan."

Rei: "I've had 'visits' by numerous German technicians down in NERV, since four years old, I couldn't help but pick up the language, both written and spoken."

Asuka: "Your tale gets a bit 'taller' every time you tell it, Wondergirl."

Rei: "Whether you believe us or not is up to you, Asuka-chan. Shinji-kun and I have and will be completely honest with you."

Asuka: "That remains to be seen."

The school-day ends and Asuka opens her locker only to have a flood of letters pour out, which she immediately stomps on, quite angrily.

Asuka: "Stupid pervert teens! Don't know squat about me, but still 'fall in love' with the exotic foreign girl just on looks alone! Not a sincere one in the bunch! GAH! They can all drop dead! For all I care!"

Shinji: "Umm, Asuka-san?"

Asuka: "WHAT?!"

Shinji: "The class president wanted to talk to you..."

Asuka: "About what?"

Hikari: "Umm. Just saying hello, and I'm sure those boys don't mean anything by it. They're just curious is all."

Asuka: "Oh. Hello, Class President … Hikari was it? Pleasure to meet you."

Hikari: "Honored. So.. is it true that you will be sharing a roof with Shinji and Rei Ikari?"

Asuka: "Yeah. Our 'genius' private tutor thought it would be great if the three of us live under the same roof, but don't be getting any strange ideas. It may be the same house, but it's a 'Western' mansion with private separate rooms for each of us. Married or not, Shinji and Rei aren't sharing a bed either."

Hikari: "I see. That's both a relief and a heartache. It's sad to see a married couple kept apart, for any eason."

Asuka: "Yeah. Well. I don't know what NERV was thinking getting them married this young in the first place. Teen marriages don't trend well."

Hikari: "Well. That may be true, but although I can't speak for Shinji, since he hasn't been here that long, but Rei, Rei has improved immensely after they got married. She used to just spend the whole class staring out the window, completely unresponsive, but now, now she's actively engaged. She asks questions. She raises her hand. She's pro-active, and actively volunteers. "

Shinji: "Our class Sensei recommended a tutor precisely because of her marked improvement."

Asuka: "Sure, sure, right... Where is Wondergirl anyway?"

Shinji: "She's down at NERV for a check-up. I've been asked to invite you down with us."

Asuka: "Hahaha! Sure. Why not? Not like I have anything better to do."

Shinji: "That's great. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Asuka: "I'm not doing this for her, Baka!"

Shinji: "Of course, not, Asuka-san."

When we get to NERV and are ushered into Ritsuko's lab, Asuka's smug confidence that Rei's stories of being dunked in an LCL tank and being put on display for one and all being a work of fiction shatter, along with her smile, and then she runs right back out into the corridor where I have to chase after her.

Auska:"What...WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK?! That story was true? Doesn't this bother you? In the slightest?"

Shinji: "Yeah, it's true, and it bothers the ever loving hell out of me, okay? But what am I supposed to do? If she doesn't go in there and be examined by Ritsuko and whoever she deems 'necessary,' she could easily die! Hell, she's been going in that thing and been 'on display' since age four. She has no concept of 'modesty.' NERV's brilliant idea to get me used to that was to have me visit her while she's in that state, in that same lab, until she was officially deemed well enough to be released from the hospital and then, because I had nowhere else to live, have the two of us move in together."

Asuka: "Oh, oh hell. And you're the Commander's son, and she's the 'poster-girl.' What the hell do they think of me?"

Shinji: "I don't know, and I don't want to. But if we have anything to say about it, you won't be 'just a disposable tool.'"

Asuka: "Even if you don't mean it, that's nice to hear. Thanks, Baka."

Shinji: "My pleasure, now lets go see Rei, okay? She's going to be wondering what's wrong soon."

Asuka: (Sighing) "Fine. I suppose we should get this over with then."

Walking back into the lab, I hear Ritsuko ask Rei a question no husband ever wants to hear his wife answer, not even to her doctor.

Shinji: "Ritsuko-Sensei!"

Rei: "Ah, Shinji-kun, Asuka-chan. You made it."

Asuka: "Yeah, this... is obviously going to take some getting used to."

Ritsuko: "I assure you, Ikari-san, that this question is vitally, and medically important. I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

Rei: "That's fine. Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: (sigh) "If it's absolutely medically necessary."

Having gotten my consent, Rei goes on to describe, in detail, the full minutia of our sex lives.

Asuka: "That's so surprisingly... vanilla."

To be continued in chapter 8.

Well. I've hit a bit of a snag. A critical plot point, while not technically violating the rules, did fail to pass the "smell test" on the last screening. As such, chapter 8 onward needs a major rewrite, and I'm not likely to make the self-imposed weekly deadline. I'm going to screen an OMAKE now, see how that flies.

Giving a three day window for mod review, the next update might be Tuesday.

Omake Scrapped, still working on chapter 8. Will post once it's properly screened.

Chapter 9:

Asuka: "I don't know what pisses me off the most! 1.) The fact that an Angel showed up and I didn't get to do squat about it, being pickled like a beet and all. 2.) The fact that Section 3's idea of maintaining quarantine involved simply frog-marching us here at the point of guns and flame-throwers, leaving us with only one flashlight, and throwing these hospital gowns and underwear that we're now wearing, into the room, as an afterthought 3.) We have only one bed and one bath here, and we were forced to wash off that LCL, together, in a single communal bath, in near total darkness! Though I suppose I should be grateful that they didn't decide to power-wash us with a fireman's hose like I heard a few of them threaten to do, but don't expect me to give them an award for basic decency. 4.) NERV has the gall to think we should be grateful that the entire 'apartment' minus the bathroom is monitored for sound 24/7 because having no mics in the communal bathroom, though the toilets have stalls, at least, and supposedly no cameras, is 'respecting our privacy.' GAH! "

Shinji: "At least Lara Croft managed to provide enough generators that we have minimal power..."

Asuka: "Yeah. I can't tell if that makes things better or worse! Now instead of worrying you'll 'accidentally' grab something you shouldn't, I have to worry that you'll 'accidentally' see something you shouldn't!"

Rei: "I can understand being scared of bathing in the dark, as that is physically quite dangerous, but I fail to comprehend why you're so ashamed of your body. You are quite beautiful, Asuka-san, and you obviously take good care of it. I am... somewhat envious."

Asuka: "Are.. are you for real, Wondergirl? Being on display in a giant test-tube is one thing. At least you have a sold, physical barrier that lets people know to keep their hands off. Willingly being naked, as in not just nude but defenseless..."

Rei: "I see. So you are afraid of us?"

Asuka: "Like hell I... okay, maybe 'suspicious' is the right word. You two are way, way too nice to me, and I don't mean the 'stroke her ego to her face and snicker behind her back' kind, but the 'honest to God' kind that always offers me a helping hand, regardless of how you personally feel. It's been my experience that the latter are the more dangerous, as they always want something. For the life of me, I can't figure out what you two want from me, as we're stuck together on equal footing, and I have nothing to offer you."

Shinji: "All we want is to be your friend, Asuka-san."

Rei: "Indeed. As you say, we are stuck together, so it's better for all of us if we're on good terms."

Asuka: "Oh, so it's the old 'be nice to her as long as she's useful' shtick, eh?"

Rei: "No. We may have been asked to be nice to you, but all we want is your good will, even after all this is over."

Shinji: "Besides, you're cutest when you smile."

Rei: "Pilot Ikari, you said something unnecessary. Still, I must concur. Asuka-chan is quite cute, especially when she's happy."

Asuka: "W-w-w-w-what!?! No! This can't be happening! Forget it! You ecchi couple can have the bed! Now that I can see what I'm doing, I'm sleeping in the closet! Fair warning! The closet door will be the 'impenetrable wall of Jericho, and if either of you try anything, you'll regret it!"

Asuka darts into the closet, slamming the door behind her.

While I'm confused and chagrined, thinking we might have gone too far, Rei smirks, walks over and quickly opens the door..

Asuka: "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

Rei: "The walls of Jericho fell, Asuka-chan." Rei leans in for a kiss. First a tentative peck on the lips, and then a long, slow kiss that has Asuka melt like butter, for about five seconds.

Asuka: "What! ARE! YOU! DOING?! That was my first kiss, damn it! I was hoping Shinji would wise-up and take it.."

Asuka suddenly realizes her outburst, covers her mouth with her hands and starts to both blush furiously and weep in embarrassment.

Rei: "I thought so. Sadly, Shinji-kun is spoken for, and off-limits, at least until I say so."

Asuka: "Doesn't that apply to you too? Aren't you 'spoken for' and off-limits? Wouldn't Baka-Shinji object to his wife having a fling?"

Shinji: "With anyone else, especially another guy, abso-frackin-lutely! Can you name a reason why I'd object to you?"

Asuka: "So you're not worried that I'd steal her away?"

Shinji: "Not your style. You prefer to win your fights, honestly, and straight up. Besides, you and Rei make each other happy, and I LIVE for Rei's smile. I also told you you're cute when you're happy, remember?"

Asuka: "Bet you're just saying this because I'm another girl."

Shinji: "Right, so?"

Asuka: "And what, pray tell, makes you think I'm into girls?"

Shinji: "You were far, far nicer with Hikari-san than anyone else, and you stomped on all those 'confession' letters without even opening them."

Asuka: "Me hating guys is not the same as me liking girls, BAKA! And Hikari hadn't done anything to warrant me bitching at her."

Shinji: "Well, there is the reaction you had when Rei first came on to you.."

Rei: "Indeed. That was most.. unexpected ...and amusing."

Asuka: "... Okay. Ya got me there. So what's next?"

Rei: "That depends entirely on you, Asuka-chan."

Shinji: "No pressure one way or the other. You and Rei want to start something … romantic, I won't stop you. In fact, I'll cheer you on, and we both will do everything in our power to make you happy. Decline, and we'll respect your boundaries, do what we can to make you comfortable, and otherwise leave you alone. All alone. How you handle it is up to you."

Asuka: "No pressure.. right. You sure you're not a used-car salesman? That's a pretty good pitch for a lemon in the lot if ye get my drift."

Rei: "I do not appreciate being compared to a 'lemon,' whatever that means."

Shinji: "Well, Rei is rather.. unusual, yes, but so are you, Asuka-san, and you've openly admitted having 'romantic' feelings towards both of us."

Asuka: "Oh, fine then. I suppose I don't have a problem dating her, but I'm not in any way ready for any sexy shenanigans."

Rei: "That's more than acceptable. Especially as we're forbidden from sex anyway, thanks to our A-T field.. issues, at the moment."

Asuka: "I suppose it's time to make this official then? How does it go... AH! Rei-san, though I am unworty, please take care of me!"

Rei: "My pleasure, Asuka-chan! Welcome Home!"

Shinji: <Sniff>, <Sniff> (As I'm clearly crying) "That … was beautiful."

Rei: (Smiles sweetly) "Yes, Shinji-kun. I get a girlfriend for my first birthday with you! Best! Present! Ever!"

Shinji: "Birthday? Today's your birthday? Umm... Happy Birthday?"

Rei: (Frowning) "You forgot? Didn't you? Ikari-kun?"

Shinji: "Forgot?! How was I supposed to know? You never told me."

Rei: "It was in my file, that I gave you, remember?"

Shinji: "Oh, you mean under that black redacted marker stuff, like about half of the information in there?"

Rei: "... Well, I'll forgive you, since you gave me such a wonderful present, and we can't go shopping anyway, nor even bake the cake.... Well, actually, we could, but without frosting."

As the "warehouse" attached to this suite has enough non-perishable foods ranging from powdered milk, eggs, and flour to freeze-dried fruit to last years, set up by the UN under Kaji's direction, Rei's statement is clearly credible.

Asuka: "Wait... I'm a birthday present? And today's your birthday?"

Rei: "I don't blame you for not knowing, as you believed my file, and Shinji-kun's was 'pure fiction' the day we met."

Asuka: "Actually, I did read it, and yeah, your birthday's not listed in there, at all, just a giant black marker swipe where the birthday's supposed to go."

Rei blinks a few times, but then just shrugs and smiles "Well, you both know now! So expect consequences if you forget next year! Now time to unwrap the present!"

Asuka: "Now hold on! I thought we agreed..."

Asuka doesn't even get to finish her statement before Rei picks her and me up and puts us on her shoulders like bags of rice before taking us to the communal shower/bath attached to our room. On the plus side, it seems NERV managed to reattach her arm just fine.

Asuka: "Oh, oh hell no! She's not doing what I think she's doing, is she?!"

Shinji: "Sorry. Forgot to mention Rei's a HUGE fan of mixed bathing, at least as far as I can tell."

Asuka: (Sigh) "And strong enough to literally break us in half if we resist, right?"

Shinji: "Oh, by the spirits of our ancestors, yes."

Rei: (Humming happily) "Oh, we had orders to get 'squeaky clean' for another day in the LCL tank too!"

Asuka: "Wait, we were going to be ORDERED to bathe together?" (Asuka starts glaring at me.)

Shinji: "First time I'm hearing this!"

Rei: "Hehe! No, Shinji-kun, Asuka-chan, but now that we're all one happy family, bathing together is going to be no problem at all!"

Asuka: "I know it's my fault for agreeing to date her without asking about this first, but if I find out you break the bathing etiquette..."

Shinji: "Yeah, you'll gouge my eyes out and eat them, right?"

Asuka: "You're learning!"

Rei: "Hey now! Play nice!" (Opens the shower door and carries us inside.)

A little while later, we are once again in the LCL tanks, in exactly the same state as last time, and yes, I get to keep my eyes.

Asuka: "Okay, here we are again, triple-washed, squeaky clean, and naked as jaybirds. What do we have in store for us this time?"

She sounds.. almost jovial about it, and NERV staff is quick to pick up on it.

Maya: "She sounds... kinda happy."

Aoba: "I'm scared! Where's that unstable ball of anger we all know?!"

Misato: "Rits, did something really good happen behind my back? Or is there something you're not telling me..."

Ritsuko: "I'm not in any way responsible for their mood, Major, though I'd love to take credit for it."

Misato: "Then what's going on?"

Maya: "Asuka and Rei are now dating! And the way it happened was just so romantic!"

Misato: "Wait, WHAT?! How did that happen?! And didn't Shinji-kun object to somebody else romancing his wife?!"

Aoba: "He ...umm... kinda set it up, actually, or at least greatly helped it along."

Misato: "You're joking..."

Maya: "Oh, no! Get this, Asuka-chan is Rei's birthday present! That's how badly Shinji-kun wants Rei-san to be happy! It doesn't get more romantic than that! I'm so jealous!"

Misato: "... That little perv..."

Ritsuko: "Enough. Keep that tabloid rumor-mongering type talk out of the lab, please. We are supposed to be professionals here. Try acting like it!"

Aoba and Maya: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Ritsuko: "Major?"

Misato: (Sigh) "Fine. I'll talk with them over the intercom later, when we're done here."

Ritsuko: "Thank you. As to your question, Asuka-san, we're going to pick up where we left off last time, before we were... interrupted, and perform some remote sync tests. The reason you're all 'au naturale' is that we wish to minimize any and all variables that might affect your sync score, notably the plug suits, outside clothing, or anything on your bodies."

Asuka: "As embarrassing as this is, I have to admit it does make sense, on paper. But sync scores are affected by our mental state, yes?"

Ritsuko: "... Yes. That's why we're planning plug-suit tests as a 'control' later."

Asuka: "I see."

Ritsuko: "Major... I don't know or care what their personal lives are like, but whatever they're doing together in quarantine, don't rock the boat. This is the most cooperative I've seen her, and I'd like her to stay that way."

Misato: "Yeah, Rits. I'll be .. gentle."

Ritsuko: "Good. Okay, Pilots, the first test will be syncing with your original Evas as a baseline, and then we'll see about inter-eva compatibility."

Asuka: "Inter-eva?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Situations may arise where you have to use each others' Evas and we need to know now how well that plays out before that happens. We know there's some compatibility between Shinji and Eva-02 as your sync score went up while he was duel-synced with you, but we need to be clear how high that is, and among other tests."

Shinji: "That makes sense."

Rei: "A highly logical assertion."

Asuka: "... I'm going to have to be a broken, bloody mess on the ground before anyone uses Eva-02 without me in the cockpit, or without my permission! Still, I can see the merit in being ready before that happens."

Ristuko: "Good, okay, Pilots, try to clear your minds... breathe normally and relax.. beginning sync tests..."

Aoba: "All Evas activating normally!"

Maya: "Wait, are these readings correct?"

Ritsuko: "Maya, what's going on?"

Maya: "Asuka just got a sync reading of 70%, though it's fluctuating by a margin of up to five points! Shinji's reading is 65%. REI is stable at 60% and that's twice her normal maximum!"

Misato whistles loudly. "Damn! Whatever it is they're doing in their 'downtime' is clearly working!"

Ritsuko: "I must agree, Major, though there is a glaring drawback to our new-found fortune."

Misato: "I can see where you're going, Rits. Something happens to one of them, and they might all buckle."

Ritsuko: "Outstanding work, Pilots! You've managed to surpass your maximum rates by a significant margin! Especially you, Rei. You've doubled your maximum to a full 60%. Asuka, though you're still in the lead at 70%, you're fluctuating up to five points. With Shinji at 65% and stable, it's a photo-finish for you!"

Rei: "Hmmm! This is welcome news, doctor!"

Shinji: "I... I've caught up to Asuka?!"

Asuka: "Don't let it go to your head, Third! I'm still ahead of you!"

Ritsuko: "Now comes the hard part, Pilots. We're going to have to test how you fare on each others' Eva. First comes Rei on Eva-01 as a benchmark test. We know she's compatible with Eva-01, and had the same level of sync as Eva-00. We need to make sure this is still true."

Rei: "I understand."

Eva-00 shuts down, and Eva-01 powers up.

Maya: "Sync rate stable at 60%, no change."

Ritsuko: "Outstanding, Rei. You're still at 60% even in Eva-01. Congratulations."

Rei: "Thank you, Doctor."

Ritsuko: "Okay, sorry about this, Pilot Asuka, but considering the tendency of Eva-01 and Eva-00 to go berserk, we're going to be performing the cross-sync tests with Eva-02 first."

Asuka: "I really don't like the idea, but since there's nothing I can do about it, make it quick."

Rei's sync score with Eva02 is 30%, enough to get it moving, at least as well as Eva-00, but not much more.

Asuka: "Ha! I wouldn't date you if you couldn't do at least that much!"

Rei: "High praise indeed, Asuka-chan. I shall strive to meet your expectations."

Asuka: "HMPH! You'd better!"

Shinji (Sigh)

Rei and Asuka: "And WHY ARE YOU SIGHING?!"

Shinji: "This... is going to take some getting used to.. but I think I like it."

Rei and Asuka: "BAKA!"

Misato: "Well, you sure do get along!"

Ritsuko: "Pilot Shinji Ikari. It's your turn."

Shinji: "Yes, Ma'am."

I find out that my sync rate with Eva-02 is exactly 50% down to the tenth integer.

Asuka: "I... I don't know whether to be impressed it takes that level of precision to measure your reading, or feel threatened the Eva-02 likes you that much."

Shinji: "I got that nerve-crawling feeling like I just met the in-laws for the first time with their daughter out of the room."

Rei: "Indeed. I had a similar feeling, only I didn't seem to be well-liked."

Asuka: "In that case, be grateful they didn't start polishing their shotguns while talking to you!"

I later find out that the NERV staff didn't get the reference and had to have it explained by Kaji, who has a great deal of experience interacting with "The West."

Ritusku: "You've all done well so far, Pilots. Just one last pair of tests and we're through for the day. It should be three tests with an Asuka+Eva-00 test, but the Commander has forbidden that one, due to its tendency to go berserk on activation, and Asuka's documented emotional instability."

Asuka: "HEY!"

Shinji: "Over the Rainbow..."

Asuka: "Grrr!"

Rei: "Hahahaha!"

Ritsuko: "Pilots! Please!"

Shiji: "Ok, Ritsuko-Sensei, I trust the tests involve Asuka in Eva-01 and myself in Eva-00, by process of elimination?"

Ritsuko: "Correct, pilot."

Shinji: "Ladies first?"

Asuka: "Oh NOW you remember your chivalry?"

Ritsuko: "He is correct. Eva-01 is known for going berserk in combat, but not upon activation. Asuka first, and then Shinji."

Asuka: "Oh, fine. I suppose Mr. Housewife goes last then."

Shinji: "???"

Upon syncing with Eva-01, Asuka begins having a one-sided conversation with someone or something. At least it looks one sided as neither we nor NERV can hear anything being said by someone else, but Eva-01 does growl a few times.

Asuka: "Who are you?"

Asuka: "How do you know this?"

Asuka: "What? You're kidding! You can't mean..."

Asuka: "Why speak to me?"

Asuka: "What do you want of me?"

Asuka: "The Angels are the EASY part?!!"

Asuka:"These intstructions?"

Asuka: "You know my mother?!"

Asuka: "Then that means..."

Ritsuko: "Cut the connection! Sever the link, or we might lose her forever!"

Aoba: "Preparing to sever the link in 5"

Misato: "Wait! She's coming around!"

Asuka: "What... what happened? Stop staring at me, Baka, Wondergirl! It's creepy!"

Shinji: "Thank God, you're alright! We were afraid you were going to lose your mind in there."

Rei: "Indeed, Asuka-chan. We... I was very concerned about you. NERV was seconds away from pulling the plug, damn the consequences. There are better ways to break-off a relationship, don't you think?"

Asuka: "What the hell are you trying to imply, Wondergirl?! I am not that wishy-washy!"

Misato: "Thank the Lord. Everything's back to normal. Let's hope Shinji's test goes better."

Ritusko: "Major..."

Maya:"Good news is she got a 75% sync rating... That's better than with Eva-02!"

Ritsuko:"A mixed blessing then... Don't know how the Commander is going to react to that. Aoba. Keep that eject switch for Eva-00 ready.."

Aoba: "Roger."

Ritusko: "Alright, Pilot Shinji Ikari, your test is the last for today. Let's see if you and Rei are cross compatible with the Evas."

Shinji: "Roger."

Maya: "Initiating neural link.. Something's wrong! The neural pulses are reversing, shifting back to the pilot."

Ritsuko: "Damn! Sever the connection, stat!"

Aoba:"It's not working. The signal is being ignored!"

Shinji:"Something... something is trying to force its way into my mind... Rei?"

Rei:"Shinji-... kun?"

Eva-00 goes berserk. "ROOOOAAAAARRRR~!!!!"

It rips its way free of the restraints, walks up to and plants its palms on both sides of the normal observation booth before staring in.

Ritsuko: "Eject the power cord, NOW!"

Aoba:"Right!"

Aoba smashes the glass covering the button, pushes it, and the cord detaches, using boosters to land safely. Eva-00 shuts down for a split-second before activating again.

Ritsuko: "Back up power will last 30 seconds!"

Misato: "Rits! What's going on?"

Ritsuko: "It's happening again! Damn it! At least this time, I'm not in that damn observation room as that monstrosity goes out of control!"

Misato: "What are you talking about?"

Ritsuko: "The same damn thing happened when Rei tried to activate it before the first Angel attack. It's why she was so bandaged and bloody, and Shinji had to be brought in! Fortunately, we don't have to worry about it ejecting an entry plug as he's connected remotely."

To Be continued.....