Chapter 37 - The Mind Knows
Kate Heightmeyer had accepted the offer to join the Atlantis expedition as their resident psychologist, fully aware that she would likely be dealing with people suffering both common and unusual issues.
That had in fact been a big part of why she had chosen to accept the offer. Because it was rare in her profession that one could both help people in need and plumb never before analyzed depths of the human condition.
She'd done her due diligence in preparing, studied in depth about the long term effects of isolation on groups deployed to places like the Arctic, and read everything written by
Doctor MacKenzie about his time dealing with the various alien related psychological maladies that had cropped up at Stargate Command.
None of that had been enough to prepare her for dealing with her current patient's problems.
"And the constant chafing is driving me up the wall." Peter Grodin complained as he made a cupping motion over his breasts. "I know it's a small thing given everything else, and it's only happening because I'm having to borrow underclothes from the general pool of spares. But it's still just…"
"A constant reminder?" Kate put forward, making a mental note that the next session might be a good time to float the idea to Grodin about getting himself properly measured.
"Exactly." Grodin confirmed with an emphatic nod.
From a psychological standpoint feelings like that were only to be expected of someone who had their body as radically altered as Grodin had. However the degree of dysphoria he was experiencing was still significantly less then she had expected given the circumstances. And it made her wonder whether that was something in the man's own psychological makeup at play, or some effect of the Ancient device that had changed him.
"I'd say that's only to be expected. But the truth is we're swimming in uncharted waters here."
"Except by the Ancients." Grodin groused, moving to cross his arms only to stop and let them drop back to his lap when they encountered the pair of obvious obstructions.
Kate sighed, knowing he probably wasn't going to like what she had to say. "As far as I have been able to discover, the Ancient's considered the idea of sex and gender to be a non-factor amongst themselves."
It had been a remarkably interesting puzzle to piece together given the limits of navigating the database and almost incidental way the Ancients had treated the subject. She had honestly wanted to ask Evan if he could shed some light on the subject, but the Ancient had been keeping himself remarkably unavailable to anyone but the command staff.
"Which means what?" Grodin snapped. "That this whole thing really would have just been a joke to them?"
"No." Kate returned, unsurprised that was what Grodin had ended up taking from her words. "It means that you shouldn't be using the Ancients as a measuring stick for how you should feel about this, because they aren't us."
"That's…" Grodin leaned forward to retort, only to stop and let out a defeated sigh as he slumped back into the chair. "That's really not what I meant."
"Oh?" Kate prodded when he didn't elaborate any further.
Grodin scowled, looking around the room in a way that very clearly suggested he wanted to avoid saying whatever it was before steeling himself and looking her directly in the eyes. "It's just. Why even build something like that? I've looked up Thalia's records in the database, and it's obvious she was a genius. Yet all she ever really did with that genius is create insanely complex devices to play jokes on others."
If Thalia were human, behavior like that would suggest some rather specific possibilities. But everything she'd put together about Ancient psychology suggested the circumstances that tended to cause those to come about just didn't really exist with them.
"If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?"
Crossing his arms again, Grodin furrowed his brow as he took a moment to consider her question.
"I'm pretty sure I'm already doing it." He finally admitted.
Something Kate heavily suspected was true of most of the scientists on Atlantis, her included.
"Prior to the war with the Wraith, a general axiom of the Ancients in regards to work was 'take up that which you enjoy'. So the likely answer to your question is that was what Thalia enjoyed doing."
"But it's so meaningless!" Grodin protested, throwing up his arms before letting them drop back down to the armrests.
"Was it?" Kate asked, relieved they had finally gotten to one of his big problems with what had happened. "I've been brushing up on my mythology, and Thalia could very well have been the inspiration for an entire genre of fiction that has brought joy to humans for thousands of years."
"And of course." Kate continued as she shot Grodin a speculative look. "There's s the more expansive question of what Thalia was hoping to accomplish with her jokes?"
"What she was hoping to accomplish?" Grodin repeated, clearly trying to figure out just what Kate had meant with her words.
"While it's true practical jokes can be a form of bullying, they can also be a general stress relief, or even a form of social commentary. And given bullying seems unlikely, that begs the question of what stress she was trying to relieve or what social commentary she was trying to make?"
"Something to think about at the very least." She finished as she took a moment to check her watch and confirm her fears that they were a good ten minutes over time.
"What?" Grodin began in confusion as he checked his own. "But it's only… A little past five…"
Flushing in sudden embarrassment, Grodin quickly pulled himself out of the chair. "I'm sorry, I completely lost track of time."
"It's all right." Kate reassured him with an understanding smile. "Same time tomorrow?"
"I'd appreciate it." Grodin agreed with a wane smile as he walked to the door, pressing the crystal to open it and heading out.
Kate began to get up to head out herself, only to pause at the familiar form standing on the others side of her door.
"Grodin" Sheppard greeted as he gave a nod to the passing man before focusing on her. "Hey doc? Could I have a quick minute?"
"Of course." Kate agreed, letting out a silent sigh of remorse at the very real possibility that there would yet again only be blue jello left by the time she made it to the cafeteria.
Waiting a moment for him to enter and close the door behind him, Kate sat back down in her recently vacated chair. "So, what's the emergency?"
Sheppard walked over to the chair across from her and leaned on the back. "You're a woman, right?"
She stared for a moment, waiting patiently for him to take his foot out of his mouth.
Cringing, he quickly attempted to change tracks. "I mean, you know how women think."
"I'd certainly like to think so." Kate admitted, laughing lightly so he'd know she didn't take the slip-up personally. "But like a lot of things involving the mind, the way women think tends to vary pretty heavily."
"I think I might have screwed up." Sheppard confessed, the guilty tone in his voice instantly setting her on edge given the limited number of things involving that which could connect back to his previous subject. "Teyla and I we… And she's…"
An urge to giggle nearly overcame Kate, thankfully though she was able to clamp down on it before it could fully manifest. Because somehow, someway, relationship problems always seemed to be both the most and least of the expedition's worries.
"And the way Athosians do dating and relationships is apparently a lot more different then I had thought." He continued without missing a beat. "Because she's apparently been waiting for me to make the first move since I made my interest clear on Athos. Which, okay, yeah, I absolutely did, but that was before we ended up on a team together."
The number of times Kate had had this general conversation over the past year would likely have surprised him, or at the very least her advice to those parties probably would.
"And that's what kept you from pursuing a relationship with Teyla?" She put forward as she leaned back in her chair.
"Yes." Sheppard instantly agreed, only to let out a sigh and shake his head. "Well, yes, and no. I kind of didn't think she was interested anymore after she cut back on the flirting when I did. But that's apparently just how Athosians do things. And now we've both directly said we're interested, but I'm really worried about the effects it'll have on the team."
And probably whether he would screw this relationship up like he had his marriage, but Kate kept that thought to herself since it would likely be better to let him come to that realization on his own.
"I'm sure Doctor McKay will be suitably jealous." She offered with a smile.
"Well yeah." Sheppard acknowledged with a nod. "But that's McKay, he'll pretend to sulk a bit then be fine."
Letting out a slight hum of acknowledgement Kate gave him a contemplative look. "I see, so you think Lieutenant Ford will have a problem with it then?"
Sheppard shook his head. "Na, the only worry there is the amount of jokes I'll have to put up with for not seeing it sooner."
"Then what's the worry?" Kate asked, really hoping he wouldn't try to dodge around the issue any more than he already had.
The glare Sheppard sent her way at that said he was fully aware of how she was leading him towards a specific conclusion and didn't approve. "That I'll screw up."
"You will." Kate agreed with a nod, knowing he wouldn't want her to sugarcoat it at this point. "But feeling's aren't an on and off switch that have no impact on your actions so long as you don't flip them to the on position. They exist regardless. And while the military might have rules against fraternization, I'll note the Stargate program very specifically doesn't."
It was a subject that she knew had gone through a good deal of debate, with the decision being tipped toward the current policy of acceptance after several events had caused "secret" relationships between team members to openly backfire to the point of creating serious risk for the planet.
"So my suggestion? Talk to Teyla about your worries."
"I already kind of did." Sheppard confessed with an awkward smile as he suddenly avoided looking her in the eyes. "She said my worry was sweet, but unneeded."
"Then there you go." Kate said, getting the distinct sense just from those words alone that Teyla was the type who would be able to deal with Sheppard's worry without too much issue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Notes: Poor Kate, the job of a psychologist on Atlantis never ends.
