Alright, but I'm not a rapper.
Epic Rap Battles of Necromancy!
Morgan Williams
VERSUS!
Bruce McClelland!
BEGIN!
Bruce:
*FWIP!* Shit, nearly thought I got you.
Listen up Dracula, because my mind resists your voo-doo!
Wanna undo me with your dark, vile word stew?
I blow my nose at you, put you to bed like bird flu!
*Achoo!*
*sniff*
Maybe that's where you belong, you daywalking villain!
Snatching up maidens like your brother named Cullen!
Cullin' your population like you were a bad seed,
Caught you in the coffin, like overgrown weeds!
Got a bottle for you:
It's labelled 'pest-i-cide'.
Show you what it's like to lie in the earth twice!
Pale as Nosferatu, you should use ointment!
Wouldn't want to be late to your doctor's appointment!
If you reflected upon your actions--oh wait,
YOU CAN'T!
You're unable to see that you're a dark disappointment!
*shines a mirror*
Morgan:
Argh!
I am not that close with the doctors,
If that's what you're implying.
But the blood there is good;
The little packets are satisfying. *tsss, slurrrrp*
Ahhhh. Where are you...?
Ah! *clap clap*
I'll give you commendations for your mental fortitude!
Who trained you, your grandfather with health issues?
I wouldn't know, I was at rest, as you say.
HAH!
Couldn't even find me after a century of wait!
If you were half as good as the child who chased me off,
I'd be back into spirit form!
But enough is enough!
How insulting of you to call our kind weeds?
It is humans who fall victim to their greed!
Pollution, sloth, and terrible fashion;
Maybe stop hunting, and gather a new passion? *ooga booga*
Primitive savages, simply unnatural!
PLEASE take a lesson in rationing, you army men in general!
I'll sweep you away with the illness of my flow,
Diseased and less pleasing than corpses on a road,
I wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't, truth be told,
Touch you with any of my telepathic holds!
*begins setting out ingredients for a ritual*
Bruce:
Oh, what's this? The magician with a few tricks?
Got my gun cocked, I'll flip off the safe switch!
A rat-a-tat-tat will blow you away!
Kick you back to Europe, and that's where you'll stay! *woof!*
Good Nera! Who wants a treat?
Stomping on Morgan takes less than two *stomp!* feats! *stomp!*
I'll wring you dry, take out with the dead!
It's a real pain to keep you well fed!
Considering that we could let the wolves in;
Keeping in mind you're not a dog person,
We'll be sure to abuse that when your ass needs a whoopin'!
Morgan:
A-ha!
I see it all now: the multitude of fates!
Each one leading to your loss in my estate!
I'll be glad to keep you here, your child and dog, too.
Just keep your woman's feet off of MY SHOES!
Claudia:
*stepping noises*
Hm. Talking shit about me?
I'll have you knocked out and tied onto a tree.
Joyce has more psychic talent than you, you old bat. *adorable hmpf!*
Can you crawl back in your hole like a rat?
*click*
Morgan:
Now, the dead walk free, yes,
But mindless ones too!
It is shortsighted to rely on gun-fu!
A magical ward in place here and there,
Keep your family safe.
Isn't that fair?
Let's find the one behind this horrid affair!
Cooperation will ensure that we're prepared!
Bruce:
I don't like you,
Since you're our mortal foe,
But these times call for the lesser of two evils.
Claudia:
Fine, fine...
Just don't think your heart will be safe
When my family's at stake.
Cross the line,
And you'll know what it's like to be steak,
Like we're all in, your stake will be raised.
Discombobulated, dismembered, disappeared is your fate!
Morgan:
*sigh*
Just follow my lead, if you are so inclined.
Blood bonding is a contract that eternally binds.
Take the steps if you wish, pay your doubt no mind.
Better to have gone knowing than to have died blind!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
Eeeeeeeepic rapbattlesofnecromancy!
-------
@Wysteria Guh, no idea how these guys would rap. Hope my material is as canon as possible!
Except the rapping of course.
Thanks to ERB and SV for making this possible.
