Oh dear lord. I need to break this down. I have never been good at answering the question "How do you feel?"
[ ] Betrayal and disillusionment over your sister shooting your friend and comrade
This feels like a "torn between many loyalties" kind of thing. Amani desperately wants her sister back, but also wants her friend alive. Friends and family are not supposed to
shoot at each other. That sense of someone betraying the obligations of their position (in society or a relationship) sort of ties into her previous issues with people, too. Mazlo her superior, supposed to work with her to accomplish more than either could alone, instead ignores and undercuts her, and revels in his higher rank; the Lord Secretary, technically a noble with noble obligations, but actually behaves like a Professional Asshat
(even the princess was fed up with him, when she was venting to J6!).
[ ] Fear and existential dread over everything going wrong in an escalating war
Not really sure how to parse this one, but it seems self-explanatory. Probably the deepest I can read into this is Amani's fear that she might not be doing enough to stop all of this stuff from happening. But this is also Lori's best shot at successfully comforting Amani - she's experienced, and has been an observer with front row seats to most of the things that have gone wrong, but also the forgotten things that went right. She can offer a lot of perspective.
[ ] Guilt that you brought Anja there, that you couldn't somehow stop Mosi
Guilt is a powerful motivator to better oneself. Amani is definitely the kind of person who throws herself into excelling at every opportunity, and working hard to keep this from ever happening again. That said, this one also feels a bit self-absorbed. Anja didn't have to come; she offered to. She drew the gun.
[ ] Grief and worry for Anja being wounded, eclipsing all else
I wasn't sure what to think about this, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it, and now I keep coming back to "eclipsing all else". Eclipsing worries about her job. Eclipsing her family: even the one who just showed after years of absence and may be a criminal or a traitor, who should be foremost in Amani's mind, but is nonetheless edged onto the sidelines by Anja. Eclipsing her... what else? Safety? Romance with Lori? Composure? All of it? A deep well of grief and worry and loyalty, buried in someone that normally requires five whiskeys for her facade to crack.
Except whiskey might not have been the reason at all. Because Anja was also there, at that time. And that puts Amani's alcoholic outburst in a whole different light.
Is Amani deceiving herself, thinking she disrespected the Lord Secretary mostly because of the
injustice rather than because it was
Anja? Why have a giant blind spot for Anja? A metaphorical altar where everything from Amani's job, family, reputation are all potentially up for sacrifice, for Anja's sake? Her long-lost sister was all she could think about, but she commed Anja to tell her, and now Anja is injured and Mosi is almost an afterthought. What even is it? Romantic? Platonic? Anja said outright she likes guys, and Amani knows this. She's not an option. But at no point the quest have voters
ever missed an opportunity to interact with Anja. Not even once.
Amani has lost family and co-workers before, even if one just returned from the dead, but she's still well known for her composure. Is this directed solely at Anja? What about Lori? Will she wonder if she's the third
wheel mecha-leg on an unrequited (and unrequitable) relationship? Or is that unexpected intensity the sort of thing she desires, and would work towards having with Amani?
I'm sure all the options have their complexities, but I'm getting lost in the potential consequences of this one. It feels like there's just
so much.
[X] Grief and worry for Anja being wounded, eclipsing all else
So it can have another vote, even if it is in last.
