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On the Road to Elspar [Book 1] (Dryad Mercenary Schoolgirl Quest)

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[x] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
[x] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.

I'd say that the only guilt to have is not pushing Sieg to take the lead instead, trying to avoid leadership drama vs skilled leadership was perhaps a mistake. Maybe it wasn't, but I'd like to see that point come up in our next talk with Sieg and how she'd react to us thinking that.
 
[X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
[x] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.
 
Lazy Minx said:
For the love of whatever diety exists in this world, please do not give this girl survivor's guilt for plot drama.
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Sorry Minx. Because they're all girls but aren't angsting about that, there has to be angst somewhere. It's like a universal law of yuri.

...

*flees*
 
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Lazy Minx said:
For the love of whatever diety exists in this world, please do not give this girl survivor's guilt for plot drama.
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Well, a thing about the philosophical angle is that that is an option that communicates that Neianne fundamentally is not ethically bothered by this attack -- a sneak attack in the middle of the night, killing civilians as a diversion, setting viscious animals on trainees in the mid teens who are in some cases torn limb from limb and eaten alive, innocent servants caught in the crossfire... like, that option says "The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime". Neianne is going to be a soldier someday -- by picking this option, you are making a strong statement about what she is emotionally capable of when push comes to shove, and what lines she's willing to cross for the sake of military expediency. Like, she looked down at Dorothy's small, mutilated body, was sad for a bit... but ultimately cannot find it in her to object to the attack that led to that happening to a twelve year old. I very much doubt it's going to translate immediately into "and then Neianne became a sociopath", but if we end up going with this, don't be surprised if it shakes out down the road that she's fundamentally okay with this sort of tactic. Don't let that stop you if you like that direction, but be aware that that's pretty front and centre in the description.

With the guilt option, there's also a lot to work with there beyond just survivor's guilt, though. You, personally, feel that Neianne did not make the wrong choice by staying quiet and letting Lucille take over. I think Lucille would disagree, though, and so might Neianne in retrospect. What does it mean going forward if she feels personal responsibility for not pushing Sieglinde to step forward, or for not being able to do more herself? It could drive her further to better herself and become more assertive, to be more willing to stand up to or challenge her friends even when it's uncomfortable. I think we can safely assume that Kei is presenting these character defining options repeatedly over the course of this arc with the intent that they're going to have interesting results, it's not like she's going to become Angstetta the Angst Blob and dress in all black and repeat the name of every fallen apprentice every night before she goes to sleep. This is just something that's going to stay with her.

Or, say, if we went with fearful, that could lead to her being more prepared in the future. Maybe looking at Lucille and how she fared here makes her think about how she would handle it if one day Neianne is in that position. She won't always be an apprentice surrounded by super competent nobles, someday she'll be a full mercenary who may find herself in a leadership role over others, and she's definitely far from ready for that. A little bit of paranoia can help keep her and others alive.

The anger option is interesting because it's actually the one that makes the strongest moral statement. "f**** you for attacking my friends in their beds and setting direwolves on civilians", basically. That means that this kind of thing really matters to her.

None of this is just for plot drama. It's still about what kind of a person you want Neianne to be.
 
[x] ...disturbed and fearful. The enemy managed to sneak all the way into Apaloft, far from the frontlines of Elspar, to attack your academy. You could've died, like many others. It's not safe even here, nowhere is. Home, if that's what you call the academy, will never be the same again.
 
Gazetteer said:
None of this is just for plot drama. It's still about what kind of a person you want Neianne to be.
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When it comes down to it I do not want Neianne to feel guilty about this. So, there is that.
She did the best she could do. I'd hate to have a friend feel guilty in that situation. Would you want yours? That's how I'm considering it.

Edit: Basically, it comes down to a bit of why I'm usually frustrated with the way people vote sometimes. I consider quests as a bunch of people coming together to create a story. While Kei is the (amazing) writer, our ability to vote allows us a bit of influence on the narrative. Through our votes, we decide how she reacts and feels about things.

So, with that in mind, consider that though in the frame of the story that Neianne is her own independent entity that has her own thoughts, she's kind of actually not that at all.

Reading the update, she very obviously has her own doubts, fears, and guilt when it comes to the situation, but any additional guilt that she feels, having guilt being the overall thing that she takes away from this experience, that would be all on us for voting for it.

I personally do not wish for Neianne to go down that path. She's not a leader, yet. She's not a master tactiction, yet. She's not an elite swordsman, yet. She did her damn well best and her actions very visibly saved a life or two, considering how hard it was for all of them to take the wolves down and imaging just leaving Wendy alone to fend for herself.

She has no reason to feel guilt for not taking Lucy's place, because no one including her expected her to, and she already knows Sieglinde hates leading so she has no reason to feel she should have pushed her friend to do something she doesn't feel suited for either.

So, with all that said, do you understand why I feel that pushing Neianne to feel guilt about this is just for drama points? I understand the anger. I understand being fearful. I understand being resigned or philosophical. But, guilt?

Ehhhh... Maybe next time, if we come across a situation where our vote is an absolute fuck up of epic proportions.
 
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It seems like people are mostly in agreement about feeling angry and vengeful, so I won't say anything about that.

The main debate is over guilty/mournful, and resigned/philosophical. I voted for the former more for being mournful over being guilty, but another reason is because I don't want Neianne to feel resigned about this. Just because they've done an attack like this doesn't mean she should accept it's just the way things are. The fact that the two winning combos both combine with anger/vengeful does change the context slightly, so I'm not saying resigned will turn her emotionless or anything.

Basically I like mournful as a choice because it makes sense she would mourn the losses suffered, and I can see the guilt comboing with anger to help drive her onwards. Maybe not the most healthy of mindsets but then she was never going to be completely ok after an event like this, at least not without time to recover.
 
[x] ...disturbed and fearful. The enemy managed to sneak all the way into Apaloft, far from the frontlines of Elspar, to attack your academy. You could've died, like many others. It's not safe even here, nowhere is. Home, if that's what you call the academy, will never be the same again.
[x] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.

If guilty starts to overtake resigned, I'll switch my fear vote for resigned. Not interested in the guilt vote at all.
 
Gazetteer said:
stuff.
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I'd voted initially for "philosophical" because I was looking at the options individually; I'd missed the part about "maximum of two choices," and, to be honest, I'm not thrilled about most of the options on their own.

I agree with you on "anger," that it takes the strongest moral stance, but I shied away because I didn't like the idea of that being her sole response to the situation. Being angry is understandable and great, but the idea of vengeance being her sole, defining feeling from the end of the Arc didn't sit right.

I didn't pick "guilty" because, though it's an all too understandable response, it's not really one I want to have to sit through. I don't enjoy survivor's guilt, and I don't really want Neianne to have to experience that here. You're right, that it can provide an impetus, that it can push her to be better, to improve, but, then again, other options can push her, too, so I'd rather pick the one I like more.

I don't like "fearful," because she's afraid pretty often as it is. Learning to work through her fear is great, and it can make for great character arcs, but, well, she's already doing that. It's just less interesting to me as a character moment.

"Philosophical," though, reminds me of Sieglinde. It makes me think that the way Neianne views the world has grown through their talks, that when she thinks about everything that's happened, she relates it to the way Sieglinde has helped her to look at other nations, to look at the Tenereians as actual people. That this is what happens when groups of people are trying very hard to kill each other: one side or the other is going to end up doing something horrible. It's introspective and it has a sort of sickening dread to it, that this is what we're going to have to face, that this might be what we're asked to do, but it's the sort of response that I don't think Neianne could have had before she came to the academy, and I really, really like that.

That said, I'm not really thrilled about "philosophical" on its own. It feels like too weak a response, too detached and without the instinctive, emotional punch the others bring. Fortunately, we get to pick two, and I like the way that "angry and vengeful" and "resigned and philosophical" mix and muddle together. It means she's grown, and she can't help but understand her enemies and why they've done this, but she still hates them anyway, still thinks of it as fundamentally wrong.
 
Lazy Minx said:
So, with all that said, do you understand why I feel that pushing Neianne to feel guilt about this is just for drama points? I understand the anger. I understand being fearful. I understand being resigned or philosophical. But, guilt?
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Hey, if you're not happy with guilt, there's always my write-in. :V
 
[X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.

This...This is somehow extremely tempting. I think it's because there's something FUN about someone who goes 'BATTLE AND BLOOD! JOOOY!' but still looks like a cutie pie. Buuut...

[X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.

Stopping and thinking it through, and realizing that too many will sink to whatever lows will provide them the high of victory...
 
[X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.

Screw it let's be the blood knight.
 
[x] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
[x] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.

As much as I would like to see not elven Tanya the evil be a co-protag...it doesn't fit for me.
 
Kinda want only half the options as I don't mind mournful, disturbed, angry or philosophical but they all come with something I don't want. Thus picking the write-in because even if I am not sure of the path at least these two work well together.

[X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.
 
[x] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
[X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.

This moves us down the child soldier route towards artificial sociopath. Unpleasant as it may be, it does happen.
Stories about these damaged personalities trying to move toward normality when the killing finally stops - are very strong stories.
If you ignore the movies, (please god ignore the movies), the Rambo (First Blood) book is a good look at how this can happen even to an adult and the consequences.
Such individuals display utter loyalty towards friends, mission focus, and an amoral indifference towards all other people.
 
[x] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.
[x] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.

I read this vote choice as 'Starts out feeling sad, but starts examining her sadness and putting it into context' sort of way. The first part is our first, gut feeling reaction. Some kid died. It's sad. And we're not the vengeful or fearful type. Unlike many of the others, this is not the first time we've seen something like this happen, and we're starting to see the reoccurring themes. This has happened, and is going to happen, again and again in the life we've chosen.

But Neianne has been much more thoughtful about things, looking at thing's meanings. I don't think she's going to pick any one option and not get lost deep in thought about it. She's heavily introverted and those she talks to have only given her more to think about.

Honestly, with how her character was presented, I feel that feeling vengeful is out of character, and feeling fearful is... not who we're trying to be. We can sympathize with those lost, without sinking into melodrama or losing our perspective, which I think this pair choice shows.

But I'm more then a little eager at any other post-battle votes we get. I really want to talk to some people, but can't do that without setting our baseline.
 
[x] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
[x] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.

no guilt plz thanks
 
[X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.

[X] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.

Should have kill those bloody Tenerians than mere beasts. They pretty much escape with low casualties.
Adhoc vote count started by Jrin on Apr 8, 2018 at 12:37 AM, finished with 773 posts and 31 votes.
  • [X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
    [X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
    [X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
    [x] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.
    [X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
    [x] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.
    [x] ...guilty and mournful. That none of your closest friends died is irrelevant. You have still seen the deaths of floormates, of classmates, of people that felt like a second family after all your time here. Now they are gone, and yet you've survived, whether you deserved it or not.
    [X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
    [x] ...disturbed and fearful. The enemy managed to sneak all the way into Apaloft, far from the frontlines of Elspar, to attack your academy. You could've died, like many others. It's not safe even here, nowhere is. Home, if that's what you call the academy, will never be the same again.
    [X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.
    [X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.
    [X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
    [X] ...exultant and feverish. Surrounded by the dead on both sides, with real blood covering you and your sword, you realized that this was the first time you felt truly alive. No one can take this feeling from you, no matter what you must do to experience it again.
    [X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
    [x] ...disturbed and fearful. The enemy managed to sneak all the way into Apaloft, far from the frontlines of Elspar, to attack your academy. You could've died, like many others. It's not safe even here, nowhere is. Home, if that's what you call the academy, will never be the same again.
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[X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.

[X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
 
[X] ...angry and vengeful. Maybe you and your friends are actually military targets, but the Tenereians clearly did not care whether innocent people were caught up in all this. This attack on Faulkren drives your hatred against the enemy like you never thought possible.

[X] ...resigned and philosophical. This is ultimately what war is like, although you've never experienced it before, deep down inside, you probably always knew that this has always been a very real possibility. The Tenereians did what all soldiers do during wartime.
 
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