Esquestria: The House of the Sun - A pony cultist experience

- - -

You have been worried about Jade Whistle, this last month.

A lot of things have happened, and a lot of important things have demanded your attention and energy, so it wouldn't really be honest of you to say that you were thinking about it "every single day".

But you were still worried. Every now and then your idle thoughts would still gravitate towards her, every other day you would stop and hope for a few things.

You would hope that she was doing well, or at least better than when you last saw her.

You would hope that she had managed to sort out her own thoughts, and maybe even her feelings.

You would hope that she wouldn't try doing anything stupid.

And you made a promise, of sorts, with yourself, after you last saw her. She did say that she liked receiving letters, right? She might not have said it directly, or at least you don't remember if she did, but you are sure that she implied that.

So, you started writing letters for her, and looking back you are pretty sure that you managed to send at least one every week. There wasn't really anything of great importance in those letters, they were just the written equivalent of an idle chat. But still you hoped that… well, you hoped that she liked receiving them anyways.

Or at least that, even if only during the few minutes she would take to read them, her thoughts would be in a less dreadful place.

But well, that's what you did this last month, these last five weeks to be more precise.

However, something happened recently that made your simple "worrying" grow into your current "worried sick" mood.

Namely: nothing. Nothing happened.

At first, you thought it was just Jade Whistle's usual aloofness, so everything was fine. You were just sending her letters, and that was it.

Then the weeks went by, and you are pretty sure that by your third letter you said very clearly that it would be nice if she wrote you back. You worded it as gently as possible, of course, but still you made it clear that you wanted to hear from her. And yet, you received no response.

Heavens, it even grew to the point where you said she could just drop by your house at any moment if she felt like it. You did your very best not to let your nervousness show in your words, but still you were getting increasingly distressed as the weeks turned into a full month with no answer coming from her.

Until finally, when you went to the Wildhoof Club yesterday to talk to Windy Flakes, you asked some questions to the club staff before you left the place, and everypony who you talked to said that they had not seen Jade Whistle in a very long while. Which, they also said, was rather strange, since she would usually come by every few days, or at least once a week, to address her cadre.

A few more questions and a quick calculation later, and it became obvious. Nopony has seen Jade Whistle ever since you talked to her on that park.

You remember that a chill ran down your spine when you realized that.

And that is why you are here right now, standing before the front door of her house.

Her house is still in the same state of disrepair as you saw it the last time you were here.. The plants around it are still growing wildly, the old paint is still peeling off, and everywhere you look there are cracks and other signs of wear. This is the third time you come here, but for some reason you are now, more than ever, aware of just how much this house seems to be the very reflection of its sole inhabitant.

And it doesn't help in the slightest that you are under the impression that the house is on the verge of crumbling. That does not help your worrying self at all.

You don't want to say it, you don't even want to think about it. But you can't help but have the impression that something might happen very soon if you don't do anything about it.

With that in mind, you nod to yourself and head towards her door.

To hell with knocking on her door or calling for her, you have a gut feeling that she won't answer anyways and that the only thing you are going to do is make is a scene on the street she lives in.

Your horn glows to life for a few moments, the precision required to push certain parts of her door's internal mechanisms being foal's play at this point. Her door unlocks with an audible click after a few seconds of your magical nibbling, and you are closing it behind yourself shortly after.



Darkness, and the heavy smell of dust and age, immediately greets you as you step inside Jade Whistle's house.



Both of them stop affecting your eyes as soon as you close them, but the same cannot be said about your lungs. You make sure to breathe in slowly, and only through your nose, but still the place is unkept enough to the point that even breathing is slightly uncomfortable, both due to the dust in the air as well as the heavy smell of… the smell of what exactly?

An unwarranted though creeps into your head, that you have just walked into some sort of tomb. It doesn't help that the place is deathly quiet. Your own efforts to be silent, also, only accentuate it, since you can't even hear your own breathing or your heartbeat.

Slowly, almost gently, you realize that the only thing you can really hear is a ringing of sorts, in your own ears. The disturbing sensation that what you are listening to right now is truly "nothing".

More uncomfortable, however, is the thought that Jade Whistle lives here regardless, even despite all... all of this.

You walk in through the entrance corridor, an open door to your left revealing the abandoned living room and the entrance to the study room where you talked to her a few months back.

But you can't find any signs of her. You quietly make your way to the study room just to make sure, but you don't see anypony there either, everything being covered by spiderwebs or a disquietingly thick layer of dust. Or even both, sometimes.

You make your way back across the living room and through the entrance corridor, only to find yourself in a dining room, a flight of stairs leading to the second floor on the opposite end of it, and the entrance to what might be the kitchen on the side.

You head towards the kitchen, and the stench hits you before you even step a hoof on it.

The place is… well, by your standards it is absolutely filthy, but you can see that it is more due to neglect and lack of care than excessive use. The place doesn't look like a tornado has passed through it, but what very little usage it has seen certainly was not cleaned up. You see half-finished plates of food on the sink, the smell of rot already overtaking a good part of it.

You step back from the kitchen, the awful smell following you for a short while until you put enough distance between yourself and its source.

By the heavens, you think. This place… this whole place is… you nearly let out a delayed gasp from what you just saw, but for some reason the very silence of this place manages to mute you. It almost feels as if the atmosphere around you is slowly seeping into your body, its heavy influence quietly easing its way through your coat.

You look around the dining hall one last time, taking in the small table with four chairs neatly kept around it. Only one of them seems to have been moved or used for the last few years, the rest of them are…

You realize that you are grimacing, that you have been grimacing this whole time. In all honesty, the more time you spend here the more you wonder how in the heavens Jade Whistle can live here all by herself.

The house is quiet as a tomb, but in a way that you almost feel like your own thoughts are echoing inside your head. The air itself feels heavy, and you are not sure if it's because of the dust or because of everything you know about this house and her life.

And you also realize that you know very little about her. You know very little about her, and already you feel like this. So how can she bear to live here when she… when she is herself? When she is the Jade Whistle, to whom this house is a…?

You stop your train of thoughts before it can go any further, focusing back on what you are here to do. And with that, your eyes slowly drift towards the stairs.

It feels wrong, for some reason. Even looking at the stairs feels more wrong than everything you have done here so far, which can basically be summed as "breaking and entering". You can tell, although you are not sure of how, that whatever is on the second floor is more personal and private than everything else you have already seen here. You know by some gut feeling that if you walk away right now you will be able to continue your life as if none of this had ever happened, but that if you go up that flight of stairs, you will be doing something that you will never be able to take back.

But just like how you are slowly getting used to the heavy sensation of dust in the air, you are slowly getting more and more inured to… well, basically to how much you are willing to break her privacy with all this.

Doing this is not right, and you know it. But you also can no longer ignore the fact that Jade Whistle needs help. And if you have to do something this questionable to give her that help, then so be it.

You know that taking a deep breath is a bad idea, so you steel yourself mentally as much as you can, and slowly ascend the staircase.



And you are greeted by another corridor, equally badly illuminated by windows covered with old curtains. However, all the doors in this corridor are closed.



You purse your lips at that. The place is so noiseless that the silence feels like a physical wall by now, but you still don't enjoy the idea of how much the doors might creak and groan if you attempt to open them.

Still, you can't think of any other option. You hope to find her, after all. You have to find her.

So, you go to the nearest door, your horn glowing with the faint hum of magic for a few moments, before you think better and do it with your own hoofs.

And you slowly, achingly slowly, open the door, wordlessly whispering the syllables that you know will help hinges move as if oiled, and pushing it with the same soft weight you would use to stalk through the Woods.

You step in through the gap of the door as soon as it is large enough for you to do so, not wanting to push your luck. And as soon as you stick your head in through the gap, you see-

Your mind freezes when you see it, a choked sound escaping your mouth, your eyes going wide open in shock and tears forming on its side without prompt.

NO!

Oh no, no, no, no no no nononono.

You see the one thing you had been absolutely dreading that you would find. Your heart immediately starts beating like a frantic drum in your chest as you swing the door open and run into the room.

You have found Jade Whistle, her body hanging limply from a noose tied to the ceiling, her eyes-


No.



No, no, no.



Calm down, Velvet, calm down.



Wait... calm down...



You blink a few times, forcing your terrified imagination back into its reins.

And you force that damned, cursed memory into a deep corner of your mind, hopefully to a place where you will never see it again.

You don't see Jade Whistle.

The room is empty. There is nopony else here but you.

Everything is fine.

You can stop trembling now, you think to yourself. Or at least you try your best to.

You are breathing in heaves, your heart still thumping inside your chest as a slight headache comes to you due to the sudden peak of adrenaline. Your hinds collapse on the ground, a hoof going to your forehead to clean away the cold sweat as you just try to calm down.

You take a deep breath and look up again. There is only a noose there, an empty noose hanging from the ceiling with a wooden chair underneath it.

By the heavens…

You pry your eyes away from the… from that, and you know that they would be wide open in terror if they weren't closed shut. But still, you force yourself to look at the rest of the room, and you immediately understand that this is Jade Whistle's room.

The fact that she has this right in the middle of her room, though, is…

You see a bed on the opposite end of the room, a closed cabinet, and a small table next to another chair. A study, of sorts, with several papers on it.

You don't see many personal belongings, or anything that might clearly indicate that this place is her room, but you can tell that she spends a lot of her time here precisely from the lack of such details. That, and the fact that this place seems less dusty than the rest of the house. By virtue of her walking around here more frequently, you are sure, and not because she has cleaned the place recently, which she obviously has not.

But speaking of it… a particular detail catches your eye, something that your initially terrified vision did not allow you to notice before.

The noose, you can tell, seems to have been here… for quite a while now. You tentatively touch it with a hoof, and although you can only mostly tell that it is made of rope, you do get a glimpse of sorts that this thing is also "old" in a way.

As shiver runs down your spine as you realize that it has definitely been here for a few months now, at least, perhaps for as long a time as a full year, or maybe even more. You are absolutely sure of it. And you can't tell if that makes you more or less horrified.

Shaking your head, and trying to banish those dreadful thoughts, you head to the wooden desk.

And finally, you find at least a trace of something you have been looking for.

You find your own letters, the ones you have sent her, and all of them are opened, neatly tucked into a corner of the table.

The rest of the table's top, however, is far less organized than the corner in which your letters are.

Several other pieces of paper and parchments of scroll are strewn haphazardly over the hardwood surface. You eye them for a few moments, seeing that they all have something written on them, and you realize that… that they are drafts of letters. You see a bottle of ink and a pen next to them, together with a few unused envelopes, and you see that these were… answers, or at least attempts at answers.

Drafts of answers to your letters. So many of them…

And you can't help but read some, as your eyes glaze over them.



"Dear Velvet Covers, I'm not good with words…"



"Dear Velvet. First of all, thanks,"



"Lady Vevl"



There are several of them, perhaps even dozens. Some of them are only a few words long, others have been scratched over to the point where you can't make anything out.

Others are longer. Or at least longer than the others, comparatively.



"I've been feeling really weird these last few days, but I managed to get out of bed when I heard the mailpony so I thought I'd also write you back. I still haven't read your letter yet though, I'll do it while I eat since I havent done that in a while as well. By the way do y"



And some of them… some of them have blotches on the paper, spots where the ink has been marred by a drop of some transparent liquid.

Exactly like how a letter might turn out, if a pony had been crying while writing it.



"I haven't had a good dream in a while now. Its still the same dreams that I always had, but I dont like them anymore. I dont like dreaming about him anym"



You look away form that last draft, the heavy feeling of the air around you finally finding its way to the inside of your chest. Or at least you think that just happened. After all, you can distinctly feel that something is squeezing your heart, making it ache a bit every time it beats.

You shake your head and look around her room one last time. Reading these drafts is not why you are here, and you... you still have to find her.

So out of her room you go, gently closing the door behind you, and you make your way to the second room.

You realize, as you stand before the next door, that you feel a lot heavier than you did before you came up the stairs to the second floor.

And after a deep breath, the dust not irritating your nose nearly as much as you thought it would, you once again pry the door open as slowly as you can. But this time, you see something that surprises you.

In fact, more than seeing it, you smell it, you even feel it. Whatever is on the other side of this door, it is totally different to the rest of the house.

You squeeze yourself through the door as soon as you can fit the gap and… and you realize you are in her brother's room.

And the place is spotlessly clean.

The paint on the wall is unmarred, the wooden floor doesn't have a smidge of dust on it, you see a small open chest on the corner of the room filled with toys, all of them polished to a shine, and everything has the pleasant perfumed smell of a cleaning product. You see a cabinet, its drawers closed, and you wouldn't be surprised if all the clothes in it were clean and ironed.

And you finally find Jade Whistle herself.

You see her lying on the bed at the opposite end of the room. The bed is so small, or perhaps she is so large for it, that she is curled up on it, but something tells you that she doesn't mind that. Her back is turned to you, but as uncomfortable as her posture looks, you can tell that she is sleeping, and…

No, she is not sleeping.

You have no idea of how you know it, but you can tell that she is not sleeping. She is just…

Lying there.

And you…

And she knows you are here. As silent as you were, opening the door still leaked some light into the otherwise totally dark room. As subtle as you might be, you are still breathing, and your heart is still beating.

And in this room, those sounds are almost deafening.

"Hello, Velvet Covers…" you hear her say, her back still turned to you, after the two of you stayed like that for… you are not sure how long.

At least, you think, her voice sounds normal. At least she still sounds like she might just be slightly bored. You hope that means that she is doing well...

But you can tell from a glance that... she isn't.

"Hello Jade," you answer, as there is no other answer you can really give.

"This is not a dream."

Your purse your lips at that.

She was not asking or wondering. She was affirming.

"But I don't remember when was the last time I had a nice dream, so I guess it's all the same…" she says, still facing the wall.

And then she turns to face you.

"But what are you doing here?"

It takes a good amount of willpower for you not to let your shock blatantly show.

Jade Whistle is… she is not well. Her voice might still be in her usual monotone, but everything else is not. The white of her eyes is a deep red with heavy and dark bags under them, which you can see are both because she has probably cried too much, and because she has been sleeping far too little, if at all.

Her face is thin, her entire body is thinner than when you last saw her, actually, and from the slight crisp on her lips you have the impression that she might not even have drank anything in a while now.

She looks weak. She looks exhausted.

And she looks very, very tired.

"Jade, you are…" you try to say something, but you don't really know what to say.

Were you supposed to ask her what happened? You already know the answer to that.

Should you ask her why? You also know that.

You wrack your brain trying to think of what you can say, of what you can do, but…

But nothing really occurs you.

You don't have the life experience to know what to do, you don't have the social skills to simply say something that would make her feel better. Heavens, you are not even sure if anything exists that could be said to achieve that effect.

You don't have the knowledge, esoteric or otherwise, that could you aid you in… in helping her.

You… you feel lost. You can see that she is wasting away before your eyes, that she has been for a long time now, but you…

"Jade… I…" but you have no idea what to do.

So you simply walk towards her, her eyes accompanying your movement although the room is pitch dark, and you simply sit on the floor next to her bed.

"I came to see you, Jade… I was worried…"

She nods at that, with an expression that looks like she might drop unconscious at any moment. But she doesn't say anything else.

So you just sit there, in silence. Not even knowing if your company is registering in her head.

You dearly hope it is, though, but you are honestly not sure.



- - -



"I already tried it before… killing myself," she says, although she is not looking at you while she does, "it was how I first got to the Woods, how I first met the Master…"

You are not sure how much time has passed, you are not sure of how long you have been here.

The only thing you know is that you have been trying to think of what you could do during the whole time.

So, her suddenly speaking caught you by surprise.

A… well, you wanted to say that it was a grim surprise… but in all honesty, you already had your suspicions about that.

It is still very sad to hear her say it out loud, though.

"And I was the first," she continues, her empty eyes looking at the opposite wall, her monotonous tone sounding as if she is talking to herself, "the very first pony to step hoof there in who knows how long. And the Master… well, he said everything he needed to say to convince me to… to stop me from doing what I was doing. To help him instead. I can tell it, now. I can see it was the Grail talking. But honestly, I really don't care."

You are looking at her while she speaks, and you think you see a small tear run down from her eyes.

There is a faint smile on her face now for some reason, but you can hear that her voice is tearing up, the monotony on it slowly fading away with each word.

"It was nice, you see, to finally have something to do. I finally had somepony to talk to, finally had a reason to get out of bed, and take a shower, and breathe, because I had a purpose. I had somepony counting on me, and a list of things to do, so I couldn't be looking like beggar when I went out in the night to find more ponies who could help and..."

There is a bittersweetness to her voice. Something that tells you that she still cherishes those memories, that ember of happiness she had found. She still cherishes the memories, that is, but not what her reality turned into as time passed.

It squeezes your heart a little more, to realize it. Maybe it's because she has an excellent memory, but you can see that she can almost feel the joy she had back then as she tells you about how it was.

But knowing that said joy has ceased to exist… that is what must really weight down on her.

"I suppose I was lucky that Copper was the first one I found. Master sniffed her out, still don't know how, but she made the talking part easier. I could focus on… the other things, but I was still doing fine for a while. I was doing fine, that is, till I realized that I…" she takes a deep breath, holding it in for a few moments before letting it out, "that I really wasn't."

The tiny smile she had on her face vanishes, and you see what you can only describe as misery slowly appearing on her expression.

The tears, as well, are also starting to flow more and more.

"Master is not really a pony. He can't really relate, he can't really care, so as the months went by, I realize that I… that I really didn't have anything again, really, that I… that nopony needed me, and that I wasn't important or useful and…"

Jade Whistle starts to breathe more frantically now, and she looks around the room as if searching for something.

Until her eyes settle on yours.

"The Worms are scary, but I just don't care anymore," she says as if she is confessing to a crime, her voice getting more erratic as she speaks, "I tried to care, I tried to… but I just don't."

You can see that she is trembling now, the red in her eyes slowly starting to convey something that you have never seen in her before.

"And it has been… years now…" she says, slowly, agony evident in her voice as she says each syllable.

"It."

"Has."

"Been…"

"FUCKING. YEARS!", she suddenly shouts, hoofs going to the sides of her face in a sudden burst of anger that takes you by surprise.

You even hear the sound of wood creaking, as she kicks the tiny confines of the bed she is on with her hindlegs.

"Fucking YEARS that I've been like THIS! YEARS that I can't feel anything and…! And…"

And as quickly as her anger came, it fades, although her hoofs still remained on the sides of her head.

You hear her breathe for a few more moments.

Only to realize that she has started to quietly sob, a slow and whimpering sob that cracks as she tries to form words.

"What… what do I do Velvet? Where do I go…?" she says, now covering her eyes with her hoofs. And you can tell that she is…

That she is empty. Absolutely empty.

You can tell that there is no energy left in her, you can tell that she has lost all of her motivation, you can tell that even the small reprieve she would find in her memories now feels utterly wrong and draining to her.

She is lost. Quietly sobbing while lying in the bead of her long dead brother, within a house that has nothing but sorrowful memories, in a life bereft of meaning and happiness.


She is... completely alone.


You have your forelegs around her a few moments later, standing up from the ground and sitting next to her on the bed so you can hold her better.

And she hugs you back without hesitation.

Jade Whistle is trembling, soaking your chest with her tears, as she continues to speak almost as if she was talking to herself, crying uncontrollably while she does it.

"I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be me anymore. I can't take being tired anymore. I can't take living in this house anymore." Her grip on you grows tighter as she says those words, her voice choked with tears and, maybe even more frighteningly, honesty.

"I just want this all to end."

And you know that you have to do something. That you have to do something exactly now.

You softly pat her mane as you hug her back, and then you decide that you will…



[] Accompany her to the Blank Door. It will be a grim business, walking Jade Whistle back to her room, but at least she will not be alone when she does it. (This will be a mercy, and Jade Whistle will never have to feel anything ever again. Gain two scraps of WINTER Lore. This will be considered a death committed by your own hoofs, but there is no need to worry about investigations or law enforcement.)

[] Become her new reason to live. She needs something to focus her energy on, somepony who will give her a purpose, and the Master lacked the necessary empathy to do that. You will not commit the same mistake. (Jade Whistle will immediately become your Minion. A Minion is a Confidant who will never betray you, and will always obey your every command. This will not be healthy.)

[] Tell her that you are sorry, and that you have no idea of what you can do to make this any better. But you promise that you will always be there for her, as her friend, and that you will do everything you can. (There is no quick way out of a rut, but she has opened herself to you. And now that you are in, you can at least keep her company.)
-[] And you will take care of her for the day. Make sure she eats, stay with her until she sleeps. She is in no condition to be left alone in this house, after all. (Gain one scrap of HEART Lore.)
-[] And you will take her back home with you. Your husband is out of town, you have plenty of guest rooms, and she will not stay for more than a few days. (Gain one scrap of WINTER Lore.)





None of the choices will have any negative "fallout" or consequence. For you, at least.

Voting will remain open until the next update, which will not be posted before 48 hours have passed.

There is no planning to be made, so no moratorium will be observed.


And I'd rather not reveal the breakpoint margins this time.