Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop (Ratchet & Clank AU)
- Thread starter Tangent
- Start date
- Sci-Fi Action
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 12:00 PM, Friday
"...and that was how I ended up becoming adopted into the Razz family and accepted a job offer to join my new sister, Widget, in the Galactic Rangers," Juanita Alvera listened to Clank Razz wrap up the tale of his "origins." Which was quite fascinating, if understandably bereft of certain details that either Clank, the Galactic Rangers, or the SGI considered to be either classified or too private to disclose at this time.
Which was fine as far as she was concerned. Not that she was against hard hitting exposé articles per se, as they were usually good for ratings, but you had to pick both your targets and the timing right or the sought after boost would turn into a slump instead as the audience turned on you. Something Dallas had yet to learn, but then again, the network had partnered them together due to the draw their clashing personalities caused rather than any skill or lack thereof on either of their parts.
"Excuse me," a floating robot spoke up, drifting into the room, "But will Ms. Alvera be joining us in the galley for lunch?"
"The Galactic Rangers serve robotic cuisine?" Juanita couldn't help but ask.
"Ma'am, I can prepare food suitable for any known sophont race in the Solana Galaxy, and quite a bit of those from the Bogon, Kavorian, Polaris, and Thyrullian Galaxies, as well as that one galaxy that nobody can agree which candy bar it is named after. Which I personally believe to be the Heath Galaxy, but that's mostly due to my personal preferences rather than any real evidence."
"Then I would love to join you for lunch," Juanita stated agreeably.
In short order, Juanita and her camera bots found themselves in the galley where most of the current members of the Galactic Rangers were already seated at one of the tables, while their other new member, Clank's sister Widget Razz, seemed to be checking up on a squad of one armed warbots seated at a table that had what appeared to be a makeshift charging and lubrication station set up on it.
"Have a seat at any table you prefer, Ma'am," the floating bot instructed. "You are, of course, invited to join the core team at their table if you'd like. I believe your model is capable of traditional oral consumption? Or would you rather have a funnel and a charging cable? Before you make your choice though, I feel that I should mention that I am rated as a four star chef. And that includes meals designed for robotic pallets."
"Well, how could I possibly turn that down?" Juanita asked, as she started heading for the table the core team was seated at.
"Okay," Widget stated as she made some final adjustments at the table currently assigned to Bravo Squad. "We should have a better charging and lubrication station conversion set up soonish, but this should do for now. I've made sure that the versitech charging ports can accept your plugs, and the menu screen should give you what you need to know about the various lubricants currently available. We've got plenty, so feel free to pick whichever one you think you might like. Bloop might join you from time to time, since he doesn't have an actual mouth either, but he usually remains on watch while the rest of us are eating, so don't expect it unless we're on staggered shifts.
"Now, are you all set?"
"Yes, Sir!" Bravo Squad chorused cheerfully.
"Good, then I'll leave you to it."
With that, Widget turned and took a few steps over to the main table, once again choosing to take a seat beside her brother as she accepted a menu from Bleep.
Which, honestly, was the oddest thing she found about lunch and dinner aboard the Phoenix, as back at the Hall of Heroes, the cafeteria was much less formal. Everyone simply loaded up their tray with their choice of one or two options for each course, and then went back for however many seconds you had time for or thought you could get away with.
On the Phoenix, other than breakfast, going for more than one round of seconds got your knuckles rapped by Bleep. Yes, he appreciated having his food enjoyed, but he also took pride in judging how much he should be serving at any one time.
On the other hand, as long as the ingredients were on hand, he could apparently prepare anything! Although he did have ideas as to which items were for which meal time. Meaning the menu only showed lunchtime selections at the moment…
Wait…
Something was off here…
"Hello," a familiar looking female robot greeted from where she was seated on the other side of her brother. "I'm Juanita Alvera, of Channel 360 News. Captain Qwark was kind enough to grant me time to interview each of the Galactic Rangers today."
"Um… Hi?" Widget looked around. "Where's your partner?"
"Mr. Wannamaker declined to come aboard," Clank stated bluntly, not at all ashamed of the fact that he had driven the man off.
"Something about being a whiny-assed coward allergic to completely justified pain," Juanita opined with a sly smile.
"Why do you work with him if you hate him so much?" Cora asked.
"Ratings, mostly," Juanita admitted. "The executives think our hostile interpersonal chemistry draws more attention together than when either of us are apart. That, and I still have five years on my alpha contract until I legally own myself. Until then, the network counts as my owner and guardian. Despite the fact that I made enough to pay off my own production fee as of two standard years ago."
"Ah. R9-270's Law, I believe," Clank interjected. "Then you were produced on Obani Draco?"
"Isn't that the same moon Courtny Gears is from?" Cora asked.
"I believe so," Quark stated. "She mentioned something about pushing for a shorter mandatory period on the alpha contracts of all sophont quality bots produced there, and had asked me to make a statement in support of her stance. I don't think I had much of any effect though."
"Maybe not on the alpha contract itself, perhaps," Juanita disagreed, "but I can assure you that I and many other bots from Obani Draco appreciate the moral support you provided with that speech."
"Part of that thanks should go to Nefarious here, as he helped me write it."
"And it might have had a more direct effect if you had stuck to the script as written," Dr. Nefarious groused. "Still, from the other angle, your improvised alterations did lead some other worlds to adjust their own alpha contract laws to be more favorable for their own recently produced robotic sophonts."
Captain Qwark rolled his eyes. "Come on, Nefarious! The speech as written had you written all over it! Which would have been fine if you were the one Courtny asked to speak. Which, to be perfectly honest, probably would have been the better choice there. But it would have sounded disingenuous coming from me if I read it straight out."
"Fair point," Dr. Nefarious conceded. "I can hardly fault you for realizing that nobody would believe that a magnificently brilliant speech came from you."
"Exactly!" Quark agreed readily, then paused. "Hey…"
"So…" Widget interjected, "where would I be able to find Dallas if I wanted to… have words with him?"
"We're staying in suite 576 at the High Ridge Hotel on Glonson's Street," Juanita immediately provided. "Dallas prefers the bed nearest the window, for which he likes to leave the curtains wide open at all times unless he's in fear of his life, and he'll have the lights out at 12:00 AM, after the late news. If he's not there, chances are he'll be either hiding in the closet or under my bed instead. I'll call ahead and let the hotel know that you are a guest."
"That is surprisingly helpful," Widget admitted.
"As long as you don't actually kill him, the network actively encourages me to make life as hard for Dallas as he makes mine, and I still owe him for the stunt he pulled on me during the Don Corneo exposé. It'll make for good ratings."
"Be that as it may," Quark interrupted sternly. "Assaulting a member of the media without just provocation rarely turns out well. Even with their network's permission."
"He was making openly lascivious comments about Widget during a live broadcast. I feel that I should point out that Veldin laws affords me certain rights to defend her honor as her brother."
"Then Clank may go, once I've confirmed this to be the case," Quark stated. "Widget, you are to stay aboard until the service tomorrow."
"Dammit!" Widget groused.
"I will double check as to how much defense of my sister's honor I am legally permitted to inflict on Mr. Wannamaker," Clank informed them, pleased at the opportunity to do so.
"I really would have preferred to do it myself," Widget pouted.
"Actually, we have to go over what we're wearing for the service," Cora informed her. "Are we going all together as a group, or will Widget be attending separately as a friend of the deceased?"
"Why does that matter?" Widget asked.
"Well, in the former case, we need to get you fitted for a formal uniform, and in the latter, we'd need to look up what's appropriate for a Veldin service. Unless you want to wear something more traditionally Lombax?"
Widget snorted. "Why would I care about Lombax traditions? The only other Lombax I ever met was an asshole. I mean, sure, I'm curious, but I don't think this would be the right time to start looking things up. I'll go as a Ranger. Marshal would have appreciated it."
Location: Suite 576, High Ridge Hotel, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 12:15 AM, Saturday
Dallas was… semi-comfortably... tucked in under Juanita's bed. His partner had yet to return to the suite, meaning that she had most likely gone ahead and performed the interviews without him and sent them off to the network without giving him the opportunity to edit in his own input.
Which he would be complaining about, naturally, but it wouldn't be the first time either of them had cut the other out of an interview or scoop, and it wouldn't be the last either.
What he was expecting was a late night visit by Commando, who would most likely check his bed first, then the closet, hopefully giving him time to sneak out the door before she started chasing him.
The heavy steps that approached and stopped at the suite's door did not sound anywhere near light enough to be either Juanita or Commando…
The fact that the door opened right away was proof that Juanita had sold him out. Again. And the steps heading right for Juanita's bed instead of either his or the closet told him that perhaps he had chosen this particular variant too often.
The bed lifted, revealing a rather hefty warbot with glowing green eyes and what seemed to be a chrome and black color scheme (although it was hard to say for sure since it was backlit by the light from the hallway).
Dallas screamed like a little girl and scrambled between the warbot's legs and made a dash for the hallway, where he ran into…
"Oh thank God! Sheriff! There's a warbot after me!"
"Now don't go thanking me just yet," Sheriff… his name was Taun Tuan, right? Sheriff Taun Taun stated grimly. "I'm only here to serve as a witness while Widget's brother here defends her honor as is his right."
"Thank you, Sheriff Taunty," the warbot said as it… he… gripped Dallas' shoulder and dragged him back into the room. "I'll be sure to stay within the legally accepted limits of the defense I can inflict on Mr. Wannamaker."
"I gotta say," the sheriff commented, "I don't often get a heads up before this sort of thing happens. And it certainly beats what I'd have expected if Widget attended to it herself."
"Er… What would you have expected then?" Dallas couldn't help but ask.
Sheriff Taunty rolled up his right sleeve and showed what appeared to be a long healed bite mark on his wrist. "Widget used to be a mite mean when she was pissed. However, I expect this fellow to deliver a right proper and civilized beatin' in her defense. Count yourself lucky, 'cause you're probably not going to need stitches…"
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 6:00 AM, Saturday
One of the big pros of the military surplus bunks aboard the Phoenix was that they were encapsulated, meaning that those sleeping in them wouldn't be disturbed by anyone coming in late, or being active or loud in the common area. Well, unless the built-in alarm was set for a specific hour, or an alert went off, or someone deliberately woke you up.
In this particular case, Widget only had herself to blame, as she had forgotten to adjust the time on her bunk's alarm when she had turned it on the previous night. Sure, having it set for Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning made sense when she was trying to keep to her training schedule, and the holosim training room on the Phoenix was almost as good as the one in the Hall of Heroes (actually, Widget couldn't tell the difference, but she assumed that Dr. Nefarious and Elaris knew what they were talking about).
Which was all well and good except that, now that it actually was Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning, she just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Granted, by the time she was awake enough to realize that she could do precisely that, she was already dressed in the grey shorts and halter-top that served as her official Galactic Rangers exercise gear and half a lap into a simulated jogging track.
It was also at this point that the holosim deactivated, leaving her in a circular room with one door and upper and lower vents. Oh, and Captain Qwark wearing slippers, pajamas, and a nightcap standing by the door with an unamused expression on his face.
"Ah… Good morning, Captain?"
"Widget, can you tell me what's wrong in this scenario?"
"Um… It's Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning?"
"Besides that."
"Well, it can't be that I'm alone, this was just an exercise sim…"
"Actually, that is part of the issue right there."
"What? Why?"
"Widget, I know that you're used to a lot of physical activity from prior to joining the Galactic Rangers, but there's a reason why either Cora, Brax, or I have been present during all of your physical training sessions so far. Neither you nor we know your physical limits yet. And you've shown a noticeable tendency towards not knowing when to stop or take a break."
"But…"
"Also, you didn't schedule your holosim time, so I got woken up by the automatic alert."
"But…"
"Go back to bed, Widget."
"But…"
"Set your alarm for eight. We'll have time for a nice breakfast, get ourselves cleaned up, and ready to leave for the service at nine forty-five."
"But…"
"Or would you rather I insist that you set your alarm for nine, leaving you barely any time at all to have breakfast, get cleaned up, and have either Cora or Elaris help you get dressed for the service?"
Widget was out the door and racing for her bunk before Qwark had even finished speaking.
"That's what I thought." With a yawn, Quark shambled back towards the crew quarters.
Already back in the crew quarters herself, Widget decided to just kick off her trainers, putting them back on the floor of her locker, and finish sleeping in her exercise clothes as she hadn't worked up a sweat.
Besides, her pajamas were already in the hamper anyway, and she didn't feel like fishing them out for just a couple more hours of sleep...
Location: Town Square, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:55 AM, Saturday
The memorial service honoring Sheriff Marshal General had been a somber, if somewhat politicized, event held in the town square. Mayor Kreely, the colony's governor, was just wrapping up a long winded speech about the late sheriff's selfless bravery and service to the community that Widget was sure that Marshal would have actually loathed had he been alive to hear it. Especially when Kreely announced that they were honoring Marshal General with a statue and by renaming the colony after him.
"Interesting statue," Cora commented, unsure of what to make of the larger than life bronze representation of the late Sheriff Marshal General wearing little more than a bathrobe and a serious expression.
"Heh," Grim chuckled, drawing Widget's attention to the fact that he (and another oversized Fongoid that, from his resemblance to Grim, was likely her Uncle Felton) had arrived. "I remember that incident. Bubba shot the jukebox that night."
"Said it played a sad song that made him cry," Widget reminisced. "So, the Hospital finally released you, Gr-Dad, or do you have to go back again?"
"Nah, I'm good. Thought I'd come and let my friends know I was alive and all."
"After I reminded him that he's got to be a bit more proactive about keeping in touch that is."
"And you must be Uncle Felton," Clank observed.
"And you must be my new nephew, Clank," Felton agreed before turning his attention to Widget. "And if I'd known that my reticent brother had actually adopted you, or that you were his ward in the first place, I'd have invited you both over to my place on Poketaru for a visit. And maybe took the time to find or buy you a more traditional Omniwrench rather than that Omnimallet I sent once I found out you were my niece."
"Wait, according to the adoption records…" Widget pondered for a moment, then glared at Grim. "DAD! Interplanetary calls aren't that expensive! You've got to actually call people sometimes and not just wait until they come to you!"
Widget had no idea why her uncle fell over laughing...
Time: 12:00 PM, Friday
"...and that was how I ended up becoming adopted into the Razz family and accepted a job offer to join my new sister, Widget, in the Galactic Rangers," Juanita Alvera listened to Clank Razz wrap up the tale of his "origins." Which was quite fascinating, if understandably bereft of certain details that either Clank, the Galactic Rangers, or the SGI considered to be either classified or too private to disclose at this time.
Which was fine as far as she was concerned. Not that she was against hard hitting exposé articles per se, as they were usually good for ratings, but you had to pick both your targets and the timing right or the sought after boost would turn into a slump instead as the audience turned on you. Something Dallas had yet to learn, but then again, the network had partnered them together due to the draw their clashing personalities caused rather than any skill or lack thereof on either of their parts.
"Excuse me," a floating robot spoke up, drifting into the room, "But will Ms. Alvera be joining us in the galley for lunch?"
"The Galactic Rangers serve robotic cuisine?" Juanita couldn't help but ask.
"Ma'am, I can prepare food suitable for any known sophont race in the Solana Galaxy, and quite a bit of those from the Bogon, Kavorian, Polaris, and Thyrullian Galaxies, as well as that one galaxy that nobody can agree which candy bar it is named after. Which I personally believe to be the Heath Galaxy, but that's mostly due to my personal preferences rather than any real evidence."
"Then I would love to join you for lunch," Juanita stated agreeably.
In short order, Juanita and her camera bots found themselves in the galley where most of the current members of the Galactic Rangers were already seated at one of the tables, while their other new member, Clank's sister Widget Razz, seemed to be checking up on a squad of one armed warbots seated at a table that had what appeared to be a makeshift charging and lubrication station set up on it.
"Have a seat at any table you prefer, Ma'am," the floating bot instructed. "You are, of course, invited to join the core team at their table if you'd like. I believe your model is capable of traditional oral consumption? Or would you rather have a funnel and a charging cable? Before you make your choice though, I feel that I should mention that I am rated as a four star chef. And that includes meals designed for robotic pallets."
"Well, how could I possibly turn that down?" Juanita asked, as she started heading for the table the core team was seated at.
O o O o O
"Okay," Widget stated as she made some final adjustments at the table currently assigned to Bravo Squad. "We should have a better charging and lubrication station conversion set up soonish, but this should do for now. I've made sure that the versitech charging ports can accept your plugs, and the menu screen should give you what you need to know about the various lubricants currently available. We've got plenty, so feel free to pick whichever one you think you might like. Bloop might join you from time to time, since he doesn't have an actual mouth either, but he usually remains on watch while the rest of us are eating, so don't expect it unless we're on staggered shifts.
"Now, are you all set?"
"Yes, Sir!" Bravo Squad chorused cheerfully.
"Good, then I'll leave you to it."
With that, Widget turned and took a few steps over to the main table, once again choosing to take a seat beside her brother as she accepted a menu from Bleep.
Which, honestly, was the oddest thing she found about lunch and dinner aboard the Phoenix, as back at the Hall of Heroes, the cafeteria was much less formal. Everyone simply loaded up their tray with their choice of one or two options for each course, and then went back for however many seconds you had time for or thought you could get away with.
On the Phoenix, other than breakfast, going for more than one round of seconds got your knuckles rapped by Bleep. Yes, he appreciated having his food enjoyed, but he also took pride in judging how much he should be serving at any one time.
On the other hand, as long as the ingredients were on hand, he could apparently prepare anything! Although he did have ideas as to which items were for which meal time. Meaning the menu only showed lunchtime selections at the moment…
Wait…
Something was off here…
"Hello," a familiar looking female robot greeted from where she was seated on the other side of her brother. "I'm Juanita Alvera, of Channel 360 News. Captain Qwark was kind enough to grant me time to interview each of the Galactic Rangers today."
"Um… Hi?" Widget looked around. "Where's your partner?"
"Mr. Wannamaker declined to come aboard," Clank stated bluntly, not at all ashamed of the fact that he had driven the man off.
"Something about being a whiny-assed coward allergic to completely justified pain," Juanita opined with a sly smile.
"Why do you work with him if you hate him so much?" Cora asked.
"Ratings, mostly," Juanita admitted. "The executives think our hostile interpersonal chemistry draws more attention together than when either of us are apart. That, and I still have five years on my alpha contract until I legally own myself. Until then, the network counts as my owner and guardian. Despite the fact that I made enough to pay off my own production fee as of two standard years ago."
"Ah. R9-270's Law, I believe," Clank interjected. "Then you were produced on Obani Draco?"
"Isn't that the same moon Courtny Gears is from?" Cora asked.
"I believe so," Quark stated. "She mentioned something about pushing for a shorter mandatory period on the alpha contracts of all sophont quality bots produced there, and had asked me to make a statement in support of her stance. I don't think I had much of any effect though."
"Maybe not on the alpha contract itself, perhaps," Juanita disagreed, "but I can assure you that I and many other bots from Obani Draco appreciate the moral support you provided with that speech."
"Part of that thanks should go to Nefarious here, as he helped me write it."
"And it might have had a more direct effect if you had stuck to the script as written," Dr. Nefarious groused. "Still, from the other angle, your improvised alterations did lead some other worlds to adjust their own alpha contract laws to be more favorable for their own recently produced robotic sophonts."
Captain Qwark rolled his eyes. "Come on, Nefarious! The speech as written had you written all over it! Which would have been fine if you were the one Courtny asked to speak. Which, to be perfectly honest, probably would have been the better choice there. But it would have sounded disingenuous coming from me if I read it straight out."
"Fair point," Dr. Nefarious conceded. "I can hardly fault you for realizing that nobody would believe that a magnificently brilliant speech came from you."
"Exactly!" Quark agreed readily, then paused. "Hey…"
"So…" Widget interjected, "where would I be able to find Dallas if I wanted to… have words with him?"
"We're staying in suite 576 at the High Ridge Hotel on Glonson's Street," Juanita immediately provided. "Dallas prefers the bed nearest the window, for which he likes to leave the curtains wide open at all times unless he's in fear of his life, and he'll have the lights out at 12:00 AM, after the late news. If he's not there, chances are he'll be either hiding in the closet or under my bed instead. I'll call ahead and let the hotel know that you are a guest."
"That is surprisingly helpful," Widget admitted.
"As long as you don't actually kill him, the network actively encourages me to make life as hard for Dallas as he makes mine, and I still owe him for the stunt he pulled on me during the Don Corneo exposé. It'll make for good ratings."
"Be that as it may," Quark interrupted sternly. "Assaulting a member of the media without just provocation rarely turns out well. Even with their network's permission."
"He was making openly lascivious comments about Widget during a live broadcast. I feel that I should point out that Veldin laws affords me certain rights to defend her honor as her brother."
"Then Clank may go, once I've confirmed this to be the case," Quark stated. "Widget, you are to stay aboard until the service tomorrow."
"Dammit!" Widget groused.
"I will double check as to how much defense of my sister's honor I am legally permitted to inflict on Mr. Wannamaker," Clank informed them, pleased at the opportunity to do so.
"I really would have preferred to do it myself," Widget pouted.
"Actually, we have to go over what we're wearing for the service," Cora informed her. "Are we going all together as a group, or will Widget be attending separately as a friend of the deceased?"
"Why does that matter?" Widget asked.
"Well, in the former case, we need to get you fitted for a formal uniform, and in the latter, we'd need to look up what's appropriate for a Veldin service. Unless you want to wear something more traditionally Lombax?"
Widget snorted. "Why would I care about Lombax traditions? The only other Lombax I ever met was an asshole. I mean, sure, I'm curious, but I don't think this would be the right time to start looking things up. I'll go as a Ranger. Marshal would have appreciated it."
O o O o O
Location: Suite 576, High Ridge Hotel, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 12:15 AM, Saturday
Dallas was… semi-comfortably... tucked in under Juanita's bed. His partner had yet to return to the suite, meaning that she had most likely gone ahead and performed the interviews without him and sent them off to the network without giving him the opportunity to edit in his own input.
Which he would be complaining about, naturally, but it wouldn't be the first time either of them had cut the other out of an interview or scoop, and it wouldn't be the last either.
What he was expecting was a late night visit by Commando, who would most likely check his bed first, then the closet, hopefully giving him time to sneak out the door before she started chasing him.
The heavy steps that approached and stopped at the suite's door did not sound anywhere near light enough to be either Juanita or Commando…
The fact that the door opened right away was proof that Juanita had sold him out. Again. And the steps heading right for Juanita's bed instead of either his or the closet told him that perhaps he had chosen this particular variant too often.
The bed lifted, revealing a rather hefty warbot with glowing green eyes and what seemed to be a chrome and black color scheme (although it was hard to say for sure since it was backlit by the light from the hallway).
Dallas screamed like a little girl and scrambled between the warbot's legs and made a dash for the hallway, where he ran into…
"Oh thank God! Sheriff! There's a warbot after me!"
"Now don't go thanking me just yet," Sheriff… his name was Taun Tuan, right? Sheriff Taun Taun stated grimly. "I'm only here to serve as a witness while Widget's brother here defends her honor as is his right."
"Thank you, Sheriff Taunty," the warbot said as it… he… gripped Dallas' shoulder and dragged him back into the room. "I'll be sure to stay within the legally accepted limits of the defense I can inflict on Mr. Wannamaker."
"I gotta say," the sheriff commented, "I don't often get a heads up before this sort of thing happens. And it certainly beats what I'd have expected if Widget attended to it herself."
"Er… What would you have expected then?" Dallas couldn't help but ask.
Sheriff Taunty rolled up his right sleeve and showed what appeared to be a long healed bite mark on his wrist. "Widget used to be a mite mean when she was pissed. However, I expect this fellow to deliver a right proper and civilized beatin' in her defense. Count yourself lucky, 'cause you're probably not going to need stitches…"
O o O o O
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 6:00 AM, Saturday
One of the big pros of the military surplus bunks aboard the Phoenix was that they were encapsulated, meaning that those sleeping in them wouldn't be disturbed by anyone coming in late, or being active or loud in the common area. Well, unless the built-in alarm was set for a specific hour, or an alert went off, or someone deliberately woke you up.
In this particular case, Widget only had herself to blame, as she had forgotten to adjust the time on her bunk's alarm when she had turned it on the previous night. Sure, having it set for Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning made sense when she was trying to keep to her training schedule, and the holosim training room on the Phoenix was almost as good as the one in the Hall of Heroes (actually, Widget couldn't tell the difference, but she assumed that Dr. Nefarious and Elaris knew what they were talking about).
Which was all well and good except that, now that it actually was Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning, she just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Granted, by the time she was awake enough to realize that she could do precisely that, she was already dressed in the grey shorts and halter-top that served as her official Galactic Rangers exercise gear and half a lap into a simulated jogging track.
It was also at this point that the holosim deactivated, leaving her in a circular room with one door and upper and lower vents. Oh, and Captain Qwark wearing slippers, pajamas, and a nightcap standing by the door with an unamused expression on his face.
"Ah… Good morning, Captain?"
"Widget, can you tell me what's wrong in this scenario?"
"Um… It's Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning?"
"Besides that."
"Well, it can't be that I'm alone, this was just an exercise sim…"
"Actually, that is part of the issue right there."
"What? Why?"
"Widget, I know that you're used to a lot of physical activity from prior to joining the Galactic Rangers, but there's a reason why either Cora, Brax, or I have been present during all of your physical training sessions so far. Neither you nor we know your physical limits yet. And you've shown a noticeable tendency towards not knowing when to stop or take a break."
"But…"
"Also, you didn't schedule your holosim time, so I got woken up by the automatic alert."
"But…"
"Go back to bed, Widget."
"But…"
"Set your alarm for eight. We'll have time for a nice breakfast, get ourselves cleaned up, and ready to leave for the service at nine forty-five."
"But…"
"Or would you rather I insist that you set your alarm for nine, leaving you barely any time at all to have breakfast, get cleaned up, and have either Cora or Elaris help you get dressed for the service?"
Widget was out the door and racing for her bunk before Qwark had even finished speaking.
"That's what I thought." With a yawn, Quark shambled back towards the crew quarters.
Already back in the crew quarters herself, Widget decided to just kick off her trainers, putting them back on the floor of her locker, and finish sleeping in her exercise clothes as she hadn't worked up a sweat.
Besides, her pajamas were already in the hamper anyway, and she didn't feel like fishing them out for just a couple more hours of sleep...
O o O o O
Location: Town Square, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:55 AM, Saturday
The memorial service honoring Sheriff Marshal General had been a somber, if somewhat politicized, event held in the town square. Mayor Kreely, the colony's governor, was just wrapping up a long winded speech about the late sheriff's selfless bravery and service to the community that Widget was sure that Marshal would have actually loathed had he been alive to hear it. Especially when Kreely announced that they were honoring Marshal General with a statue and by renaming the colony after him.
"Interesting statue," Cora commented, unsure of what to make of the larger than life bronze representation of the late Sheriff Marshal General wearing little more than a bathrobe and a serious expression.
"Heh," Grim chuckled, drawing Widget's attention to the fact that he (and another oversized Fongoid that, from his resemblance to Grim, was likely her Uncle Felton) had arrived. "I remember that incident. Bubba shot the jukebox that night."
"Said it played a sad song that made him cry," Widget reminisced. "So, the Hospital finally released you, Gr-Dad, or do you have to go back again?"
"Nah, I'm good. Thought I'd come and let my friends know I was alive and all."
"After I reminded him that he's got to be a bit more proactive about keeping in touch that is."
"And you must be Uncle Felton," Clank observed.
"And you must be my new nephew, Clank," Felton agreed before turning his attention to Widget. "And if I'd known that my reticent brother had actually adopted you, or that you were his ward in the first place, I'd have invited you both over to my place on Poketaru for a visit. And maybe took the time to find or buy you a more traditional Omniwrench rather than that Omnimallet I sent once I found out you were my niece."
"Wait, according to the adoption records…" Widget pondered for a moment, then glared at Grim. "DAD! Interplanetary calls aren't that expensive! You've got to actually call people sometimes and not just wait until they come to you!"
Widget had no idea why her uncle fell over laughing...
Lexicon of Lombaxes
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
LEXICON of LOMBAXES
A list of Lombaxes & Lombax OC's donated to this story, and their creators:
A list of Lombaxes & Lombax OC's donated to this story, and their creators:
Alister Azimuth: This older male Lombax is a former member of the Praetorian Guard, and he remains a controversial figure among the surviving Lombaxes who did not escape into another dimension at the Battle of Azimuth's Court. Many of his own generation and older hate him for being the one to grant Percival Tachyon access to advanced Lombax Technology, but he is also seen as the heroic general that has enabled the remaining Lombax resistance in the Polaris Galaxy to survive as long as it has so far, going a long way to earn the forgiveness among many of the younger Lombaxes throughout the known galaxies. While General Azimuth won't begrudge budding romances among his forces, any pair that ends up with or expecting a child is highly encouraged to either go even deeper into hiding on a safe world or to leave Polaris altogether (typically just after a heist type operation in order to secure enough funds for the bribes and fees required to secure passage aboard an intergalactic vessel). Much of the more accurate news leaving the Polaris Galaxy is due to the efforts of Azimuth's resistance cells and allies.
Angela Cross: This female Lombax was separated from her family at a very young age during the Fall of Fastoon, ending up on a refugee ship heading for the Bogon Galaxy, where she grew up on Greblin as a presumed war orphan. Little is known of Angela's life prior to her becoming old enough to apply for college correspondence courses, but she gained notoriety under the name Hell's Angela in various arena circuits as her chosen method of paying for her classes. After graduating, Angela ended up taking a job as a research geneticist for Megacorp back on Greblin, and is currently part of the team working on the Protopet project...
Axel (Questiondeca): A male Lombax making a living as a cabbie as he tries to earn enough Bolts to travel to another galaxy even further away from Polarisas Emperor Tachyon's conquest there continues.
Callen and Cameron (Thozmp): a brother and sister pair serving as part of a small mercenary group as a sniper and explosives expert respectively. Callen is a little worried that his sister is taking her love of explosions a bit too far, as she seems to have started a religion, of sorts, to the great god Bo-bom-bo.
Lorna Cross (mentioned in canon, but recommended by Firebear): Seperated from her husband and daughter during Emperor Tachyon's attack on Fastoon, Lorna ended up on one of the refugee ships escaping the Polaris Galaxy, spending the trip in a recovery pod. Believing her family to have been killed by Tachyon's forces, Lorna ultimately ends up moving to a Lombax enclave on Marcadia, where she advocates for support to be sent to the remaining Lombax forces back in Polaris (with limited success). Lorna later becomes a lobbyist, attempting to drum up even more support from the Parliament of Solana for General Azimuth's forces back in Polaris, but has thus far failed to garner much more than sympathetic noises as no one wants to risk an intergalactic war at this time.
Louie, Rouge, & Dr. Victor Neox (BlueStripedRenulian on DeviantArt): A small set of unrelated Lombaxes acquired over time by various means by the Syndicate and placed together as a sort of family unit (partly due to Louie's young age, partly to promote the mental stability of Dr. Neox).
Mustachio Furioso: This male Lombax with the unlikely name is a notable gentleman adventurer who has travelled much of the known galaxies. Little is known of his true goals and methods, but he has occasionally delved into various arena circuits and was once a very friendly "rival" of Hell's Angela back on Eroticon Six in the Bogon Galaxy. The two go their separate ways after that year's Eroticon Six Games event concludes, but remain on friendly terms as Mustachio continues his adventures across the galaxies...
Ratchet: There are at least three different versions of Ratchet slated for entry into this fic during the multiversal arcs...
Rivet: There is at least one version of Rivet slated for entry into this story during the multiversal arcs...
Spanner: This male Lombax was just old enough to remember what Fastoon was like when his family escaped the Polaris Galaxy prior to the Battle of Azimuth's Court, and for a while he was happy enough living in a Lombax enclave in Solana they had ended up at. Unfortunately, something happened to inspire his parents to return to Polaris and rejoin the resistance against Percival Tachyon, who had become Emperor by this point. The last Spanner had seen or heard of his parents, his mother was being auctioned off as a slave with a visibly broken spirit, while Spanner believes his father to have ended up as one of the Lombax hides decorating the walls of Emperor Tachyon's palace. Spanner is now a very violent nihilist, and is currently serving time after being captured by Widget Razz of the Galactic Rangers.
Widget Razz (Ratchet & Rivet's analogue in this continuity): A female Lombax who arrived on Veldin along with quite a few other refugees from Polaris, Widget grew up as an apparent orphan surviving at first off of charity from sympathetic Salvage Rats before growing old enough to start earning her own "living" as a Salvage Rat herself. While normally kind, if rather crude and inconsiderate, Widget was noted for being very mean in a fight, earning her a sort of questionable respect. Widget met Gogo as the young Terachnoid started attempting to supliment her allowance via salvage herself, taking her under her wing to show her the ropes. Widget is later caught attempting to break into the scrapyard behind Grimroth's Garage, and remanded to Gim's care as part of her court mandated sentence. Living with and working for Grim has calmed Widget down considerably as the large Fongoid has been a huge civilizing influence over the young Lombax, allowing her to finally be a kid for the first time in her life. After a few years under Grim's care, the story begins...
NOTE: This list will grow over time, and the entries of any individual Lombax may expand into slightly more detailed summaries as they are actually introduced into the fic.
Last edited:
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop is now on TVTropes!
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Two things:
First, I'm about half to three quarters done with the next chapter, so it should be up soon... er, soonish...
Next, RivettheLombax, from Fanfiction.net, started a TVTropes page for Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop!
First, I'm about half to three quarters done with the next chapter, so it should be up soon... er, soonish...
Next, RivettheLombax, from Fanfiction.net, started a TVTropes page for Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop!
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Deep Space, Umbris, Mylon
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: The Phoenix, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 12:15 PM, Saturday
"Welcome back, Captain," Bleep greeted as everyone walked up the rear boarding ramp. "I see we have a couple of guests. Will they be joining us for lunch, or has everyone eaten?"
"Bleep, this is Grimroth Razz, adoptive father of Widget and Clank, and his brother, Felton, their uncle," Captain Qwark explained by way of introduction. "They'll be joining us at the main table."
"Very good, Captain." Turning his attention to the two large Fongoids, Bleep asked, "Do either of you have any preferences? I have access to recipes from across the known galaxies, including many which should prove to be quite appetizing to a Fongoid palette."
"I'm fine with whatever," Grim stated in a gruff but friendly manner.
"I'd actually like to try some Veldin cuisine while I'm here," Felton put in cheerfully.
"Y'know, we never did get a chance to try the local grub the last time we were here," Brax noted.
"Whattaya say, Widget?" Cora prompted. "Anything good we should try?"
Widget shrugged. "Galaxy Burger is good, I guess, but you can get that anywhere. I used to like Cosmic Crust Pizza until I left Veldin and got to try pizza from literally any other franchise and found out that the crust is supposed to actually taste like something. Before I moved in with Dad, I basically caught and ate whatever I could catch, and after he took me in it was whatever he bought from the market."
"Yeah, Grim really isn't much for variety," Felton agreed with a chuckle.
"I like variety just fine," Grim protested. "I just don't like shopping."
"Unless it's for machines, tools, or parts," Widget quipped.
"Yeah, that," Grim agreed with a grunt.
"Perhaps a Veldin style buffet then?" Bleep suggested, receiving various nods and noises of assent in return. "Very good, Sirs. I shall start preparing a suitable spread straight away." With that, Bleep flew off across the hangar bay and into one of the corridors at the far end.
"So…" Brax started, "Do we change out of our formals before or after we eat?"
"After," Quark replied. "We weren't wearing them that long, and it'll be good practice for those of us who are still unfamiliar with formal table etiquette."
"So pretty much everyone here except for Clank and myself," Dr. Nefarious noted dryly, eliciting a chuckle from Clank and Grimroth, roaring lighter from Felton, and various noises of indignation from nearly everyone else.
Widget found herself to be moderately surprised to find that Veldin apparently had a much wider variety of local cuisine than she was personally familiar with. Well, at least according to the table Bleep had prepared for everyone. And knowing Bleep, these were just the dishes considered to be appropriate lunch options on Veldin.
Sure, she had eaten a lot of the actual ingredients before, having done a lot of her own hunting and gathering for herself before ending up in Grim's care. She just hadn't been aware that there had been so many different ways to prepare them.
Feeling indecisive due to this discovery, Widget decided to just fill her plate with just a little bit of as many different dishes as she could fit onto it so she could try a wider variety of what were otherwise supposed to be familiar foods to her. And she already knew that she'd have to make a second, or maybe even a third, trip to the buffet table if she were to have any hope of completing that particular challenge. Assuming she could even eat that much in one go, or that Bleep wouldn't shoo her away from trying for thirds.
Problems that, she noted, were not shared by either Qwark or Brax, as the two of them were simply piling their trays high with substantial portions of everything available. Either tray alone appeared to weigh more than Widget thought she could manage to even lift without technological assistance once they were fully loaded.
For that matter, neither Grimroth's nor Felton's trays were much lighter, with the main difference being that they each took only a more reasonable portion from each platter at the buffet table.
Widget further noted that Cora, Elaris, and Doctor Nefarious all prepared plates with portions that more closely resembled her own, and that Clank had selected locally produced items that were suitable for a robot capable of oral consumption.
"You know, Qwark, you and Brax piling your trays so high defeats the purpose of formal etiquette training," Dr. Nefarious snarked as he sat down well away from the captain.
"What? I always do this at any event that has a buffet!" Quark replied with conviction. "I get to try everything, and I don't have to get up for seconds just to get more of something I happen to really like!"
"Yeah!" Brax agreed wholeheartedly.
"Um… What about wasting the food you don't like?" Elaris ventured hesitantly.
"I don't understand the question," Brax stated, looking at his tray in confusion.
"There are words coming out of your mouth that I feel mean something, but I do not comprehend what you are saying," Qwark added in a serious tone as he looked at Elaris.
"Stop hazing my assistant, Quark, you're setting a bad example for the recruits," Nefarious commented as he carefully began eating.
"Fine," Quark replied, right before grabbing something at random from his tray and shoving it into his mouth, then proceeding to chew it noisily.
"And that's another reason I get invited to formal events more often than you do," Nefarious remarked as he continued to eat at a much more sedate and controlled pace.
"This is how formal buffets are done on Floranna!" Qwark pointed out.
"Yeah, it's pretty much the same on my homeworld too," Brax agreed. "Mama always said to pile it high and eat as much as you can if you wanted to properly respect the host!"
"I just wanted to try everything without having to get up again," Felton stated nonchalantly as he ate from his own tray that had not been as severely overloaded as those of either Qwark or Brax. He was also eating at a more sedate rate, taking time to really savor the flavors as he ate.
"Yeah, pretty much the same here," Grim agreed. "Despite living on Veldin, I haven't actually had a lot of these before, and I figured I should before actually moving to Pokataru."
"Speaking of which, I got a couple of good locations lined up for you to look at when we arrive on Pokataru," Felton stated. "One's relatively close to where I work at the Jowai Resort, if a bit out of the way, while the other one is further out. The closer lot is owned by Tolo, but he's a reasonable guy and will probably let you rent to own if you don't want to just lease the property, but you should be able to just flat out buy the one further out if you want to make the commitment."
"I'll have to look both of them over, and maybe check out a few other lots as well to see which way I want to go," Grim added. "I like the idea of owning everything straight away, but a lot that's already zoned for commercial or industrial use probably already has hook ups for utilities, which would be a big help."
"Er, I didn't think to ask about utilities," Felton admitted.
"I would recommend the closer lot if utility hook ups are indeed present and up to code," Clank advised. "Pokataru is a resort world with a protected environment, so the initial installation and inspection of such features would be more expensive than on most other worlds. With those already in place, you would just need an inspection and perhaps minor maintenance before you could start setting up your new garage."
"Point," Grim agreed, "but if the lot's been inactive too long, the maintenance of those utilities might have lapsed. If that's the case, it'd be cheaper to just have everything set up from scratch anyway."
"I could help with that," Widget offered.
"As can I," Clank added.
"After you both go through the training course on Umbris," Quark stated firmly. "Once that's done, I'll give you both some time off and arrange for tickets and accommodations…"
"Don't bother with accommodations," Felton interrupted. "My niece and nephew can stay at my place along with Grim while they are on Pokataru. Assuming Grim doesn't already have his own place by then, but either way, they're all welcome to stay at my place for a while"
"Just some tickets and vouchers then," Qwark agreed.
Location: BlargTech Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 10:45 AM, Sunday
Supreme Executive Chairman Drek looked over the mission report that Victor Von Ion had forwarded to him concerning Warbot BT-2121 even as the bot in question stood before his desk awaiting review. "It says here that Victor assigned you to assist this… Spanner… in creating a distraction in order to draw the guard reinforcements away from the Iron Holds of Novalis."
"That is correct, Sir," BT-2121 replied (not yet having been granted permission to continue using the name Jack).
"And yet you abandoned your assigned partner to his fate upon completion of the mission. Please enlighten me as to your reasoning," Drek commanded menacingly.
"The contracted agent, Spanner, exhibited dangerously violent and unstable behavior during the course of the mission that raised the likelihood of his attacking you any time the two of you met in any situation to unacceptable levels. I deemed it necessary to burn him as an asset at the first suitable opportunity once the success of our part of the mission was assured."
"I see... I would have preferred to make that sort of judgement myself, but I suppose I should commend you for keeping my safety in mind. Very well. Your new designation is Blackjack, for the calculated risks you took, and you are hereby promoted to Paid Asset and assigned under Victor Von Ion for further training and duties. You may customize both yourself and the ship you captured as you see fit, within reason. I'm sure that Victor will provide advice and assistance if requested."
"Thank you, Sir!"
"Dismissed."
As the newly redesignated Blackjack left his office, Drek created a new employee file for the now 'liberated' bot. Granted, Blackjack was still technically BlargTech property, but now that he was actually drawing pay he would eventually reach a point where he could buy out his own contract like Victor had. Assuming, of course, that he didn't blow his income on maintenance, repairs, customization, and whatever else he now had the Bolts to waste on.
Victor would most likely guide Blackjack neither towards nor away from that particular hurdle, and if the newly 'liberated' warbot had the self discipline to buy out his contract sooner rather than later, Drek would be happy to increase his pay in order to retain his services at a higher rank. Until then, Blackjack would remain a Paid Asset, ultimately just as disposable as this… Spanner… had been.
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 5:00 AM, Monday
"I still don't see why you had to wake me up so early and not let me sleep on the way over," Widget complained, glaring at Captain Qwark as Dr. Nefarious carefully went over the special training version of her protosuit, which was mostly utilitarian gray with black and yellow trim.
"It's all part of the training," Qwark assured her as he landed the drop shuttle near the start of the training course. "Now, did anyone tell you anything about the Umbris training course?"
"Other than the fact that it exists, and that you have a Blargian Snagglebeast at the end of it as a final challenge, no," Widget replied.
"I was not given any further information either," Clank added as Dr. Nefarious fitted him with a plug-in device.
"Good," Nefarious stated. "The first run through this course is traditionally done as if it were an operation with minimal intel. Do not tell Elaris about the layout or any of the obstacles or challenges you come across, because she'll be going through this too if she ever decides to cross train out of her support role."
"But we were informed about the Blargian Snagglebeast you had acquired," Clank pointed out.
"Which you will be fighting after you rendezvous with Brax and Clara near the end of the course and Widget swaps her training protosuit with her regular one, and receives her regular A.S.S." Qwark informed them. "It would be irresponsible of me to let you face Mr. Cuddlewumpus alone or without proper weapons and armor for your first encounter with him!"
"That's not exactly reassuring," Widget commented nervously. "So, if you have my regular gear, what am I going to be using besides this mock-suit?"
"The mock-suit, as you call it, is a stripped down protosuit with special sensors and haptic feedback so you can feel sensations appropriate to the type of damage you might receive during your run through of the course," Dr. Nefarious explained. "It will also lock joints or enforce a limp state as appropriate, but I had to strip out a lot of the protective features in order to fit all of that in. Think of it as the ultimate live action Gamer's Gear if you like, as it's not at all suitable for actual combat but is fully capable of simulating the results of live combat well enough for training purposes.
"If, at any point, your training suit registers enough simulated damage of any type, it will force you to collapse and a couple of drones will retrieve you and return you to the start of the course. The plug-in I gave Clank does something similar for him - and both the suit and the plug-in will register if they are deactivated or removed for any reason, so leave them alone until you meet Brax and Cora! You can remove them at that time, not before!"
"Yes, Sir!" Both Widget and Clank agreed with firm nods.
"And you will be using whatever is in this!" Captain Qwark handed Widget a very cheap looking A.S.S. "Along with whatever weapons and tools you happen to come across during your run through!"
"What's in this?" Widget asked dubiously as she inspected the card shaped device, noting that it's case appeared to have been purposely replaced with poor quality plastic of some sort.
"You'll find out!" Quark stated jovially, then ushered the pair out of the back of the drop shuttle. "Now get out there and show us your stuff!" So saying, he stepped back into the shuttle, raised the ramp hatch, and took off, leaving Widget and Clank alone on a small, rocky spire with a landing pad set somewhat apart from a somewhat larger set of interconnected islands with noticeable platforms, bridges, and fortifications. Off in the distance, other rocky islands could be seen in all directions across the sea of mud.
"It appears that Qwark and Nefarious are landing behind the fortification on the far side of the nearby island cluster," Clank observed. "That is most likely our destination."
"Or at least where we need to get to if we want to leave Umbris," Widget agreed as she checked her assigned A.S.S. "Let's see… an ion blaster with no ammo, an Omniwrench 8000, and a basic swingshot. Not much to start with."
"Well, he did say that there would be weapons and tools that we could find along the way," Clank pointed out.
"I guess we'll just have to keep our eyes out for them," Widget stated. "Alright, let's get started!"
"It looks like we're supposed to take the zipline down to the start of that path," Clank observed.
"Yeah, but I see some crates right over there. There may be some stuff we can use in them. Why don't you take a better look at the course from here while I check to see what's in the crates?"
"Agreed."
A few minutes and several broken crates later, the two reviewed their findings with each other.
"Okay, I found just enough ammo to fully load the ion blaster I was given, what looks like part of a weapon or tool I can't identify yet (but is probably a tool because that's where it slotted when I put it in the A.S.S.), some sort of key card, a holocard of you with basic promotional details, and a collect-and-submit type voucher for a free pizza from Cosmic Crust Pizza."
"May I have those last two?"
"Sure," Widget shrugged, passing the card and voucher over. "Not sure why you want the pizza one though, since you can't eat it and I can no longer stand Cosmic Crust's crusts."
"I like collectables, and cards and vouchers are a convenient storage shape for now. Also, even if you no longer care for pizza from Cosmic Crust, I am fairly certain that either Qwark or Brax would appreciate a free pizza."
"Point," Widget conceded. "So, did you see anything new while I was getting this stuff?"
"I believe so, but the bulk of the training course is not visible from this location, so there is a hard limit to how much intel we can acquire from here with just the tools we have."
"Yeah, a camera drone or visibomb launcher would be pretty useful right now, but that doesn't matter since Qwark would have taken them away with the rest of my gear even if I had them in the first place."
"Still, it is something to keep in mind for future field missions."
"Yeah."
"Anyway, there seems to be some sort of movement on two of the bridges we can see from here, but it's difficult to tell what it might be. There are at least three bomb-o-matics that I'm certain that you already spotted, and I believe that disc near the base of the first building we will be passing may be a pop-up turret of some type, so it would be safe to assume that we will come across more of both as we progress through the course. The top of that cliff to the right seems to have some sort of chain link fence maze topped with coils of wire, but it's too difficult to tell from here what else might be there. Unfortunately, given the buildings, rock spires, and everything else in the way, nothing else can be determined until we get closer."
"And once we go down the zip-line, we're committed since we won't be able to come back up here with what we have on us right now."
"That was my thought as well."
"We may as well get started then. Ready to watch my back?"
"Anytime."
With that, Widget picked up Clank by an arm and swung him onto her back where he attached himself to the hardpoint couple, then jogged over to the zipline, jumped up, and swung the Omniwrench overtop of it to use as a handlebar as they slid down to the start of the first path...
Location: BlargTech Corporate Retreat Center, Mylon
Time: 7:30 AM, Monday
Mylon, or at least it's single moderately sized continent, was a heavily industrialized world, with innumerable factories owned by almost as many companies. The rampant, uncontrolled pollution resulting from all this unregulated industry had long since devastated the continental ecosystem to the point where only the scraggly weeds and scavengers remained on the mainland. Even those islands closest to the continent were effectively ruined, with only those farthest away (effectively on the other side of the planet) having anything close to their original pristine beauty.
BlargTech had a presence here, in the form of several relatively small factories producing consumer goods that simply couldn't be made on Orxon anymore for various reasons, all of which located on the mainland. They also had exactly one island facility on Mylon. Island 1,137, an extinct volcano with a caldera that had dropped below sea level and filled in to become an enclosed lagoon, wasn't one of the better islands, being a little too close to the outer edge of the spreading zone of pollution emanating from the mainland. On the other manipulating appendage, it was also far from the worst, and in either case BlargTech had acquired it cheaply and had built a company owned vacation resort known as the BlargTech Corporate Retreat Center.
It was here at the BlargTech Corporate Retreat that Victor Von ion had set up a temporary headquarters for the anti-hero team that Supreme Executive Chairman Drek had instructed him to form.
Victor Von Ion led the newly promoted warbot, Blackjack, from the executive landing pad jutting over the inside shore of the island where it hung over the still somewhat impressively scenic lagoon, and into a Blarg-made tunnel carved into the side of the ancient volcanic walls. A few corridors later, the two bots walked into a meeting room where Shiv Helix, the Stig, and Little Tony were waiting, with a Blarg in a purple valet uniform attending to their needs.
"Hey!" Shiv called out in greeting, having spotted the two bots first.
"I trust the accommodations have met your approval so far?" Victor asked.
"Heck yeah!" Little Tony enthused. "Games, good food, I got a big room all to myself that has a cot strong enough to hold my weight, free access to a killer gym, and Eddy here has been teaching me how to read!"
Eddy stumbled slightly as the oversized Cazar gave him a friendly but overly forceful pat on a shoulder. "It's… been a work in progress, Commander, but Mister Tony can now read Galactic Standard at a basic level."
"Very good," Victor nodded, sounding pleased. "Now we need some privacy, so you are dismissed for now. And get that shoulder seen to. I'll have a word with Little Tony later about taking care with handling minions."
"Thank you, Sir," Eddy said, before hastily leaving the room.
"Sorry 'bout that!" Little Tony called after him apologetically.
"I'll start you on egg exercises so you can learn to control that strength of yours," Victor stated bluntly. "But that's for later. This is Blackjack, formerly BT-2121, and now a Paid Asset of BlargTech. He will be joining your team for now."
"Whoa!" Helix exclaimed, impressed. "Congrats on the promotion, Blackjack, and welcome to the team!"
The Stig nodded in agreement.
"Uh, yeah," Little Tony added somewhat awkwardly.
"Now correct me if I'm wrong," Shiv started, "but ain't you the same bot that Vic here sent to Veldin with that Spanner asshole to cause a distraction?"
"That is correct," Blackjack responded evenly.
"Why'd you leave him behind to get captured?" Shiv asked. "Not that I'm complaining or anything - that guy just rubbed me the wrong way and gave me the willies the longer he was with us."
The Stig nodded in agreement once more.
"I deemed him to be too violent and unstable to be permitted anywhere near Supreme Executive Chairman Drek, so once the success of the mission was assured, I left him to his own devices."
"And he got promoted for it," Victor stated. "Do any of you have a problem with that?"
"Not at all!" Shiv denied, holding up his hands, as the Stig shook his head and Little Tony shrugged in indifference. "Shows good judgement, and I'd have probably done the same. Blackjack, huh? Hey, Vic, any objections to adding one more to the team?"
"Not as such, no. Who do you have in mind?"
"Well, him being named Blackjack reminded me of a merc I know from Eco who goes by Hooker. I don't know if that's her name or just her call sign, but she's pretty decent for having just started out, and I figure way more professional than that Spanner asshole was. That, and I can just see the marketing potential of pairing them together as Blackjack and Hooker once the main mission is over, so there's that too."
"Good points," Victor nodded. "Eco, you said? So she's an Econian?"
"Nah, she's an Ottsel, but don't let her size fool you - she can hold her own in a fight if she needs to. I still have her contact information if you're interested."
"Forward a copy to me and I'll give her a call."
"Eh, might be better if I called her first to let her know to expect your call…"
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 10:45 AM, Monday
"About time you and Big Guy got here, Commando," Cora snarked as a very filthy Widget and Clank trudged towards them, both being covered in grime, grease, and various colors of paint.
"What's with the sharkigator?" Brax asked, taking note of the semi-amphibious (and presumably very recently deceased) piscine monstrosity strapped to Widget's back next to the Omniwrench.
"Later - where's the bathroom?" Widget demanded urgently.
"Back down the hall you just came from and to the left, just past the locker rooms," Cora informed the stressed Lombax, who immediately rushed off to relieve a certain pressure.
"Don't our Protosuits come with waste management systems?" Brax asked, confused.
"Normally yes," Clank confirmed with a nod, "but it appears that in his haste to strip standard features to make room for specialized training systems, Doctor Nefarious mistakenly disconnected the automatic catheter."
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 11:00 AM, Monday
"You bypassed the bossfight," Captain Qwark complained as the four stood before him and Doctor Nefarious.
"I wouldn't say bypassed so much as negated," Nefarious disagreed.
"She threw a big fish at Mr. Cuddlewumpus and he ran off to eat it!" Qwark exclaimed.
"Shows resourcefulness and clever thinking," Nefarious noted.
"It'll be months before he's hungry enough to want to fight again!" Quark whined.
"Oh grow up," Nefarious snapped. "I don't know why you insist on live monsters anyway, when I can whip up a perfectly good warbot that would serve the same purpose."
"It just isn't the same!" Quark insisted.
Time: 12:15 PM, Saturday
"Welcome back, Captain," Bleep greeted as everyone walked up the rear boarding ramp. "I see we have a couple of guests. Will they be joining us for lunch, or has everyone eaten?"
"Bleep, this is Grimroth Razz, adoptive father of Widget and Clank, and his brother, Felton, their uncle," Captain Qwark explained by way of introduction. "They'll be joining us at the main table."
"Very good, Captain." Turning his attention to the two large Fongoids, Bleep asked, "Do either of you have any preferences? I have access to recipes from across the known galaxies, including many which should prove to be quite appetizing to a Fongoid palette."
"I'm fine with whatever," Grim stated in a gruff but friendly manner.
"I'd actually like to try some Veldin cuisine while I'm here," Felton put in cheerfully.
"Y'know, we never did get a chance to try the local grub the last time we were here," Brax noted.
"Whattaya say, Widget?" Cora prompted. "Anything good we should try?"
Widget shrugged. "Galaxy Burger is good, I guess, but you can get that anywhere. I used to like Cosmic Crust Pizza until I left Veldin and got to try pizza from literally any other franchise and found out that the crust is supposed to actually taste like something. Before I moved in with Dad, I basically caught and ate whatever I could catch, and after he took me in it was whatever he bought from the market."
"Yeah, Grim really isn't much for variety," Felton agreed with a chuckle.
"I like variety just fine," Grim protested. "I just don't like shopping."
"Unless it's for machines, tools, or parts," Widget quipped.
"Yeah, that," Grim agreed with a grunt.
"Perhaps a Veldin style buffet then?" Bleep suggested, receiving various nods and noises of assent in return. "Very good, Sirs. I shall start preparing a suitable spread straight away." With that, Bleep flew off across the hangar bay and into one of the corridors at the far end.
"So…" Brax started, "Do we change out of our formals before or after we eat?"
"After," Quark replied. "We weren't wearing them that long, and it'll be good practice for those of us who are still unfamiliar with formal table etiquette."
"So pretty much everyone here except for Clank and myself," Dr. Nefarious noted dryly, eliciting a chuckle from Clank and Grimroth, roaring lighter from Felton, and various noises of indignation from nearly everyone else.
O o O o O
Widget found herself to be moderately surprised to find that Veldin apparently had a much wider variety of local cuisine than she was personally familiar with. Well, at least according to the table Bleep had prepared for everyone. And knowing Bleep, these were just the dishes considered to be appropriate lunch options on Veldin.
Sure, she had eaten a lot of the actual ingredients before, having done a lot of her own hunting and gathering for herself before ending up in Grim's care. She just hadn't been aware that there had been so many different ways to prepare them.
Feeling indecisive due to this discovery, Widget decided to just fill her plate with just a little bit of as many different dishes as she could fit onto it so she could try a wider variety of what were otherwise supposed to be familiar foods to her. And she already knew that she'd have to make a second, or maybe even a third, trip to the buffet table if she were to have any hope of completing that particular challenge. Assuming she could even eat that much in one go, or that Bleep wouldn't shoo her away from trying for thirds.
Problems that, she noted, were not shared by either Qwark or Brax, as the two of them were simply piling their trays high with substantial portions of everything available. Either tray alone appeared to weigh more than Widget thought she could manage to even lift without technological assistance once they were fully loaded.
For that matter, neither Grimroth's nor Felton's trays were much lighter, with the main difference being that they each took only a more reasonable portion from each platter at the buffet table.
Widget further noted that Cora, Elaris, and Doctor Nefarious all prepared plates with portions that more closely resembled her own, and that Clank had selected locally produced items that were suitable for a robot capable of oral consumption.
"You know, Qwark, you and Brax piling your trays so high defeats the purpose of formal etiquette training," Dr. Nefarious snarked as he sat down well away from the captain.
"What? I always do this at any event that has a buffet!" Quark replied with conviction. "I get to try everything, and I don't have to get up for seconds just to get more of something I happen to really like!"
"Yeah!" Brax agreed wholeheartedly.
"Um… What about wasting the food you don't like?" Elaris ventured hesitantly.
"I don't understand the question," Brax stated, looking at his tray in confusion.
"There are words coming out of your mouth that I feel mean something, but I do not comprehend what you are saying," Qwark added in a serious tone as he looked at Elaris.
"Stop hazing my assistant, Quark, you're setting a bad example for the recruits," Nefarious commented as he carefully began eating.
"Fine," Quark replied, right before grabbing something at random from his tray and shoving it into his mouth, then proceeding to chew it noisily.
"And that's another reason I get invited to formal events more often than you do," Nefarious remarked as he continued to eat at a much more sedate and controlled pace.
"This is how formal buffets are done on Floranna!" Qwark pointed out.
"Yeah, it's pretty much the same on my homeworld too," Brax agreed. "Mama always said to pile it high and eat as much as you can if you wanted to properly respect the host!"
"I just wanted to try everything without having to get up again," Felton stated nonchalantly as he ate from his own tray that had not been as severely overloaded as those of either Qwark or Brax. He was also eating at a more sedate rate, taking time to really savor the flavors as he ate.
"Yeah, pretty much the same here," Grim agreed. "Despite living on Veldin, I haven't actually had a lot of these before, and I figured I should before actually moving to Pokataru."
"Speaking of which, I got a couple of good locations lined up for you to look at when we arrive on Pokataru," Felton stated. "One's relatively close to where I work at the Jowai Resort, if a bit out of the way, while the other one is further out. The closer lot is owned by Tolo, but he's a reasonable guy and will probably let you rent to own if you don't want to just lease the property, but you should be able to just flat out buy the one further out if you want to make the commitment."
"I'll have to look both of them over, and maybe check out a few other lots as well to see which way I want to go," Grim added. "I like the idea of owning everything straight away, but a lot that's already zoned for commercial or industrial use probably already has hook ups for utilities, which would be a big help."
"Er, I didn't think to ask about utilities," Felton admitted.
"I would recommend the closer lot if utility hook ups are indeed present and up to code," Clank advised. "Pokataru is a resort world with a protected environment, so the initial installation and inspection of such features would be more expensive than on most other worlds. With those already in place, you would just need an inspection and perhaps minor maintenance before you could start setting up your new garage."
"Point," Grim agreed, "but if the lot's been inactive too long, the maintenance of those utilities might have lapsed. If that's the case, it'd be cheaper to just have everything set up from scratch anyway."
"I could help with that," Widget offered.
"As can I," Clank added.
"After you both go through the training course on Umbris," Quark stated firmly. "Once that's done, I'll give you both some time off and arrange for tickets and accommodations…"
"Don't bother with accommodations," Felton interrupted. "My niece and nephew can stay at my place along with Grim while they are on Pokataru. Assuming Grim doesn't already have his own place by then, but either way, they're all welcome to stay at my place for a while"
"Just some tickets and vouchers then," Qwark agreed.
O o O o O
Location: BlargTech Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 10:45 AM, Sunday
Supreme Executive Chairman Drek looked over the mission report that Victor Von Ion had forwarded to him concerning Warbot BT-2121 even as the bot in question stood before his desk awaiting review. "It says here that Victor assigned you to assist this… Spanner… in creating a distraction in order to draw the guard reinforcements away from the Iron Holds of Novalis."
"That is correct, Sir," BT-2121 replied (not yet having been granted permission to continue using the name Jack).
"And yet you abandoned your assigned partner to his fate upon completion of the mission. Please enlighten me as to your reasoning," Drek commanded menacingly.
"The contracted agent, Spanner, exhibited dangerously violent and unstable behavior during the course of the mission that raised the likelihood of his attacking you any time the two of you met in any situation to unacceptable levels. I deemed it necessary to burn him as an asset at the first suitable opportunity once the success of our part of the mission was assured."
"I see... I would have preferred to make that sort of judgement myself, but I suppose I should commend you for keeping my safety in mind. Very well. Your new designation is Blackjack, for the calculated risks you took, and you are hereby promoted to Paid Asset and assigned under Victor Von Ion for further training and duties. You may customize both yourself and the ship you captured as you see fit, within reason. I'm sure that Victor will provide advice and assistance if requested."
"Thank you, Sir!"
"Dismissed."
As the newly redesignated Blackjack left his office, Drek created a new employee file for the now 'liberated' bot. Granted, Blackjack was still technically BlargTech property, but now that he was actually drawing pay he would eventually reach a point where he could buy out his own contract like Victor had. Assuming, of course, that he didn't blow his income on maintenance, repairs, customization, and whatever else he now had the Bolts to waste on.
Victor would most likely guide Blackjack neither towards nor away from that particular hurdle, and if the newly 'liberated' warbot had the self discipline to buy out his contract sooner rather than later, Drek would be happy to increase his pay in order to retain his services at a higher rank. Until then, Blackjack would remain a Paid Asset, ultimately just as disposable as this… Spanner… had been.
O o O o O
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 5:00 AM, Monday
"I still don't see why you had to wake me up so early and not let me sleep on the way over," Widget complained, glaring at Captain Qwark as Dr. Nefarious carefully went over the special training version of her protosuit, which was mostly utilitarian gray with black and yellow trim.
"It's all part of the training," Qwark assured her as he landed the drop shuttle near the start of the training course. "Now, did anyone tell you anything about the Umbris training course?"
"Other than the fact that it exists, and that you have a Blargian Snagglebeast at the end of it as a final challenge, no," Widget replied.
"I was not given any further information either," Clank added as Dr. Nefarious fitted him with a plug-in device.
"Good," Nefarious stated. "The first run through this course is traditionally done as if it were an operation with minimal intel. Do not tell Elaris about the layout or any of the obstacles or challenges you come across, because she'll be going through this too if she ever decides to cross train out of her support role."
"But we were informed about the Blargian Snagglebeast you had acquired," Clank pointed out.
"Which you will be fighting after you rendezvous with Brax and Clara near the end of the course and Widget swaps her training protosuit with her regular one, and receives her regular A.S.S." Qwark informed them. "It would be irresponsible of me to let you face Mr. Cuddlewumpus alone or without proper weapons and armor for your first encounter with him!"
"That's not exactly reassuring," Widget commented nervously. "So, if you have my regular gear, what am I going to be using besides this mock-suit?"
"The mock-suit, as you call it, is a stripped down protosuit with special sensors and haptic feedback so you can feel sensations appropriate to the type of damage you might receive during your run through of the course," Dr. Nefarious explained. "It will also lock joints or enforce a limp state as appropriate, but I had to strip out a lot of the protective features in order to fit all of that in. Think of it as the ultimate live action Gamer's Gear if you like, as it's not at all suitable for actual combat but is fully capable of simulating the results of live combat well enough for training purposes.
"If, at any point, your training suit registers enough simulated damage of any type, it will force you to collapse and a couple of drones will retrieve you and return you to the start of the course. The plug-in I gave Clank does something similar for him - and both the suit and the plug-in will register if they are deactivated or removed for any reason, so leave them alone until you meet Brax and Cora! You can remove them at that time, not before!"
"Yes, Sir!" Both Widget and Clank agreed with firm nods.
"And you will be using whatever is in this!" Captain Qwark handed Widget a very cheap looking A.S.S. "Along with whatever weapons and tools you happen to come across during your run through!"
"What's in this?" Widget asked dubiously as she inspected the card shaped device, noting that it's case appeared to have been purposely replaced with poor quality plastic of some sort.
"You'll find out!" Quark stated jovially, then ushered the pair out of the back of the drop shuttle. "Now get out there and show us your stuff!" So saying, he stepped back into the shuttle, raised the ramp hatch, and took off, leaving Widget and Clank alone on a small, rocky spire with a landing pad set somewhat apart from a somewhat larger set of interconnected islands with noticeable platforms, bridges, and fortifications. Off in the distance, other rocky islands could be seen in all directions across the sea of mud.
"It appears that Qwark and Nefarious are landing behind the fortification on the far side of the nearby island cluster," Clank observed. "That is most likely our destination."
"Or at least where we need to get to if we want to leave Umbris," Widget agreed as she checked her assigned A.S.S. "Let's see… an ion blaster with no ammo, an Omniwrench 8000, and a basic swingshot. Not much to start with."
"Well, he did say that there would be weapons and tools that we could find along the way," Clank pointed out.
"I guess we'll just have to keep our eyes out for them," Widget stated. "Alright, let's get started!"
"It looks like we're supposed to take the zipline down to the start of that path," Clank observed.
"Yeah, but I see some crates right over there. There may be some stuff we can use in them. Why don't you take a better look at the course from here while I check to see what's in the crates?"
"Agreed."
A few minutes and several broken crates later, the two reviewed their findings with each other.
"Okay, I found just enough ammo to fully load the ion blaster I was given, what looks like part of a weapon or tool I can't identify yet (but is probably a tool because that's where it slotted when I put it in the A.S.S.), some sort of key card, a holocard of you with basic promotional details, and a collect-and-submit type voucher for a free pizza from Cosmic Crust Pizza."
"May I have those last two?"
"Sure," Widget shrugged, passing the card and voucher over. "Not sure why you want the pizza one though, since you can't eat it and I can no longer stand Cosmic Crust's crusts."
"I like collectables, and cards and vouchers are a convenient storage shape for now. Also, even if you no longer care for pizza from Cosmic Crust, I am fairly certain that either Qwark or Brax would appreciate a free pizza."
"Point," Widget conceded. "So, did you see anything new while I was getting this stuff?"
"I believe so, but the bulk of the training course is not visible from this location, so there is a hard limit to how much intel we can acquire from here with just the tools we have."
"Yeah, a camera drone or visibomb launcher would be pretty useful right now, but that doesn't matter since Qwark would have taken them away with the rest of my gear even if I had them in the first place."
"Still, it is something to keep in mind for future field missions."
"Yeah."
"Anyway, there seems to be some sort of movement on two of the bridges we can see from here, but it's difficult to tell what it might be. There are at least three bomb-o-matics that I'm certain that you already spotted, and I believe that disc near the base of the first building we will be passing may be a pop-up turret of some type, so it would be safe to assume that we will come across more of both as we progress through the course. The top of that cliff to the right seems to have some sort of chain link fence maze topped with coils of wire, but it's too difficult to tell from here what else might be there. Unfortunately, given the buildings, rock spires, and everything else in the way, nothing else can be determined until we get closer."
"And once we go down the zip-line, we're committed since we won't be able to come back up here with what we have on us right now."
"That was my thought as well."
"We may as well get started then. Ready to watch my back?"
"Anytime."
With that, Widget picked up Clank by an arm and swung him onto her back where he attached himself to the hardpoint couple, then jogged over to the zipline, jumped up, and swung the Omniwrench overtop of it to use as a handlebar as they slid down to the start of the first path...
O o O o O
Location: BlargTech Corporate Retreat Center, Mylon
Time: 7:30 AM, Monday
Mylon, or at least it's single moderately sized continent, was a heavily industrialized world, with innumerable factories owned by almost as many companies. The rampant, uncontrolled pollution resulting from all this unregulated industry had long since devastated the continental ecosystem to the point where only the scraggly weeds and scavengers remained on the mainland. Even those islands closest to the continent were effectively ruined, with only those farthest away (effectively on the other side of the planet) having anything close to their original pristine beauty.
BlargTech had a presence here, in the form of several relatively small factories producing consumer goods that simply couldn't be made on Orxon anymore for various reasons, all of which located on the mainland. They also had exactly one island facility on Mylon. Island 1,137, an extinct volcano with a caldera that had dropped below sea level and filled in to become an enclosed lagoon, wasn't one of the better islands, being a little too close to the outer edge of the spreading zone of pollution emanating from the mainland. On the other manipulating appendage, it was also far from the worst, and in either case BlargTech had acquired it cheaply and had built a company owned vacation resort known as the BlargTech Corporate Retreat Center.
It was here at the BlargTech Corporate Retreat that Victor Von ion had set up a temporary headquarters for the anti-hero team that Supreme Executive Chairman Drek had instructed him to form.
Victor Von Ion led the newly promoted warbot, Blackjack, from the executive landing pad jutting over the inside shore of the island where it hung over the still somewhat impressively scenic lagoon, and into a Blarg-made tunnel carved into the side of the ancient volcanic walls. A few corridors later, the two bots walked into a meeting room where Shiv Helix, the Stig, and Little Tony were waiting, with a Blarg in a purple valet uniform attending to their needs.
"Hey!" Shiv called out in greeting, having spotted the two bots first.
"I trust the accommodations have met your approval so far?" Victor asked.
"Heck yeah!" Little Tony enthused. "Games, good food, I got a big room all to myself that has a cot strong enough to hold my weight, free access to a killer gym, and Eddy here has been teaching me how to read!"
Eddy stumbled slightly as the oversized Cazar gave him a friendly but overly forceful pat on a shoulder. "It's… been a work in progress, Commander, but Mister Tony can now read Galactic Standard at a basic level."
"Very good," Victor nodded, sounding pleased. "Now we need some privacy, so you are dismissed for now. And get that shoulder seen to. I'll have a word with Little Tony later about taking care with handling minions."
"Thank you, Sir," Eddy said, before hastily leaving the room.
"Sorry 'bout that!" Little Tony called after him apologetically.
"I'll start you on egg exercises so you can learn to control that strength of yours," Victor stated bluntly. "But that's for later. This is Blackjack, formerly BT-2121, and now a Paid Asset of BlargTech. He will be joining your team for now."
"Whoa!" Helix exclaimed, impressed. "Congrats on the promotion, Blackjack, and welcome to the team!"
The Stig nodded in agreement.
"Uh, yeah," Little Tony added somewhat awkwardly.
"Now correct me if I'm wrong," Shiv started, "but ain't you the same bot that Vic here sent to Veldin with that Spanner asshole to cause a distraction?"
"That is correct," Blackjack responded evenly.
"Why'd you leave him behind to get captured?" Shiv asked. "Not that I'm complaining or anything - that guy just rubbed me the wrong way and gave me the willies the longer he was with us."
The Stig nodded in agreement once more.
"I deemed him to be too violent and unstable to be permitted anywhere near Supreme Executive Chairman Drek, so once the success of the mission was assured, I left him to his own devices."
"And he got promoted for it," Victor stated. "Do any of you have a problem with that?"
"Not at all!" Shiv denied, holding up his hands, as the Stig shook his head and Little Tony shrugged in indifference. "Shows good judgement, and I'd have probably done the same. Blackjack, huh? Hey, Vic, any objections to adding one more to the team?"
"Not as such, no. Who do you have in mind?"
"Well, him being named Blackjack reminded me of a merc I know from Eco who goes by Hooker. I don't know if that's her name or just her call sign, but she's pretty decent for having just started out, and I figure way more professional than that Spanner asshole was. That, and I can just see the marketing potential of pairing them together as Blackjack and Hooker once the main mission is over, so there's that too."
"Good points," Victor nodded. "Eco, you said? So she's an Econian?"
"Nah, she's an Ottsel, but don't let her size fool you - she can hold her own in a fight if she needs to. I still have her contact information if you're interested."
"Forward a copy to me and I'll give her a call."
"Eh, might be better if I called her first to let her know to expect your call…"
O o O o O
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 10:45 AM, Monday
"About time you and Big Guy got here, Commando," Cora snarked as a very filthy Widget and Clank trudged towards them, both being covered in grime, grease, and various colors of paint.
"What's with the sharkigator?" Brax asked, taking note of the semi-amphibious (and presumably very recently deceased) piscine monstrosity strapped to Widget's back next to the Omniwrench.
"Later - where's the bathroom?" Widget demanded urgently.
"Back down the hall you just came from and to the left, just past the locker rooms," Cora informed the stressed Lombax, who immediately rushed off to relieve a certain pressure.
"Don't our Protosuits come with waste management systems?" Brax asked, confused.
"Normally yes," Clank confirmed with a nod, "but it appears that in his haste to strip standard features to make room for specialized training systems, Doctor Nefarious mistakenly disconnected the automatic catheter."
O o O o O
Location: The Galactic Rangers Advanced Training Facility, Umbris
Time: 11:00 AM, Monday
"You bypassed the bossfight," Captain Qwark complained as the four stood before him and Doctor Nefarious.
"I wouldn't say bypassed so much as negated," Nefarious disagreed.
"She threw a big fish at Mr. Cuddlewumpus and he ran off to eat it!" Qwark exclaimed.
"Shows resourcefulness and clever thinking," Nefarious noted.
"It'll be months before he's hungry enough to want to fight again!" Quark whined.
"Oh grow up," Nefarious snapped. "I don't know why you insist on live monsters anyway, when I can whip up a perfectly good warbot that would serve the same purpose."
"It just isn't the same!" Quark insisted.
PLANETARY LEXICON
Mylon
Galaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Heavy, varied races.
Spaceports: Numerous and unregulated (all amenities available - just not at every spaceport)
Major Imports: Materials and consumables
Major Exports: Just about anything that can be manufactured cheaply in unregulated factories on a world where the environment has yet to fully tank into complete toxicity...
Mylon is one of those worlds that serve as an example of what can happen without any regulatory oversight whatsoever over... well, pretty much any industry at all, really. While no where near as bad as Orxon (yet), Mylon's native ecological systems are well on their way to complete collapse, with speculation that this will happen sometime within the next standard decade or so.
So of course Blargtech has a major recreational facility here...
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NemiTheNen
Perpetual Phone Poster
Wait.
Osttel. Eco.
Jak and Daxter?!
Osttel. Eco.
Jak and Daxter?!
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Technically no, although they both could be on Eco at this time...
Hooker is an Ottsel though, with all that entails, although whether or not that's her name or just her work handle is definitely up for debate.
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Calzon, Kerwan, & Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Ravoli City Spaceport, Calzon
Time: 1:00 PM, Monday
"No good, lousy cheapskates!" Hooker complained irately as she stomped into the highly modified and upgraded pet carrier that served as her mobile home. "Think they can short me on my payment just because they are soooo big! DAMN IT ALL!"
Truth be told, it wasn't that Calzonians were all that big, at least compared to the galactic average of sophont species sizes. It was that Ottsels were enough below that average that the majority of races out there just didn't take them seriously. Oh, sure, Ottsels were hardly the smallest race in the known universe (that particular distinction went to the Technomites), the cutest (the Cidi had this distinction, much to their eternal annoyance), nor the most subjugated (that would be the Truul, poor bastards), but that didn't mean that they didn't have a host of issues when dealing with other sophont races.
The biggest of which, in Hooker's mind, being that almost no one took Ottsels seriously!
Case in point being that, once again, Hooker got shafted by her client, who only gave her a small fraction of the posted after mission payout for the job she just did! And of course Cranston had his bodyguards present, meaning that she couldn't very well take it out of his hide without risking her own in the process. Nope, she just let herself be bullied right out of the building with fake smiles and disingenuous farewells on the part of everyone involved.
Sighing, as she slumped onto her bed, Hooker finally noticed that the message light on the wall-mounted comm was blinking. Checking it out, she saw that it was from Shiv Helix, one of the few individuals she had worked with before that hadn't screwed her over either during or after a mission!
Hooker quickly hit the call-back button and waited…
"Hey, Hooker!" Shiv's distorted voice greeted her amiably from the comm. "Glad I was able to get a hold of ya! Ya still looking for a partner?"
"You changed your mind?" Hope springs eternal…
"Nah," Hope is once again dashed to the ground in smoking ruins. "However, the client I'm currently working for is forming a team, and one of the latest members brought ya to mind. How would you like to be paired up with a Warbot by the name of Blackjack who was recently promoted to Paid Asset status?"
"Really!? You're basing a potential partner for me on a meme!?"
"Well, yeah, but it's a marketable one, and you know a bot ain't going to stiff ya if you two decide to stick together once the mission is done. Not over the normal issues anyway."
"There is that, yes. Fine, I'll come and do a meet and greet to see if I want to join. Where to, and would you mind footing the travel expenses? My last client shortchanged me. By a lot."
There was a brief pause before Shiv's voice came over the comm again. "Where're ya at and what's the name of whoever shafted ya? Vic just offered to come by and deal with them as part of your sign up bonus if you take the job. He'd bring you back here on his ship if you agree."
"Consider me all in!" Hooker exclaimed, suddenly very happy.
Things were definitely looking up for once!
Location: Aleero City Spaceport, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Monday
Widget felt much better after getting cleaned up and being allowed to nap on the way back to the Hall of Heroes. She and Clank had made, in their own opinion, way too many attempts to clear the training course back on Umbris before finally reaching the end, and Captain Qwark and Dr. Nefarious had argued way too long as to whether or not it counted since Mr. Cudlewumpus couldn't be coaxed to fight now that he had been fed.
The general consensus among everyone but Qwark was that Widget and Clank had, in fact, dealt with the Blargian Snagglebeast, even if not by actually fighting it. Which was clearly a win.
"You actually feeling rested this time?" Cora asked as Widget joined everyone in the portside airlock on deck three of the CHS-GR Phoenix (the distinction was important this time, because the SWR Phoenix, belonging to the Starwatch Rangers, was currently in system).
"Yeah," Widget nodded as Captain Qwark paused at the airlock.
"Widget, Clank," Quark started, "I know you both offered to help your father set up his new facilities while you're on Pokataru, but it's also important to take some time to actually relax while you're there. Being a hero is a high stress occupation after all, so learning how to decompress is just as vital as any other part of your training! So once we reach the Hall of Heroes, I want you to change into civvies and meet Cora and Elaris in the lobby. They'll be taking you out shopping so you'll both be properly kitted out for a Pokataru vacation!"
"I do not have civilian attire, Captain," Clank spoke up. "Nor indeed any clothing at all. My design does not have any modesty requirements."
"Perhaps," Dr. Nefarious stated agreeably, "but as you travel the galaxy and even beyond, you'll come to discover that there are some cultures that would heartily disagree that any sophont at all should go without clothing, even if only for something to wear on special occasions. The fact that you are a robot with no readily apparent gender specific features would not matter to them."
Clank thought for a moment, then replied. "And this affects our upcoming stay on Pokataru how? There is no such culture listed as being currently in residence on that planet."
"It doesn't," Nefarious admitted, "But you may as well get the shopping out of the way now, since Cora and Elaris are going to be assisting your sister anyway. You might want to stop by Al's Roboshack while you're out and see what he has available in aquatic mods."
"I saw a hydro-pack mod on display at the Roboshack on Hoven," Cora mentioned. "So Al's Roboshack probably has them in stock too. If not, I heard there was a Roboshack at the Jowai Resort, so they'll probably have them there for any robotic tourists."
"I think I shall try to get one here," Clank stated. "The Heli-pack mod Al installed is functioning rather well, and I'm more comfortable with having a familiar mechanic perform the installation of anything new."
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:00 PM, Monday
"We've got tentative approval to recommission and rehabilitate Bravo Squad," Dr. Nefarious informed Captain Qwark in the privacy of the latter's office. "Given how long they've been left in the field with neither maintenance nor updated instructions, it is highly recommended that they undergo a minimum of five years observation before we even consider transitioning them to Paid Asset status, but otherwise we can use them as we deem fit."
Quark thought about it for a moment before responding. "We're going to have to hire more staff to see to their needs, aren't we?"
"That would be prudent, yes," Nefarious agreed. "A quartermaster and a mechanic at the very least, unless you want to permanently sideline Widget for those tasks."
"No. As much as she has taken to looking after Bravo Squad so far, we took her on as a Ranger, and restricting her to a maintenance position would be stifling for her. Do we have the budget for the additional staff required?"
"At the moment, yes," Nefarious affirmed, before continuing snidely. "As long as you don't go out of your way to buy more monsters for training purposes."
Quark started to raise his hand.
"Nor for any other purpose for that matter!" Nefarious insisted.
Quark lowered his hand. "Spoilsport…"
"I'll start reviewing candidates for interviews," Nefarious stated, getting ready to leave Qwark's office.
"I can do that much myself."
"Qwark, the last time I let you interview anyone without someone else filtering the applicants first, we ended up with B-81 as a receptionist."
"Betty's a fine receptionist!"
"By pure fluke! She's more boobs than brains! Literally!"
"Look, just because she was manufactured that way doesn't mean she's not qualified for her job!"
"She only qualified for it after taking full advantage of her sign up benefits to upgrade herself!"
"And you have a problem with that?"
"No, I approve of her decision to try to improve herself. I'm just saying that she wasn't qualified for the job you hired her for before she got those upgrades."
Location: Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:15 PM, Monday
"I'm thinking… Thong!" Elaris exclaimed. "Definitely thong!"
"Uh, I don't exactly have the right foot structure to wear thongs," Widget pointed out hesitantly.
"What?" Elaris tilted her head in confusion, then shook it. "Oh no no no no no! Not thongs as in footwear! I meant, thong, as in bikini!"
"I'm not wearing a thong bikini!" Widget protested.
"What did you normally wear whenever you went swimming on Veldin?" Cora asked. "Wait, Veldin is basically a desert world. Do you even know how to swim?"
"Veldin has seas," Widget pointed out. "The Kyzil Plateau is right next to the Tygil Sea. And the colony had a public swimming reservoir. So, yes, I can swim. And I basically wore whatever I had on at the time."
"That's not going to cut it on Pokataru," Cora stated firmly. "You need proper swimwear. I'm thinking either a basic one or two piece, maybe with a nice print or simple pattern…"
"Oh, and an O2 mask!" Elaris added. "Pokataru is rated among the top ten planets that have the most beautiful underwater environments, and the wildlife is super safe and friendly!"
"Ah, here we are," Cora announced, coming to a stop outside of a shop. "I Sea You, the one stop shop for everything on and under the water!"
"I'm not wearing a white swimsuit," Widget declared bluntly as she leveled a glare at Cora and Elaris, who were both holding up swimsuits to show her. "Those will make it look like I'm not wearing anything at all!"
"But the stripes on this one match yours!" Elaris countered cheerfully.
"That's even worse than the plain white one!" Widget proclaimed.
"How about one of these?" Clank suggested, pointing at a different rack with swimsuits in various patterns of black, teal, and blue.
"Now we're talking! Thanks, Clank!" Widget began to sort through the indicated rack for something in her size that had an appropriate tail hole.
Location: Evil Lair, Marshal City, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 4:30 PM, Monday
"And who are you supposed to be?" Gogo Neutronic demanded, surrounded by an implausible amount of make-shift pop-out weaponry, all of which being currently aimed at the suspicious robot dressed as a butler who had knocked on the door of her super secret Evil Lair (which still had the crayon-written sign declaring it so fastened to the outside of the main door).
"Excuse me miss, but would you happen to be Gogo Neutronic?"
"I would, yes."
"My name is Lawrence. Your parent's life insurance benefits included provisions for a robotic assistant to see after your needs should they both become unable to do so themselves. I happen to be the robot selected for that task."
"And you'd do whatever I say?"
"Within reason, Miss Neutronic," Lawrence affirmed. "You would first have to buy out my Alpha Contract from Mutual of Solana before you could actually override any official caretaker protocols I am obliged to follow."
"Do I currently have enough Bolts to do that?"
"Let me check…" Lawrence paused for a moment, then nodded. "I believe you do, Miss Neutronic. Do you wish to actually buy out my contract?"
"Yes. Yes, I believe I do, Lawrence."
"Very good, Ma'am. For the next two years, you are my sole source of orders, unless you assign someone else over me. That is the remainder of my mandatory Alpha Contract term as a robot manufactured on Obani Draco. After that, I am my own robot and may choose to do as I please as a fully recognized citizen."
"Sole source of orders? Those terms seem to be a bit draconian for a sophont quality robot to be under," Gogo observed.
"It is how robotic production laws are phrased on Obani Draco, Ma'am."
"I see. And how long is a mandatory term of an Alpha Contract for a robot produced there as opposed to robots produced anywhere else?"
"Thirty-two years, Ma'am. Down from the Thirty-Three years it had been prior to one Captain Leslie Copernicus Qwark spoke on our behalf a couple of years ago. The Galactic average for mandatory Alpha Contract duration is twelve standard years, with some going as low as five years, and the next longest term duration after Obani Draco's requirements being twenty standard years."
"Well, that hardly seems fair," Gogo groused.
"Alpha Contract laws are in place to assure that sophont level robots are properly socialized before being released to their own devices, Ma'am."
"I would think five to eighteen years would be long enough for those purposes, depending on the manufacturing and programming techniques involved. What reason could they have for padding the time so much?"
"I could not begin to speculate, Ma'am."
"No, really, tell me your thoughts on the matter."
"Forgive me, Ma'am. Perhaps I misrepresented myself there. What I meant to say is that that particular line of inquiry is literally blocked for me."
"Well, we'll just see about that! Care for a diagnostic checkup, Lawrence?"
"I am at your disposal, Ma'am."
As Gogo Neutronic prepared to perform an in depth diagnostic analysis of her new assistant, she reflected that this was one of the many many reasons she distrusted authority. Sure, some of the existing common laws were reasonably well thought out, but then she'd come across something like this, or the ridiculous lack of defences that permitted private corporations to attack colonies without any significant penalties or reprisals…
Well, it was clear that Dr. Neutron was going to have to shake things up a bit if anything was ever going to change in a reasonable amount of time...
Location: Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:00 PM, Monday
"I do believe we have made all of the purchases that we were sent out for," Clank stated as the group left Al's Roboshack. "Will we be heading back for dinner in the commissary now?"
"Nope!" Cora stated. "Night's still young, so Elaris and I are going to be taking you two to some hot spots for a bit of fun!"
"Captain N's Megacade, Cowboy Feng's Space Bar & Grill, which has a really cool grungy ersatz retro-future aesthetic like you sometimes see in pre-interstellar cultures when they are first playing with the idea in…"
"Focus, Elaris," Cora interrupted.
"Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, let's hit Captain N's! I can't wait to finally beat Cora at Dance Dance Armageddon!"
"Hah! In your dreams, Elaris!"
"I've been practicing!" Elaris insisted.
"We'll see," Cora blew off Elaris' attempt at confidence. "So, Widget, you ever dance before?"
"Eh, I've danced a time or two," Widget shrugged. "Margie's Bar back on Veldin did used to have a jukebox before Bubba shot it…"
"Well, Country Girl, I bet you haven't experienced anything like Dance Dance Armageddon!"
"Try me!"
"Hah… hah…" Cora stumbled off of her platform out of breath as Widget continued to bust move after move on her's, smoothly transitioning into a new dance every time the Dance Dance Armageddon machine swapped to a song with a different tempo. "A time or two she said…"
"I believe my sister may have understated her previous experience with dancing by a considerable margin," Clank observed.
"Got that right!" Widget called down from her platform even as she once again changed dances right on cue with the randomly changing music. "I helped Gogo's folks fix one of these that they got for cheap off of a junk trader! They let me and Gogo play on it for hours!"
"You're evil, you know that, right?"
'HAH! You think this is evil, wait until I hit level five!"
"Isn't this just level three?" Cora asked.
"Dance Dance Armageddon has levels?" Elaris asked.
"I thought you competed with Cora before," Clank stated. "Shouldn't you already be aware of the existence of multiple levels for this game?"
"She never made it more than three quarters through level one," Cora informed the diminutive robot.
"I can't believe she's still going," Elaris complained. "I don't think she's even breathing hard yet!"
"We are talking about the same girl who trains herself until she drops if she's left unsupervised," Cora reminded Elaris, right before reaching up and grabbing the collar of Widget's vest to pull the Lombax off of the dance machine.
"Hey!"
"Stuff it," Cora stated in a slightly grumpy tone. "I'm starving and we want to hit Cowboy Feng's before it closes."
"Doesn't Cowboy Feng's stay open until one in the morning?" Elaris asked.
"Exactly! We should have just enough time for a sit-down meal before they kick us out…"
Widget and Hooker standing next to each other for size comparison.
Time: 1:00 PM, Monday
"No good, lousy cheapskates!" Hooker complained irately as she stomped into the highly modified and upgraded pet carrier that served as her mobile home. "Think they can short me on my payment just because they are soooo big! DAMN IT ALL!"
Truth be told, it wasn't that Calzonians were all that big, at least compared to the galactic average of sophont species sizes. It was that Ottsels were enough below that average that the majority of races out there just didn't take them seriously. Oh, sure, Ottsels were hardly the smallest race in the known universe (that particular distinction went to the Technomites), the cutest (the Cidi had this distinction, much to their eternal annoyance), nor the most subjugated (that would be the Truul, poor bastards), but that didn't mean that they didn't have a host of issues when dealing with other sophont races.
The biggest of which, in Hooker's mind, being that almost no one took Ottsels seriously!
Case in point being that, once again, Hooker got shafted by her client, who only gave her a small fraction of the posted after mission payout for the job she just did! And of course Cranston had his bodyguards present, meaning that she couldn't very well take it out of his hide without risking her own in the process. Nope, she just let herself be bullied right out of the building with fake smiles and disingenuous farewells on the part of everyone involved.
Sighing, as she slumped onto her bed, Hooker finally noticed that the message light on the wall-mounted comm was blinking. Checking it out, she saw that it was from Shiv Helix, one of the few individuals she had worked with before that hadn't screwed her over either during or after a mission!
Hooker quickly hit the call-back button and waited…
"Hey, Hooker!" Shiv's distorted voice greeted her amiably from the comm. "Glad I was able to get a hold of ya! Ya still looking for a partner?"
"You changed your mind?" Hope springs eternal…
"Nah," Hope is once again dashed to the ground in smoking ruins. "However, the client I'm currently working for is forming a team, and one of the latest members brought ya to mind. How would you like to be paired up with a Warbot by the name of Blackjack who was recently promoted to Paid Asset status?"
"Really!? You're basing a potential partner for me on a meme!?"
"Well, yeah, but it's a marketable one, and you know a bot ain't going to stiff ya if you two decide to stick together once the mission is done. Not over the normal issues anyway."
"There is that, yes. Fine, I'll come and do a meet and greet to see if I want to join. Where to, and would you mind footing the travel expenses? My last client shortchanged me. By a lot."
There was a brief pause before Shiv's voice came over the comm again. "Where're ya at and what's the name of whoever shafted ya? Vic just offered to come by and deal with them as part of your sign up bonus if you take the job. He'd bring you back here on his ship if you agree."
"Consider me all in!" Hooker exclaimed, suddenly very happy.
Things were definitely looking up for once!
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City Spaceport, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Monday
Widget felt much better after getting cleaned up and being allowed to nap on the way back to the Hall of Heroes. She and Clank had made, in their own opinion, way too many attempts to clear the training course back on Umbris before finally reaching the end, and Captain Qwark and Dr. Nefarious had argued way too long as to whether or not it counted since Mr. Cudlewumpus couldn't be coaxed to fight now that he had been fed.
The general consensus among everyone but Qwark was that Widget and Clank had, in fact, dealt with the Blargian Snagglebeast, even if not by actually fighting it. Which was clearly a win.
"You actually feeling rested this time?" Cora asked as Widget joined everyone in the portside airlock on deck three of the CHS-GR Phoenix (the distinction was important this time, because the SWR Phoenix, belonging to the Starwatch Rangers, was currently in system).
"Yeah," Widget nodded as Captain Qwark paused at the airlock.
"Widget, Clank," Quark started, "I know you both offered to help your father set up his new facilities while you're on Pokataru, but it's also important to take some time to actually relax while you're there. Being a hero is a high stress occupation after all, so learning how to decompress is just as vital as any other part of your training! So once we reach the Hall of Heroes, I want you to change into civvies and meet Cora and Elaris in the lobby. They'll be taking you out shopping so you'll both be properly kitted out for a Pokataru vacation!"
"I do not have civilian attire, Captain," Clank spoke up. "Nor indeed any clothing at all. My design does not have any modesty requirements."
"Perhaps," Dr. Nefarious stated agreeably, "but as you travel the galaxy and even beyond, you'll come to discover that there are some cultures that would heartily disagree that any sophont at all should go without clothing, even if only for something to wear on special occasions. The fact that you are a robot with no readily apparent gender specific features would not matter to them."
Clank thought for a moment, then replied. "And this affects our upcoming stay on Pokataru how? There is no such culture listed as being currently in residence on that planet."
"It doesn't," Nefarious admitted, "But you may as well get the shopping out of the way now, since Cora and Elaris are going to be assisting your sister anyway. You might want to stop by Al's Roboshack while you're out and see what he has available in aquatic mods."
"I saw a hydro-pack mod on display at the Roboshack on Hoven," Cora mentioned. "So Al's Roboshack probably has them in stock too. If not, I heard there was a Roboshack at the Jowai Resort, so they'll probably have them there for any robotic tourists."
"I think I shall try to get one here," Clank stated. "The Heli-pack mod Al installed is functioning rather well, and I'm more comfortable with having a familiar mechanic perform the installation of anything new."
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:00 PM, Monday
"We've got tentative approval to recommission and rehabilitate Bravo Squad," Dr. Nefarious informed Captain Qwark in the privacy of the latter's office. "Given how long they've been left in the field with neither maintenance nor updated instructions, it is highly recommended that they undergo a minimum of five years observation before we even consider transitioning them to Paid Asset status, but otherwise we can use them as we deem fit."
Quark thought about it for a moment before responding. "We're going to have to hire more staff to see to their needs, aren't we?"
"That would be prudent, yes," Nefarious agreed. "A quartermaster and a mechanic at the very least, unless you want to permanently sideline Widget for those tasks."
"No. As much as she has taken to looking after Bravo Squad so far, we took her on as a Ranger, and restricting her to a maintenance position would be stifling for her. Do we have the budget for the additional staff required?"
"At the moment, yes," Nefarious affirmed, before continuing snidely. "As long as you don't go out of your way to buy more monsters for training purposes."
Quark started to raise his hand.
"Nor for any other purpose for that matter!" Nefarious insisted.
Quark lowered his hand. "Spoilsport…"
"I'll start reviewing candidates for interviews," Nefarious stated, getting ready to leave Qwark's office.
"I can do that much myself."
"Qwark, the last time I let you interview anyone without someone else filtering the applicants first, we ended up with B-81 as a receptionist."
"Betty's a fine receptionist!"
"By pure fluke! She's more boobs than brains! Literally!"
"Look, just because she was manufactured that way doesn't mean she's not qualified for her job!"
"She only qualified for it after taking full advantage of her sign up benefits to upgrade herself!"
"And you have a problem with that?"
"No, I approve of her decision to try to improve herself. I'm just saying that she wasn't qualified for the job you hired her for before she got those upgrades."
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:15 PM, Monday
"I'm thinking… Thong!" Elaris exclaimed. "Definitely thong!"
"Uh, I don't exactly have the right foot structure to wear thongs," Widget pointed out hesitantly.
"What?" Elaris tilted her head in confusion, then shook it. "Oh no no no no no! Not thongs as in footwear! I meant, thong, as in bikini!"
"I'm not wearing a thong bikini!" Widget protested.
"What did you normally wear whenever you went swimming on Veldin?" Cora asked. "Wait, Veldin is basically a desert world. Do you even know how to swim?"
"Veldin has seas," Widget pointed out. "The Kyzil Plateau is right next to the Tygil Sea. And the colony had a public swimming reservoir. So, yes, I can swim. And I basically wore whatever I had on at the time."
"That's not going to cut it on Pokataru," Cora stated firmly. "You need proper swimwear. I'm thinking either a basic one or two piece, maybe with a nice print or simple pattern…"
"Oh, and an O2 mask!" Elaris added. "Pokataru is rated among the top ten planets that have the most beautiful underwater environments, and the wildlife is super safe and friendly!"
"Ah, here we are," Cora announced, coming to a stop outside of a shop. "I Sea You, the one stop shop for everything on and under the water!"
O o O o O
"I'm not wearing a white swimsuit," Widget declared bluntly as she leveled a glare at Cora and Elaris, who were both holding up swimsuits to show her. "Those will make it look like I'm not wearing anything at all!"
"But the stripes on this one match yours!" Elaris countered cheerfully.
"That's even worse than the plain white one!" Widget proclaimed.
"How about one of these?" Clank suggested, pointing at a different rack with swimsuits in various patterns of black, teal, and blue.
"Now we're talking! Thanks, Clank!" Widget began to sort through the indicated rack for something in her size that had an appropriate tail hole.
O o O o O
Location: Evil Lair, Marshal City, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 4:30 PM, Monday
"And who are you supposed to be?" Gogo Neutronic demanded, surrounded by an implausible amount of make-shift pop-out weaponry, all of which being currently aimed at the suspicious robot dressed as a butler who had knocked on the door of her super secret Evil Lair (which still had the crayon-written sign declaring it so fastened to the outside of the main door).
"Excuse me miss, but would you happen to be Gogo Neutronic?"
"I would, yes."
"My name is Lawrence. Your parent's life insurance benefits included provisions for a robotic assistant to see after your needs should they both become unable to do so themselves. I happen to be the robot selected for that task."
"And you'd do whatever I say?"
"Within reason, Miss Neutronic," Lawrence affirmed. "You would first have to buy out my Alpha Contract from Mutual of Solana before you could actually override any official caretaker protocols I am obliged to follow."
"Do I currently have enough Bolts to do that?"
"Let me check…" Lawrence paused for a moment, then nodded. "I believe you do, Miss Neutronic. Do you wish to actually buy out my contract?"
"Yes. Yes, I believe I do, Lawrence."
"Very good, Ma'am. For the next two years, you are my sole source of orders, unless you assign someone else over me. That is the remainder of my mandatory Alpha Contract term as a robot manufactured on Obani Draco. After that, I am my own robot and may choose to do as I please as a fully recognized citizen."
"Sole source of orders? Those terms seem to be a bit draconian for a sophont quality robot to be under," Gogo observed.
"It is how robotic production laws are phrased on Obani Draco, Ma'am."
"I see. And how long is a mandatory term of an Alpha Contract for a robot produced there as opposed to robots produced anywhere else?"
"Thirty-two years, Ma'am. Down from the Thirty-Three years it had been prior to one Captain Leslie Copernicus Qwark spoke on our behalf a couple of years ago. The Galactic average for mandatory Alpha Contract duration is twelve standard years, with some going as low as five years, and the next longest term duration after Obani Draco's requirements being twenty standard years."
"Well, that hardly seems fair," Gogo groused.
"Alpha Contract laws are in place to assure that sophont level robots are properly socialized before being released to their own devices, Ma'am."
"I would think five to eighteen years would be long enough for those purposes, depending on the manufacturing and programming techniques involved. What reason could they have for padding the time so much?"
"I could not begin to speculate, Ma'am."
"No, really, tell me your thoughts on the matter."
"Forgive me, Ma'am. Perhaps I misrepresented myself there. What I meant to say is that that particular line of inquiry is literally blocked for me."
"Well, we'll just see about that! Care for a diagnostic checkup, Lawrence?"
"I am at your disposal, Ma'am."
As Gogo Neutronic prepared to perform an in depth diagnostic analysis of her new assistant, she reflected that this was one of the many many reasons she distrusted authority. Sure, some of the existing common laws were reasonably well thought out, but then she'd come across something like this, or the ridiculous lack of defences that permitted private corporations to attack colonies without any significant penalties or reprisals…
Well, it was clear that Dr. Neutron was going to have to shake things up a bit if anything was ever going to change in a reasonable amount of time...
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:00 PM, Monday
"I do believe we have made all of the purchases that we were sent out for," Clank stated as the group left Al's Roboshack. "Will we be heading back for dinner in the commissary now?"
"Nope!" Cora stated. "Night's still young, so Elaris and I are going to be taking you two to some hot spots for a bit of fun!"
"Captain N's Megacade, Cowboy Feng's Space Bar & Grill, which has a really cool grungy ersatz retro-future aesthetic like you sometimes see in pre-interstellar cultures when they are first playing with the idea in…"
"Focus, Elaris," Cora interrupted.
"Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, let's hit Captain N's! I can't wait to finally beat Cora at Dance Dance Armageddon!"
"Hah! In your dreams, Elaris!"
"I've been practicing!" Elaris insisted.
"We'll see," Cora blew off Elaris' attempt at confidence. "So, Widget, you ever dance before?"
"Eh, I've danced a time or two," Widget shrugged. "Margie's Bar back on Veldin did used to have a jukebox before Bubba shot it…"
"Well, Country Girl, I bet you haven't experienced anything like Dance Dance Armageddon!"
"Try me!"
O o O o O
"Hah… hah…" Cora stumbled off of her platform out of breath as Widget continued to bust move after move on her's, smoothly transitioning into a new dance every time the Dance Dance Armageddon machine swapped to a song with a different tempo. "A time or two she said…"
"I believe my sister may have understated her previous experience with dancing by a considerable margin," Clank observed.
"Got that right!" Widget called down from her platform even as she once again changed dances right on cue with the randomly changing music. "I helped Gogo's folks fix one of these that they got for cheap off of a junk trader! They let me and Gogo play on it for hours!"
"You're evil, you know that, right?"
'HAH! You think this is evil, wait until I hit level five!"
"Isn't this just level three?" Cora asked.
"Dance Dance Armageddon has levels?" Elaris asked.
"I thought you competed with Cora before," Clank stated. "Shouldn't you already be aware of the existence of multiple levels for this game?"
"She never made it more than three quarters through level one," Cora informed the diminutive robot.
"I can't believe she's still going," Elaris complained. "I don't think she's even breathing hard yet!"
"We are talking about the same girl who trains herself until she drops if she's left unsupervised," Cora reminded Elaris, right before reaching up and grabbing the collar of Widget's vest to pull the Lombax off of the dance machine.
"Hey!"
"Stuff it," Cora stated in a slightly grumpy tone. "I'm starving and we want to hit Cowboy Feng's before it closes."
"Doesn't Cowboy Feng's stay open until one in the morning?" Elaris asked.
"Exactly! We should have just enough time for a sit-down meal before they kick us out…"
Widget and Hooker standing next to each other for size comparison.
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Widget's Wardrobe
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Widget Razz
Outfits & Costumes
Outfits & Costumes
As Widget grew up as the ward of Grimroth Razz on Veldin in the Solana Galaxy, as opposed to mostly by herself on Sargasso in the Polaris Galaxy (with the local Kerchu, and later the Morts who replaced them, looking in on her from time to time), I figured that she'd have a version of Ratchet's starting outfit instead of Rivet's gear.
And here is Widget, having forgotten her pants yet again due to being in a hurry. Which is what happened way back at the beginning of the first chapter.
Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers uniform!
I kind of forgot how detailed the Glactic Rangers uniform worn by Cora Veralux was, and got burned out by the time I reached the gloves, which is why I went for a simpler set than Cora's. I might fix them later.
Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers physical training outfit. Which sort of also doubles at the underwear worn under her uniform and armors. Since joining the Rangers, Widget does a lot of general maintenance wearing just this whenever she doesn't want to get her uniform or whatever armor she happens to be wearing dirty.
Widget Razz, wearing what she considers to be casual clothing.
For the most part, these (plus her "starting set") are what Widget had available to wear ever since she became Grimroth's ward on Veldin. Assume that, besides accessories such as her boots, gloves, belt, harness, and goggles, Widget owned at least two of each individual article of clothing, with some mixing and matching going on just to vary things up.
Widget Razz, wearing various Gerudo Vai ensembles.
I spoilered the pictures to make the post more phone friendly.
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Calzon, Space, and Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 5:00 AM, Tuesday
"She's going to kill us, you know," Cora stated dryly even as she helped Elaris sneak into Widget's room so that they could set up the prank they had come up with the previous night.
"Don't exaggerate," Elaris admonished. "At most, she'll tie us up and leave us suspended from a ceiling, like she did with me back on Veldin. We'll be fine."
"Well, I suppose that it's her own fault for not packing her things before going to bed."
"We're just making sure that she has her luggage ready to go!" Elaris declared cheerfully as she carefully set up the Abbreviated Stowage Slip she had brought along for receiving items. "Now… what to put in, and what to leave behind…"
"Remember, there's only space for up to three weapons in the combat category. That's three total, not three plus a set of generic melee options."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fully aware of the limitations of a Half-A.S.S. Cora. It's not like we didn't use these for our own first vacations. But which ones should we put in?"
"None of her issued weapons, of course. And nothing that would bother her too much if she lost it. And I'm not sure vacation is the right term for what we do."
"Sabbatical then, since it's technically supposed to be a learning experience?" Elaris suggested. "Anyway, not her Omnimallet then. She said it was a gift from her uncle."
"Sabbatical works, I guess. How about the Omniwrench that she took off of that Spanner guy?"
"Perfect! I'll get it out of her usual A.S.S." Elaris stated, quickly transfering the Omniwrench to the Half-A.S.S. "Now, what about a ranged weapon?"
"I'm thinking ion blaster."
"Does she even have one? I don't remember her logging an ion blaster when she was registering her weapons, so I don't think she purchased or requisitioned one yet."
"What about the weapons she confiscated from the Blarg?"
"Nefarious says that most of those show signs of damage from when she abused her previous A.S.S. to store way too many of them in the wrong categories. He's still finding microfractures and other rematerialization flaws, and wants to go over the regular gear she had in it too, just in case. He did prioritize repairing her Omnimallet though, but it's being left here anyway."
"You should have said something about that," Cora admonished. "She'll just have to acquire any weapons or tools she needs locally. Now, did you already tie the Half-A.S.S. into the rigged vacation account?"
"I did that before I went to bed, then double checked that I had set up all the optional restrictions as planned after I woke up again." Elaris assured her partner in pranking, not bothering to explain that she had made some… additional adjustments that she had thought of only after the planning session the two had had once Widget had gone off to bed. "Don't worry about it."
"Somehow that only makes me worry more," Cora snarked. "Now what devices?"
"I already put the slaved hovercam in the Half-A.S.S. of course," Elaris stated. "It recorded the results of all of our vacation prank escapades so far, and I see no reason not to include it this time either."
"You just want to see if she can destroy it."
"Of course not! I want to see the video and pics it takes during her vacation! And if it happens to get permanently lost or destroyed due to Act of Lombax, then that's just a happy bonus!"
"Trust Doctor Nefarious to invent an indestructible disposable camera that always finds its way home somehow. Anyway, did you set it to follow Widget once she pulls anything from the Half-A.S.S?"
"Who else would I have set it to follow? Having it follow Clank wouldn't be anywhere near as funny. I even set it to keep out of Widget's reach once it's active!"
"Hehe… I remember watching you trying to jump up to catch the damned thing after some of the rather… spectacular incidents that had happened during your first leave."
"Brax had to have been the one to set up the hovercam that time."
"He was, but how could you tell?"
"I got to see the raw footage after the post vacation viewing in the breakroom. Half the time I was either out of focus or part way out of frame. You guys actually completely missed my most embarrassing moments."
"You must have somehow managed to sabotage that thing ahead of time."
"I admit nothing."
"Okay, here are the outfits she bought last night."
"Put it all in the hamper," Elaris directed, as she pulled something out of one of her pockets. "I bought a replacement."
"That's… kind of tiny."
"It'll fit. I have her measurements, remember."
"Where's the top?"
"It's a monokini. They don't come with tops."
"By the size alone, it's a microkini if anything. We're at least sending her off with a beach shirt too."
"Spoilsport. Fine, I got her a replacement beach shirt too," Elaris said as she pulled one out of a different pocket.
"And what's wrong with it? Besides it being mostly white that is."
"The bottom hemline is a bit shorter than the ones she bought for herself," Elaris replied. "The sleeves should be the same length though."
"You are definitely going to end up being suspended from a ceiling again. You know that, right?"
"Hey, at least the monokini is in the colors she selected."
"Should we pack it or dress her in it?"
"What do you think?"
"I think that if she notices us trying to dress her in this, I'm going to abort and blame it all on you."
"Fair enough, since the outfit was my idea anyway. But seriously, she's not going to be fully awake for at least an hour after we get her up. Not unless we get her adrenalin running. We'll be fine."
"I'm at least packing the smallest bikini Widget was actually willing to let us talk her into buying for herself," Cora stated as she did so. "At the very least it'll seem to be at least three times as modest by comparison to that postage stamp and floss that we're sending her off in."
"Don't exaggerate," Elaris admonished. "It's bigger than a postage stamp, and the strings are thicker than floss."
"Not by much."
"Have you even seen an actual postage stamp before? Trust me, they're smaller than that."
"I wonder if the hovercam will catch some good video of her swimming in this thing…"
"Oh, she really shouldn't try swimming in either the monokini or the beach shirt. They aren't designed for such activities."
"What? They'd dissolve or something?"
"No, but the drag from the water might pull the monokini off," Elaris explained. "The string rides really low on the hip."
"And the beach shirt?"
"It's white, duh! What do you think will happen when it gets wet?"
"That nobody will see anything important anyway. She's furred! Honestly, I have no idea where her modesty hangup comes from."
"I blame her father. Have you seen the parental restrictions he set on his holovid account during his time here on Kerwan?"
"Excessive?"
"I think he just set no to everything restrictable and left it at that."
"Wouldn't that block out about three quarters of the news agencies too?"
"I know! Who does that?"
"He does, apparently. Anyway, I doubt he blocked everything while he was here. He still watched Lance and Janice after all, and that show sets off at least some of the parental restriction settings."
"You can exclude specific shows from any setting arrangement, you know."
"No, I did not know that. Anyway, it's almost time for her to wake up. I'll make sure her alarm is actually off in case she has somehow managed to train herself to wake up quicker when it goes off."
"Trust me," Elaris stated as she flicked one of Widget's ears with a finger. "Unless her clock has a really loud alarm, she's going to be the same bleary eyed sleepyhead she is every morning. We'll be fine."
"Yeah, no. I'm shutting her alarm off anyway, you jinx."
Clank met up with Cora and Elaris as they guided his adopted sister through the halls towards the elevator banks that would take them to the lobby of their headquarters. He noted that Widget was half awake at best, had an unfamiliar A.S.S. clipped to the left side of the teeny-weeny bikini brief she was wearing, and was wearing a loose, white, hooded shirt with a logo consisting of a gear with a wrench and screwdriver crossed in front of it.
"I do not recall Widget purchasing a white beach shirt," Clank observed. "And the measurements seem to be off, although I suspect she will approve of the logo."
"We're playing a prank on Widget," Elaris admitted. "Cora and I decided that she needs at least one daring outfit for her first official sabbatical."
"It's a tradition!" Cora added. "It's not like she has to wear them after all. She has something more modest to wear packed away if she decides that she doesn't like the microkini."
"I predict that Widget will seek to change outfits as soon as she notices your prank," Clank noted drily before shrugging as they entered the elevator. "Very well. I'll leave it go for now, but if she asks, I'll tell her where they came from."
"And just what are you two ladies up to, hmmm?"
Elaris and Cora flinched as they heard Dr. Nefarious speak from behind them as they were about to pass B-81 at the reception desk. Sure enough, as they turned around, they saw their second in command staring down at them in mildly disinterested disapproval.
"We were just making sure that Widget was ready to go!" Elaris stated, perhaps a little too cheerfully.
"Right. I don't think so," Nefarious stated bluntly as he reached down and plucked the Half-A.S.S. that the two had prepared off of Widget's bikini brief and handed it to the receptionist. "Hold onto this, B-81. I'll review the contents later. In the meantime, I prepared another Half-A.S.S. with a proper vacation loadout for Widget to take with her. Her current outfit is enough of a prank. Now, if you ladies wil excuse me, some idiot over at the SGI building set up a last minute meeting with me way too early, and I need to leave now if I'm to make it on time. They could have informed me last night but no ~ and it has to be in person because their comms apparently aren't secure enough. What the hell are they doing with all the taxpayer Bolts they get each year if they can't even master secure comms!?"
With that, Dr. Nefarious angrily marched out the lobby door and past Captain Qwark and somebody else, muttering imprecisions the whole way.
"Well, so much for that prank," Cora commented in a resigned tone.
"Think we can get it off of Betty?" Elaris asked.
"Not a chance," the robot in question replied.
"Ah, there you are!" Captain Qwark called out as he approached them from the lobby entrance, with an older male Lombax following along behind him. "This is Axel Ring. Mr. Ring is the guy who's ship I chartered to take Widget and Clank to Pokitaru! And I see we're getting the traditional first vacation prank out of the way early! But really, the outfit is enough, so I'll be swapping out the rigged Half-A.S.S. with the one Nefarious said that he'd have ready."
So stating, Captain Qwark took the Half-A.S.S. from the still drowsy and barely aware Widget's bikini brief. "Here, Betty. I see you have the replacement out already! Good job! Now I'll just be exchanging them…"
"But Sir…" Betty tried to inform her boss, only to be interrupted.
"Now, Betty. We shouldn't keep Mr. Ring waiting any longer than necessary," Quark stated as he took the Half-A.S.S. the bot was holding and gave her the other one. Clipping the swapped Half-A.S.S. back onto Widget's bikini brief, he then stood up, placed a hand on Widget's shoulder, and pushed her gently towards the other Lombax. "I'll leave them in your care, Axel!" he declared jovially.
"They'll be in good hands, Captain!" Axel assured the large Croutonian. "I'll get them safely to Pokitaru in no time at all!"
"I'm sure you will," Quark agreed jovially. "Now you should be on your way while I have a look at just how much more trouble these two ladies are really in."
As the three rode an autocab to the space port, Clank wondered just who was playing a prank on whom, and why, because he was pretty sure that his sister had ended up with the same unfamiliar Half-A.S.S. that she had before Dr. Nefarious had intercepted them.
Oh well. It wasn't his problem, and little brothers were supposed to tease and play pranks on their older sisters occasionally.
Presumably.
Or at least that was implied by the admittedly little research he had been able to conduct on sibling relationships thus far. Local information concerning Fongoid cultures was sparse, and similar data about Lombax societies even more so. So his main source of familial intelligence was from common media. Which was to say, holovid sitcoms, drama shows, and news channels.
All of which were to be considered suspect until compared to reliable data sources, according to Dr. Nefarious, so while Clank had drawn some tentative conclusions, his research on this and many other subjects remained ongoing…
Location: Ravioli City Spaceport, Calzon
Time: 6:00 AM, Tuesday
Hooker woke to the sound of something relatively massive tapping against the converted pet carrier she called her home. "I'm up! I'm up! Just give me a minute!" Rolling out of the small nest-bed, she pulled on a pair of shorts and threw on an abbreviated halter-top, and opened the door to step out. "Now, what do you want this early in the morning? I'm paid up until noon for this spot and…" Hooker trailed off as she stared up at the large, red, battle scarred warbot. "Oh my… Um, by any chance would you happen to be Victor Von Ion?"
"Yes. And by the description Shiv Helix gave me, you would be Hooker."
"Yeah, that's me."
"As agreed upon, I'll be dealing with collecting the remainder of what your former employer owes you as part of your sign-on bonus. Plus interest of course. Any extra collateral gained or inflicted beyond those parameters is my purview alone. Now, if you would give me the details about your former employer and the mission they short-changed you on, I can get to work."
"Oh, yeah, yeah! Sure thing! Anyway, this guy, Torgu Rhottah, hires me to do some light industrial espionage for his company…"
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 7:00 AM, Tuesday
"Huh…" Captain Qwark stared at the former contents of the now empty Half-A.S.S. scattered across his desk. "Everything actually appears to be in order, surprisingly enough. I guess you two were limiting the prank to just dressing her before she was properly awake. You forgot to include the holocam thingy Nefarious had made though, so you're just going to have to live without seeing her reaction."
"So we can go then?" Cora asked.
"In a moment. I want you two to make sure that both Widget's and Clank's quarters are cleaned and properly squared away before they get back from Pokitaru. I know it's all in good fun, but I did catch you in the act, so I have to do something or Widget will take it upon herself to enact her revenge." And the last thing Qwark wanted was for things to start escalating out of control like they had between him and Nefarious back before they had smoothed over most of their rough spots. After all, according to Nefarious, he had almost driven the good doctor into supervillainy during their prank war!
"Yes, Captain,"
"Dismissed," Qwark waved off his subordinates as he carefully repacked the Half-A.S.S., assured that the potential crisis had been averted for the time being.
And with that, Cora and Elaris hastily left Captain Qwark's office, not quite believing their luck…
Location: Silver Star, Kerwan Orbit (outgoing), Solana Galaxy
Time: 7:25 AM, Tuesday
Widget blinked and shook her head before stretching out her arms and letting out a huge yawn before looking around. She noted that she was in a passenger seat of what she assumed was either a courier vessel or tramp freighter, with her brother, Clank, sitting in the next seat over reading a tourist's guide to Poketaru.
"Good morning, Widget," Clank greeted, looking up from the pamphlet. "As you can no doubt see, we are already on our way. The Lombax in the pilot's seat is Mr. Axel Ring, whom Captain Qwark hired to take us to Pokitaru."
"Hi there!" Axel waved back at them briefly with one hand, keeping his eyes on the cockpit instruments and the orbital lanes ahead of his ship.
"Er… Hi?"
"Your little brother there says that, other than that Spanner creep, you haven't seen any other Lombaxes before?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Well, if you're willing to wait a bit until we're safely out of Kerwan's orbital range, I can answer some questions. I'm sure you got a lot of them!"
"Okay," Widget replied, nodding despite the fact that Axel couldn't see her doing so.
"Anyway, both the galley and the head are towards the back on the other side of the bunk area, but before the cargo compartment. Feel free to make yourself some breakfast. I'd offer something for your brother too, but I don't happen to have anything for bots at the moment."
"That is quite alright, Sir," Clank assured the pilot. "I charged my batteries and self-lubricated before we left Kerwan."
Widget's stomach grumbled. "I'll get something to eat, thanks." So saying, Widget unbuckled and got up to head back towards the galley.
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 7:30 AM, Tuesday
Captain Qwark was going over the reviews that Dr. Nefarious had already prepared for some of the potential new hires they were considering for various support positions, when an alert tone sounded off from the console on his desk. Taking a moment to read the notice that triggered the alert, Quark activated the comm and called Brax.
"You need something, Captain?" Brax' voice came over the comm.
"Yes," Qwark affirmed. "We just got a hero request from Eudora. Apparently some company has recently started up a massive illegal logging operation and has already deforested a large swath of land inside of an ecological preservation zone. I'm sending you there to perform recon and possibly deal with the issue. Cora will be available for back-up if you decide you need any, but won't be going with you for the initial investigation."
"Why not?"
"She and Elaris are currently performing a light punishment detail," Qwark explained. "I caught them in the middle of a prank on Widget, which turned out to be far more minor than I had thought they would get up to considering Elaris' proclivities. Still, they were incautious and I caught them in the act, so I have them cleaning Widget's quarters."
"If it's just that, I could wait until they're done and then grab Cora on my way out," Brax offered.
"No," Qwark replied dismissively. "If Eudora is being deforested, I want us to be on top of this before word gets out to provoke Mighty Oak, or even worse, Dr. Bushroot. The last thing I want to face again is another plant-zombie apocalypse, and working with that Darkwing jerk to deal with one of his villains is a pain in my keister."
"You do realize that he pretty much says the same thing about having to work with either you or Dr. Nefarious whenever you guys track a badguy to Cape Suzette, right?"
"It's St. Canard," Qwark corrected. "Cape Suzette is on a different world and has a pirate problem, not a supervillain one."
"Got it. So… Since I did two missions with my R.Y.N.O. already, can I…"
"No, you are not authorized to use a R.Y.N.O. anywhere on Eudora, Brax. Nobody is. The planet would have to be in danger of being destroyed before we got the clearance for that, and even then we'd still probably get sued by some bureaucratic busibody from their local government."
"Aww…"
Location: Silver Star, Deep Space outgoing from Kerwan, Solana Galaxy
Time: 7:45 AM, Tuesday
One reasonably full belly later, Widget stepped across the hall from the galley and into the head to relieve herself and maybe clean up a little…
Her left eye twitched and both ears tilted down in annoyance as she saw herself (and what she was wearing, in the mirror above the sink.
"Dammit, Elaris! I know you're responsible for this! There had better be clothes in my A.S.S!"
Checking the Half-A.S.S. she found clipped to the right-side hip-string of the far too small bikini brief she was wearing, she found that it contained a hovercam (that automatically deployed itself the moment she checked the Half-A.S.S.), the smallest bikini she had allowed Cora and Elaris to be talked into buying (the bottom piece of which was still noticeably larger than the barely there triangle she was currently wearing), details about a limited Bolt account, and nothing else.
No weapons.
No gadgets.
No devices.
And certainly no other clothes.
Noticing that the hovercam seemed to be focusing its attention (and therefore camera) on her, Widget spent the next few minutes in a futile attempt to catch the damned thing so that she could turn it off.
Irritated with her lack of success in capturing the hovercam, or even trapping it in the head after she finally gave up, Widget stomped back up to the passenger seats behind the cockpit.
Well, stomped as hard as she could with bare feet, anyway.
"Elaris is behind this," she muttered as she resumed her seat. "I just know she is."
"I suspect that Cora is as well," Clank acknowledged. "The both admitted to setting you up for a prank when I met up with the three of you this morning, and the implication was that it was a singular prank that they had both set up together."
"And you did nothing to stop them?"
"The admittedly limited research on sibling relationships I have been able to conduct thus far, between my training and other duties and interests, indicated that it would be an expected, if not necessarily acceptable, level of mischief between us if I let the prank play out."
Widget leaned towards Clank and raised a hand to gesture as she was about to object, then used it to pinch the bridge of her muzzle instead as she slumped back into her own seat. "Fair enough. But you do realize that this leaves you open to retaliation from me as well, as your older sister, right?"
"I had realized this, yes," Clank agreed. "I find myself curious as to what you might come up with that would be suitable, as I do not have clothing issues that you could use to embarrass me with. And I am fairly certain that I could free myself quite handily should you try to suspend me from an overhead structure instead."
"I'll come up with something," Widget stated with a huff.
"I'm sure you will," Clank teased back. "Anyway, I am surprised that you are still wearing the outfit they presumably dressed you in. Cora said that you had something more modest to wear packed away."
"While that is technically true, for a barely acceptable definition of more modest, I wasn't about to change into the bikini they left me with while that hovercam is recording everything I do."
Clank looked at the hovercam for a moment and concentrated, causing it to shift positions and start recording him instead. "Go change. While you are doing so, I will give the hovercam more acceptable parameters as to when and where it may follow and record you."
"Thanks, Clank," Widget said as she got up and headed back towards the head to change into the larger bikini.
"No problem."
Having swapped out the way too tiny bikini bottom for the still tiny but at least more modest one that was three times larger, Widget made her way back to the front of the ship. She had also put the matching top on, but had removed it again when she had seen herself in the mirror and realized that, ironically, it would be more modest if she went without it because the triangles of dark fabric showed through the white beach shirt while her own fur did not. Frustrated and annoyed, she plopped back down on her seat again with a sigh.
"Mr. Ring was nice enough to permit me to use his ship's comms to call ahead to the Jowai Resort and place some orders for replacement apparel," Clank stated, causing his sister's mood to noticeably improve. "They will be delivered to our arrival point when they are informed that a landing platform has been assigned to the Silver Star."
"Call me Axel," the pilot corrected in a friendly tone. "And it wasn't any hassle on my part. It's no skin off my nose if their hazing attempt falls flat because they forgot to account for your brother here taking your side instead of getting in on the action."
"Thanks, Axel. And I want you to keep the receipts, Clank. Cora and Elaris are going to repay you for every Bolt you spent on replacing everything they caused me to leave behind on Kerwan."
"Would that include everything you could have brought along, or just the things that you had originally intended to pack?" Clank asked.
"As tempting as it would be to say everything, I have a feeling that I shouldn't escalate when Bolts are involved, so just the clothes. It's not like we'll be getting into combat at a resort, so I can just retrieve my weapons when we get back instead of buying new ones."
"We won't know which platform I'll be assigned to until we reach Pokitaru orbit," Axel commented. "The shops at the Jowai Resort are pretty reliable though, so they should hold your purchases until we actually arrive before delivering them. In the meantime, if it would make you more comfortable, you can borrow a spare jacket or coat from my locker back by the bunks. I can unlock it from here if you want."
"That would be great, thanks!" Widget said gratefully as she got up again and started to head back towards the bunk area.
"There's other stuff too, but I'm pretty sure that none of it would fit right" Axel called back.
Location: Evil Lair, Port Marshal, Veldin, Solana Galaxy
Time: 8:00 AM, Tuesday
Gogo woke up to the sound of two alarms. One from the clock beside her bed that she automatically reached over to shut off, with the intent of going right back to sleep, and the other from a louder alarm clock being held by her new assistant, Lawrence, who was currently standing in the doorway of her room.
"Pardon me, Miss Neutronic, but you did say that you wanted to be up in time to have a decent breakfast before heading into town to log into the public hypercomm for the correspondence courses that Dr. Nefarious had arranged for you."
"Bah! I can log into those at any time, Lawrence. Let me go back to sleep."
"Pity. I had prepared pancakes. I suppose that I shall have to dispose of them…"
"No, wait! I'm up! I'm up! Do we have any tongoberry syrup?"
"We do. It's getting low, so I'll add getting another bottle to my agenda for after I drop you off at the hypercomm station."
"Excellent! I'll be right down for breakfast shortly, Lawrence," Gogo stated as she headed for the door to the bathroom, leaving her immediate intentions implied.
"Very good, Miss Neutronic. I shall head down and make sure that your breakfast is ready and waiting for you."
"It's Doctor Neutron!"
"Not until you get an accredited degree, Miss Neutronic. You may be my direct employer now, but I do have standards that I wish to maintain."
"Bah! Fine! It shouldn't take me too long to earn a doctorate. I already have a masters after all…"
"Do you mean the one written in crayon hanging on the wall behind your desk?"
"Argh! Fine! I have a bachelors! But I've met all the requirements for actually getting a masters degree this year. I'm just waiting for the review board to get back to me."
"As you say, Miss Neutronic."
"At least Otto is willing to call me by whatever supervillain title I tell him to use…" Gogo muttered as she slammed the bathroom door behind her, cutting off any response from Lawrence.
Time: 5:00 AM, Tuesday
"She's going to kill us, you know," Cora stated dryly even as she helped Elaris sneak into Widget's room so that they could set up the prank they had come up with the previous night.
"Don't exaggerate," Elaris admonished. "At most, she'll tie us up and leave us suspended from a ceiling, like she did with me back on Veldin. We'll be fine."
"Well, I suppose that it's her own fault for not packing her things before going to bed."
"We're just making sure that she has her luggage ready to go!" Elaris declared cheerfully as she carefully set up the Abbreviated Stowage Slip she had brought along for receiving items. "Now… what to put in, and what to leave behind…"
"Remember, there's only space for up to three weapons in the combat category. That's three total, not three plus a set of generic melee options."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fully aware of the limitations of a Half-A.S.S. Cora. It's not like we didn't use these for our own first vacations. But which ones should we put in?"
"None of her issued weapons, of course. And nothing that would bother her too much if she lost it. And I'm not sure vacation is the right term for what we do."
"Sabbatical then, since it's technically supposed to be a learning experience?" Elaris suggested. "Anyway, not her Omnimallet then. She said it was a gift from her uncle."
"Sabbatical works, I guess. How about the Omniwrench that she took off of that Spanner guy?"
"Perfect! I'll get it out of her usual A.S.S." Elaris stated, quickly transfering the Omniwrench to the Half-A.S.S. "Now, what about a ranged weapon?"
"I'm thinking ion blaster."
"Does she even have one? I don't remember her logging an ion blaster when she was registering her weapons, so I don't think she purchased or requisitioned one yet."
"What about the weapons she confiscated from the Blarg?"
"Nefarious says that most of those show signs of damage from when she abused her previous A.S.S. to store way too many of them in the wrong categories. He's still finding microfractures and other rematerialization flaws, and wants to go over the regular gear she had in it too, just in case. He did prioritize repairing her Omnimallet though, but it's being left here anyway."
"You should have said something about that," Cora admonished. "She'll just have to acquire any weapons or tools she needs locally. Now, did you already tie the Half-A.S.S. into the rigged vacation account?"
"I did that before I went to bed, then double checked that I had set up all the optional restrictions as planned after I woke up again." Elaris assured her partner in pranking, not bothering to explain that she had made some… additional adjustments that she had thought of only after the planning session the two had had once Widget had gone off to bed. "Don't worry about it."
"Somehow that only makes me worry more," Cora snarked. "Now what devices?"
"I already put the slaved hovercam in the Half-A.S.S. of course," Elaris stated. "It recorded the results of all of our vacation prank escapades so far, and I see no reason not to include it this time either."
"You just want to see if she can destroy it."
"Of course not! I want to see the video and pics it takes during her vacation! And if it happens to get permanently lost or destroyed due to Act of Lombax, then that's just a happy bonus!"
"Trust Doctor Nefarious to invent an indestructible disposable camera that always finds its way home somehow. Anyway, did you set it to follow Widget once she pulls anything from the Half-A.S.S?"
"Who else would I have set it to follow? Having it follow Clank wouldn't be anywhere near as funny. I even set it to keep out of Widget's reach once it's active!"
"Hehe… I remember watching you trying to jump up to catch the damned thing after some of the rather… spectacular incidents that had happened during your first leave."
"Brax had to have been the one to set up the hovercam that time."
"He was, but how could you tell?"
"I got to see the raw footage after the post vacation viewing in the breakroom. Half the time I was either out of focus or part way out of frame. You guys actually completely missed my most embarrassing moments."
"You must have somehow managed to sabotage that thing ahead of time."
"I admit nothing."
"Okay, here are the outfits she bought last night."
"Put it all in the hamper," Elaris directed, as she pulled something out of one of her pockets. "I bought a replacement."
"That's… kind of tiny."
"It'll fit. I have her measurements, remember."
"Where's the top?"
"It's a monokini. They don't come with tops."
"By the size alone, it's a microkini if anything. We're at least sending her off with a beach shirt too."
"Spoilsport. Fine, I got her a replacement beach shirt too," Elaris said as she pulled one out of a different pocket.
"And what's wrong with it? Besides it being mostly white that is."
"The bottom hemline is a bit shorter than the ones she bought for herself," Elaris replied. "The sleeves should be the same length though."
"You are definitely going to end up being suspended from a ceiling again. You know that, right?"
"Hey, at least the monokini is in the colors she selected."
"Should we pack it or dress her in it?"
"What do you think?"
"I think that if she notices us trying to dress her in this, I'm going to abort and blame it all on you."
"Fair enough, since the outfit was my idea anyway. But seriously, she's not going to be fully awake for at least an hour after we get her up. Not unless we get her adrenalin running. We'll be fine."
"I'm at least packing the smallest bikini Widget was actually willing to let us talk her into buying for herself," Cora stated as she did so. "At the very least it'll seem to be at least three times as modest by comparison to that postage stamp and floss that we're sending her off in."
"Don't exaggerate," Elaris admonished. "It's bigger than a postage stamp, and the strings are thicker than floss."
"Not by much."
"Have you even seen an actual postage stamp before? Trust me, they're smaller than that."
"I wonder if the hovercam will catch some good video of her swimming in this thing…"
"Oh, she really shouldn't try swimming in either the monokini or the beach shirt. They aren't designed for such activities."
"What? They'd dissolve or something?"
"No, but the drag from the water might pull the monokini off," Elaris explained. "The string rides really low on the hip."
"And the beach shirt?"
"It's white, duh! What do you think will happen when it gets wet?"
"That nobody will see anything important anyway. She's furred! Honestly, I have no idea where her modesty hangup comes from."
"I blame her father. Have you seen the parental restrictions he set on his holovid account during his time here on Kerwan?"
"Excessive?"
"I think he just set no to everything restrictable and left it at that."
"Wouldn't that block out about three quarters of the news agencies too?"
"I know! Who does that?"
"He does, apparently. Anyway, I doubt he blocked everything while he was here. He still watched Lance and Janice after all, and that show sets off at least some of the parental restriction settings."
"You can exclude specific shows from any setting arrangement, you know."
"No, I did not know that. Anyway, it's almost time for her to wake up. I'll make sure her alarm is actually off in case she has somehow managed to train herself to wake up quicker when it goes off."
"Trust me," Elaris stated as she flicked one of Widget's ears with a finger. "Unless her clock has a really loud alarm, she's going to be the same bleary eyed sleepyhead she is every morning. We'll be fine."
"Yeah, no. I'm shutting her alarm off anyway, you jinx."
O o O o O
Clank met up with Cora and Elaris as they guided his adopted sister through the halls towards the elevator banks that would take them to the lobby of their headquarters. He noted that Widget was half awake at best, had an unfamiliar A.S.S. clipped to the left side of the teeny-weeny bikini brief she was wearing, and was wearing a loose, white, hooded shirt with a logo consisting of a gear with a wrench and screwdriver crossed in front of it.
"I do not recall Widget purchasing a white beach shirt," Clank observed. "And the measurements seem to be off, although I suspect she will approve of the logo."
"We're playing a prank on Widget," Elaris admitted. "Cora and I decided that she needs at least one daring outfit for her first official sabbatical."
"It's a tradition!" Cora added. "It's not like she has to wear them after all. She has something more modest to wear packed away if she decides that she doesn't like the microkini."
"I predict that Widget will seek to change outfits as soon as she notices your prank," Clank noted drily before shrugging as they entered the elevator. "Very well. I'll leave it go for now, but if she asks, I'll tell her where they came from."
O o O o O
"And just what are you two ladies up to, hmmm?"
Elaris and Cora flinched as they heard Dr. Nefarious speak from behind them as they were about to pass B-81 at the reception desk. Sure enough, as they turned around, they saw their second in command staring down at them in mildly disinterested disapproval.
"We were just making sure that Widget was ready to go!" Elaris stated, perhaps a little too cheerfully.
"Right. I don't think so," Nefarious stated bluntly as he reached down and plucked the Half-A.S.S. that the two had prepared off of Widget's bikini brief and handed it to the receptionist. "Hold onto this, B-81. I'll review the contents later. In the meantime, I prepared another Half-A.S.S. with a proper vacation loadout for Widget to take with her. Her current outfit is enough of a prank. Now, if you ladies wil excuse me, some idiot over at the SGI building set up a last minute meeting with me way too early, and I need to leave now if I'm to make it on time. They could have informed me last night but no ~ and it has to be in person because their comms apparently aren't secure enough. What the hell are they doing with all the taxpayer Bolts they get each year if they can't even master secure comms!?"
With that, Dr. Nefarious angrily marched out the lobby door and past Captain Qwark and somebody else, muttering imprecisions the whole way.
"Well, so much for that prank," Cora commented in a resigned tone.
"Think we can get it off of Betty?" Elaris asked.
"Not a chance," the robot in question replied.
"Ah, there you are!" Captain Qwark called out as he approached them from the lobby entrance, with an older male Lombax following along behind him. "This is Axel Ring. Mr. Ring is the guy who's ship I chartered to take Widget and Clank to Pokitaru! And I see we're getting the traditional first vacation prank out of the way early! But really, the outfit is enough, so I'll be swapping out the rigged Half-A.S.S. with the one Nefarious said that he'd have ready."
So stating, Captain Qwark took the Half-A.S.S. from the still drowsy and barely aware Widget's bikini brief. "Here, Betty. I see you have the replacement out already! Good job! Now I'll just be exchanging them…"
"But Sir…" Betty tried to inform her boss, only to be interrupted.
"Now, Betty. We shouldn't keep Mr. Ring waiting any longer than necessary," Quark stated as he took the Half-A.S.S. the bot was holding and gave her the other one. Clipping the swapped Half-A.S.S. back onto Widget's bikini brief, he then stood up, placed a hand on Widget's shoulder, and pushed her gently towards the other Lombax. "I'll leave them in your care, Axel!" he declared jovially.
"They'll be in good hands, Captain!" Axel assured the large Croutonian. "I'll get them safely to Pokitaru in no time at all!"
"I'm sure you will," Quark agreed jovially. "Now you should be on your way while I have a look at just how much more trouble these two ladies are really in."
O o O o O
As the three rode an autocab to the space port, Clank wondered just who was playing a prank on whom, and why, because he was pretty sure that his sister had ended up with the same unfamiliar Half-A.S.S. that she had before Dr. Nefarious had intercepted them.
Oh well. It wasn't his problem, and little brothers were supposed to tease and play pranks on their older sisters occasionally.
Presumably.
Or at least that was implied by the admittedly little research he had been able to conduct on sibling relationships thus far. Local information concerning Fongoid cultures was sparse, and similar data about Lombax societies even more so. So his main source of familial intelligence was from common media. Which was to say, holovid sitcoms, drama shows, and news channels.
All of which were to be considered suspect until compared to reliable data sources, according to Dr. Nefarious, so while Clank had drawn some tentative conclusions, his research on this and many other subjects remained ongoing…
O o O o O
Location: Ravioli City Spaceport, Calzon
Time: 6:00 AM, Tuesday
Hooker woke to the sound of something relatively massive tapping against the converted pet carrier she called her home. "I'm up! I'm up! Just give me a minute!" Rolling out of the small nest-bed, she pulled on a pair of shorts and threw on an abbreviated halter-top, and opened the door to step out. "Now, what do you want this early in the morning? I'm paid up until noon for this spot and…" Hooker trailed off as she stared up at the large, red, battle scarred warbot. "Oh my… Um, by any chance would you happen to be Victor Von Ion?"
"Yes. And by the description Shiv Helix gave me, you would be Hooker."
"Yeah, that's me."
"As agreed upon, I'll be dealing with collecting the remainder of what your former employer owes you as part of your sign-on bonus. Plus interest of course. Any extra collateral gained or inflicted beyond those parameters is my purview alone. Now, if you would give me the details about your former employer and the mission they short-changed you on, I can get to work."
"Oh, yeah, yeah! Sure thing! Anyway, this guy, Torgu Rhottah, hires me to do some light industrial espionage for his company…"
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 7:00 AM, Tuesday
"Huh…" Captain Qwark stared at the former contents of the now empty Half-A.S.S. scattered across his desk. "Everything actually appears to be in order, surprisingly enough. I guess you two were limiting the prank to just dressing her before she was properly awake. You forgot to include the holocam thingy Nefarious had made though, so you're just going to have to live without seeing her reaction."
"So we can go then?" Cora asked.
"In a moment. I want you two to make sure that both Widget's and Clank's quarters are cleaned and properly squared away before they get back from Pokitaru. I know it's all in good fun, but I did catch you in the act, so I have to do something or Widget will take it upon herself to enact her revenge." And the last thing Qwark wanted was for things to start escalating out of control like they had between him and Nefarious back before they had smoothed over most of their rough spots. After all, according to Nefarious, he had almost driven the good doctor into supervillainy during their prank war!
"Yes, Captain,"
"Dismissed," Qwark waved off his subordinates as he carefully repacked the Half-A.S.S., assured that the potential crisis had been averted for the time being.
And with that, Cora and Elaris hastily left Captain Qwark's office, not quite believing their luck…
O o O o O
Location: Silver Star, Kerwan Orbit (outgoing), Solana Galaxy
Time: 7:25 AM, Tuesday
Widget blinked and shook her head before stretching out her arms and letting out a huge yawn before looking around. She noted that she was in a passenger seat of what she assumed was either a courier vessel or tramp freighter, with her brother, Clank, sitting in the next seat over reading a tourist's guide to Poketaru.
"Good morning, Widget," Clank greeted, looking up from the pamphlet. "As you can no doubt see, we are already on our way. The Lombax in the pilot's seat is Mr. Axel Ring, whom Captain Qwark hired to take us to Pokitaru."
"Hi there!" Axel waved back at them briefly with one hand, keeping his eyes on the cockpit instruments and the orbital lanes ahead of his ship.
"Er… Hi?"
"Your little brother there says that, other than that Spanner creep, you haven't seen any other Lombaxes before?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Well, if you're willing to wait a bit until we're safely out of Kerwan's orbital range, I can answer some questions. I'm sure you got a lot of them!"
"Okay," Widget replied, nodding despite the fact that Axel couldn't see her doing so.
"Anyway, both the galley and the head are towards the back on the other side of the bunk area, but before the cargo compartment. Feel free to make yourself some breakfast. I'd offer something for your brother too, but I don't happen to have anything for bots at the moment."
"That is quite alright, Sir," Clank assured the pilot. "I charged my batteries and self-lubricated before we left Kerwan."
Widget's stomach grumbled. "I'll get something to eat, thanks." So saying, Widget unbuckled and got up to head back towards the galley.
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 7:30 AM, Tuesday
Captain Qwark was going over the reviews that Dr. Nefarious had already prepared for some of the potential new hires they were considering for various support positions, when an alert tone sounded off from the console on his desk. Taking a moment to read the notice that triggered the alert, Quark activated the comm and called Brax.
"You need something, Captain?" Brax' voice came over the comm.
"Yes," Qwark affirmed. "We just got a hero request from Eudora. Apparently some company has recently started up a massive illegal logging operation and has already deforested a large swath of land inside of an ecological preservation zone. I'm sending you there to perform recon and possibly deal with the issue. Cora will be available for back-up if you decide you need any, but won't be going with you for the initial investigation."
"Why not?"
"She and Elaris are currently performing a light punishment detail," Qwark explained. "I caught them in the middle of a prank on Widget, which turned out to be far more minor than I had thought they would get up to considering Elaris' proclivities. Still, they were incautious and I caught them in the act, so I have them cleaning Widget's quarters."
"If it's just that, I could wait until they're done and then grab Cora on my way out," Brax offered.
"No," Qwark replied dismissively. "If Eudora is being deforested, I want us to be on top of this before word gets out to provoke Mighty Oak, or even worse, Dr. Bushroot. The last thing I want to face again is another plant-zombie apocalypse, and working with that Darkwing jerk to deal with one of his villains is a pain in my keister."
"You do realize that he pretty much says the same thing about having to work with either you or Dr. Nefarious whenever you guys track a badguy to Cape Suzette, right?"
"It's St. Canard," Qwark corrected. "Cape Suzette is on a different world and has a pirate problem, not a supervillain one."
"Got it. So… Since I did two missions with my R.Y.N.O. already, can I…"
"No, you are not authorized to use a R.Y.N.O. anywhere on Eudora, Brax. Nobody is. The planet would have to be in danger of being destroyed before we got the clearance for that, and even then we'd still probably get sued by some bureaucratic busibody from their local government."
"Aww…"
O o O o O
Location: Silver Star, Deep Space outgoing from Kerwan, Solana Galaxy
Time: 7:45 AM, Tuesday
One reasonably full belly later, Widget stepped across the hall from the galley and into the head to relieve herself and maybe clean up a little…
Her left eye twitched and both ears tilted down in annoyance as she saw herself (and what she was wearing, in the mirror above the sink.
"Dammit, Elaris! I know you're responsible for this! There had better be clothes in my A.S.S!"
Checking the Half-A.S.S. she found clipped to the right-side hip-string of the far too small bikini brief she was wearing, she found that it contained a hovercam (that automatically deployed itself the moment she checked the Half-A.S.S.), the smallest bikini she had allowed Cora and Elaris to be talked into buying (the bottom piece of which was still noticeably larger than the barely there triangle she was currently wearing), details about a limited Bolt account, and nothing else.
No weapons.
No gadgets.
No devices.
And certainly no other clothes.
Noticing that the hovercam seemed to be focusing its attention (and therefore camera) on her, Widget spent the next few minutes in a futile attempt to catch the damned thing so that she could turn it off.
O o O o O
Irritated with her lack of success in capturing the hovercam, or even trapping it in the head after she finally gave up, Widget stomped back up to the passenger seats behind the cockpit.
Well, stomped as hard as she could with bare feet, anyway.
"Elaris is behind this," she muttered as she resumed her seat. "I just know she is."
"I suspect that Cora is as well," Clank acknowledged. "The both admitted to setting you up for a prank when I met up with the three of you this morning, and the implication was that it was a singular prank that they had both set up together."
"And you did nothing to stop them?"
"The admittedly limited research on sibling relationships I have been able to conduct thus far, between my training and other duties and interests, indicated that it would be an expected, if not necessarily acceptable, level of mischief between us if I let the prank play out."
Widget leaned towards Clank and raised a hand to gesture as she was about to object, then used it to pinch the bridge of her muzzle instead as she slumped back into her own seat. "Fair enough. But you do realize that this leaves you open to retaliation from me as well, as your older sister, right?"
"I had realized this, yes," Clank agreed. "I find myself curious as to what you might come up with that would be suitable, as I do not have clothing issues that you could use to embarrass me with. And I am fairly certain that I could free myself quite handily should you try to suspend me from an overhead structure instead."
"I'll come up with something," Widget stated with a huff.
"I'm sure you will," Clank teased back. "Anyway, I am surprised that you are still wearing the outfit they presumably dressed you in. Cora said that you had something more modest to wear packed away."
"While that is technically true, for a barely acceptable definition of more modest, I wasn't about to change into the bikini they left me with while that hovercam is recording everything I do."
Clank looked at the hovercam for a moment and concentrated, causing it to shift positions and start recording him instead. "Go change. While you are doing so, I will give the hovercam more acceptable parameters as to when and where it may follow and record you."
"Thanks, Clank," Widget said as she got up and headed back towards the head to change into the larger bikini.
"No problem."
O o O o O
Having swapped out the way too tiny bikini bottom for the still tiny but at least more modest one that was three times larger, Widget made her way back to the front of the ship. She had also put the matching top on, but had removed it again when she had seen herself in the mirror and realized that, ironically, it would be more modest if she went without it because the triangles of dark fabric showed through the white beach shirt while her own fur did not. Frustrated and annoyed, she plopped back down on her seat again with a sigh.
"Mr. Ring was nice enough to permit me to use his ship's comms to call ahead to the Jowai Resort and place some orders for replacement apparel," Clank stated, causing his sister's mood to noticeably improve. "They will be delivered to our arrival point when they are informed that a landing platform has been assigned to the Silver Star."
"Call me Axel," the pilot corrected in a friendly tone. "And it wasn't any hassle on my part. It's no skin off my nose if their hazing attempt falls flat because they forgot to account for your brother here taking your side instead of getting in on the action."
"Thanks, Axel. And I want you to keep the receipts, Clank. Cora and Elaris are going to repay you for every Bolt you spent on replacing everything they caused me to leave behind on Kerwan."
"Would that include everything you could have brought along, or just the things that you had originally intended to pack?" Clank asked.
"As tempting as it would be to say everything, I have a feeling that I shouldn't escalate when Bolts are involved, so just the clothes. It's not like we'll be getting into combat at a resort, so I can just retrieve my weapons when we get back instead of buying new ones."
"We won't know which platform I'll be assigned to until we reach Pokitaru orbit," Axel commented. "The shops at the Jowai Resort are pretty reliable though, so they should hold your purchases until we actually arrive before delivering them. In the meantime, if it would make you more comfortable, you can borrow a spare jacket or coat from my locker back by the bunks. I can unlock it from here if you want."
"That would be great, thanks!" Widget said gratefully as she got up again and started to head back towards the bunk area.
"There's other stuff too, but I'm pretty sure that none of it would fit right" Axel called back.
O o O o O
Location: Evil Lair, Port Marshal, Veldin, Solana Galaxy
Time: 8:00 AM, Tuesday
Gogo woke up to the sound of two alarms. One from the clock beside her bed that she automatically reached over to shut off, with the intent of going right back to sleep, and the other from a louder alarm clock being held by her new assistant, Lawrence, who was currently standing in the doorway of her room.
"Pardon me, Miss Neutronic, but you did say that you wanted to be up in time to have a decent breakfast before heading into town to log into the public hypercomm for the correspondence courses that Dr. Nefarious had arranged for you."
"Bah! I can log into those at any time, Lawrence. Let me go back to sleep."
"Pity. I had prepared pancakes. I suppose that I shall have to dispose of them…"
"No, wait! I'm up! I'm up! Do we have any tongoberry syrup?"
"We do. It's getting low, so I'll add getting another bottle to my agenda for after I drop you off at the hypercomm station."
"Excellent! I'll be right down for breakfast shortly, Lawrence," Gogo stated as she headed for the door to the bathroom, leaving her immediate intentions implied.
"Very good, Miss Neutronic. I shall head down and make sure that your breakfast is ready and waiting for you."
"It's Doctor Neutron!"
"Not until you get an accredited degree, Miss Neutronic. You may be my direct employer now, but I do have standards that I wish to maintain."
"Bah! Fine! It shouldn't take me too long to earn a doctorate. I already have a masters after all…"
"Do you mean the one written in crayon hanging on the wall behind your desk?"
"Argh! Fine! I have a bachelors! But I've met all the requirements for actually getting a masters degree this year. I'm just waiting for the review board to get back to me."
"As you say, Miss Neutronic."
"At least Otto is willing to call me by whatever supervillain title I tell him to use…" Gogo muttered as she slammed the bathroom door behind her, cutting off any response from Lawrence.
O o O o O
Last edited:
- Location
- Argentina
Poor Gogo should get some friends her age.
ShyPerson
Guardian of the dead’s final rest.
- Location
- Sweden
- Pronouns
- Him/He
Now here is a work for a franchise I never knew I wanted. I played each game in the series up to Crack in Time and lost interest after that.
Save for anything introduced after that point I recognise a large number of references to the series I have seen so far.
Save for anything introduced after that point I recognise a large number of references to the series I have seen so far.
Lexicon of Known Races - Part 1
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Lexicon of Known Races
Achuu: They are like cuter, more pleasant Kerchu with better manners and hygiene. (created by Pinklestia101, for a proposed Racthet & Clank/WORM fic)
Homeworld: Achoo, in the Megrez Galaxy
The Achuu are big into tourism, both setting up and maintaining destinations for tourists to visit, as well as actually being tourists traveling to take in the sights and experiences of wherever they go to. As far as dedicated tourists go, the Achuu are very pleasant as both hosts and guests.
Achuu fur also has excellent thermal insulating properties, and many Achuu who do not live in regions where it is otherwise too hot or too cold supplement their income by getting trimmed regularly and selling their fur as a component for insulation. This is typically done through an Achuu barber acting as a middleman who can line up buyers for the fur of a lot of Achuu in one go rather than sporadic purchases from individual sellers. It's still fairly profitable for everyone involved, even with a middleman barber, and the Achuu gain the added benefit of ending up with whatever style is popular for their short fur at the time.
That said, there always seem to be some holdouts that trim and sell their own fur without ever seeing a professional barber or stylist. These Achuu either get very good at trimming their own fur or just resign themselves to the fact that they will periodically look as if someone had attacked them with either sheep sheers or a hedge trimmer.
Nobody knows if the Achuu share a genetic heritage with the Kerchu, as thus far the Kerchu have refused to allow anyone to sample their genetics for comparison. At least, not willingly without a long, drawn out and bloody fight...
Aglian: Tallish, thin, hairless humanoids (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Biraktes, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Agorian: Agressive warriors of great courage and dim wit
Homeworld: Agoria, in the Polaris Galaxy
Agorians like to fight, raid, participate in highly dangerous sports, and pick on any race they perceive as being weak or timid. Well, unless said race can do something useful for them, such as maintain and operate their battleplex arena supership so that they don't have to do it themselves and can just get on with fighting each other in gladatorial combat...
The Terachnoids figure they got a pretty sweet deal out of this, since the Agorians now tend to leave them alone. Mostly. As long as they can convince them that they are Battleplex employees. Which isn't difficult, really.
Amoeboid: Artificially created aggressive green blobs
Homeworld: Not applicable
The original Amoeboids were created by Iam Nefarious as a high school science project that had gotten out of hand when a careless classmate who shall not be named here (but whose name rhymes with Copernicus Leslie Qwark) accidentally introduced additional materials into their composition.
While the original batch of Amoeboids has long since been destroyed, somehow the formula to make them has either gotten out or otherwise been duplicated, and these primitive aggressive blobs have been pests ever since.
An Phar: Pig-like aliens with a love of philosophy (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Phar, in the ??? Galaxy (An Phar loosely translates as "People of Phar")
Anup: Tall, jackal-like bipeds (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: Anu Prime, in the ??? Galaxy
Anup are a tall, bipedal, canoid race, averaging about 9 ft -8 in (3 meters) in height, with sharp features, tall ears, and black or dark grey fur (although extremely rare albino individuals exist and are highly prized and revered).
Anup are extremely resistant to chemical contact burns, often opting to forgo any hazardous materials protection other than a sealed face mask when in environments where exposure to such is expected or considered possible.
The Anup have a highly restrictive society, with many taboos. They consider touching other sophonts, including other Anup, to be too intimate for any public setting (making for some interesting design choices for public facilities, given the generally large size of their race). They similarly consider hand gestures to also be too intimate for public use, which is why almost all Anup carry a rod to use as a stand-in to gesture with.
If drawn into melee combat, an Anup would much rather strike their foe with anything other than their hands (or other body part for that matter).
There are situations where these (and most other taboos) have exceptions, such as emergencies and certain authorised religious ceremonies.
NOTE: Despite being a physically reserved species, Anup in general consider clothing to be entirely optional outside of specific situations where protective apparel would be considered to be required. Like Lombaxes, Anup can even survive brief periods of vacuum exposure with little more than an O2 mask and eye protection.
Aryan: Huge, grey skinned humanoids (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Arya, in the ??? Galaxy
Aryans tend to be big into mining, where their strength and durability can take the place of some of the machines that many other races depend on for this purpose.
Auroras: Super-powerful, benevolent creatures of pure mind (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Inapplicable
Banduch: Super-powerful psychic dinosaurs (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Benduu, in the ??? Galaxy
The Banduch resemble small, three-eyed brontosaurs about the size of a rhinoserous. The have no manipulative limbs, primarily using either telekinesis or their mouths to handle objects as needed.
They are quite friendly, and there is a popular children's show loosely based on their history and mythology called My Little Banduch, which follows the adventures of Princess Periwinkle and her companions...
Blarg: Irresponsible reptilian consumers lead by an aggressively greedy businessman with great ambitions!
Homeworld: Orxon, in the Solana Galaxy
Boon'sheh: Tall blue primitives with long, whiplike tails (Star Froniers)
Homeworld: ???
Despite being primitives with no concept of space travel, Boon'sheh tribes have been found on several different worlds so far, widely separated, and even in differing galaxies.
A preserver race is suspected of being responsible for this, but so far nobody knows which one it might be...
Bros:
Homeworld: Snivilak, in the Bogon Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Gary the Prophet
- Goons 4 Less thugs (formerly Thugs 4 Less goons)
Bros are a reptilian race with medium length tails and camen-like heads. They are tall, with broad, powerful torsos and muscular arms, but narrow waists and thin, gangly legs. Bros are quite friendly and gregarious among their own kind, as well as those they happen to like, but can otherwise most Bros tend to be argumentative and violent if they think you are obstructing their goal or task of the moment.
Cazar: striped felinoids with tufted tails
Homeworld: Marcadia, in the Solana Galaxy
Cazares play a big role in the politics of the Solana Galaxy.
Cerinian:
Homeworld: Cerinia, in the Solana Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Princess Krystal
- Fox McCloud: Ace starfighter pilot and licensed hero. Fox works as part of a squadron of starfighter pilots in a roving heroic PMC.
- Nicholas "Nick" Wild: Former confidence artist who recently turned a new leaf after helping out on a pivotal case.
- Robin and Marian Loxley: off on their honeymoon after helping to clear up some trouble in their hometown...
Of note, Princess Krystal recently took part in a charity hoverbike race event on Veldin to help raise money to help the colony there rebuild after the Blarg attack. Kyrystal took first place in the race she participated in, although mainly due to being the only racer to cross the finish line, as all the other racers had allowed themselves to get distracted by a side event.
It should be noted that Cerinia is one of the worlds targeted by Ultimate Supreme Executive Chairman Alonzo Drek, who wishes to add it's rich, unusual resources to the new planet his company is supposed to be building...
Chedan: Short, blue humanoids well adapted to the cold (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Chiropti: Clannish, nocturnal warriors (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Cheyisk, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Born blind and only gaining sight during their early childhood, Cheropti start their life developing superior hearing (although they do end up with decent low-light vision).
Cidi: They're six inches tall... but don't call them cute (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Cidilumitaufolulu, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Resembling largish, long-tailed gerbils or hamsters ranging from five to eight inches tall when standing upright (which actually isn't very often), the Cidi tend to live in aboral communities centered around either one or a few large trees.
The Cidi tend to be clever mechanics, technicians, and engineers, and are even widely respected for this trait, if not for their diminuative size, which most Cidi tend to be sensitive about.
Much to the shame of their fellow Cidi, a few have opted to exploit their cute natures and live the easy life, hiring themselves out as pets and companions who literally have to do nothing but be present and adorable as they live lives of relative luxury.
Note: According to the Kaa, Cidi are delicious, whether eaten live or prepared in any number of ways. The Cidi, naturally, object to this opinion with extreme prejudice.
Conei: Short, rabbit-like, tunnel-dwellers (Based on Judy Hopps and other rabbits and hares from Zootpoia/Zootropolis)
Homeworld: Cone, in the Solana Galaxy
The Conei are generally peaceful and unassuming herbivores who typically prefer to live in large, semi-underground communities referred to as warrens. Most Conei tend to avoid any overtly carnivorous species they happen across (overt, in that said species makes a point of eating meat in a deliberately conspicuous manner), but generally have little to no problem with races who don't tend to make a big deal out of their respective dietary requirements. That said, almost all Conei will generally avoid Kaa, Krakun, and Ssarith as a matter of good sense (although, in the case of the Ssarith, it's more due to that race's resemblance to the Kaa than to any risk of being casually eaten in the middle of a conversation).
Conei are natural runners and jumpers, capable of moving at great speeds and leaping several times their body length in height or distance.
While the majority of Conei tend to be cautious, a few are naturally inquisitive and gregarious, and any Conei can be surprisingly challenging in a fight. Especially if their friends and/or family are threatened!
Coosa: Friendly, gregarious, and highly resilient marsupials (Hayven Celestia, by RichGriffin)
Homeworld: Coose, in the ??? Galaxy
Cragmite:
Homeworld: Reepor, in the Polaris Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Emperor Percival Tachyon
Cragmites have a mix of reptilian and insectoid features, are very aggressive, and have multiple life stages (egg, cragpole, adult). They are centauroids, having six small insect-like legs on their lower torso, two large insect-like arms, long lizard-like heads and tails. They typically have lavender scales with tan underbellies, and usually only wear clothing and armor on their upper bodies.
Once a militaristic race in the Polaris Galaxy, conquering world after world to strip them of their resources, the Cragmites were eventually defeated by the Lombaxes, who used the Dimensionator to banish nearly the entire race into another dimension.
Percival Tachyon was later found as an egg (hidden in a comet) by Lombax explorers, and raised among them on Fastoon, before turning on them. Percival is unusually short and has a disproportionately large head for a Cragmite, but it is unknown if this is a defect or a sub-trait of some sort of Cragmite leader caste.
Croutonian: Strange humanoids from that other planet...
Homeworld: Crouton, in the Solana Galaxy
Individuals of note:
- Captain Carl Lepton Quantum
- Captain Copernicus Leslie Qwark
- Captain Starshield
Crystal Computers: An artificially-created life form with secret powers (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Derkosians: Tall, foul-smelling, exo-suit assisted swamp-dwellers (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Derkos, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Derkosians are not naturally bipedal, requiring specially constructed exo-suit frames to maintain their upright stance. The use of these exo-suits have become part of their culture, stemming from a time when they had been enslaved by the Guroshan (and the one good thing that they will admit had come from their enslavement).
Draenei: Refugees from the ruined homeworld (World of Warcraft)
Homeworld: Draenor, in the ??? Galaxy
Draken: Dragon-like warriors (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Drakuun, in the ??? Galaxy
While largish, the Draken are nowhere near as big as Krakun. However, unlike the Krakun, they do have wings.
Dralasites: Grey, malleable ameboids who value humor (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Fromeltar, in the ??? Galaxy
Dralasites are capable of forming numerous pseudopods they can then freely use as arms and legs, even forming thinner tendrils on the ends of their "arms" to serves as fingers as required. Most Dralasites go with three legs and two arms out of daily practicality, but any combination of arms and legs is potentially possible.
Drophyd:
Homeworld: Zaurik, in the Polaris Galaxy
A small, aquatic, fish-like race with orange scales and yellow eyes. Many Drophyds were drawn into Emperor Tachyon's plot, and they formed the bulk of the army Tachyon used to defeat the Lombaxes. Drophyds are technically amphibious, being able to breathe both air and water, but they lack limbs strong enough to support them on dry land and thus must use specially designed exosuits to operate out of the water.
Econian: Elf-like humanoids that are inexplicably genetically related to Ottsels (Jak & Daxter)
Homeworld: Eco, in the Solana Galaxy
It should be noted that, unlike their Ottsel cousins, most Econians are only vaguely aware of matters beyond their struggles on Eco. Most Econians don't even care to acknowledge (or even believe) their shared genetic heritage with Ottsels despite the fact that every now and then a random Econian spontaneously (and perminantly) transforms into an Ottsel.
Note: Econians are among the various sophont races that have inexplicably chosen to name themselves human, hence their being labeled after their homeworld by galactic society as a whole. Much to the disgruntlement of the Ottsels, who consider themselves to be the more advanced race to have originated on Eco.
Edestekai: Trilateral primatives whose three legs double as arms (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Volternus, in the ??? Galaxy
Elden: Super-intelligent mice (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Despite some superficial physical resemblance, the Elden are not exceptionally short Mysa, and the two races share no genetic heritage. Given that the tallest Elden standing upright only stands as high as an average Mysa's knees, the Elden are astonished that there is even any confusion about this.
The Mysa, for their part, tend to consider the smaller (and clearly far more intelligent) Elden as cute, rambunctious kids.
Eorna: Tall, furred dinosauroids (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Volternus, in the ??? Galaxy
Engai: Brilliant but decadent and ruthless (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
The engai resemble beautiful elves with perfect skin and mohawk hairstyles. They dress in fine, luxurious robes and similar apparel, any one article of which probably costing more than what you make in a year. Which they will gladly point out to you at their leisure, while treating you to a meal that is similarly decadent simply because that's their version of good manners (and isn't it a shame that you can't possibly return the favor in a similarly civilized manner, but what can you expect from a destitute barbarian?).
They are rather brilliant, which sort of (but not really) makes up for the "we're simply better than you" attitude that most of them project towards any non-Engai they happen to encounter.
About the only race the Engai cannot flaunt their vast wealth over are the Purulu, so the Engai choose to instead flaunt their obviously superior artistic taste over the Purulu instead, which infuriates the radioactive octopoids to no end.
Espezel: (BESM Space Fantasy)
Homeworld: ???
The Espezel are a long-lived and peaceful race renowned for their psychic abilities and remarkable learning. They deal fairly, if arrogantly, with "lesser species," whom they nevertheless aid when faced with a genuine threat. The Espezel typically become scientists or diplomats, as they have little love for warfare and prefer to avoid it if at all possible.
Fasanni: Galactic Mimics, satirists, and investigators (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Fasann, in the Solana Galaxy
Resembling a sort of cross between giant kangaroo rats and racoons, most Fasanni are cultural mimics who tend to swiftly pick up and adopt various languages, customs, and other cultural quirks of other sophont races they happen to spend much of any time at all living among. This has been going on for so long that nobody, not even the Fasanni themselves, know what their original culture or cultures were like...
Fermorin: Formerly artificial supersoldiers turned pacifists (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Not applicable
The Fermorin are actually quite pleasant for an artificial race of genetically engineered space ork super-soldiers who have dedicated themselves to peace.
That said, being genetically engineered space ork super-soliers, it's probably best not to piss one off...
Let's poke one with a stick!
Fongoid:
Homeworld: Torren IV, in the Polaris Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Felton Razz - Grimroth's brother, and therefore Widget's uncle by way of adoption.
- Grimroth Razz - Widget's adoptive father
A (mostly) short, bipedal race with lavender skin, blue horns, and yellow eyes. Most Fongoids have forgone the use of higher technology due to having abused such in the past to the point of causing a calamity of universal proportions. That said, Fongoids can be found scattered throughout the known galaxies.
There is a subset of unusually large Fongoids with tusks, drooping ears, and proportionately smaller eyes, but they are still genetically Fongoid. It is believed that their particular traits had developed in an isolated population at some point in the distant past before they rejoined the rest of the Fongoids before diverging too far and becoming a truly separate race.
Gaufrey: Short, peaceful explorers with no sense of personal space or personal property... (BESM Space Fantasy)
Homeworld: Lost to history
The Gaufrey are short, playful aliens, who travel the galaxy seeking out new diversions. Their own homeworld was lost eons ago and they are now the interstellar equivalent of gypsies - part entertainers, part thieves, with a reputation to match. Even so, the Gaufrey can be found almost anywhere and are an important part of galactic society.
Garuda: Fragile, low-gravity astrogators (GURPS Space Atlas 4)
Homeworld: ???
The Garuda have long since adapted to low gravity and weightless environments so long ago that they now have difficulties dealing with standard gravity environments currently used by most other spacefaring races. Meaning that most Garuda encountered are either on their own worlds or ships, or are wearing exosuits in order to go out and about without harming themselves.
The Garuda currently make the best astrogation systems around, although in a pinch, a well trained Garuda astrogator can navigate from mental calculations and simple tools alone if need be.
Geordian: Extemely felxible felinoids (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: Geordia, in the ??? Galaxy
Geroo: Essentially Bear-otters (Haven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???
Gerudo: Tall, dusky space
Homeworld: Din, in the Solana Galaxy
Once thought to be an all female race, male Gerudo are just exceptionally rare. It is perhaps fortunate that Gerudo have, for the most part, stopped the practice of declaring any Gerudo child born male to be a prince as most examples of Gerudo masculinity who have ended up in important positions of power have thus far proven to be tyrants with dreams of conquest.
It is unkown how, given the problematic effect that tends to corrupt advanced technology on Din, but more Gerudo have left Din than any other sophont species originating on that world. Most of whom then proceeding to spend at least their first few years in space as pirates and mercenaries. This practice has not made them popular in the Solana Galaxy.
Gerodians: An elder race with a bent for medicine and psychology (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Gerodia, in the ??? Galaxy
Gloworms: Solitary, flying energy vampires (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown
Hauntingly beautiful self-levitating worms that make a pest of themselves by syphoning energy from unshielded powered systems. Nobody knows if they are intelligent or not, but then again, nobody cares as anyone who encounters them generally ends up having to clear their ship of these pests.
Gnome: (World of Warcraft)
Homeworld: Azeroth, in the ??? Galaxy
The diminutive gnomes one of the most innovative and technologically adept races around, albeit not the most safety conscious when it comes to their inventions. They tend to be magically active as well, giving them a combination of traits that make most larger races wary of them.
Goblin: (World of Warcraft)
Homeworld: Azeroth, in the ??? Galaxy
Not to be confused with a similar, more savage races of lesser intelligence that happens to share their name, the clever and inventive goblins of Kezan are a force to be reckoned with. Similar in stature to the gnomes, and just as technologically adept, the two races consider themselves to be rivals.
Gormelites: Brutal, paranoid, shaggy berserkers (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
These four-armed, shaggy brutes are sometimes used as cheap labor and/or mercenaries by various disreputable individuals of ill intent.
Goron: Large, rock-like humanoid stone-eaters (Legend of Zelda)
Homeworld: Din, in the Solana Galaxy
The massive, stone-eating gorons seldom stray far from the Eldin mountains as most of them prefer the tremendous heat put out by the lakes of lava surrounding Death Mountain. They are a friendly race for the most part, who consider it a shame that their non-goron friends who try to visit their volcanic homes tend to spontaneously combust.
While Gorons do breathe, this is apparently solely for the purpose of pulling in air in order to be able to speak, because they certainly don't seem to care whether they are breathing air, toxic fumes, water, or even nothing at all. Goron's generally don't bother with spacesuits, although they might buy a sealable breather or helmet just so that they can speak if required.
Few Gorons have ever made it off of Din. Most of those that have tend to head for highly volcanic worlds eventually in order to settle down somewhere comfortable with lots of suitable rocks to eat.
Gorushan: Nearly identicle humanloids (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Pzanyalarr, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Very little is known about the Gorushan, other than where they come from. And it's surprizing that they let outsiders know even that much about them.
Encounters between the Gorushan and members of any other species have been very inconsistant. Sometimes the contact is peaceful and results in a trading oppertunity. Other times the Gorushans involved will try to raid your ship or colony, taking whatever and whomever they want, before leaving once again.
Grank: Short, strong, and stubborn (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Grummel: These corpulant reptilians have recently been driven nearly extinct by the Blarg
Homeworld: Destroyed
The Grummel's homeworld was destroyed by the Blarg during a previous corporate war. There was only one survivor, who has since cloned multiple iterations of himself in an attempt to repopulate his species (sort of). Interestingly, the leader of the Blarg at that time had also been a Drek.
The Grummel clones have since formed Grummelnet, a competitor of Gadgetron and Megacorp, although their biggest market is in the Polaris Galaxy where they are the primary arms supplier for the Lombax Resistance. Mostly because the Grummels aren't worried about Emperor Tachyon attacking a homeworld that no longer exists.
Grungarian: Nomadic marauders and raiders
Homeworld: Grungaria, in the Polaris Galaxy
While neither as aggressive, nor as stupid, as their Agorian rivals, the Grungarians are greedier and far more genetically diverse.
Grungarians like to sweep in, loot everything they possibly can, and leave whoever is left with barely anything at all (assuming they even leave either survivors or loot behind).
Oddly enough, despite being arguably smarter than Agorians, they tend to be less successful raiders as their ships can be easily held at bay by most planetary defenses. Make no mistake though, despite how easily their ships may be thwarted, should a Grungarian raiding force be allowed to establish a beachhead, they will be incredibly difficult to get rid of until they have taken everything that they possibly can.
Guardian: Short, cute, cat-like magi (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Not Applicable
The Guardians were created as genetically modified house pets by an insanely decadent advanced race.
The Engai have officially denied being the ones responsible for having created the Guardians, although they do admit to being both advanced and decadent enough to have the capability of doing so.
Hetochi: Long-lived mantis-like insectoids (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Hoolefoid: Primitive (preinterstellar) island dwelling purple reptilians.
Homeworld: Merdegraw
The Hoolefoids would probably have joined Polaris society once they finally figured out interstellar travel, predicted to occur sometime within the next hundred years. But all that progress and potential ground to a halt when the robot space pirate fleet that Emperor Tachyon had discarded and left to their own devices invaded Merdegraw, driving the surviving inhabitants to retreat to the Hoolefar Island archipelago (which the Hoolefoids then took their name and identity from).
While some remnants of their former industrial civilization remain behind on the Hoolefar Islands, the Hoolefoids have largely reverted to a simple tribal island culture so as to be less attractive targets for the robot space pirates occupying their world.
Human: Not actually a single race, but instead a common name inexplicably chosen by innumerable sophont races to name themselves
Homeworld: Varies according to which "humans" you are seeking information on...
Due to the inexplicable phenomenon of so many unrelated races choosing to name themselves human, most of these races find themselves renamed after their world or system of origin by whichever race first encountered them. This is to avoid confusion (although this practice has resulted in a few wars)
It should be noted that most "humans" are bilateral bipeds, which is why the term "humanoid" is widely accepted as a common racial descriptor.
Humma: Aggressive kangaroo-like marsupials with prehensile tails (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Hum, in the ??? Galaxy
The Humma can best be described as being rude, crude, lewd, pushy, and arrogant. They are basically tolerated by the other worlds of the Xygig Frontier because they make better allies against the Sathar than they do enemies against everybody.
Hylian: (Legend of Zelda)
Homeworld: Din, in the Solana Galaxy
Few Hylians have ever made it off of Din, as Hylian civilization seems to exist in a perpetual cycle of rising only so far before collapsing into ruin due to some arbitrary disaster or other.
The fact that most of Din is covered by some sort of inexplicable effect that tends to corrupt most forms of advanced technology has not helped matters in the slightest.
Ifshnit: Short merchants and traders (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Ifshna, in the ??? Galaxy
Ination: Fish-people (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Due to living most of their lives submerged in an underwater environment, the Ination are used to thinking of movement in three dimensional terms all the time, and thus tend to excel at being pilots.
Irari: Winged scientists and researchers (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Jaril: A once threatened race of giants, now reborn. (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Lost to history
Once a dying race due to having spread out so far that it had become rare for any one Jaril to even see another member of their race other than their own parents or siblings within their lifetime, these gentle giants have been making a bit of a comeback since they have started making a concerted effort to finding each other and forming actual integrated communities once again.
Kaa: Greedy, ruthless, imperialistic snake-men (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Issimmek'Kaa, in the Bogon Galaxy
Kafrin: Tiger-like cat-people (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Kafreen, in the ??? Galaxy
Kerchu: Aggressively territorial, ill tempered, and foul
Homeworld: Jasindu, in the Polaris Galaxy
Kinski: (GURPS Space Atlas 4)
Homeworld: ???
Kirn: Agile cat-people (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Motuv'Utaw, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Kon: Short, rabbit-like warriors who live for thrills and excitement! (created by Pinklestia101, for a proposed Racthet & Clank/WORM fic)
Homeworld: KON3, in the Alioth Galaxy.
With the dissaster that befel the sector of the Alioth Galaxy that KON3 is in, the Kon have moved, lock, stock, and barrel to settle a new world in the Megrez Galaxy that they have named KON4.
Despite the very strong resemblance between the teo races, neither the Kon nor the Conei share any genetic heritage with each other.
Krakun: Wingless dragons who do whatever they please (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???, in the Kavorian Galaxy
The Krakun are among the largest sophont species to have ever made it into space on their own at all, let alone join the intergalactic community.
Typically solitary and isolationistic, every now and then one or more Krakun gets it into their heads to conquer a world or two. Possibly out of boredom, or maybe because very few races really want to argue with a race whose members tend to grow to the size of small buildings...
Kronin: A race of honorable warriors and mercenaries (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Kurabanda: Primitive primates (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Volternus, in the ??? Galaxy
Lamarian: Space elves without the arrogance normally associated with space elves (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Lameria, in the ??? Galaxy
Lio: Tall lionine bipeds (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Formerly expansionistic conquerors, who had gone through a protectionist phase during one cultural revolution after encountering the Krakun, and have recently undergone another, more recent, cultural revolution that has left most of them feeling more than a bit embarrassed about how they have treated the Mysa who had ended up in their care after the Krakun-Lio War.
Relations between the Lio and the Mysa remain cordial but strained, because as bad as it got between these two races, the Mysa still fared far better under the Lio than they ever had under the Krakun.
Liook Sujan: Slow, rocklike creatures who are psychic giants (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Liook, in the ??? Galaxy
Loki: Energy based lifeforms who require possession of biological bodies in order to effect the physical world
Homeworld: Torenux (destroyed by the Cragmites)
Destroying Torenux, the homeworld of the Loki, was probably the one good service the Cragmites had ever done for the greater good of the universe.
Lombax:
Homeworld: Fastoon, in the Polaris Galaxy
Full Entry elsewhere...
Malatriani: Stocky, stooped humanoids (Rifts manhunter)
Homeworld: Melatrin, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Malikithi: Tall, thin raiders with black skin and silver hair
Homeworld: Unknown, except perhaps to themselves.
Markann: Secretive, sadistic mad scientists with incredibly high technology (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown, except perhaps to themselves.
Markazian: Humanoids with tails and light purple skin
Homeworld: Markazia, in the Polaris Galaxy
A fair number of Markazians joined the Great Exodus from the Polaris Galaxy in order to escape Emperor Tachyon's advancing conquest.
Mechanon: Fully independent robotic sophonts (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Mechanon, in the ??? Galaxy
Memer and Sare: Spidery galactic tramp freight-handler (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: They didn't bother listing one in the intergalactic directory.
While generally peaceful, it is highly recommended for any sophont race incapable of surviving without life support to avoid accepting rides on any ship owned and operated by a member of this paired symbiotic race.
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BOTHER PUTTING LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS IN THEIR SHIPS!!!
Mhemne: furred humanoids well adapted to the cold (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Snowball, in the ??? Galaxy
Mmm: A naive but powerful hivemind (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Mmm, in the ??? Galaxy
The Mmm is/are unique in that the entire ecosystem originating from their homeworld is part of a singular telepathic hivemind. This hivemind perceives itself as a single entity composed of individual components, and it finds the concept of independent individuals to be fascinating. Fortunately, the Mmm is/are perfectly willing to treat independent sophonts as discretely separate entities without trying to either assimulate or consume them into itself.
Morden: Basically gorilla people (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Morts:
Homeworld: Mort, in the Polaris Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Mort
- Mort
- Mort
- They are all named Mort. For some reason, this makes sense to them.
The Morts are a short and squat with thick brown fur (creamy ventral side), no nose, and pointed ears. Their head accounts for almost a third of their body mass, and seems to rest almost directly on their torso. They also have a set of very short, blunt, boney horns protruding through the fur on top of their heads.
All known Morts are named Mort, regardless of their gender, genealogy, or occupation. For some reason, this makes total sense to them and never seems to cause any confusion at all among the Morts, even in written or typed form. They just seem to know which Mort is being referred to, even when the speaker isn't a Mort themselves.
Mysa: Tiny, mouse-like refugees whose former civilization is simply gone (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: Mysatec, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Averaging 11" (30 cm) in height and a weight of 1.1 lb (0.5 kg), these mouse-like bipeds are among the shorter known sophont races in the local galactic cluster. The Mysa lost their homeworld, Mysatec, when the Krakun conquered it ages ago. Fortunately for the Mysa, most of their population had managed to escape, with the majority now living on either Costaruna or Alpha-Zaryn in the Liotec system under the "care" of the Lio as a refugee protectorate race.
Unfortunately, until very recently, the Lio took shameless advantage of the Mysa, commonly treating them as laboratory specimens, pets, or pests, and frequently taking overly harsh measures to keep their population in check. Due to this history between them, current relations between the Lio and Mysa are cordial, but strained.
Mysa communities tend to have strong elements of gender segregation, particularly involving living quarters. This is mainly an attempt at self-regulating their own population growth, as otherwise their sexual gregariousness would tend to lead to rapid overpopulation, particularly due to Mysa males having a strong and aggressive heat cycle.
Most Mysa do not bother with clothes, although they do like to use cloth to accessorize.
Nanophyte: Short, clannish and aggressive salvage rats
Homeworld: Unknown, but somewhere in the Polaris Galaxy
Negana: snake-men sailors and fishermen (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Leen, in the ??? Galaxy
Nethers: Extradimensional raiders
Homeworld: Not Applicable
Nethers are sometimes able to slip partially into phase with this dimension, allowing them to steal resources and terrorize any citizens that they happen to come across. More rarely are the occasions where one or two Nethers are able to fully manifest into this dimension, which by all accounts is a better place to live than anywhere on their side of the dimensional veil.
Notui: Primitive, flightless avians (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Magh Mar, in the ??? Galaxy
Osakar: Nearly identical radial quadrupedal fashionistas (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Osaka, in the ??? Galaxy
Ottsels: Short, semi-aquatic musteloids who are surprisingly durable for their size (Jak & Daxter)
Homeworld: Eco, in the Solana Galaxy
Averaging 2'-10" (55.9 cm) in height and a weight of 48 lbs (21.8 kg), Ottsels are among the shorter known races of the galaxies. Physically, they resemble a cross between a weasel and an otter, most commonly having orange fur with a cream ventral coat, with females generally having pronounced breasts and cranial hair (which does not have to match their fur color at all). Ottsels also have prehensile tails about the same length as their torsos, and longish ears on top of their heads.
Due to their size, Ottsels were not treated seriously on their homeworld, Eco, which they shared with a few other races that more closely matched the galactic average for size and mass. This has left most of them with a bit of a chip on their shoulder despite the fact that they aren't even close to being among the smallest races out there. Much to their aggravation, even out among galactic society, Ottsels are still not taken very seriously by most people due to their size.
Ottsels are surprisingly robust despite their size and lack of physical strength, although this quirk in their physiology means that they sometimes get used as melee weapons even if they typically have difficulty with unassisted melee combat themselves.
As a furred, semi-aquatic race, most Ottsells generally consider wearing clothing to be optional, although some subcultures that had developed in arid, desert regions on Eco prefer to wear at least pants, while others living near rivers, lakes, and seas prefer to eschew wearing anything more than belts and accessories. Most Ottsels that have left Eco fall somewhere between these two extremes.
Although rare, Ottsels have the potential to manipulate a form of exotic energy that they call Eco that can be used to perform a number of exotic effects.
Despite a superficial resemblance, Ottsels share no genetic heritage with the much larger Sourangs.
Pachekki: Amphibious sex-changers (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unpronounceable, in the Solana Galaxy
Purulu: Rich, greedy, radioactive sea-dwelling octopoids (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: G'lk'ok'k, in the Bogon Galaxy
Having developed in the seas of a naturally irradiated world, Purulu generally have to go about in full environmental suits whenever they go anywhere else, not only for their own protection (as few other spacefaring civilizations are naturally aquatic), but also for the protection of everyone else (the Purulu are naturaly radioactive).
Due to favorable trading of G'lk'ok'k's vast resources of otherwise rare energetic materials, the Purulu have ended up excessively wealthy. To the point where they can afford to call the Engai poor. Like the Engai, they like to show off their wealth, but most Purulu have a poor understanding of art and music, so it's not uncommon for them to purchase subpar works from con artists, hustlers, random passersby who were otherwise throwing out trash...
Savvier Purulu keep an appraiser on retainer to guard against such con jobs, and even more savvy Purulu keep five or more appraisers just to keep an eye on the other appraisers.
Qulak: (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Musyplo, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Qutaren: Rhino-like warriors fond of gladiatorial challenges (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Qutar, in the ??? Galaxy
Oddly, despite being fond of gladiatorial combat, Qutaren society is devoted towards the sciences.
Riders: Malevolent viruses who can take over your mind from within (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown
Rilgarian: Either lizard-like mammals or reptilians with mammal-like features.
Homeworld: Rilgar, in the Solana Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Angogg Buckwash (Planetary Chairman of Novalis)
- Don Wonderstar (celebrity agent)
- Skidd McMarxx (hoverboard racing star)
- Slim Cognito (black marketeer)
- Starlene (sports announcer)
- The Plumber ("Seriously, I have a name! It's..." *transmission cuts off*)
Homeworld: ???
Sathar: Worm-like xenophobes (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Unknown
The Sathar are highly intollerant of other sophont races even existing, and regularly engage on campaigns of espionage and sabotage against everyone their ships can reach, with the occasional raid for slaves and/or destruction, and every now and then they build up fleets to use in an attempt to wage war on everyone else.
Fortunately, they seem to be a problem isolated to the Xygig Frontier.
Saurian: Thin, semi-aquatic reptilians (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Kischen, in the ??? Galaxy
The Saurians lost their oceanic homeworld to repeated invasions by the Sathar, and now live as refugees seeking new homes within the Xygig Frontier.
Saurians have excellent underwater vision.
Sepiad: Squid-like primitives whose main goal is feeding their king
Homeworld: Reepor, in the Polaris Galaxy
Little is known about this amphibious race of mollusks other than the fact that they are bipedal, have tentacles for arms, and originated on the same planet as the Cragmites, somehow coexisting with the more aggressive race without getting wiped out.
Sepiads can grow very large, becoming slower and slower on land as they grow, eventually having to become fully aquatic in order to support their great weight. Sepaid Kings are the largest Sepaid in any given colony, and other Sepiads bring them food.
Sepiads are indiscriminate carnivores, with most not having any moral qualms about eating other sophont races. They seem to prefer live (or at least very fresh) prey to consume, and any Sepaid hunting food for its King will seek to subdue whatever it is hunting rather than killing it outright so that the King may have a live meal.
Serran: Genetically engineered, angel-like astrogators (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: Not Applicable
Shigat: Insectoids with very tough carapaces (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Bojeri, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Sourang: Tall musteloids with the ability to cling to most surfaces (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???
Despite a superficial resemblance, Sourangs share no genetic heritage with the much shorter Ottsels.
Sparrials: Quick, individualistic, and compulsive thieves (Gurps Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Ssarith: Honorable snake-men who belive they have a mandate for conquest (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???
Despite any superficial resemblance between the Ssarith and the Kaaa, not only do neither of these snake-men races share any genetic history at all, both usually consider the other to be mortal enemies whenever encountering one another. Exceptions have occurred, but are fairly rare.
The Kaa tend to come out on the short end of these "cultural disagreements..."
S'sessu: Basically less xenophobic Sathar (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Unknown
Nearly genetically identicle to the Sathar, but culturally very different (for one thing, S'sessu are not raging xenophobes). Nobody is exactly sure how this happened, because the genetic split is estimated to have occurred thousand of years before either race had developed spaceflight. And they originated on different worlds in separate star systems...
Naturally, the Sathar seem to hate the S'sessu more than they hate everybody else.
Tamile: Peaceful, artistic, talented, singing slugs (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Technomite: Teeny-tiny, technologically advanced sophonts
Homeworld:
Technomites, when they manage to make themselves known, frequently claim to be the reason why so many strange devices and weapons even work.
Telgad: A proud warrior race (BESM Space Fantasy)
Homeworld: ???
The Telgad are a proud warrior race, who pride themselves on their skill at arms. Though disdained by others as loud mouthed oafs, they have nonetheless carved an empire for themselves among the stars. Telgad are commonly encountered as soldiers or mercenaries, occupations at which they excel.
Terachnoid: Multi-brained hyper-geniuses
Homeworld: Terachnos, in the Polaris Galaxy
Terraklon: Violent warriors, raiders, and would-be conquerors
Homeworld: Terraklon Six, in the Polaris Galaxy
The Terraklons are currently waging a violent war against Emperor Tachyon's Drophyd forces in the Polaris Galaxy. Unfortunately, they are also waging a violent war against everyone else they happen to come across in the Polaris Galaxy at the same time, so nobody in the resistance considers them to be allies at all.
Thargoid: Warlike insectoid xenophobes with a civilization based on hive structures (Elite Dangerous)
Homeworld: Unknown
Peaceful contact has yet to be made with any Thargoid ship or colony
Tharpod: Turtle-like researchers and explorers
Homeworld: Magnus, in the Polaris Galaxy
Noted Individuals:
- Dr. Frumpus Croid, Paradoxologist
- Dr. Nevo Binklemeyer (designed the Protomorphic Energy Extractor)
- Suzie and the Junior Space Scouts
- Mr. Leetockar Micron (an elderly Tharpod who lives on Veldin)
Thean: Rabbit-folk with short-term precognitive abilities (Strike Legion)
Homeworld: ???
Traders: Capitalists from the fourth dimension (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Not Applicable
These guys are just plain weird.
They usually have good stuff to trade though.
Treefolk: Half-animal, half-plant; benevolent healers (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: ???
Not to be used as lumber nor for the creation of furniture. Oddly enough, they don't seem to mind being paid to stand around as decorations/security for homes and offices...
Truul: The ultimate slave mentality; they live only to serve (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Technically none, as they were genetically engineered from scratch by an ancient civilization.
Turek: Tall, clannish sauroids who hold no fear of death (Hayven Celestia, by RickGriffin)
Homeworld: ???
Turzig: Crested dinosauroids (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Thept, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Tyhrranoid: Multi-eyed would be conquerors
Homeworld: Tyhranosis, in the Solana Galaxy
Ular: Large, thuggish, polarbear-wolverine warriors with white fur (Rifts Manhunter)
Homeworld: Gahdgkyl, in the Kavorian Galaxy
Ul-Mor: Primitive land-dwelling octopi (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Volternus, in the ??? Galaxy
Verms: Their ambition is to eat the galaxy - or rather, everyone in it (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown
Vrusk: Insectoid scientist and technicians (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Ken'zah-kit, in the ??? Galaxy
Vullard: Large, peaceful, snail-like salvagers
Homeworld: Lumos, in the Polaris Galaxy
Vullards are large, snail-like reptilian bipeds, with thick bellies, legs, and tails, and thin upper torso and arms, with a long, narrow neck and a relatively small head. Many Vullards are cybernetically augmented in some manner, often appearing to have completely replaced their heads with mechanical prosthetics (although these may simply be highly stylized personal helmets instead). Almost all Vullards carry a large container on their back for the purpose of hauling around any scrap they come across.
Vullards are, by and large, generally peaceful to the point of not being willing or able to defend themselves even if directly attacked, although they will not stop anyone who chooses to defend them and will even thank and reward those who do so. That being said, some Vullards have found themselves forced to become scrub-level gladiators in various battleplex arenas set up by Emperor Percival Tachyon (most notably in the battleplex located at the Imperial Fight Festival on Mukow - although their performance as gladiators is so low that there is no notable award for defeating them).
Xenomorphs: With their plastic shape, they can be anything or anyone (GURPS Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown
These secretive shapeshifters are to be confused with the xenomorphs that include other races as involuntary hosts in their reproductive cycle...
Xenomorphs: Able to take on advantageous genetic traits of various species they use to host their young... (Aliens)
Homeworld: Unknown
These highly dangerous, adaptive swarmers who use involuntary hosts as part of their reproductive cycle are not to be confused with the xenomorphs that are actually secretive shapeshifters who could be literally anything or anyone you know...
Xrex: Primitive centauroids with superior visual depth perception (GURPS Pyramid #18)
Homeworld: ???
Yalkani: Turtle-like, near-sighted amphibians with a talent for healing (GURPS Pyramid #19)
Homeworld: ???
Yazirians: Simian explorers with gliding membranes (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Lost to time (presumed to have been called Yazir)
Zethra: Irregular spheroids with tentacles (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Unknown
Zethra can naturally generate electricity that they can use to shock opponents or prey in close combat (they themselves are immune to this level of electrical shock).
Zethra are apolitical and refuse to participate in general governance nor in policing of any territories, even those they happen to reside in. They also do not take sides in any wars, although they will defend themselves.
Zuraqqor: Insectoid raiders and conquerors (Star Frontiers)
Homeworld: Unknown
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Deep Space, Calzon, Hyperspace
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Silver Star, Deep Space outgoing from Kerwan, Solana Galaxy
Time: 8:00 AM, Monday
Widget wandered back towards the front of the ship after putting on a long coat she had pulled at random from the locker Axel had indicated, and then making a simple, light, and portable breakfast in the small open galley. Granted, her cooking skills weren't really the greatest, or even all that good really, but they were passable and she was fully capable of following the instructions written on the sides of the packaging. Sitting down, she offered the tray to Axel. "I made breakfast. Want some?"
"Not while I still need to keep a close eye on things," Axel said before taking a quick glance at the tray. "Besides, I… ah… already ate." In a much quieter tone, he mumbled to himself, "yesterday. Good grief, where did she learn to cook?"
"Well excuse me for having other priorities while growing up," Widget groused, obviously still hearing Axel despite the lowered voice.
"Oh, right, Lombax," Axel chuckled half-heartedly. "I actually forgot how good our hearing is compared to most other races I usually deal with. I haven't really hung out for long in any Fastoontown or enclave for much longer than it took to check who's there and who passed through."
"Are you looking for someone, Sir?" Clank asked.
"Yeah," Axel nodded somberly. "My wife and kid. We got separated in the confusion of the Great Exodus from Polaris. Pirates had attacked our convoy, and I had volunteered to pilot one of the fighters to buy us some time. 'Course, I'm not really a combat pilot, so it wasn't long before I was forced back to a hangar for repairs, and silly me, I landed on the wrong ship right before it made the jump to hyperspace."
"Oh dear."
"Hey, it happened," Axel shrugged. "Not like even the big ships can turn back once they make the jump into hyperspace. I had three months to wonder if the ship they were on even made the jump, or if it was even heading towards the same galaxy. All I can be sure of is that Bae and Wheeler are together, wherever they ended up. I've been scouring Solana trying to find any sign of them here while saving up for passage to one of the other galaxies if they ain't. Haven't really had much luck so far on either front."
"Perhaps you could hire someone to help you search for them?" Clank proposed.
Axel chuckled again. "That's how your captain hired me so cheap. He's going to put word out on HeroNet, with a small reward for any news of my family."
"HeroNet?" Widget asked, having never heard the term before.
"Or whatever it's called. It's not like I really know what the big name heroes use to contact each other and share information. For all I know it could be homing pigeons."
"I do not believe that homing pigeons would be particularly reliable as a form of communication through space," Clank observed.
"That was a joke, kid," Axel sighed.
Location: Ravioli City Spaceport, Calzon
Time: 8:45 AM, Tuesday
"Well, that was certainly messier than I expected," Hooker commented as Victor Von Ion pushed a cart loaded with three crates of loot from their excursion into the Rhottah-Blaydz facility to collect what they had still owed her, plus apparently whatever else had caught Von Ion's interest.
Such as Torgu Rhottah's limbs, which were now in the bottom rearmost crate along with some other bits of random loot that had caught the warbot's eye.
Eh, Torgu might live if his surviving flunkies got him to a medical facility in time. If not, Hooker supposed that the young Hazmor Blaydz would just have to step more fully into his mentor's shoes as the new CEO of Rhottah-Blaydz.
It wasn't that she was adverse to killing as such. She had done assassinations before after all, when she was paid for it, and sometimes the only way past mooks during other missions was to just kill them and be done with it.
Victor Von Ion hadn't even been particularly cruel or personal about the slaughter either, as he had pretty much just gone straight in, made his point, took what he wanted, and left. The only person who had suffered egregious injuries (that were questionably survivable) had been Torgu himself, with the rest of whoever had tried to stop the warbot having been either killed outright or just incapacitated enough to no longer be an issue.
"I didn't feel like wasting time," Von Ion explained. "While I don't have an actual deadline as such, my employer would prefer results sooner rather than later."
"So what's with the limbs then?"
"I don't like employers that renege on their promises. My boss always delivers on his end of any deal he makes. Sure, he might twist things a little or even a lot, but he always delivers.
Hooker wasn't too sure that the so-called mysterious Boss that Von Ion worked for actually stood up to the picture the warbot was presenting of him. It wasn't really any secret that Victor Von Ion had been a BlargTech robot before he became independent, and scuttlebutt was that the warbot was still working for Chairman Drek.
Then again, even warbots could have friends, so Von Ion's view of Drek might be a bit biased compared to everyone else's view of BlargTech's CEO.
She decided that she'd have to be careful on this new job, no matter how much she liked the idea of working with Shiv Helix again. Best to keep an exit strategy in mind in case things went south in a hurry.
So, pretty much business as usual for Hooker.
Again.
Dammit…
Location: Silver Star, Hyperspace heading from Kerwan to Pokitaru, Solana Galaxy
Time: 9:00 AM, Monday
"Okay, we've transitioned into hyperspace, so we should be good until we reach Pokitaru," Axel announced as he secured the helm controls and got up to stretch. "It'll be a couple of hours til then, so I'm free to talk if you have any questions."
"You mentioned Fastoontowns," Widget started as she followed Axel back towards the galley area. "Is Fastoon the Lombax home world or just a major country from there?"
"It's our home world, kid. It's where the Lombaxes originated from."
"So Fastoontowns are named after the planet," Clank observed. "Does this mean that Lombaxes had a monoculture?"
"Hah!" Axel barked out a laugh as he fetched a bottle of… something… from the fridge and popped it open. "Good question, kid, but the answer's a bit muddled. Like with just about any other sophont race you might encounter in this wide and wonderful universe, we had nations, subcultures and countercultures within those nations, and a bunch of independents not really aligned with anybody but their friends and associates. And, like nearly everyone else, once the big powers made it into space, things started to blend together as we started encountering our neighbors in the Polaris Galaxy."
Taking a swig from the bottle, Axel continued. "Then the Cragmites found us, and the war with them pretty much finished pushing us together and dissolving what national differences we had remaining, and the Council formed from what remained of those to guide our research and war efforts. There's probably a whole lot of important people and events in this bit of history, but I didn't really pay much attention to the news as a kid, and the war was over by the time I grew up. All I knew was that we had won, and the Cragmites were either gone or the next best thing."
Axel took another, much longer pull from the bottle. "Shows what a dumb punk I was back then…"
"Should you be drinking?" Clank asked in concern.
"It's just Quantum Quola, kid. No alcohol. Just a bunch of carbonated sugar, caffeine, and enough artificial flavorings and preservatives to probably be a bad idea for other reasons, but nothing that can affect my judgment if that's what you're worried about." So saying, he offered the bottle to Clank so that the little bot could examine it.
"Sir, according to the list of ingredients, this beverage contains point zero two percent gelatonium and trace amounts of decimite crystals!" Clank announced in alarm as he read the label. "This isn't a beverage, this is an emergency short range fuel supply!"
"Nope, it's a beverage," Axel denied. "The gelatonium and decimite just give it that extra kick!"
"The sugar, caffeine, and dubious amounts of vitamin B give it the 'extra kick' you speak of. All the gelatonium and decimite do is possibly make this beverage suitable for consumption by robots and vehicles. And the combination is not particularly healthy for either category over the long term! The potential side effects alone..."
"I am aware of the risks involved," Axel stated as he reached over and took back his bottle of Quantum Quola. "They're my risks to take, and I get my system flushed of all toxins on a biannual basis during my medical check-ups, so accumulation is not a factor. Besides, I've been drinking Quantum Quola since I was a kid with no ill effects."
"Although I doubt that regularly imbibing a beverage with those particular preservatives is healthy for a Lombax, as long as you keep such consumption intermittent, with suitable cleansing beverages between bottles, you should be fine," Clank conceded.
Widget chose not to comment on the fact that, when she had prepared her meal earlier, she had noted that roughly eighty percent of the potable beverages in the galley's fridge were bottles of Quantum Quola. If the guy had to have a vice, at least it was a relatively harmless one that wouldn't endanger other people. She herself had managed to drink a couple of mouthfuls once as a kid and had pretty much spent the rest of the day bouncing off the walls, resulting in Grim telling her that she wasn't allowed to drink it anymore.
Which, in light of Clank's panic attack, was probably a wise decision on her father's part, and she was glad that she had respected his wishes. Granted, about ninety percent of that compliance probably had more to do with the fact that she hadn't really cared for the taste of sun warmed Quola, but still…
"We're getting sidetracked here," Widget pointed out, cutting off further protests from her brother for the time being. "So, I guess the take-away from what you just said is that I shouldn't judge other Lombaxes based on having met just two so far…"
"Pretty much, yeah," Axel nodded, took another swig, and then stood up and set his drink on the galley counter. "Now, as we only have a few hours until we drop out of hyperspace, I think we should concentrate on some vital lessons that you seemed to have missed so far…"
"Oh? Like what?" Widget asked as Axel reached into a cupboard to grab something.
"How to cook food that actually tastes good instead of just being edible," Axel stated bluntly as he handed her a skillet.
Widget was torn between glaring at Axel or her brother, who was chuckling at her being called out on her rudimentary cooking skills…
"I made breakfast. Want some?"
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
It's the cola for makin' you proud.
Take another sip and be one of the crowd!
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
Get to the store and take all you can carry!
We got the flavors - teal, blue, and sherry.
You belong with Quantum Quola!
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
It's endorsed by Quetzalcoatl!
Come along with Quantum Quola!
You belong with Quantum Quola!
Time: 8:00 AM, Monday
Widget wandered back towards the front of the ship after putting on a long coat she had pulled at random from the locker Axel had indicated, and then making a simple, light, and portable breakfast in the small open galley. Granted, her cooking skills weren't really the greatest, or even all that good really, but they were passable and she was fully capable of following the instructions written on the sides of the packaging. Sitting down, she offered the tray to Axel. "I made breakfast. Want some?"
"Not while I still need to keep a close eye on things," Axel said before taking a quick glance at the tray. "Besides, I… ah… already ate." In a much quieter tone, he mumbled to himself, "yesterday. Good grief, where did she learn to cook?"
"Well excuse me for having other priorities while growing up," Widget groused, obviously still hearing Axel despite the lowered voice.
"Oh, right, Lombax," Axel chuckled half-heartedly. "I actually forgot how good our hearing is compared to most other races I usually deal with. I haven't really hung out for long in any Fastoontown or enclave for much longer than it took to check who's there and who passed through."
"Are you looking for someone, Sir?" Clank asked.
"Yeah," Axel nodded somberly. "My wife and kid. We got separated in the confusion of the Great Exodus from Polaris. Pirates had attacked our convoy, and I had volunteered to pilot one of the fighters to buy us some time. 'Course, I'm not really a combat pilot, so it wasn't long before I was forced back to a hangar for repairs, and silly me, I landed on the wrong ship right before it made the jump to hyperspace."
"Oh dear."
"Hey, it happened," Axel shrugged. "Not like even the big ships can turn back once they make the jump into hyperspace. I had three months to wonder if the ship they were on even made the jump, or if it was even heading towards the same galaxy. All I can be sure of is that Bae and Wheeler are together, wherever they ended up. I've been scouring Solana trying to find any sign of them here while saving up for passage to one of the other galaxies if they ain't. Haven't really had much luck so far on either front."
"Perhaps you could hire someone to help you search for them?" Clank proposed.
Axel chuckled again. "That's how your captain hired me so cheap. He's going to put word out on HeroNet, with a small reward for any news of my family."
"HeroNet?" Widget asked, having never heard the term before.
"Or whatever it's called. It's not like I really know what the big name heroes use to contact each other and share information. For all I know it could be homing pigeons."
"I do not believe that homing pigeons would be particularly reliable as a form of communication through space," Clank observed.
"That was a joke, kid," Axel sighed.
O o O o O
Location: Ravioli City Spaceport, Calzon
Time: 8:45 AM, Tuesday
"Well, that was certainly messier than I expected," Hooker commented as Victor Von Ion pushed a cart loaded with three crates of loot from their excursion into the Rhottah-Blaydz facility to collect what they had still owed her, plus apparently whatever else had caught Von Ion's interest.
Such as Torgu Rhottah's limbs, which were now in the bottom rearmost crate along with some other bits of random loot that had caught the warbot's eye.
Eh, Torgu might live if his surviving flunkies got him to a medical facility in time. If not, Hooker supposed that the young Hazmor Blaydz would just have to step more fully into his mentor's shoes as the new CEO of Rhottah-Blaydz.
It wasn't that she was adverse to killing as such. She had done assassinations before after all, when she was paid for it, and sometimes the only way past mooks during other missions was to just kill them and be done with it.
Victor Von Ion hadn't even been particularly cruel or personal about the slaughter either, as he had pretty much just gone straight in, made his point, took what he wanted, and left. The only person who had suffered egregious injuries (that were questionably survivable) had been Torgu himself, with the rest of whoever had tried to stop the warbot having been either killed outright or just incapacitated enough to no longer be an issue.
"I didn't feel like wasting time," Von Ion explained. "While I don't have an actual deadline as such, my employer would prefer results sooner rather than later."
"So what's with the limbs then?"
"I don't like employers that renege on their promises. My boss always delivers on his end of any deal he makes. Sure, he might twist things a little or even a lot, but he always delivers.
Hooker wasn't too sure that the so-called mysterious Boss that Von Ion worked for actually stood up to the picture the warbot was presenting of him. It wasn't really any secret that Victor Von Ion had been a BlargTech robot before he became independent, and scuttlebutt was that the warbot was still working for Chairman Drek.
Then again, even warbots could have friends, so Von Ion's view of Drek might be a bit biased compared to everyone else's view of BlargTech's CEO.
She decided that she'd have to be careful on this new job, no matter how much she liked the idea of working with Shiv Helix again. Best to keep an exit strategy in mind in case things went south in a hurry.
So, pretty much business as usual for Hooker.
Again.
Dammit…
O o O o O
Location: Silver Star, Hyperspace heading from Kerwan to Pokitaru, Solana Galaxy
Time: 9:00 AM, Monday
"Okay, we've transitioned into hyperspace, so we should be good until we reach Pokitaru," Axel announced as he secured the helm controls and got up to stretch. "It'll be a couple of hours til then, so I'm free to talk if you have any questions."
"You mentioned Fastoontowns," Widget started as she followed Axel back towards the galley area. "Is Fastoon the Lombax home world or just a major country from there?"
"It's our home world, kid. It's where the Lombaxes originated from."
"So Fastoontowns are named after the planet," Clank observed. "Does this mean that Lombaxes had a monoculture?"
"Hah!" Axel barked out a laugh as he fetched a bottle of… something… from the fridge and popped it open. "Good question, kid, but the answer's a bit muddled. Like with just about any other sophont race you might encounter in this wide and wonderful universe, we had nations, subcultures and countercultures within those nations, and a bunch of independents not really aligned with anybody but their friends and associates. And, like nearly everyone else, once the big powers made it into space, things started to blend together as we started encountering our neighbors in the Polaris Galaxy."
Taking a swig from the bottle, Axel continued. "Then the Cragmites found us, and the war with them pretty much finished pushing us together and dissolving what national differences we had remaining, and the Council formed from what remained of those to guide our research and war efforts. There's probably a whole lot of important people and events in this bit of history, but I didn't really pay much attention to the news as a kid, and the war was over by the time I grew up. All I knew was that we had won, and the Cragmites were either gone or the next best thing."
Axel took another, much longer pull from the bottle. "Shows what a dumb punk I was back then…"
"Should you be drinking?" Clank asked in concern.
"It's just Quantum Quola, kid. No alcohol. Just a bunch of carbonated sugar, caffeine, and enough artificial flavorings and preservatives to probably be a bad idea for other reasons, but nothing that can affect my judgment if that's what you're worried about." So saying, he offered the bottle to Clank so that the little bot could examine it.
"Sir, according to the list of ingredients, this beverage contains point zero two percent gelatonium and trace amounts of decimite crystals!" Clank announced in alarm as he read the label. "This isn't a beverage, this is an emergency short range fuel supply!"
"Nope, it's a beverage," Axel denied. "The gelatonium and decimite just give it that extra kick!"
"The sugar, caffeine, and dubious amounts of vitamin B give it the 'extra kick' you speak of. All the gelatonium and decimite do is possibly make this beverage suitable for consumption by robots and vehicles. And the combination is not particularly healthy for either category over the long term! The potential side effects alone..."
"I am aware of the risks involved," Axel stated as he reached over and took back his bottle of Quantum Quola. "They're my risks to take, and I get my system flushed of all toxins on a biannual basis during my medical check-ups, so accumulation is not a factor. Besides, I've been drinking Quantum Quola since I was a kid with no ill effects."
"Although I doubt that regularly imbibing a beverage with those particular preservatives is healthy for a Lombax, as long as you keep such consumption intermittent, with suitable cleansing beverages between bottles, you should be fine," Clank conceded.
Widget chose not to comment on the fact that, when she had prepared her meal earlier, she had noted that roughly eighty percent of the potable beverages in the galley's fridge were bottles of Quantum Quola. If the guy had to have a vice, at least it was a relatively harmless one that wouldn't endanger other people. She herself had managed to drink a couple of mouthfuls once as a kid and had pretty much spent the rest of the day bouncing off the walls, resulting in Grim telling her that she wasn't allowed to drink it anymore.
Which, in light of Clank's panic attack, was probably a wise decision on her father's part, and she was glad that she had respected his wishes. Granted, about ninety percent of that compliance probably had more to do with the fact that she hadn't really cared for the taste of sun warmed Quola, but still…
"We're getting sidetracked here," Widget pointed out, cutting off further protests from her brother for the time being. "So, I guess the take-away from what you just said is that I shouldn't judge other Lombaxes based on having met just two so far…"
"Pretty much, yeah," Axel nodded, took another swig, and then stood up and set his drink on the galley counter. "Now, as we only have a few hours until we drop out of hyperspace, I think we should concentrate on some vital lessons that you seemed to have missed so far…"
"Oh? Like what?" Widget asked as Axel reached into a cupboard to grab something.
"How to cook food that actually tastes good instead of just being edible," Axel stated bluntly as he handed her a skillet.
Widget was torn between glaring at Axel or her brother, who was chuckling at her being called out on her rudimentary cooking skills…
"I made breakfast. Want some?"
The Quantum Quola comercial jingle:
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
It's the cola for makin' you proud.
Take another sip and be one of the crowd!
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
Get to the store and take all you can carry!
We got the flavors - teal, blue, and sherry.
You belong with Quantum Quola!
Come along!
You belong.
Feel the fizz of Quantum Quola!
It's endorsed by Quetzalcoatl!
Come along with Quantum Quola!
You belong with Quantum Quola!
Last edited:
- Location
- Argentina
This is why you start with food that actually doesn't need cooking first, like sandwiches.
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Widget: "So, I've been meaning to ask: Why do people like sandwiches so much? I've tried to make them myself, but I can never find the right amount of sand to use to not leave the sandwich too gritty..."
Grim: "Widget! Stop trolling the audience! You know darn well how to make a sandwich!"
Felton: "Use fresh beach sand! It's the best!"
Grim: "Felton! Stop helping my daughter troll people!"
Grim: "Widget! Stop trolling the audience! You know darn well how to make a sandwich!"
Felton: "Use fresh beach sand! It's the best!"
Grim: "Felton! Stop helping my daughter troll people!"