In a universe where a white Lombax arrived on Veldin, and Captain Qwark is at least somewhat more competent and less self-aggrandizing than his dimensional counterparts usually are, join Widget as she and Clank set out on their first grand adventure as the newest members of the Galactic Rangers!
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop (Ratchet & Clank AU)
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Inspired by the previews I (finally) saw for Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart, and a long conversation I had with Tatsurou Kaos over in Fim:Fiction.
It should be a given that this is an AU of the Ratchet & Clank setting, following an analogue of the new female Lombax in Ratchet's place in this particular universe. Which is sort of a merger between the original and reimagined timelines, with some other variations and fun stuff tossed in as well.
For one thing, Captain Copernicus Leslie Qwark is somewhat more competent and at least a little bit less of a self-aggrandizing, narcissistic asshole than most of his other dimensional counterparts, and at a minimum, at least as competent as the version of him that appeared in the 2016 movie. Meaning that, rather than having been driven into supervillainy and madness by Qwark's behavior towards him, Dr. Nefarious is still a member of the Galactic Rangers!
For now, any way.
Some story beats are going to remain the same, while others are going to be very different. So sit back, take a gander, and hopefully enjoy the show!
WIDGET & CLANK
Lombax Bebop
Written by Tangent
Prereading and editing assistance by Taturou Kaos
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Planet Veldin, Solana Galaxy.
Time: 11:52 AM, Tuesday...
Not for the first time, Widget reflected on how grateful she was that she had such light colored fur as she scavenged for parts under the hot summer sun as it beat mercilessly down on the Kyzil Plateau. Light fur meant she could use less water to keep cool while also remaining more active during the time of the day when most of her rival 'salvage rats' had to conserve their energy or risk overheating. Not that she and the other scavengers actually fought over the parts they found all that often.
Okay, maybe once or twice…
Possibly a few more times than that…
Certainly not more than a dozen times, if even that much!
This year, anyway.
And not much at all since Grim helped her get her salvager's license!
Honestly, getting caught trying to steal from the scrapyard behind Grimroth's Garage was the best thing that ever happened to her. Sure, she had resented being placed under his watchful eye at first after being sentenced to community service and remanded to his care, but three squares a day, a safe place to sleep, and what he had taught her over the past couple of years?
That meant a lot.
It really did.
Case in point was when, after making sure she had legal protections as a licensed salvager, he also pointed out the natural advantages she had over the few salvage rats who couldn't care less if the law was now on her side.
Which basically amounted to the fact that she was comfortable under the sun during the hottest parts of the day when all the worst offenders were trying to beat the heat under whatever shade they could find. During the summer, that meant two to three hours of safe salvaging before she would return to her other job at Grim's place.
She had also learned what a lot of the parts she brought in were actually for, and how much they were really worth once fixed up! Oh, and definitely how to fix them up properly before she turned them in, so she could get the best price!
And Grim even let her use part of his lot to build her own ship from the parts she didn't turn in! How cool was that?
Sure, it was small. Basically a compact two-seat snub-fighter that might make it to the next system over before needing refueling. Assuming she managed to find a robotic ignition system.
Which, looking at the time, didn't look likely to happen today either.
Little Tony would be active soon, and if she wanted to avoid the horrifically misnamed Cazar, she had best beat feat back to the garage.
Little Tony had gotten intolerable ever since he found that stupid sword with the extending blade and the searchlight in its crossguard…
"You okay Widget?" Grimroth Razz asked as his charge limped back in, scuffed up and empty handed from yet another fight.
"I swear, if Little Tony calls me a 'Thunderbrat ho' just one more time, I… I… I don't know what I'll do! Probably something horrible! Preferably to him!"
"This is the second time this month he's caught you out," Grimroth stated as he looked her over. "You need some way to defend yourself if you insist on going out salvaging, no matter what time of day it is."
"I think he has it out for me!"
"That, or he has a crush."
"WHAT!?"
"Kid, he's a Cazar, and apparently a throwback example of one at that. Battle is how they prove themselves to potential mates, and you used to beat him up pretty badly before he hit his growth spurt. He probably has the hots for you."
"HE TRIED TO STAB ME WITH THAT STUPID SWORD HE FOUND LAST MONTH!"
"Okay, maybe he just wants to kill you. I give it fifty-fifty odds either way."
"One: Ew. Two: Also ew. I don't suppose the parts we need to fix Mr. Micron's ejector seat came in today? I could use some work that I can actually get a sense of accomplishment from."
"Dropped off not more than an hour ago. I only opened the crate to make sure they sent the right parts this time. I figured you might need some stress relief."
"Thank's, Grim! You're the best!"
"When you're done, come into my office. I got a couple of things for you that I think you'll like."
"Sure thing, Grim!" And with that, the white furred Lombax turned her attention to finally fixing Mr. Micron's ejector seat...
"So, what'cha got for me?" Widget asked as she walked into Grimroth's office.
"Couple of things, as I said. First is this," the large Fongoid stated as he tossed a glove to his charge.
"And this is?"
"A bomb glove. I know it's not much, especially compared to similar weapons available these days, but it'll give you some range and maybe discourage some of the troublemakers. I got some targets and dummies out back so you can get used to using it. First couple of reloads are prepaid, but after that, you're on your own."
"Thanks, Grim!" Widget's grin from her gift practically lit up the room. "What's the other thing?"
"Something my brother, Felton, sent me. I can't believe he actually found one on Poketaru," Grim said as he reached behind his desk and pulled out an object to hand to Widget.
"It's a hammer."
"A mallet, actually," Grim corrected. "Specifically a Lombax Omnimallet. I know Lombaxes usually go for Omniwrenches as far as versitools go, but an Omnimallet aint a bad find either. Felton thought that you might like it, so he sent it over."
"Wow…" Widget held her new mallet and looked it over with reverence…
She was going to hit so many things with it!
"Are you sure you wouldn't like a mag booster installed, Mr. Micron?" Widget asked the elderly Tharpod as he looked over the ship he had brought in for service. She had fixed the ejector seat the other day, and had been resisting the urge to try to make improvements or add features. And, to be honest, had Mr. Micron been even a day later picking his ship up, she probably would have gone ahead and installed it anyway. "It really wouldn't be any trouble to install it. You have space for one under the cockpit…"
"No, thank you," Mr. Micron waived off the eager young Lombax. "And thank you for not going ahead and installing it anyway. I know how hard it can be for you Lombaxes to leave a machine well enough alone without trying to modify it somehow."
"People keep saying that," Widget stated in an annoyed tone, "but I've never even seen another Lombax in anything but old holovid records. Nobody I've ever asked seems to know where they are now, or if I'm the only one left."
"Eh, I'm sure they're still around somewhere, Wingding…"
"It's Widget."
"Point is, Lombaxes are kind of hard to kill. A bit like the Cazar, in some respects at least. I really doubt that you're the last one. Maybe the only one around here, but hardly the last, I would think."
"Well, thanks for that, at least," the young Lombax said, taking comfort in the reassurance that she was probably not the last of her race.
"Anytime, Gidget!"
"IT'S WIDGET! WID-GET! Double-yu, aye, dee, gee, ee, tee! WIDGET! It's on my paperwork and everything! OW!" The aggravated Lombax rubbed her head from where Mr. Micron had whapped it with his cane.
"I'm not deaf, you know."
"Could have fooled me… OW! Stop that!"
"Hey, Grim," Widget called out as she reentered the hangar, still rubbing her sore head.
"Yeah, Widget?"
"Any chance I can install the mag booster I found in my ship?"
"Sure, why not," Grimroth shrugged noncommittally. "Just keep in mind that each new system you try to cram into that thing is going to take space away from something else. You might want to do a complete teardown and rebuild the whole thing larger from the ground up."
"Eh, maybe. I just want to try it out. I can't even clear the gravity well without a robotic ignition system anyway, so it's not like I can go far."
"Then what do ya need the mag booster for then?"
"I was thinking that I could go out farther into the wastes, turn the thing on, and haul back whatever I pick up."
"In that thing? Widget, you'll be lucky if you don't pull your own ship right out of the sky if you try something like that."
"Maybe we could do some calibration and testing with the scrap in your yard first?"
"Sure, I can help you out with that once you've got the thing installed, but I'm telling you that you're more likely to end up pulling yourself down rather than picking anything up. Where're ya going to put it?"
"I was thinking under the cockpit? Swap out the launcher, since I don't have missiles for it anyway."
"Oh thank god…" Grimroth mumbled under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said good idea!"
"Uhuh," Widget responded, not quite believing him.
"Anyway, I got something you may be interested in."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, some bot fresh off a ship dropped off a lot of flyers at the town hall. Here, take a look." With that, the large Fongoid handed over a flyer.
"The Galactic Rangers are going to be holding tryouts here!? On Veldin!?"
"That's what it says, alright. I figure I can leave you off the schedule for the day and you can go over and see what you can do. Should be fun, and at least you can say that you tried, even if you don't make it in."
"I'll pass whatever course they set up with flying colors! You'll see!"
"I bet I will, kid, but even if you do, you might still get rejected for whatever reason."
"What? Why?"
"Any number of reasons, really, but the big one that might hold you back is your juvie record. You've been keeping your nose clean for the most part since you came under my care, so they might take that into account and give you a chance anyway. All I'm saying is don't be surprised if they bring it up, okay?"
"I guess…" Widget grumbled, then perked up. "Hey, can I log onto the holonet for a few hours?"
"Sure, I guess. I'm still not unlocking the parental controls though."
"Whatever. That shouldn't affect my research anyway."
"What do you want to look up?"
"I was thinking that it wouldn't hurt to try to find out what kind of new recruit the Rangers are looking for."
"Knock yourself out, kid. Just don't forget to head off for bed before it gets too late. You still have a shift tomorrow, after all."
"Fine, whatever!" Widget rolled her eyes as she started to head for Grim's office to use his terminal. "And thanks, Grim! You're the best!"
Grimroth Razz climbed into Widget's custom built pod-fighter for the first time and settled into the passenger seat beside her. "Kind of surprised you went with such a large cockpit, what with how tight space is for everything else you crammed into this thing."
"Well, it's mostly a testbed vehicle to see if I can get things up and running, Grim," the white Lombax said distractedly as she double checked her tiny ship's instruments and adjusted some settings to account for her passenger's mass. "If I ever do get a robotic ignition system, I probably will go ahead and strip this one for parts and build something a bit bigger, but until then I figured I'd use this one for systems tests, passenger runs, and I guess towing now. Assuming the Mag Boosters work like I think they will."
"Heh. Lots of plans in that furry white head of yours, Widget," the large Fongoid chuckled.
"Well, considering that I've yet to come across a wreck that hasn't already had its robotic ignition system ripped out or ruined, my best bet for getting one is to order one myself. Which is a lot more bolts I gotta earn somehow. I mean, salvage and garage work is okay, don't get me wrong, but if I want to raise enough bolts for one of those any time soon, then I need a force multiplier." Widget patted the control console. "And this baby is going to do just that!"
"If the mag booster works right," Grimroth reminded her. "And if the weight of the scrap you try to pick up with it doesn't pull you out of the sky."
"It'll be fine," Widget assured her mentor. "You'll see…"
"Huh. Surprisingly comfortable rise for a first time build," Grimroth commented as he watched the ground slowly drop beneath them.
"I don't know why you're surprised, Grim, given that you helped me calibrate everything."
"Doesn't change the fact that this is a first-time build, Widget. Now ease on over the eastern scrap piiiIIIIIIEEEEE!!!" Grimroth screamed as the tiny pod-fighter zipped out from over his scrapyard, towards and then into the colony proper.
"Whoa! Thrust control's a bit more sensitive than I thought!" Widget banked hard right, then immediately hard left, followed by a dip and a rise as she dodged both buildings and traffic. Even so, they heard a small thump before the tiny ship cleared the city and flew out over the Kyzil Plateau. "Eh, I was getting tired of looking at that billboard anyway…"
"SLOW DOWN!"
"How? My foot is barely touching the pedal as it is!"
"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"
"You worry too much!"
"I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND OUT HOW LANCE WILL REACT TO DISCOVERING THAT HIS EVIL TWIN IS STALKING JANICE!"
"Seriously!? Grim, that show's going to rot your mind. You should watch something more cultured and mentally stimulating. Like Annihilation Nation."
"Where have you been watching that?" Grimroth asked, shocked out of his mind-numbing terror even as the colony disappeared over the horizon behind them. "I know I left the filter settings locked on my holonet terminal."
"Gogo managed to find a terminal on one of her runs, and I helped her get it working again."
"She's six years younger than you!"
"And ten times more bloody minded, just going by her holovid game history. She's Kylyuded1147 if you want to check out her streams."
"I'm going to have to talk with her folks."
"Just so you know, Bogot is Kylyuded1144, and Brenda is Crushubad1337."
"Of course they are," Grim sighed. "Forgot they worked at the Agorian Battleplex back in Polaris for a while. And we're finally slowing down."
"I took my foot completely off the pedal. This area looks safe enough, so I'm just going to land and we can take a look at the accelerator and find out what went wrong."
"Fine by me. Where are we, anyway?"
"Um… According to the nav system, we're currently in F Sector, by the old raritanium mine."
"Nope! Not landing here! Keep going!"
"We keep going much farther and we'll end up over the Tygil Sea instead."
"I don't care! It'll still be safer than setting down in F Sector!"
"If you insist…"
And with that, the tiny pod-fighter shot off once again.
"Widget!" Grimroth called out as he banged on the door of the smaller hangar his charge was living in. "You up yet? The fairgrounds will be opening up soon! Didn't you want to get an earl… Oof!"
"Sorry, Grim!" Widget called out as she dashed from the now open door of her hangar and into the rear door of the larger one as she awkwardly tried to put her vest on while carrying everything else she needed. "Gotta run!"
"WIDGET!"
"WHAT!?"
"PANTS!"
"DAMMIT! I don't have time for this! I want a good spot when the Rangers show up!" Nevertheless, the partially dressed Lombax ran back to her hangar to finish getting dressed (picking up a few articles she had accidentally dropped during the scramble on the way out).
"I swear that girl is going to be the death of me one of these days," Grimroth chuckled under his breath.
"I HEARD THAT!" Widget called out through her still open bay door as she struggled into her pants as fast as she could, shoved her feet into her boots, pulled on her bomb glove, slung her mallet onto her back, and grabbed her scarf.
"Don't forget to double check your ammo!" Grimroth called out as the white Lombax ran by him again.
"I did that last night!" Widget yelled back, nevertheless sparing a quick glance at her glove's ammo count even as she still ran. It was, of course, still reading full at forty grenades, as she had in fact double checked last night. And the safety was still on. Weapons, clothes, and it was still early, so she was in good cheer as she ran out the front of Grimroth's Garage and made her way to the fairgrounds with plenty of time to spare.
As her stomach grumbled, Widget wondered if any of the vendors were set up yet so she could grab a quick bite before the big event kicked off…
Back in a certain small hangar, Grimroth chuckled as he turned to close Widget's door. Then he spotted something on the floor by her bed.
"Huh. I guess she's going commando today." Given that the only other things left out were some tools, with everything else either stowed away properly or in the hamper, he figured that this was a reasonable assumption to make. "I wonder how long it'll take her to notice?"
Still chuckling as he shut Widget's bay door, he went to the larger hangar to close up and make sure everything was secure before heading to the bazar to look for gravity coils.
After scarfing down a quick breakfast of highly dubious nutritional value she purchased from a vendor, Widget finally approached the section of the fairgrounds that had been set aside for the tryouts.
"Greetings, Cadets!" a highly stylized bot whose upper body was shaped to resemble Captain Qwark called out. "Welcome to the Galactic Rangers Recruitment Event! Please step onto the scan-plate and take a tag if you wish to participate, otherwise go right in and enjoy the show!"
Widget did as instructed, stepping onto the glowing blue plate as it lit up.
"I see that you are a healthy… Lombax! And that you have a fully loaded bomb glove with the safety on, and a mallet! Are these the weapons you have chosen to use for the event?"
"Ah, yes! Yes they are!"
"Excellent! If you check your tag, you will see that you are to be the first through gate five after the opening presentation is completed! Please proceed to the candidate staging area by the… stage! And wait for the opening presentation to start!"
"Will do!" Widget called out merrily, already on her way.
"Good luck, future Ranger!" the bot called back before turning back to watch for any more potential applicants.
"Hey, Gogo!" Widget called out as she spotted her friend among the small but still growing crowd of contestants waiting before the stage. "Aren't you a little young to be participating in something like this?"
"Why yes. Yes I am," the underaged Terachnoid agreed.
"But you came anyway, I see."
"But of course! I mean, the odds of them actually taking me in at my current stage of development are something like on the order of twenty septillion to one, but Doctor Nefarious is going to be here, and he always makes a point to talk with the smart and clever applicants, even if they don't make the cut! Why would I pass up an opportunity like that?"
"An opportunity to do what? Ask for advice, an autograph, to show off, or to punch him in the gut?"
"Why limit myself? I plan to do all four!"
"Do your folks know that you're here?"
"Who do you think brought me here? You don't think I made it all the way across town on my little legs this early, do you?"
"Well well well!" An unwelcome voice announced himself as tall Cazar built like a brick outhouse approached the pair. "If it isn't Brain Drain and the Thunderbrat!"
"Hello, Little Tony. And goodbye, Little Tony," Widget said in irritation as she glared at the bane of her existence for the past year. He had been so much easier to tolerate before his growth spurt and hormones had kicked in.
"Ah, don't be like that, Widget! You're looking at the next rising star of the Galactic Rangers, guaranteed! Babes like you will be fighting each other off for the chance to get up close and personal with these guns!" With that, Little Tony went through a series of bodybuilder poses, being sure to flex his arms in order to best showcase his building muscles.
Widget palmed her face in exasperation. "Oh God, Grim was right. You do think you're flirting!"
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm in the top… one, two… Grape consent of desirable body types for a Cazar! A hot thing like you should be grateful to catch my eye!"
"That's great, Little Tony," Widget commented in dry tones that indicated that she thought it was anything but great. "It really is. Now all you need is a personality transplant and you'll be all set!"
"You really think so?" the giant Cazar asked, taken aback for a moment before scowling at Widget. "Hey! Are you making fun of me again?"
"Of course not! What reason could I possibly have for making fun of you? I mean, just last week you finally learned how to count past tree!"
"That's right!" Little Tony beamed. "Wait, is tree a number? I thought it was a plant…"
Gogo grabbed Widget's hand and started pulling at her. "Quick, while he's confused, let's go over to the other side of the crowd!"
"Not that there's any rush," Widget commented idly even as she let herself be dragged along. "It's going to take him a while to figure that one out."
"Regardless, while you were distracting him, I got a good look at his tag. He's going to be the first out through gate three. I've got second out of gate seven, just after Otto Motov, so I'm assuming that course is set up to test intelligence and cleverness, while course three is probably a combat course. What number did you get?"
"I'm going to be the first at gate five."
"Probably agility, and maybe some combat or cleverness then. Good luck!"
"You too, Gogo! And I hope you have fun!"
"Oh, I will," Gogo chuckled, maniacally, "I surely will! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" And with that, the young Terachnoid wandered off after roving vendor.
"Nice kid," Widget commented to herself. "Creepy as hell, and possibly a future supervillain, but still…" Shrugging, she turned her attention back to the stage and waited for the show to start.
"Good showing," Captain Qwark commented as he took a quick peek out at the crowd.
"Isn't it always, Captain?" Brax asked.
"You'd think so, but no. We sometimes have off years, or pick a planet where it turns out we aren't very popular with the locals for whatever reason."
"Most often due to heavy collateral damage from a recent mission, if memory serves," Dr. Nefarious pointed out dryly.
"You might be onto something, Doc," Qwark agreed amiably. While he and Nefarious didn't always see eye to eye, he did hire the supergenius for a reason and the two were sort of friends after all this time.
"Hey, um… Captain?" a female voice cut in hesitantly.
"Speak more confidently, Elaris," Dr. Nefarious advised his new assistant. "If you saw something, you need to speak clearly to break through to Captain Ego here."
Captain Qwark coughed into his fist, muttering something about the color of kettles and pots before speaking louder. "All kidding aside, what did you need our attention for?"
"We got some potential problems among the applicants. Nothing too serious, mostly juvenile stuff, but they still raised red flags in the system."
"Might not be too bad," Cora stated. "After all, you guys took me and Brax in, and we both had our fair share of minor incidents and misadventures before we signed on."
"Yeah," Brax agreed. "How bad could it be? This is Veldin we're talking about here! Not much going on here but rocks, sand, more sand, rocks, even more sand, and maybe some wrecks that haven't been fully picked over yet."
"Well, going in alphabetical order, there's Gogo Nuetronic, an underaged Terachnoid with noted antiauthoritarian tendencies. But that may just be from frustration from the lack of local education opportunities."
"If she does well enough, I'll see about sponsoring her for some advanced classes," Dr. Nefarious commented, slightly intrigued. "If that calms her down then we can see about recruiting her when she's older."
"Then there's 'Little' Tony…"
"That's his name?" Cora asked.
"That's all that's listed on his records," Elaris elaborated. "Anyway, he's been in and out of juvie for theft, violent behavior, reckless endangerment, and shoplifting."
"Uh…" Brax held up a finger. "Wouldn't that fall under theft?"
"You'd think so, but apparently he actually picked up a shop at one point. He's also suspected of abusing Cazar Growth Hormone supplements, but they haven't been able to prove anything conclusively since Cazars sometimes produce metas."
"Hmmm…" Qwark put a hand to his chin. "More problematic than Gogo, but he might just need some direction in his life. We'll have to see how he does in the obstacle course and the interview first of course. Not everyone is suited for hero work, and he might be a better fit for the Star Guard or the Sonic Seven."
"The Sonic Six, you mean," Dr. Nefarious corrected. "Their newest member, Ace Hardlight, went missing, but it doesn't seem like the rest of his team is looking very hard, so he probably just left on bad terms since their latest fiasco."
"And that's why I hired a supergenius like Dr. Nefarious!" Qwark announced jovially. "His advanced planning and logistical skills have severely cut down on our unanticipated collateral damage since he joined!"
"I try," Dr. Nefarious grinned briefly, pretending to examine the back of his hand. "Anyway, do go on, Elaris."
"Alright. Anyway, the last one is Widget Razz, another one with a juvie record, although not nearly as bad of one as Little Tony's. Says here that she's currently serving out a sentence of community service, with Grimroth Razz as her assigned guardian, and that she's mostly kept her nose clean since then barring some fights. But those look like cases of self defense. There was one moving violation recorded last week, but that was deemed to be accidental due to a miscalibrated acceleration system, so no additional charges were added."
"So a Terachnoid, a Cazar, and a..?" Cora prompted.
"Oh! She's apparently something called a Lombax, another race of sophonts originally from the Polaris Galaxy. I've never seen one in person myself, but they are apparently very similar to the Cazar. Sort of."
"Supposedly most of them either went back to Polaris to fight against Emperor Tachyon, or they went into hiding when they lost the war," Dr. Nefarious exposited. "They were also among the more technologically advanced races from Polaris, despite the Terachnoids being arguably more intelligent by an order of magnitude. She could either be an invaluable recruit or trouble we shouldn't touch with an eleven and a half kilometer pole."
"I like the sound of her already!" Qwark announced.
"You would!" Dr. Nefarious snarked.
"Alright, alright," Cora interrupted them. "It's almost time for the Captain's big speech, so let's just keep an eye on the potentials, see what happens, and go from there."
The gathered crowd of spectators and applicants grew silent as the time for the opening presentation drew near. Would Captain Qwark be the one speaking? Or Dr. Nefarious? Or maybe Brax or Cora? Or would they have all gotten called off to some emergency like had happened three years ago over on Oltanis? Which was hilarious in hindsight, as the Galactic Rangers had left some bots behind to run things and apparently a few of them hadn't been properly hardened against electromagnetic disruption.
Not that continuous thunderstorms were a thing that happened on Veldin, but still…
Widget's train of thought was disrupted when the onstage holodisplay platform switched over from a rotating Galactic Rangers logo to Captain Qwark's personal logo. It was him! It was really going to be him! It was…
"Ladies and Gentlemen! The Savior of Solana! CAPTAIN QWARK!" Even as the announcer spoke, the Captain himself rose out of the stage in the middle of his own logo, doing a brief pose with a devil-may-care smile before flipping off of the platform onto the stage proper as fireworks lit off behind him!
"Hello, Veldin!" Qwark greeted everyone as he jogged closer to the leading edge of the stage.
"Hello, Captain!" Widget yelled back with an amateurish salute. She knew that she probably wasn't the only sophont present to do so, but in her mind she could easily imagine that the two of them were personally speaking only to each other.
"My name is Copernicus Qwark, and yes, that was an impressive wall of fire I just walked through." Illustrating this point, Cora Veralux, the youngest Ranger to have ever been recruited, walked out with an extinguisher and put out the small fire on the captain's back before walking back to rejoin her fellow Rangers as they took their place on stage in the background. Putting a leg up on a footstool that had been slid from the other side of the stage apparently just for this moment, Quark rested one arm on his now elevated knee and spoke in a lowered (but still amplified) tone. "I'm going to be real with you folks for a moment. When President Phyronix recommended I take on a new Ranger, I knew just where to go. That's right, we want YOU!"
Widget ignored the fact that the Captain's pointing hand was wandering back and forth over the crowd, being as general as possible, instead grinning like a loon with the feeling that he was speaking directly to her and her alone. "Yeah-hah!"
"I know what you're thinking," Captain Qwark continued to speak as he now walked back and forth across the length of the stage. "Do I have what it takes? After all, you may not have single handedly stopped the light eating Z'Grute from terrorizing Luminopolis! You may not have stopped Neftin Prog from rendering the entire population of Aridia color blind! Twice! After all, you may not have this chiseled jaw or god-like pectoral region…"
"I do!" Widget heard Little Tony yell out from somewhere off to her left, much to her annoyance. "I have both of those! I'm a shoe in!"
"We'll see, Citizen!" Qwark jovially waved Little Tony's interruption off, then continued on as if he hadn't been interrupted. "But if you have heart, then you've got what it takes! Now check your tags and head for your assigned gates as we get these tryouts started! Oh, and nonparticipating audience members can make their way to the hoverbleachers located conveniently by the main entrance."
"Out of my way, Thunderbrat! I'm supposed to be the first one through this gate!"
"This is Gate Five, Little Tony," Widget said in exasperation. "Gate Three is over that way. On the other side of Gate Four."
"I knew that! I was just…" the frustrated giant of a Cazar sought for some witty comeback. "I was just testing you! Yeah, that was it!" And with that, he stomped off towards the correct gate.
Widget looked at the other people waiting by Gate Five (a couple of other Cazar who seemed to be embarrassed to be the same race as Little Tony, a few Tharpods, and a Markazian), and they all shrugged before going back to waiting for their gate to open…
All in all, Widget was having a blast with Course Five. There wasn't anything in it that she hadn't done in one form or another while living on Veldin. Basically climbing, jumping over, or ducking under various obstacles, getting by sections guarded by bots either by stealth or combat as directed, and occasionally pausing to repair something, sabotage something else, or aid a simulated citizen in distress (played by a bot in a dress).
So far, Widget was feeling really good about her performance and figured that she'd at least make it as far as the interview stage…
"I'd like to make an announcement!" an all too familiar voice of a certain underaged Terachnoid spoke out over the fairground speakers.
"Oh no, Gogo…" Widget groaned to herself, stopping in her tracks and palming her face in frustration. "Not in the middle of the tryouts!"
"I just learned today that Little Tony finally learned how to count past tree last week, so let's give him a big round of applause for this prestigious achievement!" There was a pause, during which the entire fairground was silent. "I would also like to take this moment to point out to Little Tony that a tree is in fact a plant and not a number. That is all."
"Yep, she's going to be a supervillain when she grows up," Widget commented to herself again. "I just know it."
Little Tony's response of "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" was heard being yelled over the continuing silence from a couple of lanes away, followed by a crash that was obviously the big Cazar beating down a section of the barrier between course three and four.
"And here we go." Turning back, Widget jogged over to where she expected Little Tony to break through the next barrier. Sure enough, the big lug burst through the obviously not reinforced enough wall between lanes four and five, stumbling for a moment before shaking his head clear and gathering his bearings for the next charge.
"I can't let you go any farther, Little Tony," Widget stated firmly, stepping in front of the giant Cazar.
"Out of my way, Thunderbrat! My beef is with Brain Drain!"
"And what are you going to do once you get to her?"
"Oh, I'm not going to hurt her or nothing. I'm just going to rip off her tiny little arms and shove them up her smarmy little mouth until she can pet those extra brains she's so proud of! Now get outa my way, before I knock you down myself!"
"Yeah, about that…" Without any further warning, Widget kicked Little Tony as hard as she could between his legs and took off running further down Course Five as if her life depended on it!
Which, judging by the scream of pain and rage behind her, it probably did.
The Galactic Rangers were already in motion from the moment Little Tony had started beating down the first barrier. Qwark and Cora were moving to attempt to intercept the oversized Cazar, while Dr, Nefarious and Brax were moving directly to Gogo's current position to get the hyperintelliget idiot out of harm's way, with Elaris staying back to watch the monitors and advise the teams of any changes they needed to make to get to where they needed to be.
"Captain, Cora, be advised that Little Tony is now chasing Widgit Razz down Course Five. I think she's trying to lead him straight to where we're supposed to be."
"Copy that, Elaris," Captain Qwark acknowledged. "We'll just have to get back there first!"
"Also be advised that Little Tony is now really really mad at Widget. I'm not sure, but I think she just kicked him directly between his legs. It was either there or his upper thighs."
All the other Rangers winced in sympathetic pain before continuing on towards their respective goals.
Widget cleared the second hovering platform to the other side of the gap, then spun around and whacked it in the side as hard as she could with her Omnimallet, sending the platform off of it's programmed path.
"Hey, I'm sure we can talk this out real peaceful like," she tried to placate the big Cazar as he slid to a stop before the gap.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Little Tony roared, looking around until he saw a nearby light pole and went over to start trying to rip it out of the ground to use as a bridge. With a few grunts and a couple of heaves, the pole started to come loose from the ground.
"Oh shit, he's actually doing it…" Widget turned and started running as fast as she could again, the thud of the pole hitting her side of the gap following all too soon afterwards. "This was a really bad idea!"
Running tight past some stacked boxes in one area, then hopping over and sliding under flame spewing bots in another, Widget could hear the thunder of her own heart as she raced for her life, because Little Tony wasn't stopping for anything!
Something easily as large as Little Tony suddenly stepped in front of Widget and she ducked down and slid between its legs, rolling to her feet on the other side, only to end up being grabbed and pulled in another direction by…
"Cora Veralux?"
"Yep, that's me!" the Ranger informed the panting Lombax.
"Then that must be…"
There was a thud as one massive object was stopped in its tracks by another massive object.
"Stop right there, Evil Doer!" Captain Qwark commanded firmly as if he hadn't felt Little Tony running full tilt into him at all.
"In full, high definition color, yes." Cora continued.
"RAGH!" Little Tony roared in Captain Qwark's face.
"I think that'll be enough out of you today, Little Tony." And with that, Captain Qwark one-punched the giant Cazar right into sweet sweet unconsciousness.
"My heroes," Widget panted gratefully. Then fainted dead away.
When Widget finally came to, the first thing she noticed was the fabric of the fairground's medical pavilion tent above her head.
"Hey, Kid," Grimroth spoke from the seat beside the cot she was on. "You gave us a bit of a scare for a moment there. We thought Little Tony might have gotten a hit on you after all, but Doc Nefarious says that you just had an adrenalin crash. Still took years offa my life with that stunt though. What were you thinking?"
"That I couldn't let Little Tony get to Gogo, even if she did deliberately go out of her way to provoke him."
"And that attitude right there is why the others and I would like to welcome you to the Galactic Rangers!" Captain Qwark announced as he stepped into the room. "Sorry, the pavilion walls aren't really soundproof, being cloth and all, and I couldn't resist the opening."
"You mean it? I'm in?"
"Indeed you are, Widget Razz!," Qwark confirmed. "All that's left to be done is to get your guardian's permission, then both of your signatures, and we can take you straight to the Hall of Heroes on Kerwan for your official orientation and training!"
Widget looked at Grimroth Razz, the large Fongoid who had been her guardian, mentor, and even her father figure for the past few years, with hope and excitement in her eyes.
"Haha," Grimroth laughed merrily. "Don't worry, Widget, I'll sign the moment we finish going over the paperwork together. I may miss you when you're gone, but if there's one last bit of wisdom I can pass on before handing you over to another's care, it's to always go over any paperwork before signing anything. Always!"
"You're the best, Grim!" Widget quickly sat up and hugged him. "I'll miss you too. I may be a Galactic Ranger now, but Veldin will always be my home! I'll be back someday, you'll see! And I'll make you proud!"
"You already have, Widget. You already have…"
Widget Razz
Species: Lombax
Gender: Female
Age: 18 (galactic standard years) at the time of the start of the story
Note that, unlike Rivet, Widget does not have a cybernetic prosthetic arm.
Yet...
It should be a given that this is an AU of the Ratchet & Clank setting, following an analogue of the new female Lombax in Ratchet's place in this particular universe. Which is sort of a merger between the original and reimagined timelines, with some other variations and fun stuff tossed in as well.
For one thing, Captain Copernicus Leslie Qwark is somewhat more competent and at least a little bit less of a self-aggrandizing, narcissistic asshole than most of his other dimensional counterparts, and at a minimum, at least as competent as the version of him that appeared in the 2016 movie. Meaning that, rather than having been driven into supervillainy and madness by Qwark's behavior towards him, Dr. Nefarious is still a member of the Galactic Rangers!
For now, any way.
Some story beats are going to remain the same, while others are going to be very different. So sit back, take a gander, and hopefully enjoy the show!
WIDGET & CLANK
Lombax Bebop
Written by Tangent
Prereading and editing assistance by Taturou Kaos
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Planet Veldin, Solana Galaxy.
Time: 11:52 AM, Tuesday...
Not for the first time, Widget reflected on how grateful she was that she had such light colored fur as she scavenged for parts under the hot summer sun as it beat mercilessly down on the Kyzil Plateau. Light fur meant she could use less water to keep cool while also remaining more active during the time of the day when most of her rival 'salvage rats' had to conserve their energy or risk overheating. Not that she and the other scavengers actually fought over the parts they found all that often.
Okay, maybe once or twice…
Possibly a few more times than that…
Certainly not more than a dozen times, if even that much!
This year, anyway.
And not much at all since Grim helped her get her salvager's license!
Honestly, getting caught trying to steal from the scrapyard behind Grimroth's Garage was the best thing that ever happened to her. Sure, she had resented being placed under his watchful eye at first after being sentenced to community service and remanded to his care, but three squares a day, a safe place to sleep, and what he had taught her over the past couple of years?
That meant a lot.
It really did.
Case in point was when, after making sure she had legal protections as a licensed salvager, he also pointed out the natural advantages she had over the few salvage rats who couldn't care less if the law was now on her side.
Which basically amounted to the fact that she was comfortable under the sun during the hottest parts of the day when all the worst offenders were trying to beat the heat under whatever shade they could find. During the summer, that meant two to three hours of safe salvaging before she would return to her other job at Grim's place.
She had also learned what a lot of the parts she brought in were actually for, and how much they were really worth once fixed up! Oh, and definitely how to fix them up properly before she turned them in, so she could get the best price!
And Grim even let her use part of his lot to build her own ship from the parts she didn't turn in! How cool was that?
Sure, it was small. Basically a compact two-seat snub-fighter that might make it to the next system over before needing refueling. Assuming she managed to find a robotic ignition system.
Which, looking at the time, didn't look likely to happen today either.
Little Tony would be active soon, and if she wanted to avoid the horrifically misnamed Cazar, she had best beat feat back to the garage.
Little Tony had gotten intolerable ever since he found that stupid sword with the extending blade and the searchlight in its crossguard…
O o O o O
"You okay Widget?" Grimroth Razz asked as his charge limped back in, scuffed up and empty handed from yet another fight.
"I swear, if Little Tony calls me a 'Thunderbrat ho' just one more time, I… I… I don't know what I'll do! Probably something horrible! Preferably to him!"
"This is the second time this month he's caught you out," Grimroth stated as he looked her over. "You need some way to defend yourself if you insist on going out salvaging, no matter what time of day it is."
"I think he has it out for me!"
"That, or he has a crush."
"WHAT!?"
"Kid, he's a Cazar, and apparently a throwback example of one at that. Battle is how they prove themselves to potential mates, and you used to beat him up pretty badly before he hit his growth spurt. He probably has the hots for you."
"HE TRIED TO STAB ME WITH THAT STUPID SWORD HE FOUND LAST MONTH!"
"Okay, maybe he just wants to kill you. I give it fifty-fifty odds either way."
"One: Ew. Two: Also ew. I don't suppose the parts we need to fix Mr. Micron's ejector seat came in today? I could use some work that I can actually get a sense of accomplishment from."
"Dropped off not more than an hour ago. I only opened the crate to make sure they sent the right parts this time. I figured you might need some stress relief."
"Thank's, Grim! You're the best!"
"When you're done, come into my office. I got a couple of things for you that I think you'll like."
"Sure thing, Grim!" And with that, the white furred Lombax turned her attention to finally fixing Mr. Micron's ejector seat...
O o O o O
"So, what'cha got for me?" Widget asked as she walked into Grimroth's office.
"Couple of things, as I said. First is this," the large Fongoid stated as he tossed a glove to his charge.
"And this is?"
"A bomb glove. I know it's not much, especially compared to similar weapons available these days, but it'll give you some range and maybe discourage some of the troublemakers. I got some targets and dummies out back so you can get used to using it. First couple of reloads are prepaid, but after that, you're on your own."
"Thanks, Grim!" Widget's grin from her gift practically lit up the room. "What's the other thing?"
"Something my brother, Felton, sent me. I can't believe he actually found one on Poketaru," Grim said as he reached behind his desk and pulled out an object to hand to Widget.
"It's a hammer."
"A mallet, actually," Grim corrected. "Specifically a Lombax Omnimallet. I know Lombaxes usually go for Omniwrenches as far as versitools go, but an Omnimallet aint a bad find either. Felton thought that you might like it, so he sent it over."
"Wow…" Widget held her new mallet and looked it over with reverence…
She was going to hit so many things with it!
O o O o O
"Are you sure you wouldn't like a mag booster installed, Mr. Micron?" Widget asked the elderly Tharpod as he looked over the ship he had brought in for service. She had fixed the ejector seat the other day, and had been resisting the urge to try to make improvements or add features. And, to be honest, had Mr. Micron been even a day later picking his ship up, she probably would have gone ahead and installed it anyway. "It really wouldn't be any trouble to install it. You have space for one under the cockpit…"
"No, thank you," Mr. Micron waived off the eager young Lombax. "And thank you for not going ahead and installing it anyway. I know how hard it can be for you Lombaxes to leave a machine well enough alone without trying to modify it somehow."
"People keep saying that," Widget stated in an annoyed tone, "but I've never even seen another Lombax in anything but old holovid records. Nobody I've ever asked seems to know where they are now, or if I'm the only one left."
"Eh, I'm sure they're still around somewhere, Wingding…"
"It's Widget."
"Point is, Lombaxes are kind of hard to kill. A bit like the Cazar, in some respects at least. I really doubt that you're the last one. Maybe the only one around here, but hardly the last, I would think."
"Well, thanks for that, at least," the young Lombax said, taking comfort in the reassurance that she was probably not the last of her race.
"Anytime, Gidget!"
"IT'S WIDGET! WID-GET! Double-yu, aye, dee, gee, ee, tee! WIDGET! It's on my paperwork and everything! OW!" The aggravated Lombax rubbed her head from where Mr. Micron had whapped it with his cane.
"I'm not deaf, you know."
"Could have fooled me… OW! Stop that!"
O o O o O
"Hey, Grim," Widget called out as she reentered the hangar, still rubbing her sore head.
"Yeah, Widget?"
"Any chance I can install the mag booster I found in my ship?"
"Sure, why not," Grimroth shrugged noncommittally. "Just keep in mind that each new system you try to cram into that thing is going to take space away from something else. You might want to do a complete teardown and rebuild the whole thing larger from the ground up."
"Eh, maybe. I just want to try it out. I can't even clear the gravity well without a robotic ignition system anyway, so it's not like I can go far."
"Then what do ya need the mag booster for then?"
"I was thinking that I could go out farther into the wastes, turn the thing on, and haul back whatever I pick up."
"In that thing? Widget, you'll be lucky if you don't pull your own ship right out of the sky if you try something like that."
"Maybe we could do some calibration and testing with the scrap in your yard first?"
"Sure, I can help you out with that once you've got the thing installed, but I'm telling you that you're more likely to end up pulling yourself down rather than picking anything up. Where're ya going to put it?"
"I was thinking under the cockpit? Swap out the launcher, since I don't have missiles for it anyway."
"Oh thank god…" Grimroth mumbled under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said good idea!"
"Uhuh," Widget responded, not quite believing him.
"Anyway, I got something you may be interested in."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, some bot fresh off a ship dropped off a lot of flyers at the town hall. Here, take a look." With that, the large Fongoid handed over a flyer.
"The Galactic Rangers are going to be holding tryouts here!? On Veldin!?"
"That's what it says, alright. I figure I can leave you off the schedule for the day and you can go over and see what you can do. Should be fun, and at least you can say that you tried, even if you don't make it in."
"I'll pass whatever course they set up with flying colors! You'll see!"
"I bet I will, kid, but even if you do, you might still get rejected for whatever reason."
"What? Why?"
"Any number of reasons, really, but the big one that might hold you back is your juvie record. You've been keeping your nose clean for the most part since you came under my care, so they might take that into account and give you a chance anyway. All I'm saying is don't be surprised if they bring it up, okay?"
"I guess…" Widget grumbled, then perked up. "Hey, can I log onto the holonet for a few hours?"
"Sure, I guess. I'm still not unlocking the parental controls though."
"Whatever. That shouldn't affect my research anyway."
"What do you want to look up?"
"I was thinking that it wouldn't hurt to try to find out what kind of new recruit the Rangers are looking for."
"Knock yourself out, kid. Just don't forget to head off for bed before it gets too late. You still have a shift tomorrow, after all."
"Fine, whatever!" Widget rolled her eyes as she started to head for Grim's office to use his terminal. "And thanks, Grim! You're the best!"
O o O o O
Grimroth Razz climbed into Widget's custom built pod-fighter for the first time and settled into the passenger seat beside her. "Kind of surprised you went with such a large cockpit, what with how tight space is for everything else you crammed into this thing."
"Well, it's mostly a testbed vehicle to see if I can get things up and running, Grim," the white Lombax said distractedly as she double checked her tiny ship's instruments and adjusted some settings to account for her passenger's mass. "If I ever do get a robotic ignition system, I probably will go ahead and strip this one for parts and build something a bit bigger, but until then I figured I'd use this one for systems tests, passenger runs, and I guess towing now. Assuming the Mag Boosters work like I think they will."
"Heh. Lots of plans in that furry white head of yours, Widget," the large Fongoid chuckled.
"Well, considering that I've yet to come across a wreck that hasn't already had its robotic ignition system ripped out or ruined, my best bet for getting one is to order one myself. Which is a lot more bolts I gotta earn somehow. I mean, salvage and garage work is okay, don't get me wrong, but if I want to raise enough bolts for one of those any time soon, then I need a force multiplier." Widget patted the control console. "And this baby is going to do just that!"
"If the mag booster works right," Grimroth reminded her. "And if the weight of the scrap you try to pick up with it doesn't pull you out of the sky."
"It'll be fine," Widget assured her mentor. "You'll see…"
"Huh. Surprisingly comfortable rise for a first time build," Grimroth commented as he watched the ground slowly drop beneath them.
"I don't know why you're surprised, Grim, given that you helped me calibrate everything."
"Doesn't change the fact that this is a first-time build, Widget. Now ease on over the eastern scrap piiiIIIIIIEEEEE!!!" Grimroth screamed as the tiny pod-fighter zipped out from over his scrapyard, towards and then into the colony proper.
"Whoa! Thrust control's a bit more sensitive than I thought!" Widget banked hard right, then immediately hard left, followed by a dip and a rise as she dodged both buildings and traffic. Even so, they heard a small thump before the tiny ship cleared the city and flew out over the Kyzil Plateau. "Eh, I was getting tired of looking at that billboard anyway…"
"SLOW DOWN!"
"How? My foot is barely touching the pedal as it is!"
"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"
"You worry too much!"
"I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND OUT HOW LANCE WILL REACT TO DISCOVERING THAT HIS EVIL TWIN IS STALKING JANICE!"
"Seriously!? Grim, that show's going to rot your mind. You should watch something more cultured and mentally stimulating. Like Annihilation Nation."
"Where have you been watching that?" Grimroth asked, shocked out of his mind-numbing terror even as the colony disappeared over the horizon behind them. "I know I left the filter settings locked on my holonet terminal."
"Gogo managed to find a terminal on one of her runs, and I helped her get it working again."
"She's six years younger than you!"
"And ten times more bloody minded, just going by her holovid game history. She's Kylyuded1147 if you want to check out her streams."
"I'm going to have to talk with her folks."
"Just so you know, Bogot is Kylyuded1144, and Brenda is Crushubad1337."
"Of course they are," Grim sighed. "Forgot they worked at the Agorian Battleplex back in Polaris for a while. And we're finally slowing down."
"I took my foot completely off the pedal. This area looks safe enough, so I'm just going to land and we can take a look at the accelerator and find out what went wrong."
"Fine by me. Where are we, anyway?"
"Um… According to the nav system, we're currently in F Sector, by the old raritanium mine."
"Nope! Not landing here! Keep going!"
"We keep going much farther and we'll end up over the Tygil Sea instead."
"I don't care! It'll still be safer than setting down in F Sector!"
"If you insist…"
And with that, the tiny pod-fighter shot off once again.
O o O o O
"Widget!" Grimroth called out as he banged on the door of the smaller hangar his charge was living in. "You up yet? The fairgrounds will be opening up soon! Didn't you want to get an earl… Oof!"
"Sorry, Grim!" Widget called out as she dashed from the now open door of her hangar and into the rear door of the larger one as she awkwardly tried to put her vest on while carrying everything else she needed. "Gotta run!"
"WIDGET!"
"WHAT!?"
"PANTS!"
"DAMMIT! I don't have time for this! I want a good spot when the Rangers show up!" Nevertheless, the partially dressed Lombax ran back to her hangar to finish getting dressed (picking up a few articles she had accidentally dropped during the scramble on the way out).
"I swear that girl is going to be the death of me one of these days," Grimroth chuckled under his breath.
"I HEARD THAT!" Widget called out through her still open bay door as she struggled into her pants as fast as she could, shoved her feet into her boots, pulled on her bomb glove, slung her mallet onto her back, and grabbed her scarf.
"Don't forget to double check your ammo!" Grimroth called out as the white Lombax ran by him again.
"I did that last night!" Widget yelled back, nevertheless sparing a quick glance at her glove's ammo count even as she still ran. It was, of course, still reading full at forty grenades, as she had in fact double checked last night. And the safety was still on. Weapons, clothes, and it was still early, so she was in good cheer as she ran out the front of Grimroth's Garage and made her way to the fairgrounds with plenty of time to spare.
As her stomach grumbled, Widget wondered if any of the vendors were set up yet so she could grab a quick bite before the big event kicked off…
O o O o O
Back in a certain small hangar, Grimroth chuckled as he turned to close Widget's door. Then he spotted something on the floor by her bed.
"Huh. I guess she's going commando today." Given that the only other things left out were some tools, with everything else either stowed away properly or in the hamper, he figured that this was a reasonable assumption to make. "I wonder how long it'll take her to notice?"
Still chuckling as he shut Widget's bay door, he went to the larger hangar to close up and make sure everything was secure before heading to the bazar to look for gravity coils.
O o O o O
After scarfing down a quick breakfast of highly dubious nutritional value she purchased from a vendor, Widget finally approached the section of the fairgrounds that had been set aside for the tryouts.
"Greetings, Cadets!" a highly stylized bot whose upper body was shaped to resemble Captain Qwark called out. "Welcome to the Galactic Rangers Recruitment Event! Please step onto the scan-plate and take a tag if you wish to participate, otherwise go right in and enjoy the show!"
Widget did as instructed, stepping onto the glowing blue plate as it lit up.
"I see that you are a healthy… Lombax! And that you have a fully loaded bomb glove with the safety on, and a mallet! Are these the weapons you have chosen to use for the event?"
"Ah, yes! Yes they are!"
"Excellent! If you check your tag, you will see that you are to be the first through gate five after the opening presentation is completed! Please proceed to the candidate staging area by the… stage! And wait for the opening presentation to start!"
"Will do!" Widget called out merrily, already on her way.
"Good luck, future Ranger!" the bot called back before turning back to watch for any more potential applicants.
O o O o O
"Hey, Gogo!" Widget called out as she spotted her friend among the small but still growing crowd of contestants waiting before the stage. "Aren't you a little young to be participating in something like this?"
"Why yes. Yes I am," the underaged Terachnoid agreed.
"But you came anyway, I see."
"But of course! I mean, the odds of them actually taking me in at my current stage of development are something like on the order of twenty septillion to one, but Doctor Nefarious is going to be here, and he always makes a point to talk with the smart and clever applicants, even if they don't make the cut! Why would I pass up an opportunity like that?"
"An opportunity to do what? Ask for advice, an autograph, to show off, or to punch him in the gut?"
"Why limit myself? I plan to do all four!"
"Do your folks know that you're here?"
"Who do you think brought me here? You don't think I made it all the way across town on my little legs this early, do you?"
"Well well well!" An unwelcome voice announced himself as tall Cazar built like a brick outhouse approached the pair. "If it isn't Brain Drain and the Thunderbrat!"
"Hello, Little Tony. And goodbye, Little Tony," Widget said in irritation as she glared at the bane of her existence for the past year. He had been so much easier to tolerate before his growth spurt and hormones had kicked in.
"Ah, don't be like that, Widget! You're looking at the next rising star of the Galactic Rangers, guaranteed! Babes like you will be fighting each other off for the chance to get up close and personal with these guns!" With that, Little Tony went through a series of bodybuilder poses, being sure to flex his arms in order to best showcase his building muscles.
Widget palmed her face in exasperation. "Oh God, Grim was right. You do think you're flirting!"
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm in the top… one, two… Grape consent of desirable body types for a Cazar! A hot thing like you should be grateful to catch my eye!"
"That's great, Little Tony," Widget commented in dry tones that indicated that she thought it was anything but great. "It really is. Now all you need is a personality transplant and you'll be all set!"
"You really think so?" the giant Cazar asked, taken aback for a moment before scowling at Widget. "Hey! Are you making fun of me again?"
"Of course not! What reason could I possibly have for making fun of you? I mean, just last week you finally learned how to count past tree!"
"That's right!" Little Tony beamed. "Wait, is tree a number? I thought it was a plant…"
Gogo grabbed Widget's hand and started pulling at her. "Quick, while he's confused, let's go over to the other side of the crowd!"
"Not that there's any rush," Widget commented idly even as she let herself be dragged along. "It's going to take him a while to figure that one out."
"Regardless, while you were distracting him, I got a good look at his tag. He's going to be the first out through gate three. I've got second out of gate seven, just after Otto Motov, so I'm assuming that course is set up to test intelligence and cleverness, while course three is probably a combat course. What number did you get?"
"I'm going to be the first at gate five."
"Probably agility, and maybe some combat or cleverness then. Good luck!"
"You too, Gogo! And I hope you have fun!"
"Oh, I will," Gogo chuckled, maniacally, "I surely will! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" And with that, the young Terachnoid wandered off after roving vendor.
"Nice kid," Widget commented to herself. "Creepy as hell, and possibly a future supervillain, but still…" Shrugging, she turned her attention back to the stage and waited for the show to start.
O o O o O
"Good showing," Captain Qwark commented as he took a quick peek out at the crowd.
"Isn't it always, Captain?" Brax asked.
"You'd think so, but no. We sometimes have off years, or pick a planet where it turns out we aren't very popular with the locals for whatever reason."
"Most often due to heavy collateral damage from a recent mission, if memory serves," Dr. Nefarious pointed out dryly.
"You might be onto something, Doc," Qwark agreed amiably. While he and Nefarious didn't always see eye to eye, he did hire the supergenius for a reason and the two were sort of friends after all this time.
"Hey, um… Captain?" a female voice cut in hesitantly.
"Speak more confidently, Elaris," Dr. Nefarious advised his new assistant. "If you saw something, you need to speak clearly to break through to Captain Ego here."
Captain Qwark coughed into his fist, muttering something about the color of kettles and pots before speaking louder. "All kidding aside, what did you need our attention for?"
"We got some potential problems among the applicants. Nothing too serious, mostly juvenile stuff, but they still raised red flags in the system."
"Might not be too bad," Cora stated. "After all, you guys took me and Brax in, and we both had our fair share of minor incidents and misadventures before we signed on."
"Yeah," Brax agreed. "How bad could it be? This is Veldin we're talking about here! Not much going on here but rocks, sand, more sand, rocks, even more sand, and maybe some wrecks that haven't been fully picked over yet."
"Well, going in alphabetical order, there's Gogo Nuetronic, an underaged Terachnoid with noted antiauthoritarian tendencies. But that may just be from frustration from the lack of local education opportunities."
"If she does well enough, I'll see about sponsoring her for some advanced classes," Dr. Nefarious commented, slightly intrigued. "If that calms her down then we can see about recruiting her when she's older."
"Then there's 'Little' Tony…"
"That's his name?" Cora asked.
"That's all that's listed on his records," Elaris elaborated. "Anyway, he's been in and out of juvie for theft, violent behavior, reckless endangerment, and shoplifting."
"Uh…" Brax held up a finger. "Wouldn't that fall under theft?"
"You'd think so, but apparently he actually picked up a shop at one point. He's also suspected of abusing Cazar Growth Hormone supplements, but they haven't been able to prove anything conclusively since Cazars sometimes produce metas."
"Hmmm…" Qwark put a hand to his chin. "More problematic than Gogo, but he might just need some direction in his life. We'll have to see how he does in the obstacle course and the interview first of course. Not everyone is suited for hero work, and he might be a better fit for the Star Guard or the Sonic Seven."
"The Sonic Six, you mean," Dr. Nefarious corrected. "Their newest member, Ace Hardlight, went missing, but it doesn't seem like the rest of his team is looking very hard, so he probably just left on bad terms since their latest fiasco."
"And that's why I hired a supergenius like Dr. Nefarious!" Qwark announced jovially. "His advanced planning and logistical skills have severely cut down on our unanticipated collateral damage since he joined!"
"I try," Dr. Nefarious grinned briefly, pretending to examine the back of his hand. "Anyway, do go on, Elaris."
"Alright. Anyway, the last one is Widget Razz, another one with a juvie record, although not nearly as bad of one as Little Tony's. Says here that she's currently serving out a sentence of community service, with Grimroth Razz as her assigned guardian, and that she's mostly kept her nose clean since then barring some fights. But those look like cases of self defense. There was one moving violation recorded last week, but that was deemed to be accidental due to a miscalibrated acceleration system, so no additional charges were added."
"So a Terachnoid, a Cazar, and a..?" Cora prompted.
"Oh! She's apparently something called a Lombax, another race of sophonts originally from the Polaris Galaxy. I've never seen one in person myself, but they are apparently very similar to the Cazar. Sort of."
"Supposedly most of them either went back to Polaris to fight against Emperor Tachyon, or they went into hiding when they lost the war," Dr. Nefarious exposited. "They were also among the more technologically advanced races from Polaris, despite the Terachnoids being arguably more intelligent by an order of magnitude. She could either be an invaluable recruit or trouble we shouldn't touch with an eleven and a half kilometer pole."
"I like the sound of her already!" Qwark announced.
"You would!" Dr. Nefarious snarked.
"Alright, alright," Cora interrupted them. "It's almost time for the Captain's big speech, so let's just keep an eye on the potentials, see what happens, and go from there."
O o O o O
The gathered crowd of spectators and applicants grew silent as the time for the opening presentation drew near. Would Captain Qwark be the one speaking? Or Dr. Nefarious? Or maybe Brax or Cora? Or would they have all gotten called off to some emergency like had happened three years ago over on Oltanis? Which was hilarious in hindsight, as the Galactic Rangers had left some bots behind to run things and apparently a few of them hadn't been properly hardened against electromagnetic disruption.
Not that continuous thunderstorms were a thing that happened on Veldin, but still…
Widget's train of thought was disrupted when the onstage holodisplay platform switched over from a rotating Galactic Rangers logo to Captain Qwark's personal logo. It was him! It was really going to be him! It was…
"Ladies and Gentlemen! The Savior of Solana! CAPTAIN QWARK!" Even as the announcer spoke, the Captain himself rose out of the stage in the middle of his own logo, doing a brief pose with a devil-may-care smile before flipping off of the platform onto the stage proper as fireworks lit off behind him!
"Hello, Veldin!" Qwark greeted everyone as he jogged closer to the leading edge of the stage.
"Hello, Captain!" Widget yelled back with an amateurish salute. She knew that she probably wasn't the only sophont present to do so, but in her mind she could easily imagine that the two of them were personally speaking only to each other.
"My name is Copernicus Qwark, and yes, that was an impressive wall of fire I just walked through." Illustrating this point, Cora Veralux, the youngest Ranger to have ever been recruited, walked out with an extinguisher and put out the small fire on the captain's back before walking back to rejoin her fellow Rangers as they took their place on stage in the background. Putting a leg up on a footstool that had been slid from the other side of the stage apparently just for this moment, Quark rested one arm on his now elevated knee and spoke in a lowered (but still amplified) tone. "I'm going to be real with you folks for a moment. When President Phyronix recommended I take on a new Ranger, I knew just where to go. That's right, we want YOU!"
Widget ignored the fact that the Captain's pointing hand was wandering back and forth over the crowd, being as general as possible, instead grinning like a loon with the feeling that he was speaking directly to her and her alone. "Yeah-hah!"
"I know what you're thinking," Captain Qwark continued to speak as he now walked back and forth across the length of the stage. "Do I have what it takes? After all, you may not have single handedly stopped the light eating Z'Grute from terrorizing Luminopolis! You may not have stopped Neftin Prog from rendering the entire population of Aridia color blind! Twice! After all, you may not have this chiseled jaw or god-like pectoral region…"
"I do!" Widget heard Little Tony yell out from somewhere off to her left, much to her annoyance. "I have both of those! I'm a shoe in!"
"We'll see, Citizen!" Qwark jovially waved Little Tony's interruption off, then continued on as if he hadn't been interrupted. "But if you have heart, then you've got what it takes! Now check your tags and head for your assigned gates as we get these tryouts started! Oh, and nonparticipating audience members can make their way to the hoverbleachers located conveniently by the main entrance."
O o O o O
"Out of my way, Thunderbrat! I'm supposed to be the first one through this gate!"
"This is Gate Five, Little Tony," Widget said in exasperation. "Gate Three is over that way. On the other side of Gate Four."
"I knew that! I was just…" the frustrated giant of a Cazar sought for some witty comeback. "I was just testing you! Yeah, that was it!" And with that, he stomped off towards the correct gate.
Widget looked at the other people waiting by Gate Five (a couple of other Cazar who seemed to be embarrassed to be the same race as Little Tony, a few Tharpods, and a Markazian), and they all shrugged before going back to waiting for their gate to open…
O o O o O
All in all, Widget was having a blast with Course Five. There wasn't anything in it that she hadn't done in one form or another while living on Veldin. Basically climbing, jumping over, or ducking under various obstacles, getting by sections guarded by bots either by stealth or combat as directed, and occasionally pausing to repair something, sabotage something else, or aid a simulated citizen in distress (played by a bot in a dress).
So far, Widget was feeling really good about her performance and figured that she'd at least make it as far as the interview stage…
"I'd like to make an announcement!" an all too familiar voice of a certain underaged Terachnoid spoke out over the fairground speakers.
"Oh no, Gogo…" Widget groaned to herself, stopping in her tracks and palming her face in frustration. "Not in the middle of the tryouts!"
"I just learned today that Little Tony finally learned how to count past tree last week, so let's give him a big round of applause for this prestigious achievement!" There was a pause, during which the entire fairground was silent. "I would also like to take this moment to point out to Little Tony that a tree is in fact a plant and not a number. That is all."
"Yep, she's going to be a supervillain when she grows up," Widget commented to herself again. "I just know it."
Little Tony's response of "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" was heard being yelled over the continuing silence from a couple of lanes away, followed by a crash that was obviously the big Cazar beating down a section of the barrier between course three and four.
"And here we go." Turning back, Widget jogged over to where she expected Little Tony to break through the next barrier. Sure enough, the big lug burst through the obviously not reinforced enough wall between lanes four and five, stumbling for a moment before shaking his head clear and gathering his bearings for the next charge.
"I can't let you go any farther, Little Tony," Widget stated firmly, stepping in front of the giant Cazar.
"Out of my way, Thunderbrat! My beef is with Brain Drain!"
"And what are you going to do once you get to her?"
"Oh, I'm not going to hurt her or nothing. I'm just going to rip off her tiny little arms and shove them up her smarmy little mouth until she can pet those extra brains she's so proud of! Now get outa my way, before I knock you down myself!"
"Yeah, about that…" Without any further warning, Widget kicked Little Tony as hard as she could between his legs and took off running further down Course Five as if her life depended on it!
Which, judging by the scream of pain and rage behind her, it probably did.
O o O o O
The Galactic Rangers were already in motion from the moment Little Tony had started beating down the first barrier. Qwark and Cora were moving to attempt to intercept the oversized Cazar, while Dr, Nefarious and Brax were moving directly to Gogo's current position to get the hyperintelliget idiot out of harm's way, with Elaris staying back to watch the monitors and advise the teams of any changes they needed to make to get to where they needed to be.
"Captain, Cora, be advised that Little Tony is now chasing Widgit Razz down Course Five. I think she's trying to lead him straight to where we're supposed to be."
"Copy that, Elaris," Captain Qwark acknowledged. "We'll just have to get back there first!"
"Also be advised that Little Tony is now really really mad at Widget. I'm not sure, but I think she just kicked him directly between his legs. It was either there or his upper thighs."
All the other Rangers winced in sympathetic pain before continuing on towards their respective goals.
O o O o O
Widget cleared the second hovering platform to the other side of the gap, then spun around and whacked it in the side as hard as she could with her Omnimallet, sending the platform off of it's programmed path.
"Hey, I'm sure we can talk this out real peaceful like," she tried to placate the big Cazar as he slid to a stop before the gap.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Little Tony roared, looking around until he saw a nearby light pole and went over to start trying to rip it out of the ground to use as a bridge. With a few grunts and a couple of heaves, the pole started to come loose from the ground.
"Oh shit, he's actually doing it…" Widget turned and started running as fast as she could again, the thud of the pole hitting her side of the gap following all too soon afterwards. "This was a really bad idea!"
Running tight past some stacked boxes in one area, then hopping over and sliding under flame spewing bots in another, Widget could hear the thunder of her own heart as she raced for her life, because Little Tony wasn't stopping for anything!
Something easily as large as Little Tony suddenly stepped in front of Widget and she ducked down and slid between its legs, rolling to her feet on the other side, only to end up being grabbed and pulled in another direction by…
"Cora Veralux?"
"Yep, that's me!" the Ranger informed the panting Lombax.
"Then that must be…"
There was a thud as one massive object was stopped in its tracks by another massive object.
"Stop right there, Evil Doer!" Captain Qwark commanded firmly as if he hadn't felt Little Tony running full tilt into him at all.
"In full, high definition color, yes." Cora continued.
"RAGH!" Little Tony roared in Captain Qwark's face.
"I think that'll be enough out of you today, Little Tony." And with that, Captain Qwark one-punched the giant Cazar right into sweet sweet unconsciousness.
"My heroes," Widget panted gratefully. Then fainted dead away.
O o O o O
When Widget finally came to, the first thing she noticed was the fabric of the fairground's medical pavilion tent above her head.
"Hey, Kid," Grimroth spoke from the seat beside the cot she was on. "You gave us a bit of a scare for a moment there. We thought Little Tony might have gotten a hit on you after all, but Doc Nefarious says that you just had an adrenalin crash. Still took years offa my life with that stunt though. What were you thinking?"
"That I couldn't let Little Tony get to Gogo, even if she did deliberately go out of her way to provoke him."
"And that attitude right there is why the others and I would like to welcome you to the Galactic Rangers!" Captain Qwark announced as he stepped into the room. "Sorry, the pavilion walls aren't really soundproof, being cloth and all, and I couldn't resist the opening."
"You mean it? I'm in?"
"Indeed you are, Widget Razz!," Qwark confirmed. "All that's left to be done is to get your guardian's permission, then both of your signatures, and we can take you straight to the Hall of Heroes on Kerwan for your official orientation and training!"
Widget looked at Grimroth Razz, the large Fongoid who had been her guardian, mentor, and even her father figure for the past few years, with hope and excitement in her eyes.
"Haha," Grimroth laughed merrily. "Don't worry, Widget, I'll sign the moment we finish going over the paperwork together. I may miss you when you're gone, but if there's one last bit of wisdom I can pass on before handing you over to another's care, it's to always go over any paperwork before signing anything. Always!"
"You're the best, Grim!" Widget quickly sat up and hugged him. "I'll miss you too. I may be a Galactic Ranger now, but Veldin will always be my home! I'll be back someday, you'll see! And I'll make you proud!"
"You already have, Widget. You already have…"
O o O o O
PLANETARY LEXICON
Veldin
Galaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Sparse, varied races.
Spaceport: Kyzil Plateau (food, lodging, fuel, & maintenance available)
Major Imports: Water, basic goods
Major Exports: scrap metals, artifacts from wrecked ships and the ruins of previous settlements, one Lombax.
Veldin is a mostly arid world, with a few scattered bodies of water that could be classified as either large seas or small oceans. There are ruins of previous settlements, mining ventures, and wrecked or abandoned ships, as well as a few currently abandoned fortifications that sometimes get used by one faction or another as bases of operations.
Kyzil Plateau is the location of a relatively recent colony established by refugees from the Polaris Galaxy, including Fongoids, Markazians, Teracnoids, Tharpods, and at least one very young Lombax. There are also a few Cazar, a race local to the Solana Galaxy, living here, as well as various other races of indeterminate origin. Due in part to the challenging environment (and lack of infrastructure anyone cares about), the Galactic Rangers occasionally hold tryouts at the Kyzil Plateau Fairgrounds.
Grimroth's Garage can be found on the outskirts of the Kyzil Plateau colony, relatively close to the fairgrounds. Small ships can be serviced and refueled here, and there is a scrapyard (and smaller hangar) located behind the main hangar. Widget bunks in the smaller hangar, within the safety of Grimrith Garage's security perimeter, and this is where she stores and works on her custom compact pod-fighter (now with Mag Boosters!)
Grimroth's Garage is one of several maintenance and refueling stations available at the Kyzil Plateau Space Port. A couple of vending machines in the main hangar offer snacks and beverages, but any real food or proper lodging should really be sought further into the colony proper.
Locally, the only wildlife large and aggressive enough on the Kyzil Plateau to be considered to be dangerous to anyone are horney toads, which can be found in brown, blue, and grey varieties. Horney toads aren't really all that big or dangerous on their own, but can be problematic in groups. Other general threats include electroids, old, malfunctioning garage bots, and abandoned raider bots from failed space pirate incursions.
Other issues include "salvage rats," who are various individuals who basically make their living looking for wrecks and ruins to salvage parts from for sale to a scrapyard. Some of whom are not particular about causing the wrecks and ruins the scavenge from, or even just taking their loot from other salvage rats. Veldin is also occasionally visited by hoverbike gangs who sometimes hold races in the canyons, and it's not unheard of for an old warbot to be found wandering around, attacking anyone it comes across, presumably left on Veldin during some raid or other..
A particularly dangerous location on Veldin is F-Sector, which originated as a raritanium mine (now played out), and has occasionally serves as a fortified base for various groups, both legal and otherwise (mostly otherwise). Even disregarding the possible presence of any occupying sophonts, the local flora, fauna, and abandoned bots are all cause to exercise caution when traveling through F Sector.
Widget Razz
Species: Lombax
Gender: Female
Age: 18 (galactic standard years) at the time of the start of the story
Note that, unlike Rivet, Widget does not have a cybernetic prosthetic arm.
Yet...
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Kerwan, and...
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: The Phoenix, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 7:15 PM, Saturday (prelaunch)
"So this is the Phoenix?" Widget prompted as the group approached a moderately sized corvette.
"Yes, this is the Phoenix!" Captain Qwark announced. "The core ship of the Galactic Rangers!"
"Not to be confused with the Phoenix used by the Star Guard Rangers under Captain Phyronix," Dr. Nefarious quipped.
"Hey, I had no idea that Sasha was also going to use that name!" Qwark complained.
"And yet neither of you will back down and rename your ships," Nefarious noted dryly.
"Well I registered my Phoenix first, so she's out of luck!" Qwark insisted.
"And she insists that the reverse is true," Nefarious pointed out.
"Guys, Guys!" Cora interrupted. "Can we leave the dick waving contest between the captains out of this?"
"I can state with one hundred percent certainty that Sasha Phyronix does not have a dick," Qwark informed Cora in affronted tones.
"I don't think we needed to know that," Widget commented, blushing through her white fur.
"Moving on," Qwark spoke abruptly, breaking through the awkward silence. "As you can see, the main boarding ramp to the rear of the ship doubles as the bay doors for the ship's hangar. We can fit two dropships (suspended from the central dorsal rail), and up to six class-G Starjumper fighters, three to either side of the dropships. We only have four in stock currently, but I'm expecting two more to be delivered to the Hall of Heroes soon! If you clear the flight qualifications, and are interested in flying one of your own, I'll see about assigning one of them to you."
"Really!? Sweet!" Widget exclaimed with a grin. "I have a provisional class two civilian's license right now, so I can't wait to get my full license!"
"Wait," Elaris interrupted her new teammate. "If you only have a provisional Class two license, how did you end up with just a moving violation in a custom podfighter?"
"My podfighter doesn't have a robotic ignition system yet, so a full license wasn't required."
"If you're interested in piloting, Dr. Nefarious designed a holographic training simulator preprogrammed with hundreds of different ships of all types, and thousands of simulated flight missions! With both combat and noncombat scenarios! We can get you officially tested on nearly any ship you can think of!"
"Eh, it was a slow Tuesday, and I was bored," was all Nefarious had to say on the matter.
"The graphics are really good on that thing," Elaris spoke as an aside to Widget, with Cora and Brax nodding in agreement. "Like the image fidelity is so good you can easily forget that you aren't really in the actual ship being simulated!"
"Yeah, and he somehow got all the individual engine vibrations down too," Cora added quietly.
"And the smells!" Brax put in. "I still don't understand how he got a hologram to smell right! Or at all, for that matter."
"I'd explain it to you again," Dr. Nefarious interjected, "but I somehow doubt that you'd understand the processes involved this time either."
"Ahem," Qwark coughed into his fist. "Moving on, why don't we actually board our ship and give Widget the tour before we take off?"
"This is the Phoenix' spacious luxury living accommodations!" Captain Qwark proudly announced as he lead the way into a large room off the port side of the hangar bay. "Note the large, comfortable couches (that can double as emergency floatation devices), the expansive Gadgetron Deluxe Holoterminal Entertainment System, and the nifty coffee table with some hideaway treats that I'm sure you'll enjoy!"
"He's talking about the VG-9,000 game system, complete with a set of Mavox Fireball Pro controllers, VR headsets, and even a Zero-G dance pad attachment!" Elaris added excitedly as she demonstrated how to open the coffee table and pulled out the treasures hidden away within.
"Take me now…" murmured, still awestruck at the sheer luxury of the setup before her.
"What? Like right now right now, or just sometime today right now? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that we don't have time for that before lift off." Brax asked in confusion.
"I'm fairly sure she was just being figurative, Brax," Qwark commented.
"Like you didn't act the same way early on," Nefarious snarked as he went to one of the lockers between the aft bunk stacks and began to stow the gear he had brought out to the recruitment event.
"Well, the VG-1500 was a damn good system when it came out! I just couldn't help myself when Sasha showed me the one she preordered! Of course, we never did get around to actually using it that night…"
"That was both amusingly informative and I'm sure far more than any of us really wanted to know about your love life, Captain," Cora commented as she headed towards one of the lockers between the fore bunk stacks to stow her gear.
"Wait," Widget took a good look at the fore and aft ends of the room. "Why are the bunks in open alcoves? Isn't there any privacy?"
"Qwark bought this ship as military surplus," Nefarious explained as he continued sorting away his gear. "Other than the paint job and a few amenities he decided were absolutely necessary, not much else was changed. So all the utilities on board are essentially unisex by default."
"That's going to take some getting used to," Widget remarked.
"I'll say," Cora agreed. "Can't say I disagree with the view come showertime though."
"I still don't see what the big deal is," Elaris complained. "All sorts of sophonts go nude all the time, and nobody has any problem with them!"
"Anyway," Qwark interjected, "just pick any unclaimed locker and bunk along the fore wall, and you have until the nameplates are processed to change your mind if you want to switch. We traditionally wait at least a day or two before affixing the plates, so you have some time to make sure of your decision."
Two oddly shaped maintenance bots floated in. The smaller one practically looked like a flying eyeball with arms, while the taller one sort of looked like an inverted flying eggplant with wings wearing a visor.
"Ah yes!" Qwark exclaimed. "These bots are Bloop and Bleep! They both perform general maintenance aboard the Phoenix, can be trusted to pilot and navigate in a pinch, and can service and maintain any weapon we've tested them out on so far! Bleep is also a four star chef that can do amazing things in the galley, while Bloop does laundry, regardless of what it's made of, to perfection! Just don't let them do it the other way around - trust me on this."
"Which one is which?" Widget asked as everyone started leaving the crew quarters to continue the brief tour.
"And these side corridors to the left and right between the barracks and the hangar are the Holographic training room and the showers and lavatory respectively! Do not confuse these either and go into the wrong one by mistake! I've done it once or twice, and believe me, it can be very embarrassing to go in one when you meant to use the other!"
"You still haven't told me which bot is Bloop and which one is Bleep!"
"And right over there across the hangar are the armory and shooting range!"
"WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHICH BOT IS WHICH ALREADY!?"
Behind Qwark and Widget there was a brief exchange of Bolts among the rest of the Rangers as they settled a side bet about how long it would take Qwark to drive the new recruit from awestruck to enraged...
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Widget asked at the end of the tour as she slumped into an unclaimed seat on the bridge.
"Well, yes," Quark admitted. "Yes, I did."
"Why?"
"It breaks the hero worship," Nefarious explained. "It's actually hard for Qwark to train anybody the right way if they aren't thinking critically, and they tend not to do that when they have him so high on a pedestal they can't hear what he's trying to tell them."
"To be fair, not everyone reacts like that," Qwark put in. "Take Nefarious for example - When I first took him on, we couldn't stand each other! But we both knew that each of us excelled where the other was weak, and we eventually reached a compromise."
"You very nearly drove me mad because you wouldn't listen to me, even though you hired me to do logistics and planning in the first place!" Nefarious snarked. "But he's right, we did eventually learn how to work together despite our differences."
"And now we're best friends!"
"Friendship is perhaps too strong a word for it, but we get along well enough now," Nefarious admitted.
"I'm either going to fit right in or go crazy in this group. I can tell," Widget snarked.
"See? You're fitting in already!" Cora quipped back.
"Okay, strap in everybody and let's blow this popsicle stand!" Qwark commanded with a grand gesture from his Captain's seat.
"Hey! I live here!" Widget snapped, offended.
"And your point is?" Cora asked. "It's Veldin."
"Yeah," Brax agreed. "The only things to come out of Veldin are angst, sand, rocks, scrap, and angst."
"Those are called novels, Brax. Not angst," Elaris insisted.
"No, he's right," Nefarious corrected his assistant. "I've tried to read some of the drivel the writers here have been putting out. It's all angst."
Widget thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Fair enough."
"If you look out the portside windows, you will see the day side of planet Veldin!" Qwark announced. "Take a good long look now, because we'll be moving further away from it soon so as to be far enough away when we make the jump to hyperspace!"
"Huh," Widget commented. "So that's where I've been stuck all these years…"
"Like I said, Nothing but sand, rocks, more sand, a lot more rocks, rocks made of sand, sand made from rocks…"
"We get it, Brax!" Cora snapped. "You don't like Veldin!"
"Nah, I like Veldin just fine," Brax denied. "There's just not a lot going on there is all."
"You should be here when the Hoverbike gangs come in for their canyon races then," Widget offered. "Things get a lot more exciting then. And then there was this time we fought off a lost Cluster fleet…"
"Huh. I thought that the Cluster were all over in the Snickers Galaxy?" Cora stated uncertainly.
"No, no, it's the Nestle Galaxy," Brax insisted.
"It's the one named after some candybar or other," Qwark put in his two Bolts. "Now ladies, us guys will have the bridge if you want to hit the showers first."
"You don't have to tell me twice," Cora quickly got out of her seat and headed for the door at the rear of the bridge, with Elaris and Widget following hot on her heels.
"Is it just me, or is there a lot of tension between the Captain and Nefarious?" Widget asked once she was sure they were out of earshot of the bridge.
"I don't think so?" Elaris answered hesitantly before Cora could. "I mean, I don't see any chemistry there, but I suppose they could make a cute couple, maybe?"
"That's not what I meant at all," Widget stated bluntly.
"There was an incident from back before I joined, from what I was given to understand," Cora explained, deciding to rescue Widget from the derailed conversation. "Something major went wrong during a mission because Brax and the Captain ignored the plan Dr. Nefarious had come up with. And not just for the first time, either. Nefarious was apparently mad enough that he almost quit over it, but he and Qwark managed to work it out and come to a compromise over how they both prefer to operate. There's still a lot of tension from time to time, and they can snark at each other like nobody's business, but sometimes when they click…"
"Yes?" Widget prompted.
"When they hit their stride and work with each other to the best of their abilities? That's when the magic happens. Brax and I have seen those two pull off things that we could swear should have been impossible under any other conditions! And hey, they are sort of friends now despite their rocky start. They just like to poke at each other's egoes from time to time. Says it keeps them humble."
Elaris started pulling off her jacket the moment they entered the barracks, dropping it on the floor even as she headed for her locker.
"Elaris!" Cora called out.
"What?" Elaris called back over her shoulder even as she pulled off her undershirt.
"You're setting a bad example for the rookie!"
"It's not like Bloop won't pick it all up anyway," Elaris pointed out reasonably as she sat on a bunk and pulled off her boots and socks, dropping them on the floor as well.
"We have a hamper! Just because we have bots to clean up after us, doesn't mean we should make it any harder on them just because they'll do it anyway!" Cora continued to complain as she moved next to the hamper she had mentioned and started disrobing straight into it. Widget decided to follow suit.
"Bloop enjoys picking stuff up, moving it, and putting it back down," Elaris explained as she got up, shucked off and discarded her pants and panties just as carelessly as everything else. "I think he was a loading bot in a previous iteration somewhere."
"I guess we should be calling you Commando then," Cora suddenly addressed Widget.
"What?" Widget asked, confused by the sudden switch in the conversation.
"You weren't wearing any panties," Cora pointed out.
"Yes I was! Wait… Where's my underwear!? ARGH! I must've forgotten it in the rush this morning!"
"Whatever you say, Commando," Cora quipped.
"Can we please not use that nickname?"
"I'll think about it…" Cora replied, then grinned wickedly. "Commando."
"I hate you so much right now."
"I think you two would make a cute couple too!"
"Could we not go there, Elaris?"
"And you even have the synchronized talking trick down already! It's gotta be destiny!"
"ELARIS!"
"Destiny, I tell you!" Elaris yelled out as she raced off towards the showers laughing as the other two chased her down with intent to tickle…
When the three ladies returned from their showers, they found fresh uniforms, neatly folded on their respective bunks. Or on an as yet unclaimed bunk in Widget's case, with her new uniform having a helmet set to one side and the goggles Grim had...
She picked up the goggles, remembering how happy she had been, and her first legitimate flight behind the stick of Grim's rugged tugpod.
No, she wasn't going to cry!
…
Dammit!
"Hey, you alright?" Elaris asked, placing a hand on Widget's shoulder.
"I'm fine. It's stupid…"
"Whatever it is, it's not stupid," Elaris corrected her.
"Let me guess: Homesick?" Cora prompted.
"Not really…" Widget disagreed, then changed her mind. "Well… maybe? It's just that these were the first gift I ever received from anyone. I still remember how proud Grim was that I had passed my provisional pilot's exam in his old clunker of a tugpod. He gave these to me that very night, right after dinner, and I wore them for a week straight until they stunk to high heaven and he made me wash them and my fur until the smell was completely gone…"
"Was he your dad?" Cora asked.
"No… Well, sorta? I guess I kinda saw him that way after a while, but he started out as my court appointed guardian. I couldn't stand him at first, but he was really patient with me. Put up with a lot of hell he didn't deserve before I realized that he was really helping me and I got my act together."
"Hey, it's okay to miss him," Cora stated. "He's your dad after all."
"Not officially…"
"Then why do you share his name?"
"Oh, that's just something we started putting on the paperwork so I could order parts for the shop when he was out."
"I hate to burst your bubble, but for that to be legal, Grimroth had to have adopted you so you wouldn't get in trouble for identity theft," Cora pointed out.
"Oh, it's legal enough," Elaris assured them. "I saw Widget's adoption papers when I was running the background checks!"
"Say what now?" Widget asked, surprised.
"You didn't know that Grimroth had adopted you?" Cora asked.
"WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME!?"
"If you ladies would care to finish getting dressed," Bleep interrupted as he entered the barracks, "Captain Qwark would like you to head for the bridge so that he and the others can take their turns freshening up. Meanwhile, I will be preparing a lovely repast in the galley for when everyone is done."
With that said, Bleep left even as the ladies returned to putting their uniforms the rest of the way on.
Making a decision, Widget put on the goggles, propping the lenses back into their usual place above her eyes until she needed them, and then placed her new helmet in her locker.
She was Widget Razz, Galactic Ranger, and she would make Grim… Her father… Proud!
Location: Aleero City Spaceport, Kerwan
Time: 11:26 AM, Sunday
Widget looked every which way as the group disembarked from the Phoenix at the starport in Aleero City on Kerwan. Never had she seen a city with such tall skyscrapers, nor with so much greenery, outside of a holovid! And there were so many different races of sophonts wandering around! Most of which she had never seen in person before now either!
"Head off the swivel, Widget," Captain Qwark chided. "You're in uniform, and we're about to meet the press! Best not to look too much like a tourist during their first impression of you, after all!!"
"Right, right, got it," Widget replied as she tried to train her eyes forward and ignore the sights for now.
"You can look around once we get you settled in and Doc has updated your Nav unit," Qwark went on.
"Assuming she already has one," Dr. Nefarious interjected. "Don't worry if you don't. I'll issue you one with all the appropriate map data so you can find your way anywhere on Kerwan. Or any number of registered worlds for that matter! I do good work, even if I do say so myself."
"Which he does!" Qwark agreed jovially.
"You mean he does good work, or that he says so himself?" Widget asked.
"Both, really," Qwark clarified, to which Nefarious responded by rolling his eyes (hiding a brief smirk at Qwark's acknowledgement of his skills).
Widget basked in the comfortable camaraderie the Rangers settled into as they made their way from the docks towards the hovertrain that would apparently be taking them straight to the Hall of Heroes…
But then, before the group had gotten even halfway to the train station, a mob of reporters descended down from on high and devoured them all alive!
Well, not literally in any part of that, other than the fact that they suddenly found themselves surrounded by reporters clammering for Captain Qwark's attention, but Widget certainly felt like she was being converged on by crazed robot zombie cannibals from beyond the scrapyard!
Widget might have taken some small comfort had she known that most of the rest of the Galactic Rangers (save Captain Qwark) felt exactly the same way just now…
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 10: 28 PM, Sunday
Gogo Neutronic looked up at the stars from the balcony of her room, wondering if Widget was already having fun somewhere out in the galaxy, shooting up bad guys left, right, and sideways.
Over all, even though one of her more tolerably intelligent friends had left to pursue a career as a chump… er… hero! She meant hero! Anyway, even though Widget had made it into the Galactic Rangers already, as apparently engaging in actual heroics even before officially becoming a chump… er, hero… meant that the rest of her community service term was reduced to time served…
Okay, dammit, she missed her friend, alright!? There was nothing wrong with that!
But it had been stupid of Widget to have risked her life for her anyway, as Gogo wasn't even anywhere close to where Little Tony had been trying to go as she wasn't even in lane seven at the time! Otto Motov hadn't made it all the way through yet, the slacker, so she had still been waiting outside of Gate Seven, getting progressively bored until she decided to make her own fun.
Anyway, Gogo had gotten an official Galactic Rangers brand Hoverscooter, with their logo and signed by Dr. Nefarious himself after he interrogated… er... interviewed her for her part in the incident! And even better, he was sponsoring her for advanced telepresence classes!
Eat that, Otto Motov!
The young Terachnoid was so over the moon, she had even almost forgotten that she wanted to punch Dr. Nefarious in the gut!
Not that she had any real reason to do so other than Widget having suggested it as an option. But since Widget was leaving, and it had been one of the last things her friend had suggested as something Gogo might want to do, she went for it before she lost the chance!
And the look of Nefarious' face as she hopped on her shiny new, and recently signed, Hoverscooter and made her getaway was hilarious!
Good times, good times…
Ooh! Was that a meteor? Or perhaps a ship in an uncontrolled descent? Fresh, unpicked wreckage about to happen?
"DIBS!"
Gogo was on her Hoverscooter and over the balcony rail in a move so smooth that Widget herself would have…
Picking herself off the ground and getting back onto her Hoverscooter, Gogo revised Widget's imagined reaction to the slow clap that tumble deserved, then actually turned her scooter on and sped on her way to claim her booty!
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:30 AM, Monday
"UP AND AT'EM, RECRUIT!"
"GAAH!" Widget sat straight up and fluidly hopped out of bed to her feet to stand at attention!
Or, she liked to imagine that she would have, had she not gotten tangled in her sheets and tumbled right out of bed the moment she heard Cora's voice yelling in her ear…
"Did you really have to do that?" Widget asked as she untangled herself, stood up, and leveled a glare at Cora as she straightened out her pajamas.
"Would you rather I have let Captain Qwark wake you up? He likes to use a megaphone."
"Why did you get me up so early anyway? It's only… Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning. Couldn't you wait for a more reasonable hour to wake me up?"
"First off, no. While the Galactic Rangers aren't actually military, we do model some of our practices off of theirs, and getting up at Oh-Fuck-It's-Early, as you put it, is someting recruits have to put up with during training. Although I do imagine that we're a lot more laid back about it then they are."
"Really," Widget replied, not quite believing her.
"Well, for one thing, a real drill sergeant would be having you doing God only knows how many push-ups and running laps until you collapse for the backsass. Instead, once you've changed into your P.T.s, you're going to join us outside for some light exercise before breakfast, shower up, then get into your uniform so we can run you through the fitness and training obstacle course until you drop! Doesn't that sound fun!?" Cora stated with an evil grin.
"Yay. Fun," Widget groaned, then proceeded to change into her P.T.s as directed…
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 7:15 AM, Monday
"Look," XJ0421 started, "I appreciate all the help you've given me so far, but I cannot condone putting a little girl in danger!"
"You're smaller than I am!" Gogo pointed out.
"Not by much. Anyway, I have to alert the Galactic Authorities about the danger the Blarg represent, so I had best be on my way."
"And just how are you going to do that?" Gogo asked. "The main port is occupied by Blarg troopers, nearly everyone who can run off already has, and the bastards landed a dropship right on top of Mr. Razz' tugpod, so that's a no-go as well… Wait… By any chance do you have a robotic ignition system?"
"I happen to have the very latest in robotic ignition systems installed," the tiny bot assured Gogo. "Why do you ask?"
"My friend, Widget, left her podfighter behind, and all it needs is a robotic ignition system and we can get off of Veldin and take you to her!"
"Meaning I will take her ship to her, while you stay here and out of danger!" XJ0421 insisted.
"You aren't even tall enough to reach all of the controls!"
"And you are?"
"Fair point. Maybe we can get Mr. Razz to do it?"
"And Mr. Razz is..?"
"Grimroth Razz. He runs a garage, maintenance hangar, and fueling depot over on the edge of town. Knowing him, he'll have sealed the bay doors and bunkered down the moment the shooting started, but I'm sure he'll let us in!"
"Very well," XJ0421 acknowledged. "Let's be on our way then. Perhaps on the way you could tell me more about this… Widget?"
"Sure!" With that, the two got back onto Gogo's Hoverscooter, peaked out from behind the crates that they were currently using for cover, then zipped over to their next hiding spot.
It might take them a while to make it all the way to Grimroth's Garage using this method, but Gogo had already plotted out over six dozen alternative routes in her head that should allow them to sneak past every Blarg trooper still searching the colony for XJ0421 without any of them ever finding out that they were even there…
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:20 PM, Monday
Widget let herself relax as she settled into the latest task Dr. Nefarious had placed in front of her. He had been having her strip down and piece back together various machines and devices since just after lunch, asking her all sorts of odd questions at random times, running equipment diagnostics, playing 5D chess, reciting two different alphabets front and back, and currently breaking into a series of progressively more difficult locks using a variety of tools she had never even heard of before today…
"So…" Widget started speaking, then hesitated even as she continued to focus on how to beat the lock she was currently working on.
"Yes?" Nefarious prompted.
"I've got to ask - Why all this?"
"You mean all the things I've been having you do?"
"Yes."
"I'm mostly getting a proper feel for your skills, talents, and abilities," Nefarious explained. "All this is to help me adjust any plans I come up with accordingly. And I must say that you have not disappointed me so far."
"Thanks!"
"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's not even dinner time yet. You may yet prove to be a disappointment today."
"You're all heart, Doc."
"All joking aside, you've got some real talent there, Widget, and I'm looking forward to helping you bring it out to its fullest and turning it into skills you can depend on to see you and us through circumstances beyond even your wildest imaginings!" Dr. Nefarious spun around as he finished his declaration and came to a stop, pointing into the air dramatically.
"Well, umm… Thanks?"
"Hey, Doc, is Widget still here?" Cora asked, poking her head through the door of the lab and saving Widget from further awkwardness.
"We can resume testing after lunch on Thursday, Widget," Nefarious instructed. "You're free to go."
"Thanks Doc!" Widget called out even as she took the opportunity given to escape the lab and further testing for the day. "So, what's up?"
"Your dad called just a bit ago and left a message for you. Apparently he's bringing you your podfighter for some reason."
"That thing doesn't have enough fuel to make it all the way here. He'd have to stop at Novalice, then Aridia to refuel both times. And where'd he get a robotic ignition system for it anyway? Those things are expensive!"
"Maybe it's a gift for getting into the Galactic Rangers?"
"Some gift! Anyway, let's go see what the message actually says. It'll be nice to hear him again, even if it is just a recording..."
Location: Leaving Veldin at ludicrous speeds
Time: 4:28 PM, Monday
"I must thank you again for helping me along my way, Mr. Razz." XJ0421 said.
"No problem. And thanks for helping me talk Gogo out of trying to come with us," Grimroth replied as he dodged a few shots fired by some Blarg fighters that were attempting to chase them down.
Attempting being the operative word, as Widgtet's little custom hotrod was way faster than it really had any right to be for something this size. Not that Grim was particularly surprised about how fast they were accelerating, given the misadventure they had had out over the Tygil Sea…
"Anyway, how's about you call me Grim?"
"If you insist."
"And we need something easier to remember than your model and serial number for you."
"Gogo Neutronic did not appear to have any problems remembering my designation."
"Gogo's a Terachnoid. I'm not."
"Fair enough. I do not seem to have any current preferences nor ideas for a name for myself. Do you have any suggestions?"
"I'm thinking maybe something simple, like Gears, Tik Tok, Clank, or something similar. Nice and easy to remember, and the guys looking for you won't think to look for you under a new name."
"Then I will have to give it more thought."
"Better think of one to use before we catch up to Widget, or she'll pick a name for you anyway. Probably name you after that defence bot over on Dirt in the Snickers Galaxy. You know, the one I.N.N. says is fighting off the Cluster? She's apparently also called XJ-something…"
"I am not familiar with the Snickers Galaxy…"
"It's the one named after a candybar," Grim stated. "That's all I know."
"How odd."
Location: Comm Center, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:45 PM, Tuesday
"Hey, Grim," Widget smiled as she answered the holocall. "Glad I could catch you this time! Now what's this about you bringing me my podfighter?"
"Sorry, Kid, but I can't talk long. We stopped over at a fuel depot in the Tobruk Crater on Novalis, but they… OH SHIT!" Grimroth Razz suddenly left the holoimage, shortly followed by a loud crack, and then static…
"Grim? GRIM!"
Left: Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers uniform. I based this heavily on the uniform worn by Cora Veralux in the 2016 movie, but kind of got burned out on the boots, which is why I went with simpler gloves...
Right: Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers physical training outfit, which sort of also doubles as underwear for the uniform and armor. Widget also tends to strip down to this when she's on duty but is either performing maintenance, cleaning, or doing something else and doesn't want to get either her uniform or Protosuit dirty.
Time: 7:15 PM, Saturday (prelaunch)
"So this is the Phoenix?" Widget prompted as the group approached a moderately sized corvette.
"Yes, this is the Phoenix!" Captain Qwark announced. "The core ship of the Galactic Rangers!"
"Not to be confused with the Phoenix used by the Star Guard Rangers under Captain Phyronix," Dr. Nefarious quipped.
"Hey, I had no idea that Sasha was also going to use that name!" Qwark complained.
"And yet neither of you will back down and rename your ships," Nefarious noted dryly.
"Well I registered my Phoenix first, so she's out of luck!" Qwark insisted.
"And she insists that the reverse is true," Nefarious pointed out.
"Guys, Guys!" Cora interrupted. "Can we leave the dick waving contest between the captains out of this?"
"I can state with one hundred percent certainty that Sasha Phyronix does not have a dick," Qwark informed Cora in affronted tones.
"I don't think we needed to know that," Widget commented, blushing through her white fur.
"Moving on," Qwark spoke abruptly, breaking through the awkward silence. "As you can see, the main boarding ramp to the rear of the ship doubles as the bay doors for the ship's hangar. We can fit two dropships (suspended from the central dorsal rail), and up to six class-G Starjumper fighters, three to either side of the dropships. We only have four in stock currently, but I'm expecting two more to be delivered to the Hall of Heroes soon! If you clear the flight qualifications, and are interested in flying one of your own, I'll see about assigning one of them to you."
"Really!? Sweet!" Widget exclaimed with a grin. "I have a provisional class two civilian's license right now, so I can't wait to get my full license!"
"Wait," Elaris interrupted her new teammate. "If you only have a provisional Class two license, how did you end up with just a moving violation in a custom podfighter?"
"My podfighter doesn't have a robotic ignition system yet, so a full license wasn't required."
"If you're interested in piloting, Dr. Nefarious designed a holographic training simulator preprogrammed with hundreds of different ships of all types, and thousands of simulated flight missions! With both combat and noncombat scenarios! We can get you officially tested on nearly any ship you can think of!"
"Eh, it was a slow Tuesday, and I was bored," was all Nefarious had to say on the matter.
"The graphics are really good on that thing," Elaris spoke as an aside to Widget, with Cora and Brax nodding in agreement. "Like the image fidelity is so good you can easily forget that you aren't really in the actual ship being simulated!"
"Yeah, and he somehow got all the individual engine vibrations down too," Cora added quietly.
"And the smells!" Brax put in. "I still don't understand how he got a hologram to smell right! Or at all, for that matter."
"I'd explain it to you again," Dr. Nefarious interjected, "but I somehow doubt that you'd understand the processes involved this time either."
"Ahem," Qwark coughed into his fist. "Moving on, why don't we actually board our ship and give Widget the tour before we take off?"
O o O o O
"This is the Phoenix' spacious luxury living accommodations!" Captain Qwark proudly announced as he lead the way into a large room off the port side of the hangar bay. "Note the large, comfortable couches (that can double as emergency floatation devices), the expansive Gadgetron Deluxe Holoterminal Entertainment System, and the nifty coffee table with some hideaway treats that I'm sure you'll enjoy!"
"He's talking about the VG-9,000 game system, complete with a set of Mavox Fireball Pro controllers, VR headsets, and even a Zero-G dance pad attachment!" Elaris added excitedly as she demonstrated how to open the coffee table and pulled out the treasures hidden away within.
"Take me now…" murmured, still awestruck at the sheer luxury of the setup before her.
"What? Like right now right now, or just sometime today right now? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that we don't have time for that before lift off." Brax asked in confusion.
"I'm fairly sure she was just being figurative, Brax," Qwark commented.
"Like you didn't act the same way early on," Nefarious snarked as he went to one of the lockers between the aft bunk stacks and began to stow the gear he had brought out to the recruitment event.
"Well, the VG-1500 was a damn good system when it came out! I just couldn't help myself when Sasha showed me the one she preordered! Of course, we never did get around to actually using it that night…"
"That was both amusingly informative and I'm sure far more than any of us really wanted to know about your love life, Captain," Cora commented as she headed towards one of the lockers between the fore bunk stacks to stow her gear.
"Wait," Widget took a good look at the fore and aft ends of the room. "Why are the bunks in open alcoves? Isn't there any privacy?"
"Qwark bought this ship as military surplus," Nefarious explained as he continued sorting away his gear. "Other than the paint job and a few amenities he decided were absolutely necessary, not much else was changed. So all the utilities on board are essentially unisex by default."
"That's going to take some getting used to," Widget remarked.
"I'll say," Cora agreed. "Can't say I disagree with the view come showertime though."
"I still don't see what the big deal is," Elaris complained. "All sorts of sophonts go nude all the time, and nobody has any problem with them!"
"Anyway," Qwark interjected, "just pick any unclaimed locker and bunk along the fore wall, and you have until the nameplates are processed to change your mind if you want to switch. We traditionally wait at least a day or two before affixing the plates, so you have some time to make sure of your decision."
Two oddly shaped maintenance bots floated in. The smaller one practically looked like a flying eyeball with arms, while the taller one sort of looked like an inverted flying eggplant with wings wearing a visor.
"Ah yes!" Qwark exclaimed. "These bots are Bloop and Bleep! They both perform general maintenance aboard the Phoenix, can be trusted to pilot and navigate in a pinch, and can service and maintain any weapon we've tested them out on so far! Bleep is also a four star chef that can do amazing things in the galley, while Bloop does laundry, regardless of what it's made of, to perfection! Just don't let them do it the other way around - trust me on this."
"Which one is which?" Widget asked as everyone started leaving the crew quarters to continue the brief tour.
"And these side corridors to the left and right between the barracks and the hangar are the Holographic training room and the showers and lavatory respectively! Do not confuse these either and go into the wrong one by mistake! I've done it once or twice, and believe me, it can be very embarrassing to go in one when you meant to use the other!"
"You still haven't told me which bot is Bloop and which one is Bleep!"
"And right over there across the hangar are the armory and shooting range!"
"WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHICH BOT IS WHICH ALREADY!?"
Behind Qwark and Widget there was a brief exchange of Bolts among the rest of the Rangers as they settled a side bet about how long it would take Qwark to drive the new recruit from awestruck to enraged...
O o O o O
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Widget asked at the end of the tour as she slumped into an unclaimed seat on the bridge.
"Well, yes," Quark admitted. "Yes, I did."
"Why?"
"It breaks the hero worship," Nefarious explained. "It's actually hard for Qwark to train anybody the right way if they aren't thinking critically, and they tend not to do that when they have him so high on a pedestal they can't hear what he's trying to tell them."
"To be fair, not everyone reacts like that," Qwark put in. "Take Nefarious for example - When I first took him on, we couldn't stand each other! But we both knew that each of us excelled where the other was weak, and we eventually reached a compromise."
"You very nearly drove me mad because you wouldn't listen to me, even though you hired me to do logistics and planning in the first place!" Nefarious snarked. "But he's right, we did eventually learn how to work together despite our differences."
"And now we're best friends!"
"Friendship is perhaps too strong a word for it, but we get along well enough now," Nefarious admitted.
"I'm either going to fit right in or go crazy in this group. I can tell," Widget snarked.
"See? You're fitting in already!" Cora quipped back.
"Okay, strap in everybody and let's blow this popsicle stand!" Qwark commanded with a grand gesture from his Captain's seat.
"Hey! I live here!" Widget snapped, offended.
"And your point is?" Cora asked. "It's Veldin."
"Yeah," Brax agreed. "The only things to come out of Veldin are angst, sand, rocks, scrap, and angst."
"Those are called novels, Brax. Not angst," Elaris insisted.
"No, he's right," Nefarious corrected his assistant. "I've tried to read some of the drivel the writers here have been putting out. It's all angst."
Widget thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Fair enough."
O o O o O
"If you look out the portside windows, you will see the day side of planet Veldin!" Qwark announced. "Take a good long look now, because we'll be moving further away from it soon so as to be far enough away when we make the jump to hyperspace!"
"Huh," Widget commented. "So that's where I've been stuck all these years…"
"Like I said, Nothing but sand, rocks, more sand, a lot more rocks, rocks made of sand, sand made from rocks…"
"We get it, Brax!" Cora snapped. "You don't like Veldin!"
"Nah, I like Veldin just fine," Brax denied. "There's just not a lot going on there is all."
"You should be here when the Hoverbike gangs come in for their canyon races then," Widget offered. "Things get a lot more exciting then. And then there was this time we fought off a lost Cluster fleet…"
"Huh. I thought that the Cluster were all over in the Snickers Galaxy?" Cora stated uncertainly.
"No, no, it's the Nestle Galaxy," Brax insisted.
"It's the one named after some candybar or other," Qwark put in his two Bolts. "Now ladies, us guys will have the bridge if you want to hit the showers first."
"You don't have to tell me twice," Cora quickly got out of her seat and headed for the door at the rear of the bridge, with Elaris and Widget following hot on her heels.
O o O o O
"Is it just me, or is there a lot of tension between the Captain and Nefarious?" Widget asked once she was sure they were out of earshot of the bridge.
"I don't think so?" Elaris answered hesitantly before Cora could. "I mean, I don't see any chemistry there, but I suppose they could make a cute couple, maybe?"
"That's not what I meant at all," Widget stated bluntly.
"There was an incident from back before I joined, from what I was given to understand," Cora explained, deciding to rescue Widget from the derailed conversation. "Something major went wrong during a mission because Brax and the Captain ignored the plan Dr. Nefarious had come up with. And not just for the first time, either. Nefarious was apparently mad enough that he almost quit over it, but he and Qwark managed to work it out and come to a compromise over how they both prefer to operate. There's still a lot of tension from time to time, and they can snark at each other like nobody's business, but sometimes when they click…"
"Yes?" Widget prompted.
"When they hit their stride and work with each other to the best of their abilities? That's when the magic happens. Brax and I have seen those two pull off things that we could swear should have been impossible under any other conditions! And hey, they are sort of friends now despite their rocky start. They just like to poke at each other's egoes from time to time. Says it keeps them humble."
Elaris started pulling off her jacket the moment they entered the barracks, dropping it on the floor even as she headed for her locker.
"Elaris!" Cora called out.
"What?" Elaris called back over her shoulder even as she pulled off her undershirt.
"You're setting a bad example for the rookie!"
"It's not like Bloop won't pick it all up anyway," Elaris pointed out reasonably as she sat on a bunk and pulled off her boots and socks, dropping them on the floor as well.
"We have a hamper! Just because we have bots to clean up after us, doesn't mean we should make it any harder on them just because they'll do it anyway!" Cora continued to complain as she moved next to the hamper she had mentioned and started disrobing straight into it. Widget decided to follow suit.
"Bloop enjoys picking stuff up, moving it, and putting it back down," Elaris explained as she got up, shucked off and discarded her pants and panties just as carelessly as everything else. "I think he was a loading bot in a previous iteration somewhere."
"I guess we should be calling you Commando then," Cora suddenly addressed Widget.
"What?" Widget asked, confused by the sudden switch in the conversation.
"You weren't wearing any panties," Cora pointed out.
"Yes I was! Wait… Where's my underwear!? ARGH! I must've forgotten it in the rush this morning!"
"Whatever you say, Commando," Cora quipped.
"Can we please not use that nickname?"
"I'll think about it…" Cora replied, then grinned wickedly. "Commando."
"I hate you so much right now."
"I think you two would make a cute couple too!"
"Could we not go there, Elaris?"
"And you even have the synchronized talking trick down already! It's gotta be destiny!"
"ELARIS!"
"Destiny, I tell you!" Elaris yelled out as she raced off towards the showers laughing as the other two chased her down with intent to tickle…
O o O o O
When the three ladies returned from their showers, they found fresh uniforms, neatly folded on their respective bunks. Or on an as yet unclaimed bunk in Widget's case, with her new uniform having a helmet set to one side and the goggles Grim had...
She picked up the goggles, remembering how happy she had been, and her first legitimate flight behind the stick of Grim's rugged tugpod.
No, she wasn't going to cry!
…
Dammit!
"Hey, you alright?" Elaris asked, placing a hand on Widget's shoulder.
"I'm fine. It's stupid…"
"Whatever it is, it's not stupid," Elaris corrected her.
"Let me guess: Homesick?" Cora prompted.
"Not really…" Widget disagreed, then changed her mind. "Well… maybe? It's just that these were the first gift I ever received from anyone. I still remember how proud Grim was that I had passed my provisional pilot's exam in his old clunker of a tugpod. He gave these to me that very night, right after dinner, and I wore them for a week straight until they stunk to high heaven and he made me wash them and my fur until the smell was completely gone…"
"Was he your dad?" Cora asked.
"No… Well, sorta? I guess I kinda saw him that way after a while, but he started out as my court appointed guardian. I couldn't stand him at first, but he was really patient with me. Put up with a lot of hell he didn't deserve before I realized that he was really helping me and I got my act together."
"Hey, it's okay to miss him," Cora stated. "He's your dad after all."
"Not officially…"
"Then why do you share his name?"
"Oh, that's just something we started putting on the paperwork so I could order parts for the shop when he was out."
"I hate to burst your bubble, but for that to be legal, Grimroth had to have adopted you so you wouldn't get in trouble for identity theft," Cora pointed out.
"Oh, it's legal enough," Elaris assured them. "I saw Widget's adoption papers when I was running the background checks!"
"Say what now?" Widget asked, surprised.
"You didn't know that Grimroth had adopted you?" Cora asked.
"WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME!?"
"If you ladies would care to finish getting dressed," Bleep interrupted as he entered the barracks, "Captain Qwark would like you to head for the bridge so that he and the others can take their turns freshening up. Meanwhile, I will be preparing a lovely repast in the galley for when everyone is done."
With that said, Bleep left even as the ladies returned to putting their uniforms the rest of the way on.
Making a decision, Widget put on the goggles, propping the lenses back into their usual place above her eyes until she needed them, and then placed her new helmet in her locker.
She was Widget Razz, Galactic Ranger, and she would make Grim… Her father… Proud!
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City Spaceport, Kerwan
Time: 11:26 AM, Sunday
Widget looked every which way as the group disembarked from the Phoenix at the starport in Aleero City on Kerwan. Never had she seen a city with such tall skyscrapers, nor with so much greenery, outside of a holovid! And there were so many different races of sophonts wandering around! Most of which she had never seen in person before now either!
"Head off the swivel, Widget," Captain Qwark chided. "You're in uniform, and we're about to meet the press! Best not to look too much like a tourist during their first impression of you, after all!!"
"Right, right, got it," Widget replied as she tried to train her eyes forward and ignore the sights for now.
"You can look around once we get you settled in and Doc has updated your Nav unit," Qwark went on.
"Assuming she already has one," Dr. Nefarious interjected. "Don't worry if you don't. I'll issue you one with all the appropriate map data so you can find your way anywhere on Kerwan. Or any number of registered worlds for that matter! I do good work, even if I do say so myself."
"Which he does!" Qwark agreed jovially.
"You mean he does good work, or that he says so himself?" Widget asked.
"Both, really," Qwark clarified, to which Nefarious responded by rolling his eyes (hiding a brief smirk at Qwark's acknowledgement of his skills).
Widget basked in the comfortable camaraderie the Rangers settled into as they made their way from the docks towards the hovertrain that would apparently be taking them straight to the Hall of Heroes…
But then, before the group had gotten even halfway to the train station, a mob of reporters descended down from on high and devoured them all alive!
Well, not literally in any part of that, other than the fact that they suddenly found themselves surrounded by reporters clammering for Captain Qwark's attention, but Widget certainly felt like she was being converged on by crazed robot zombie cannibals from beyond the scrapyard!
Widget might have taken some small comfort had she known that most of the rest of the Galactic Rangers (save Captain Qwark) felt exactly the same way just now…
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 10: 28 PM, Sunday
Gogo Neutronic looked up at the stars from the balcony of her room, wondering if Widget was already having fun somewhere out in the galaxy, shooting up bad guys left, right, and sideways.
Over all, even though one of her more tolerably intelligent friends had left to pursue a career as a chump… er… hero! She meant hero! Anyway, even though Widget had made it into the Galactic Rangers already, as apparently engaging in actual heroics even before officially becoming a chump… er, hero… meant that the rest of her community service term was reduced to time served…
Okay, dammit, she missed her friend, alright!? There was nothing wrong with that!
But it had been stupid of Widget to have risked her life for her anyway, as Gogo wasn't even anywhere close to where Little Tony had been trying to go as she wasn't even in lane seven at the time! Otto Motov hadn't made it all the way through yet, the slacker, so she had still been waiting outside of Gate Seven, getting progressively bored until she decided to make her own fun.
Anyway, Gogo had gotten an official Galactic Rangers brand Hoverscooter, with their logo and signed by Dr. Nefarious himself after he interrogated… er... interviewed her for her part in the incident! And even better, he was sponsoring her for advanced telepresence classes!
Eat that, Otto Motov!
The young Terachnoid was so over the moon, she had even almost forgotten that she wanted to punch Dr. Nefarious in the gut!
Not that she had any real reason to do so other than Widget having suggested it as an option. But since Widget was leaving, and it had been one of the last things her friend had suggested as something Gogo might want to do, she went for it before she lost the chance!
And the look of Nefarious' face as she hopped on her shiny new, and recently signed, Hoverscooter and made her getaway was hilarious!
Good times, good times…
Ooh! Was that a meteor? Or perhaps a ship in an uncontrolled descent? Fresh, unpicked wreckage about to happen?
"DIBS!"
Gogo was on her Hoverscooter and over the balcony rail in a move so smooth that Widget herself would have…
Picking herself off the ground and getting back onto her Hoverscooter, Gogo revised Widget's imagined reaction to the slow clap that tumble deserved, then actually turned her scooter on and sped on her way to claim her booty!
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:30 AM, Monday
"UP AND AT'EM, RECRUIT!"
"GAAH!" Widget sat straight up and fluidly hopped out of bed to her feet to stand at attention!
Or, she liked to imagine that she would have, had she not gotten tangled in her sheets and tumbled right out of bed the moment she heard Cora's voice yelling in her ear…
"Did you really have to do that?" Widget asked as she untangled herself, stood up, and leveled a glare at Cora as she straightened out her pajamas.
"Would you rather I have let Captain Qwark wake you up? He likes to use a megaphone."
"Why did you get me up so early anyway? It's only… Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning. Couldn't you wait for a more reasonable hour to wake me up?"
"First off, no. While the Galactic Rangers aren't actually military, we do model some of our practices off of theirs, and getting up at Oh-Fuck-It's-Early, as you put it, is someting recruits have to put up with during training. Although I do imagine that we're a lot more laid back about it then they are."
"Really," Widget replied, not quite believing her.
"Well, for one thing, a real drill sergeant would be having you doing God only knows how many push-ups and running laps until you collapse for the backsass. Instead, once you've changed into your P.T.s, you're going to join us outside for some light exercise before breakfast, shower up, then get into your uniform so we can run you through the fitness and training obstacle course until you drop! Doesn't that sound fun!?" Cora stated with an evil grin.
"Yay. Fun," Widget groaned, then proceeded to change into her P.T.s as directed…
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 7:15 AM, Monday
"Look," XJ0421 started, "I appreciate all the help you've given me so far, but I cannot condone putting a little girl in danger!"
"You're smaller than I am!" Gogo pointed out.
"Not by much. Anyway, I have to alert the Galactic Authorities about the danger the Blarg represent, so I had best be on my way."
"And just how are you going to do that?" Gogo asked. "The main port is occupied by Blarg troopers, nearly everyone who can run off already has, and the bastards landed a dropship right on top of Mr. Razz' tugpod, so that's a no-go as well… Wait… By any chance do you have a robotic ignition system?"
"I happen to have the very latest in robotic ignition systems installed," the tiny bot assured Gogo. "Why do you ask?"
"My friend, Widget, left her podfighter behind, and all it needs is a robotic ignition system and we can get off of Veldin and take you to her!"
"Meaning I will take her ship to her, while you stay here and out of danger!" XJ0421 insisted.
"You aren't even tall enough to reach all of the controls!"
"And you are?"
"Fair point. Maybe we can get Mr. Razz to do it?"
"And Mr. Razz is..?"
"Grimroth Razz. He runs a garage, maintenance hangar, and fueling depot over on the edge of town. Knowing him, he'll have sealed the bay doors and bunkered down the moment the shooting started, but I'm sure he'll let us in!"
"Very well," XJ0421 acknowledged. "Let's be on our way then. Perhaps on the way you could tell me more about this… Widget?"
"Sure!" With that, the two got back onto Gogo's Hoverscooter, peaked out from behind the crates that they were currently using for cover, then zipped over to their next hiding spot.
It might take them a while to make it all the way to Grimroth's Garage using this method, but Gogo had already plotted out over six dozen alternative routes in her head that should allow them to sneak past every Blarg trooper still searching the colony for XJ0421 without any of them ever finding out that they were even there…
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:20 PM, Monday
Widget let herself relax as she settled into the latest task Dr. Nefarious had placed in front of her. He had been having her strip down and piece back together various machines and devices since just after lunch, asking her all sorts of odd questions at random times, running equipment diagnostics, playing 5D chess, reciting two different alphabets front and back, and currently breaking into a series of progressively more difficult locks using a variety of tools she had never even heard of before today…
"So…" Widget started speaking, then hesitated even as she continued to focus on how to beat the lock she was currently working on.
"Yes?" Nefarious prompted.
"I've got to ask - Why all this?"
"You mean all the things I've been having you do?"
"Yes."
"I'm mostly getting a proper feel for your skills, talents, and abilities," Nefarious explained. "All this is to help me adjust any plans I come up with accordingly. And I must say that you have not disappointed me so far."
"Thanks!"
"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's not even dinner time yet. You may yet prove to be a disappointment today."
"You're all heart, Doc."
"All joking aside, you've got some real talent there, Widget, and I'm looking forward to helping you bring it out to its fullest and turning it into skills you can depend on to see you and us through circumstances beyond even your wildest imaginings!" Dr. Nefarious spun around as he finished his declaration and came to a stop, pointing into the air dramatically.
"Well, umm… Thanks?"
"Hey, Doc, is Widget still here?" Cora asked, poking her head through the door of the lab and saving Widget from further awkwardness.
"We can resume testing after lunch on Thursday, Widget," Nefarious instructed. "You're free to go."
"Thanks Doc!" Widget called out even as she took the opportunity given to escape the lab and further testing for the day. "So, what's up?"
"Your dad called just a bit ago and left a message for you. Apparently he's bringing you your podfighter for some reason."
"That thing doesn't have enough fuel to make it all the way here. He'd have to stop at Novalice, then Aridia to refuel both times. And where'd he get a robotic ignition system for it anyway? Those things are expensive!"
"Maybe it's a gift for getting into the Galactic Rangers?"
"Some gift! Anyway, let's go see what the message actually says. It'll be nice to hear him again, even if it is just a recording..."
O o O o O
Location: Leaving Veldin at ludicrous speeds
Time: 4:28 PM, Monday
"I must thank you again for helping me along my way, Mr. Razz." XJ0421 said.
"No problem. And thanks for helping me talk Gogo out of trying to come with us," Grimroth replied as he dodged a few shots fired by some Blarg fighters that were attempting to chase them down.
Attempting being the operative word, as Widgtet's little custom hotrod was way faster than it really had any right to be for something this size. Not that Grim was particularly surprised about how fast they were accelerating, given the misadventure they had had out over the Tygil Sea…
"Anyway, how's about you call me Grim?"
"If you insist."
"And we need something easier to remember than your model and serial number for you."
"Gogo Neutronic did not appear to have any problems remembering my designation."
"Gogo's a Terachnoid. I'm not."
"Fair enough. I do not seem to have any current preferences nor ideas for a name for myself. Do you have any suggestions?"
"I'm thinking maybe something simple, like Gears, Tik Tok, Clank, or something similar. Nice and easy to remember, and the guys looking for you won't think to look for you under a new name."
"Then I will have to give it more thought."
"Better think of one to use before we catch up to Widget, or she'll pick a name for you anyway. Probably name you after that defence bot over on Dirt in the Snickers Galaxy. You know, the one I.N.N. says is fighting off the Cluster? She's apparently also called XJ-something…"
"I am not familiar with the Snickers Galaxy…"
"It's the one named after a candybar," Grim stated. "That's all I know."
"How odd."
O o O o O
Location: Comm Center, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:45 PM, Tuesday
"Hey, Grim," Widget smiled as she answered the holocall. "Glad I could catch you this time! Now what's this about you bringing me my podfighter?"
"Sorry, Kid, but I can't talk long. We stopped over at a fuel depot in the Tobruk Crater on Novalis, but they… OH SHIT!" Grimroth Razz suddenly left the holoimage, shortly followed by a loud crack, and then static…
"Grim? GRIM!"
PLANETARY LEXICONKerwan
Galaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Heavy, varied races.
Spaceports: Aleero City; Metropolis (all amenities available)
Major Imports: Luxury goods
Major Exports: spaceships, superheroes, and the occasional supervillain
Kerwan is a heavily populated urbanized world noted for its very tall skyscrapers, integrated greenery, cheap public grav-train system, and a periodic origin point for superheroes, supervillains, and supermarkets. Air traffic is nearly continuous across the entire planet. So much so that commonly used air lanes were designated and organized to help prevent accidents. Not that all air traffic follows these lanes, as vehicles moving under the minimum speed limit are encouraged to stay out of any designated air lanes for everyone's safety.
Kerwan has two major spaceports, in Aleero City and Metropolis respectively.
The Hall of Heroes, headquarters of Captain Copernicus Leslie Qwark's Galactic Rangers, is located in the heart of Aleero City.
The tourist board of Metropilis would like to announce that Captain Qwark's Fitness Course is once again open to the general public! This course is a near copy of the actual training and fitness course located at the Hall of Heroes in Aleero City, and both courses had been designed by Captain Qwark himself!
Kerwan Authorities are still seeking any information about the rogue male Lombax, known only as "Shirtless Tom," who ran amok in Metropolis eight years ago. He is believed to be related to noted battle arena star, Mustachio Furioso. Unfortunately, Mr. Furioso could not be reached for questioning.
Left: Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers uniform. I based this heavily on the uniform worn by Cora Veralux in the 2016 movie, but kind of got burned out on the boots, which is why I went with simpler gloves...
Right: Widget Razz, wearing her Galactic Rangers physical training outfit, which sort of also doubles as underwear for the uniform and armor. Widget also tends to strip down to this when she's on duty but is either performing maintenance, cleaning, or doing something else and doesn't want to get either her uniform or Protosuit dirty.
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Novalis, Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hyperspace, Approaching Novalis
Time: 3:52 AM, Wednesday.
"Okay, Rangers," Qwark started once everyone was gathered on the Bridge, "We don't know what we're heading into on Novalis. It could be nothing, or it could be mind numbingly terrifying danger unlike anything we've faced before! So be ready for anything! Now, according to the plan Nefarious and Elaris worked out, once we drop out of Hyperspace, Elaris will remain aboard the Phoenix on overwatch, while Brax, Cora, and I fly escort in our Starjumpers, and Dr. Nefarious and Widget make the drop to Tobruk Crater to locate and rescue Grimroth Razz and find out what's going on. Any questions?"
"How many times did you go over that oh-so inspirational speech?" Nefarious asked dryly.
"Any questions not about how inspirational my speech may or may not have been?"
"Yeah," Brax spoke. "Why does the newbie get to do the ground mission?"
"Because she's familiar with Mr. Razz, and thus more likely to think of places he might have gone if he went into hiding," Nefarious explained. "Besides, as an experienced salvager, she already knows how to look around in dangerous areas, and she's already used to taking orders from me."
"Speaking of which, Doc," Qwark interjected, "you sure you want to be the one leading the ground mission? It may be dangerous down there."
"Well then," Nefarious picked up a cylinder and shoved his right hand into the open end, causing sections of dark metal to slide up his arm and start assembling into a sleek yet powerful suit of armor with around him, complete with built in weapons and a jump pack. It was all in dark blue and purple, had glowing red trim and his logo on the chest, and looked very impressive as he posed dramatically before his teammates. "Let's get dangerous!"
"I am afraid that this is the best I can do with the materials at hand, Grim," XJ0421 stated as he finished bandaging the large Fongoid's wounds. "If this was indeed to be an emergency shelter at one point, it is clear that it was never finished. The cave appears to end at a pool of clean water just around the bend, and these mushrooms are nutritionally compatible with your metabolism, so we can most likely hold out for a while before we must open the door anyway, but you really do need proper medical attention, and soon."
"No," Grimroth groaned in pain. "Not happening… hah... with those bastards actively shooting up the place. No way that an… hah… ambulance shuttle would make it through that warzone."
"Well, you are certainly in no condition to make it all the way to a hospital on foot, and the care I can provide here is extremely limited. I am afraid that I am at a loss. I am sorry to have gotten you involved in this mess." With that, XJ0421 sat down against the wall of the cave with a clank and put his head in his hands.
"Clank…"
"Did you say something, Grim?"
"Your name… I'm going to call you Clank."
"Are you sure this is the right time to be considering such things?"
"Not like I… hah… have much else to do."
"Do you really think the Galactic Rangers will come for us?"
"Maybe, maybe not, but Widget will. Come hell or high water, Widget will find us."
"If you are certain."
"Oh, I'm sure… hah… I only hope that I'm still with you when she comes in like a… hah... big damn hero. Be a… hah… shame if I died before the… hah… big rescue. Widget would kill me!"
"That statement is a logical fallacy."
"You're a good kid… hah… Clank. You watch over Widget for me… hah… okay? She'll be like a big… hah… sister to you… hah…"
"You are exerting yourself too much, Grim! Please rest. I will fetch some water."
"Yeah… hah… You do that. I'm just… hah… gonna lie here…"
"Captain, we're being fired upon!" Elaris announced as the Phoenix dropped out of hyperspace near Novalis.
"Elaris, you have the bridge!" Qwark commanded. "Nefarious, I trust you to make the right call on how you and Widget get to Tobruk Crater. Everyone else to your fighters! Looks like we're going to have to clear a path!"
Nefarious and Widget looked at the monitors as the rest of the Rangers dashed off. "Hmmm… Looks like there's too much hostile activity over Tobruk Crater for us to safely land a dropship there. The spaceport looks like it has been heavily damaged by suppression fire."
"Look for a fuel depot with a landing pad near the edge of the crater, where the settlement thins out," Widget advised. "Grim would want to stop somewhere that's normally away from heavy traffic."
"Okay, that cuts down the possible spots to just six," Nefarious stated, highlighting them on the viewscreen and blowing up each image.
"There! That's the remains of my podfighter! I'd recognize those parts anywhere!"
"Looks to be a sealed blast door in the cliff nearby."
"Grim will be there!"
"Then we're going to drop in here," Nefarious said, pointing elsewhere on the map, albeit not very far from the indicated fuel depot.
"What? Why!?"
"That's a civil defense center. There will be plans for any registered emergency shelters nearby, along with any codes or alternate access routes we might need. Now come along, we should probably hurry."
"How are we going to get down there? There's no way that a dropship is going to make it through that mess quickly!"
"Not without landing much farther away, no. Tell me, have you tried out the HALO tests in the holosimulator yet?"
"No? Why do you ask?"
"I guess it's on the job training then. Here, attach this to the back of your suit and grab your helmet. You're going to need it. Now, which weapons have you qualified on so far?"
"Well, my Omnimallet and Bombglove of course," Widget listed off. "Then the Ion Blaster, because Captain Qwark said that I should familiarize myself with a cheap and commonly available sidearm should I ever be caught without my issued weapons, then the Combustor because it's on our standard issue list… Oh, and a Pyrocitor!"
"And were you actually issued any of these yet? Besides your personal weapons, I mean."
"Captain Qwark issued a Combustor to me the moment I passed the qualifier, but that's about it."
"I'll pull a Pyrocitor from the armory for you while you're getting ready, as you might need one down there if you end up facing enemy swarms. Or in case you need to light a bonfire at an impromptu Junior Space Scout Jamboree."
"Wait, those actually happen? I thought spontaneous scout events were something that only ever happened on episodes of Lance and Janice?"
"You'd think so, but Brax has managed to get caught up in six such incidents without any warning whatsoever since he joined the Galactic Rangers. So far, he's also the only Ranger this has ever happened to, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared."
"Huh…" Widget filed away that bit of wisdom for later, resolving to ask Brax about it at some point in the future.
"I trust that you have also practiced hot-swapping your tools and weapons using your Alternate Space Stash?" Nefarious asked.
"Absolutely! That thing is so cool!"
"It's also expensive, so don't lose it."
"Right, right, got it," Widget acceded while rolling her eyes. "Oh! I almost forgot! What's HALO mean, anyway?"
"You'll find out shortly. Now move!"
"THIS IS INSANE!" Widget screamed over the comms as she and Nefarious plummeted through the atmosphere, their grav-chutes keeping them right at the very edge of safe insertion speeds.
"Stop hyperventilating or you'll pass out and end up who knows where!" Nefarious instructed.
"THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"
"Actually, this is my first live HALO drop too. I'm actually finding the experience rather intriguing. Possibly even exhilarating. Also, please control your volume. I'd rather not be forced to mute you."
"Okay, okay…" Widget fought to rein in her panic. "I can do this… Just need to relax and remember what the instructions on the grav-chute said."
"Would you care to play a mental game of 5D chess while we're falling?"
"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP DISTRACTING ME!?"
"I don't think these are space pirates, robotic or otherwise," Captain Qwark said over the comms. "There's too much standardization for a force of this size."
"Yeah, and then there's the fact that robotic space pirates seem to almost always go for a nautical theme for reasons I never understood," Brax commented from his Starjumper as he shot down another enemy craft.
"Tradition, mostly," Qwark replied. "Supposedly, the first robotic space pirates to adopt a nautical theme were composed of theme park animatronics 'liberated' by Cluster drones over in the Snickers Galaxy. I'm not sure why other robotic space pirates decided to follow suit, but there you have it."
"As interesting as this all is, I don't see how it's relevant to the situation," Cora complained tersely.
"Well, it does eliminate robotic space pirates from the suspects list," Quark pointed out.
"Speaking of suspects," Elaris interjected, "I ran a search on their logo and got a hit. These are BlargTech Corporate warcraft. We may be looking at the start of another Corporate War."
"Well, that's not good," Qwark grumbled. "Not that space pirates would have been much better, but at least their goals tend to be more straightforward, and they actually tend to be more budget conscious because they don't want to waste their loot on big, easy to target, superweapons."
"Either that, or maybe it's just that nobody makes superweapons with a nautical theme," Cora quipped.
"That's actually a valid point too," Qwark agreed.
After an indeterminate amount of time spent more or less in directed freefall, indeterminate because it both felt like forever and yet was over entirely too soon, Widget and Nefarious finally drew close enough to the ground to make it worth finetuning their insertion angles as they took in the view of the city they were rapidly approaching.
"Adjust your angle slightly to the… Nevermind, you've already done so," Dr. Nefarious aborted his instructions. "I must say, you're doing really well for someone who hasn't even gone through any freefall simulations."
"I'll have you know that this has been the second most terrifying experience in my entire life," Widget stated neutrally as she continued to focus on the airflow buffeting her, ready to readjust her angle at a moment's notice should she be pushed off course by turbulence.
"Really? And what was the first?"
"Right after I kicked Little Tony between his legs as hard as I could."
"That Cazar meta that disrupted the recruitment event back on Veldin?"
"That's him, yes," Widget confirmed.
"Okay, I can see your point," Nefarious conceded. "Hmmm… According to the conversation on channel one, we're probably going to be facing BlargTech corporate forces when we touch down. BlargTech does a lot of robotics, so expect warbots and drones along with live Blarg troops."
"Got it." Widget replied, then spoke up again as she noticed something. "Uh, there's a group of hostels converging on what appears to be a civilian trying to refuel a courier ship just south of our target LZ!"
"We're diverting to intercept, "Nefarious instructed. "Looks like it's hero time!"
Novalis Chairman, Agnogg Buckwash, was not having a good day. First the 'negotiations' with Chairman Drek turned out to be nothing more than an excuse for the megalomaniacal C.E.O. of BlargTech to taunt him and send him on his way. After, of course, syphoning away enough fuel from his personal courier ship to force him to make planetfall and try to refuel after ordering an full planetary evacuation, which had been the only option Drek had left him with.
Not that the Blarg were letting anyone actually leave Novalis, so that turned out to be another cruel joke on Drek's part.
Now it looked like he was going to die here, surrounded by Blarg troops, not more than a kilometer from his own estate.
Angogg sent a silent apology to his wife and son, and prayed that they somehow escaped…
Just as the Blarg fired their blasters, two figures hit the ground before Angogg, blocking all shots with a hastily projected force dome. The taller of the two, in sleek and regal blue and purple power armor, stood straight and deployed some sort of arm-mounted blast canon...
"Gentlemen," the tall one spoke in menacingly, "the Doctor is ready to see you now!"
The resulting firefight was short, extremely violent, surprisingly one sided in the fact that the numerically superior force was immediately overwhelmed by just two combatants, and it was the third most beautiful thing Angogg had ever seen (the first being his wife on their wedding day, and the second being the birth of his son).
"Thank you! Thank you!" Angogg cried out profusely, finally recognising that the shorter of the pair was wearing a Galactic Rangers suit and logo, meaning the one in the power armor was probably Qwark's second in command, Dr. Something-or-other. Started with an N at any rate, he remembered that much.
"Anytime, citizen!" the shorter one replied with a youngish female voice. Hmmm… exaggerated ears on the helmet, a tail sleeve on the suit, and feline facial features visible through the helmet's green tinted visor… A Cazar, perhaps? Too tall to be a Moroban at any rate.
"Come along, Widget," the tall one ordered. "We have to get to the Civil Defence building we initially intended to drop in at, so we can get those schematics we need."
"Wait, wait!" Angogg called out. "It's for hero work, right?"
"Yes, that is correct," the tall one agreed.
"Then, under my authority as Chairman of Novalis, I can grant you temporary access to any government building you need. Here, let me make the call, and they'll be expecting you, and have the appropriate passcards waiting."
"Thank you, that would be most helpful," Dr. N replied agreeably. "Widget, I can handle this on my own. You get started on the other mission, and I'll meet up with you later."
"Thanks, Doc!" the felinoid called out even as she ran to the retracted bridge to the south and activated the controls to deploy it so she could cross. Angogg wondered what their other mission might be for a moment, but then put it out of his head as unimportant for the time being. These were the Galactic Rangers, so it was obviously hero work of some sort.
Best to leave them at it, and hope that it was pro bono, or at least at a discount due to the emergency...
"Gentlemen," BlargTech C.E.O. and Orxon representative Chairman Alonso Drek began as he addressed the operations officers seated around the table he was standing at the head of. "We have invested a lot of time, money, and training into this venture, all in hopes of acquiring the perfect pieces to assemble into a pristine new homeworld for our race. So, would somebody please explain to me WHY OUR FLEET IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY A SINGLE CORVETTE AND THREE FIGHTERS!?"
"It's the Galactic Rangers, Chairman Drek," one of the officers started, only to be interrupted by his boss.
"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S THE… Galactic Rangers you say?" Drek suddenly calmed down considerably. "I heard that they were an elite force, but I hadn't considered that they would be this effective. Someone get Victor Von Ion on the line. I have another job for him…"
Fighting her way past some drones and a couple of Blarg troops that had apparently been supervising them, Widget hopped onto the grav-lift to ride it to the ledge above where the wreckage of her podfighter was located. Once there, she noted the large blast door to the southwest, still closed and most likely sealed, a cave entrance to the east with the sounds of machinery coming from within, and the ravine continuing around a bend to the south.
Widget tensed up as she investigated the wreckage itself, but relaxed when she found no signs of a body in or around the pieces of her destroyed podfighter.
"I'm at the site, Doc," Widget called over the comms. "No sign of Grim in the immediate wreckage. I'm going to check the surrounding area. So far, I see three possible paths, assuming he didn't head towards town, with the more likely being either whatever is behind the blast doors or somewhere inside a cave with the sounds of running machinery coming from within."
"Acknowledged," Nefarious' voice returned over the comm. "I'll see if I can locate whatever we need to get past or around that particular blast door. In the meantime, why don't you investigate the cave? There might be a loop-around somewhere inside that would lead you to the shelter's back entrance."
"On it," Widget acknowledged, heading into the cave…
"You wanted to see me, Drek?" Victor Von Ion said over the secured holocomm.
"Yes," Drek acknowledged. "You're still on Veldin, right? Looking for that defect?"
"That's right. I haven't found the little pile of scrap yet, but when I do…"
"Well, I want you to forget it for now. I'm having a little… problem... with the Galactic Rangers at the moment, and I'd like you to assemble an anti-hero taskforce to counter them and any other heroes that get in the way of my plans."
"What about the defect?"
"You can go back to hunting it when the Rangers are dealt with, not before."
"Fine," the big red warbot grumbled.
"Oh, don't be that way, Victor!" Drek chided. "Look, I even have some information that might be useful to your new task. Apparently the Galactic Rangers recently held a recruitment event on Veldin, and one of the applicants ended up being arrested. A Cazar meta by the name of Little Tony. Why don't you drop by the jail, 'bail' him out and see if he's interested in a little revenge?"
"Standard merc package?"
"No. According to the notes, he's mathematically challenged, so just offer him pay and benefits without saying how much. We'll give him just enough to keep him satisfied and consider the rest as savings."
"You know that any other mercs I hire aren't likely to be as gullible, right? Not if you want a proper counterforce anyway."
"I know, I know. That's why we're cutting corners with this one. Now get to it!" Drek ordered, cutting the call off there.
Victor Von Ion scowled at the thought of letting the defect go, then shrugged and started heading for the Kyzil Plateau Detention Facility to recruit Little Tony.
Which shouldn't take long, as the facility wasn't that large to begin with, being mainly intended as temporary holding for short term sentences or until a prison ship stopped by to pick up anyone slated to be transferred to a more long term facility.
The defect had probably been grabbed by a salvage rat and stripped for parts by now anyway…
"I managed to prepare a light meal for you, Grim," Clank said as he presented an upside down mushroom cap with some steaming cavefish stew inside. "The whole thing is edible, but I cannot say how it might taste…"
Grimroth accepted the makeshift bowl with his good arm and tipped an edge into his mouth to sip at the stew. "A bit bland but… hah... okay, I guess." The large Fongoid wheezed for a moment then rambled. "Might try you… hah... out in a kitchen sometime… hah... and see what you can do with… hah... proper tools and seasonings…"
"I'm sure that it would be an…" Clank hesitated for a moment, then concluded with "...experience."
"Look… hah… If I don't make it… hah… you tell your sister… hah… that I'm proud of her… hah… okay?"
"You shouldn't stress yourself, Grim," Clank stated firmly. "We'll get you out of this." And in a much quieter tone he continued to himself, "somehow…"
Widget was dead certain that Grim had not come into the cave at all by this point. Or that, if he had, he had gone back the other way the moment he got to that first room past the piston platforms in the cave itself.
And it was a bit of a stretch to believe that Grim would even bother with trying to get past that particular obstacle unless he was really in trouble. But a room you needed either your own ladder, a jetpack, or good parkour skills in order to reach the next door?
Not a chance.
Still, Nefarious had said that there might be a loop-around back into the actual shelter she was now convinced Grim was inside of, so she continued to press forward through the various rooms and passages, until she finally saw…
"Grim?" Widget asked in surprise when she saw the large figure bending over from behind.
"Yeah, the situation does seem that way, yes," The large figure, who was very definitely not Grimroth Razz replied, straightening up and turning around to face her, revealing him to be a Rilgarian with bluish-grey skin.
"Wait, you're not Grim!"
"Kind of rude to assume my emotional state after we just met, don't you think?"
"No, I meant that you're not Grimroth Razz!"
"Ah," the plumber nodded sagely. "Large fellow? Kinda purplish blue-grey? Large floppy ears?"
"Yeah! That's him! Have you seen him? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, I saw him make it into the emergency blast shelter over by the south refueling pad. Had some sort of little bot with him too. I don't think he's okay though, given how close he was to that custom podfighter when those damned Blarg blew it up. I tried to call for an ambulance, but my calls haven't been getting through. I'm guessing that Emergency Services are being overwhelmed by the attack."
"I've got to get to him!" Widget declared in alarm. "Do you know if there's another way into the shelter?"
"Not a direct way, no, but there is a convoluted route. Here, let me get the map for you. Oh, and a medkit!"
"I have some gel-packed nanotech with me already, but I'll gladly take any more you're willing to give me," Widget accepted the offer gratefully.
"Bah. Nanotech is good and all for what it does," the plumber snorted derisively. "Don't get me wrong, the stuff is a miracle for what it does do, but it's not actually a cure all despite how versatile it is."
"And it can do everything that the contents of a standard medkit can do," Widget pointed out. "Anything more than that usually requires Emergency Services anyway."
"Fair enough, I suppose," the plumber conceded. "Anyway, here's the map and a medkit anyway. If you follow me, I can show you a shortcut that will take you straight to the south refueling pad. Then you'll want to head due south and follow the bend of the ravine until you reach another cave. Just go in and follow the directions on the map. It twists around a bit, and you'll have to do some swimming, but otherwise it'll lead you straight to the fella you're looking for."
"Thanks for the help! Now where is this shortcut of yours?"
"Right over there," the plumber gestured to a water chute. "Just hop in and let the clean water outflow carry you all the way to the refueling pad."
"Got it. Now you should get to safety."
"Oh, I intend to, don't worry," the plumper assured Widget. "Gotta fix this filter control first though, or the local water supply is going to get real nasty real quick. I think some irresponsible fool smuggled in some ameboids, and the dang things are trying to move into the waterpipes."
"Well, good luck with that," Widget stated as she started heading for the clean water outflow chute. "I gotta go! And thanks again!"
"Anytime!" the plumber called out even as Widget jumped into the water and let it carry her away. "Nice kid. Reminds me of somebody from a while back..."
Clank scurried to grab a rock and ready himself the moment he heard something emerge from the pool at the rear of the cave. Grim was unconscious. Still breathing, but certainly in no condition to defend himself should whatever was coming prove to be hostile. Clank doubted his own ability to defend either himself or his friend, let alone both, should that be the case. That did not mean that he wasn't going to try though…
"Grim? You there?" a worried female voice called out. It matched the voice from the holovid recordings Grim had shown him of his daughter, Widget.
"Over here!" Clank called out. "Grim is hurt and in need of immediate medical attention! We must get him to a hospital or similar facility post haste!"
"Grim!" the Lombax Clank could only assume was Widget rushed around the final bend and ran right for her father, kneeling down next to the large Fongoid and checking him over. "Hold on! Help is on the way!"
"I…" Clank started, but was ignored by Widget as she adjusted her comm controls.
"This is Widget! I need an Emergency Medical Evac at my location ASAP! I found Grim, but he's in a bad way…"
"Nefarious here," Clank heard a voice respond through the comm, "I'll commandeer a suitable vehicle and be right over. Get those blast doors open, because this won't take long."
"Acknowledged, Doc! I'll be waiting!" With that, Widget pulled her helmet off and tossed it aside before bowing low enough to touch her forehead to her father's."You're gonna be okay, Grim, you gotta be!"
Not knowing what else to do, Clank collected the Lombax' helmet and held it for her as she got up and went to open the blast doors…
Time: 3:52 AM, Wednesday.
"Okay, Rangers," Qwark started once everyone was gathered on the Bridge, "We don't know what we're heading into on Novalis. It could be nothing, or it could be mind numbingly terrifying danger unlike anything we've faced before! So be ready for anything! Now, according to the plan Nefarious and Elaris worked out, once we drop out of Hyperspace, Elaris will remain aboard the Phoenix on overwatch, while Brax, Cora, and I fly escort in our Starjumpers, and Dr. Nefarious and Widget make the drop to Tobruk Crater to locate and rescue Grimroth Razz and find out what's going on. Any questions?"
"How many times did you go over that oh-so inspirational speech?" Nefarious asked dryly.
"Any questions not about how inspirational my speech may or may not have been?"
"Yeah," Brax spoke. "Why does the newbie get to do the ground mission?"
"Because she's familiar with Mr. Razz, and thus more likely to think of places he might have gone if he went into hiding," Nefarious explained. "Besides, as an experienced salvager, she already knows how to look around in dangerous areas, and she's already used to taking orders from me."
"Speaking of which, Doc," Qwark interjected, "you sure you want to be the one leading the ground mission? It may be dangerous down there."
"Well then," Nefarious picked up a cylinder and shoved his right hand into the open end, causing sections of dark metal to slide up his arm and start assembling into a sleek yet powerful suit of armor with around him, complete with built in weapons and a jump pack. It was all in dark blue and purple, had glowing red trim and his logo on the chest, and looked very impressive as he posed dramatically before his teammates. "Let's get dangerous!"
O o O o O
"I am afraid that this is the best I can do with the materials at hand, Grim," XJ0421 stated as he finished bandaging the large Fongoid's wounds. "If this was indeed to be an emergency shelter at one point, it is clear that it was never finished. The cave appears to end at a pool of clean water just around the bend, and these mushrooms are nutritionally compatible with your metabolism, so we can most likely hold out for a while before we must open the door anyway, but you really do need proper medical attention, and soon."
"No," Grimroth groaned in pain. "Not happening… hah... with those bastards actively shooting up the place. No way that an… hah… ambulance shuttle would make it through that warzone."
"Well, you are certainly in no condition to make it all the way to a hospital on foot, and the care I can provide here is extremely limited. I am afraid that I am at a loss. I am sorry to have gotten you involved in this mess." With that, XJ0421 sat down against the wall of the cave with a clank and put his head in his hands.
"Clank…"
"Did you say something, Grim?"
"Your name… I'm going to call you Clank."
"Are you sure this is the right time to be considering such things?"
"Not like I… hah… have much else to do."
"Do you really think the Galactic Rangers will come for us?"
"Maybe, maybe not, but Widget will. Come hell or high water, Widget will find us."
"If you are certain."
"Oh, I'm sure… hah… I only hope that I'm still with you when she comes in like a… hah... big damn hero. Be a… hah… shame if I died before the… hah… big rescue. Widget would kill me!"
"That statement is a logical fallacy."
"You're a good kid… hah… Clank. You watch over Widget for me… hah… okay? She'll be like a big… hah… sister to you… hah…"
"You are exerting yourself too much, Grim! Please rest. I will fetch some water."
"Yeah… hah… You do that. I'm just… hah… gonna lie here…"
O o O o O
"Captain, we're being fired upon!" Elaris announced as the Phoenix dropped out of hyperspace near Novalis.
"Elaris, you have the bridge!" Qwark commanded. "Nefarious, I trust you to make the right call on how you and Widget get to Tobruk Crater. Everyone else to your fighters! Looks like we're going to have to clear a path!"
Nefarious and Widget looked at the monitors as the rest of the Rangers dashed off. "Hmmm… Looks like there's too much hostile activity over Tobruk Crater for us to safely land a dropship there. The spaceport looks like it has been heavily damaged by suppression fire."
"Look for a fuel depot with a landing pad near the edge of the crater, where the settlement thins out," Widget advised. "Grim would want to stop somewhere that's normally away from heavy traffic."
"Okay, that cuts down the possible spots to just six," Nefarious stated, highlighting them on the viewscreen and blowing up each image.
"There! That's the remains of my podfighter! I'd recognize those parts anywhere!"
"Looks to be a sealed blast door in the cliff nearby."
"Grim will be there!"
"Then we're going to drop in here," Nefarious said, pointing elsewhere on the map, albeit not very far from the indicated fuel depot.
"What? Why!?"
"That's a civil defense center. There will be plans for any registered emergency shelters nearby, along with any codes or alternate access routes we might need. Now come along, we should probably hurry."
"How are we going to get down there? There's no way that a dropship is going to make it through that mess quickly!"
"Not without landing much farther away, no. Tell me, have you tried out the HALO tests in the holosimulator yet?"
"No? Why do you ask?"
"I guess it's on the job training then. Here, attach this to the back of your suit and grab your helmet. You're going to need it. Now, which weapons have you qualified on so far?"
"Well, my Omnimallet and Bombglove of course," Widget listed off. "Then the Ion Blaster, because Captain Qwark said that I should familiarize myself with a cheap and commonly available sidearm should I ever be caught without my issued weapons, then the Combustor because it's on our standard issue list… Oh, and a Pyrocitor!"
"And were you actually issued any of these yet? Besides your personal weapons, I mean."
"Captain Qwark issued a Combustor to me the moment I passed the qualifier, but that's about it."
"I'll pull a Pyrocitor from the armory for you while you're getting ready, as you might need one down there if you end up facing enemy swarms. Or in case you need to light a bonfire at an impromptu Junior Space Scout Jamboree."
"Wait, those actually happen? I thought spontaneous scout events were something that only ever happened on episodes of Lance and Janice?"
"You'd think so, but Brax has managed to get caught up in six such incidents without any warning whatsoever since he joined the Galactic Rangers. So far, he's also the only Ranger this has ever happened to, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared."
"Huh…" Widget filed away that bit of wisdom for later, resolving to ask Brax about it at some point in the future.
"I trust that you have also practiced hot-swapping your tools and weapons using your Alternate Space Stash?" Nefarious asked.
"Absolutely! That thing is so cool!"
"It's also expensive, so don't lose it."
"Right, right, got it," Widget acceded while rolling her eyes. "Oh! I almost forgot! What's HALO mean, anyway?"
"You'll find out shortly. Now move!"
O o O o O
"THIS IS INSANE!" Widget screamed over the comms as she and Nefarious plummeted through the atmosphere, their grav-chutes keeping them right at the very edge of safe insertion speeds.
"Stop hyperventilating or you'll pass out and end up who knows where!" Nefarious instructed.
"THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"
"Actually, this is my first live HALO drop too. I'm actually finding the experience rather intriguing. Possibly even exhilarating. Also, please control your volume. I'd rather not be forced to mute you."
"Okay, okay…" Widget fought to rein in her panic. "I can do this… Just need to relax and remember what the instructions on the grav-chute said."
"Would you care to play a mental game of 5D chess while we're falling?"
"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP DISTRACTING ME!?"
O o O o O
"I don't think these are space pirates, robotic or otherwise," Captain Qwark said over the comms. "There's too much standardization for a force of this size."
"Yeah, and then there's the fact that robotic space pirates seem to almost always go for a nautical theme for reasons I never understood," Brax commented from his Starjumper as he shot down another enemy craft.
"Tradition, mostly," Qwark replied. "Supposedly, the first robotic space pirates to adopt a nautical theme were composed of theme park animatronics 'liberated' by Cluster drones over in the Snickers Galaxy. I'm not sure why other robotic space pirates decided to follow suit, but there you have it."
"As interesting as this all is, I don't see how it's relevant to the situation," Cora complained tersely.
"Well, it does eliminate robotic space pirates from the suspects list," Quark pointed out.
"Speaking of suspects," Elaris interjected, "I ran a search on their logo and got a hit. These are BlargTech Corporate warcraft. We may be looking at the start of another Corporate War."
"Well, that's not good," Qwark grumbled. "Not that space pirates would have been much better, but at least their goals tend to be more straightforward, and they actually tend to be more budget conscious because they don't want to waste their loot on big, easy to target, superweapons."
"Either that, or maybe it's just that nobody makes superweapons with a nautical theme," Cora quipped.
"That's actually a valid point too," Qwark agreed.
O o O o O
After an indeterminate amount of time spent more or less in directed freefall, indeterminate because it both felt like forever and yet was over entirely too soon, Widget and Nefarious finally drew close enough to the ground to make it worth finetuning their insertion angles as they took in the view of the city they were rapidly approaching.
"Adjust your angle slightly to the… Nevermind, you've already done so," Dr. Nefarious aborted his instructions. "I must say, you're doing really well for someone who hasn't even gone through any freefall simulations."
"I'll have you know that this has been the second most terrifying experience in my entire life," Widget stated neutrally as she continued to focus on the airflow buffeting her, ready to readjust her angle at a moment's notice should she be pushed off course by turbulence.
"Really? And what was the first?"
"Right after I kicked Little Tony between his legs as hard as I could."
"That Cazar meta that disrupted the recruitment event back on Veldin?"
"That's him, yes," Widget confirmed.
"Okay, I can see your point," Nefarious conceded. "Hmmm… According to the conversation on channel one, we're probably going to be facing BlargTech corporate forces when we touch down. BlargTech does a lot of robotics, so expect warbots and drones along with live Blarg troops."
"Got it." Widget replied, then spoke up again as she noticed something. "Uh, there's a group of hostels converging on what appears to be a civilian trying to refuel a courier ship just south of our target LZ!"
"We're diverting to intercept, "Nefarious instructed. "Looks like it's hero time!"
O o O o O
Novalis Chairman, Agnogg Buckwash, was not having a good day. First the 'negotiations' with Chairman Drek turned out to be nothing more than an excuse for the megalomaniacal C.E.O. of BlargTech to taunt him and send him on his way. After, of course, syphoning away enough fuel from his personal courier ship to force him to make planetfall and try to refuel after ordering an full planetary evacuation, which had been the only option Drek had left him with.
Not that the Blarg were letting anyone actually leave Novalis, so that turned out to be another cruel joke on Drek's part.
Now it looked like he was going to die here, surrounded by Blarg troops, not more than a kilometer from his own estate.
Angogg sent a silent apology to his wife and son, and prayed that they somehow escaped…
Just as the Blarg fired their blasters, two figures hit the ground before Angogg, blocking all shots with a hastily projected force dome. The taller of the two, in sleek and regal blue and purple power armor, stood straight and deployed some sort of arm-mounted blast canon...
"Gentlemen," the tall one spoke in menacingly, "the Doctor is ready to see you now!"
The resulting firefight was short, extremely violent, surprisingly one sided in the fact that the numerically superior force was immediately overwhelmed by just two combatants, and it was the third most beautiful thing Angogg had ever seen (the first being his wife on their wedding day, and the second being the birth of his son).
"Thank you! Thank you!" Angogg cried out profusely, finally recognising that the shorter of the pair was wearing a Galactic Rangers suit and logo, meaning the one in the power armor was probably Qwark's second in command, Dr. Something-or-other. Started with an N at any rate, he remembered that much.
"Anytime, citizen!" the shorter one replied with a youngish female voice. Hmmm… exaggerated ears on the helmet, a tail sleeve on the suit, and feline facial features visible through the helmet's green tinted visor… A Cazar, perhaps? Too tall to be a Moroban at any rate.
"Come along, Widget," the tall one ordered. "We have to get to the Civil Defence building we initially intended to drop in at, so we can get those schematics we need."
"Wait, wait!" Angogg called out. "It's for hero work, right?"
"Yes, that is correct," the tall one agreed.
"Then, under my authority as Chairman of Novalis, I can grant you temporary access to any government building you need. Here, let me make the call, and they'll be expecting you, and have the appropriate passcards waiting."
"Thank you, that would be most helpful," Dr. N replied agreeably. "Widget, I can handle this on my own. You get started on the other mission, and I'll meet up with you later."
"Thanks, Doc!" the felinoid called out even as she ran to the retracted bridge to the south and activated the controls to deploy it so she could cross. Angogg wondered what their other mission might be for a moment, but then put it out of his head as unimportant for the time being. These were the Galactic Rangers, so it was obviously hero work of some sort.
Best to leave them at it, and hope that it was pro bono, or at least at a discount due to the emergency...
O o O o O
"Gentlemen," BlargTech C.E.O. and Orxon representative Chairman Alonso Drek began as he addressed the operations officers seated around the table he was standing at the head of. "We have invested a lot of time, money, and training into this venture, all in hopes of acquiring the perfect pieces to assemble into a pristine new homeworld for our race. So, would somebody please explain to me WHY OUR FLEET IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY A SINGLE CORVETTE AND THREE FIGHTERS!?"
"It's the Galactic Rangers, Chairman Drek," one of the officers started, only to be interrupted by his boss.
"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S THE… Galactic Rangers you say?" Drek suddenly calmed down considerably. "I heard that they were an elite force, but I hadn't considered that they would be this effective. Someone get Victor Von Ion on the line. I have another job for him…"
O o O o O
Fighting her way past some drones and a couple of Blarg troops that had apparently been supervising them, Widget hopped onto the grav-lift to ride it to the ledge above where the wreckage of her podfighter was located. Once there, she noted the large blast door to the southwest, still closed and most likely sealed, a cave entrance to the east with the sounds of machinery coming from within, and the ravine continuing around a bend to the south.
Widget tensed up as she investigated the wreckage itself, but relaxed when she found no signs of a body in or around the pieces of her destroyed podfighter.
"I'm at the site, Doc," Widget called over the comms. "No sign of Grim in the immediate wreckage. I'm going to check the surrounding area. So far, I see three possible paths, assuming he didn't head towards town, with the more likely being either whatever is behind the blast doors or somewhere inside a cave with the sounds of running machinery coming from within."
"Acknowledged," Nefarious' voice returned over the comm. "I'll see if I can locate whatever we need to get past or around that particular blast door. In the meantime, why don't you investigate the cave? There might be a loop-around somewhere inside that would lead you to the shelter's back entrance."
"On it," Widget acknowledged, heading into the cave…
O o O o O
"You wanted to see me, Drek?" Victor Von Ion said over the secured holocomm.
"Yes," Drek acknowledged. "You're still on Veldin, right? Looking for that defect?"
"That's right. I haven't found the little pile of scrap yet, but when I do…"
"Well, I want you to forget it for now. I'm having a little… problem... with the Galactic Rangers at the moment, and I'd like you to assemble an anti-hero taskforce to counter them and any other heroes that get in the way of my plans."
"What about the defect?"
"You can go back to hunting it when the Rangers are dealt with, not before."
"Fine," the big red warbot grumbled.
"Oh, don't be that way, Victor!" Drek chided. "Look, I even have some information that might be useful to your new task. Apparently the Galactic Rangers recently held a recruitment event on Veldin, and one of the applicants ended up being arrested. A Cazar meta by the name of Little Tony. Why don't you drop by the jail, 'bail' him out and see if he's interested in a little revenge?"
"Standard merc package?"
"No. According to the notes, he's mathematically challenged, so just offer him pay and benefits without saying how much. We'll give him just enough to keep him satisfied and consider the rest as savings."
"You know that any other mercs I hire aren't likely to be as gullible, right? Not if you want a proper counterforce anyway."
"I know, I know. That's why we're cutting corners with this one. Now get to it!" Drek ordered, cutting the call off there.
Victor Von Ion scowled at the thought of letting the defect go, then shrugged and started heading for the Kyzil Plateau Detention Facility to recruit Little Tony.
Which shouldn't take long, as the facility wasn't that large to begin with, being mainly intended as temporary holding for short term sentences or until a prison ship stopped by to pick up anyone slated to be transferred to a more long term facility.
The defect had probably been grabbed by a salvage rat and stripped for parts by now anyway…
O o O o O
"I managed to prepare a light meal for you, Grim," Clank said as he presented an upside down mushroom cap with some steaming cavefish stew inside. "The whole thing is edible, but I cannot say how it might taste…"
Grimroth accepted the makeshift bowl with his good arm and tipped an edge into his mouth to sip at the stew. "A bit bland but… hah... okay, I guess." The large Fongoid wheezed for a moment then rambled. "Might try you… hah... out in a kitchen sometime… hah... and see what you can do with… hah... proper tools and seasonings…"
"I'm sure that it would be an…" Clank hesitated for a moment, then concluded with "...experience."
"Look… hah… If I don't make it… hah… you tell your sister… hah… that I'm proud of her… hah… okay?"
"You shouldn't stress yourself, Grim," Clank stated firmly. "We'll get you out of this." And in a much quieter tone he continued to himself, "somehow…"
O o O o O
Widget was dead certain that Grim had not come into the cave at all by this point. Or that, if he had, he had gone back the other way the moment he got to that first room past the piston platforms in the cave itself.
And it was a bit of a stretch to believe that Grim would even bother with trying to get past that particular obstacle unless he was really in trouble. But a room you needed either your own ladder, a jetpack, or good parkour skills in order to reach the next door?
Not a chance.
Still, Nefarious had said that there might be a loop-around back into the actual shelter she was now convinced Grim was inside of, so she continued to press forward through the various rooms and passages, until she finally saw…
"Grim?" Widget asked in surprise when she saw the large figure bending over from behind.
"Yeah, the situation does seem that way, yes," The large figure, who was very definitely not Grimroth Razz replied, straightening up and turning around to face her, revealing him to be a Rilgarian with bluish-grey skin.
"Wait, you're not Grim!"
"Kind of rude to assume my emotional state after we just met, don't you think?"
"No, I meant that you're not Grimroth Razz!"
"Ah," the plumber nodded sagely. "Large fellow? Kinda purplish blue-grey? Large floppy ears?"
"Yeah! That's him! Have you seen him? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, I saw him make it into the emergency blast shelter over by the south refueling pad. Had some sort of little bot with him too. I don't think he's okay though, given how close he was to that custom podfighter when those damned Blarg blew it up. I tried to call for an ambulance, but my calls haven't been getting through. I'm guessing that Emergency Services are being overwhelmed by the attack."
"I've got to get to him!" Widget declared in alarm. "Do you know if there's another way into the shelter?"
"Not a direct way, no, but there is a convoluted route. Here, let me get the map for you. Oh, and a medkit!"
"I have some gel-packed nanotech with me already, but I'll gladly take any more you're willing to give me," Widget accepted the offer gratefully.
"Bah. Nanotech is good and all for what it does," the plumber snorted derisively. "Don't get me wrong, the stuff is a miracle for what it does do, but it's not actually a cure all despite how versatile it is."
"And it can do everything that the contents of a standard medkit can do," Widget pointed out. "Anything more than that usually requires Emergency Services anyway."
"Fair enough, I suppose," the plumber conceded. "Anyway, here's the map and a medkit anyway. If you follow me, I can show you a shortcut that will take you straight to the south refueling pad. Then you'll want to head due south and follow the bend of the ravine until you reach another cave. Just go in and follow the directions on the map. It twists around a bit, and you'll have to do some swimming, but otherwise it'll lead you straight to the fella you're looking for."
"Thanks for the help! Now where is this shortcut of yours?"
"Right over there," the plumber gestured to a water chute. "Just hop in and let the clean water outflow carry you all the way to the refueling pad."
"Got it. Now you should get to safety."
"Oh, I intend to, don't worry," the plumper assured Widget. "Gotta fix this filter control first though, or the local water supply is going to get real nasty real quick. I think some irresponsible fool smuggled in some ameboids, and the dang things are trying to move into the waterpipes."
"Well, good luck with that," Widget stated as she started heading for the clean water outflow chute. "I gotta go! And thanks again!"
"Anytime!" the plumber called out even as Widget jumped into the water and let it carry her away. "Nice kid. Reminds me of somebody from a while back..."
O o O o O
Clank scurried to grab a rock and ready himself the moment he heard something emerge from the pool at the rear of the cave. Grim was unconscious. Still breathing, but certainly in no condition to defend himself should whatever was coming prove to be hostile. Clank doubted his own ability to defend either himself or his friend, let alone both, should that be the case. That did not mean that he wasn't going to try though…
"Grim? You there?" a worried female voice called out. It matched the voice from the holovid recordings Grim had shown him of his daughter, Widget.
"Over here!" Clank called out. "Grim is hurt and in need of immediate medical attention! We must get him to a hospital or similar facility post haste!"
"Grim!" the Lombax Clank could only assume was Widget rushed around the final bend and ran right for her father, kneeling down next to the large Fongoid and checking him over. "Hold on! Help is on the way!"
"I…" Clank started, but was ignored by Widget as she adjusted her comm controls.
"This is Widget! I need an Emergency Medical Evac at my location ASAP! I found Grim, but he's in a bad way…"
"Nefarious here," Clank heard a voice respond through the comm, "I'll commandeer a suitable vehicle and be right over. Get those blast doors open, because this won't take long."
"Acknowledged, Doc! I'll be waiting!" With that, Widget pulled her helmet off and tossed it aside before bowing low enough to touch her forehead to her father's."You're gonna be okay, Grim, you gotta be!"
Not knowing what else to do, Clank collected the Lombax' helmet and held it for her as she got up and went to open the blast doors…
O o O o O
PLANETARY LEXICONNovalis
Galaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Light, varied (mostly Rilgarians)
Spaceport: Tobruk Crater (Food, Fuel, Maintenance, and Lodging available)
Major Imports: Personal and Planetary defensive weapons, BlargTech corporate raiders.
Major Exports: Refugees, "Tourists."
Novalis is a lightly populated Rilgarian colony world with a moderate range of climates available. There are a few cities, the most notable being Tobruk Crater where the main spaceport is located. The planetary representative of Novalis is Chairman Angogg Buckwash, who is also the uncle of pro hoverboard star, Skidd McMarx. Much of the rest of the inhabited zones are comprised of farmlands.
Captain Qwark and his Galactic Rangers have recently repelled a BlargTech Corporate invasion force from Novalis, but many citizens are still planning to spend time visiting relatives or touring the Galaxy until they are sure that everything has blown over.
In related news, Grimroth Razz, adoptive father of the Galactic Ranger's newest member, Widget Razz, is in critical condition after having been injured during the attack on Novalis. He had been making a refueling stop at Tobruk Crater while bringing Widget's custom built podfighter to her new home at Aleero City on Kerwan. When he was finally found, by his own adopted daughter no less, his condition was poor enough that he was immediately evacuated to Kerwan and rushed into the intensive care unit of Aleero City General Hospital.
Our hearts go out to this young Lombax as she waits for any news of her adoptive father's condition…
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Deep Space
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 8:05 AM, Thursday
Brax and Cora stopped in at the Galactic Rangers Intelligence Center, and saw Elaris standing before one of the big monitors playing on a VG-9000. Again.
"HAH! That's right, Lives@Home472!" Elaris called out as her character took out another player. "What's the matter, don't like getting your butt kicked? What are you going to do, cry to your mommy?" Then she paused the game as Brax (just barely) heard the sobs of either a young or very small sophont over Elaris' headset. "Hey, are you really crying?" Elaris asked, looking noticeably concerned.
"Hey, Elaris," Brax decided to interrupt the moment of awkwardness. "Visiting hours at Aleero General are going to be starting soon, and Cora and I thought we'd head over with Widget to show our support."
"Yeah," Cora confirmed. "Wanna come?"
"Sure! Just let me check Widget's location and then secure the holonet terminal…" Elaris shut down the game she was playing, called up the Hall of Heroes layout on one of the smaller monitors, then logged out completely. "Looks like she's in the holosimulator, with Qwark and Nefarious observing. Let's go get them!"
The three soon marched straight into Bullet Hell… er.. entered the observation room of the holosimulator, where they saw their leaders watching over Widget as one or the other occasionally adjusted something on the control console. Widget was on the other side of the (very thick and heavily reinforced) window, in the middle of a reactive training sim in which she was apparently fighting off hordes of crazed zombie robot pirate ninjas while cycling through every conceivable weapon imaginable (as well as a few Brax and Cora were positive didn't actually exist). There were even panicking civilians, priceless artifacts, and small pets running around through it all.
Widget herself looked pissed as all Hell, beat up, and more than a little exhausted. It was very obvious that she'd been at it for a while now. Dr. Nefarious tapped a screen and the scenario shifted, along with Widget's weapon loadout, but the Lombax didn't even pause as she was suddenly fighting Yodeling Valkyrie Sumo Clogdancers in what appeared to be a postapocalyptic petting zoo. There was some movement behind Widget and she spun and trained her weapon on…
"HALT SIM!" Widget yelled out, pausing the sim even as her trembling arms still aimed the simulated (and extremely illegal) R.Y.N.O. at a terrified family of Blarg civilians. "WILL YOU TWO QUIT DOING THAT!? I'M TRYING TO BLOW OFF STEAM HERE!"
"Be that as it may," Quark answered, "we do have to make sure that you can control yourself in the field if you end up facing any Blarg again. Don't worry, you've been doing very well so far!"
"Although you do appear to have it in for random boxes and crates you happen to come across," Dr. Nefarious noted.
"So, ah…" Brax interjected, "I can use my R.Y.N.O. now?"
"In sims, yes," Dr. Nefarious stated. "They've always been available in the setting options. They're still very heavily regulated and illegal to actually use in the field outside of very specific circumstances. Unless it's an actual emergency specifically warranting its use, you cannot live-fire a R.Y.N.O. within ten kilometers of any city on Kerwan."
"But Kerwan is almost all city! The only places available that fits that criteria are all out over the oceans, and the kickback from a R.Y.N.O. tends to knock boats around!"
"We can always go to our training facility on Umbris," Qwark offered. "I got a Blargian Snagglebeast for the final challenge room last month, and he should be extra hungry by now!"
"One: I want to fire that thing for real sometime," Widget stated as she left the holosim chamber. "Two: I don't know if I should be worried that Qwark apparently buys random dangerous beasts to put in our training facilities. Three: I just noticed that I reek, so I'm going to get cleaned up before heading to the hospital."
"Woo! You got that right!" Qwark agreed, waving a hand in front of his face as if to ward of the stench. "Hit the showers, then meet us by the main doors. I'll call a cab to pick us up."
"Oh," Widget paused at the door. "Before I forget: How do I get a R.Y.N.O. license?"
"Same as any other weapon, really," Qwark informed her. "Just pass the qualifiers and pay a fee when applying for the license. Which, in this case, would mean proving that you can maintain control of it during sustained fire. Then there's the mandatory psyche evaluation, the liability insurance, and being automatically registered as a member of the National R.Y.N.O. Association..."
"Oh!" Brax spoke up, "And there's not being permitted within two meters of certain preschools and retirement homes!"
"I'm pretty sure that has less to do with you owning a R.Y.N.O. and more to do with the fact that you've somehow managed to accidentally knock over an automated vendor while at a preschool and a retirement home on two separate occasions," Cora pointed out.
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:15 AM, Thursday
"I'm sorry, but pets are not allowed in Aleero City General," the Tharpod receptionist stated firmly as she noticed the group enter the hospital lobby.
"Oh, not this again," Dr. Nefarious muttered under his breath, then checked the receptionist's name tag. "Look… Clara… I don't care what Dr. Frumpus Croid wrote in whatever ridiculous book he published in the past thirty years, Cazar, Morobans, and Lombaxes are all sophont races, not merely highly advanced pets!"
"I'll have you know that Dr. Croid is a very highly respected scientist!" Clara informed Nefarious tartly. "You can't just dress up any old cute and fuzzy biped, teach it a few words, and call it a person! That's how we end up with Cyclophic Monkeys as politicians!"
"Hey, I was raised by a tribe of Cyclophic Monkeys!" Qwark objected.
"Don't I get a say in this?" Widget asked, bemused at the bizarre turn of events.
"Look, unless you have papers proving that she is a legally registered service animal, I can't let you pass any farther!"
"Will this do?" Widget asked, presenting her Galactic Ranger's ID and provisional class two pilot's license.
The Tharpod receptionist accepted them, scrutinized them very carefully, then tossed them into the wastebasket under her desk. "Very cute. You trained her very well, but show me some real papers or get out."
"WHY YOU…" Widget started yelling, only to stop as Dr. Nefarious placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Two words," he stated very clearly so that they could be heard throughout the lobby. "Discrimination. Lawsuit."
There was a brief, but very intense flurry of activity as an alarm sounded, flashing red lights spun, and several orderlies ran in and rushed Clara out from behind the reception desk, leaving a busty Rilgarian in her place.
"Hello, how can I assist you today?" The new receptionist asked as if they had just entered and nothing at all had happened.
Widget blinked, then spoke up. "We're here to visit my father, Grimroth Razz."
"Let me check…" the receptionist, whose nametag identified her as Xaina, typed something into the holoterminal. "It looks like they just moved him out of intensive care and into recovery. He should be in room eight forty-one dash thirty-six B, on floor eight forty-one. The elevator banks are just down the hall to your left."
"We're also going to need Widget's ID cards back," Captain Qwark stated. "The previous receptionist threw them out."
"Aheh…" Xaina laughed nervously even as she hurriedly fished the requested items out of the small bin and placed them on the desk. "That Clara… Always a kidder!"
"Yes," Qwark replied flatly. "Very amusing." Taking the cards and handing them to Widget, the Captain turned and marched towards the indicated hallway, leaving Xaina to watch nervously as the group left the lobby…
"Well, that just happened," Widget commented as they rode the elevator upwards.
"It's an unfortunate truth when there are so many different races of sophonts around, and not everyone agrees which ones count as being people," Captain Qwark stated. "And some people simply refuse to see any evidence to the contrary, even when it is clearly right before their very eyes."
"At least you missed the Pixelmon Dues Ex Dash Extreme craze that hit Kerwan a few years ago," Brax added. "I swear I got hit by so many thrown red and white cubes during those two months…"
"Janice, there's something I have to tell you."
"What is it, Lance?"
"Your mother's tax accountant was secretly replaced by a cybernetic Appoplexian assassin in the witness protection program!"
"I knew that from the very beginning, Lance. Why else do you think I switched my insurance over to Gekko?"
"I keep telling you that Lance and Janice are going to rot your brain, Grim," Widget stated dryly from the doorway, causing the large Fongoid in the bed next to the window to quickly shut off the holovid.
"Widget!" Grim greeted happily as his adopted daughter rushed in to give him a tight hug.
"I'm so glad to see you're okay!" Feeling something unusually rigid in Grim's return embrace, she finally noticed his new prosthetic left arm. "Well, mostly okay, I guess."
"Eh, I got some implants replacing or supplementing a few organs too," Grim informed her. "No biggie. I'll be back to work in no time."
"About that…"
"I can get back to Veldin on my own, kid, no need to worry about that."
"The garage is gone, Grim," Widget informed her adoptive father. "By the time the Star Guard Rangers showed up after Clank told us what was going on, half the starport was in ruins and scavenger rats had already stripped half of everything that wasn't actively defended down to the ground for parts to sell."
"I see," Grim stated. "Well, I guess I can look into getting a new place somewhere, I suppose. Maybe open up a garage here on Kerwan…"
"You hate heavy traffic, Grim. You'd be miserable inside of a week."
"Eh, I'm sure I'd last at least two weeks before I jumped off a bridge," Grim joked. "More seriously, I'll probably join my brother on Poketaru and see if I can open up a garage at the Jowai Resort he's been staying at for the past ten years. Traffic is more restricted there, even if it's very popular."
Adjusting his bed to sit up better, Grim looked around. "Where's your brother?"
"What?" Widget asked, confused. "Did you hit your head or something? I don't have a brother."
"That little bot I was with, Clank. I told him you were going to be his big sister."
"Are you going to adopt every stray that enters your life?"
"Nah," Grim denied. "Only the ones who impress me."
"XJ0421, or Clank as you call him, is still being interviewed by Solana Galactic Intelligence," Dr. Nefarious informed Grim. "I don't imagine that it will take much longer than another day or two at the most before he's released. If you'd like, I can have some robotic citizen adoption papers drawn up and waiting for you."
"Yeah, that'd be great, Doc," Grim replied. "Thanks! I'll owe you one!"
"Now what's this about adopting me without telling me?" Widget demanded.
"I thought you knew?" Grim sounded genuinely surprised. "You had to countersign the papers and everything when Deborah showed up with them, since you were old enough to have some say in the matter."
"I…" Widget thought back. "I may have been distracted that day. That's when I had just got done fixing up the hoverboard I had found, and I wanted to go try it out when you called me into your office."
"Girl, I keep telling you, you gotta pay attention to the paperwork before you sign anything!"
"Okay! Okay! I got it! Read first, think, then sign!"
"Or not, depending," Grim amended. "Signing anything should never be automatic."
"Is that why you stare at birthday cards for so long before signing them?" Widget quipped.
"Yes, exactly!" Grim jokingly agreed.
Widget and the Galactic Rangers continued to visit and chat with Grimroth Razz for a few more hours before heading off to lunch…
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:00 AM, Saturday
The second time the entire team came to the hospital with Widget to visit her father while he was awake, they found the little robot named Clank waiting for them in the lobby.
"Hey, Clank!" Widget greeted with a grin. "I see the SGI finally let you go. Here to see Dad?"
"I am here to see Mr. Razz, yes," Clank agreed with a small nod as he walked up to join the group. "As well as you, Widget. The receptionist has informed me that you have been visiting daily since Grim had been admitted into the hospital, so I thought that I would wait for your arrival before I went up."
"Just be glad you didn't show up a couple of days ago," Widget commented as they approached the front desk. "The receptionist at the time might have called the pound on you."
"Unlikely," Xaina replied from where she was sitting behind said desk. "Clara apparently has no issues with robotic sophonts, and has even petitioned for rights for household appliances."
"Uhuh," Widget acknowledged, unimpressed.
"If it's any consolation, Sophont Resources has insisted that she take some mandatory classes and see a counsellor if she wants to keep her job here or at any other associated facility."
"Well, that's something, I suppose," Widget nodded.
"Anyway, Mr. Razz is still in the same room, so you can go right up."
"Thanks," Widget said as the group turned to head down the hall towards the elevator banks. "Have a nice day!"
"So you're gonna be my little brother, huh?" Widget prompted as they rode the elevator upwards.
"That seems to be Grim's desire," Clank acknowledged, "but I am unsure of the legalities involved. It might just be an honorary position."
"Oh, it'll be real enough," Dr. Nefarious interjected. "I had the appropriate papers drawn up on Grim's behalf. Should you and he agree to the terms and sign in all the right places after going over it, you will officially be acknowledged as a member of the Razz Family as far as the government is concerned."
"That is reassuring," Clank nodded. He hadn't been active long, and had spent much of that time thus far being interviewed by Solana Galactic Intelligence, but what little research he had been able to do indicated that the issue of robotic rights as citizens was a convoluted quagmire that recognized the rights of some robots but not others based on various factors. Some of which being very poorly defined in his opinion, but being a legally recognized member of an actual family would cut through a lot of the nonsense.
"And hey, if you need a job, maybe we could take you on?" Widget suggested.
"Given his actions and how well he performed in the short amount of time Clank has been active, I certainly wouldn't have any objections," Dr. Nefarious put in.
"Well, that's certainly a glowing recommendation if I ever heard one," Qwark declared boisterously. "What do you say, Clank? Care to sign on with the Galactic Rangers?"
Clank thought about the offer carefully for a moment, then nodded firmly. "I would be honored!"
"Does this mean that he has to get up at Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning too?" Widget asked. "Since he'd be a trainee, I mean."
"Yes, but that's because he'll be training with Elaris and I at first," Dr. Nefarious informed them. "After all, given his apparent structure, I doubt that Clank would gain any benefit from actual physical training, so he'll gain the most benefit from studying procedures and assisting us until he's ready to assume either support or field duties as most appropriate."
"Also, we need to make sure that he's properly registered on the payroll before he goes on any missions," Qwark pointed out, rubbing the back of his head. "Legal is giving me issues over the fact that I let Widget go on that last mission before all her paperwork was processed and filed."
Location: BlargTech Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 11:30, Saturday
"So… Do you find the terms agreeable?" Chairman Drek addressed the large Cazar, Little Tony, whom Victor Von Ion had brought to him.
"Hey, you had me sprung, and got me a job with some cool bennies," Little Tony replied. "If ya want to slap my face on some posters and use these impressive guns for the cause," the large Cazar flexed, incidentally ruining yet another shirt, "then I'm your man!"
"Excellent! Then you will be the spokesperson for the new Blarg homeworld!" Drek stated enthusiastically, before assuming a more measured tone. "Now I understand that you have no problems with the possibility of going against the Galactic Rangers?"
"I've been looking forward to giving them some payback ever since Vic brought it up when he broke me out," Little Tony said, pounding a fist into his other palm.
"Even though they just recruited someone you know?" Drek asked, sliding a picture across his desk.
"They took on Thunderbrat over me!?" Little Tony objected, punching down on the picture and shattering that part of Drek's desk. "Oh I am going to really enjoy laying down the beatdown now!"
"That's coming out of your paycheck, you know."
"Oh, ah… Sorry, Boss! It won't happen again!"
"See that it doesn't."
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:00 PM, Monday
"Heads up, Rangers!" Captain Qwark called everyone to attention. "President Phyronix has asked that we assist in the operations against BlargTech. We will be working with the SGI at first, targeting specific facilities that they have not been able to safely get into, either assisting directly with getting an SGI agent in place or causing a big enough distraction so that they may do so themselves. After that, depending on what we discover, we will be picking our own targets as appropriate. Most likely to be determined by Dr. Nefarious, so make sure that you get him the best information possible. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain!" was the collective response.
Time: 8:05 AM, Thursday
Brax and Cora stopped in at the Galactic Rangers Intelligence Center, and saw Elaris standing before one of the big monitors playing on a VG-9000. Again.
"HAH! That's right, Lives@Home472!" Elaris called out as her character took out another player. "What's the matter, don't like getting your butt kicked? What are you going to do, cry to your mommy?" Then she paused the game as Brax (just barely) heard the sobs of either a young or very small sophont over Elaris' headset. "Hey, are you really crying?" Elaris asked, looking noticeably concerned.
"Hey, Elaris," Brax decided to interrupt the moment of awkwardness. "Visiting hours at Aleero General are going to be starting soon, and Cora and I thought we'd head over with Widget to show our support."
"Yeah," Cora confirmed. "Wanna come?"
"Sure! Just let me check Widget's location and then secure the holonet terminal…" Elaris shut down the game she was playing, called up the Hall of Heroes layout on one of the smaller monitors, then logged out completely. "Looks like she's in the holosimulator, with Qwark and Nefarious observing. Let's go get them!"
The three soon marched straight into Bullet Hell… er.. entered the observation room of the holosimulator, where they saw their leaders watching over Widget as one or the other occasionally adjusted something on the control console. Widget was on the other side of the (very thick and heavily reinforced) window, in the middle of a reactive training sim in which she was apparently fighting off hordes of crazed zombie robot pirate ninjas while cycling through every conceivable weapon imaginable (as well as a few Brax and Cora were positive didn't actually exist). There were even panicking civilians, priceless artifacts, and small pets running around through it all.
Widget herself looked pissed as all Hell, beat up, and more than a little exhausted. It was very obvious that she'd been at it for a while now. Dr. Nefarious tapped a screen and the scenario shifted, along with Widget's weapon loadout, but the Lombax didn't even pause as she was suddenly fighting Yodeling Valkyrie Sumo Clogdancers in what appeared to be a postapocalyptic petting zoo. There was some movement behind Widget and she spun and trained her weapon on…
"HALT SIM!" Widget yelled out, pausing the sim even as her trembling arms still aimed the simulated (and extremely illegal) R.Y.N.O. at a terrified family of Blarg civilians. "WILL YOU TWO QUIT DOING THAT!? I'M TRYING TO BLOW OFF STEAM HERE!"
"Be that as it may," Quark answered, "we do have to make sure that you can control yourself in the field if you end up facing any Blarg again. Don't worry, you've been doing very well so far!"
"Although you do appear to have it in for random boxes and crates you happen to come across," Dr. Nefarious noted.
"So, ah…" Brax interjected, "I can use my R.Y.N.O. now?"
"In sims, yes," Dr. Nefarious stated. "They've always been available in the setting options. They're still very heavily regulated and illegal to actually use in the field outside of very specific circumstances. Unless it's an actual emergency specifically warranting its use, you cannot live-fire a R.Y.N.O. within ten kilometers of any city on Kerwan."
"But Kerwan is almost all city! The only places available that fits that criteria are all out over the oceans, and the kickback from a R.Y.N.O. tends to knock boats around!"
"We can always go to our training facility on Umbris," Qwark offered. "I got a Blargian Snagglebeast for the final challenge room last month, and he should be extra hungry by now!"
"One: I want to fire that thing for real sometime," Widget stated as she left the holosim chamber. "Two: I don't know if I should be worried that Qwark apparently buys random dangerous beasts to put in our training facilities. Three: I just noticed that I reek, so I'm going to get cleaned up before heading to the hospital."
"Woo! You got that right!" Qwark agreed, waving a hand in front of his face as if to ward of the stench. "Hit the showers, then meet us by the main doors. I'll call a cab to pick us up."
"Oh," Widget paused at the door. "Before I forget: How do I get a R.Y.N.O. license?"
"Same as any other weapon, really," Qwark informed her. "Just pass the qualifiers and pay a fee when applying for the license. Which, in this case, would mean proving that you can maintain control of it during sustained fire. Then there's the mandatory psyche evaluation, the liability insurance, and being automatically registered as a member of the National R.Y.N.O. Association..."
"Oh!" Brax spoke up, "And there's not being permitted within two meters of certain preschools and retirement homes!"
"I'm pretty sure that has less to do with you owning a R.Y.N.O. and more to do with the fact that you've somehow managed to accidentally knock over an automated vendor while at a preschool and a retirement home on two separate occasions," Cora pointed out.
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:15 AM, Thursday
"I'm sorry, but pets are not allowed in Aleero City General," the Tharpod receptionist stated firmly as she noticed the group enter the hospital lobby.
"Oh, not this again," Dr. Nefarious muttered under his breath, then checked the receptionist's name tag. "Look… Clara… I don't care what Dr. Frumpus Croid wrote in whatever ridiculous book he published in the past thirty years, Cazar, Morobans, and Lombaxes are all sophont races, not merely highly advanced pets!"
"I'll have you know that Dr. Croid is a very highly respected scientist!" Clara informed Nefarious tartly. "You can't just dress up any old cute and fuzzy biped, teach it a few words, and call it a person! That's how we end up with Cyclophic Monkeys as politicians!"
"Hey, I was raised by a tribe of Cyclophic Monkeys!" Qwark objected.
"Don't I get a say in this?" Widget asked, bemused at the bizarre turn of events.
"Look, unless you have papers proving that she is a legally registered service animal, I can't let you pass any farther!"
"Will this do?" Widget asked, presenting her Galactic Ranger's ID and provisional class two pilot's license.
The Tharpod receptionist accepted them, scrutinized them very carefully, then tossed them into the wastebasket under her desk. "Very cute. You trained her very well, but show me some real papers or get out."
"WHY YOU…" Widget started yelling, only to stop as Dr. Nefarious placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Two words," he stated very clearly so that they could be heard throughout the lobby. "Discrimination. Lawsuit."
There was a brief, but very intense flurry of activity as an alarm sounded, flashing red lights spun, and several orderlies ran in and rushed Clara out from behind the reception desk, leaving a busty Rilgarian in her place.
"Hello, how can I assist you today?" The new receptionist asked as if they had just entered and nothing at all had happened.
Widget blinked, then spoke up. "We're here to visit my father, Grimroth Razz."
"Let me check…" the receptionist, whose nametag identified her as Xaina, typed something into the holoterminal. "It looks like they just moved him out of intensive care and into recovery. He should be in room eight forty-one dash thirty-six B, on floor eight forty-one. The elevator banks are just down the hall to your left."
"We're also going to need Widget's ID cards back," Captain Qwark stated. "The previous receptionist threw them out."
"Aheh…" Xaina laughed nervously even as she hurriedly fished the requested items out of the small bin and placed them on the desk. "That Clara… Always a kidder!"
"Yes," Qwark replied flatly. "Very amusing." Taking the cards and handing them to Widget, the Captain turned and marched towards the indicated hallway, leaving Xaina to watch nervously as the group left the lobby…
O o O o O
"Well, that just happened," Widget commented as they rode the elevator upwards.
"It's an unfortunate truth when there are so many different races of sophonts around, and not everyone agrees which ones count as being people," Captain Qwark stated. "And some people simply refuse to see any evidence to the contrary, even when it is clearly right before their very eyes."
"At least you missed the Pixelmon Dues Ex Dash Extreme craze that hit Kerwan a few years ago," Brax added. "I swear I got hit by so many thrown red and white cubes during those two months…"
O o O o O
"Janice, there's something I have to tell you."
"What is it, Lance?"
"Your mother's tax accountant was secretly replaced by a cybernetic Appoplexian assassin in the witness protection program!"
"I knew that from the very beginning, Lance. Why else do you think I switched my insurance over to Gekko?"
"I keep telling you that Lance and Janice are going to rot your brain, Grim," Widget stated dryly from the doorway, causing the large Fongoid in the bed next to the window to quickly shut off the holovid.
"Widget!" Grim greeted happily as his adopted daughter rushed in to give him a tight hug.
"I'm so glad to see you're okay!" Feeling something unusually rigid in Grim's return embrace, she finally noticed his new prosthetic left arm. "Well, mostly okay, I guess."
"Eh, I got some implants replacing or supplementing a few organs too," Grim informed her. "No biggie. I'll be back to work in no time."
"About that…"
"I can get back to Veldin on my own, kid, no need to worry about that."
"The garage is gone, Grim," Widget informed her adoptive father. "By the time the Star Guard Rangers showed up after Clank told us what was going on, half the starport was in ruins and scavenger rats had already stripped half of everything that wasn't actively defended down to the ground for parts to sell."
"I see," Grim stated. "Well, I guess I can look into getting a new place somewhere, I suppose. Maybe open up a garage here on Kerwan…"
"You hate heavy traffic, Grim. You'd be miserable inside of a week."
"Eh, I'm sure I'd last at least two weeks before I jumped off a bridge," Grim joked. "More seriously, I'll probably join my brother on Poketaru and see if I can open up a garage at the Jowai Resort he's been staying at for the past ten years. Traffic is more restricted there, even if it's very popular."
Adjusting his bed to sit up better, Grim looked around. "Where's your brother?"
"What?" Widget asked, confused. "Did you hit your head or something? I don't have a brother."
"That little bot I was with, Clank. I told him you were going to be his big sister."
"Are you going to adopt every stray that enters your life?"
"Nah," Grim denied. "Only the ones who impress me."
"XJ0421, or Clank as you call him, is still being interviewed by Solana Galactic Intelligence," Dr. Nefarious informed Grim. "I don't imagine that it will take much longer than another day or two at the most before he's released. If you'd like, I can have some robotic citizen adoption papers drawn up and waiting for you."
"Yeah, that'd be great, Doc," Grim replied. "Thanks! I'll owe you one!"
"Now what's this about adopting me without telling me?" Widget demanded.
"I thought you knew?" Grim sounded genuinely surprised. "You had to countersign the papers and everything when Deborah showed up with them, since you were old enough to have some say in the matter."
"I…" Widget thought back. "I may have been distracted that day. That's when I had just got done fixing up the hoverboard I had found, and I wanted to go try it out when you called me into your office."
"Girl, I keep telling you, you gotta pay attention to the paperwork before you sign anything!"
"Okay! Okay! I got it! Read first, think, then sign!"
"Or not, depending," Grim amended. "Signing anything should never be automatic."
"Is that why you stare at birthday cards for so long before signing them?" Widget quipped.
"Yes, exactly!" Grim jokingly agreed.
Widget and the Galactic Rangers continued to visit and chat with Grimroth Razz for a few more hours before heading off to lunch…
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:00 AM, Saturday
The second time the entire team came to the hospital with Widget to visit her father while he was awake, they found the little robot named Clank waiting for them in the lobby.
"Hey, Clank!" Widget greeted with a grin. "I see the SGI finally let you go. Here to see Dad?"
"I am here to see Mr. Razz, yes," Clank agreed with a small nod as he walked up to join the group. "As well as you, Widget. The receptionist has informed me that you have been visiting daily since Grim had been admitted into the hospital, so I thought that I would wait for your arrival before I went up."
"Just be glad you didn't show up a couple of days ago," Widget commented as they approached the front desk. "The receptionist at the time might have called the pound on you."
"Unlikely," Xaina replied from where she was sitting behind said desk. "Clara apparently has no issues with robotic sophonts, and has even petitioned for rights for household appliances."
"Uhuh," Widget acknowledged, unimpressed.
"If it's any consolation, Sophont Resources has insisted that she take some mandatory classes and see a counsellor if she wants to keep her job here or at any other associated facility."
"Well, that's something, I suppose," Widget nodded.
"Anyway, Mr. Razz is still in the same room, so you can go right up."
"Thanks," Widget said as the group turned to head down the hall towards the elevator banks. "Have a nice day!"
O o O o O
"So you're gonna be my little brother, huh?" Widget prompted as they rode the elevator upwards.
"That seems to be Grim's desire," Clank acknowledged, "but I am unsure of the legalities involved. It might just be an honorary position."
"Oh, it'll be real enough," Dr. Nefarious interjected. "I had the appropriate papers drawn up on Grim's behalf. Should you and he agree to the terms and sign in all the right places after going over it, you will officially be acknowledged as a member of the Razz Family as far as the government is concerned."
"That is reassuring," Clank nodded. He hadn't been active long, and had spent much of that time thus far being interviewed by Solana Galactic Intelligence, but what little research he had been able to do indicated that the issue of robotic rights as citizens was a convoluted quagmire that recognized the rights of some robots but not others based on various factors. Some of which being very poorly defined in his opinion, but being a legally recognized member of an actual family would cut through a lot of the nonsense.
"And hey, if you need a job, maybe we could take you on?" Widget suggested.
"Given his actions and how well he performed in the short amount of time Clank has been active, I certainly wouldn't have any objections," Dr. Nefarious put in.
"Well, that's certainly a glowing recommendation if I ever heard one," Qwark declared boisterously. "What do you say, Clank? Care to sign on with the Galactic Rangers?"
Clank thought about the offer carefully for a moment, then nodded firmly. "I would be honored!"
"Does this mean that he has to get up at Oh-Fuck-It's-Early in the morning too?" Widget asked. "Since he'd be a trainee, I mean."
"Yes, but that's because he'll be training with Elaris and I at first," Dr. Nefarious informed them. "After all, given his apparent structure, I doubt that Clank would gain any benefit from actual physical training, so he'll gain the most benefit from studying procedures and assisting us until he's ready to assume either support or field duties as most appropriate."
"Also, we need to make sure that he's properly registered on the payroll before he goes on any missions," Qwark pointed out, rubbing the back of his head. "Legal is giving me issues over the fact that I let Widget go on that last mission before all her paperwork was processed and filed."
O o O o O
Location: BlargTech Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 11:30, Saturday
"So… Do you find the terms agreeable?" Chairman Drek addressed the large Cazar, Little Tony, whom Victor Von Ion had brought to him.
"Hey, you had me sprung, and got me a job with some cool bennies," Little Tony replied. "If ya want to slap my face on some posters and use these impressive guns for the cause," the large Cazar flexed, incidentally ruining yet another shirt, "then I'm your man!"
"Excellent! Then you will be the spokesperson for the new Blarg homeworld!" Drek stated enthusiastically, before assuming a more measured tone. "Now I understand that you have no problems with the possibility of going against the Galactic Rangers?"
"I've been looking forward to giving them some payback ever since Vic brought it up when he broke me out," Little Tony said, pounding a fist into his other palm.
"Even though they just recruited someone you know?" Drek asked, sliding a picture across his desk.
"They took on Thunderbrat over me!?" Little Tony objected, punching down on the picture and shattering that part of Drek's desk. "Oh I am going to really enjoy laying down the beatdown now!"
"That's coming out of your paycheck, you know."
"Oh, ah… Sorry, Boss! It won't happen again!"
"See that it doesn't."
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:00 PM, Monday
"Heads up, Rangers!" Captain Qwark called everyone to attention. "President Phyronix has asked that we assist in the operations against BlargTech. We will be working with the SGI at first, targeting specific facilities that they have not been able to safely get into, either assisting directly with getting an SGI agent in place or causing a big enough distraction so that they may do so themselves. After that, depending on what we discover, we will be picking our own targets as appropriate. Most likely to be determined by Dr. Nefarious, so make sure that you get him the best information possible. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain!" was the collective response.
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Spies Like Us
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:07 PM, Monday
"Clank, you will be staying here with Elaris," Qwark instructed. "Just follow her lead, and she'll show you how to handle things on this end. Dr. Nefarious and I will be helping an agent get into BlargTech's primary robotics factory on Quartu, where Clank originated from. Brax, Cora, two of the targets they proposed are Gaspar and Hoven. Both are dangerous worlds to be on, even without the heavily fortified compounds guarded by heavily armed Blarg commandos. Arm yourselves appropriately."
"Does this mean..?"
"Yes, Brax, you are hereby cleared to use your R.Y,N.O. for this mission. In fact, I'm going to insist on it. I'll let you both decide who takes which planet, just remember that regardless of which one you go to, your primary job is to get your SGI partner into position so that they can do their job, then get them out again."
"What about me, Captain?" Widget asked.
"You'll be riding along with an agent to infiltrate the Blarg Tactical Research station over in Nebula G34. It's expected to be lightly defended, for now, so the SGI would ordinarily be handling that part themselves, but since this is a joint operation, we're giving you the opportunity to gain some more field experience working alongside another service. Just follow the agent's lead and everything should be fine, but be ready for action at any time!"
"Grab the B&E kit I had you working with last week, and slot it into the gadget section of your Alternate Space Stash," Dr. Nefarious added. "This might be a good opportunity to practice those skills in the field."
"Should I grab a pry bar and a plasma cutter as well?" Widget quipped with a smirk.
"Uh... " Brax half-raised a hand in confusion.
"First two rules of being a salvage rat," Widget explained. "Take everything that isn't welded down; and welds can be broken."
"Widget's dubious background aside," Quark interjected, "we're running short on time. Everyone grab what you need, and let's go go go!"
Location: Solana Galactic Intelligence Headquarters, Metropolis, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Monday
"Greetings, Rangers," a tall Plorgonarian in a government suit and sunglasses… er, sunglass (Plorgonarians only had the one eye) greeted the rangers as they arrived. "Sorry to rush you all through, but somebody up higher decided that some of the objectives might be time sensitive. Captain Qwark, you and Dr. Nefarious should head right on over to pad one. Miss Veralux, your assigned agent is waiting for you at pad three, and Mr. Lectrus, you'll be heading right over to pad four."
"What about me?" Widget asked.
"The agent you were supposed to head out with was unfortunately waylaid on the way in, Miss Razz. Something about some shirtless maniac ambushing skycars inside of a building pass-through. Just wait in the rear atrium while we arrange for another agent to join you."
Lash Hackins couldn't believe his luck! After years of being stuck in data decryption and analysis, his skills were finally being called for in the field! And he'd be working with a Galactic Ranger! On a real infiltration mission too, just like the holovids!
The Rilgarian glanced at the mission brief he'd been handed (well, it had ended up on his desk, so it was his mission, right?). "Hmmm… a research station. No time to set up a deep cover, so I'll just grab a cleaning or catering service setup from outfitting and requisition an appropriate utility service style ship. And I'll be working with… Ooh! She's a hottie! Definitely going with the cleaning service idea! Let's see, French maid for her, and dashing butler for me… Some appropriately themed tools and gadgets… Oh, and an Ion Blaster!"
Widget noted that a Rilgarian in the suit had stepped out of one of the elevators in the bank near the rear atrium, looked around for a moment, and headed straight for her. Getting up from the bench she had been waiting on, she reached a hand out. "Hi, I'm Widget…"
"No time!" the Rilgarian slapped a package into Widget's hand. "Here, go to the women's lockers just down the hall to the left, put this on, and leave your uniform with security. I'll meet you by dock two after I change into my cover outfit."
Widget blinked as the guy ran off (presumably towards the mens' lockers, since he was going down the hall he had just indicated), then shrugged and jogged after him.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Widget grumbled to herself as she opened the package in the locker room and pulled out some sort of stylized stereotypical maid outfit. "What is this? A Lance and Janice episode?"
Widget hesitated for a moment, then remembered that she was supposed to follow the agent's lead. So she changed into the costume, transferring her A.S.S. unit (and thus almost all of her equipment that wasn't built directly into her uniform) over as she did so. "This is so stupid…"
"Are you familiar with a T17 Cosmo Courier?" the Rilgarian asked as Widget met him on pad two. The ship in question looked suitably nondescript, she supposed, and had what she presumed to be the name of a cleaning company scrawled across the side in big fancy letters from some alphabet she wasn't familiar with yet. Oh, and a logo that consisted of a cartoon female Lombax (not her, thankfully, as this one's fur color was tawny rather than white) wearing an even skimpier version of the very same maid outfit.
"I've tested out on one in sims back at the Hall of Heroes, yes," Widget stated, trying to sound professional rather than irritated.
Opening the rear hatch, the Rilgarian waved her into the ship. "The dash flips over for an alternate console layout with extra controls. Just leave it alone for now. I'll deal with it if something comes up."
"Got it," Widget said as she slid into the pilot's seat. "So this sort of thing actually happens in real life?" she asked, tugging at her outfit briefly even as she went through the preflight checks.
"Oh, all the time, definitely!"
Location: Hyperspace, enroute to Quartu
Time: 3:45 PM, Monday
"You know..." Captain Qwark hesitated for a moment, then continued on. "I was halfway expecting fancy gadget's and clever disguises."
"It's a robot factory with a heavily automated security force," SGI Agent Dewey Plicitous stated. "All we really need to fool most of the guards are the hacked IFF transponders I handed out. If the mission wasn't considered to be time sensitive, I could do it alone with enough prep, but the guys upstairs decided that it needs to be done now. Quite frankly, given your respective skill sets, I expect to be a bit of a third wheel, so I'll try to stay out of your way unless I see something that needs my attention."
"You grabbed the high profile mission, didn't you?" Nefarious asked in a joking tone.
"Oh, absolutely!" Agent Plicitous agreed in all seriousness. "Wouldn't you?"
"As long as you didn't compromise the other missions," Captain Qwark stated firmly.
"Oh, they'll be fine," Plicitous assured Qwark. "All of the field agents in the selection pool are highly competent and know their jobs inside and out. Your people get ours in, maybe do a little sabotage if an appropriate opportunity shows up, and then we're out. Nice and simple. No need to make things overly complicated for something like this."
Location: Hyperspace, enroute to Nebula G34
Time: 3:45 PM, Monday
"Okay, for this mission, you are Miss Annandale Fluffle, a French Lombax paying her way through college correspondence courses, and I'm Henri Johanidanistonson, a down on his luck French Rilgarian doing a side job while trying to break into acting…"
"Uhuh…" Widget was not impressed. Nor amused. All this spy stuff just seemed to be much more complicated than it really needed to be.
Location: Blarg Research Outpost, Gaspar
Time: 8:11 AM, Tuesday
"That was nuts!" SGI agent Ulysses Nathaniel Able exclaimed, panting as he tried to catch his breath.
"Hey, we're in, aren't we?" Brax asked as he checked the way forward for any more hostiles, then checked to their rear to make sure no one had circled around behind them.
"YOU BLEW DOWN THE BLAST DOOR WITH THEIR OWN DEFENSE TURRET!"
"Well, it was right there, and they weren't using it to shoot at us anymore, so I thought I'd save ammo for something more important. I don't want to waste my R.Y.N.O. ammo if I don't have to. Not on doors anyway."
"YOU HAVE A R.Y.N.O!?"
"Fully licensed and registered, and authorized for the mission," Brax informed the stressed agent calmly. "You should really reread your mission briefing before we reach the next hotspot. My part is clearly defined in it. I checked."
"They are not paying me enough for this…"
"You sure? I mean, I know I'm getting good pay for this mission, but for a chance to bring my R.Y.N.O. out on a field mission and maybe actually use it, I'd have done it pro bono."
"Er… Can I renegotiate the terms of the mission on behalf of the SGI then?"
"Sure," Brax agreed amiably as he hotswapped weapons to a wicked looking rocket launcher. "As long as you don't mind me using my own Negotiator."
"Nevermind…" U.N. Able held up his hands placatingly. Under his breath, he muttered to himself, "Just two more weeks to retirement… just two more weeks… Why did I have to accept this mission?"
"Looks like the next section's clear." Brax observed. "We must have drawn in everything heavily armed within earshot, so it'll probably just be small arms until we reach whatever they have defending the target zone."
"How… nice…"
Location: Some valley or other, Hoven
Time: 9:15, Tuesday
"Well, howdy! Welcome to Edwina's Roboshack! I'm Edwina, but y'all can call me Ed. What can I do ya for?"
"I think we got turned around back in those caves," Cora observed, dryly.
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 10:45 PM, Tuesday
"All that practice with funny accents, and they just open the bay for us without even contacting us," Widget noted idly as she made sure her A.S.S. was firmly in place on the belt of her outfit.
"There must be some property of the nebula that blocks comms. Makes sense really. It'd be a free layer of information security they could take advantage of."
"Did you even read that mission briefing you won't let me look at? 'Cause that sounds like something that should have been in it."
"Of course I did! Now get back into character, Miss Fluffle, and get ready to charm your way past the guards."
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 10:50 AM, Tuesday
"That was most definitely not charming the guards!"
"Hey, did they raise any alarms?"
"No, but…"
"Then they are charmed enough for me."
"You didn't even use the accent…"
"Sweet kid," a Blarg guard commented. "I hope she does well in those classes she mentioned."
"Yeah," his partner agreed. "But that guy she's working with is never going to break into acting. That was the worst fake French accent I ever heard…"
Location: Hyperspace, returning from Quartu
Time: 11:52 PM, Tuesday
Dr. Nefarious looked over the device they had secured when they had elected to rescue the Moroban roboticist they had come across. "So this only works on robots that were specifically built at that particular factory?"
"Yes," the short scientist agreed. "It requires a special circuit built right into the sisterboard, and it was only made at that factory. Thanks for blowing it up!"
"No problem, Citizen!" Captain Qwark exclaimed boisterously from the pilot's seat. "Always glad to walk slowly away from an explosion in service to the galaxy!"
"Do you mind if we study this device?" Nefarious asked. "We have a new recruit who could benefit from something similar."
"If it's for the Galactic Rangers? Anything!"
"The Galactic Government thanks you," Agent Plicidous said.
"I said the Galactic Rangers! You keep your grubby little SGI hands off of it!"
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 1:00 AM Wednesday
"No, we are not bunking down in the servant's quarters for the night!" Widget hissed at Agent Hackens. "We have done nothing but clean floors and polish tables since we got here! No, wait, let me correct that. I have done nothing but clean floors and polish tables since we got here! I don't know what the hell you were doing, but it wasn't cleaning and it certainly wasn't looking around!"
"There's a method to…"
"If this method involves even more attempts to look up my skirt or down my top, we are going to be having more than words…" Widget growled menacingly.
"Hey!" A Blarg guard called out as he and his partner marched into the cafeteria. "I don't know what prank you kids are trying to pull, but we just checked and you two are not even with that cleaning service!"
"Oh thank God," Widget sighed in relief as she pulled her Combustor out of her A.S.S.
"Where did you hide that thing!?" Lash Hackens exclaimed as he pulled out an undersized Ion Blaster from inside his butler jacket.
"Use a different gun!" Widget ordered as she shot the guards. "A hold-out is going to be next to useless in this situation!"
"Why did you shoot them!?"
"Hello? BlargTech is attacking multiple worlds? I'm pretty sure that fits the definition of Enemy Combatant."
"Did you at least have that thing on stun?"
"Combustors don't have a stun setting. And if that peashooter of yours does, throw it out now. I'm not working with someone who uses a cereal box toy."
"But what am I going to use then?"
"Wait. You came on this mission armed only with a pint-sized, underpowered, holdout Ion Blaster!?"
"... Yes?"
"You complete and absolute MORON!"
Much violence ensued.
Fortunately for SGI agent Lash Hackens, most of it was directed towards nearly everyone else in the station.
And the Blarg warship next to the station.
And the Blarg warship on the other side of that one.
They did end up rescuing a pleasant Moroban inventor named Fred, who sold him a nifty set of grindboots…
Once they finally made it back to the courier ship they came in on, Widget secured the intell she had managed to collect, made sure that Fred was comfortably situated before sliding into the pilot's seat and flipping the dash around to reveal the other controls.
"Hey, that's…"
"Sit down, strap in, and shut up," Widget stated firmly. "Those escape pods will have sent out alarms the moment they cleared the nebula, and I may have to concentrate for a while."
"Okay…"
"In fact, I may have to concentrate all the way back to Kerwan. Don't talk to me."
"What about me, Miss?"
"You're fine, Fred."
Location: Blarg Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 8:00 AM Wednesday
"WHY DIDN'T YOU IDIOTS WAKE ME UP!?" Supreme Executive Chairman Drek shouted, furious about the reports he just received.
"You said to never distur…"
"I DON'T CARE!" Drek interrupted. "The Galactic Rangers just shut down three of our operations, and the BTR station was taken out by a couple of college kids on a lark! What are we even paying our security forces for if they don't do anything!?"
Taking a few deep breaths, Alonzo Drek forced himself to calm down.
"Ready the fleet and set course for Kerwan," Drek instructed. "We are going to attack the Galactic Rangers."
"Yes, Sir!"
"Oh, and find out what college those kids were affiliated with. We're attacking there too."
Time: 2:07 PM, Monday
"Clank, you will be staying here with Elaris," Qwark instructed. "Just follow her lead, and she'll show you how to handle things on this end. Dr. Nefarious and I will be helping an agent get into BlargTech's primary robotics factory on Quartu, where Clank originated from. Brax, Cora, two of the targets they proposed are Gaspar and Hoven. Both are dangerous worlds to be on, even without the heavily fortified compounds guarded by heavily armed Blarg commandos. Arm yourselves appropriately."
"Does this mean..?"
"Yes, Brax, you are hereby cleared to use your R.Y,N.O. for this mission. In fact, I'm going to insist on it. I'll let you both decide who takes which planet, just remember that regardless of which one you go to, your primary job is to get your SGI partner into position so that they can do their job, then get them out again."
"What about me, Captain?" Widget asked.
"You'll be riding along with an agent to infiltrate the Blarg Tactical Research station over in Nebula G34. It's expected to be lightly defended, for now, so the SGI would ordinarily be handling that part themselves, but since this is a joint operation, we're giving you the opportunity to gain some more field experience working alongside another service. Just follow the agent's lead and everything should be fine, but be ready for action at any time!"
"Grab the B&E kit I had you working with last week, and slot it into the gadget section of your Alternate Space Stash," Dr. Nefarious added. "This might be a good opportunity to practice those skills in the field."
"Should I grab a pry bar and a plasma cutter as well?" Widget quipped with a smirk.
"Uh... " Brax half-raised a hand in confusion.
"First two rules of being a salvage rat," Widget explained. "Take everything that isn't welded down; and welds can be broken."
"Widget's dubious background aside," Quark interjected, "we're running short on time. Everyone grab what you need, and let's go go go!"
Location: Solana Galactic Intelligence Headquarters, Metropolis, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Monday
"Greetings, Rangers," a tall Plorgonarian in a government suit and sunglasses… er, sunglass (Plorgonarians only had the one eye) greeted the rangers as they arrived. "Sorry to rush you all through, but somebody up higher decided that some of the objectives might be time sensitive. Captain Qwark, you and Dr. Nefarious should head right on over to pad one. Miss Veralux, your assigned agent is waiting for you at pad three, and Mr. Lectrus, you'll be heading right over to pad four."
"What about me?" Widget asked.
"The agent you were supposed to head out with was unfortunately waylaid on the way in, Miss Razz. Something about some shirtless maniac ambushing skycars inside of a building pass-through. Just wait in the rear atrium while we arrange for another agent to join you."
O o O o O
Lash Hackins couldn't believe his luck! After years of being stuck in data decryption and analysis, his skills were finally being called for in the field! And he'd be working with a Galactic Ranger! On a real infiltration mission too, just like the holovids!
The Rilgarian glanced at the mission brief he'd been handed (well, it had ended up on his desk, so it was his mission, right?). "Hmmm… a research station. No time to set up a deep cover, so I'll just grab a cleaning or catering service setup from outfitting and requisition an appropriate utility service style ship. And I'll be working with… Ooh! She's a hottie! Definitely going with the cleaning service idea! Let's see, French maid for her, and dashing butler for me… Some appropriately themed tools and gadgets… Oh, and an Ion Blaster!"
O o O o O
Widget noted that a Rilgarian in the suit had stepped out of one of the elevators in the bank near the rear atrium, looked around for a moment, and headed straight for her. Getting up from the bench she had been waiting on, she reached a hand out. "Hi, I'm Widget…"
"No time!" the Rilgarian slapped a package into Widget's hand. "Here, go to the women's lockers just down the hall to the left, put this on, and leave your uniform with security. I'll meet you by dock two after I change into my cover outfit."
Widget blinked as the guy ran off (presumably towards the mens' lockers, since he was going down the hall he had just indicated), then shrugged and jogged after him.
O o O o O
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Widget grumbled to herself as she opened the package in the locker room and pulled out some sort of stylized stereotypical maid outfit. "What is this? A Lance and Janice episode?"
Widget hesitated for a moment, then remembered that she was supposed to follow the agent's lead. So she changed into the costume, transferring her A.S.S. unit (and thus almost all of her equipment that wasn't built directly into her uniform) over as she did so. "This is so stupid…"
O o O o O
"Are you familiar with a T17 Cosmo Courier?" the Rilgarian asked as Widget met him on pad two. The ship in question looked suitably nondescript, she supposed, and had what she presumed to be the name of a cleaning company scrawled across the side in big fancy letters from some alphabet she wasn't familiar with yet. Oh, and a logo that consisted of a cartoon female Lombax (not her, thankfully, as this one's fur color was tawny rather than white) wearing an even skimpier version of the very same maid outfit.
"I've tested out on one in sims back at the Hall of Heroes, yes," Widget stated, trying to sound professional rather than irritated.
Opening the rear hatch, the Rilgarian waved her into the ship. "The dash flips over for an alternate console layout with extra controls. Just leave it alone for now. I'll deal with it if something comes up."
"Got it," Widget said as she slid into the pilot's seat. "So this sort of thing actually happens in real life?" she asked, tugging at her outfit briefly even as she went through the preflight checks.
"Oh, all the time, definitely!"
O o O o O
Location: Hyperspace, enroute to Quartu
Time: 3:45 PM, Monday
"You know..." Captain Qwark hesitated for a moment, then continued on. "I was halfway expecting fancy gadget's and clever disguises."
"It's a robot factory with a heavily automated security force," SGI Agent Dewey Plicitous stated. "All we really need to fool most of the guards are the hacked IFF transponders I handed out. If the mission wasn't considered to be time sensitive, I could do it alone with enough prep, but the guys upstairs decided that it needs to be done now. Quite frankly, given your respective skill sets, I expect to be a bit of a third wheel, so I'll try to stay out of your way unless I see something that needs my attention."
"You grabbed the high profile mission, didn't you?" Nefarious asked in a joking tone.
"Oh, absolutely!" Agent Plicitous agreed in all seriousness. "Wouldn't you?"
"As long as you didn't compromise the other missions," Captain Qwark stated firmly.
"Oh, they'll be fine," Plicitous assured Qwark. "All of the field agents in the selection pool are highly competent and know their jobs inside and out. Your people get ours in, maybe do a little sabotage if an appropriate opportunity shows up, and then we're out. Nice and simple. No need to make things overly complicated for something like this."
O o O o O
Location: Hyperspace, enroute to Nebula G34
Time: 3:45 PM, Monday
"Okay, for this mission, you are Miss Annandale Fluffle, a French Lombax paying her way through college correspondence courses, and I'm Henri Johanidanistonson, a down on his luck French Rilgarian doing a side job while trying to break into acting…"
"Uhuh…" Widget was not impressed. Nor amused. All this spy stuff just seemed to be much more complicated than it really needed to be.
O o O o O
Location: Blarg Research Outpost, Gaspar
Time: 8:11 AM, Tuesday
"That was nuts!" SGI agent Ulysses Nathaniel Able exclaimed, panting as he tried to catch his breath.
"Hey, we're in, aren't we?" Brax asked as he checked the way forward for any more hostiles, then checked to their rear to make sure no one had circled around behind them.
"YOU BLEW DOWN THE BLAST DOOR WITH THEIR OWN DEFENSE TURRET!"
"Well, it was right there, and they weren't using it to shoot at us anymore, so I thought I'd save ammo for something more important. I don't want to waste my R.Y.N.O. ammo if I don't have to. Not on doors anyway."
"YOU HAVE A R.Y.N.O!?"
"Fully licensed and registered, and authorized for the mission," Brax informed the stressed agent calmly. "You should really reread your mission briefing before we reach the next hotspot. My part is clearly defined in it. I checked."
"They are not paying me enough for this…"
"You sure? I mean, I know I'm getting good pay for this mission, but for a chance to bring my R.Y.N.O. out on a field mission and maybe actually use it, I'd have done it pro bono."
"Er… Can I renegotiate the terms of the mission on behalf of the SGI then?"
"Sure," Brax agreed amiably as he hotswapped weapons to a wicked looking rocket launcher. "As long as you don't mind me using my own Negotiator."
"Nevermind…" U.N. Able held up his hands placatingly. Under his breath, he muttered to himself, "Just two more weeks to retirement… just two more weeks… Why did I have to accept this mission?"
"Looks like the next section's clear." Brax observed. "We must have drawn in everything heavily armed within earshot, so it'll probably just be small arms until we reach whatever they have defending the target zone."
"How… nice…"
O o O o O
Location: Some valley or other, Hoven
Time: 9:15, Tuesday
"Well, howdy! Welcome to Edwina's Roboshack! I'm Edwina, but y'all can call me Ed. What can I do ya for?"
"I think we got turned around back in those caves," Cora observed, dryly.
O o O o O
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 10:45 PM, Tuesday
"All that practice with funny accents, and they just open the bay for us without even contacting us," Widget noted idly as she made sure her A.S.S. was firmly in place on the belt of her outfit.
"There must be some property of the nebula that blocks comms. Makes sense really. It'd be a free layer of information security they could take advantage of."
"Did you even read that mission briefing you won't let me look at? 'Cause that sounds like something that should have been in it."
"Of course I did! Now get back into character, Miss Fluffle, and get ready to charm your way past the guards."
O o O o O
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 10:50 AM, Tuesday
"That was most definitely not charming the guards!"
"Hey, did they raise any alarms?"
"No, but…"
"Then they are charmed enough for me."
"You didn't even use the accent…"
O o O o O
"Sweet kid," a Blarg guard commented. "I hope she does well in those classes she mentioned."
"Yeah," his partner agreed. "But that guy she's working with is never going to break into acting. That was the worst fake French accent I ever heard…"
O o O o O
Location: Hyperspace, returning from Quartu
Time: 11:52 PM, Tuesday
Dr. Nefarious looked over the device they had secured when they had elected to rescue the Moroban roboticist they had come across. "So this only works on robots that were specifically built at that particular factory?"
"Yes," the short scientist agreed. "It requires a special circuit built right into the sisterboard, and it was only made at that factory. Thanks for blowing it up!"
"No problem, Citizen!" Captain Qwark exclaimed boisterously from the pilot's seat. "Always glad to walk slowly away from an explosion in service to the galaxy!"
"Do you mind if we study this device?" Nefarious asked. "We have a new recruit who could benefit from something similar."
"If it's for the Galactic Rangers? Anything!"
"The Galactic Government thanks you," Agent Plicidous said.
"I said the Galactic Rangers! You keep your grubby little SGI hands off of it!"
O o O o O
Location: Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Time: 1:00 AM Wednesday
"No, we are not bunking down in the servant's quarters for the night!" Widget hissed at Agent Hackens. "We have done nothing but clean floors and polish tables since we got here! No, wait, let me correct that. I have done nothing but clean floors and polish tables since we got here! I don't know what the hell you were doing, but it wasn't cleaning and it certainly wasn't looking around!"
"There's a method to…"
"If this method involves even more attempts to look up my skirt or down my top, we are going to be having more than words…" Widget growled menacingly.
"Hey!" A Blarg guard called out as he and his partner marched into the cafeteria. "I don't know what prank you kids are trying to pull, but we just checked and you two are not even with that cleaning service!"
"Oh thank God," Widget sighed in relief as she pulled her Combustor out of her A.S.S.
"Where did you hide that thing!?" Lash Hackens exclaimed as he pulled out an undersized Ion Blaster from inside his butler jacket.
"Use a different gun!" Widget ordered as she shot the guards. "A hold-out is going to be next to useless in this situation!"
"Why did you shoot them!?"
"Hello? BlargTech is attacking multiple worlds? I'm pretty sure that fits the definition of Enemy Combatant."
"Did you at least have that thing on stun?"
"Combustors don't have a stun setting. And if that peashooter of yours does, throw it out now. I'm not working with someone who uses a cereal box toy."
"But what am I going to use then?"
"Wait. You came on this mission armed only with a pint-sized, underpowered, holdout Ion Blaster!?"
"... Yes?"
"You complete and absolute MORON!"
Much violence ensued.
Fortunately for SGI agent Lash Hackens, most of it was directed towards nearly everyone else in the station.
And the Blarg warship next to the station.
And the Blarg warship on the other side of that one.
They did end up rescuing a pleasant Moroban inventor named Fred, who sold him a nifty set of grindboots…
Once they finally made it back to the courier ship they came in on, Widget secured the intell she had managed to collect, made sure that Fred was comfortably situated before sliding into the pilot's seat and flipping the dash around to reveal the other controls.
"Hey, that's…"
"Sit down, strap in, and shut up," Widget stated firmly. "Those escape pods will have sent out alarms the moment they cleared the nebula, and I may have to concentrate for a while."
"Okay…"
"In fact, I may have to concentrate all the way back to Kerwan. Don't talk to me."
"What about me, Miss?"
"You're fine, Fred."
O o O o O
Location: Blarg Fleet, Deep Space
Time: 8:00 AM Wednesday
"WHY DIDN'T YOU IDIOTS WAKE ME UP!?" Supreme Executive Chairman Drek shouted, furious about the reports he just received.
"You said to never distur…"
"I DON'T CARE!" Drek interrupted. "The Galactic Rangers just shut down three of our operations, and the BTR station was taken out by a couple of college kids on a lark! What are we even paying our security forces for if they don't do anything!?"
Taking a few deep breaths, Alonzo Drek forced himself to calm down.
"Ready the fleet and set course for Kerwan," Drek instructed. "We are going to attack the Galactic Rangers."
"Yes, Sir!"
"Oh, and find out what college those kids were affiliated with. We're attacking there too."
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: SGI Headquarters, Metropolis, Kerwan
Time: 8:28 AM, Wednesday
Agent Plorp marched straight over to dock two even as the misappropriated T17 Cosmo Courier was touching down, and was there waiting, arms crossed, the forward left of his three feet tapping impatiently, and a measured scowl on his face. He was ready to lay into the wayward decryption and data analyst specialist the moment the rear hatch opened!
"Mister Hackens, you had better have a very good reason you were even on that…" Plorp's tirade ground to a halt when the first figure to step out onto the boarding ramp was a very tired looking Lombax carrying what appeared to be part of a computer system. "Good Heavens, Miss Razz! Are you alright? You look like death warmed over!"
"I have been up since six-thirty in the morning, yesterday," the very frazzled and more than a little grumpy white Lombax growled. "Not only did Mr. Unprepared back there come up with a stupid and demeaning infiltration plan, we wasted six solid hours actually cleaning floors and tables without him doing much of anything at all besides apparently trying to come up with new ways to look up my skirt or down my top! Not only that, when our flimsy cover was finally broken due to how long we were there, it turns out the only weapon he brought along was an undersized holdout Ion Blaster with only three shots in it! All of which he wasted by firing it on stun! Not that he actually even hit anything but a random light fixture which maybe flickered for a moment! And to top off the icing on that shit-show of a mission, it turns out that the closest he's ever been to the controls of any spaceship was some Holovid game called Three Vikings Three Thirty-Eight, Solana Galaxy Edition, that he last played over ten years ago! I HAVE BEEN AWAKE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!"
Miss Razz took a moment visibly forcing herself to calm down.
"Is Mr. Hackens still alive and in reasonably good health?" Agent Plorp asked hesitantly.
"Against my better judgement, yes," Miss Razz confirmed.
"There will be separate hazard and hardship bonuses added to your mission pay. And expect several formal letters of apology from both the SGI in general as well as from Mr. Hackens himself, as he should never have been on that mission in the first place."
"Wut…" Oh dear, the sudden twitching of Miss Razz's left eyelid could not possibly be a good sign.
"He's a decryption and data analyst specialist. He doesn't have any field training."
"Excuse me," Miss Razz turned and marched back into the courier ship. Shortly afterwards he heard her say, "Fred, you might not want to watch this…"
"MISS RAZZ!" Agent Plorp called out, passing a Moroban as he entered the vessel himself. "Please let us handle any disciplinary issues!"
"Then can I at least make a suggestion," Mizz Razz asked, still holding a terrified Mr. Hackens up out of his seat by the lapels of his rumpled looking butler outfit.
"You may…" Plorp nodded.
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 9:15 AM, Wednesday
Widget stumbled into the main lobby of the Hall of Heroes and decided to rest her legs for a moment on one of the public benches. She had continued to stay awake during the Grav-train ride back from Metropolis out of sheer bloody-minded determination, but she was on her last legs and she knew it.
Cora found her moments later, head back over the back of the bench, snoring loudly. "Widget?"
Widget remained sound asleep, so Cora gently shook her shoulders. "Widget? We can't let you sleep here…."
Widget continued to snore, oblivious to the world, so Cora shook her harder - only to find herself in an uncomfortable, awkward, and somewhat embarrassing headlock with her face pressed against Widget's bosom.
So of course this was the time that Elaris walked by and decided that this was a wonderful holovid opportunity!
"You two are so adorable!"
"Elaris, no!" Cora yelled out as best as she was able and she struggled futally to escape limpet-mode sleeping Widget.
"Elaris yes!"
"Delete that footage right now!"
"I can't wait to show the others!" Elaris cheerfully added as she turned to head back into the building.
"ELARIS!"
Location: SGI Headquarters, Metropolis, Kerwan
Time: 9:30 AM, Wednesday
Agent Plorp was not at all surprised to receive a call from a very irate Captain Qwark. "Greetings, Captain. I take it from your expression that Miss Razz has at least made to within walking distance of the Hall of Heroes?"
"Care to explain why one of my Rangers showed up back at our base, wearing a French maid outfit, and so tired that she literally fell asleep in the lobby AND COULD NOT BE WOKEN UP!?"
"There's no need to yell, Captain…"
"I'LL YELL IF I DAMN WELL WANT TO!" Captain Qwark continued to do so over the holocall. "Now what the Hell happened on that mission!? It was supposed to be the simplest and safest of the four, but I can't even wake my Ranger up long enough to get a report out of her!"
"A mistake had occurred during the selection of Mr. Kase's replacement," Plorp explained in a placating yet still professional tone, fully understanding why he was being yelled at. "The mission file had been left for a moment on the desk of Mr. Hackens, a decryption and data analysis specialist who should have known better than to assume that the mission was for him."
"And where is this… Mr. Hackens… right now?" Captain Qwark ground out.
"He is currently being interrogated for his part in the fiasco," Agent Plorp explained. "You may be interested to know that, due entirely to Miss Razz' efforts after she assumed full control of the mission, it was a complete success. Expect a mission bonus on top of the compensation Miss Razz will be receiving directly to make up for the trouble Mr. Hackens' caused."
"And what will be happening to Mr. Hackens?"
"His skills are too valuable for us to let him go…"
"Of course they are," the captain did not sound placated at all, naturally.
"But, at Miss Razz' suggestion, he will be spending the next twenty-four working hours, once he's out of interrogation, cleaning floors four thirty-six through floors four forty-three. While wearing a copy of the French maid outfit he made Miss Razz wear during the mission."
"I'll want a holovid copy of Hacken's punishment to be forwarded to Widget, and a written formal apology, to be delivered directly to her along with a spoken apology."
"Miss Razz has expressed a desire for a restraining order to be placed against Mr. Hackens approaching within six meters of her person."
"We'll give him a stick that he can attach the letter to."
"Will Miss Razz be using said stick to hit Mr. Hackens with?"
"I'll be leaving that to her discretion."
"I suppose that's the best I can hope for."
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 9:30 AM, Wednesday
"Come on, sweetie," Cora said as she helped Widget out of the French maid outfit she was wearing. "I need you to stay awake long enough to take a shower, then we can get you to your bed, okay?"
"Mmrghbrluglemum…" was Widget's unintelligible response before she went back to snoring on her feet.
"Elaris, don't just stand there, help me get… ARE YOU STILL RECORDING THIS!?"
"No?" Elaris replied, quickly hiding the holocorder behind her back.
"Widget, Kill!" Cora gave the white Lombax a gentle push in Elaris' general direction,
"AAAAHHH! ZOMBIE LOMBAX!" Elaris screamed playfully before running off.
Widget, for her part, just continued to shamble forward until she was stopped by the wall, snoring all the way...
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:47 AM, Thursday
Widget sat up with a start as she felt the building shake. Looking around, she found that she was in her room back at the Hall of Heroes, in her bed, and wearing her pajamas.
She felt fully rested and ready to take on the day. Which was very nice after having had to put up with Agent Hacken's nonsense. She really didn't remember much past talking with the Plorgonarian for a bit after they got back, but she supposed that she must have made it back home safely.
There was a loud explosion and the building shuddered again, and a piece of her room's ceiling fell to the floor.
"Why haven't the alarms…" Widget was interrupted by spinning red lights popping out of the walls, accompanied by the wail of an alert siren. "And there we go."
"ALL RANGERS!" Captain Qwark's voice called out over the intercom. "ALEERO CITY IS UNDER ATTACK! DROP EVERYTHING, GRAB YOUR A.S.S.ES, AND PROCEED TO THE FRONT LOBBY TO REPEL ATTACKERS RIGHT NOW!"
Widget grabbed her A.S.S. from her nightstand and was out the door of her room before Qwark had even finished speaking…
Victor Von Ion was more than a bit irritated with his employer at the moment. "You do know that I'm still in the middle of the scouting and recruitment phase for that anti-hero counterforce you requested, right? Little Tony may be dumb muscle, with the emphasis on dumb and muscle, but he's not going to be enough on his own to offset a competent hero."
"Yes, yes," Supreme Executive Chairman Drek replied over the holocomm, waiving off Victor's concerns. "That's why I'm sending him in with an elite force of heavily armed commandos and a mechanized cavalry unit."
"So you'll be able to do some damage before you're forced to withdraw the fleet because you rushed in without a plan," Victor pointed out.
"Er…"
"Kerwan is the location of one of the main shipyards of the Solana Galactic Navy," Victor reminded his boss. "If you recall, a big part of the overall plan was to only attack major worlds with small, disposable forces so as to not provoke a full military response by the Solana Government until we were actually ready for them?"
"Alright, you may have a point there," Drek conceded reluctantly. "But we're already committed to the attack. Six ships are already in Kerwan's atmosphere, with one having already deployed its forces into Aleero City."
Victor sighed. "Well, you're just going to call back the other five and and either pull back the last one empty or just write it off as a loss. We haven't done enough damage elsewhere across the galaxy yet to have forced the Navy to disperse too thin in an attempt to cover everything."
"Argh!" Drek growled, and then sighed. "Very well. I'll issue a general recall of every ship except the one over Aleero City. That one I'll order to focus down on the Hall of Heroes. Do you want me to recall Little Tony?"
Victor considered it briefly, then shook his head. "No. That'll tip off the troops he's with that something's off and break their morale. If he lives through the attack, we'll make a point of recovering him to make it seem like he's more important than he really is. That'll cement his loyalty and maybe throw off whatever they think your goals really are."
"Very well. This is just so… so… frustrating! They took out three of our major operations in one day, while a couple of punk kids from Wutzamatta University effectively shut down the BTR station in Nebula G34 on a lark!"
"Wait, what?"
"Good to see that you're finally awake, Widget," Captain Qwark stated in grim humor as the Galactic Rangers formed up in the lobby. Then he blinked. "Where is your Protosuit?"
He thought that this was a valid question, as the quick-deploy pads scattered throughout the Hall of Heroes should have enabled any Ranger caught off guard to become battle ready in an instant by teleporting their armor directly onto them the moment they stepped onto any of the pads. And he knew that Widget had done enough emergency drills with the units to not have forgotten about them.
"I think my Protosuit is still in a locker back at the SGI building," Widget replied, cycling various weapons into her hand via her A.S.S. as she looked out the lobby doors.
"Can't be helped then," Qwark stated. "Well, this wouldn't be the first time one of us got caught out in our pajamas."
"Or our underwear," Brax added.
"Or a bath towel," Cora put in her two Bolts.
"Nor expensive formalwear," Dr. Nefarious put in. Then, when he noticed the stares he was getting, he felt compelled to continue. "What? It was a prestigious awards ceremony! It would have been an insult to them for me to have shown up wearing something cheap!"
"I'm feeling left out here," Elaris commented. "Maybe I should fight naked so that we have all our awkward story bases covered?"
"I believe that I am technically already naked," Clank stated dryly.
"It doesn't count if it's your regular state or you do it on purpose," Cora quipped.
"As interesting as this is," Widget interjected, "shouldn't we be doing something about the troops gathering in our courtyard?"
"Fair point," Qwark conceded. "Brax, by any chance, do you still have your R.Y.N.O. equipped?"
"I stopped by the armory and re-equipped it on the way here," Brax stated. "Grabbed all my other fun toys too, while I was at it."
"Good," Qwark stated. "Then clear us an opening so we can join this little dance party!"
"With pleasure, Captain!" Brax stated, pulling his R.Y.N.O. out of his A.S.S. and lighting up on the troops currently in the courtyard.
"Perhaps someone should have opened the doors first, hmmm?" Dr. Nefarious observed a few moments later, once Brax had stopped firing.
"Oops, my bad!" Brax flinched, rubbing the back of his head.
Lash Hackens felt very awkward as he joined his fellow agents in one of the emergency deployment rooms. Partly because he was still smarting from the verbal dressing down and write up that Agent Plorp had given him, but mostly because he was wearing a French maid outfit while everyone else was either in suits or battle armor.
When he reached the agent handing out weapons, the Appoplexian looked him over briefly then handed him something that looked like a high tech mop.
"What's this?"
"It's a mop."
"I can see that! I mean, how am I supposed to fight with this!?"
"You're not!" the Appoplexian leaned over to stare Lash straight in the eyes as he poked a finger against the Rilgarian's chest. "Let me tell you something, Decryption and Data Analysis Specialist Lash Hackens! You don't have any training suitable for any sort of combat role outside of maybe getting picked on by preschoolers for your lunch money! Now get your dumb ass back to cleaning like you were supposed to be doing right now instead of coming here."
"But what about the attack!?"
"One: They seem to be focusing their attention on Aleero City. Two: You're an untrained noncombatant, Dumbass. And three: you're holding up the line! Now get!"
"Their main ship has stopped laying down suppressing fire over the starport," Dr. Nefarious observed even as he continued to lay down his own suppressing fire on the current wave of advancing BlagTech troopers. "They seem to be maneuvering for a possible attack run. Most likely on us."
"There have also been reports of Blarg forces commandeering one of the Grav-trains and loading something large onto one of the forward cargo platforms," Bleep reported over the comms from the Phoenix, which was currently on lockdown at the starport with it's shields up and weapons firing at any Blarg fighters or troops that got too close. "I believe it's one of the ones that has the Hall of Heroes on its programmed route."
"Here comes the next wave of troops!" Cora announced as several BlargTech dropships flew over and deployed even more forces to reinforce the ones they were currently holding off. Including a few quad-walker mechs this time.
"Dammit!" Qwark swore even as he turned his attention towards trying to disable the closest mech. "We need to get you our fighters, but we also need someone to intercept that Grav-train!"
"So all we have to do is fight our way through a few hundred heavily armed BlargTech commandos, sixteen battlewalkers, and whatever else they decide to deploy between us and where we need to be," Dr. Nefarious observed dryly. "And I thought that this was going to be difficult."
"I have an idea!" Widget announced. "Brax, throw me onto one of the quad-walkers!"
"You got it!" Brax replied, picking up the pajama clad Lombax and throwing her over some Blarg troops and onto the closest quad-walker."
"Did you really have to pick the one I was firing at?" Qwark complained, switching targets to the next mech before Widget entered his field of fire on the one he had been firing at.
"Oops?"
Stanley Enkleburg just looked at the pajama clad white Lombax that had landed next to the heavily reinforced cockpit bubble,and cocked a brow even as he switched on the mech's external speakers.
"And just what do you think you're going to do?" he asked dryly, preparing to lay an epic taunt that he could tell stories about for years to come.
"Do you know the first two rules of being a Salvage Rat?" the Lombax asked, idly dodging fire from the Blarg troops on the ground even as she seemed to be examining the top of his mech. As useless as that would be.
Stanley nonchalantly took a selfie on his phone to showcase his indulgently superior smirk as he pointed his other thumb at the Lombax behind him. "And what, pray tell, would those be?"
"You don't know?" the Lombax asked. Then grinned maliciously as she pulled out a Plasma Cutter from apparently nowhere as far as Stanly could tell. "Then let me educate you!"
"Mommy!"
"Dialing Mother," Stanley heard his cellphone announced.
"Well, at least she's having fun," Cora noted as Widget forcefully commandeered one of the quad-walkers, tossing the pilot to his buddies below. "Think I can take over another one?"
"Do you have a Plasma Cutter in your A.S.S?" Dr. Nefarious asked.
"No."
"Then no."
"Dammit," Cora complained as Widget turned her new quad-walker around and started firing on random Blarg forces even as she made it squat as preparations for a jump.
"I'm going to intercept the Grav-Train!" Widget called out, just before her quad-walker made the leap to the side of the next building, then from there to another walkway half a block away. "Woohooooooo!"
"I so want to do that," Brax stated in envy.
"Yeah, I think I'll be adding Plasma Cutters to the standard kit," Captain Qwark agreed.
"Neither of you would even fit in one of those cramped cockpits," Dr. Nefarious pointed out.
Widget was having the time of her life as she maneuvered the captured quad-walker through Aleero City, leaping between platforms, buildings, and walkways with ease due to hours of holosim training with similar vehicles. Every now and then, she would take a potshot at another quad-walker or a group of Blarg troops as she passed them, but she had a Grav-train to intercept.
She had a moment to curse briefly as she felt her quad-walker shudder from the weight of something landing on it directly behind her. Then she found herself being lifted by the back of her pajama top.
"Well, if it isn't Thunderbrat!" a large and all too familiar Cazar quipped as he turned his new captive to face him.
"Hello, Little Tony," Widget greeted in a thoroughly unamused tone, just before lifting her arms and slipping out of her top. "And goodbye, Little Tony!" she called back even as she rolled between his legs, dropped to the walkway below, and took off running like her life depended on it. Again.
"Hey! Get back here!" the giant Cazar yelled.
"Do I look stupid?" Widget yelled back over her shoulder as she started weaving through the surprised Blarg troopers that had apparently come along with Little Tony. "I'm not you, after all!"
"ARRGH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Little Tony roared in anger even as he leaped off of the quad-walker and began charging through his own support troops, knocking them every which way.
"Promises promises!" Widget taunted back even as she pulled a spare swingshot out of her A.S.S. and equipped it. Leaping off of the ledge, she shot out the line then swung over to another set of walkways. That should at least buy her some from Little Tony for a while as she focused on plotting her route to the Grav-train.
She really wished that she had thought to pack an emergency change of clothes in her A.S.S. though, as whoever put her in her pajamas had apparently not thought to include any underwear in the process…
Back at the Hall of Heroes, the other Rangers had managed to pop the cockpit bubbles off of three other quad-walkers (incidentally destroying or disabling five others in the process), with Dr. Nefarious, Cora, and then Elaris taking the place of the Blarg pilots with each successive capture.
"Should we grab another one for Clank to use?" Elaris asked as she quickly familiarized herself with the control layout.
"It would be pointless," Clank countered. "I would be too small to use the controls effectively."
"Quark!" Dr. Nefarious called out.
"Yes?"
"Do you remember where you put the UltraMech device we got from the last mission?"
"Yes! Brax, come with me while the others hold them off here! Clank, when we come back with what appears to be a quick-equip platform, I want you to hop onto it the moment it hits the ground! Got it?"
"Yes, Captain!" Clank confirmed, even as he wondered what was about to happen.
"Hello, Thunderbrat."
Widget slid to a stop to avoid running into Little Tony, who had somehow managed to get in front of her again.
Oh, right, he had access to friends with dropships.
"Or should I be calling you Thundertits now?" the oversized Cazar jeered.
"Oh, hey, Little Tony! Fancy meeting you here of all places! So… What are they paying you, anyway?"
"Oh, uh…" Little Tony stopped in confusion as the conversation went in a direction he didn't expect at all. Then he started counting on his fingers. "Let's see… One… Two… Tree…"
"It's three!" Widget called out, even as she evicted the last Blarg from the dropship that had brought Little Tony over, taking shameless advantage of their shock at Little Tony's actions.
"HEY!" Little Tony shouted angrily as Widget flew off in the appropriated dropship. "CHEATER! YOU KNOW I COUNT SLOW!"
"That really should not have worked," Widget commented to herself as she checked her course and flew off to intercept the Grav-train.
Clank idly noted that his movement options were severely curtailed by the size and availability of walkways and platforms of sufficient width and structure as he casually dealt with the bulk of the invading forces attempting to storm the Hall of Heroes.
"Don't worry about the ground troops, Clank!" Dr. Nefarious called up to him. "We'll handle them! You focus on that mothership!"
"Affirmative," Clank acknowledged, lining up his shots on more appropriate targets now.
"Do you think you can arrange a more… manageable... intermediate size for him, Doc?" Clank heard Captain Qwark ask. "Giving him an UltraMech state is good and all, but it'd actually be far more useful if he could go more places."
"Agreed," Dr. Nefarious noted. "I'll see what I can do once the current crisis is over."
Clank thought that his new life as a Galactic Ranger was certainly shaping up to be interesting.
Widget thought about her options as she flew the BlargTech dropship closer to the Grav-train with the bomb on it.
Said bomb was rather large, and mounted on a flatbed cargo car directly behind the engine. Assuming she actually wanted to board the train and proceed car by car, it looked like there were only two places where she could safely use a swingshot: One roughly halfway down the length of the train, and the other all the way in the back.
But really, there was a much more simple option.
Lining up a shot, Widget took out the coupling between the engine and the first car, causing the safeties in the suddenly adrift cars to start slowing themselves down. Then she shot out the coupling linking the car the bomb was on to the rest of the train, letting the difference in mass separate them as they drifted to their respective stops.
The dropship shook violently and started to list badly to one side as the BlargTech fighters realized that it was no longer a friendly, so Widget quickly set the autopilot to steer close to somewhere she could deploy a swingshot. Then, getting out of the pilot's seat, she made her way to the rear hatch, stopping briefly to loot the weapons locker along the way…
"That's an UltraMech," Supreme Executive Chairman Drek observed on the monitors from the safety of the already retreating fleet of BlargTech warships. "Where did the Galactic Rangers get their hands on an UltraMech!? Why do they even have an UltraMech in the first place!?"
Seeing how easily the UltraMech in question was taking out the one warship that he had not ordered to retreat, Drek was feeling really glad that he had heeded Victor's advice and withdrawn the fleet from Kerwan when he had.
"Oh come on!" Widget complained loudly, skidding to a stop again as Little Tony once more dropped right in front of her, having apparently caught a ride on another BlargTech dropship, which was even now deploying even more Blarg troopers behind her.
"Got you now, Thundertits!" Little Tony proclaimed. "You're not getting away from me this time! I'm going to really enjoy…"
Little Tony was interrupted as an absolutely huge mechanical hand reached around the corner and picked him up. Followed by the rest of what appeared to be a truly gigantic version of Clank as the giant robot stepped fully into view.
"I'm curious," Widget heard the colossal bot say in Clank's amplified voice as it turned Little Tony to face him. "Just what were you planning to do with my big sister, hmmm?"
"Did I say Thundertits?" Widget heard Little Tony squeak for the first time since he went through puberty. "I meant, ah… er… I'm just going to shut up now."
"Good," Clank nodded firmly.
Much to Widget's immense satisfaction, the Blarg troopers behind her immediately dropped their weapons and surrendered on the spot. "And here I thought the older sibling was supposed to be the overprotective one."
"Perhaps normally," Clank conceded, "but in this instance I believe that, how shall I put this so that everyone present understands? Oh yes: Size Matters."
Time: 8:28 AM, Wednesday
Agent Plorp marched straight over to dock two even as the misappropriated T17 Cosmo Courier was touching down, and was there waiting, arms crossed, the forward left of his three feet tapping impatiently, and a measured scowl on his face. He was ready to lay into the wayward decryption and data analyst specialist the moment the rear hatch opened!
"Mister Hackens, you had better have a very good reason you were even on that…" Plorp's tirade ground to a halt when the first figure to step out onto the boarding ramp was a very tired looking Lombax carrying what appeared to be part of a computer system. "Good Heavens, Miss Razz! Are you alright? You look like death warmed over!"
"I have been up since six-thirty in the morning, yesterday," the very frazzled and more than a little grumpy white Lombax growled. "Not only did Mr. Unprepared back there come up with a stupid and demeaning infiltration plan, we wasted six solid hours actually cleaning floors and tables without him doing much of anything at all besides apparently trying to come up with new ways to look up my skirt or down my top! Not only that, when our flimsy cover was finally broken due to how long we were there, it turns out the only weapon he brought along was an undersized holdout Ion Blaster with only three shots in it! All of which he wasted by firing it on stun! Not that he actually even hit anything but a random light fixture which maybe flickered for a moment! And to top off the icing on that shit-show of a mission, it turns out that the closest he's ever been to the controls of any spaceship was some Holovid game called Three Vikings Three Thirty-Eight, Solana Galaxy Edition, that he last played over ten years ago! I HAVE BEEN AWAKE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!"
Miss Razz took a moment visibly forcing herself to calm down.
"Is Mr. Hackens still alive and in reasonably good health?" Agent Plorp asked hesitantly.
"Against my better judgement, yes," Miss Razz confirmed.
"There will be separate hazard and hardship bonuses added to your mission pay. And expect several formal letters of apology from both the SGI in general as well as from Mr. Hackens himself, as he should never have been on that mission in the first place."
"Wut…" Oh dear, the sudden twitching of Miss Razz's left eyelid could not possibly be a good sign.
"He's a decryption and data analyst specialist. He doesn't have any field training."
"Excuse me," Miss Razz turned and marched back into the courier ship. Shortly afterwards he heard her say, "Fred, you might not want to watch this…"
"MISS RAZZ!" Agent Plorp called out, passing a Moroban as he entered the vessel himself. "Please let us handle any disciplinary issues!"
"Then can I at least make a suggestion," Mizz Razz asked, still holding a terrified Mr. Hackens up out of his seat by the lapels of his rumpled looking butler outfit.
"You may…" Plorp nodded.
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 9:15 AM, Wednesday
Widget stumbled into the main lobby of the Hall of Heroes and decided to rest her legs for a moment on one of the public benches. She had continued to stay awake during the Grav-train ride back from Metropolis out of sheer bloody-minded determination, but she was on her last legs and she knew it.
Cora found her moments later, head back over the back of the bench, snoring loudly. "Widget?"
Widget remained sound asleep, so Cora gently shook her shoulders. "Widget? We can't let you sleep here…."
Widget continued to snore, oblivious to the world, so Cora shook her harder - only to find herself in an uncomfortable, awkward, and somewhat embarrassing headlock with her face pressed against Widget's bosom.
So of course this was the time that Elaris walked by and decided that this was a wonderful holovid opportunity!
"You two are so adorable!"
"Elaris, no!" Cora yelled out as best as she was able and she struggled futally to escape limpet-mode sleeping Widget.
"Elaris yes!"
"Delete that footage right now!"
"I can't wait to show the others!" Elaris cheerfully added as she turned to head back into the building.
"ELARIS!"
O o O o O
Location: SGI Headquarters, Metropolis, Kerwan
Time: 9:30 AM, Wednesday
Agent Plorp was not at all surprised to receive a call from a very irate Captain Qwark. "Greetings, Captain. I take it from your expression that Miss Razz has at least made to within walking distance of the Hall of Heroes?"
"Care to explain why one of my Rangers showed up back at our base, wearing a French maid outfit, and so tired that she literally fell asleep in the lobby AND COULD NOT BE WOKEN UP!?"
"There's no need to yell, Captain…"
"I'LL YELL IF I DAMN WELL WANT TO!" Captain Qwark continued to do so over the holocall. "Now what the Hell happened on that mission!? It was supposed to be the simplest and safest of the four, but I can't even wake my Ranger up long enough to get a report out of her!"
"A mistake had occurred during the selection of Mr. Kase's replacement," Plorp explained in a placating yet still professional tone, fully understanding why he was being yelled at. "The mission file had been left for a moment on the desk of Mr. Hackens, a decryption and data analysis specialist who should have known better than to assume that the mission was for him."
"And where is this… Mr. Hackens… right now?" Captain Qwark ground out.
"He is currently being interrogated for his part in the fiasco," Agent Plorp explained. "You may be interested to know that, due entirely to Miss Razz' efforts after she assumed full control of the mission, it was a complete success. Expect a mission bonus on top of the compensation Miss Razz will be receiving directly to make up for the trouble Mr. Hackens' caused."
"And what will be happening to Mr. Hackens?"
"His skills are too valuable for us to let him go…"
"Of course they are," the captain did not sound placated at all, naturally.
"But, at Miss Razz' suggestion, he will be spending the next twenty-four working hours, once he's out of interrogation, cleaning floors four thirty-six through floors four forty-three. While wearing a copy of the French maid outfit he made Miss Razz wear during the mission."
"I'll want a holovid copy of Hacken's punishment to be forwarded to Widget, and a written formal apology, to be delivered directly to her along with a spoken apology."
"Miss Razz has expressed a desire for a restraining order to be placed against Mr. Hackens approaching within six meters of her person."
"We'll give him a stick that he can attach the letter to."
"Will Miss Razz be using said stick to hit Mr. Hackens with?"
"I'll be leaving that to her discretion."
"I suppose that's the best I can hope for."
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 9:30 AM, Wednesday
"Come on, sweetie," Cora said as she helped Widget out of the French maid outfit she was wearing. "I need you to stay awake long enough to take a shower, then we can get you to your bed, okay?"
"Mmrghbrluglemum…" was Widget's unintelligible response before she went back to snoring on her feet.
"Elaris, don't just stand there, help me get… ARE YOU STILL RECORDING THIS!?"
"No?" Elaris replied, quickly hiding the holocorder behind her back.
"Widget, Kill!" Cora gave the white Lombax a gentle push in Elaris' general direction,
"AAAAHHH! ZOMBIE LOMBAX!" Elaris screamed playfully before running off.
Widget, for her part, just continued to shamble forward until she was stopped by the wall, snoring all the way...
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:47 AM, Thursday
Widget sat up with a start as she felt the building shake. Looking around, she found that she was in her room back at the Hall of Heroes, in her bed, and wearing her pajamas.
She felt fully rested and ready to take on the day. Which was very nice after having had to put up with Agent Hacken's nonsense. She really didn't remember much past talking with the Plorgonarian for a bit after they got back, but she supposed that she must have made it back home safely.
There was a loud explosion and the building shuddered again, and a piece of her room's ceiling fell to the floor.
"Why haven't the alarms…" Widget was interrupted by spinning red lights popping out of the walls, accompanied by the wail of an alert siren. "And there we go."
"ALL RANGERS!" Captain Qwark's voice called out over the intercom. "ALEERO CITY IS UNDER ATTACK! DROP EVERYTHING, GRAB YOUR A.S.S.ES, AND PROCEED TO THE FRONT LOBBY TO REPEL ATTACKERS RIGHT NOW!"
Widget grabbed her A.S.S. from her nightstand and was out the door of her room before Qwark had even finished speaking…
O o O o O
Victor Von Ion was more than a bit irritated with his employer at the moment. "You do know that I'm still in the middle of the scouting and recruitment phase for that anti-hero counterforce you requested, right? Little Tony may be dumb muscle, with the emphasis on dumb and muscle, but he's not going to be enough on his own to offset a competent hero."
"Yes, yes," Supreme Executive Chairman Drek replied over the holocomm, waiving off Victor's concerns. "That's why I'm sending him in with an elite force of heavily armed commandos and a mechanized cavalry unit."
"So you'll be able to do some damage before you're forced to withdraw the fleet because you rushed in without a plan," Victor pointed out.
"Er…"
"Kerwan is the location of one of the main shipyards of the Solana Galactic Navy," Victor reminded his boss. "If you recall, a big part of the overall plan was to only attack major worlds with small, disposable forces so as to not provoke a full military response by the Solana Government until we were actually ready for them?"
"Alright, you may have a point there," Drek conceded reluctantly. "But we're already committed to the attack. Six ships are already in Kerwan's atmosphere, with one having already deployed its forces into Aleero City."
Victor sighed. "Well, you're just going to call back the other five and and either pull back the last one empty or just write it off as a loss. We haven't done enough damage elsewhere across the galaxy yet to have forced the Navy to disperse too thin in an attempt to cover everything."
"Argh!" Drek growled, and then sighed. "Very well. I'll issue a general recall of every ship except the one over Aleero City. That one I'll order to focus down on the Hall of Heroes. Do you want me to recall Little Tony?"
Victor considered it briefly, then shook his head. "No. That'll tip off the troops he's with that something's off and break their morale. If he lives through the attack, we'll make a point of recovering him to make it seem like he's more important than he really is. That'll cement his loyalty and maybe throw off whatever they think your goals really are."
"Very well. This is just so… so… frustrating! They took out three of our major operations in one day, while a couple of punk kids from Wutzamatta University effectively shut down the BTR station in Nebula G34 on a lark!"
"Wait, what?"
O o O o O
"Good to see that you're finally awake, Widget," Captain Qwark stated in grim humor as the Galactic Rangers formed up in the lobby. Then he blinked. "Where is your Protosuit?"
He thought that this was a valid question, as the quick-deploy pads scattered throughout the Hall of Heroes should have enabled any Ranger caught off guard to become battle ready in an instant by teleporting their armor directly onto them the moment they stepped onto any of the pads. And he knew that Widget had done enough emergency drills with the units to not have forgotten about them.
"I think my Protosuit is still in a locker back at the SGI building," Widget replied, cycling various weapons into her hand via her A.S.S. as she looked out the lobby doors.
"Can't be helped then," Qwark stated. "Well, this wouldn't be the first time one of us got caught out in our pajamas."
"Or our underwear," Brax added.
"Or a bath towel," Cora put in her two Bolts.
"Nor expensive formalwear," Dr. Nefarious put in. Then, when he noticed the stares he was getting, he felt compelled to continue. "What? It was a prestigious awards ceremony! It would have been an insult to them for me to have shown up wearing something cheap!"
"I'm feeling left out here," Elaris commented. "Maybe I should fight naked so that we have all our awkward story bases covered?"
"I believe that I am technically already naked," Clank stated dryly.
"It doesn't count if it's your regular state or you do it on purpose," Cora quipped.
"As interesting as this is," Widget interjected, "shouldn't we be doing something about the troops gathering in our courtyard?"
"Fair point," Qwark conceded. "Brax, by any chance, do you still have your R.Y.N.O. equipped?"
"I stopped by the armory and re-equipped it on the way here," Brax stated. "Grabbed all my other fun toys too, while I was at it."
"Good," Qwark stated. "Then clear us an opening so we can join this little dance party!"
"With pleasure, Captain!" Brax stated, pulling his R.Y.N.O. out of his A.S.S. and lighting up on the troops currently in the courtyard.
"Perhaps someone should have opened the doors first, hmmm?" Dr. Nefarious observed a few moments later, once Brax had stopped firing.
"Oops, my bad!" Brax flinched, rubbing the back of his head.
O o O o O
Lash Hackens felt very awkward as he joined his fellow agents in one of the emergency deployment rooms. Partly because he was still smarting from the verbal dressing down and write up that Agent Plorp had given him, but mostly because he was wearing a French maid outfit while everyone else was either in suits or battle armor.
When he reached the agent handing out weapons, the Appoplexian looked him over briefly then handed him something that looked like a high tech mop.
"What's this?"
"It's a mop."
"I can see that! I mean, how am I supposed to fight with this!?"
"You're not!" the Appoplexian leaned over to stare Lash straight in the eyes as he poked a finger against the Rilgarian's chest. "Let me tell you something, Decryption and Data Analysis Specialist Lash Hackens! You don't have any training suitable for any sort of combat role outside of maybe getting picked on by preschoolers for your lunch money! Now get your dumb ass back to cleaning like you were supposed to be doing right now instead of coming here."
"But what about the attack!?"
"One: They seem to be focusing their attention on Aleero City. Two: You're an untrained noncombatant, Dumbass. And three: you're holding up the line! Now get!"
O o O o O
"Their main ship has stopped laying down suppressing fire over the starport," Dr. Nefarious observed even as he continued to lay down his own suppressing fire on the current wave of advancing BlagTech troopers. "They seem to be maneuvering for a possible attack run. Most likely on us."
"There have also been reports of Blarg forces commandeering one of the Grav-trains and loading something large onto one of the forward cargo platforms," Bleep reported over the comms from the Phoenix, which was currently on lockdown at the starport with it's shields up and weapons firing at any Blarg fighters or troops that got too close. "I believe it's one of the ones that has the Hall of Heroes on its programmed route."
"Here comes the next wave of troops!" Cora announced as several BlargTech dropships flew over and deployed even more forces to reinforce the ones they were currently holding off. Including a few quad-walker mechs this time.
"Dammit!" Qwark swore even as he turned his attention towards trying to disable the closest mech. "We need to get you our fighters, but we also need someone to intercept that Grav-train!"
"So all we have to do is fight our way through a few hundred heavily armed BlargTech commandos, sixteen battlewalkers, and whatever else they decide to deploy between us and where we need to be," Dr. Nefarious observed dryly. "And I thought that this was going to be difficult."
"I have an idea!" Widget announced. "Brax, throw me onto one of the quad-walkers!"
"You got it!" Brax replied, picking up the pajama clad Lombax and throwing her over some Blarg troops and onto the closest quad-walker."
"Did you really have to pick the one I was firing at?" Qwark complained, switching targets to the next mech before Widget entered his field of fire on the one he had been firing at.
"Oops?"
O o O o O
Stanley Enkleburg just looked at the pajama clad white Lombax that had landed next to the heavily reinforced cockpit bubble,and cocked a brow even as he switched on the mech's external speakers.
"And just what do you think you're going to do?" he asked dryly, preparing to lay an epic taunt that he could tell stories about for years to come.
"Do you know the first two rules of being a Salvage Rat?" the Lombax asked, idly dodging fire from the Blarg troops on the ground even as she seemed to be examining the top of his mech. As useless as that would be.
Stanley nonchalantly took a selfie on his phone to showcase his indulgently superior smirk as he pointed his other thumb at the Lombax behind him. "And what, pray tell, would those be?"
"You don't know?" the Lombax asked. Then grinned maliciously as she pulled out a Plasma Cutter from apparently nowhere as far as Stanly could tell. "Then let me educate you!"
"Mommy!"
"Dialing Mother," Stanley heard his cellphone announced.
O o O o O
"Well, at least she's having fun," Cora noted as Widget forcefully commandeered one of the quad-walkers, tossing the pilot to his buddies below. "Think I can take over another one?"
"Do you have a Plasma Cutter in your A.S.S?" Dr. Nefarious asked.
"No."
"Then no."
"Dammit," Cora complained as Widget turned her new quad-walker around and started firing on random Blarg forces even as she made it squat as preparations for a jump.
"I'm going to intercept the Grav-Train!" Widget called out, just before her quad-walker made the leap to the side of the next building, then from there to another walkway half a block away. "Woohooooooo!"
"I so want to do that," Brax stated in envy.
"Yeah, I think I'll be adding Plasma Cutters to the standard kit," Captain Qwark agreed.
"Neither of you would even fit in one of those cramped cockpits," Dr. Nefarious pointed out.
O o O o O
Widget was having the time of her life as she maneuvered the captured quad-walker through Aleero City, leaping between platforms, buildings, and walkways with ease due to hours of holosim training with similar vehicles. Every now and then, she would take a potshot at another quad-walker or a group of Blarg troops as she passed them, but she had a Grav-train to intercept.
She had a moment to curse briefly as she felt her quad-walker shudder from the weight of something landing on it directly behind her. Then she found herself being lifted by the back of her pajama top.
"Well, if it isn't Thunderbrat!" a large and all too familiar Cazar quipped as he turned his new captive to face him.
"Hello, Little Tony," Widget greeted in a thoroughly unamused tone, just before lifting her arms and slipping out of her top. "And goodbye, Little Tony!" she called back even as she rolled between his legs, dropped to the walkway below, and took off running like her life depended on it. Again.
"Hey! Get back here!" the giant Cazar yelled.
"Do I look stupid?" Widget yelled back over her shoulder as she started weaving through the surprised Blarg troopers that had apparently come along with Little Tony. "I'm not you, after all!"
"ARRGH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Little Tony roared in anger even as he leaped off of the quad-walker and began charging through his own support troops, knocking them every which way.
"Promises promises!" Widget taunted back even as she pulled a spare swingshot out of her A.S.S. and equipped it. Leaping off of the ledge, she shot out the line then swung over to another set of walkways. That should at least buy her some from Little Tony for a while as she focused on plotting her route to the Grav-train.
She really wished that she had thought to pack an emergency change of clothes in her A.S.S. though, as whoever put her in her pajamas had apparently not thought to include any underwear in the process…
O o O o O
Back at the Hall of Heroes, the other Rangers had managed to pop the cockpit bubbles off of three other quad-walkers (incidentally destroying or disabling five others in the process), with Dr. Nefarious, Cora, and then Elaris taking the place of the Blarg pilots with each successive capture.
"Should we grab another one for Clank to use?" Elaris asked as she quickly familiarized herself with the control layout.
"It would be pointless," Clank countered. "I would be too small to use the controls effectively."
"Quark!" Dr. Nefarious called out.
"Yes?"
"Do you remember where you put the UltraMech device we got from the last mission?"
"Yes! Brax, come with me while the others hold them off here! Clank, when we come back with what appears to be a quick-equip platform, I want you to hop onto it the moment it hits the ground! Got it?"
"Yes, Captain!" Clank confirmed, even as he wondered what was about to happen.
O o O o O
"Hello, Thunderbrat."
Widget slid to a stop to avoid running into Little Tony, who had somehow managed to get in front of her again.
Oh, right, he had access to friends with dropships.
"Or should I be calling you Thundertits now?" the oversized Cazar jeered.
"Oh, hey, Little Tony! Fancy meeting you here of all places! So… What are they paying you, anyway?"
"Oh, uh…" Little Tony stopped in confusion as the conversation went in a direction he didn't expect at all. Then he started counting on his fingers. "Let's see… One… Two… Tree…"
"It's three!" Widget called out, even as she evicted the last Blarg from the dropship that had brought Little Tony over, taking shameless advantage of their shock at Little Tony's actions.
"HEY!" Little Tony shouted angrily as Widget flew off in the appropriated dropship. "CHEATER! YOU KNOW I COUNT SLOW!"
"That really should not have worked," Widget commented to herself as she checked her course and flew off to intercept the Grav-train.
O o O o O
Clank idly noted that his movement options were severely curtailed by the size and availability of walkways and platforms of sufficient width and structure as he casually dealt with the bulk of the invading forces attempting to storm the Hall of Heroes.
"Don't worry about the ground troops, Clank!" Dr. Nefarious called up to him. "We'll handle them! You focus on that mothership!"
"Affirmative," Clank acknowledged, lining up his shots on more appropriate targets now.
"Do you think you can arrange a more… manageable... intermediate size for him, Doc?" Clank heard Captain Qwark ask. "Giving him an UltraMech state is good and all, but it'd actually be far more useful if he could go more places."
"Agreed," Dr. Nefarious noted. "I'll see what I can do once the current crisis is over."
Clank thought that his new life as a Galactic Ranger was certainly shaping up to be interesting.
O o O o O
Widget thought about her options as she flew the BlargTech dropship closer to the Grav-train with the bomb on it.
Said bomb was rather large, and mounted on a flatbed cargo car directly behind the engine. Assuming she actually wanted to board the train and proceed car by car, it looked like there were only two places where she could safely use a swingshot: One roughly halfway down the length of the train, and the other all the way in the back.
But really, there was a much more simple option.
Lining up a shot, Widget took out the coupling between the engine and the first car, causing the safeties in the suddenly adrift cars to start slowing themselves down. Then she shot out the coupling linking the car the bomb was on to the rest of the train, letting the difference in mass separate them as they drifted to their respective stops.
The dropship shook violently and started to list badly to one side as the BlargTech fighters realized that it was no longer a friendly, so Widget quickly set the autopilot to steer close to somewhere she could deploy a swingshot. Then, getting out of the pilot's seat, she made her way to the rear hatch, stopping briefly to loot the weapons locker along the way…
O o O o O
"That's an UltraMech," Supreme Executive Chairman Drek observed on the monitors from the safety of the already retreating fleet of BlargTech warships. "Where did the Galactic Rangers get their hands on an UltraMech!? Why do they even have an UltraMech in the first place!?"
Seeing how easily the UltraMech in question was taking out the one warship that he had not ordered to retreat, Drek was feeling really glad that he had heeded Victor's advice and withdrawn the fleet from Kerwan when he had.
O o O o O
"Oh come on!" Widget complained loudly, skidding to a stop again as Little Tony once more dropped right in front of her, having apparently caught a ride on another BlargTech dropship, which was even now deploying even more Blarg troopers behind her.
"Got you now, Thundertits!" Little Tony proclaimed. "You're not getting away from me this time! I'm going to really enjoy…"
Little Tony was interrupted as an absolutely huge mechanical hand reached around the corner and picked him up. Followed by the rest of what appeared to be a truly gigantic version of Clank as the giant robot stepped fully into view.
"I'm curious," Widget heard the colossal bot say in Clank's amplified voice as it turned Little Tony to face him. "Just what were you planning to do with my big sister, hmmm?"
"Did I say Thundertits?" Widget heard Little Tony squeak for the first time since he went through puberty. "I meant, ah… er… I'm just going to shut up now."
"Good," Clank nodded firmly.
Much to Widget's immense satisfaction, the Blarg troopers behind her immediately dropped their weapons and surrendered on the spot. "And here I thought the older sibling was supposed to be the overprotective one."
"Perhaps normally," Clank conceded, "but in this instance I believe that, how shall I put this so that everyone present understands? Oh yes: Size Matters."
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Koros
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 1:28 PM, Thursday
The sound of Clank's slow, methodical strides as he gently stomped anong the maze of walkways and platforms (incidentally causing whichever ones he was currently on at the time to shudder with his every step) preceded the return of Widget and himself to the Hall of Heroes. Along with Little Tony and a growing crowd of BlargTech troopers that had surrendered to the pair.
All in all, while it had been novel at first, Clank Razz was finding that he did not particularly enjoy being in his UltraMech form. His movement options, at least at this elevation within Aleero City, were severely limited due to his size and weight, as he had to pick and choose which walkways and platforms to use. And actually entering buildings at this scale did not seem to be an option.
Granted, receiving the automatic surrender of any BlargTech troops they happened across was nice.
But receiving similar automatic surrenders from civilians and civil defence forces? Not so much.
In fact, the only people who seemed to be totally comfortable with him being at this scale were his teammates.
Clank did not like needlessly frightening people. Especially not those whom he was supposed to be protecting as a member of the Galactic Rangers.
"You okay, Clank?" his sister, Widget, asked from where she was sitting on his left shoulder, trying to manage the various weapons taken from the captured Blarg. She couldn't currently use her A.S.S. at the moment as she had managed to fill up all of the available slots in every category with captured Blarg weapons, and had somehow managed to cause it to cease functioning in the process. Meaning that his sister could not get anything that was currently stored in her A.S.S. out again.
At least not without access to proper tools and perhaps a repair manual.
The rest of the captured weapons were currently being carried in cargo netting that Widget had slung across Clank's shoulders
"I will explain later," Clank eventually said, once he realized that he had most likely taken too long to reply while he was lost in thought.
"So, uh…" Little Tony seemed to have regained the courage to speak, then stopped once again.
Widget sighed, then spoke. "What is it, Little Tony?"
"What is your name, anyway? I've been calling you Thunderbrat so long that I kinda forgot," the large Cazar admitted sheepishly. "It's something like Wedgie, right"
"It's Widget!"
"I was close!" Little Tony exclaimed, apparently happy to have come to a close, if embarrassingly erroneous approximation of the name he was looking for.
"Don't talk to me!" Widget demanded with what Clank deemed to be justifiable anger given the disparate definitions of the word Little Tony had used with the one that was his sister's name.
"So a date this Saturday is out of the question?" Little Tony asked leadingly.
"Little Tony, you are an ABSOLUTE MORON!" Widget yelled.
"To be clear," Clank stated, feeling the need to interject with his own two Bolts at this point, "I believe my sister's answer to your request for a date is an unequivocal no."
"How about next Saturday?"
"ARGHBLARGLEFLARGH!!!" Widget screamed in incoherent rage as she heroically resisted the urge to shoot Little Tony with one of so easily accessible captured Blarg weapons.
"That is so hot," Little Tony stated in awe.
"For your own health, you really should shut up now," Clank instructed firmly with a glare as the joints of his hand creaked with the mighty effort involved in resisting the urge to squeeze the Cazar tighter.
"Yes, Sir! Shutting up now!"
Widget had managed to calm herself down again by the time she, Clank, and their prisoners drew close to the Hall of Heroes again.
Also helping her mood was the fact that either word had finally gotten out about which side Clank was on, or they were simply passing people who already knew, because now no one other than the occasional BlargTech trooper they came across were automatically surrendering themselves to her brother any more. Instead, they were now being met more and more often with snappy salutes from civil defense forces and eager civilians taking pics and holovids of them as they went by.
It was actually kind of nice, really, and Widget had started waving back to the now cheering crowds that were gathering with the end of the attack on Aleero City.
Not that any of said crowds were actually on the walkways and platforms along Clank's direct route back to the Hall of Heroes, as he was still quite big enough that anyone in their observable path immediately got out of their way without having to be asked.
Widget grinned proudly once the Hall of Heroes was actually in sight, and she hopped down from her brother's shoulder and marched confidently to the front of the impromptu procession.
"Looking good, Commando!" Cora called out in greeting as Widget finally passed the first gate and onto the walkway directly owned by the Galactic Rangers that led to the courtyard of the Hall of Heroes.
"Feeling good!" Widget called back readily, happy to finally be back. She was kind of hungry, so hopefully whatever after action speech they might be giving to the gathered reporters would be short..
Widget failed to register the brief hesitation of her other teammates as each saw her before they continued doing their respective tasks, whether it be securing captured BlargTech troopers, sorting various confiscated weapons, or talking to the reporters that were already even now forcing themselves to the forefront of the gathering crowds.
One of which, an obvious robot with a definite female aesthetic, spotted Widget and promptly approached her, followed by her dedicated camera-bot.
"Darla Gratch, Channel Sixty-Four News," the bot identified herself as she drew close, then turned to speak at her hovering camera-bot. "Here with me is Widget Razz, apparently also known among her fellow Galactic Rangers as Commando, who is one of the heroes of the hour, and the courageous Lombax who intercepted the Grav-train that BlargTech troopers had commandeered near the start of the attack. Tell me, Miss Razz, is it true that the Blarg had planted a bomb aboard the Grav-train you worked so valiantly to stop?"
"Yes," Widget replied, trying to sound professional. "I separated the cargo car it was on from the rest of the train, and even now a bomb disposal unit is towing it out over Botomo Lake so that they can safely deal with it."
"And may I ask who this handsome bot is who came to your aid when the Blarg tried to capture you after you foiled their dastardly plot?"
"Sure! This big guy is my little brother, Clank! He also joined the Galactic Rangers recently! Although the increased size is new."
"Just to be clear, you say that Big Guy is your brother?" Darla Gratch asked. "Would you be speaking literally, figuratively, or in the sense of a close comrade in arms?"
"We're both adopted by the same father," Widget clarified without directly identifying Grim, as she knew he wouldn't appreciate the attention. Not that he'd be ashamed or anything, but he definitely preferred to deal with people individually rather than in crowds.
Darla Gratch apparently found this response more than acceptable as she was noticeably friendlier as the impromptu interview went on…
As the last of the BlargTech troops was finally carted away by the authorities (along with Little Tony), and the crowd and reporters finally dispersed, Widget saw her brother step onto what appeared to be a stray quick-equip pad and suddenly resume his normal size and proportions.
The two quickly joined the rest of their team as they entered the Hall of Heroes.
"That was excellent work, Widget!" Captain Qwark proclaimed. "Both with the bomb and with the reporters afterwards." Then he lowered his tone considerably. "But I have to ask - what happened to your top?"
"Eh?" Widget uttered in confusion, then looked down at her bare bosom. "Erk!?" she choked out in distress even as she suddenly crossed her arms over her furry boobs. "Oh my God, I can't believe that I forgot about that!"
"On live holovision, no less," Cora commented with a smirk.
Widget's left eye began to twitch.
"Don't worry," Elaris added. "I'm sure only a few hundred billion sophonts saw you. Channel Sixty-Four News is local after all."
"More like a few Quintillion, you mean," Dr. Nefarious corrected. "This was a big story on a major urbanized tradehub world, and there were reporters from other channels present."
"Ebbeh?" Widget uttered incoherently as her mind drew a blank.
"Oh dear. It appears that my sister's cognitive functions are in a state of error," Clank observed. "She seems to have lost the ability to speak coherently."
Widget went into her room, laid face down on her bunk, and screamed into her pillow until she calmed down.
It only took a few hours...
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 2:00 PM, Thursday
"Oh dear," Grimroth Razz mumbled to himself even as he finished watching the news coverage of the attack and Darla Gratch's interview afterwards. "Widget's gonna be upset when she realizes how many people saw that." He'd have to think some on what sort of consolation gift, if any, to comfort her with later. Fortunately, at this point, any therapy bills would be on the Galactic Rangers as this definitely happened in the line of duty.
Probably best not mention that in front of his daughter though.
"Do you know what the first two rules of being a Salvage Rat are?" Grim looked back up at the news as they were apparently playing released battle footage from earlier in the fight right outside of the Hall of heroes. His grin grew bigger and bigger as the scene went on, and he started laughing uproariously at the Blarg's reaction when Widget pulled out a Plasma Cutter and offered to "educate" him!
And his son, Clank, had been a literal Big Damn Hero when he rescued Widget from Little Tony! And it was damn satisfying to watch as every Blarg trooper they came across just flat out surrendered when they came across them on the way back to the Hall of Heroes. But Grim could tell that Clank felt uncomfortable when civilians and civil defence forces also started to surrender to him.
Poor kid.
Damn funny though.
These were the types of stories he would have to tell his grandkids, Grim thought with a smile. Assuming either of his kids ever managed to produce any.
Might need to start poking them about that in a couple of years or so. Wasn't like he was getting any younger.
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 3:15 PM, Thursday
Like most everything else in Sans Ataim, the Rockbottom Bar & Grill was old, run down, and poorly maintained with a service staff that barely paid attention to any of the customers, regular or otherwise. It did serve a pretty decent Gargleblaster from what he understood, but Victor Von Ion was neither a squishy nor one of those robots actually fueled by alcohol, so it didn't really do anything for him other than provide an incentive for various potential recruits to come to meet him in Sans Ataim.
"Ah, shit, I was hoping I'd gotten here early enough to scope out the place before the meeting, but I guess you got here first," a purple biped with a craggy head and prosthetic left arm commented as he approached Victor's table.
"Hello, Mr. Helix," Victor greeted in a neutral tone. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me on such short notice. Please, have a seat."
"Yeah, no," Shiv Helix disagreed. "How about we pick a different table. And I wanna see the Bolts you were offering just for agreeing to meet and hear you out first."
Victor placed a case on the table and opened so that Shiv could see inside before abruptly closing it again. "I'll agree to a different table, but you'll get the Bolts once we're both seated, not before."
"Fair enough."
In short order, they were situated at another table, and the case of bolts was sitting on the bench next to Shiv. "By any chance, do you follow the news?"
"Eh, some," Shiv shrugged. "Lot's of talking heads are popping their load about the possibility of another corporate war. Some shit about BlargTech attacking three or four planets recently, including a pretty ballsy strike on Kerwan. That one was the best one in my opinion, what with how that new Lombax in the Galactic Rangers ended up fighting topless about halfway through the fight and spent the rest of the battle with her tatas out and bouncing around."
"I don't see the attraction myself, but I understand that personal tastes differ."
"Eh, to each his own, I guess. Now what's this about? I know you aint a bounty hunter or hero, I got all the big names memorized. And you certainly ain't law enforcement or navy what with how much you handed over just now. So I figure you either are, or work for, someone who needs my talents."
"I'll get straight to the point then," Victor stated evenly. "I'm forming an anti-hero counterforce specifically to distract, delay, or possibly even take out the Galactic Rangers. Would you be interested in joining such a team in exchange for, shall we say, suitable compensation?"
"Ah ah, buddy," Shiv shook his head. "None of this vague generalities shit. You got moxxie, I'll give you that, what with targeting Qwark's team and all, and I'm definitely up for playing with Cora and that Lombax a bit, maybe knock that Brax guy down a peg or three, but I want hard numbers. None of this suitable compensation crap. You want something done and you got the Bolts for it, I'm your guy. You ain't got the Bolts, then I'm outa here. You wanna talk deals, then let's talk."
"Very well then."
And with that, the two settled down for a long discussion…
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:00 PM, Thursday
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Widget asked as she stepped into Qwark's office, wearing civies as, as far as she knew, both her duty uniform and Protosuit were still sitting in a locker back at the SGI building over in Metropolis.
"First off, the SGI sent an apology letter, along with this package which I hope contains your Protosuit."
"And my uniform, right?"
"Yes, one would hope so as well, but the Protosuit would have been far more expensive to replace, and I'm already going to be forking out for the repairs to our front entrance since we caused that ourselves. Fortunately it was deemed that the rest of the collateral damage was justifiable as occurring in the line of preventing even greater damage, so we're covered there."
"That's… Good, I guess?"
"It's one of the hazards of not working directly for any government entity. The Galactic Rangers are a chartered and recognized hero group, but since we're our own bosses, for legal reasons we are a Private Military Company. Which means insurance, liability, and extra fees. It's one of the reasons we encourage our members to take side jobs and endorsement deals, actually. It helps cover our operational costs. Would you believe that I had Dr. Nefarious working out of a janitorial closet for over a year because our budget was so tight I had to stop work on the renovations for his lab, leaving it in no condition to be used?"
"Oh, he must have hated that!" Widget commented.
"Definitely. Between that and… an incident we'll go over some other time, I thought he was really going to quit for a while there. Fortunately, I moved my office into a broom closet to try to placate him, and it seemed to work. Once he had his lab back, I moved back into my regular office and everything went back to normal."
"I see. But why are you telling me this now?"
"Got sidetracked, mostly. Just remember that sometimes the times get lean and we have to make sacrifices to keep the bills paid. That said, enjoy your first mission bonus payout. The SGI sent it along with the package. I recommend setting at least part of it into a savings account, but it's yours to spend however you like!"
"Oh, wow!" Widget accepted the envelope and almost opened it on the spot, but stopped when Qwark held up a hand and shook his head in negation. "Sir?"
"As long as it isn't a bribe, it's better I don't know how big your bonus is. My fragile ego might not be able to take it if it's bigger than mine."
"You're kidding," Widget denied.
"You're right, of course," Quark admitted. "Not that it doesn't sting sometimes to end up with the low bonus at the end of the mission spread. I actually stopped you from opening that because traditionally we don't show each other our first bonus payouts until after at least a full month has passed, then we hold a party to celebrate the event. I'll be telling Clank the same thing as I'm sure he's going to be getting an even bigger bonus for his actions today."
"Alright," Widget nodded. "So, what else did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to go over some things that had come up in the after action reports," Qwark stated as he turned the holomonitor on his desk so that they could both see the display. "First off, good call asking the civilian you rescued to help you record your report on the way back from the BTR station in Nebula G34. The SGI forwarded a copy to me and I read it while you were recovering."
"Thank you, Sir."
"That said, while it was good that you finally took initiative once your cover was broken, and you did a damned fine job once you did, you really should have acted much sooner when you first realized that Mr. Hackens wasn't doing his job."
"Sorry, Sir."
"Don't worry about it. Happens to the best of us from time to time, and I had told you to follow his lead, so that's all on him, not you." Qwark scrolled the display a bit then stopped. "Anyway, you might be interested in the fact that somehow your cover wasn't broken after all. The SGI passed on what appears to be a low key bounty from a private individual with an Orxon address for any information on a certain Miss Annadale Fluffle and Mr. Henri Johanidanistonson. Also, there was an attack on Watsamatta U. by a squad of heavily armed BlargTech commandos, but apparently they were beat up for their lunch money and left waiting for the police in their underwear."
"Really!?" Widget laughed. "You're kidding me, right? You gotta be kidding me!"
"Not at all," Qwark denied. "It's all there in the SGI report. I was thinking of having it framed and giving it to you."
"I'll put it right up on my wall."
"Anyway, speaking of underwear…"
"I'm sorry, Sir! I had no idea I wasn't wearing any!"
"Don't worry about it. Really. Just don't. We weren't kidding when we mentioned those incidents when you showed up in the lobby in your pajamas. I really had got caught out once in my pajamas. And we all had occasions of getting into the thick of things in nothing but our underwear. And I'm sure Cora will tell you about the time she ended up going through an entire battle wearing that bath towel."
"That really happened? I thought the news made that up."
"It happened. She managed to keep it on all the way until after the battle was over, only for it to get snagged on some debris right when the first reporters started showing up for the after battle ambush insteviews. Never saw her move so fast anytime before that. Nor since, come to think of it. The cam-bots never did manage to catch her directly on any holovid recordings until after she found something to wear."
"Lucky her," Widget pouted, knowing that she had not been anywhere near as lucky on that front.
"Oh, and let me tell you about the time I spent a solid week undercover dressed as a nurse so I could infiltrate the lair of the Mighty Oak!"
"I heard about him! Wasn't he the cryptozoologist who managed to turn himself into some sort of tree monster while trying to escape charges related to that Pixelmon incident where he was accused of encouraging ten year olds to run away and throw battle-cubes at random sophonts?"
"That would be him, yes. Anyway, there I was with only the one lead to follow and no idea how to get close enough without spooking him into hiding again, when..."
Time: 1:28 PM, Thursday
The sound of Clank's slow, methodical strides as he gently stomped anong the maze of walkways and platforms (incidentally causing whichever ones he was currently on at the time to shudder with his every step) preceded the return of Widget and himself to the Hall of Heroes. Along with Little Tony and a growing crowd of BlargTech troopers that had surrendered to the pair.
All in all, while it had been novel at first, Clank Razz was finding that he did not particularly enjoy being in his UltraMech form. His movement options, at least at this elevation within Aleero City, were severely limited due to his size and weight, as he had to pick and choose which walkways and platforms to use. And actually entering buildings at this scale did not seem to be an option.
Granted, receiving the automatic surrender of any BlargTech troops they happened across was nice.
But receiving similar automatic surrenders from civilians and civil defence forces? Not so much.
In fact, the only people who seemed to be totally comfortable with him being at this scale were his teammates.
Clank did not like needlessly frightening people. Especially not those whom he was supposed to be protecting as a member of the Galactic Rangers.
"You okay, Clank?" his sister, Widget, asked from where she was sitting on his left shoulder, trying to manage the various weapons taken from the captured Blarg. She couldn't currently use her A.S.S. at the moment as she had managed to fill up all of the available slots in every category with captured Blarg weapons, and had somehow managed to cause it to cease functioning in the process. Meaning that his sister could not get anything that was currently stored in her A.S.S. out again.
At least not without access to proper tools and perhaps a repair manual.
The rest of the captured weapons were currently being carried in cargo netting that Widget had slung across Clank's shoulders
"I will explain later," Clank eventually said, once he realized that he had most likely taken too long to reply while he was lost in thought.
"So, uh…" Little Tony seemed to have regained the courage to speak, then stopped once again.
Widget sighed, then spoke. "What is it, Little Tony?"
"What is your name, anyway? I've been calling you Thunderbrat so long that I kinda forgot," the large Cazar admitted sheepishly. "It's something like Wedgie, right"
"It's Widget!"
"I was close!" Little Tony exclaimed, apparently happy to have come to a close, if embarrassingly erroneous approximation of the name he was looking for.
"Don't talk to me!" Widget demanded with what Clank deemed to be justifiable anger given the disparate definitions of the word Little Tony had used with the one that was his sister's name.
"So a date this Saturday is out of the question?" Little Tony asked leadingly.
"Little Tony, you are an ABSOLUTE MORON!" Widget yelled.
"To be clear," Clank stated, feeling the need to interject with his own two Bolts at this point, "I believe my sister's answer to your request for a date is an unequivocal no."
"How about next Saturday?"
"ARGHBLARGLEFLARGH!!!" Widget screamed in incoherent rage as she heroically resisted the urge to shoot Little Tony with one of so easily accessible captured Blarg weapons.
"That is so hot," Little Tony stated in awe.
"For your own health, you really should shut up now," Clank instructed firmly with a glare as the joints of his hand creaked with the mighty effort involved in resisting the urge to squeeze the Cazar tighter.
"Yes, Sir! Shutting up now!"
O o O o O
Widget had managed to calm herself down again by the time she, Clank, and their prisoners drew close to the Hall of Heroes again.
Also helping her mood was the fact that either word had finally gotten out about which side Clank was on, or they were simply passing people who already knew, because now no one other than the occasional BlargTech trooper they came across were automatically surrendering themselves to her brother any more. Instead, they were now being met more and more often with snappy salutes from civil defense forces and eager civilians taking pics and holovids of them as they went by.
It was actually kind of nice, really, and Widget had started waving back to the now cheering crowds that were gathering with the end of the attack on Aleero City.
Not that any of said crowds were actually on the walkways and platforms along Clank's direct route back to the Hall of Heroes, as he was still quite big enough that anyone in their observable path immediately got out of their way without having to be asked.
Widget grinned proudly once the Hall of Heroes was actually in sight, and she hopped down from her brother's shoulder and marched confidently to the front of the impromptu procession.
"Looking good, Commando!" Cora called out in greeting as Widget finally passed the first gate and onto the walkway directly owned by the Galactic Rangers that led to the courtyard of the Hall of Heroes.
"Feeling good!" Widget called back readily, happy to finally be back. She was kind of hungry, so hopefully whatever after action speech they might be giving to the gathered reporters would be short..
Widget failed to register the brief hesitation of her other teammates as each saw her before they continued doing their respective tasks, whether it be securing captured BlargTech troopers, sorting various confiscated weapons, or talking to the reporters that were already even now forcing themselves to the forefront of the gathering crowds.
One of which, an obvious robot with a definite female aesthetic, spotted Widget and promptly approached her, followed by her dedicated camera-bot.
"Darla Gratch, Channel Sixty-Four News," the bot identified herself as she drew close, then turned to speak at her hovering camera-bot. "Here with me is Widget Razz, apparently also known among her fellow Galactic Rangers as Commando, who is one of the heroes of the hour, and the courageous Lombax who intercepted the Grav-train that BlargTech troopers had commandeered near the start of the attack. Tell me, Miss Razz, is it true that the Blarg had planted a bomb aboard the Grav-train you worked so valiantly to stop?"
"Yes," Widget replied, trying to sound professional. "I separated the cargo car it was on from the rest of the train, and even now a bomb disposal unit is towing it out over Botomo Lake so that they can safely deal with it."
"And may I ask who this handsome bot is who came to your aid when the Blarg tried to capture you after you foiled their dastardly plot?"
"Sure! This big guy is my little brother, Clank! He also joined the Galactic Rangers recently! Although the increased size is new."
"Just to be clear, you say that Big Guy is your brother?" Darla Gratch asked. "Would you be speaking literally, figuratively, or in the sense of a close comrade in arms?"
"We're both adopted by the same father," Widget clarified without directly identifying Grim, as she knew he wouldn't appreciate the attention. Not that he'd be ashamed or anything, but he definitely preferred to deal with people individually rather than in crowds.
Darla Gratch apparently found this response more than acceptable as she was noticeably friendlier as the impromptu interview went on…
O o O o O
As the last of the BlargTech troops was finally carted away by the authorities (along with Little Tony), and the crowd and reporters finally dispersed, Widget saw her brother step onto what appeared to be a stray quick-equip pad and suddenly resume his normal size and proportions.
The two quickly joined the rest of their team as they entered the Hall of Heroes.
"That was excellent work, Widget!" Captain Qwark proclaimed. "Both with the bomb and with the reporters afterwards." Then he lowered his tone considerably. "But I have to ask - what happened to your top?"
"Eh?" Widget uttered in confusion, then looked down at her bare bosom. "Erk!?" she choked out in distress even as she suddenly crossed her arms over her furry boobs. "Oh my God, I can't believe that I forgot about that!"
"On live holovision, no less," Cora commented with a smirk.
Widget's left eye began to twitch.
"Don't worry," Elaris added. "I'm sure only a few hundred billion sophonts saw you. Channel Sixty-Four News is local after all."
"More like a few Quintillion, you mean," Dr. Nefarious corrected. "This was a big story on a major urbanized tradehub world, and there were reporters from other channels present."
"Ebbeh?" Widget uttered incoherently as her mind drew a blank.
"Oh dear. It appears that my sister's cognitive functions are in a state of error," Clank observed. "She seems to have lost the ability to speak coherently."
Widget went into her room, laid face down on her bunk, and screamed into her pillow until she calmed down.
It only took a few hours...
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 2:00 PM, Thursday
"Oh dear," Grimroth Razz mumbled to himself even as he finished watching the news coverage of the attack and Darla Gratch's interview afterwards. "Widget's gonna be upset when she realizes how many people saw that." He'd have to think some on what sort of consolation gift, if any, to comfort her with later. Fortunately, at this point, any therapy bills would be on the Galactic Rangers as this definitely happened in the line of duty.
Probably best not mention that in front of his daughter though.
"Do you know what the first two rules of being a Salvage Rat are?" Grim looked back up at the news as they were apparently playing released battle footage from earlier in the fight right outside of the Hall of heroes. His grin grew bigger and bigger as the scene went on, and he started laughing uproariously at the Blarg's reaction when Widget pulled out a Plasma Cutter and offered to "educate" him!
And his son, Clank, had been a literal Big Damn Hero when he rescued Widget from Little Tony! And it was damn satisfying to watch as every Blarg trooper they came across just flat out surrendered when they came across them on the way back to the Hall of Heroes. But Grim could tell that Clank felt uncomfortable when civilians and civil defence forces also started to surrender to him.
Poor kid.
Damn funny though.
These were the types of stories he would have to tell his grandkids, Grim thought with a smile. Assuming either of his kids ever managed to produce any.
Might need to start poking them about that in a couple of years or so. Wasn't like he was getting any younger.
O o O o O
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 3:15 PM, Thursday
Like most everything else in Sans Ataim, the Rockbottom Bar & Grill was old, run down, and poorly maintained with a service staff that barely paid attention to any of the customers, regular or otherwise. It did serve a pretty decent Gargleblaster from what he understood, but Victor Von Ion was neither a squishy nor one of those robots actually fueled by alcohol, so it didn't really do anything for him other than provide an incentive for various potential recruits to come to meet him in Sans Ataim.
"Ah, shit, I was hoping I'd gotten here early enough to scope out the place before the meeting, but I guess you got here first," a purple biped with a craggy head and prosthetic left arm commented as he approached Victor's table.
"Hello, Mr. Helix," Victor greeted in a neutral tone. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me on such short notice. Please, have a seat."
"Yeah, no," Shiv Helix disagreed. "How about we pick a different table. And I wanna see the Bolts you were offering just for agreeing to meet and hear you out first."
Victor placed a case on the table and opened so that Shiv could see inside before abruptly closing it again. "I'll agree to a different table, but you'll get the Bolts once we're both seated, not before."
"Fair enough."
In short order, they were situated at another table, and the case of bolts was sitting on the bench next to Shiv. "By any chance, do you follow the news?"
"Eh, some," Shiv shrugged. "Lot's of talking heads are popping their load about the possibility of another corporate war. Some shit about BlargTech attacking three or four planets recently, including a pretty ballsy strike on Kerwan. That one was the best one in my opinion, what with how that new Lombax in the Galactic Rangers ended up fighting topless about halfway through the fight and spent the rest of the battle with her tatas out and bouncing around."
"I don't see the attraction myself, but I understand that personal tastes differ."
"Eh, to each his own, I guess. Now what's this about? I know you aint a bounty hunter or hero, I got all the big names memorized. And you certainly ain't law enforcement or navy what with how much you handed over just now. So I figure you either are, or work for, someone who needs my talents."
"I'll get straight to the point then," Victor stated evenly. "I'm forming an anti-hero counterforce specifically to distract, delay, or possibly even take out the Galactic Rangers. Would you be interested in joining such a team in exchange for, shall we say, suitable compensation?"
"Ah ah, buddy," Shiv shook his head. "None of this vague generalities shit. You got moxxie, I'll give you that, what with targeting Qwark's team and all, and I'm definitely up for playing with Cora and that Lombax a bit, maybe knock that Brax guy down a peg or three, but I want hard numbers. None of this suitable compensation crap. You want something done and you got the Bolts for it, I'm your guy. You ain't got the Bolts, then I'm outa here. You wanna talk deals, then let's talk."
"Very well then."
And with that, the two settled down for a long discussion…
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 4:00 PM, Thursday
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Widget asked as she stepped into Qwark's office, wearing civies as, as far as she knew, both her duty uniform and Protosuit were still sitting in a locker back at the SGI building over in Metropolis.
"First off, the SGI sent an apology letter, along with this package which I hope contains your Protosuit."
"And my uniform, right?"
"Yes, one would hope so as well, but the Protosuit would have been far more expensive to replace, and I'm already going to be forking out for the repairs to our front entrance since we caused that ourselves. Fortunately it was deemed that the rest of the collateral damage was justifiable as occurring in the line of preventing even greater damage, so we're covered there."
"That's… Good, I guess?"
"It's one of the hazards of not working directly for any government entity. The Galactic Rangers are a chartered and recognized hero group, but since we're our own bosses, for legal reasons we are a Private Military Company. Which means insurance, liability, and extra fees. It's one of the reasons we encourage our members to take side jobs and endorsement deals, actually. It helps cover our operational costs. Would you believe that I had Dr. Nefarious working out of a janitorial closet for over a year because our budget was so tight I had to stop work on the renovations for his lab, leaving it in no condition to be used?"
"Oh, he must have hated that!" Widget commented.
"Definitely. Between that and… an incident we'll go over some other time, I thought he was really going to quit for a while there. Fortunately, I moved my office into a broom closet to try to placate him, and it seemed to work. Once he had his lab back, I moved back into my regular office and everything went back to normal."
"I see. But why are you telling me this now?"
"Got sidetracked, mostly. Just remember that sometimes the times get lean and we have to make sacrifices to keep the bills paid. That said, enjoy your first mission bonus payout. The SGI sent it along with the package. I recommend setting at least part of it into a savings account, but it's yours to spend however you like!"
"Oh, wow!" Widget accepted the envelope and almost opened it on the spot, but stopped when Qwark held up a hand and shook his head in negation. "Sir?"
"As long as it isn't a bribe, it's better I don't know how big your bonus is. My fragile ego might not be able to take it if it's bigger than mine."
"You're kidding," Widget denied.
"You're right, of course," Quark admitted. "Not that it doesn't sting sometimes to end up with the low bonus at the end of the mission spread. I actually stopped you from opening that because traditionally we don't show each other our first bonus payouts until after at least a full month has passed, then we hold a party to celebrate the event. I'll be telling Clank the same thing as I'm sure he's going to be getting an even bigger bonus for his actions today."
"Alright," Widget nodded. "So, what else did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to go over some things that had come up in the after action reports," Qwark stated as he turned the holomonitor on his desk so that they could both see the display. "First off, good call asking the civilian you rescued to help you record your report on the way back from the BTR station in Nebula G34. The SGI forwarded a copy to me and I read it while you were recovering."
"Thank you, Sir."
"That said, while it was good that you finally took initiative once your cover was broken, and you did a damned fine job once you did, you really should have acted much sooner when you first realized that Mr. Hackens wasn't doing his job."
"Sorry, Sir."
"Don't worry about it. Happens to the best of us from time to time, and I had told you to follow his lead, so that's all on him, not you." Qwark scrolled the display a bit then stopped. "Anyway, you might be interested in the fact that somehow your cover wasn't broken after all. The SGI passed on what appears to be a low key bounty from a private individual with an Orxon address for any information on a certain Miss Annadale Fluffle and Mr. Henri Johanidanistonson. Also, there was an attack on Watsamatta U. by a squad of heavily armed BlargTech commandos, but apparently they were beat up for their lunch money and left waiting for the police in their underwear."
"Really!?" Widget laughed. "You're kidding me, right? You gotta be kidding me!"
"Not at all," Qwark denied. "It's all there in the SGI report. I was thinking of having it framed and giving it to you."
"I'll put it right up on my wall."
"Anyway, speaking of underwear…"
"I'm sorry, Sir! I had no idea I wasn't wearing any!"
"Don't worry about it. Really. Just don't. We weren't kidding when we mentioned those incidents when you showed up in the lobby in your pajamas. I really had got caught out once in my pajamas. And we all had occasions of getting into the thick of things in nothing but our underwear. And I'm sure Cora will tell you about the time she ended up going through an entire battle wearing that bath towel."
"That really happened? I thought the news made that up."
"It happened. She managed to keep it on all the way until after the battle was over, only for it to get snagged on some debris right when the first reporters started showing up for the after battle ambush insteviews. Never saw her move so fast anytime before that. Nor since, come to think of it. The cam-bots never did manage to catch her directly on any holovid recordings until after she found something to wear."
"Lucky her," Widget pouted, knowing that she had not been anywhere near as lucky on that front.
"Oh, and let me tell you about the time I spent a solid week undercover dressed as a nurse so I could infiltrate the lair of the Mighty Oak!"
"I heard about him! Wasn't he the cryptozoologist who managed to turn himself into some sort of tree monster while trying to escape charges related to that Pixelmon incident where he was accused of encouraging ten year olds to run away and throw battle-cubes at random sophonts?"
"That would be him, yes. Anyway, there I was with only the one lead to follow and no idea how to get close enough without spooking him into hiding again, when..."
PLANETARY LEXICONKoros
Galaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Sparse, varied races.
Spaceport: Sans Ataim (food, lodging, fuel, & maintenance available - most of which is subpar)
Major Imports: Lost tourists who had meant to go to some planet with better weather, ne'er-do-wells seeking some place to do conduct deals without attracting too much attention
Major Exports: Despair, angst, anxiety, and bland pizza with crust that tastes like cardboard despite the fact that there is no cardboard involved anywhere in the process.
As a near water world with small continents and innumerable small islands, Koros was originally settled on the assumption that it would be the next Poketaru and thus spawn vacation resort after vacation resort. Except that, unlike Poketaru, where the weather is mostly pleasant, the weather on Koros tends more frequently towards the dreary and miserable end of the spectrum more often than not.
As far as worlds to visit go, Koros is a fine place to go assuming your main goal is to not be noticed. Because the residents make a point of not paying anymore attention to anything than strictly necessary. This has lead to the vaguely interesting phenomenon of various would-be supervillains picking Koros as the perfect hideaway, only to end up leaving behind half finished bases and partially constructed superweapons due to how distressingly dismal the place is.
Sans Ataim is an old, rundown, and mostly forgettable city remarkable for only two things. The first being that it just happens to be where the only full service spaceport on Koros is located. The second being the fact that one of the bartenders working at the Rockbottom Bar & Grill can, for some inexplicable reason, produce a phenomenal example of a Pangalactic Gargleblaster. What she's doing working in a dive on Koros and not in a resort on Poketaru is anybody's guess.
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Deep Space, Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 5:00 PM, Thursday
"Hey, Elaris?" Widget called out, having finally come across her after casually searching for either her or Dr. Nefarious since leaving Captain Qwark's office.
"Yes, Widget?"
"Can you help me fix my A.S.S.?" Widget asked, holding up the small, unobtrusive device in her hand. "It stopped working during the battle, and now I can't get anything out of it."
"Huh, that's odd," Elaris stated as she grabbed Widget's A.S.S. and started examining it, turning to walk towards the workshop. "What were you doing with it? These are usually pretty reliable."
"I was using it to store captured weapons and items I took off the Blarg…"
"Widget! You can't just shove random things up your A.S.S.! Didn't you read the manual?"
"There's a manual?"
Elaris palmed her face. "Yes, Widget. There's a manual. Nearly everything that the Galactic Rangers might issue you comes with a manual or instructions of some sort. Didn't you work as a mechanic at your dad's garage?"
"Eh, I mostly learn faster by hands-on trial and error, really," Widget admitted.
"Well, that explains your learning curve in the holosims," Elaris commented. "Anyway, while it uses similar technology to those quick-equip pads, I'm sure that you noticed that an A.S.S. is much smaller, right?"
"I had noticed that, yes," Widget agreed dryly.
"Well, there are some rather severe drawbacks to getting an A.S.S. that tight."
"You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?" Widget accused.
"Doing what?" Elaris asked in what appeared to be genuine confusion.
"Nevermind."
"Moving on then," Elaris shrugged. "Anyway, an A.S.S. doesn't have room for a lot of memory and processing power, which is why they are set up to accept things organized into predesignated types of slots: weapons, gadgets, and devices."
"Would it be possible to get an A.S.S. I could store spare clothing in?" Widget asked.
"Yes, but I wouldn't use one to get dressed or change clothes. Quick-equip pads work because they have enough memory and processing power to track your entire body at once so as to not cause issues like trying to fit a leg through a shirt sleeve or ending up wearing a pair of pants like a fancy hat. A helmet, mask, or a single glove-like item at a time, and an A.S.S. can handle it just fine, but a full outfit or armor would be out of the question."
"I guess that explains why there are so many glove-like weapons and devices."
"Pretty much, yes," Elaris agreed. "Anyway, getting back to your A.S.S."
"Must you?"
"Yes. Now, getting back to your A.S.S., the weapons category handles most things that have some sort of separate ammo capacity. There's a smaller, attached subcategory where simple melee weapons without any sort of ammo capacity are slotted, but there's usually only space allotted for one to four such in any given A.S.S."
"Like my Omnimallet," Widget noted.
"Exactly! Anyway, gadgets and devices are very similar categories used mainly for non-weapon items that usually do not come with their own ammo capacity. There are exceptions, and the distinction between a gadget, device, or weapon can be pretty arbitrary between one manufacturer and the next. For example, Megacorp considers a Mr. Zircon to be a weapon, while Grummelnet has apparently decided that it's a device, and Gadgetron hasn't decided yet."
"Which means what, exactly?"
"Which means that if you kept forcing stuff up your A.S.S. just because there were technically open slots available, even if they weren't the right kind of slots, then you're going to confuse the poor thing. Now come on and I'll show you how to use a Quick-equip pad's diagnostic tools to empty your A.S.S. without losing anything, then we can reset it to factory defaults so you can use it again."
"Dr. Nefarious?" Clank called out upon coming across the Galactic Rangers' lead science officer, apparently at work examining some of the captured BlargTech technology. "I hope that I am not disturbing you."
"Not any more than I already am, at any rate," Nefarious quipped dryly as he set his tools aside on the table and turned around. "I take it you need something, Clank?"
"Well, I was wondering if something could be done about my UltraMech state," Clank started. "I can see the need for it, given what happened today, but the utility of actually being that size is limited, and I found my range of combat options to be… How shall I put this?"
"Overfocused on high end destruction?" Nefarious suggested.
"Yes, exactly!" Clank agreed. "If I am to take the field at all, as opposed to restricting myself to a purely support role like Elaris has chosen to do, I feel that I should have some options that are not so… problematic for the safety and preservation for the citizens I'm trying to defend."
"Very well," Nefarious nodded, then turned to push the Blarg technology on the table to the side. "These were boring anyway. Now hop on up here and let's first see what we have to work with. Because I'm sure that those cannons and rocket launchers you were using didn't come from nowhere, and Dr. Ulton said that he had thought he was working on a way to make it easier to transport large numbers of giant robots for megascale excavation, construction, and rescue work. Meaning that the converter unit prototype he built into that modified Quick-equip pad would not have had the arsenal you displayed in it."
Clank thought about what Dr. Nefarious was implying as he hopped onto the table. "So that's all I was to be then?" he asked angrily. "Just another weapon?"
"Oh Clank," Dr. Nefarious chided gently as he regathered his examination tools. "You have already proven that you can be so much more than just that, just by your will and conscience alone. Still, let's see what we have to work with before we decide on how to make improvements. Because nothing I saw in that factory should have ended up producing a bot like you in the first place, and that suggests someone other than BlargTech had plans for you. Let's see what clues we may find, hmmm?"
"Yes," Clank nodded with determination. "Let us see just what I am capable of. And hope that whoever my actual creators really were, they intended for me to be more than just a… a... tool of destruction!"
"Should I worry that Clank and Dr. Nefarious are laughing maniacally a couple of rooms down?" Widget asked in concern. After all, she already knew at least one potential future supervillain in the form of Gogo Neutronic whenever she grew up, if the tendency towards maniacal laughter actually meant anything.
"They are?" Elaris asked as she finished setting up the Quick-change pad's diagnostic function to help clear out Widget's packed A.S.S.
Widget just flicked an ear and gestured towards it.
"Oh, right, better hearing," Elaris chuckled awkwardly. "Anyway, Dr. Nefarious just gets like that some…"
"FOR SCIENCE!" Dr. Nefarious' voice could be heard clearly by both of them this time.
"It's probably nothing," Elaris continued after a moment. "Dr. Nefarious just really gets caught up in his work sometimes when he finds something interesting to work on."
"He's with my brother."
"With!" Elaris hastily corrected herself. "I meant with!"
"Uhuh. Right…" Widget did not sound impressed. Nor relieved for that matter.
"Anyway, forget that for now," Elaris waved off Widget's doubts as she finished fiddling with the controls and pressed a button, causing Widget's A.S.S. to release its contents all over the floor, revealing far more BlargTech weapons than she had originally thought that the Lombax would have been able to cram into her A.S.S. in the first place. "Wow, you really rammed these things up your A.S.S., didn't you? I'm going to have to run a full diagnostic rather than just reset things to factory settings."
"Sorry?" Widget apologized uncertainly, her attention still divided between the walking embodiment of awkward conversation that was Elaris and the fact that Clank and Dr. Nefarious were giggling like naughty school children a couple of rooms over...
Location: BlargTech Flagship, Deep Space
Time: 6:00 PM, Thursday
"Hello, Victor, how goes the… what are you wearing?" Executive Chairman Drek asked as he stared at his chief enforcer's holocomm image.
"It's called a rain slicker," Victor Von Ion explained. "I'm on Koros, so I thought it would be prudent to take precautions."
"It looks like a garbage bag," Drek noted in distaste. "Couldn't you find one more stylish or menacing?"
"It's what they had for sale in the gift shop at the Sans Ataim Spaceport. And the ones being sold elsewhere on Koros pretty much all look the same as this one."
"Look, I get that you're proud of your battle scars," Drek sighed, "I really do. I even approve to an extent as they add to your intimidation factor. But wearing… that… that… garbage bag just ruins the whole presentation! If you're not going to get your plating and seals repaired or replaced, then at the very least you can stop by image and let PR come up with something that doesn't make it look like you've been set out by the curb for pick-up!"
"Fine," Victor begrudgingly consented, placing a hand to his chin and appearing to consider potential options.
"Anyway, getting back to why I called you in the first place…"
"Which was going to be some small talk about my progress, followed by a tirade about the disaster your attack on Kerwan proved to be, and then either a thankyou for advising you to pull back or an apology for not taking my advice."
"Seriously? You went there?"
"Yeah, I did. You have a tendency to jump the gun when your temper flares, and how you respond when the dust settles afterwards is kind of predictable. You might want to work on that."
"I'll consider it."
"So, did you learn anything during the attack?"
"Yes. Apparently the Galactic Rangers got their hands on an UltraMech class warbot. And they had it stored at the Hall of Heroes."
"That's… Not good news."
"You think I don't know that!?" Drek retorted angrily. "If they hadn't blown up the factory on Quartu, it wouldn't matter! We could have had a battalion of warbots specially designed to be transported in bulk… Bulk mind you… anywhere at all, and then expanded into an army of UltraMechs on the spot to overwhelm anyone! Even two or three expandable warbots with the UltraMech conversion mods could have been snuck onto Kerwan to deal with the one the Galactic Rangers have, had we known about it!"
"Look on the bright side," Victor Von Ion suggested.
"There's a bright side to all this?"
"Yeah. At least now you know that they have one and where it is. It's not like there's enough room on a corvette like the Phoenix for them to field it anywhere but on Kerwan itself. Just plan around it."
"I suppose there is that, at least," Drek sighed in acknowledgement. "Now, while you were right about me using it as small talk earlier, and I realize that you haven't been out recruiting long, I am curious as to any progress you might have made on that front."
"I got Shiv Helix to sign on," Victor reported. "On a commission basis to keep the costs down, since his on retainer fee was kind of high and he wasn't interested in lowering it until after he has a feel for the working relationship between us and him."
"Shiv Helix… Where have I heard that name before?"
"He's the guy that broke out of Zordoom Prison on Viceron, over in the Polaris Galaxy. You know, the most secure prison in the known universe?"
"That was him?"
"Yes."
"That's excellent news! Forward me the numbers on the retainment fee he wants and I'll see if we can wrangle the budget for it from somewhere. In the meantime, see what needs to be done to improve our working relationship with him so that he'd be more willing to compromise on his fees."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Oh, and we may as well commission him to break Little Tony out of wherever they send him."
"Remembered that suggestion, did you?" Victor chuckled.
"Yes. Yes I did. Let the Rangers waste their time trying to figure out what's so important about some insignificant hired muscle, and earn the eternal loyalty of said dumb muscle in the process. It might work, or it might not, but it's worth trying. Drek out."
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:15 PM, Thursday
Elaris sighed as she looked over the results of her in depth examination of Widget's A.S.S.
"Is there a problem?" Widget asked.
"You could say that," Elaris replied dryly. "You managed to bust your A.S.S. in a way that I can't fix, and we'll have to go over everything you had stored in it and check for damages. It's a wonder we got anything out at all."
"Oh…"
"You might want to consider upgrading to an Augmented Storage System."
"Isn't that what an A.S.S. is?"
"I'm talking model, not type," Elaris clarified. "The Galactic Rangers generally use the Alternate Space Stash due to an endorsement deal. Don't get me wrong, it's a good model, and clearly superior to A Storage Space or even the Allied Systematic Storage models, but it's not the best model out there. The Augmented Storage System is."
"Then why aren't we using that model of A.S.S. instead?"
"It was the one that was the top of the line when the Captain secured the endorsement deal, and we still have two years on that contract. After today though, you might be able to secure a personal endorsement deal for the new top of the line model! Think about it - you'd have the best A.S.S. in the Rangers!"
"You are doing that on purpose, aren't you?"
"Doing what?"
Widget still couldn't tell if Elaris' apparent confusion was genuine or facetious...
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 7:16:58 PM, Thursday
Gogo Neutronic seethed in barely restrained anger as she tearfully clutched her hoverscooter and looked out over the ruins left behind by the Blarg attack. BlargTech had taken nearly everything she had cared about on this worthless rock of a backwater planet! Her home, her friends' homes, even her family!
And if either Widget or Mr. Razz had still been on Veldin, they'd probably be dead too, since Grimroth's Garage had been leveled.
The Scavenger Rats that followed after the attack hadn't even had the decency to bother searching for bodies before they started looting everything they could down to the ground before the Star Guard Rangers had arrived and drove them off. Not that there would be any, as Gogo had watched Mr. Razz leave with XJ0421 in Widget's podfighter, but it was the principle that mattered. They hadn't looked because they hadn't cared.
Well, fuck them then! There was only one Scavenger Rat that ever amounted to anything, and Widget Razz made it off of this worthless dustball! Good for her! Gogo was genuinely happy for her!
All she had left was the Galactic Ranger brand hoverscooter that Dr. Nefarious had personally signed and given to her…
Well, it would have to do.
First she would find some tools and upgrade her hoverscooter for better utility and combat capability. Then she would move on from there, building what she would need for what was to follow.
BlargTech would rue the day they messed with Gogo Neutronic!
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The sound of the young terachnoid's broken maniacal laughter echoed over the ruins of the Kyzil Plateau spaceport.
"Gogo?" a familiar voice broke Gogo out of her semi-crazed retrospection.
"Otto?" Otto Motov was alive?
"Yeah… You okay, Gogo?"
"Gogo Neutronic is gone, Otto Motov. Now there is only…"
The young terachnoid took a deep breath and gathered herself before looking up and pointing grandly up towards the sky.
"DOCTOR NEUTRON!"
"Okay… but are you okay, Doctor Neutron?"
"Oh, I will be. Thanks for asking!"
Time: 5:00 PM, Thursday
"Hey, Elaris?" Widget called out, having finally come across her after casually searching for either her or Dr. Nefarious since leaving Captain Qwark's office.
"Yes, Widget?"
"Can you help me fix my A.S.S.?" Widget asked, holding up the small, unobtrusive device in her hand. "It stopped working during the battle, and now I can't get anything out of it."
"Huh, that's odd," Elaris stated as she grabbed Widget's A.S.S. and started examining it, turning to walk towards the workshop. "What were you doing with it? These are usually pretty reliable."
"I was using it to store captured weapons and items I took off the Blarg…"
"Widget! You can't just shove random things up your A.S.S.! Didn't you read the manual?"
"There's a manual?"
Elaris palmed her face. "Yes, Widget. There's a manual. Nearly everything that the Galactic Rangers might issue you comes with a manual or instructions of some sort. Didn't you work as a mechanic at your dad's garage?"
"Eh, I mostly learn faster by hands-on trial and error, really," Widget admitted.
"Well, that explains your learning curve in the holosims," Elaris commented. "Anyway, while it uses similar technology to those quick-equip pads, I'm sure that you noticed that an A.S.S. is much smaller, right?"
"I had noticed that, yes," Widget agreed dryly.
"Well, there are some rather severe drawbacks to getting an A.S.S. that tight."
"You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?" Widget accused.
"Doing what?" Elaris asked in what appeared to be genuine confusion.
"Nevermind."
"Moving on then," Elaris shrugged. "Anyway, an A.S.S. doesn't have room for a lot of memory and processing power, which is why they are set up to accept things organized into predesignated types of slots: weapons, gadgets, and devices."
"Would it be possible to get an A.S.S. I could store spare clothing in?" Widget asked.
"Yes, but I wouldn't use one to get dressed or change clothes. Quick-equip pads work because they have enough memory and processing power to track your entire body at once so as to not cause issues like trying to fit a leg through a shirt sleeve or ending up wearing a pair of pants like a fancy hat. A helmet, mask, or a single glove-like item at a time, and an A.S.S. can handle it just fine, but a full outfit or armor would be out of the question."
"I guess that explains why there are so many glove-like weapons and devices."
"Pretty much, yes," Elaris agreed. "Anyway, getting back to your A.S.S."
"Must you?"
"Yes. Now, getting back to your A.S.S., the weapons category handles most things that have some sort of separate ammo capacity. There's a smaller, attached subcategory where simple melee weapons without any sort of ammo capacity are slotted, but there's usually only space allotted for one to four such in any given A.S.S."
"Like my Omnimallet," Widget noted.
"Exactly! Anyway, gadgets and devices are very similar categories used mainly for non-weapon items that usually do not come with their own ammo capacity. There are exceptions, and the distinction between a gadget, device, or weapon can be pretty arbitrary between one manufacturer and the next. For example, Megacorp considers a Mr. Zircon to be a weapon, while Grummelnet has apparently decided that it's a device, and Gadgetron hasn't decided yet."
"Which means what, exactly?"
"Which means that if you kept forcing stuff up your A.S.S. just because there were technically open slots available, even if they weren't the right kind of slots, then you're going to confuse the poor thing. Now come on and I'll show you how to use a Quick-equip pad's diagnostic tools to empty your A.S.S. without losing anything, then we can reset it to factory defaults so you can use it again."
O o O o O
"Dr. Nefarious?" Clank called out upon coming across the Galactic Rangers' lead science officer, apparently at work examining some of the captured BlargTech technology. "I hope that I am not disturbing you."
"Not any more than I already am, at any rate," Nefarious quipped dryly as he set his tools aside on the table and turned around. "I take it you need something, Clank?"
"Well, I was wondering if something could be done about my UltraMech state," Clank started. "I can see the need for it, given what happened today, but the utility of actually being that size is limited, and I found my range of combat options to be… How shall I put this?"
"Overfocused on high end destruction?" Nefarious suggested.
"Yes, exactly!" Clank agreed. "If I am to take the field at all, as opposed to restricting myself to a purely support role like Elaris has chosen to do, I feel that I should have some options that are not so… problematic for the safety and preservation for the citizens I'm trying to defend."
"Very well," Nefarious nodded, then turned to push the Blarg technology on the table to the side. "These were boring anyway. Now hop on up here and let's first see what we have to work with. Because I'm sure that those cannons and rocket launchers you were using didn't come from nowhere, and Dr. Ulton said that he had thought he was working on a way to make it easier to transport large numbers of giant robots for megascale excavation, construction, and rescue work. Meaning that the converter unit prototype he built into that modified Quick-equip pad would not have had the arsenal you displayed in it."
Clank thought about what Dr. Nefarious was implying as he hopped onto the table. "So that's all I was to be then?" he asked angrily. "Just another weapon?"
"Oh Clank," Dr. Nefarious chided gently as he regathered his examination tools. "You have already proven that you can be so much more than just that, just by your will and conscience alone. Still, let's see what we have to work with before we decide on how to make improvements. Because nothing I saw in that factory should have ended up producing a bot like you in the first place, and that suggests someone other than BlargTech had plans for you. Let's see what clues we may find, hmmm?"
"Yes," Clank nodded with determination. "Let us see just what I am capable of. And hope that whoever my actual creators really were, they intended for me to be more than just a… a... tool of destruction!"
O o O o O
"Should I worry that Clank and Dr. Nefarious are laughing maniacally a couple of rooms down?" Widget asked in concern. After all, she already knew at least one potential future supervillain in the form of Gogo Neutronic whenever she grew up, if the tendency towards maniacal laughter actually meant anything.
"They are?" Elaris asked as she finished setting up the Quick-change pad's diagnostic function to help clear out Widget's packed A.S.S.
Widget just flicked an ear and gestured towards it.
"Oh, right, better hearing," Elaris chuckled awkwardly. "Anyway, Dr. Nefarious just gets like that some…"
"FOR SCIENCE!" Dr. Nefarious' voice could be heard clearly by both of them this time.
"It's probably nothing," Elaris continued after a moment. "Dr. Nefarious just really gets caught up in his work sometimes when he finds something interesting to work on."
"He's with my brother."
"With!" Elaris hastily corrected herself. "I meant with!"
"Uhuh. Right…" Widget did not sound impressed. Nor relieved for that matter.
"Anyway, forget that for now," Elaris waved off Widget's doubts as she finished fiddling with the controls and pressed a button, causing Widget's A.S.S. to release its contents all over the floor, revealing far more BlargTech weapons than she had originally thought that the Lombax would have been able to cram into her A.S.S. in the first place. "Wow, you really rammed these things up your A.S.S., didn't you? I'm going to have to run a full diagnostic rather than just reset things to factory settings."
"Sorry?" Widget apologized uncertainly, her attention still divided between the walking embodiment of awkward conversation that was Elaris and the fact that Clank and Dr. Nefarious were giggling like naughty school children a couple of rooms over...
O o O o O
Location: BlargTech Flagship, Deep Space
Time: 6:00 PM, Thursday
"Hello, Victor, how goes the… what are you wearing?" Executive Chairman Drek asked as he stared at his chief enforcer's holocomm image.
"It's called a rain slicker," Victor Von Ion explained. "I'm on Koros, so I thought it would be prudent to take precautions."
"It looks like a garbage bag," Drek noted in distaste. "Couldn't you find one more stylish or menacing?"
"It's what they had for sale in the gift shop at the Sans Ataim Spaceport. And the ones being sold elsewhere on Koros pretty much all look the same as this one."
"Look, I get that you're proud of your battle scars," Drek sighed, "I really do. I even approve to an extent as they add to your intimidation factor. But wearing… that… that… garbage bag just ruins the whole presentation! If you're not going to get your plating and seals repaired or replaced, then at the very least you can stop by image and let PR come up with something that doesn't make it look like you've been set out by the curb for pick-up!"
"Fine," Victor begrudgingly consented, placing a hand to his chin and appearing to consider potential options.
"Anyway, getting back to why I called you in the first place…"
"Which was going to be some small talk about my progress, followed by a tirade about the disaster your attack on Kerwan proved to be, and then either a thankyou for advising you to pull back or an apology for not taking my advice."
"Seriously? You went there?"
"Yeah, I did. You have a tendency to jump the gun when your temper flares, and how you respond when the dust settles afterwards is kind of predictable. You might want to work on that."
"I'll consider it."
"So, did you learn anything during the attack?"
"Yes. Apparently the Galactic Rangers got their hands on an UltraMech class warbot. And they had it stored at the Hall of Heroes."
"That's… Not good news."
"You think I don't know that!?" Drek retorted angrily. "If they hadn't blown up the factory on Quartu, it wouldn't matter! We could have had a battalion of warbots specially designed to be transported in bulk… Bulk mind you… anywhere at all, and then expanded into an army of UltraMechs on the spot to overwhelm anyone! Even two or three expandable warbots with the UltraMech conversion mods could have been snuck onto Kerwan to deal with the one the Galactic Rangers have, had we known about it!"
"Look on the bright side," Victor Von Ion suggested.
"There's a bright side to all this?"
"Yeah. At least now you know that they have one and where it is. It's not like there's enough room on a corvette like the Phoenix for them to field it anywhere but on Kerwan itself. Just plan around it."
"I suppose there is that, at least," Drek sighed in acknowledgement. "Now, while you were right about me using it as small talk earlier, and I realize that you haven't been out recruiting long, I am curious as to any progress you might have made on that front."
"I got Shiv Helix to sign on," Victor reported. "On a commission basis to keep the costs down, since his on retainer fee was kind of high and he wasn't interested in lowering it until after he has a feel for the working relationship between us and him."
"Shiv Helix… Where have I heard that name before?"
"He's the guy that broke out of Zordoom Prison on Viceron, over in the Polaris Galaxy. You know, the most secure prison in the known universe?"
"That was him?"
"Yes."
"That's excellent news! Forward me the numbers on the retainment fee he wants and I'll see if we can wrangle the budget for it from somewhere. In the meantime, see what needs to be done to improve our working relationship with him so that he'd be more willing to compromise on his fees."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Oh, and we may as well commission him to break Little Tony out of wherever they send him."
"Remembered that suggestion, did you?" Victor chuckled.
"Yes. Yes I did. Let the Rangers waste their time trying to figure out what's so important about some insignificant hired muscle, and earn the eternal loyalty of said dumb muscle in the process. It might work, or it might not, but it's worth trying. Drek out."
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 6:15 PM, Thursday
Elaris sighed as she looked over the results of her in depth examination of Widget's A.S.S.
"Is there a problem?" Widget asked.
"You could say that," Elaris replied dryly. "You managed to bust your A.S.S. in a way that I can't fix, and we'll have to go over everything you had stored in it and check for damages. It's a wonder we got anything out at all."
"Oh…"
"You might want to consider upgrading to an Augmented Storage System."
"Isn't that what an A.S.S. is?"
"I'm talking model, not type," Elaris clarified. "The Galactic Rangers generally use the Alternate Space Stash due to an endorsement deal. Don't get me wrong, it's a good model, and clearly superior to A Storage Space or even the Allied Systematic Storage models, but it's not the best model out there. The Augmented Storage System is."
"Then why aren't we using that model of A.S.S. instead?"
"It was the one that was the top of the line when the Captain secured the endorsement deal, and we still have two years on that contract. After today though, you might be able to secure a personal endorsement deal for the new top of the line model! Think about it - you'd have the best A.S.S. in the Rangers!"
"You are doing that on purpose, aren't you?"
"Doing what?"
Widget still couldn't tell if Elaris' apparent confusion was genuine or facetious...
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 7:16:58 PM, Thursday
Gogo Neutronic seethed in barely restrained anger as she tearfully clutched her hoverscooter and looked out over the ruins left behind by the Blarg attack. BlargTech had taken nearly everything she had cared about on this worthless rock of a backwater planet! Her home, her friends' homes, even her family!
And if either Widget or Mr. Razz had still been on Veldin, they'd probably be dead too, since Grimroth's Garage had been leveled.
The Scavenger Rats that followed after the attack hadn't even had the decency to bother searching for bodies before they started looting everything they could down to the ground before the Star Guard Rangers had arrived and drove them off. Not that there would be any, as Gogo had watched Mr. Razz leave with XJ0421 in Widget's podfighter, but it was the principle that mattered. They hadn't looked because they hadn't cared.
Well, fuck them then! There was only one Scavenger Rat that ever amounted to anything, and Widget Razz made it off of this worthless dustball! Good for her! Gogo was genuinely happy for her!
All she had left was the Galactic Ranger brand hoverscooter that Dr. Nefarious had personally signed and given to her…
Well, it would have to do.
First she would find some tools and upgrade her hoverscooter for better utility and combat capability. Then she would move on from there, building what she would need for what was to follow.
BlargTech would rue the day they messed with Gogo Neutronic!
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The sound of the young terachnoid's broken maniacal laughter echoed over the ruins of the Kyzil Plateau spaceport.
"Gogo?" a familiar voice broke Gogo out of her semi-crazed retrospection.
"Otto?" Otto Motov was alive?
"Yeah… You okay, Gogo?"
"Gogo Neutronic is gone, Otto Motov. Now there is only…"
The young terachnoid took a deep breath and gathered herself before looking up and pointing grandly up towards the sky.
"DOCTOR NEUTRON!"
"Okay… but are you okay, Doctor Neutron?"
"Oh, I will be. Thanks for asking!"
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Koros
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 8:00 AM, Friday
Widget noted Captain Qwark's presence behind the podium as she and the others filed into the briefing room and took seats around the U-shaped table (the open end of which facing the end of the room with the podium and the gigantic holodisplay monitor). Taking a seat alongside her brother, Clank, she then waited as everyone else settled in as well.
Widget knew from prior meetings that there was no particular order to the seating. Even Captain Qwark, whom she would have expected to have claimed the seat at the base of the U rarely sat in the same seat more than twice in a row between meetings. And, as no one had a permanently assigned seat and the Rangers were fairly diverse in size, shape, and weight, all the seats were fully adjustable. Meaning that her brother could sit normally at the table rather than either standing on his seat or sitting and looking at everyone's legs.
Adjust-O-Mattic Luxury Office Chairs. Just another thing that the Galactic Rangers had due to an endorsement deal. And no, she wasn't allowed to do more than basic maintenance on them, nor use them for target practice, nor add (or remove) any fun features, nor race them down the hallways…
Honestly, the list of what not to use the Adjust-O-Matic chairs for had apparently been in place on the memo board long before Widget had joined! Really! She was only responsible for maybe one or two items on the list herself, and she thought it was unfair that someone had preemptively banned Clank from attempting to sit on one in his UltraMech state, as that would have been hilarious...
Once everyone was seated, Qwark tapped the podium to call the meeting to order.
"Just a few items of business today. First off, while our defense of the city was pro bono, both the Kerwan General Council and the local council for Aleero City itself have seen fit to send us bonus packages. On top of a general bonus, which is going to be evenly distributed with the usual cut going into the general fund, we have a full spread of individual bonuses! So congratulations all around! And remember everyone: this will be Clank's first personal bonus, so no asking how much he got for at least a month!"
There was a round of nods and affirmative sounds from around the table.
"On that note, Widget, Clank, since your respective first mission bonuses were achieved so close together, I was thinking that we could merge your first bonus parties together? Unless either of you had any objections?"
"Alright by me, Captain," Widget said agreeably.
"I do not have any objections either," Clank stated, sounding pleased.
"Good, then you both have about a month to discuss a venue and theme if you want, to be paid for from the recreational fund. Once you've decided on those, just let us know and we'll handle the arrangements."
Qwark tapped the podium again, and the holodisplay behind him lit up with an image of their ruined front entrance.
"I have some good news!" Qwark announced happily. "Despite our insurance denying payout for the damages to our lobby doors, as they rightfully claimed that they were self-inflicted…"
"I said I was sorry…" Brax complained under his breath, eliciting a chuckle from everyone present.
"Anyway, despite that, we have received several offers to repair any damage to our headquarters pro bono. Dr. Nefarious, if you wouldn't mind reviewing those offers and doing the appropriate background checks?"
"I'll have Elaris do it, then double check her results," Nefarious stated, more or less instantly delegating his assignment and treating it as a teaching opportunity for his assistant.
"I'll leave it to you then, Elaris," Qwark agreed.
Quark tapped the podium again, and this time the holodisplay split into several different images, each apparently representing various racing events.
"As you all know, I'll be in Blackwater City on Rilgar as a special guest for this year's annual hoverboard competitions, where I will be handing out prizes to this year's winners, including a Platinum Zoomerator to be awarded to the top champion! Unfortunately, as I will be the one handling prizes, no other Ranger is to participate so as to avoid accusations of favoritism should any of you win."
Widget did not pout, despite the fact that this would have been a perfect opportunity to test the hoverboard she had salvaged, repaired, and tuned up against other hoverboards…
Really…
"However," Qwark went on, noting but not drawing attention to the disappointment he saw from Cora and Widget, "it may interest you to know that a number of different racing organizations are holding charity events to help raise money for a relief fund to help repair the damages caused by the BlargTech attacks on Novalis, Veldin, and now Kerwan. A listing of these events will be posted on the general notice board, and any of you are free to sign up for any of them, assuming you have no other missions with conflicting times."
Tapping the podium once again, this time the screen changed to show a rather portly technician standing in front of a building with a sign declaring it to be Big Al's Roboshack. As the roof of the building sported a huge rotating statue of Captain Qwark, Widget (correctly) assumed that this was yet another business that the Galactic Rangers had an endorsement deal with.
"On a final note, Big Al has offered to host another weenie roast for us today in the lot behind his workshop. As the previous one went so well, I told him that we'd be there. We'll be heading over right after Widget and Clank are done visiting Mr. Razz in the hospital. As this is not a promotional event, you may dress casually if you wish." Qwark shut off the holodisplay. "Now, I believe Dr. Nefarious had something he wanted to announce?"
"I do," Nefarious confirmed.
"Then I yield the podium to you." Qwark stated, stepping down and moving to take a seat at the table.
"I'll keep this brief, as we all have things we want to do before the weenie roast," Nefarious began. "First off, another couple of items has been added to the Do NOT Do list. Specifically: Do NOT override the settings on your issued A.S.S. for the purpose of increasing the capacity of any or all of its categories. And Do NOT override the settings of your issued A.S.S. for the purpose of storing any weapon, gadget, or device in a slot assigned to a different category."
Widget hunched in her seat and laughed nervously as the rest of the Rangers looked at her…
"Did you say Asteroids?" Widget heard the brass statue of Qwark ask as she and Clank made their way out of the Hall of Heroes.
"I SAID RANGERS!" a very young tharpod wearing a stylized replica of Captain Qwark's signature outfit yelled at the statue.
"You have selected Asteroids!" the statue incorrectly announced, just before going into a brief promotional speech about personal hyginators.
"Ouch…" Widget winced in sympathy for the kid as he raged at the malfunctioning statue. "Looks like we have another thing to add to the maintenance list."
"I do not see any obvious damage," Clank noted. "Perhaps something internal was knocked loose?"
"You… You're Commando! And Big Guy!" the excited young Tharpod exclaimed, suddenly much happier than before. "Can I have your autographs?"
"I don't see why not," Widget said agreeably. "Got anything specific you'd like us to sign, or shall we go in and get something from the gift shop?"
"I…" the Tharpod hesitated. "Oh, I don't have an updated team poster with either of you on it yet. I was going to get a voucher for one from the statue, but the stupid statue won't start the right trivia quiz!"
"I can access the available quiz list, and have authorization to issue valid vouchers should you pass," Clank stated. "However my sister and I were just on our way to visit our father in the hospital, so we only have time to issue one such quiz. Would you be interested?"
"Really!? You would do that for me?"
"You go ahead and do that, Clank," Widget said as she stepped to the side. "I'm just going to notify the Captain about the statue."
As Widget moved further away so she could make the call without interfering with the quiz, she heard Clank address the young fan, "Now I believe the category you were attempting to access was Rangers?"
"...and that is correct," Jimmy heard Big Guy state in a tone of approval. "You have answered all questions on this quiz correctly, so you have earned the top voucher available for the category."
"Oh, I think we can do one better than that, Clank," Jimmy heard a very familiar voice and spun around to find Captain Qwark and the rest of the Galactic Rangers smiling down on him. "What do you say to a more personalized poster, to be made right now, with you as our special guest?"
"YES!"
This wouldn't be the best day of Jimmy's life, but it was certainly the best day so far…
"That was certainly nice of Captain Qwark," Clank noted as he and his sister hopped onto the automatic cab.
"Sure was," Widget agreed, as she selected their destination and prepaid the appropriate amount of Bolts. Automatic cabs were not the fastest means of public transportation around, and each cab only had a set number of destinations within an assigned region that they would not leave (except during emergency evacuations), but they were faster than walking, cheaper than a regular cab, and just fine for sightseeing or for when you weren't in a particular hurry.
"By any chance, was it your suggestion? I had noticed that you were speaking on your communicator for a while as I was administering the quiz for Jimmy."
"Nope," Widget shook her head. "All I did was tell Qwark about the maintenance issue, and then he wanted to know how we had noticed it. The rest was all his idea once he found out that you were still quizzing Jimmy."
"I see," Clank nodded to himself, generally pleased with how things were turning out.
"I'm thinking of signing up for a couple of the charity race events," Widget stated. "Two of them are being held on Veldin."
"Ah. A private hoverbike competition and a sponsored Grav-sled race, I believe?"
"Yeah, the Wipeout Racing League is setting up official canyon courses on Veldin and Novalis. They apparently also offered to let the hoverbikes use the tracks for their charity event once they are built."
"Do you know how to pilot either a hoverbike or a Grav-sled?"
"Not yet," Widget stated, "But that's what we have holosims for. I should have enough time before either event starts."
"Widget, that is two separate types of vehicles and the events are not scheduled very far from one another! Nor, for that matter, for very long from now! Are you sure that you will have enough time to train for both events?"
"It's not like I have to win or anything, Clank," Widget said. "But Veldin was where I grew up, and I'd like to show my support for the rebuilding effort. Besides, how hard could it possibly be?"
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:45 AM, Friday
"Hey, Grim!" Widget called out as she and Clank entered their adoptive father's assigned hospital room. "What's the good word? Did they give you a release date yet?"
"Yeah," Grim replied. "Not for about another week or so though. Something about monitoring my implants for signs of rejection, and maybe giving me some more adjustment therapy for the new arm while I'm still here. No idea why though. I feel fine."
"Well, maybe we can sign you out for lunch?" Widget suggested. "Apparently the Rangers are going to a weenie roast at some place called Big Al's."
"Are you sure that it'll be alright?" Grim asked, uncertain. "I saw a commercial for Big Al's Roboshack, and if this is a promotional event…"
"Nah," Widget shook her head. "In fact, Quark said we could show up dressed however we like, since this wasn't a promotional event."
"I could go for that, then," Grimroth nodded agreeably. "Dunno if they'll actually let me outta here, but I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask…"
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 12:00 PM, Friday
Victor Von Ion raised a brow as a shirtless male Lombax wearing a ridiculous set of fake glasses and a mustache approached his table.
"You the one hiring?" the Lombax asked.
"And who are you supposed to be?"
"Mustachio Furioso!" the Lombax identified himself with pride. "Gentleman Adventurer!"
"Take those glasses off!" Victor demanded. "You look even more ridiculous than I do. And who are you, really? I've met the real Mustachio Furioso, and you're not him. Not by a long shot."
"Eh, fine, you got me," The Lombax shrugged and removed his disguise. "Most folk call me Shirtless Tom, but the name's Spanner. Now I hear you're trying to hire a group to raise some trouble. And I'm all about trouble. So tell me whatcha got…"
Location: Big Al's Roboshack, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 12:26 PM, Friday
"Clank, why are you looking at the heliopack mods?" Widget asked as her little brother browsed through the various mod kits Al's Roboshack offered as the group headed for the back entrance. There wasn't a real way to walk around the shop directly, given its location, so the only way to the back lot was either through the shop itself or by aircar on the other side.
"It looked like it might be…" Clank considered for a moment. "Fun, I suppose. And moderately useful at my current size."
"Then go for it, Kid," Grim stated from the hoverchair the hospital insisted that he use for the excursion. Really, he felt fine, and he was walking up and down the hall of the floor they had him on off and on throughout the day so that his legs wouldn't get weak, but the moment he had to actually go anywhere, even if it was just down the hall? Bam! Hoverchair!
Stupid regulation if they asked him. Which they didn't, so he offered his opinion anyway.
"Very well," Clank nodded, reaching up to take a heliopack off the shelf, then hesitating. "Oh. I haven't cashed out my bonus yet."
"Don't worry about it, Kid," Grimroth stated as he pulled out his wallet. "I gotcha covered."
"But I…"
"I said I gotcha covered," Grimroth asserted. "Bots don't get much of a childhood at all. Least not most types, and you don't seem to be an exception, but you're my son, and it's my job to see that you have at least a little fun now and then, got it?"
Clank tilted his head. "My preliminary research seems to indicate that it would instead be the responsibility for a non-direct parental or guardian figure to see to it that an appropriate amount of fun was experienced."
"Eh, then I'll just hit Felton up for cash for once, instead of the other way around," Grimroth joked. "Seeing as how I'm apparently doing his job here."
"I'll make a note to remind you," Clank assured his father, then went ahead and took the heliopack off the shelf.
Taking it up to the counter, they met the same portly tech that had been on the holodisplay screen back at the meeting room.
"Oh, hey, Qwark, everyone! Glad you made it! I'll just close up shop and we can get started…"
"Before you do, Al, I believe my latest recruit has a purchase he wants to make?"
"Oh, sure!" Looking around, Al first spotted Widget. "Hi, I'm Al! I do a lot of the general service on the robots the Galactic Rangers use, such as Bloop and Bleep. I also have a sort of will they won't they relationship with Cora here!"
"Uh, yeah. He's Will, and I'm Won't," Cora quipped, but Al just seemed to shrug it off without noticing the burn.
"Now you were the latest recruit I knew about until just yesterday, so I suppose that Big Guy is waiting outside?"
"Down here, actually," Clank corrected, finally drawing Al's attention.
"Oh, my apologies, Big Guy! Er… Would I be correct in assuming that some sort of modular body situation is involved then? Like a Cybertronian Headmaster?"
"Not quite," Clank shook his head in negation. "I believe my situation is quite different, even if there are certain vague similarities."
"Do I want to know what they are talking about?" Widget asked Cora as an aside.
"Don't ask me," Cora replied dryly. "I have no idea either."
"So… Are you two actually dating?"
"We had lunch together once," Cora replied. "As friends. Or at least I had thought so at the time, since he apparently has other ideas."
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 6:00 PM, Friday
Shiv and Spanner were socializing over a set of Gargleblasters as Victor waited for the last recruit that had agreed to meet him on Loros. Shiv stopped cold as a tall biped dressed in an all white racing leathers and a matching helmet walked through the entrance of the Rockbottom Bar & Grill.
"No way…" Shiv muttered in awe.
"You know this guy?" Spanner asked, unimpressed. So the guy was tall and all in white, so what?
"You don't know?" Shiv looked at Spanner in askance. "That's the Stig! Some say he did the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!"
"The what now?" Spanner asked.
"Argh! Well, if you don't know that, then how about this? They also say that he once flew an outdated tramp freighter in and out of a moon-sized battlestation, and only lost a single sensor dish in the process!"
"And this is supposed to impress me, why?"
"Well, how about this then? Some say he won the intergalactic Red Line five times running!"
"Never heard of it," Spanner stated, continuing to sound bored.
"Alright then, this ought to impress you! Some say he…"
"We're done here," Victor interrupted. "Shiv, I have an initial commission for you: I need you to break out someone by the name of Little Tony from the Iron Holds of Novalis. The Stig will be your pilot."
"YES!"
"And whata ya want me to do?" Spanner asked.
"Go to Veldin and cause as much of a distraction as you can. The Stig will pick you up once he has collected Shiv and Little Tony on Novalis."
"And what's on Veldin?"
"A set of charity events that my employer would probably be amused to find disrupted. More to the point, it was well enough publicized that any disruption there should draw official attention away from Novalis while Shiv does his part of the job."
"What kind of charity events?"
"I believe one has been set up by a private hoverbike club."
"Meh."
"And the other has been arranged by the Wipeout Racing League."
"Grav-sleds?" Spanner finally sounded interested. " Hoverbikes are boring. Too easy to hit. But Grav-sleds? Trying to wreck one of those speed demons sounds like fun!"
Time: 8:00 AM, Friday
Widget noted Captain Qwark's presence behind the podium as she and the others filed into the briefing room and took seats around the U-shaped table (the open end of which facing the end of the room with the podium and the gigantic holodisplay monitor). Taking a seat alongside her brother, Clank, she then waited as everyone else settled in as well.
Widget knew from prior meetings that there was no particular order to the seating. Even Captain Qwark, whom she would have expected to have claimed the seat at the base of the U rarely sat in the same seat more than twice in a row between meetings. And, as no one had a permanently assigned seat and the Rangers were fairly diverse in size, shape, and weight, all the seats were fully adjustable. Meaning that her brother could sit normally at the table rather than either standing on his seat or sitting and looking at everyone's legs.
Adjust-O-Mattic Luxury Office Chairs. Just another thing that the Galactic Rangers had due to an endorsement deal. And no, she wasn't allowed to do more than basic maintenance on them, nor use them for target practice, nor add (or remove) any fun features, nor race them down the hallways…
Honestly, the list of what not to use the Adjust-O-Matic chairs for had apparently been in place on the memo board long before Widget had joined! Really! She was only responsible for maybe one or two items on the list herself, and she thought it was unfair that someone had preemptively banned Clank from attempting to sit on one in his UltraMech state, as that would have been hilarious...
Once everyone was seated, Qwark tapped the podium to call the meeting to order.
"Just a few items of business today. First off, while our defense of the city was pro bono, both the Kerwan General Council and the local council for Aleero City itself have seen fit to send us bonus packages. On top of a general bonus, which is going to be evenly distributed with the usual cut going into the general fund, we have a full spread of individual bonuses! So congratulations all around! And remember everyone: this will be Clank's first personal bonus, so no asking how much he got for at least a month!"
There was a round of nods and affirmative sounds from around the table.
"On that note, Widget, Clank, since your respective first mission bonuses were achieved so close together, I was thinking that we could merge your first bonus parties together? Unless either of you had any objections?"
"Alright by me, Captain," Widget said agreeably.
"I do not have any objections either," Clank stated, sounding pleased.
"Good, then you both have about a month to discuss a venue and theme if you want, to be paid for from the recreational fund. Once you've decided on those, just let us know and we'll handle the arrangements."
Qwark tapped the podium again, and the holodisplay behind him lit up with an image of their ruined front entrance.
"I have some good news!" Qwark announced happily. "Despite our insurance denying payout for the damages to our lobby doors, as they rightfully claimed that they were self-inflicted…"
"I said I was sorry…" Brax complained under his breath, eliciting a chuckle from everyone present.
"Anyway, despite that, we have received several offers to repair any damage to our headquarters pro bono. Dr. Nefarious, if you wouldn't mind reviewing those offers and doing the appropriate background checks?"
"I'll have Elaris do it, then double check her results," Nefarious stated, more or less instantly delegating his assignment and treating it as a teaching opportunity for his assistant.
"I'll leave it to you then, Elaris," Qwark agreed.
Quark tapped the podium again, and this time the holodisplay split into several different images, each apparently representing various racing events.
"As you all know, I'll be in Blackwater City on Rilgar as a special guest for this year's annual hoverboard competitions, where I will be handing out prizes to this year's winners, including a Platinum Zoomerator to be awarded to the top champion! Unfortunately, as I will be the one handling prizes, no other Ranger is to participate so as to avoid accusations of favoritism should any of you win."
Widget did not pout, despite the fact that this would have been a perfect opportunity to test the hoverboard she had salvaged, repaired, and tuned up against other hoverboards…
Really…
"However," Qwark went on, noting but not drawing attention to the disappointment he saw from Cora and Widget, "it may interest you to know that a number of different racing organizations are holding charity events to help raise money for a relief fund to help repair the damages caused by the BlargTech attacks on Novalis, Veldin, and now Kerwan. A listing of these events will be posted on the general notice board, and any of you are free to sign up for any of them, assuming you have no other missions with conflicting times."
Tapping the podium once again, this time the screen changed to show a rather portly technician standing in front of a building with a sign declaring it to be Big Al's Roboshack. As the roof of the building sported a huge rotating statue of Captain Qwark, Widget (correctly) assumed that this was yet another business that the Galactic Rangers had an endorsement deal with.
"On a final note, Big Al has offered to host another weenie roast for us today in the lot behind his workshop. As the previous one went so well, I told him that we'd be there. We'll be heading over right after Widget and Clank are done visiting Mr. Razz in the hospital. As this is not a promotional event, you may dress casually if you wish." Qwark shut off the holodisplay. "Now, I believe Dr. Nefarious had something he wanted to announce?"
"I do," Nefarious confirmed.
"Then I yield the podium to you." Qwark stated, stepping down and moving to take a seat at the table.
"I'll keep this brief, as we all have things we want to do before the weenie roast," Nefarious began. "First off, another couple of items has been added to the Do NOT Do list. Specifically: Do NOT override the settings on your issued A.S.S. for the purpose of increasing the capacity of any or all of its categories. And Do NOT override the settings of your issued A.S.S. for the purpose of storing any weapon, gadget, or device in a slot assigned to a different category."
Widget hunched in her seat and laughed nervously as the rest of the Rangers looked at her…
O o O o O
"Did you say Asteroids?" Widget heard the brass statue of Qwark ask as she and Clank made their way out of the Hall of Heroes.
"I SAID RANGERS!" a very young tharpod wearing a stylized replica of Captain Qwark's signature outfit yelled at the statue.
"You have selected Asteroids!" the statue incorrectly announced, just before going into a brief promotional speech about personal hyginators.
"Ouch…" Widget winced in sympathy for the kid as he raged at the malfunctioning statue. "Looks like we have another thing to add to the maintenance list."
"I do not see any obvious damage," Clank noted. "Perhaps something internal was knocked loose?"
"You… You're Commando! And Big Guy!" the excited young Tharpod exclaimed, suddenly much happier than before. "Can I have your autographs?"
"I don't see why not," Widget said agreeably. "Got anything specific you'd like us to sign, or shall we go in and get something from the gift shop?"
"I…" the Tharpod hesitated. "Oh, I don't have an updated team poster with either of you on it yet. I was going to get a voucher for one from the statue, but the stupid statue won't start the right trivia quiz!"
"I can access the available quiz list, and have authorization to issue valid vouchers should you pass," Clank stated. "However my sister and I were just on our way to visit our father in the hospital, so we only have time to issue one such quiz. Would you be interested?"
"Really!? You would do that for me?"
"You go ahead and do that, Clank," Widget said as she stepped to the side. "I'm just going to notify the Captain about the statue."
As Widget moved further away so she could make the call without interfering with the quiz, she heard Clank address the young fan, "Now I believe the category you were attempting to access was Rangers?"
O o O o O
"...and that is correct," Jimmy heard Big Guy state in a tone of approval. "You have answered all questions on this quiz correctly, so you have earned the top voucher available for the category."
"Oh, I think we can do one better than that, Clank," Jimmy heard a very familiar voice and spun around to find Captain Qwark and the rest of the Galactic Rangers smiling down on him. "What do you say to a more personalized poster, to be made right now, with you as our special guest?"
"YES!"
This wouldn't be the best day of Jimmy's life, but it was certainly the best day so far…
O o O o O
"That was certainly nice of Captain Qwark," Clank noted as he and his sister hopped onto the automatic cab.
"Sure was," Widget agreed, as she selected their destination and prepaid the appropriate amount of Bolts. Automatic cabs were not the fastest means of public transportation around, and each cab only had a set number of destinations within an assigned region that they would not leave (except during emergency evacuations), but they were faster than walking, cheaper than a regular cab, and just fine for sightseeing or for when you weren't in a particular hurry.
"By any chance, was it your suggestion? I had noticed that you were speaking on your communicator for a while as I was administering the quiz for Jimmy."
"Nope," Widget shook her head. "All I did was tell Qwark about the maintenance issue, and then he wanted to know how we had noticed it. The rest was all his idea once he found out that you were still quizzing Jimmy."
"I see," Clank nodded to himself, generally pleased with how things were turning out.
"I'm thinking of signing up for a couple of the charity race events," Widget stated. "Two of them are being held on Veldin."
"Ah. A private hoverbike competition and a sponsored Grav-sled race, I believe?"
"Yeah, the Wipeout Racing League is setting up official canyon courses on Veldin and Novalis. They apparently also offered to let the hoverbikes use the tracks for their charity event once they are built."
"Do you know how to pilot either a hoverbike or a Grav-sled?"
"Not yet," Widget stated, "But that's what we have holosims for. I should have enough time before either event starts."
"Widget, that is two separate types of vehicles and the events are not scheduled very far from one another! Nor, for that matter, for very long from now! Are you sure that you will have enough time to train for both events?"
"It's not like I have to win or anything, Clank," Widget said. "But Veldin was where I grew up, and I'd like to show my support for the rebuilding effort. Besides, how hard could it possibly be?"
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:45 AM, Friday
"Hey, Grim!" Widget called out as she and Clank entered their adoptive father's assigned hospital room. "What's the good word? Did they give you a release date yet?"
"Yeah," Grim replied. "Not for about another week or so though. Something about monitoring my implants for signs of rejection, and maybe giving me some more adjustment therapy for the new arm while I'm still here. No idea why though. I feel fine."
"Well, maybe we can sign you out for lunch?" Widget suggested. "Apparently the Rangers are going to a weenie roast at some place called Big Al's."
"Are you sure that it'll be alright?" Grim asked, uncertain. "I saw a commercial for Big Al's Roboshack, and if this is a promotional event…"
"Nah," Widget shook her head. "In fact, Quark said we could show up dressed however we like, since this wasn't a promotional event."
"I could go for that, then," Grimroth nodded agreeably. "Dunno if they'll actually let me outta here, but I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask…"
O o O o O
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 12:00 PM, Friday
Victor Von Ion raised a brow as a shirtless male Lombax wearing a ridiculous set of fake glasses and a mustache approached his table.
"You the one hiring?" the Lombax asked.
"And who are you supposed to be?"
"Mustachio Furioso!" the Lombax identified himself with pride. "Gentleman Adventurer!"
"Take those glasses off!" Victor demanded. "You look even more ridiculous than I do. And who are you, really? I've met the real Mustachio Furioso, and you're not him. Not by a long shot."
"Eh, fine, you got me," The Lombax shrugged and removed his disguise. "Most folk call me Shirtless Tom, but the name's Spanner. Now I hear you're trying to hire a group to raise some trouble. And I'm all about trouble. So tell me whatcha got…"
O o O o O
Location: Big Al's Roboshack, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 12:26 PM, Friday
"Clank, why are you looking at the heliopack mods?" Widget asked as her little brother browsed through the various mod kits Al's Roboshack offered as the group headed for the back entrance. There wasn't a real way to walk around the shop directly, given its location, so the only way to the back lot was either through the shop itself or by aircar on the other side.
"It looked like it might be…" Clank considered for a moment. "Fun, I suppose. And moderately useful at my current size."
"Then go for it, Kid," Grim stated from the hoverchair the hospital insisted that he use for the excursion. Really, he felt fine, and he was walking up and down the hall of the floor they had him on off and on throughout the day so that his legs wouldn't get weak, but the moment he had to actually go anywhere, even if it was just down the hall? Bam! Hoverchair!
Stupid regulation if they asked him. Which they didn't, so he offered his opinion anyway.
"Very well," Clank nodded, reaching up to take a heliopack off the shelf, then hesitating. "Oh. I haven't cashed out my bonus yet."
"Don't worry about it, Kid," Grimroth stated as he pulled out his wallet. "I gotcha covered."
"But I…"
"I said I gotcha covered," Grimroth asserted. "Bots don't get much of a childhood at all. Least not most types, and you don't seem to be an exception, but you're my son, and it's my job to see that you have at least a little fun now and then, got it?"
Clank tilted his head. "My preliminary research seems to indicate that it would instead be the responsibility for a non-direct parental or guardian figure to see to it that an appropriate amount of fun was experienced."
"Eh, then I'll just hit Felton up for cash for once, instead of the other way around," Grimroth joked. "Seeing as how I'm apparently doing his job here."
"I'll make a note to remind you," Clank assured his father, then went ahead and took the heliopack off the shelf.
Taking it up to the counter, they met the same portly tech that had been on the holodisplay screen back at the meeting room.
"Oh, hey, Qwark, everyone! Glad you made it! I'll just close up shop and we can get started…"
"Before you do, Al, I believe my latest recruit has a purchase he wants to make?"
"Oh, sure!" Looking around, Al first spotted Widget. "Hi, I'm Al! I do a lot of the general service on the robots the Galactic Rangers use, such as Bloop and Bleep. I also have a sort of will they won't they relationship with Cora here!"
"Uh, yeah. He's Will, and I'm Won't," Cora quipped, but Al just seemed to shrug it off without noticing the burn.
"Now you were the latest recruit I knew about until just yesterday, so I suppose that Big Guy is waiting outside?"
"Down here, actually," Clank corrected, finally drawing Al's attention.
"Oh, my apologies, Big Guy! Er… Would I be correct in assuming that some sort of modular body situation is involved then? Like a Cybertronian Headmaster?"
"Not quite," Clank shook his head in negation. "I believe my situation is quite different, even if there are certain vague similarities."
"Do I want to know what they are talking about?" Widget asked Cora as an aside.
"Don't ask me," Cora replied dryly. "I have no idea either."
"So… Are you two actually dating?"
"We had lunch together once," Cora replied. "As friends. Or at least I had thought so at the time, since he apparently has other ideas."
O o O o O
Location: Sans Ataim, Koros
Time: 6:00 PM, Friday
Shiv and Spanner were socializing over a set of Gargleblasters as Victor waited for the last recruit that had agreed to meet him on Loros. Shiv stopped cold as a tall biped dressed in an all white racing leathers and a matching helmet walked through the entrance of the Rockbottom Bar & Grill.
"No way…" Shiv muttered in awe.
"You know this guy?" Spanner asked, unimpressed. So the guy was tall and all in white, so what?
"You don't know?" Shiv looked at Spanner in askance. "That's the Stig! Some say he did the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!"
"The what now?" Spanner asked.
"Argh! Well, if you don't know that, then how about this? They also say that he once flew an outdated tramp freighter in and out of a moon-sized battlestation, and only lost a single sensor dish in the process!"
"And this is supposed to impress me, why?"
"Well, how about this then? Some say he won the intergalactic Red Line five times running!"
"Never heard of it," Spanner stated, continuing to sound bored.
"Alright then, this ought to impress you! Some say he…"
"We're done here," Victor interrupted. "Shiv, I have an initial commission for you: I need you to break out someone by the name of Little Tony from the Iron Holds of Novalis. The Stig will be your pilot."
"YES!"
"And whata ya want me to do?" Spanner asked.
"Go to Veldin and cause as much of a distraction as you can. The Stig will pick you up once he has collected Shiv and Little Tony on Novalis."
"And what's on Veldin?"
"A set of charity events that my employer would probably be amused to find disrupted. More to the point, it was well enough publicized that any disruption there should draw official attention away from Novalis while Shiv does his part of the job."
"What kind of charity events?"
"I believe one has been set up by a private hoverbike club."
"Meh."
"And the other has been arranged by the Wipeout Racing League."
"Grav-sleds?" Spanner finally sounded interested. " Hoverbikes are boring. Too easy to hit. But Grav-sleds? Trying to wreck one of those speed demons sounds like fun!"
NemiTheNen
Perpetual Phone Poster
The dialogue and humor is on point for Ratchet and Clank series. And the fic is well timed because I just got my last gold bolt today on the remake and had a fic craving.
(the Ao3 tag has...um, yes. Filter for squick.)
Thank you for not killing Grim.
(the Ao3 tag has...um, yes. Filter for squick.)
Thank you for not killing Grim.
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Aridia
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:00 AM, Saturday
Clank and Cora watched as Widget checked over the simulated hoverbike briefly before she mounted it.
"Okay, Widget," Cora started, "Since you said that this will be your first time on a Hoverbike, let's go over the…"
Widget tumbled right over the handlebars and landed flat on her back as the hoverbike shot out from under her in high speed reverse.
"Controls." Cora finished.
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:15 AM, Saturday
Widget eased the hoverbike to a stop next to Cora and Clank, having worked out the basic controls. "Okay, that's acceleration, deceleration, reverse, and basic turning… Hey, Cora, what does this button do?"
"WAIT! DON'T PRESS THE…"
Widget fell on her ass where the hoverbike had been as it shot forward out from under her.
"That was the booster," Cora stated dryly as Widget sat up. "It's for straightaways."
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:25 AM, Saturday
Widget smiled as she completed the simple test track and pulled next to Cora and Clank.
"Okay," Cora nodded. "Now that you've got basic movement down, let's see how you handle something more complex than a basic eight." So saying, she adjusted something on the pad in her hands, and the track expanded into a basic course with some simple turns and a straightaway.
A few minutes later, Cora was helping Widget to her feet again. "And that's why you have to let off the booster during turns."
Location: Victor Von Ion's personal cutter, leaving Koros
Time: 10:30 AM, Saturday
"Hey, d'ya think you could swing by and drop me off at Outpost X11 on Aridia?" Spanner asked as they left Sans Ataim and the miserable weather behind.
"And the reason you want to go there is?" Victor prompted.
"There's a Skidd McMarx Sports Shack being built there. But there's also sand-sharks and other nasties, which means vehicles, weapons, and things to make you go fast. Drop me off there, and I can hot-rig a monster-sled to drop down into the track on Veldin during the Wipeout event."
"And how do you plan to get it from Aridia to Veldin in the first place?"
"I'll just load it into the back of one of those haulers they use to lug the oversized construction mechs around and steal that, duh. Might also grab a bunch of McMarx merch to toss out during the race to make it look like I'm a crazed fan angry at the spotlight being taken away from his hoverboard race on Novalis."
"Very well," Victor Von Ion begrudgingly stated. "I will drop you off there. I'll even assign a bot to assist you with putting your… Monster-sled... together. But you had better be on Veldin in time to start your part of the operation."
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:45 AM, Saturday
"Now let's see how you handle some obstacles," Cora stated, adjusting the controls on her pad again.
"I have a bad feeling about this…" Clank stated in concern as he watched his sister race off once again.
"You're supposed to avoid those," Cora chided, as she once again helped Widget to her feet.
"Thank you," Widget replied with dry sarcasm, "I did not know that."
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:50 AM, Saturday
"How was that?" Widget smirked as she drifted to a stop next to Cora and Clank.
"Pretty good for a beginner," Cora admitted. "But after lunch, let's see how you handle a more complex track, with some competition.
Location: Victor Von Ion's personal cutter, leaving Aridia
Time: 11:45 AM, Sunday
"Okay," Shiv spoke up as the cutter rose into the sky. "Now that Mr. Attention Whore is outta the way and hopefully making himself useful, the Stig and I can get into more detailed planning for our parts of the op. Come up with some options and back-up options for contingencies, then fine tune the plan once we're on Novalis."
Shiv's stomach rumbled, followed by the Stig's...
"Oh, and the Stig and I are definitely stopping some place to shop before we begin the op. Those BlargTech Ration Packs you had in your galley aren't agreeing with us."
"I don't normally carry passengers," Victor Von Ion stated by way of explanation.
"Believe me, we can tell."
"If you'd care to provide a list of preferences, I'll see about having my galley properly stocked for any future commissions. For either of you."
"Hey, thanks! I'll try to keep it reasonable. I'm already charging you a lot, even without being on retainer yet, but I might start offering discounts if things keep working out."
"Good to know," Victor nodded.
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:45 PM, Sunday
"I'm actually impressed with how quickly she's picking this up," Cora commented as she and Clank watched Widget pass another simulated biker. "Especially with how shaky she started out."
"She has shown remarkable improvement," Clank agreed.
"Let's see how she handles some more aggressive competition," Cora stated as she adjusted the controls once again.
Off in the distance, they watched as Widget managed to regain control over her hoverbike after one of the simulated competitors deliberately bumped her while passing. Then Widget took off like a shot after the offending biker, pulling her Omnimallet out of her A.S.S. as she did so…
And then they continued to watch as Widget jumped onto the other hoverbike and lay into her target with an unholy beatdown as her own hoverbike flew on for a short while before drifting to a stop.
"Okay, I see that we're going to have to talk to her about appropriate levels of retribution during a race," Cora commented.
"Indeed," Clank agreed. "She is not using nearly enough force with her strikes."
Cora cocked a brow as she looked down at the angry little bot beside her…
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 4:45 PM, Sunday
"I just finished paying off my college loans!"
Spanner cocked a brow and actually paused for a moment, before he turned to address the bot Victor Von Ion had lent him. "So, Jack, what he's basically telling me is that he can afford a higher hospital bill, so I can be just that more vicious."
"I'm not sure that it works that way," Jack (formerly BT-2121 prior to Spanner arbitrarily assigning him an actual name) stated as the savage beatdown via Omniwrench resumed. Not that he wouldn't assist Spanner in causing gratuitous injuries if so directed, but Spanner had set him to disabling the comms as they went along instead, so nobody could warn anybody else or call for outside assistance.
Jack doubted that anyone Spanner was graciously leaving "alive" would remain so for long without such outside assistance, but as this had no effect on the mission parameters as stated, Jack ignored it as irrelevant.
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:00 AM, Moday
Widget mounted her simulated hoverbike confidently, then cocked a brow as Cora called up another hoverbike and mounted it herself.
"Let's see how you deal with some real competition," Cora challenged with a smirk.
"You're on!" Widget grinned back.
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 11:45 AM, Monday
"I have a wife and kids"
"Really?" Spanner once again stopped his brutal assault on yet another construction worker (there couldn't be many left, but most of those remaining had wisely gone into hiding once they realised that they couldn't call for help). "Well congratulations! You get a special prize today! Hey, Jack, watch the door while I tell this guy a story."
"Acknowledged."
"Now, you see, I was born on Fastoon," Spanner began. "Not that you'd probably ever heard of it, being as it's just some dusty desert planet all the way over in the Polaris galaxy that my folks went on and on about when we moved to Solana to escape the purge. Y'see, some dumbass general by the name of Azimuth gave a lot of our military secrets away to some punk now calling himself Emperor Tachyon. But that's not what's important here.
"Y'see, my folks, they went on and on about the good ol' days, and how they should have stayed back in Polaris and fought the good fight instead of running away like they did. Just about drove me bonkers as a kid, seein' as I could barely remember the place even then. Then, one day, they up and decide to leave me at a friend's house and go off to join the resistance back in Polaris. It was a long time before I found out what eventually happened to them."
Spanner idly brushed some imaginary dust off of his Omniwrech for a moment before continuing.
"Mom… Well, the last time I saw mom was on some auction show where she was being sold off as some vacant eyed slave girl with no passion left in her at all. Totally broken. And Dad? I think his hide is one of those wall hangings behind Tachyon's throne."
Pausing again, Spanner took a deep breath and readied his Omniwrench once again.
"So, you'll understand that I'm really doing your kids a favor by letting them get over the disappointment early!"
Jack filed this information away for later, but did nothing to stop what followed as it wasn't his job to do so.
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:00 AM, Tuesday
Widget started to climb into the Grav-sled, only to be stopped by Cora grabbing her by the shoulder.
"Nope!" Cora stated firmly. "This time we're going over the controls before you get into one of these for the first time!"
"Spoilsport," Widget snarked, but stepped back and settled in for what was likely to be a long and boring explanation of things she could probably figure out on her own…
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 10:00 AM, Monday
"Perhaps it is time for you to start working on building the Monster-sled you proposed to Victor Von Ion," Jack suggested as Spanner was getting ready for the day. "Time is drawing short after all."
"Yeah yeah," Spanner waved him off as he raided the galley of the construction workers' ship. "I'll get right on that after breakfast. These guys were getting boring anyway…"
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:15 AM, Tuesday
Cora dragged Clank along as she headed back into the Holosim observation and control room. "Come along, Clank. With how much faster Grav-sleds are, we'll be safer watching from here."
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:30 AM, Tuesday
"How was that?" Widget asked over the Grav-sled's comm, as she drifted to a stop upon completing her first circuit.
Cora and Clank looked at the banged up simulated Grav-sled from where they were safely seated in the control room. "Widget, you do know that you're not supposed to hug the rails of the track, right?"
"Well screw you too, Cora," Widget replied tartly. "I'll get this!"
"I don't understand how she can be missing paint from the top of her Grav-sled too," Clank observed.
"I said that I would get this!"
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:40 AM, Tuesday
"My, that is a rather impressive ballistic arc," Clank noted as he watched Widget's Grav-sled soar high into the air.
"Too bad she's leaving the track," Cora observed.
"Seriously, screw you guys!" Widget complained even as she adjusted her angle so that her Grav-sled would hit the ground running - as opposed to just hitting the ground like a lawn dart.
"Nice landing," Cora complimented.
"Thanks!"
"Now try to do the same thing again, only with landing back on the track next time."
Widget only growled in response.
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:50 AM, Tuesday
"And break for lunch," Cora directed, cutting the sim.
Widget settled to her feet even as her simulated Grav-sled dissolved around her, stretched for a bit, then left the chamber. "That was fun!"
"Well, you're certainly picking up these faster than you did with the hoverbikes," Cora commented.
"The control set up isn't too different from the cockpit of a D-41 Dagger or a 13-13 Mockingbird, and I qualified on both of those starfighters already."
"Really? When!?"
"I dunno," Widget shrugged. "Sometime last week I think. Maybe before then. There are a lot of fighters in the sim files."
"You need a different hobby."
"Doc won't let me use the workshop unsupervised after the Stunderwear incident."
"I mean a different hobby than that too."
"Hey, it could have worked!"
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 9:28 PM, Tuesday
"Okay," Spanner huffed as he rolled his shoulders. "We got everything I need to turn this rig into a Monster-sled loaded into the bay. I'll start actually putting it together, while you go set the autopilot to time our arrival properly, then come give me a hand, okay?"
"Acknowledged," Jack moved towards the ship's bridge to get the ship underway.
"Always nice to be working with someone who just does what you tell 'em," Spanner chuckled to himself, then looked over the construction rig that he was planning on turning into a horror show, even now considering and reconsidering ideas for how to do so.
"Oh yeah, we're going to have a blast on Veldin, you and I!"
Spanner briefly considered checking the holonet to see who would be participating in the Grav-sled race, then discarded the idea as irrelevant. Maybe he'd pull the news feed afterwards to check on celebrity deaths, but until then it would just be a distraction. Jack was right, he spent too much time on Aridia enjoying himself...
Time: 10:00 AM, Saturday
Clank and Cora watched as Widget checked over the simulated hoverbike briefly before she mounted it.
"Okay, Widget," Cora started, "Since you said that this will be your first time on a Hoverbike, let's go over the…"
Widget tumbled right over the handlebars and landed flat on her back as the hoverbike shot out from under her in high speed reverse.
"Controls." Cora finished.
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:15 AM, Saturday
Widget eased the hoverbike to a stop next to Cora and Clank, having worked out the basic controls. "Okay, that's acceleration, deceleration, reverse, and basic turning… Hey, Cora, what does this button do?"
"WAIT! DON'T PRESS THE…"
Widget fell on her ass where the hoverbike had been as it shot forward out from under her.
"That was the booster," Cora stated dryly as Widget sat up. "It's for straightaways."
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:25 AM, Saturday
Widget smiled as she completed the simple test track and pulled next to Cora and Clank.
"Okay," Cora nodded. "Now that you've got basic movement down, let's see how you handle something more complex than a basic eight." So saying, she adjusted something on the pad in her hands, and the track expanded into a basic course with some simple turns and a straightaway.
A few minutes later, Cora was helping Widget to her feet again. "And that's why you have to let off the booster during turns."
O o O o O
Location: Victor Von Ion's personal cutter, leaving Koros
Time: 10:30 AM, Saturday
"Hey, d'ya think you could swing by and drop me off at Outpost X11 on Aridia?" Spanner asked as they left Sans Ataim and the miserable weather behind.
"And the reason you want to go there is?" Victor prompted.
"There's a Skidd McMarx Sports Shack being built there. But there's also sand-sharks and other nasties, which means vehicles, weapons, and things to make you go fast. Drop me off there, and I can hot-rig a monster-sled to drop down into the track on Veldin during the Wipeout event."
"And how do you plan to get it from Aridia to Veldin in the first place?"
"I'll just load it into the back of one of those haulers they use to lug the oversized construction mechs around and steal that, duh. Might also grab a bunch of McMarx merch to toss out during the race to make it look like I'm a crazed fan angry at the spotlight being taken away from his hoverboard race on Novalis."
"Very well," Victor Von Ion begrudgingly stated. "I will drop you off there. I'll even assign a bot to assist you with putting your… Monster-sled... together. But you had better be on Veldin in time to start your part of the operation."
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:45 AM, Saturday
"Now let's see how you handle some obstacles," Cora stated, adjusting the controls on her pad again.
"I have a bad feeling about this…" Clank stated in concern as he watched his sister race off once again.
O o O o O
"You're supposed to avoid those," Cora chided, as she once again helped Widget to her feet.
"Thank you," Widget replied with dry sarcasm, "I did not know that."
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:50 AM, Saturday
"How was that?" Widget smirked as she drifted to a stop next to Cora and Clank.
"Pretty good for a beginner," Cora admitted. "But after lunch, let's see how you handle a more complex track, with some competition.
O o O o O
Location: Victor Von Ion's personal cutter, leaving Aridia
Time: 11:45 AM, Sunday
"Okay," Shiv spoke up as the cutter rose into the sky. "Now that Mr. Attention Whore is outta the way and hopefully making himself useful, the Stig and I can get into more detailed planning for our parts of the op. Come up with some options and back-up options for contingencies, then fine tune the plan once we're on Novalis."
Shiv's stomach rumbled, followed by the Stig's...
"Oh, and the Stig and I are definitely stopping some place to shop before we begin the op. Those BlargTech Ration Packs you had in your galley aren't agreeing with us."
"I don't normally carry passengers," Victor Von Ion stated by way of explanation.
"Believe me, we can tell."
"If you'd care to provide a list of preferences, I'll see about having my galley properly stocked for any future commissions. For either of you."
"Hey, thanks! I'll try to keep it reasonable. I'm already charging you a lot, even without being on retainer yet, but I might start offering discounts if things keep working out."
"Good to know," Victor nodded.
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 2:45 PM, Sunday
"I'm actually impressed with how quickly she's picking this up," Cora commented as she and Clank watched Widget pass another simulated biker. "Especially with how shaky she started out."
"She has shown remarkable improvement," Clank agreed.
"Let's see how she handles some more aggressive competition," Cora stated as she adjusted the controls once again.
Off in the distance, they watched as Widget managed to regain control over her hoverbike after one of the simulated competitors deliberately bumped her while passing. Then Widget took off like a shot after the offending biker, pulling her Omnimallet out of her A.S.S. as she did so…
And then they continued to watch as Widget jumped onto the other hoverbike and lay into her target with an unholy beatdown as her own hoverbike flew on for a short while before drifting to a stop.
"Okay, I see that we're going to have to talk to her about appropriate levels of retribution during a race," Cora commented.
"Indeed," Clank agreed. "She is not using nearly enough force with her strikes."
Cora cocked a brow as she looked down at the angry little bot beside her…
O o O o O
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 4:45 PM, Sunday
"I just finished paying off my college loans!"
Spanner cocked a brow and actually paused for a moment, before he turned to address the bot Victor Von Ion had lent him. "So, Jack, what he's basically telling me is that he can afford a higher hospital bill, so I can be just that more vicious."
"I'm not sure that it works that way," Jack (formerly BT-2121 prior to Spanner arbitrarily assigning him an actual name) stated as the savage beatdown via Omniwrench resumed. Not that he wouldn't assist Spanner in causing gratuitous injuries if so directed, but Spanner had set him to disabling the comms as they went along instead, so nobody could warn anybody else or call for outside assistance.
Jack doubted that anyone Spanner was graciously leaving "alive" would remain so for long without such outside assistance, but as this had no effect on the mission parameters as stated, Jack ignored it as irrelevant.
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:00 AM, Moday
Widget mounted her simulated hoverbike confidently, then cocked a brow as Cora called up another hoverbike and mounted it herself.
"Let's see how you deal with some real competition," Cora challenged with a smirk.
"You're on!" Widget grinned back.
O o O o O
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 11:45 AM, Monday
"I have a wife and kids"
"Really?" Spanner once again stopped his brutal assault on yet another construction worker (there couldn't be many left, but most of those remaining had wisely gone into hiding once they realised that they couldn't call for help). "Well congratulations! You get a special prize today! Hey, Jack, watch the door while I tell this guy a story."
"Acknowledged."
"Now, you see, I was born on Fastoon," Spanner began. "Not that you'd probably ever heard of it, being as it's just some dusty desert planet all the way over in the Polaris galaxy that my folks went on and on about when we moved to Solana to escape the purge. Y'see, some dumbass general by the name of Azimuth gave a lot of our military secrets away to some punk now calling himself Emperor Tachyon. But that's not what's important here.
"Y'see, my folks, they went on and on about the good ol' days, and how they should have stayed back in Polaris and fought the good fight instead of running away like they did. Just about drove me bonkers as a kid, seein' as I could barely remember the place even then. Then, one day, they up and decide to leave me at a friend's house and go off to join the resistance back in Polaris. It was a long time before I found out what eventually happened to them."
Spanner idly brushed some imaginary dust off of his Omniwrech for a moment before continuing.
"Mom… Well, the last time I saw mom was on some auction show where she was being sold off as some vacant eyed slave girl with no passion left in her at all. Totally broken. And Dad? I think his hide is one of those wall hangings behind Tachyon's throne."
Pausing again, Spanner took a deep breath and readied his Omniwrench once again.
"So, you'll understand that I'm really doing your kids a favor by letting them get over the disappointment early!"
Jack filed this information away for later, but did nothing to stop what followed as it wasn't his job to do so.
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:00 AM, Tuesday
Widget started to climb into the Grav-sled, only to be stopped by Cora grabbing her by the shoulder.
"Nope!" Cora stated firmly. "This time we're going over the controls before you get into one of these for the first time!"
"Spoilsport," Widget snarked, but stepped back and settled in for what was likely to be a long and boring explanation of things she could probably figure out on her own…
O o O o O
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 10:00 AM, Monday
"Perhaps it is time for you to start working on building the Monster-sled you proposed to Victor Von Ion," Jack suggested as Spanner was getting ready for the day. "Time is drawing short after all."
"Yeah yeah," Spanner waved him off as he raided the galley of the construction workers' ship. "I'll get right on that after breakfast. These guys were getting boring anyway…"
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:15 AM, Tuesday
Cora dragged Clank along as she headed back into the Holosim observation and control room. "Come along, Clank. With how much faster Grav-sleds are, we'll be safer watching from here."
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:30 AM, Tuesday
"How was that?" Widget asked over the Grav-sled's comm, as she drifted to a stop upon completing her first circuit.
Cora and Clank looked at the banged up simulated Grav-sled from where they were safely seated in the control room. "Widget, you do know that you're not supposed to hug the rails of the track, right?"
"Well screw you too, Cora," Widget replied tartly. "I'll get this!"
"I don't understand how she can be missing paint from the top of her Grav-sled too," Clank observed.
"I said that I would get this!"
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 10:40 AM, Tuesday
"My, that is a rather impressive ballistic arc," Clank noted as he watched Widget's Grav-sled soar high into the air.
"Too bad she's leaving the track," Cora observed.
"Seriously, screw you guys!" Widget complained even as she adjusted her angle so that her Grav-sled would hit the ground running - as opposed to just hitting the ground like a lawn dart.
"Nice landing," Cora complimented.
"Thanks!"
"Now try to do the same thing again, only with landing back on the track next time."
Widget only growled in response.
O o O o O
Location: Holosim Training Room, Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 11:50 AM, Tuesday
"And break for lunch," Cora directed, cutting the sim.
Widget settled to her feet even as her simulated Grav-sled dissolved around her, stretched for a bit, then left the chamber. "That was fun!"
"Well, you're certainly picking up these faster than you did with the hoverbikes," Cora commented.
"The control set up isn't too different from the cockpit of a D-41 Dagger or a 13-13 Mockingbird, and I qualified on both of those starfighters already."
"Really? When!?"
"I dunno," Widget shrugged. "Sometime last week I think. Maybe before then. There are a lot of fighters in the sim files."
"You need a different hobby."
"Doc won't let me use the workshop unsupervised after the Stunderwear incident."
"I mean a different hobby than that too."
"Hey, it could have worked!"
O o O o O
Location: Skidd McMarx Sports Shack, Outpost X11, Aridia
Time: 9:28 PM, Tuesday
"Okay," Spanner huffed as he rolled his shoulders. "We got everything I need to turn this rig into a Monster-sled loaded into the bay. I'll start actually putting it together, while you go set the autopilot to time our arrival properly, then come give me a hand, okay?"
"Acknowledged," Jack moved towards the ship's bridge to get the ship underway.
"Always nice to be working with someone who just does what you tell 'em," Spanner chuckled to himself, then looked over the construction rig that he was planning on turning into a horror show, even now considering and reconsidering ideas for how to do so.
"Oh yeah, we're going to have a blast on Veldin, you and I!"
Spanner briefly considered checking the holonet to see who would be participating in the Grav-sled race, then discarded the idea as irrelevant. Maybe he'd pull the news feed afterwards to check on celebrity deaths, but until then it would just be a distraction. Jack was right, he spent too much time on Aridia enjoying himself...
PLANETARY LEXICONAridiaGalaxy: Solana Galaxy
Population: Light, mostly Rilgarians
Spaceports: Outpost X11, Outpost X12 (Fuel available, some shopping, other amenities may be available in the future)
Major Imports: Jobs, Food, Water
Major Exports: One angry Lombax, possibly deranged...
Aridia has an unusual biome, with the two major environments being shallow swamps and vast bone-dry deserts, with an irregular band of intermediate territory between the two that consists of what passes for inhabitable land. Currently, there are only two settlements on Aridia, each also doubling as a spaceport for the time being: Outpost X11 and Outpost X12.
BREAKING NEWS: A tragedy has struck at Outpost X11, as the construction crew building Skidd McMarx latest Sports Shack outlet have been found dead on location. Authorities are seeking any information that could lead to the identity of the perpetrator of this horrific crime. It is unknown at this time if this Skidd McMarx Sports Shack will open on schedule...
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Glad you like Widget & Clank so far, and that my attempts to maintain the spirit of the various characters despite any and all changes wrought by this being an AU are thus far successful.
I shall consider myself warned, should I try to search out R&C fics on Ao3.
Granted, Spanner is rather violent himself, but most of the worst of his atrocities are not something that I'd be inclined to give graphic descriptions of, which will hopefully keep the squick factor down.
That, and (for the current arc) Spanner is pretty much a bit player. Sure, he'll have an impact on events, especially in the next couple of chapters or so, but for the time being he's just a random Lombax wandering around the galaxy, stirring up trouble and calling it an "adventure." In fact, you may have noticed that, other than some vague generalities, Shiv Helix didn't start to any serious planning for the Novalis job until after Spanner was off the ship. He's basically that one rowdy guy that invites himself along and pretty much does his own thing, whether or not it helps or hurts the rest of the group.
I had actually considered letting Grim die on Novalis, but his death at this point would have changed the tone of Widget's story far too soon.
Besides, it's hard to highlight a character's character if you kill them off before they show any.
NemiTheNen
Perpetual Phone Poster
I thought it was clever about how you wrote in reasons for the ship to go to the first worlds instead of directly to the galactic rangers.
And holy shit I was delighted with the scavenger thing--break all the boxes and loot all the stuff.
I appreciate Victor's brain upgrades, and the cleverness of the battle scars.
Love the military thing and registered hero organization.
Reading this has me thinking back towhat Qwark said in game. Specifically about how Drek promised to leave 'his' rangers alone. Then during the boss fight talking about how people will love him again for getting them new homes.
The last--Qwark ain't smart. Chances Drek recruited him by going 'Oh Qwark, my people need a new home, be a hero and help us? Here's a lucrative endorsement deal in it too.'
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Kerwan, Veldin, and in transit...
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 9:00 AM, Wednesday
"Aren't you two supposed to be on your way to Veldin?" Grimroth asked as Widget and Clank walked into his hospital room.
"We've got time for a brief visit," Widget said with a smile. "And they might actually release you while we're off Kerwan, so we wanted to say goodbye."
"Indeed," Clank stated in agreement. "We really should be leaving soon, but we both wanted a chance to say a proper farewell."
"You're both good kids…"
"I'm eighteen, Grim," Widget objected, although she was still smiling.
"You'll always be kids to me, Widget," Grim joked. "Even when you're old and wrinkly and Clank is dented and tarnished with age and wear, you'll both still be my kids."
"We love you too… Dad." Widget hugged Grim, then reached down to pull Clank up into the hug as well.
"Affirmative… Dad," Clank agreed.
"Now you crazy kids get outta here before you miss your ship!"
Location: T-88 Starbus Transport, enroute from Kerwan to Veldin
Time: 9:35 AM, Wednesday
"Well, this is it," Widget looked out the window by her assigned seat, watching Kerwan recede below them.
"This is what?" Clank asked, privately quite pleased that the Spaceport had not even tried to treat him as cargo (having witnessed another bot boarding the next ship over being redirected to a luggage trolley).
"This will be my first visit to Veldin since I joined the Rangers and left," Widget clarified as she leaned back into her seat and looked down at her brother beside her. "Except that I kind of didn't expect it to happen so soon." She sighed, and her expression grew melancholy. "I also expected that Grim… Dad… would still be there, along with our home. I wonder if any of our friends are okay?"
"Perhaps we can find time to check on them?" Clank suggested. "I too find myself wondering how Gogo Neutronic is faring."
"You know Gogo?" Widget asked, surprised.
"She was the one who recovered me from the wreckage of the fighter I used to escape from the BlargTech Warbot factory on Quartu," Clank explained. "And she's the one who led me to… Hmmm… Dad wasn't yet my father at the time, so I'm not sure how to talk about him in the past tense."
"Well…" Widget paused in thought, bringing a hand to her chin, then shrugged. "Actually, I have no idea either. Anyway, how about we check on Gogo, my other friends, and Dad's friends before we leave Veldin again?"
"That would be quite agreeable," Clank nodded.
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 10:00 AM, Wednesday
"Huh," Shiv Helix looked around as he and The Stig left the spaceport and wandered into the colony proper, looking for a place to eat before checking around for a cheap apartment. "I guess I can see why they decided to hold a charity event to help with the rebuilding. This place got hammered pretty hard."
The Stig shrugged in response.
"Yeah, I suppose it ain't any of our business. Hey, that place looks clean and open, and it even has holonet access! Lets order something to eat that doesn't taste like fifteen other people had previously digested it, and start looking up what we'll need for the job."
The Stig nodded as they turned towards the cafe across the street…
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 10:00 AM, Wednesday
"Are you certain that you will be finished in time?" Jack asked as he held up a thruster so that Spanner could wield it into place.
"You worry too much," Spanner retorted dismissively. "It won't look pretty, and I doubt it'll last longer than a day once we start, but it doesn't really need to last long, does it?"
"No, I suppose that you are correct."
"Anyway, while I'm causing a ruckus, I'd like you to secure us a getaway vehicle. Preferably a ship capable of leaving the system, but failing that you should at least grab something that can get us to someplace on Veldin that nobody goes to."
"I am given to understand that F Sector is avoided by the locals due to various dangers associated with that location."
"Sounds like a good fallback position if you can't get us a ship."
"Very well. But I will still endeavor to secure a ship for us."
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:00 PM, Wednesday
"Hey, Jimmy!" Widget called out as she and Clank left the makeshift spaceport.
"Widget?" the Cazar apparently named Jimmy replied, first looking surprised to see her, then inexplicably nervous for some reason.
"Clank, this is Rat-tailed Jimmy! He used to sell powdered goods in the alley behind the baker in the old neighborhood I used to live in before grim took me in! Not that he ever let me have any."
"Well…" Jimmy hesitated, still nervous, "you know what you were like back then, right? Could you imagine yourself on… sugar?"
"Huh… I guess you might have a point there," Widget conceded. "I was pretty wild back then. Anyway, Clank and I are back in town to participate in the charity events for the rebuild, and we thought we'd take some time to check on our friends. So, how're you doing? Still selling sugar behind Mr. Wilson's back?"
Jimmy relaxed. "Naw, Dennis has that gig now. I'm peddling medicine. Y'know, nanotech gel and stuff! They give me a pallet at the relief center, and I take it into the old neighborhood where they don't feel safe going yet. Everyone's been calling me Dr. Feelgood!"
"Well, look at you! Moving up in the world!" Widget congratulated Jimmy. "Maybe you can turn that into an actual degree and make some real money. Actual doctors bring in the Bolts you know."
"Uh… Yeah, I'll look into it," Jimmy nodded.
"Anyway, have you seen Gogo around?"
"Oh…" Jimmy's expression turned serious as he lost his nervousness. "Yeah, I've seen her. She's been hanging around in that clubhouse she thinks is hidden out behind the south mesa. You can't miss it - it's the shed with the cardboard sign with Evil Lair written in dayglow crayon on it."
"That is such a Gogo thing to do," Widget chuckled.
"But you should know, before you go see her, Gogo's folks? Well, they didn't make it through the attack. Otto Motov has been there for her, being a friend and playing minion, but I don't think she's doing too well. Y'think… I dunno… Maybe you might be able to get her to come to the relief center for grief counseling? They've really been helping a lot of the survivors. I've tried to get her to go, but she thinks I'm her competition and won't listen to me. She might actually listen to you."
"I'll see what I can do," Widget agreed.
"We still have some time before we have to sign in for the hoverbike event," Clank noted.
"Not a lot though, if she's all the way back behind the south mesa," Widget pointed out. "We'll check, but any real talk with her will have to wait until after the race."
As the two Galactic Rangers wandered off to the south, Jimmy allowed himself to sag in relief. "Whew! That was close! Sweet kid though. Glad she made it out of the neighborhood."
Location: Dr. Neutron's Evil Lair of Evilness, Veldin
Time: 1:25 PM, Wednesday
"Dr. Neutron! Somebody left a note on our door!" Otto Motov pointed out.
"I can see that, Otto," Gogo stated as she walked up to the note and pulled it off the door to read it. "Hey! Widget was here!"
"Really?"
"The note says that she's going to be participating in the charity races, but that she should have time for a proper visit after the first race!"
"That's great!" Otto exclaimed, happy to see his friend's mood noticeably improve. "Want to go watch the race while we wait for her?"
"Yes, Otto, I believe that I do…"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Hoverbike Race (what do you call the ready area?), Veldin
Time: 1:30 PM, Wednesday
"Okay," the big, burly Rilgarian wearing biker leathers and an extra pointy helmet (Rilggarian helmets made allowances for their natural head spikes, but this guy's helmet went the extra distance - either that, or he was compensating for premature male pattern bluntness) addressed everyone from a small stage. "I see we have an extra big crowd of bikers this year. Which is good, given why we're racing here on Veldin and not at our previously planned course on Battalia. Which, I will remind you, is not because Sheriff Buford T. Justice threatened to shut us down if we showed up in his jurisdiction again! He don't scare us!"
"Then why'd you need a change of pants the last time he cornered you?" another biker from the gathered crowd of racers called out.
"I slipped in the mud! That's why!" the Rilgarian yelled back. "Anyway, this is a charity event, meanin' all of yas had ta pay your way in, or ya wouldn't be allowed in, bike or no bike. Which, ah… That reminds me, we only have a limited number of extra hoverbikes to rent out to those a ya who didn't think to bring one, and they're pretty much all in as is condition, so take it or get used to runnin' on foot (or whatever ya use to run with). Not our fault if yas didn't think ahead or nothin'!
"Now it was real nice of the Wipeout League to offer to let us use the track they built, but it turns out that their course is way too long for any hoverbike to finish even one circuit before dinnertime, let alone three, an' they don't do obstacles 'cause o' how fast their suicide sleds go. So me and the boys asked them to just set up some signs around one of the canyon courses we've used in the past.
"For those of ya who ain't done this before (an' I see a lotta new faces here), LISTEN UP! The rules are simple: Three laps, and ya have to pass each checkpoint IN ORDER! Shortcuts are fine if ya can pull them off, but miss even one checkpoint, and it'll be docked from yer time! Got that?"
There was a general sound of assent.
"Rule two: Nothin' lethal! I know some of yas got yer bikes tricked out with weapons, gizmos, and other surprises. There's always at least one chucklehead in every race who thinks it's funny to launch goop-bombs or spray oily mist behind them, or some other stupid stunt ta give 'em an edge. That's fine, we're used to it an' it's all in good fun, but if me an' the boys see any buzz-blades or other really dangerous shit like that, we's gonna be havin' a discussion with ya out behind the stands after the race, with some chains an' other party favors, if ya know what I mean, capiche?
"And that's assumin' our special celebrity guest racer, Widget Razz, Commando of the Galactic Rangers, don't beat the shit outta ya first! She's a local girl, and we've tussled before over scrap, so I can tell yas all from experience that she's mean in a fight!"
"Wasn't she five at the time?" another biker called out.
"An' she probably fights even meaner now! So reign it in, or she'll rain on you! Got it?"
"Does this mean I can use my Omnimallet?" Widget called out, pulling it out of her A.S.S. and brandishing it over her head.
"Up to you, I guess," the Rilgarian shrugged. As a bunch of the formerly laughing racers suddenly grew less rowdy. For reasons…
"Anyway, I'd say have a nice clean race, but I'm pretty sure the route we're runnin' still has that mud pit and a couple o' waterfalls, so there's not much chance of not needin' a shower after we're done. Goggles or visors are optional, as always, but don't come runnin' ta us if ya get blinded, 'cause we don't wanna see it! Now mount up and line up at the starting line! We race in ten!"
"Be careful out there," Clank cautioned Widget as they briefly checked over the hoverbike Widget would be using. It wasn't really anything special. Just a stock model someone had donated to the Galactic Rangers for the event, and pretty much exactly like the ones Cora and Brax had also received for the race they would be attending on Novalis.
"I'll be fine," Widget assured her brother. "I used to test out my hoverboard in these canyons, so I'm already familiar with the course they posted. Including all of the possible shortcuts that won't get me docked for time."
"But you'll be going much faster than a hoverboard, and I do not think that your 'ride' has been tricked out with extra options like the man implied some of the others will be."
"Clank, I've got it covered," Widget patted her A.S.S. "Besides, I just want to put in a good showing. A few days of practice isn't nearly enough for me to expect to pull off a win here, but it would be nice if I can make it in somewhere around the middle. Not that I won't try to win, of course."
"Very well, I'll try not to worry too much. I'll be in service pit three if you have any issues when you reach that point. They have a pit-bot set there I can override to ensure swift and efficient refueling and repairs."
"I'd ask how that works, but we're out of time. See you in a bit!" With that, Widget moved her hoverbike to an open spot at the starting line…
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1: 45 PM, Wednesday
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" the voice of a very familiar media personality rang out over the hoverstands. "Dallas Wannamaker here, along with my lovely cohost, Juanita Alvera, at the charity Hoverbike racing event at the Kyzil Plateau on Veldin!"
"We were going to be covering the races on Novalis instead, but somebody whose name I won't mention, Dallas, apparently saw that Commando of the Galactic Rangers would be here instead, and misbooked our flight in hopes of seeing more of her furry white tits."
"Ahaha… She's kidding, folks! Please don't kill us, Commando! But in all seriousness, it looks like we have a wonderful turn out on this fine, sunny day!"
"It's Veldin, Dallas. Unless you're on a coast, pretty much all the days are sunny. And from what I understand, Dallas, I think you should be more concerned with how her brother, Big Guy, would think of your intentions towards his legally adopted sister."
"For those of you who are somehow not yet aware, and for the rest of you who already know, Commando and Big Guy are the newest members of the Galactic Rangers! Both of whom making a very good showing in their defense of Aleero City during the BlargTech attack on Kerwan!"
"That's right, Dallas! And I see that they are not the only celebrities in attendance!"
"Oh? Do tell, Juuuuuuuanita," Dallas prompted, stretching out his cohost's name suggestively as he leaned towards her.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some actual royalty in the race!" Juanita continued, absently shoving Dallas out of her personal space. "Attending today are Princess Krystal of Cerinia…"
"And I see that she is wearing her traditional Cerinian royal adventuring garb!"
"Indeed she is, Dallas! Also in the race are Princess Peach of Mar'zhume, and her longtime friend and rival, Princess Daisy of Sarasa!"
"Ooh! Does this mean that we'll be seeing King Bowser or those plumbers they inexplicably hang out with at these sorts of events?"
"King Bowser and the others were booked for the events on Novalis, Dallas. That's why I tried to schedule us for there, if you remember?"
"Not all of us go for tall, buff, and hot tempered, Juanita. Still, I wonder what brought Princesses Peach and Daisy here instead of Novalis where the rest of their normal group went."
"We'll find out in an exclusive interview after the race!"
"Really, Juanita? You know I wanted to interview Commando!"
"Commando will still be here for the Wipeout League event tomorrow, Dallas! Just interview her after we're done with the princesses!"
"Fine!"
"And there's the traditional Hoverbike Race flag girl, walking out to take her place in the middle of the track in front of the racers!"
"This year's flag girl is the lovely Miss Wundarbrah, from Poketaru! And doesn't she look fine in that halter top and short shorts combo?"
"Reign it in, Dallas."
"Bite me, Miss I-Openly-Want-To-Shag-A-Giant-Robot!"
"At least he's better built than you!"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 1:59 PM, Wednesday
"Oh my…" Clank uttered upon hearing Juanita Alvera's comments about him (or at least his UltraMech form). He would have been blushing had he been physically capable of doing so.
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:00 PM, Wednesday
Widget took off like a shot on her hoverbike, taking an early lead, but losing it almost immediately as the more experienced racers passed her on the first bend. There had been a ramp she could have used to get to an early shortcut, but she hadn't had a good spot at the starting line to make it worth going for this time.
As she had told Clank, she wasn't too worried about actually winning. This year, at least. She just wanted to put in a good showing in support of Veldin since she had grown up here.
Besides, she noted as she passed the former lead who had been hit by a goop-bomb and was even now spraying a release agent on it so he could rejoin the race, not being up front this early might actually be an advantage…
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 2:00 PM, Wednesday
"They are broadcasting the hoverbike event on Veldin live, if you want to see it," Jack informed the shirtless Lombax who was still making adjustments on the Monster-sled that he'd be using to disrupt the Wipeout event tomorrow.
"A bunch of burly guys in leather pulling dipshit stunts on each other while riding crotch-rockets? Pass."
"I believe that there are also several female racers in attendance this year."
"Really? Might be worth a look then."
"I will finish up here, if you want to take a break to watch the race."
"Hey, thanks! I'll owe you one!" Spanner said as he headed off towards the crew lounge to watch the hoverbike race after all.
Jack turned his attention to the almost finished Monster-sled, and made some adjustments of his own while completing the work Spanner had left behind.
After observing Spanner during the course of the mission, Jack had come to the conclusion that it would be best if the Lombax never had a chance to get close to Mr. Drek. And since Mr. Drek sometimes liked to make a show of treating his contract employees to dinners or other events, Spanner would just have to stay on Veldin. One way, or the other...
Time: 9:00 AM, Wednesday
"Aren't you two supposed to be on your way to Veldin?" Grimroth asked as Widget and Clank walked into his hospital room.
"We've got time for a brief visit," Widget said with a smile. "And they might actually release you while we're off Kerwan, so we wanted to say goodbye."
"Indeed," Clank stated in agreement. "We really should be leaving soon, but we both wanted a chance to say a proper farewell."
"You're both good kids…"
"I'm eighteen, Grim," Widget objected, although she was still smiling.
"You'll always be kids to me, Widget," Grim joked. "Even when you're old and wrinkly and Clank is dented and tarnished with age and wear, you'll both still be my kids."
"We love you too… Dad." Widget hugged Grim, then reached down to pull Clank up into the hug as well.
"Affirmative… Dad," Clank agreed.
"Now you crazy kids get outta here before you miss your ship!"
O o O o O
Location: T-88 Starbus Transport, enroute from Kerwan to Veldin
Time: 9:35 AM, Wednesday
"Well, this is it," Widget looked out the window by her assigned seat, watching Kerwan recede below them.
"This is what?" Clank asked, privately quite pleased that the Spaceport had not even tried to treat him as cargo (having witnessed another bot boarding the next ship over being redirected to a luggage trolley).
"This will be my first visit to Veldin since I joined the Rangers and left," Widget clarified as she leaned back into her seat and looked down at her brother beside her. "Except that I kind of didn't expect it to happen so soon." She sighed, and her expression grew melancholy. "I also expected that Grim… Dad… would still be there, along with our home. I wonder if any of our friends are okay?"
"Perhaps we can find time to check on them?" Clank suggested. "I too find myself wondering how Gogo Neutronic is faring."
"You know Gogo?" Widget asked, surprised.
"She was the one who recovered me from the wreckage of the fighter I used to escape from the BlargTech Warbot factory on Quartu," Clank explained. "And she's the one who led me to… Hmmm… Dad wasn't yet my father at the time, so I'm not sure how to talk about him in the past tense."
"Well…" Widget paused in thought, bringing a hand to her chin, then shrugged. "Actually, I have no idea either. Anyway, how about we check on Gogo, my other friends, and Dad's friends before we leave Veldin again?"
"That would be quite agreeable," Clank nodded.
O o O o O
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 10:00 AM, Wednesday
"Huh," Shiv Helix looked around as he and The Stig left the spaceport and wandered into the colony proper, looking for a place to eat before checking around for a cheap apartment. "I guess I can see why they decided to hold a charity event to help with the rebuilding. This place got hammered pretty hard."
The Stig shrugged in response.
"Yeah, I suppose it ain't any of our business. Hey, that place looks clean and open, and it even has holonet access! Lets order something to eat that doesn't taste like fifteen other people had previously digested it, and start looking up what we'll need for the job."
The Stig nodded as they turned towards the cafe across the street…
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 10:00 AM, Wednesday
"Are you certain that you will be finished in time?" Jack asked as he held up a thruster so that Spanner could wield it into place.
"You worry too much," Spanner retorted dismissively. "It won't look pretty, and I doubt it'll last longer than a day once we start, but it doesn't really need to last long, does it?"
"No, I suppose that you are correct."
"Anyway, while I'm causing a ruckus, I'd like you to secure us a getaway vehicle. Preferably a ship capable of leaving the system, but failing that you should at least grab something that can get us to someplace on Veldin that nobody goes to."
"I am given to understand that F Sector is avoided by the locals due to various dangers associated with that location."
"Sounds like a good fallback position if you can't get us a ship."
"Very well. But I will still endeavor to secure a ship for us."
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:00 PM, Wednesday
"Hey, Jimmy!" Widget called out as she and Clank left the makeshift spaceport.
"Widget?" the Cazar apparently named Jimmy replied, first looking surprised to see her, then inexplicably nervous for some reason.
"Clank, this is Rat-tailed Jimmy! He used to sell powdered goods in the alley behind the baker in the old neighborhood I used to live in before grim took me in! Not that he ever let me have any."
"Well…" Jimmy hesitated, still nervous, "you know what you were like back then, right? Could you imagine yourself on… sugar?"
"Huh… I guess you might have a point there," Widget conceded. "I was pretty wild back then. Anyway, Clank and I are back in town to participate in the charity events for the rebuild, and we thought we'd take some time to check on our friends. So, how're you doing? Still selling sugar behind Mr. Wilson's back?"
Jimmy relaxed. "Naw, Dennis has that gig now. I'm peddling medicine. Y'know, nanotech gel and stuff! They give me a pallet at the relief center, and I take it into the old neighborhood where they don't feel safe going yet. Everyone's been calling me Dr. Feelgood!"
"Well, look at you! Moving up in the world!" Widget congratulated Jimmy. "Maybe you can turn that into an actual degree and make some real money. Actual doctors bring in the Bolts you know."
"Uh… Yeah, I'll look into it," Jimmy nodded.
"Anyway, have you seen Gogo around?"
"Oh…" Jimmy's expression turned serious as he lost his nervousness. "Yeah, I've seen her. She's been hanging around in that clubhouse she thinks is hidden out behind the south mesa. You can't miss it - it's the shed with the cardboard sign with Evil Lair written in dayglow crayon on it."
"That is such a Gogo thing to do," Widget chuckled.
"But you should know, before you go see her, Gogo's folks? Well, they didn't make it through the attack. Otto Motov has been there for her, being a friend and playing minion, but I don't think she's doing too well. Y'think… I dunno… Maybe you might be able to get her to come to the relief center for grief counseling? They've really been helping a lot of the survivors. I've tried to get her to go, but she thinks I'm her competition and won't listen to me. She might actually listen to you."
"I'll see what I can do," Widget agreed.
"We still have some time before we have to sign in for the hoverbike event," Clank noted.
"Not a lot though, if she's all the way back behind the south mesa," Widget pointed out. "We'll check, but any real talk with her will have to wait until after the race."
As the two Galactic Rangers wandered off to the south, Jimmy allowed himself to sag in relief. "Whew! That was close! Sweet kid though. Glad she made it out of the neighborhood."
O o O o O
Location: Dr. Neutron's Evil Lair of Evilness, Veldin
Time: 1:25 PM, Wednesday
"Dr. Neutron! Somebody left a note on our door!" Otto Motov pointed out.
"I can see that, Otto," Gogo stated as she walked up to the note and pulled it off the door to read it. "Hey! Widget was here!"
"Really?"
"The note says that she's going to be participating in the charity races, but that she should have time for a proper visit after the first race!"
"That's great!" Otto exclaimed, happy to see his friend's mood noticeably improve. "Want to go watch the race while we wait for her?"
"Yes, Otto, I believe that I do…"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Hoverbike Race (what do you call the ready area?), Veldin
Time: 1:30 PM, Wednesday
"Okay," the big, burly Rilgarian wearing biker leathers and an extra pointy helmet (Rilggarian helmets made allowances for their natural head spikes, but this guy's helmet went the extra distance - either that, or he was compensating for premature male pattern bluntness) addressed everyone from a small stage. "I see we have an extra big crowd of bikers this year. Which is good, given why we're racing here on Veldin and not at our previously planned course on Battalia. Which, I will remind you, is not because Sheriff Buford T. Justice threatened to shut us down if we showed up in his jurisdiction again! He don't scare us!"
"Then why'd you need a change of pants the last time he cornered you?" another biker from the gathered crowd of racers called out.
"I slipped in the mud! That's why!" the Rilgarian yelled back. "Anyway, this is a charity event, meanin' all of yas had ta pay your way in, or ya wouldn't be allowed in, bike or no bike. Which, ah… That reminds me, we only have a limited number of extra hoverbikes to rent out to those a ya who didn't think to bring one, and they're pretty much all in as is condition, so take it or get used to runnin' on foot (or whatever ya use to run with). Not our fault if yas didn't think ahead or nothin'!
"Now it was real nice of the Wipeout League to offer to let us use the track they built, but it turns out that their course is way too long for any hoverbike to finish even one circuit before dinnertime, let alone three, an' they don't do obstacles 'cause o' how fast their suicide sleds go. So me and the boys asked them to just set up some signs around one of the canyon courses we've used in the past.
"For those of ya who ain't done this before (an' I see a lotta new faces here), LISTEN UP! The rules are simple: Three laps, and ya have to pass each checkpoint IN ORDER! Shortcuts are fine if ya can pull them off, but miss even one checkpoint, and it'll be docked from yer time! Got that?"
There was a general sound of assent.
"Rule two: Nothin' lethal! I know some of yas got yer bikes tricked out with weapons, gizmos, and other surprises. There's always at least one chucklehead in every race who thinks it's funny to launch goop-bombs or spray oily mist behind them, or some other stupid stunt ta give 'em an edge. That's fine, we're used to it an' it's all in good fun, but if me an' the boys see any buzz-blades or other really dangerous shit like that, we's gonna be havin' a discussion with ya out behind the stands after the race, with some chains an' other party favors, if ya know what I mean, capiche?
"And that's assumin' our special celebrity guest racer, Widget Razz, Commando of the Galactic Rangers, don't beat the shit outta ya first! She's a local girl, and we've tussled before over scrap, so I can tell yas all from experience that she's mean in a fight!"
"Wasn't she five at the time?" another biker called out.
"An' she probably fights even meaner now! So reign it in, or she'll rain on you! Got it?"
"Does this mean I can use my Omnimallet?" Widget called out, pulling it out of her A.S.S. and brandishing it over her head.
"Up to you, I guess," the Rilgarian shrugged. As a bunch of the formerly laughing racers suddenly grew less rowdy. For reasons…
"Anyway, I'd say have a nice clean race, but I'm pretty sure the route we're runnin' still has that mud pit and a couple o' waterfalls, so there's not much chance of not needin' a shower after we're done. Goggles or visors are optional, as always, but don't come runnin' ta us if ya get blinded, 'cause we don't wanna see it! Now mount up and line up at the starting line! We race in ten!"
O o O o O
"Be careful out there," Clank cautioned Widget as they briefly checked over the hoverbike Widget would be using. It wasn't really anything special. Just a stock model someone had donated to the Galactic Rangers for the event, and pretty much exactly like the ones Cora and Brax had also received for the race they would be attending on Novalis.
"I'll be fine," Widget assured her brother. "I used to test out my hoverboard in these canyons, so I'm already familiar with the course they posted. Including all of the possible shortcuts that won't get me docked for time."
"But you'll be going much faster than a hoverboard, and I do not think that your 'ride' has been tricked out with extra options like the man implied some of the others will be."
"Clank, I've got it covered," Widget patted her A.S.S. "Besides, I just want to put in a good showing. A few days of practice isn't nearly enough for me to expect to pull off a win here, but it would be nice if I can make it in somewhere around the middle. Not that I won't try to win, of course."
"Very well, I'll try not to worry too much. I'll be in service pit three if you have any issues when you reach that point. They have a pit-bot set there I can override to ensure swift and efficient refueling and repairs."
"I'd ask how that works, but we're out of time. See you in a bit!" With that, Widget moved her hoverbike to an open spot at the starting line…
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1: 45 PM, Wednesday
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" the voice of a very familiar media personality rang out over the hoverstands. "Dallas Wannamaker here, along with my lovely cohost, Juanita Alvera, at the charity Hoverbike racing event at the Kyzil Plateau on Veldin!"
"We were going to be covering the races on Novalis instead, but somebody whose name I won't mention, Dallas, apparently saw that Commando of the Galactic Rangers would be here instead, and misbooked our flight in hopes of seeing more of her furry white tits."
"Ahaha… She's kidding, folks! Please don't kill us, Commando! But in all seriousness, it looks like we have a wonderful turn out on this fine, sunny day!"
"It's Veldin, Dallas. Unless you're on a coast, pretty much all the days are sunny. And from what I understand, Dallas, I think you should be more concerned with how her brother, Big Guy, would think of your intentions towards his legally adopted sister."
"For those of you who are somehow not yet aware, and for the rest of you who already know, Commando and Big Guy are the newest members of the Galactic Rangers! Both of whom making a very good showing in their defense of Aleero City during the BlargTech attack on Kerwan!"
"That's right, Dallas! And I see that they are not the only celebrities in attendance!"
"Oh? Do tell, Juuuuuuuanita," Dallas prompted, stretching out his cohost's name suggestively as he leaned towards her.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some actual royalty in the race!" Juanita continued, absently shoving Dallas out of her personal space. "Attending today are Princess Krystal of Cerinia…"
"And I see that she is wearing her traditional Cerinian royal adventuring garb!"
"Indeed she is, Dallas! Also in the race are Princess Peach of Mar'zhume, and her longtime friend and rival, Princess Daisy of Sarasa!"
"Ooh! Does this mean that we'll be seeing King Bowser or those plumbers they inexplicably hang out with at these sorts of events?"
"King Bowser and the others were booked for the events on Novalis, Dallas. That's why I tried to schedule us for there, if you remember?"
"Not all of us go for tall, buff, and hot tempered, Juanita. Still, I wonder what brought Princesses Peach and Daisy here instead of Novalis where the rest of their normal group went."
"We'll find out in an exclusive interview after the race!"
"Really, Juanita? You know I wanted to interview Commando!"
"Commando will still be here for the Wipeout League event tomorrow, Dallas! Just interview her after we're done with the princesses!"
"Fine!"
"And there's the traditional Hoverbike Race flag girl, walking out to take her place in the middle of the track in front of the racers!"
"This year's flag girl is the lovely Miss Wundarbrah, from Poketaru! And doesn't she look fine in that halter top and short shorts combo?"
"Reign it in, Dallas."
"Bite me, Miss I-Openly-Want-To-Shag-A-Giant-Robot!"
"At least he's better built than you!"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 1:59 PM, Wednesday
"Oh my…" Clank uttered upon hearing Juanita Alvera's comments about him (or at least his UltraMech form). He would have been blushing had he been physically capable of doing so.
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:00 PM, Wednesday
Widget took off like a shot on her hoverbike, taking an early lead, but losing it almost immediately as the more experienced racers passed her on the first bend. There had been a ramp she could have used to get to an early shortcut, but she hadn't had a good spot at the starting line to make it worth going for this time.
As she had told Clank, she wasn't too worried about actually winning. This year, at least. She just wanted to put in a good showing in support of Veldin since she had grown up here.
Besides, she noted as she passed the former lead who had been hit by a goop-bomb and was even now spraying a release agent on it so he could rejoin the race, not being up front this early might actually be an advantage…
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 2:00 PM, Wednesday
"They are broadcasting the hoverbike event on Veldin live, if you want to see it," Jack informed the shirtless Lombax who was still making adjustments on the Monster-sled that he'd be using to disrupt the Wipeout event tomorrow.
"A bunch of burly guys in leather pulling dipshit stunts on each other while riding crotch-rockets? Pass."
"I believe that there are also several female racers in attendance this year."
"Really? Might be worth a look then."
"I will finish up here, if you want to take a break to watch the race."
"Hey, thanks! I'll owe you one!" Spanner said as he headed off towards the crew lounge to watch the hoverbike race after all.
Jack turned his attention to the almost finished Monster-sled, and made some adjustments of his own while completing the work Spanner had left behind.
After observing Spanner during the course of the mission, Jack had come to the conclusion that it would be best if the Lombax never had a chance to get close to Mr. Drek. And since Mr. Drek sometimes liked to make a show of treating his contract employees to dinners or other events, Spanner would just have to stay on Veldin. One way, or the other...
NemiTheNen
Perpetual Phone Poster
The previous chapter gave me "The Dragur were training" vibes. This hammered it home. Spanner fucks around.
Oh and massive kudos for the Mario Kart shout out.
But oh God Widget. Sugar? Really? Oh god, sweet girl, very smart, kinda oblivious. How the fuck did she miss it?
Oh and massive kudos for the Mario Kart shout out.
But oh God Widget. Sugar? Really? Oh god, sweet girl, very smart, kinda oblivious. How the fuck did she miss it?
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Well, her education prior to Grim becoming her guardian was spotty at best (and neither Jimmy nor any of his competitors wanted to find out what an underaged Lombax who already had violent tendencies would be like on drugs), and after Grim took her in he kind of kept her sheltered while he otherwise made sure her education was up to par.
Had Widget remained on Veldin, living with Grim, he probably would have eventually released the parental controls on his holonet account when she was fifty or five hundred... certainly no later than five thousand years old at the outside...
EDIT: Also, Jimmy kind of lucked out that Widget had been spending so much of her early time as a Galactic Ranger in vehicle and combat holosim training instead of, oh say, acquiring and activating her own holonet account to start looking up stuff on her own. Not that she won't be doing that eventually, it just hasn't occured to her to do so yet.
Last edited:
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Novalis, Kerwan, and in transit...
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:15 PM, Wednesday
Technically speaking, terrain didn't matter very much if you were piloting a hoverbike. Well, depending on the model, because some didn't handle going over deeper liquids or loose solids very well, but for the most part a hoverbike handled the same way with little regard for the actual surface you were hovering over.
No, the big issue Widget was discovering with terrain and hoverbikes was having to account for the backwash of whoever was in front of you whenever they were zooming over sand, gravel, or mud. Hell, even just the mist from passing too close to the waterfalls could leave you momentarily blind for a terrifying second or two that seemed to paradoxically stretch on for years.
Somehow this had never come up in the holosims Cora had run her through. But, to be fair, at the time Widget and Cora had thought that the bikers would be using the tracks the Wipeout League were building. And the Wipeout League didn't do variable terrain because anything pulled into the backwash of a speeding Grav-sled could be lethal to whoever happened to be in your slipstream.
Widget wasn't exactly sure where she was in the race, but she was pretty sure that her only hopes for being anywhere near the middle of the pack would be if enough of the other guest racers were just as, or even more, inexperienced as her.
Hmmm… Widget thought that she might be able to do a surprise inside pass on that upcoming tight turn if she used her swingshot…
"AHHHHH!!!" Widget yelled half in pain and half in terror as the energy line she shot into the corner of the canyon wall pulled her right off of her hoverbike and her own momentum carried her into the side of the same wall with enough force to drive the air out of her lungs even through the armor of her Protosuit…
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:16 PM, Wednesday
"Ooh! Commando is certainly going to be feeling that in the morning!"
"Indeed she would, Dallas, if it weren't for the modern medical miracle that is nanotech gel. Or have you forgotten that nanotech is a thing?"
"Assuming that there is enough to go around, Juanita, as it looks like Commando isn't the only racer that's going to need it! That's another two racers who will be needing to remount their hoverbikes! This is really going to hurt their chances for a win here!"
"It is still anyone's race, Dallas, as they have plenty of time to try to catch up to the pack!"
"That is correct, Juanita! And, just judging by how slowly and carefully Princess Krystal of Cerinia is going, it looks like she is really regretting her decision to wear her traditional Royal Cerinian Adventuring Garb!"
"That may indeed be the case, Dallas. It is going to be really difficult for Krystal to have even a chance of winning if she doesn't suck it up and pick up her speed."
"Speaking of speed, Juanitta, it looks like Commando is back on her hoverbike and zipping down the course like there's no tomorrow!"
"And I see that she is attempting to make use of the shortcuts designed into the course to make up for lost time!"
"Can Commando pull it off, folks?"
"We'll just have to wait and see, Dallas!"
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 2:20 PM, Wednesday
Judging from the sound of uproarious laughter coming from the direction of the crew lounge, Jack assumed that Spanner was enjoying the race. Which, given his observed behavior, most likely meant unfortunate things were happening among those participating in the event.
Turning his attention back to the Monster-sled, Jack continued to put the finishing touches into place, making sure that his own adjustments wouldn't cause issues with the performance of the mission it had been built for.
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:30 PM, Wednesday
"It looks like Widget is starting to pass some of the other racers again, Dr. Neutron!" Otto Motov exclaimed. "Do you think she has a chance of winning?"
Gogo Neutronic thought about it for a moment, then responded. "Unlikely, but I suppose there is a small chance of Widget pulling off a victory here if the buffoons currently in the lead keep messing with each other."
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 3:00 PM, Wednesday
As much as he wanted to actually be watching the races Cora and Widget were participating in, and the ones Captain Qwark was going to be passing out prizes for, Shiv Helix had a job to do and preparations to make.
Getting into the Iron Holds shouldn't be too difficult, as he was already familiar with the layout from his previous visit. Even if they changed procedures and schedules since he broke out, and they most likely had because he had been able to escape, it wasn't like he couldn't find out what those changes were. He'd done it enough times from the inside of such facilities with no tools or assistance after all.
"Now I'm gonna have to be extra cautious about being spotted going in," Shiv went over the plan with The Stig again, as they had several times before since Spanner had split off for his part of the mission. "I don't know how loud this Little Tony guy is gonna be on the way out, so I really need for nobody to even know I'm there until I get to him. Hopefully, if Mr. Attention Whore stays on schedule on Veldin, it won't matter too much if Little Tony wants to be violent, as everyone who'd be coming from the outside to respond would already be on their way there instead. Now, do you remember the time windows and alternate pick-up locations?"
The Stig looked at Shiv and nodded.
"Just asking," Shiv said placatingly. "Can't be too careful when working with others. Especially when you really don't know what the two who aren't in the planning process are gonna do. That's what contingency plans are for."
The Stig nodded again, then looked back at the notes and maps Shiv had been working from.
"Glad you agree," Shiv stated. "Always nice to be working with a professional…"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:33 PM, Wednesday
Widget didn't really bother with attempting to bump into any of the other races, or consider using anything in her A.S.S. against them. Not because she didn't have the urge to do so, but more because doing so would more likely turn out to backfire like her attempt to use her swingshot to assist with a sharp turn had.
Besides, she was pretty sure she was positioned somewhat comfortably in a respectable position in the middle of the pack just by using what she had learned over the past few days. There'd be plenty of time to get a real feel for hoverbike racing for the next time.
A female racer in yellow deliberately bumped their hoverbikes together as they were passing over the mud pit for the second time, laughing as Widget tumbled off of her bike and slid across the muddy surface as she sped off…
Only for the laughter to abruptly stop as a swingshot hit her back and she found herself yanked off her own hoverbike and pulled all the way back to a very angry Lombax…
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 3:34 PM, Wednesday
"Oh no, Kid," Grimroth Razz muttered to himself as he watched his adopted daughter's antics on live holovid. "Don't let your temper get the better of you again…"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:35 PM, Wednesday
"It looks like Princess Daisy of Sarasa bit off more than she could chew when she deliberately knocked Commando of the Galactic Rangers off of her hoverbike!"
"Indeed it does, Dallas, as Commando had used what appears to be a swingshot line to pull Daisy off of her own bike, and the two now seem to be having it out in the mud pit!"
"And what a fight it is, Juanita, with neither letting the other up long enough to make it back to their hoverbikes! And each getting coated with more and more mud as their fight goes on! It's a wonder they can even see through their helmets anymore with all that mud on them!"
"And there the helmets go, Dallas, as Commando and Daisy each appear to be taking off their own and casting them aside so as to better see each other!"
"It's too bad that they are both wearing racing suits, Juanita, as female mud wrestling is more traditionally done in bikinis!"
"Seriously, Dallas? Oh, wait! It looks like some of the other racers are stopping to watch!"
"Indeed they are, Juanita! That is certainly going to hurt their chances for a win at this point!"
"It appears that Princess Daisy's long time ally and friendly rival, Princess Peach of Mar'zhume, has gotten off of her own hoverbike and is moving to break up the fight, Dallas!"
"That does appear to be the case, Juanita! This fight may be ove… Ooh! Princess Daisy has pulled Peach down into the mud, and now all three of them are going at each other in a three way free for all sprawling brawl!"
"It looks like, unlike the rest of the trailing racers thus far, Princess Krystal of Cerinia has wisely chosen to bypass the fight at the mudpit and continue on her way, Dallas, finally moving her up from her solid last place and firmly into the middle position!"
"And what a shame that is, Juanita, as Krystal is the only participating racer wearing anything even close to traditional mud wrestling attire!"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:50 PM, Wednesday
Clank looked on in disappointment as his sister had apparently given up on trying to get back to her own hoverbike and seemed to now be concentrating on fighting literally anyone who got within arm's reach of her. The turning point for this decision on Widget's part had most likely been when Princess Daisy, in what was most likely a purely accidental coincidence, had managed to pop the emergency release for Widget's Protosuit, leaving her in her Galactic Rangers underwear and her new A.S.S. likely lost in the mud as a result.
Yes, that would seem to be what set his sister off, as she was now very blatantly attempting to deliberately tear Daisy's racing suit right off her.
"XJ0421?" Clank heard the familiar voice of his very first friend, and turned to face the young terachnoid and what appeared to be her equally young Cazar companion.
"Hello, Gogo Neutronic. It is good to see you again."
"It's Dr. Neutron now."
"I see," Clank nodded. "And I go by Clank now. Or Big Guy, depending…"
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 4:00 PM, Wednesday
"YES! YES! TAKE IT ALL OFF, BITCHES!" Spanner cheered at the unfolding disaster of the race tuned mud wrestling match, very happy that he had followed Jack's suggestion about taking a break.
It was kind of disappointing that the Cerinian hadn't joined in, but enough of what the other three were wearing was coming off to keep him happy regardless.
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 4:47 PM, Wednesday
"AND WE HAVE A WINNER! PRINCESS KRYSTAL OF CERINIA HAS WON THE HOVERBIKE RACE!"
"Indeed she has, Dallas! In a not too surprising twist, given that all of the other racers had stopped at the mudpit to either watch or join in on the fight started by Princess Daisy of Sarasa, and Commando of the Galactic Rangers, Princess Krystal is currently the only racer to have passed the finish line on her third lap!"
"And it looks like the race officials are calling it there, Juanita, as they have just ruled that all other racers have been disqualified for participating in a secondary event before finishing the race!"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 5:15 PM, Wednesday
Widget drifted to a stop back at the staging area and got off her hoverbike wearing mud and precious little else that she was aware of. Not that the other… She wasn't sure what they were, other than that they sort of looked like Croutonians with extra fingers or tailless Markazians with rounded ears. In any case, Widget had given, or rather taken, as good as she got in that brawl and now all three were doing the Walk of Shame.
"Well, that was fun!" the brown haired… Markazian? Widget wondered if it would be impolite to ask, or if she'd just have to look up what they actually were later.
"Really, Daisy," the blonde one palmed her face. "You just had to start something with a Lombax! You know how they can get when provoked!"
"That's what makes it fun!"
"I hate you two so much right now," Widget stated in exasperation.
"You'll get over it. Daisy kind of grows on you. Like a fungus."
"Hey! Mushrooms are your thing, not mine!"
"Ladies, ladies!" the burly Rilgarian from before the race interrupted them before their argument could go much further. "Let's keep it all civil-like!"
The three women stopped and looked at the very much cleaner than they were Rilgarian. And the other bikers gathered behind him.
"Now, this was supposed to be a good, clean race," he went on. "But you three went and turned it into anything but a race. Or clean for that matter. Now I ain't going to begrudge the Cerinian babe for plugging along and taking the win when literally everyone else effectively quit, but that weren't no race. And since you three are the cause o' that, there's gonna have to be a penalty."
"What kind of penalty?" Widget asked cautiously.
"Oh, nothin' too bad," the Rilgarian waved off her concern. "We can't do nothin' about the race part, but me and the boys? We figured we could help with the clean. HOSE 'EM!"
With that, the three were hit from most sides by the powerful sprays of several Hydrodisplacers!
And it was soon revealed that mud had indeed been all the three had been left with, and even that was gone now.
Oddly enough, the three women won the second brawl to have been caused during this event quite handily and, perhaps to no one's surprise, rather brutally.
"Yeah…" the burly Rilgarian groaned in pain from the pile of his defeated fellows as he watched the three victors saunter off with a swagger in their shapely hips. "Widget has definitely gotten meaner in a fight…"
"But it was so worth it…" one of the other bikers put in his two Bolts.
"Yeah, can't really argue with that…"
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 5:20 PM, Wednesday
"I'm going to have to buy the biggest plushie I can find, and maybe come up with a list of recommended therapists to help her get over her issues if this keeps up," Grim noted to himself as he turned off the holonet in his hospital room.
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 5:50 PM, Wednesday
"I took the liberty of commandeering some pit-bots," Clank stated as his sister approached. "I sent one to fetch your luggage from the hotel, and the others are heading out to the mudpit to recover your Protosuit and A.S.S."
"Thanks, Clank."
"Gogo Neutronic stopped by while you were racing."
"Oh? Did she say anything about getting together later?"
"I regret to inform you that Gogo has elected to not meet you at this time. She has stated that, since you have elected to follow through on your plans to join the Galactic Rangers and be a hero, and she still aspires to be a supervillain, she chooses to face you next on the field of battle. And perhaps have a tea party afterwards."
"That is such a Gogo thing to do," Widget chuckled. "So… What's her supervillain name this time? Last time it was Princess Professor, and the time before that is was The Mind."
"I believe that she has declared herself to be Dr. Neutron," Clank stated. "Are you not worried about Gogo's intent to become a supervillain?"
"Eh, not really," Widget shrugged. "She's heavily into roleplaying and megaviolent holovid games, but is generally a sweet kid in person. It's apparently a Terachnoid thing. Sort of like their race's hat, if you know what I mean."
"I am afraid to say that I have no idea what you mean."
"It's… I suppose it's another way of saying that it's a stereotype," Widget admitted. "It's just that every Terachnoid I ever met has been into roleplaying and holovid games in some form or other, and Gogo's not really any different from the norm on that front, as far as I can tell."
"If you are sure…" Clank said, uncertainly."
"Ah, you worry too much! It'll be fine! You'll see!"
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 6:00 PM, Wednesday
"I'm gonna be in the crew quarters for a while!" Spanner called out into the bay where Jack was still working as he left the crew lounge. "You probably don't wanna know why!"
"No," Jack agreed quietly to himself as he continued to make sure that all parts of tomorrow's plans were ready. "I rather suspect that I neither need nor desire to know what you are going to be doing for the next estimated fifty-eight seconds, Spanner. I expect, however, that anything after that is just padding out your time."
Time: 2:15 PM, Wednesday
Technically speaking, terrain didn't matter very much if you were piloting a hoverbike. Well, depending on the model, because some didn't handle going over deeper liquids or loose solids very well, but for the most part a hoverbike handled the same way with little regard for the actual surface you were hovering over.
No, the big issue Widget was discovering with terrain and hoverbikes was having to account for the backwash of whoever was in front of you whenever they were zooming over sand, gravel, or mud. Hell, even just the mist from passing too close to the waterfalls could leave you momentarily blind for a terrifying second or two that seemed to paradoxically stretch on for years.
Somehow this had never come up in the holosims Cora had run her through. But, to be fair, at the time Widget and Cora had thought that the bikers would be using the tracks the Wipeout League were building. And the Wipeout League didn't do variable terrain because anything pulled into the backwash of a speeding Grav-sled could be lethal to whoever happened to be in your slipstream.
Widget wasn't exactly sure where she was in the race, but she was pretty sure that her only hopes for being anywhere near the middle of the pack would be if enough of the other guest racers were just as, or even more, inexperienced as her.
Hmmm… Widget thought that she might be able to do a surprise inside pass on that upcoming tight turn if she used her swingshot…
"AHHHHH!!!" Widget yelled half in pain and half in terror as the energy line she shot into the corner of the canyon wall pulled her right off of her hoverbike and her own momentum carried her into the side of the same wall with enough force to drive the air out of her lungs even through the armor of her Protosuit…
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:16 PM, Wednesday
"Ooh! Commando is certainly going to be feeling that in the morning!"
"Indeed she would, Dallas, if it weren't for the modern medical miracle that is nanotech gel. Or have you forgotten that nanotech is a thing?"
"Assuming that there is enough to go around, Juanita, as it looks like Commando isn't the only racer that's going to need it! That's another two racers who will be needing to remount their hoverbikes! This is really going to hurt their chances for a win here!"
"It is still anyone's race, Dallas, as they have plenty of time to try to catch up to the pack!"
"That is correct, Juanita! And, just judging by how slowly and carefully Princess Krystal of Cerinia is going, it looks like she is really regretting her decision to wear her traditional Royal Cerinian Adventuring Garb!"
"That may indeed be the case, Dallas. It is going to be really difficult for Krystal to have even a chance of winning if she doesn't suck it up and pick up her speed."
"Speaking of speed, Juanitta, it looks like Commando is back on her hoverbike and zipping down the course like there's no tomorrow!"
"And I see that she is attempting to make use of the shortcuts designed into the course to make up for lost time!"
"Can Commando pull it off, folks?"
"We'll just have to wait and see, Dallas!"
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 2:20 PM, Wednesday
Judging from the sound of uproarious laughter coming from the direction of the crew lounge, Jack assumed that Spanner was enjoying the race. Which, given his observed behavior, most likely meant unfortunate things were happening among those participating in the event.
Turning his attention back to the Monster-sled, Jack continued to put the finishing touches into place, making sure that his own adjustments wouldn't cause issues with the performance of the mission it had been built for.
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 2:30 PM, Wednesday
"It looks like Widget is starting to pass some of the other racers again, Dr. Neutron!" Otto Motov exclaimed. "Do you think she has a chance of winning?"
Gogo Neutronic thought about it for a moment, then responded. "Unlikely, but I suppose there is a small chance of Widget pulling off a victory here if the buffoons currently in the lead keep messing with each other."
O o O o O
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 3:00 PM, Wednesday
As much as he wanted to actually be watching the races Cora and Widget were participating in, and the ones Captain Qwark was going to be passing out prizes for, Shiv Helix had a job to do and preparations to make.
Getting into the Iron Holds shouldn't be too difficult, as he was already familiar with the layout from his previous visit. Even if they changed procedures and schedules since he broke out, and they most likely had because he had been able to escape, it wasn't like he couldn't find out what those changes were. He'd done it enough times from the inside of such facilities with no tools or assistance after all.
"Now I'm gonna have to be extra cautious about being spotted going in," Shiv went over the plan with The Stig again, as they had several times before since Spanner had split off for his part of the mission. "I don't know how loud this Little Tony guy is gonna be on the way out, so I really need for nobody to even know I'm there until I get to him. Hopefully, if Mr. Attention Whore stays on schedule on Veldin, it won't matter too much if Little Tony wants to be violent, as everyone who'd be coming from the outside to respond would already be on their way there instead. Now, do you remember the time windows and alternate pick-up locations?"
The Stig looked at Shiv and nodded.
"Just asking," Shiv said placatingly. "Can't be too careful when working with others. Especially when you really don't know what the two who aren't in the planning process are gonna do. That's what contingency plans are for."
The Stig nodded again, then looked back at the notes and maps Shiv had been working from.
"Glad you agree," Shiv stated. "Always nice to be working with a professional…"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:33 PM, Wednesday
Widget didn't really bother with attempting to bump into any of the other races, or consider using anything in her A.S.S. against them. Not because she didn't have the urge to do so, but more because doing so would more likely turn out to backfire like her attempt to use her swingshot to assist with a sharp turn had.
Besides, she was pretty sure she was positioned somewhat comfortably in a respectable position in the middle of the pack just by using what she had learned over the past few days. There'd be plenty of time to get a real feel for hoverbike racing for the next time.
A female racer in yellow deliberately bumped their hoverbikes together as they were passing over the mud pit for the second time, laughing as Widget tumbled off of her bike and slid across the muddy surface as she sped off…
Only for the laughter to abruptly stop as a swingshot hit her back and she found herself yanked off her own hoverbike and pulled all the way back to a very angry Lombax…
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 3:34 PM, Wednesday
"Oh no, Kid," Grimroth Razz muttered to himself as he watched his adopted daughter's antics on live holovid. "Don't let your temper get the better of you again…"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:35 PM, Wednesday
"It looks like Princess Daisy of Sarasa bit off more than she could chew when she deliberately knocked Commando of the Galactic Rangers off of her hoverbike!"
"Indeed it does, Dallas, as Commando had used what appears to be a swingshot line to pull Daisy off of her own bike, and the two now seem to be having it out in the mud pit!"
"And what a fight it is, Juanita, with neither letting the other up long enough to make it back to their hoverbikes! And each getting coated with more and more mud as their fight goes on! It's a wonder they can even see through their helmets anymore with all that mud on them!"
"And there the helmets go, Dallas, as Commando and Daisy each appear to be taking off their own and casting them aside so as to better see each other!"
"It's too bad that they are both wearing racing suits, Juanita, as female mud wrestling is more traditionally done in bikinis!"
"Seriously, Dallas? Oh, wait! It looks like some of the other racers are stopping to watch!"
"Indeed they are, Juanita! That is certainly going to hurt their chances for a win at this point!"
"It appears that Princess Daisy's long time ally and friendly rival, Princess Peach of Mar'zhume, has gotten off of her own hoverbike and is moving to break up the fight, Dallas!"
"That does appear to be the case, Juanita! This fight may be ove… Ooh! Princess Daisy has pulled Peach down into the mud, and now all three of them are going at each other in a three way free for all sprawling brawl!"
"It looks like, unlike the rest of the trailing racers thus far, Princess Krystal of Cerinia has wisely chosen to bypass the fight at the mudpit and continue on her way, Dallas, finally moving her up from her solid last place and firmly into the middle position!"
"And what a shame that is, Juanita, as Krystal is the only participating racer wearing anything even close to traditional mud wrestling attire!"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 3:50 PM, Wednesday
Clank looked on in disappointment as his sister had apparently given up on trying to get back to her own hoverbike and seemed to now be concentrating on fighting literally anyone who got within arm's reach of her. The turning point for this decision on Widget's part had most likely been when Princess Daisy, in what was most likely a purely accidental coincidence, had managed to pop the emergency release for Widget's Protosuit, leaving her in her Galactic Rangers underwear and her new A.S.S. likely lost in the mud as a result.
Yes, that would seem to be what set his sister off, as she was now very blatantly attempting to deliberately tear Daisy's racing suit right off her.
"XJ0421?" Clank heard the familiar voice of his very first friend, and turned to face the young terachnoid and what appeared to be her equally young Cazar companion.
"Hello, Gogo Neutronic. It is good to see you again."
"It's Dr. Neutron now."
"I see," Clank nodded. "And I go by Clank now. Or Big Guy, depending…"
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 4:00 PM, Wednesday
"YES! YES! TAKE IT ALL OFF, BITCHES!" Spanner cheered at the unfolding disaster of the race tuned mud wrestling match, very happy that he had followed Jack's suggestion about taking a break.
It was kind of disappointing that the Cerinian hadn't joined in, but enough of what the other three were wearing was coming off to keep him happy regardless.
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 4:47 PM, Wednesday
"AND WE HAVE A WINNER! PRINCESS KRYSTAL OF CERINIA HAS WON THE HOVERBIKE RACE!"
"Indeed she has, Dallas! In a not too surprising twist, given that all of the other racers had stopped at the mudpit to either watch or join in on the fight started by Princess Daisy of Sarasa, and Commando of the Galactic Rangers, Princess Krystal is currently the only racer to have passed the finish line on her third lap!"
"And it looks like the race officials are calling it there, Juanita, as they have just ruled that all other racers have been disqualified for participating in a secondary event before finishing the race!"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 5:15 PM, Wednesday
Widget drifted to a stop back at the staging area and got off her hoverbike wearing mud and precious little else that she was aware of. Not that the other… She wasn't sure what they were, other than that they sort of looked like Croutonians with extra fingers or tailless Markazians with rounded ears. In any case, Widget had given, or rather taken, as good as she got in that brawl and now all three were doing the Walk of Shame.
"Well, that was fun!" the brown haired… Markazian? Widget wondered if it would be impolite to ask, or if she'd just have to look up what they actually were later.
"Really, Daisy," the blonde one palmed her face. "You just had to start something with a Lombax! You know how they can get when provoked!"
"That's what makes it fun!"
"I hate you two so much right now," Widget stated in exasperation.
"You'll get over it. Daisy kind of grows on you. Like a fungus."
"Hey! Mushrooms are your thing, not mine!"
"Ladies, ladies!" the burly Rilgarian from before the race interrupted them before their argument could go much further. "Let's keep it all civil-like!"
The three women stopped and looked at the very much cleaner than they were Rilgarian. And the other bikers gathered behind him.
"Now, this was supposed to be a good, clean race," he went on. "But you three went and turned it into anything but a race. Or clean for that matter. Now I ain't going to begrudge the Cerinian babe for plugging along and taking the win when literally everyone else effectively quit, but that weren't no race. And since you three are the cause o' that, there's gonna have to be a penalty."
"What kind of penalty?" Widget asked cautiously.
"Oh, nothin' too bad," the Rilgarian waved off her concern. "We can't do nothin' about the race part, but me and the boys? We figured we could help with the clean. HOSE 'EM!"
With that, the three were hit from most sides by the powerful sprays of several Hydrodisplacers!
And it was soon revealed that mud had indeed been all the three had been left with, and even that was gone now.
Oddly enough, the three women won the second brawl to have been caused during this event quite handily and, perhaps to no one's surprise, rather brutally.
"Yeah…" the burly Rilgarian groaned in pain from the pile of his defeated fellows as he watched the three victors saunter off with a swagger in their shapely hips. "Widget has definitely gotten meaner in a fight…"
"But it was so worth it…" one of the other bikers put in his two Bolts.
"Yeah, can't really argue with that…"
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 5:20 PM, Wednesday
"I'm going to have to buy the biggest plushie I can find, and maybe come up with a list of recommended therapists to help her get over her issues if this keeps up," Grim noted to himself as he turned off the holonet in his hospital room.
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Canyon Course, Veldin
Time: 5:50 PM, Wednesday
"I took the liberty of commandeering some pit-bots," Clank stated as his sister approached. "I sent one to fetch your luggage from the hotel, and the others are heading out to the mudpit to recover your Protosuit and A.S.S."
"Thanks, Clank."
"Gogo Neutronic stopped by while you were racing."
"Oh? Did she say anything about getting together later?"
"I regret to inform you that Gogo has elected to not meet you at this time. She has stated that, since you have elected to follow through on your plans to join the Galactic Rangers and be a hero, and she still aspires to be a supervillain, she chooses to face you next on the field of battle. And perhaps have a tea party afterwards."
"That is such a Gogo thing to do," Widget chuckled. "So… What's her supervillain name this time? Last time it was Princess Professor, and the time before that is was The Mind."
"I believe that she has declared herself to be Dr. Neutron," Clank stated. "Are you not worried about Gogo's intent to become a supervillain?"
"Eh, not really," Widget shrugged. "She's heavily into roleplaying and megaviolent holovid games, but is generally a sweet kid in person. It's apparently a Terachnoid thing. Sort of like their race's hat, if you know what I mean."
"I am afraid to say that I have no idea what you mean."
"It's… I suppose it's another way of saying that it's a stereotype," Widget admitted. "It's just that every Terachnoid I ever met has been into roleplaying and holovid games in some form or other, and Gogo's not really any different from the norm on that front, as far as I can tell."
"If you are sure…" Clank said, uncertainly."
"Ah, you worry too much! It'll be fine! You'll see!"
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, en route from Aridia to Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 6:00 PM, Wednesday
"I'm gonna be in the crew quarters for a while!" Spanner called out into the bay where Jack was still working as he left the crew lounge. "You probably don't wanna know why!"
"No," Jack agreed quietly to himself as he continued to make sure that all parts of tomorrow's plans were ready. "I rather suspect that I neither need nor desire to know what you are going to be doing for the next estimated fifty-eight seconds, Spanner. I expect, however, that anything after that is just padding out your time."
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Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Near Veldin, and a bit of Novalis
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 10:00 PM, Wednesday
"I have finished inspecting your A.S.S." Clank informed Widget, who was still scrubbing down sections of her Protosuit to clean out every last spec of mud, and looking over each part as she did so. "Other than having needed to be cleaned, it appears to be in good working order, with none of the stored contents missing or damaged."
"That's good," Widget replied as she started scrubbing a piece of Protosuit that was proving difficult to remove all the dirt and mud from. She was currently in the shorts and halter that comprised the Galactic Rangers physical training outfit (minus the shoes), which was just as grey as her issued undergarments, and also had the same Galactic Rangers logo. She hadn't really packed any civvies, since she was only going to be on Veldin for a few days at most, and she didn't want to get either of the uniforms she had brought along dirty while cleaning her armor.
"Do you require assistance?" Clank asked, setting Widget's new A.S.S. on the nightstand next to the hotel room's only bed. Not that he cared about that, as he didn't require sleep. Not that he couldn't do so if needed or desired, but for him (like most bots) it was more of an option than a necessity.
Not that Dr. Nefarious hadn't insisted that Clank get his own assigned bunk on the Phoenix and his own room in the Hall of Heroes once they had discovered that he had the capacity to dream (which was apparently a rare trait, even in bots that qualified as sophonts). Which reminded Clank that he really should schedule some of his downtime to actually try out that feature, as it was presumably a gift from whoever his real creators had been.
Now was not the time to do so, however.
"If you don't mind," Widget accepted her little brother's offer. "I kind of wish we had brought Bleep along, since Qwark said he could clean any outfit or armor to perfection."
"I think you mean Bloop," Clank corrected his big sister. "Bleep is the one who can cook and prepare restaurant quality meals. Also, both of them are specifically assigned to the Phoenix as crewbots. They would not have come."
Widget paused as she thought of something. "Oh yeah, they aren't actually Rangers like you are, are they? They don't leave the Phoenix and I don't think I've seen them attend any meetings even by telepresence. Do they even get paid?""
"They do," Clank confirmed. "I'm given to understand that their wages are quite generous, and include maintenance and memory backup benefits. And they do leave the Phoenix occasionally during their downtime, it's just that they are very specifically ship crew, with little desire to do anything else."
"Well, I'm glad they're happy with their jobs," Widget commented as she turned the section of armor she was currently working on over to continue cleaning it. "Now don't forget to make sure that the inside surfaces and connective pieces are clean too."
"I am aware of the issues," Clank informed Widget. "After all, unlike some Lombaxes I know, I read the manuals."
"Clank, I'm the only Lombax you… Heeeeeeeey!"
Clank chuckled as he and his sister continued to sanitize the Protosuit.
Location: Wipeout Racecourse Ready Area, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
"So this is the Grav-sled I'll be using?" Widget asked as she looked over the wedge-shaped vehicle that had been painted in Galactic Rangers colors, complete with logo and the word "COMMANDO" printed on each side. It, like all Grav-sleds, bore a superficial resemblance to a fighter but lacked the systems required to enable them to actually leave orbit or make the jump to hyperspace. Not that she'd want to spend hours in hyperspace in such a cramped cockpit anyway.
For that matter, despite their control surfaces and the velocities they could achieve, all official track-legal Wipeout League Grav-sleds had their AG systems hardlocked to maintain a set distance above any surface, barring jumps. And while these locks could technically be removed, it couldn't be done from the cockpit (and race officials did random checks to make sure that they weren't removed prior to any race, or during any pitstop).
"Yes," the Rilgarian, one of the technicians Gadgetron had assigned to her for the event, confirmed. "This is the old G-AG X-7R34M prototype testbed Grav-sled that was retired just last year. It uses a mostly standard control layout, with some versatech systems added to better handle hot-swapping the weapon modules on the go, but everything but the basic guns and missile racks have been removed."
"I thought that this was going to be a non-combat race, due to the event being charity based?" Clank asked in concern.
"It is," the Rilgarian nodded, "and if this was like the one taking place on Novalis, all the weapon systems on everyone's sleds would either be locked down or removed. But this is Veldin, and we've come across a lot of old warbots and abandoned raider bots while setting up the track, so the league ruled to leave basic defenses in place just in case."
Widget popped open the cockpit and looked inside. "Yeah, other than the extra versatech console, these controls look to be the same as the one I trained on. I should be able to pilot this. So, why this one and not a G-AG 1550 Windcutter?"
"From what I understand, you and Veralux were slated to get matching Windcutters, but Old Man Lumos overrode the board when he found out who was racing. Said something along the lines of a Lombax being better able to appreciate a toy with more versatility, and it beat just scrapping the thing anyway."
"I'd complain about racial stereotyping, but this is pretty cool," Widget admitted.
"Not to mention that such a complaint would be hypocritical of you to be making," Clank stated.
"What?"
"Did you not admit last night that, in your experience, all Terachnoids are into roleplaying and holovid games? And you yourself said that this was an example of stereotyping."
"Is this about Gogo's supervillain thing? She's just playing around. Don't worry about it!"
"I was just citing that it would be hypocritical of you to complain about someone else stereotyping you because of your race," Clank clarified. "Gogo Neutronic's presumed proclivities are an entirely separate issue."
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
Shiv Helix and The Stig got into the aircar that had been rented (under an assumed identity that would be traced back to some random guy living on Tenemule), having just finished breakfast in yet another holonet cafe. The Stig would be dropping him off at the designated spot close (but not too close) to the Iron Hold prison so that he would have enough time to infiltrate the facility and get into a good position to exfiltrate Little Tony once Spanner started things on his end.
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, approaching Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
Jack slid into the pilot's seat on the bridge of the stolen construction hauler now that the ship was getting close to their destination, as there was no point in getting blindsided by traffic or some random asteroid or space debris that an autopilot wouldn't account for.
He'd make sure that Spanner was awake in a few hours, with enough time for a quick meal before dropping him onto the race track in the Monster-sled they had built together.
Well, overbuilt perhaps, as apparently the event was supposed to be strictly non-combat, which meant that any weapons systems the Grav-sleds may have had would have either been removed or locked down. But Spanner had wanted the Monster-sled to be tough enough to take some abuse before he vacated it, citing that it had to be at least durable enough to still function after being dropped onto the track, and still be able to do its job afterwards.
Which, to be fair, was a valid point.
Jack didn't want to be fair.
Not that he had anything against Spanner, per se, other than the all too high probability that he would assault Mr. Drek on a whim should they ever directly encounter one another, but that possibility was enough to motivate Jack towards arranging what he felt were appropriate contingencies.
He just had to be patient and make sure that these contingencies didn't interfere with the job Spanner had been assigned in the first place.
Spanner snored away, sprawled out across one of the crew bunks, oblivious to the universe…
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 12:50 PM, Thursday
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Oh, and I guess you too, Juanita," Dallas Wannamaker announced, looking somewhat scuffed up and rumbled, and sporting a shiner on his left eye with a matching bruise on his right cheek. The interviews with Princesses Peach and Daisy the previous evening had not gone at all well for him, and he never got a chance to speak with Commando before she disappeared into the hotel she was staying at.
"Screw you too, Dallas," Juanita Alvera said with a smile, looking as clean and pristine as when she had first come off the production line and received her first suit.
"If only," Dallas muttered under his breath before continuing. "As I'm sure many of our viewers know, today marks the first use of the official Wipeout League racecourse that has been built on the Kyzil Plateau on Veldin, as part of the charity event to help raise relief funds for those whose homes, health, and/or livelihoods were harmed by the recent BlargTech attack!"
"That's right, Dallas! And while the top core league competitors are evenly split between matching events on Kerwan and the new official track on Novalis, Veldin will be playing host to some of the top stars of the Elimination League, using their signature Cyber Sleds!"
"You are absolutely right, Juanita! Among our celebrity racers today are six of the most decorated combat pilots the Wipeout League has to offer! We have here today such notables as Maddison Hawk, whose Cyber Sled, Fireball, is considered by many to be one of the most rounded Grav-sleds of the Elimination League!"
"And let's not forget the honorable Marie Yamamoto in her signature Polar Star, Dallas!"
"Honor will only get you so far in the Elimination League, Juanita! Just ask our next racer, Rexer Ironside! Although we do have to wonder how he's putting up with the weapons restrictions in place for this particular event."
"Not well, I would imagine, Dallas! Although I imagine these restrictions will not have much effect at all on the performance of Alan Striker, hero of Megalopolis, in his signature Cyber Sled, Blue Lighting! The speed! The maneuverability! The flexibility in bed!"
"Are you talking about Striker or Blue Lightning, Jaunita?"
"Yes!"
"I hate you so much right now."
"You have no idea how much it warms my mechanical heart to hear you say so, Dallas."
"Are Dallas Wannamaker and Juanita Alvera always like this?" Clank asked as he directed the pit-bots during their last minute checks of his sister's assigned Grav-sled.
"Near as I can tell, yes," Widget shrugged absently as she made sure that her Protosuit was properly set up in endurance mode. Not that she wanted to have to use those particular features, but the race was expected to last anywhere from three to five hours over the course of twelve laps on the longest track she'd ever been on. And even though she was making sure that she sensibly started with an empty bladder, it was going to be a long haul from start to finish.
"How are the water and nutrient reserves in your Protosuit?"
"Topped off and in the correct reservoirs," Widget informed her little brother with some slight exasperation over him asking this exact question for the third time so far. "And I made sure that the feed tubes were lined up to connect to the matching receiving tubes in my helmet when I put it on. I actually passed my Protosuit Survival and Safety training on my first go through after receiving my suit, Clank. I'll be fine."
"It is my right and duty to worry about your safety as your little brother," Clank retorted as he sent the pit-bots to checking over the spare parts and fuel reserves stored in their assigned pit.
"And that is just adorable," a female voice called out, causing the two to turn to face the newcomer. "Hi, I'm Amanda Bates. We'll be racing against each other soon, but I just wanted to meet Commando of the Galaxy Rangers ahead of time, since we might not have time after the event."
"Um… sure?" Widget tilted her head, then shook it and gathered herself before putting her hand out. "My actual name is Widget Razz, and this is my little brother, Clank."
"Pleased to meet you," Amanda said, first shaking Widget's hand and then Clank's. "I take it that he's the pilot of Big Guy?"
"Something like that, yes," Clank equivocated, once again following the advice of his teammates and, while not exactly lying, instead choosing not to correct someone else's mistaken perception of his UltraMech state.
"That is so cool! Can I get your autographs?"
After signing Amanda Bates' book and watching her leave, Widget and Clank looked at each other and then wordlessly set about double checking absolutely everything in the pit, from the Grav-sled, their assigned supplies, up to and even including each other.
Not that they had a lot of time left to do so before Widget had to get into her Grav-sled and report to the starting line, but one did not just casually encounter the Spider Queen of the Elimination League and not expect something shady had just happened under their noses.
The fact that neither of them found anything out of place did not really make either of them feel any better...
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:00 PM, Thursday
"AND THEY'RE OFF!" Dallas Wannamaker announced as the racers got the greenlight.
"And it looks like Alan Striker is taking an early lead as usual, Dallas!"
"With Wrex Raisir hot on his afterburner, Juanita! And Amanda Bates following in his slipstream!"
"Things are not looking so well for either Hans Baird or Rexer Ironhide though, Dallas, as both are currently off to a (relatively) slow start and vying one another for a solid last place!"
"They really should have opted for switching to lighter Grav-sleds once they found out that this was a noncombat race, Juanita, but I guess they were just too used to popping their load at any racers that got ahead of them!"
"You would know, Dallas! But be that as it may, their decision to not switch up their rides may cost them any chance of winning this race!"
"Speaking of chances of winning, it looks like Commando has just passed Madison Hawk and Marie Yamamoto, slipping through right between them as they rounded the first turn!"
"Indeed she has, Dallas! I'm given to understand that the Grav-sled Commando is using is Gadgetron's previous testbed vehicle, the G-AG X-7R34M!, otherwise known to fans of the Gadgetron team as the X-Treme!"
"Don't you mean that it is now known as the Ex-Treme, Juanita? And while we're on the subject of Commando, I'm sure many of her growing fanbase, myself included, are very disappointed that we are unlikely to see a repeat of yesterday's alternative event during the hoverbike race, and the after show that followed!"
"That's it, I'm gonna kill him," Widget muttered to herself even as she tried to put it out of her mind and focus on the race.
"That would be highly inadvisable," Clank replied over the comm. "I'm certain that a light to medium maiming would be more appropriate under these circumstances."
"I was being figurative, Clank, but good to know," Widget commented as she rounded another bend, managing to pass over three consecutive specialized Quick-equip booster pads as she came out of the turn. Amanda Bates' G-Spider was still visible up ahead, so Widget thought that she might have a chance to pass her if she could just keep lining up for the triple strips…
Assuming that Bates quit hitting them herself, that is.
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:45 PM, Thursday
"Woah there! It looks like a construction hauler is passing low over the racecourse, Juanita!"
"Indeed it is, Dallas! And it looks like it's dropping something onto the… Ooh! That is really going to hurt Hans Baird's chances of winning now!"
"That is assuming that there's enough of him to recover from his now crushed Cyber Sled, the Centaur-2, Juanita!"
"I don't know what this mysterious new entry is playing at, Dallas! If I may remind everyone, including our new racer, this is not a combat elimination race, and this stunt would be questionable even then!"
"I'm sure it's just some new guy trying to set up his kayfabe for the Elimination League, Juanita. A new rival for Hans Baird, perhaps?"
"I'm not so sure, Dallas, given that the new contender has just speared Rexer Ironside's Crusher with some sort of towline and seems to be…"
"Are my eyes deceiving me, Juanita, or did the front end of that monster Grav-sled just open up to reveal what appears to be grinders and buzzsaws!?"
"Indeed it has, Dallas! And it looks like Rexor Ironside has hit his ejector seat at the very last moment before his Crusher has been crushed!"
"Widget!" Clank's voice called over the comm, "a maniac has entered the race and appears to be intent on destroying everyone from behind!"
"I know, Clank! See if you can get the track's weapon pick-up pads activated, we need to be able to defend ourselves out here!"
"That would not work, Widget," Clank replied. "None of the weapon pick-up pads were stocked for this event!"
"So we just have the basic weapons we were left with in case of old warbots and raiders, with no reloads. Well ain't that just dandy…"
"I'm not sure your usage of the word dandy applies in this situation, Widget."
"I was being sarcastic!"
Back at the track's maintenance pits, Clank was commandeering as many pit-bots as he could even as he continued to advise his big sister on the progress of the monster-sled tearing up the track behind the remaining racers.
Pit-bots were running over from all of the other pits, carrying parts, weapons, and ammunition, and fuel to another crew of pit-bots that were accepting everything given to them and assembling something very much like, but not actually a Grav-sled.
Which is to say, the beast being assembled would not be considered to be any more track legal than the monster it was intended to take down.
Not that Clank cared about how track legal his impromptu ride was ending up even as he climbed into the just completed custom cockpit.
After all, he wasn't here to race…
Widget cursed to herself as Madison Hawk's Fireball was the next to fall to the Monster-sled. Apparently Hawk had tried to airbrake and slip behind the thing on the left, only for the Fireball to end up having its systems fried as it passed between the monster and the guide rails.
Hitting the all-call channel, Widget called out to the other racers. "This is Commando! Be advised: the intruder is using some sort of high powered mag-system between itself and the rails! Trying to let it pass you by hugging the rails is not going to work!"
"Acknowledged, Commando," several voices returned.
"Anyone having any luck getting them to unlock the weapon pads?" Alan Striker asked.
"That's a no-go, Striker," Widget replied. "The pads weren't stocked for this race."
There was some general cursing in response to this news.
"It's on me! It's on me!" Marie Yamamoto's voice cried out as she bobbed and weaved to avoid being speared from behind and pulled into the opening maw of the monster chasing them all.
"I'm okay!" Marie called out again. "The drag from opening that maw forces that thing to slow down, so if we can just avoid being captured by it's tether lines… HOLY FUCK! I just registered missile locks!"
There was general cursing at the explosion behind them, followed by several relieved sighs as they caught sight of Yamamoto's ejection chair arcing high behind them all.
"Now hold on there!" a track official marched up to Clank's custom assembled Grav-sled as the pit-bots were attaching the last few requisitioned parts and topping off the fuel. "We already have one nutcase on the track! Just what do you think you're doing!?"
"Galactic Rangers business," Clank replied tersely as he mentally reviewed his preflight check. "Now if you'll excuse me…"
"Son, I don't know what you think that thing can do, but there's no way you'll reach them in time to be of any help except maybe after the fact! Just go with the rescue crews and help with the survivors…"
"I beg to differ," Clank informed the man, before concentrating, causing a white glow to envelope the hastily assembled Grav-sled just before it shot off down the track, faster than anything the track official had ever seen.
Well, this close to the ground, anyway.
Widget cursed silently to herself as she noticed the monster closing in behind her. All too soon it would be in range to use its lines, and she knew that she wasn't as experienced as either Hawk or Yamamoto had been.
Still, if the monster got by her…
'WHAT THE FUCK!?" Widget cried out as Wrex Raisir's yellow Grav-sled raced past her from the front, firing its cannons and missiles the very moment she was no longer in the line of fire. There was an explosion and the sound of a horrific crash, but moments later the monster left the resulting cloud of smoke and flames, a little damaged and somewhat slowed down, but accelerating once again…
Clank concentrated on maintaining the ideal line to pass over as many consecutive booster pads as he could manage, even as he continued to focus on keeping the temporal acceleration field that Dr. Nefarious had helped him discover running. He could not maintain the field for very long, especially spread out over an entire vehicle like this rather than just himself, so every bit of increased acceleration he could manage to grab while it was up counted.
And once it was down, he would be concentrating all that much harder just to stay on the track as his perceptions slowed back down to real time.
He heard everyone's voices over the comms, but could not risk sparing the processing power to understand them through the distorted time field lest it break his focus and concentration.
This was not going to be fun, but he had to save his big sister!
"And he has his own afterburners," Widget noted in exasperation as the monster lit up from behind and noticeably accelerated, once again beginning to close the distance between them. Before then, there had been some hope that everyone else might be able to stay ahead and out of range by using the boost pad system, as the monster sled apparently did not have a compatible quick-equip receiver installed, as evidenced by the fact that the boost pads had no effect on it.
Noting a tight turn coming up ahead, with the accompanying incline at the bend of the track, Widget came to a decision.
"Wish me luck, guys, I'm gonna try something stupid!"
With that, she lined herself up, locking her missiles onto a specific section of the outside guide rail, fired, then immediately spun her Grav-sled and hit reverse just as she passed over a booster pad.
As her Grav-sled hit the opening and shot up into the air in a ballistic arc, she fired her canons into the monster in hopes of distracting whoever was piloting it into following her off the track…
"Oh Hell no!" Spanner swore as the guns of the blue and grey Grav-sled strafed over his Monster-sled even as it left the track, somehow spinning back around the moment it's cannons were no longer able to keep him in their firing arc. "You ain't getting away after trying that stunt! I ain't havin' it!"
"Oh goody," Widget commented, feeling an eerie sort of calm overtake her as she managed to land and race forward, no longer bound to the track. "He did follow me…"
"What did you do, Commando?" she heard Alan Striker ask over the comms.
"I shot him to hell and back then immediately left the track," Widget replied as she bobbed and weaved across and around the uneven terrain of the Kyzil Plateau.
"Hold tight! I'm turning around to support you!" Amanda Bates informed her.
"I'll be there too!" Alan Striker stated. "There's no way that monster can face down all three of us on unrestricted terrain!"
"That's a negative, guys," Widget countered. "Even if you could help, I'm familiar with the Kyzil Plateau and you're not. And you probably wouldn't like where I'm leading him."
"And where would that be?" Stiker asked.
"F Sector."
Time: 10:00 PM, Wednesday
"I have finished inspecting your A.S.S." Clank informed Widget, who was still scrubbing down sections of her Protosuit to clean out every last spec of mud, and looking over each part as she did so. "Other than having needed to be cleaned, it appears to be in good working order, with none of the stored contents missing or damaged."
"That's good," Widget replied as she started scrubbing a piece of Protosuit that was proving difficult to remove all the dirt and mud from. She was currently in the shorts and halter that comprised the Galactic Rangers physical training outfit (minus the shoes), which was just as grey as her issued undergarments, and also had the same Galactic Rangers logo. She hadn't really packed any civvies, since she was only going to be on Veldin for a few days at most, and she didn't want to get either of the uniforms she had brought along dirty while cleaning her armor.
"Do you require assistance?" Clank asked, setting Widget's new A.S.S. on the nightstand next to the hotel room's only bed. Not that he cared about that, as he didn't require sleep. Not that he couldn't do so if needed or desired, but for him (like most bots) it was more of an option than a necessity.
Not that Dr. Nefarious hadn't insisted that Clank get his own assigned bunk on the Phoenix and his own room in the Hall of Heroes once they had discovered that he had the capacity to dream (which was apparently a rare trait, even in bots that qualified as sophonts). Which reminded Clank that he really should schedule some of his downtime to actually try out that feature, as it was presumably a gift from whoever his real creators had been.
Now was not the time to do so, however.
"If you don't mind," Widget accepted her little brother's offer. "I kind of wish we had brought Bleep along, since Qwark said he could clean any outfit or armor to perfection."
"I think you mean Bloop," Clank corrected his big sister. "Bleep is the one who can cook and prepare restaurant quality meals. Also, both of them are specifically assigned to the Phoenix as crewbots. They would not have come."
Widget paused as she thought of something. "Oh yeah, they aren't actually Rangers like you are, are they? They don't leave the Phoenix and I don't think I've seen them attend any meetings even by telepresence. Do they even get paid?""
"They do," Clank confirmed. "I'm given to understand that their wages are quite generous, and include maintenance and memory backup benefits. And they do leave the Phoenix occasionally during their downtime, it's just that they are very specifically ship crew, with little desire to do anything else."
"Well, I'm glad they're happy with their jobs," Widget commented as she turned the section of armor she was currently working on over to continue cleaning it. "Now don't forget to make sure that the inside surfaces and connective pieces are clean too."
"I am aware of the issues," Clank informed Widget. "After all, unlike some Lombaxes I know, I read the manuals."
"Clank, I'm the only Lombax you… Heeeeeeeey!"
Clank chuckled as he and his sister continued to sanitize the Protosuit.
O o O o O
Location: Wipeout Racecourse Ready Area, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
"So this is the Grav-sled I'll be using?" Widget asked as she looked over the wedge-shaped vehicle that had been painted in Galactic Rangers colors, complete with logo and the word "COMMANDO" printed on each side. It, like all Grav-sleds, bore a superficial resemblance to a fighter but lacked the systems required to enable them to actually leave orbit or make the jump to hyperspace. Not that she'd want to spend hours in hyperspace in such a cramped cockpit anyway.
For that matter, despite their control surfaces and the velocities they could achieve, all official track-legal Wipeout League Grav-sleds had their AG systems hardlocked to maintain a set distance above any surface, barring jumps. And while these locks could technically be removed, it couldn't be done from the cockpit (and race officials did random checks to make sure that they weren't removed prior to any race, or during any pitstop).
"Yes," the Rilgarian, one of the technicians Gadgetron had assigned to her for the event, confirmed. "This is the old G-AG X-7R34M prototype testbed Grav-sled that was retired just last year. It uses a mostly standard control layout, with some versatech systems added to better handle hot-swapping the weapon modules on the go, but everything but the basic guns and missile racks have been removed."
"I thought that this was going to be a non-combat race, due to the event being charity based?" Clank asked in concern.
"It is," the Rilgarian nodded, "and if this was like the one taking place on Novalis, all the weapon systems on everyone's sleds would either be locked down or removed. But this is Veldin, and we've come across a lot of old warbots and abandoned raider bots while setting up the track, so the league ruled to leave basic defenses in place just in case."
Widget popped open the cockpit and looked inside. "Yeah, other than the extra versatech console, these controls look to be the same as the one I trained on. I should be able to pilot this. So, why this one and not a G-AG 1550 Windcutter?"
"From what I understand, you and Veralux were slated to get matching Windcutters, but Old Man Lumos overrode the board when he found out who was racing. Said something along the lines of a Lombax being better able to appreciate a toy with more versatility, and it beat just scrapping the thing anyway."
"I'd complain about racial stereotyping, but this is pretty cool," Widget admitted.
"Not to mention that such a complaint would be hypocritical of you to be making," Clank stated.
"What?"
"Did you not admit last night that, in your experience, all Terachnoids are into roleplaying and holovid games? And you yourself said that this was an example of stereotyping."
"Is this about Gogo's supervillain thing? She's just playing around. Don't worry about it!"
"I was just citing that it would be hypocritical of you to complain about someone else stereotyping you because of your race," Clank clarified. "Gogo Neutronic's presumed proclivities are an entirely separate issue."
O o O o O
Location: Tobruk Crater, Novalis
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
Shiv Helix and The Stig got into the aircar that had been rented (under an assumed identity that would be traced back to some random guy living on Tenemule), having just finished breakfast in yet another holonet cafe. The Stig would be dropping him off at the designated spot close (but not too close) to the Iron Hold prison so that he would have enough time to infiltrate the facility and get into a good position to exfiltrate Little Tony once Spanner started things on his end.
O o O o O
Location: Builders' League United Construction Hauler, approaching Veldin (going slow - well, slowish…)
Time: 8:00 AM, Thursday
Jack slid into the pilot's seat on the bridge of the stolen construction hauler now that the ship was getting close to their destination, as there was no point in getting blindsided by traffic or some random asteroid or space debris that an autopilot wouldn't account for.
He'd make sure that Spanner was awake in a few hours, with enough time for a quick meal before dropping him onto the race track in the Monster-sled they had built together.
Well, overbuilt perhaps, as apparently the event was supposed to be strictly non-combat, which meant that any weapons systems the Grav-sleds may have had would have either been removed or locked down. But Spanner had wanted the Monster-sled to be tough enough to take some abuse before he vacated it, citing that it had to be at least durable enough to still function after being dropped onto the track, and still be able to do its job afterwards.
Which, to be fair, was a valid point.
Jack didn't want to be fair.
Not that he had anything against Spanner, per se, other than the all too high probability that he would assault Mr. Drek on a whim should they ever directly encounter one another, but that possibility was enough to motivate Jack towards arranging what he felt were appropriate contingencies.
He just had to be patient and make sure that these contingencies didn't interfere with the job Spanner had been assigned in the first place.
O o O o O
Spanner snored away, sprawled out across one of the crew bunks, oblivious to the universe…
O o O o O
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 12:50 PM, Thursday
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Oh, and I guess you too, Juanita," Dallas Wannamaker announced, looking somewhat scuffed up and rumbled, and sporting a shiner on his left eye with a matching bruise on his right cheek. The interviews with Princesses Peach and Daisy the previous evening had not gone at all well for him, and he never got a chance to speak with Commando before she disappeared into the hotel she was staying at.
"Screw you too, Dallas," Juanita Alvera said with a smile, looking as clean and pristine as when she had first come off the production line and received her first suit.
"If only," Dallas muttered under his breath before continuing. "As I'm sure many of our viewers know, today marks the first use of the official Wipeout League racecourse that has been built on the Kyzil Plateau on Veldin, as part of the charity event to help raise relief funds for those whose homes, health, and/or livelihoods were harmed by the recent BlargTech attack!"
"That's right, Dallas! And while the top core league competitors are evenly split between matching events on Kerwan and the new official track on Novalis, Veldin will be playing host to some of the top stars of the Elimination League, using their signature Cyber Sleds!"
"You are absolutely right, Juanita! Among our celebrity racers today are six of the most decorated combat pilots the Wipeout League has to offer! We have here today such notables as Maddison Hawk, whose Cyber Sled, Fireball, is considered by many to be one of the most rounded Grav-sleds of the Elimination League!"
"And let's not forget the honorable Marie Yamamoto in her signature Polar Star, Dallas!"
"Honor will only get you so far in the Elimination League, Juanita! Just ask our next racer, Rexer Ironside! Although we do have to wonder how he's putting up with the weapons restrictions in place for this particular event."
"Not well, I would imagine, Dallas! Although I imagine these restrictions will not have much effect at all on the performance of Alan Striker, hero of Megalopolis, in his signature Cyber Sled, Blue Lighting! The speed! The maneuverability! The flexibility in bed!"
"Are you talking about Striker or Blue Lightning, Jaunita?"
"Yes!"
"I hate you so much right now."
"You have no idea how much it warms my mechanical heart to hear you say so, Dallas."
O o O o O
"Are Dallas Wannamaker and Juanita Alvera always like this?" Clank asked as he directed the pit-bots during their last minute checks of his sister's assigned Grav-sled.
"Near as I can tell, yes," Widget shrugged absently as she made sure that her Protosuit was properly set up in endurance mode. Not that she wanted to have to use those particular features, but the race was expected to last anywhere from three to five hours over the course of twelve laps on the longest track she'd ever been on. And even though she was making sure that she sensibly started with an empty bladder, it was going to be a long haul from start to finish.
"How are the water and nutrient reserves in your Protosuit?"
"Topped off and in the correct reservoirs," Widget informed her little brother with some slight exasperation over him asking this exact question for the third time so far. "And I made sure that the feed tubes were lined up to connect to the matching receiving tubes in my helmet when I put it on. I actually passed my Protosuit Survival and Safety training on my first go through after receiving my suit, Clank. I'll be fine."
"It is my right and duty to worry about your safety as your little brother," Clank retorted as he sent the pit-bots to checking over the spare parts and fuel reserves stored in their assigned pit.
"And that is just adorable," a female voice called out, causing the two to turn to face the newcomer. "Hi, I'm Amanda Bates. We'll be racing against each other soon, but I just wanted to meet Commando of the Galaxy Rangers ahead of time, since we might not have time after the event."
"Um… sure?" Widget tilted her head, then shook it and gathered herself before putting her hand out. "My actual name is Widget Razz, and this is my little brother, Clank."
"Pleased to meet you," Amanda said, first shaking Widget's hand and then Clank's. "I take it that he's the pilot of Big Guy?"
"Something like that, yes," Clank equivocated, once again following the advice of his teammates and, while not exactly lying, instead choosing not to correct someone else's mistaken perception of his UltraMech state.
"That is so cool! Can I get your autographs?"
After signing Amanda Bates' book and watching her leave, Widget and Clank looked at each other and then wordlessly set about double checking absolutely everything in the pit, from the Grav-sled, their assigned supplies, up to and even including each other.
Not that they had a lot of time left to do so before Widget had to get into her Grav-sled and report to the starting line, but one did not just casually encounter the Spider Queen of the Elimination League and not expect something shady had just happened under their noses.
The fact that neither of them found anything out of place did not really make either of them feel any better...
O o O o O
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:00 PM, Thursday
"AND THEY'RE OFF!" Dallas Wannamaker announced as the racers got the greenlight.
"And it looks like Alan Striker is taking an early lead as usual, Dallas!"
"With Wrex Raisir hot on his afterburner, Juanita! And Amanda Bates following in his slipstream!"
"Things are not looking so well for either Hans Baird or Rexer Ironhide though, Dallas, as both are currently off to a (relatively) slow start and vying one another for a solid last place!"
"They really should have opted for switching to lighter Grav-sleds once they found out that this was a noncombat race, Juanita, but I guess they were just too used to popping their load at any racers that got ahead of them!"
"You would know, Dallas! But be that as it may, their decision to not switch up their rides may cost them any chance of winning this race!"
"Speaking of chances of winning, it looks like Commando has just passed Madison Hawk and Marie Yamamoto, slipping through right between them as they rounded the first turn!"
"Indeed she has, Dallas! I'm given to understand that the Grav-sled Commando is using is Gadgetron's previous testbed vehicle, the G-AG X-7R34M!, otherwise known to fans of the Gadgetron team as the X-Treme!"
"Don't you mean that it is now known as the Ex-Treme, Juanita? And while we're on the subject of Commando, I'm sure many of her growing fanbase, myself included, are very disappointed that we are unlikely to see a repeat of yesterday's alternative event during the hoverbike race, and the after show that followed!"
O o O o O
"That's it, I'm gonna kill him," Widget muttered to herself even as she tried to put it out of her mind and focus on the race.
"That would be highly inadvisable," Clank replied over the comm. "I'm certain that a light to medium maiming would be more appropriate under these circumstances."
"I was being figurative, Clank, but good to know," Widget commented as she rounded another bend, managing to pass over three consecutive specialized Quick-equip booster pads as she came out of the turn. Amanda Bates' G-Spider was still visible up ahead, so Widget thought that she might have a chance to pass her if she could just keep lining up for the triple strips…
Assuming that Bates quit hitting them herself, that is.
O o O o O
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 1:45 PM, Thursday
"Woah there! It looks like a construction hauler is passing low over the racecourse, Juanita!"
"Indeed it is, Dallas! And it looks like it's dropping something onto the… Ooh! That is really going to hurt Hans Baird's chances of winning now!"
"That is assuming that there's enough of him to recover from his now crushed Cyber Sled, the Centaur-2, Juanita!"
"I don't know what this mysterious new entry is playing at, Dallas! If I may remind everyone, including our new racer, this is not a combat elimination race, and this stunt would be questionable even then!"
"I'm sure it's just some new guy trying to set up his kayfabe for the Elimination League, Juanita. A new rival for Hans Baird, perhaps?"
"I'm not so sure, Dallas, given that the new contender has just speared Rexer Ironside's Crusher with some sort of towline and seems to be…"
"Are my eyes deceiving me, Juanita, or did the front end of that monster Grav-sled just open up to reveal what appears to be grinders and buzzsaws!?"
"Indeed it has, Dallas! And it looks like Rexor Ironside has hit his ejector seat at the very last moment before his Crusher has been crushed!"
O o O o O
"Widget!" Clank's voice called over the comm, "a maniac has entered the race and appears to be intent on destroying everyone from behind!"
"I know, Clank! See if you can get the track's weapon pick-up pads activated, we need to be able to defend ourselves out here!"
"That would not work, Widget," Clank replied. "None of the weapon pick-up pads were stocked for this event!"
"So we just have the basic weapons we were left with in case of old warbots and raiders, with no reloads. Well ain't that just dandy…"
"I'm not sure your usage of the word dandy applies in this situation, Widget."
"I was being sarcastic!"
O o O o O
Back at the track's maintenance pits, Clank was commandeering as many pit-bots as he could even as he continued to advise his big sister on the progress of the monster-sled tearing up the track behind the remaining racers.
Pit-bots were running over from all of the other pits, carrying parts, weapons, and ammunition, and fuel to another crew of pit-bots that were accepting everything given to them and assembling something very much like, but not actually a Grav-sled.
Which is to say, the beast being assembled would not be considered to be any more track legal than the monster it was intended to take down.
Not that Clank cared about how track legal his impromptu ride was ending up even as he climbed into the just completed custom cockpit.
After all, he wasn't here to race…
O o O o O
Widget cursed to herself as Madison Hawk's Fireball was the next to fall to the Monster-sled. Apparently Hawk had tried to airbrake and slip behind the thing on the left, only for the Fireball to end up having its systems fried as it passed between the monster and the guide rails.
Hitting the all-call channel, Widget called out to the other racers. "This is Commando! Be advised: the intruder is using some sort of high powered mag-system between itself and the rails! Trying to let it pass you by hugging the rails is not going to work!"
"Acknowledged, Commando," several voices returned.
"Anyone having any luck getting them to unlock the weapon pads?" Alan Striker asked.
"That's a no-go, Striker," Widget replied. "The pads weren't stocked for this race."
There was some general cursing in response to this news.
"It's on me! It's on me!" Marie Yamamoto's voice cried out as she bobbed and weaved to avoid being speared from behind and pulled into the opening maw of the monster chasing them all.
"I'm okay!" Marie called out again. "The drag from opening that maw forces that thing to slow down, so if we can just avoid being captured by it's tether lines… HOLY FUCK! I just registered missile locks!"
There was general cursing at the explosion behind them, followed by several relieved sighs as they caught sight of Yamamoto's ejection chair arcing high behind them all.
O o O o O
"Now hold on there!" a track official marched up to Clank's custom assembled Grav-sled as the pit-bots were attaching the last few requisitioned parts and topping off the fuel. "We already have one nutcase on the track! Just what do you think you're doing!?"
"Galactic Rangers business," Clank replied tersely as he mentally reviewed his preflight check. "Now if you'll excuse me…"
"Son, I don't know what you think that thing can do, but there's no way you'll reach them in time to be of any help except maybe after the fact! Just go with the rescue crews and help with the survivors…"
"I beg to differ," Clank informed the man, before concentrating, causing a white glow to envelope the hastily assembled Grav-sled just before it shot off down the track, faster than anything the track official had ever seen.
Well, this close to the ground, anyway.
O o O o O
Widget cursed silently to herself as she noticed the monster closing in behind her. All too soon it would be in range to use its lines, and she knew that she wasn't as experienced as either Hawk or Yamamoto had been.
Still, if the monster got by her…
'WHAT THE FUCK!?" Widget cried out as Wrex Raisir's yellow Grav-sled raced past her from the front, firing its cannons and missiles the very moment she was no longer in the line of fire. There was an explosion and the sound of a horrific crash, but moments later the monster left the resulting cloud of smoke and flames, a little damaged and somewhat slowed down, but accelerating once again…
O o O o O
Clank concentrated on maintaining the ideal line to pass over as many consecutive booster pads as he could manage, even as he continued to focus on keeping the temporal acceleration field that Dr. Nefarious had helped him discover running. He could not maintain the field for very long, especially spread out over an entire vehicle like this rather than just himself, so every bit of increased acceleration he could manage to grab while it was up counted.
And once it was down, he would be concentrating all that much harder just to stay on the track as his perceptions slowed back down to real time.
He heard everyone's voices over the comms, but could not risk sparing the processing power to understand them through the distorted time field lest it break his focus and concentration.
This was not going to be fun, but he had to save his big sister!
O o O o O
"And he has his own afterburners," Widget noted in exasperation as the monster lit up from behind and noticeably accelerated, once again beginning to close the distance between them. Before then, there had been some hope that everyone else might be able to stay ahead and out of range by using the boost pad system, as the monster sled apparently did not have a compatible quick-equip receiver installed, as evidenced by the fact that the boost pads had no effect on it.
Noting a tight turn coming up ahead, with the accompanying incline at the bend of the track, Widget came to a decision.
"Wish me luck, guys, I'm gonna try something stupid!"
With that, she lined herself up, locking her missiles onto a specific section of the outside guide rail, fired, then immediately spun her Grav-sled and hit reverse just as she passed over a booster pad.
As her Grav-sled hit the opening and shot up into the air in a ballistic arc, she fired her canons into the monster in hopes of distracting whoever was piloting it into following her off the track…
O o O o O
"Oh Hell no!" Spanner swore as the guns of the blue and grey Grav-sled strafed over his Monster-sled even as it left the track, somehow spinning back around the moment it's cannons were no longer able to keep him in their firing arc. "You ain't getting away after trying that stunt! I ain't havin' it!"
O o O o O
"Oh goody," Widget commented, feeling an eerie sort of calm overtake her as she managed to land and race forward, no longer bound to the track. "He did follow me…"
"What did you do, Commando?" she heard Alan Striker ask over the comms.
"I shot him to hell and back then immediately left the track," Widget replied as she bobbed and weaved across and around the uneven terrain of the Kyzil Plateau.
"Hold tight! I'm turning around to support you!" Amanda Bates informed her.
"I'll be there too!" Alan Striker stated. "There's no way that monster can face down all three of us on unrestricted terrain!"
"That's a negative, guys," Widget countered. "Even if you could help, I'm familiar with the Kyzil Plateau and you're not. And you probably wouldn't like where I'm leading him."
"And where would that be?" Stiker asked.
"F Sector."
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Rilgar, Novalis, & Kerwan
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Sewers & Maintenance Tunnels, Blackwater City, Rilgar
Time: 1:28 PM, Thursday
Captain Qwark took a moment to sip from the hydration straw in his (rarely used) suit's helmet, glad he had brought it along with his gear even though fighting off a seemingly endless infestation of Ameboids beneath Blackwater City had not been in his itinerary for his visit to Rilgar at all. For one thing, it helped hold off the stench whenever he had to venture into a section of the sewers in order to root out a…
What did one call a group of Ameboids anyway? Dr. Nefarious would probably know, but he was still back on Kerwan, no doubt deep into whatever his current project was, or perhaps continuing Elaris' training as his assistant.
Qwark casually back handed a hyper-aggressive man-eating fish as he once again traversed a flooded section of the tunnels in order to get to the next suspected nest of Ameboids.
It wasn't even as if fighting Ameboids was particularly hard, or even scary. Just hit them with whatever weapon you had on hand enough times, or even just punch or kick them hard enough, until the resulting mini-Ameboids were finally too small to be self-sustaining. Using a Hydrosplacer to clear them out was even faster.
Still, while tedious and boring, this was less of a snorfest than standing around waiting to hand out prizes to amateur circuit hoverboard competitors would have been. Maybe if at least one of his Rangers could have participated at this level, or if this year's hopefuls would stop trash talking each other down long enough to have a reasonably intelligent conversation with them…
Yeah, okay, so even he would admit that his bar for reasonably intelligent conversation was set a bit on the low side, but these punks couldn't even clear that unless it had to do with hoverboarding!
Oh well, at least Qwark could take solace in the fact that all of his Rangers were probably having fun right now, even if he wasn't...
Location: Hall of Heroes, Kerwan
Time: 1:35 PM, Thursday
"And this is my lab, where Elaris and I work on various projects when not on missions or needed to provide overwatch…"
Jimmy was over the moon. He went ahead and asked the robot out front for the quiz on asteroids out of a morbid sense of curiosity once he saw the out of order notice had been removed, and had ended up passing well enough that Dr. Nefarious himself had decided to give him a personal tour (well, with either a member of his family or one of his teachers or regular babysitters along, but still)!
And this still wouldn't be the best day of Jimmy's life…
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Novalis
Time: 1:38 PM, Thursday
"Hey, Cora?" Brax' voice came over the comm.
"I'm kind of busy, Brax," Cora responded as she rounded another bend and lined up to hit… No, she had a bad angle to hit the row of three booster pads, but the double coming up looked doable. "What is it?"
"Do you think we should get nicknames like Commando and Big Guy?"
"Seriously not the time, Brax…"
"I was thinking I could be Heavy, since I'm really strong and am basically the heavy weapons guy of the team anyway…"
"This is interesting and all, but how about we talk about this after the race, okay?"
"Oh, and you could be Assault!"
"Brax, I need to concentrate here, and you're not helping!"
"And Elaris can be Princess Purple, because she wears that crown thingy and is purple!"
"BRAX!"
"What?"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME FOCUS ON RACING! YOU'RE BEING VERY DISTRACTING!"
"Well, there's no need to yell about it…"
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:15 PM, Thursday
"That's brave and all, Commando," Widget heard Amanda Bates say over the comm, "but Alan and I were experienced combat pilots of Grav-sleds long before either of us joined the Elimination League, while you've been a Galactic ranger for what? A couple of weeks now?"
"Amanda's right," Alan Striker added. "Piloting a Grav-sled through unfamiliar and potentially hostile terrain is hardly new to either of us. You're getting that assist whether you want it or not. Now let us give you a crash course in combat piloting in a ground effect vehicle."
"The first thing you should be aware of is that some Grav-sleds can basically travel in any orientation along the horizontal plane, regardless of their orientation" Amanda Bates explained. "In fact, my G-Spider was designed specifically with this in mind, and can travel and turn with near equal agility and speed in any direction."
"Your G-AG X-7R34M should have similar capabilities if I remember correctly," Alan interjected. "Although, like most sleds even with this ability, you will still be fastest and the most agile while facing forward along your vector of travel."
"I kind of did that already to get the asshole to follow me off the track," Widget stated in dry humor.
"Then the next thing you should probably be aware of is to avoid open terrain as much as possible until the enemy runs out of missiles to lock onto you with," Amanda instructed.
"Yeah, about that…" Widget commented tensely as she heard the telltale sound of the missile lock alert.
"DROP YOUR TAIL AND HIT YOUR REAR AIRBRAKES!" Alan yelled over the comm. Widget did so, causing an immediate plume of dust and gravel to shoot up behind her. She heard several explosions as her impromptu cloud of chaff tore apart the missiles that flew into it.
"It's okay!" Widget called out. "I'm still here! Thanks for the tip, it worked!"
"That's good kid," Alan replied, "but level out again unless you hear another missile lock. Tail-dipping airbrakes like that not only slows you down, but also runs the risk of clipping a rock or stump, which is no fun for anyone."
"See if you can lead the enemy into a maze of ravines and canyons, or anywhere where there are a lot of rock outcroppings," Amanda advised. "He's faster, but you're more maneuverable. Take advantage of that! Maliciously!"
"I'm coming up behind you, Spider Queen," Alan stated, "And I see the opening! Spread 'em NOW!"
"What do you… AAAAHHH!!! ALAN YOU BASTARD!"
"What happened?" Widget asked in concern.
"Ah, she's just upset because I didn't feel like slowing down just so she could go through the gap you left first."
"ALAN! YOU SHOT RIGHT BETWEEN MY G-SPIDER'S LEGS! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN BOTH OF US KILLED!"
"That's what you said the last time I pulled that stunt too, and we're both still here, aren't we?"
"Impatient bastard!"
"Uh, guys? Could you… y'know… just not right now?" Widget interrupted their argument. "I mean, we still have an asshole that's deliberately trying to kill us after all."
"Fair point," Alan conceded.
"He's still an impatient bastard, but I guess I can punch his face in at the victory banquet," Amanda groused.
"Promises promises!"
"Could we not do that either? It's kind of pointless to taunt unless the enemy can hear you."
"And how do you know he isn't listening in right now?"
"Mostly because he just followed me into a ravine when your advice would have had him turning around to face you guys instead."
"Yeah, that's a pretty good indication," Alan admitted.
"Agreed," Amanda added.
Spanner slowed down a bit as his Monster-sled sideswiped one of the ravine walls. He was having some control issues without the track's guide rails for his side-mounted mags systems to lock onto, and he was beginning to think that it wasn't the best idea to follow Commando off of the track at all, let alone into a ravine. Then again, it wasn't like anything her Grav-sled had could do more than minor damage, or she would have used it already.
Bitch didn't even have real chaff. He'd have to remember that trick she used later.
Still, Commando did make a serious tactical error in that she was trapped in a narrow lane agai…
"FUCK!"
The damned ravine had branches! Where the fuck was she!?
Location: Iron Hold Penitentiary, Novalis
Time: 2:20 PM, Thursday
"Attention prisoners," Shiv heard the voice of who was most likely the current warden of Iron Hold over the intercom. "I'm sure you've noticed the mass exodus of the extra complement of Starwatch guards as they left prison grounds, and the rather large number of Starwatch ships leaving from our pads and the Tobruk Crater Spaceport. I assure you that they are merely engaging in a local in-system exercise and have not, in fact, left the system in response to the trouble reported to be occurring right now on Veldin.
"They will, in fact, still be readily available in system should anybody try to cause trouble locally here on Novalis and specifically here at Iron Hold Penitentiary, and will not actually be gone for roughly four hours at a minimum."
Shiv Helix chuckled to himself as he shook his head. He was still torn as to whether most wardens did this sort of thing due to gross incompetence from having gotten their jobs due to being someone's son, daughter, friend, or political supporter, or if it was their way of hinting at seeking a discrete kickback from any prisoner who actually managed to escape.
Shiv usually made a point of discretely sending these oh-so-helpful wardens something after the fact, so as to encourage this behavior just in case it was deliberate rather than accidental, and for the most part he considered it to be a good investment.
Granted, it wouldn't be the first time a warden had spread less than helpful misinformation either, and Shiv also made it a point to send these wardens special gifts after the fact as well. Only this time to discourage repeat behavior.
Still, given the timing and the mention of Veldin, it was highly probable that the Attention Whore was actually doing his part of the job, so Shiv decided to wait a bit longer to give the last of however many Starwatch ships that were actually leaving to enter hyperspace, and thus not be able to turn around until they emerged into normal space once again in about two hours.
Shiv could do an awful lot given a four hour window and freedom to move around in a prison with a set number of guards.
Okay, the last of the Starwatch ships should have entered hyperspace by now, so it was time to actually get to Little Tony's current location and get this breakout started…
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:25 PM, Thursday
"We can see your dust plumes," Amanda stated. "Since the G-Spider is better at jumping gaps without a ramp, I will stay topside and harass the enemy from above."
"Where do you need me, Commando," Alan asked. "I'm fine with following you guys in and harassing the guy from the sides and rear, but there's no real point if you're leading him elsewhere."
"Actually, there's a bunch of old Warbot encampments on the near side of F Sector, just on the other side of these ravines. Care to rile them up a bit so that they're active once I lead a big juicy target right into them?"
"Assuming Alan doesn't get himself shot to Hell and back by teasing relics, that should work," Amanda voiced her opinion of the proposed plan.
"Aw, you should be used to that by now, Amy!"
"One: Don't call me Amy. Two: I am really looking forward to punching you out at the victory banquet."
Clank's hands flew across the controls of his hastily assembled beast of a Grav-sled as his temporal acceleration field finally dropped and he fought to stay on the track and hit all the booster pa…
Oh dear, if what he was hearing over the comm was accurate, his sister and two other racers had chosen to take this combat off of the track and towards wherever this F Sector was.
Checking the navigation system, he noted the proper direction and then simply had his beast of a Grav-sled hop the rail.
No need to waste perfectly good ammunition when there was a far more deserving target waiting in the near future…
"Widget, I am on my way," Clank called out over the comm.
"What? How!? You don't have a sled!"
"I had the pit-bots build one for me," Clank replied.
"Uh, that's impressive and all kid," Alan said, "But we've got a good lead on you, and the parts in Commando's pit wouldn't be much more help even if you did get to the fight in time.
"Oh, I didn't just use the parts in my sister's pit," Clank stated. "I used all of the parts from all of the pits."
"Um, Commando?"
"Yes, Amanda?"
"Your little brother scares me…"
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 2:30 PM, Thursday
Jack, who had been monitoring several frequencies since this phase of the mission started, finally noted that the call for assistance from Veldin had finally gotten a response from Novalis stating that the Starwatch ships that had been posted there had just made the jump to hyperspace and were on their way.
Mr. Helix now had four hours at a minimum before those particular ships could return to Novalis (assuming that they turned around and re-entered hyperspace immediately upon arrival). Or three hours minimum if the Starwatch ships currently orbiting Kerwan after the attack decided to respond to something as insignificant as a jailbreak.
Which should be plenty of time for Mr. Helix to do his job, even if Little Tony ended up complicating things with violence and stupidity.
Which meant that Spanner, and the high probability of his assaulting Mr. Drek during the equally likely after party Mr. Drek would treat them all to for a first mission well done, was no longer necessary to the plan.
It was time for things to start going wrong for the overly aggressive Lombax.
Jack pushed a button and then proceeded to select a ship to make his own escape from Veldin.
Ooh! Mr. Stryker's personal Slipstream Cutter, with the single vehicle bay he used to haul around his Cyber Sled, Blue Lightning, looked to be an excellent choice!
It most likely had plenty of speed and maneuverability, and perhaps Mr. Drek and Victor Von Ion would let him keep it?
After it had been repainted and had its IFF signature changed, of course.
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:45 PM, Thursday
Spanner cursed as yet another thing started to go wrong in his Monster-sled.
First it had been the glitch in the forward sensors that had mislabeled that one ravine as being wide enough to pass through.
Only now he was missing the mag-boosters on both sides due to that, and the armor plating they had been under, being ripped off on the rocky walls.
He considered himself really lucky that he had been going fast enough to not get stuck, even if he had lost a lot of speed in the process.
"There you are!" Spanner called out in triumph, having finally caught sight of Commando's Grav-sled again. And the stupid bitch was even leaving the maze-like ravines and into open terrain again!
Okay, he could admit to himself that it had been a mistake to follow her into them in the first place, but now the claw was on the other foot!
"Now, decisions, decisions? Do I use the grapple lines and bring you to heel as the monster eats your toy? Or do I just say fuck-it and launch more missiles before you pick up enough speed to do the make-shift chaff trick again? I'm thinking missiles!"
Thumbing the switch to activate the targeting, Spanner instead heard the overheat warning when he tried to fire. "What the fuck!? I know I put in enough heat sinks to prevent a cook-off!"
Location: F Sector, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: ??:?? ??, Probably Monday. It felt like a Monday. It has felt like a Monday for the past several decades.
"The big one is attacking!" Battalion Sergeant T-44 called out to his fellow warbots. "Shields up if you still have 'em and focus fire till it's down!"
"For the Captain!"
"For lubricant!"
"For my trading cards!"
As derelict warbots left behind to guard an outpost that was no longer even there, Bravo Squad weren't the dottiest bots abandoned in F Sector.
"For that rock I found the other day!"
But damn if they weren't close!
"It took out Sarge! Make him pay! FOR SARGE!"
"FOR SARGE!" Bravo Squad called out in one voice for the first time in decades.
"Don't fire!" Widget ordered over the comm. "We really don't want to draw their attention away from the monster-sled!"
"Copy that," Alan answered back.
"Acknowledged," Amanda stated.
"Perhaps I can contact them for better coordination?" Clank suggested.
"NO, CLANK, DON'T…"
"HEY! WE GOT A NEW SARGE! FOR SARGE!"
"FOR SARGE!"
"Oh dear, they seem to think I'm their new sergeant."
"Clank, you idiot…"
Time: 1:28 PM, Thursday
Captain Qwark took a moment to sip from the hydration straw in his (rarely used) suit's helmet, glad he had brought it along with his gear even though fighting off a seemingly endless infestation of Ameboids beneath Blackwater City had not been in his itinerary for his visit to Rilgar at all. For one thing, it helped hold off the stench whenever he had to venture into a section of the sewers in order to root out a…
What did one call a group of Ameboids anyway? Dr. Nefarious would probably know, but he was still back on Kerwan, no doubt deep into whatever his current project was, or perhaps continuing Elaris' training as his assistant.
Qwark casually back handed a hyper-aggressive man-eating fish as he once again traversed a flooded section of the tunnels in order to get to the next suspected nest of Ameboids.
It wasn't even as if fighting Ameboids was particularly hard, or even scary. Just hit them with whatever weapon you had on hand enough times, or even just punch or kick them hard enough, until the resulting mini-Ameboids were finally too small to be self-sustaining. Using a Hydrosplacer to clear them out was even faster.
Still, while tedious and boring, this was less of a snorfest than standing around waiting to hand out prizes to amateur circuit hoverboard competitors would have been. Maybe if at least one of his Rangers could have participated at this level, or if this year's hopefuls would stop trash talking each other down long enough to have a reasonably intelligent conversation with them…
Yeah, okay, so even he would admit that his bar for reasonably intelligent conversation was set a bit on the low side, but these punks couldn't even clear that unless it had to do with hoverboarding!
Oh well, at least Qwark could take solace in the fact that all of his Rangers were probably having fun right now, even if he wasn't...
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Kerwan
Time: 1:35 PM, Thursday
"And this is my lab, where Elaris and I work on various projects when not on missions or needed to provide overwatch…"
Jimmy was over the moon. He went ahead and asked the robot out front for the quiz on asteroids out of a morbid sense of curiosity once he saw the out of order notice had been removed, and had ended up passing well enough that Dr. Nefarious himself had decided to give him a personal tour (well, with either a member of his family or one of his teachers or regular babysitters along, but still)!
And this still wouldn't be the best day of Jimmy's life…
O o O o O
Location: Wipeout Racecourse, Novalis
Time: 1:38 PM, Thursday
"Hey, Cora?" Brax' voice came over the comm.
"I'm kind of busy, Brax," Cora responded as she rounded another bend and lined up to hit… No, she had a bad angle to hit the row of three booster pads, but the double coming up looked doable. "What is it?"
"Do you think we should get nicknames like Commando and Big Guy?"
"Seriously not the time, Brax…"
"I was thinking I could be Heavy, since I'm really strong and am basically the heavy weapons guy of the team anyway…"
"This is interesting and all, but how about we talk about this after the race, okay?"
"Oh, and you could be Assault!"
"Brax, I need to concentrate here, and you're not helping!"
"And Elaris can be Princess Purple, because she wears that crown thingy and is purple!"
"BRAX!"
"What?"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME FOCUS ON RACING! YOU'RE BEING VERY DISTRACTING!"
"Well, there's no need to yell about it…"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:15 PM, Thursday
"That's brave and all, Commando," Widget heard Amanda Bates say over the comm, "but Alan and I were experienced combat pilots of Grav-sleds long before either of us joined the Elimination League, while you've been a Galactic ranger for what? A couple of weeks now?"
"Amanda's right," Alan Striker added. "Piloting a Grav-sled through unfamiliar and potentially hostile terrain is hardly new to either of us. You're getting that assist whether you want it or not. Now let us give you a crash course in combat piloting in a ground effect vehicle."
"The first thing you should be aware of is that some Grav-sleds can basically travel in any orientation along the horizontal plane, regardless of their orientation" Amanda Bates explained. "In fact, my G-Spider was designed specifically with this in mind, and can travel and turn with near equal agility and speed in any direction."
"Your G-AG X-7R34M should have similar capabilities if I remember correctly," Alan interjected. "Although, like most sleds even with this ability, you will still be fastest and the most agile while facing forward along your vector of travel."
"I kind of did that already to get the asshole to follow me off the track," Widget stated in dry humor.
"Then the next thing you should probably be aware of is to avoid open terrain as much as possible until the enemy runs out of missiles to lock onto you with," Amanda instructed.
"Yeah, about that…" Widget commented tensely as she heard the telltale sound of the missile lock alert.
"DROP YOUR TAIL AND HIT YOUR REAR AIRBRAKES!" Alan yelled over the comm. Widget did so, causing an immediate plume of dust and gravel to shoot up behind her. She heard several explosions as her impromptu cloud of chaff tore apart the missiles that flew into it.
"It's okay!" Widget called out. "I'm still here! Thanks for the tip, it worked!"
"That's good kid," Alan replied, "but level out again unless you hear another missile lock. Tail-dipping airbrakes like that not only slows you down, but also runs the risk of clipping a rock or stump, which is no fun for anyone."
"See if you can lead the enemy into a maze of ravines and canyons, or anywhere where there are a lot of rock outcroppings," Amanda advised. "He's faster, but you're more maneuverable. Take advantage of that! Maliciously!"
"I'm coming up behind you, Spider Queen," Alan stated, "And I see the opening! Spread 'em NOW!"
"What do you… AAAAHHH!!! ALAN YOU BASTARD!"
"What happened?" Widget asked in concern.
"Ah, she's just upset because I didn't feel like slowing down just so she could go through the gap you left first."
"ALAN! YOU SHOT RIGHT BETWEEN MY G-SPIDER'S LEGS! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN BOTH OF US KILLED!"
"That's what you said the last time I pulled that stunt too, and we're both still here, aren't we?"
"Impatient bastard!"
"Uh, guys? Could you… y'know… just not right now?" Widget interrupted their argument. "I mean, we still have an asshole that's deliberately trying to kill us after all."
"Fair point," Alan conceded.
"He's still an impatient bastard, but I guess I can punch his face in at the victory banquet," Amanda groused.
"Promises promises!"
"Could we not do that either? It's kind of pointless to taunt unless the enemy can hear you."
"And how do you know he isn't listening in right now?"
"Mostly because he just followed me into a ravine when your advice would have had him turning around to face you guys instead."
"Yeah, that's a pretty good indication," Alan admitted.
"Agreed," Amanda added.
O o O o O
Spanner slowed down a bit as his Monster-sled sideswiped one of the ravine walls. He was having some control issues without the track's guide rails for his side-mounted mags systems to lock onto, and he was beginning to think that it wasn't the best idea to follow Commando off of the track at all, let alone into a ravine. Then again, it wasn't like anything her Grav-sled had could do more than minor damage, or she would have used it already.
Bitch didn't even have real chaff. He'd have to remember that trick she used later.
Still, Commando did make a serious tactical error in that she was trapped in a narrow lane agai…
"FUCK!"
The damned ravine had branches! Where the fuck was she!?
O o O o O
Location: Iron Hold Penitentiary, Novalis
Time: 2:20 PM, Thursday
"Attention prisoners," Shiv heard the voice of who was most likely the current warden of Iron Hold over the intercom. "I'm sure you've noticed the mass exodus of the extra complement of Starwatch guards as they left prison grounds, and the rather large number of Starwatch ships leaving from our pads and the Tobruk Crater Spaceport. I assure you that they are merely engaging in a local in-system exercise and have not, in fact, left the system in response to the trouble reported to be occurring right now on Veldin.
"They will, in fact, still be readily available in system should anybody try to cause trouble locally here on Novalis and specifically here at Iron Hold Penitentiary, and will not actually be gone for roughly four hours at a minimum."
Shiv Helix chuckled to himself as he shook his head. He was still torn as to whether most wardens did this sort of thing due to gross incompetence from having gotten their jobs due to being someone's son, daughter, friend, or political supporter, or if it was their way of hinting at seeking a discrete kickback from any prisoner who actually managed to escape.
Shiv usually made a point of discretely sending these oh-so-helpful wardens something after the fact, so as to encourage this behavior just in case it was deliberate rather than accidental, and for the most part he considered it to be a good investment.
Granted, it wouldn't be the first time a warden had spread less than helpful misinformation either, and Shiv also made it a point to send these wardens special gifts after the fact as well. Only this time to discourage repeat behavior.
Still, given the timing and the mention of Veldin, it was highly probable that the Attention Whore was actually doing his part of the job, so Shiv decided to wait a bit longer to give the last of however many Starwatch ships that were actually leaving to enter hyperspace, and thus not be able to turn around until they emerged into normal space once again in about two hours.
Shiv could do an awful lot given a four hour window and freedom to move around in a prison with a set number of guards.
Okay, the last of the Starwatch ships should have entered hyperspace by now, so it was time to actually get to Little Tony's current location and get this breakout started…
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:25 PM, Thursday
"We can see your dust plumes," Amanda stated. "Since the G-Spider is better at jumping gaps without a ramp, I will stay topside and harass the enemy from above."
"Where do you need me, Commando," Alan asked. "I'm fine with following you guys in and harassing the guy from the sides and rear, but there's no real point if you're leading him elsewhere."
"Actually, there's a bunch of old Warbot encampments on the near side of F Sector, just on the other side of these ravines. Care to rile them up a bit so that they're active once I lead a big juicy target right into them?"
"Assuming Alan doesn't get himself shot to Hell and back by teasing relics, that should work," Amanda voiced her opinion of the proposed plan.
"Aw, you should be used to that by now, Amy!"
"One: Don't call me Amy. Two: I am really looking forward to punching you out at the victory banquet."
O o O o O
Clank's hands flew across the controls of his hastily assembled beast of a Grav-sled as his temporal acceleration field finally dropped and he fought to stay on the track and hit all the booster pa…
Oh dear, if what he was hearing over the comm was accurate, his sister and two other racers had chosen to take this combat off of the track and towards wherever this F Sector was.
Checking the navigation system, he noted the proper direction and then simply had his beast of a Grav-sled hop the rail.
No need to waste perfectly good ammunition when there was a far more deserving target waiting in the near future…
"Widget, I am on my way," Clank called out over the comm.
"What? How!? You don't have a sled!"
"I had the pit-bots build one for me," Clank replied.
"Uh, that's impressive and all kid," Alan said, "But we've got a good lead on you, and the parts in Commando's pit wouldn't be much more help even if you did get to the fight in time.
"Oh, I didn't just use the parts in my sister's pit," Clank stated. "I used all of the parts from all of the pits."
"Um, Commando?"
"Yes, Amanda?"
"Your little brother scares me…"
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 2:30 PM, Thursday
Jack, who had been monitoring several frequencies since this phase of the mission started, finally noted that the call for assistance from Veldin had finally gotten a response from Novalis stating that the Starwatch ships that had been posted there had just made the jump to hyperspace and were on their way.
Mr. Helix now had four hours at a minimum before those particular ships could return to Novalis (assuming that they turned around and re-entered hyperspace immediately upon arrival). Or three hours minimum if the Starwatch ships currently orbiting Kerwan after the attack decided to respond to something as insignificant as a jailbreak.
Which should be plenty of time for Mr. Helix to do his job, even if Little Tony ended up complicating things with violence and stupidity.
Which meant that Spanner, and the high probability of his assaulting Mr. Drek during the equally likely after party Mr. Drek would treat them all to for a first mission well done, was no longer necessary to the plan.
It was time for things to start going wrong for the overly aggressive Lombax.
Jack pushed a button and then proceeded to select a ship to make his own escape from Veldin.
Ooh! Mr. Stryker's personal Slipstream Cutter, with the single vehicle bay he used to haul around his Cyber Sled, Blue Lightning, looked to be an excellent choice!
It most likely had plenty of speed and maneuverability, and perhaps Mr. Drek and Victor Von Ion would let him keep it?
After it had been repainted and had its IFF signature changed, of course.
O o O o O
Location: Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: 2:45 PM, Thursday
Spanner cursed as yet another thing started to go wrong in his Monster-sled.
First it had been the glitch in the forward sensors that had mislabeled that one ravine as being wide enough to pass through.
Only now he was missing the mag-boosters on both sides due to that, and the armor plating they had been under, being ripped off on the rocky walls.
He considered himself really lucky that he had been going fast enough to not get stuck, even if he had lost a lot of speed in the process.
"There you are!" Spanner called out in triumph, having finally caught sight of Commando's Grav-sled again. And the stupid bitch was even leaving the maze-like ravines and into open terrain again!
Okay, he could admit to himself that it had been a mistake to follow her into them in the first place, but now the claw was on the other foot!
"Now, decisions, decisions? Do I use the grapple lines and bring you to heel as the monster eats your toy? Or do I just say fuck-it and launch more missiles before you pick up enough speed to do the make-shift chaff trick again? I'm thinking missiles!"
Thumbing the switch to activate the targeting, Spanner instead heard the overheat warning when he tried to fire. "What the fuck!? I know I put in enough heat sinks to prevent a cook-off!"
O o O o O
Location: F Sector, Kyzil Plateau, Veldin
Time: ??:?? ??, Probably Monday. It felt like a Monday. It has felt like a Monday for the past several decades.
"The big one is attacking!" Battalion Sergeant T-44 called out to his fellow warbots. "Shields up if you still have 'em and focus fire till it's down!"
"For the Captain!"
"For lubricant!"
"For my trading cards!"
As derelict warbots left behind to guard an outpost that was no longer even there, Bravo Squad weren't the dottiest bots abandoned in F Sector.
"For that rock I found the other day!"
But damn if they weren't close!
"It took out Sarge! Make him pay! FOR SARGE!"
"FOR SARGE!" Bravo Squad called out in one voice for the first time in decades.
O o O o O
"Don't fire!" Widget ordered over the comm. "We really don't want to draw their attention away from the monster-sled!"
"Copy that," Alan answered back.
"Acknowledged," Amanda stated.
"Perhaps I can contact them for better coordination?" Clank suggested.
"NO, CLANK, DON'T…"
"HEY! WE GOT A NEW SARGE! FOR SARGE!"
"FOR SARGE!"
"Oh dear, they seem to think I'm their new sergeant."
"Clank, you idiot…"
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Kerwan
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 2:50 PM, Thursday
Widget watched as the monster-sled dropped to the ground, having finally either suffered damage to its power systems or its gravity coils. She also noted that it was no longer firing either its cannons or missiles anymore.
Not that this seemed to deter the rather enthusiastic warbots
"Ah, Clank?"
"Yes, Widget?"
"If your new squad is actually taking orders from you, see if you can get them to stop firing and stand down, maybe? I don't think that thing's combat capable anymore."
"I never got to test out the battle-sled I made."
"We're in F Sector," Widget stated dryly. "I'm sure something will turn up by the time the authorities get here to pick up this asshole."
"We could always strap whoever it is to one of our sleds," Amanda Bates suggested.
"Now Amy, you know some of us are paid heroes," Alan Stryker chided.
"Stop calling me Amy!"
"Can we not start this again?" Widget requested, noting that the warbots had stopped firing and seemed to be assuming watchful guard positions. "So, Clank? Is it safe to approach the scene? Because we still have to get whoever is in that thing out where they can be secured."
"I will notify my… squad… that you are with me, and that you would like to capture whoever is inside that vehicle."
"That'd be just peachy, thanks."
Widget slowly drifted her Grav-sled over to where the warbots were holding their defensive position, ready to hit the accelerator the instant it looked like any of them objected to her presence. Still, they seemed to be following her little brother's orders as if he really were their new sergeant…
Then again, that didn't really speak well of their mental faculties at the moment, but she was already here. And it wasn't like this would be the first phenomenally stupid thing she had done today.
Hopefully this one would work out too.
Once she was close enough, one of the warbots motioned her to a spot that left them between her and the wreckage they were now watching over, only now one of them turned to face her with a salute.
"Welcome, Lieutenant! Bravo Squad stands ready to assist you in securing the prisoner, should there actually be one to capture in there, Sir!"
"Ah, Clank?" Widget asked even as she returned the salute so that the crazy warbot would stop saluting her.
"Yes, Widget?"
"Did you happen to tell any of them that I was an officer? Because I think the only member of the team who actually uses a rank title is Captain Qwark."
"Duly noted, Sir!" the warbot who had spoken to her moments ago informed Widget.
"You have really good audio sensors for a bot who has had no maintenance for several years," Widget commented, turning her attention more fully towards the bot once again.
"Thank you, Sir! But we have been maintaining ourselves as instructed when we were left to guard this outpost!"
Widget looked around briefly, but saw no sign of even the remains of any sort of structure that might suggest that an outpost had once been here.
"To answer your question, Widget, I told them no such thing. They came to that conclusion on their own."
"Wonderful," Widget muttered under her breath, refraining from rubbing the bridge of her nose for the simple reason that her helmet's faceplate was in the way. "Okay, I came this far, so I may as well get this over with."
Popping the canopy, Widget carefully climbed out of the cockpit and hopped to the ground. "I'm Widget Razz of the Galactic Rangers, reporting in to capture whoever may be in the aggressor vehicle."
Oh, please let them accept that phrasing!
"Wait… Galactic Rangers?" the warbot she had been talking to seemed to hesitate, then looked her over more carefully before suddenly turning and calling out to the others. "Hey! The old Sarge was right! We weren't forgotten! They came back for us! They really did!"
"Yay!"
"Woo hoo!"
"Hoody hoo!"
"I can finally order new trading cards!"
"I can get an actual shelf for my pet rock!"
"We can finally get some real maintenance!"
"Fresh ammo!"
"Replacement shield generators!"
"Oil baths!"
"An actual outpost to guard!"
"A new assignment!"
"CRAYONS!"
"What the fuck did I just get myself into?" Widget stood there, nonplussed at the warbots' various reactions.
"Yep! Definitely a lieutenant," the warbot who had first spoken to her stated with confidence. "I'd recognise that new officer look anywhere! Welcome to Bravo Squad!"
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Thursday
"And this wall commemorates all the previous teams that bore the Galactic Rangers' name," Dr. Nefarious informed Jimmy and his parents as they reached one of the last places on the impromptu tour he had set up for their guests. "Here we honor their memory and hope that we too will bear the name of the Galactic Rangers as well as any of our predecessors had."
"Wow…" the young Tharpod stared in awe at the wall, perhaps too young yet to realize just what such a memorial actually meant, but at least his parents seemed to be properly somber as they paid their respects.
Hmmm… That reminded him. Better make sure that Widget and Clank were scheduled for at least the brief course on the history and legacy of the Galactic Rangers. Lord knows the media couldn't be trusted to remember anything older than a week ago unless it went into syndication…
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 3:03 PM, Thursday
Widget approached the wreckage, flanked by two of the warbots while the other three repositioned themselves to cover them from a distance from one angle, while Clank and the two racers took up another position to provide a different angle of cover fire if needed.
Seeing movement through the cockpit window, but not seeing the pilot, Widget took up a position out of direct line of side slightly to the rear of the cockpit, and tapped the hull with her Omnimallet a couple of times before setting the head of it flat against the body of the wreckage and hitting a button. "I know you're alive in there. You may as well come out with your hands up and empty, or we're just going to peel this machine open and pull you out anyway."
"Don't you gotta read me my rights first, Ranger girl?" a male voice called out. Well, presumably male, as Widget had no idea what their species was just yet, and she wasn't going to silhouette herself against the cockpit canopy just to find out.
"Really? You're trying to pull that card? On Veldin?" Widget asked.
"Yes!"
"Okay then," Widget shrugged and looked briefly at the warbots with her, then turned her head back towards the canopy. "You're options right now are as follows: You can come out with your arms up and gripping appendages empty; or we'll pull whatever's left of you out of the wreckage after we peel it open."
"That sounds worse than before! What happened to reading me my rights?"
"I'm a chartered hero, not a cop. You'll get your rights read to you when I turn you over. Since you seem to want your rights read to you, I'm going to be turning you over to the authorities here on Veldin as opposed to waiting for Starwatch to show up. And I'll be sure to remind them that you want your rights read to you when I hand you off."
"Is that supposed to scare me?" the voice taunted back.
"You are aware that Veldin has been a perpetually frontier world for the past… How many generations of attempted colonies has it been now?"
"To the best of my knowledge, Veldin had had seventeen generations worth of attempted colonies as of the time of our posting, Sir!" one of the warbots standing with her stated.
"Huh. That's actually more colonization attempts than I had thought," Widget admitted. "Anyway, the current colony is just barely actually recovering from the brink of failure for once, because the greater galaxy is actually paying attention for a change, and then you drop in and disrupt the only charity event Veldin has ever seen. I'm sure the sheriff will be really happy to read you your rights real personal like."
"I, uh… Can I change my mind?"
"Nope! Calling the sheriff's office now!" Widget stated cheerfully. "Hey, Clank, could patch me through to the Veldin Sheriff's Office?"
"Certainly," Clank's voice replied over the comm.
"Sheriff's Office," a gruff voice spoke over the comm tersely. "Taunty speaking. Make it quick, we're in the middle of a situation here…"
"Depu?" Widget interjected, "This is Widget…"
"Are you okay? If you need reinforcements, Starwatch has been called and they are on their way from Novalis, so just hold tight and keep your…"
"Actually, I got the perp right here, still refusing to come out of what's left of his monster-sled."
"Damn, girl! How'd you manage that!? I saw what that thing could shrug off, and we don't have anything on Veldin that could take it out!"
"Nothing in the colony, you mean. We led Mr. Idiot here into one of the old warbot encampments on the near side of F Sector."
"If you need reinforcements to get you out of there, as I said, Starwatch has already been called and they should be here within a couple of hours."
"Look, could you just put Sheriff Marshal General on the comm?"
"Marshal's dead, Widget."
"What!? When!?"
"He died near the end of the BlargTech attack, when Victor Von Ion broke Little Tony out of holding."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Depu."
"Yeah, me too, Widget."
"Has the service been held yet?"
"Not yet. It's going to be in a few days, if you can stick around for it."
"So… You the new sheriff then?"
"Yeah, that's right. At least for now, anyway. The council is still deciding on whether or not to make it official."
"Would you like to come read this guy his rights before Starwatch gets here?"
"And why would I want to go anywhere near F Sector when Starwatch can do that when they get here? You just admitted that you led the perp into a camp of warbots."
"They're friendly?"
"Would you like me to schedule an appointment with a therapist? Because that right there? That's crazy talk."
Widget noticed the canopy seal pop slightly away from the fuselage. "Hold on for a moment."
Hitting a different button on her Omnimallet, Widget whipped around in a thrust assisted 360 degree spin and hit the canopy as hard as she could, tearing it halfway off of its hinges from the impact. "Hi there! Glad you decided to join us, Mr. Bad Guy! Now come out nice and slow, hands high and empty like we said, m'kay?"
"Allright, allright! I'm coming out! No need to knock my head off!"
"That has yet to be determined," One of the warbots stated.
"Er… Are you sure I can't just wait in here after all?"
"No," Widget stated. "Okay, boys, he's had more than enough time to have come out on his own if he was going to. Pull him out."
"Yes, Sir!" the two warbots cheerfully complied, tearing the canopy the rest of the way off of its hinges and reaching inside to pull out…
"A Lombax!?" Widget could not believe it. "You mean to tell me that the first actual Lombax I've ever met is just some rando maniac getting his jollies by attacking charity events?"
"Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Princess Snowball! Some of us didn't get to live in nice safe cushy palaces, eating fancy expensive meals every day, and the best education money can buy! Captain Dork probably made good bank on the Bolts your mommy and daddy must have paid for him to take you onto his team of sellouts!"
"Is that what you think?" Widget responded, her right eye twitching in restrained fury. "That I'm some pampered spoiled brat whose parents paid her way through life? Well, listen up, Buttercup, 'cause I'm only going to tell you once! I grew up as a Scavenger Rat right here on Veldin, fighting over scrap and trash just to get enough Bolts to live on! My palace was whatever pile of rocks or garbage I could defend for maybe one night at a time. My fancy meals were whenever I had enough bolts to hit the Galaxy Burger in town, otherwise it was just whatever I could catch! My education up to just a few years ago was laughable, but I did manage to learn my letters and numbers, which is more than I can say for some. And my Dad is a starship mechanic who the juvie court judge assigned custody of me to after I tried to steal from the scrapyard behind his garage! As far as I know, my real parents, whoever they may have been once upon a time, never even set one foot on the refugee ship that brought me to Veldin in the first place!
"So don't you go crying some fucking sob story about how much harder you had it than everybody else in the galaxy, or try to tell me I've had it soft, 'cause I'm a Veldin brat through and through and I fucking turned out fine!"
"I am so turned on right now..."
"AAAARGH!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE WEIRDOS!?"
"I'd say because you're you, Widget," Sheriff pro tem Depu Taunty's voice was heard over the comm, which Widget realized she had left open.
"Um, Sir? You really shouldn't be hitting your head against strange wreckage…"
Time: 2:50 PM, Thursday
Widget watched as the monster-sled dropped to the ground, having finally either suffered damage to its power systems or its gravity coils. She also noted that it was no longer firing either its cannons or missiles anymore.
Not that this seemed to deter the rather enthusiastic warbots
"Ah, Clank?"
"Yes, Widget?"
"If your new squad is actually taking orders from you, see if you can get them to stop firing and stand down, maybe? I don't think that thing's combat capable anymore."
"I never got to test out the battle-sled I made."
"We're in F Sector," Widget stated dryly. "I'm sure something will turn up by the time the authorities get here to pick up this asshole."
"We could always strap whoever it is to one of our sleds," Amanda Bates suggested.
"Now Amy, you know some of us are paid heroes," Alan Stryker chided.
"Stop calling me Amy!"
"Can we not start this again?" Widget requested, noting that the warbots had stopped firing and seemed to be assuming watchful guard positions. "So, Clank? Is it safe to approach the scene? Because we still have to get whoever is in that thing out where they can be secured."
"I will notify my… squad… that you are with me, and that you would like to capture whoever is inside that vehicle."
"That'd be just peachy, thanks."
O o O o O
Widget slowly drifted her Grav-sled over to where the warbots were holding their defensive position, ready to hit the accelerator the instant it looked like any of them objected to her presence. Still, they seemed to be following her little brother's orders as if he really were their new sergeant…
Then again, that didn't really speak well of their mental faculties at the moment, but she was already here. And it wasn't like this would be the first phenomenally stupid thing she had done today.
Hopefully this one would work out too.
Once she was close enough, one of the warbots motioned her to a spot that left them between her and the wreckage they were now watching over, only now one of them turned to face her with a salute.
"Welcome, Lieutenant! Bravo Squad stands ready to assist you in securing the prisoner, should there actually be one to capture in there, Sir!"
"Ah, Clank?" Widget asked even as she returned the salute so that the crazy warbot would stop saluting her.
"Yes, Widget?"
"Did you happen to tell any of them that I was an officer? Because I think the only member of the team who actually uses a rank title is Captain Qwark."
"Duly noted, Sir!" the warbot who had spoken to her moments ago informed Widget.
"You have really good audio sensors for a bot who has had no maintenance for several years," Widget commented, turning her attention more fully towards the bot once again.
"Thank you, Sir! But we have been maintaining ourselves as instructed when we were left to guard this outpost!"
Widget looked around briefly, but saw no sign of even the remains of any sort of structure that might suggest that an outpost had once been here.
"To answer your question, Widget, I told them no such thing. They came to that conclusion on their own."
"Wonderful," Widget muttered under her breath, refraining from rubbing the bridge of her nose for the simple reason that her helmet's faceplate was in the way. "Okay, I came this far, so I may as well get this over with."
Popping the canopy, Widget carefully climbed out of the cockpit and hopped to the ground. "I'm Widget Razz of the Galactic Rangers, reporting in to capture whoever may be in the aggressor vehicle."
Oh, please let them accept that phrasing!
"Wait… Galactic Rangers?" the warbot she had been talking to seemed to hesitate, then looked her over more carefully before suddenly turning and calling out to the others. "Hey! The old Sarge was right! We weren't forgotten! They came back for us! They really did!"
"Yay!"
"Woo hoo!"
"Hoody hoo!"
"I can finally order new trading cards!"
"I can get an actual shelf for my pet rock!"
"We can finally get some real maintenance!"
"Fresh ammo!"
"Replacement shield generators!"
"Oil baths!"
"An actual outpost to guard!"
"A new assignment!"
"CRAYONS!"
"What the fuck did I just get myself into?" Widget stood there, nonplussed at the warbots' various reactions.
"Yep! Definitely a lieutenant," the warbot who had first spoken to her stated with confidence. "I'd recognise that new officer look anywhere! Welcome to Bravo Squad!"
O o O o O
Location: Hall of Heroes, Aleero City, Kerwan
Time: 3:00 PM, Thursday
"And this wall commemorates all the previous teams that bore the Galactic Rangers' name," Dr. Nefarious informed Jimmy and his parents as they reached one of the last places on the impromptu tour he had set up for their guests. "Here we honor their memory and hope that we too will bear the name of the Galactic Rangers as well as any of our predecessors had."
"Wow…" the young Tharpod stared in awe at the wall, perhaps too young yet to realize just what such a memorial actually meant, but at least his parents seemed to be properly somber as they paid their respects.
Hmmm… That reminded him. Better make sure that Widget and Clank were scheduled for at least the brief course on the history and legacy of the Galactic Rangers. Lord knows the media couldn't be trusted to remember anything older than a week ago unless it went into syndication…
O o O o O
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 3:03 PM, Thursday
Widget approached the wreckage, flanked by two of the warbots while the other three repositioned themselves to cover them from a distance from one angle, while Clank and the two racers took up another position to provide a different angle of cover fire if needed.
Seeing movement through the cockpit window, but not seeing the pilot, Widget took up a position out of direct line of side slightly to the rear of the cockpit, and tapped the hull with her Omnimallet a couple of times before setting the head of it flat against the body of the wreckage and hitting a button. "I know you're alive in there. You may as well come out with your hands up and empty, or we're just going to peel this machine open and pull you out anyway."
"Don't you gotta read me my rights first, Ranger girl?" a male voice called out. Well, presumably male, as Widget had no idea what their species was just yet, and she wasn't going to silhouette herself against the cockpit canopy just to find out.
"Really? You're trying to pull that card? On Veldin?" Widget asked.
"Yes!"
"Okay then," Widget shrugged and looked briefly at the warbots with her, then turned her head back towards the canopy. "You're options right now are as follows: You can come out with your arms up and gripping appendages empty; or we'll pull whatever's left of you out of the wreckage after we peel it open."
"That sounds worse than before! What happened to reading me my rights?"
"I'm a chartered hero, not a cop. You'll get your rights read to you when I turn you over. Since you seem to want your rights read to you, I'm going to be turning you over to the authorities here on Veldin as opposed to waiting for Starwatch to show up. And I'll be sure to remind them that you want your rights read to you when I hand you off."
"Is that supposed to scare me?" the voice taunted back.
"You are aware that Veldin has been a perpetually frontier world for the past… How many generations of attempted colonies has it been now?"
"To the best of my knowledge, Veldin had had seventeen generations worth of attempted colonies as of the time of our posting, Sir!" one of the warbots standing with her stated.
"Huh. That's actually more colonization attempts than I had thought," Widget admitted. "Anyway, the current colony is just barely actually recovering from the brink of failure for once, because the greater galaxy is actually paying attention for a change, and then you drop in and disrupt the only charity event Veldin has ever seen. I'm sure the sheriff will be really happy to read you your rights real personal like."
"I, uh… Can I change my mind?"
"Nope! Calling the sheriff's office now!" Widget stated cheerfully. "Hey, Clank, could patch me through to the Veldin Sheriff's Office?"
"Certainly," Clank's voice replied over the comm.
"Sheriff's Office," a gruff voice spoke over the comm tersely. "Taunty speaking. Make it quick, we're in the middle of a situation here…"
"Depu?" Widget interjected, "This is Widget…"
"Are you okay? If you need reinforcements, Starwatch has been called and they are on their way from Novalis, so just hold tight and keep your…"
"Actually, I got the perp right here, still refusing to come out of what's left of his monster-sled."
"Damn, girl! How'd you manage that!? I saw what that thing could shrug off, and we don't have anything on Veldin that could take it out!"
"Nothing in the colony, you mean. We led Mr. Idiot here into one of the old warbot encampments on the near side of F Sector."
"If you need reinforcements to get you out of there, as I said, Starwatch has already been called and they should be here within a couple of hours."
"Look, could you just put Sheriff Marshal General on the comm?"
"Marshal's dead, Widget."
"What!? When!?"
"He died near the end of the BlargTech attack, when Victor Von Ion broke Little Tony out of holding."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Depu."
"Yeah, me too, Widget."
"Has the service been held yet?"
"Not yet. It's going to be in a few days, if you can stick around for it."
"So… You the new sheriff then?"
"Yeah, that's right. At least for now, anyway. The council is still deciding on whether or not to make it official."
"Would you like to come read this guy his rights before Starwatch gets here?"
"And why would I want to go anywhere near F Sector when Starwatch can do that when they get here? You just admitted that you led the perp into a camp of warbots."
"They're friendly?"
"Would you like me to schedule an appointment with a therapist? Because that right there? That's crazy talk."
Widget noticed the canopy seal pop slightly away from the fuselage. "Hold on for a moment."
Hitting a different button on her Omnimallet, Widget whipped around in a thrust assisted 360 degree spin and hit the canopy as hard as she could, tearing it halfway off of its hinges from the impact. "Hi there! Glad you decided to join us, Mr. Bad Guy! Now come out nice and slow, hands high and empty like we said, m'kay?"
"Allright, allright! I'm coming out! No need to knock my head off!"
"That has yet to be determined," One of the warbots stated.
"Er… Are you sure I can't just wait in here after all?"
"No," Widget stated. "Okay, boys, he's had more than enough time to have come out on his own if he was going to. Pull him out."
"Yes, Sir!" the two warbots cheerfully complied, tearing the canopy the rest of the way off of its hinges and reaching inside to pull out…
"A Lombax!?" Widget could not believe it. "You mean to tell me that the first actual Lombax I've ever met is just some rando maniac getting his jollies by attacking charity events?"
"Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Princess Snowball! Some of us didn't get to live in nice safe cushy palaces, eating fancy expensive meals every day, and the best education money can buy! Captain Dork probably made good bank on the Bolts your mommy and daddy must have paid for him to take you onto his team of sellouts!"
"Is that what you think?" Widget responded, her right eye twitching in restrained fury. "That I'm some pampered spoiled brat whose parents paid her way through life? Well, listen up, Buttercup, 'cause I'm only going to tell you once! I grew up as a Scavenger Rat right here on Veldin, fighting over scrap and trash just to get enough Bolts to live on! My palace was whatever pile of rocks or garbage I could defend for maybe one night at a time. My fancy meals were whenever I had enough bolts to hit the Galaxy Burger in town, otherwise it was just whatever I could catch! My education up to just a few years ago was laughable, but I did manage to learn my letters and numbers, which is more than I can say for some. And my Dad is a starship mechanic who the juvie court judge assigned custody of me to after I tried to steal from the scrapyard behind his garage! As far as I know, my real parents, whoever they may have been once upon a time, never even set one foot on the refugee ship that brought me to Veldin in the first place!
"So don't you go crying some fucking sob story about how much harder you had it than everybody else in the galaxy, or try to tell me I've had it soft, 'cause I'm a Veldin brat through and through and I fucking turned out fine!"
"I am so turned on right now..."
"AAAARGH!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS SEEM TO ATTRACT THE WEIRDOS!?"
"I'd say because you're you, Widget," Sheriff pro tem Depu Taunty's voice was heard over the comm, which Widget realized she had left open.
"Um, Sir? You really shouldn't be hitting your head against strange wreckage…"
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 4:35 PM, Thursday
"This is Captain Sasha Phyronix of the Starwatch Rangers, calling Widget Razz of the Galactic Rangers," Widget heard over the comm. "Come in, Widget Razz. Do you Read me?"
"Widget here."
"I am about to send a dropship to your current location. Is there a good LZ, or should they be prepared to come in hot?"
Widget took a moment to realize that LZ meant Landing Zone, then responded. "The current location is secured by friendly warbots identifying themselves as Bravo Squad, but be prepared for a hot entry anyway, just in case as were still within F Sector and they are not the only warbot encampment in the region."
"Acknowledged. The dropship will be there shortly."
"I'D LIKE TO COMPLAIN THAT THE STUPID BOTS TOOK ALL MY CLOTHES!" Spanner helpfully yelled out before the call could be ended.
"As our new lieutenant has expressed a desire for you to remain in reasonably good health, for some inexplicable reason, and our new sergeant has expressed a perfectly reasonable desire to keep our lieutenant alive, we feel that we took all reasonable measures to ensure her safety while securing you for transfer," one of the warbots patiently explained.
"Yeah!" another warbot put in. "Be happy the Lieutenant stopped us from removing your feet! I still say those claws look too dangerous to permit on a hostile anywhere near one of our officers!"
Widget really wished she could remove her helmet so that she could rub the bridge of her nose out of frustration. "And that's why you three are guarding him way over there, while these two are guarding me way over here. Several meters outside of his estimated leaping range, I might add. And you incinerated his clothing."
"Biological contaminants were detected! We had to ensure your safety!"
"You also blew up the rest of his vehicle."
"That was fun!" another warbot called out, then flinched back as she glared at it. "I mean, the unknown vehicle model could have contained an undetected threat to your safety!"
"What's your designation?" Widget demanded.
"C-44! Demolitions and Explosive Ordnance Disposal, Sir!"
"Clank, make a note of it, because that's going in the report."
"So noted," the tiny bot replied, still nested in the cockpit of the beast of a Grav-sled he had the pit-bots assemble for him back at the race track. "Given the estimated time of arrival for the dropship, my window of opportunity for actually testing my vehicle is rapidly diminishing. So please, make my day and try to cause trouble before they arrive to take you into custody. I would greatly appreciate it."
"I'm going to have to agree with Amy, Commando. Your little brother is scary."
"STOP CALLING ME AMY, ALAN! WE'RE NOT DATING ANYMORE!"
"Well, it sounds like you're having an… experience... down there," Widget heard Captain Phyronix state in an amused sounding tone over the comm. Which she realized that she had once again left active.
Widget trudged over to where Clank's giant Grav-sled was and slowly began to beat her head against it…
Widget watched on as the Starguard Rangers kept glancing nervously at the warbots while they went about securing the naked male Lombax for transport.
Heavy cuffs? Check.
Arms secured behind the perps back? Check.
Convenient towel providing emergency modesty for said naked Lombax? Mysteriously absent.
"Clank?"
"Yes, Widget?"
"Remind me to suggest that a basic towel be added to our standard emergency kit."
"Agreed. And Widget?"
"Yes, Clank?"
"I notice that further trouble has not emerged from being in F Sector, and we are about to leave."
"Okay, so I was wrong. We'll just have to ask if we can keep the… the… whatever kind of Grav-sled you made there for testing, okay?"
"That is all I am asking."
"All currently functional members of Bravo Squad present and accountable, Sir!" one of the warbots announced, drawing their attention to the fact that the bots had formed a line with one of them off to one side. "We're ready to move out on your command!"
"I am so looking forward to proper maintenance!" another one said.
"I have my rock, so I'm ready!"
"It'll be nice to have lubricant that we didn't have to process from squashed horny toads!"
Widget looked at Clank where he was still sitting in his beast of a Grav-sled, and he just looked right back at her.
"Oh dear," was all Clank had to say on the matter.
"Well, that looks like a you problem," Amanda Bates said. "So I'm outta here! Have fun now!"
"I'd stay, but drifting alongside warbots marching along at a tediously slow pace sounds very frustrating when I can just zip over to the colony much faster on my own. I'll send someone to meet you part way with a hovertruck!"
And, with that, the two professional racers zoomed off towards the colony in their Cyber Sleds.
"Assholes," Widget muttered as she turned to head for her own Grav-sled, not looking forward to the tedium of the trip Alan had just predicted would be in her immediate future.
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 9:26 PM, Thursday
Widget noticed the Veldin Police Skycar oh so conveniently parked along their route as they finally drew close to the colony.
"Hold position," Widget called out to Clank and the warbots. "I'm going to go see what's up." So saying, she double checked to make sure that her Grav-sled's weapons systems were locked down, then drifted forward at a slightly faster speed, carefully making sure that at no time were the forward guns in the nose ever directly pointed at the skycar.
Depu Taunty could get pretty snippy about weapons safety protocols, and she was already dreading the no doubt long conversation that was about to happen right when all she wanted to do was get back to the hotel, send for room service while she showered, eat, then sleep for a day or three…
Stopping a short distance from the skycar, Widget popped her canopy, climbed out, and then finally took off her helmet, setting it on the Grav-sled beside her.
Only then did Sheriff pro tem Depu Taunty step out of his skycar and approach her. "Evening, Widget."
"Hi, Depu!" Widget replied with strained and blatantly false cheer. "I have a question."
"I'm listening."
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE HOVERTRUCK ALAN STRIKER WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND TO PICK UP THESE SLOWPOKES!?"
"Oh well, now that's a simple one, Widget," Taunty drawled. "Nobody wanted to come out to meet a potentially deranged squad of warbots. Seems easy enough to understand from that point of view."
"Uhuh," Widget huffed in defeat at that peerless logic.
"Now I do haveta ask: Why'd ya bring them with you?"
"Turns out they're claiming to be part of the Galactic Rangers. I couldn't very well leave them back there."
"I guess we'll just have to disagree on that point, but fair enough. Just head over to… I dunno… Bay 35 is close enough I guess, and right on the edge of town. I'll have somebody bring over food, water, and a cot."
"You're an asshole, you know that?"
"Now I know you don't really mean that, Widget…"
"Yes I do. You haven't answered any of my calls since Starwatch left!"
"I was busy."
"Doing what? Eating donuts?"
"Now, Widget, you know darn well I'm allergic to pastry!" Taunty admonished. "And if you must know, I was in a big conference call with Starwatch and the police on Novalis. Seems someone broke Little Tony out of prison again. And it was done while Starwatch was stuck in hyperspace on the way here."
"So you're saying that this might have been part of a plot by BlargTech?" Widget asked in confusion, her irritation forgotten. "What could be so important about Little Tony? I mean, sure he's strong and tough, but he's also a moron. BlargTech can pretty much get dumb muscle anywhere, so why him?"
"That's what took so long. Nobody could figure out why they'd bother breaking Little Tony out twice."
"Whatever," Widget huffed dismissively. "Bay 52 you said?"
"Bay 35," Taunty corrected. "The one near the edge of the colony, not the one near the hotel strip."
"Right, right…"
"And Widget?"
"Yes, Depu?"
"Go around the town, not through it."
"Fine," Widget conceded in exasperation.
Location: Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 3:16 AM, Friday
"Bwah? Whazzapn?" Widget asked blearily from her cot as two tall figures stood over her.
"Get her into the ship and help her get cleaned up and into her bunk," Dr. Nefarious instructed Elaris, who was attempting to help Widget to her feet.
Widget, for her part, was doing her best impression of a boneless cat, having drifted off to sleep again upon realizing that she wasn't in any immediate danger.
"Oh for the love of…" Nefarious muttered. "Clank."
"Yes, Dr. Nefarious?"
"I'm going to check over Bravo Squad out here before we let them onto the ship. While I'm doing this, go into the Phoenix and then into either dropship. I installed the modifications we discussed into their Quick-equip pads."
"You mean..?"
"Yes. Those modifications. Now hurry up, because I think Elaris just trapped herself under a Lombax that only weighs maybe two thirds what she does."
"I'm okay!" Elaris called out from where she lay on the floor next to the cot, under Widget who was once again doing her impression of a limpet as she snored away. "Oh, jeeze, Widget! You reek!"
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 8:00 AM, Friday
Widget woke up on what she immediately recognized to be her bunk aboard the Phoenix. Which was way more comfortable than the cot had been. She stretched where she lay for a moment and then sat up, swinging her bare feet out over the edge of her bunk.
"Oh, hey, you're awake!" Elaris greeted her cheerfully. "We were kind of wondering if you'd sleep longer, because you were beyond exhausted when we arrived."
"Were you the one who helped me wash up and put me to bed?"
"Yes, actually. Cora and Brax were already in hyperspace on their way back to Kerwan when the Captain made the call for us all to meet you here, so they'll be a bit longer. He himself arrived maybe an hour to an hour and a half ago, I think? Anyway, he and Dr. Nefarious are talking over everything that happened yesterday in the galley. If we hurry, there may even be breakfast left!"
Widget was already leaving the crew quarters and heading straight for the galley before Elaris had finished the word breakfast.
Widget beelined her way to the counter the moment she entered the galley, loaded up a plate with eggs, sausages, flapjacks, a cup of fruit, and oh hey that also looked edible, before grabbing a set of flatware and heading for the table.
She was well into her second, wonderfully warm flapjack with melted butter and obel syrup when she noticed that Qwark and Nefarious had stopped talking and were staring at her.
"Um… Did I interrupt something?" Widget asked.
"I, ah… Think you forgot something," Captain Qwark stated awkwardly.
Widget blinked, then looked down.
Then she was once again racing through the corridors of the Phoenix. "ELARIS! I OWN PAJAMAS AND UNDERWEAR FOR A REASON!"
"Bleep?"
"Yes Dr. Nefarious?"
"Could you put Widget's breakfast in the warmer? I imagine that she's going to want to finish it once she's done throttling my assistant."
"I'll just prepare her something fresh, Sir," Bleep stated. "She's going to want some comfort food after that, and reheated flapjacks are not going to suffice."
Fully dressed and fed, Widget joined the rest of the Rangers, minus Cora and Brax of course, in the maintenance bay attached to the hangar. Where she saw Bravo Squad and…
"Clank? Is that you?"
The shiny chrome and gunmetal warbot that looked like a scaled down and better proportioned version of her little brother's UltraMech state turned his attention away from the other warbots to look at her. "Yes, Widget. Dr. Nefarious finished making modified versions of the conversion device and had installed the first two in the Quick-equip pads in the drop ships. Do you like it?"
"Looking good, Clank!"
"Thank you."
"Sarge is amazing!" one of the other warbots said.
"Copy that!" another one agreed.
"Doc is a little scary though," yet another one stated.
"I miss my gun already," the second one spoke up again.
"At least he let me keep my pet rock, Rock!" one of the ones who hadn't spoken yet put in.
Widget noticed that each of the Bravo Squad warbots were currently missing the gun half of their left arms. "Maintenance and upgrades?" she asked.
"Maintenance and upgrades!" Bravo Squad confirmed cheerfully.
"Why don't you all see about getting your names or designations painted on you somewhere while you're at it? I hate to say it, but you all look alike to me. Which would be fine if you all had the exact same skills and abilities, but apparently you don't."
"Yes, Sir!" Bravo Squad agreed with a salute before turning to each other and beginning to discuss potential paintjobs and whether or not they should go for a coordinated look or attempt to be even more individualistic so as to help the officers tell them apart better...
Location:The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 10:36 AM, Friday
Cora and Brax entered the crew quarters of the Phoenix, having finally arrived on Veldin via a Starbus. And the first thing they noticed was Elaris dangling from one of the overhead support beams by a swingshot cable. Which was also securing her arms against her torso.
"Oh, hi, Brax, Cora! I don't suppose either of you would be interested in getting me down from here?"
"That depends, Princess Purple…"
"Brax!" Cora snapped. "We are not using those names you came up with back on Novalis!"
"But they're good names!"
"No, they are not!"
"They all fit! The Captain doesn't need one of course, but Doc is Doc, you're Assault, I'm Heavy, and Miss Pinata here is Princess Purple!"
"Um… Could either of you let me down?"
"Not now, Elaris. I've got to explain to Brax, once again, why he can't just pick nicknames for everyone."
"You're just mad because you came in Ninth Place."
"THERE WERE ONLY EIGHT GRAV-SLEDS IN THE RACE! OF COURSE I'M PISSED! SOME ASSHOLE KEPT DISTRACTING ME WITH A STUPID CONVERSATION ABOUT NICKNAMES!"
"But…"
"No! You don't get to pick anybody's nicknames after that! Now come on, let's go find the others…"
"Um, Cora? Brax? Don't you think you're forgetting something? Guys? GUYS!? PLEASE LET ME DOWN!"
Once again alone in the crew quarters, Elaris spun slowly in place dangling at the end of the swingshot line.
"Ninety-nine bottles of FOOF on the wall ~ Ninety-nine bottles of FOOF! Take one down, pass it around ~ No more bottles of FOOF or a wall… You know, for a timewasting song, Ninety-Nine Bottles of FOOF is way too short. There has to be a longer version of it somewhere..."
Time: 4:35 PM, Thursday
"This is Captain Sasha Phyronix of the Starwatch Rangers, calling Widget Razz of the Galactic Rangers," Widget heard over the comm. "Come in, Widget Razz. Do you Read me?"
"Widget here."
"I am about to send a dropship to your current location. Is there a good LZ, or should they be prepared to come in hot?"
Widget took a moment to realize that LZ meant Landing Zone, then responded. "The current location is secured by friendly warbots identifying themselves as Bravo Squad, but be prepared for a hot entry anyway, just in case as were still within F Sector and they are not the only warbot encampment in the region."
"Acknowledged. The dropship will be there shortly."
"I'D LIKE TO COMPLAIN THAT THE STUPID BOTS TOOK ALL MY CLOTHES!" Spanner helpfully yelled out before the call could be ended.
"As our new lieutenant has expressed a desire for you to remain in reasonably good health, for some inexplicable reason, and our new sergeant has expressed a perfectly reasonable desire to keep our lieutenant alive, we feel that we took all reasonable measures to ensure her safety while securing you for transfer," one of the warbots patiently explained.
"Yeah!" another warbot put in. "Be happy the Lieutenant stopped us from removing your feet! I still say those claws look too dangerous to permit on a hostile anywhere near one of our officers!"
Widget really wished she could remove her helmet so that she could rub the bridge of her nose out of frustration. "And that's why you three are guarding him way over there, while these two are guarding me way over here. Several meters outside of his estimated leaping range, I might add. And you incinerated his clothing."
"Biological contaminants were detected! We had to ensure your safety!"
"You also blew up the rest of his vehicle."
"That was fun!" another warbot called out, then flinched back as she glared at it. "I mean, the unknown vehicle model could have contained an undetected threat to your safety!"
"What's your designation?" Widget demanded.
"C-44! Demolitions and Explosive Ordnance Disposal, Sir!"
"Clank, make a note of it, because that's going in the report."
"So noted," the tiny bot replied, still nested in the cockpit of the beast of a Grav-sled he had the pit-bots assemble for him back at the race track. "Given the estimated time of arrival for the dropship, my window of opportunity for actually testing my vehicle is rapidly diminishing. So please, make my day and try to cause trouble before they arrive to take you into custody. I would greatly appreciate it."
"I'm going to have to agree with Amy, Commando. Your little brother is scary."
"STOP CALLING ME AMY, ALAN! WE'RE NOT DATING ANYMORE!"
"Well, it sounds like you're having an… experience... down there," Widget heard Captain Phyronix state in an amused sounding tone over the comm. Which she realized that she had once again left active.
Widget trudged over to where Clank's giant Grav-sled was and slowly began to beat her head against it…
O o O o O
Widget watched on as the Starguard Rangers kept glancing nervously at the warbots while they went about securing the naked male Lombax for transport.
Heavy cuffs? Check.
Arms secured behind the perps back? Check.
Convenient towel providing emergency modesty for said naked Lombax? Mysteriously absent.
"Clank?"
"Yes, Widget?"
"Remind me to suggest that a basic towel be added to our standard emergency kit."
"Agreed. And Widget?"
"Yes, Clank?"
"I notice that further trouble has not emerged from being in F Sector, and we are about to leave."
"Okay, so I was wrong. We'll just have to ask if we can keep the… the… whatever kind of Grav-sled you made there for testing, okay?"
"That is all I am asking."
"All currently functional members of Bravo Squad present and accountable, Sir!" one of the warbots announced, drawing their attention to the fact that the bots had formed a line with one of them off to one side. "We're ready to move out on your command!"
"I am so looking forward to proper maintenance!" another one said.
"I have my rock, so I'm ready!"
"It'll be nice to have lubricant that we didn't have to process from squashed horny toads!"
Widget looked at Clank where he was still sitting in his beast of a Grav-sled, and he just looked right back at her.
"Oh dear," was all Clank had to say on the matter.
"Well, that looks like a you problem," Amanda Bates said. "So I'm outta here! Have fun now!"
"I'd stay, but drifting alongside warbots marching along at a tediously slow pace sounds very frustrating when I can just zip over to the colony much faster on my own. I'll send someone to meet you part way with a hovertruck!"
And, with that, the two professional racers zoomed off towards the colony in their Cyber Sleds.
"Assholes," Widget muttered as she turned to head for her own Grav-sled, not looking forward to the tedium of the trip Alan had just predicted would be in her immediate future.
O o O o O
Location: F Sector, Veldin
Time: 9:26 PM, Thursday
Widget noticed the Veldin Police Skycar oh so conveniently parked along their route as they finally drew close to the colony.
"Hold position," Widget called out to Clank and the warbots. "I'm going to go see what's up." So saying, she double checked to make sure that her Grav-sled's weapons systems were locked down, then drifted forward at a slightly faster speed, carefully making sure that at no time were the forward guns in the nose ever directly pointed at the skycar.
Depu Taunty could get pretty snippy about weapons safety protocols, and she was already dreading the no doubt long conversation that was about to happen right when all she wanted to do was get back to the hotel, send for room service while she showered, eat, then sleep for a day or three…
Stopping a short distance from the skycar, Widget popped her canopy, climbed out, and then finally took off her helmet, setting it on the Grav-sled beside her.
Only then did Sheriff pro tem Depu Taunty step out of his skycar and approach her. "Evening, Widget."
"Hi, Depu!" Widget replied with strained and blatantly false cheer. "I have a question."
"I'm listening."
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE HOVERTRUCK ALAN STRIKER WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND TO PICK UP THESE SLOWPOKES!?"
"Oh well, now that's a simple one, Widget," Taunty drawled. "Nobody wanted to come out to meet a potentially deranged squad of warbots. Seems easy enough to understand from that point of view."
"Uhuh," Widget huffed in defeat at that peerless logic.
"Now I do haveta ask: Why'd ya bring them with you?"
"Turns out they're claiming to be part of the Galactic Rangers. I couldn't very well leave them back there."
"I guess we'll just have to disagree on that point, but fair enough. Just head over to… I dunno… Bay 35 is close enough I guess, and right on the edge of town. I'll have somebody bring over food, water, and a cot."
"You're an asshole, you know that?"
"Now I know you don't really mean that, Widget…"
"Yes I do. You haven't answered any of my calls since Starwatch left!"
"I was busy."
"Doing what? Eating donuts?"
"Now, Widget, you know darn well I'm allergic to pastry!" Taunty admonished. "And if you must know, I was in a big conference call with Starwatch and the police on Novalis. Seems someone broke Little Tony out of prison again. And it was done while Starwatch was stuck in hyperspace on the way here."
"So you're saying that this might have been part of a plot by BlargTech?" Widget asked in confusion, her irritation forgotten. "What could be so important about Little Tony? I mean, sure he's strong and tough, but he's also a moron. BlargTech can pretty much get dumb muscle anywhere, so why him?"
"That's what took so long. Nobody could figure out why they'd bother breaking Little Tony out twice."
"Whatever," Widget huffed dismissively. "Bay 52 you said?"
"Bay 35," Taunty corrected. "The one near the edge of the colony, not the one near the hotel strip."
"Right, right…"
"And Widget?"
"Yes, Depu?"
"Go around the town, not through it."
"Fine," Widget conceded in exasperation.
O o O o O
Location: Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 3:16 AM, Friday
"Bwah? Whazzapn?" Widget asked blearily from her cot as two tall figures stood over her.
"Get her into the ship and help her get cleaned up and into her bunk," Dr. Nefarious instructed Elaris, who was attempting to help Widget to her feet.
Widget, for her part, was doing her best impression of a boneless cat, having drifted off to sleep again upon realizing that she wasn't in any immediate danger.
"Oh for the love of…" Nefarious muttered. "Clank."
"Yes, Dr. Nefarious?"
"I'm going to check over Bravo Squad out here before we let them onto the ship. While I'm doing this, go into the Phoenix and then into either dropship. I installed the modifications we discussed into their Quick-equip pads."
"You mean..?"
"Yes. Those modifications. Now hurry up, because I think Elaris just trapped herself under a Lombax that only weighs maybe two thirds what she does."
"I'm okay!" Elaris called out from where she lay on the floor next to the cot, under Widget who was once again doing her impression of a limpet as she snored away. "Oh, jeeze, Widget! You reek!"
O o O o O
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 8:00 AM, Friday
Widget woke up on what she immediately recognized to be her bunk aboard the Phoenix. Which was way more comfortable than the cot had been. She stretched where she lay for a moment and then sat up, swinging her bare feet out over the edge of her bunk.
"Oh, hey, you're awake!" Elaris greeted her cheerfully. "We were kind of wondering if you'd sleep longer, because you were beyond exhausted when we arrived."
"Were you the one who helped me wash up and put me to bed?"
"Yes, actually. Cora and Brax were already in hyperspace on their way back to Kerwan when the Captain made the call for us all to meet you here, so they'll be a bit longer. He himself arrived maybe an hour to an hour and a half ago, I think? Anyway, he and Dr. Nefarious are talking over everything that happened yesterday in the galley. If we hurry, there may even be breakfast left!"
Widget was already leaving the crew quarters and heading straight for the galley before Elaris had finished the word breakfast.
O o O o O
Widget beelined her way to the counter the moment she entered the galley, loaded up a plate with eggs, sausages, flapjacks, a cup of fruit, and oh hey that also looked edible, before grabbing a set of flatware and heading for the table.
She was well into her second, wonderfully warm flapjack with melted butter and obel syrup when she noticed that Qwark and Nefarious had stopped talking and were staring at her.
"Um… Did I interrupt something?" Widget asked.
"I, ah… Think you forgot something," Captain Qwark stated awkwardly.
Widget blinked, then looked down.
Then she was once again racing through the corridors of the Phoenix. "ELARIS! I OWN PAJAMAS AND UNDERWEAR FOR A REASON!"
"Bleep?"
"Yes Dr. Nefarious?"
"Could you put Widget's breakfast in the warmer? I imagine that she's going to want to finish it once she's done throttling my assistant."
"I'll just prepare her something fresh, Sir," Bleep stated. "She's going to want some comfort food after that, and reheated flapjacks are not going to suffice."
O o O o O
Fully dressed and fed, Widget joined the rest of the Rangers, minus Cora and Brax of course, in the maintenance bay attached to the hangar. Where she saw Bravo Squad and…
"Clank? Is that you?"
The shiny chrome and gunmetal warbot that looked like a scaled down and better proportioned version of her little brother's UltraMech state turned his attention away from the other warbots to look at her. "Yes, Widget. Dr. Nefarious finished making modified versions of the conversion device and had installed the first two in the Quick-equip pads in the drop ships. Do you like it?"
"Looking good, Clank!"
"Thank you."
"Sarge is amazing!" one of the other warbots said.
"Copy that!" another one agreed.
"Doc is a little scary though," yet another one stated.
"I miss my gun already," the second one spoke up again.
"At least he let me keep my pet rock, Rock!" one of the ones who hadn't spoken yet put in.
Widget noticed that each of the Bravo Squad warbots were currently missing the gun half of their left arms. "Maintenance and upgrades?" she asked.
"Maintenance and upgrades!" Bravo Squad confirmed cheerfully.
"Why don't you all see about getting your names or designations painted on you somewhere while you're at it? I hate to say it, but you all look alike to me. Which would be fine if you all had the exact same skills and abilities, but apparently you don't."
"Yes, Sir!" Bravo Squad agreed with a salute before turning to each other and beginning to discuss potential paintjobs and whether or not they should go for a coordinated look or attempt to be even more individualistic so as to help the officers tell them apart better...
O o O o O
Location:The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 10:36 AM, Friday
Cora and Brax entered the crew quarters of the Phoenix, having finally arrived on Veldin via a Starbus. And the first thing they noticed was Elaris dangling from one of the overhead support beams by a swingshot cable. Which was also securing her arms against her torso.
"Oh, hi, Brax, Cora! I don't suppose either of you would be interested in getting me down from here?"
"That depends, Princess Purple…"
"Brax!" Cora snapped. "We are not using those names you came up with back on Novalis!"
"But they're good names!"
"No, they are not!"
"They all fit! The Captain doesn't need one of course, but Doc is Doc, you're Assault, I'm Heavy, and Miss Pinata here is Princess Purple!"
"Um… Could either of you let me down?"
"Not now, Elaris. I've got to explain to Brax, once again, why he can't just pick nicknames for everyone."
"You're just mad because you came in Ninth Place."
"THERE WERE ONLY EIGHT GRAV-SLEDS IN THE RACE! OF COURSE I'M PISSED! SOME ASSHOLE KEPT DISTRACTING ME WITH A STUPID CONVERSATION ABOUT NICKNAMES!"
"But…"
"No! You don't get to pick anybody's nicknames after that! Now come on, let's go find the others…"
"Um, Cora? Brax? Don't you think you're forgetting something? Guys? GUYS!? PLEASE LET ME DOWN!"
Once again alone in the crew quarters, Elaris spun slowly in place dangling at the end of the swingshot line.
"Ninety-nine bottles of FOOF on the wall ~ Ninety-nine bottles of FOOF! Take one down, pass it around ~ No more bottles of FOOF or a wall… You know, for a timewasting song, Ninety-Nine Bottles of FOOF is way too short. There has to be a longer version of it somewhere..."
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
One might wonder why Elaris believes that a short little ditty highlighting the danger of poorly stored dioxygen difluoride is supposed to be a time-wasting song.
Alternately, one might instead wonder why Elaris believes this to be the original version of the song...
Alternately, one might instead wonder why Elaris believes this to be the original version of the song...
Widget & Clank: Lombax Bebop - Veldin, Deep Space, Kerwan
Tangent
Crazy-Big Ideas!
- Location
- Pensylvania, United States
Location: Temporary Sheriff's Office, Oko Plaza, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
"And this is the last of the sophonts found in and among the wreckage of the ship that dropped the aggressor vehicle into the charity race, Sheriff Taunty," Captain Sasha Phyronix stated as the last group was marched into the makeshift court hall.
"And like all the others, I recognize every last one of them, and not one of them has been off Veldin even once in their entire lives. I don't see how any of them could have been working with this Spanner fellow, except maybe by accident, and none of them are currently wanted for anything serious enough to merit taking up space in what few cells we have left after the attack."
"I guess that's it then," Sasha said, as yet another lead dried up before it actually went anywhere.
"Eh, not quite," Sheriff pro tem Taunty drawled, and then turned to address the final group of former suspects. "Now listen up! You all check out this time, so you're free to go if'n y'all want. You can even go right back to salvaging that ship y'all were swarmin' all over if ya want, since Starwatch got what they needed from it and Builders' League United wrote it off as a loss due to piracy, so nobody's gonna hassle you over it 'cept each other.
"That said, Builders' League United expressed an interest in possibly hirin' a bunch of ya, seeing as you had the motivation and wherewithal to strip so much of their former ship down in such a short time. So anyone interested in on the job trainin' should be here around noon on Monday to speak to their rep when he or she gets here. Impress them, and you might actually end up with a job before the day is out. Now pass the word on when ya leave, would ya? I know not all of you can read the job postings on the notice boards."
There was a general cheer from the rapidly dispersing Salvage Rats as they quickly left the room before the former deputy changed his mind.
"That was an interesting way to handle things," Sasha noted.
"It's the way Sheriff Marshal would have wanted it done," Tanty stated. "Personally, if the jailhouse wasn't in ruins, I'd have had most of 'em in holding at least overnight if not for a day or two longer just for the general trouble they get up to, but like I said, not one of them has done anything that merits takin' up valuable space in what few remaining cells that we have."
"I suppose that it doesn't hurt that BLU might be taking them off your hands soon."
"Maybe, maybe not," Taunty shrugged. "BLU is probably going to employ a lot of them locally in the rebuilding effort, and then take only those who have proven themselves worth the effort when they finally pull out. But it'll give 'em hope and maybe they'll try harder for it.
"After all, way back when I first laid eyes on Widget when I caught her trying to steal scrap from out behind where Grim's place used to be, I'd have sworn up and down that the little monster'd grow up to be a space pirate. Bit my wrist once and my ankles twice 'fore I got her into the back of my skycar, and swore fit to make a longshoreman blush. Pure evil in rags, I'd have said, and Grim's a saint for convincing her to put shoes on over those claws of hers. Left gashes in my boots, they did. And the back of my seat…
"Anyhow, I don't know what spark of decency Marshal somehow saw in her, but he pushed for leniency at her trial in juvie court, and even convinced Ol' Grim, the Fongoid she tried to steal from, to agree to be her guardian. An' now look at her: a Galactic Ranger and from what I can tell workin' up to be a pretty good one at that. Still a might rough around the edges perhaps, but damn if that tiny spark Marshal saw grew into somethin' resemblin' a proper fire."
Sheriff pro tem Taunty sighed. "I didn't always see eye to eye with how Marshal did things. Still don't, for a lot of things. But I figure that if there's even a small chance that any of those Scavenger Rats we just let walk out those doors have that same sort of tiny spark that Widget had, then I owe it to Marshal to give those sparks a chance to blaze as bright as they can so they have some chance at a future."
"So this Widget left a good impression on you then?"
"Actually," Taunty grinned, "I count it as a plus that I walked away from talkin' with her last night without a new set of teeth marks somewhere on my body. That girl used to be as mean as horny toads when she was pissed, and just about as polite."
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
Widget was losing herself in tweaking one of the detached weapon arms from the Bravo Squad warbots her little brother had accidentally recruited due to an accident of history. Which was to say that neither Clank nor she had known that there had ever been previous iterations of the Galactic Rangers, nor that Captain Qwark had adopted the old logo when he reactivated the charter in order to create his version of the team.
Which actually fit the pattern of behavior she was beginning to recognize from the Captain, which was to acquire something for the team because it was either cool or useful, but then make an odd decision about it that would later prove to be either very awkward, annoying, or impossibly lucky.
She was still undecided as to whether the bizarre chain of events that had led to Bravo Squad adopting Clank as their new sergeant, and thus the rest of the team as their officers by default, was awkward, annoying, impossibly lucky, or (as she was increasingly suspecting), all three.
"I hear you had a bit of an adventure," Widget heard Cora say, causing her to look up as Cora and Brax entered the maintenance bay.
"You could say that, yes," Widget replied, turning her attention back to the weapon she was working on, since it wasn't really at a stage where she felt comfortable setting it aside.
"Um…" Brax hesitated for a moment, then continued, "Why is there what looks like a group of one armed warbots in the corner looking over… color pallets?"
"That would because there is a group of one armed warbots in the corner, and they are looking over color pallets," Widget snarked absently as she made yet another adjustment to the arm cannon.
"But why?" Brax asked.
"I think they're still deciding whether to go with a single unified paint theme with just their designations to identify them, or to go with individual themes with just the logo to identify them as being part of the Galactic Rangers,"
"Er… That doesn't… um…"
"I think what Brax is trying to ask is why do we suddenly have a squad of warbots at all," Cora clarified.
"Near as I can tell?" Widget shrugged as she looked up from the weapon she was working on again. "Sheer dumb luck and stupidity involving a chain of events that should not have happened in a sane universe."
"Yup!" one of the warbots spoke up, turning his attention from the discussion he was having with his squadmates. "That sounds about right, Sir!"
"Did that warbot just call you Sir?" Cora couldn't help but ask.
"They seem to think I'm their new lieutenant for some reason that makes even less sense than them deciding that Clank is their new sergeant."
"You keep saying that, Sir," the warbot continued, "but we can't help but notice that you are looking after us anyway."
"With as long as you've all gone without more than what little self-maintenance you could do out there? And then finding out that you're all apparently legacy members from the previous team? I wasn't about to just leave you out there! Especially not after how you helped us take down and capture that dangerous idiot, Spanner."
"And that's what makes you a good lieutenant, Sir!"
"Hey," Brax interjected as he noticed what Widget was working on. "Are you adding a grenade launcher to that arm cannon?"
"It's for Fusion Bombs, mostly," Widget informed them, holding up the dummy bomb she was using to make sure that she got the proportions right. "But I suppose it can easily be used with other types of bombs and grenades. I'm leaving a space to install a cheap A.S.S. ammo selector so that C-44 can swap between what types of bombs he wants to use for any given shot.
"And that's why you're a great lieutenant, Sir!" a different warbot, presumably C-44, cheerfully called out.
"Uhuh," Cora nodded uncertainly. "On a different note, do we want to know why Elaris is hanging from a swingshot line in the crew quarters?"
"I'd rather you didn't," Widget stated as she went back to working on the arm cannon.
"I'll just go check the security logs then," Brax stated as he turned to leave.
"Wait, don't…" Widget half stood up, but hesitated, torn between chasing after Brax and making sure not to leave a potentially dangerous weapon laying around unsecured.
"Well, it looks like you're busy," Cora teased as she too turned to leave, "So I'll just go help Brax find the right footage."
"GUYS! WAIT!" Widget yelled as they left. "NO FAIR!"
Location: BlargTech Flagship, Deep Space
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
"Thank you so much for having me and the boys broken out, Mr. Drek Sir," Drek smiled indulgently as Little Tony thanked him profusely. Not that the oversized Cazar was actually important or integral to any plan, being nothing more than dumb muscle, but it was always nice to be appreciated by the minions.
"Why wouldn't I have the spokesperson of our new planet rescued?" Drek asked kindly, perpetuating the implied but otherwise blatantly false importance of Little Tony's role in his plans. "You're a part of the BlargTech family now! Now why don't you and the boys go get cleaned up, and then I'll treat you all to a nice lunch to celebrate your hard won freedom?"
"You got it, Boss!" Little Tony agreed, then turned to follow the dismissed troops out of the conference room.
Turning his attention to the remaining figures in the room, Drek addressed Shiv Helix. "While it wasn't part of your initial contract, the extra troops you freed during your break out of Little Tony is a perfectly acceptable bonus objective."
"Glad you think so, Mr. Drek," Shiv stated. "I was thinking a thousand each would suffice as a bonus payout."
"Sure," Drek said agreeably, then turned more serious. "If I had stated that as a bonus objective ahead of time, instead of you risking the mission for a side objective I hadn't even asked for. Fifty Bolts each, no more."
"Ah, but those are troops you don't have to pay the expense of training up replacements for. Nine hundred each, and not a Bolt less."
Drek and Helix settled into an enjoyable bit of haggling, eventually settling on seven hundred Bolts for each extra trooper freed this time, with a thousand bolts each agreed upon as an acceptable bonus payout for such during any similar breakout called for in any future contracts.
The Stig, as seemed to be his norm, said nothing as he joined them when they left to join Little Tony and the freed troopers for the party.
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
Clank was in the hangar, going over the custom built oversized Grav-sled that he had the pit-bots assemble for him yesterday. Bloop was on hand with a datapad, recording every little detail as they went over the machine, as the Wipeout League had informed them that, while most of the sponsors he had taken parts from were fine with him grabbing parts in the line of duty, only two had agreed to actually let him keep any of what had went into his machine without paying. Even then it was only one or two signature pieces per sponsor and not everything he had the pit-bots take from their work pits.
And he didn't have nearly enough Bolts in his account to pay for everything he used (he had checked), and while he might easily get that much in the near future, it wouldn't be likely to happen until after they left Veldin.
And, no, he couldn't get an advance on his pay just for this.
The best he could hope for was what he got: an agreement from the Wipeout League to let the Galactic Rangers log what went into his machine and how it all went together, and for the League itself to hold onto it as a neutral party for him for up to a year before they took it apart and sent the parts back to all of the various sponsors.
Testing it out in holosims would have to do until then. And for that, he needed verifiable data for Dr. Nefarious to program the sim from that didn't require his presence. Hence what he and Bloop were doing in the ship's hangar bay right now.
Noting the two reporters and their camera-bots walking up the rear access ramp as if they owned the ship, Clank left Bloop to continue recording details and making notes, trusting him to do a good job while he saw what the reporters wanted. He met them moments later, with the pair having stopped just on the other side of the security field.
"Hello, little guy, I'm…"
"Dallas Wannamaker, I know," Clank interrupted, annoyed. Dallas preened for a moment right before Clank continued. "I believe my sister has expressed an interest in inflicting grievous bodily harm upon your person. Please stay there while I go get her."
"Aheh… I'm sure she was just exaggerating..?" Dallas implied hopefully.
"I should hope so, considering her actual statement was that she was going to kill you. I suggested a light to medium maiming as a more appropriate deterrent for the offense."
"I think I like you and your sister already," Juanita Alvera stated happily. "I'm so glad you insisted that we try for an interview today, Dallas!"
"Ah, do you really think this is the time, Juanita?" Dallas asked as he tugged at his collar nervously.
"What are you worried about, Dallas? You're insured, and from the sound of it, I'm sure that the hospital stay would be brief."
"Not helping, Juanita…"
"Now Dallas, what was it you said back when we were doing that exposé on Don Corneo back in Midgar? 'It depends on your definition of help?' Well, by my definition, I'm helping!"
"Please don't. I promise not to do anything like that again!"
"And I promise not to do anything like this again," Juanita agreed.
Dallas relaxed.
"But the key word here is again," Jaunita stated firmly.
Dallas made a run for it.
Much to Juanita's disappointment, there was no pursuit.
She was, however, invited into the ship with both camera bots provided she agreed to behave herself.
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 11:45 AM, Friday
Grim shut off the holovid in what was soon to be his former hospital room.
"Damn, Veldin just can't seem to catch a break, can it?" his brother, Felton commented. "First the Blarg attack and then that asshole tearing up the charity race yesterday."
"They'll bounce back," Grim shook his head. "The only difference between these incidents and the space pirate raid is that this time the news is paying attention to it for a change."
"I still can't believe you chose to stay there despite the Lombax colony being abandoned when we arrived in Solana."
"Well, it's not like they took their buildings with them when they left, and it's not like they're all gone either."
"I know, I know," Felton said. "I see them from time to time on Pokitaru. Families or couples on vacation, but they never say where they're from. Ever. Well, at least not the planet, anyway, as they do sometimes talk about this or that enclave or outpost."
"Kind of wish you'd have mentioned that sooner," Grim stated. "I might have brought Widget over to give her a chance of meeting other Lombaxes in a safe setting."
"Well, I would have told you, but up until a few weeks ago you hadn't even told me you had adopted one!"
"Yeah yeah, I know," Grim admitted reluctantly. "It's just that Widget spent most of her life so far as a Scavenger Rat who had to work, fight, and bleed for everything she had, and be ready to ditch it all at a moment's notice if she had to run away in a hurry. I was kind of worried how she'd take learning about you, Mr. Ten-Years-On-A-Fishing-Trip."
"Are you still on about that? I told you, I work at the resort! Is it my fault that they gave me a job where I can do what I love to do every day?"
"Yes."
"I'm not sure if I should feel complimented or insulted!"
"Also yes."
"Look, are you ready to go or not? The Starbus back to Poketaru will be leaving pretty soon. Or, if you want to surprise Widget, we can hop on the next one to Veldin. I think the Rangers are supposed to be there for at least a few more days."
"Yeah, let's do that one," Grim decided. "Besides, I should probably let my friends there know that I hadn't died in the attack."
"GRIM!"Felton admonished his brother. "Interplanetary holocalls aren't that expensive! You've got to actually call people sometimes and not just wait until they come to you!"
"Eh, it's worked out for me so far."
"Uhuh. Sure. And now Widget's first experience with another Lombax that looks to be about her own age is that nutjob showed up yesterday. You know as well as I do that she's probably been the only Lombax on Veldin the entire time since the refugee ships arrived. Like I said, I see them from time to time on Poketaru, so I guess wherever they've moved to, they still take vacations, but until Widget and now this guy, you just don't seem to find them in the news like back in Polaris before that Tachyon asshole mucked things up."
"You obviously don't keep a weather ear on news from Polaris then."
"Let me guess: Another 'insurgency' of 'criminally insane' Lombax terrorists? Why do you bother keeping track of that drivel? You know as well as I do that Tachyon has had a stranglehold on every major news outlet in Polaris since shortly after he declared himself their Benevolent Emperor for Life."
"Sooner or later he's going to finish consolidating his power there, Felton. And once he does, he's probably going to start wondering where all those Lombaxes in the resistance are coming from, because they're running out of places to hide in Polaris. And he's got to have noticed that he's not finding any Lombax kids and be wondering where they are."
"And what does Widget think about all this?"
"She doesn't know," Grim stated. "I keep the parental controls active on my holonet terminal."
"GRIM! You can't keep her sheltered all her life! Not from this!"
"I… I just can't Felton. If you haven't been watching the Polaris newsfeeds, you don't know what Tachyon's been doing to the Lombaxes he catches! Rugs! Trophies! Wall hangings! Slaves! Zoo exhibits! And I can't decide which of any of these is worse than the others! I just can't subject Widget to that!"
"She's eighteen now, Grim. Sooner or later she's going to look stuff up on her own."
"I know, I know, it's just that she's not angry all the time any more. She's grown so much since I took her in, got a good head on her shoulders. I just worry that if she ever finds out about what Tachyon's been up to, all the peace she's gained since then will be shattered, leaving behind nothing but rage."
"And her finding out on her own is going to stop that, how?"
Grim sighed. "You're right, of course."
"So you'll tell her?"
"If I can figure out how? Yeah. I guess it's time."
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
"And this is the last of the sophonts found in and among the wreckage of the ship that dropped the aggressor vehicle into the charity race, Sheriff Taunty," Captain Sasha Phyronix stated as the last group was marched into the makeshift court hall.
"And like all the others, I recognize every last one of them, and not one of them has been off Veldin even once in their entire lives. I don't see how any of them could have been working with this Spanner fellow, except maybe by accident, and none of them are currently wanted for anything serious enough to merit taking up space in what few cells we have left after the attack."
"I guess that's it then," Sasha said, as yet another lead dried up before it actually went anywhere.
"Eh, not quite," Sheriff pro tem Taunty drawled, and then turned to address the final group of former suspects. "Now listen up! You all check out this time, so you're free to go if'n y'all want. You can even go right back to salvaging that ship y'all were swarmin' all over if ya want, since Starwatch got what they needed from it and Builders' League United wrote it off as a loss due to piracy, so nobody's gonna hassle you over it 'cept each other.
"That said, Builders' League United expressed an interest in possibly hirin' a bunch of ya, seeing as you had the motivation and wherewithal to strip so much of their former ship down in such a short time. So anyone interested in on the job trainin' should be here around noon on Monday to speak to their rep when he or she gets here. Impress them, and you might actually end up with a job before the day is out. Now pass the word on when ya leave, would ya? I know not all of you can read the job postings on the notice boards."
There was a general cheer from the rapidly dispersing Salvage Rats as they quickly left the room before the former deputy changed his mind.
"That was an interesting way to handle things," Sasha noted.
"It's the way Sheriff Marshal would have wanted it done," Tanty stated. "Personally, if the jailhouse wasn't in ruins, I'd have had most of 'em in holding at least overnight if not for a day or two longer just for the general trouble they get up to, but like I said, not one of them has done anything that merits takin' up valuable space in what few remaining cells that we have."
"I suppose that it doesn't hurt that BLU might be taking them off your hands soon."
"Maybe, maybe not," Taunty shrugged. "BLU is probably going to employ a lot of them locally in the rebuilding effort, and then take only those who have proven themselves worth the effort when they finally pull out. But it'll give 'em hope and maybe they'll try harder for it.
"After all, way back when I first laid eyes on Widget when I caught her trying to steal scrap from out behind where Grim's place used to be, I'd have sworn up and down that the little monster'd grow up to be a space pirate. Bit my wrist once and my ankles twice 'fore I got her into the back of my skycar, and swore fit to make a longshoreman blush. Pure evil in rags, I'd have said, and Grim's a saint for convincing her to put shoes on over those claws of hers. Left gashes in my boots, they did. And the back of my seat…
"Anyhow, I don't know what spark of decency Marshal somehow saw in her, but he pushed for leniency at her trial in juvie court, and even convinced Ol' Grim, the Fongoid she tried to steal from, to agree to be her guardian. An' now look at her: a Galactic Ranger and from what I can tell workin' up to be a pretty good one at that. Still a might rough around the edges perhaps, but damn if that tiny spark Marshal saw grew into somethin' resemblin' a proper fire."
Sheriff pro tem Taunty sighed. "I didn't always see eye to eye with how Marshal did things. Still don't, for a lot of things. But I figure that if there's even a small chance that any of those Scavenger Rats we just let walk out those doors have that same sort of tiny spark that Widget had, then I owe it to Marshal to give those sparks a chance to blaze as bright as they can so they have some chance at a future."
"So this Widget left a good impression on you then?"
"Actually," Taunty grinned, "I count it as a plus that I walked away from talkin' with her last night without a new set of teeth marks somewhere on my body. That girl used to be as mean as horny toads when she was pissed, and just about as polite."
O o O o O
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
Widget was losing herself in tweaking one of the detached weapon arms from the Bravo Squad warbots her little brother had accidentally recruited due to an accident of history. Which was to say that neither Clank nor she had known that there had ever been previous iterations of the Galactic Rangers, nor that Captain Qwark had adopted the old logo when he reactivated the charter in order to create his version of the team.
Which actually fit the pattern of behavior she was beginning to recognize from the Captain, which was to acquire something for the team because it was either cool or useful, but then make an odd decision about it that would later prove to be either very awkward, annoying, or impossibly lucky.
She was still undecided as to whether the bizarre chain of events that had led to Bravo Squad adopting Clank as their new sergeant, and thus the rest of the team as their officers by default, was awkward, annoying, impossibly lucky, or (as she was increasingly suspecting), all three.
"I hear you had a bit of an adventure," Widget heard Cora say, causing her to look up as Cora and Brax entered the maintenance bay.
"You could say that, yes," Widget replied, turning her attention back to the weapon she was working on, since it wasn't really at a stage where she felt comfortable setting it aside.
"Um…" Brax hesitated for a moment, then continued, "Why is there what looks like a group of one armed warbots in the corner looking over… color pallets?"
"That would because there is a group of one armed warbots in the corner, and they are looking over color pallets," Widget snarked absently as she made yet another adjustment to the arm cannon.
"But why?" Brax asked.
"I think they're still deciding whether to go with a single unified paint theme with just their designations to identify them, or to go with individual themes with just the logo to identify them as being part of the Galactic Rangers,"
"Er… That doesn't… um…"
"I think what Brax is trying to ask is why do we suddenly have a squad of warbots at all," Cora clarified.
"Near as I can tell?" Widget shrugged as she looked up from the weapon she was working on again. "Sheer dumb luck and stupidity involving a chain of events that should not have happened in a sane universe."
"Yup!" one of the warbots spoke up, turning his attention from the discussion he was having with his squadmates. "That sounds about right, Sir!"
"Did that warbot just call you Sir?" Cora couldn't help but ask.
"They seem to think I'm their new lieutenant for some reason that makes even less sense than them deciding that Clank is their new sergeant."
"You keep saying that, Sir," the warbot continued, "but we can't help but notice that you are looking after us anyway."
"With as long as you've all gone without more than what little self-maintenance you could do out there? And then finding out that you're all apparently legacy members from the previous team? I wasn't about to just leave you out there! Especially not after how you helped us take down and capture that dangerous idiot, Spanner."
"And that's what makes you a good lieutenant, Sir!"
"Hey," Brax interjected as he noticed what Widget was working on. "Are you adding a grenade launcher to that arm cannon?"
"It's for Fusion Bombs, mostly," Widget informed them, holding up the dummy bomb she was using to make sure that she got the proportions right. "But I suppose it can easily be used with other types of bombs and grenades. I'm leaving a space to install a cheap A.S.S. ammo selector so that C-44 can swap between what types of bombs he wants to use for any given shot.
"And that's why you're a great lieutenant, Sir!" a different warbot, presumably C-44, cheerfully called out.
"Uhuh," Cora nodded uncertainly. "On a different note, do we want to know why Elaris is hanging from a swingshot line in the crew quarters?"
"I'd rather you didn't," Widget stated as she went back to working on the arm cannon.
"I'll just go check the security logs then," Brax stated as he turned to leave.
"Wait, don't…" Widget half stood up, but hesitated, torn between chasing after Brax and making sure not to leave a potentially dangerous weapon laying around unsecured.
"Well, it looks like you're busy," Cora teased as she too turned to leave, "So I'll just go help Brax find the right footage."
"GUYS! WAIT!" Widget yelled as they left. "NO FAIR!"
O o O o O
Location: BlargTech Flagship, Deep Space
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
"Thank you so much for having me and the boys broken out, Mr. Drek Sir," Drek smiled indulgently as Little Tony thanked him profusely. Not that the oversized Cazar was actually important or integral to any plan, being nothing more than dumb muscle, but it was always nice to be appreciated by the minions.
"Why wouldn't I have the spokesperson of our new planet rescued?" Drek asked kindly, perpetuating the implied but otherwise blatantly false importance of Little Tony's role in his plans. "You're a part of the BlargTech family now! Now why don't you and the boys go get cleaned up, and then I'll treat you all to a nice lunch to celebrate your hard won freedom?"
"You got it, Boss!" Little Tony agreed, then turned to follow the dismissed troops out of the conference room.
Turning his attention to the remaining figures in the room, Drek addressed Shiv Helix. "While it wasn't part of your initial contract, the extra troops you freed during your break out of Little Tony is a perfectly acceptable bonus objective."
"Glad you think so, Mr. Drek," Shiv stated. "I was thinking a thousand each would suffice as a bonus payout."
"Sure," Drek said agreeably, then turned more serious. "If I had stated that as a bonus objective ahead of time, instead of you risking the mission for a side objective I hadn't even asked for. Fifty Bolts each, no more."
"Ah, but those are troops you don't have to pay the expense of training up replacements for. Nine hundred each, and not a Bolt less."
Drek and Helix settled into an enjoyable bit of haggling, eventually settling on seven hundred Bolts for each extra trooper freed this time, with a thousand bolts each agreed upon as an acceptable bonus payout for such during any similar breakout called for in any future contracts.
The Stig, as seemed to be his norm, said nothing as he joined them when they left to join Little Tony and the freed troopers for the party.
O o O o O
Location: The Phoenix, Bay 35, Kyzil Plateau Spaceport, Veldin
Time: 11:00 AM, Friday
Clank was in the hangar, going over the custom built oversized Grav-sled that he had the pit-bots assemble for him yesterday. Bloop was on hand with a datapad, recording every little detail as they went over the machine, as the Wipeout League had informed them that, while most of the sponsors he had taken parts from were fine with him grabbing parts in the line of duty, only two had agreed to actually let him keep any of what had went into his machine without paying. Even then it was only one or two signature pieces per sponsor and not everything he had the pit-bots take from their work pits.
And he didn't have nearly enough Bolts in his account to pay for everything he used (he had checked), and while he might easily get that much in the near future, it wouldn't be likely to happen until after they left Veldin.
And, no, he couldn't get an advance on his pay just for this.
The best he could hope for was what he got: an agreement from the Wipeout League to let the Galactic Rangers log what went into his machine and how it all went together, and for the League itself to hold onto it as a neutral party for him for up to a year before they took it apart and sent the parts back to all of the various sponsors.
Testing it out in holosims would have to do until then. And for that, he needed verifiable data for Dr. Nefarious to program the sim from that didn't require his presence. Hence what he and Bloop were doing in the ship's hangar bay right now.
Noting the two reporters and their camera-bots walking up the rear access ramp as if they owned the ship, Clank left Bloop to continue recording details and making notes, trusting him to do a good job while he saw what the reporters wanted. He met them moments later, with the pair having stopped just on the other side of the security field.
"Hello, little guy, I'm…"
"Dallas Wannamaker, I know," Clank interrupted, annoyed. Dallas preened for a moment right before Clank continued. "I believe my sister has expressed an interest in inflicting grievous bodily harm upon your person. Please stay there while I go get her."
"Aheh… I'm sure she was just exaggerating..?" Dallas implied hopefully.
"I should hope so, considering her actual statement was that she was going to kill you. I suggested a light to medium maiming as a more appropriate deterrent for the offense."
"I think I like you and your sister already," Juanita Alvera stated happily. "I'm so glad you insisted that we try for an interview today, Dallas!"
"Ah, do you really think this is the time, Juanita?" Dallas asked as he tugged at his collar nervously.
"What are you worried about, Dallas? You're insured, and from the sound of it, I'm sure that the hospital stay would be brief."
"Not helping, Juanita…"
"Now Dallas, what was it you said back when we were doing that exposé on Don Corneo back in Midgar? 'It depends on your definition of help?' Well, by my definition, I'm helping!"
"Please don't. I promise not to do anything like that again!"
"And I promise not to do anything like this again," Juanita agreed.
Dallas relaxed.
"But the key word here is again," Jaunita stated firmly.
Dallas made a run for it.
Much to Juanita's disappointment, there was no pursuit.
She was, however, invited into the ship with both camera bots provided she agreed to behave herself.
O o O o O
Location: Aleero City General Hospital, Kerwan
Time: 11:45 AM, Friday
Grim shut off the holovid in what was soon to be his former hospital room.
"Damn, Veldin just can't seem to catch a break, can it?" his brother, Felton commented. "First the Blarg attack and then that asshole tearing up the charity race yesterday."
"They'll bounce back," Grim shook his head. "The only difference between these incidents and the space pirate raid is that this time the news is paying attention to it for a change."
"I still can't believe you chose to stay there despite the Lombax colony being abandoned when we arrived in Solana."
"Well, it's not like they took their buildings with them when they left, and it's not like they're all gone either."
"I know, I know," Felton said. "I see them from time to time on Pokitaru. Families or couples on vacation, but they never say where they're from. Ever. Well, at least not the planet, anyway, as they do sometimes talk about this or that enclave or outpost."
"Kind of wish you'd have mentioned that sooner," Grim stated. "I might have brought Widget over to give her a chance of meeting other Lombaxes in a safe setting."
"Well, I would have told you, but up until a few weeks ago you hadn't even told me you had adopted one!"
"Yeah yeah, I know," Grim admitted reluctantly. "It's just that Widget spent most of her life so far as a Scavenger Rat who had to work, fight, and bleed for everything she had, and be ready to ditch it all at a moment's notice if she had to run away in a hurry. I was kind of worried how she'd take learning about you, Mr. Ten-Years-On-A-Fishing-Trip."
"Are you still on about that? I told you, I work at the resort! Is it my fault that they gave me a job where I can do what I love to do every day?"
"Yes."
"I'm not sure if I should feel complimented or insulted!"
"Also yes."
"Look, are you ready to go or not? The Starbus back to Poketaru will be leaving pretty soon. Or, if you want to surprise Widget, we can hop on the next one to Veldin. I think the Rangers are supposed to be there for at least a few more days."
"Yeah, let's do that one," Grim decided. "Besides, I should probably let my friends there know that I hadn't died in the attack."
"GRIM!"Felton admonished his brother. "Interplanetary holocalls aren't that expensive! You've got to actually call people sometimes and not just wait until they come to you!"
"Eh, it's worked out for me so far."
"Uhuh. Sure. And now Widget's first experience with another Lombax that looks to be about her own age is that nutjob showed up yesterday. You know as well as I do that she's probably been the only Lombax on Veldin the entire time since the refugee ships arrived. Like I said, I see them from time to time on Poketaru, so I guess wherever they've moved to, they still take vacations, but until Widget and now this guy, you just don't seem to find them in the news like back in Polaris before that Tachyon asshole mucked things up."
"You obviously don't keep a weather ear on news from Polaris then."
"Let me guess: Another 'insurgency' of 'criminally insane' Lombax terrorists? Why do you bother keeping track of that drivel? You know as well as I do that Tachyon has had a stranglehold on every major news outlet in Polaris since shortly after he declared himself their Benevolent Emperor for Life."
"Sooner or later he's going to finish consolidating his power there, Felton. And once he does, he's probably going to start wondering where all those Lombaxes in the resistance are coming from, because they're running out of places to hide in Polaris. And he's got to have noticed that he's not finding any Lombax kids and be wondering where they are."
"And what does Widget think about all this?"
"She doesn't know," Grim stated. "I keep the parental controls active on my holonet terminal."
"GRIM! You can't keep her sheltered all her life! Not from this!"
"I… I just can't Felton. If you haven't been watching the Polaris newsfeeds, you don't know what Tachyon's been doing to the Lombaxes he catches! Rugs! Trophies! Wall hangings! Slaves! Zoo exhibits! And I can't decide which of any of these is worse than the others! I just can't subject Widget to that!"
"She's eighteen now, Grim. Sooner or later she's going to look stuff up on her own."
"I know, I know, it's just that she's not angry all the time any more. She's grown so much since I took her in, got a good head on her shoulders. I just worry that if she ever finds out about what Tachyon's been up to, all the peace she's gained since then will be shattered, leaving behind nothing but rage."
"And her finding out on her own is going to stop that, how?"
Grim sighed. "You're right, of course."
"So you'll tell her?"
"If I can figure out how? Yeah. I guess it's time."