- Pronouns
- She/Her
I don't think Alexander would threaten people to join him though. Unless he want to charisma check Diarmuid before an eventual duel.
Theodicy (Fate/Zero, SI!Caster)
- Thread starter DiscovAres
- Start date
I don't think Alexander would threaten people to join him though. Unless he want to charisma check Diarmuid before an eventual duel.
He gives his retainers a degree of autonomy, so that might have been Assassin's call.
I think the thing I'm most interested in is if need gonna use his reality marble to anchor Assassin and possibly Lancer. His reality marble lets him summon heroic spirits, so theoretically he should be a valid anchor to keep them around.
- Location
- North Wales
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Gae Daerg or Buidhe.
deer
And, ha, it was Lancer after all. See you after the hiatus!
Romka
Master of Stealth
- Location
- In a barrel
Obviously she thinks they're more useful alive (for now), and plans to use them for something, the same way she's using team Caster to kill Kirei. The questions are, what does Assassin want and why should they help her?
I don't think Assassin is really loyal to Iskandar at all. I think she only swore loyalty because she knew Team Rider would be the easiest for her to eliminate. She'd just have to wait until all the other servants are dead, kill Waver, and the grail is hers.
Its pretty dishonorable, but we've seen what Assassin thinks of honor:
- Location
- North Wales
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
For all that Caster bemoans his inability to swerve the course of the war, the losers so far have all had happier endings than canon. Even if the dead are still dead.
Lancelot got to be a hero, as did Kariya. Tokiomi died to an honourable opponent, rather than to a betrayer who would raise his heir wrong as a joke. Kayneth's death was no longer in vain, with Sola-Ui missing the bastard now that he's gone. Diarmud is having the time of his un-life, with good fights all around and no need to betray his master.
The only ones worse off have been Zouken and Ryuunosuke (get rekt) and the OC Balthazars (also, get rekt).
And yet, not a fix fic. The sympathetic characters all live, but there's a doom hanging over most of them. Now all but one of the clear villains are out. Maybe Archer makes things simple, and clears the field. But Caster's hands aren't clean any more, and even his darlings have to die if he's to get what he wants.
Lancelot got to be a hero, as did Kariya. Tokiomi died to an honourable opponent, rather than to a betrayer who would raise his heir wrong as a joke. Kayneth's death was no longer in vain, with Sola-Ui missing the bastard now that he's gone. Diarmud is having the time of his un-life, with good fights all around and no need to betray his master.
The only ones worse off have been Zouken and Ryuunosuke (get rekt) and the OC Balthazars (also, get rekt).
And yet, not a fix fic. The sympathetic characters all live, but there's a doom hanging over most of them. Now all but one of the clear villains are out. Maybe Archer makes things simple, and clears the field. But Caster's hands aren't clean any more, and even his darlings have to die if he's to get what he wants.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I've only done second-person narration in the first interlude? Do you mean the switching perspectives?
Chapter 15: In Which There Will Be Answers, at Last
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Chapter 15: In Which There Will Be Answers, at Last
The second manor was… different in some unaccountable way, she felt. Though it held the same tasteful opulence, as last time, the atmosphere was very different. Not lighter, but certainly brighter: a clarification of an oppressive air that had always been there.
Or maybe she just wanted that to be true. It would certainly be poetic, with what she had been forced to confront about Caster. Some part of her was still wondering why she had only now been permitted to dream of the end of his fate, which revealed his True Name to her: most of her, though, was only concerned with the consequences of that revelation.
She had to confront him. Her weary, tired mind, exhausted from battle and the tension playing around with the Magus Killer brought out, sought for a better way to put it, and came up short. She had to confront him, because until she did, she would be unable to trust him.
Aoi Tohsaka, for surely that would still be her name, even with her husband's recent death, opened the door. She was not surprised to see them, of course, since they had been able to contact her beforehand, to acquire her permission to visit and lay out the situation. Caster had stressed that it was serious, and for whatever reason, that had been cause enough for her to hear them out.
Bitterly, Tiffany thought back on all they did, and wondered if Caster had had some nefarious purpose in rescuing Sakura and ingratiating himself to her mother. But, she chastised herself, any action of Gilles de Rais would seem nefarious, until she cleared things up with him. That was why it was so crucial.
"Hello again, Caster and miss Hohenheim: and hello to you, missus Einzbern, mister Emiya, Saber, miss Hisau," Aoi said, pushing the door open fully and standing in the doorframe. She bowed her head demurely. "Welcome to my home; please come inside."
Einzbern gave a subdued thanks, and their battered procession entered one after another. First Caster, giving Aoi a grateful look, which she returned with a wan and puzzled smile. Then Saber, carrying the by-now unconscious Magus Killer, put in a recuperating sleep by his wife after she had done the best she could to heal him, after Lancer's Gáe Dearg had pierced his stomach. It was lucky that he'd thrown the longer spear, not the shorter one. Then Einzbern entered, nodding at Aoi, followed closely by Hisau, who couldn't muster the effort to acknowledge her host, staring fixedly after the Magus Killer.
Tiffany brought up the rear, beginning to quietly whisper thanks, before shaking herself. This was not a funeral procession: there was no reason for them to be so glum. "Thank you for taking us into your home once again, Mrs. Tohsaka," she said, holding out her hand for her to take.
Mechanically, Aoi shook her hand, her face a frozen mask. "It is no trouble. I- will show the injured Mr. Emiya to quiet room. One moment," she said, tearing herself away from Tiffany with a start. She could almost hear the clicking of gears as she guided Saber and her Master upstairs, but not before instructing the rest of them where to sit.
It was a larger sitting room, with a huge window taking up most of the other wall, letting in a great deal of late morning sunlight. In the middle was a large conference table, dominating the floorspace, with over a dozen fine but simple and tasteful chairs. A cabinet with tinted glass, behind which hid various bottles of liquor, took up the far end of the room, with an oil painting of fruits and grains hanging on the opposite wall. Opposite the window hung painted porcelain plates, with pictures of boats and birds and such.
Tiffany fought back the urge to yawn. Once the situation was settled, she was going to crash again, she just knew it. Fighting Eirene had been an ordeal, and now, her heart was… unsteady, with her old rival gone, having gone to ground somewhere in the city, soon to return to the Clocktower and face her family once more, to answer for her failures. For a moment, she wanted out of this room, back to Eirene, to have simply taken her deal and walked away. But that was merely human weakness talking, and she was a mage: above human, obliged to elevate man by her own elevated position.
The others slumped glumly into their seats around an oval conference table. Einzbern and Hisau sat next to one another, Einzbern holding Hisau's knuckles soothingly, as the other simply sat and stared fixedly at the door. It was a strangely tender scene, which made Tiffany… unaccountably uncomfortable. She hadn't expected something like that from an Einzbern, but it made sense, she tried to reassure herself. Even if there was little connection between them, really, an Einzbern would still want its guardians functional.
Surely.
Caster had plopped down next to her, some ways down the table, electing to give the other two some space, and leaving the interior side of the table, the one closer to the door, free for Aoi. He tried to maintain dignity, then collapsed onto the table and buried his head in his arms. Whatever had gotten into him, she had no idea.
When the door clicked open, Saber entered first, sitting down next to Einzbern, her black suit a distinct contrast next to the Einzbern's flowing, white clothing. Hesitantly, Saber also reached out for Einzbern's other hand, but found it easily, once Einzbern proffered it to her. This break in the soothing rhythm seemed to snap Hisau out of her stupor, and she clenched Einzbern's hand tightly. For a moment, Einzbern held each handhold up to her side, gripped them tightly, as though drawing strength from them, before sighing deeply, and opening her eyes to look at the woman entering the room.
Aoi Tohsaka, though, had not come alone. Both her daughters entered at her side, one curious, the other boiling with anger as soon as she laid eyes upon Tiffany's Servant. As she pulled out a chair for Sakura to sit on, Aoi leaned down to Rin and said, "Rin. I know you're upset. But this is important. Please?"
Rin's lip curled as if in a snarl, but, although she never took her eyes off Caster, she still nodded at her mother, before pulling out a chair herself and sitting down. Aoi sighed and did the same.
Caster himself had come awake, or at least at attention, when Aoi had entered the room, and his eyes passed briefly to the furious Rin, an expression of pain on his features. Once Aoi had sat down, folding her hands in her lap and watching the rest of them with rank back, he began. "I wish we didn't have to come here, Aoi. Not because I don't wish to see any of you again, but because by being here, we bring the danger of the Holy Grail War to your doorstep. The only reason I would choose for it to be otherwise, then, is that we would bring more danger to your family by not being here."
Aoi swallowed uncomfortably. "And how so?" she asked.
Caster shuddered, and he sounded ashamed as he spoke. "After… we had done the deed," a high, rumbling sound from, like a tea kettle, from Rin, "We attracted the attention of Archer, his Servant," he began. "Therefore, I knew we had to find allies, and so sought out the assistance of these fine people you see here," he said, waving a hand at their allies, watching their hostess intently, none more so than Saber. "The battle that followed is… by and large irrelevant, save for one detail. I was staying in my Workshop to direct the battle from afar, and while doing so, I was approached by Assassin.
"We thought we'd killed Assassin," he admitted, bitterly, "but no. We weren't so lucky. The last remainder… she threatened- she said that unless I help her kill her Master, or perhaps 'former Master' is more fitting, she would kill either one of you, or my own Master."
The confusion diluted some of Rin's anger, as a tapestry of incomprehension played over her face. Sakura tilted her head, her subdued temperament giving Tiffany surprisingly little to read into. But it was Aoi's face that was most interesting. At first, obviously, was horror, then a glance to each side betrayed concern for her children, equally unsurprising. But then, a slow look at Caster, than slowly grew… tender, and warm, even if the background of worry never disappeared. "I… see." Her reply was frustratingly simple.
Caster bowed his head. "But I don't know, for certain, if I will have an opportunity: Kirei Kotomine is slippery, a highly trained Church Executor," Rin and Sakura's eyebrows flew upwards, "and War is a morass of uncertainty. Therefore, to close the field of possibilities… I argued that, since our previous base of operations is no longer viable, we should fall back here." He shuddered again, and wiped at red eyes, wettened slightly. "I am sorry to have brought you back into danger. All three of you. But as long as you are under threat, I am… unreliable. And I cannot be, not at a time which feels so crucial."
Aoi smiled faintly, pained but glad still. "I understand. It is… kind of you to worry."
Ah. That was it. Despite the danger, Aoi was a little touched that Caster cared enough that he could be swayed so easily, even towards something as grim as murder, by a mere threat against her and hers. She didn't know Caster's nature, Tiffany reminded herself, bitterly. If she did, she wouldn't take so rosy a view of him so quickly. He was a murderer, and worse things still. "Then, we are alright to stay here?" Tiffany asked. "If not, we must move quickly, so I would prefer to have your answer now." It was a little terse, but she had too many thoughts on her mind right now.
Hesitating, which made Tiffany grit her teeth, Aoi looked at each of her daughters in turn. "I… it's not just up to me. But, knowing that the risk exists regardless of whether you stay here… yes, I say you can. Sakura? Rin?"
"I… I'd like them to stay, too."
Rin wasn't growling, but it was a near thing. "This isn't a democracy. I am the new head of the Tohsaka family. This is my house, by right and by birth. Why should I let you stay here, when you killed my Papa!" she yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at Caster.
"Do you not believe the threat is genuine?" Saber suddenly asked.
"I- I don't care!" Rin retorted angrily. "He's- he killed Papa! I don't want him here! He can go rot for all I care!"
Aoi reached out for Rin, who visibly restrained herself from hitting her mother to make her stop. Laying her hands gently on her daughter's shoulders, Aoi said, "Rin, dear, we've talked about this: If you hate Caster for… for killing your father," Aoi had to steel herself to bring out the words, "then you should hate me too! Because I told him to do it!"
Tiffany had killed him… but was now the time to bring that up? No, clearly not.
Hair fell over Rin's eyes as she bowed her head, shaking in her seat. "I- I-" she tried to speak. "Why? Why does it have to be like this?!" she cried, tears dripping down what little of her face could be seen. "Why can't I just hate him!"
"Dear-" Aoi began and got no further.
"Sakura's broken!" she screamed. "Why did he do that! Huh?! Why was he an idiot?! Why? I don't… It… it's not fair! It," she was shaking, "it should've been me! I'm the big sister! I'm supposed to protect her!" she cried, burying her face in her hands.
"Rin! No!" Sakura yelled, having been taken aback, but now undeterred despite Rin's cruel, thoughtless comment. "I- it shouldn't have happened at all! I- it's not- you couldn't have-"
"Rin," Caster tried to say, reaching across the table. "It isn't your responsibility to make up for your father's mistakes."
"He was supposed to apologize!" she yelled back at him. "He was supposed to tell Sakura he was sorry, once I beat him up! He was- he should have fixed her! He should have made it all go back! He- he's dead, and you killed him, and I can't just hate either of you, because I don't want him dead, and I don't want him to hurt Sakura, and he would've, and he did and- and- and-" she stammered. Too much anger in too small a frame.
Swallowing, Caster tried again. "I am sorry, too, that there wasn't another way. It would have been… perfect, if he could've done that. But I asked him to, and he didn't- Rin, he didn't even understand what I was saying."
"In war," Saber said, musingly, but her quiet voice cut through the tension like a pristine blade, "you kill the enemy to protect the people behind you. You do it right, you do it quick, you do it clean. But you kill, and you kill until they stop fighting back. You do this, over and over again, until you have created peace. To do this, you must have an army that can crush your enemy. To have an army, you must take the hard-won crops from those you protect. If you cannot crush the enemy, they will despoil your people regardless. They would rob them of everything, so you must rob them first."
"The hell are you saying?" Rin asked, a bitter anger drawn up from her belly seeping into her voice.
"Your father was a tyrant. He was the enemy. You kill the enemy, to protect the people behind you, your soldiers, your lands. If you had to protect your sister from your father, would you kill him?"
It was a strange, heavy question to ask such a young girl, but something in Saber's emerald eyes gave Rin pause. Tiffany had expected her to simply throw it back in Saber's face, but instead, she grew quiet, actually thinking on it, before finally giving her answer. "I would do anything to protect Sakura," she said.
Saber nodded, appreciatively. "Then, in your mind's eye, picture the tyrant, your enemy. Wield a dagger. And know that he will harm her, if he lives. You kill him right, quick, and clean. But you kill him. Because even if it would be perfect, if he made up for what he has done… he never will. That is why he is your enemy. Because his convictions are a match to yours, and yet totally opposed. This world rebels against perfection. To create a perfect peace, you must accept the stains on your hands."
Rin shuddered at this pronouncement from the King of Knights. Even Tiffany, far from its target, could feel the weight of loss, the echo of the battlefield's clamor, and the desperation of a single knight, trying to fight the world alone, so that nobody else would get hurt fighting for her.
"…you can stay," Rin said.
Aoi sighed, and leaned down to embrace Rin, who, without warning, began to crawl over the chairs and into her mother's lap. With a weak giggle, Aoi accepted that, also remembering to brush her hand over Sakura's violet hair, as she looked up at her sister's exhausted frame with wide eyes.
"Thank you," Tiffany said, looking around to see if she could get up and find a place where she and Caster could talk.
Einzbern had an odd expression. "Sorry, uhm… the words are harsh, but I don't know much else about the situation. Sakura, wasn't it? You are… broken?" she asked, cautiously.
Shrinking into herself, Sakura gave a small nod. "I- almost all my magic circuits were broken, when Caster and Hohenheim freed me. I- can do a few, small exercises but trying more than that… hurts. A lot," she shuddered.
"Ah. I am sorry to have asked," Einzbern said.
Caster was suddenly beset with energy, looking frantically between Sakura, Einzbern, and Saber. "But- yes, it's awful, yes. I- hadn't quite expected it, even if I had feared it, but- Saber!" he yelled, bright and a little mad, "we can fix it, can't we?"
At first confused, Saber soon frowned as she understood.
"Avalon!" Caster said, sweeping his arms around. "Avalon can fix anything, can't it?! It's- it's the Ever-Distant Utopia! Of course it can put her magic circuits back together! Anything short of true immortality, so long as you are there!" He looked at Saber, manic.
"I have no doubt it can," Saber said, quietly. "But I wonder if it should."
For the longest moment, Tiffany wondered if someone was going to ask 'why?' Then, looking around at the crestfallen, worried faces, she realized that, apparently, she had missed something, and nobody else had. Apart from Hisau, maybe, but she looked to be far away in general. Perhaps it would have been better to let her stay at the Magus Killer's side. "Why shouldn't it?" Tiffany asked.
Saber looked at her with a sharp, blank stare. "I have a younger sister, too," Saber said, which explained nothing. "Morgause. Not as famous as either I nor Morgan. Which is precisely my point. Morgan and I were miracle births: hers a true miracle, mine one constructed. And in exchange… nothing ill became of Morgause. She lived an ordinary, mortal life, then she died," Saber said, turning her gaze to Sakura. "Her life was not twisted into the shape of a tragedy by the weight of destiny pressing down on her. She did not have to protect; instead, others protected her."
Breathing steadily, Sakura absorbed that, then, slowly, started shaking her head. "But I was still put in danger, even though I should have been protected," she said. Her mother held out a hand, and Sakura squeezed it, casting a reassuring smile up at her, before turning a serious gaze back at Saber.
"Yes. Yet, you were put in that danger for the power that was inherent to you: without it, are you not safe?"
That made Sakura frown.
"Saber, why-" Caster asked, raising a hand feebly.
Saber froze him with a glance. "Caster," she said firmly, and his hand dropped. She found a thoughtful look on him when she turned her eyes that way.
"I- no? I'm still a part of the Moonlit World, even if I'm powerless. It's better to have and not need, than to need and not have it, right?" she asked carefully.
"So you desire strength? Merely for its own sake, or to put it to some special use?" Saber asked, leaning her head to the side, presenting an implacable, iron façade.
"I- I don't know?" Sakura said, shaking her head in confused frustration. "Would it matter?"
"Yes. Giving Avalon to you is a risk, even if it is temporary, because while it is healing you, it cannot protect another."
"Saber, I-" Einzbern began to say, taking Saber by the arm.
"Iri," Saber said, casting a firm glance her way.
Surprise blossomed on Einzbern's face, and she turned away with a soft, "Oh. I see."
Saber carried on, "I need to know if the purpose you would put it to is worth that risk."
This time, it was Aoi who spoke. "She's just a child, Saber. Can't you go easy on her?"
But Saber shook her head, a little melancholy. "No, I cannot. Because the world will not spare her from difficult things just because she is a child. She knows that. I will not insult her by talking down to her, as though she does not understand the gravity of her situation. She must argue for her case, and then I will decide it." Her steely gaze turned back on Sakura.
She squirmed, but only a little. "I- But it's not so simple," Sakura protested, stumbling at the first step. "I don't just want it for one thing."
"Then tell me the whole truth, and I will judge all of it," Saber said, firmly, but not unkindly.
Swallowing, Sakura nodded. "I want it… because I liked learning magic, before… Papa stopped teaching me," she said, which was a bad start, to Tiffany's mind. "And I want it, so Rin doesn't have to protect me all the time. And I want it, because it hurts, and I want it to stop." A slow, smoldering flame began to awaken in Sakura. "I want it, because I didn't get a choice! I didn't ask to have it taken away, I didn't ask for a normal, mortal life, and I didn't ask for Papa only care about how useful I am! I want it to prove him wrong! I want it, because I can be a great magus, and I can do it despite what he thought, and I can do it without doing any of that stuff!"
"We cannot overturn the past so easily," Saber said, halfway as if she was realizing it herself.
"I'm not asking you to!" Sakura yelled; the slow flame incensed to a bonfire. "I'm asking you to make it right! So what if you can't change the past: we're alive now, and we can still change how what happened in the past should affect the future! If you can fix something that someone else broke, isn't that your responsibility?"
Saber sighed, folding her hands on the table. "What would you use it for, if I returned your magecraft to you?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Sakura yelled. "That's the point! I don't know all the things I might do with it! But it's my future, and I say I want it. Matou and my stupid Papa were the ones who said I shouldn't have it: why do they get to decide that? Why is it more important to you what they wanted! It's my future! I want it back! I want it, for all the things I don't even know I'll use it for. I want," she crumbled in on herself. "I want a second chance. Like Rin. We both want a second chance: but Papa's dead, and you're here. So, only I can get my wish." Sakura looked up at Saber. "I'm… not as smart, or good at talking, as Rin. So… I don't have anything else. Please," she begged.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Saber nodded, the tension going out of the room. "Alright. Irisviel?" she turned and asked.
"Oh! Yes, of course, it's no trouble," Einzbern startled at attention and said, looking at Sakura with a fond smile.
The young girl looked perplexed. "You're- you're giving it to me?"
Saber nodded. "I was always going to, if you wanted it. But I needed to be sure that you did. It would be… easy, to simply want it, to make things be like they always were. But your reasons are more profound than that. I did not want you to throw away a potential boon, a potential exit to a difficult path, for the sake of some… thoughtless and futile attempt to turn back the clock." Those words appeared to pain Saber greatly, for some reason, but Tiffany didn't stop to wonder why.
Instead, as Rin woke back up, and tumbled over to hug Sakura in effusive excitement, her mind was already turning to another, far more difficult conversation.
"Yes, Master?" Caster asked, as he walked into his Workshop, where she already were. "Is this that talk we've been putting off? Why did we go here to have it?"
She didn't sit down, even as she heard him take a seat, her back turned, hands gripped tightly behind her. "I wished to do you the courtesy of not letting our allies overhear our talk."
"Ah," he muttered darkly, "It is to be one of those chats. They always put my stomach ill at ease."
Turning to face him, she breathed through her nose and said, "I know who you are."
His eyes widened, and those eyes could widen far indeed. But no reply issued from him, as he swallowed a difficult, painful lump in his throat.
"Gilles de Rais. Former companion to Jeanne d'Arc. A knight, then a murderer and… defiler of children."
Her Servant, who had been composing himself since his outburst after the assault at Einzbern Castle, began to fall apart again. Still, he did not respond.
"This was to be your counter-theodicy?" she asked bluntly. Still no response, still no way to gauge him. Regretful, she made up her mind to push him further. "I see now why Angra Mainyu's Grail called for you. You told me yourself that it would absolve everything: and who could crave absolution more than a poor sinner like you."
"I can't do it," he whispered. Whatever that meant.
"I need to know how much of what you've told me is a lie, Gilles-" she began, her voice low but forceful.
"I am not Gilles de Rais," he said. "That was a lie."
What? "What?"
He was shaking, terrified. "I am a traveler- no, that implies agency. I don't- I don't belong here, Master, I'm not from this world. I- yes, I've implied that I'm him, because I knew that, someday, you'd find out the 'truth', and I was preparing for that, but now that it's here… I can't," he said, miserably. "I can't take credit for what that monster did."
Mental Pollution, had to be. What better way to seize redemption, than to forget you ever needed it? "This was your 'revelation'?" she asked, tersely.
"No, I've never seen the Throne," he said, shaking his head frantically. "Master, you have to believe me, I- I know about things that make no sense! I can tell you about Pokémon, or the Inheritance Cycle, or Don Quixote, or Discworld, or, or- my life! I have a younger brother, his name is-"
"How can I believe you, Caster?" she asked, leaning forward, her arms stretched ahead as she clenched them upwards, like a leaf folding up on itself. Frustration and resentment compelled her movements. "Einzbern and I have investigated the Grail- and it is corrupted! If Angra Mainyu, as you've said, really did die as Avenger in the Third Holy Grail War, then he would have corrupted it, in the manner you described to Einzbern, but then lied to me when you told me you'd made that up!" She took a step towards him. Emboldened, perhaps, by his cringing denials.
"I- I'm sorry! Yes, you're right, but I was worried, Master, I was so worried that, if you thought it was corrupted, you'd leave the Grail War! But- but it's alright! I- maybe you won't believe this, but you're here for Heaven's Feel, right? And that's entirely the Greater Grail, Angra Mainyu can't stop that! So, we just have to be the last ones standing! And then, you can win."
"And what about you," she asked, sparks in her eyes. "What do you get out of that?" Her lip was curling itself into a sneer of frustration.
He was shaking like a leaf, sweat running down his doughy brow where he furiously wiped it off. "I- I get to live, Master. I'm terrified. I was a normal human: this all, it's, it's fiction where I'm from, Master! Magic, and magecraft, and Servants and Master, and all this death and ritual sacrifice. None of that is even real in my world. I," he swallowed, eyes swiveling around nervously. He's insane, he's insane, her mind kept repeating. "I was an anxious child, a very anxious child. Whenever night fell, I'd grow fretful of the horror stories I'd heard; ghosts and ghouls and… anything inexplicable.
"I killed the part of my brain that believed in it, in magic and mysteries beyond science, because it tormented me, the thought that- that things dangerous and inexplicable and utterly outside my frame of reference could befall me and my family at any time."
She resisted the urge to tsk in annoyance, as he danced around himself in endless pleas for sympathy. She didn't believe this story, any more than she believed him before. Not yet at least. "Then why did you have so perfect an answer when I was horrified at the concept of your counter-theodicy, without knowing any details? Who but Gilles de Rais would have even thought to construct any justification?"
"He didn't give a shit!" Caster yelled, rising in a flutter of cloth from his chair. "I made it up! He regretted fucking nothing! I think it's vile, what he did! I can't even stand for you, for anyone to think I did it for a second, and I've been preparing myself for that this whole time!
"The explanation is half of a philosophy I came up with, and it has nothing to do with justifying what he did. I-" he looked incongruously embarrassed at what he said next, "In my misspent youth, I would watch videos online of men who thought themselves to be very clever atheists, as they dismantled the arguments of the faithful. But eventually, their arguments grew repetitive, and I became disillusioned with them, and started thinking of my own reasons for not believing in god.
"These men, who called themselves skeptics, they would repeat the same argument over and over: that the 'burden of proof' laid with those claiming that god existed. And I thought, maybe that's true. But it isn't convincing."
"Is there a rest stop between here and your point?" she asked, annoyed at his continued attempts to dodge her critical findings. However sympathetic she found the frustration of a man of science, confronted on one hand with the faithful drones, on the other with the idiots who ought to share his views- no. Precisely because she found that so sympathetic, she couldn't trust it.
"Master, please," he begged. "I- the explanation was half of it. I made up my mind to trap the Christians, because I was young and foolish, and thought I knew better than most. I would solve the problem of evil; I would give them a perfect theodicy, and all it would cost them was the intervention of their god. The actual point is that I allow that god exists, and is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent. But if he is all those things, he would not create an imperfect universe: and so, he hasn't. But, Master, the point is that, if the Universe is perfect, god would not intervene in it.
"If he did, he is either not powerful enough, or knowledgeable enough, to do perfectly the first time, or he did not want to. I wished to frighten them into accepting Deism, that god could only be a clockmaker, if he was to be all three things, they need him to be."
"What of evil, then?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
"What of it?" he said, spreading his arms wide. "Evil might exist, but sin does not, because sin come to us from scripture, and that scripture, by the philosophy I have laid forth, must be made without divine intervention. If Heaven exists, which I do not believe it does, we are all guaranteed entry."
Ruin flamed in her breast. "Is that so, Caster. How convenient," she sneered.
His face fell. "Master, I do not believe in this anymore. It was… an overly simplistic explanation I dreamed up while I was only seventeen or so. I only thought."
"It absolves everything, even the sins of the greatest monsters of human history. Such as yourself."
Tears began to run from his eyes. "Master, no, you have to believe me. What- what can I tell you? What would make you believe that I am not Gilles de Rais!?"
She hesitated- but only a little. "I don't know Caster. Because, ultimately, you're giving me the wrong answers. I don't, really, care who you are, or think you are, however much it matters to you. I care that you lied. I care that you've been hiding things from me. I care that I don't know all the rules, not because I couldn't, but because you wouldn't tell me. So," she held up her hand. A red glow alighted. "I'm changing the engagement. Caster, tell me everything you know about the Holy Grail War."
His knees buckled. Red lightning played over his form, as he struggled to say… what? More excuses? More lies? Whether or not he was a man from some strange age without magecraft… did not matter. She watched, not unsympathetically, but still impassively, as his throat struggled, until he finally allowed it to form the words she wanted to hear.
"The Holy Grail War is a ritual constructed by the Einzbern, Tohsaka, and Matou families, to claim the Third Magic, Heaven's Feel. But to do this, one requires not merely the completion of that first ritual, which summons the Holy Grail and allows one to make a wish upon it.
"One requires the death of seven Servants; the Command Seals are the method for ensuring this comes to pass. Only then does the gate of heaven open."
A long and winding explanation followed, through not only this Holy Grail War, but the next, fought by those born in the ashes of the Fourth, and another, which would never happen, and others, which seemed impossible, from what she had been told by Einzbern. She scoffed when he mentioned the summoning of Zahak, the Serpent-King, into the body of a young woman, and the potential summoning of four of each Servant, one Master claiming all four Sabers. Ridiculous.
But nevertheless, she learnt much, but most troubling was that first, direst revelation. The one that would kill Caster, in time. She turned from him halfway, as he collapsed to the ground, breathing in shallow gasps.
"I didn't come here for Heaven's Feel," she said, finally, her fingers itching to hold something.
"What?" he gasped.
She shrugged. "I didn't. It's- my personal power is irrelevant. I don't care about it, really. I want… the same thing my family has always wanted, and the same thing the Founder wanted. To save the world. And unlike Emiya, I knew the method before I came here." She brushed a hand over her scabbard wistfully. "A philosopher's stone, in the heart of every person, irretrievable and inseparable. Infinite power, infinite life, infinite wealth- for everyone. A remedy, the magnum opus distributed evenly and fairly. And then; Utopia!" she cried out, raising a hand to the heavens, occulted.
"It's madness," he protested, prostrate on the ground. "You- Master, with a wish like that, Angra Mainyu could destroy the world!"
"He could do that with any wish," she said, letting her hand drop. "What were you going to ask for, then? The Grail must have called you for a reason."
"It didn't- but you don't believe that do you?" he asked, bitterly. "I was going to ask to go home," he said, getting back on his feet slowly.
"And you thought that would go well?" she asked, turning her head towards him slightly, a cold expression on her face.
"…I hoped so," he said, feebly.
She shook her head in exasperation. "Then you are naïve." She turned her back to him. "But I am not. And if I cannot have utopia by a miracle, I will create it by my labors. I will become the Third Magician. I will shake the Clocktower to its foundations. I will drag it out of its complacency. I will become the next Paracelsus, only I will be something they cannot oppose, cannot ignore, cannot kill; I will become equal to the Wizard Marshall, Lord Zelretch himself. And I will save the world, come hell or high water. Even if he should oppose me, I will bend the institution he created to hoard away magecraft, the method for mankind's salvation: and I will become the magnum opus that saves humanity."
"…how many will die, to see that through?" he asked. "How many will you betray?"
"Everyone, anyone, if that is what it takes," she said frankly. "Do not concern yourself overmuch, for now, Caster. I will still work with the Einzbern, to create a key to circumvent Angra Mainyu: if I could, I would, after all, be able to ask for utopia. But if not, I will kill you, and them, and anyone who stands in the way of the last chance we have for salvation."
"What if-" he began, an attempt at defiant deviousness on his face.
She snuffed it out. "You will not tell them, because if you do, I cannot win." She held up her last Command Seal. "And if I cannot win, you are dead anyway, because then you are no good to me."
"I didn't want it to get like this, Master- Tiffany. Please. You- I'm not who you think I am."
Her shoulders fell. "Maybe. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. Tohsaka was right about one thing: the work must continue. Nothing else matters. Not even you, even if you might be perfectly innocent.
"You may settle your affairs in the time you have left, Caster, I do not care. We have a War left to win."
Cross-posted on AO3.
Thus ends the first half of Theodicy. I will see you all again when the next half is finished. Until then, take care.
...I wish I could bow, but this is a text-based medium.
The second manor was… different in some unaccountable way, she felt. Though it held the same tasteful opulence, as last time, the atmosphere was very different. Not lighter, but certainly brighter: a clarification of an oppressive air that had always been there.
Or maybe she just wanted that to be true. It would certainly be poetic, with what she had been forced to confront about Caster. Some part of her was still wondering why she had only now been permitted to dream of the end of his fate, which revealed his True Name to her: most of her, though, was only concerned with the consequences of that revelation.
She had to confront him. Her weary, tired mind, exhausted from battle and the tension playing around with the Magus Killer brought out, sought for a better way to put it, and came up short. She had to confront him, because until she did, she would be unable to trust him.
Aoi Tohsaka, for surely that would still be her name, even with her husband's recent death, opened the door. She was not surprised to see them, of course, since they had been able to contact her beforehand, to acquire her permission to visit and lay out the situation. Caster had stressed that it was serious, and for whatever reason, that had been cause enough for her to hear them out.
Bitterly, Tiffany thought back on all they did, and wondered if Caster had had some nefarious purpose in rescuing Sakura and ingratiating himself to her mother. But, she chastised herself, any action of Gilles de Rais would seem nefarious, until she cleared things up with him. That was why it was so crucial.
"Hello again, Caster and miss Hohenheim: and hello to you, missus Einzbern, mister Emiya, Saber, miss Hisau," Aoi said, pushing the door open fully and standing in the doorframe. She bowed her head demurely. "Welcome to my home; please come inside."
Einzbern gave a subdued thanks, and their battered procession entered one after another. First Caster, giving Aoi a grateful look, which she returned with a wan and puzzled smile. Then Saber, carrying the by-now unconscious Magus Killer, put in a recuperating sleep by his wife after she had done the best she could to heal him, after Lancer's Gáe Dearg had pierced his stomach. It was lucky that he'd thrown the longer spear, not the shorter one. Then Einzbern entered, nodding at Aoi, followed closely by Hisau, who couldn't muster the effort to acknowledge her host, staring fixedly after the Magus Killer.
Tiffany brought up the rear, beginning to quietly whisper thanks, before shaking herself. This was not a funeral procession: there was no reason for them to be so glum. "Thank you for taking us into your home once again, Mrs. Tohsaka," she said, holding out her hand for her to take.
Mechanically, Aoi shook her hand, her face a frozen mask. "It is no trouble. I- will show the injured Mr. Emiya to quiet room. One moment," she said, tearing herself away from Tiffany with a start. She could almost hear the clicking of gears as she guided Saber and her Master upstairs, but not before instructing the rest of them where to sit.
It was a larger sitting room, with a huge window taking up most of the other wall, letting in a great deal of late morning sunlight. In the middle was a large conference table, dominating the floorspace, with over a dozen fine but simple and tasteful chairs. A cabinet with tinted glass, behind which hid various bottles of liquor, took up the far end of the room, with an oil painting of fruits and grains hanging on the opposite wall. Opposite the window hung painted porcelain plates, with pictures of boats and birds and such.
Tiffany fought back the urge to yawn. Once the situation was settled, she was going to crash again, she just knew it. Fighting Eirene had been an ordeal, and now, her heart was… unsteady, with her old rival gone, having gone to ground somewhere in the city, soon to return to the Clocktower and face her family once more, to answer for her failures. For a moment, she wanted out of this room, back to Eirene, to have simply taken her deal and walked away. But that was merely human weakness talking, and she was a mage: above human, obliged to elevate man by her own elevated position.
The others slumped glumly into their seats around an oval conference table. Einzbern and Hisau sat next to one another, Einzbern holding Hisau's knuckles soothingly, as the other simply sat and stared fixedly at the door. It was a strangely tender scene, which made Tiffany… unaccountably uncomfortable. She hadn't expected something like that from an Einzbern, but it made sense, she tried to reassure herself. Even if there was little connection between them, really, an Einzbern would still want its guardians functional.
Surely.
Caster had plopped down next to her, some ways down the table, electing to give the other two some space, and leaving the interior side of the table, the one closer to the door, free for Aoi. He tried to maintain dignity, then collapsed onto the table and buried his head in his arms. Whatever had gotten into him, she had no idea.
When the door clicked open, Saber entered first, sitting down next to Einzbern, her black suit a distinct contrast next to the Einzbern's flowing, white clothing. Hesitantly, Saber also reached out for Einzbern's other hand, but found it easily, once Einzbern proffered it to her. This break in the soothing rhythm seemed to snap Hisau out of her stupor, and she clenched Einzbern's hand tightly. For a moment, Einzbern held each handhold up to her side, gripped them tightly, as though drawing strength from them, before sighing deeply, and opening her eyes to look at the woman entering the room.
Aoi Tohsaka, though, had not come alone. Both her daughters entered at her side, one curious, the other boiling with anger as soon as she laid eyes upon Tiffany's Servant. As she pulled out a chair for Sakura to sit on, Aoi leaned down to Rin and said, "Rin. I know you're upset. But this is important. Please?"
Rin's lip curled as if in a snarl, but, although she never took her eyes off Caster, she still nodded at her mother, before pulling out a chair herself and sitting down. Aoi sighed and did the same.
Caster himself had come awake, or at least at attention, when Aoi had entered the room, and his eyes passed briefly to the furious Rin, an expression of pain on his features. Once Aoi had sat down, folding her hands in her lap and watching the rest of them with rank back, he began. "I wish we didn't have to come here, Aoi. Not because I don't wish to see any of you again, but because by being here, we bring the danger of the Holy Grail War to your doorstep. The only reason I would choose for it to be otherwise, then, is that we would bring more danger to your family by not being here."
Aoi swallowed uncomfortably. "And how so?" she asked.
Caster shuddered, and he sounded ashamed as he spoke. "After… we had done the deed," a high, rumbling sound from, like a tea kettle, from Rin, "We attracted the attention of Archer, his Servant," he began. "Therefore, I knew we had to find allies, and so sought out the assistance of these fine people you see here," he said, waving a hand at their allies, watching their hostess intently, none more so than Saber. "The battle that followed is… by and large irrelevant, save for one detail. I was staying in my Workshop to direct the battle from afar, and while doing so, I was approached by Assassin.
"We thought we'd killed Assassin," he admitted, bitterly, "but no. We weren't so lucky. The last remainder… she threatened- she said that unless I help her kill her Master, or perhaps 'former Master' is more fitting, she would kill either one of you, or my own Master."
The confusion diluted some of Rin's anger, as a tapestry of incomprehension played over her face. Sakura tilted her head, her subdued temperament giving Tiffany surprisingly little to read into. But it was Aoi's face that was most interesting. At first, obviously, was horror, then a glance to each side betrayed concern for her children, equally unsurprising. But then, a slow look at Caster, than slowly grew… tender, and warm, even if the background of worry never disappeared. "I… see." Her reply was frustratingly simple.
Caster bowed his head. "But I don't know, for certain, if I will have an opportunity: Kirei Kotomine is slippery, a highly trained Church Executor," Rin and Sakura's eyebrows flew upwards, "and War is a morass of uncertainty. Therefore, to close the field of possibilities… I argued that, since our previous base of operations is no longer viable, we should fall back here." He shuddered again, and wiped at red eyes, wettened slightly. "I am sorry to have brought you back into danger. All three of you. But as long as you are under threat, I am… unreliable. And I cannot be, not at a time which feels so crucial."
Aoi smiled faintly, pained but glad still. "I understand. It is… kind of you to worry."
Ah. That was it. Despite the danger, Aoi was a little touched that Caster cared enough that he could be swayed so easily, even towards something as grim as murder, by a mere threat against her and hers. She didn't know Caster's nature, Tiffany reminded herself, bitterly. If she did, she wouldn't take so rosy a view of him so quickly. He was a murderer, and worse things still. "Then, we are alright to stay here?" Tiffany asked. "If not, we must move quickly, so I would prefer to have your answer now." It was a little terse, but she had too many thoughts on her mind right now.
Hesitating, which made Tiffany grit her teeth, Aoi looked at each of her daughters in turn. "I… it's not just up to me. But, knowing that the risk exists regardless of whether you stay here… yes, I say you can. Sakura? Rin?"
"I… I'd like them to stay, too."
Rin wasn't growling, but it was a near thing. "This isn't a democracy. I am the new head of the Tohsaka family. This is my house, by right and by birth. Why should I let you stay here, when you killed my Papa!" she yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at Caster.
"Do you not believe the threat is genuine?" Saber suddenly asked.
"I- I don't care!" Rin retorted angrily. "He's- he killed Papa! I don't want him here! He can go rot for all I care!"
Aoi reached out for Rin, who visibly restrained herself from hitting her mother to make her stop. Laying her hands gently on her daughter's shoulders, Aoi said, "Rin, dear, we've talked about this: If you hate Caster for… for killing your father," Aoi had to steel herself to bring out the words, "then you should hate me too! Because I told him to do it!"
Tiffany had killed him… but was now the time to bring that up? No, clearly not.
Hair fell over Rin's eyes as she bowed her head, shaking in her seat. "I- I-" she tried to speak. "Why? Why does it have to be like this?!" she cried, tears dripping down what little of her face could be seen. "Why can't I just hate him!"
"Dear-" Aoi began and got no further.
"Sakura's broken!" she screamed. "Why did he do that! Huh?! Why was he an idiot?! Why? I don't… It… it's not fair! It," she was shaking, "it should've been me! I'm the big sister! I'm supposed to protect her!" she cried, burying her face in her hands.
"Rin! No!" Sakura yelled, having been taken aback, but now undeterred despite Rin's cruel, thoughtless comment. "I- it shouldn't have happened at all! I- it's not- you couldn't have-"
"Rin," Caster tried to say, reaching across the table. "It isn't your responsibility to make up for your father's mistakes."
"He was supposed to apologize!" she yelled back at him. "He was supposed to tell Sakura he was sorry, once I beat him up! He was- he should have fixed her! He should have made it all go back! He- he's dead, and you killed him, and I can't just hate either of you, because I don't want him dead, and I don't want him to hurt Sakura, and he would've, and he did and- and- and-" she stammered. Too much anger in too small a frame.
Swallowing, Caster tried again. "I am sorry, too, that there wasn't another way. It would have been… perfect, if he could've done that. But I asked him to, and he didn't- Rin, he didn't even understand what I was saying."
"In war," Saber said, musingly, but her quiet voice cut through the tension like a pristine blade, "you kill the enemy to protect the people behind you. You do it right, you do it quick, you do it clean. But you kill, and you kill until they stop fighting back. You do this, over and over again, until you have created peace. To do this, you must have an army that can crush your enemy. To have an army, you must take the hard-won crops from those you protect. If you cannot crush the enemy, they will despoil your people regardless. They would rob them of everything, so you must rob them first."
"The hell are you saying?" Rin asked, a bitter anger drawn up from her belly seeping into her voice.
"Your father was a tyrant. He was the enemy. You kill the enemy, to protect the people behind you, your soldiers, your lands. If you had to protect your sister from your father, would you kill him?"
It was a strange, heavy question to ask such a young girl, but something in Saber's emerald eyes gave Rin pause. Tiffany had expected her to simply throw it back in Saber's face, but instead, she grew quiet, actually thinking on it, before finally giving her answer. "I would do anything to protect Sakura," she said.
Saber nodded, appreciatively. "Then, in your mind's eye, picture the tyrant, your enemy. Wield a dagger. And know that he will harm her, if he lives. You kill him right, quick, and clean. But you kill him. Because even if it would be perfect, if he made up for what he has done… he never will. That is why he is your enemy. Because his convictions are a match to yours, and yet totally opposed. This world rebels against perfection. To create a perfect peace, you must accept the stains on your hands."
Rin shuddered at this pronouncement from the King of Knights. Even Tiffany, far from its target, could feel the weight of loss, the echo of the battlefield's clamor, and the desperation of a single knight, trying to fight the world alone, so that nobody else would get hurt fighting for her.
"…you can stay," Rin said.
Aoi sighed, and leaned down to embrace Rin, who, without warning, began to crawl over the chairs and into her mother's lap. With a weak giggle, Aoi accepted that, also remembering to brush her hand over Sakura's violet hair, as she looked up at her sister's exhausted frame with wide eyes.
"Thank you," Tiffany said, looking around to see if she could get up and find a place where she and Caster could talk.
Einzbern had an odd expression. "Sorry, uhm… the words are harsh, but I don't know much else about the situation. Sakura, wasn't it? You are… broken?" she asked, cautiously.
Shrinking into herself, Sakura gave a small nod. "I- almost all my magic circuits were broken, when Caster and Hohenheim freed me. I- can do a few, small exercises but trying more than that… hurts. A lot," she shuddered.
"Ah. I am sorry to have asked," Einzbern said.
Caster was suddenly beset with energy, looking frantically between Sakura, Einzbern, and Saber. "But- yes, it's awful, yes. I- hadn't quite expected it, even if I had feared it, but- Saber!" he yelled, bright and a little mad, "we can fix it, can't we?"
At first confused, Saber soon frowned as she understood.
"Avalon!" Caster said, sweeping his arms around. "Avalon can fix anything, can't it?! It's- it's the Ever-Distant Utopia! Of course it can put her magic circuits back together! Anything short of true immortality, so long as you are there!" He looked at Saber, manic.
"I have no doubt it can," Saber said, quietly. "But I wonder if it should."
For the longest moment, Tiffany wondered if someone was going to ask 'why?' Then, looking around at the crestfallen, worried faces, she realized that, apparently, she had missed something, and nobody else had. Apart from Hisau, maybe, but she looked to be far away in general. Perhaps it would have been better to let her stay at the Magus Killer's side. "Why shouldn't it?" Tiffany asked.
Saber looked at her with a sharp, blank stare. "I have a younger sister, too," Saber said, which explained nothing. "Morgause. Not as famous as either I nor Morgan. Which is precisely my point. Morgan and I were miracle births: hers a true miracle, mine one constructed. And in exchange… nothing ill became of Morgause. She lived an ordinary, mortal life, then she died," Saber said, turning her gaze to Sakura. "Her life was not twisted into the shape of a tragedy by the weight of destiny pressing down on her. She did not have to protect; instead, others protected her."
Breathing steadily, Sakura absorbed that, then, slowly, started shaking her head. "But I was still put in danger, even though I should have been protected," she said. Her mother held out a hand, and Sakura squeezed it, casting a reassuring smile up at her, before turning a serious gaze back at Saber.
"Yes. Yet, you were put in that danger for the power that was inherent to you: without it, are you not safe?"
That made Sakura frown.
"Saber, why-" Caster asked, raising a hand feebly.
Saber froze him with a glance. "Caster," she said firmly, and his hand dropped. She found a thoughtful look on him when she turned her eyes that way.
"I- no? I'm still a part of the Moonlit World, even if I'm powerless. It's better to have and not need, than to need and not have it, right?" she asked carefully.
"So you desire strength? Merely for its own sake, or to put it to some special use?" Saber asked, leaning her head to the side, presenting an implacable, iron façade.
"I- I don't know?" Sakura said, shaking her head in confused frustration. "Would it matter?"
"Yes. Giving Avalon to you is a risk, even if it is temporary, because while it is healing you, it cannot protect another."
"Saber, I-" Einzbern began to say, taking Saber by the arm.
"Iri," Saber said, casting a firm glance her way.
Surprise blossomed on Einzbern's face, and she turned away with a soft, "Oh. I see."
Saber carried on, "I need to know if the purpose you would put it to is worth that risk."
This time, it was Aoi who spoke. "She's just a child, Saber. Can't you go easy on her?"
But Saber shook her head, a little melancholy. "No, I cannot. Because the world will not spare her from difficult things just because she is a child. She knows that. I will not insult her by talking down to her, as though she does not understand the gravity of her situation. She must argue for her case, and then I will decide it." Her steely gaze turned back on Sakura.
She squirmed, but only a little. "I- But it's not so simple," Sakura protested, stumbling at the first step. "I don't just want it for one thing."
"Then tell me the whole truth, and I will judge all of it," Saber said, firmly, but not unkindly.
Swallowing, Sakura nodded. "I want it… because I liked learning magic, before… Papa stopped teaching me," she said, which was a bad start, to Tiffany's mind. "And I want it, so Rin doesn't have to protect me all the time. And I want it, because it hurts, and I want it to stop." A slow, smoldering flame began to awaken in Sakura. "I want it, because I didn't get a choice! I didn't ask to have it taken away, I didn't ask for a normal, mortal life, and I didn't ask for Papa only care about how useful I am! I want it to prove him wrong! I want it, because I can be a great magus, and I can do it despite what he thought, and I can do it without doing any of that stuff!"
"We cannot overturn the past so easily," Saber said, halfway as if she was realizing it herself.
"I'm not asking you to!" Sakura yelled; the slow flame incensed to a bonfire. "I'm asking you to make it right! So what if you can't change the past: we're alive now, and we can still change how what happened in the past should affect the future! If you can fix something that someone else broke, isn't that your responsibility?"
Saber sighed, folding her hands on the table. "What would you use it for, if I returned your magecraft to you?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Sakura yelled. "That's the point! I don't know all the things I might do with it! But it's my future, and I say I want it. Matou and my stupid Papa were the ones who said I shouldn't have it: why do they get to decide that? Why is it more important to you what they wanted! It's my future! I want it back! I want it, for all the things I don't even know I'll use it for. I want," she crumbled in on herself. "I want a second chance. Like Rin. We both want a second chance: but Papa's dead, and you're here. So, only I can get my wish." Sakura looked up at Saber. "I'm… not as smart, or good at talking, as Rin. So… I don't have anything else. Please," she begged.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Saber nodded, the tension going out of the room. "Alright. Irisviel?" she turned and asked.
"Oh! Yes, of course, it's no trouble," Einzbern startled at attention and said, looking at Sakura with a fond smile.
The young girl looked perplexed. "You're- you're giving it to me?"
Saber nodded. "I was always going to, if you wanted it. But I needed to be sure that you did. It would be… easy, to simply want it, to make things be like they always were. But your reasons are more profound than that. I did not want you to throw away a potential boon, a potential exit to a difficult path, for the sake of some… thoughtless and futile attempt to turn back the clock." Those words appeared to pain Saber greatly, for some reason, but Tiffany didn't stop to wonder why.
Instead, as Rin woke back up, and tumbled over to hug Sakura in effusive excitement, her mind was already turning to another, far more difficult conversation.
"Yes, Master?" Caster asked, as he walked into his Workshop, where she already were. "Is this that talk we've been putting off? Why did we go here to have it?"
She didn't sit down, even as she heard him take a seat, her back turned, hands gripped tightly behind her. "I wished to do you the courtesy of not letting our allies overhear our talk."
"Ah," he muttered darkly, "It is to be one of those chats. They always put my stomach ill at ease."
Turning to face him, she breathed through her nose and said, "I know who you are."
His eyes widened, and those eyes could widen far indeed. But no reply issued from him, as he swallowed a difficult, painful lump in his throat.
"Gilles de Rais. Former companion to Jeanne d'Arc. A knight, then a murderer and… defiler of children."
Her Servant, who had been composing himself since his outburst after the assault at Einzbern Castle, began to fall apart again. Still, he did not respond.
"This was to be your counter-theodicy?" she asked bluntly. Still no response, still no way to gauge him. Regretful, she made up her mind to push him further. "I see now why Angra Mainyu's Grail called for you. You told me yourself that it would absolve everything: and who could crave absolution more than a poor sinner like you."
"I can't do it," he whispered. Whatever that meant.
"I need to know how much of what you've told me is a lie, Gilles-" she began, her voice low but forceful.
"I am not Gilles de Rais," he said. "That was a lie."
What? "What?"
He was shaking, terrified. "I am a traveler- no, that implies agency. I don't- I don't belong here, Master, I'm not from this world. I- yes, I've implied that I'm him, because I knew that, someday, you'd find out the 'truth', and I was preparing for that, but now that it's here… I can't," he said, miserably. "I can't take credit for what that monster did."
Mental Pollution, had to be. What better way to seize redemption, than to forget you ever needed it? "This was your 'revelation'?" she asked, tersely.
"No, I've never seen the Throne," he said, shaking his head frantically. "Master, you have to believe me, I- I know about things that make no sense! I can tell you about Pokémon, or the Inheritance Cycle, or Don Quixote, or Discworld, or, or- my life! I have a younger brother, his name is-"
"How can I believe you, Caster?" she asked, leaning forward, her arms stretched ahead as she clenched them upwards, like a leaf folding up on itself. Frustration and resentment compelled her movements. "Einzbern and I have investigated the Grail- and it is corrupted! If Angra Mainyu, as you've said, really did die as Avenger in the Third Holy Grail War, then he would have corrupted it, in the manner you described to Einzbern, but then lied to me when you told me you'd made that up!" She took a step towards him. Emboldened, perhaps, by his cringing denials.
"I- I'm sorry! Yes, you're right, but I was worried, Master, I was so worried that, if you thought it was corrupted, you'd leave the Grail War! But- but it's alright! I- maybe you won't believe this, but you're here for Heaven's Feel, right? And that's entirely the Greater Grail, Angra Mainyu can't stop that! So, we just have to be the last ones standing! And then, you can win."
"And what about you," she asked, sparks in her eyes. "What do you get out of that?" Her lip was curling itself into a sneer of frustration.
He was shaking like a leaf, sweat running down his doughy brow where he furiously wiped it off. "I- I get to live, Master. I'm terrified. I was a normal human: this all, it's, it's fiction where I'm from, Master! Magic, and magecraft, and Servants and Master, and all this death and ritual sacrifice. None of that is even real in my world. I," he swallowed, eyes swiveling around nervously. He's insane, he's insane, her mind kept repeating. "I was an anxious child, a very anxious child. Whenever night fell, I'd grow fretful of the horror stories I'd heard; ghosts and ghouls and… anything inexplicable.
"I killed the part of my brain that believed in it, in magic and mysteries beyond science, because it tormented me, the thought that- that things dangerous and inexplicable and utterly outside my frame of reference could befall me and my family at any time."
She resisted the urge to tsk in annoyance, as he danced around himself in endless pleas for sympathy. She didn't believe this story, any more than she believed him before. Not yet at least. "Then why did you have so perfect an answer when I was horrified at the concept of your counter-theodicy, without knowing any details? Who but Gilles de Rais would have even thought to construct any justification?"
"He didn't give a shit!" Caster yelled, rising in a flutter of cloth from his chair. "I made it up! He regretted fucking nothing! I think it's vile, what he did! I can't even stand for you, for anyone to think I did it for a second, and I've been preparing myself for that this whole time!
"The explanation is half of a philosophy I came up with, and it has nothing to do with justifying what he did. I-" he looked incongruously embarrassed at what he said next, "In my misspent youth, I would watch videos online of men who thought themselves to be very clever atheists, as they dismantled the arguments of the faithful. But eventually, their arguments grew repetitive, and I became disillusioned with them, and started thinking of my own reasons for not believing in god.
"These men, who called themselves skeptics, they would repeat the same argument over and over: that the 'burden of proof' laid with those claiming that god existed. And I thought, maybe that's true. But it isn't convincing."
"Is there a rest stop between here and your point?" she asked, annoyed at his continued attempts to dodge her critical findings. However sympathetic she found the frustration of a man of science, confronted on one hand with the faithful drones, on the other with the idiots who ought to share his views- no. Precisely because she found that so sympathetic, she couldn't trust it.
"Master, please," he begged. "I- the explanation was half of it. I made up my mind to trap the Christians, because I was young and foolish, and thought I knew better than most. I would solve the problem of evil; I would give them a perfect theodicy, and all it would cost them was the intervention of their god. The actual point is that I allow that god exists, and is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent. But if he is all those things, he would not create an imperfect universe: and so, he hasn't. But, Master, the point is that, if the Universe is perfect, god would not intervene in it.
"If he did, he is either not powerful enough, or knowledgeable enough, to do perfectly the first time, or he did not want to. I wished to frighten them into accepting Deism, that god could only be a clockmaker, if he was to be all three things, they need him to be."
"What of evil, then?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
"What of it?" he said, spreading his arms wide. "Evil might exist, but sin does not, because sin come to us from scripture, and that scripture, by the philosophy I have laid forth, must be made without divine intervention. If Heaven exists, which I do not believe it does, we are all guaranteed entry."
Ruin flamed in her breast. "Is that so, Caster. How convenient," she sneered.
His face fell. "Master, I do not believe in this anymore. It was… an overly simplistic explanation I dreamed up while I was only seventeen or so. I only thought."
"It absolves everything, even the sins of the greatest monsters of human history. Such as yourself."
Tears began to run from his eyes. "Master, no, you have to believe me. What- what can I tell you? What would make you believe that I am not Gilles de Rais!?"
She hesitated- but only a little. "I don't know Caster. Because, ultimately, you're giving me the wrong answers. I don't, really, care who you are, or think you are, however much it matters to you. I care that you lied. I care that you've been hiding things from me. I care that I don't know all the rules, not because I couldn't, but because you wouldn't tell me. So," she held up her hand. A red glow alighted. "I'm changing the engagement. Caster, tell me everything you know about the Holy Grail War."
His knees buckled. Red lightning played over his form, as he struggled to say… what? More excuses? More lies? Whether or not he was a man from some strange age without magecraft… did not matter. She watched, not unsympathetically, but still impassively, as his throat struggled, until he finally allowed it to form the words she wanted to hear.
"The Holy Grail War is a ritual constructed by the Einzbern, Tohsaka, and Matou families, to claim the Third Magic, Heaven's Feel. But to do this, one requires not merely the completion of that first ritual, which summons the Holy Grail and allows one to make a wish upon it.
"One requires the death of seven Servants; the Command Seals are the method for ensuring this comes to pass. Only then does the gate of heaven open."
A long and winding explanation followed, through not only this Holy Grail War, but the next, fought by those born in the ashes of the Fourth, and another, which would never happen, and others, which seemed impossible, from what she had been told by Einzbern. She scoffed when he mentioned the summoning of Zahak, the Serpent-King, into the body of a young woman, and the potential summoning of four of each Servant, one Master claiming all four Sabers. Ridiculous.
But nevertheless, she learnt much, but most troubling was that first, direst revelation. The one that would kill Caster, in time. She turned from him halfway, as he collapsed to the ground, breathing in shallow gasps.
"I didn't come here for Heaven's Feel," she said, finally, her fingers itching to hold something.
"What?" he gasped.
She shrugged. "I didn't. It's- my personal power is irrelevant. I don't care about it, really. I want… the same thing my family has always wanted, and the same thing the Founder wanted. To save the world. And unlike Emiya, I knew the method before I came here." She brushed a hand over her scabbard wistfully. "A philosopher's stone, in the heart of every person, irretrievable and inseparable. Infinite power, infinite life, infinite wealth- for everyone. A remedy, the magnum opus distributed evenly and fairly. And then; Utopia!" she cried out, raising a hand to the heavens, occulted.
"It's madness," he protested, prostrate on the ground. "You- Master, with a wish like that, Angra Mainyu could destroy the world!"
"He could do that with any wish," she said, letting her hand drop. "What were you going to ask for, then? The Grail must have called you for a reason."
"It didn't- but you don't believe that do you?" he asked, bitterly. "I was going to ask to go home," he said, getting back on his feet slowly.
"And you thought that would go well?" she asked, turning her head towards him slightly, a cold expression on her face.
"…I hoped so," he said, feebly.
She shook her head in exasperation. "Then you are naïve." She turned her back to him. "But I am not. And if I cannot have utopia by a miracle, I will create it by my labors. I will become the Third Magician. I will shake the Clocktower to its foundations. I will drag it out of its complacency. I will become the next Paracelsus, only I will be something they cannot oppose, cannot ignore, cannot kill; I will become equal to the Wizard Marshall, Lord Zelretch himself. And I will save the world, come hell or high water. Even if he should oppose me, I will bend the institution he created to hoard away magecraft, the method for mankind's salvation: and I will become the magnum opus that saves humanity."
"…how many will die, to see that through?" he asked. "How many will you betray?"
"Everyone, anyone, if that is what it takes," she said frankly. "Do not concern yourself overmuch, for now, Caster. I will still work with the Einzbern, to create a key to circumvent Angra Mainyu: if I could, I would, after all, be able to ask for utopia. But if not, I will kill you, and them, and anyone who stands in the way of the last chance we have for salvation."
"What if-" he began, an attempt at defiant deviousness on his face.
She snuffed it out. "You will not tell them, because if you do, I cannot win." She held up her last Command Seal. "And if I cannot win, you are dead anyway, because then you are no good to me."
"I didn't want it to get like this, Master- Tiffany. Please. You- I'm not who you think I am."
Her shoulders fell. "Maybe. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. Tohsaka was right about one thing: the work must continue. Nothing else matters. Not even you, even if you might be perfectly innocent.
"You may settle your affairs in the time you have left, Caster, I do not care. We have a War left to win."
Cross-posted on AO3.
Thus ends the first half of Theodicy. I will see you all again when the next half is finished. Until then, take care.
...I wish I could bow, but this is a text-based medium.
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Did he mention the tiny, little fact, that the Grail is made from a quirky little treasure called Das Rheingold? The CURSED gold of Siegfried? Also the fact that the Counter Force might be playing around?
Anyhow, awesome chappy, poor Caster though. Hope Tiffany is at least not mad enough to refuse him take out. After a talk like that some McDonald's is warranted.
Flairina
Least Omnipotent Goddess
- Location
- The next infinity over
...oof. Even I'm not that hard on myself, and one of my SI-selves has died multiple times. Hell, I'd argue that would have actually been kinder on Caster here; that was painful from both an in-universe standpoint and a meta one, given recent discussion of this story. Tiffany had to have this realization and discussion at some point, but forcing every scrap of relevant information out Caster in tandem with that verbal teardown...
That aside, I can't see how Tiffany's wish here could possibly be granted even if she did get a wish from the Holy Grail. Even if they managed to remove Angra Mainyu from the picture, the grail would still presumably need her to know how to manifest and distribute 7 billion+ philosopher's stones from nothing, and servants don't provide that much magical energy. Though she's smart enough that I'm forced to assume she at least wouldn't try to directly ask for that, so... guess we may or may not see.
Best of luck with the next half.
That aside, I can't see how Tiffany's wish here could possibly be granted even if she did get a wish from the Holy Grail. Even if they managed to remove Angra Mainyu from the picture, the grail would still presumably need her to know how to manifest and distribute 7 billion+ philosopher's stones from nothing, and servants don't provide that much magical energy. Though she's smart enough that I'm forced to assume she at least wouldn't try to directly ask for that, so... guess we may or may not see.
Best of luck with the next half.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
No on the first, yes on the second, but, while he mentioned it in broad terms, the only example was from Fate/hollow fake, a fanfic, which meant she found it less than credible.
Raiseth
I Find Your Lack of Memes Disturbing
- Location
- Russia
Yeah, this was awesome. I hope some of my inane comments gave you inspiration for Tiff's arguments.
As for her motivations… well, honestly, just what I expected. "Happiness, free, for everyone" is a common refrain in fiction for people trying to usher in utopia. I'm more interested in how she's becoming this story's version of Emiya.
This also sets up the conflict between the Master and the Servant, which is kinda a staple of a Holy Grail War. For maximum drama points ( and because it's the only choice Caster realistically has ) I imagine he would now try to betray Tiffany for another Master, someone who wouldn't care about the Heaven's Feel. And what do you know, Prelati is right over here. That's gonna suck.
Like, Nasuverse skirts around and gives some benefit of the doubt to the crimes of Gilles de Rais, if not the factuality of them ( factuality too, but it doesn't makes sense together with everything else ) then clarity or his mental state and just who was the true mastermind. In Fate Gilles might be a highly disturbed and reviled individual who cracked under shock of seeing his idol die… Prelati, on the other hand, is everything the Caster thinks of Gilles and more. He helped because it was the most hilarious shit he'd come across at the time. Working with her is gonna cost some sanity points.
Maybe he wouldn't be able to bring himself to, though.
As for her motivations… well, honestly, just what I expected. "Happiness, free, for everyone" is a common refrain in fiction for people trying to usher in utopia. I'm more interested in how she's becoming this story's version of Emiya.
This also sets up the conflict between the Master and the Servant, which is kinda a staple of a Holy Grail War. For maximum drama points ( and because it's the only choice Caster realistically has ) I imagine he would now try to betray Tiffany for another Master, someone who wouldn't care about the Heaven's Feel. And what do you know, Prelati is right over here. That's gonna suck.
Like, Nasuverse skirts around and gives some benefit of the doubt to the crimes of Gilles de Rais, if not the factuality of them ( factuality too, but it doesn't makes sense together with everything else ) then clarity or his mental state and just who was the true mastermind. In Fate Gilles might be a highly disturbed and reviled individual who cracked under shock of seeing his idol die… Prelati, on the other hand, is everything the Caster thinks of Gilles and more. He helped because it was the most hilarious shit he'd come across at the time. Working with her is gonna cost some sanity points.
Maybe he wouldn't be able to bring himself to, though.
It seems to me like his steps from here on out are simple enough. Make sure to keep a water demon next to his dear master at all times going forward and, if he's ever the last Servant standing, she needs to die…or get her hand chopped off before she can get a word out. Sure the being the last servant standing is hard, but if he can get her to waste another command seal then she won't have one to save her life and make caster kill himself. Though that does depend on caster being able to go through with killing her, which is a big maybe.
Raiseth
I Find Your Lack of Memes Disturbing
- Location
- Russia
By the way, I'm not sure whether I'm not getting something or am just plain mistaken, but prior to this confrontation, there was actually no reason for them to try and betray each other over the Grail, given they would have succeeded in purifying it.
Again, might be just me who remembers it wrong, but while a Lesser Grail holds only enough power for one wish, the Greater Grail has enough power to punch a hole through reality to reach the Root… or grant two Wishes.
Granted, Tiffany's wish for utopia probably would use up the juice for both wishes and might be impossible even with an uncorrupted Greater Grail, because it needs to basically rewrite the Human Order in order to happen, and then they'll likely get pruned from the worldline, but that just means the Caster could've convinced her to wish for something more practical that could tangibly and realistically benefit humanity… had he only known his Master is an Emiya wannabe instead of a typical Magus.
Again, might be just me who remembers it wrong, but while a Lesser Grail holds only enough power for one wish, the Greater Grail has enough power to punch a hole through reality to reach the Root… or grant two Wishes.
Granted, Tiffany's wish for utopia probably would use up the juice for both wishes and might be impossible even with an uncorrupted Greater Grail, because it needs to basically rewrite the Human Order in order to happen, and then they'll likely get pruned from the worldline, but that just means the Caster could've convinced her to wish for something more practical that could tangibly and realistically benefit humanity… had he only known his Master is an Emiya wannabe instead of a typical Magus.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
There's still a huge question mark next to the plan to purify the Grail: even if (big if, again) it succeeds, the expectation is that they'll use the wish to do it, which prior to this chapter everyone but SI!Caster thought would mean a ~60 year wait, if the Grail survived at all. And maybe the Greater Grail can grant two wishes; but Tiffany doesn't think so, and SI!Caster doesn't either, because he's never seen it happen.
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Raiseth
I Find Your Lack of Memes Disturbing
- Location
- Russia
… huh, you've never been to the gacha hell that is Fate Grand Order? Dodged a bullet here.
Mmm, if we're talking about Morgause who's been merged with Morgana in Nasuverse in line with the later Arthur Cycle works, are you using any other family members absent from the Fate version?
Like, for example, Arthur was said to have a son Amhar, who he had to kill for unspecified reasons long before Mordred rebelled against him for the throne…
Yeah, this line prolly didn't help, given how it echoes the dreams. Grail's "Your servant might not be who you think they are" messages wouldn't even matter all that much at this point, her mind is made up.
Although, overall, this and everything that follows is more of a result of Caster playing stupid games with his Master throughout the war so far, rather than one particular accidental reference being taken by Tiff as an affirmation.
Alas. A bit trite to note this, but this really could have gone better. Like, genuinely, it could have.
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- Location
- Oklahoma
I really like how this entire exchange played out, because its very clear about how you can see both sides. I also love how it basically goes 'No, yeah, Tiffany is a fucking MAGUS, she is not normally nice and what you've seen is a Magus who regarded Caster as a weary ally at best. Now hes an obstacle.' Its really mimics Rin from the original VN, and I fuckin adore this entire part.
This part really hammers home the idea that you can see clearly from BOTH SIDES OF THE ARGUEMENT 'SI is Gilles De Rais' and 'SI desperately trying to prove he is not'.
Its probably a really good think you fuckin snipped that 'SI is Gilles' bud early, became this would have sent the thread spiraling. I can only imagine the responses you're getting on Ao3, I hope you made a similar thing over there before you posted this.
This part really hammers home the idea that you can see clearly from BOTH SIDES OF THE ARGUEMENT 'SI is Gilles De Rais' and 'SI desperately trying to prove he is not'.
Its probably a really good think you fuckin snipped that 'SI is Gilles' bud early, became this would have sent the thread spiraling. I can only imagine the responses you're getting on Ao3, I hope you made a similar thing over there before you posted this.
I think it would be good to port a warning just in case, but realistically, that is prolly not going to be a problem - Ao3 discussion is pretty dead. Looking at chapters 14-18 is like; one comment, two comments, one comment again... And posts aren't particularly effortposty either.
Which is a bloody shame, tbh.
- Location
- Oklahoma
Honestly, can't even argue that point. That shits cool as fuck!
Romka
Master of Stealth
- Location
- In a barrel
Well, this is quite the predicament for Caster. I think the best option now would be to pull an assassin and join team Rider. If Tiffany tells Caster to kill himself, she loses because she has no servant and Rider is still around. If she tells him to fight Rider, she still loses, because no matter who wins, there will be one servant left that she has no way to control.
And who knows, maybe joning Iskandar's army will allow SI to live somehow.
And who knows, maybe joning Iskandar's army will allow SI to live somehow.