And that's why all wise [Overlords] let [Hero]s (and heros) have a turn to monologue.
The Villainess wants to be a [Hero]
- Thread starter dmclain2
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And that's why all wise [Overlords] let [Hero]s (and heros) have a turn to monologue.
I think my favorite part of her is how she's both super proud of each of the people she's brought over... and also is going to stab them if they dare to think they are remotely her equal.
Her offhand mention of those white robed ladies and the Miko's furious response help emphasize just how off the wall she is and how she could have passed as just an archmage. That and the rescued girl wishing for the Calamity of Gluttony as Ciel is right in front of her.
ColdGoldLazarus
Contrary Quester, Spreadsheet Queen, Pink Flamingo
- Location
- Challenger Deep
- Pronouns
- She/Her
This was a brilliant and inspired choice xD
Thanks. I've been writing Ciel's character for a while now, so I think I have a pretty good grasp of her voice. I'm always a bit less... certain for these kind of one-off characters like Elora.
I like to think of it as a kind of mutually assured destruction. Heroes get to go 'in the name of the Moon' or whatever and villains get to gloat megalomaniacally. If they don't someone ends up unconscious and covered in vomit.
In which a Villainess becomes an adventurer (almost)
I step over a guard-[Villain] who's still trying to do his duty and protect a table full of all kinds of roasted meats. Unfortunately for him, he's not nearly effective enough to stop me, at least, not while he's busy holding his upper leg and groaning softly.
I pause briefly before I move past him toward my prize to kick the back of his head hard enough that he falls asleep. There. Now, he wouldn't have to watch his failure at protecting the meat-table. And no one could say I wasn't a merciful soon-to-be-[Hero].
A grin crosses my face as I survey the bounty of treasure laid out before me and I reach out with both hands to my reward. I pause briefly over a plate full of chunks of cow skewered on metal skewers. Mmm… I could practically see the spices dripping off the meat and… No. I shake my head. My teeth weren't strong enough to chew through the metal in my smaller form.
Then I look at a whole roasted fish sitting in some kind of sauce. Mmm… I bet the bones would be nice and crunchy and… No. I shake my head again. The sauce looks kind of messy. Plus, I don't see any plates or forks that to protect my clothes and scarf from the sauce. No one at the adventurers guild would take me seriously if I showed up covered in food stains.
Finally, I look at a bunch of thin slices of meat draped elegantly atop one another and my grin widens. That's the one! I reach out and grab the hunk of meat still sitting next to the thin slices and let my teeth chomp down through a thick bite of juicy, juicy reward.
Mmm… I love roasted pig!
The juice rolls down my chin and spots onto my scarf, but I don't care. I have a reward to eat! Another bite tears through the rapidly shrinking haunch of pig and I pause to chew it just long enough to enjoy the flavor of salt and spice and smokiness. Then I raise the hunk of meat with both hands to take a third delicious bite only to stop as I hear the skittering claws of my teammate as he runs up to me.
"Chirp!"
"What do you mean we're not done?" I beat up the [Villains] and now I was looting their castle. What more was I supposed to do?
"Chirp."
"But that's… Oh. Oh, no!" I nearly drop my loot in surprise as the reality of the situation unfolds in front of me. I'd put together a genius plan to become a [Hero] and here I was almost ruining it before I could start.
If I stayed here and enjoyed my reward until the [Guards] showed up then all these rescued-people would tell the [Guards what I did and then they'd try and give me an award and throw a parade for me and then I'd never be able to enter the adventurers guild as the unknown and unassuming soon-to-be-[Hero] because everyone would already know who I was and they'd expect me to do awesome things and I'd never get sent on the mis-ranked and impossibly difficult D-rank quest that was actually my [Hero] quest in disguise and-
My genius mind pokes me and I breathe out a breath that didn't realize I'd been holding. That just might work.
"Everyone!"
My shout interrupts the big group of rescued-people that had gathered in a cluster around rescued-lady and also the small groups of rescued-people that were hugging and talking to each other and also one rescued-man who was busy squeezing the neck of one of the guard-[Villains] hard enough that the guard-[Villains] head was turning purple. The last one kept squeezing, but at least he looked up at me.
"I am not-Ciel and this is not-furry-Markus and we have to escape into the shadows before any of the authorities come." I pause there for a moment just to make sure everyone is listening, even neck-squeezer who was now squeezing the neck of a new guard-[Villain]. "So when the [Guards] or the adventurers guild show up to investigate all the beat up [Villains] make sure to tell them that it was not-Ciel and not-Markus who rescued you."
I wait for a long moment, my heart thumpy-thumping in my chest, until at last, the rescued-people start nodding. Whew. The only other option I'd had if they hadn't agreed to that would have been to eat them all so that no one could tell on me. And I hadn't wanted to do that at all. Forty rescued-people would have been a lot to eat. Especially in my smaller form.
"But, I thought," rescued-lady looks at me with a squinty look that didn't seem at all like a happy grin. "You saved us…"
I shake my head. This one's important. Rescued-lady knows our names. She could blow our genius cover if she doesn't understand. What do I-
My genius mind pokes me again and I grin. "Just wait until I'm a famous adventurer and you can tell everyone that it wasn't not-Ciel and not-Markus who rescued you, it was actually Ciel and Markus."
"If that's what you want…" rescued-lady looks at me for a long moment then turns to all the rescued-people staring at us. She nods slowly and then brings her fist into her palm. "Ok. But you'd better not take too long to get famous."
I lean back on my palms and listen to the sound of the fish-king-statue spitting a steady flow of water into the fountain basin. "Lost. Lost. Lost."
My sing-song draws furry-Markus's attention from the remnants of his pecan roll—we'd stopped for snacks after escaping from that [Villain's] lair at the same baldy-baker we'd found last time—and chirps softly.
"Yeah," my head flops back so I can stare at the upside-down-fish-king and my breath whooshes out, "I thought we'd have found the adventurers guild by now, so we could do adventurer things, but all we've done is rescue a bunch of rescued-people and beat up a bunch of [Villains]."
"Chirp."
"You're right." My head bounces oddly when I try to nod while still flopping backward, "it was a lot of fun. It's just too bad we weren't officially adventurers. Then we could have stayed around and gotten rewards and a feast and…"
"Well, I guess we can't worry about that now," My breath whooshes out again and I flop my head back upright so I can look over at my sidekick. "You ready to start searching again?"
Markus rubs his furry-paws together and then balls up the sticky wrapper that his roll had been stuffed into. He then picks it up carefully and scampers over to an upside-down bucket. I watch in mild confusion as he leaps up and throws his wrapper into the bucket, but decide not to ask as he scampers back over and chirps an agreement.
"Ok." I stand up and pound my fist into my palm. We're going to find the adventurers guild this time! "Last time we had three options. The [Information Broker], screaming really loud for help, or going to that inn over there."
Markus nods.
"The [Information Broker] didn't work at all. So that just leaves us two options."
Markus nods twice.
I pause for a moment to consider our remaining options. The second option, standing up on the fountain and shouting, was probably the simplest. But I only had to think about this one for a moment or two before crossing it off. Primarily because I had no idea what exactly I should be shouting.
People usually shouted things like 'Aahhh, the pain!!!!' or 'Save me!!!' or 'Dead Gods, what is that thing!?!'—that last one mostly when I was new to an area—when I was around. But I wasn't in pain, and I didn't need saving. Plus, thanks to the [Well of Urdr], I knew exactly what answers the dead gods would give to that question—or any other for that matter.
Nothing. The answer was nothing because they were dead.
And tasty.
Like all the flavors of every meal I'd ever eaten rolled into one, but not as disgusting as that would probably be in reality.
I shake my head to banish that delicious memory and discreetly wipe away a thin trickle of drool from the edge of my mouth before Markus can see it. I had an image as a soon-to-be [Hero] to protect, and [Heroes] certainly didn't drool over the delicious, delicious taste of dead gods.
That left only one option: asking someone at the inn bursting with noise and music and shouting on the corner between two streets. Fortunately, there was nowhere better to find someone who could direct me to the adventurers guild than a place of drunken debauchery. Those were two of the four prime traits of adventurers everywhere, after all. The other two traits were insatiable greed and reckless stupidity, but the only place I could think of that would cater to those two traits was the adventurers guild. And if I knew where it was, I'd be there already.
With that decided, I grin down at furry-Markus, "Let's try the inn next."
"Chirp."
A tug on my hair halts me right before I can push the inn door open. I turn to look at what had touched me, only to see that my furry sidekick had his paws clapped firmly over his little ears. A frown forms in my chest before smoothing away as my genius mind points out the source of his discomfort.
The inn was too loud for him.
Thanks to my immaculate senses, I could filter and separate the dozens of different noises within. But for Markus, who wasn't gifted with secret-[Calamity] senses, that was probably a lot harder to do.
"Do you want to wait outside?"
He nods twice before raising his paws to point at a tree whose branches draped over both sides of the street the inn's entrance was on. It was a nice tree, full of bright green leaves and clumps of nuts, but other than that, I wasn't sure why he'd point it out to me. Well, I guess squirrels would know good trees from bad ones, but since we were looking for the adventurers guild and not good trees I wasn't sure-
"Chirp."
Oh, that's where he wanted to wait while I went inside to find us a guide. Why didn't he just say so?
"OK, but don't wander too far, and make sure you keep an eye out for hawks."
At my agreement, Markus leaps from my shoulder and scampers over to the tree.
I wait until he's safely ensconced in the higher branches of the tree before waving at him, grinning widely when he waves a tiny, furry-paw in response. Then I walk back over to the noisy inn.
My hand settles on the smooth wood of the door, and my breath whooshes out slowly. This is it. I'm so close to becoming a [Hero] that I could practically taste it. All I have to do is open the door and go inside.
The slam of the door opening as I step inside is nearly inaudible. Even my perfectly honed ears would have had to focus directly to hear it over the noise of the inn. But why would I want to do that when there were so many other things to focus on instead?
To one side, a pair of tables were laden down with platters filled to near overflowing with gray cuts of meat, oddly shaped loaves of bread, and wheels of crumbly, yellow cheese. Surrounding this nasty-looking meal were dozens of scarred men and women in tight-fitting armor fashioned from leather and chained links of metal. A simple flag featuring a black eagle set against a red background marked these men and women as a mercenary company.
At the head of one of the tables, a pale-skinned man with a patch set over his left eye is bellowing out something that even my secret-[Calamity] senses had difficulty discerning. I pause briefly to look more closely to see if he was dying before concluding that didn't seem to be the case. It was still weird, though, because the only other time I'd heard sounds like that was from a minotaur that had been crushed from the waist down by a [Calamity] stomping around a village playing a game of [Calamity] and knight.
On the other side of the inn was another group of scarred men and women, though where the first group mainly wore leather and chain, this group wore a kind of thick, flowing cloth that I remember being popular in the deserts to the west. They were also much more tanned than the other group. Two facts that my perfect memory pointed out meant they were from the Sandswept Lands. They also had a mercenary flag, though this one had a brown fox set against a yellow background instead of the eagle.
Mercenaries!
A frown forms in my chest and I don't bother to hide it as it flows up to my face. The gross food alone was bad enough, but the presence of two whole mercenary companies at the same time made this inn one of the most evil places I'd ever visited.
After all, mercenaries were the eternal rival to adventurers everywhere. Not only did they take fun and dangerous quests that would have otherwise gone to adventurers, but instead of completing them with bravery and reckless disregard for personal safety, they used cowardly things like tactics and discretion.
All in all, this inn was clearly a vile place, and if I were not otherwise occupied in my quest to become a [Hero], I might have taken some time to do something about it. Fortunately for the non-mercenaries in here—and maybe the rest of the city, too—I was here for something else.
Directions.
So, instead of rampaging all over this establishment, I move over to a woman whose backside was being rubbed by one of the mercenaries and reach out to tug on her apron. Both the woman and the man rubbing his hands over her turn toward me, one with a wide-eyed smiley face that soon falls away and the other with a scrunchy look that only grows scrunchier as I frown back at him.
"I need directions to the Adventurer's Guild."
The woman blinks, seeming lost for words, but that only gives mercenary-beard a chance to respond first.
"Piss off, brat. Can't ya see we're busy?"
As if to punctuate his statement, he raises the hand he'd been using to rub the woman's backside and starts rubbing at her frontside instead.
The frown on my face gets larger and frownier as I stare at the two of them. Mercenary-beard clearly isn't going to answer my question. Neither is waitress-lady. The former because he's busy rubbing waitress-lady and staring at me with a scrunchy face and the latter because she's too busy trying to slap mercenary-beard's hands away from her frontside. It seems that if I want directions, I'd have to find some way to get her free from mercenary-beard.
I consider the situation for a moment. I could always just start rampaging. A bit of stomping and a breath weapon or two would get rid of mercenary-beard and his friends and the inn and maybe a chunk of Reitzland to but I didn't want to do that because I was a secret-[Calamity] now and if I just started rampaging that wouldn't be a secret anymore and-
No. Just because I couldn't use my secret-[Calamity] powers, that didn't mean there weren't other ways to solve to get waitress-lady free. One way, in particular, is so obvious that I don't even need my genius mind to point it out for me.
Mercenary companies are all awful, terrible things. Everyone knows this, especially other mercenary companies. That's why they fight against each other all the time, after all. All I would have to do is make mercenary-beard so super angry at the other mercenary company that he'd forget about waitress-lady so he could go fight with the other mercenary company instead.
A grin threatens to break through my frown, but I keep it off my face. I really am a genius.
"Excuse me, mercenary-beard, but that man over there," I point to the eye-patched-mercenary, still singing in a way that sounded as though he was being stomped on. "Said that you have teeth so soft they'd shatter on sandstone."
"Huh?"
I frown. That was my go-to insult when I wanted to get one of my sisters riled up, but instead of a blast of annihilating energy, mercenary-beard was just staring at me with the kind of wide-eyed look people sometimes gave me in my larger form. Well. Whatever. I have better.
"He also said your limbs are symmetrical and entirely reliant on bone for structure."
"Wha?"
My frown deepens. If I had insulted one of my sister's arms like that, our rampage would have lasted for hours. Yet it didn't even seem to register to this human. Right. Well. OK. Time to bring out the big claws.
"He also, also said your armor plates are so thin they couldn't even withstand a tier 3 spell."
"Buh?"
My frown transforms into a full narrow-eyed scrunchy-faced frown as mercenary-beard just continues to stare at me with his mouth open a little instead of running over to fight the mercenary insulting him. That was my best insult. Where was the anger? Where was the bile and rage? How could mercenary-beard hear such an offensive thing said about him and do nothing?
I couldn't believe it. Was my brilliant plan truly not working?
Something weird and bubbly starts to flutter in my chest as the air around my cheeks starts to turn kind of wavy and shimmery. Why do I want to I wanted to bury my head in the ground and never come out? What is wrong with me? Where are my sisters to tell me what's happening? What do I do?
Something slams against my foot and interrupts an endless spiral of questions and not-fun bubbly feelings. I look up at waitress-lady to ask why she attacked me, but before I can, she mouths the words 'insult his mother.'
I don't understand. He'd taken my best insults without a single flinch. How would insulting his mother do anything? If I'd tried that with any of my sisters, I'd be laughed at every time I showed up from now until the earth turned to dust.
Then again, even my genius mind could only see two options now. Either follow waitress-lady's suggestion or rampage until the bubbly feeling in my chest goes away. And since I'd already come so far on my quest to become a [Hero], I didn't want to interrupt it by having to find a new city with a still intact adventurers guild. That crossed out my second option, for now at least. If it didn't work, I could always decide to rampage later. And so, with a frown on my face and that weird not-fun bubbly feeling in my chest, I decide to follow the suggestion.
"He also said your mother has the grace of a pregnant bear and chews her food like a cow."
"HE SAID WHAT!!?!!" Mercenary-beard surges to his feet and tosses the woman he'd been rubbing aside. A different kind of frown forms in my chest as I watch him stomp loudly over to where eye-patch-mercenary is sitting.
"This has got to be the dumbest thing I've seen all year."
The woman mutters to herself as she slowly pushes herself to her feet. She turns to look at me, and something too complex for even my secret-[Calamity] senses to decipher flickers across her face.
"Look, kid. I appreciate what you did, but it's-"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!! MY MOMMA DOES NOT CHEW HER FOOD LIKE A COW!!! SHE'S A QUEEN AMONG WOMEN!!!"
There's a moment of absolute silence as mercenary-beard lands a punch on eye-patch-mercenary that sends him sprawling across the floor. Said moment of silence is shattered an instant later by the sound of benches scraping against wood as dozens of mercenaries push themselves to their feet and launch themselves in nearly perfect synchronicity into a maelstrom of fists and makeshift weaponry and flying food.
The frown in my chest fades away in favor of a grin as I watch the battle unfolding in front of me—rampaging is almost as fun to watch as it is to do—only for my enjoyment to be interrupted as a hand grabs at my arm and starts tugging.
"Fuck, kid. What the hell do they feed you?"
I consider answering truthfully before deciding that was probably one of my [Calamity]-secrets. So, instead, I answer with the first things that come to mind.
"Pan au chocolat and roast pig."
All I receive for my honesty is a blank stare and a renewed tugging on my arm. "That's- that was a rhetorical question. Come on, we've got to get the fuck out of here."
"You don't want to stay and watch?" I shift my head to the side as a fork flies through the space where my right eye had been. "They don't seem to be that skilled, but the enthusiasm kind of makes up for it, doesn't it?"
"Shit. You're even crazier than them. Well fuck that, I'm out of here."
I turn back to the melee and my grin widens as I watch a man being choked with his own belt. Even a teeny-tiny rampage like this has a charm to it. That woman didn't know what she was missing by leaving so-
Wait a minute. Leaving. I couldn't let her leave. She had my directions.
After her!
I sprint back toward the entrance, ignoring a pair of brawling mercenaries as they bounce off me in favor of focusing my attention on the flicker of a dirty-white apron as it escapes through the front door.
Faster!
If I lost sight of her now, I'd have to find another inn and do all this over again.
I push myself to the limits of the speed I could reach without tapping into my [Calamity] powers and reach the door she'd escaped from just before it had a chance to close completely. I crash through the door, ignoring splinters of wood as they rain down around me, and frantically scan up and down the street, looking for my prey.
A relieved grin crosses my face as I see her hunched over at the waist a hundred paces or so up the street.
"C'mon Markus I found our directions."
I call out to my sidekick, who was lounging on a branch and nibbling at a nut, before running toward the panting woman.
"Sorry, miss. Normally, I'd let you flee in peace, but I really do need directions to the Adventurer's Guild."
"Heh. You've got a weird sense of humor, kid." the woman pants a few more times before straightening upright. "Name's Victoria. Since you got me out of a spot of trouble back there, I guess I can do that."
She trails off and looks back toward the inn, which was starting to leak a dark gray smoke through an open window. "And it looks like I'll have to find somewhere else to work. Great."
"This is Markus." I introduce my furry friend as he finishes scampering up my leg and plops down onto his perch. "And I'm Ciel."
"Ciel and a pet squirrel, gotcha."
I manage to withhold a frown at the rudeness she was showing my friend, but only because Markus seemed more interested in curling up into a ball with his tail as a pillow than taking offense. So, instead, I turn my judgment elsewhere.
"You shouldn't work at a place that serves mercenaries anyways, you know. They're the worst."
"Heh. Well, I can't argue with that."
If she knew that, then why did she serve them? Even I—a [Calamity] who had been created to be one of the seven harbingers that would herald the death of the world—had realized that I shouldn't do things like that, so-
"Alright, let's get you to the Adventurer's Guild, and then I can get a drink and forget all about today."
"Yeah! Let's go!" I shout in agreement, my previous line of thought vanishing into the aether as I grin widely at waitress-lady.
I was so close to being a [Hero] that I could almost taste it.
"Hello." I grin at the receptionist sitting neatly behind her desk. "I'm Ciel."
"This is Markus." Markus perks up from his lounging repose on my shoulder and waves a furry paw.
"And this is waitress-lady."
My guide sighs and stares off into the distance until I poke her with a finger; then she offers a weird not-smile. "Victoria"
"Markus and I are here to become adventurers, and waitress-lady needs a job since her old one burned down."
The receptionist takes us all in with the same kind of not-smile waitress-lady used and nods.
"Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild. Since you and Markus appear under the age of eighteen, I will need to see parental authorization. As for Victoria, if she can pour drinks or clean up after adventurers, we can find something for her to do."
"My creator is dead, and I don't have a mother." I turn to Markus, and he shrugs his furry shoulders. "Markus is all by himself, too. And adventurers are much better than mercenaries so waitress-lady should be fine."
"Thanks, kid, but I can speak for myself." The former server sighs loudly. "I can't say I'm doing well enough to turn down a job, but…"
The receptionist smiles again in a way that seems a lot -more real while not looking even a bit different than her first not-smile. "I understand completely. Guildmaster Alis takes a dim view on crass behavior."
While waitress-lady nods at that, my impeccable memory perks up. Wasn't Reitzland's guildmaster the one that had brought in to drive me away for good some years back? Well, it was good to hear that complete and utter defeat hadn't driven her into hiding like it did my sisters when I beat them in a rampage.
"That's great." I grin at the receptionist and then turn to waitress-lady, "See, I told you adventurers were better than mercenaries."
"I suppose so."
I wasn't sure why she looked so scrunchy-faced since she agreed with me, but I let it go. I had a far more important task here anyway. "So, can Markus and I get our bracelets?"
"Not quite yet."
My head drops. Markus rubs his furry head against my neck, and I reach up to pet his tail. I'd be fine. 'Not quite yet.' wasn't a 'No.' I don't know what I'd have done if she'd said no, but it probably would have involved [Devourer of Dead Gods].
While I'm busy drowning in disappointment, the receptionist turns to my guide and points toward the back of the common room. "If you want to go ahead and hop behind the bar, Victoria, I'm sure the louts loitering around would appreciate it,"
My guide leaves without so much as a wave bye. However, in my state, I'm not sure that I'd have even noticed if she had. I do, however, notice when the receptionist slams two stacks of paper onto her desk.
"You two, on the other hand, have some paperwork to read. Your interview with Alis will have to wait until she gets back, but after that, you'll officially be members of the Adventurer's Guild."
I perk up with a grin and grab a ream of paper as thick as my fist—in my smaller form, at least—and quickly start flipping through pages, committing each word to my immaculate memory in an instant.
I scribble my name messily on the last page and turn to look at Markus, only to stifle the urge to fidget as I see just how much he has left to read. But instead of telling him to hurry up, I turn my attention to the nearly empty common room.
"Where is everyone? Aren't guildhouses supposed to be full of drunk adventurers?"
"Heh, that they are." The receptionist smirks, "But there was a disturbance on Lorelai Lane… something about a pair of mercenary companies burning down an inn."
She shrugs as if to say, 'What can you do?' and I nod in agreement. Mercenaries were an untrustworthy lot. It was entirely unsurprising that they'd burned down an inn.
"So the city invoked Clause 2F and asked us to help?" I ask, already slotting myself in mentally as an adventurer since I practically was.
She raises an eyebrow, seemingly impressed that despite my skimming over the ream of adventurer regulations, I knew the correct regulation.
"Everyone of E-rank or above went to limit the collateral damage."
"That's great!" I nod, not just pleased that my fellow adventurers were so diligent in their responsibilities but that their absence would make scoping out the next member of my party that much easier—if I partnered up with someone too advanced, they'd get all of the credit for our amazing victories and I'd never become a [Hero].
"Yes, well, the fires they started were threatening to spread to the rest of the neighborhood, so it's good they finally came to us for help."
I ignore that in favor of looking over at Markus, who seems to be placing his pawprint on the final page. After all, what else could you expect from a mercenary other than senseless destruction?
"Done?"
"Chirp."
"Make sure to wipe your paws first."
I hold out my hand, palm up, to stop my friend before he can hop back onto my shoulder and ruin my new scarf. Once he's wiped the ink on his paw all over the desk, I nod, and he hops back to his perch.
"Thanks…" the receptionist looks at me and then down to the streaks of ink Markus had left behind on her desk.
"You're welcome."
I grin briefly at the receptionist before casting her from my mind and turning to look at the mostly empty common room.
There were a handful of boring-looking figures—the kind of adventurers who bullied a soon-to-be [Hero] only to find themselves at the [Hero]'s mercy a few chapters later—that I almost immediately ignored. But three figures in the common room stood out as potential teammates.
All I had to do was pick one.
[AN]
Added a new scene to the start of this chapter and made numerous minor edits to make Ciel's character more consistent. We'll have an interlude coming up either next chapter or the one after that.
I pause briefly before I move past him toward my prize to kick the back of his head hard enough that he falls asleep. There. Now, he wouldn't have to watch his failure at protecting the meat-table. And no one could say I wasn't a merciful soon-to-be-[Hero].
A grin crosses my face as I survey the bounty of treasure laid out before me and I reach out with both hands to my reward. I pause briefly over a plate full of chunks of cow skewered on metal skewers. Mmm… I could practically see the spices dripping off the meat and… No. I shake my head. My teeth weren't strong enough to chew through the metal in my smaller form.
Then I look at a whole roasted fish sitting in some kind of sauce. Mmm… I bet the bones would be nice and crunchy and… No. I shake my head again. The sauce looks kind of messy. Plus, I don't see any plates or forks that to protect my clothes and scarf from the sauce. No one at the adventurers guild would take me seriously if I showed up covered in food stains.
Finally, I look at a bunch of thin slices of meat draped elegantly atop one another and my grin widens. That's the one! I reach out and grab the hunk of meat still sitting next to the thin slices and let my teeth chomp down through a thick bite of juicy, juicy reward.
Mmm… I love roasted pig!
The juice rolls down my chin and spots onto my scarf, but I don't care. I have a reward to eat! Another bite tears through the rapidly shrinking haunch of pig and I pause to chew it just long enough to enjoy the flavor of salt and spice and smokiness. Then I raise the hunk of meat with both hands to take a third delicious bite only to stop as I hear the skittering claws of my teammate as he runs up to me.
"Chirp!"
"What do you mean we're not done?" I beat up the [Villains] and now I was looting their castle. What more was I supposed to do?
"Chirp."
"But that's… Oh. Oh, no!" I nearly drop my loot in surprise as the reality of the situation unfolds in front of me. I'd put together a genius plan to become a [Hero] and here I was almost ruining it before I could start.
If I stayed here and enjoyed my reward until the [Guards] showed up then all these rescued-people would tell the [Guards what I did and then they'd try and give me an award and throw a parade for me and then I'd never be able to enter the adventurers guild as the unknown and unassuming soon-to-be-[Hero] because everyone would already know who I was and they'd expect me to do awesome things and I'd never get sent on the mis-ranked and impossibly difficult D-rank quest that was actually my [Hero] quest in disguise and-
My genius mind pokes me and I breathe out a breath that didn't realize I'd been holding. That just might work.
"Everyone!"
My shout interrupts the big group of rescued-people that had gathered in a cluster around rescued-lady and also the small groups of rescued-people that were hugging and talking to each other and also one rescued-man who was busy squeezing the neck of one of the guard-[Villains] hard enough that the guard-[Villains] head was turning purple. The last one kept squeezing, but at least he looked up at me.
"I am not-Ciel and this is not-furry-Markus and we have to escape into the shadows before any of the authorities come." I pause there for a moment just to make sure everyone is listening, even neck-squeezer who was now squeezing the neck of a new guard-[Villain]. "So when the [Guards] or the adventurers guild show up to investigate all the beat up [Villains] make sure to tell them that it was not-Ciel and not-Markus who rescued you."
I wait for a long moment, my heart thumpy-thumping in my chest, until at last, the rescued-people start nodding. Whew. The only other option I'd had if they hadn't agreed to that would have been to eat them all so that no one could tell on me. And I hadn't wanted to do that at all. Forty rescued-people would have been a lot to eat. Especially in my smaller form.
"But, I thought," rescued-lady looks at me with a squinty look that didn't seem at all like a happy grin. "You saved us…"
I shake my head. This one's important. Rescued-lady knows our names. She could blow our genius cover if she doesn't understand. What do I-
My genius mind pokes me again and I grin. "Just wait until I'm a famous adventurer and you can tell everyone that it wasn't not-Ciel and not-Markus who rescued you, it was actually Ciel and Markus."
"If that's what you want…" rescued-lady looks at me for a long moment then turns to all the rescued-people staring at us. She nods slowly and then brings her fist into her palm. "Ok. But you'd better not take too long to get famous."
I lean back on my palms and listen to the sound of the fish-king-statue spitting a steady flow of water into the fountain basin. "Lost. Lost. Lost."
My sing-song draws furry-Markus's attention from the remnants of his pecan roll—we'd stopped for snacks after escaping from that [Villain's] lair at the same baldy-baker we'd found last time—and chirps softly.
"Yeah," my head flops back so I can stare at the upside-down-fish-king and my breath whooshes out, "I thought we'd have found the adventurers guild by now, so we could do adventurer things, but all we've done is rescue a bunch of rescued-people and beat up a bunch of [Villains]."
"Chirp."
"You're right." My head bounces oddly when I try to nod while still flopping backward, "it was a lot of fun. It's just too bad we weren't officially adventurers. Then we could have stayed around and gotten rewards and a feast and…"
"Well, I guess we can't worry about that now," My breath whooshes out again and I flop my head back upright so I can look over at my sidekick. "You ready to start searching again?"
Markus rubs his furry-paws together and then balls up the sticky wrapper that his roll had been stuffed into. He then picks it up carefully and scampers over to an upside-down bucket. I watch in mild confusion as he leaps up and throws his wrapper into the bucket, but decide not to ask as he scampers back over and chirps an agreement.
"Ok." I stand up and pound my fist into my palm. We're going to find the adventurers guild this time! "Last time we had three options. The [Information Broker], screaming really loud for help, or going to that inn over there."
Markus nods.
"The [Information Broker] didn't work at all. So that just leaves us two options."
Markus nods twice.
I pause for a moment to consider our remaining options. The second option, standing up on the fountain and shouting, was probably the simplest. But I only had to think about this one for a moment or two before crossing it off. Primarily because I had no idea what exactly I should be shouting.
People usually shouted things like 'Aahhh, the pain!!!!' or 'Save me!!!' or 'Dead Gods, what is that thing!?!'—that last one mostly when I was new to an area—when I was around. But I wasn't in pain, and I didn't need saving. Plus, thanks to the [Well of Urdr], I knew exactly what answers the dead gods would give to that question—or any other for that matter.
Nothing. The answer was nothing because they were dead.
And tasty.
Like all the flavors of every meal I'd ever eaten rolled into one, but not as disgusting as that would probably be in reality.
I shake my head to banish that delicious memory and discreetly wipe away a thin trickle of drool from the edge of my mouth before Markus can see it. I had an image as a soon-to-be [Hero] to protect, and [Heroes] certainly didn't drool over the delicious, delicious taste of dead gods.
That left only one option: asking someone at the inn bursting with noise and music and shouting on the corner between two streets. Fortunately, there was nowhere better to find someone who could direct me to the adventurers guild than a place of drunken debauchery. Those were two of the four prime traits of adventurers everywhere, after all. The other two traits were insatiable greed and reckless stupidity, but the only place I could think of that would cater to those two traits was the adventurers guild. And if I knew where it was, I'd be there already.
With that decided, I grin down at furry-Markus, "Let's try the inn next."
"Chirp."
A tug on my hair halts me right before I can push the inn door open. I turn to look at what had touched me, only to see that my furry sidekick had his paws clapped firmly over his little ears. A frown forms in my chest before smoothing away as my genius mind points out the source of his discomfort.
The inn was too loud for him.
Thanks to my immaculate senses, I could filter and separate the dozens of different noises within. But for Markus, who wasn't gifted with secret-[Calamity] senses, that was probably a lot harder to do.
"Do you want to wait outside?"
He nods twice before raising his paws to point at a tree whose branches draped over both sides of the street the inn's entrance was on. It was a nice tree, full of bright green leaves and clumps of nuts, but other than that, I wasn't sure why he'd point it out to me. Well, I guess squirrels would know good trees from bad ones, but since we were looking for the adventurers guild and not good trees I wasn't sure-
"Chirp."
Oh, that's where he wanted to wait while I went inside to find us a guide. Why didn't he just say so?
"OK, but don't wander too far, and make sure you keep an eye out for hawks."
At my agreement, Markus leaps from my shoulder and scampers over to the tree.
I wait until he's safely ensconced in the higher branches of the tree before waving at him, grinning widely when he waves a tiny, furry-paw in response. Then I walk back over to the noisy inn.
My hand settles on the smooth wood of the door, and my breath whooshes out slowly. This is it. I'm so close to becoming a [Hero] that I could practically taste it. All I have to do is open the door and go inside.
The slam of the door opening as I step inside is nearly inaudible. Even my perfectly honed ears would have had to focus directly to hear it over the noise of the inn. But why would I want to do that when there were so many other things to focus on instead?
To one side, a pair of tables were laden down with platters filled to near overflowing with gray cuts of meat, oddly shaped loaves of bread, and wheels of crumbly, yellow cheese. Surrounding this nasty-looking meal were dozens of scarred men and women in tight-fitting armor fashioned from leather and chained links of metal. A simple flag featuring a black eagle set against a red background marked these men and women as a mercenary company.
At the head of one of the tables, a pale-skinned man with a patch set over his left eye is bellowing out something that even my secret-[Calamity] senses had difficulty discerning. I pause briefly to look more closely to see if he was dying before concluding that didn't seem to be the case. It was still weird, though, because the only other time I'd heard sounds like that was from a minotaur that had been crushed from the waist down by a [Calamity] stomping around a village playing a game of [Calamity] and knight.
On the other side of the inn was another group of scarred men and women, though where the first group mainly wore leather and chain, this group wore a kind of thick, flowing cloth that I remember being popular in the deserts to the west. They were also much more tanned than the other group. Two facts that my perfect memory pointed out meant they were from the Sandswept Lands. They also had a mercenary flag, though this one had a brown fox set against a yellow background instead of the eagle.
Mercenaries!
A frown forms in my chest and I don't bother to hide it as it flows up to my face. The gross food alone was bad enough, but the presence of two whole mercenary companies at the same time made this inn one of the most evil places I'd ever visited.
After all, mercenaries were the eternal rival to adventurers everywhere. Not only did they take fun and dangerous quests that would have otherwise gone to adventurers, but instead of completing them with bravery and reckless disregard for personal safety, they used cowardly things like tactics and discretion.
All in all, this inn was clearly a vile place, and if I were not otherwise occupied in my quest to become a [Hero], I might have taken some time to do something about it. Fortunately for the non-mercenaries in here—and maybe the rest of the city, too—I was here for something else.
Directions.
So, instead of rampaging all over this establishment, I move over to a woman whose backside was being rubbed by one of the mercenaries and reach out to tug on her apron. Both the woman and the man rubbing his hands over her turn toward me, one with a wide-eyed smiley face that soon falls away and the other with a scrunchy look that only grows scrunchier as I frown back at him.
"I need directions to the Adventurer's Guild."
The woman blinks, seeming lost for words, but that only gives mercenary-beard a chance to respond first.
"Piss off, brat. Can't ya see we're busy?"
As if to punctuate his statement, he raises the hand he'd been using to rub the woman's backside and starts rubbing at her frontside instead.
The frown on my face gets larger and frownier as I stare at the two of them. Mercenary-beard clearly isn't going to answer my question. Neither is waitress-lady. The former because he's busy rubbing waitress-lady and staring at me with a scrunchy face and the latter because she's too busy trying to slap mercenary-beard's hands away from her frontside. It seems that if I want directions, I'd have to find some way to get her free from mercenary-beard.
I consider the situation for a moment. I could always just start rampaging. A bit of stomping and a breath weapon or two would get rid of mercenary-beard and his friends and the inn and maybe a chunk of Reitzland to but I didn't want to do that because I was a secret-[Calamity] now and if I just started rampaging that wouldn't be a secret anymore and-
No. Just because I couldn't use my secret-[Calamity] powers, that didn't mean there weren't other ways to solve to get waitress-lady free. One way, in particular, is so obvious that I don't even need my genius mind to point it out for me.
Mercenary companies are all awful, terrible things. Everyone knows this, especially other mercenary companies. That's why they fight against each other all the time, after all. All I would have to do is make mercenary-beard so super angry at the other mercenary company that he'd forget about waitress-lady so he could go fight with the other mercenary company instead.
A grin threatens to break through my frown, but I keep it off my face. I really am a genius.
"Excuse me, mercenary-beard, but that man over there," I point to the eye-patched-mercenary, still singing in a way that sounded as though he was being stomped on. "Said that you have teeth so soft they'd shatter on sandstone."
"Huh?"
I frown. That was my go-to insult when I wanted to get one of my sisters riled up, but instead of a blast of annihilating energy, mercenary-beard was just staring at me with the kind of wide-eyed look people sometimes gave me in my larger form. Well. Whatever. I have better.
"He also said your limbs are symmetrical and entirely reliant on bone for structure."
"Wha?"
My frown deepens. If I had insulted one of my sister's arms like that, our rampage would have lasted for hours. Yet it didn't even seem to register to this human. Right. Well. OK. Time to bring out the big claws.
"He also, also said your armor plates are so thin they couldn't even withstand a tier 3 spell."
"Buh?"
My frown transforms into a full narrow-eyed scrunchy-faced frown as mercenary-beard just continues to stare at me with his mouth open a little instead of running over to fight the mercenary insulting him. That was my best insult. Where was the anger? Where was the bile and rage? How could mercenary-beard hear such an offensive thing said about him and do nothing?
I couldn't believe it. Was my brilliant plan truly not working?
Something weird and bubbly starts to flutter in my chest as the air around my cheeks starts to turn kind of wavy and shimmery. Why do I want to I wanted to bury my head in the ground and never come out? What is wrong with me? Where are my sisters to tell me what's happening? What do I do?
Something slams against my foot and interrupts an endless spiral of questions and not-fun bubbly feelings. I look up at waitress-lady to ask why she attacked me, but before I can, she mouths the words 'insult his mother.'
I don't understand. He'd taken my best insults without a single flinch. How would insulting his mother do anything? If I'd tried that with any of my sisters, I'd be laughed at every time I showed up from now until the earth turned to dust.
Then again, even my genius mind could only see two options now. Either follow waitress-lady's suggestion or rampage until the bubbly feeling in my chest goes away. And since I'd already come so far on my quest to become a [Hero], I didn't want to interrupt it by having to find a new city with a still intact adventurers guild. That crossed out my second option, for now at least. If it didn't work, I could always decide to rampage later. And so, with a frown on my face and that weird not-fun bubbly feeling in my chest, I decide to follow the suggestion.
"He also said your mother has the grace of a pregnant bear and chews her food like a cow."
"HE SAID WHAT!!?!!" Mercenary-beard surges to his feet and tosses the woman he'd been rubbing aside. A different kind of frown forms in my chest as I watch him stomp loudly over to where eye-patch-mercenary is sitting.
"This has got to be the dumbest thing I've seen all year."
The woman mutters to herself as she slowly pushes herself to her feet. She turns to look at me, and something too complex for even my secret-[Calamity] senses to decipher flickers across her face.
"Look, kid. I appreciate what you did, but it's-"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!! MY MOMMA DOES NOT CHEW HER FOOD LIKE A COW!!! SHE'S A QUEEN AMONG WOMEN!!!"
There's a moment of absolute silence as mercenary-beard lands a punch on eye-patch-mercenary that sends him sprawling across the floor. Said moment of silence is shattered an instant later by the sound of benches scraping against wood as dozens of mercenaries push themselves to their feet and launch themselves in nearly perfect synchronicity into a maelstrom of fists and makeshift weaponry and flying food.
The frown in my chest fades away in favor of a grin as I watch the battle unfolding in front of me—rampaging is almost as fun to watch as it is to do—only for my enjoyment to be interrupted as a hand grabs at my arm and starts tugging.
"Fuck, kid. What the hell do they feed you?"
I consider answering truthfully before deciding that was probably one of my [Calamity]-secrets. So, instead, I answer with the first things that come to mind.
"Pan au chocolat and roast pig."
All I receive for my honesty is a blank stare and a renewed tugging on my arm. "That's- that was a rhetorical question. Come on, we've got to get the fuck out of here."
"You don't want to stay and watch?" I shift my head to the side as a fork flies through the space where my right eye had been. "They don't seem to be that skilled, but the enthusiasm kind of makes up for it, doesn't it?"
"Shit. You're even crazier than them. Well fuck that, I'm out of here."
I turn back to the melee and my grin widens as I watch a man being choked with his own belt. Even a teeny-tiny rampage like this has a charm to it. That woman didn't know what she was missing by leaving so-
Wait a minute. Leaving. I couldn't let her leave. She had my directions.
After her!
I sprint back toward the entrance, ignoring a pair of brawling mercenaries as they bounce off me in favor of focusing my attention on the flicker of a dirty-white apron as it escapes through the front door.
Faster!
If I lost sight of her now, I'd have to find another inn and do all this over again.
I push myself to the limits of the speed I could reach without tapping into my [Calamity] powers and reach the door she'd escaped from just before it had a chance to close completely. I crash through the door, ignoring splinters of wood as they rain down around me, and frantically scan up and down the street, looking for my prey.
A relieved grin crosses my face as I see her hunched over at the waist a hundred paces or so up the street.
"C'mon Markus I found our directions."
I call out to my sidekick, who was lounging on a branch and nibbling at a nut, before running toward the panting woman.
"Sorry, miss. Normally, I'd let you flee in peace, but I really do need directions to the Adventurer's Guild."
"Heh. You've got a weird sense of humor, kid." the woman pants a few more times before straightening upright. "Name's Victoria. Since you got me out of a spot of trouble back there, I guess I can do that."
She trails off and looks back toward the inn, which was starting to leak a dark gray smoke through an open window. "And it looks like I'll have to find somewhere else to work. Great."
"This is Markus." I introduce my furry friend as he finishes scampering up my leg and plops down onto his perch. "And I'm Ciel."
"Ciel and a pet squirrel, gotcha."
I manage to withhold a frown at the rudeness she was showing my friend, but only because Markus seemed more interested in curling up into a ball with his tail as a pillow than taking offense. So, instead, I turn my judgment elsewhere.
"You shouldn't work at a place that serves mercenaries anyways, you know. They're the worst."
"Heh. Well, I can't argue with that."
If she knew that, then why did she serve them? Even I—a [Calamity] who had been created to be one of the seven harbingers that would herald the death of the world—had realized that I shouldn't do things like that, so-
"Alright, let's get you to the Adventurer's Guild, and then I can get a drink and forget all about today."
"Yeah! Let's go!" I shout in agreement, my previous line of thought vanishing into the aether as I grin widely at waitress-lady.
I was so close to being a [Hero] that I could almost taste it.
"Hello." I grin at the receptionist sitting neatly behind her desk. "I'm Ciel."
"This is Markus." Markus perks up from his lounging repose on my shoulder and waves a furry paw.
"And this is waitress-lady."
My guide sighs and stares off into the distance until I poke her with a finger; then she offers a weird not-smile. "Victoria"
"Markus and I are here to become adventurers, and waitress-lady needs a job since her old one burned down."
The receptionist takes us all in with the same kind of not-smile waitress-lady used and nods.
"Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild. Since you and Markus appear under the age of eighteen, I will need to see parental authorization. As for Victoria, if she can pour drinks or clean up after adventurers, we can find something for her to do."
"My creator is dead, and I don't have a mother." I turn to Markus, and he shrugs his furry shoulders. "Markus is all by himself, too. And adventurers are much better than mercenaries so waitress-lady should be fine."
"Thanks, kid, but I can speak for myself." The former server sighs loudly. "I can't say I'm doing well enough to turn down a job, but…"
The receptionist smiles again in a way that seems a lot -more real while not looking even a bit different than her first not-smile. "I understand completely. Guildmaster Alis takes a dim view on crass behavior."
While waitress-lady nods at that, my impeccable memory perks up. Wasn't Reitzland's guildmaster the one that had brought in to drive me away for good some years back? Well, it was good to hear that complete and utter defeat hadn't driven her into hiding like it did my sisters when I beat them in a rampage.
"That's great." I grin at the receptionist and then turn to waitress-lady, "See, I told you adventurers were better than mercenaries."
"I suppose so."
I wasn't sure why she looked so scrunchy-faced since she agreed with me, but I let it go. I had a far more important task here anyway. "So, can Markus and I get our bracelets?"
"Not quite yet."
My head drops. Markus rubs his furry head against my neck, and I reach up to pet his tail. I'd be fine. 'Not quite yet.' wasn't a 'No.' I don't know what I'd have done if she'd said no, but it probably would have involved [Devourer of Dead Gods].
While I'm busy drowning in disappointment, the receptionist turns to my guide and points toward the back of the common room. "If you want to go ahead and hop behind the bar, Victoria, I'm sure the louts loitering around would appreciate it,"
My guide leaves without so much as a wave bye. However, in my state, I'm not sure that I'd have even noticed if she had. I do, however, notice when the receptionist slams two stacks of paper onto her desk.
"You two, on the other hand, have some paperwork to read. Your interview with Alis will have to wait until she gets back, but after that, you'll officially be members of the Adventurer's Guild."
I perk up with a grin and grab a ream of paper as thick as my fist—in my smaller form, at least—and quickly start flipping through pages, committing each word to my immaculate memory in an instant.
I scribble my name messily on the last page and turn to look at Markus, only to stifle the urge to fidget as I see just how much he has left to read. But instead of telling him to hurry up, I turn my attention to the nearly empty common room.
"Where is everyone? Aren't guildhouses supposed to be full of drunk adventurers?"
"Heh, that they are." The receptionist smirks, "But there was a disturbance on Lorelai Lane… something about a pair of mercenary companies burning down an inn."
She shrugs as if to say, 'What can you do?' and I nod in agreement. Mercenaries were an untrustworthy lot. It was entirely unsurprising that they'd burned down an inn.
"So the city invoked Clause 2F and asked us to help?" I ask, already slotting myself in mentally as an adventurer since I practically was.
She raises an eyebrow, seemingly impressed that despite my skimming over the ream of adventurer regulations, I knew the correct regulation.
"Everyone of E-rank or above went to limit the collateral damage."
"That's great!" I nod, not just pleased that my fellow adventurers were so diligent in their responsibilities but that their absence would make scoping out the next member of my party that much easier—if I partnered up with someone too advanced, they'd get all of the credit for our amazing victories and I'd never become a [Hero].
"Yes, well, the fires they started were threatening to spread to the rest of the neighborhood, so it's good they finally came to us for help."
I ignore that in favor of looking over at Markus, who seems to be placing his pawprint on the final page. After all, what else could you expect from a mercenary other than senseless destruction?
"Done?"
"Chirp."
"Make sure to wipe your paws first."
I hold out my hand, palm up, to stop my friend before he can hop back onto my shoulder and ruin my new scarf. Once he's wiped the ink on his paw all over the desk, I nod, and he hops back to his perch.
"Thanks…" the receptionist looks at me and then down to the streaks of ink Markus had left behind on her desk.
"You're welcome."
I grin briefly at the receptionist before casting her from my mind and turning to look at the mostly empty common room.
There were a handful of boring-looking figures—the kind of adventurers who bullied a soon-to-be [Hero] only to find themselves at the [Hero]'s mercy a few chapters later—that I almost immediately ignored. But three figures in the common room stood out as potential teammates.
All I had to do was pick one.
[AN]
Added a new scene to the start of this chapter and made numerous minor edits to make Ciel's character more consistent. We'll have an interlude coming up either next chapter or the one after that.
In which a Villainess forms a party
Instinctively, I move toward the girl with cat ears—because fluffy ears—but I pause before I can fully commit. This was an important decision, perhaps the most important one of my life. According to my books, my first companion—well, my first non-Markus companion—would be my most important sidekick.
They would be the one who would stick with me through thick and thin. They would be there to provide a distraction while I [Heroically] charge in to kill an evil dragon. They would be there to gallantly sacrifice themselves so I could thwart an [Overlord's] wicked plot to destroy the world. Yes, my first companion was critically important because regardless of the [Hero] quest I inevitably found, they would be there to provide fun and support.
A chirp whispers in my ear. I turn to Markus and grin. "Just thinking about something."
He chirps again before flopping back to my shoulder—what a lazy little guy. I really would have to make sure he got some exercise, or he would end up being the chubby, comic-relief companion. And neither furry-Markus nor real-Markus deserved that.
Still, he was right about one thing. I shouldn't be standing in the middle of the common room staring at my future companions as they did whatever they did. I need to make a choice. And so, in the time-honored tradition of [Calamities] everywhere, I close my eyes and hold out my index finger.
"Eeny meeny miny moe."
I go through the rhyme three times just to be sure before opening my eyes.
A grin crosses my face as I see my new partner eating some kind of creamy dessert from a spoon animated by [Prestidigitation]. While casting a tier 0 spell wasn't that hard, using it to eat with your eyes closed was an impressive feat for someone her age.
Or maybe it wasn't. With [Seed of the Occult] and [Zenith of Magic] unsealed, I could make magic do whatever I wanted it to, which meant I got to make up a lot of fun spell names like [Whale of the Banshee] which summoned a juicy fish and an angry ghost who was probably angry because I'd interrupted their afternoon walk together. But those skills were sealed away and I was going to be a non-magic-using-[Hero] I wasn't sure how magic would work for an adventurer that wasn't a secret-[Calamity] with all kinds of cool skills and a body made from-
My genius mind pokes me and I nod. I'd used my ultimate-choosing-technique and it was never wrong, so I walk quickly over to her table. I wait until her spoon is firmly settled in a dark brown custard before speaking, though. It would have been unforgivably rude to interrupt someone while eating.
"Hi."
The blonde's eyes open slowly, revealing blue irises that shade toward purple near the pupil. Her eyes flick up and down, pausing momentarily on Markus napping on my shoulder before sliding closed again.
"Go away."
My grin widens. Her attitude was just like my older sister Soph, the [Calamity of Sloth]. I felt even more confident in my decision than I had a moment ago.
"I'm Ciel, and this is Markus."
The blonde doesn't open her eyes, but the mana animating her [Prestidigitation] unravels.
"Didn't you hear me? I said go away."
I ignore the grumpiness—my sister always sounded just like that when I tried to wake her up to play—and drag a chair over so I can sit down next to her. It would be rude to continue talking to her while standing over her.
"What's your name? I'll need to know it now that we're in a party together."
A single purple and blue eye opens and stares at me with a weird kind of squinty flatness rather than responding. It didn't bother me at all, though. Soph always blasted me with [Annihilation] at first, but then she'd join me on a rampage, so I knew that this kind of thing was just for show.
"Are they letting children into the guildhouse now? What has the guild come to?"
"The receptionist made us fill out some paperwork when I told her that neither Markus nor me had any parents, and then she let us inside."
My future teammate whooshes out a breath and then groans like a bear woken up by a [Calamity] playing in the woods nearby. Then her feet drop from her second chair to the floor and both eyes open up this time to stare at me with another one of those looks that my [Calamity] senses can't interpret.
"Look, kid-"
"It's Ciel, or partner if you don't want to use my name."
The blonde's eyes roll toward the ceiling before falling back to me, and an expression that all my sisters like to use on me when they're telling me I'm interrupting something important. Except for Bel. She's always ready to rampage.
"Kid-"
"It's Ciel."
I hope I don't have to remind her too many more times about my name. Not that it would matter if she did have trouble with names—my infallible memory could cover us if this weakness ever came up—but a sidekick who couldn't remember their [Hero's] name would be kind of weird.
"Kid-"
"Ciel."
"Ugh. Fine. Ciel. I'm not looking for a partner. Especially one who isn't even officially an adventurer."
As she says that, she raises her left arm, where a bronze bracelet is loosely attached. A frown forms in my chest. E-ranks were supposed to be helping put out a fire started by careless mercenaries.
"Shouldn't you be out fighting fires?"
"I had to finish my dessert first."
The blonde points to her half-empty cup of brown custard. My frown vanishes as I nod. That was a good reason. It was important to eat your food, even when it was one of those disgusting dinners my last overlord liked to serve.
"So when I officially become an adventurer, you'll accept that you're my partner?"
She would one way or another—I could be really really persistent when I wanted to be—but getting her agreement now seems easier.
The blonde's eyes narrow for a moment before widening back up. A smirk slowly unfolds across her face. "Sure, if Alis judges you to be E-rank, then I'll be your partner."
"Great," I grin widely. While I had no idea what sort of tests Alis would conduct, I was confident I could make E-rank. After all, I was a soon-to-be-[Hero]. How could I not at least make E-rank?
That just left the question of what to do while we waited for the guildmaster to return. Fortunately, I had a brilliant idea.
"While we're waiting for her to come back, we should get to know each other."
"Nope."
"Why not? Adventurers should know things about their partners."
The blonde kicks her feet back up in her chair and slumps back down. A moment later, a shaping of mana forms and wraps around the spoon sitting in her dessert. I watch as the blonde closes her eyes and then opens her mouth as her spoon approaches it.
Well, if she didn't want to share anything about herself, I could start. Since I would be the team leader while she would be the sidekick, it seemed much more important that my she knew about me than the reverse.
I would have to heavily edit my history so I didn't share too much too soon—after all, me being a [Calamity] was the sort of truth that needed to be revealed late in the second act—but I was a [Calamity] and a genius and a soon-to-be [Hero]. Transforming my story into something that didn't share too much would be easier than swallowing a cow whole.
And I knew exactly where to start,
"I met Markus in the forest outside of Reitzland and…"
"You should see how adorable-"
My monologue of how cute Markus looks when he gets himself tangled up in my scarf is cut off by the door to the guildhouse slamming open and dozens of soot-stained faces piling in.
Almost simultaneous to that, my partner perks up from where she'd been lounging and sighs out, "Dead Gods, finally-"
I miss the rest of whatever she would have said as my head whips around to scan the common area. Unfortunately, I don't see any of the delicious essence that I'd devoured from the [Well of Urdr]. I do, however, see a tired face that I remember releasing her 'Ultimate Attack' and how wonderfully ticklish it had been.
That was blondy-sword. The Guildmaster. However, she looks a lot weaker than I remember as she *tap taps* the floor in front of her with her sword as she walks through the common room. For a moment I wonder what could have happened to her before my genius mind points out the obvious: someone must have taken advantage of her recovery to settle a grudge.
A frown crosses my face—that wasn't proper [Hero] or [Villain] behavior—and I make a note for my immaculate memory to remind me to investigate further when I have the chance. But not now. I had an interview to ace and a bronze bracelet to get.
I hop up from my chair and turn toward my partner, whose squinty face relaxes into a not-squinty-face for some odd reason. "I've got to go pass my interview. Don't go anywhere."
My partner gives me an idle wave with her hand to show she acknowledged the command, and I turn to scoop Markus up from the pile of scarf that he'd been napping on. He frowns sleepily at me but relaxes when I place him on his perch and point out the guildmaster *tappy tapping* through a door off to the side. After all, I wasn't the only one who wanted to become an adventurer today.
"Bye, partner who still won't tell me her name." I wave goodbye to my sidekick, not waiting for a response before chasing after the guildmaster.
If I were a normal person's size, snaking my way through the suddenly noisy and crowded common area would have been difficult. I would have had to squeeze through conversations and past men and women in soot-stained clothes and armor shouting at former-mercenary-waitress for drinks. Fortunately, my smaller form was much smaller than these muscly men and women, so I could slip past the crowd without much trouble.
I still had some difficulty getting by a man with a huge belly, but a quick punch to his stomach opened up some space. The fight that erupted after he turned and swung at another adventurer opened up even more.
I pause as I slip through the same door the guildmaster had exited through and into a long hallway with a set of stairs at the far end and three doors on my right. A frown crosses my face—she could have gone through any of them—only to lighten as I realize that this was most certainly the first part of my adventurer's test.
After all, adventurers didn't just kill monsters and die miserably trying to challenge [Calamities]. They also explored dungeons and long-lost ruins—dungeons which were full of traps and ambushing monsters that required adventurers to be smart as well as strong.
Thinking about it like that, this hallway was clearly my first test of being an adventurer. I would likely have to figure out where she was without triggering the traps and spells that waited behind the wrong doors because that would definitely lower my score. And I need to do well enough to earn a bronze bracelet. My unnamed partner had just told me she was expecting me to get at least that far. I couldn't disappoint her.
Fortunately, I had an advantage over any of the regular people who had ever tried to pass this part of the test: my [Calamity] senses. With a thought, I filtered out the sounds of the melee unfolding in the common area, and then I focused on the sound of something-
*Tap*
*Tap*
There it was. The sound of the guildmaster still *tappy tapping* the floor as she walked across a room on the second floor.
I grin and follow my ears up the stairs and toward my interview.
The door slams back on its hinges as I shove it open and I grin widely at the tanned face ringed by falls of blonde hair so pale that it was almost silver that looks up at me. A silvery eyebrow twitches slightly, and the guildmaster slips whatever paper she'd been reading into a drawer on her desk. Dark green eyes narrow as she stares at me, but she doesn't say anything or beckon me inside at all.
I was almost confused by the lack of welcome, but instead, my genius mind pokes at me, and I realized this was another test. What kind, though, wasn't clear to me. Maybe it was a test of manners? With the way she was starting to glare at me, I didn't think that was right, but since I didn't even know there would be a test, I was clearly the wrong [Calamity] to ask. Still, since I didn't have a better idea, I decided to put on my best grin and raise my hand in a cheerful wave.
"I'm Ciel, and this is Markus." I gestured to Markus, who was hiding behind my hair and shivering softly. "We're here for our adventurer test."
With a grunt, she stands, her left hand grasping out for the hilt of her cane, and smiles tiredly. "I'm Alis, master of Dynegard's branch of the Adventurer's Guild."
I nod but don't tell her that we've already met. That was one of my [Calamity] secrets, after all. Plus, I didn't think she'd recognize me in this form anyway.
Instead, I respond with, "Dynegard's my favorite continent. It's got mountains and forests and rivers."
"Heh, that it does, Ciel. Follow me, and we'll get the two of you sorted into my guild in a minute." My grin widens when she includes both of us, and I step behind her as she leads us back down to the first floor.
She pauses in front of the door to the common area to look in and shout, "If you all don't sit down and shut the fuck up in five seconds, you won't live to regret it."
I peek in under her shoulder as the melee within stops mid-swing. An instant later, overturned chairs and tables are set right-side up. A moment later than that, everyone is seated with their hands placed firmly in their laps. Former-waitress-mercenary smiles at us in a way that looks a lot like the people still left when a [Calamity] gets tired after a rampage and decides to go take a nap in her lair.
I wave at her and then poke my head a bit further in to wave at my lounging partner. She doesn't even lift her head from her chair, but that didn't bother me. I was just happy to see she'd stayed out of the melee. Adventuring parties were supposed to share everything, and it would have been quite rude for her to join in a fight like that without me.
"Let's go," The guildmaster puts a hand on my shoulder and directs me down the hallway. "My adventurers are good people, but they're also idiots, so you have to treat them like that every once in a while to remind them."
I nodded. My eldest sister said the same thing about her lackeys.
I wait as the guildmaster opens a door that reveals a wood-covered room lined on all four sides by racks of weapons. She steps in, and I follow behind her until we stop at the dead center of the room.
"I'll test you first, Ciel, if that's ok with you and Markus."
She raises a pale eyebrow in question, and I turn toward Markus. He chirps softly and hops down from my shoulder.
I unwind my new scarf from my neck and drape it over him, grinning happily as he swims through the fabric before his furry little head pops free. He gently grabs it between his teeth and scampers over to a corner of the room. Once I see that he's comfortably ensconced in his scarf-fort, I turn back to the guildmaster and grin.
"Ok, we're ready."
"Good." She nods before pulling a small silver ring topped by a perfectly round red gemstone out of her pocket. "Do you mind if I use this to cast a quick [Appraise] and see what we're starting with"
"Nope." I shake my head, thankful I'd decided to seal away my [Calamity] powers. This might have gotten awkward otherwise.
"Hmm… no class, but you've got [Enhanced Strength], [Thick Skin], and [Superior Hearing]." She pauses to remove her ring and tucks it away in a pocket. "That's quite an impressive spread of skills for a beginner. Make sure you don't rely on them too heavily, though. I've seen far too many adventurers die because they relied on their Skills rather than their skills."
I nod my agreement. That made sense to me. Even with all my [Calamity] skills, I'd nearly died trying to consume the [Well of Urdr].
"Good. I'd hate to see you leave your friend Markus behind because you bit off more than you could chew."
While eating had never been a problem for me, I still decide to nod my agreement. After all, she was my guildmaster now, and it was important to listen when she spoke.
"Ok, that's my lecture out of the way. Now, how about you pick out a weapon, then we'll see about getting you your first class."
She smiles at me as my frown forms in my chest and works its way up to my face. "Don't worry too much about it, Ciel. You'll have plenty of time to change, consolidate, or evolve your class as you get more experienced. The most important thing at this point is to pick something that resonates with you."
I knew I wanted to be a fighter, a specific kind of fighter called a tank—named after the sound an arrow made when it bounced uselessly off a brick wall—because those were the best kinds of [Heroes]. Other than that, I wasn't sure exactly which kind of tank I wanted to be. So, knowing that I wouldn't be stuck with a class I later found out I didn't want was a relief.
Still, my guildmaster had told me to pick up a weapon I resonated with, and a bunch of weapons lined the walls that matched my goal of becoming a tank. All I had to do was pick one. And while giant swords and axes and hammers were all really cool and I would be able to do a lot of fun, spinny moves with them, there was nothing better than a sword and shield. That way I could block a dragon's breath weapon with my shield and while they thought they'd fried me to a crisp I could jump up and bop them on the head with my sword before the smoke from the fire breath cleared and showed I was still unharmed and-
My genius mind pokes me and I reach in to grab a plain looking sword sitting right below an equally plain looking shield with a grin. I'd have plenty of time to get better, shinier weapons that shoot fire and make cool bubbles of force that surround me and-
My genius mind pokes me once again and I walk back to the middle of the room where my guildmaster is waiting for me. She takes a moment to look up and down at me, and I resist urge to pose with my new weapons. After all, if I went around doing [Hero] poses all the time, someone might realize that I wasn't just another regular adventurer but actually a soon-to-be-[Hero] in disguise and then I'd have to eat them to make sure they didn't tell anyone and if I ate my new guildmaster she almost certainly wouldn't let me become an adventurer and that would-
"A good choice. Now, raise your weapon and repeat after me."
My guildmaster's voice pokes at me and I raise my weapon high, not even noticing the weight of it as I repeat the words after her.
"I, Ciel, do solemnly swear to protect the weak, challenge the wicked, and explore the unknown with unwavering resolve. May my blade be ever sharp, my wits sharper, and my bonds unbreakable as I venture forth into the realm. By this oath, I am bound, united in purpose and spirit with all who share this glorious purpose."
As my words resonate through the training room, the guildmaster raises her sheathed cane and bops me lightly on my head.
[Fighter Class Obtained!]
[Fighter Level 1!]
[Skill - Basic Weapon Proficiency Gained]
After I received my new class, I spent a few minutes sparring with the guildmaster. I think I did well enough. I managed to knock away a few of her attacks and scramble out of the way of a few more before she finally managed to land a blow that tickled against my stomach.
After that quick spar, though, it was Markus's turn.
"Markus, is it?" The guildmaster puts her ring on once again and looks down at my furry companion with the same kind of look that she'd looked at me—and jumps up my list of favorite people to the same rank as the [Soulbound Chef] that had fed me so much delicious food. "I don't think you have the build for a fighter, but given your size, you might make quite the [Rogue]."
"Chirp."
"Indeed. Traps kill as many adventurers as monsters do."
"Do you solemnly swear to…" My mind drifts away from me as the guildmaster repeats the same oath for him as she did for me, but I return to myself in time to see my friend nod his furry head and chirp solemnly.
She bops him on the head just the same as she had me, and I watch as a shiver runs through him.
His fur grows darker and sleeker, and his front teeth grow a bit sharper. I'd have to ask him what class he got when I got the chance since I certainly couldn't unseal [Dissection of the Root] and check. Still, he was busy doing jumping twists in front of my guildmaster so it couldn't have been a bad class.
"Careful with the teeth. You don't want to damage it."
I call out, and Markus turns to me long enough to roll his eyes before snagging the fabric between his teeth and dragging it back to me.
I lean down to pick up the scarf. Markus waits until I've wrapped it around my neck and shoulders before he clambers up my leg and retakes his perch.
"Thanks Guildmaster. We've got to go and tell our new partner the good news."
I turn to her and grin widely before waving. Markus leans up onto his hind legs and waves as well.
"Aren't you two forgetting something?"'
I skid to a stop halfway out the door as my immaculate memory pokes at me. I spin around and see her holding up two bronze bracelets, one sized to fit around my wrist and a much smaller one for Markus.
"Normally, I'd have a bit of a ceremony for two new E-rank adventurers, but it seems you two have plans."
I race back to the guildmaster and hold out my arm, fidgeting impatiently as she wraps a bracelet around my wrist. As the latch clasps closed, I hold my wrist up to my face and stare at the bronze links wrapping around my wrist.
The guildmaster says something like, 'It's spelled to be a bit stronger than normal bronze, but it won't stop a sword strike, and it will tarnish.' and follows it up with what sounds like, 'I don't think you'll have one long enough for that to matter, though,' but my attention is far away.
I'm an adventurer! Not only that, I'd skipped F-rank entirely! With this bracelet, the first step in my plan to become a [Hero] was complete, and waiting outside was a fellow adventurer who would help me finish my second step.
Fizzy bubbles rush up from my stomach and explode on my face in a grin so wide it would have split my face in half if I were in my larger form. I look up at the guildmaster and see her smiling down at me. My grin stretches even wider, so wide that it would have hurt if I hadn't been made from pure Wyrd.
"Thank you, guildmaster!" I shout the words as I bring my braceleted wrist down so I can cradle the bronze links with my other hand. "You won't regret this."
"I'm certain I won't, for either of you." Her smile takes in both of us, and she bumps up the list of my favorite people again until she lands in a tie with the nice old woman who gave me my new scarf. "Now, why don't you go show off to your friends and give me some time to rest."
"Ok." I beam at her and practically sprint out of the room, pausing just long enough to shout my thanks over my shoulder. I had a new party member to find.
"Do you think she got tired and went home?" I ask Markus as I stare at the vacant chairs that had once been occupied by my now-gone teammate.
"Chirp."
"You're right, I guess it is kind of late." I look around the common area, taking in how many adventurers had left after the guildmaster had made her annoyance at the noisy melee clear.
"Chirp."
I nod at Markus, "That's not a bad idea. I'm sure she lives close by."
I lean forward and knock my fist against a thick, brightly painted door in what seems to be one of the fanciest areas of Reitzleand.
With my perfect hearing, it hadn't taken more than a few minutes before I'd keyed into the sound of my teammate's heartbeat. I recognized it because it had this weird staccato hitch every third beat. And once I'd heard that tracking her down to here hadn't taken more than half an hour.
After a minute of listening to my teammate's unmoving heartbeat, I knock again.
And then again.
And then again.
Finally, after maybe half an hour of knocking, the door opens, and a pair of blue-fading-to-purple eyes still gummed over by sleep scrunch up as they look at me.
"Look. E-rank." I raise my wrist to show off my bracelet, and a beat later, Markus raises his as well.
For a long minute, my teammate is utterly silent as she stares at Markus and me. I wait patiently, holding up my arm and grinning. The door slams in my face.
I raise my hand to knock again, but before my fist hits the door, it opens again. My partner sighs, and her head falls to her chest. "I'm El."
I watch as she walks away from the door into her spacious, well-decorated townhouse and back up a flight of stairs.
I turn to Markus at the same time he turns to me, "I think that was an invitation?"
"Chirp."
I grin at the agreement and walk into my teammate's house.
[AN]
This one is mostly the same, save for some minor editorial changes to Ciel's personality. I think next chapter will be from Guildmaster Alis's pov as she's called on to solve some problems.
They would be the one who would stick with me through thick and thin. They would be there to provide a distraction while I [Heroically] charge in to kill an evil dragon. They would be there to gallantly sacrifice themselves so I could thwart an [Overlord's] wicked plot to destroy the world. Yes, my first companion was critically important because regardless of the [Hero] quest I inevitably found, they would be there to provide fun and support.
A chirp whispers in my ear. I turn to Markus and grin. "Just thinking about something."
He chirps again before flopping back to my shoulder—what a lazy little guy. I really would have to make sure he got some exercise, or he would end up being the chubby, comic-relief companion. And neither furry-Markus nor real-Markus deserved that.
Still, he was right about one thing. I shouldn't be standing in the middle of the common room staring at my future companions as they did whatever they did. I need to make a choice. And so, in the time-honored tradition of [Calamities] everywhere, I close my eyes and hold out my index finger.
"Eeny meeny miny moe."
I go through the rhyme three times just to be sure before opening my eyes.
A grin crosses my face as I see my new partner eating some kind of creamy dessert from a spoon animated by [Prestidigitation]. While casting a tier 0 spell wasn't that hard, using it to eat with your eyes closed was an impressive feat for someone her age.
Or maybe it wasn't. With [Seed of the Occult] and [Zenith of Magic] unsealed, I could make magic do whatever I wanted it to, which meant I got to make up a lot of fun spell names like [Whale of the Banshee] which summoned a juicy fish and an angry ghost who was probably angry because I'd interrupted their afternoon walk together. But those skills were sealed away and I was going to be a non-magic-using-[Hero] I wasn't sure how magic would work for an adventurer that wasn't a secret-[Calamity] with all kinds of cool skills and a body made from-
My genius mind pokes me and I nod. I'd used my ultimate-choosing-technique and it was never wrong, so I walk quickly over to her table. I wait until her spoon is firmly settled in a dark brown custard before speaking, though. It would have been unforgivably rude to interrupt someone while eating.
"Hi."
The blonde's eyes open slowly, revealing blue irises that shade toward purple near the pupil. Her eyes flick up and down, pausing momentarily on Markus napping on my shoulder before sliding closed again.
"Go away."
My grin widens. Her attitude was just like my older sister Soph, the [Calamity of Sloth]. I felt even more confident in my decision than I had a moment ago.
"I'm Ciel, and this is Markus."
The blonde doesn't open her eyes, but the mana animating her [Prestidigitation] unravels.
"Didn't you hear me? I said go away."
I ignore the grumpiness—my sister always sounded just like that when I tried to wake her up to play—and drag a chair over so I can sit down next to her. It would be rude to continue talking to her while standing over her.
"What's your name? I'll need to know it now that we're in a party together."
A single purple and blue eye opens and stares at me with a weird kind of squinty flatness rather than responding. It didn't bother me at all, though. Soph always blasted me with [Annihilation] at first, but then she'd join me on a rampage, so I knew that this kind of thing was just for show.
"Are they letting children into the guildhouse now? What has the guild come to?"
"The receptionist made us fill out some paperwork when I told her that neither Markus nor me had any parents, and then she let us inside."
My future teammate whooshes out a breath and then groans like a bear woken up by a [Calamity] playing in the woods nearby. Then her feet drop from her second chair to the floor and both eyes open up this time to stare at me with another one of those looks that my [Calamity] senses can't interpret.
"Look, kid-"
"It's Ciel, or partner if you don't want to use my name."
The blonde's eyes roll toward the ceiling before falling back to me, and an expression that all my sisters like to use on me when they're telling me I'm interrupting something important. Except for Bel. She's always ready to rampage.
"Kid-"
"It's Ciel."
I hope I don't have to remind her too many more times about my name. Not that it would matter if she did have trouble with names—my infallible memory could cover us if this weakness ever came up—but a sidekick who couldn't remember their [Hero's] name would be kind of weird.
"Kid-"
"Ciel."
"Ugh. Fine. Ciel. I'm not looking for a partner. Especially one who isn't even officially an adventurer."
As she says that, she raises her left arm, where a bronze bracelet is loosely attached. A frown forms in my chest. E-ranks were supposed to be helping put out a fire started by careless mercenaries.
"Shouldn't you be out fighting fires?"
"I had to finish my dessert first."
The blonde points to her half-empty cup of brown custard. My frown vanishes as I nod. That was a good reason. It was important to eat your food, even when it was one of those disgusting dinners my last overlord liked to serve.
"So when I officially become an adventurer, you'll accept that you're my partner?"
She would one way or another—I could be really really persistent when I wanted to be—but getting her agreement now seems easier.
The blonde's eyes narrow for a moment before widening back up. A smirk slowly unfolds across her face. "Sure, if Alis judges you to be E-rank, then I'll be your partner."
"Great," I grin widely. While I had no idea what sort of tests Alis would conduct, I was confident I could make E-rank. After all, I was a soon-to-be-[Hero]. How could I not at least make E-rank?
That just left the question of what to do while we waited for the guildmaster to return. Fortunately, I had a brilliant idea.
"While we're waiting for her to come back, we should get to know each other."
"Nope."
"Why not? Adventurers should know things about their partners."
The blonde kicks her feet back up in her chair and slumps back down. A moment later, a shaping of mana forms and wraps around the spoon sitting in her dessert. I watch as the blonde closes her eyes and then opens her mouth as her spoon approaches it.
Well, if she didn't want to share anything about herself, I could start. Since I would be the team leader while she would be the sidekick, it seemed much more important that my she knew about me than the reverse.
I would have to heavily edit my history so I didn't share too much too soon—after all, me being a [Calamity] was the sort of truth that needed to be revealed late in the second act—but I was a [Calamity] and a genius and a soon-to-be [Hero]. Transforming my story into something that didn't share too much would be easier than swallowing a cow whole.
And I knew exactly where to start,
"I met Markus in the forest outside of Reitzland and…"
"You should see how adorable-"
My monologue of how cute Markus looks when he gets himself tangled up in my scarf is cut off by the door to the guildhouse slamming open and dozens of soot-stained faces piling in.
Almost simultaneous to that, my partner perks up from where she'd been lounging and sighs out, "Dead Gods, finally-"
I miss the rest of whatever she would have said as my head whips around to scan the common area. Unfortunately, I don't see any of the delicious essence that I'd devoured from the [Well of Urdr]. I do, however, see a tired face that I remember releasing her 'Ultimate Attack' and how wonderfully ticklish it had been.
That was blondy-sword. The Guildmaster. However, she looks a lot weaker than I remember as she *tap taps* the floor in front of her with her sword as she walks through the common room. For a moment I wonder what could have happened to her before my genius mind points out the obvious: someone must have taken advantage of her recovery to settle a grudge.
A frown crosses my face—that wasn't proper [Hero] or [Villain] behavior—and I make a note for my immaculate memory to remind me to investigate further when I have the chance. But not now. I had an interview to ace and a bronze bracelet to get.
I hop up from my chair and turn toward my partner, whose squinty face relaxes into a not-squinty-face for some odd reason. "I've got to go pass my interview. Don't go anywhere."
My partner gives me an idle wave with her hand to show she acknowledged the command, and I turn to scoop Markus up from the pile of scarf that he'd been napping on. He frowns sleepily at me but relaxes when I place him on his perch and point out the guildmaster *tappy tapping* through a door off to the side. After all, I wasn't the only one who wanted to become an adventurer today.
"Bye, partner who still won't tell me her name." I wave goodbye to my sidekick, not waiting for a response before chasing after the guildmaster.
If I were a normal person's size, snaking my way through the suddenly noisy and crowded common area would have been difficult. I would have had to squeeze through conversations and past men and women in soot-stained clothes and armor shouting at former-mercenary-waitress for drinks. Fortunately, my smaller form was much smaller than these muscly men and women, so I could slip past the crowd without much trouble.
I still had some difficulty getting by a man with a huge belly, but a quick punch to his stomach opened up some space. The fight that erupted after he turned and swung at another adventurer opened up even more.
I pause as I slip through the same door the guildmaster had exited through and into a long hallway with a set of stairs at the far end and three doors on my right. A frown crosses my face—she could have gone through any of them—only to lighten as I realize that this was most certainly the first part of my adventurer's test.
After all, adventurers didn't just kill monsters and die miserably trying to challenge [Calamities]. They also explored dungeons and long-lost ruins—dungeons which were full of traps and ambushing monsters that required adventurers to be smart as well as strong.
Thinking about it like that, this hallway was clearly my first test of being an adventurer. I would likely have to figure out where she was without triggering the traps and spells that waited behind the wrong doors because that would definitely lower my score. And I need to do well enough to earn a bronze bracelet. My unnamed partner had just told me she was expecting me to get at least that far. I couldn't disappoint her.
Fortunately, I had an advantage over any of the regular people who had ever tried to pass this part of the test: my [Calamity] senses. With a thought, I filtered out the sounds of the melee unfolding in the common area, and then I focused on the sound of something-
*Tap*
*Tap*
There it was. The sound of the guildmaster still *tappy tapping* the floor as she walked across a room on the second floor.
I grin and follow my ears up the stairs and toward my interview.
The door slams back on its hinges as I shove it open and I grin widely at the tanned face ringed by falls of blonde hair so pale that it was almost silver that looks up at me. A silvery eyebrow twitches slightly, and the guildmaster slips whatever paper she'd been reading into a drawer on her desk. Dark green eyes narrow as she stares at me, but she doesn't say anything or beckon me inside at all.
I was almost confused by the lack of welcome, but instead, my genius mind pokes at me, and I realized this was another test. What kind, though, wasn't clear to me. Maybe it was a test of manners? With the way she was starting to glare at me, I didn't think that was right, but since I didn't even know there would be a test, I was clearly the wrong [Calamity] to ask. Still, since I didn't have a better idea, I decided to put on my best grin and raise my hand in a cheerful wave.
"I'm Ciel, and this is Markus." I gestured to Markus, who was hiding behind my hair and shivering softly. "We're here for our adventurer test."
With a grunt, she stands, her left hand grasping out for the hilt of her cane, and smiles tiredly. "I'm Alis, master of Dynegard's branch of the Adventurer's Guild."
I nod but don't tell her that we've already met. That was one of my [Calamity] secrets, after all. Plus, I didn't think she'd recognize me in this form anyway.
Instead, I respond with, "Dynegard's my favorite continent. It's got mountains and forests and rivers."
"Heh, that it does, Ciel. Follow me, and we'll get the two of you sorted into my guild in a minute." My grin widens when she includes both of us, and I step behind her as she leads us back down to the first floor.
She pauses in front of the door to the common area to look in and shout, "If you all don't sit down and shut the fuck up in five seconds, you won't live to regret it."
I peek in under her shoulder as the melee within stops mid-swing. An instant later, overturned chairs and tables are set right-side up. A moment later than that, everyone is seated with their hands placed firmly in their laps. Former-waitress-mercenary smiles at us in a way that looks a lot like the people still left when a [Calamity] gets tired after a rampage and decides to go take a nap in her lair.
I wave at her and then poke my head a bit further in to wave at my lounging partner. She doesn't even lift her head from her chair, but that didn't bother me. I was just happy to see she'd stayed out of the melee. Adventuring parties were supposed to share everything, and it would have been quite rude for her to join in a fight like that without me.
"Let's go," The guildmaster puts a hand on my shoulder and directs me down the hallway. "My adventurers are good people, but they're also idiots, so you have to treat them like that every once in a while to remind them."
I nodded. My eldest sister said the same thing about her lackeys.
I wait as the guildmaster opens a door that reveals a wood-covered room lined on all four sides by racks of weapons. She steps in, and I follow behind her until we stop at the dead center of the room.
"I'll test you first, Ciel, if that's ok with you and Markus."
She raises a pale eyebrow in question, and I turn toward Markus. He chirps softly and hops down from my shoulder.
I unwind my new scarf from my neck and drape it over him, grinning happily as he swims through the fabric before his furry little head pops free. He gently grabs it between his teeth and scampers over to a corner of the room. Once I see that he's comfortably ensconced in his scarf-fort, I turn back to the guildmaster and grin.
"Ok, we're ready."
"Good." She nods before pulling a small silver ring topped by a perfectly round red gemstone out of her pocket. "Do you mind if I use this to cast a quick [Appraise] and see what we're starting with"
"Nope." I shake my head, thankful I'd decided to seal away my [Calamity] powers. This might have gotten awkward otherwise.
"Hmm… no class, but you've got [Enhanced Strength], [Thick Skin], and [Superior Hearing]." She pauses to remove her ring and tucks it away in a pocket. "That's quite an impressive spread of skills for a beginner. Make sure you don't rely on them too heavily, though. I've seen far too many adventurers die because they relied on their Skills rather than their skills."
I nod my agreement. That made sense to me. Even with all my [Calamity] skills, I'd nearly died trying to consume the [Well of Urdr].
"Good. I'd hate to see you leave your friend Markus behind because you bit off more than you could chew."
While eating had never been a problem for me, I still decide to nod my agreement. After all, she was my guildmaster now, and it was important to listen when she spoke.
"Ok, that's my lecture out of the way. Now, how about you pick out a weapon, then we'll see about getting you your first class."
She smiles at me as my frown forms in my chest and works its way up to my face. "Don't worry too much about it, Ciel. You'll have plenty of time to change, consolidate, or evolve your class as you get more experienced. The most important thing at this point is to pick something that resonates with you."
I knew I wanted to be a fighter, a specific kind of fighter called a tank—named after the sound an arrow made when it bounced uselessly off a brick wall—because those were the best kinds of [Heroes]. Other than that, I wasn't sure exactly which kind of tank I wanted to be. So, knowing that I wouldn't be stuck with a class I later found out I didn't want was a relief.
Still, my guildmaster had told me to pick up a weapon I resonated with, and a bunch of weapons lined the walls that matched my goal of becoming a tank. All I had to do was pick one. And while giant swords and axes and hammers were all really cool and I would be able to do a lot of fun, spinny moves with them, there was nothing better than a sword and shield. That way I could block a dragon's breath weapon with my shield and while they thought they'd fried me to a crisp I could jump up and bop them on the head with my sword before the smoke from the fire breath cleared and showed I was still unharmed and-
My genius mind pokes me and I reach in to grab a plain looking sword sitting right below an equally plain looking shield with a grin. I'd have plenty of time to get better, shinier weapons that shoot fire and make cool bubbles of force that surround me and-
My genius mind pokes me once again and I walk back to the middle of the room where my guildmaster is waiting for me. She takes a moment to look up and down at me, and I resist urge to pose with my new weapons. After all, if I went around doing [Hero] poses all the time, someone might realize that I wasn't just another regular adventurer but actually a soon-to-be-[Hero] in disguise and then I'd have to eat them to make sure they didn't tell anyone and if I ate my new guildmaster she almost certainly wouldn't let me become an adventurer and that would-
"A good choice. Now, raise your weapon and repeat after me."
My guildmaster's voice pokes at me and I raise my weapon high, not even noticing the weight of it as I repeat the words after her.
"I, Ciel, do solemnly swear to protect the weak, challenge the wicked, and explore the unknown with unwavering resolve. May my blade be ever sharp, my wits sharper, and my bonds unbreakable as I venture forth into the realm. By this oath, I am bound, united in purpose and spirit with all who share this glorious purpose."
As my words resonate through the training room, the guildmaster raises her sheathed cane and bops me lightly on my head.
[Fighter Class Obtained!]
[Fighter Level 1!]
[Skill - Basic Weapon Proficiency Gained]
After I received my new class, I spent a few minutes sparring with the guildmaster. I think I did well enough. I managed to knock away a few of her attacks and scramble out of the way of a few more before she finally managed to land a blow that tickled against my stomach.
After that quick spar, though, it was Markus's turn.
"Markus, is it?" The guildmaster puts her ring on once again and looks down at my furry companion with the same kind of look that she'd looked at me—and jumps up my list of favorite people to the same rank as the [Soulbound Chef] that had fed me so much delicious food. "I don't think you have the build for a fighter, but given your size, you might make quite the [Rogue]."
"Chirp."
"Indeed. Traps kill as many adventurers as monsters do."
"Do you solemnly swear to…" My mind drifts away from me as the guildmaster repeats the same oath for him as she did for me, but I return to myself in time to see my friend nod his furry head and chirp solemnly.
She bops him on the head just the same as she had me, and I watch as a shiver runs through him.
His fur grows darker and sleeker, and his front teeth grow a bit sharper. I'd have to ask him what class he got when I got the chance since I certainly couldn't unseal [Dissection of the Root] and check. Still, he was busy doing jumping twists in front of my guildmaster so it couldn't have been a bad class.
"Careful with the teeth. You don't want to damage it."
I call out, and Markus turns to me long enough to roll his eyes before snagging the fabric between his teeth and dragging it back to me.
I lean down to pick up the scarf. Markus waits until I've wrapped it around my neck and shoulders before he clambers up my leg and retakes his perch.
"Thanks Guildmaster. We've got to go and tell our new partner the good news."
I turn to her and grin widely before waving. Markus leans up onto his hind legs and waves as well.
"Aren't you two forgetting something?"'
I skid to a stop halfway out the door as my immaculate memory pokes at me. I spin around and see her holding up two bronze bracelets, one sized to fit around my wrist and a much smaller one for Markus.
"Normally, I'd have a bit of a ceremony for two new E-rank adventurers, but it seems you two have plans."
I race back to the guildmaster and hold out my arm, fidgeting impatiently as she wraps a bracelet around my wrist. As the latch clasps closed, I hold my wrist up to my face and stare at the bronze links wrapping around my wrist.
The guildmaster says something like, 'It's spelled to be a bit stronger than normal bronze, but it won't stop a sword strike, and it will tarnish.' and follows it up with what sounds like, 'I don't think you'll have one long enough for that to matter, though,' but my attention is far away.
I'm an adventurer! Not only that, I'd skipped F-rank entirely! With this bracelet, the first step in my plan to become a [Hero] was complete, and waiting outside was a fellow adventurer who would help me finish my second step.
Fizzy bubbles rush up from my stomach and explode on my face in a grin so wide it would have split my face in half if I were in my larger form. I look up at the guildmaster and see her smiling down at me. My grin stretches even wider, so wide that it would have hurt if I hadn't been made from pure Wyrd.
"Thank you, guildmaster!" I shout the words as I bring my braceleted wrist down so I can cradle the bronze links with my other hand. "You won't regret this."
"I'm certain I won't, for either of you." Her smile takes in both of us, and she bumps up the list of my favorite people again until she lands in a tie with the nice old woman who gave me my new scarf. "Now, why don't you go show off to your friends and give me some time to rest."
"Ok." I beam at her and practically sprint out of the room, pausing just long enough to shout my thanks over my shoulder. I had a new party member to find.
"Do you think she got tired and went home?" I ask Markus as I stare at the vacant chairs that had once been occupied by my now-gone teammate.
"Chirp."
"You're right, I guess it is kind of late." I look around the common area, taking in how many adventurers had left after the guildmaster had made her annoyance at the noisy melee clear.
"Chirp."
I nod at Markus, "That's not a bad idea. I'm sure she lives close by."
I lean forward and knock my fist against a thick, brightly painted door in what seems to be one of the fanciest areas of Reitzleand.
With my perfect hearing, it hadn't taken more than a few minutes before I'd keyed into the sound of my teammate's heartbeat. I recognized it because it had this weird staccato hitch every third beat. And once I'd heard that tracking her down to here hadn't taken more than half an hour.
After a minute of listening to my teammate's unmoving heartbeat, I knock again.
And then again.
And then again.
Finally, after maybe half an hour of knocking, the door opens, and a pair of blue-fading-to-purple eyes still gummed over by sleep scrunch up as they look at me.
"Look. E-rank." I raise my wrist to show off my bracelet, and a beat later, Markus raises his as well.
For a long minute, my teammate is utterly silent as she stares at Markus and me. I wait patiently, holding up my arm and grinning. The door slams in my face.
I raise my hand to knock again, but before my fist hits the door, it opens again. My partner sighs, and her head falls to her chest. "I'm El."
I watch as she walks away from the door into her spacious, well-decorated townhouse and back up a flight of stairs.
I turn to Markus at the same time he turns to me, "I think that was an invitation?"
"Chirp."
I grin at the agreement and walk into my teammate's house.
Level 73 [Calamity of Gluttony] - Sealed
Skills - Sealed
Level 1 [Fighter]
Skills:
[Enhanced Strength]
The first level of strength enhancement skills, it provides strength equivalent to that of a draft animal and is alternatively known as [Horse's Strength] on other continents
[Thick Skin]
The first level of armored skin skills provides resistance to injury equivalent to unenchanted leather armor.
[Superior Hearing]
One of six sensory enhancement skills required for [Greater Awareness]. It doubles the effective ability of an individual to hear things but does not apply to sounds that would otherwise be heard.
[Basic Weapon Proficiency]
The ability to wield common weapons (swords, daggers, maces, staves, and spears) with a skill equivalent to one month of regular training.
Skills - Sealed
Level 1 [Fighter]
Skills:
[Enhanced Strength]
The first level of strength enhancement skills, it provides strength equivalent to that of a draft animal and is alternatively known as [Horse's Strength] on other continents
[Thick Skin]
The first level of armored skin skills provides resistance to injury equivalent to unenchanted leather armor.
[Superior Hearing]
One of six sensory enhancement skills required for [Greater Awareness]. It doubles the effective ability of an individual to hear things but does not apply to sounds that would otherwise be heard.
[Basic Weapon Proficiency]
The ability to wield common weapons (swords, daggers, maces, staves, and spears) with a skill equivalent to one month of regular training.
[AN]
This one is mostly the same, save for some minor editorial changes to Ciel's personality. I think next chapter will be from Guildmaster Alis's pov as she's called on to solve some problems.
Last edited:
In which a Villainous estate is investigated
Alis takes a sip from her cup of coffee and pulls out her first report of the day to review. She smirks at the atrocious handwriting. At least he was no longer using the hides of his slain foes to send his reports in on. She flips open the folded-up paper and reads, 'I killd tree menotars, lookeng for forth.'
She sets the report in the updates box and takes another sip of her coffee. Lorne was an excellent fighter and an even better man, a rare combination in a guild full of thrill-seekers and reprobates. He just also happened to be an illiterate moron.
The first two traits had made him an exceptional choice to hunt down a band of minotaur in southern Dynegard that had somehow developed a taste for human flesh. They're eating our children! the initial request had read and she hadn't even bothered posting it to the board before shouting for Lorne.
Adventurers could be… unreliable, the more charitably inclined would put it. Obsessed with fighting, danger, and treasure, the less charitable would say. An adventurer who could accomplish a mission without destroying the place it was located in—and then looting the ruins—was worth their weight in gold. It also meant that they had less freedom in picking assignments than her usual feckless idiot.
That's what the ranks were for, though. Those who would steal—or eat—the family dog capped out at silver or gold rank, while the slightly more reliable often advanced to gold or—as she had years ago—to steel. Her hip twinges at that and her idle smirk turns a touch bitter.
A-ranks were also sent out to fight and die against city-killers. Like [Calamities]. At least they had at the beginning. Only the most foolish sought to fight those bone-white monstrosities, now. Even [Wyrmslayer] Seig helped with evacuation and rescue missions when a [Calamity] showed up… if they could get that lazy fuck to do anything.
Alis takes a third sip of coffee and lets the bloodstained memory of her legs being torn from her hips from the bite of that monster fade away. Learning how to push away nightmares, both sleeping and waking was one of the first things an adventurer learned… this was a life that devoured the weak and rarely bothered to spit out their bones. It was a lesson she'd learned well after being buried alive in the Crypt of Rathann and then perfected walking through the aftermath at Oblai.
It's why she tested each potential recruit to see what sort of metal they were made of. She could not… would not… allow someone unfit to wear a bracelet from her guild. For both their sake and for the sake of anyone who would someday rely upon them. It was also why she loved each and every fool and battle-hungry maniac in her guild.
After all, she was just like them.
Several hours, and an equal number of cups of coffee later, the door to her office opens. Leah pokes her head in and the rest of her follows a moment later. "[Guard Captain] Renn requests us to send a senior adventurer over to the corner of Medina and Wainright."
Alis raises an eyebrow, her amusement at the wording shared in the slight crinkling of Leah's eyes, "Isn't that where that Ferrosian [Merchant] lives?"
"It's [Lady], now," only her [Receptionist's] closest friends would notice the subtle twist of mockery to that statement, but she and Leah had worked together, drank together, and commiserated about their idiots together for nearly five years now. "[Lady] Elora, rising star of the Reitzland social scene, and the subject of a few rather unsavory rumors… if you put stock in that sort of thing."
"And he's asked specifically for our support?"
Adventurers had a rather interesting relationship with the law—often due to drunken debauchery... and the concomitant fines and brief prison stints. But also in providing the kind of support that the [Guards] just couldn't. Because while an adventurer might be hundreds of times more likely to end up in the belly of some monster—or impaled upon the end of some trap—than any other walk of life, those that survived grew strong. Immensely so.
"There were reports from the neighbors of what sounded like a full-fledged battle followed by utter silence." Had Elora finally stuck her nose somewhere it didn't belong?
"And Renn doesn't want to risk his men walking into the aftermath of a power struggle between Lady Elora and her associates?"
"From a strictly hypothetical sense, criminals do seem the jumpiest after abrupt transitions like that." Leah dances around the crux of the issue with the barest amount of effort and an equally spare grace. Innocent until proven guilty was a core tenet of Reitz law. One that had been bought in blood. A [Tyrant's] blood.
"So he wants me to send someone to secure the scene so his [Guards] can deal with the aftermath?"
"The Steel Concordat guarantees the right of assignment solely to the [Guildmaster] of an Adventurer's Guild." Leah could have been describing the weather for all the interest in her voice.
The treaty describing the rights and responsibilities of the Adventurer's Guild did more than that. Much more. And it was enforced by the collective might of adventurers everywhere. Including that lazy fuck, Seig. After all, you could count the number of people in the world above level 80 on one hand and still have two fingers to spare.
"Hmm…" Alis starts flicking through adventurers she could trust not to burn the estate down. "Lorne's down south. Abel is…"
"On vacation in Raynwall."
"Did-"
"Beth went with him. Said she was going to tie him to a bed and ravage him if he ignored any more of her hints."
"Poor Abel…"
"Indeed."
"So that leaves…"
Alis looks at Leah. Leah stares right back at her. A moment later she sighs. "Well, at least it's better than these reports."
"I'll keep the idiots downstairs from burning the place down while you're gone."
"Rennick," Alis greets as she walks up to a cordoned off estate in the wealthiest neighborhood of Reitzland.
"[Guildmaster]," He nods in response before turning to growl at [Guard] with a silver shield on his pauldrons, "watch the trap in the hedgerow, rookie, or we'll be carting pieces of you home tonight."
The rookie jumps away from a rosebush hiding a lazily disguised dart-trap and stammers something before scurrying away at Renn's continued glare.
He turns back to her, "can't believe I have to bring fresh meat like him on an investigation like this, but…"
He trails off with a shrug and Alis, with the ease of practice, ignores the twinge in her hip. The [Calamity of Gluttony] had disrupted every pillar of Reitz life. Her guild had lost dozens of senior members since it had first appeared. At the same time, the [Guard] was constantly stretched near-to-breaking by the influx of refugees from seemingly countless destroyed villages.
For a small blessing, no one had seen the beast, or any of its kin, in months. There were no small number of people, powerful and otherwise who were holding out hope that whatever spell had animated those monstrosities had finally run out of mana. Alis was not one of them.
"Do you want me to clear the grounds?"
"If you would. I'd prefer not to give whoever's still around inside any longer to prepare," he pauses to grimace, "I'd planned to have them down before you got here, but…"
Alis nods in commiseration. Competence was hard to find when all you could offer was a few silvers a week... or a high chance of ending up in some monsters belly. "Very well."
"Alright, you lot!" Renn shouts at the group of [Guards] slowly poking their way through the Estate's grounds. "Out. The [Guildmaster's] here and I won't have you wasting her time."
"Better here than back in my office reading through reports," she murmurs as Renn's [Guards] rapidly file back to where the two of them are standing.
"Shh," he grins sardonically, "I'm trying to keep a few of these newbies in the dark about how boring the paperwork is until after they get promoted."
Once the last of the [Guards] is safely positioned behind her, Alis draws her sword. She'd long since chosen Summer, because fire was the answer to most of life's problems, but there were times when a gentler touch was required.
"[Blade of Winter]."
Alis smirks as the estate before them disappears into a thick mist of frost and rime. Her smirk widens at the sound of trees exploding and metal cracking. A moment later, the fog clears, revealing a lawn covered in a thin layer of glimmering white hoarfrost and the shattered remnants of what had once been immaculate landscaping.
"Shall we?" Not waiting for a response, Alis glides forward.
Several more layers of traps fall beneath her ice, including a particularly nasty one that would have literally turned her blood to acid, before they arrive at their location.
The main hall looks like it had been set up for a party. Banquet tables are heavy with food. Bottles of wine lie stacked atop one another in artful pyramids. There's even a stage set, though neither [Musicians] nor instruments can be seen.
It was a room set in all ways for an elaborate party. Except for two things. A shattered mosaic that no longer covered a secret passageway descending into the depths of the estate. And a dozen unconscious bodies strewn across the marble floor. Bodies garbed in colors that marked them as Red Shoals or Crimson Pact or…
A disgusted look flickers across her face and a shard of ice flicks out to impale a figure covered completely in black with a death's head mask fixed over their face. Blackskull. In her city. Unacceptable.
Her eyes barely flicker past the remaining unconscious bodies before settling on the owner of this estate. Her frown deepens into a scowl, "If you let her go, I promise she won't survive the night."
To her side, Renn grunts, a dry, unamused sound. "If we can't hold her after all of this, go ahead."
Alis nods. She didn't need his approval. Few on the continent could consider themselves her equal. It did help, though.
"Go question Elora if you want. She won't survive mine."
She looks over at the small crowd of men and women huddled around a dark-haired woman. Someone had uncovered what looked to be a massive slave-trading ring that had somehow gone unnoticed in the heart of Reitzland. Uncovered it, took it apart violently, and left the main players unconscious for the city to mop up.
"Besides, I've got something else to figure out."
If one of her adventurers were freelancing she'd have to have a talk with them. And promote them. That kind of initiative was clearly wasted at whatever rank they were at now.
"Hmm." Renn grunts an affirmative, but doesn't otherwise respond to that, "Good luck with that."
Alis sinks gratefully into her chair and leans forward onto her desk. She lets the last of her self-control slip and sighs loudly in relief at finally being off her feet.
It had been a long day. First, dealing with a busted slave ring and a number of dangerous prisoners, then a bunch of fool [Mercenaries] trying to burn down the city and not accepting her authority until she'd beaten them half to death with it. It was the kind of day that made the pain in her hip flare up with a vengeance.
She groans softly as she digs a knuckle into the side of her hip, right above where the [Calamity of Gluttony] had damned-near bitten her in half. A relic potion had regrown her legs, but nothing, not any of a dozen curse-breaking artifacts, nor a trip to see the [Hierophant] of the Gold Tower herself had been able to do anything about the malignant energy that still lingered in her hips.
A tired, rueful smirk crosses her face as she massages deeper into her upper thigh. She'd always mocked her mentor when he complained about the aches and pains of growing old. Now, here she was, retired from adventuring and dealing with a bum hip. She could almost hear his laughter. And his voice.
Beats bein' dead, don't it, kid?
More days than not, Art. More days than-
*Knock* *Knock*
Before she can tell whoever it is to go away and bother her tomorrow, the door opens, revealing a girl with a squirrel perched on her shoulder. Her stare deepens to a frown. Her guild wasn't a place for kids. What was Leah thinking letting one just wander-
Alis looks at the apparent leader of the freed slaves, a girl with long, brown hair glaring back at her with a surprising ferocity. She intentionally softens her face into a smile,
"Rest assured, you are all free now. What happened to you here will not happen again. I promise."
The girl looks at her for a long moment, but eventually, the hostility fades from her face and she nods.
"May I ask you a few questions?"
Another nod, this one a touch more hesitant.
"Can you describe the person who rescued you?"
While her guild was home to a number of adventurers who were capable of either magical or mundane disguise-work, most were too blunt—or stupid—to bother. Either way, it would narrow down her pool of suspects.
The girl stares at her again, eyes flickering up and down. Judging her. Weighing whether she was worthy of trust. Alis simply waits, her face open and her hands hanging loosely at her sides. Eventually the girl nods a third time.
"You're the [Guildmaster] of the Adventurer's Guild, aren't you?"
"I am." She replies simply.
"Then it's ok. She'd want you to know, I think." Despite saying that, the girl pauses once again. "She was young. Maybe fourteen. Long black hair and bright red eyes. Oh, and she had a squirrel with her."
"A squirrel?"
Alis lets her face soften as she looks at a dark-haired girl with bright red eyes and a squirrel perched on her shoulder. Either this was one hell of a coincidence or the architect of Elora's downfall had come to her.
"I'm Ciel and this is Markus. We're here for our adventurer test."
"Did she give you a name?"
The girl smirks, a touch more viciously than Alis would have expected, all things considered. "She said her name was not-Ciel and her squirrel was not-Markus."
That just about sealed it. She did have one last thing to check out before deciding how to handle this new girl, but that was something she could do in a training room. "I'm Alis, master of Dynegard's branch of the Adventurer's Guild."
"Dynegard's my favorite continent. It's got mountains and forests and rivers."
"Heh, that it does, Ciel. Follow me, and we'll get the two of you sorted into my guild in a minute."
Alis leads the girl and her squirrel back down to one of the ground-floor training rooms, pausing briefly to tell her band of idiots to shut the fuck up. She walks to the center of the same room where years ago, Art had tested her just like this and found her acceptable.
A shake of her head banishes that nostalgia. She fishes out a bright red gemstone attached to a small silver band and holds it up. If her new adventurer were in fact an old one in a disguise, [Appraise] would sort it out, but if not…
"Do you mind if I use this to cast a quick [Appraise] and see what we're starting with?"
"Nope."
Alis isn't quite sure which she would prefer. That one of her adventurers had been hiding a streak of cunning and decided to finally come clean. Or that the girl in front of her was somehow capable of tracking down a slaver guild that had somehow slipped beneath both her and the [Guards'] notice and taken it apart in a single afternoon. Still, it had been decades since she'd let hesitancy control her actions, and so, with a flick of mana, she activates the spell bound into the gem.
[C̵͉̯͇̐̄í̷̲̋̄ͅȇ̷̡̀̈͠ͅl̵̰͖͖̥͆̎̐̏̈'̷̹̅̿̋͘o̵̢͋̈́t̸͍̿̄̿̂ͅh̷̤̳͔̟̰̽̅̇̃o̷̥̟̻͚̯̾́͐r̸̖͚̆'̸̡̩̥̝̲̓͠m̷͙̱͚͇̟͋o̵͚͗̿́͜r̷̙͙̫̰̔̊̌̋g̴̨̛̼̙̀́̏͆'̸͙̗͓͇͚̃d̴̛͉͉̠̙̉̑͆a̵̝̻̭͋l̶̛̜̬͊͆̚
Subtly, she shakes the Appraisal Stone—it could be a bit finicky with names that weren't written in common script—and tries again
[Ciel]
Total Levels: 0
Class Levels: 0
Skills:
[Enhanced Strength]
[Thick Skin]
[Superior Hearing]
[???]
It wasn't often that she saw a skill powerful enough to block [Appraise]. That kind of skill was something someone usually gained after level 40. Or as a capstone for their class. Her [Sword of Summer] skills were all too powerful for [Appraise] to detect. She'd been an adventurer for a decade, though. For this girl to have one… Hmm…
A name not written in common. No levels. A handful of innate skills along with a hidden one. Alis blinks as the obvious answer hits her in the face and barely avoids shaking her head ruefully. It'd been a long day, indeed, if something like that was slipping by her now.
Not like it really mattered either way. Ciel wasn't the first, and certainly wouldn't be the last gold dragon hatchling to sneak away from her parents, take on human form, and try to make the world a better place. Perhaps in a few months, she'd put out a [Message] to a nearby aery to see if they were missing a child, but for now, she'd keep the girl's secret.
If, after that, young Ciel decided she didn't want to go back and the aery started pushing it… well… She could always show them a [Flame] that even dragons should fear.
[AN]
This chapter has fought me on and off for months. It was originally supposed to go in the quest version, but I just couldn't get Alis's voice right. I'm still not entirely sure I hit the right mix of affection and ruthlessness, but it's probably better to get it out rather than keep fussing over it.
That said, I'll be editing the next several chapters and trying to get one out a day until we hit the next point of diversion between this and the quest.
She sets the report in the updates box and takes another sip of her coffee. Lorne was an excellent fighter and an even better man, a rare combination in a guild full of thrill-seekers and reprobates. He just also happened to be an illiterate moron.
The first two traits had made him an exceptional choice to hunt down a band of minotaur in southern Dynegard that had somehow developed a taste for human flesh. They're eating our children! the initial request had read and she hadn't even bothered posting it to the board before shouting for Lorne.
Adventurers could be… unreliable, the more charitably inclined would put it. Obsessed with fighting, danger, and treasure, the less charitable would say. An adventurer who could accomplish a mission without destroying the place it was located in—and then looting the ruins—was worth their weight in gold. It also meant that they had less freedom in picking assignments than her usual feckless idiot.
That's what the ranks were for, though. Those who would steal—or eat—the family dog capped out at silver or gold rank, while the slightly more reliable often advanced to gold or—as she had years ago—to steel. Her hip twinges at that and her idle smirk turns a touch bitter.
A-ranks were also sent out to fight and die against city-killers. Like [Calamities]. At least they had at the beginning. Only the most foolish sought to fight those bone-white monstrosities, now. Even [Wyrmslayer] Seig helped with evacuation and rescue missions when a [Calamity] showed up… if they could get that lazy fuck to do anything.
Alis takes a third sip of coffee and lets the bloodstained memory of her legs being torn from her hips from the bite of that monster fade away. Learning how to push away nightmares, both sleeping and waking was one of the first things an adventurer learned… this was a life that devoured the weak and rarely bothered to spit out their bones. It was a lesson she'd learned well after being buried alive in the Crypt of Rathann and then perfected walking through the aftermath at Oblai.
It's why she tested each potential recruit to see what sort of metal they were made of. She could not… would not… allow someone unfit to wear a bracelet from her guild. For both their sake and for the sake of anyone who would someday rely upon them. It was also why she loved each and every fool and battle-hungry maniac in her guild.
After all, she was just like them.
Several hours, and an equal number of cups of coffee later, the door to her office opens. Leah pokes her head in and the rest of her follows a moment later. "[Guard Captain] Renn requests us to send a senior adventurer over to the corner of Medina and Wainright."
Alis raises an eyebrow, her amusement at the wording shared in the slight crinkling of Leah's eyes, "Isn't that where that Ferrosian [Merchant] lives?"
"It's [Lady], now," only her [Receptionist's] closest friends would notice the subtle twist of mockery to that statement, but she and Leah had worked together, drank together, and commiserated about their idiots together for nearly five years now. "[Lady] Elora, rising star of the Reitzland social scene, and the subject of a few rather unsavory rumors… if you put stock in that sort of thing."
"And he's asked specifically for our support?"
Adventurers had a rather interesting relationship with the law—often due to drunken debauchery... and the concomitant fines and brief prison stints. But also in providing the kind of support that the [Guards] just couldn't. Because while an adventurer might be hundreds of times more likely to end up in the belly of some monster—or impaled upon the end of some trap—than any other walk of life, those that survived grew strong. Immensely so.
"There were reports from the neighbors of what sounded like a full-fledged battle followed by utter silence." Had Elora finally stuck her nose somewhere it didn't belong?
"And Renn doesn't want to risk his men walking into the aftermath of a power struggle between Lady Elora and her associates?"
"From a strictly hypothetical sense, criminals do seem the jumpiest after abrupt transitions like that." Leah dances around the crux of the issue with the barest amount of effort and an equally spare grace. Innocent until proven guilty was a core tenet of Reitz law. One that had been bought in blood. A [Tyrant's] blood.
"So he wants me to send someone to secure the scene so his [Guards] can deal with the aftermath?"
"The Steel Concordat guarantees the right of assignment solely to the [Guildmaster] of an Adventurer's Guild." Leah could have been describing the weather for all the interest in her voice.
The treaty describing the rights and responsibilities of the Adventurer's Guild did more than that. Much more. And it was enforced by the collective might of adventurers everywhere. Including that lazy fuck, Seig. After all, you could count the number of people in the world above level 80 on one hand and still have two fingers to spare.
"Hmm…" Alis starts flicking through adventurers she could trust not to burn the estate down. "Lorne's down south. Abel is…"
"On vacation in Raynwall."
"Did-"
"Beth went with him. Said she was going to tie him to a bed and ravage him if he ignored any more of her hints."
"Poor Abel…"
"Indeed."
"So that leaves…"
Alis looks at Leah. Leah stares right back at her. A moment later she sighs. "Well, at least it's better than these reports."
"I'll keep the idiots downstairs from burning the place down while you're gone."
"Rennick," Alis greets as she walks up to a cordoned off estate in the wealthiest neighborhood of Reitzland.
"[Guildmaster]," He nods in response before turning to growl at [Guard] with a silver shield on his pauldrons, "watch the trap in the hedgerow, rookie, or we'll be carting pieces of you home tonight."
The rookie jumps away from a rosebush hiding a lazily disguised dart-trap and stammers something before scurrying away at Renn's continued glare.
He turns back to her, "can't believe I have to bring fresh meat like him on an investigation like this, but…"
He trails off with a shrug and Alis, with the ease of practice, ignores the twinge in her hip. The [Calamity of Gluttony] had disrupted every pillar of Reitz life. Her guild had lost dozens of senior members since it had first appeared. At the same time, the [Guard] was constantly stretched near-to-breaking by the influx of refugees from seemingly countless destroyed villages.
For a small blessing, no one had seen the beast, or any of its kin, in months. There were no small number of people, powerful and otherwise who were holding out hope that whatever spell had animated those monstrosities had finally run out of mana. Alis was not one of them.
"Do you want me to clear the grounds?"
"If you would. I'd prefer not to give whoever's still around inside any longer to prepare," he pauses to grimace, "I'd planned to have them down before you got here, but…"
Alis nods in commiseration. Competence was hard to find when all you could offer was a few silvers a week... or a high chance of ending up in some monsters belly. "Very well."
"Alright, you lot!" Renn shouts at the group of [Guards] slowly poking their way through the Estate's grounds. "Out. The [Guildmaster's] here and I won't have you wasting her time."
"Better here than back in my office reading through reports," she murmurs as Renn's [Guards] rapidly file back to where the two of them are standing.
"Shh," he grins sardonically, "I'm trying to keep a few of these newbies in the dark about how boring the paperwork is until after they get promoted."
Once the last of the [Guards] is safely positioned behind her, Alis draws her sword. She'd long since chosen Summer, because fire was the answer to most of life's problems, but there were times when a gentler touch was required.
"[Blade of Winter]."
Alis smirks as the estate before them disappears into a thick mist of frost and rime. Her smirk widens at the sound of trees exploding and metal cracking. A moment later, the fog clears, revealing a lawn covered in a thin layer of glimmering white hoarfrost and the shattered remnants of what had once been immaculate landscaping.
"Shall we?" Not waiting for a response, Alis glides forward.
Several more layers of traps fall beneath her ice, including a particularly nasty one that would have literally turned her blood to acid, before they arrive at their location.
The main hall looks like it had been set up for a party. Banquet tables are heavy with food. Bottles of wine lie stacked atop one another in artful pyramids. There's even a stage set, though neither [Musicians] nor instruments can be seen.
It was a room set in all ways for an elaborate party. Except for two things. A shattered mosaic that no longer covered a secret passageway descending into the depths of the estate. And a dozen unconscious bodies strewn across the marble floor. Bodies garbed in colors that marked them as Red Shoals or Crimson Pact or…
A disgusted look flickers across her face and a shard of ice flicks out to impale a figure covered completely in black with a death's head mask fixed over their face. Blackskull. In her city. Unacceptable.
Her eyes barely flicker past the remaining unconscious bodies before settling on the owner of this estate. Her frown deepens into a scowl, "If you let her go, I promise she won't survive the night."
To her side, Renn grunts, a dry, unamused sound. "If we can't hold her after all of this, go ahead."
Alis nods. She didn't need his approval. Few on the continent could consider themselves her equal. It did help, though.
"Go question Elora if you want. She won't survive mine."
She looks over at the small crowd of men and women huddled around a dark-haired woman. Someone had uncovered what looked to be a massive slave-trading ring that had somehow gone unnoticed in the heart of Reitzland. Uncovered it, took it apart violently, and left the main players unconscious for the city to mop up.
"Besides, I've got something else to figure out."
If one of her adventurers were freelancing she'd have to have a talk with them. And promote them. That kind of initiative was clearly wasted at whatever rank they were at now.
"Hmm." Renn grunts an affirmative, but doesn't otherwise respond to that, "Good luck with that."
Alis sinks gratefully into her chair and leans forward onto her desk. She lets the last of her self-control slip and sighs loudly in relief at finally being off her feet.
It had been a long day. First, dealing with a busted slave ring and a number of dangerous prisoners, then a bunch of fool [Mercenaries] trying to burn down the city and not accepting her authority until she'd beaten them half to death with it. It was the kind of day that made the pain in her hip flare up with a vengeance.
She groans softly as she digs a knuckle into the side of her hip, right above where the [Calamity of Gluttony] had damned-near bitten her in half. A relic potion had regrown her legs, but nothing, not any of a dozen curse-breaking artifacts, nor a trip to see the [Hierophant] of the Gold Tower herself had been able to do anything about the malignant energy that still lingered in her hips.
A tired, rueful smirk crosses her face as she massages deeper into her upper thigh. She'd always mocked her mentor when he complained about the aches and pains of growing old. Now, here she was, retired from adventuring and dealing with a bum hip. She could almost hear his laughter. And his voice.
Beats bein' dead, don't it, kid?
More days than not, Art. More days than-
*Knock* *Knock*
Before she can tell whoever it is to go away and bother her tomorrow, the door opens, revealing a girl with a squirrel perched on her shoulder. Her stare deepens to a frown. Her guild wasn't a place for kids. What was Leah thinking letting one just wander-
Alis looks at the apparent leader of the freed slaves, a girl with long, brown hair glaring back at her with a surprising ferocity. She intentionally softens her face into a smile,
"Rest assured, you are all free now. What happened to you here will not happen again. I promise."
The girl looks at her for a long moment, but eventually, the hostility fades from her face and she nods.
"May I ask you a few questions?"
Another nod, this one a touch more hesitant.
"Can you describe the person who rescued you?"
While her guild was home to a number of adventurers who were capable of either magical or mundane disguise-work, most were too blunt—or stupid—to bother. Either way, it would narrow down her pool of suspects.
The girl stares at her again, eyes flickering up and down. Judging her. Weighing whether she was worthy of trust. Alis simply waits, her face open and her hands hanging loosely at her sides. Eventually the girl nods a third time.
"You're the [Guildmaster] of the Adventurer's Guild, aren't you?"
"I am." She replies simply.
"Then it's ok. She'd want you to know, I think." Despite saying that, the girl pauses once again. "She was young. Maybe fourteen. Long black hair and bright red eyes. Oh, and she had a squirrel with her."
"A squirrel?"
Alis lets her face soften as she looks at a dark-haired girl with bright red eyes and a squirrel perched on her shoulder. Either this was one hell of a coincidence or the architect of Elora's downfall had come to her.
"I'm Ciel and this is Markus. We're here for our adventurer test."
"Did she give you a name?"
The girl smirks, a touch more viciously than Alis would have expected, all things considered. "She said her name was not-Ciel and her squirrel was not-Markus."
That just about sealed it. She did have one last thing to check out before deciding how to handle this new girl, but that was something she could do in a training room. "I'm Alis, master of Dynegard's branch of the Adventurer's Guild."
"Dynegard's my favorite continent. It's got mountains and forests and rivers."
"Heh, that it does, Ciel. Follow me, and we'll get the two of you sorted into my guild in a minute."
Alis leads the girl and her squirrel back down to one of the ground-floor training rooms, pausing briefly to tell her band of idiots to shut the fuck up. She walks to the center of the same room where years ago, Art had tested her just like this and found her acceptable.
A shake of her head banishes that nostalgia. She fishes out a bright red gemstone attached to a small silver band and holds it up. If her new adventurer were in fact an old one in a disguise, [Appraise] would sort it out, but if not…
"Do you mind if I use this to cast a quick [Appraise] and see what we're starting with?"
"Nope."
Alis isn't quite sure which she would prefer. That one of her adventurers had been hiding a streak of cunning and decided to finally come clean. Or that the girl in front of her was somehow capable of tracking down a slaver guild that had somehow slipped beneath both her and the [Guards'] notice and taken it apart in a single afternoon. Still, it had been decades since she'd let hesitancy control her actions, and so, with a flick of mana, she activates the spell bound into the gem.
[C̵͉̯͇̐̄í̷̲̋̄ͅȇ̷̡̀̈͠ͅl̵̰͖͖̥͆̎̐̏̈'̷̹̅̿̋͘o̵̢͋̈́t̸͍̿̄̿̂ͅh̷̤̳͔̟̰̽̅̇̃o̷̥̟̻͚̯̾́͐r̸̖͚̆'̸̡̩̥̝̲̓͠m̷͙̱͚͇̟͋o̵͚͗̿́͜r̷̙͙̫̰̔̊̌̋g̴̨̛̼̙̀́̏͆'̸͙̗͓͇͚̃d̴̛͉͉̠̙̉̑͆a̵̝̻̭͋l̶̛̜̬͊͆̚
Subtly, she shakes the Appraisal Stone—it could be a bit finicky with names that weren't written in common script—and tries again
[Ciel]
Total Levels: 0
Class Levels: 0
Skills:
[Enhanced Strength]
[Thick Skin]
[Superior Hearing]
[???]
It wasn't often that she saw a skill powerful enough to block [Appraise]. That kind of skill was something someone usually gained after level 40. Or as a capstone for their class. Her [Sword of Summer] skills were all too powerful for [Appraise] to detect. She'd been an adventurer for a decade, though. For this girl to have one… Hmm…
A name not written in common. No levels. A handful of innate skills along with a hidden one. Alis blinks as the obvious answer hits her in the face and barely avoids shaking her head ruefully. It'd been a long day, indeed, if something like that was slipping by her now.
Not like it really mattered either way. Ciel wasn't the first, and certainly wouldn't be the last gold dragon hatchling to sneak away from her parents, take on human form, and try to make the world a better place. Perhaps in a few months, she'd put out a [Message] to a nearby aery to see if they were missing a child, but for now, she'd keep the girl's secret.
If, after that, young Ciel decided she didn't want to go back and the aery started pushing it… well… She could always show them a [Flame] that even dragons should fear.
[AN]
This chapter has fought me on and off for months. It was originally supposed to go in the quest version, but I just couldn't get Alis's voice right. I'm still not entirely sure I hit the right mix of affection and ruthlessness, but it's probably better to get it out rather than keep fussing over it.
That said, I'll be editing the next several chapters and trying to get one out a day until we hit the next point of diversion between this and the quest.
- Location
- England
Typo for "aerie".
Poor Ciel. Being thought as a gold dragon of all things!
Hmm... google says both work. May be an american english vs english english thing.
Interesting that Ciel has encountered one of her former victims. The odds that she cures the guildmaster without realizing what her ability to do so would be interesting for sure. How exactly do you react when you realize the Calamity who wrecked everything is trying to be a hero.
- Location
- England
Well, apparently it's a "less common" spelling, which is news to me because I thought it was just wrong. Actually, it looks like aerie (American English) vs eyrie (British English) with aery being the
In which a Villainess is visited by family
Markus was snoring and dreaming squirrely dreams inside a scarf-fort he'd made for himself. El had disappeared back upstairs, and if the steady sound of her breathing meant anything, she was asleep, too. Not me, though. I was so excited I wasn't sure whether I would ever go to sleep again.
I wanted to run and jump. I wanted to tell my sisters the great news. I wanted to rampage until everything around me was ash and ruin. But I couldn't do any of that. If I made too much noise, I'd wake El and Markus up. My sisters were busy with their own [Calamity] plots. And I could hardly go on a rampage; I was an adventurer now.
So, instead of doing anything fun, I was looking around my teammate's townhouse. Markus—the non-furry one—would have called it snooping because despite being the [Betrayer of Hope], he spent a lot of time lecturing me about boring things he called etiquette. But he wasn't here to stare judgmentally at my behavior so I could snoop to my heart's content.
I walk into a cozy room with a window that stretches from floor to ceiling and looks out over a small garden kept in full bloom by a fancy-looking swirl of magic. My eyes light up. Not because of the garden—though some of the plants do look tasty—but because every square inch of the walls is covered in shelf upon shelf of books.
I race over to a lounge chair set up to look out over the garden, pick up the book left open, and face down on the cushions. A frown tries to form in my chest because that wasn't the right way to treat a book, but I ignore it in favor of looking at her choice of books.
What if she liked [Hero] books too!?! We could share our favorite stories! Like the one where [Hero] killed the evil witch or that one time when Cat turned into a beholder and she had to keep all of her eyes closed so they wouldn't zap [Hero] and-
My genius mind pokes me, and I pick the book up and carefully place a felt bookmark to mark her place before flipping back to the title page. A Brief History of the Decline and Fall of the Empire of Byregot. That didn't seem like a hero story, but maybe it was one of those trick titles that only started to make sense halfway through the book. I flip through a few pages, skimming past a boring discussion of economic something-or-others and political whatever-you-call-its and proximal causes for something called the-
Eww. I slam the book shut and let it drop so I can wipe the grossness of nonfiction off my hands and onto the lounge fabric. Was my new teammate a… a… I couldn't form the word, even in my mind, because it was so insulting, but that did nothing to halt my concern.
Walking over to the nearest shelf, I pull out the first three books: a slim yellow one, a slightly larger red one, and a truly massive book bound by wooden blocks instead of leather. I flip the books open one after another. A Traveler's Guide to Dynegard had some colorful pictures but nothing about heroes. Court Practices in the Nelbian Seas talked too much about different bowing methods. And A Brief Anthology of the [Pontificates] of the Golden Citadel didn't even reference non-furry-Markus.
With a yawning pit opening up in my stomach, I put the books back where I found them. I do have to shove lightly to get the Anthology back into place, but that was the kind of treatment a gross book like that deserved, so I ignored the soft groaning sound as it finally slotted back into place.
A quick glance around the rest of the room tells me there were hundreds of books, maybe even thousands. And while I couldn't say for sure, my quick check wasn't promising. If only I hadn't left my collection in the rubble of my former overlord's castle, I could replace all these boring books with more fun ones tonight.
But since I couldn't, it was time for me to move on. Besides, what kind of team leader would I be if I stayed in a room full of books that weren't about [Heroes] when there was a whole townhouse to explore?
Unfortunately, the rest of the townhouse isn't even as interesting as boring-book-room. There were two more bedrooms, which was good since furry-Markus was a growing squirrel and I was a growing secret-[Calamity], and we would need our own space. Plus, my sisters would start a not-fun rampage if they learned I was sharing a room with a boy-squirrel.
Next was a room filled with flowery-smelling oils and a [Warm Water] spell bound into a stone depression. Then, I found a dining room with seats for a dozen people and a chandelier that sparkled and shined even in the dark.
A bunch of rooms, all of them boring, until…
A grin splits my face as I recognize the room I just entered. I ignore the pots and pans and the block of knives decorating it after a single glance. I'd never learned to cook. Instead, my attention bores into a bounty of food.
A plate with half a roast takes pride of place on the kitchen table. Next to it is a pan of something green that had been baked and covered in breadcrumbs. Then, there's a loaf of freshly baked bread sitting in front of shallow saucers of butter and a bright red jam. Finally, and far more deserving of attention than any of the others, was a cake stacked as high as four of my fists piled on top of each other and slathered with cream and bits of shaved chocolate.
I knew I'd picked the best possible teammate. After all, who but a perfect teammate would know to have such an awesome midnight snack set up just for me? And since furry-Markus and El were both sleeping, that meant it was all for me. I wipe at my mouth to remove any evidence that I was drooling, even as a grin that would have split my face in half if I weren't in my smaller form grows across my face. Then, I reach out for the roast.
In a single bite, I clean the meat from the bone, and after a moment to revel in the tenderness of the beef combined with the subtle mix of herbs and spices, I chomp down on the bone as well. Cow bone shows that it's no match for a secret-[Calamity's] teeth, and it shatters with a delightful crunch and lets all that gooey marrow free.
With the roast gone, my eyes flicker to my next dish. I would save the cake for last, but that wouldn't give it more than a moment or two of reprieve, not with how hungry I now was.
I sit back and burp softly as I survey the remnants of my rampage. Half a dozen plates emptied of all but the smallest crumbs and drops of juices. I wasn't a savage that licked plates clean. That [Soulbound Chef] had taught me better.
I sigh in contentment. My stomach wasn't full—because of the gluttony part of my class, I never really got full—but I was pleasantly not-hungry. In fact, with the slow pulse of food digesting within me, I was feeling a bit tired. Maybe I would just rest my eyes briefly before finding somewhere else to…
Zzz…
"I wish I could say I was surprised. I do wonder where you put it all, though."
I wake up to my two teammates staring at me. El is looking at me with the kind of raised-eyebrow-thing Ashe uses when I do something super fun like rampaging through her bush-maze, but without the whole… I'm-about-to-lecture-you look. Markus, on the other hand, is staring at me, amazed at how much I'd managed to eat.
Their attention makes my chest feel weird and gloopy but in a good way. I have a team now! And there's only one thing you can say to your team after you see them first thing in the morning.
"Let's go get breakfast!."
El's eyebrow raises even further, and her kind of purple, kind of blue eyes look me up and down. "I'm going to guess that you're expecting me to pay for that."
"Yep."
El mutters something like, 'You don't have to sound so happy about it,' before speaking more loudly, "Fine, let's go get some food. I'll buy you whatever you want-"
"Yay!"
"Within reason."
"Boo!"
I step up to the counter of the same bread store I'd visited yesterday and smile at pudgy-baker-man.
"Hello, mister. I'm back again. Can I get three of those chocolate bread things, another one of those long sticks of bread, and…"
"Chirp."
"Something with pecans for Markus."
The man looks at me before his eyes drift to my brand-new teammate. "You with them?"
"Unfortunately."
The man's head tilts to one side, but instead of saying anything, he just shrugs. Then he looks back down at me and nods. "Well, good for ya, kid, for finding a place to stay. Hard enough being a kid. Let alone one that's got to stay on the street."
I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but it hardly mattered when he handed over a piece of wax paper containing mine and Markus's breakfast. I place my fingers on the edge of the paper wrap, intending to tear it open and get to the deliciousness inside, but stop before I can do so. Instead, I turn to El.
"Aren't you going to get anything?" A thread of concern enters my voice. We were going to the adventurer's guild next to pick up a quest. I couldn't have my new teammate trying to do adventurer things on an empty stomach. That would be wrong.
"Might as well, I suppose."
I relax as I watch her lean over the display, carefully keeping her long, blonde hair out of the food. She points to a weird-shaped thing covered in a white powder. "How long ago did you fry your beignets?"
"Made the dough the night before and fried them up first thing in the morning." The man replies proudly.
"Then I'll take two of them. I assume it's the same thing for the doughnuts?" The man nods again, and El continues with her order. "And one of the jam-filled doughnuts."
The man hands over a second wax-paper-wrapped treasure and holds out his hand. "That'll be sixteen copper."
"So cheap?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Well," the man coughs and then looks at me for some reason. "I try to help out where I can."
That didn't make any sense to me, but it seemed my teammate understood—and I felt even more confident in leaving the party's finances to her. She pulls a single silver coin from a pouch wrapped tightly around her waist and drops it in the man's hand. "Keep the change."
"I-" The man trails off as he looks at both of us. He shrugs, still seeming like there is something he wants to say, but after a moment, he sighs and puts the coin in a lockbox. "Thank you, ma'am. Come back whenever."
"Bye, mister." I wave to pudgy-baker-man and then turn to El. "Let's go eat by the fountain. The one with the fishking."
"That's Orthenal I, the founder of Reitzland. The statue represents the Reitz's bounty and his role in establishing the fisheries that have fed the city to this day." She corrects me with some boring bit of history but allows herself to be led toward the center of the intersection where Fishking Orthenal awaits.
"I like it because he's riding a fish." I needed to let her know why I thought it was so cool, or she'd think that I liked boring history stuff as much as she did.
"That's not surprising." I let out a short huff of relief, glad once again that she was so perceptive. I couldn't have made a better pick for my first teammate.
When we reach the lip of the fountain, I flop easily down on the same spot I sat in yesterday. I wait a moment for Markus to hop off, scarf clenched lightly between his teeth, before tearing open our breakfast and shoving a pan au chocolat into my mouth in a single bite. With my cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk's, I hand over a braided piece of bread filled with a pecan mash and drizzled with maple syrup to my furry teammate.
Markus eats slowly, probably because he hasn't learned to dislocate your jaw to fit larger bites inside—something I would have to teach him how to do someday—but my breakfast is gone in four bites. I decided to take two bites to eat the stick of bread because, if I didn't, it might have given away that I had some secrets I was trying to hide. A grin forms in my chest. No one would ever guess just how sneaky I could be.
My enjoyment of my cleverness doesn't last long. Not when I was done with my food and my two companions were still leisurely going through their own. I should have gotten a third chocolate bread. Or maybe a fourth. Or… I turn to look at El, a hopeful look crossing my face as I let my eyes meaningfully shift from her to a beignet sitting uneaten in her lap.
My partner smirks at me and maintains eye contact as she slowly lifts it before taking a huge bite. My face falls, and I take back every good thought I'd ever had about her. She was clearly a [Blackguard] in disguise to take such joy in the suffering of an innocent [Calamity] like me. I look down at Markus, but he's busy washing his paws in the fountain, his breakfast nowhere to be seen. Neither of my companions had saved a single bite for me. How evil.
I refuse to let their betrayal get to me, though. After all, there was more on my mind than eating—as shocking as my sisters might have found that. I had already completed the first two steps of my plan to become a [Hero], and now I needed to start the third step. My grin takes in my companions sitting on either side of me.
"Let's go pick up a quest from the guild!"
"Hello." I wave happily to receptionist-lady, taking special care so that my E-rank bracelet catches the sunlight from a window. I didn't want her to think Markus and I had failed our tests yesterday.
"Good morning, Ciel and Markus… and is that Edel-"
"It's El, Leah. You know that."
"Is that El I see, awake before noon and deigning to be seen with other adventurers?"
"Tch."
My partner and the receptionist bicker back and forth for a moment before my partner surrenders with a rude gesture and stomps away into the common room.
I make a note for my impeccable memory that my partner had a name she didn't want other people to overhear. That was the kind of secret a princess in disguise kept while desperately seeking allies to help restore her to the throne. Which would only make sense, after all, she was now teammates with a soon-to-be-[Hero] who would beat up the [Villains] who had deposed her family and stolen her lands and-
My genius mind pokes me, and I frown at receptionist-lady. "You shouldn't use people's secret names like that. They're secret for a reason."
Receptionist-lady's mouth flaps open and closed a few times, but she doesn't say anything. Then her shoulders hitch in some kind of mini-shrug, and she nods at me. "You're not wrong. She just makes it so easy to tease."
"Secret names are important. After all, what if she was the long-lost daughter of a famous [Archmage] searching for a way to free her mother from [Cycles of Eternity]? You'd be spoiling the whole plot in the first act."
While she was busy being overwhelmed by my genius—and mouthing 'Cycle of Eternity' to herself as though she'd never even heard of the Tier 8 spell before—I decided to shift back to the reason why we'd come in the first place.
"Markus, El, and I need a quest."
"A quest for three E-ranks, hmm…" receptionist-lady looks over her shoulder at the bulletin board behind her. "Our quests are posted on the board, but if you want my advice-"
"Nope." I turn from the receptionist and race over to the board. How could I call myself an adventurer, let alone a soon-to-be-[Hero], if I needed advice on the very first quest my team would take?
My eyes skim along the list of cards nailed to the board. Some looked fun, especially the one to head into the Jhoral Mountains and cull the wyvern flight that had settled there. Unfortunately, it was listed as B-rank. In fact, most of the notices were for quests above our rank. However, there was one to find a lost pet that had been flagged as F-rank. I ignored those in favor of snagging a pair of quests marked for E-ranks and racing over to my lounging partner.
"I found two quests! One involves going into the sewer-"
"Not a chance."
A frown forms in my chest at that quick dismissal. So many [Hero] stories started with the soon-to-be [Hero] slaying rats in some underground place, but I wasn't going to argue with my teammate. My books had hammered home the importance of listening to my them when they wanted something. If I didn't, they'd inevitably betray me and leave me to die somewhere.
"Then how about a trek into the forest to check on some abnormally aggressive wildlife?"
I lay the notice down and wait as she scans it. Eventually, she looks back up at me and sighs, "Sure. How bad could it be?"
"Alright!" My fist pumps in the air with my excitement. "Let's go!"
"Are you sure you're ok on that?" I turn around and look at my partner lounging comfortably on a self-propelled cart.
"Sorry, Ciel." Her face doesn't look sorry at all. It looks quite smug, "there's only space for one up here."
"I didn't want up anyways." I lie. I very much wanted to hop aboard and see just how fast the cart could go, but I couldn't tell my teammate that. "I was just wondering how it will handle when we go offroad."
"It's a Tollheim." At my blank stare, she sighs and mutters something that sounds like 'uncultured swine' before continuing. "They're designed to go anywhere a horse can on only twenty to fifty mana stones a day."
"Manastones are crunchy and sparky when I eat them." I grin. Even though they weren't my favorite, the sour taste of raw mana made it a nice, sometimes-treat.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." El turns her stare away from me and to the sky above. "How much farther until we reach our destination."
"I don't know."
I continue walking backward so I can look at my teammate's cart, which means I get a perfect view of the weird, squinty, frowny look that she directs straight at me.
"You don't know?"
"Nope." I shake my head emphatically. I knew we were on a road and that our destination was in a forest, but other than that.
"Did you at least bring a map or-"
"Nope."
"I don't know why I even asked." El doesn't mutter the words as though she were speaking to herself; instead, she looks directly at me. "So you just picked a direction and started walking?"
"Yep." I nod confidently. It was a foolproof plan. One that had never steered me wrong before.
El's eyes darken to purple as her face gets even squintier. "And what if we're going the wrong way?"
How could we be going in the wrong direction? That didn't even make sense. I was about to tell my companion as much when my genius mind pokes me.
When I was a [Calamity], I just kind of wandered around looking for fun things to do, and when I was working for an [Overlord], I mostly used [Hellfire Portal]. I'd never actually tried to find something intentionally like this before.
"Umm…"
"Dead Gods. Ugh. Ciel, you can't just-" This time, I knew she wasn't pointing out a delicious and refreshing snack, so I kept my eyes fixed on my companion firmly enough to see a vein start to throb alongside her temple.
"Chirp."
That's right. We shouldn't be arguing while a bear flanked by two mean-looking wolves slowly sneaks toward us.
"Not now, squirrel."
My face shifts into a frown. That wasn't nice. "His name's Markus."
"He's a squirrel."
While that was true, I didn't go around pointing out that humans were squishy humans. After all, not everyone was lucky enough to be a [Calamity], and they shouldn't be mocked for things they couldn't control.
"He's also a [Rogue] and our companion."
My argument seems to fall on deaf ears as El's scowl deepens, "He's a rodent in a dress shirt."
Now, it was my turn to scowl. If that's how she felt, then maybe I should go on a quick rampage and find another party member later. I'd just have to keep this failed attempt a secret. Still, she's a brand new teammate, and maybe she just isn't used to furry companions.
"That's not nice-"
"Chirp." Markus interrupts me with a much louder chirp, and I look at the bear and his friends, who are no longer creeping through the forest lining the road but had assembled mere feet behind El's moving cart.
"Exactly." I agreed with my furry teammate. "We shouldn't argue in front of the giant bear and his friends."
"What bear?" El shoots up from her lounging pose as her eyes dart through the trees surrounding us.
"The one trying to sneak up on us." Surely, even feeble human noses could make out the smell of blood and violence, right?
"I don't-" Apparently not. It might not have been nice to mock humans for their lack of senses, but I was certainly glad I hadn't been hatched as one.
Still, El was my companion, at least until she insulted Markus again, so it was only right that I pointed out what she couldn't sense. "he's right behind you."
On cue, she turns around, only to see the bear rearing up on its hind legs—wow, he was really tall like that—and shouts in a way that sounded more princessy than adventurery. Yet more proof for my hypothesis that she was somebody important in disguise.
"Holy fuck! How'd a bear-"
"It snuck up while we were arguing. I think it wants your cart." Either that or it wanted to eat her, but I knew I shouldn't say that. I was, after all, a genius.
"I don't care what it wants, Ciel. You're the tank. Get in there and let it maul you."
Teammates weren't supposed to tell the [Hero] what to do, but I suppose that since I wasn't actually a [Hero] yet, her order was ok. So I slip my shield from where it sits on my back like a giant turtle shell and wrap it around my right hand. Then I pull my sword free from its sheathe in a smooth motion I'd been practicing all morning and step confidently in front of the bear and his friends.
This would not only be my first fight as a not-[Calamity], but also my first fight in front of my teammates. A good impression is critical. Almost as important as making sure I didn't use too much of my secretly-made-of-Wyrd-not-flesh body or my secret-punching-powers that not-furry-Markus had taught me.
After all, I'm an E-rank adventurer now. I have to act like it. So I slap my shield with the hilt of my sword and let the grin I feel in my chest form on my face. Then, as the three animals turn toward me with bloodlust in their eyes, I roar.
Unfortunately, my roar comes out kind of high-pitched and squeally rather than loud enough to shatter the air and the trees and carve into the ground around me. My cheeks start to burn for some reason as both the wolves and the bear look at me with their heads tilted identically to the same side, but I ignore the unpleasant feeling and take advantage of their strange looks to lash out with my sword.
The flat of my blade collides with the skull of one of the bear's friends, and he drops bonelessly to the ground. An instant later, my shield flicks up to block a mouthful of lunging teeth as the other wolf tries to claim vengeance for his fallen partner. I smoosh my shield forward into his nose before he can leap backward and try again, and his whimpery yelp gives me all the opening I need to bring the pommel of my sword down on his head. He drops as well.
That's two sub-bosses down in two strikes, which is pretty good, I think, but instead of being impressed by my taking out his two friends, the bear only rears back on his hind legs and roars. Maybe he was just mad that his teammates had been defeated so easily. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to dwell on that before I have to raise my shield to block the swipe of a massive paw.
Unlike with the wolf, my [Enhanced Strength] isn't enough to match the enraged bear, and I'm sent tumbling to the side. I quickly push myself upright, ready for a second attack, but before the bear can bring his paw down in a smash that would knock me flat, I see the glint of Markus's teeth as he flashes behind the bear.
I couldn't quite tell where my furry friend had struck, but based on how the bear's roar sounded a bit higher pitched than a roar should, I think I might need to talk with him about inappropriate places to attack. Still, a distraction was a distraction, so I reluctantly moved forward to boop the bear on his head, too, only to stop at a shout of '[Firebolt].'
I dodge backward, an arrow of fire searing the air inches in front of my face as it streaks toward a furry flank. The spell hits with a dull boom—kind of like a book slamming closed in a quiet room—and fire washes over the bear's side.
He roars again, and I grin. This is much more like it. A flaming bear is absolutely a worthy opponent.
I bash a paw strike with my shield, angling it just right so the force deflects at an angle rather than straight on. Even so, I stagger at the strength behind it, and that puts me off balance enough that I don't have time to avoid the second paw as it slams into my chest. Bear claws shred through my [Thick Skin] as though it were paper, even as the force of the blow sends me flying.
The sky and road flip upside down and back up several times before I land with a crack against an inconveniently placed tree. I let out a quiet 'oof' and feel tree bark sliding against my back until my rear end lands on a web of bony roots.
My head spins, or maybe the world spins around me. I couldn't tell. And maybe I would have just found a nice place to rest for a bit if not for a shrill voice shouting my name. Oh, right. I have teammates who would probably be eaten if I took a nap. What kind of soon-to-be-[Hero] would I be if I let that happen?
A shake of my head clears the gray fog around my eyes and gives me just enough awareness to interpret the drumbeat echoing in my ears as the rapid pounding of massive paws against packed dirt. I look up, and sure enough, a bear's maw, opened almost as wide as I was tall, is snapping toward me.
I wasn't about to be a snack—I ate bears, not the other way around—and just as it gets close enough that I could feel its hot, stinky breath on my face, I tuck myself into a ball and roll to the side. The teeth of fire-bear slam shut with a loud crash, but they only taste air.
My rolling dodge moves me past his teeth and front paws, and I grin as I have a free shot at him. My sword flicks out and bites deeply into his back paw. I filter out the sound of an enraged roar that might have damaged my ears if I were human and scamper through the space my strike had opened between his front and rear paws.
I roll to my feet and set into the stance my guildmaster had shown me, but before the bear can turn to bite at me again, a [Firebolt] sears through the air and catches him on his snout. I grin. Now, that was teamwork. My grin widens as I see a flash of Markus's teeth—thankfully, this time, he targeted the same paw I'd cut at earlier—before he hops away to the sound of a pained roar.
This was great. We were fighting as a perfectly in-sync unit. Markus and El were peppering the bear with fire and dagger-like bites while I kept his attention on trying to maul me. Just like a tank should.
Even better than the glory of our teamwork was the feel of blood trickling down my chest and my face. Rampaging was fun, but since nothing ever managed to hurt me, it could get a bit boring, but this. This…
I roar again and dash toward the bear. This was everything I had ever wanted.
My shield deflects a paw strike while my sword flicks out and scores a pair of shallow gashes in his chest. I roll between the bear's legs at a shout of 'Ciel! Duck!' and a third [Firebolt] explodes against the mess of matted fur and blood I'd left of the bear's torso.
Before the bear can change his mind and target my companion, I jump back in, sliding my blade along the back of its knee in a quick, sawing motion. I hear more than feel the tendon snap, and my grin stretches as far as my smaller form will allow it as the bear sways clumsily as he tries to lash out at me with his paws.
Unfortunately, my enjoyment is short-lived. With only three paws left and my team working together better than a centuries-old [Overlord] and their most trusted flunkies, the bear falls to defeat quickly. Looking down at the bear's corpse and its many cuts and burns, I almost feel bad for it.
Almost. Because even a [Calamity] knew sometimes food fought back, and there was no one to blame but yourself if you got killed by your snack. Not that anything could kill a [Calamity], of course, but the principle remained.
"Fuck! That was- Oh, shit! Ciel!" My partner scrambles down from her cart and rushes over to me. " Are you alright?"
Something in my chest starts to bubble like I'd just eaten a ten-course feast, and a different kind of grin crosses my face. "I'm ok."
"I saw you get swatted aside." El's face is squinty, just like before my sisters would start one of their shouty-lectures, but her eyes are somehow opened all the way up. "Sit. I've got a potion or two. We'll get you good as new."
"I'm fine." My grin grows wider even as my legs give out, and I fall back on my rear.
"Ciel!" The shout of my name echoes strangely in my ears, as though it was coming from very far away. I hear more words like, 'Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea,' and 'I won't let you die on me, you gluttonous little shit.'
My lips twist in a grin as those words filter through the haze darkening my thoughts and eyesight. I wasn't a little gluttony. I was the [Calamity of Gluttony] herself. I open my mouth to tell her that, only to find the darkness rushing up to overwhelm me.
[Fighter Level 2!]
[Gained Basic Shield Proficiency]
Ooh, Neat…
"Back with us, huh?"
I open my eyes and stare up at my partner's relieved face. "What happened?"
"Unconsciousness brought on by exsanguination." El must have read the confusion on my face because she offers a lopsided smirk. "Bloodloss. You passed out after losing too much blood."
That didn't sound good, but since I was awake now, it probably was just one of those things that sounded worse than it was. I squirm slightly as I feel my hip digging into something flat and hard. My partner drops a thin, beige pillow on my head.
"Careful sitting up. Your little guy's been refusing to move."
I manage to wedge the pillow into place before looking down at the weight I now realize was sitting on my chest. Markus is staring up at me with a look I recognized it because it was the same one my sisters gave me when I tried something new and fun. Fortunately, I also knew what to say whenever anyone looked at me like that.
"Sorry, Markus. I'll try better next time."
He keeps up the squinty stare for a moment longer before nodding firmly and hopping away. "Chirp."
My head falls back onto a pillow, and I look up at the sky only to realize many more trees are overhead than before I'd been de-blooded. "Where are we?"
El's eyes roll for some reason before she replies, "Somewhere away from the dead bear and wolves. Obviously."
I nod at that. Since neither of my companions was capable of eating a bear and two wolves whole—at least I was pretty sure they weren't—moving away from all the blood and fresh meat was a good choice. Something looking for a snack would have come by sooner or later.
Still, maybe if I phrased it just right, we could go back to the battle site and then all I'd have to do is point out something super interesting for them to look at and-
My genius mind pokes me and I spring to my feet. Then I rush over to my shield and slide my arms through the straps.
"I leveled up. I'm a level 2 [Fighter] now," I bask in the flat-eyed stares of awe and amazement for a moment before continuing. "And I got a new skill. Watch."
I raise my shield and angle it perfectly to deflect a swiping bear attack. If I'd had [Basic Shield Proficiency] before that fight, I'd have shield-bashed fire-bear right in his furry wrist instead of getting swatted into a tree.
"What are we supposed to be watching?"
"It's my new and improved shield skill."
El raises a golden eyebrow in a way that told me she was just realizing how awesome my new skill was. Markus, on the other hand, had buried his furry-head firmly in his furry-paws because my new skill was just too awesome for him to look at.
So, as a team leader and soon-to-be-[Hero] should, I make a few more shield moves to further amaze my teammates before returning it to my back. "So, what about you two?"
Markus raises a pair of furry fingers—or are they toes?—and shakes his head. Well, a level 2 [Rogue] wasn't bad at all. I turn to El, but she just sighs.
"You should keep your skills and levels secret, Ciel. The surprise can make all the difference."
It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. Why would I need a surprise against my teammates? I open my mouth to ask the question, but before I can, El sighs and mutters something like, 'That look's just not fair,' and opens her mouth to respond.
Something flickers in the corner of my eye, and finely honed instincts propel me forward in a jump before I even realize what's happening. My shoulder collides with El's torso, and she stumbles backward with an 'oof' sound. Before my feet even land back on the ground, my shield is in my hand just in time to catch an arrow of some crimson liquid that splashes against it.
El grunts something, but I don't have time to respond because my sword has joined my shield as I race toward a blob of congealed blood as it oozes into our clearing.
It wiggles menacingly, but before it can shift out of its slime form and into something more dangerous, my shield bashes it in its slowly transforming face. My sword flicks out a moment later and cuts the blob in half. Turning around, I raise my sword victoriously, only to put it back down as the splashes of blood begin to reform into a singular whole.
Well, if that didn't work, I could always bash it harder. I step forward, ready to show the weird blood-slime exactly what my new [Basic Shield Proficiency] could do, only to dive to the side at a shout of '[Firebolt].'
Blood burns and sizzles as the spell carves a hole in the slime. Before it can do more than jiggle in distress, my shield falls on it, and the slime explodes with a splash of rancid blood. This time, I wait until I'm sure it won't reform before raising my sword victoriously.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's…" I pause for a moment. It looked like a [Lesser Bloodforged], a golem-something-or-other my sister Ashe created with her [Sanguine Ascendance] skill. She couldn't be here, though. She was always too busy with that dumb flying city of hers to play with me. "I don't know."
"I'll let that ominous pause go for the moment," my partner shoots me a stare that says she's not done with this at all. "I think we need to get back to the city. Now."
"Right-" The rest of my statement is cut off by a titanic roar and an explosion of mana. Huh, that really did sound just like Ashe.
"Onto the cart!" I shout and leap into the passenger seat of El's cart. Markus settles on my shoulder a moment later, my scarf wrapped around his furry body like one of those sneaky Rujinn fighters.
"It's a Tollheim." My partner scowls at me, but she moves quickly to the driver's seat of her cart.
"Alright! Let's go!" If I were in my larger form, my shout would have exploded the trees around us. Unfortunately, all I could offer in this small form was that high-pitched, squeaky noise.
"Someone better pay for these manastones!"
My partner's battlecry is even less impressive than my squeaky one, but since hers is accompanied by the cart shooting off between the trees at a speed that whips my hair against my face, I decide to let it go.
I wanted to run and jump. I wanted to tell my sisters the great news. I wanted to rampage until everything around me was ash and ruin. But I couldn't do any of that. If I made too much noise, I'd wake El and Markus up. My sisters were busy with their own [Calamity] plots. And I could hardly go on a rampage; I was an adventurer now.
So, instead of doing anything fun, I was looking around my teammate's townhouse. Markus—the non-furry one—would have called it snooping because despite being the [Betrayer of Hope], he spent a lot of time lecturing me about boring things he called etiquette. But he wasn't here to stare judgmentally at my behavior so I could snoop to my heart's content.
I walk into a cozy room with a window that stretches from floor to ceiling and looks out over a small garden kept in full bloom by a fancy-looking swirl of magic. My eyes light up. Not because of the garden—though some of the plants do look tasty—but because every square inch of the walls is covered in shelf upon shelf of books.
I race over to a lounge chair set up to look out over the garden, pick up the book left open, and face down on the cushions. A frown tries to form in my chest because that wasn't the right way to treat a book, but I ignore it in favor of looking at her choice of books.
What if she liked [Hero] books too!?! We could share our favorite stories! Like the one where [Hero] killed the evil witch or that one time when Cat turned into a beholder and she had to keep all of her eyes closed so they wouldn't zap [Hero] and-
My genius mind pokes me, and I pick the book up and carefully place a felt bookmark to mark her place before flipping back to the title page. A Brief History of the Decline and Fall of the Empire of Byregot. That didn't seem like a hero story, but maybe it was one of those trick titles that only started to make sense halfway through the book. I flip through a few pages, skimming past a boring discussion of economic something-or-others and political whatever-you-call-its and proximal causes for something called the-
Eww. I slam the book shut and let it drop so I can wipe the grossness of nonfiction off my hands and onto the lounge fabric. Was my new teammate a… a… I couldn't form the word, even in my mind, because it was so insulting, but that did nothing to halt my concern.
Walking over to the nearest shelf, I pull out the first three books: a slim yellow one, a slightly larger red one, and a truly massive book bound by wooden blocks instead of leather. I flip the books open one after another. A Traveler's Guide to Dynegard had some colorful pictures but nothing about heroes. Court Practices in the Nelbian Seas talked too much about different bowing methods. And A Brief Anthology of the [Pontificates] of the Golden Citadel didn't even reference non-furry-Markus.
With a yawning pit opening up in my stomach, I put the books back where I found them. I do have to shove lightly to get the Anthology back into place, but that was the kind of treatment a gross book like that deserved, so I ignored the soft groaning sound as it finally slotted back into place.
A quick glance around the rest of the room tells me there were hundreds of books, maybe even thousands. And while I couldn't say for sure, my quick check wasn't promising. If only I hadn't left my collection in the rubble of my former overlord's castle, I could replace all these boring books with more fun ones tonight.
But since I couldn't, it was time for me to move on. Besides, what kind of team leader would I be if I stayed in a room full of books that weren't about [Heroes] when there was a whole townhouse to explore?
Unfortunately, the rest of the townhouse isn't even as interesting as boring-book-room. There were two more bedrooms, which was good since furry-Markus was a growing squirrel and I was a growing secret-[Calamity], and we would need our own space. Plus, my sisters would start a not-fun rampage if they learned I was sharing a room with a boy-squirrel.
Next was a room filled with flowery-smelling oils and a [Warm Water] spell bound into a stone depression. Then, I found a dining room with seats for a dozen people and a chandelier that sparkled and shined even in the dark.
A bunch of rooms, all of them boring, until…
A grin splits my face as I recognize the room I just entered. I ignore the pots and pans and the block of knives decorating it after a single glance. I'd never learned to cook. Instead, my attention bores into a bounty of food.
A plate with half a roast takes pride of place on the kitchen table. Next to it is a pan of something green that had been baked and covered in breadcrumbs. Then, there's a loaf of freshly baked bread sitting in front of shallow saucers of butter and a bright red jam. Finally, and far more deserving of attention than any of the others, was a cake stacked as high as four of my fists piled on top of each other and slathered with cream and bits of shaved chocolate.
I knew I'd picked the best possible teammate. After all, who but a perfect teammate would know to have such an awesome midnight snack set up just for me? And since furry-Markus and El were both sleeping, that meant it was all for me. I wipe at my mouth to remove any evidence that I was drooling, even as a grin that would have split my face in half if I weren't in my smaller form grows across my face. Then, I reach out for the roast.
In a single bite, I clean the meat from the bone, and after a moment to revel in the tenderness of the beef combined with the subtle mix of herbs and spices, I chomp down on the bone as well. Cow bone shows that it's no match for a secret-[Calamity's] teeth, and it shatters with a delightful crunch and lets all that gooey marrow free.
With the roast gone, my eyes flicker to my next dish. I would save the cake for last, but that wouldn't give it more than a moment or two of reprieve, not with how hungry I now was.
I sit back and burp softly as I survey the remnants of my rampage. Half a dozen plates emptied of all but the smallest crumbs and drops of juices. I wasn't a savage that licked plates clean. That [Soulbound Chef] had taught me better.
I sigh in contentment. My stomach wasn't full—because of the gluttony part of my class, I never really got full—but I was pleasantly not-hungry. In fact, with the slow pulse of food digesting within me, I was feeling a bit tired. Maybe I would just rest my eyes briefly before finding somewhere else to…
Zzz…
"I wish I could say I was surprised. I do wonder where you put it all, though."
I wake up to my two teammates staring at me. El is looking at me with the kind of raised-eyebrow-thing Ashe uses when I do something super fun like rampaging through her bush-maze, but without the whole… I'm-about-to-lecture-you look. Markus, on the other hand, is staring at me, amazed at how much I'd managed to eat.
Their attention makes my chest feel weird and gloopy but in a good way. I have a team now! And there's only one thing you can say to your team after you see them first thing in the morning.
"Let's go get breakfast!."
El's eyebrow raises even further, and her kind of purple, kind of blue eyes look me up and down. "I'm going to guess that you're expecting me to pay for that."
"Yep."
El mutters something like, 'You don't have to sound so happy about it,' before speaking more loudly, "Fine, let's go get some food. I'll buy you whatever you want-"
"Yay!"
"Within reason."
"Boo!"
I step up to the counter of the same bread store I'd visited yesterday and smile at pudgy-baker-man.
"Hello, mister. I'm back again. Can I get three of those chocolate bread things, another one of those long sticks of bread, and…"
"Chirp."
"Something with pecans for Markus."
The man looks at me before his eyes drift to my brand-new teammate. "You with them?"
"Unfortunately."
The man's head tilts to one side, but instead of saying anything, he just shrugs. Then he looks back down at me and nods. "Well, good for ya, kid, for finding a place to stay. Hard enough being a kid. Let alone one that's got to stay on the street."
I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but it hardly mattered when he handed over a piece of wax paper containing mine and Markus's breakfast. I place my fingers on the edge of the paper wrap, intending to tear it open and get to the deliciousness inside, but stop before I can do so. Instead, I turn to El.
"Aren't you going to get anything?" A thread of concern enters my voice. We were going to the adventurer's guild next to pick up a quest. I couldn't have my new teammate trying to do adventurer things on an empty stomach. That would be wrong.
"Might as well, I suppose."
I relax as I watch her lean over the display, carefully keeping her long, blonde hair out of the food. She points to a weird-shaped thing covered in a white powder. "How long ago did you fry your beignets?"
"Made the dough the night before and fried them up first thing in the morning." The man replies proudly.
"Then I'll take two of them. I assume it's the same thing for the doughnuts?" The man nods again, and El continues with her order. "And one of the jam-filled doughnuts."
The man hands over a second wax-paper-wrapped treasure and holds out his hand. "That'll be sixteen copper."
"So cheap?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Well," the man coughs and then looks at me for some reason. "I try to help out where I can."
That didn't make any sense to me, but it seemed my teammate understood—and I felt even more confident in leaving the party's finances to her. She pulls a single silver coin from a pouch wrapped tightly around her waist and drops it in the man's hand. "Keep the change."
"I-" The man trails off as he looks at both of us. He shrugs, still seeming like there is something he wants to say, but after a moment, he sighs and puts the coin in a lockbox. "Thank you, ma'am. Come back whenever."
"Bye, mister." I wave to pudgy-baker-man and then turn to El. "Let's go eat by the fountain. The one with the fishking."
"That's Orthenal I, the founder of Reitzland. The statue represents the Reitz's bounty and his role in establishing the fisheries that have fed the city to this day." She corrects me with some boring bit of history but allows herself to be led toward the center of the intersection where Fishking Orthenal awaits.
"I like it because he's riding a fish." I needed to let her know why I thought it was so cool, or she'd think that I liked boring history stuff as much as she did.
"That's not surprising." I let out a short huff of relief, glad once again that she was so perceptive. I couldn't have made a better pick for my first teammate.
When we reach the lip of the fountain, I flop easily down on the same spot I sat in yesterday. I wait a moment for Markus to hop off, scarf clenched lightly between his teeth, before tearing open our breakfast and shoving a pan au chocolat into my mouth in a single bite. With my cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk's, I hand over a braided piece of bread filled with a pecan mash and drizzled with maple syrup to my furry teammate.
Markus eats slowly, probably because he hasn't learned to dislocate your jaw to fit larger bites inside—something I would have to teach him how to do someday—but my breakfast is gone in four bites. I decided to take two bites to eat the stick of bread because, if I didn't, it might have given away that I had some secrets I was trying to hide. A grin forms in my chest. No one would ever guess just how sneaky I could be.
My enjoyment of my cleverness doesn't last long. Not when I was done with my food and my two companions were still leisurely going through their own. I should have gotten a third chocolate bread. Or maybe a fourth. Or… I turn to look at El, a hopeful look crossing my face as I let my eyes meaningfully shift from her to a beignet sitting uneaten in her lap.
My partner smirks at me and maintains eye contact as she slowly lifts it before taking a huge bite. My face falls, and I take back every good thought I'd ever had about her. She was clearly a [Blackguard] in disguise to take such joy in the suffering of an innocent [Calamity] like me. I look down at Markus, but he's busy washing his paws in the fountain, his breakfast nowhere to be seen. Neither of my companions had saved a single bite for me. How evil.
I refuse to let their betrayal get to me, though. After all, there was more on my mind than eating—as shocking as my sisters might have found that. I had already completed the first two steps of my plan to become a [Hero], and now I needed to start the third step. My grin takes in my companions sitting on either side of me.
"Let's go pick up a quest from the guild!"
"Hello." I wave happily to receptionist-lady, taking special care so that my E-rank bracelet catches the sunlight from a window. I didn't want her to think Markus and I had failed our tests yesterday.
"Good morning, Ciel and Markus… and is that Edel-"
"It's El, Leah. You know that."
"Is that El I see, awake before noon and deigning to be seen with other adventurers?"
"Tch."
My partner and the receptionist bicker back and forth for a moment before my partner surrenders with a rude gesture and stomps away into the common room.
I make a note for my impeccable memory that my partner had a name she didn't want other people to overhear. That was the kind of secret a princess in disguise kept while desperately seeking allies to help restore her to the throne. Which would only make sense, after all, she was now teammates with a soon-to-be-[Hero] who would beat up the [Villains] who had deposed her family and stolen her lands and-
My genius mind pokes me, and I frown at receptionist-lady. "You shouldn't use people's secret names like that. They're secret for a reason."
Receptionist-lady's mouth flaps open and closed a few times, but she doesn't say anything. Then her shoulders hitch in some kind of mini-shrug, and she nods at me. "You're not wrong. She just makes it so easy to tease."
"Secret names are important. After all, what if she was the long-lost daughter of a famous [Archmage] searching for a way to free her mother from [Cycles of Eternity]? You'd be spoiling the whole plot in the first act."
While she was busy being overwhelmed by my genius—and mouthing 'Cycle of Eternity' to herself as though she'd never even heard of the Tier 8 spell before—I decided to shift back to the reason why we'd come in the first place.
"Markus, El, and I need a quest."
"A quest for three E-ranks, hmm…" receptionist-lady looks over her shoulder at the bulletin board behind her. "Our quests are posted on the board, but if you want my advice-"
"Nope." I turn from the receptionist and race over to the board. How could I call myself an adventurer, let alone a soon-to-be-[Hero], if I needed advice on the very first quest my team would take?
My eyes skim along the list of cards nailed to the board. Some looked fun, especially the one to head into the Jhoral Mountains and cull the wyvern flight that had settled there. Unfortunately, it was listed as B-rank. In fact, most of the notices were for quests above our rank. However, there was one to find a lost pet that had been flagged as F-rank. I ignored those in favor of snagging a pair of quests marked for E-ranks and racing over to my lounging partner.
"I found two quests! One involves going into the sewer-"
"Not a chance."
A frown forms in my chest at that quick dismissal. So many [Hero] stories started with the soon-to-be [Hero] slaying rats in some underground place, but I wasn't going to argue with my teammate. My books had hammered home the importance of listening to my them when they wanted something. If I didn't, they'd inevitably betray me and leave me to die somewhere.
"Then how about a trek into the forest to check on some abnormally aggressive wildlife?"
I lay the notice down and wait as she scans it. Eventually, she looks back up at me and sighs, "Sure. How bad could it be?"
"Alright!" My fist pumps in the air with my excitement. "Let's go!"
"Are you sure you're ok on that?" I turn around and look at my partner lounging comfortably on a self-propelled cart.
"Sorry, Ciel." Her face doesn't look sorry at all. It looks quite smug, "there's only space for one up here."
"I didn't want up anyways." I lie. I very much wanted to hop aboard and see just how fast the cart could go, but I couldn't tell my teammate that. "I was just wondering how it will handle when we go offroad."
"It's a Tollheim." At my blank stare, she sighs and mutters something that sounds like 'uncultured swine' before continuing. "They're designed to go anywhere a horse can on only twenty to fifty mana stones a day."
"Manastones are crunchy and sparky when I eat them." I grin. Even though they weren't my favorite, the sour taste of raw mana made it a nice, sometimes-treat.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." El turns her stare away from me and to the sky above. "How much farther until we reach our destination."
"I don't know."
I continue walking backward so I can look at my teammate's cart, which means I get a perfect view of the weird, squinty, frowny look that she directs straight at me.
"You don't know?"
"Nope." I shake my head emphatically. I knew we were on a road and that our destination was in a forest, but other than that.
"Did you at least bring a map or-"
"Nope."
"I don't know why I even asked." El doesn't mutter the words as though she were speaking to herself; instead, she looks directly at me. "So you just picked a direction and started walking?"
"Yep." I nod confidently. It was a foolproof plan. One that had never steered me wrong before.
El's eyes darken to purple as her face gets even squintier. "And what if we're going the wrong way?"
How could we be going in the wrong direction? That didn't even make sense. I was about to tell my companion as much when my genius mind pokes me.
When I was a [Calamity], I just kind of wandered around looking for fun things to do, and when I was working for an [Overlord], I mostly used [Hellfire Portal]. I'd never actually tried to find something intentionally like this before.
"Umm…"
"Dead Gods. Ugh. Ciel, you can't just-" This time, I knew she wasn't pointing out a delicious and refreshing snack, so I kept my eyes fixed on my companion firmly enough to see a vein start to throb alongside her temple.
"Chirp."
That's right. We shouldn't be arguing while a bear flanked by two mean-looking wolves slowly sneaks toward us.
"Not now, squirrel."
My face shifts into a frown. That wasn't nice. "His name's Markus."
"He's a squirrel."
While that was true, I didn't go around pointing out that humans were squishy humans. After all, not everyone was lucky enough to be a [Calamity], and they shouldn't be mocked for things they couldn't control.
"He's also a [Rogue] and our companion."
My argument seems to fall on deaf ears as El's scowl deepens, "He's a rodent in a dress shirt."
Now, it was my turn to scowl. If that's how she felt, then maybe I should go on a quick rampage and find another party member later. I'd just have to keep this failed attempt a secret. Still, she's a brand new teammate, and maybe she just isn't used to furry companions.
"That's not nice-"
"Chirp." Markus interrupts me with a much louder chirp, and I look at the bear and his friends, who are no longer creeping through the forest lining the road but had assembled mere feet behind El's moving cart.
"Exactly." I agreed with my furry teammate. "We shouldn't argue in front of the giant bear and his friends."
"What bear?" El shoots up from her lounging pose as her eyes dart through the trees surrounding us.
"The one trying to sneak up on us." Surely, even feeble human noses could make out the smell of blood and violence, right?
"I don't-" Apparently not. It might not have been nice to mock humans for their lack of senses, but I was certainly glad I hadn't been hatched as one.
Still, El was my companion, at least until she insulted Markus again, so it was only right that I pointed out what she couldn't sense. "he's right behind you."
On cue, she turns around, only to see the bear rearing up on its hind legs—wow, he was really tall like that—and shouts in a way that sounded more princessy than adventurery. Yet more proof for my hypothesis that she was somebody important in disguise.
"Holy fuck! How'd a bear-"
"It snuck up while we were arguing. I think it wants your cart." Either that or it wanted to eat her, but I knew I shouldn't say that. I was, after all, a genius.
"I don't care what it wants, Ciel. You're the tank. Get in there and let it maul you."
Teammates weren't supposed to tell the [Hero] what to do, but I suppose that since I wasn't actually a [Hero] yet, her order was ok. So I slip my shield from where it sits on my back like a giant turtle shell and wrap it around my right hand. Then I pull my sword free from its sheathe in a smooth motion I'd been practicing all morning and step confidently in front of the bear and his friends.
This would not only be my first fight as a not-[Calamity], but also my first fight in front of my teammates. A good impression is critical. Almost as important as making sure I didn't use too much of my secretly-made-of-Wyrd-not-flesh body or my secret-punching-powers that not-furry-Markus had taught me.
After all, I'm an E-rank adventurer now. I have to act like it. So I slap my shield with the hilt of my sword and let the grin I feel in my chest form on my face. Then, as the three animals turn toward me with bloodlust in their eyes, I roar.
Unfortunately, my roar comes out kind of high-pitched and squeally rather than loud enough to shatter the air and the trees and carve into the ground around me. My cheeks start to burn for some reason as both the wolves and the bear look at me with their heads tilted identically to the same side, but I ignore the unpleasant feeling and take advantage of their strange looks to lash out with my sword.
The flat of my blade collides with the skull of one of the bear's friends, and he drops bonelessly to the ground. An instant later, my shield flicks up to block a mouthful of lunging teeth as the other wolf tries to claim vengeance for his fallen partner. I smoosh my shield forward into his nose before he can leap backward and try again, and his whimpery yelp gives me all the opening I need to bring the pommel of my sword down on his head. He drops as well.
That's two sub-bosses down in two strikes, which is pretty good, I think, but instead of being impressed by my taking out his two friends, the bear only rears back on his hind legs and roars. Maybe he was just mad that his teammates had been defeated so easily. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to dwell on that before I have to raise my shield to block the swipe of a massive paw.
Unlike with the wolf, my [Enhanced Strength] isn't enough to match the enraged bear, and I'm sent tumbling to the side. I quickly push myself upright, ready for a second attack, but before the bear can bring his paw down in a smash that would knock me flat, I see the glint of Markus's teeth as he flashes behind the bear.
I couldn't quite tell where my furry friend had struck, but based on how the bear's roar sounded a bit higher pitched than a roar should, I think I might need to talk with him about inappropriate places to attack. Still, a distraction was a distraction, so I reluctantly moved forward to boop the bear on his head, too, only to stop at a shout of '[Firebolt].'
I dodge backward, an arrow of fire searing the air inches in front of my face as it streaks toward a furry flank. The spell hits with a dull boom—kind of like a book slamming closed in a quiet room—and fire washes over the bear's side.
He roars again, and I grin. This is much more like it. A flaming bear is absolutely a worthy opponent.
I bash a paw strike with my shield, angling it just right so the force deflects at an angle rather than straight on. Even so, I stagger at the strength behind it, and that puts me off balance enough that I don't have time to avoid the second paw as it slams into my chest. Bear claws shred through my [Thick Skin] as though it were paper, even as the force of the blow sends me flying.
The sky and road flip upside down and back up several times before I land with a crack against an inconveniently placed tree. I let out a quiet 'oof' and feel tree bark sliding against my back until my rear end lands on a web of bony roots.
My head spins, or maybe the world spins around me. I couldn't tell. And maybe I would have just found a nice place to rest for a bit if not for a shrill voice shouting my name. Oh, right. I have teammates who would probably be eaten if I took a nap. What kind of soon-to-be-[Hero] would I be if I let that happen?
A shake of my head clears the gray fog around my eyes and gives me just enough awareness to interpret the drumbeat echoing in my ears as the rapid pounding of massive paws against packed dirt. I look up, and sure enough, a bear's maw, opened almost as wide as I was tall, is snapping toward me.
I wasn't about to be a snack—I ate bears, not the other way around—and just as it gets close enough that I could feel its hot, stinky breath on my face, I tuck myself into a ball and roll to the side. The teeth of fire-bear slam shut with a loud crash, but they only taste air.
My rolling dodge moves me past his teeth and front paws, and I grin as I have a free shot at him. My sword flicks out and bites deeply into his back paw. I filter out the sound of an enraged roar that might have damaged my ears if I were human and scamper through the space my strike had opened between his front and rear paws.
I roll to my feet and set into the stance my guildmaster had shown me, but before the bear can turn to bite at me again, a [Firebolt] sears through the air and catches him on his snout. I grin. Now, that was teamwork. My grin widens as I see a flash of Markus's teeth—thankfully, this time, he targeted the same paw I'd cut at earlier—before he hops away to the sound of a pained roar.
This was great. We were fighting as a perfectly in-sync unit. Markus and El were peppering the bear with fire and dagger-like bites while I kept his attention on trying to maul me. Just like a tank should.
Even better than the glory of our teamwork was the feel of blood trickling down my chest and my face. Rampaging was fun, but since nothing ever managed to hurt me, it could get a bit boring, but this. This…
I roar again and dash toward the bear. This was everything I had ever wanted.
My shield deflects a paw strike while my sword flicks out and scores a pair of shallow gashes in his chest. I roll between the bear's legs at a shout of 'Ciel! Duck!' and a third [Firebolt] explodes against the mess of matted fur and blood I'd left of the bear's torso.
Before the bear can change his mind and target my companion, I jump back in, sliding my blade along the back of its knee in a quick, sawing motion. I hear more than feel the tendon snap, and my grin stretches as far as my smaller form will allow it as the bear sways clumsily as he tries to lash out at me with his paws.
Unfortunately, my enjoyment is short-lived. With only three paws left and my team working together better than a centuries-old [Overlord] and their most trusted flunkies, the bear falls to defeat quickly. Looking down at the bear's corpse and its many cuts and burns, I almost feel bad for it.
Almost. Because even a [Calamity] knew sometimes food fought back, and there was no one to blame but yourself if you got killed by your snack. Not that anything could kill a [Calamity], of course, but the principle remained.
"Fuck! That was- Oh, shit! Ciel!" My partner scrambles down from her cart and rushes over to me. " Are you alright?"
Something in my chest starts to bubble like I'd just eaten a ten-course feast, and a different kind of grin crosses my face. "I'm ok."
"I saw you get swatted aside." El's face is squinty, just like before my sisters would start one of their shouty-lectures, but her eyes are somehow opened all the way up. "Sit. I've got a potion or two. We'll get you good as new."
"I'm fine." My grin grows wider even as my legs give out, and I fall back on my rear.
"Ciel!" The shout of my name echoes strangely in my ears, as though it was coming from very far away. I hear more words like, 'Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea,' and 'I won't let you die on me, you gluttonous little shit.'
My lips twist in a grin as those words filter through the haze darkening my thoughts and eyesight. I wasn't a little gluttony. I was the [Calamity of Gluttony] herself. I open my mouth to tell her that, only to find the darkness rushing up to overwhelm me.
[Fighter Level 2!]
[Gained Basic Shield Proficiency]
Ooh, Neat…
"Back with us, huh?"
I open my eyes and stare up at my partner's relieved face. "What happened?"
"Unconsciousness brought on by exsanguination." El must have read the confusion on my face because she offers a lopsided smirk. "Bloodloss. You passed out after losing too much blood."
That didn't sound good, but since I was awake now, it probably was just one of those things that sounded worse than it was. I squirm slightly as I feel my hip digging into something flat and hard. My partner drops a thin, beige pillow on my head.
"Careful sitting up. Your little guy's been refusing to move."
I manage to wedge the pillow into place before looking down at the weight I now realize was sitting on my chest. Markus is staring up at me with a look I recognized it because it was the same one my sisters gave me when I tried something new and fun. Fortunately, I also knew what to say whenever anyone looked at me like that.
"Sorry, Markus. I'll try better next time."
He keeps up the squinty stare for a moment longer before nodding firmly and hopping away. "Chirp."
My head falls back onto a pillow, and I look up at the sky only to realize many more trees are overhead than before I'd been de-blooded. "Where are we?"
El's eyes roll for some reason before she replies, "Somewhere away from the dead bear and wolves. Obviously."
I nod at that. Since neither of my companions was capable of eating a bear and two wolves whole—at least I was pretty sure they weren't—moving away from all the blood and fresh meat was a good choice. Something looking for a snack would have come by sooner or later.
Still, maybe if I phrased it just right, we could go back to the battle site and then all I'd have to do is point out something super interesting for them to look at and-
My genius mind pokes me and I spring to my feet. Then I rush over to my shield and slide my arms through the straps.
"I leveled up. I'm a level 2 [Fighter] now," I bask in the flat-eyed stares of awe and amazement for a moment before continuing. "And I got a new skill. Watch."
I raise my shield and angle it perfectly to deflect a swiping bear attack. If I'd had [Basic Shield Proficiency] before that fight, I'd have shield-bashed fire-bear right in his furry wrist instead of getting swatted into a tree.
"What are we supposed to be watching?"
"It's my new and improved shield skill."
El raises a golden eyebrow in a way that told me she was just realizing how awesome my new skill was. Markus, on the other hand, had buried his furry-head firmly in his furry-paws because my new skill was just too awesome for him to look at.
So, as a team leader and soon-to-be-[Hero] should, I make a few more shield moves to further amaze my teammates before returning it to my back. "So, what about you two?"
Markus raises a pair of furry fingers—or are they toes?—and shakes his head. Well, a level 2 [Rogue] wasn't bad at all. I turn to El, but she just sighs.
"You should keep your skills and levels secret, Ciel. The surprise can make all the difference."
It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. Why would I need a surprise against my teammates? I open my mouth to ask the question, but before I can, El sighs and mutters something like, 'That look's just not fair,' and opens her mouth to respond.
Something flickers in the corner of my eye, and finely honed instincts propel me forward in a jump before I even realize what's happening. My shoulder collides with El's torso, and she stumbles backward with an 'oof' sound. Before my feet even land back on the ground, my shield is in my hand just in time to catch an arrow of some crimson liquid that splashes against it.
El grunts something, but I don't have time to respond because my sword has joined my shield as I race toward a blob of congealed blood as it oozes into our clearing.
It wiggles menacingly, but before it can shift out of its slime form and into something more dangerous, my shield bashes it in its slowly transforming face. My sword flicks out a moment later and cuts the blob in half. Turning around, I raise my sword victoriously, only to put it back down as the splashes of blood begin to reform into a singular whole.
Well, if that didn't work, I could always bash it harder. I step forward, ready to show the weird blood-slime exactly what my new [Basic Shield Proficiency] could do, only to dive to the side at a shout of '[Firebolt].'
Blood burns and sizzles as the spell carves a hole in the slime. Before it can do more than jiggle in distress, my shield falls on it, and the slime explodes with a splash of rancid blood. This time, I wait until I'm sure it won't reform before raising my sword victoriously.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's…" I pause for a moment. It looked like a [Lesser Bloodforged], a golem-something-or-other my sister Ashe created with her [Sanguine Ascendance] skill. She couldn't be here, though. She was always too busy with that dumb flying city of hers to play with me. "I don't know."
"I'll let that ominous pause go for the moment," my partner shoots me a stare that says she's not done with this at all. "I think we need to get back to the city. Now."
"Right-" The rest of my statement is cut off by a titanic roar and an explosion of mana. Huh, that really did sound just like Ashe.
"Onto the cart!" I shout and leap into the passenger seat of El's cart. Markus settles on my shoulder a moment later, my scarf wrapped around his furry body like one of those sneaky Rujinn fighters.
"It's a Tollheim." My partner scowls at me, but she moves quickly to the driver's seat of her cart.
"Alright! Let's go!" If I were in my larger form, my shout would have exploded the trees around us. Unfortunately, all I could offer in this small form was that high-pitched, squeaky noise.
"Someone better pay for these manastones!"
My partner's battlecry is even less impressive than my squeaky one, but since hers is accompanied by the cart shooting off between the trees at a speed that whips my hair against my face, I decide to let it go.
Last edited:
- Location
- England
Should be "principle". Remember, the principal is your pal. (Unless he's a jerk).
Thanks. Fixed. That's one I mess up a lot for some reason and it's annoying that spellcheck never catches that sort of thing.
Well, I guess Ciel isn't people. Glad everyone agrees about that.
I mean, the talk about hoping the spell animating the Calamities failed suggests people think they are golems of one sort or the other. Presumably their creator was above level 80 but he got chomped by them and it isn't clear his existence is even known.
In which a Villainess is bullied by her sister
"Incoming!" I shout before leaping off the careening cart.
I ignore a groan of 'Ciel' as I soar through the air and move my shield from its place on my arm to underneath my feet. Moments later, I land with the wet splash of an exploding blood-slime. I skid for a few feet on my shield and swing my sword to bisect another blood-slime before losing my balance and tumbling into a graceful heap.
I spring upright to the sound of a [Firebolt] sizzling through rancid blood and turn toward the old man I'd just rescued. "One moment, mister. Your rescue's almost done."
With that, I sprint toward the nearest slime-monster, leaving an open-mouthed stare in my wake.
My shield swings low in front of me—I'd learned after the first few encounters with the probably [Bloodforged] that it was even more effective than my sword—and I crash through another slime.
The grin on my face widens as I hear Markus chirp softly as he leads my newest rescued-person to safety, but I can't spare the time to bask in the joy of acting like a [Hero]. The blood-slimes were wiggling in a way that I had learned meant they were about to combine into something much larger. Which was a really unfair thing to do—defeated monsters should stay defeated.
Well, my team and I could be unfair, too.
"El!" I shout at my partner as I swing the pommel of my sword down into a jiggly mass of blood and mana. "Burn it!"
"Easy for you to say!"
The shout was interspersed with the kind of panting that probably meant she was running low on mana, but that wasn't something we could worry about now. Not if we wanted to keep the civilians we'd rescued un-exsanguinated. Still, despite her exhaustion, El flings fire at the congealing mass in front of me. An instant later, my blade carves a divot through gelid, flaming slime and comes back with a burning ember on the end of it.
I grin as a brilliant idea occurs to me. "Hey, El! Set my sword on fire!"
"That's a whole different spell, you little shit!" I step to the side as a ball of fire sears through the opening I'd made in my opponent's jelly.
"Boo!" I angle my shield and use it more like a shovel than anything to rip rotten blood from the combo-jelly.
"No! Boo you!" Another sputter of fire shoots out from my partner's perch on the cart, and I grin as the monster collapses into dead-for-the-moment goo.
"Hey, mister. You still alive?" I call out to the man staring at my team with a wide-eyed look on his face.
"I- what- who are-."
"We're an adventuring group. The Little Calamities." I grin and raise my sword in a victorious pose. I'd spent the last three rescues trying to think up the perfect team name, and I'd finally come across it.
"We are not calling ourselves that!" My teammate throws a wet blanket on top of my enthusiasm.
"I- umm-."
"Hop in the second cart, mister, and we'll get you to safety."
I point at a merchant's wagon tied to the back of our cart filled with the other civilians we'd rescued.
"This has to be the last one, Ciel. We don't have space for anyone else. We have to get the ones we have to safety."
"Aww. Ok."
The land around Reitzland didn't look like it had when I'd slept outside a few nights back. Great divots had been torn into the earth and were leaking wisps of corrosive mana. Bodies and dismembered limbs were strewn in almost artful decoration amidst the wreckage. And smushed against one of the raised bridges that led into the city was a ragged line of men and women in gore-stained armor.
"El!" I shout over my shoulder. "Over there!"
"I see it!"
Her shout is accompanied by our cart tilting up onto two wheels as it turns almost perpendicular and starts to pick up speed until it feels like we're flying. I grab a handful of the railing to keep myself from falling off, and Markus latches his furry-paws into my hair.
"Woohoo!"
We careen toward a squad of blood-slimes, and I stretch out over the side of the cart and angle my shield exactly the way [Basic Shield Proficiency] tells me. A moment later, I shout gleefully as my shield scythes through a blood-slime minotaur.
My face is split open in a grin, and my hair whips back against my neck as I lean out even further to prepare for my next strike. I hear Markus's alarmed chirp as he scampers down my side, but I can't pull back now. Not when there are so many targets to choose from.
Our cart wheels around a shallow crater and straight over a pair of goblin-slimes. I wait a moment for the wheels on my side to drop back down and then another moment for the angle to be just right before I flick out with the flat of my blade and bisect the hobgoblin-slime leading them.
"Woo-ack!" My shout is cut off as I'm dragged bodily back into the cart, and I look up to see El glaring down at me.
"Stop fucking around, Ciel! We've got to break through that to get these people to safety."
She sounds far less excited than I do, but when I turn to look at what she's pointing, I understand why. Hundreds of slime-monsters led by a single giant-slime threatened to overrun the makeshift fortification.
"Got it!" I can barely hear myself over the howling wind and the screaming of civilians. "You drive, I'll swing!"
"Ciel, what!?!"
I ignore the shouted question and clamber to the front of the cart—the cart's wheels weren't bad at smushing the slimes, but if we were going to do this right, we needed something sharper. After this was over, I'd see if we could add some spikes or blades, but for now, a soon-to-be-[Hero] would have to do.
I lie on my stomach and wrap my legs around the guard rails. Then, I extend as far forward as possible without falling off. I hold out my shield in one arm, angled to shovel pieces out of any slime that got close enough. In the other, my sword is prepared to cut through anything my shield-shovel misses. I take a moment to brace myself at the sight of the ground racing past beneath me, and then it's time.
The world around me blurs into a rain of rancid blood and ooze as my sword and shield lash out ceaselessly. Goblin-slimes splatter left and right, torn apart by my sword and shield or reduced to bubbling puddles of noxious fumes. In moments, gore stains my face and drips in fat clumps down my hair.
I've never felt so alive.
Then our cart turns toward the lead slime, and I roar the loudest roar my tiny lungs can offer as we charge toward the hill-giant-slime.
As we speed closer, I line up for a strike that would cut off one of its jelly-legs. Instead of shoveling out gore and ooze, though, my shield bounces off a thick knot of slime-muscle with enough force to send me flying.
My roar turns to a gleeful shout—I'm flying! I never get to fly!—as my body arcs up and over El and Markus huddled beside each other in the driver's seat. Far too quickly, though, my flying turns to falling, and I stretch out with my shield arm to grab the lip of the back of the cart before it leaves me behind in the dust.
My fingers manage to clamp down on a fancy bit of gilt and carving. For a second, I just dangle there, holding on with all the [Enhanced Strength] my body has to offer while my feet bounce against the ground.
As we pull free of the last line of slime-monsters and into a hastily opened gap in the line of defenders, wooden tires slide into ground churned into mud and muck by all the fighting. The cart shudders to an abrupt stop, and my torso slams against the rear end of the cart.
I fall bonelessly to the ground.
"Oof."
"Get the civilians to the interior and get these adventurers some potions." I hear a familiar voice through the haze of pain and breathlessness engulfing me. It was the [Guildmaster].
"Still alive, huh, Ciel?" A calloused hand pulls me effortlessly from my resting place on the wet, gory mud and sets me lightly on the ground.
"Hi, [Guildmaster]." I grin dizzily, leaning into the steadying hand on my shoulder for balance. "We managed to take care of the animals attacking people. They're somewhere back there."
I wave my hand in the general direction that we came from. At least, I think it was the way we came. Everything around me was spinning just a bit too much to be sure.
"Heh. You can tell me all about it later." the guildmaster smirks. "After we deal with whatever this is."
I nod in agreement but keep my mouth shut. I couldn't say that it was my sister. Not if I wanted to keep my [Calamity] secrets secret. Besides that, if no one had recognized the signature skill of a [Calamity], I wasn't sure telling them would even help all that much.
"The Council has the Mage's Guild sending out [Messages], but nothing's come back so far. At least not that they're sharing with the grunts on the ground."
I nod. It's strange. Normally, Ashe is a lot more subtle than this—she's the [Calamity of Pride] after all. This is more like something I would have done—without the slime-monsters, of course.
"Here," she tosses a towel at me. "Take a minute to clean off. I'll need every hand that can hold a weapon or cast a spell on the line with me."
Minutes later, I'm not exactly clean, but at least I'm no longer coated in a thick layer of slime-gore. And I'm in a line line facing out at the slowly gathering blood-slime horde with El behind me and Markus perched on my shoulder. A big red-haired man I kind of recognized stands to my right, and the cat-eared girl from the guildhouse stands to my left. Behind us the group of civilians that we and some other teams had rescued is kind of huddled together and muttering things that aren't worth listening to.
And in front of us, at the center of the line, is our [Guildmaster].
Her eyes sweep over us, pausing momentarily on Markus and me before continuing. "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that the city is sealed. No one will be going in or out."
The man beside me flinches slightly, and El inhales a muted gasp. A civilian shouts something but is silenced a moment later by a flicker of the [Guildmaster's] aura.
"The worse news is that we finally got word from the Skyfall Archives. These blood-monsters are associated with an unknown S-rank threat."
"But do not despair…" Some kind of skill pokes at the edges of my thoughts, but since my mind is made from Wyrd rather than flesh, it just tickles.
I ignore the feeling as well as the [Guildmaster's] probably rousing speech. After all, I had a far larger concern. How did no one know this is the work of my sister? A [Calamity] is a world-renowned monster capable of destroying cities and armies and fleets. We're the terrors of the seven continents. We rampage and crush and destroy things. We're famous.
And these slime-monsters are Ashe's [Bloodforged]. I'm certain of it. And that means Reitzland is being visited by not one, but two [Calamities]—well, one was in disguise, but still. How could a city the size of Reitzland not recognize a [Calamity]? Unless…
My frown deepens. Was Ashe really not at all famous in Dynegard? Did that mean people on the other continents didn't know about me? I could almost feel myself wilting. Have I really been that unimpressive a [Calamity] that only one of the continents knows about me?
The guildmaster's speech that I'd been ignoring ends with a rousing shout, one that's echoed by the adventurers surrounding me. Despite feeling inadequate and not at all like shouting, I do it anyway. The gathered slime-army responds to our battle cry with a burbly one of its own, and then.
They charge.
As the wave of rancid blood rushes across the field, I turn to look at Markus, "Stay safe."
He nods his furry head—he'd left my scarf with one of the civilians we'd rescued for safekeeping. I turn around to look at my other teammate and repeat the same words with the same grin.
"I should be saying that to you, you idiot."
I grin and feel my earlier disappointment fade away like an army hit by [Annihilation]. I'd found the best teammates, and we were about to defend a city against a horde of monsters. What could possibly be better than this?
At twenty paces, our guildmaster raises her sword high overhead and brings it down in a sweeping motion. The air lights up with mana and arrows. [Firebolts] and [Cutting Wind] and [Water Cannons] fall amidst the enemy ranks and tear holes in their cascading charge. The second barrage is much less impressive, though, as only a few of the quicker adventurers launch a second arrow or fire off a second spell before the wave crashes upon us.
I dig my feet into the gory mud and brace for the charge as a goblin-slime slams face-first into me. Thanks to my [Enhanced Strength] and my [Basic Shield Proficiency], I deflect the force of the slime's attack to the side, where the red-haired man turns it into a splash of rotten blood with a strike of his hammer. I bat away another goblin-slime and use my sword like a spoon to scoop out his slime-brain then El shouts to duck.
The cat-girl and the redhead both drop, but I'm short enough that I don't have to do anything to avoid the fan of flame that sprays out over us. I sprint Into the gap opened by my teammate's attack and slam my shield down on a burnt, crippled-looking goblin-slime.
A moment later, Markus jumps off my shoulder and chomps into an archer's slime-neck even as I spin to one side to block a slime arrow with my shield. As he leaps onto another goblin-slime to continue his attack, my sword flicks out to finish the decapitation he'd started.
Before Markus can leap back to safety, there's a deep, burbly shout to my left. Slime-claws scrape against my [Thick Skin], and I roll away before the claws can do anything more than graze me. I spring upright to attack the slime-monster that had clawed me, but before I can do anything, the red-haired man smashes it into a puddle of blood with his hammer.
I pause for a quick moment to lift my shield in thanks and then sprint over to where the cat-girl is weaving between the claws and blades of a trio of goblin-slimes. With a cheery roar, I crash into the rearmost one and angle my shield to drive him into the ground. He explodes in a splash of blood and gore that is joined a heartbeat later by the splashy remains of the other two slimes. Cat-girl smirks at me, and as one, we turn toward a hobgoblin-slime lumbering toward us.
In unspoken unison, we rush forward to meet him. She strikes high, her fists carving divots out of his slime-chest. I go low, my shield and sword scissoring together to snip right through his slime-leg. Unbalanced, he falls to one knee. Before he can even begin to reattach his leg, he's engulfed in a blender of fists and swords. Moments later, all that's left is a streak of blood and slime.
I look around at the space our attack had opened, and grin as I see Markus and El have teamed up. He nips at a goblin-slime's hamstring, and she blasts him with fire. That's good teamwork. In fact, our whole impromptu group seems to be doing well enough that there's a little bubble of space around us. So, I cast a quick look around the battlefield.
To the left, our line of [Guards] and adventurers is buckling, but before I can help, our [Guildmaster] shouts '[Blade of the Gargant]' and swings her suddenly massive sword through rank after rank of slimes.
Wow. My heart starts beating faster. I couldn't wait until I learned something cool like that. Unfortunately, I don't get much time to marvel at the attack before another wave of slime monsters is on us.
Markus is the first to react. He dives through the eye of a hobgoblin-slime and while it's rearing back in pain from its lost eye, El burns it to a crispy brown. I leap into the opening in the line and swing my sword out in one direction and my shield in the other. Two slime-filled legs buckle, and two slime-monsters collapse. Before I can follow up with a decapitating strike, the cat-girl pulps the first with a single punch, and the red-haired man destroys the other with a [Concussive Strike] that ripples out and explodes half a dozen more.
This is so cool! I'm surrounded by so many cool people!
I shake my head. I couldn't afford to get distracted by the other adventurers. If I did, they'd outperform me, and they might become a [Hero] instead of me. I couldn't let that happen.
Fortunately, there are plenty of slime monsters to attack. And it only takes me a moment pick out my next one. A hobgoblin-slime roaring and swinging his slime-axe in wild circles.
With a grin, I dart between his legs like I had with that fire-bear and shovel a huge chunk out of his slime-spine as I roll free on the other side. He burbles out another roar as he spins around to face me, but I'd been counting on that, and El doesn't disappoint. Before he can even bring his weapon around in an attack, a [Firebolt] explodes his head and fries his slime-brain.
In another tiny pocket of space between the thrill of battle, I see a slime-minotaur racing toward a wounded adventurer. A roar tears out of my throat, and I charge after him.
In seconds, I catch up to the minotaur and carve halfway through his left leg, but not before he tries to bury his axe in the wounded adventurer's stomach. Using the momentum from my running attack, I roll through the slime's legs and pop upright, my shield held up to deflect the slime's killing blow. The blow hits me like a mini-rampage, the force of it driving me down to one knee.
The minotaur doesn't escape unscathed, though, as his axe shatters into a spray of blood. I force myself back to my feet and prepare to attack, but before I can, a shout of '[Second Wind]' is followed by the wounded adventurer burying his axe haft deep in the minotaur's stomach.
He pulls his weapon free, and I move over to join him. Together, we spend a few moments turning the slime into a puddle of gore and blood.
"Thanks, kid, I owe ya one." The adventurer grins a bearded grin at me and then races off to fight another slime-monster.
I prepare to do the same, only to stop dead at a shout of 'Ciel!'
That's El! My eyes frantically scan the battlefield, and I see her retreating from a pair of goblin-slimes with Markus nowhere to be seen. Her robes are torn, and her fingers sparking with flaming embers. Oh no! I'd left my teammate alone, and now I was too far to-
My mind shatters into fractal patterns and returns quicker than it ever has before. Time slows around me. I would only have one chance. That's fine, though. I'm going to be a [Hero]. [Heroes] never miss when it counts.
My grip shifts on my shield as I grab onto the side of it like it's a discus. My torso twists as I wind up, and with a bellowing roar, I launch my shield. The instant my shield leaves my outstretched fingers, time snaps back to its normal speed.
My breath catches, an unpleasant fluttery-ness beating its wings in my stomach as my shield hurtles through the air. Only to explode out of me a moment later as my shield scythes through the pair of goblin-slimes chasing my teammate. I bid my shield farewell and turn to a slime-goblin creeping up on me.
I lift my sword, or at least try to, but it's suddenly a lot heavier than I remember. That doesn't stop me from bashing my hilt into the slime-monster's head and stomping on it until it's a puddle, but it does leave me more winded than I should be.
Something's wrong. I feel different. Incomplete. As though my path to becoming a [Hero] had faded into a gray fog. A fog that transforms the battle raging around me into a dull and monotonous affair. A fog so thick that I could barely register what was happening. I could feel my sword as it swings through jelly-bodies. I could feel my arms ache. I could even feel my [Thick Skin] being shredded by slime-forged barbs and claws.
The battlefield is awash with sprays of mana and the screams of the dying. I don't pay attention to any of it, though. It's as much as I can do to keep lifting my sword and cutting through opponents. Everything hurts. My arms feel like lead weights. My legs wobble like the slime-monsters I cut through.
I haven't seen or heard El or Markus in an eternity, but I can barely bring myself to care. The fog wrapped around me is too strong. I barely see the world in front of me as I slip and slide and stumble from fight to fight. I register neither the hoarse thanks of those I manage to help nor the vacant-eyed stares of those I don't. I can't even find a mote of relief within me that none of those vacant stares belong to my teammates.
Listless exhaustion threatens to overwhelm me, but I can't let myself quit. If I quit now, I would never become a [Hero].
"Regroup!"
The [Guildmaster's] voice cuts through the muffled bits of my mind, and I look up at the empty battlefield surrounding me. The army of slime-monsters has been broken. Or, rather, the first army had been. I look up at a second army full of monsters that look much more dangerous than the goblins and minotaurs we'd just defeated.
Six-legged lizards prowl the space between shambling masses of plant-shapes while weird beasts covered in hooks and blades intermix with a chimeric combination of snake and human. And towering above them all, its wings spread wide enough to block out the sun, was a dragon.
Oooh. That might be a bit too much to fight.
We regroup in a much smaller circle than the first time around. Neither the cat-girl nor the red-haired man are standing next to me anymore, but I don't quite have the energy to check whether they're dead or somewhere else. To my right is the bearded man I'd saved earlier, and I feel a distant sort of relief at seeing El and Markus standing to my left.
The bearded adventurer looks over at me, and I realize that while he's the same height as I am, he's maybe three times as wide. "Never got the chance to thank ya properly, kid. Name's Fodrin of Clan Mournestone. Ya ever find yer way up the Jhoral Mountains, tell 'em that I sent ya, and they'll treat ya right."
El scoffs and looks down from on high at us, "We've got to get out of this first, and I don't think any of us has anything for a fucking dragon."
"Can't go wrong bashing 'em in the knees." The dwarf—Was he actually a dwarf? Have I really never met a dwarf before—smirks proudly, and I nod in distant agreement. Hitting slime monsters in the legs had worked for me all day.
"Tch," my partner scoffs and mutters something like 'now there's two of them' before pulling my shield off her back and dropping it in front of me. "You owe me for carrying that around the last half-hour. I take payment in rare books, manastones, and silence."
As I pick up the shield and slip my arm through the straps, my exhaustion starts to fade away as if it had never existed. No longer was I one of those weirdo [Duelists] who walked around with a single sword and poked people. I was whole again. A soon-to-be [Hero] walking the path of the [Paladin].
"Thanks, El! I'll have to find a manastone then." After all, my partner liked really boring books, and I certainly wasn't going to be quiet.
"Now that's a look," The dwarf's face crinkles up as he smirks into his beard. "Got more fight in ya than any ten of these tall-folk."
"That's right. Us short people have to stick together." I raise my shield meaningfully, and after a moment, he bangs it with his hammer.
It's too bad he looked like a tank, too, or I'd have found my fourth teammate. Still, he said I saved his life and even mentioned a dwarven clan. If that wasn't a plot hook for an almost a [Hero] to receive an ancient dwarven relic, then I didn't know what was.
I open my mouth to thank him for his future generosity, only to be slammed down into the dirt by an explosion of mana and aura. "I know not by what foul arts you accomplished it, but your cavalier murder has not gone unnoticed. I have been chosen to deliver unto you a punishment every bit the equal of your crime."
The pressure bearing down on me lifts just enough that I can look up at the source of that booming, mellifluous voice. My jaw drops as a radiant figure in a long, flowing dress descends from the sky. That's Ashe! A tired grin splits my face. I knew these blood-monsters were hers!
"Every last one of you will die, slowly and in agonizing pain. When your frail bodies can no longer withstand the torture you all so richly deserve, I will use your blood to craft an army the likes of which this world has never seen. It will be the wave that scours this forsaken continent of all life."
What's she doing here? She's normally on the other side of the world, busy with that floating city of hers.
I lift a weary and battered arm to wave at her, only to stop. I'm an adventurer now. Surely, it isn't appropriate for an adventurer to run out and greet her [Calamity] sister—even if I hadn't seen her in what felt like forever. Our relationship is definitely something I should keep secret. Just like I keep my own [Calamity]ness a secret.
Except, what kind of sister would I be to ignore Ashe when she's brought an army of [Bloodforged] to destroy Reitzland? I don't even need my genius mind to answer that.
A horrible one.
A sour feeling burbles within me as I feel caught between two extremes. If I ran out to greet her, that would mean showing everyone I was really a [Calamity] in disguise, which would surely be the end of my dream of being a [Hero]. Yet, what if she found out I was ignoring her and told the rest of our sisters, and they decided to ignore me in return?
I shake my head frantically, trying to banish a thought almost too terrible for words.
A shaky hand settles on my shoulder, and I look over at my partner's pale face. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She licks her lips and tries again, managing to croak out something that sounded like 'it will be ok.'
No, it wouldn't! I could barely resist the urge to shout at her. If I charged out there as an adventurer, I'd make my sister sad, but if I ran out to greet her, I'd make my partners sad. How could I do that to either of them? I was stuck. I didn't know what to do.
I let my mind shatter into fractal patterns, only to almost collapse in despair as it reformed. Even my genius couldn't answer the questions that scraped at the soft underbelly of my mind with their barbed claws.
What am I supposed to do?
Was trying to become a [Hero] really an impossible goal?
Was this what I deserved for trying to follow my dreams?
Invisible walls crash down on me, squeezing my chest and boxing me in like my chrysalis once had. My breath quickens as the faces of my favorite people flash through my head: my team, the nice guildmaster, the old lady who'd given me my scarf, the pudgy chef who baked tasty bread, the dwarven adventurer. When my sister decides to end her game, she would drown the city in blood—they would die.
My heart starts to pound so loudly in my ears that it drowns out the sound of everything else. A pressure builds in my chest and burns at my eyes. It felt like I wanted to cry, even though I wasn't sad. Instead of doing that, though, my body shudders, my mind creaks with the effort of keeping my emotions bottled up within me until-
"NO! I REFUSE!" I explode, the thunderous volume of my voice startling me as it echoes in the stillness following my sister's proclamation.
Before I can quite realize what's happening, the line of [Guards] and adventurers disappears behind me. With shield and sword raised, I sprint as fast as my smaller form can carry me. To what end, I don't know.
That doesn't stop me, though. Neither does the panicked shouting from El or the high-pitched chirps from Markus. It's a simple thought that launches me forward faster and faster until it feels like my feet aren't even touching the ground: when I finally see Ashe, I'll know what to say.
Row upon row of [Bloodforged] blur past me as I sprint toward the very heart of the army. To the place where Ashe had landed. When the last line of [Bloodforged] parts in front of me to reveal an infinitely familiar face staring down at me with that oh-so-familiar look of hers, I…
I raise my sword and shield and prepare for the most difficult fight of my life. "Halt, evildoer!"
"Ciel'othor'morg'dal, where have you been, and what in the maddening screams of Dys have you been doing?"
My true name gouges crimson lines in reality, and I flinch. My sisters only ever used my full name when I was in deep trouble.
No. Wait. I'm a soon-to-be [Hero]. I didn't have to subject myself to the tyranny of my elders. That's right. I would throw off this yoke of oppression and take a stand for bullied younger sisters everywhere.
"I'm an adventurer, here to end your villainous rampage." I brace myself in a defensive stand as I prepare for the inevitable—and violent—response.
"Are you, now?"
The speculative stare Ashe fixes me with makes me want to run to her and assure her that I was still her favorite sister. I couldn't do that, though. I was committed to my role. And only woe would come from the mixing of [Hero] and villain.
That is unless my sister becomes a recurring villain that I finally defeat in the middle of a flaming caldera or something. Then, she'd be my most trusted and loyal teammate. Unfortunately, I didn't even have to let my mind shatter to realize that wouldn't happen. Ashe just isn't the kind of villain that eventually became a [Hero]'s sidekick. She's way too elegant for that—which is only appropriate for someone cool enough to be my sister.
"Yeah!"
"Is that so~?" she almost sing-songs the question.
Before I can respond, a shaping of mana explodes out from around her with a declaration of '[Maddened Sphere of Azathoth].'
The sky shatters. A field of pale silver eyes peer in through the cracks as a gibbering attention is drawn by the spell. For a moment, cause is unbounded from effect. Space twists and warps. A blood-red film covers my eyes, then a sense of stygian amusement wafts through the air, and the presence withdraws.
With his blessing received, existence tolls like a struck gong as the Tier 10 spell reaches its apex. A moment later, a cataclysm of mana scrapes jagged barbs across this plane of existence, and walls of madness wrought from the glow of dying stars shimmer into existence around us.
Despite my genius mind being almost totally focused on the scolding that was coming my way, I spent a moment worrying about my teammates. Aza's attention was fun in a screaming incoherently and clawing your eyes out sort of way. Which would make it a lot harder for El to read her boring books. Markus would still be able to nap on my shoulder, though, so he should probably be just fine.
Then the dome of pale starlight finishes forming above us, unintentionally blocking the sight of our upcoming titanic struggle from view, and Ashe turns to me. Instead of a squinty look and a shouty-lecture, she's smiling. A blindingly bright, endlessly proud smile. Despite the weight of our upcoming struggle weighing down on me, I can't help the urge to preen.
"I'm so, so proud of you, Ciel."
It takes a moment for her words to sink in. No one's ever said anything like that to me before. My skin flutters and feels hot. I feel myself grinning so widely that I think my face would split in half if it weren't held together by flaps of skin.
"Really!?!"
"Indeed." My sister flicks her hand, and [Bloodrose] appears in her hands. The whip twitches impatiently as she smiles at me. "I was worried that you would be content to stomp around, playing [Calamity] with your toy cities forever. But this, this is brilliant."
I can barely think past the approval radiating from my sister. Other than becoming a [Hero], this is everything I had ever wanted wrapped up in a single moment, "Is it?"
"It's a plan worthy of Sopharanatoth or Ri'ankor'mal or even myself."
My chest felt like a cup that had been filled past the brim, and the liquid was spilling out over the sides. I want this moment to never end. "It is?"
"Yes." My sister nods in a way that says I shouldn't question her judgment anymore. "Deciding to seal away your [Calamity] skills so you can infiltrate the adventurers guild and sow discord and chaos from within the structures of mortal existence is ingenious."
Exactly, I would build up their trust in me, and when I was finally allowed access to the wardstones at Skyfall, I could
My genius mind pokes me, and the villainous plan dissipates from my mind. That's not why I'm here. I'm here to vanquish ancient evils and become a [Hero]—just like the characters in my books.
"That's not it at all!" I shout out my defiance of my evil sister. "I going to be a [Hero]!"
"A hero?"
My sister looks at me like she doesn't understand the words I'm saying, but that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the way she said 'hero': like it was a hobby people did to pass the time. I had to correct her. After all, I was the expert on [Heroes] here. I'd read hundreds of books about them.
"No. A [Hero]. You know, with the class and a [Sword of Light] and an ultimate attack and-"
The snapping sound of [Bloodrose] decapitating a [Bloodforged] that had wandered too close interrupts me before I can really dig into my rant, and I see my sister frowning at me. "That's… where did you get the idea that… who told you that heroes were a class?"
I don't understand what she's asking. It's like asking me to describe how water was wet. A [Hero] is a class; the sun rises in the west—as simple as that.
Still, Ashe is my older sister—and in a six-way tie for my favorite person—so I try my best to answer her question.
"Well, I started with a book called The [Hero] and the Cat. It's about a girl who finds a sword in the forest and rescues a cat from an evil witch and the cat becomes a girl and they go on an adventure together to defeat an evil dragon and then they make kissy-faces at each other and-"
[Bloodrose] snaps again and then slithers out to wrap around the blood-dragon's neck and starts to squeeze. The blood-bones in its neck start to crack with a delightful popping noise. The dragon starts thrashing—because my sister likes it when things struggle as they die. As it collapses back into blood and slime, Ashe breathes out a noisy exhale and stares at me with an intensity that starts to smolder the air around me.
"Who put the idea of kissing into your mind!?!" Ashe's stare sharpens to a glare, and I can read the promise of painful death in her eyes. "It was that fucking [Lord of Fallen Flame], wasn't it? He will know suffering beyond mortal imagination! He will spend ten thousand mortal lives screaming in agony and another ten thousand begging me to die!"
Wait! No! He's my future [Overlord] to defeat, not Ashe's! If I don't say anything now, Ashe would turn him into a smear of blood and skin flaps, and then I'd have to find a whole new [Overlord] to defeat. Fortunately, I know exactly what to say to keep my future [Overlord] fight.
"No. He was just boring and lame. And I always skip past those pages anyway. It's weird and gross."
"That's-" My sister's burning stare reverts to its usual intensity as she sighs. "Just remember, when anyone touches you inappropriately, you should-"
"Remove the limb touching me and then all the rest of their limbs just to make sure they can't do it again," I repeat a lecture I'd heard a hundred times from each of my sisters. For some reason, it was one of their favorite lectures. Even more than the ones where they scolded me about breaking their things.
Ashe looks reassured that I've remembered their lecture—as though my infallible memory would allow anything less. "Right. So, back to the hero thing-"
"[Hero]." I, on the other hand, am starting to worry about her memory because she seems to have forgotten the proper emphasis.
"There's no such-"
She cuts off whatever she was going to say mid-sentence and looks up to writhing tendrils of starlight above us. I recognize that look; it's the same one I used when I let my mind shatter into fractal patterns. So, instead of telling my sister all about my new teammates and the fire-bear I'd fought, I wait for her to finish.
A moment later, she looks back down from the "You want to be a hero?"
"A [Hero], yes." This is getting worrying. I might have to talk to Soph or Riri to let them know that Ashe may be going senile. She is the oldest one of us, after all.
"Well, I suppose I can leave Luminia on its own for a while," she smirks with vicious amusement. "I'm sure their [Archmages] will have fun trying to unravel the threads of this spell."
I nod in agreement at that. Aza's spells were so twisty and weird they even made my brain hurt a little, and I'm a [Calamity] and a genius.
"If you're going to be a hero-"
"A [Hero]."
"Fine, Ciel, a [Hero]." She spits the word out like it pains her, and I breathe an internal sigh of relief. Maybe she isn't going senile after all. "Then you will need an appropriately epic villain."
"I was going to use the [Lord of Fallen Flame], but I accidentally left his castle as a pile of rubble and killed off all of his minions except not-furry-Markus. So I don't know how good a [Villain] he'll be."
Even as I explain what had happened to my last [Overlord], my genius mind starts poking me about where my sister was going with this. I didn't listen, though. I didn't want to spoil it. After all, Ashe was the super responsible sister, always busy with her floating city. She never had time to play.
"A coward with a crown isn't worth a moment of your attention, Ciel'othor. He isn't a mote of dust compared to the [Calamity of Pride]."
"Really!?!" My eyes feel so bright that it's a wonder they aren't shooting out rays of [Hellfire]. My chest feels like it's about to burst open from the emotions rampaging within it. Instead of being responsible and working on her plots, Ashe is going to play [Hero] and [Overlord]! With me!
"Of course." she smiles fondly. "If little Ciel needs a villain, what choice could be better than her favorite older sister?"
My head bobbles back and forth as I nod fervently. "You can create evil plots and I can gather my teammates to thwart them and then I'll find a super-relic sword and we can have an epic final confrontation where I learn that the true powers of a [Hero] are the friends I made along the way and also the giant fire-beams my super-sword shoots out and-"
"Indeed," My sister cuts off my rant with a single word and a gleeful smirk. "But for you to be able to do that, we need to first set the stage so that the fools outside don't suspect a thing."
"What do you mean?" Sure, I couldn't reveal my secret heritage so soon, but what would be wrong with letting everyone else know I would be fighting against a [Calamity] who absolutely wasn't secretly-my-sister for the next several arcs?
"Your fellow adventurers will doubtless have questions if you return to them unscathed." Her smirk shifts from glee to something a lot more bloodthirsty as she says that.
My grin widens to match hers. I knew from my books that fighting the main [Villain] in the first arc almost guaranteed a loss, but there was no better way to become a [Hero] than to claw my way back up from that early defeat. "You're on!"
I raise my sword only to blink as I feel a wetness running down my chest. I look down at a rose shaped out of blood embedded just to the right of my fluttery heart. It was really considerate for Ashe to avoid my heart—without my [Calamity] skills, that could be dangerous.
My shield moves seemingly in slow motion to deflect the thorny edge of my sister's whip, but it snakes neatly around my attempted block and shreds through my [Thick Skin] as though it didn't even exist.
"I would say I'm sorry, Ciel." My sister smirks as a spire of blood erupts beneath me and impales my calf, "But after the panic this little stunt of yours caused, I'm really not."
"It's fi-urghle." My reply is cut off by blood-red claws tearing out a chunk of my throat. I cough out a spray of blood and try again. "It's fine, sis! Give me your best shot!"
"Oh, I will."
Stars explode in front of my eyes as a wall of pure force crashes into my face. I hear more than feel my nose break and spit out another mouthful of blood as I dizzily try to re-set my shield. I might as well have been trying to block the wind for all the good it did. [Bloodrose] flashes a dozen times and tears a dozen gouges into me.
Something flashes in front of me too quickly to see, and my leg cracks with an unpleasant sound. I topple to the ground, unable to stand. Blood drips into my eyes, and my vision grows dim until all I can see is my sister's boot as she steps up beside me.
Something latches onto my unbroken leg and lifts me into the air, and I think I hear my sister whisper something like, 'You did well, Ciel. Now, it's my turn.'
"I had intended for you all to die screaming, but the valor of this fool child has bought you time."
I feel myself being shaken, and I bravely withhold a pained groan as my bones scrape unpleasantly against things I was certain they shouldn't scrape against. A [Hero] never admitted to pain—which my books made seem a lot easier than it's turning out to be.
"Instead, I will offer you a game."
I scrabble uselessly against the thing holding onto my leg and try to look up through the blood gumming my eyes shut. No. She promised. If I could have spoken through the hole in my lungs—and the hole in my throat, too, I guess—I would have shouted that this wasn't a game.
"I will destroy your pathetic city-states from the inside. My minions will infest your feeble institutions and drag them toward ruin. I will take and turn the best and brightest amongst you, and they will betray you with a smile."
As my sister continues, I realize it's probably for the best that my shout came out as a burble of blood and other fluids.
"You will have one year. One year for the seeds of paranoia to take root within your minds. Until parents no longer trust children and wives no longer trust husbands. And at the end, when mistrust and fear have torn apart all you have built, I will return, and I will drown you all in blood."
Wow.
I was thankful the bones in both my hands and arms were so broken; otherwise, I'd have tried to applaud. That was an amazing villain speech and an even more amazing plan. I would have just rampaged until everything was broken, but this was so much better. Her plots would break their spirit, and then she'd come back to destroy them with her [Bloodforged].
It's no wonder why Ashe was the oldest. She's such an awesome sister.
My genius mind pokes me out of my awe. Right. I was the [Hero] that wouldn't let her get away with her evil plan. I would root out her corruption and put her minions to the sword. And I would start right now.
I wiggle a floppy, broken foot at the strap holding me upright. Take that, sis.
"What's to stop us from killing you right now?" A grating voice forces its way past the blood clogging up my ears.
"You?" I hear the smirk my sister uses right before she does something cool.
"Your life." An agonized shout is cut off a moment later by the sound of flesh and bone exploding. "Any other objections?"
I try and pout, but it hurts too much to move my face over my broken nose and cheek and jaw. Ashe never lets me watch her boil someone's blood until they pop like a sealed kettle. It's not fair.
"Take your fool, and know that she is the only reason any of you yet draw breath." The strap holding my leg vanishes, and I feel myself tumbling through the air.
The air explodes out of my holey lungs and broken ribs as I land in a puddle of mud and gore, which was probably for the best because if I had any breath, I would have screamed at the agony coursing through me. And that wouldn't be very [Hero]-like at all.
I hear reality whimper as a [Hellfire Portal] opens in the sky above me, and if I could have moved, I would have waved goodbye to my sister. The most I could manage, though, was a hoarse exhale through a mouthful of blood.
As the pain from my beating rises to drown me in darkness and unconsciousness, one last thought echoes in the silence of my mind.
Bye, sis. You're the best.
[Conditions met - Valiant Warrior Obtained!]
[Fighter consolidates into Valiant Warrior!]
[Valiant Warrior Level 8!]
[Rare Skill - Brave Soul gained!]
[Skill - Kindle Bravery gained!]
[AN]
This was originally two chapters, but there didn't seem to be any point separating them out without the vote option. That said, it is on the longer side, so let me know if you'd prefer shorter chapters.
I ignore a groan of 'Ciel' as I soar through the air and move my shield from its place on my arm to underneath my feet. Moments later, I land with the wet splash of an exploding blood-slime. I skid for a few feet on my shield and swing my sword to bisect another blood-slime before losing my balance and tumbling into a graceful heap.
I spring upright to the sound of a [Firebolt] sizzling through rancid blood and turn toward the old man I'd just rescued. "One moment, mister. Your rescue's almost done."
With that, I sprint toward the nearest slime-monster, leaving an open-mouthed stare in my wake.
My shield swings low in front of me—I'd learned after the first few encounters with the probably [Bloodforged] that it was even more effective than my sword—and I crash through another slime.
The grin on my face widens as I hear Markus chirp softly as he leads my newest rescued-person to safety, but I can't spare the time to bask in the joy of acting like a [Hero]. The blood-slimes were wiggling in a way that I had learned meant they were about to combine into something much larger. Which was a really unfair thing to do—defeated monsters should stay defeated.
Well, my team and I could be unfair, too.
"El!" I shout at my partner as I swing the pommel of my sword down into a jiggly mass of blood and mana. "Burn it!"
"Easy for you to say!"
The shout was interspersed with the kind of panting that probably meant she was running low on mana, but that wasn't something we could worry about now. Not if we wanted to keep the civilians we'd rescued un-exsanguinated. Still, despite her exhaustion, El flings fire at the congealing mass in front of me. An instant later, my blade carves a divot through gelid, flaming slime and comes back with a burning ember on the end of it.
I grin as a brilliant idea occurs to me. "Hey, El! Set my sword on fire!"
"That's a whole different spell, you little shit!" I step to the side as a ball of fire sears through the opening I'd made in my opponent's jelly.
"Boo!" I angle my shield and use it more like a shovel than anything to rip rotten blood from the combo-jelly.
"No! Boo you!" Another sputter of fire shoots out from my partner's perch on the cart, and I grin as the monster collapses into dead-for-the-moment goo.
"Hey, mister. You still alive?" I call out to the man staring at my team with a wide-eyed look on his face.
"I- what- who are-."
"We're an adventuring group. The Little Calamities." I grin and raise my sword in a victorious pose. I'd spent the last three rescues trying to think up the perfect team name, and I'd finally come across it.
"We are not calling ourselves that!" My teammate throws a wet blanket on top of my enthusiasm.
"I- umm-."
"Hop in the second cart, mister, and we'll get you to safety."
I point at a merchant's wagon tied to the back of our cart filled with the other civilians we'd rescued.
"This has to be the last one, Ciel. We don't have space for anyone else. We have to get the ones we have to safety."
"Aww. Ok."
The land around Reitzland didn't look like it had when I'd slept outside a few nights back. Great divots had been torn into the earth and were leaking wisps of corrosive mana. Bodies and dismembered limbs were strewn in almost artful decoration amidst the wreckage. And smushed against one of the raised bridges that led into the city was a ragged line of men and women in gore-stained armor.
"El!" I shout over my shoulder. "Over there!"
"I see it!"
Her shout is accompanied by our cart tilting up onto two wheels as it turns almost perpendicular and starts to pick up speed until it feels like we're flying. I grab a handful of the railing to keep myself from falling off, and Markus latches his furry-paws into my hair.
"Woohoo!"
We careen toward a squad of blood-slimes, and I stretch out over the side of the cart and angle my shield exactly the way [Basic Shield Proficiency] tells me. A moment later, I shout gleefully as my shield scythes through a blood-slime minotaur.
My face is split open in a grin, and my hair whips back against my neck as I lean out even further to prepare for my next strike. I hear Markus's alarmed chirp as he scampers down my side, but I can't pull back now. Not when there are so many targets to choose from.
Our cart wheels around a shallow crater and straight over a pair of goblin-slimes. I wait a moment for the wheels on my side to drop back down and then another moment for the angle to be just right before I flick out with the flat of my blade and bisect the hobgoblin-slime leading them.
"Woo-ack!" My shout is cut off as I'm dragged bodily back into the cart, and I look up to see El glaring down at me.
"Stop fucking around, Ciel! We've got to break through that to get these people to safety."
She sounds far less excited than I do, but when I turn to look at what she's pointing, I understand why. Hundreds of slime-monsters led by a single giant-slime threatened to overrun the makeshift fortification.
"Got it!" I can barely hear myself over the howling wind and the screaming of civilians. "You drive, I'll swing!"
"Ciel, what!?!"
I ignore the shouted question and clamber to the front of the cart—the cart's wheels weren't bad at smushing the slimes, but if we were going to do this right, we needed something sharper. After this was over, I'd see if we could add some spikes or blades, but for now, a soon-to-be-[Hero] would have to do.
I lie on my stomach and wrap my legs around the guard rails. Then, I extend as far forward as possible without falling off. I hold out my shield in one arm, angled to shovel pieces out of any slime that got close enough. In the other, my sword is prepared to cut through anything my shield-shovel misses. I take a moment to brace myself at the sight of the ground racing past beneath me, and then it's time.
The world around me blurs into a rain of rancid blood and ooze as my sword and shield lash out ceaselessly. Goblin-slimes splatter left and right, torn apart by my sword and shield or reduced to bubbling puddles of noxious fumes. In moments, gore stains my face and drips in fat clumps down my hair.
I've never felt so alive.
Then our cart turns toward the lead slime, and I roar the loudest roar my tiny lungs can offer as we charge toward the hill-giant-slime.
As we speed closer, I line up for a strike that would cut off one of its jelly-legs. Instead of shoveling out gore and ooze, though, my shield bounces off a thick knot of slime-muscle with enough force to send me flying.
My roar turns to a gleeful shout—I'm flying! I never get to fly!—as my body arcs up and over El and Markus huddled beside each other in the driver's seat. Far too quickly, though, my flying turns to falling, and I stretch out with my shield arm to grab the lip of the back of the cart before it leaves me behind in the dust.
My fingers manage to clamp down on a fancy bit of gilt and carving. For a second, I just dangle there, holding on with all the [Enhanced Strength] my body has to offer while my feet bounce against the ground.
As we pull free of the last line of slime-monsters and into a hastily opened gap in the line of defenders, wooden tires slide into ground churned into mud and muck by all the fighting. The cart shudders to an abrupt stop, and my torso slams against the rear end of the cart.
I fall bonelessly to the ground.
"Oof."
"Get the civilians to the interior and get these adventurers some potions." I hear a familiar voice through the haze of pain and breathlessness engulfing me. It was the [Guildmaster].
"Still alive, huh, Ciel?" A calloused hand pulls me effortlessly from my resting place on the wet, gory mud and sets me lightly on the ground.
"Hi, [Guildmaster]." I grin dizzily, leaning into the steadying hand on my shoulder for balance. "We managed to take care of the animals attacking people. They're somewhere back there."
I wave my hand in the general direction that we came from. At least, I think it was the way we came. Everything around me was spinning just a bit too much to be sure.
"Heh. You can tell me all about it later." the guildmaster smirks. "After we deal with whatever this is."
I nod in agreement but keep my mouth shut. I couldn't say that it was my sister. Not if I wanted to keep my [Calamity] secrets secret. Besides that, if no one had recognized the signature skill of a [Calamity], I wasn't sure telling them would even help all that much.
"The Council has the Mage's Guild sending out [Messages], but nothing's come back so far. At least not that they're sharing with the grunts on the ground."
I nod. It's strange. Normally, Ashe is a lot more subtle than this—she's the [Calamity of Pride] after all. This is more like something I would have done—without the slime-monsters, of course.
"Here," she tosses a towel at me. "Take a minute to clean off. I'll need every hand that can hold a weapon or cast a spell on the line with me."
Minutes later, I'm not exactly clean, but at least I'm no longer coated in a thick layer of slime-gore. And I'm in a line line facing out at the slowly gathering blood-slime horde with El behind me and Markus perched on my shoulder. A big red-haired man I kind of recognized stands to my right, and the cat-eared girl from the guildhouse stands to my left. Behind us the group of civilians that we and some other teams had rescued is kind of huddled together and muttering things that aren't worth listening to.
And in front of us, at the center of the line, is our [Guildmaster].
Her eyes sweep over us, pausing momentarily on Markus and me before continuing. "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that the city is sealed. No one will be going in or out."
The man beside me flinches slightly, and El inhales a muted gasp. A civilian shouts something but is silenced a moment later by a flicker of the [Guildmaster's] aura.
"The worse news is that we finally got word from the Skyfall Archives. These blood-monsters are associated with an unknown S-rank threat."
"But do not despair…" Some kind of skill pokes at the edges of my thoughts, but since my mind is made from Wyrd rather than flesh, it just tickles.
I ignore the feeling as well as the [Guildmaster's] probably rousing speech. After all, I had a far larger concern. How did no one know this is the work of my sister? A [Calamity] is a world-renowned monster capable of destroying cities and armies and fleets. We're the terrors of the seven continents. We rampage and crush and destroy things. We're famous.
And these slime-monsters are Ashe's [Bloodforged]. I'm certain of it. And that means Reitzland is being visited by not one, but two [Calamities]—well, one was in disguise, but still. How could a city the size of Reitzland not recognize a [Calamity]? Unless…
My frown deepens. Was Ashe really not at all famous in Dynegard? Did that mean people on the other continents didn't know about me? I could almost feel myself wilting. Have I really been that unimpressive a [Calamity] that only one of the continents knows about me?
The guildmaster's speech that I'd been ignoring ends with a rousing shout, one that's echoed by the adventurers surrounding me. Despite feeling inadequate and not at all like shouting, I do it anyway. The gathered slime-army responds to our battle cry with a burbly one of its own, and then.
They charge.
As the wave of rancid blood rushes across the field, I turn to look at Markus, "Stay safe."
He nods his furry head—he'd left my scarf with one of the civilians we'd rescued for safekeeping. I turn around to look at my other teammate and repeat the same words with the same grin.
"I should be saying that to you, you idiot."
I grin and feel my earlier disappointment fade away like an army hit by [Annihilation]. I'd found the best teammates, and we were about to defend a city against a horde of monsters. What could possibly be better than this?
At twenty paces, our guildmaster raises her sword high overhead and brings it down in a sweeping motion. The air lights up with mana and arrows. [Firebolts] and [Cutting Wind] and [Water Cannons] fall amidst the enemy ranks and tear holes in their cascading charge. The second barrage is much less impressive, though, as only a few of the quicker adventurers launch a second arrow or fire off a second spell before the wave crashes upon us.
I dig my feet into the gory mud and brace for the charge as a goblin-slime slams face-first into me. Thanks to my [Enhanced Strength] and my [Basic Shield Proficiency], I deflect the force of the slime's attack to the side, where the red-haired man turns it into a splash of rotten blood with a strike of his hammer. I bat away another goblin-slime and use my sword like a spoon to scoop out his slime-brain then El shouts to duck.
The cat-girl and the redhead both drop, but I'm short enough that I don't have to do anything to avoid the fan of flame that sprays out over us. I sprint Into the gap opened by my teammate's attack and slam my shield down on a burnt, crippled-looking goblin-slime.
A moment later, Markus jumps off my shoulder and chomps into an archer's slime-neck even as I spin to one side to block a slime arrow with my shield. As he leaps onto another goblin-slime to continue his attack, my sword flicks out to finish the decapitation he'd started.
Before Markus can leap back to safety, there's a deep, burbly shout to my left. Slime-claws scrape against my [Thick Skin], and I roll away before the claws can do anything more than graze me. I spring upright to attack the slime-monster that had clawed me, but before I can do anything, the red-haired man smashes it into a puddle of blood with his hammer.
I pause for a quick moment to lift my shield in thanks and then sprint over to where the cat-girl is weaving between the claws and blades of a trio of goblin-slimes. With a cheery roar, I crash into the rearmost one and angle my shield to drive him into the ground. He explodes in a splash of blood and gore that is joined a heartbeat later by the splashy remains of the other two slimes. Cat-girl smirks at me, and as one, we turn toward a hobgoblin-slime lumbering toward us.
In unspoken unison, we rush forward to meet him. She strikes high, her fists carving divots out of his slime-chest. I go low, my shield and sword scissoring together to snip right through his slime-leg. Unbalanced, he falls to one knee. Before he can even begin to reattach his leg, he's engulfed in a blender of fists and swords. Moments later, all that's left is a streak of blood and slime.
I look around at the space our attack had opened, and grin as I see Markus and El have teamed up. He nips at a goblin-slime's hamstring, and she blasts him with fire. That's good teamwork. In fact, our whole impromptu group seems to be doing well enough that there's a little bubble of space around us. So, I cast a quick look around the battlefield.
To the left, our line of [Guards] and adventurers is buckling, but before I can help, our [Guildmaster] shouts '[Blade of the Gargant]' and swings her suddenly massive sword through rank after rank of slimes.
Wow. My heart starts beating faster. I couldn't wait until I learned something cool like that. Unfortunately, I don't get much time to marvel at the attack before another wave of slime monsters is on us.
Markus is the first to react. He dives through the eye of a hobgoblin-slime and while it's rearing back in pain from its lost eye, El burns it to a crispy brown. I leap into the opening in the line and swing my sword out in one direction and my shield in the other. Two slime-filled legs buckle, and two slime-monsters collapse. Before I can follow up with a decapitating strike, the cat-girl pulps the first with a single punch, and the red-haired man destroys the other with a [Concussive Strike] that ripples out and explodes half a dozen more.
This is so cool! I'm surrounded by so many cool people!
I shake my head. I couldn't afford to get distracted by the other adventurers. If I did, they'd outperform me, and they might become a [Hero] instead of me. I couldn't let that happen.
Fortunately, there are plenty of slime monsters to attack. And it only takes me a moment pick out my next one. A hobgoblin-slime roaring and swinging his slime-axe in wild circles.
With a grin, I dart between his legs like I had with that fire-bear and shovel a huge chunk out of his slime-spine as I roll free on the other side. He burbles out another roar as he spins around to face me, but I'd been counting on that, and El doesn't disappoint. Before he can even bring his weapon around in an attack, a [Firebolt] explodes his head and fries his slime-brain.
In another tiny pocket of space between the thrill of battle, I see a slime-minotaur racing toward a wounded adventurer. A roar tears out of my throat, and I charge after him.
In seconds, I catch up to the minotaur and carve halfway through his left leg, but not before he tries to bury his axe in the wounded adventurer's stomach. Using the momentum from my running attack, I roll through the slime's legs and pop upright, my shield held up to deflect the slime's killing blow. The blow hits me like a mini-rampage, the force of it driving me down to one knee.
The minotaur doesn't escape unscathed, though, as his axe shatters into a spray of blood. I force myself back to my feet and prepare to attack, but before I can, a shout of '[Second Wind]' is followed by the wounded adventurer burying his axe haft deep in the minotaur's stomach.
He pulls his weapon free, and I move over to join him. Together, we spend a few moments turning the slime into a puddle of gore and blood.
"Thanks, kid, I owe ya one." The adventurer grins a bearded grin at me and then races off to fight another slime-monster.
I prepare to do the same, only to stop dead at a shout of 'Ciel!'
That's El! My eyes frantically scan the battlefield, and I see her retreating from a pair of goblin-slimes with Markus nowhere to be seen. Her robes are torn, and her fingers sparking with flaming embers. Oh no! I'd left my teammate alone, and now I was too far to-
My mind shatters into fractal patterns and returns quicker than it ever has before. Time slows around me. I would only have one chance. That's fine, though. I'm going to be a [Hero]. [Heroes] never miss when it counts.
My grip shifts on my shield as I grab onto the side of it like it's a discus. My torso twists as I wind up, and with a bellowing roar, I launch my shield. The instant my shield leaves my outstretched fingers, time snaps back to its normal speed.
My breath catches, an unpleasant fluttery-ness beating its wings in my stomach as my shield hurtles through the air. Only to explode out of me a moment later as my shield scythes through the pair of goblin-slimes chasing my teammate. I bid my shield farewell and turn to a slime-goblin creeping up on me.
I lift my sword, or at least try to, but it's suddenly a lot heavier than I remember. That doesn't stop me from bashing my hilt into the slime-monster's head and stomping on it until it's a puddle, but it does leave me more winded than I should be.
Something's wrong. I feel different. Incomplete. As though my path to becoming a [Hero] had faded into a gray fog. A fog that transforms the battle raging around me into a dull and monotonous affair. A fog so thick that I could barely register what was happening. I could feel my sword as it swings through jelly-bodies. I could feel my arms ache. I could even feel my [Thick Skin] being shredded by slime-forged barbs and claws.
The battlefield is awash with sprays of mana and the screams of the dying. I don't pay attention to any of it, though. It's as much as I can do to keep lifting my sword and cutting through opponents. Everything hurts. My arms feel like lead weights. My legs wobble like the slime-monsters I cut through.
I haven't seen or heard El or Markus in an eternity, but I can barely bring myself to care. The fog wrapped around me is too strong. I barely see the world in front of me as I slip and slide and stumble from fight to fight. I register neither the hoarse thanks of those I manage to help nor the vacant-eyed stares of those I don't. I can't even find a mote of relief within me that none of those vacant stares belong to my teammates.
Listless exhaustion threatens to overwhelm me, but I can't let myself quit. If I quit now, I would never become a [Hero].
"Regroup!"
The [Guildmaster's] voice cuts through the muffled bits of my mind, and I look up at the empty battlefield surrounding me. The army of slime-monsters has been broken. Or, rather, the first army had been. I look up at a second army full of monsters that look much more dangerous than the goblins and minotaurs we'd just defeated.
Six-legged lizards prowl the space between shambling masses of plant-shapes while weird beasts covered in hooks and blades intermix with a chimeric combination of snake and human. And towering above them all, its wings spread wide enough to block out the sun, was a dragon.
Oooh. That might be a bit too much to fight.
We regroup in a much smaller circle than the first time around. Neither the cat-girl nor the red-haired man are standing next to me anymore, but I don't quite have the energy to check whether they're dead or somewhere else. To my right is the bearded man I'd saved earlier, and I feel a distant sort of relief at seeing El and Markus standing to my left.
The bearded adventurer looks over at me, and I realize that while he's the same height as I am, he's maybe three times as wide. "Never got the chance to thank ya properly, kid. Name's Fodrin of Clan Mournestone. Ya ever find yer way up the Jhoral Mountains, tell 'em that I sent ya, and they'll treat ya right."
El scoffs and looks down from on high at us, "We've got to get out of this first, and I don't think any of us has anything for a fucking dragon."
"Can't go wrong bashing 'em in the knees." The dwarf—Was he actually a dwarf? Have I really never met a dwarf before—smirks proudly, and I nod in distant agreement. Hitting slime monsters in the legs had worked for me all day.
"Tch," my partner scoffs and mutters something like 'now there's two of them' before pulling my shield off her back and dropping it in front of me. "You owe me for carrying that around the last half-hour. I take payment in rare books, manastones, and silence."
As I pick up the shield and slip my arm through the straps, my exhaustion starts to fade away as if it had never existed. No longer was I one of those weirdo [Duelists] who walked around with a single sword and poked people. I was whole again. A soon-to-be [Hero] walking the path of the [Paladin].
"Thanks, El! I'll have to find a manastone then." After all, my partner liked really boring books, and I certainly wasn't going to be quiet.
"Now that's a look," The dwarf's face crinkles up as he smirks into his beard. "Got more fight in ya than any ten of these tall-folk."
"That's right. Us short people have to stick together." I raise my shield meaningfully, and after a moment, he bangs it with his hammer.
It's too bad he looked like a tank, too, or I'd have found my fourth teammate. Still, he said I saved his life and even mentioned a dwarven clan. If that wasn't a plot hook for an almost a [Hero] to receive an ancient dwarven relic, then I didn't know what was.
I open my mouth to thank him for his future generosity, only to be slammed down into the dirt by an explosion of mana and aura. "I know not by what foul arts you accomplished it, but your cavalier murder has not gone unnoticed. I have been chosen to deliver unto you a punishment every bit the equal of your crime."
The pressure bearing down on me lifts just enough that I can look up at the source of that booming, mellifluous voice. My jaw drops as a radiant figure in a long, flowing dress descends from the sky. That's Ashe! A tired grin splits my face. I knew these blood-monsters were hers!
"Every last one of you will die, slowly and in agonizing pain. When your frail bodies can no longer withstand the torture you all so richly deserve, I will use your blood to craft an army the likes of which this world has never seen. It will be the wave that scours this forsaken continent of all life."
What's she doing here? She's normally on the other side of the world, busy with that floating city of hers.
I lift a weary and battered arm to wave at her, only to stop. I'm an adventurer now. Surely, it isn't appropriate for an adventurer to run out and greet her [Calamity] sister—even if I hadn't seen her in what felt like forever. Our relationship is definitely something I should keep secret. Just like I keep my own [Calamity]ness a secret.
Except, what kind of sister would I be to ignore Ashe when she's brought an army of [Bloodforged] to destroy Reitzland? I don't even need my genius mind to answer that.
A horrible one.
A sour feeling burbles within me as I feel caught between two extremes. If I ran out to greet her, that would mean showing everyone I was really a [Calamity] in disguise, which would surely be the end of my dream of being a [Hero]. Yet, what if she found out I was ignoring her and told the rest of our sisters, and they decided to ignore me in return?
I shake my head frantically, trying to banish a thought almost too terrible for words.
A shaky hand settles on my shoulder, and I look over at my partner's pale face. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She licks her lips and tries again, managing to croak out something that sounded like 'it will be ok.'
No, it wouldn't! I could barely resist the urge to shout at her. If I charged out there as an adventurer, I'd make my sister sad, but if I ran out to greet her, I'd make my partners sad. How could I do that to either of them? I was stuck. I didn't know what to do.
I let my mind shatter into fractal patterns, only to almost collapse in despair as it reformed. Even my genius couldn't answer the questions that scraped at the soft underbelly of my mind with their barbed claws.
What am I supposed to do?
Was trying to become a [Hero] really an impossible goal?
Was this what I deserved for trying to follow my dreams?
Invisible walls crash down on me, squeezing my chest and boxing me in like my chrysalis once had. My breath quickens as the faces of my favorite people flash through my head: my team, the nice guildmaster, the old lady who'd given me my scarf, the pudgy chef who baked tasty bread, the dwarven adventurer. When my sister decides to end her game, she would drown the city in blood—they would die.
My heart starts to pound so loudly in my ears that it drowns out the sound of everything else. A pressure builds in my chest and burns at my eyes. It felt like I wanted to cry, even though I wasn't sad. Instead of doing that, though, my body shudders, my mind creaks with the effort of keeping my emotions bottled up within me until-
"NO! I REFUSE!" I explode, the thunderous volume of my voice startling me as it echoes in the stillness following my sister's proclamation.
Before I can quite realize what's happening, the line of [Guards] and adventurers disappears behind me. With shield and sword raised, I sprint as fast as my smaller form can carry me. To what end, I don't know.
That doesn't stop me, though. Neither does the panicked shouting from El or the high-pitched chirps from Markus. It's a simple thought that launches me forward faster and faster until it feels like my feet aren't even touching the ground: when I finally see Ashe, I'll know what to say.
Row upon row of [Bloodforged] blur past me as I sprint toward the very heart of the army. To the place where Ashe had landed. When the last line of [Bloodforged] parts in front of me to reveal an infinitely familiar face staring down at me with that oh-so-familiar look of hers, I…
I raise my sword and shield and prepare for the most difficult fight of my life. "Halt, evildoer!"
"Ciel'othor'morg'dal, where have you been, and what in the maddening screams of Dys have you been doing?"
My true name gouges crimson lines in reality, and I flinch. My sisters only ever used my full name when I was in deep trouble.
No. Wait. I'm a soon-to-be [Hero]. I didn't have to subject myself to the tyranny of my elders. That's right. I would throw off this yoke of oppression and take a stand for bullied younger sisters everywhere.
"I'm an adventurer, here to end your villainous rampage." I brace myself in a defensive stand as I prepare for the inevitable—and violent—response.
"Are you, now?"
The speculative stare Ashe fixes me with makes me want to run to her and assure her that I was still her favorite sister. I couldn't do that, though. I was committed to my role. And only woe would come from the mixing of [Hero] and villain.
That is unless my sister becomes a recurring villain that I finally defeat in the middle of a flaming caldera or something. Then, she'd be my most trusted and loyal teammate. Unfortunately, I didn't even have to let my mind shatter to realize that wouldn't happen. Ashe just isn't the kind of villain that eventually became a [Hero]'s sidekick. She's way too elegant for that—which is only appropriate for someone cool enough to be my sister.
"Yeah!"
"Is that so~?" she almost sing-songs the question.
Before I can respond, a shaping of mana explodes out from around her with a declaration of '[Maddened Sphere of Azathoth].'
The sky shatters. A field of pale silver eyes peer in through the cracks as a gibbering attention is drawn by the spell. For a moment, cause is unbounded from effect. Space twists and warps. A blood-red film covers my eyes, then a sense of stygian amusement wafts through the air, and the presence withdraws.
With his blessing received, existence tolls like a struck gong as the Tier 10 spell reaches its apex. A moment later, a cataclysm of mana scrapes jagged barbs across this plane of existence, and walls of madness wrought from the glow of dying stars shimmer into existence around us.
Despite my genius mind being almost totally focused on the scolding that was coming my way, I spent a moment worrying about my teammates. Aza's attention was fun in a screaming incoherently and clawing your eyes out sort of way. Which would make it a lot harder for El to read her boring books. Markus would still be able to nap on my shoulder, though, so he should probably be just fine.
Then the dome of pale starlight finishes forming above us, unintentionally blocking the sight of our upcoming titanic struggle from view, and Ashe turns to me. Instead of a squinty look and a shouty-lecture, she's smiling. A blindingly bright, endlessly proud smile. Despite the weight of our upcoming struggle weighing down on me, I can't help the urge to preen.
"I'm so, so proud of you, Ciel."
It takes a moment for her words to sink in. No one's ever said anything like that to me before. My skin flutters and feels hot. I feel myself grinning so widely that I think my face would split in half if it weren't held together by flaps of skin.
"Really!?!"
"Indeed." My sister flicks her hand, and [Bloodrose] appears in her hands. The whip twitches impatiently as she smiles at me. "I was worried that you would be content to stomp around, playing [Calamity] with your toy cities forever. But this, this is brilliant."
I can barely think past the approval radiating from my sister. Other than becoming a [Hero], this is everything I had ever wanted wrapped up in a single moment, "Is it?"
"It's a plan worthy of Sopharanatoth or Ri'ankor'mal or even myself."
My chest felt like a cup that had been filled past the brim, and the liquid was spilling out over the sides. I want this moment to never end. "It is?"
"Yes." My sister nods in a way that says I shouldn't question her judgment anymore. "Deciding to seal away your [Calamity] skills so you can infiltrate the adventurers guild and sow discord and chaos from within the structures of mortal existence is ingenious."
Exactly, I would build up their trust in me, and when I was finally allowed access to the wardstones at Skyfall, I could
My genius mind pokes me, and the villainous plan dissipates from my mind. That's not why I'm here. I'm here to vanquish ancient evils and become a [Hero]—just like the characters in my books.
"That's not it at all!" I shout out my defiance of my evil sister. "I going to be a [Hero]!"
"A hero?"
My sister looks at me like she doesn't understand the words I'm saying, but that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the way she said 'hero': like it was a hobby people did to pass the time. I had to correct her. After all, I was the expert on [Heroes] here. I'd read hundreds of books about them.
"No. A [Hero]. You know, with the class and a [Sword of Light] and an ultimate attack and-"
The snapping sound of [Bloodrose] decapitating a [Bloodforged] that had wandered too close interrupts me before I can really dig into my rant, and I see my sister frowning at me. "That's… where did you get the idea that… who told you that heroes were a class?"
I don't understand what she's asking. It's like asking me to describe how water was wet. A [Hero] is a class; the sun rises in the west—as simple as that.
Still, Ashe is my older sister—and in a six-way tie for my favorite person—so I try my best to answer her question.
"Well, I started with a book called The [Hero] and the Cat. It's about a girl who finds a sword in the forest and rescues a cat from an evil witch and the cat becomes a girl and they go on an adventure together to defeat an evil dragon and then they make kissy-faces at each other and-"
[Bloodrose] snaps again and then slithers out to wrap around the blood-dragon's neck and starts to squeeze. The blood-bones in its neck start to crack with a delightful popping noise. The dragon starts thrashing—because my sister likes it when things struggle as they die. As it collapses back into blood and slime, Ashe breathes out a noisy exhale and stares at me with an intensity that starts to smolder the air around me.
"Who put the idea of kissing into your mind!?!" Ashe's stare sharpens to a glare, and I can read the promise of painful death in her eyes. "It was that fucking [Lord of Fallen Flame], wasn't it? He will know suffering beyond mortal imagination! He will spend ten thousand mortal lives screaming in agony and another ten thousand begging me to die!"
Wait! No! He's my future [Overlord] to defeat, not Ashe's! If I don't say anything now, Ashe would turn him into a smear of blood and skin flaps, and then I'd have to find a whole new [Overlord] to defeat. Fortunately, I know exactly what to say to keep my future [Overlord] fight.
"No. He was just boring and lame. And I always skip past those pages anyway. It's weird and gross."
"That's-" My sister's burning stare reverts to its usual intensity as she sighs. "Just remember, when anyone touches you inappropriately, you should-"
"Remove the limb touching me and then all the rest of their limbs just to make sure they can't do it again," I repeat a lecture I'd heard a hundred times from each of my sisters. For some reason, it was one of their favorite lectures. Even more than the ones where they scolded me about breaking their things.
Ashe looks reassured that I've remembered their lecture—as though my infallible memory would allow anything less. "Right. So, back to the hero thing-"
"[Hero]." I, on the other hand, am starting to worry about her memory because she seems to have forgotten the proper emphasis.
"There's no such-"
She cuts off whatever she was going to say mid-sentence and looks up to writhing tendrils of starlight above us. I recognize that look; it's the same one I used when I let my mind shatter into fractal patterns. So, instead of telling my sister all about my new teammates and the fire-bear I'd fought, I wait for her to finish.
A moment later, she looks back down from the "You want to be a hero?"
"A [Hero], yes." This is getting worrying. I might have to talk to Soph or Riri to let them know that Ashe may be going senile. She is the oldest one of us, after all.
"Well, I suppose I can leave Luminia on its own for a while," she smirks with vicious amusement. "I'm sure their [Archmages] will have fun trying to unravel the threads of this spell."
I nod in agreement at that. Aza's spells were so twisty and weird they even made my brain hurt a little, and I'm a [Calamity] and a genius.
"If you're going to be a hero-"
"A [Hero]."
"Fine, Ciel, a [Hero]." She spits the word out like it pains her, and I breathe an internal sigh of relief. Maybe she isn't going senile after all. "Then you will need an appropriately epic villain."
"I was going to use the [Lord of Fallen Flame], but I accidentally left his castle as a pile of rubble and killed off all of his minions except not-furry-Markus. So I don't know how good a [Villain] he'll be."
Even as I explain what had happened to my last [Overlord], my genius mind starts poking me about where my sister was going with this. I didn't listen, though. I didn't want to spoil it. After all, Ashe was the super responsible sister, always busy with her floating city. She never had time to play.
"A coward with a crown isn't worth a moment of your attention, Ciel'othor. He isn't a mote of dust compared to the [Calamity of Pride]."
"Really!?!" My eyes feel so bright that it's a wonder they aren't shooting out rays of [Hellfire]. My chest feels like it's about to burst open from the emotions rampaging within it. Instead of being responsible and working on her plots, Ashe is going to play [Hero] and [Overlord]! With me!
"Of course." she smiles fondly. "If little Ciel needs a villain, what choice could be better than her favorite older sister?"
My head bobbles back and forth as I nod fervently. "You can create evil plots and I can gather my teammates to thwart them and then I'll find a super-relic sword and we can have an epic final confrontation where I learn that the true powers of a [Hero] are the friends I made along the way and also the giant fire-beams my super-sword shoots out and-"
"Indeed," My sister cuts off my rant with a single word and a gleeful smirk. "But for you to be able to do that, we need to first set the stage so that the fools outside don't suspect a thing."
"What do you mean?" Sure, I couldn't reveal my secret heritage so soon, but what would be wrong with letting everyone else know I would be fighting against a [Calamity] who absolutely wasn't secretly-my-sister for the next several arcs?
"Your fellow adventurers will doubtless have questions if you return to them unscathed." Her smirk shifts from glee to something a lot more bloodthirsty as she says that.
My grin widens to match hers. I knew from my books that fighting the main [Villain] in the first arc almost guaranteed a loss, but there was no better way to become a [Hero] than to claw my way back up from that early defeat. "You're on!"
I raise my sword only to blink as I feel a wetness running down my chest. I look down at a rose shaped out of blood embedded just to the right of my fluttery heart. It was really considerate for Ashe to avoid my heart—without my [Calamity] skills, that could be dangerous.
My shield moves seemingly in slow motion to deflect the thorny edge of my sister's whip, but it snakes neatly around my attempted block and shreds through my [Thick Skin] as though it didn't even exist.
"I would say I'm sorry, Ciel." My sister smirks as a spire of blood erupts beneath me and impales my calf, "But after the panic this little stunt of yours caused, I'm really not."
"It's fi-urghle." My reply is cut off by blood-red claws tearing out a chunk of my throat. I cough out a spray of blood and try again. "It's fine, sis! Give me your best shot!"
"Oh, I will."
Stars explode in front of my eyes as a wall of pure force crashes into my face. I hear more than feel my nose break and spit out another mouthful of blood as I dizzily try to re-set my shield. I might as well have been trying to block the wind for all the good it did. [Bloodrose] flashes a dozen times and tears a dozen gouges into me.
Something flashes in front of me too quickly to see, and my leg cracks with an unpleasant sound. I topple to the ground, unable to stand. Blood drips into my eyes, and my vision grows dim until all I can see is my sister's boot as she steps up beside me.
Something latches onto my unbroken leg and lifts me into the air, and I think I hear my sister whisper something like, 'You did well, Ciel. Now, it's my turn.'
"I had intended for you all to die screaming, but the valor of this fool child has bought you time."
I feel myself being shaken, and I bravely withhold a pained groan as my bones scrape unpleasantly against things I was certain they shouldn't scrape against. A [Hero] never admitted to pain—which my books made seem a lot easier than it's turning out to be.
"Instead, I will offer you a game."
I scrabble uselessly against the thing holding onto my leg and try to look up through the blood gumming my eyes shut. No. She promised. If I could have spoken through the hole in my lungs—and the hole in my throat, too, I guess—I would have shouted that this wasn't a game.
"I will destroy your pathetic city-states from the inside. My minions will infest your feeble institutions and drag them toward ruin. I will take and turn the best and brightest amongst you, and they will betray you with a smile."
As my sister continues, I realize it's probably for the best that my shout came out as a burble of blood and other fluids.
"You will have one year. One year for the seeds of paranoia to take root within your minds. Until parents no longer trust children and wives no longer trust husbands. And at the end, when mistrust and fear have torn apart all you have built, I will return, and I will drown you all in blood."
Wow.
I was thankful the bones in both my hands and arms were so broken; otherwise, I'd have tried to applaud. That was an amazing villain speech and an even more amazing plan. I would have just rampaged until everything was broken, but this was so much better. Her plots would break their spirit, and then she'd come back to destroy them with her [Bloodforged].
It's no wonder why Ashe was the oldest. She's such an awesome sister.
My genius mind pokes me out of my awe. Right. I was the [Hero] that wouldn't let her get away with her evil plan. I would root out her corruption and put her minions to the sword. And I would start right now.
I wiggle a floppy, broken foot at the strap holding me upright. Take that, sis.
"What's to stop us from killing you right now?" A grating voice forces its way past the blood clogging up my ears.
"You?" I hear the smirk my sister uses right before she does something cool.
"Your life." An agonized shout is cut off a moment later by the sound of flesh and bone exploding. "Any other objections?"
I try and pout, but it hurts too much to move my face over my broken nose and cheek and jaw. Ashe never lets me watch her boil someone's blood until they pop like a sealed kettle. It's not fair.
"Take your fool, and know that she is the only reason any of you yet draw breath." The strap holding my leg vanishes, and I feel myself tumbling through the air.
The air explodes out of my holey lungs and broken ribs as I land in a puddle of mud and gore, which was probably for the best because if I had any breath, I would have screamed at the agony coursing through me. And that wouldn't be very [Hero]-like at all.
I hear reality whimper as a [Hellfire Portal] opens in the sky above me, and if I could have moved, I would have waved goodbye to my sister. The most I could manage, though, was a hoarse exhale through a mouthful of blood.
As the pain from my beating rises to drown me in darkness and unconsciousness, one last thought echoes in the silence of my mind.
Bye, sis. You're the best.
[Conditions met - Valiant Warrior Obtained!]
[Fighter consolidates into Valiant Warrior!]
[Valiant Warrior Level 8!]
[Rare Skill - Brave Soul gained!]
[Skill - Kindle Bravery gained!]
[AN]
This was originally two chapters, but there didn't seem to be any point separating them out without the vote option. That said, it is on the longer side, so let me know if you'd prefer shorter chapters.
- Location
- USA
It's a good size, I kinda want to find the quest and rush ahead
As soon as Ashe started talking about a murder suspected that Ciel's sealing away of skills did something that she didn't intend/even realize and it seems to have been the case.
The fact that the other continents are unaware of the other calamities is interesting because it suggests that no one knows that they are a set of seven nor their theme. I can only pity the continent that has to play host to a fun game between these two sisters…and now I can only wonder how long it will take for the others to drop in.
The fact that the other continents are unaware of the other calamities is interesting because it suggests that no one knows that they are a set of seven nor their theme. I can only pity the continent that has to play host to a fun game between these two sisters…and now I can only wonder how long it will take for the others to drop in.
I've been trying to puzzle out where I got the spelling for days. It finally hit me though. That's the spelling they use in FFXIV for a dungeon. Which makes sense. The localization likes to use a lot of less common words and phrasing.
This gives me a good idea for an interlude to help flesh out the [Calamities] and maybe a dash of the geopolitics. Now I just have to find a place to put it in the narrative.
The system is a funny sort of thing that we'll have to dig into at some point. It'll be a while before there's a place to do that in more than just bits and pieces.
In which a Villainess is rewarded
My eyes blink open, and I stare up at an unfamiliar ceiling. "Wh-" My voice trails off in a dry hacking cough, and I sink into the sheets surrounding me.
My eyes blink open, and I stare up at an unfamiliar ceiling. "Where?" My voice is a cracked whisper, but at least I can make it through the question. Unfortunately, no one is there to answer the question. I stare up for a minute or two longer before the weights on my eyelids drag them closed.
My eyes blink open, and I stare up at a familiar ceiling. "Where am I?"
"You're awake!" I struggle to turn my head to a voice that sounds an awful lot like El. "Here, don't strain yourself."
El materializes above me and helps me slide up until my back is placed against a pillow and my head is leaning against a cool, wooden headboard. "What happened?"
El's face twists into a squinty-about-to-lecture-me look and that combined with the rings around her eyes make her look a lot like a raccoon. "You charged an S-Rank that was threatening to kill us all, you fucking idiot, and she beat you an inch from death."
"At least she didn't-" my voice trails off with a cough, and a moment later, the edge of a glass cup is placed against my lips.
"Drink slowly, idiot."
El holds the cup up while I drink greedily, and when I free my hands from the sheets trapping them, she wraps them around the cup. After ensuring that I wouldn't spill my drink all over myself, she leans back and lets me drink at my own pace.
I let the empty cup tilt from my fingers and fall down to my lap. I grin. "Thanks, I needed that."
"You need a brain." El's squinty look gets even deeper and a weird light forms in her raccoon eyes. "What in the hells made you think charging an unknown S-rank threat was a good idea?"
"It's…" my genius mind muddles through flashes of memories fed to it by my infallible memory, but I stop before I can blurt out the truth. "It seemed like a good idea."
"That's because you're an idiot." Well, that certainly isn't true. I'm a [Calamity], a soon-to-be [Hero], and a genius. But my genius mind is also telling me that arguing with her right now would be a bad idea, so I stay silent. "From now on, you let me-"
"Chirp."
"Markus and I do the thinking for you."
That's an incredibly generous offer. It's always so much more fun when someone picks out my rampage targets, and we go rampage together. It's why I worked for [Overlords] and tricked my sisters into playing with me. Still, I'm a soon-to-be-[Hero], now so…
"I'm not sure-"
"Nope. Sorry. We held a vote while you were busy almost dying!" El shouts the last two words at me for some reason. "We do the thinking now."
"Chirp."
I frown. [Hero] parties weren't democracies. I know that much. I also know that if I ignore my teammates too much, they'd betray me at a critical, plot-relevant point in time and leave me to crawl back to civilization a broken husk of a [Hero] and I'd long since decided I didn't want to be one of those [Heroes] who wore black and said weird things but if I didn't even-
My genius mind pokes me and I blurt out a question, "Can I at least be the face of the team?"
El reaches out to pinch at my cheek, and I grin as I realize my face isn't fractured anymore. "Since Markus can't talk and I don't like dealing with people, that's all yours."
"Yay." I regret my exclamation when some still healing bit of something or other in my chest pulls unpleasantly. "Oww."
"Here," El reaches somewhere behind her and hands over a pale green potion. "There are shortages of everything after the S-rank's appearance, but I'll be damned if I let my teammate wait in line for a healing potion like a peasant."
Her tone and words are yet more support for my hypothesis that El is a princess in disguise. I'm still not quite sure why she seems so unconcerned about finding allies to regain her throne, but, I'm sure it would come up eventually. Besides, I could hardly complain about a teammate keeping a secret.
So, instead, I grab the potion in both hands and swallow it down in a single gulp. I feel a warmth settle in my stomach and begin to spread out to my limbs. The pain in my chest starts to fade, and I grin happily. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." My partner grins back at me for a moment before looking away.
My impeccable memory pokes at me and reminds me that I'd woken up several times before this. "How long have I been out?"
"A week," is the almost instantaneous reply. "The [Guildmaster] came by a few days ago to make sure you weren't dead. The Council tried to come in, too. They blathered something about creating an accounting of responsibility, but I told them to fuck off until you woke up."
Was I really so important that people would come to see me while I was asleep? How strange. Still, the idea sparked a faint warmth in my stomach, and I grin, "Thanks."
"Heh. Well, someone has to keep those vultures away from you."
I'm not quite sure what that means, but since El is smiling at me, it couldn't be that bad. Still, I did have a different question, one directly related to the evil plot my sister's currently enacting.
"What happened after m- she left?"
"You mean after she tossed your almost-dead body back to us like a used towel?"
That isn't quite how I'd put it, but I was in a lot of pain and kind of dizzy from blood loss at the time, so who am I to say? "Yeah, that too."
"It's been a bit of a shit show," a familiar voice calls out, and a second later the [Guildmaster] strolls in. "That spell she cast fucked with a bunch of people—made them go crazy and attack whoever was nearest. We're lucky that it happened during the day, or we'd be dealing with the aftermath of a bunch of parents who went temporarily crazy and murdered their children."
"[Guildmaster], how good of you to come in uninvited like this," El smiles in a way that doesn't look happy at all.
The [Guildmaster] shrugs, "I've been out delivering news to those that haven't wandered back to the guild yet and you're my last stop."
"Really? What news?" I scoot up on my bed. I didn't want my [Guildmaster] to see me lounging like that—she might think I was the lazy kind of adventurer who shouldn't get awesome secret missions that soon-to-be-[Heroes] always got.
"First off, there's a Luminian [Mage] who showed up by [Portal] last night."
El mutters something like 'rich fucks,' and the [[Guildmaster] grins, "Yep. The Magocracy spared no expense to get here once we sent them a [Sending] about the spell the S-Rank used."
I nod at that, tearing holes in reality with my [Hellfire Portal] is a lot easier than trying to transpose spatially distinct locations with a regular [Portal]. Even I get tired when I try and use a regular [Portal] to jump to other continents.
"Well, after condescending to the local Mage's Guild and taking a look at the remains of one of the blood monsters," she pauses here and looks at us with the kind of look Mal used when I tried to touch one of her experiments, "Don't spread this around. The last thing Reitzland needs is panicked rioting… the being that attacked us was not an unknown S-Rank threat. It was the [Calamity of Pride]."
El inhales sharply. Markus freezes completely still. My genius mind pokes me and I breathe out a whooshy breath.
Ashe isn't not-famous at all! She's just been sneaky about her [Calamityness]! That means I'm not not-famous either! And that means I'm not a failure of a [Calamity] at all! My grin stretches across my face only to hitch oddly as something not-quite-healed twinges in my face.
"Yes." Our [Guildmaster] nods slowly. "It puts the context of what she said in a different and… concerning light."
"She said we'd murdered someone," El murmurs softly, her face almost as pale as the bone-plates on my larger form. "And that she'd been chosen to deliver our punishment."
It takes all the discipline and determination of a soon-to-be-[Hero] not to shout out an explanation about how apparently sealing away my [Calamity] powers had made it look like I no longer existed on this plane.
Fortunately, before my discipline can break, the [Guildmaster] continues. "The Adventurer's Guild is treating it as confirmation that the [Calamities] share a connection beyond appearance."
"That's…"
El trails off and I nod in agreement as fast as the pain in my neck will let me. They're the best and awesomest sisters in the whole universe! Ashe even stopped playing with her floating city to come check up on me!
"Which brings me to the next part of my visit," Her sword-cane taps on the floor as she walks over to me. She waves El out of her chair and sits down beside my bed. Dark green eyes bore down into me with an intensity that kind of reminds me of my sisters. "You're the only one who was able to get close to her. Did she say anything. Any hints. Anything we could use. It should go without saying, but Dynegard is not prepared for the kind of maleficence [Pride] can offer."
That made sense. Unlike me, Ashe never got bored of playing with her toys. She didn't take breaks to nap or hunt juicy fish or pretend-work for [Overlords]. Plus, she really liked making sure everything she did fit into her grand plot, so even when it seemed like she'd lost a game of [Calamity] and adventurers, she never actually lost.
I couldn't say any of that, though. Not only is it all too close to my own [Calamity] secrets, but also to Ashe's. And if I shared too many of her secrets, she might get annoyed and stop playing [Hero] and [Villain] with me.
A shudder runs through me at that thought. The [Guildmaster] lays a hand on my arm and smiles when I look at her. "It's ok, take your time."
"She didn't say anything special." I lie, "I think she was just amazed at how brave I was. I even got a new class from it. [Valiant Warrior]."
"Did you? That's an impressive class evolution, and you're not even level 10, are you?"
"Level 8," I respond instantly, preening at how awesome my new class apparently is.
El sighs and leans down to flick my forehead, "Ciel. Don't tell people your class and levels."
"But-"
"Didn't we just agree that Markus and I would do the thinking?" I stare at her for a moment and even open my mouth to argue, but she just looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
My eyes fall in defeat. I had just agreed to that. Still, "Yes, but you don't have to say that in front of the [Guildmaster]."
"Heh," Her chuckle cuts off whatever response I could see forming on El's face. "I had the same talk with a teammate when I was just starting. It ended up working out pretty well while we were a team. I hit things with my sword and he made plans and drew maps and wrote notes about things."
"Why'd you split apart?"
"You shouldn't pry into other people's past, idiot. What if something bad had happened?" I try to lean back before El could flick my forehead again, but since I'm stuck in a bed, she just leans over a bit more and does it anyway.
The [Guildmaster] waves away the concern, and I grin triumphantly at my teammate. "It's fine. He earned a place at Skyfall, and I moved on to become [The Sword of Summer]."
"But I didn't come here to talk about my past." She pauses, and her face suddenly looks older than it had a moment ago. "The Council's been bothering me. They think you've somehow been contaminated. They want to lock you up until this whole [Calamity] thing sorts itself out."
That's… hmm… Well, on the one hand, a [Hero] at odds with a corrupt government is pretty common on the other-
"What!! That's bullshit."
A moment later, Markus chirps stridently and hops from his spot on the dresser onto the foot of my bed, where he crosses his fuzzy arms and narrows his eyes.
"Indeed. I told them that if they tried to arrest an adventurer for defending their city, they might not have an Adventurer's Guild in the morning."
"That'd be the least of their problems," El scowls darkly.
"While I cannot, as an officer of the guild, undermine duly empowered civil authority. Quite a few of us think we only survived the [Calamity] attack due to your… heroism."
My face blooms into a grin, and I try to sit up straighter, only to be held down by El's hand on the top of my head. Well, that's good enough.
"Really?!?"
"Really, really."
The [Guildmaster] nods approvingly, and while I bask in the glory of being [Heroic], she shoves a hand in her pocket and pulls out three silver bracelets. My eyes widen when I see that two of them are human-sized, while one is just a couple of loops linked together—perfectly sized for furry-Markus.
"I did come here for more than just the debrief about the threat of a new [Calamity], though." she then mutters something that sounds like, 'If letting the Council know about your new class doesn't get them off my back for a while, I'll beat the truth of it into them.'
I open my mouth to ask what exactly that means, but the [Guildmaster] cuts me off with a wolf-like smile.
"The [Valiant Warrior] evolution is only gained by showing bravery in the face of impossible odds and rescuing innocents from certain death." Her wolf-smile turns a bit brighter and warmer, "If it were just the first part, our guild would be bursting at the seams with the class—we're all a bit touched when it comes to assessing danger—but of the dozen teams and solo adventurers that gathered at the gates, yours was the only one to come in with a wagonload of civilians."
"That's because we had El's cart to drag them with." It's important to clarify that despite clearly being a [Hero], I didn't do it by myself. Otherwise, my teammates might grow jealous of my awesome [Hero] abilities and leave me to die in the wilderness.
"Yes, that's definitely all I did."
My impeccable memory is telling me otherwise, but if she wanted to disagree, then I'm not going to argue. "Yep. That's all you did."
"Ciel, if you weren't already hurt-"
"Before that, since I do have things to do today other than listening to a team bicker. Here."
She holds out a bracelet to El, who ties it to her left wrist with her other hand. Markus is next, and the [Guildmaster] wraps it around his furry paw and then snaps it closed, which is nice of her. He has trouble working the latch on his adventuring bracelet. Finally, she leans down and I raise my arm so she can slip the bracelet around my wrist.
I hold my wrist up to get a better look at it. Silver. I was a D-rank adventurer already. Yet more proof that I was on the right path. After all, there's no way anyone other than a [Hero] could advance from unranked to D-rank in just a few days.
"E-rank is a stage of learning. It's where an adventurer takes her first steps outside of the safety of a city and comes face to face with danger. Many run from that first test. Some continue running for the rest of their lives."
Who would ever run from something like that? They'd never become a [Hero] if they did. Besides, the funnest-looking quests were all much higher than E-ranked.
"E-rank is not for fools who rush headlong into danger, nor is it a rank where an adventurer risks her life to save one of her fellows. Since you three have done both of those things, you are clearly not E-rank. This is not a reward. It is a recognition of what you've done."
She pushes herself to her full height, her sword-cane hanging loosely in her hand. Her aura flows out and over the three of us with a prickly sort of warmth.
"Climb higher, young ones. To the limits of your abilities and beyond. Dark times have come to Dynegard, and I fear we will need that strength in the days to come."
Her aura vanishes, replaced by a tired smile. "And now that I've lectured at you, I have a Council to shout some sense into."
With that, she turns, her sword-cane tapping out a steady beat as she walks toward the door. When she gets there, she pauses and looks over her shoulder at us. "I don't believe in leaving things unsaid. You did good work out there, Ciel, but the Council has fingers in a lot of pies, and I can't guarantee you will remain free if you stay in Reitzland."
That's great news. Having to thwart my sister's evil plots while dodging a maybe-corrupt, maybe-just-cowardly-and-incompetent council is just the sort of thing [Heroes] are made from. "Thanks, [Guildmaster]. We'll take care of everything."
"Heh. I'm sure you will."
With that, she vanishes through the door. A moment later, El turns to me and stares. "Whatever you're thinking, stop."
"But-"
"No. We will take the [Guildmaster's] warning and leave tomorrow."
"What about-" I'm interrupted before I can ask about how we're going to uncover the evil hidden in the Council if we're not even here.
"Alis spent three years in Byregot as an [Inquisitor]. Leave her to uncover the truth here." El stares at me in a way that dares me to disagree.
"Fine~" I sigh out the word. There are other city-states we could go to. Ashe said she'd infiltrate all of them for her plot. "But since we're not leaving until tomorrow, let's do something fun today."
"I feel like I'm going to regret this, but ok." Markus turns to look at El and chirps softly. "He's right. Markus and I will make sure you don't pick anything too strenuous."
"Let's go find the old lady that gave me my scarf."
"Chirp."
I frown at furry-Markus. "No. She gave it to me."
Markus deliberately hops off my bed and back to the dresser, where he wraps the edge of my scarf around his furry-shoulders like a cloak. He looks good like that, almost debonair, with the way the red of the scarf matched the black of his fur. Still, I'm not going to give up that easily.
"It's too big for you." I point out the obvious. "It was made for a girl, not a squirrel."
Markus chirps dismissively and turns to El.
My teammate shakes her head, "This is a dumb argument, and I refuse to get involved."
"Yeah, plus she wasn't even there when I got the scarf. How would she even know?"
Markus wiggles his way even deeper into the scarf until only his eyes and whiskers are free. I could feel myself losing the argument to his cuteness. I had to rally, but I couldn't just go over and take it from him—that wouldn't be [Heroic] at all. I would have to rely on my genius mind to come up with an unbeatable argument.
My mind fractures into fractal patterns and then reforms. That's brilliant. There's no way he could argue with me now.
"I had it first."
"Chirp." That isn't a fair argument at all; just because he's wearing it right now didn't make the scarf his.
"If I hadn't been asleep for so long, I'd still be wearing it."
I point out completely reasonably, only to get a roll of his eyes in response. Well, if that didn't work, then I had another row of teeth to grow.
"El," I turned to my partner and my favorite teammate. "He's trying to steal my scarf from me; make him give it back."
"I already said I wasn't getting involved."
I gasp inside myself. Is this it? Is this the betrayal my books had warned me about? My team conspiring to steal my fluffy scarf from me while I'm too weak to stop them. I fumble with the sheets wrapped around me as I scoot toward the edge of the bed. I couldn't let this go. I have to do something.
El sighs as her kind-of-purple, kind-of-blue eyes flick back and forth between Markus and me. After a moment, her eyes roll to the sky, and she mutters something like, 'Why me?' followed by, 'I'm surrounded by fucking children.'
"But since I did say I would be doing the thinking from now on, why don't we find this old woman and have her make a second scarf?"
"Yeah!" My head perks up as my team's betrayal vanishes. "We can get a tiny one just for Markus."
"Chirp."
"I don't need a scarf. I already have one."
"Chirp."
"If it were yours, it would be squirrel-sized."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chi-"
"Ok, both of you shut up." El cuts off our argument with a glare. "We'll let the old lady decide."
"Chirp."
"It is fair. It's not my fault that she likes me more."
"Chirp."
"Yes, she does."
"Chirp."
"Uh-huh."
"Chirp."
"Uh-"
"Dead gods, let's go." El reaches out to wrap her hand around my arm and starts tugging. Thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], I don't move. "Ugh, fine. I'll be outside whenever you two are done with this stupidity."
I barely pay attention as she leaves. I have an argument to win. "Uh-huh."
"Chirp."
The first thing El does when she sees Markus and I walk out of her townhouse is scowl. I'm not sure why, though. It had only taken us another twenty minutes before he and I had compromised by wrapping the scarf around both of our necks.
Maybe she secretly wanted a scarf of her own and was jealous that she didn't have one. Or maybe she just thought Markus looked ridiculous with a scarf bigger than he was wrapped around him like a shawl but didn't want to say so since she'd promised to be neutral.
I open my mouth to ask, but before I can say anything, I'm cut off by the stomping of her boots as she marches over to us. "I'm going to guess neither of you two have any idea how to actually find this woman."
"Chirp."
"Of course I do." Markus and I reply at the same time. I turn to look at him and lift my chin in a magnanimous request to respond first. Once again, El interrupts before I can say anything.
"An idea that doesn't involve wandering around aimlessly until we run into them?"
"How'd you guess?" I grin happily amazed that my teammate already understands me so well.
On my shoulder, Markus flops down to his belly and covers his face with a pair of fuzzy paws. Did they both know me so well that they could anticipate my genius plans? I'm such a lucky soon-to-be-[Hero] to have such attentive teammates.
"Because you're an idiot."
I frown slightly at that. That isn't right at all. I'm a [Calamity] and a genius. Unfortunately, I couldn't exactly tell her that, so I responded in the time-honored way of little sister [Calamities] everywhere. "Am not."
"Yes, you are." El doesn't quite follow the formula of a proper argument and, in doing so, signifies that Markus is, in fact, the much better debater. I don't get a chance to tell her this because she continues in a way that's completely inappropriate for an argument. "It's why you're not allowed to think."
"Am not." Despite my partner's unconventional argument form, I know better.
Instead of even responding to my rebuttal, she reaches out and flicks my forehead with her finger, but with my [Thick Skin], I barely even feel it. I open my mouth to gloat about her feeble attack, and for a third time, I'm interrupted before I can respond.
"Save that for Markus. If we want to find this woman, I'll need some information. Who is she? Why is she here? Which gate did she enter? Did she look poor?"
That's a lot of questions. Fortunately, they are all questions that my infallible memory knows the answers to. "She's an old lady with a whiny, old-man husband. They came through the same gate I did, and she made me a world-famous stew for dinner."
El looks at me with a strange flatness in her stare, doubtless amazed by my impeccable memory, before turning to Markus.
"Chirp. Chirp."
"Hmm…" my partner taps at her lips as she formulates a plan based on my expert memories and Markus's less interesting ones. "For an old farming couple that entered the Salmon Gate, there's really only one inn in that price range. Especially with that tavern burning down the other day."
"Those evil mercenaries didn't burn down her inn, did they?" I didn't think I could dislike mercenaries more than I already did, but if they ruined the inn one of my favorite people was staying at... Well, I couldn't do anything right now, but I'd remember them for the next time I got really hungry and rampage-y.
"No, the Boar and Stag is several blocks away from that bit of stupidity." El looks at me with a meaningful stare, and I nod. Of course, no one would ever want to stay too near a mercenary company. It might be contagious. "We'll start there and ask around until we find her."
"Right." I agree and then step out to the front of my party. With the plan decided, it's my turn to be in charge.
"Let's go!"
I step inside of a door marked by a plaque picturing a boar and a stag locked tusks to antlers in a duel hanging over it. A wide grin sweeps across my face. Unlike that terrible mercenary tavern, the Boar and Stag looked like the kind of inn a [Hero] could get her start at.
It's still loud, of course, but with the sounds of people eating and carrying on low conversations rather than drunks trying to sing by mimicking a dying minotaur. The food also looks a lot nicer. The bread's plump and brown, the meat looks like meat rather than slices of sadness, and a delightful aroma of something sweet and spicy covers everything.
"Eugh, it smells like peasants."
El, on the other hand, doesn't seem nearly as enchanted as I am. I turn to look at Markus, but it seems he's fallen asleep. That's one vote for, one against, and an abstention, which means it's an awesome inn—since I'm the leader, my vote counts more.
"Come on, let's go see what's on the menu."
I grab El by the arm and pull her forward, and thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], she only stumbles once before allowing herself to be dragged on. It doesn't stop her from arguing, though.
"We came here to find your old lady, not to eat, Ciel."
"We can do both!" Food's important for a growing [Calamity], after all.
Her face twists like she stepped in something gross. "We are not eating here."
I frown at that; if we didn't, I wouldn't get to try the bread or whatever it was that smelled like honey and spices. "But-"
El's brow furrows in the way it does when she's thinking about something deeply. After a moment, she nods to herself and looks down at me. "You can either eat now, or I can have a meal delivered to us later."
"Why not both?"
"Because that's not the plan."
Well, I couldn't argue with that. I had promised not to be involved in making plans. Still, if those were the options, I needed a critical piece of information before I could decide. "Will you order another cake?"
"If it means not having to eat here, sure."
"Yay!"
As long as the promise of cake isn't a lie, I'd take that over eating at an inn a hundred times out of a hundred. Maybe we could even get a noodle casserole this time or some crunchy green vegetables. I could hardly wait. In fact, I wipe discretely at the edges of my mouth in case there's any drool coming out. Now, all we have to do is find the nice old lady, and as my eyes land on a woman threading through the tables, I know exactly where to start.
I walk over toward the server and tug on one of the frilly edges of her apron.
"Hi. I'm Ciel, and this is Markus, and that's El." I grin widely as I lift my shoulder where my furry partner is still sleeping and then turn to where El is staring into space blankly. "We're looking for an old lady."
"Chirp."
"Who makes scarves." I interpret for Markus, because not everyone bothered to learn squirrel.
"That's nice, sweetheart, but what's that got to do with me." The waitress tries to pull her apron back, but thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], my hand doesn't even move.
"El said she'd stay here."
"That's not much help, kid." The waitress tugs at her apron a few more times before sighing. "What's she look like."
"She's an old woman. She makes scarves." I explain slowly since the waitress clearly isn't getting it.
"That's- come on, kid. I've got orders to take," she tugs at her apron again, but it doesn't work.
"Oh, and she makes a world-famous Reitz Stew." I cut her off as my impeccable memory kicks me.
"A stew?" The waitress stops tugging and starts thinking, thankfully, because I was worried her apron would start to rip. "Are you talking about Marta? Married a man named Henrick and left to go farm somewhere."
Markus chirps, and I nod. That's her.
"Second floor, number 8. She got a bit banged up with the…" Her voice trails off, and her eyes go a bit blank.
"Thanks, miss."
With that, I let go of her apron, not really noticing that she just stood there for a few moments before shaking her head and walking off. I had a direction and a teammate to show how good my plans really were. I grin. If I keep this up, she'd be out of her job in thinking for me.
"Come on, El. I found her."
"Well, I suppose it's better than staying here."
"Hi, old-lady; Markus and I came to-" I slam open the door with a grin only to pause as there's another person inside that I recognize. "You're here too, rescued-lady?".
"Ciel?"
"Ciel?!?"
Two voices, one kind of soft and coming from beneath a pile of pillows and blankets set beside a nice window and the other from a chair perched right next to the bed, call out my name.
"And Markus and El," I race into the room and stop a step before I collide with the bed. Then I gesture behind me at my teammate who's standing in the doorway. "El's the one with the scrunchy face. She's my new teammate."
"I'm not frowning, you idiot," El steps inside the room and shuts the door behind her. She steps one step further in and then stops with a weird kind-of-smile-but-not-really on her face. "I apologize for the interruption… and for Ciel, I suppose. I've been trying, but she's yet housetrained."
Well, that's just not true at all. In my larger form, I converted everything I ate into raw mana without a bit of waste. As for my smaller form… I shake my head. I am absolutely housetrained. I open my mouth to say so, but the old lady smiles and lifts her hand slowly out of her pillow fort.
"I'm Marta. It's good to see you, dear." A smile crosses her face as I reach out to grasp her hand with my own. A moment later, Markus scampers down to place his hand on top of ours. "But what are you doing here?"
"Markus and I are arguing over which one of us you gave the scarf to." I raise my free arm, and Markus raises his a second later. "Oh, and look. We're adventurers now. D-Rank."
"Scarf? No. Wait." Rescued-lady interrupts, "How did you find us- no, what do you- how do you know my mom?"
"Oh! You found your daughter, old-lady! That's great!" My grin widens until it would have shown off three rows of teeth in my larger form. "Where was she?"
Rescued-lady stares at me with the kind of flat stare El and my sisters and sometimes even not-furry-Markus used when they were amazed at something I said. Then she turns to old-lady, "mom, this is the one I was telling you about. The one who saved me from the- and…"
Rescued-lady trails off, trying to swallow something even though I hadn't seen her eating and Old-lady puts a hand on her arm. She leans into the touch even as old-lady smiles at me in a way that feels like sitting in front of a fire on a cool night and listening to Bel tell stories about clever monsters who gobble up the evil people who attack them.
"Thank you, Ciel. Mery told me about how you rescued her and all those other poor people from that vile woman."
"I," I pause and look at El, who's staring at me like she's trying to figure something out. Not good. If she found out Markus and I had an adventure without her, she might get mad and not want to be my teammate anymore. "That wasn't me."
"What do you-" rescued-lady's face scrunches up, "of course it was you. At first, you thought we were in a waiting room for Adventurer's Guild applicants-"
El makes a low snorting sound but doesn't say anything as rescued-lady continues.
"Then you beat up the guards and we looted the dungeon," she pauses and smiles like a fox looking at a groundhog, "you got lost trying to find the [Villain]-"
El coughs in a way that sounds a lot like a laugh.
"Then you blew up their secret door and challenged them all to a fight…" rescued-lady pauses again, though this time, her smile looks like a wolf with blood on their muzzle, enjoying a fresh kill. "And absolutely destroyed them."
"That," I pause as suddenly everyone is looking at me. My hand rubs the back of my neck and I grin in the same way I did when Ashe had caught me after I'd eaten all her bottles of rotten-juice. "That was not-Ciel and not-Markus who did that. Remember."
Rescued-lady squints at me for a moment and then shrugs, "She's right, mom. I must have gotten her confused for someone else… probably because they look the same and have very similar names."
That made sense. After all, not everyone could have an impeccable memory like me. So I nod and grin, "That's ok. It happens to El too. When I went to go get tested by the [Guildmaster], she forgot we were going to be teammates and left without me."
"Ciel."
"Yes?"
"Stop talking."
"Ok."
After that, I had managed a few minutes being quiet while Markus and El and old-lady and rescued-lady had kind of talked but not talked, while questions bubbled up from my genius mind. Until, eventually, one exploded out,
"What happened to you, old-lady?" my voice cuts off a third round of discussion about the weather. "Last time, you could walk and move and make stew. Now, you're not even getting out of bed."
"Ciel," El huffs out a whooshy breath that I ignore in favor of looking at old-lady.
She lifts her hand to brush at the blankets wrapped around her legs and torso and then smiles at me. "I'm sorry, dear. I was hit pretty badly by that monster's spell, and it's been taking a while for me to recover."
"Did she hit you with the-" I cut off before I can mention [Bloodrose] since that was certainly one of my [Calamity] secrets. "I mean, did she break your bones and impale you through the chest and legs, too?"
"No, it-" the old lady stops her explanation as her eyes drill in on me. "What was that, dear? Too?"
"I charged m- the monster-lady and she broke a bunch of bones and stabbed me with a whip in a bunch of places and-"
El's hand lands on my shoulder and squeezes so tightly that if I didn't have [Thick Skin], it might have hurt a bit. "If I had known this idiot was stupid enough to charge an S-Rank threat, I would have kept her on a leash."
"I'm alright now, though." I raise an arm and flex my tiny muscles to prove the point. "She only almost killed me."
The old lady frowns at me while El's fingers try uselessly to dig into my shoulder. "El, is it?"
"More or less." My partner cleverly disguises her fake name while not lying to the nice old woman.
"Hmm…" The old lady stares at both of us for a moment. "Well, I'm glad you've found some good friends, Ciel."
"Yep!" I agree almost instantly. I had the best team a soon-to-be-[Hero] could ask for. "El is the teammate with the secret past that I'll learn about in the second book, and Markus is the [Rogue] with a heart of gold."
Both El and Markus stare at me after I say that, but they let the old woman speak first. "That sounds lovely."
"It's great, I-"
I'm about to tell her all about how we beat up a fire-bear and his friends and then were really responsible and rescued a bunch of people and defended the city, but before I can, my genius mind pokes me. I turn to El with a panicked look.
"She's hurt!"
"Your genius never ceases to amaze me."
Despite my chest fluttering at the words, I don't have time to bask in the feeling. "You can praise me later, El. We need to get her some of the potions that put my bones and organs back where they belonged."
"That's definitely what that was…" my teammates sighs in agreement. "Top-grade healing potions are expensive, Ciel."
"Use the gold we got for saving the city, then," I tell her, somewhat surprised that I had to suggest money stuff to her. She's supposed to be the money-smart teammate.
"They didn't give us…"
My face twists up at that. I did [Hero] stuff; even the [Guildmaster] said so. Surely, the city had lavished us with gold and fancy weapons and roasted cows.
"Oh, right… that reward." I'm not sure why El's voice sounds so flat. Maybe she's just ashamed of not having an infallible memory like me. "Yeah. Let me take care of that. You all have fun here."
El comes back when I'm halfway through telling old-lady and rescued-lady about how we rescued a bunch of people from the blood-slimes. "And El went *pew pew pew* with her fire bolts while I stomped on slime-goblin heads, and Markus bravely stayed back and led people to safety."
"Chirp."
"I am not downplaying your contributions just because I want her to say it's been my scarf all along." Which is a rude and totally unfair accusation from my furry-teammate.
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-"
"Ciel, Markus. Shut. Up."
Despite wanting to win my argument, the snappy way she said my name makes me stop. Normally, when my sisters say my name like that, it's accompanied by [Void Blades] and [Decohesion Beams]—that's how I know they're tired of playing.
"Here, Miss Marta." El holds out a bright green potion. "Straight from our share of the reward for saving the city."
"Are you sure, dear?" The nice old lady looks at the bottle for a moment, but when my teammate nods, she reaches out to grab it. "Thank you."
My teammates and I watch as she uncorks the bottle and brings it to her lips. She downs the liquid in a single gulp, and a flash of color returns to her face. A moment later, she kicks herself free from her blanket fortress and edges over to the side of her bed. She pushes herself upright and moves over to El, who takes a step back with a slight shaking of her head. Then she turns to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
"Thank you, dear."
I stand still, momentarily confused about what to do. No one other than my sisters had ever hugged me before. Eventually, I decide to bring my arms up around her waist and squeeze, though I'm careful not to use my [Enhanced Strength]. After a long moment, she pulls back, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"So," I ask as she looks down at me. "Was the scarf for me or Markus."
"Hah!" the old lady cackles once and smiles that campfire smile. "How about I make a second one so you both have one."
It's afternoon by the time we leave. Markus is wrapped up in a lame, way-too-big-scarf, while I have a cool ribbon-scarf tied into my hair. "We should go talk to those adventurers we fought with. You know, the cat-girl and the red-haired guy."
"Ciel, I don't think that's a good idea." El turns down my genius idea with a strange sort of look.
Why is she looking at me like that? Like she doesn't seem happy about meeting our temporary partners at all. I don't understand. Fighting blood-slimes with them had been so cool. Is she jealous that I would think one of them was cooler than she is? I'd have to ask later; for now, I had yet another argument to win.
"Come on. She punched slime-monsters to death, and he exploded them with his mace."
My teammate stares at me in the same kind of way my sisters do when they're being weird. "Ciel, they're-"
My head bobs as I agree. "Yeah, they definitely got promoted just like we did. I bet we can all celebrate getting our new ranks together."
"Ciel…" El says my name in a way that sounds kind of like a sigh.
I frown. This isn't the enthusiastic approval that I thought my idea would receive. "Is this one of those plan things I don't get a say in? Because I really want to see them."
"They're dead, Ciel."
My face twists in incomprehension, and my eyes fall to the ground. How could they be dead? They were side characters in my [Hero] story. People like that don't die. "But I wanted to eat roasted cow with them—or raw cow if cat-girls prefer that, I'm not sure. We would sing songs, and there'd be cake, and then we'd swap adventurer stories."
El places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. I look up at her and blink something out of my eyes. "The guild put up a memorial for the adventurers who died during the attack. Do you want to go see it?"
Do I? I don't know. Maybe. Kind of. And yet...
"Come on, let's go pay our respects." El smiles softly at me, and I nod.
"Their names were Othara and Voyce," El murmurs quietly as the three of us stand in front of a small stone plinth guarded by the drooping branches of a willow tree and inscribed with dozens of names.
My eyes trace the names written on the memorial stone before they stop on Othara Qestel. My mouth moves, but no sound comes out. Othara was almost my teammate instead of El. Would she still be alive if she were? Would El be dead in her place? My breath catches in my throat at the thought.
That doesn't seem fair. At all.
My thoughts chase themselves in circles, but even my genius mind can't find any answers. I turn to look at El, perhaps hoping that she would have answers to my questions, but she doesn't turn away from the stone.
Maybe there are no answers.
I blink away something in my eyes and reach out to trace her name with my fingers. It feels strange that I had never learned it in life, and now, thanks to my infallible memory, I will never forget it.
My eyes unfocus as I take in the names around hers. Is this all there is in the end? A name on a stone in a quiet park near the Adventurer's Guild. What about the [Guards] who died out there? Or the civilians? Is Reitzland full of parks and memorial stones with the names of the dead carved upon them?
I look away from the stone. Not that it matters. It's already burned into my perfect memory. But at least the clattering of those unanswerable questions in my head quiets down.
"Can we go home now?"
"Yeah, let's go."
True to her promise, from what I was certain was weeks ago, but my infallible memory tells me was actually earlier in the afternoon; an extravagant feast is waiting when we get back to El's townhouse.
My stomach grumbles at the sight of juicy meat, golden-brown rolls, a casserole covered in bright orange cheese, and a cake even larger than the one I'd scarfed down a few nights ago sitting off on a nearby counter. Despite that, and the line of drool I can feel slowly forming on the edge of my mouth, I don't feel like eating.
"If I'd known, well…" El laughs in a way that doesn't sound like there was anything funny. "Let's fix some plates, and we can discuss where to go next."
"Ok." Maybe talking about our first real adventure would help dispel the weird feelings in my chest.
Despite agreeing, I don't move. After a moment El rubs a hand on top of my head. When I look up at her, she grins faintly. "Go find a chair. Just this once, I'll get some food for you."
"Ok."
El glides over to a table laden with the promised feast and starts to fill two plates with food. After watching her spoon the cheesy casserole onto a pair of plates, I turn and find a plush, cushiony chair set on one side of a low table. With a quiet flop, I fall into the cushions, only to flinch as Markus chirps loudly in my ear.
"Sorry."
"Chirp."
"I don't know. I feel empty but not hungry-empty and also hungry-empty." I don't really have words to describe what I'm feeling. After all, it had never bothered me when my sisters and I-
My genius mind kicks the thought out of my brain before it can finish forming. A moment later, El returns with dinner crammed in her arms.
My stomach growls as she sets the biggest plate down in front of me. It's laden down with a dozen slices of beef oozing beef juice onto adjacent piles of cheesy noodles and a green vegetable my infallible memory told me was asparagus. Next, she sets down a bowl full of rolls and some saucers of butter and jam, as well as a bowl of roasted nuts for Markus. Finally, she sets down her own plate and then drags another of the cushiony chairs up to the table.
"Today's been a day, hasn't it?"
El slides a fork and knife across the table to me. When I catch both of them, she picks up her spoon and dips it into the casserole. A string of cheese stretches halfway up to her mouth before snapping. My stomach growls. She bites into the noodles covered in cheese and makes a loud sound of enjoyment.
"Macaroni au gratin is what they call it when it's three gold a plate, but you can find mac and cheese pretty much everywhere." She scoops a second bite, one that looks just as cheesy and delicious as the first one. My stomach growls. "It's one of the few good things peasants have ever created."
"Although…"
El muses to herself as she reaches out to the rolls and plucks out the golden-brownest of them all. She splits it with her knife and then carefully wedges a thick slice of roasted meat between the two sides. She takes a delicate bite, her teeth carefully tearing through bread and meat that looked so tender that it might just melt in her mouth. My stomach growls.
"You can't go wrong with a simple sandwich either." She polishes off her sandwich in another handful of bites, and I feel my hands twitch toward my silverware.
"Eat all you want, Ciel. There's plenty more in the kitchen." She smiles as she sticks her fork through a pair of asparagus spears and I listen as they crunch delightfully as she bites into them. "It's important for a growing girl to eat her vegetables too, and asparagus is the best of that sorry lot."
"Chirp." I turn to look at Markus and watch as he bites the head off of a roasted almond.
"And there's always cake for dessert." I turn back to El and watch as she takes a bite out of a piece of roast, this time without a roll.
My stomach growls and growls and growls—the weird, not-hungry emptiness snaps. I reach out for my dinner.
I slump down in my chair to give my belly more room to breathe. My thoughts were sluggish, caught in the haze of too much delicious food, but I feel better. The name of a would-be teammate carved into stone still hovers in my memory, but it's just there. Not overwhelming me with questions I didn't know how to answer. Just sitting in my mind with an almost familiar weight.
"While you were recovering, reports started to come in." My teammate draws me from contemplation of my stomach poking out from beneath my shirt. "It seems the [Calamity] was true to her words. Every city-state on the continent is bedeviled by some sort of problem."
With a whisper of [Miniature Map] and a flicker of mana, a glowing white map of Dynegard materializes in the space where our dinner had been an hour ago.
"To the north, the clans of the Jhoral mountains have apparently started to lose contact with their outposts and mining runs." The map flickers and a red circle wraps around a jagged, v-shaped mountain range covered in snow-topped peaks. "Quests have been issued by the dozens for adventurers to come and investigate what's happening. The dwarves place great stock in reciprocity, so any successes we have will see us rewarded far beyond what's on the quest flier. If we want to get some better weapons and armor, we couldn't do much better than the Jhoral mountains."
I nod at that but stay silent. A new sword or shield would be cool, but since I was a soon-to-be-[Hero], I was sure I'd get my relic-level weapons whenever it was narratively appropriate.
"Alternatively, we could go south. It's a bit longer of a trip to Belizia than the rest of our options, but due to its status as the continent's largest port city, it's also the richest of our options, by far. Not that money's that important, but still." A second red circle wraps around a city positioned at the end of a tapered peninsula.
"What's wrong with them?"
"Pirates. Which is pretty common for them, but there are rumors of a [Pirate King] and an impenetrable fog bank." El shrugs. "The reports are still very preliminary. Apparently, the only survivor is currently a gibbering wreck."
"If you don't like mountains or the ocean, there's always the desert, specifically Awanu." my teammate grins, "Where there are hundreds of reports about a permanent sandstorm that started after some kind of earthquake."
A third circle encloses an oasis in the heart of the Sandswept lands. "There's also a single report of some kind of city being hidden behind that sandstorm, but even by the standards of adventurers, this report is considered unreliable."
My larger form didn't like sand too much. It got in between my armor plates and made an unpleasant grinding noise as it was reduced to powder. Fortunately, that wouldn't be a problem this time.
"Our final option is into the ancient forests of Lothenar." This time, instead of a neat circle, a jagged shape wraps around a vast, forested area. "Unlike the other city-states, Lothenar is more a confederacy of small towns and villages. Though they do have seasonal meeting sites that have accumulated some of the detritus of civilization over the centuries."
"Here, the situation is much more straightforward. At least depending on whether you believe in fairy tales. The reports all say one thing: three nights ago, a horn resounded across the length and breadth of the territory. They say a Wild Hunt has been called."
I nod as I commit the four options to my perfect memory. Each of them sounded like a lot of fun. I wasn't sure why El was asking me, though. "I thought I wasn't allowed to make plans."
"You aren't." My teammate smirks while Markus rolls onto his belly so he can chirp out an agreement. "But since you're our leader, I think you should be the one to decide where we go."
"In that case, let's go…
[AN]
This chapter received some fairly major rewrites. The scene with Alis at the beginning is fleshed out to provide some more context on the [Calamities]. The scene with Marta now has her lost daughter included since she was rescued by Ciel in a previous arc. Finally, I thought long and hard about whether to include the scene of Ciel at the memorial because a major theme of this story is Ciel growing up and I want those moments to have weight. To be... earned. I think it fits, but feel free to tell me if it seems out of place.
My eyes blink open, and I stare up at an unfamiliar ceiling. "Where?" My voice is a cracked whisper, but at least I can make it through the question. Unfortunately, no one is there to answer the question. I stare up for a minute or two longer before the weights on my eyelids drag them closed.
My eyes blink open, and I stare up at a familiar ceiling. "Where am I?"
"You're awake!" I struggle to turn my head to a voice that sounds an awful lot like El. "Here, don't strain yourself."
El materializes above me and helps me slide up until my back is placed against a pillow and my head is leaning against a cool, wooden headboard. "What happened?"
El's face twists into a squinty-about-to-lecture-me look and that combined with the rings around her eyes make her look a lot like a raccoon. "You charged an S-Rank that was threatening to kill us all, you fucking idiot, and she beat you an inch from death."
"At least she didn't-" my voice trails off with a cough, and a moment later, the edge of a glass cup is placed against my lips.
"Drink slowly, idiot."
El holds the cup up while I drink greedily, and when I free my hands from the sheets trapping them, she wraps them around the cup. After ensuring that I wouldn't spill my drink all over myself, she leans back and lets me drink at my own pace.
I let the empty cup tilt from my fingers and fall down to my lap. I grin. "Thanks, I needed that."
"You need a brain." El's squinty look gets even deeper and a weird light forms in her raccoon eyes. "What in the hells made you think charging an unknown S-rank threat was a good idea?"
"It's…" my genius mind muddles through flashes of memories fed to it by my infallible memory, but I stop before I can blurt out the truth. "It seemed like a good idea."
"That's because you're an idiot." Well, that certainly isn't true. I'm a [Calamity], a soon-to-be [Hero], and a genius. But my genius mind is also telling me that arguing with her right now would be a bad idea, so I stay silent. "From now on, you let me-"
"Chirp."
"Markus and I do the thinking for you."
That's an incredibly generous offer. It's always so much more fun when someone picks out my rampage targets, and we go rampage together. It's why I worked for [Overlords] and tricked my sisters into playing with me. Still, I'm a soon-to-be-[Hero], now so…
"I'm not sure-"
"Nope. Sorry. We held a vote while you were busy almost dying!" El shouts the last two words at me for some reason. "We do the thinking now."
"Chirp."
I frown. [Hero] parties weren't democracies. I know that much. I also know that if I ignore my teammates too much, they'd betray me at a critical, plot-relevant point in time and leave me to crawl back to civilization a broken husk of a [Hero] and I'd long since decided I didn't want to be one of those [Heroes] who wore black and said weird things but if I didn't even-
My genius mind pokes me and I blurt out a question, "Can I at least be the face of the team?"
El reaches out to pinch at my cheek, and I grin as I realize my face isn't fractured anymore. "Since Markus can't talk and I don't like dealing with people, that's all yours."
"Yay." I regret my exclamation when some still healing bit of something or other in my chest pulls unpleasantly. "Oww."
"Here," El reaches somewhere behind her and hands over a pale green potion. "There are shortages of everything after the S-rank's appearance, but I'll be damned if I let my teammate wait in line for a healing potion like a peasant."
Her tone and words are yet more support for my hypothesis that El is a princess in disguise. I'm still not quite sure why she seems so unconcerned about finding allies to regain her throne, but, I'm sure it would come up eventually. Besides, I could hardly complain about a teammate keeping a secret.
So, instead, I grab the potion in both hands and swallow it down in a single gulp. I feel a warmth settle in my stomach and begin to spread out to my limbs. The pain in my chest starts to fade, and I grin happily. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." My partner grins back at me for a moment before looking away.
My impeccable memory pokes at me and reminds me that I'd woken up several times before this. "How long have I been out?"
"A week," is the almost instantaneous reply. "The [Guildmaster] came by a few days ago to make sure you weren't dead. The Council tried to come in, too. They blathered something about creating an accounting of responsibility, but I told them to fuck off until you woke up."
Was I really so important that people would come to see me while I was asleep? How strange. Still, the idea sparked a faint warmth in my stomach, and I grin, "Thanks."
"Heh. Well, someone has to keep those vultures away from you."
I'm not quite sure what that means, but since El is smiling at me, it couldn't be that bad. Still, I did have a different question, one directly related to the evil plot my sister's currently enacting.
"What happened after m- she left?"
"You mean after she tossed your almost-dead body back to us like a used towel?"
That isn't quite how I'd put it, but I was in a lot of pain and kind of dizzy from blood loss at the time, so who am I to say? "Yeah, that too."
"It's been a bit of a shit show," a familiar voice calls out, and a second later the [Guildmaster] strolls in. "That spell she cast fucked with a bunch of people—made them go crazy and attack whoever was nearest. We're lucky that it happened during the day, or we'd be dealing with the aftermath of a bunch of parents who went temporarily crazy and murdered their children."
"[Guildmaster], how good of you to come in uninvited like this," El smiles in a way that doesn't look happy at all.
The [Guildmaster] shrugs, "I've been out delivering news to those that haven't wandered back to the guild yet and you're my last stop."
"Really? What news?" I scoot up on my bed. I didn't want my [Guildmaster] to see me lounging like that—she might think I was the lazy kind of adventurer who shouldn't get awesome secret missions that soon-to-be-[Heroes] always got.
"First off, there's a Luminian [Mage] who showed up by [Portal] last night."
El mutters something like 'rich fucks,' and the [[Guildmaster] grins, "Yep. The Magocracy spared no expense to get here once we sent them a [Sending] about the spell the S-Rank used."
I nod at that, tearing holes in reality with my [Hellfire Portal] is a lot easier than trying to transpose spatially distinct locations with a regular [Portal]. Even I get tired when I try and use a regular [Portal] to jump to other continents.
"Well, after condescending to the local Mage's Guild and taking a look at the remains of one of the blood monsters," she pauses here and looks at us with the kind of look Mal used when I tried to touch one of her experiments, "Don't spread this around. The last thing Reitzland needs is panicked rioting… the being that attacked us was not an unknown S-Rank threat. It was the [Calamity of Pride]."
El inhales sharply. Markus freezes completely still. My genius mind pokes me and I breathe out a whooshy breath.
Ashe isn't not-famous at all! She's just been sneaky about her [Calamityness]! That means I'm not not-famous either! And that means I'm not a failure of a [Calamity] at all! My grin stretches across my face only to hitch oddly as something not-quite-healed twinges in my face.
"Yes." Our [Guildmaster] nods slowly. "It puts the context of what she said in a different and… concerning light."
"She said we'd murdered someone," El murmurs softly, her face almost as pale as the bone-plates on my larger form. "And that she'd been chosen to deliver our punishment."
It takes all the discipline and determination of a soon-to-be-[Hero] not to shout out an explanation about how apparently sealing away my [Calamity] powers had made it look like I no longer existed on this plane.
Fortunately, before my discipline can break, the [Guildmaster] continues. "The Adventurer's Guild is treating it as confirmation that the [Calamities] share a connection beyond appearance."
"That's…"
El trails off and I nod in agreement as fast as the pain in my neck will let me. They're the best and awesomest sisters in the whole universe! Ashe even stopped playing with her floating city to come check up on me!
"Which brings me to the next part of my visit," Her sword-cane taps on the floor as she walks over to me. She waves El out of her chair and sits down beside my bed. Dark green eyes bore down into me with an intensity that kind of reminds me of my sisters. "You're the only one who was able to get close to her. Did she say anything. Any hints. Anything we could use. It should go without saying, but Dynegard is not prepared for the kind of maleficence [Pride] can offer."
That made sense. Unlike me, Ashe never got bored of playing with her toys. She didn't take breaks to nap or hunt juicy fish or pretend-work for [Overlords]. Plus, she really liked making sure everything she did fit into her grand plot, so even when it seemed like she'd lost a game of [Calamity] and adventurers, she never actually lost.
I couldn't say any of that, though. Not only is it all too close to my own [Calamity] secrets, but also to Ashe's. And if I shared too many of her secrets, she might get annoyed and stop playing [Hero] and [Villain] with me.
A shudder runs through me at that thought. The [Guildmaster] lays a hand on my arm and smiles when I look at her. "It's ok, take your time."
"She didn't say anything special." I lie, "I think she was just amazed at how brave I was. I even got a new class from it. [Valiant Warrior]."
"Did you? That's an impressive class evolution, and you're not even level 10, are you?"
"Level 8," I respond instantly, preening at how awesome my new class apparently is.
El sighs and leans down to flick my forehead, "Ciel. Don't tell people your class and levels."
"But-"
"Didn't we just agree that Markus and I would do the thinking?" I stare at her for a moment and even open my mouth to argue, but she just looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
My eyes fall in defeat. I had just agreed to that. Still, "Yes, but you don't have to say that in front of the [Guildmaster]."
"Heh," Her chuckle cuts off whatever response I could see forming on El's face. "I had the same talk with a teammate when I was just starting. It ended up working out pretty well while we were a team. I hit things with my sword and he made plans and drew maps and wrote notes about things."
"Why'd you split apart?"
"You shouldn't pry into other people's past, idiot. What if something bad had happened?" I try to lean back before El could flick my forehead again, but since I'm stuck in a bed, she just leans over a bit more and does it anyway.
The [Guildmaster] waves away the concern, and I grin triumphantly at my teammate. "It's fine. He earned a place at Skyfall, and I moved on to become [The Sword of Summer]."
"But I didn't come here to talk about my past." She pauses, and her face suddenly looks older than it had a moment ago. "The Council's been bothering me. They think you've somehow been contaminated. They want to lock you up until this whole [Calamity] thing sorts itself out."
That's… hmm… Well, on the one hand, a [Hero] at odds with a corrupt government is pretty common on the other-
"What!! That's bullshit."
A moment later, Markus chirps stridently and hops from his spot on the dresser onto the foot of my bed, where he crosses his fuzzy arms and narrows his eyes.
"Indeed. I told them that if they tried to arrest an adventurer for defending their city, they might not have an Adventurer's Guild in the morning."
"That'd be the least of their problems," El scowls darkly.
"While I cannot, as an officer of the guild, undermine duly empowered civil authority. Quite a few of us think we only survived the [Calamity] attack due to your… heroism."
My face blooms into a grin, and I try to sit up straighter, only to be held down by El's hand on the top of my head. Well, that's good enough.
"Really?!?"
"Really, really."
The [Guildmaster] nods approvingly, and while I bask in the glory of being [Heroic], she shoves a hand in her pocket and pulls out three silver bracelets. My eyes widen when I see that two of them are human-sized, while one is just a couple of loops linked together—perfectly sized for furry-Markus.
"I did come here for more than just the debrief about the threat of a new [Calamity], though." she then mutters something that sounds like, 'If letting the Council know about your new class doesn't get them off my back for a while, I'll beat the truth of it into them.'
I open my mouth to ask what exactly that means, but the [Guildmaster] cuts me off with a wolf-like smile.
"The [Valiant Warrior] evolution is only gained by showing bravery in the face of impossible odds and rescuing innocents from certain death." Her wolf-smile turns a bit brighter and warmer, "If it were just the first part, our guild would be bursting at the seams with the class—we're all a bit touched when it comes to assessing danger—but of the dozen teams and solo adventurers that gathered at the gates, yours was the only one to come in with a wagonload of civilians."
"That's because we had El's cart to drag them with." It's important to clarify that despite clearly being a [Hero], I didn't do it by myself. Otherwise, my teammates might grow jealous of my awesome [Hero] abilities and leave me to die in the wilderness.
"Yes, that's definitely all I did."
My impeccable memory is telling me otherwise, but if she wanted to disagree, then I'm not going to argue. "Yep. That's all you did."
"Ciel, if you weren't already hurt-"
"Before that, since I do have things to do today other than listening to a team bicker. Here."
She holds out a bracelet to El, who ties it to her left wrist with her other hand. Markus is next, and the [Guildmaster] wraps it around his furry paw and then snaps it closed, which is nice of her. He has trouble working the latch on his adventuring bracelet. Finally, she leans down and I raise my arm so she can slip the bracelet around my wrist.
I hold my wrist up to get a better look at it. Silver. I was a D-rank adventurer already. Yet more proof that I was on the right path. After all, there's no way anyone other than a [Hero] could advance from unranked to D-rank in just a few days.
"E-rank is a stage of learning. It's where an adventurer takes her first steps outside of the safety of a city and comes face to face with danger. Many run from that first test. Some continue running for the rest of their lives."
Who would ever run from something like that? They'd never become a [Hero] if they did. Besides, the funnest-looking quests were all much higher than E-ranked.
"E-rank is not for fools who rush headlong into danger, nor is it a rank where an adventurer risks her life to save one of her fellows. Since you three have done both of those things, you are clearly not E-rank. This is not a reward. It is a recognition of what you've done."
She pushes herself to her full height, her sword-cane hanging loosely in her hand. Her aura flows out and over the three of us with a prickly sort of warmth.
"Climb higher, young ones. To the limits of your abilities and beyond. Dark times have come to Dynegard, and I fear we will need that strength in the days to come."
Her aura vanishes, replaced by a tired smile. "And now that I've lectured at you, I have a Council to shout some sense into."
With that, she turns, her sword-cane tapping out a steady beat as she walks toward the door. When she gets there, she pauses and looks over her shoulder at us. "I don't believe in leaving things unsaid. You did good work out there, Ciel, but the Council has fingers in a lot of pies, and I can't guarantee you will remain free if you stay in Reitzland."
That's great news. Having to thwart my sister's evil plots while dodging a maybe-corrupt, maybe-just-cowardly-and-incompetent council is just the sort of thing [Heroes] are made from. "Thanks, [Guildmaster]. We'll take care of everything."
"Heh. I'm sure you will."
With that, she vanishes through the door. A moment later, El turns to me and stares. "Whatever you're thinking, stop."
"But-"
"No. We will take the [Guildmaster's] warning and leave tomorrow."
"What about-" I'm interrupted before I can ask about how we're going to uncover the evil hidden in the Council if we're not even here.
"Alis spent three years in Byregot as an [Inquisitor]. Leave her to uncover the truth here." El stares at me in a way that dares me to disagree.
"Fine~" I sigh out the word. There are other city-states we could go to. Ashe said she'd infiltrate all of them for her plot. "But since we're not leaving until tomorrow, let's do something fun today."
"I feel like I'm going to regret this, but ok." Markus turns to look at El and chirps softly. "He's right. Markus and I will make sure you don't pick anything too strenuous."
"Let's go find the old lady that gave me my scarf."
"Chirp."
I frown at furry-Markus. "No. She gave it to me."
Markus deliberately hops off my bed and back to the dresser, where he wraps the edge of my scarf around his furry-shoulders like a cloak. He looks good like that, almost debonair, with the way the red of the scarf matched the black of his fur. Still, I'm not going to give up that easily.
"It's too big for you." I point out the obvious. "It was made for a girl, not a squirrel."
Markus chirps dismissively and turns to El.
My teammate shakes her head, "This is a dumb argument, and I refuse to get involved."
"Yeah, plus she wasn't even there when I got the scarf. How would she even know?"
Markus wiggles his way even deeper into the scarf until only his eyes and whiskers are free. I could feel myself losing the argument to his cuteness. I had to rally, but I couldn't just go over and take it from him—that wouldn't be [Heroic] at all. I would have to rely on my genius mind to come up with an unbeatable argument.
My mind fractures into fractal patterns and then reforms. That's brilliant. There's no way he could argue with me now.
"I had it first."
"Chirp." That isn't a fair argument at all; just because he's wearing it right now didn't make the scarf his.
"If I hadn't been asleep for so long, I'd still be wearing it."
I point out completely reasonably, only to get a roll of his eyes in response. Well, if that didn't work, then I had another row of teeth to grow.
"El," I turned to my partner and my favorite teammate. "He's trying to steal my scarf from me; make him give it back."
"I already said I wasn't getting involved."
I gasp inside myself. Is this it? Is this the betrayal my books had warned me about? My team conspiring to steal my fluffy scarf from me while I'm too weak to stop them. I fumble with the sheets wrapped around me as I scoot toward the edge of the bed. I couldn't let this go. I have to do something.
El sighs as her kind-of-purple, kind-of-blue eyes flick back and forth between Markus and me. After a moment, her eyes roll to the sky, and she mutters something like, 'Why me?' followed by, 'I'm surrounded by fucking children.'
"But since I did say I would be doing the thinking from now on, why don't we find this old woman and have her make a second scarf?"
"Yeah!" My head perks up as my team's betrayal vanishes. "We can get a tiny one just for Markus."
"Chirp."
"I don't need a scarf. I already have one."
"Chirp."
"If it were yours, it would be squirrel-sized."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chi-"
"Ok, both of you shut up." El cuts off our argument with a glare. "We'll let the old lady decide."
"Chirp."
"It is fair. It's not my fault that she likes me more."
"Chirp."
"Yes, she does."
"Chirp."
"Uh-huh."
"Chirp."
"Uh-"
"Dead gods, let's go." El reaches out to wrap her hand around my arm and starts tugging. Thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], I don't move. "Ugh, fine. I'll be outside whenever you two are done with this stupidity."
I barely pay attention as she leaves. I have an argument to win. "Uh-huh."
"Chirp."
The first thing El does when she sees Markus and I walk out of her townhouse is scowl. I'm not sure why, though. It had only taken us another twenty minutes before he and I had compromised by wrapping the scarf around both of our necks.
Maybe she secretly wanted a scarf of her own and was jealous that she didn't have one. Or maybe she just thought Markus looked ridiculous with a scarf bigger than he was wrapped around him like a shawl but didn't want to say so since she'd promised to be neutral.
I open my mouth to ask, but before I can say anything, I'm cut off by the stomping of her boots as she marches over to us. "I'm going to guess neither of you two have any idea how to actually find this woman."
"Chirp."
"Of course I do." Markus and I reply at the same time. I turn to look at him and lift my chin in a magnanimous request to respond first. Once again, El interrupts before I can say anything.
"An idea that doesn't involve wandering around aimlessly until we run into them?"
"How'd you guess?" I grin happily amazed that my teammate already understands me so well.
On my shoulder, Markus flops down to his belly and covers his face with a pair of fuzzy paws. Did they both know me so well that they could anticipate my genius plans? I'm such a lucky soon-to-be-[Hero] to have such attentive teammates.
"Because you're an idiot."
I frown slightly at that. That isn't right at all. I'm a [Calamity] and a genius. Unfortunately, I couldn't exactly tell her that, so I responded in the time-honored way of little sister [Calamities] everywhere. "Am not."
"Yes, you are." El doesn't quite follow the formula of a proper argument and, in doing so, signifies that Markus is, in fact, the much better debater. I don't get a chance to tell her this because she continues in a way that's completely inappropriate for an argument. "It's why you're not allowed to think."
"Am not." Despite my partner's unconventional argument form, I know better.
Instead of even responding to my rebuttal, she reaches out and flicks my forehead with her finger, but with my [Thick Skin], I barely even feel it. I open my mouth to gloat about her feeble attack, and for a third time, I'm interrupted before I can respond.
"Save that for Markus. If we want to find this woman, I'll need some information. Who is she? Why is she here? Which gate did she enter? Did she look poor?"
That's a lot of questions. Fortunately, they are all questions that my infallible memory knows the answers to. "She's an old lady with a whiny, old-man husband. They came through the same gate I did, and she made me a world-famous stew for dinner."
El looks at me with a strange flatness in her stare, doubtless amazed by my impeccable memory, before turning to Markus.
"Chirp. Chirp."
"Hmm…" my partner taps at her lips as she formulates a plan based on my expert memories and Markus's less interesting ones. "For an old farming couple that entered the Salmon Gate, there's really only one inn in that price range. Especially with that tavern burning down the other day."
"Those evil mercenaries didn't burn down her inn, did they?" I didn't think I could dislike mercenaries more than I already did, but if they ruined the inn one of my favorite people was staying at... Well, I couldn't do anything right now, but I'd remember them for the next time I got really hungry and rampage-y.
"No, the Boar and Stag is several blocks away from that bit of stupidity." El looks at me with a meaningful stare, and I nod. Of course, no one would ever want to stay too near a mercenary company. It might be contagious. "We'll start there and ask around until we find her."
"Right." I agree and then step out to the front of my party. With the plan decided, it's my turn to be in charge.
"Let's go!"
I step inside of a door marked by a plaque picturing a boar and a stag locked tusks to antlers in a duel hanging over it. A wide grin sweeps across my face. Unlike that terrible mercenary tavern, the Boar and Stag looked like the kind of inn a [Hero] could get her start at.
It's still loud, of course, but with the sounds of people eating and carrying on low conversations rather than drunks trying to sing by mimicking a dying minotaur. The food also looks a lot nicer. The bread's plump and brown, the meat looks like meat rather than slices of sadness, and a delightful aroma of something sweet and spicy covers everything.
"Eugh, it smells like peasants."
El, on the other hand, doesn't seem nearly as enchanted as I am. I turn to look at Markus, but it seems he's fallen asleep. That's one vote for, one against, and an abstention, which means it's an awesome inn—since I'm the leader, my vote counts more.
"Come on, let's go see what's on the menu."
I grab El by the arm and pull her forward, and thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], she only stumbles once before allowing herself to be dragged on. It doesn't stop her from arguing, though.
"We came here to find your old lady, not to eat, Ciel."
"We can do both!" Food's important for a growing [Calamity], after all.
Her face twists like she stepped in something gross. "We are not eating here."
I frown at that; if we didn't, I wouldn't get to try the bread or whatever it was that smelled like honey and spices. "But-"
El's brow furrows in the way it does when she's thinking about something deeply. After a moment, she nods to herself and looks down at me. "You can either eat now, or I can have a meal delivered to us later."
"Why not both?"
"Because that's not the plan."
Well, I couldn't argue with that. I had promised not to be involved in making plans. Still, if those were the options, I needed a critical piece of information before I could decide. "Will you order another cake?"
"If it means not having to eat here, sure."
"Yay!"
As long as the promise of cake isn't a lie, I'd take that over eating at an inn a hundred times out of a hundred. Maybe we could even get a noodle casserole this time or some crunchy green vegetables. I could hardly wait. In fact, I wipe discretely at the edges of my mouth in case there's any drool coming out. Now, all we have to do is find the nice old lady, and as my eyes land on a woman threading through the tables, I know exactly where to start.
I walk over toward the server and tug on one of the frilly edges of her apron.
"Hi. I'm Ciel, and this is Markus, and that's El." I grin widely as I lift my shoulder where my furry partner is still sleeping and then turn to where El is staring into space blankly. "We're looking for an old lady."
"Chirp."
"Who makes scarves." I interpret for Markus, because not everyone bothered to learn squirrel.
"That's nice, sweetheart, but what's that got to do with me." The waitress tries to pull her apron back, but thanks to my [Enhanced Strength], my hand doesn't even move.
"El said she'd stay here."
"That's not much help, kid." The waitress tugs at her apron a few more times before sighing. "What's she look like."
"She's an old woman. She makes scarves." I explain slowly since the waitress clearly isn't getting it.
"That's- come on, kid. I've got orders to take," she tugs at her apron again, but it doesn't work.
"Oh, and she makes a world-famous Reitz Stew." I cut her off as my impeccable memory kicks me.
"A stew?" The waitress stops tugging and starts thinking, thankfully, because I was worried her apron would start to rip. "Are you talking about Marta? Married a man named Henrick and left to go farm somewhere."
Markus chirps, and I nod. That's her.
"Second floor, number 8. She got a bit banged up with the…" Her voice trails off, and her eyes go a bit blank.
"Thanks, miss."
With that, I let go of her apron, not really noticing that she just stood there for a few moments before shaking her head and walking off. I had a direction and a teammate to show how good my plans really were. I grin. If I keep this up, she'd be out of her job in thinking for me.
"Come on, El. I found her."
"Well, I suppose it's better than staying here."
"Hi, old-lady; Markus and I came to-" I slam open the door with a grin only to pause as there's another person inside that I recognize. "You're here too, rescued-lady?".
"Ciel?"
"Ciel?!?"
Two voices, one kind of soft and coming from beneath a pile of pillows and blankets set beside a nice window and the other from a chair perched right next to the bed, call out my name.
"And Markus and El," I race into the room and stop a step before I collide with the bed. Then I gesture behind me at my teammate who's standing in the doorway. "El's the one with the scrunchy face. She's my new teammate."
"I'm not frowning, you idiot," El steps inside the room and shuts the door behind her. She steps one step further in and then stops with a weird kind-of-smile-but-not-really on her face. "I apologize for the interruption… and for Ciel, I suppose. I've been trying, but she's yet housetrained."
Well, that's just not true at all. In my larger form, I converted everything I ate into raw mana without a bit of waste. As for my smaller form… I shake my head. I am absolutely housetrained. I open my mouth to say so, but the old lady smiles and lifts her hand slowly out of her pillow fort.
"I'm Marta. It's good to see you, dear." A smile crosses her face as I reach out to grasp her hand with my own. A moment later, Markus scampers down to place his hand on top of ours. "But what are you doing here?"
"Markus and I are arguing over which one of us you gave the scarf to." I raise my free arm, and Markus raises his a second later. "Oh, and look. We're adventurers now. D-Rank."
"Scarf? No. Wait." Rescued-lady interrupts, "How did you find us- no, what do you- how do you know my mom?"
"Oh! You found your daughter, old-lady! That's great!" My grin widens until it would have shown off three rows of teeth in my larger form. "Where was she?"
Rescued-lady stares at me with the kind of flat stare El and my sisters and sometimes even not-furry-Markus used when they were amazed at something I said. Then she turns to old-lady, "mom, this is the one I was telling you about. The one who saved me from the- and…"
Rescued-lady trails off, trying to swallow something even though I hadn't seen her eating and Old-lady puts a hand on her arm. She leans into the touch even as old-lady smiles at me in a way that feels like sitting in front of a fire on a cool night and listening to Bel tell stories about clever monsters who gobble up the evil people who attack them.
"Thank you, Ciel. Mery told me about how you rescued her and all those other poor people from that vile woman."
"I," I pause and look at El, who's staring at me like she's trying to figure something out. Not good. If she found out Markus and I had an adventure without her, she might get mad and not want to be my teammate anymore. "That wasn't me."
"What do you-" rescued-lady's face scrunches up, "of course it was you. At first, you thought we were in a waiting room for Adventurer's Guild applicants-"
El makes a low snorting sound but doesn't say anything as rescued-lady continues.
"Then you beat up the guards and we looted the dungeon," she pauses and smiles like a fox looking at a groundhog, "you got lost trying to find the [Villain]-"
El coughs in a way that sounds a lot like a laugh.
"Then you blew up their secret door and challenged them all to a fight…" rescued-lady pauses again, though this time, her smile looks like a wolf with blood on their muzzle, enjoying a fresh kill. "And absolutely destroyed them."
"That," I pause as suddenly everyone is looking at me. My hand rubs the back of my neck and I grin in the same way I did when Ashe had caught me after I'd eaten all her bottles of rotten-juice. "That was not-Ciel and not-Markus who did that. Remember."
Rescued-lady squints at me for a moment and then shrugs, "She's right, mom. I must have gotten her confused for someone else… probably because they look the same and have very similar names."
That made sense. After all, not everyone could have an impeccable memory like me. So I nod and grin, "That's ok. It happens to El too. When I went to go get tested by the [Guildmaster], she forgot we were going to be teammates and left without me."
"Ciel."
"Yes?"
"Stop talking."
"Ok."
After that, I had managed a few minutes being quiet while Markus and El and old-lady and rescued-lady had kind of talked but not talked, while questions bubbled up from my genius mind. Until, eventually, one exploded out,
"What happened to you, old-lady?" my voice cuts off a third round of discussion about the weather. "Last time, you could walk and move and make stew. Now, you're not even getting out of bed."
"Ciel," El huffs out a whooshy breath that I ignore in favor of looking at old-lady.
She lifts her hand to brush at the blankets wrapped around her legs and torso and then smiles at me. "I'm sorry, dear. I was hit pretty badly by that monster's spell, and it's been taking a while for me to recover."
"Did she hit you with the-" I cut off before I can mention [Bloodrose] since that was certainly one of my [Calamity] secrets. "I mean, did she break your bones and impale you through the chest and legs, too?"
"No, it-" the old lady stops her explanation as her eyes drill in on me. "What was that, dear? Too?"
"I charged m- the monster-lady and she broke a bunch of bones and stabbed me with a whip in a bunch of places and-"
El's hand lands on my shoulder and squeezes so tightly that if I didn't have [Thick Skin], it might have hurt a bit. "If I had known this idiot was stupid enough to charge an S-Rank threat, I would have kept her on a leash."
"I'm alright now, though." I raise an arm and flex my tiny muscles to prove the point. "She only almost killed me."
The old lady frowns at me while El's fingers try uselessly to dig into my shoulder. "El, is it?"
"More or less." My partner cleverly disguises her fake name while not lying to the nice old woman.
"Hmm…" The old lady stares at both of us for a moment. "Well, I'm glad you've found some good friends, Ciel."
"Yep!" I agree almost instantly. I had the best team a soon-to-be-[Hero] could ask for. "El is the teammate with the secret past that I'll learn about in the second book, and Markus is the [Rogue] with a heart of gold."
Both El and Markus stare at me after I say that, but they let the old woman speak first. "That sounds lovely."
"It's great, I-"
I'm about to tell her all about how we beat up a fire-bear and his friends and then were really responsible and rescued a bunch of people and defended the city, but before I can, my genius mind pokes me. I turn to El with a panicked look.
"She's hurt!"
"Your genius never ceases to amaze me."
Despite my chest fluttering at the words, I don't have time to bask in the feeling. "You can praise me later, El. We need to get her some of the potions that put my bones and organs back where they belonged."
"That's definitely what that was…" my teammates sighs in agreement. "Top-grade healing potions are expensive, Ciel."
"Use the gold we got for saving the city, then," I tell her, somewhat surprised that I had to suggest money stuff to her. She's supposed to be the money-smart teammate.
"They didn't give us…"
My face twists up at that. I did [Hero] stuff; even the [Guildmaster] said so. Surely, the city had lavished us with gold and fancy weapons and roasted cows.
"Oh, right… that reward." I'm not sure why El's voice sounds so flat. Maybe she's just ashamed of not having an infallible memory like me. "Yeah. Let me take care of that. You all have fun here."
El comes back when I'm halfway through telling old-lady and rescued-lady about how we rescued a bunch of people from the blood-slimes. "And El went *pew pew pew* with her fire bolts while I stomped on slime-goblin heads, and Markus bravely stayed back and led people to safety."
"Chirp."
"I am not downplaying your contributions just because I want her to say it's been my scarf all along." Which is a rude and totally unfair accusation from my furry-teammate.
"Chirp."
"Nuh-uh."
"Chirp."
"Nuh-"
"Ciel, Markus. Shut. Up."
Despite wanting to win my argument, the snappy way she said my name makes me stop. Normally, when my sisters say my name like that, it's accompanied by [Void Blades] and [Decohesion Beams]—that's how I know they're tired of playing.
"Here, Miss Marta." El holds out a bright green potion. "Straight from our share of the reward for saving the city."
"Are you sure, dear?" The nice old lady looks at the bottle for a moment, but when my teammate nods, she reaches out to grab it. "Thank you."
My teammates and I watch as she uncorks the bottle and brings it to her lips. She downs the liquid in a single gulp, and a flash of color returns to her face. A moment later, she kicks herself free from her blanket fortress and edges over to the side of her bed. She pushes herself upright and moves over to El, who takes a step back with a slight shaking of her head. Then she turns to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
"Thank you, dear."
I stand still, momentarily confused about what to do. No one other than my sisters had ever hugged me before. Eventually, I decide to bring my arms up around her waist and squeeze, though I'm careful not to use my [Enhanced Strength]. After a long moment, she pulls back, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"So," I ask as she looks down at me. "Was the scarf for me or Markus."
"Hah!" the old lady cackles once and smiles that campfire smile. "How about I make a second one so you both have one."
It's afternoon by the time we leave. Markus is wrapped up in a lame, way-too-big-scarf, while I have a cool ribbon-scarf tied into my hair. "We should go talk to those adventurers we fought with. You know, the cat-girl and the red-haired guy."
"Ciel, I don't think that's a good idea." El turns down my genius idea with a strange sort of look.
Why is she looking at me like that? Like she doesn't seem happy about meeting our temporary partners at all. I don't understand. Fighting blood-slimes with them had been so cool. Is she jealous that I would think one of them was cooler than she is? I'd have to ask later; for now, I had yet another argument to win.
"Come on. She punched slime-monsters to death, and he exploded them with his mace."
My teammate stares at me in the same kind of way my sisters do when they're being weird. "Ciel, they're-"
My head bobs as I agree. "Yeah, they definitely got promoted just like we did. I bet we can all celebrate getting our new ranks together."
"Ciel…" El says my name in a way that sounds kind of like a sigh.
I frown. This isn't the enthusiastic approval that I thought my idea would receive. "Is this one of those plan things I don't get a say in? Because I really want to see them."
"They're dead, Ciel."
My face twists in incomprehension, and my eyes fall to the ground. How could they be dead? They were side characters in my [Hero] story. People like that don't die. "But I wanted to eat roasted cow with them—or raw cow if cat-girls prefer that, I'm not sure. We would sing songs, and there'd be cake, and then we'd swap adventurer stories."
El places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. I look up at her and blink something out of my eyes. "The guild put up a memorial for the adventurers who died during the attack. Do you want to go see it?"
Do I? I don't know. Maybe. Kind of. And yet...
"Come on, let's go pay our respects." El smiles softly at me, and I nod.
"Their names were Othara and Voyce," El murmurs quietly as the three of us stand in front of a small stone plinth guarded by the drooping branches of a willow tree and inscribed with dozens of names.
My eyes trace the names written on the memorial stone before they stop on Othara Qestel. My mouth moves, but no sound comes out. Othara was almost my teammate instead of El. Would she still be alive if she were? Would El be dead in her place? My breath catches in my throat at the thought.
That doesn't seem fair. At all.
My thoughts chase themselves in circles, but even my genius mind can't find any answers. I turn to look at El, perhaps hoping that she would have answers to my questions, but she doesn't turn away from the stone.
Maybe there are no answers.
I blink away something in my eyes and reach out to trace her name with my fingers. It feels strange that I had never learned it in life, and now, thanks to my infallible memory, I will never forget it.
My eyes unfocus as I take in the names around hers. Is this all there is in the end? A name on a stone in a quiet park near the Adventurer's Guild. What about the [Guards] who died out there? Or the civilians? Is Reitzland full of parks and memorial stones with the names of the dead carved upon them?
I look away from the stone. Not that it matters. It's already burned into my perfect memory. But at least the clattering of those unanswerable questions in my head quiets down.
"Can we go home now?"
"Yeah, let's go."
True to her promise, from what I was certain was weeks ago, but my infallible memory tells me was actually earlier in the afternoon; an extravagant feast is waiting when we get back to El's townhouse.
My stomach grumbles at the sight of juicy meat, golden-brown rolls, a casserole covered in bright orange cheese, and a cake even larger than the one I'd scarfed down a few nights ago sitting off on a nearby counter. Despite that, and the line of drool I can feel slowly forming on the edge of my mouth, I don't feel like eating.
"If I'd known, well…" El laughs in a way that doesn't sound like there was anything funny. "Let's fix some plates, and we can discuss where to go next."
"Ok." Maybe talking about our first real adventure would help dispel the weird feelings in my chest.
Despite agreeing, I don't move. After a moment El rubs a hand on top of my head. When I look up at her, she grins faintly. "Go find a chair. Just this once, I'll get some food for you."
"Ok."
El glides over to a table laden with the promised feast and starts to fill two plates with food. After watching her spoon the cheesy casserole onto a pair of plates, I turn and find a plush, cushiony chair set on one side of a low table. With a quiet flop, I fall into the cushions, only to flinch as Markus chirps loudly in my ear.
"Sorry."
"Chirp."
"I don't know. I feel empty but not hungry-empty and also hungry-empty." I don't really have words to describe what I'm feeling. After all, it had never bothered me when my sisters and I-
My genius mind kicks the thought out of my brain before it can finish forming. A moment later, El returns with dinner crammed in her arms.
My stomach growls as she sets the biggest plate down in front of me. It's laden down with a dozen slices of beef oozing beef juice onto adjacent piles of cheesy noodles and a green vegetable my infallible memory told me was asparagus. Next, she sets down a bowl full of rolls and some saucers of butter and jam, as well as a bowl of roasted nuts for Markus. Finally, she sets down her own plate and then drags another of the cushiony chairs up to the table.
"Today's been a day, hasn't it?"
El slides a fork and knife across the table to me. When I catch both of them, she picks up her spoon and dips it into the casserole. A string of cheese stretches halfway up to her mouth before snapping. My stomach growls. She bites into the noodles covered in cheese and makes a loud sound of enjoyment.
"Macaroni au gratin is what they call it when it's three gold a plate, but you can find mac and cheese pretty much everywhere." She scoops a second bite, one that looks just as cheesy and delicious as the first one. My stomach growls. "It's one of the few good things peasants have ever created."
"Although…"
El muses to herself as she reaches out to the rolls and plucks out the golden-brownest of them all. She splits it with her knife and then carefully wedges a thick slice of roasted meat between the two sides. She takes a delicate bite, her teeth carefully tearing through bread and meat that looked so tender that it might just melt in her mouth. My stomach growls.
"You can't go wrong with a simple sandwich either." She polishes off her sandwich in another handful of bites, and I feel my hands twitch toward my silverware.
"Eat all you want, Ciel. There's plenty more in the kitchen." She smiles as she sticks her fork through a pair of asparagus spears and I listen as they crunch delightfully as she bites into them. "It's important for a growing girl to eat her vegetables too, and asparagus is the best of that sorry lot."
"Chirp." I turn to look at Markus and watch as he bites the head off of a roasted almond.
"And there's always cake for dessert." I turn back to El and watch as she takes a bite out of a piece of roast, this time without a roll.
My stomach growls and growls and growls—the weird, not-hungry emptiness snaps. I reach out for my dinner.
I slump down in my chair to give my belly more room to breathe. My thoughts were sluggish, caught in the haze of too much delicious food, but I feel better. The name of a would-be teammate carved into stone still hovers in my memory, but it's just there. Not overwhelming me with questions I didn't know how to answer. Just sitting in my mind with an almost familiar weight.
"While you were recovering, reports started to come in." My teammate draws me from contemplation of my stomach poking out from beneath my shirt. "It seems the [Calamity] was true to her words. Every city-state on the continent is bedeviled by some sort of problem."
With a whisper of [Miniature Map] and a flicker of mana, a glowing white map of Dynegard materializes in the space where our dinner had been an hour ago.
"To the north, the clans of the Jhoral mountains have apparently started to lose contact with their outposts and mining runs." The map flickers and a red circle wraps around a jagged, v-shaped mountain range covered in snow-topped peaks. "Quests have been issued by the dozens for adventurers to come and investigate what's happening. The dwarves place great stock in reciprocity, so any successes we have will see us rewarded far beyond what's on the quest flier. If we want to get some better weapons and armor, we couldn't do much better than the Jhoral mountains."
I nod at that but stay silent. A new sword or shield would be cool, but since I was a soon-to-be-[Hero], I was sure I'd get my relic-level weapons whenever it was narratively appropriate.
"Alternatively, we could go south. It's a bit longer of a trip to Belizia than the rest of our options, but due to its status as the continent's largest port city, it's also the richest of our options, by far. Not that money's that important, but still." A second red circle wraps around a city positioned at the end of a tapered peninsula.
"What's wrong with them?"
"Pirates. Which is pretty common for them, but there are rumors of a [Pirate King] and an impenetrable fog bank." El shrugs. "The reports are still very preliminary. Apparently, the only survivor is currently a gibbering wreck."
"If you don't like mountains or the ocean, there's always the desert, specifically Awanu." my teammate grins, "Where there are hundreds of reports about a permanent sandstorm that started after some kind of earthquake."
A third circle encloses an oasis in the heart of the Sandswept lands. "There's also a single report of some kind of city being hidden behind that sandstorm, but even by the standards of adventurers, this report is considered unreliable."
My larger form didn't like sand too much. It got in between my armor plates and made an unpleasant grinding noise as it was reduced to powder. Fortunately, that wouldn't be a problem this time.
"Our final option is into the ancient forests of Lothenar." This time, instead of a neat circle, a jagged shape wraps around a vast, forested area. "Unlike the other city-states, Lothenar is more a confederacy of small towns and villages. Though they do have seasonal meeting sites that have accumulated some of the detritus of civilization over the centuries."
"Here, the situation is much more straightforward. At least depending on whether you believe in fairy tales. The reports all say one thing: three nights ago, a horn resounded across the length and breadth of the territory. They say a Wild Hunt has been called."
I nod as I commit the four options to my perfect memory. Each of them sounded like a lot of fun. I wasn't sure why El was asking me, though. "I thought I wasn't allowed to make plans."
"You aren't." My teammate smirks while Markus rolls onto his belly so he can chirp out an agreement. "But since you're our leader, I think you should be the one to decide where we go."
"In that case, let's go…
[AN]
This chapter received some fairly major rewrites. The scene with Alis at the beginning is fleshed out to provide some more context on the [Calamities]. The scene with Marta now has her lost daughter included since she was rescued by Ciel in a previous arc. Finally, I thought long and hard about whether to include the scene of Ciel at the memorial because a major theme of this story is Ciel growing up and I want those moments to have weight. To be... earned. I think it fits, but feel free to tell me if it seems out of place.