For as long as there have been whispers, there have also been vampires.
As the original harbingers of doom just before a certain receptionist had claimed the title, they were to kingdoms what caterpillars were to my orchard. It mattered little whether they came alone or as a squirming colony.
Just a single one was enough.
And then all that was green became withered.
More insatiable than Coppelia and Apple combined, their appetites for destruction knew no bounds.
They were masters of both shadow and death. Because what liches and hedgehogs could only achieve through tearing out their own soul, vampires accomplished by cursing theirs.
I understood little about the forbidden magic involved. But all knew the promises garnered in return.
After all–they were the ones who espoused them.
Unbound strength. Flight. Blood magic. Immortality.
But most of all, the ability to dismiss all thoughts of empathy.
They were the rulers of the night. The crimson plague upon cities. The rumour which even the darkness feared. And yet despite all that had ever been murmured about them in tavern corners, the truth was that every word was an understatement.
Because right now–
Fwoooooooosh.
I could only step back and gasp, hands covering my mouth as I viewed the figure sweeping into the air.
A true vampire unmasked.
Gone was the impression of a man who dreamed of scheming in the sewers of my royal capital.
Now, even the least of my nobility would at least offer a cough before opting to work with him.
A great pair of wings stretched out from his back, lifting him to where a ceiling once lay. Tinged with the hue of hellfire, it bore closer resemblance to the wings of a horned devil than any bat.
No longer beholden to thoughts of subtlety, his lips stretched into the impression of a smirk.
What was revealed were fangs as sharp as the new ridges of his cheeks and brows. His judging eyes burned with unholy flames. And white hair fell like a ghostly veil all the way past his waist.
Then, he raised a hand.
Droplets of blood rushed towards him, dancing around his wrist like petals caught in a breeze before forming the shape of a rose. He crushed it, the blood dribbling to the floor and smouldering through both the wooden panels and the earth beneath it.
He was more gaunt now. More monstrous. More prideful.
But most of all … he was wearing an entirely new outfit.
Yes.
He'd taken my criticisms to heart.
Gone was the overly fitting garb of before. Now he wore a dull surcoat long enough to hide whatever travesty was still underneath, legwear which was almost not wildly inappropriate and slippers which looked like they'd only been stolen from a sleeping orphan.
I could only feel myself reeling backwards, stunned at this unspoken power.
Why, he could change his attire on demand!
What … What a wonderful skill!!
Why didn't I have that?! Changing anything I wore was a marathon affair as servants took turns on account of the sweat dribbling upon their fingertips!
I had no wish to be a vampire, true … but if I could at least learn this skill, the hassle saved would make this entire affair all worth it!
"How very disappointing," said the vampire, the unnaturalness of his smirk threatening to shear the skin off his cheeks. "So much so, that I can only find amusement in this."
His wings raised him a few inches higher, framing him against the ever darkening sky.
Despite his sneer aimed towards us, there was no doubting where his gaze was centred.
"You managed to impress me, Miriam, if only for a moment. To stand tall made me feel an emotion akin to a father's pride. And so I experience the same grief to see that relying on others is the extent of your powers. Truly, did you think that freezing my magic was enough? If I wished to, I could make my blood boil so hot that you would be scalded just for trying. But I've no desire to harm you. After all, you are my responsibility. And so I shall take it upon myself to offer the tuition you sorely need instead … beginning by impressing upon you the true meaning of being a vampire. I believe these example subjects will do just fine. This will be a rare lesson. But then again, I do not often have an audience I deem worthy of wordswordswordswords …"
As the vampire exceeded his allotted speech time, I turned to my librarian.
"Can you do that?" I asked, pointing in all curiousness.
She blinked at me.
"Do you mean gloat?"
"No, I mean change your wardrobe." I paused. "But can you gloat … ?"
"Only in great need. And not very well. I'm not naturally predisposed towards it."
"Is that so? Well, no need to worry–that can easily be fixed! But what about the sudden change of attire? Is it a technique? Magic? Learnable?"
"Um … I'm not too certain. It seems to be part of Master Harkus's awakening into his higher vampiric form. It's possible I could do it, but it would doubtless require a substantial amount of blood. That would be the same for anyone hoping to learn it."
I let out a small groan.
Of all the things I could ring my servant's bell to have delivered to me, blood wasn't one of them. Within moments, I'd have nobility attempting to scheme with me instead of against me.
Especially if they believed I would entertain monologues so long-winded they looped back to the beginning.
"–I am Master Harkus of Revarin. Scion of Darkness. He of a Hundred Names, yet known for a thousand calamities. I have spread my legend from the sands to the snows. I am the Sovereign of the Eternal Night. The Herald of Schemes. Bringer of the Black Dawn. A team player. Highly attentive to detail and also open to further progression. And what you shall witness now is only a … a …"
The vampire paused at my raised palm.
"Yes?" he said, his burning eyes narrowing with impatience.
"Excuse me, but where do you keep the building material?"
"What?"
"I have plans to turn this site into a 99 floor dungeon. I've already made a head start, but I'd like to do more while I'm here. If you have any bricks that you'd reserved for use in repairing the damage from Countess Miriam's fire, then I would deeply appreciate knowing where."
The vampire stared at me.
"I am about to make a fantastical display of unnecessary violence. And you're asking me about bricks?"
"Yes."
"I see … are you perhaps deliberately attempting to earn my ire? Or is this simply how you choose to conduct sobbing and huddling when seeing a higher vampire you should be very concerned about?"
I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.
"Ohhohohoho … a higher vampire? How cute."
A mouth widened in outrage.
I held up my palm once more. I wasn't done.
"I'm afraid all I see is a leech which has managed to sprout wings. And while that's undoubtedly the finest achievement you'll ever know, it also means you've failed to grow the requisite scales, extra limbs, tail or stomach capable of igniting flames needed in order to earn a fragment of my concern."
His arms flayed outwards, blood petals sweeping into the distance.
"Do you think my fangs are a prop, girl? I am death itself–as I shall gladly demonstrate for both yours and Miriam's much needed education. My congratulations for accelerating my itinerary. I only hope to salvage a smidgeon of entertainment before I vacate this featureless wasteland."
"Then you're in luck. I'm here to renovate all of said featureless wasteland that you've illegally built. And my 99 floor dungeon is hiring. I'll even allow you to be the first challenge–although it might prove slightly distressing once you realise that even the common burglars who wander inside prove significantly more witty than yourself."
A wrinkled nose was all I received.
For a moment, the vampire's cheeks twitched, torn between defending his pride or accepting my very generous offer to install him as the starter obstacle in my kingdom's latest infrastructure project.
Instead … he raised his palms above his head.
"Then feel free to suggest improvements," he said, his eyes flaring. "[Vermillion Rupture]."
Immediately, a shrill breeze swept over us, followed by an orb of sickly blood formed between his hands, pulsing like a withered heart.
Then … the evening sky darkened entirely.
Like a brush of paint upon a canvas, a sweep of inky midnight appeared behind him. It was broken only by the magic conjured between his palms. A circle of scarlet akin to a blood moon, yet lacking the howls which should have immediately followed it.
"... Behold, the night of nights," declared the vampire with casual indifference. "A bit more brusque than my usual methods, but sometimes, a more direct reminder of who I am is needed lest some farmer accidentally names a puppy after me. So do watch carefully. Those in this kingdom will have the opportunity to see this many times. But you will only have the chance once."
He let out a quiet chuckle just loud enough for me to hear it.
All I had for him was confusion.
"… Is that it?"
"Hm?"
"Is that the spell you intend to use? A ball of blood magic? What does it do?"
"Well, it does exactly as you'd imagine. Indiscriminate destruction as I rain death down upon your towns and cities."
He gave a shameless smile.
I was in utter disbelief.
"Did … Did I hear that right? You're just going to … throw balls of magic?"
"Well, yes."
I waited for the explanation.
It didn't come.
"... Excuse me?! What happened to you being the Herald of Schemes?!"
"My apologies, Your Highness. But the Herald of Schemes is reserved exclusively for more suitable locales. If it makes you feel any better, I did earnestly attempt to consider how best I could stretch out the subjugation of your kingdom. However, a piece of dough can only go so far and trying too hard will only make me look bad. Thus, I will do the next best thing to raise my reputation. Simple, wholesale destruction. No conniving. No manoeuvring in the shadows. Just blood magic in a large ball, repeated as needed. Other than your personal suffering, the demise of your kingdom will be swift and utterly without fanfare."
I was aghast.
Why, this unrepentant hoodlum!
He called himself a vampire! And yet he didn't even have the courtesy to spend centuries plotting just to come up with something at the level of sticking his ankle out when a rival was skipping past!
This wasn't just a breach of etiquette! It was pure laziness!
"Uwaah~" Coppelia nodded fervently. "That's amazing! He wants to out [Ball Of Doom] you!"
"C-Coppelia! There is no such thing as a [Ball Of Doom]! … And if there was, it certainly isn't that! I will not allow this utter lack of effort to pass!"
Indeed, it was spellwork so casual that it was akin to a mage throwing fireballs! Yet as effective as that was for burning rooftops, nobody ever called it original!
This was a travesty!
"What you allow is meaningless," said the vampire, as the utterly ordinary orb of magic only slightly grew between his palms. "Sadly for yourself, there is none amongst your party with the means to overly trouble me. And so I mark the end by saying this has certainly not been a pleasure."
Despite his words, his wings flapped to take him higher.
… But not high enough.
That was the realm of angels and also things tossed through the window. And while punting a chair was very much an option when dealing with common hoodlums, for this particular one, I had a more bespoke solution in mind.
After all–
This vampire may have no standards. But I very much did.
"Very well, then!" I said, turning beside me with a nod. "... Coppelia! I require your assistance."
"Oooh, oooh!! Got it, I'll start making a mailbox!~"
"What? No, I don't need a mailbox … yet. Rather, I simply wish to continue conversing with the flying ruffian from an appropriate angle. With my boot of authority peering down at him."
"Great! What do you have in mind?"
"Do you remember the thing with the duck?"
"Sure do!"
"Well, it's now my turn. I need that."
Coppelia blinked at me.
A thousand questions appeared on her face. None of which she asked.
Miriam stared between the two of us.
"Excuse me?" she asked with a quizzical tilt of her head. "What is the … thing with the duck?"
I chose not to answer.
It wasn't necessary. Not when she'd know in approximately 5 seconds.
"Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Coppelia raised her arms in joy … just before leaning forwards and wrapping them around my waist.
"This. Is. Amazing! I never thought you'd let me tick off #37 on the bucket list!"
I pursed my lips, suddenly feeling a tinge of regret.
Not least because any idea which coincided with something on Coppelia's bucket list was something which maybe, just possibly required a second opinion.
"Actually, Coppelia, I've decided to–"
"Hup~"
Without waiting, my loyal handmaiden hopped up to the balcony with me in tow.
More surefooted than any dancer in a troupe, she immediately hopped again, jumping upon the remaining walls of the hovel as she made her way up the floors. The fact that this was already enough to make me feel vertigo was something I chose to ignore.
Especially since I had no choice regarding what was to come.
Nor, indeed, the vampire whose wings weren't flapping quite hard enough.
His eyes widened in genuine bewilderment as Coppelia jumped onto the frame of the nearest chimney, now only a short distance below him.
"What … What are you–"
"Alrighty!" Coppelia beamed as she swung her arms. "Here we go! … [Coppelia Throw]!"
And just like that, the Emergency Protocol Princess Propeller Device™ (Coppelia Edition) was made.
"–Hiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"
Without once hesitating, or indeed, querying if this was exactly what I wanted, my loyal handmaiden proceeded to toss me high into the sky.
For a moment, all I saw were the eyes of a vampire widening to the size of dinner plates as I took my rightful place as a glowing angel far … far above him.
I admired the differing shades in the sky as I drew Starlight Grace from my side. For while a blanket of night still sought to gather above me, here just beneath the heavens, dusk had yet to disappear over the horizon.
The ebbing sun offered a wink. And so I returned it with a smile.
"Thank you for allowing me to hire my librarian," I said to the gawping vampire below. "For that, I shall do you the courtesy of reminding you what you have missed in life. So watch the dawn which never falters, scattering the whispering night. Gardening Form, 10th Stance … [Winter Sunlight Extender]!"
Raising my sword, I caught the sunlight upon my blade.
The vampire reacted at once.
It was still too late.
"Wait, don't–"
Angling Starlight Grace, a bright glimmer reflected upon its mirror sheen.
And then I began to swish, widening the surface as a pillar of sunlight was promptly sent down upon the vampire desperately seeking to plummet away.
All I saw of him was a bursting of flames.
"NNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!!"
A joyful scream filled the air as the wonders of sunlight visited the pale skin of the vampire below.
Fortunately for him, there was more to come.
Both from the sun and the only thing which shone even brighter. My beautiful smile.
"Ohohohohohohohoohohohoho!!"
Here it was!
A delicate gardening technique designed for when daylight hours were sparse and even my most hardy snowdrops failed to thrive!
By leaning outside the window of my bedroom tower and angling my sword, I could maximise the amount of sunlight my orchard received!
And if this was simply to ensure my camellias didn't lose themselves beneath the harshness of a frigid and overcast morning, I would stop at this. A bout of sunlight in winter like a sprinkle of water in summer, ensuring my flowerbeds knew that even if the weather had forgotten them, I had not.
Instead … I continued to swish my sword, adjusting the length of my makeshift mirror to focus the sunlight as required.
"AAARRRRRRAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
The result was immediate.
He twisted and turned as radiant flames engulfed his form. Of his face, nothing could be seen but the silhouette of a widening mouth as remorse filled the air.
A moment later, the vampire disappeared entirely. But not only from the sunlight.
He separated, becoming innumerable flames as a flock of bats took his place. Each burned with the same fury as his true form, the wings instantly catching ablaze like unsolicited letters from suitors as he desperately sought to escape.
He failed.
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The vampire's voice filled the air, despite the lack of any lips to sound them.
It wasn't until the last of the newly wrought fireflies became nothing more than fading embers turning to falling ashes that the cry of concentrated relief ceased. A hiss like water flung upon a charred pan sounded as the night of nights simply became the most splendid evening instead.
After all, I was there to brighten it up.
Thus–I nodded in delight as I watched the last of the dying flames burned themselves out … first from above, then from eye level, then from below as the crux of the Emergency Protocol Princess Propeller Device™ made itself known.
I had yet to sprout my wings.
"Ohohohoooo–ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"
The twilight in the distance faded for the second time this evening. And so as the wind swept up my hair, I immediately sought to defend my dignity, arm covering my exposed forehead and hand clutching onto my skirt as I fell.
Fortunately, while my wings had yet to bloom, that didn't apply to my loyal retainers.
Fwup fwup fwup fwup fwup.
A pair of arms latched onto me.
"Hnnnnghh~"
With a glance behind my shoulder, I took in the sight of Miriam's face tightening with effort as the plummeting slowed into a gradual descent. Her little wings fluttered with all their might, aided by whatever magic was causing them to slightly glow.
"That … That was ridiculous," she said, once she adjusted her arms to make sure I wouldn't slip.
"Ohohoho!" I raised a hand to my lips … albeit very slowly so as not to jolt us. "Why, that was simply the sun obeying etiquette! When a princess calls, even the light must answer!"
I felt Miriam give a small nod.
"The light is a scary thing. But for once, I enjoyed the sight of it. Thank you for obliging me once again, Princess Juliette. I am very much grateful."
I smiled in response … all the way until I saw the figure waiting below.
A certain clockwork doll rolling upon the ground. And although little should be heard of the rabid cackling amidst the breeze rushing past my ears, her amusement still managed to rise higher than any princess in the sky.
Thus, I nodded … just before pointing elsewhere.
"I wish to land there."
