Catfishing
DC: 3
Destructo: 1+1 (Trickery)
Botch
Okay. So, you have Hank drive you to the local 24/7 library for this one, where you use one of your cell phones and the free wifi to do some social media stalking on Nash. The man, thankfully like so many on Metabook, had extremely shit privacy measures, and it isn't hard to hack into his less secure feeds. From there, it isn't hard to figure out what gets his, eh hem, engine running, so to speak: after all, the man's been, going by what you can find, married for about ten years (with, admittedly, multiple instances of him getting caught cheating and two ex-wives he paid alimony towards according to half remembered rumors from childhood: hence why you thought this was possible at all). You just need to create someone who was almost his wife, but younger and prettier.
From there, you simply construct a suitable fake identity: for a picture, you use a particularly ancient stock photo of a woman who hits all of Nash's buttons consistently, that being a woman who looks suitably like his wife but with juuuuuuust enough differences to seem exiting and different. For a profile, you invent a woman who happens to share the same interests as Sheriff Nash: rock climbing, oklahoman prison rodeos, affecting the veneer of religiosity, extreme far right politics, weird almost fetishistic homophobia that you weren't sure if it was genuine or ironic, and apologia for historical internet personality and former Swedish prime minister Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg. Also a broad appreciation for the history of Let's Plays as an art form and regular volunteering at the local ASPCA shelter.
From there, you attempt to solicit him on social media, sending him a coyly worded private message...
Only for him to not bite. Like, at all. You weren't sure, but you might have been doing this wrong. You needed more information. If you couldn't catfish him, you'd SPAM him.
Sliding a trojan into ur DM's be like: 4+3
DC: 5
And you hit paydirt: he accidentally follows a link you send him using one of a dozen throw away bot accounts you set up, allowing you to plant some tasty, tasty spyware onto his computer. This nets you some really nifty information, like his bank account PIN, his social security, all his passwords (which were all based on classic Carlin routines for some reason), and access to his actually secret apps. Perusing his Ashley Madison account, you quickly learn you were waaaaaay off the mark. Turns out he had been shopping for someone who was the complete opposite of his wife. Specifically, turned out the key to Nash's pants lie in more demure girls with blonde hair and big honkin' bazongas than what you had been posting, specifically in the early twenties range...And uncomfortably, his other type was women who looked very concerningly like yourself.
Yeah, turned out he was shopping for a newer model. Any possible guilt you had had evaporated when you saw what he posted on his Metabook feed, but if any had been left, it wasn't so much evaporated as disintegrated.
Of course, that wasn't the juiciest bit. The JUICIEST bit was the fact that it wasn't just Nash who had an account on Ashley Madison. The other person who used his home computer was a bit more careful and made sure to hide her tracks much better, but you had a keylogger that told you some veeeerrry interesting things...
Turned out his wife was also on there. Y'know, you always did have a thing for slightly older women, and it would be veeerry delicious irony for Nash to be left by his wife finding a different partner instead of the other way around for once.
+3 Messin' With Nash (5/40).
+100 Cash Units stolen from Nash's bank account.
Gain Asset: Nash's Identity: +1 to actions intended to antagonize and annoy Sheriff Nash.
-10 Stress.
Learned that Nash's wife is looking to start an affair.
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Dough Bricks
Destructo: 4+5
Crew: 5+8
-4 Sourdough Starters
Okay, so, you needed to work on actual building structures. To that end, you and the crew had engineered a sort of...dough coral. Each brick shaped polyp is its own distinct organism that feeds off of filtered air and sunlight, requiring only a daily watering to stay alive. Frankly, the only real downside was the fact that at the end of the day they were just bricks, albeit soft and more elastic ones that could regenerate damage, reducing how much upkeep the building required.
All you needed was mortar to keep the bricks together, some metal beams for structural support, and something for the roof and BOOM, you could create a pretty solid building! One that sure, wasn't waterproof, but neither was haywall, and at least the dough bricks were generally unlikely to collapse, especially when combined with DuraDough and ElastiDough.
...With that said, once you figured out sticky dough to work as mortar, some tougher duradough for supports, and a way to keep water out, you'd basically be set when it comes to purely bread based working and living facilities.
Gain DoughBrick 1.5 Schematic, a lightly durable construction material that when used in conjunction with other suitable material can be used to build non-waterproof buildings for far cheaper than traditional bricks while still being of higher quality than Haywall Starter building, having greatly reduced maintenance requirements.
Can be upgraded to have higher elasticity or durability by sacrificing the associated Starter when manufacturing bricks.
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Plant Medicine
Low Potency Medical Steroids: 1 Side Effect Base
Uncommon Tier Biological Component: -0 Side Effects
Crew Medical Engineering Score: +1 Side Effect
Crew Roll: 1
-1 Chicken
You inject Vernon in the stem, ignoring his slaps. Stepping back away, you note the speed of the effects. This is a low potency batch, so the effects should take ten to twenty minutes for the effects to show. However, slowly, you note that it seems to have worked: after a little bit, Vernon seems to regain some energy, managing to successfully slap a fly out of the air.
Sighing, you give a smile as you approach Vernon, scratching his stem gently, like you would a dog, his vines gently wrapping around your wrist. You know that objectively the plant is incapable of appreciating it, but it still makes you feel better. "You're gonna be fine, Vern," You whispered. "Just need to buy time: as soon as Christmas is done, I should be able to put more time to solving this thing. I just need more time."
-5 Stress.
1 Batch of Plant Anti-Aging Steroids crafted and used. +5 to Vernon's Deaths Door threshold.
+2 Deaths Door from Steroid Use.
+1 Automatic Deaths Door gain.
-1 Plant Food.
Deaths Door 5/???
WARNING: Deaths Door has hit 5. An additional plant food per turn will be consumed per turn.
__________________________________________
IMPATIENCE ROLL: 39. DC 12. Success.
Week Three, December
Impatience: 19
Stress: 18
Current Goals: Mosanto-Burk Bank Heist
TEMPORARY GOAL(S):
1. SAVE PLANT
2. DONT FUCK UP CHRISTMAS AGAIN
Obligations: 1 AP per month must be spent helping out around the farm
Resources:
Inf. Manure, Hay, and Eggs
1 Pail of Milk
1 Bag of Potatoes
2 Piles of Lumber
17 Sourdough Batches
12 Cell Phones
3 Pet Store Bats
2 Laser Disc Players
10 Grass Seed Bunches
2 Acorn Bunches
1 Camcorder
4 Jars of Yeast
1 Jar of Yogurt Starter
2 RC Cars
3 Toy Trucks
1 Power Drill
5 Succulent Seed Packets
3 Childrens Calculators
10 Novelty Tesla Coils
10 Mannequins
2 Sewer Mold Colony Samples
1 Irradiated Fatberg Fragment
2 Cheap Digital Watches
2 Lump of Fatberg
2 Resin Batches
8 Flower Seed Bundles
4 Poisonous Plant Seeds
3 Gigataters
5 Small Armful of Copper Pipes
3 Glass Bottles
5 Bunches Plastic Wrappers
5 Piles of Broken Glass
5 Copper Wires
4 Recliners
1 Boiler
20 Bushels of Corn
5 Chickens (Uncommon)
1 Ethically Slaughtered Whole Chicken.
1 Cactus Juice (Regenerating)
1 Prize Winning Rooster
1 Wheat Seed
5 Prize Winning Pumpkins (Uncommon)
10 Regular Pumpkins (Common)
6 Plant Food (Health)
3 Buckets of Irradiated Sewage
75 Cash Units (-25 per Month).
Local News: Thank Christ for Nash's money, you were saved. Felt a lot better now, actually: jerking Nash around was great, even if you had kinda sorta failed (the juicy deets and his money more than made up for it). Plus, you had stolen enough from the Sheriff's E-Wallet that you could afford actual gifts for Christmas for Hank and the Crew and Dirty Santa. You just had to last a little longer: the day of Christmas was soon upon you. After that, it was a clear shot until February and Hank's birthday.
Global News: You prayed that Santa's wife left him for the Grinch.
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