The Phenex Family
Game
Thoughts
"Talking"
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"...Why am I here again?" Naruto leaned over, whispering into Rias's ear.
"The Phenex Clan Head wanted to meet you, Kami-sama," Rias whispered back. She sat up straight, looking slightly nervous as she used his proper title.
"Why? Is it because I kicked his son's ass?" Naruto whispered back.
"Ah… we can hear you, Kami-sama…" Ravel said with a forced smile from across the table. Naruto and Rias were seated on one side of a large wooden table within the Phenex Manor. Opposite of them were Ravel Phenex, Lady Phenex, and Lord Phenex.
"No you can't."
This damn system is good for something!
Ravel blinked and then turned to the side and started talking to her mother.
"Why'd he want to meet me?" Naruto asked, not whispering anymore.
"He was very eager to meet you after what happened to Riser," Rias responded, glancing at him nervously.
I know it's not because he's mad.
Naruto glanced over, pulling up his previous quest completion from a couple of days prior and looking over the names.
Despite him knocking out their son and taking his fiance, he'd gained affection with Ravel, Lady Phenex, and Lord Phenex.
"Alright, let's get this over with," Naruto clapped his hands as he turned his attention to the trio sitting across from him, "Why'd you guys call me here?"
…
Naruto stared forward, no one meeting his gaze as Ravel continued to chat idly with her mother.
"And then, Oni-Chan was like 'I'll bet my entire harem-"
"Hello?" Naruto waved his hand, but they continued to ignore him.
"And then Kami-sama was like, ha! A real, macho man like myself would never put the lives of those I love on the line for a stupid bet!" Ravel continued, causing Lady Phenex's eyes to widen as she gave a golf clap.
"Oh, wow! That's so cool!" Lady Phenex was in a long red dress, had long blonde hair, and a soft-looking face. She was also wearing a large assortment of jewelry, such as a huge red gem necklace that fell in between her massive breasts.
"I didn't say that," Naruto deadpanned, "This is how rumors sprea-"
"And then, Oni-Chan was like, 'You may be 20 times the man I am, Youkai God, but I'm going to take all your women for myself!' and he smiled, like, super creepily!" Ravel continued, wrinkling her nose at the end.
"He definitely didn't say the '20 times the man I am' par-"
"That does sound like Riser!" Lord Phenex interrupted with a nod, "Where did we go wrong, dear? How did our son become such a loser?"
Oh, right. They literally can't hear me. Nevermind, this system sucks again.
"You can hear me now!" Naruto said loudly.
Of course.
"Can you tell them that all that stuff never happened?" Naruto asked, turning to look at Rias. Rias nodded in response.
"Excuse me, Lord Phenex," Rias raised her hand, "Kami-sama would like to inform you that the story is being told wrong."
"Oh, he would?" Lord Phenex, a big burly man with long blonde hair, asked as he looked at Rias, "And why isn't he saying that himself?"
"Kami-sama has to be careful with his words, Dad!" Ravel butted in, "He's so powerful that his words alone could cause mayhem! He's being careful so he doesn't cause an earthquake by accident!"
Naruto stared at her, and then rubbed his eyes with a sigh, "Rias, tell them that that isn't true."
"Yes, Kami-sama," Rias nodded, turning back to Lord Phenex, "Kami-sama would like to inform you that what Ravel said isn't true!"
Damn, am I glad that Rias is pretty normal compared to all the craz-
"It's not just to prevent an earthquake, but also a tsunami!" Rias shouted, slamming her hands on the table as she stared intensely at Ravel, "Do not downplay Kami-sama's power, Ravel Phenex! I will not stand for it!"
"Ah, sorry!" Ravel squeaked, waving her hands in a panic as she looked at Naruto, "I didn't mean to downplay your power, Kami-sama! Please forgive me!"
"A tsunami? We're in Kansas," Naruto deadpanned, gesturing toward the wall. With the underworld uninhabitable, the Phenex Clan had moved to Kansas of all places to build their manor.
"Kami-sama would also like to make it known that his power is so great, that such a huge tsunami would form that even Kansas would be submerged!" Rias continued with a huff.
"Wow… That's amazing!" Lady Phenex said, looking over at Naruto with stars in her eyes.
Naruto groaned, rubbing his forehead, "No, just tell them that this is all an exaggeration. I can't just make a tsunami by talk-"
"AND! Kami-sama would like to make it known that none of this is an exaggeration!" Rias said, slapping the table again in finality. She turned to Naruto, smiling brightly at him, "I conveyed your messages, Kami-sama!"
"No you didn't!"
"Hah, so powerful that his words alone can make natural disasters?" Lord Phenex smirked, looking over at Naruto with a new appreciation, "And, he's using not just a high-class devil, but the heiress of the noble Gremory clan herself as a translator! How cold!"
What the hell is going on?
"Cold? Do you want me to turn down the air conditioner?" Lady Phenex asked, looking over with a concerned face at Lord Phenex. A little detail Naruto didn't mention earlier about the 'Phenex Manor' in Kansas was that it was actually a relatively small condo.
"No, no! It's a phrase all the kids are using these days!" Lord Phenex explained, "It means something is cool! But instead of cool, it's cold!"
"Oh!" Lady Phenex golf clapped again, "Then the Youkai God is indeed very cold!"
"Oh, you're cold, Kami-sama?" Rias asked, "I could ask Akeno to come with a couple of blankets!"
"No… No, I'm fine," Naruto sighed, leaning back in defeat in his small wooden chair, "Just… Just ask them why I'm here."
"Right!" Rias turned back to Lord Phenex, her face deadly serious, "Kami-sama demands to know why you called him here, and why you didn't have blankets ready for such an esteemed guest?!"
When did you become crazy too, Rias? You were the only norma- ok, maybe not normal, but you at least weren't this crazy!
"Ah, our apologies, Youkai God-sama!" Lady Phenex said, bowing her head, "By the way, can I call you Kami-sama? Youkai God sounds so impersonal!"
Naruto nodded then wrinkled his nose, "Yeah, sure, but I'd like to know their names as well. Just saying 'Lord' or 'Lady' Phenex is so lame."
"Got it," Rias nodded with a smile, then turned deathly serious again.
"Kami-sama says you can, but only if you get on your knees and beg while exclaiming how great he is!" Rias shouted, leaning forward over the table dramatically, "And, you must join Sirzechs and Lord Gremory in offering your wife to his harem, as well as revealing your true names to him!"
The room fell into silence, and Naruto slowly turned his head, his eyes boring into the side of Rias's head. Rias looked over at him, blushed lightly, and then turned back to the Phenex trio.
"Um, Kami-sama said that he is feeling gracious today, so you only have to do the last part!" She corrected, giving Naruto a thumbs up.
She's not even crazy - she knows what she's doing! She's doing this on purpose!
"Thank you for your generosity, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, seemingly not concerned in the slightest about Rias's previous insane demands, "But I'm not sure what you mean by 'true names?'"
"Well, your actual names," Rias explained, "I don't think I know them either… I just always heard 'Lord' and 'Lady' Phenex."
"That's because those are our names," Lord Phenex responded, looking at her with a confused look on his face.
"...Like, their names are literally 'Lord' and 'Lady?'" Naruto asked incredulously.
"Your actual name is 'Lord?'" Rias echoed, tilting her head at him incredulously.
"Yup! His is!" Lady Phenex responded with a bright smile, "And I'm Lady!"
Naruto stared at her. Then stared some more. Finally, he sighed.
"Yeah… I can't be surprised at this point," Naruto nodded, "Make sure they know I wasn't trying to be rude by asking."
"Kami-sama says that he knew that all along, as he knows everything, but that he asked to mock you!" Rias said, leaning over the table again, "Take shame in your strange names, he says! In return for having such strange names, Kami-sama says you should give your wife up to join his har- ah!"
Naruto poked her side, and she blushed as she continued, "Um, ignore that last part."
"Hmmph, mocking me in my own home?" Lord Phenex raised an eyebrow as he stared at Naruto, "If it were anyone else, I'd be going at their throat. But, when Kami-sama does it… it's so cold!"
"Cold? Should I turn down the air for him, dear?" Lady Phenex asked, looking over at Lord Phenex.
"No, no, remember what I said a minute ago? About how the kids are all saying it?" Lord Phenex clarified.
"You guys are so embarrassing…" Ravel whined, blushing as she looked down, "Stop being so lame in front of Kami-sama…"
"Oh, right! I just wish they wouldn't use such confusing slang…" Lady Phenex sighed, staring down at the table.
…I know I have no business calling anyone stupid, but…
"Just tell them to get to the point," Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Right! Kami-sama deman- ah," Rias cut herself off as Naruto poked her side again, "I mean, Kami-sama would like to know the point of this meeting!"
"Oh, right!" Ravel perked up, looking back at Naruto, "It's actually about the marriage contract!"
"I'm well aware that Kami-sama defeated Riser with the marriage contract on the line, but…" Lord Phenex shifted in his seat, sitting up straight, "Riser was not the one who made the contract. I was. He had no right to bet the contract on anything."
"That's stupid, why would you be able to force your son into a marriage? He's his own person, and Rias is her own person, so you-"
"Kami-sama is very upset with you!" Rias shouted, interrupting him as she slammed her hands onto the table, "He says that the contract is his now and that I'll be his bride! He says that my virginity belongs to him, and only him! For even suggesting that you have any ownership over his contract is ridiculous, and you must apologize on your hands and knees, while also offering your wif- ah!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" Naruto groaned as he poked her in the side, and Rias sat down again with a huff as she glared at Lord Phenex.
"Kami-sama is gracious enough to not humiliate you today, so you can forget about the hands and knees stuff, but you still need to offer your wife to his har- ah! Ahem, you can ignore the humiliation stuff, but he's not giving up the contract!" Rias said, slamming her hand on the table again with a glare.
"Of course, I would never want to go against you, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex clarified, "Riser lost fair and square, so that's no problem to me. It's just…"
"There was supposed to be a rating game, and we spent a lot of money on setting up the arena and selling tickets!" Lady Phenex continued, blushing slightly, "Like… a lot. And we'd lose even more if we had to refund everyone! On top of that, Phenex Tears sales are wayyyyy down!"
"Right, because everyone is so busy reading Kami-sama's manga and following in his footsteps that they have no time for fighting!" Rias finished, nodding sagely, "So, there's not much need for them anymore."
"I'm glad we're on the same page, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, not even looking at Rias as he took her words as his, "So, we'd like to still hold the rating game. And, if you'd participate Kami-sama, then the profits would be huge…"
"So, let's negotiate a rating game contract!" Lady Phenex beamed, golf clapping again.
"Honestly, I don't give a damn about some rating game," Naruto waved his hand dismissively, "You can't force Rias to marry your son, and I'll kick your asses if you try!"
"Kami-sama says that we can start negotiations now!" Rias said with a deadly serious look. Then, she raised her hand and half-cupped her mouth as she looked over at Naruto, "Don't worry, Kami-sama, I'm a really good negotiator!"
"There's nothing to negotiate, I'm not fighting in some rating game." Naruto deadpanned at her.
"First!" Rias continued, leaning forward, "The matter of Riser's peerage. Kami-sama won them fair and square, and yet Riser's been hoarding them and refusing to send them to Kami-sama's house!"
"Actually, they showed up the other day and I sent them away," Naruto deadpanned at her, "You can't just bet people. I'm not taking them in."
"Thank you for the help, but even I knew that much, Kami-sama!" Rias whispered, putting her hand up to cup her mouth again, "Yasaka's working on expanding your bedroom so you have enough room for them, but the Phenex's don't know that! This is the Gremory Clan's negotiation specialty!"
"Oh, that's actually a pretty good tact- wait, she's doing what to my bedroom?!"
"That is agreeable, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, "I apologize for our son's behavior. I will ensure that his peerage is sent to Kyoto when you win the rating game."
'When' I win? This guy sucks as a dad. He's not even giving his son a chance!
"Yes, and since they are now Kami-sama's women, they can no longer serve Riser in his peerage," Rias continued with a nod, "Ensure that Riser's peerage is traded into my new Bishop, Asia's, peerage."
"A reincarnated devil has evil pieces?" Lord Phenex asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, not yet, but Oni-Chan will just give her some," Rias nodded, "It goes against tradition, rules, and everything really, but since it's for Kami-sama he'll make an exception!"
"Hmmph, how sly," Lord Phenex grinned, a look of appreciation in his eyes, "Of course, no one will complain if it's for the Youkai God!"
"Am I really that famous?" Naruto muttered.
"Yup!" Rias smirked, then her face turned serious again, "Now that we have the conditions down with the victor, Kami-sama, winning both my hand in marriage and Riser's peerage, we can discuss the rules for the battle."
"First, we have another condition to add!" Lady Phenex butted in, jutting her elbow into Lord Phenex's side.
"Oh, yes," Lord Phenex nodded, shadows covering his eyes, "Since Kami-sama seemed interested in my wife joining his harem, she will join his bed for two days a week after his victory!"
"This is so unnecessar-"
"Three days!" Rias interrupted, holding up 3 fingers.
"This doesn't need to be in th-"
"Four days!" Lord Phenex shot back, leaning forward over the table.
"Is he negotiating backwar-"
"Five days!" Rias countered, also leaning over the table. Her eyes locked with Lord Phenex's, electricity sparking between them as they intensely negotiated.
"Five days, and I'll watch!" Lord Phenex shouted, slamming his fist on the desk.
"No, tell him he doesn't have to watch, and that his wife isn't joining me," Naruto groaned, "How do I stop this? You can hear me now!"
"Deal!" Rias shouted, smiling brightly as she held out a hand.
"Wait! Five days, he'll watch, and I'll join for two of them!" Ravel shouted, leaning forward as she joined the conversation.
"This isn't even the system. Usually, all this crazy stuff is happening because of the system, but it hasn't even gone off-"
"You'll join for three!" Rias countered again.
"No, she must focus on her duties as a member of the Phenex clan," Lady Phenex butted in, glaring at Rias, "No less than four days!"
"How do I reverse this damn thing?" Naruto muttered. He raised his hand, waving it in front of him, "You can hear me now!"
"Deal!" Rias shouted, and she grabbed Lord Phenex's hand as they shook on it.
"What the hell…"
"Now that the important stuff is out of the way," Rias leaned back in her chair with a satisfied look on her face, "For the rules, the rating game will continue until Riser surrenders. I want to see him get his ass beat for a while."
"Rias," Naruto poked her in the side again, "I don't want to do the rating game, so just tell-"
"Sounds good!" Lord Phenex leaned forward, shaking Rias's hand again, "The original date was two days from now. Is that fine with Kami-sama?"
"Yup!" Rias ignored him, shaking Lord Phenex's hand again.
"Well, I'm glad we could sort this out. It was nice to meet you, Kami-sama!" Lord Phenex nodded, standing up from his chair.
"Yup! Nice to see you again, Kami-sama!" Lady Phenex said brightly as she stood up.
I don't think I've ever met her.
"I'll see you again in a few days, Kami-sama!" Ravel cheered, standing up as well. Lord Phenex snapped his fingers, and a huge orange circle appeared under them. A second later, they were gone, leaving just Naruto and Rias.
"See, I told you I was a good negotiator, Naruto-chan!" Rias cheered, looking at him expectantly.
I'm not praising you for this.
Naruto blinked as he looked around the small condo.
"Wait, this is their house," He muttered, "Why the hell were they the ones to leave?"
I don't get this crazy world.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naruto Uzumaki:
[Youkai God]
Lvl: 505
STR: 762
DEX: 725
CON: 540
INT: 215
WIS: 750
CHA: 999
LUK: 0
Skills: None
Perks: [Martial Arts], [You're a Wizard, Naruto], [Ladies Man], [God's Luck]
Debuffs: [Confusion], [Bad Timing]
Naruto Uzumaki is a Hero from another world, who has been reborn with the power of the Gamer system!
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: Thank you for reading! You can read the next 5 chapters right now at Patreon.com/Koyon !
Thoughts
"Talking"
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"...Why am I here again?" Naruto leaned over, whispering into Rias's ear.
"The Phenex Clan Head wanted to meet you, Kami-sama," Rias whispered back. She sat up straight, looking slightly nervous as she used his proper title.
"Why? Is it because I kicked his son's ass?" Naruto whispered back.
"Ah… we can hear you, Kami-sama…" Ravel said with a forced smile from across the table. Naruto and Rias were seated on one side of a large wooden table within the Phenex Manor. Opposite of them were Ravel Phenex, Lady Phenex, and Lord Phenex.
"No you can't."
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
[Ladies's Man] has added +5 to your roll!
25!
Check success!
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
[Ladies's Man] has added +5 to your roll!
25!
Check success!
This damn system is good for something!
Ravel blinked and then turned to the side and started talking to her mother.
"Why'd he want to meet me?" Naruto asked, not whispering anymore.
"He was very eager to meet you after what happened to Riser," Rias responded, glancing at him nervously.
I know it's not because he's mad.
Naruto glanced over, pulling up his previous quest completion from a couple of days prior and looking over the names.
Quest Alert!
[Sub-Quest]: Chicken Slayer
Difficulty: [EASY]
Defeat Riser Phenex.
Rewards:
Rias Gremory's hand in Marriage
Affection with Sirzech Lucifer
Affection with Serafall Leviathan
Affection with Sona Sitri
Affection with Akeno Himejima
Affection with Asia Argento
Affection with Venelana Gremory
Affection with Lord Gremory
Affection with Ravel Phenex
Affection with Lady Phenex
Affection with Lord Phenex
Affection with Grayfia Lucifuge
Affection with Shirone
Affection with Kuroka
Affection with Raynare
Affection with Kalawarner
Affection with Millet
Affection with Azazel
Affection with Ajuka Beelzebub
Affection with Yubelluna
Affection with Mihae
Affection with Karlamine
Affection with Siris
Affection with Isabela
Affection with Xuelan
Affection with Ile
Affection with Nel
Affection with Li
Affection with Ni
Affection with Marion
Affection with Burnet
Affection with Shuriya
Affection with Mira
Affection with Tsubaki Shinra
Affection with Momo Hanakai
Affection with Reya Kusaka
Affection with Tomoe Meguri
Affection with Tsubasa Yura
Affection with Ruruko Nimura
Affection with Ruval Phenex
Affection with [9999x Others!]
[Sub-Quest]: Chicken Slayer
Difficulty: [EASY]
Defeat Riser Phenex.
Rewards:
Rias Gremory's hand in Marriage
Affection with Sirzech Lucifer
Affection with Serafall Leviathan
Affection with Sona Sitri
Affection with Akeno Himejima
Affection with Asia Argento
Affection with Venelana Gremory
Affection with Lord Gremory
Affection with Ravel Phenex
Affection with Lady Phenex
Affection with Lord Phenex
Affection with Grayfia Lucifuge
Affection with Shirone
Affection with Kuroka
Affection with Raynare
Affection with Kalawarner
Affection with Millet
Affection with Azazel
Affection with Ajuka Beelzebub
Affection with Yubelluna
Affection with Mihae
Affection with Karlamine
Affection with Siris
Affection with Isabela
Affection with Xuelan
Affection with Ile
Affection with Nel
Affection with Li
Affection with Ni
Affection with Marion
Affection with Burnet
Affection with Shuriya
Affection with Mira
Affection with Tsubaki Shinra
Affection with Momo Hanakai
Affection with Reya Kusaka
Affection with Tomoe Meguri
Affection with Tsubasa Yura
Affection with Ruruko Nimura
Affection with Ruval Phenex
Affection with [9999x Others!]
Despite him knocking out their son and taking his fiance, he'd gained affection with Ravel, Lady Phenex, and Lord Phenex.
"Alright, let's get this over with," Naruto clapped his hands as he turned his attention to the trio sitting across from him, "Why'd you guys call me here?"
…
Naruto stared forward, no one meeting his gaze as Ravel continued to chat idly with her mother.
"And then, Oni-Chan was like 'I'll bet my entire harem-"
"Hello?" Naruto waved his hand, but they continued to ignore him.
"And then Kami-sama was like, ha! A real, macho man like myself would never put the lives of those I love on the line for a stupid bet!" Ravel continued, causing Lady Phenex's eyes to widen as she gave a golf clap.
"Oh, wow! That's so cool!" Lady Phenex was in a long red dress, had long blonde hair, and a soft-looking face. She was also wearing a large assortment of jewelry, such as a huge red gem necklace that fell in between her massive breasts.
"I didn't say that," Naruto deadpanned, "This is how rumors sprea-"
"And then, Oni-Chan was like, 'You may be 20 times the man I am, Youkai God, but I'm going to take all your women for myself!' and he smiled, like, super creepily!" Ravel continued, wrinkling her nose at the end.
"He definitely didn't say the '20 times the man I am' par-"
"That does sound like Riser!" Lord Phenex interrupted with a nod, "Where did we go wrong, dear? How did our son become such a loser?"
Oh, right. They literally can't hear me. Nevermind, this system sucks again.
"You can hear me now!" Naruto said loudly.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Of course.
"Can you tell them that all that stuff never happened?" Naruto asked, turning to look at Rias. Rias nodded in response.
"Excuse me, Lord Phenex," Rias raised her hand, "Kami-sama would like to inform you that the story is being told wrong."
"Oh, he would?" Lord Phenex, a big burly man with long blonde hair, asked as he looked at Rias, "And why isn't he saying that himself?"
"Kami-sama has to be careful with his words, Dad!" Ravel butted in, "He's so powerful that his words alone could cause mayhem! He's being careful so he doesn't cause an earthquake by accident!"
Naruto stared at her, and then rubbed his eyes with a sigh, "Rias, tell them that that isn't true."
"Yes, Kami-sama," Rias nodded, turning back to Lord Phenex, "Kami-sama would like to inform you that what Ravel said isn't true!"
Damn, am I glad that Rias is pretty normal compared to all the craz-
"It's not just to prevent an earthquake, but also a tsunami!" Rias shouted, slamming her hands on the table as she stared intensely at Ravel, "Do not downplay Kami-sama's power, Ravel Phenex! I will not stand for it!"
"Ah, sorry!" Ravel squeaked, waving her hands in a panic as she looked at Naruto, "I didn't mean to downplay your power, Kami-sama! Please forgive me!"
"A tsunami? We're in Kansas," Naruto deadpanned, gesturing toward the wall. With the underworld uninhabitable, the Phenex Clan had moved to Kansas of all places to build their manor.
"Kami-sama would also like to make it known that his power is so great, that such a huge tsunami would form that even Kansas would be submerged!" Rias continued with a huff.
"Wow… That's amazing!" Lady Phenex said, looking over at Naruto with stars in her eyes.
Naruto groaned, rubbing his forehead, "No, just tell them that this is all an exaggeration. I can't just make a tsunami by talk-"
"AND! Kami-sama would like to make it known that none of this is an exaggeration!" Rias said, slapping the table again in finality. She turned to Naruto, smiling brightly at him, "I conveyed your messages, Kami-sama!"
"No you didn't!"
"Hah, so powerful that his words alone can make natural disasters?" Lord Phenex smirked, looking over at Naruto with a new appreciation, "And, he's using not just a high-class devil, but the heiress of the noble Gremory clan herself as a translator! How cold!"
Reputation Update:
+100 Affection with Lord Phenex (Greatly Liked)
+250 Affection with Lady Phenex (Greatly Liked)
+500 Affection with Ravel Phenex (Adored)
+250 Reputation with the Phenex Clan (Liked)
+100 Affection with Lord Phenex (Greatly Liked)
+250 Affection with Lady Phenex (Greatly Liked)
+500 Affection with Ravel Phenex (Adored)
+250 Reputation with the Phenex Clan (Liked)
What the hell is going on?
"Cold? Do you want me to turn down the air conditioner?" Lady Phenex asked, looking over with a concerned face at Lord Phenex. A little detail Naruto didn't mention earlier about the 'Phenex Manor' in Kansas was that it was actually a relatively small condo.
"No, no! It's a phrase all the kids are using these days!" Lord Phenex explained, "It means something is cool! But instead of cool, it's cold!"
"Oh!" Lady Phenex golf clapped again, "Then the Youkai God is indeed very cold!"
"Oh, you're cold, Kami-sama?" Rias asked, "I could ask Akeno to come with a couple of blankets!"
"No… No, I'm fine," Naruto sighed, leaning back in defeat in his small wooden chair, "Just… Just ask them why I'm here."
"Right!" Rias turned back to Lord Phenex, her face deadly serious, "Kami-sama demands to know why you called him here, and why you didn't have blankets ready for such an esteemed guest?!"
When did you become crazy too, Rias? You were the only norma- ok, maybe not normal, but you at least weren't this crazy!
"Ah, our apologies, Youkai God-sama!" Lady Phenex said, bowing her head, "By the way, can I call you Kami-sama? Youkai God sounds so impersonal!"
Naruto nodded then wrinkled his nose, "Yeah, sure, but I'd like to know their names as well. Just saying 'Lord' or 'Lady' Phenex is so lame."
"Got it," Rias nodded with a smile, then turned deathly serious again.
"Kami-sama says you can, but only if you get on your knees and beg while exclaiming how great he is!" Rias shouted, leaning forward over the table dramatically, "And, you must join Sirzechs and Lord Gremory in offering your wife to his harem, as well as revealing your true names to him!"
The room fell into silence, and Naruto slowly turned his head, his eyes boring into the side of Rias's head. Rias looked over at him, blushed lightly, and then turned back to the Phenex trio.
"Um, Kami-sama said that he is feeling gracious today, so you only have to do the last part!" She corrected, giving Naruto a thumbs up.
She's not even crazy - she knows what she's doing! She's doing this on purpose!
"Thank you for your generosity, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, seemingly not concerned in the slightest about Rias's previous insane demands, "But I'm not sure what you mean by 'true names?'"
"Well, your actual names," Rias explained, "I don't think I know them either… I just always heard 'Lord' and 'Lady' Phenex."
"That's because those are our names," Lord Phenex responded, looking at her with a confused look on his face.
"...Like, their names are literally 'Lord' and 'Lady?'" Naruto asked incredulously.
"Your actual name is 'Lord?'" Rias echoed, tilting her head at him incredulously.
"Yup! His is!" Lady Phenex responded with a bright smile, "And I'm Lady!"
Naruto stared at her. Then stared some more. Finally, he sighed.
"Yeah… I can't be surprised at this point," Naruto nodded, "Make sure they know I wasn't trying to be rude by asking."
"Kami-sama says that he knew that all along, as he knows everything, but that he asked to mock you!" Rias said, leaning over the table again, "Take shame in your strange names, he says! In return for having such strange names, Kami-sama says you should give your wife up to join his har- ah!"
Naruto poked her side, and she blushed as she continued, "Um, ignore that last part."
"Hmmph, mocking me in my own home?" Lord Phenex raised an eyebrow as he stared at Naruto, "If it were anyone else, I'd be going at their throat. But, when Kami-sama does it… it's so cold!"
"Cold? Should I turn down the air for him, dear?" Lady Phenex asked, looking over at Lord Phenex.
"No, no, remember what I said a minute ago? About how the kids are all saying it?" Lord Phenex clarified.
"You guys are so embarrassing…" Ravel whined, blushing as she looked down, "Stop being so lame in front of Kami-sama…"
"Oh, right! I just wish they wouldn't use such confusing slang…" Lady Phenex sighed, staring down at the table.
…I know I have no business calling anyone stupid, but…
"Just tell them to get to the point," Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Right! Kami-sama deman- ah," Rias cut herself off as Naruto poked her side again, "I mean, Kami-sama would like to know the point of this meeting!"
"Oh, right!" Ravel perked up, looking back at Naruto, "It's actually about the marriage contract!"
"I'm well aware that Kami-sama defeated Riser with the marriage contract on the line, but…" Lord Phenex shifted in his seat, sitting up straight, "Riser was not the one who made the contract. I was. He had no right to bet the contract on anything."
"That's stupid, why would you be able to force your son into a marriage? He's his own person, and Rias is her own person, so you-"
"Kami-sama is very upset with you!" Rias shouted, interrupting him as she slammed her hands onto the table, "He says that the contract is his now and that I'll be his bride! He says that my virginity belongs to him, and only him! For even suggesting that you have any ownership over his contract is ridiculous, and you must apologize on your hands and knees, while also offering your wif- ah!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" Naruto groaned as he poked her in the side, and Rias sat down again with a huff as she glared at Lord Phenex.
"Kami-sama is gracious enough to not humiliate you today, so you can forget about the hands and knees stuff, but you still need to offer your wife to his har- ah! Ahem, you can ignore the humiliation stuff, but he's not giving up the contract!" Rias said, slamming her hand on the table again with a glare.
"Of course, I would never want to go against you, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex clarified, "Riser lost fair and square, so that's no problem to me. It's just…"
"There was supposed to be a rating game, and we spent a lot of money on setting up the arena and selling tickets!" Lady Phenex continued, blushing slightly, "Like… a lot. And we'd lose even more if we had to refund everyone! On top of that, Phenex Tears sales are wayyyyy down!"
"Right, because everyone is so busy reading Kami-sama's manga and following in his footsteps that they have no time for fighting!" Rias finished, nodding sagely, "So, there's not much need for them anymore."
"I'm glad we're on the same page, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, not even looking at Rias as he took her words as his, "So, we'd like to still hold the rating game. And, if you'd participate Kami-sama, then the profits would be huge…"
"So, let's negotiate a rating game contract!" Lady Phenex beamed, golf clapping again.
"Honestly, I don't give a damn about some rating game," Naruto waved his hand dismissively, "You can't force Rias to marry your son, and I'll kick your asses if you try!"
"Kami-sama says that we can start negotiations now!" Rias said with a deadly serious look. Then, she raised her hand and half-cupped her mouth as she looked over at Naruto, "Don't worry, Kami-sama, I'm a really good negotiator!"
"There's nothing to negotiate, I'm not fighting in some rating game." Naruto deadpanned at her.
"First!" Rias continued, leaning forward, "The matter of Riser's peerage. Kami-sama won them fair and square, and yet Riser's been hoarding them and refusing to send them to Kami-sama's house!"
"Actually, they showed up the other day and I sent them away," Naruto deadpanned at her, "You can't just bet people. I'm not taking them in."
"Thank you for the help, but even I knew that much, Kami-sama!" Rias whispered, putting her hand up to cup her mouth again, "Yasaka's working on expanding your bedroom so you have enough room for them, but the Phenex's don't know that! This is the Gremory Clan's negotiation specialty!"
"Oh, that's actually a pretty good tact- wait, she's doing what to my bedroom?!"
"That is agreeable, Kami-sama," Lord Phenex nodded, "I apologize for our son's behavior. I will ensure that his peerage is sent to Kyoto when you win the rating game."
'When' I win? This guy sucks as a dad. He's not even giving his son a chance!
"Yes, and since they are now Kami-sama's women, they can no longer serve Riser in his peerage," Rias continued with a nod, "Ensure that Riser's peerage is traded into my new Bishop, Asia's, peerage."
"A reincarnated devil has evil pieces?" Lord Phenex asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, not yet, but Oni-Chan will just give her some," Rias nodded, "It goes against tradition, rules, and everything really, but since it's for Kami-sama he'll make an exception!"
"Hmmph, how sly," Lord Phenex grinned, a look of appreciation in his eyes, "Of course, no one will complain if it's for the Youkai God!"
"Am I really that famous?" Naruto muttered.
"Yup!" Rias smirked, then her face turned serious again, "Now that we have the conditions down with the victor, Kami-sama, winning both my hand in marriage and Riser's peerage, we can discuss the rules for the battle."
"First, we have another condition to add!" Lady Phenex butted in, jutting her elbow into Lord Phenex's side.
"Oh, yes," Lord Phenex nodded, shadows covering his eyes, "Since Kami-sama seemed interested in my wife joining his harem, she will join his bed for two days a week after his victory!"
"This is so unnecessar-"
"Three days!" Rias interrupted, holding up 3 fingers.
"This doesn't need to be in th-"
"Four days!" Lord Phenex shot back, leaning forward over the table.
"Is he negotiating backwar-"
"Five days!" Rias countered, also leaning over the table. Her eyes locked with Lord Phenex's, electricity sparking between them as they intensely negotiated.
"Five days, and I'll watch!" Lord Phenex shouted, slamming his fist on the desk.
"No, tell him he doesn't have to watch, and that his wife isn't joining me," Naruto groaned, "How do I stop this? You can hear me now!"
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
"Deal!" Rias shouted, smiling brightly as she held out a hand.
"Wait! Five days, he'll watch, and I'll join for two of them!" Ravel shouted, leaning forward as she joined the conversation.
"This isn't even the system. Usually, all this crazy stuff is happening because of the system, but it hasn't even gone off-"
"You'll join for three!" Rias countered again.
"No, she must focus on her duties as a member of the Phenex clan," Lady Phenex butted in, glaring at Rias, "No less than four days!"
"How do I reverse this damn thing?" Naruto muttered. He raised his hand, waving it in front of him, "You can hear me now!"
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
"Deal!" Rias shouted, and she grabbed Lord Phenex's hand as they shook on it.
"What the hell…"
"Now that the important stuff is out of the way," Rias leaned back in her chair with a satisfied look on her face, "For the rules, the rating game will continue until Riser surrenders. I want to see him get his ass beat for a while."
"Rias," Naruto poked her in the side again, "I don't want to do the rating game, so just tell-"
"Sounds good!" Lord Phenex leaned forward, shaking Rias's hand again, "The original date was two days from now. Is that fine with Kami-sama?"
"Yup!" Rias ignored him, shaking Lord Phenex's hand again.
"Well, I'm glad we could sort this out. It was nice to meet you, Kami-sama!" Lord Phenex nodded, standing up from his chair.
"Yup! Nice to see you again, Kami-sama!" Lady Phenex said brightly as she stood up.
I don't think I've ever met her.
"I'll see you again in a few days, Kami-sama!" Ravel cheered, standing up as well. Lord Phenex snapped his fingers, and a huge orange circle appeared under them. A second later, they were gone, leaving just Naruto and Rias.
"See, I told you I was a good negotiator, Naruto-chan!" Rias cheered, looking at him expectantly.
I'm not praising you for this.
Naruto blinked as he looked around the small condo.
"Wait, this is their house," He muttered, "Why the hell were they the ones to leave?"
I don't get this crazy world.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naruto Uzumaki:
[Youkai God]
Lvl: 505
STR: 762
DEX: 725
CON: 540
INT: 215
WIS: 750
CHA: 999
LUK: 0
Skills: None
Perks: [Martial Arts], [You're a Wizard, Naruto], [Ladies Man], [God's Luck]
Debuffs: [Confusion], [Bad Timing]
Naruto Uzumaki is a Hero from another world, who has been reborn with the power of the Gamer system!
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: Thank you for reading! You can read the next 5 chapters right now at Patreon.com/Koyon !