That Fucking Bitch (ASOIAF Direwolf SI)

Well, if this doesn't work, there's always Ned's plan.

20 000 pissed off Northmen invading the place will have a bit of an impression. The Ironborn would leap at the chance to help, too. Now that I think of it, if not for the Ice-apocolipice, this could easly have a couple of hundred thousand Westrosi smashing Pentos, and burning it to the ground.

What fun!
 
Well, if this doesn't work, there's always Ned's plan.

20 000 pissed off Northmen invading the place will have a bit of an impression. The Ironborn would leap at the chance to help, too. Now that I think of it, if not for the Ice-apocolipice, this could easly have a couple of hundred thousand Westrosi smashing Pentos, and burning it to the ground.

What fun!

The Ironborn: "Wait, so you want us to burn and pillage and plunder and-"

"Yes"

"...That's a first."
 
Well, if this doesn't work, there's always Ned's plan.

20 000 pissed off Northmen invading the place will have a bit of an impression. The Ironborn would leap at the chance to help, too. Now that I think of it, if not for the Ice-apocolipice, this could easly have a couple of hundred thousand Westrosi smashing Pentos, and burning it to the ground.

What fun!
Reminds of a snippet someone wrote that had Slavers catching some of Benjen's friends so he went to Essos and pulled what Daenerys did and it escalated into the North and Bravoos occupying Lhazar versus Norvos, Myr and Qarth versus the Dothraki with Bravoos and Volantis having a standoff with their ships.
 
2.5 Hard Truths
Catelyn

The Dothraki rode quite a lot. Thankfully, they had horses enough for Catelyn and Jory, the latter of whom defended her honor vigorously from some interested Dothraki men. Daenerys, the Khaleesi, bid her to ride up in the middle with her and Catelyn recognized Jorah Mormont next to her.

"Jorah Mormont!" She blurted out, astonished. He looked like he sucked a lime as she turned to anger. "Khaleesi, do you know he's a slaver?!"

"What?!" Daenerys exclaimed, looking at Jorah with wide eyes.

"They were just filthy poachers!" He tried to reason, but Daenerys backed away from him shaking his head. Catelyn gave him a look.

"Jorah, please, go to the back." She told him. He slumped down and rode away after giving Catelyn an angry look.

They rode awhile in awkward silence.

"Catelyn Stark, tell me, do people make banners in my name?" She asked, looking at her worriedly.

"They ... may." She admitted. Many houses that fought on the side of Targaryens were acquitted or punished lightly after the rebellion. "But they do not do it openly. King Robert Baratheon has a deep hatred of the Targaryens after what Prince Rhaegar did to Lyanna Stark."

"Lyanna Stark?" She questioned, blinking.

"She was King Baratheon's betrothed, before Rhaegar kidnapped her and ... raped her." Catelyn said, carefully.

"But my brother was great! He was a prince among men!" She protested, kicking her horse away from Catelyn in a trot.

"There is a saying that madness and greatness are the same side of a coin." Catelyn said, following behind her. "Targaryens flip that coin and when Rhaegar flipped his coin, I believe it landed on the edge of coin."

Daenerys, upset, kicked her beautiful steed up to a run to the head of the herd. Catelyn didn't follow.

Eddard

He knocked on the door of Robert's bedchamber, ignoring the moans emanating from the door. Meryn Trant gave him a sneer but didn't stop him like last time after he publicly dressed him down with Robert after holding him up. Ned opened the door after a moment.

Robert and the prostitutes were barely decent which Ned will take.

"Damnit Ned, I just got back!" He exclaimed, sweating from his lovemaking.

"You did not attend the small council meeting which I asked you to go to." Ned said. "So I decided the King must want me to come to him."

Robert groaned. "You're as bad as Jon."

"I hope I'm worse, because he didn't kick your arse as much as he should have." Ned snapped. Robert looked like he was going to shout at that, but one of the prostitutes plied him with wine to cool his temper.

"I want to dismiss Petyr Baelish." Ned explained, coolly.

"Petyr!? Jon appointed him personally." Robert exclaimed, confused.

"He's either incompetent or corrupt, because a lot of your money has gone missing. I can't yet pin him for greed, but we must immediately let him go." Ned said. Robert sighed.

"I'm not for counting coppers so do what you will Ned." He said, shrugging. "But you need to relax Ned."

"I am not interested." Ned said, looking at the women and Robert with distaste. Robert shook his head.

"No, no, I know how dedicated you are to your Lady wife. I mean take a drink and relax. You're going to be as bad as Stannis." He said, offering a goblet. Ned shook his head immediately.

"I have obligations Robert." Robert's fury flared on his face and standing up, he shoved the goblet closer to Ned's chest.

"Fuck your obligations! I'm the King!" He roared. Eddard regarded him and the goblet.

"No thank you, my King." He said, inclining his head.

"Ned." Robert said dangerously.

"Your Hand." Eddard corrected.

Then, he left.

Hodor

Hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor? Hodor hodor. Hodooooorrrrr Hodooooooorrrr.

Hodor hodor hodor Hodor hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor; Hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor.

Hodor! Hodor!!! Hodor hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor? Hodor ....

Hodor ..........

Ho ... dor ...

---

Myrcella looked at the napping Hodor curiously as she petted Grey Wind tentatively. She was slowly getting over her fear of the wolves. Grey Wind was especially tender to her. "I wonder what he thinks about."

Robb, her gallant betrothed, shrugged. "I imagine not much."
 
Hodor is truly a man ahead of his time.
Petyr losing his position as Master of Coin means he took a large prestige hit and won't be able to marry Lysa due to no longer being capable of climbing up the ladder.
 
I'm pretty sure Lysa would still let him climb her ladder regardless.
Well yeah but Lysa is dead and Petyr the gold digger that he is was in it for the marriage and it's benefits. Lysa was his biggest patron now he's nothing more then Lord of a such a small keep and the gold he's embezzled and it won't be long before all his brothels end up closing by order of the Crown then reopening under the Crown. As along as Alysanne told Ned about Petyr owning House Waynwoods debts to control Harry the Heir then he shouldn't be able to pull any surprises. Petyr Baelish's one greatest advantage in canon was that he was constantly underestimated, that was his shield and sword.
 
Hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor? Hodor hodor. Hodooooorrrrr Hodooooooorrrr.

Hodor hodor hodor Hodor hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor; Hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor.

Hodor! Hodor!!! Hodor hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor.

Hodor? Hodor ....

Hodor ..........

Ho ... dor ...
*Gasp* Just when you think you know someone, they come and reveal something like this. Who could have guessed?!
 
2.6 Breaking News!
Catelyn

Daenerys would call her back to hear of Westeros and send her away when the honesty of her words became too much to handle. Jory stuck to her stubbornly and slept during the day, sleep riding as men still tried to rape her. She even spied Viserys on one of those evenings, skulking amongst the herd of the Dothraki before disappearing. She worried about Jory as he accumulated bruises and pains, but less men seemed to be approaching every night.

Jorah approached Daenerys off and on, trying to reason with her about his crimes. Daenerys would send her away, but Catelyn rode nearby, worried if the slaver was getting his way.

"Khaleesi ... I did it out of love for my beloved. She wanted a lifestyle befitting of her and my house was poor."

"So you will sell men for 'love'?" Daenerys asked dangerously.

"You don't understand love." Jorah protested. "I lived for her smiles!"

"I understand a bit about slavery Jorah." She snapped. "Have you ever been at the total mercy of someone?"

"No," He admitted. "The Dothraki have slaves in droves though, Khaleesi."

Daenerys looked away, frowning.

"Away Jorah." She said curtly. Jorah bowed and rode away. More and more conversations like this peppered their journey. Jorah was gaining ground, but he was stubborn about having done nothing wrong.

They approached the Horse Gate of Vaes Dothrak. Catelyn prepared the chambers along with the other girls. Jhiqui was teaching Catelyn Dothraki after Catelyn offered some of her meals to her. Jhiqui also made eyes at Jory for some reason, but Catelyn was just glad of any advantage she could get.

Catelyn quietly stayed out of the fight between Daenerys and Viserys, only reacting when he grabbed her arm. But Daenerys whacked him with the belt and sent him reeling back. She stared at the Khaleesi who brought him low and recognized the magnetism in her.

"Your brother needs to learn he cannot treat other people like that." Catelyn only said. Daenerys gave a her a small smile and Catelyn remembered she was Sansa's age.

Seven Hells.

Jaime

Jaime had to admit she was good. Very good. She had a strength of Gregor Clegane and better skill than most men. She pushed him back on the docks with one of his techniques and he grinned at her copying him. He was about to push back with the counter when a man approached. Jaime signaled for the spar to end and they turned to him.

He coughed awkwardly. "I am the one who sold the woman you're looking for."

Brienne narrowed her eyes but let him take the lead. "Where and do you know who?"

"I sold her and the other man in Lys, but the man, his name was Illyrio Mopatis." Jaime nodded. "He was heading to Pentos."

We began to pack up immediately, Bran and Rhae heading to the inn where a few of their things were.

"No tip?" He inquired, eyeing the bitch warily as she rose to her feet. She was a frightening size, like a large horse, and Jaime admitted he had closed his hands on his sword when he first met her.

Brienne grinded her teeth while taking a step forward and Jaime gave a lazy dangerous grin. "Be glad the wench here isn't punching you in the face."

He quickly left.

---

Jaime stared at Tyrosh, brooding as the wind swept his hair. He had enjoyed the arena far too much. Enough that it was tempting him to take Cersei here and just fight until the rest of his days. Father wanted him to talk Robert into letting him go, into being the heir of Casterly Rock now that Tyrion was gone.

Gods, Tyrion. He felt like an ass when he thought of Tyrion. He loved his brother, but he feared that the divide between them would be impossible to heal.

"You don't look half as handsome being that dour." A voice called out next to him.

He looked to see the maid servant Rhae. She was some feet away from him, enjoying the wind as well.

"That's a lie, I always look handsome whatever mood." He japed.

"I'm surprised your ego hasn't tipped the boat." She said dryly.

"So are you tired of carrying the box for the bitch?" He asked. She was a quiet one, so it was surprising that she was even talking to him.

"No." She shook her head. "You shouldn't run from your responsibilities, Ser Lannister."

He twitched. "What are you saying, girl?"

"You're scared of the future, so you think it'll be easier to run." She said, casually.

"You don't know what you're saying."

"As a 'smallfolk'," She said derisively. "I know exactly what I'm saying. You have a good opportunity in front of you and you're scared."

Jaime stood up with his hand on his sword and Rhae stumbled backwards in fear. He saw her eyes stick to his sword and he was tempted to be cruel, before his better sense took over.

"I am not scared." He told her curtly and left.

---

It took about one and half weeks on fair winds and we ended up on the doorstop of Illyrio Mopatis with guards staring at us worriedly.

"Who are you?" He asked, gripping his sword handle.

"I am Jaime Lannister, this is the wench, Brienne of Tarth, and Bran Stark." Jaime said indicating with flourishes. Brienne scowled as the guards went inside. The bitch gave him a look, but he ignored it.

"Was that really necessary?" Rhae said, quietly. Jaime looked chastised for a moment before shrugging.

"She calls me kingslayer, I call her wench." He said, smiling. Rhae rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't call you kingslayer if you didn't call me wench. Kingslayer." Brienne added. Jaime's grin only got bigger.

Bran and Summer exchanged looks.

---

Illyrio Mopatis invited us inside and broke bread and salt with us. He looked at all of us with a smile.

"Welcome, Jaime Lannister, Brienne of Tarth, Bran Stark," He said grandly as he walked around the table. He added. "And let's not forget Alysanne Stark."

That was surprising. Jaime didn't introduce her.

"The famous writing wolf of the North! How could one not hear of you?" He offered a hand to her which she took.

Rhae unslung the box and put it in front of the bitch.

Hello Illyrio Mopatis

He laughed. "How magnificent."

where is catelyn stark?

"Right down to business eh? But I'm afraid your trip is all for a waste." He paused as everyone grew uncomfortable at his foreboding words. "King Baratheon has fallen into a coma and his heir and Queen has taken over, saying Eddard Stark poisoned him. He and Sansa Stark are missing. She wants all of you to come back and face house arrest. Well, except for Ser Lannister."

Brienne looked gobsmacked, Alysanne was growling Bran hugged Summer while staring furtively, Rhae was somehow visibly unaffected, and he was no longer smiling.

I don't care. I'm still coming back with catelyn stark. now where is she?

He frowned. "You won't be able to get her. She's with the Dothraki now."

The bitch's ears stiffened up.

we're done here.

She turned away from the table and started walking. Jaime rose from the table as well with the others.

"But you don't even know which Dothraki I gave her to?!" He exclaimed. The bitch's laugh was strange and bitter.

Ned

He was dubious of the sellsword that Alysanne recommended as his bodyguard, but Bronn was very able with his sword, treating it like an extension of his arm, and was very agreeable after Ned told him the generous payment. He was very sardonic though.

"Bit of a farce if one crazy bastard is just setting his bloody sword on fire." Bronn remarked, next to Ned. Varly frowned at him, but Ned had to agree. At least, Sansa was enjoying herself. He looked for her in the seats but realized she had stepped out.

"She's with Ser Renly." Varly murmured. Bronn smirked.

"Aye, she's safe with him." He chuckled to himself as if he were clever and Ned rolled his eyes. Robert wasn't enjoying himself though, grimacing and sweating quite a lot despite the cool weather and iced drinks. Even Cersei looked vaguely concerned as she placed a hand on his arm.

"My King, are you alright?" She inquired.

"M'bloody head hurts, and I need to take a piss." Robert muttered, quietly. He took a big drink of his wine before standing up and taking a few steps. Then he collapsed and sent the entire place into an uproar. Ned was at his side in an instant, checking his breathing which was weak, and stood up.

"Get the King to Maester Pycelle," He barked at the knights who were started to clog the exits.

"It was poison." Someone muttered in the crowd.

"Someone poisoned the King." Another joined.

"You did this, didn't you Stark?!" Someone shouted behind him and he turned around to see his accuser. He didnt see him but saw Queen Cersei was coldly frowning at him and his gut twisted.

"Take Eddard Stark to the dungeons." She told the Kingsguard, Boros Blount.

No.

He knew what laid that path.

Eddard drew his sword, with Bronn instantly drawing his as well and Varly following a moment after. Cersei sneered. "So you are guilty."

"I simply do not trust justice from your hands." Eddard responded before cutting Ice into Mandon Moore's side.

Sansa

Sansa was having a wonderful week. She got to participate in the fashion show Father set up, being one of the ladies that showed off dresses. Queen Cersei seemed to love it as well and she talked gracefully of dresses and fashion in the party afterwards. Sansa was excited that her dress fetched a high price, though she was less thrilled it was for a man. It was probably for his wife, she reasoned.

The tournament was thrilling and there was so much delicious food she was fit to burst. She missed her siblings, even Arya, and wished they were there with her, having fun. The melee was quite boring however as Thoros of Myr was simply dominating with his flaming sword. Lady was dozing at her feet when Renly Baratheon leaned over.

"You look bored as I do milady. Mayhaps you might want to go riding with me?" He asked, grinning. Sansa looked at her father who had his attention on the melee and smiled back.

---

While she was no fan of riding, it was nice to do it on a cool day with Lady and Renly. While she heard ... rumors about him and Ser Loras, she still enjoyed his company greatly as he had perfect manners and the ability to carry conversation.

"So that's how you make this 'ice cream'?" Renly asked, intrigued. She nodded.

"Yes, Alysanne was the one who thought it up. It's quite good, fantastic really," She said wistfully. "But I'm afraid without the ice of the North, you won't be able to make it here."

"I should take a visit to the North then, to have a--," A Kingsguard member rode up to them. Meryn Trant, if she remembered correctly? He looked very angry.

"We were looking for you Sansa Stark! You are to come with me." He declared. Renly trotted his horse in front of Sansa's horse.

"What is going on?" He asked, frowning.

"Her Father poisoned the King and drew his blade against the Queen." Meryn spat. Sansa felt all the blood rush out of her face. Renly took that in for a moment and then laughed.

"Surely you're joking? Eddard Stark is a honor bound fool, my apologies milady." He said, mirthful. Meryn seemed incensed.

"This is not funny! He escaped and we need her for a hostage! Now out of my way!" Renly refused to move though and Lady was staring at Trant's horse, unnerving it.

"That's no way to speak to a lord, Trant." Renly snapped at him. His arm was hidden behind him and she realized he was motioning for her to go.

"Lady, speak!" Sansa shouted and Lady howled at Trant's horse, sending it rearing and unhorsing him. Then she dug her spurs on her horse and rode off with Lady running behind her, past the smallfolk and the gate and the woods.

Eventually the horse stopped, heaving for breath and she realized there were tears on her face that she couldn't stop and a shaking in her hands.
 
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Cersei really screwed up here trying to gain power by casting doubt on the honourable Eddard Stark. Everyone from the Wall to Dorne would think Robert was poisoned as a Lannister plot and would think all the corruption Eddard was eliminating was actually the Lannisters trying to control the Iron Throne. Why do people who hold all the cards love letting them drop like a game of 52 pick up:facepalm:
 
Oh, man.

ASOIAF book 7 final twist: Ned Stark reveals it was all according to keikaku. That guy who died on the steps of Baelor's Sept? A body double.
 
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