- Pronouns
- He/Him
Fantastic story.
TEMPUS FUGIT SPECIAL FUNDRAISER TIMESTREAM | BOYFRIEND FACE REVEAL
- Thread starter Omicron
- Start date
- Original
Noticed a few typos or missing words.
Green ->add
Red -> delete
Because as it's written, it sounds like both eventuality, what he wants and what's real, are the same.
There's one thing I'm worried about in-universe: The company that bought out the local TV station. It seems not unlikely that they are causing similar happenings elsewhere in the country. And the longer they are ignored, the worse it will get, as our protagonist just learned.
Green ->add
Red -> delete
Shouldn't it be 'even you desperately want to continue thinking I'm the reason, rather than acknowledge they are at fault'?
Because as it's written, it sounds like both eventuality, what he wants and what's real, are the same.
There's one thing I'm worried about in-universe: The company that bought out the local TV station. It seems not unlikely that they are causing similar happenings elsewhere in the country. And the longer they are ignored, the worse it will get, as our protagonist just learned.
Last edited:
- Location
- Phoenix, Arizona
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Art, unfortunately, imitates life in this case.
Sinclair Broadcast Group, the pro-Trump, conservative company taking over local news, explained
Sinclair reaches 40 percent of households — and soon will reach 72 percent.
www.vox.com
- Location
- Brittany, France
- Pronouns
- He/Him
As mentioned by @TheMaskedReader, while Ted Jonbal's own personality and mannerism draws heavily from certain Fox News anchors because they're the most famous or "emblematic" archetypes of this character and the ones with which I'm most familiar, the mechanisms behind NVZ News and its takeover draw instead from Sinclair Broadcasting, on which I can offer this educational and entertaining video:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvtNyOzGogc
As for them being able to keep going...
As powerful and as motivated as they might be, ultimately Viridian, Tempus and the others are individual actors operating on a local scale. Then can save an apartment complex and destroy a local TV news station. They can't topple multibillion dollar corporations or entire systems of governments or economics. They can only make things better in a small place, and perhaps even only for a short while. The struggle remains constant. But for those places, for that little while, it's worth it.
Whiskas
This Thyme? Disco Time.
Fucking awesome. I hope we'll see more of this!
I'm actually a big fan of the way the antagonist was written. Not the views of course but rather the way he was constantly shifting the narrative, trying to find a chunk in the armor, a way in, to succeed in a "compromise". Fugit went from a "terrorist" to a "we could make a Prime Time Star out of you". When that didn't work, Ted just moved on to a different verbal tactic.
Which only served to highlight Tempus' conviction! Regardless of the verbal abuse and blatant bribery, he stood his ground and fought back. And, yeah he might have been a little late with doing anything about this over all, he still stepped up when he finally realized this won't just go away.
Which resonates a bit I'll admit.
I'm actually a big fan of the way the antagonist was written. Not the views of course but rather the way he was constantly shifting the narrative, trying to find a chunk in the armor, a way in, to succeed in a "compromise". Fugit went from a "terrorist" to a "we could make a Prime Time Star out of you". When that didn't work, Ted just moved on to a different verbal tactic.
Which only served to highlight Tempus' conviction! Regardless of the verbal abuse and blatant bribery, he stood his ground and fought back. And, yeah he might have been a little late with doing anything about this over all, he still stepped up when he finally realized this won't just go away.
Which resonates a bit I'll admit.
Last edited:
- Location
- Columbus, OH
How the hell have I never seen Bob Barbas before? All I ever heard about DmC was that it was a failed attempt to reboot a series that didn't need a reboot.
Anyway, It's taken me several weeks to get past the first half of this story, because, just ugh. Sometimes a well-written story about evil is harder to face than the daily doomscroll. I've gotta be in the right mood to want to have my emotions pushed in certain directions.
But this is definitely better than Viridian, even if I'd rather read more Viridian-like stories of a more junk food variety. This one did devolve somewhat into cheesy shonen when you let Sen Armstrong fight Prometheus, but in a context that felt precisely like that kind of ending isn't allowed, which of course is the best time to use it. I made popcorn and I hardly even like popcorn.
Anyway, It's taken me several weeks to get past the first half of this story, because, just ugh. Sometimes a well-written story about evil is harder to face than the daily doomscroll. I've gotta be in the right mood to want to have my emotions pushed in certain directions.
But this is definitely better than Viridian, even if I'd rather read more Viridian-like stories of a more junk food variety. This one did devolve somewhat into cheesy shonen when you let Sen Armstrong fight Prometheus, but in a context that felt precisely like that kind of ending isn't allowed, which of course is the best time to use it. I made popcorn and I hardly even like popcorn.
HoratioVonBecker
Imperfectly Aligned
The fighting felt a bit stale/exhausting by the time of the last hologram clone summon, which I think was also an issue with the last one - interesting aesthetics and powersets, but not quite varied enough to keep up with the very long fights in prose form.
I presume this is for thematic reasons, but in terms of demonstrated abilities, it doesn't seem impossible for them to do something on the scale of 'kill one midscale company'. Not Disney, and Goldman-Sachs would be pushing it, but something weak enough to rely on camouflage? Seems vulnerable.
- Location
- [REDACTED]- United States of America
Holy Fuck how did I not read this until now. I may not be gay or trans but this struck 30 cords in me anyways and I'm ringing like cymbal. Fucking loved it from the creeping horror to the implicit commentary on Streaming personalities and politics in the same breath.
Have i mentioned how much I love it yet?
Have i mentioned how much I love it yet?
- Pronouns
- She/Her
So, I'm coming to this a bit late, but holy shit. This is incredible. Weirdly enough, I kind of like both this and Viridian equally, though for different reasons.
Tempus is interesting in that I don't usually mesh easily with caustic characters but he reeled me in very well. I think a lot of that is how well you display his actual thought process, you know? I feel like a lot of writers will try to do this kind of character but write it as "This person said a hurtful thing, character did not like that, character responds with spite" which isn't particularly awful or anything, but you made his spite compelling by demonstrating that he's not an automatic machine doling out harsh words at any hurt, you can follow his reasoning as to why spite is the correct response. And as the reader, you can agree with him without the blunt object approach of just making his targets all cartoonishly awful, but by exploring how responsible the small actions make them for the grand atrocity of the evil. There's a long analysis of political behavior there that's been said a thousand and one times, so I'm not gonna bother going through that one.
The relationship with Alex is wonderful, obviously. The idea of a trans person building themselves into their goals quite literally is so beautiful. Good lord, what I would give to be able to do that. And the way that Tempus sees him, especially in the fight at the end, really accentuates how breathtaking it is. In regards to the actual relationship, the lovable asshole and the kind caretaker tend to be relationship archetypes for a reason. But the trope is usually rather bland, sort of citing the balance as a reason for it without really exploring why that balance is a good thing for them. And the way Alex affirms Tempus's ego in a world he's forced to stifle himself in, whereas Tempus shares his supposed arrogance to affirm how amazing Alex is in a world that inherently views him as lesser is a wonderful way to demonstrate how those personality types aren't just "one's mean but it's okay the other one is patient enough to put up with it." Instead, it shows how they work together. They don't exist for one to beat people up, and the other to be protected and caring, they both kick ass and emotionally support each other in ways the other can't. A wonderful take on that dynamic.
Anyway, Ted Jonbal. Yeesh, where do I start. The opening take where the head just pops out of Claire and starts advocating genocide, and the exasperation Tempus feels when it occurs is very… relatable. You know what, I'm not gonna expand on it too much, just gonna say that the first phase of this story is cruelly aware of how resounding and omnipresent that dull pain is. And how it's such a relief when you get to pull out knives and stab a TV anchor. The infection itself is such an awful and tiring thing, the story communicates that well enough. Ted himself is pitch perfect of course, the many faces and wildly shifting positions communicates perfectly how the entire process operates.
I'll admit, I have less catharsis for this kind of enemy, because deep down it feels like all the people Ted Jonbal used to bring the horror to fruition will just let him in again the next time. But it's still pretty great reading along as a trans man beats the shit out of him and his boyfriend stabs him. Thinking of, I haven't mentioned the Audience here. They're perfect. Especially their love for Prometheus, they have great taste. But more seriously, I think these short stories do a great job of demonstrating good aspects of the internet's more involved functions. I feel like a lot of complex writing involving the internet tend to jump into the dangers of things like streaming behavior, but the concept of a crowd of supporters from beyond your scope can also be positive in nature, even though Tempus hints that their enjoyment of the risks he's taking isn't necessarily all benevolent.
The only critique I have I suppose is that the story kind of jumps from the set up of the character and context, has the inciting incident of the time stop, and then leaps almost straight into a three phase boss fight for the rest of the run time. It still communicates a ton mind you, but it's hard to maintain the tension of an actual fight that long I guess. Then again, I've never really been a fight scene person so you can take that with a grain of salt. Overall, I loved it, and though Viridian hits a lot more of my personal taste boxes, this is exceptionally well written and is a fantastic work in its own right.
However, the story does leave a very important question unanswered that I am intensely curious about… Is Viridian fucking the lead poisoning lady? An outraged shriek is not an answer, the world needs to know!
Tempus is interesting in that I don't usually mesh easily with caustic characters but he reeled me in very well. I think a lot of that is how well you display his actual thought process, you know? I feel like a lot of writers will try to do this kind of character but write it as "This person said a hurtful thing, character did not like that, character responds with spite" which isn't particularly awful or anything, but you made his spite compelling by demonstrating that he's not an automatic machine doling out harsh words at any hurt, you can follow his reasoning as to why spite is the correct response. And as the reader, you can agree with him without the blunt object approach of just making his targets all cartoonishly awful, but by exploring how responsible the small actions make them for the grand atrocity of the evil. There's a long analysis of political behavior there that's been said a thousand and one times, so I'm not gonna bother going through that one.
The relationship with Alex is wonderful, obviously. The idea of a trans person building themselves into their goals quite literally is so beautiful. Good lord, what I would give to be able to do that. And the way that Tempus sees him, especially in the fight at the end, really accentuates how breathtaking it is. In regards to the actual relationship, the lovable asshole and the kind caretaker tend to be relationship archetypes for a reason. But the trope is usually rather bland, sort of citing the balance as a reason for it without really exploring why that balance is a good thing for them. And the way Alex affirms Tempus's ego in a world he's forced to stifle himself in, whereas Tempus shares his supposed arrogance to affirm how amazing Alex is in a world that inherently views him as lesser is a wonderful way to demonstrate how those personality types aren't just "one's mean but it's okay the other one is patient enough to put up with it." Instead, it shows how they work together. They don't exist for one to beat people up, and the other to be protected and caring, they both kick ass and emotionally support each other in ways the other can't. A wonderful take on that dynamic.
Anyway, Ted Jonbal. Yeesh, where do I start. The opening take where the head just pops out of Claire and starts advocating genocide, and the exasperation Tempus feels when it occurs is very… relatable. You know what, I'm not gonna expand on it too much, just gonna say that the first phase of this story is cruelly aware of how resounding and omnipresent that dull pain is. And how it's such a relief when you get to pull out knives and stab a TV anchor. The infection itself is such an awful and tiring thing, the story communicates that well enough. Ted himself is pitch perfect of course, the many faces and wildly shifting positions communicates perfectly how the entire process operates.
I'll admit, I have less catharsis for this kind of enemy, because deep down it feels like all the people Ted Jonbal used to bring the horror to fruition will just let him in again the next time. But it's still pretty great reading along as a trans man beats the shit out of him and his boyfriend stabs him. Thinking of, I haven't mentioned the Audience here. They're perfect. Especially their love for Prometheus, they have great taste. But more seriously, I think these short stories do a great job of demonstrating good aspects of the internet's more involved functions. I feel like a lot of complex writing involving the internet tend to jump into the dangers of things like streaming behavior, but the concept of a crowd of supporters from beyond your scope can also be positive in nature, even though Tempus hints that their enjoyment of the risks he's taking isn't necessarily all benevolent.
The only critique I have I suppose is that the story kind of jumps from the set up of the character and context, has the inciting incident of the time stop, and then leaps almost straight into a three phase boss fight for the rest of the run time. It still communicates a ton mind you, but it's hard to maintain the tension of an actual fight that long I guess. Then again, I've never really been a fight scene person so you can take that with a grain of salt. Overall, I loved it, and though Viridian hits a lot more of my personal taste boxes, this is exceptionally well written and is a fantastic work in its own right.
However, the story does leave a very important question unanswered that I am intensely curious about… Is Viridian fucking the lead poisoning lady? An outraged shriek is not an answer, the world needs to know!
I would point to the augmented security.
The protagonists aren't the only ones packing supernatural capabilities, and bullshit counters bullshit. If its anything beyond a singular agent and their immediate thralls(as with the landlord, or the news anchor), they'd just lose.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I think that given how the Astral and mundane interact, taking down the force behind NVZ News would manifest as something like the fall of Enron, or ACAB Summer.
HoratioVonBecker
Imperfectly Aligned
There are like eight people with much better superpowers than the security would likely have access to. It would be a hard fight, since Skinthief Broadcasting probably has a number of Jonbal+ combatants to call on, but most of them will be hundreds or thousands of miles away, and fast travel isn't necessarily something they have access to.
Now, I'm thinking of this as a teamup megadungeon, which might conflict with the streamer angle. I'm guessing there's enough overlap between their audiences that their power might take a hit. But this is all logistics, subordinate to the themes Omicron is working with.
- Location
- Earth
- Pronouns
- He/Him
See, this is why you don't engage with right-wing rhetoric. No matter how straightforward and true your argument is, all it ever gets you is angry, exhausted, and nearly incinerated by a physical incarnation of conservative media's efforts to destroy the truth in the guise of revealing it.
...or maybe they're just lasers. Either way, not worth it.
A local news station for a town with, I'm guessing, a four-digit population gave Ted Jonbal almost enough power to kill our hero and also Tempus. He works for greater powers, but his power is local. If the half-dozen or so eldritch activists/monster-hunters came together, they could probably fight the incarnation of Exelon or something. They would probably not survive.
Which isn't to say that there's nothing they can do. There's just nothing obvious they can do.
I blame the format. You can't sell the sheer persistence of Jed Tonbal and the ideas he spews if he gets taken down in a single chapter, and Omicron only gave himself 26,000 words to work with.
I think a longform format would suit this setting better. You could spend more time building up the threat (and developing the characters and their mundane lives) before getting into the meat of the supernatural threat. But I'm not sure whether a longform format would suit Omicron—we can't all be Wildbow.
Anyways, I hope Omicron decides to return to this setting someday. I think this story works better than...um...the other one, and not just because it has ~60% more space to build up its characters and threat. Other people have pointed out how Jon Tedbal is a more grounded threat than the moldlore, and how Tempus has stakes beyond "it's there and I should do something".
I still like Viridian better as a protagonist; she feels more like an underdog, and for all that Tempus's spite is justified, I still find V's less spiteful head more pleasant to occupy. FWIW, I'd love to see a more personal Viridian story. Or something about one of the other voices in their psychic hub thing. Archon, the black knight uncertain what language to express that in, apparent self-appointed voice of reason, could be neat. Or Millie; she has some intense "girl next door" vibes which seem like they'd clash with being a Voidtuber. Or Raven, I guess, the one we've heard the most concrete information about...