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TALOS: Fantasy Giant Robots Rampaging Across the Apocalypse

"Pacitar!"

The hatch to the roof opens and Pacitar looks down to you, face slick with sweat. "Yingtie?"

"I need one more spell from you," you say. "Fortune's Favor on Jackpot Jane."
"Quist preserve my shaking hands." Pacitar drops into your throne room and rushes to the ladder down. "At once, my Queen."

You lick your drying lips as you watch the Auto weaving through the city to escape you. "On Mark Jane," you say, "I want that thing taken down."

Pacitar's first cast fails.
"Come on, damn you," he snarls. "Come on."
He sighs in relief as the familiar blue corona flares up between his fingers.



Over your comms you hear:
"This is Jane. Fortune's Favor has been cast."
"Mark Jane."



The automaton's leg explodes.
It trips, hops once, and crashes to the ground.

1 And you command (choosing all that apply)
A Now load it again and wipe them out.
B Now order Anastasi to kill everyone onboard who doesn't look rich enough to barter for their lives.
C Now level our cannons at them and order their total surrender.
D Now get in there, find the emperor, and bring him to me.
 
I was hoping they'd launch the Void Mage on the winch and then have him teleport back with the Praetor.

Still, not a bad effort.
 
"My Queen." Anastasi's windchime voice precedes her arrival, the battered Emperor at the point of her blade.
Below the sounds of slaughter as your men kill those who they deem expendable.
"Hello, Anastasi," you say. "Have a good fight today?"
"It wasn't hard," Anastasi says. "But it was satisfying. The Emperor is here to see you."



"I can see that." You shoulder one of the two swords you hold. "You're looking a little peaky, Emperor."

"Hellion Bitch of the Wasteland." The emperor spits on the floor. Anastasi's blade gets a little closer to his throat. "Cyclopean Inheritress of the Crimson Cataclysm."



"I'm going to have to remember that one," you say.
"You have won," the Emperor says, "through trickery, barbarism, and dishonor. The legends told me that you were a woman of pride. Now I see that you are nothing but a one-eyed whore, who tricks great men and slides a knife into their backs."

"Well, Empy, ya can't believe everything you read," you say. "There's a lot they get wrong, the historians."
You step down from your throne and flip one of your blades lazily in your hand, planting it point-first on the ground.

"That thing everyone always says, for example," you say. "About how I killed the Tyrant Argus. With a poison kiss? That's ridiculous. I mean I love it but what if I'd had to lick my lips? Right? No; I just had my archer Crik hide below my bed and stick him up. I was so afraid of him I didn't even kill him. Not then. I'd never killed anyone before. I was scared to. I hated him so much. but." You shrug. "He always told us he was immortal. And you could almost believe it. Anyway these were his." You tap the hilt of the one in your right hand. "Two of them. Always at his hips. But I realized, after I took over: I'd never actually seen him use them. And so I thought: well. I don't really remember. But what I did, the next day, was I went to the hold, where we keep the prisoners, and I took these swords with me. And I don't know why I did this, but I unlocked the door to his cell, and I stepped inside, and I did this."

You hold one sword out to the Emperor, hilt-first.



"And I told him: Take the sword."

The emperor's mouth hangs open. He stares at you with animal fear.

"Take," you say, "the sword."

He takes the sword by the hilt with trembling fingers.

You step back from him and raise your blade.



1 Then you:
A Walk over to the emperor and run him through. No fuss.
B Stand very still and wait for him to move.
C Flip your sword overhand and throw it through his chest.
D Say: "Do you want to know how your son really died? I was bored of him, so I kicked him off my robot."
E Knock the blade from his hand and put its tip at his throat.
 
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Bromeliad said:
"That thing everyone always says, for example," you say. "About how I killed the Tyrant Argus. With a poison kiss? That's ridiculous. I mean I love it but what if I'd had to lick my lips? Right? No; I just had my archer Crik hide below my bed and stick him up. I was so afraid of him I didn't even kill him. Not then. I'd never killed anyone before. I was scared to. I hated him so much. but." You shrug. "He always told us he was immortal. And you could almost believe it. Anyway these were his." You tap the hilt of the one in your right hand. "Two of them. Always at his hips. But I realized, after I took over: I'd never actually seen him use them. And so I thought: well. I don't really remember. But what I did, the next day, was I went to the hold, where we keep the prisoners, and I took these swords with me. And I don't know why I did this, but I unlocked the door to his cell, and I stepped inside, and I did this."
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

That is so good.
 
You plant your feet and wait.
A rivulet of sweat drips down the Emperor's bulbous nose and lands on his collar.

He looks to Anastasi, who watches with undisguised amusement.

He looks back to you.

Neither of you move.

You start to chuckle (and it's good).
The Emperor takes a hasty half-step back.

"Do you want to know," you say, "how your son really died?"

Something inside him snaps.
He bellows like a wounded rhino as he charges you.
Here's the fire that warms. Probably for the very first and last time in his life.

You twist easily around his strike; your fingers tap percussively against the hilt as you swap your hold on your blade.
You plunge it into his gut.



"He was annoying me," you say, pushing the sword in all the way to the hilt.



"He said I would never set foot inside Anabas, and that I should just execute him." You twist the blade. "So this is what I did."
You pull the sword from the Emperor with a silky hiss, turn round to his disbelieving, sweat-slick face, plant a boot on his chest, and kick him out the Rumbler's eye.



You faintly hear the screams begin below as the surviving nobles witness their Emperor's final descent.

Zaphidor thunders into the Throne room. "Did I miss-- FUCK!"
"Omg Zaphidor I'm sorry," you say.

1 The Emperor is Dead. Now you:
A Give Anabas over to your men, to do within as they please. Hail the conquering-- well not heroes, exactly.
B Give orders to find the nominal leaders of the Peasant rebellion and bring them before you. This city is theirs now.
C Start systematically tearing the golden buildings apart to maximize profit. Finish what you started and destroy the city.
D Recall everyone back to the Rumbler to debrief and take stock of what you've seized. Maintain order.
E Call that weird pair from the middle of the battle before you. Time to figure out just who the fuck they are.
F Head to the palace and take a seat on the throne therein. Anabas has a new Empress.
 
[x] Give orders to find the nominal leaders of the Peasant rebellion and bring them before you. This city is theirs now.
 
An hour later, the crew of the Rumbler has returned to their stations. They guard a steady stream of peasants come to pay homage to and beg petition of their temporary new ruler (until such time as she can find someone to take care of all the annoying parts and get back to running around in a big robot).

"This is my brother's master." The Anabasi peasant tugs the chain he's wrapped around the nobleman's neck, sending him sprawling to the floor. "Fed him to the wall six months ago. Destroyed the body before we could even lay it to rest. He's lost his place in Quist's chapter. His soul's going to wander for 1,000 pages and 10,000 years."
"I didn't kill your brother, the law killed your brother," the nobleman wails. "The codex was strict! I was required to report him!"
"What was his crime?" you ask.
"Broke a plate," the peasant says.
"It wasn't a plate it was a Crest. A priceless artifact from before the Tide," the nobleman says, face streaked with tears. "My family's crest! Its charter, shattered! Such items are sacred; I had no choice! It was the law!"
"So you've said." You scratch your knee. "Take him away. I'll ponder your petition."
The peasant drags the weeping nobleman from your throneroom.

1 Your judgement is:
A The peasant should be his new master and decide what his life will be, in exchange for the life of his brother.
B If that was the prescribed punishment that was the prescribed punishment. Unshackle him.
C Give him to the Wall.
D Give him to the Wall inch by inch.
E The nobleman gives the peasant all the property he has, including the pieces of that fancy family crest. Fair trade.
F Give them both swords and push them into an arena. Whoever leaves wins.

"I don't get why they keep bringing these old grudges up to me," you say. "I mean you've got a pitchfork. Stab the guy for Quist's sake."
"They're used to authority," Zaphidor says. "And you fierce."



"My queen."
Sketter bows his way over to your elbow. "I have the tally you have asked of me."
"Give me the stats, Sket," you say.

"Ahem." Sketter opens his book and pages his way to a loose leaf he's spiderwalked his handwriting across.
"In the battle previous:

We sustained damage to the Rumbler and his enchantments that will require a payment of 800 dekadrachmae to repair.
We used one witchfire shell, which will cost 300 dekadrachmae in materials to replace.
We have collected loot and plunder equal to..... drumroll...."
Zaphidor taps rhythmically on his breastplate.
"90,000 dekadrachmae," Sketter says, triumphantly. "SIMPLY from the treasury. The more time we spend pillaging the city, the more immediate revenue we will generate from it. Ehr, but the worse shape it will be in to produce wealth for us long-term, of course."

"Any autos worth salvaging?" you ask.
"Several, my Queen," Sketter says. "Two of them are close enough to working order that their repair will require 10,000 dekadrachmae each to refurbish into full fighting condition. Provided we can find crew enough to staff them. Forty each at minimum."
"Remind me again: what's our headcount?"
"At our fortress we have a garrison of fifty-three soldiers," Sketter says. "Aboard the Rumbler, which requires 60 soldiers, we have 98."
"I thought we had 104," you say.

"I was getting to that next." Sketter flips the page over. "We have lost 6 soldiers. Postel, Axiter, Amindia, and Tesh lost their lives in the ground combat. Verbissen and Fraling were killed aboard the Rumbler, Verbissen by the swordblow and Fraling by boarders."
You sit back in your chair. "Six. Shit. Tesh?"
"Yes, Queen."
You shake your head. "How the fuck did they manage to kill Tesh?"
"A direct hit by canister shot, my Queen."
"That would just about fucking do it," Zaphidor says. "Six vs. an army and a kingdom isn't a bad trade, Vic."
"No." You pick glumly at the fur laid across your armrest. "I guess not. Who's next?"



"Iron Mantis Victoire Yingtie, Queen of the Tyrant Argus XII!" The colorful stranger bows low. "My deepest apologies for, ahaha, dropping in on you like that. My compatriot Volter--" he gestures to the Void-mage, who nods-- "and I were unfortunately caught in the center of your melee, and Volter quickly deduced that the safest place to be was aboard the clearly more powerful combatant. I am Pi Xui, gourmand, gentleman explorer, and noble-in-exile. This is Volter Kepral, my friend and protector."
"Hi," Volter says.
"And we were wondering," Pi Xui says, "if perhaps, when you move on from Anabas to whichever great journey you have before you, you might consider taking us along as guests and observers of your power and ongoing legend, for which privilege I am willing to pay a premium daily or weekly sum for even the most meager of spaces aboard your fine Automaton. I also humbly suggest you put some thought to ferrying he and I to the next stop in our own individual Grand Adventure, for which we would be most grateful and pay mosthandsomely."
"I'm not a cab service, Pi Xui," you say.
"And we are not mere tired pilgrims," Pi Xui says. "I won't ask you to make a decision right now, not before I've shared with you the details, which-- ah!-- I'm afraid I can't do when there may be untrustworthy ears listening, but rest assured that in taking me along as a witness to your deeds and as a potential passenger to my own individual destiny, you would be doing great diligence to your already impressive legacy."

2 You say:
A I don't think so, Pi Xui. You'll have to find your own way to your destiny or whatever.
B I'll let you stay onboard the Rumbler, but I make no promises about taking you any specific place you please. No matter what kind of pay or adventure or whatever you can promise me.
C You can stay but you're gonna have to pay. 200 dekadrachmae a day for the pair of you.
D You can stay, but from now until you leave you're both my minions. You and especially the guy who can delete matter.
E Pi Xui I'm not taking. Volter can totally come, though.
 
[x] Slave owns the noble
[x] You can stay but you're gonna have to pay. 200 dekadrachmae a day for the pair of you.
 
Voting's only happening over on the Something Awful forums at the moment. Maybe you can bribe Brom to convince him to make this more than an archive.
 
You raise a finger. "Hold on. CRIK."

Crik stick his head up through the hatch. "Yeah, Vic?"
"Get those last two back in here for a second," you say.
"Gotcha."
Crik disappears back downstairs, and a few seconds later the peasant drags the nobleman back in.
"The law's more or less the law," you say, "and it's not my business to figure it out."
The nobleman's face lights up.
"So I'll let the two of you sort it out," you say. "Crik will arm the two of you and whoever lives wins. Whoever loses it's a moot point. Byee."
"Have fun." Zaphidor waves clankily at them.
The nobleman's face falls right back down as they're escorted away. The peasant's mouth is a flat line of resolution.

"Sketter," you say. "Go sort some kind of truth and reconciliation thing out with the Anabasi people."
Sketter hesitates. "You trust this to me?"
"Sure. Take Crik and Anastasi with you. Let Crik pick which people are in charge because he's good with people, and if Anabasi tells you you're talking too much talk less."
"At once, my Queen! Oh of course at once!" Sketter bows, catches a few of the papers he jostles free, and wipes the ink from his fingers on his grubby robe. "I won't let you down!"
"If you do I'm going to throw you off the robot," you say, watching Sketter make his exit. "Have fun!"

"Right."
You turn back around to your two stowaways. "I'll let you stay onboard the Rumbler, but I make no promises about taking you any specific place you please. No matter what kind of pay or adventure or whatever you can promise me. And it'll cost you."
"Any sum," Pi Xui says.
"Two hundred dekadrachmae a day," you say.
Pi Xui's face twinges for a second then bounces back to its cheer. "Certainly, Iron Mantis!"
"And we could use a chef," you say. "So I hope 'gourmand' means you cook as well as eat. Or I'll throw you off the robot. I'm kidding. Unless you don't pay up. Okay!"
You sit back and cross your legs.
"Anything else?"
"A thousand thank yous, Mantis, but we'll to our rooms now," Pi Xui says. "If you'll show us the way and perhaps help us carry our luggage....?" He looks to Zaphidor, who is shaking his head. "Or we can carry our luggage! Ourselves! Having arms and everything."
"Actually," Volter says. "I wanted to say something."
"Volter?" Pi Xui's eyebrows raise.

"Can I buy you a drink or something?" Volter asks you.


1 You say:
A Ummmm sure! If you're buying.
B That's very sweet of you to ask but I'm kind of conquering a city right now, Mr Kepral.
C I'm not just going to leave the Rumbler to go out with a stranger, but if you'd like to have dinner with me onboard I wouldn't say no.
D No.
E No but I will sleep with you if that's what you were trying for.
 
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The look on Pi Xui's face is absolutely priceless. Incidentally, I think I've seen the exact same expression on one of the characters in Sevis Loa thread recently. A happy coincidence? :)
 
"I'm not going to just leave the Rumbler to go out with a total stranger," you say. "But if you'd like to have dinner with me onboard, I wouldn't say no."
Volter raises one thick eyebrow."Can I have dinner with you onboard?"
"Absolutely, Mr. Mage," you say. "As long as you're willing to dine late. I'm a little busy right now conquering a city."
"Cool," Volter says. "8 good?"
"8 would be lovely," you say.
"What," Pi Xui stage-whispers, "are you doing?"
"OK." Volter puts a hand on Pi Xui's shoulder and gently but firmly pushes him away. "Looking forward to it."
"My Queen--" Pi Xui mouths like a fish as he grasps for words. "I apologize sincerely for-- That is, Volter's behavior you must understand-- his upbringing hasn't instilled in him respect for--"
"We need to pack." Volter interrupts. "See you at 8."

With a percussive whoosh he and Pi Xui vanish.

"O M G," Zaphidor says.
"I know!!!!" you say.

Evening



The Head

"What a lovely day we had today." Strix balances herself on the Rumbler's parapet. "What a lovely town we destroyed."
"It was pretty fucking lovely, wasn't it," you say. "Don't fall, Strix."



"I love winning. It makes everything so bright and pretty. I love how the wind feels after we win." Strix does a little twirl. "My ministrations to the wounded are almost finished. There are a few more limbs to be replaced, but we've made so many spares I can't see that being a problem!"
She hops down. "Milady you are smiling like the cat that ate the canary."
You shrug. "It's a cute city. I'm glad we own it."
"Also she's going on a date tonight," Zaphidor says. "With that shirtless Void-mage."
"Vicky!" Strix beams even wider than her lacerated lips normally allow. "A catch!"
"He floods my fuckin basement," Zaphidor agrees.
"That is a colorful choice of words, Zaphidor," you say.
"Floods my Basement," Zaphidor solemnly repeats.

"Hello, Zaphidor. Hello, Strix." Ghostly Anastasi has been on the roof for who knows how long. All three of you jolt in sudden recognition. "Hello, My Queen."
"Hi G.A." You shake it off. "You'd been a minute earlier I think you'd have spooked Strix off the roof."
"I would have been very sorry," Anastasi says. "Hello, Strix."
"Anastasi! Hello! Yes!" You didn't think Strix's eyes could get wider than they already were. "Well! Hello! You, ah, yes! Were very beautifully deadly today. Like razor-edged poetry. In motion."
"That is a nice thing to say," Anastasi says. "Thank you, Strix."
"Well congratulations." Strix takes an uncertain step back toward the hatch. "To Victoire. And you. I was just here filling her in on the wounded."
"Yes?"
"Yes well. Not too many. So. That's good! I ahhh I ought to get back to them." Strix goes to open the hatch and sees it was already open. "Good evening, everyone! Enjoy your date, Victoire!"
"Bye, you jumpy spooky hoe," Zaphidor says. "Don't cut your fingers off."



The torch Strix burns for Ghostly Anastasi is so garishly bright that it would take a man as blind as a bat or a woman as socially ignorant as Ghostly Anastasi not to see it. You're pretty sure nobody's said anything mostly because Strix has the power to fuse their mouths / buttholes shut if they do.

"That's exciting," Anastasi says. "The date."
"It's with Volter Kepral," Zaphidor says.
"I know," Anastasi says. "I was there."
Zaphidor puts a hand on his hip. "Wait like there just now or there in the throne room?"
"I have misgivings," Ghostly Anastasi says. "I think I should share them with you."
"About Volter?" you ask.
Anastasi shakes her head. "About Uchuam. The caravan city."
"Uchuam." Your eye narrows. "That's those people Sketter was talking about contacting to help us with Anabas."
"The same," Anastasi says. "Ten days to the East. They do not like Anabas. Or maybe they like it too much. I'm worried they have designs on it."
"You think they want to steal the city I just stole?"
Anastasi nods. "Word will reach them of the destruction of the Anabas military. And with only one auto and an army of peasant rebels occupying the city they'll consider it an opening. I would, if I were them. Perhaps they're waiting for us to move on, or perhaps in a fortnight or two they'll come calling."

1 You say:
A We'll just have to come calling first. Uchuam might as well be next on the list.
B I think it's time to meet with Uchuam's king or president or whatever they have. Let them know just who they're dealing with if they try something.
C Then we need to send a message somehow, loud and clear, that we are not to be fucked with.
D Let's not be too hasty. I want you to get me a spy network in Uchuam. We should find out who they are and what they're thinking.
E I'm not worried about Uchuam. Let them come if they want to come. We have the wall.
F I think it's time to start turning willing prisoners and eager peasants into new auto crews and those scrapped autos into a new defensive force. We'll train them to protect themselves.
 
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