Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

[The Ero-Sennin]

Scraped from here.

Well, I finally get to post this story here.

I hope y'all like to laugh, because this is my purest attempt at being over the top funny.


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Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written parody. PA-RO-DY. P-A-R-O-D-Y. It makes fun of Super Robot Wars Original Generation, specifically Original Generation(s). This story is not meant to be taken seriously in the slightest. It is crude, rude, and written by a bad dude. You've been warned.


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

So Close, and yet so... painfully... far...

[Stage One: The Beautiful Little Toaster]


The year is 187 SE... the entire Earth has been fried, fractured, and fucked–wait, no, wrong parody. Six months have passed since Bian Zoldark and his Divine Crusaders decided that the best way to save humankind from hostile alien invaders was to start a war against humankind that killed millions, weakened the military strength as a whole, and plunged world society and economy into chaos.

It was a good thing that the alien invaders were so fucking incompetent that only a handful of special snowflakes on two ships were enough to make the problem go away... for the most part.

Nevertheless, peace came at a horrible price. Namely, with the Divine Crusaders out of a job due to their leadership being handed their 90mm pensions, a bunch of butthurt try-hards with a lot of guns, a lot of time, and a marked deficit of common sense felt that it was necessary to continue a war that never should've been waged in the first place for a goal that even they aren't sure they know of anymore.

Unfortunately, that was the least of everyone's problems. Because that was the first game, and the really stupid shit didn't start until this one.


[Story Phase]


Six months ago, Kusuha Mizuha piloted a giant robot with her mind, and with it defeated an army led by a middle-aged otaku and his elderly pedophile right hand, before laying a tremendous smackdown on a surprisingly undermanned space fortress commanded by surprisingly humanlike aliens. She'd killed, she'd nearly been killed, she'd been brainwashed (and naturally rescued), and she traded blows with some of the most powerful weapons in creation. Pretty good for an eighteen year old high school student.

Naturally, once she had done her unwilling duty to the world, as a token of appreciation the Earth Federation gave her a job at their elite Langley, Virginia Base... as a nurse. While she appreciated the gesture, she was hoping for something a little more substantial than an opportunity to be sexually harassed aggressively and frequently by soldiers and staff alike. Like, free tuition to the medical school of her choice or at least some field medic training. Hell, she'd even take some custom made bras over this shit.

"343," Kusuha said.

Excellen Browning, a 23 year old foxy blonde bombshell of a woman whose busty figure was etched into the minds of many a soldier thanks to too much alcohol, a web camera, and an uncharacteristically willing boyfriend, looked over to Kusuha at her utterance in the office reserved for their combat unit... the ATX Team.

"343 what?" Excellen asked.

"That's how many times I've been sexually harassed since I've gotten here."

Excellen frowned. "You'd think people would know better after the first sixty."

Kusuha leaned back in her chair, and cupped her large breasts. "God, I appreciate your bountiful gifts, but please grant the gift of decency to my fellow man."

"You ask too much of God, I suggest you do what I would do."

Kusuha tilted her head back down and stared at Excellen. "I'm not making a sex tape."

"I was going to say force-feed them that god awful health drink of yours, thank you."

Kusuha's stare became a thoughtful look. "I could remove certain ingredients to maintain the flavor but remove the possible benefits." She then shook her head. "But that'd just make them vindictive. Then one day, when Major General Garrett decides to look the other way, bam. My life becomes a porn mag complete with netorare, mind-break, and unhealthy doses of non-consensual coitus."

Excellen frowned. "I'd argue that people would have to be functionally psychopathic to try that with us around, but hey... the Divine Crusaders." She then raised an eyebrow. "... And what exactly is a healthy dose of non-consensual coitus?"

"I don't inquire about your sex-life, Browning, don't ever ask about mine," Kusuha said.

Excellen appeared enlightened. "Those bruises around Brooklyn's neck and wrists suddenly make sense now."

Just as she said that, the door opened and in walked Brooklyn "Bullet" Luckfield, followed by the leader of the ATX Team, Kyosuke Nanbu.

"... Those bruises around your neck and wrists suddenly make sense now," Kyosuke said to Bullet as they walked in through the threshold, finishing a similar but wholly different line of conversation. He looked to Excellen and Kusuha. "Afternoon ladies."

Bullet, a shockingly all-American kid as denoted by his Eagle Landesque name and hair and eyes so blonde and blue one would wonder if he was actually a boy from Brazil, looked upon Kusuha in surprise. "Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital, Kusuha?"

Excellen shrugged her shoulders. "They're messing with her again."

Bullet sighed, went to his desk in the office and drew from behind it a sheathed Japanese sword. "Okay, who and what did they do?"

Kyosuke looked at the sword. "Hey, I thought I told you to get rid of that."

Bullet turned to his superior. "I'm trying, but it seems that no one on eBay believes that this is a genuine noted sword."

"That's because it isn't," Kusuha and Excellen said together.

Kyosuke agreed. "Yeah, Rishu made that one for you, didn't he?"

"Yes, however, if I'm going to get rid of this sword I'm going to make some serious cash on it. Thanks to that fuck-head Garrett, my paychecks are still being 'withheld' for various reasons," Bullet growled.

"Yeah, it's started happening to me, too. What's he got against us, anyway?" Kusuha asked. "Lately now he's been even worse."

"Remember that thing about functional psychopathy we talked about?" Excellen asked.

Kyosuke took a seat. "Well kids, on the bright side, we're all being assigned to a ship, so we don't have to deal with Garrett's shit any longer."

Excellen perked up. "Really? A ship? The Hagane? The Hiryu?!"


Introducing the Shirogane, a staggering kilometer long, she is a member of the Space Noah class of ship, of which two others, the Hagane and Kurogane, became notorious during the Divine Crusader War six months ago. Being a vessel purpose built for Super Robot Wars, she is capable of carrying and launching machines of almost any size, even larger than a ship of her size should be capable of carrying! And as she was a vessel purpose built for Real Robot Wars, she was painted a pure bright white, to draw as much attention from slow-witted enemies as humanly possible.

The Captain of the ship is Lee Linjun, a man who like many others in the upper echelons of the Federation Army has severe issues regarding anger misplacement. In his case, because his family was killed by one Ingram Plisken (real name Aleph Barshem) betraying his own forces, Lee placed the blame on the very forces Aleph betrayed, irrationally desiring revenge against them because apparently to fund giant robots and weapons that routinely ruin the laws of physics, the EFA cut all therapists from their budgets.

He regarded his new pilots with contempt well-hidden behind a professional veil, so professional and so contemptuous he didn't even bother to ogle Excellen or Kusuha's fantastic breasts as he walked in on them getting shit-talked by their base Commander, Major General Kenneth Garrett, in the operations center of the Langley Base.

"... And as you are now stationed aboard the Shirogane, I expect you to continue your duties better than you've had while stationed here, or can the heroes of the L5 Campaign not handle peon's work?" Garrett didn't have Lee Linjun's misplaced anger issues, he was merely a dick who wanted to be a Divine Crusader, but didn't because he was a pussy.

"No sir, in fact compared to saving the whole of humankind, we relish this sort of thing," Kyosuke replied with his usual cool, serious demeanor.

The bald CO took an angry puff from his pipe. "You had better, because if I had my way you'd be flying cargo planes full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!"

I wish he wouldn't quote Top Gun, it makes him sound like such a tool, Kyosuke thought to himself as he maintained his greatest asset, his nigh-impervious poker face. Seriously, it was bad enough that he actually knew a guy with the Callsign "Ice Man".

"Well, does it pay at least? Because if I can get a paycheck flying out rubber dog shit..." Bullet asked out of line.

Garrett glared at Bullet, but before he could haul off on him, Lee spoke up. "Major-General Garrett, I hope I'm not interrupting."

Garrett looked to Lee and snorted. "Nothing out of the ordinary for this lot. Captain Linjun, meet your pilots and their communal fuckhole, the ATX Team," he said as he gestured to the pilots and Kusuha respectively.

Kyosuke's pokerface well-hid his desire to murder everyone forever. "Now boo, I wish you wouldn't call me 'fuckhole' in public, that's for when we're alone."

Bullet's immediate impulse to rip off Garrett's face and shit on his exposed skull was headed off by Kyosuke's remark, and he found himself struggling not to laugh at the look on Garrett's face.

"Nanbu-"

Kyosuke cut Garrett off as he spoke to Lee, "Forgive the outburst, sir. His hemorrhoids always act up after a rough night." He actually winked to Lee. "If you know what I mean."

The horrified look on Lee's face would live on the internet long after mankind's fires have dimmed thanks to Kusuha's discrete use of a camera phone. Bullet was now trying really hard not to laugh, as Kusuha vented hers in dainty coughs into her palm. Excellen's poker face rivaled Kyosuke's, largely because she was imagining how she was going to drain every drop from her boyfriend's massive balls the second they had a moment alone.

Garrett stared at Kyosuke, the pipe he smoked hanging from his lower lip, before falling to the floor with a clatter. Kyosuke looked down at it, and then back up at his face. "I said it."

As he finally purged the mental image from his mind, Lee quietly accepted that Kyosuke Nanbu was a funny guy. However... "Okay, first off, Lieutenant Junior Grade Nanbu, none of that shit is going to fly on my ship."

Kyosuke wondered how Lee got his hair to do that.

"I run a tight ship. Now that you're under my command, you're going to be working twice as hard."

It was a perfect curl, like as if his hair had been drawn by Araki.

"That means no backtalk, no sass, no nicknames, no hijinks, no shenanigans, no trolling, no griefing, no booping, no beep beping, no defibbing, and definitely no fraternizing." Lee looked between Kyosuke and Excellen closely, at that.

"Understood sir, can we still have Manzai Mondays?" Kyosuke asked.

"... I'm gonna go with no."

Kyosuke looked over to Garrett. "I'm sorry baby, take me back."

Garrett was still blind, deaf, and dumb with rage, so he didn't hear that.

Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're getting it all out of your system, aren't you Nanbu?"

Kyosuke held up his hand with his forefinger and pointer mere millimeters apart, denoting "just a little".

"All the same, now that you're under my command I expect you to take this seriously! We're going to be facing a dangerous enemy out there, and I'll need the four of you to be focused and ready for the task at hand," Lee said. "Now let's get out of here before Garrett's rage breaks and he orders you all killed."

The ATX Team snapped into salute. "Yes sir!"

As Kusuha, Bullet, and Excellen followed Lee out of the room, Kyosuke stopped and leaned close to Garrett. "Talk like that to our faces again, Garrett, and I will treat you to an all you can eat stake buffet. Stay shiny, you crazy diamond."

He left for the door, and then broke into a mad dash when he heard Garrett growl like a rabid dog ready to tear him to shreds.

As Kyosuke caught up with the group and fell in line behind their new Captain, Lee was already formulating a plan to murder all four of them. Nanbu would be first, he decided. A smartass guy like him, it wouldn't be too hard to kill him, right?


[Battle Phase]


You can find anything in Mexico. Anything from maracas to meth, Jesus to women who engage in salacious acts with members of the family Equidae. One thing you can't find in Mexico, are the Divine Crusader Remnants, or that's what they'd want you to believe. In fact anyone can find Divine Crusader Remnants in Mexico... as a woman named Lamia Loveless in a damaged robot found out much to her displeasure.

"Aiyiyiyiyi! Alpha to Charlie, did you see that machine land?" The lead pilot in a six-strong group of awkwardly designed flying robots known as the Lion-F called out to the leader of another group of Lions as they came across the machine that just moments before hurtled through their formation and touched down on the Mexican terrain below.

"We were found out," Charlie lamented.

"We can't let it get away, those who lay eyes on the Divine Crusaders shall not live to tell of it!" Alpha Leader declared.

Inside her robot, Lamia checked her systems, which were all red and flashing. Red and flashing was no good, it usually meant that something was about to blow up, or someone got drunk again and was running around the base, shoving his genitalia into people's faces.

"I'm fucked," she observed aloud in Microsoft Mary's voice, "The radar and ASRS are fucking each other gently, but the operating system is intact. I have missed the landing point, and I have gained the attention of a bunch of flying cocks."

She turned her robot around to face the oncoming enemies. "Fortunately they are only tiny cocks."

There were even more alarms and flashing reds all over, as the Lions launched their attack, and Lamia let out a sigh as she prepared her personal robot for combat. Drawing its sword and readying the blade, Lamia opened up the throttle, and the Super Robot known simply as Vysaga vanished from the paths of the missiles, which slammed into the ground and exploded.

The Lions of Charlie Flight, who had opened fire, watched as the machine vanished. Charlie Leader looked around. "Wow it's fast! Wait, why is my vision sliding up in one direction and down in the other?"

His and three other Lions in his flight slid in half and exploded violently as the Vysaga reappeared behind them. Lamia looked back at the two remaining targets as the other two Lions came around to attack. She lamented their fates aloud, "Even half-erect, my throbbing shaft's girth far surpasses your anal circumference. You will experience further rectal tearing before the day is over, however your suffering will be mercifully brief."

The two remaining Lions of Charlie Flight attacked, firing their arm mounted railguns at the Vysaga. The hypersonic sabots passed through the Super Robot's flickering after image seconds before its blade passed through them.

"Six targets have had their rectal passages obliterated." Lamia stopped. "What the fuck is wrong with my speech pattern?"

She suddenly had more pressing problems as her robot suffered a small explosion and fell back to the ground. "Tesla Drive fucked. Fuck."

The remaining flight of Lions formed a circle around the Vysaga, leveling missiles and railgun on the dark blue, red cloaked super robot. "All units, all units, lock onto the target and Fire For Effect."

Another Alpha Flight pilot then noticed his radar acting up. "Sir! Enemy units right on top of us!"

Alpha Leader looked up. "Above us-?"

Eighty-five tons of red, black, and white-painted metal plummeted out of the sky and landed on Alpha Leader's thirty-two ton Lion. Both units fell to the ground below, and landed with a tremendous, explosive impact. When the smoke cleared, the PTX-003C Alteisen stepped off the demolished Lion. "No, right on top of you, weren't you listening?"

Upon seeing the Alteisen, Lamia's eyes widened. "It's red, and lacking in dicks sprouting everywhere... but that's the Gespenst Mk. III. So I guess I actually made it across." She stopped again. "Dicks sprouting everywhere? What the fuck is wrong with my speech pattern?"

A second lion was immediately battered by gunfire, flying apart before it exploded. The other four Lions looked up, but could only see a distant ship flying miles up directly overhead, far out of range. A narrow yellow beam then shined from under the ship, and sliced through two more Lions, bisecting them.

Holding onto the Shirogane's keel with one hand, the white-painted PTX-007-03C Weisser Ritter aimed its large two-barreled Oxtongue Rifle down at the targets far, far below. "Brooklyn, do you want the last two?"

Lamia turned and noticed another robot land next to her, a dark blue machine that looked like that a series of units that gave her no small amount of trouble... back there. "Oh God, a fucking Gundam."

Bullet quickly waved his Huckebein Mark II's hand towards the Vysaga. "Gundam? No, this a Huckebein!"

Huckebein? Oh God, this universe was full of insane people. Vindel was probably creaming his pants in excitement right now.

"No, I'm out of position, could you handle it?" Bullet replied to Excellen. A second later, the two remaining Lions were sniped dead before they could do anything else. Bullet turned his attention to the Vysaga. "Are you all right?"

"Negative, my cock is damaged." Lamia slapped her forehead, was this what humans called embarrassment?

Bullet stared blankly at the Vysaga. "They have pills for that."

"Fuck you, my oral semen receptacle is not forming words correctly," Lamia growled. There was a moment of silence. "FUCK!"

"Are... are you injured?" Bullet asked.

Lamia's face was planted in her hands. "Yes. Brain damaged."

"Pardon my concern, but who are you and what sort of machine is that?" Kyosuke asked.

Lamia looked up. "My name is Lamia Loveless, I am an intern for Isurugi Industries." She sighed in relief, happy to have said something normally.

Aboard the Shirogane, Lee looked over to one of the many faceless operators aboard his ship. "Confirm that."

"Confirmed, Isurugi Industries, ID code VR-02," the faceless XO, whom I will call Slender for convenience, replied.

Lee didn't like this. Isurugi made nothing but Lions, and it was an open secret that Mitsuko Isurugi was in bed with everyone, figuratively speaking, so really it was a question of who the actual fuck actually built this thing and to what end. "All right, bring the unit aboard. But I've got some questions for Isurugi in regards to why a machine like that would be out in suspected rebel territory like this."

Down on the ground as the Shirogane descended, Kyosuke frowned. "Why would Isurugi have an intern with brain damage pilot a prototype giant robot?"

"Functional psychopathy," Lamia replied.

Kyosuke nodded. "Yeah, that's about right."

"It's an epidemic, I swear," Excellen quipped.

Kyosuke agreed. "No, just a sign of a greater problem that I think is going to rear its ugly head sooner or later."

Bullet sighed. "We're in for some really silly shit, aren't we?"

"Some brutally silly shit," Kyosuke replied.


Far away, two shadowy figures stood in shadows, admiring just how fucked up everything had gone. What was supposed to be a simple transfer between one dimension to the other had been turned into a massive clusterfuck thanks to one bleeding heart liberal and his crazy idea that their idea was the crazy one. Shadowy figure number one was a man named Vindel Mauser, a blue-haired anime man who embraced Social Darwinism, xenophobia, and had a gross misunderstanding of the Broken Window Fallacy.

Shadowy figure number two was Lemon Browning, an attractive pink-haired anime woman who has had almost as much body work done on her as Nicki Minaj. Unlike Nicki Minaj, she was a skilled scientist in the field of robotics and held many degrees in multiple fields of biology, and she could rap.

"So," Lemon said.

Vindel wasn't having it. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying-"

"Shut up."

"I think it'd be best if we-"

"Shut up."

Lemon pouted some. "You know I'm righ-"

"I will pop you." Vindel raised his hand for emphasis.

Rolling her eyes, Lemon relented and let out a sigh. "Isurugi Heavy Industries has already confirmed the safe retrieval of the Vysaga. It is aboard their Space Noah class ship, Shirogane. We still can't find Axel or Helios."

"Well, Helios will turn up eventually. For now we should try to find that god-awful idiot, dispatch Echidna to look for him," Vindel ordered. "In the meantime, I need to speak with 'Rose' about our partnership."

Lemon nodded slowly. "As questionable as her morals are, champ, she's not going to sleep with you because you think you're Gendo Ikari."

Vindel turned and glared at Lemon. "Never mention that man again."

Lemon shook her head dismissively. "Let it go, sport.."

Rather than proceed to slap Lemon around, Vindel turned and marched out of the room, wishing that Lemon was more like a certain other Doctor who had an affinity for hair-coloring, and that he too had a son he could manipulate in a convoluted Batman gambit to become God.


Next Time on SRW: Oh Geez. Flying Lesbians!


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Well... I hope you liked it.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Chapter 2!


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Disclaimer: Crouching Terada, Hidden Huckebein.


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

Shooting Star, Slice through the Cheesecake

[Stage Two: Rocket Girls]


Last Stage, a mysterious woman with a severe case of coprolalia entered the lives of the ATX Team, who had just transferred onto a shiny new ship, the Shirogane, along with her shiny new robot, the Vysaga. The appearance of this newcomer has already set ATX Leader Kyosuke Nanbu on edge. Something real stupid was on the horizon, and he had a feeling it was headed his way.

Oh man, this nigga got no clue.


[Story Phase]


Climbing out of the Vysaga, Lamia had a look around the cavernous hangar of the Shirogane and the machines stored in it. Almost all of them were Lions built by the same company she claimed to intern for, with the exception of course of the Huckebein Mk II, the Alteisen, and the Weisser Ritter. With the exception of the Alteisen, all of the machines present were completely unfamiliar to her.

I'm definitely in a parallel universe for sure. Except for the Mark III, none of these units are familiar to me. There are also no Mobile Suits, Aestivalis, Arm Slaves, or any of the dynamic robots. Well, this will be an easy universe to conquer, at least, Lamia thought to herself as she made her way down the catwalk. At the bottom of the steps, she found Kyosuke waiting for her, and visibly took a step back as she quickly scanned his face.

He doesn't have any of those weird bits like Beowulf, perhaps he hasn't started changing like he did. Lamia tried to relax, as Kyosuke raised an eyebrow at her. She needed to play it cool, concentrate, and make sure she chose every word carefully.

"The fuck you want, niggerbitch?" She wanted to die.

Kyosuke nodded. "Brain damage, right?"

"Yes," Lamia quickly replied.

"You should see someone about that."

"No benefits, I'm just a fucking intern, cock receiver." Why was this happening?

Kyosuke nodded again. "Oh, I understand then. No insurance company on Earth wants to cover me, and the military benefits I had suddenly disappeared about six months ago and no one wants to tell me why."

"Why the fuck are you still serving then, retard?" She didn't ask for this!

"I would like to say spite, but between you and me I don't think there's a single person in this military who even knows what the hell they're doing. Therefore, when this shit goes stupid again, and it will, competent people will need to be ready to be competent."

It hurt Lamia, knowing how right he was. "I see." Oh God yes, she did it!

Kyosuke looked up at the Vysaga. "So... interesting machine you have there."

Lamia looked up at it as well. "It ain't shit."

"Ain't shit? A machine that can wipe out an entire squad of Lions while damaged is fairly badass, but that's just me." Kyosuke folded his arms. "It doesn't seem like something Isurugi would make, though."

Lamia paused and returned her gaze to Kyosuke. "Excuse me?"

"For the last six months, Isurugi has been churning out nothing but Lions and their variants. Then all of a sudden, a machine like this. That just strikes me as odd."

"A nigga can multitask, bitch," Lamia replied. "S-sorry... I can't help it."

Kyosuke waved it off. "If I let someone swearing profusely rub me raw, I'd have been in jail for murder years ago."

Lamia relaxed somewhat. This person was definitely different from Beowulf, perhaps he wasn't some sort of abomination underneath his rugged physique–okay where did THAT come from? "I see, th-thank you."

"Anyway, it just bugs me. Usually when under-qualified people, such as otaku, high school students, and brain damaged interns get a hold of giant war machines, there's stuff going on behind the scenes to make sure everything goes smoothly until such a point that their plans come to fruition." Lamia's eyes grew wide at Kyosuke's astuteness as he carried on, "Miss Loveless, I'm a betting man, and I'm willing to bet that our meeting was no accident, and we're going to be getting to know a lot more of one-another, rather than you moseying on back to your home base."

This man is nothing like Beowulf, she realized in disbelief.

Kyosuke stepped closer to her. "So, save me the bullshit and tell me what's really going on."

Lamia reined in her surprise and schooled her expression. In a split-second, she recited what she wanted to say in her head five hundred times, and looked him directly in the eye. "All right, if you must know... I am a gynoid from a dimension-hopping army that seeks to infiltrate your military to conquer your world."

Kyosuke's eyebrows rose, and he slowly nodded at Lamia's absurd, but entirely honest confession. "Right... gotcha. Gynoid from a dimension-hopping army. Yeah."

"Hoi, sweetheart," Excellen called from a door leading from the hangar to the ship's interior. "Captain Lingling just got some new orders, he said bring along the Intern."

"Understood," Kyosuke called back. As Excellen went back through the doorway, and Lamia began to follow, Kyosuke cleared his throat. "Miss Loveless."

Lamia looked back at Kyosuke, curious.

"If you're going to use the whole 'Truth so absurd it must be a joke' bluff, two things: first work on your poker face because yours is awful. Second, try that shit on a guy who doesn't expect stupid shit like this," he said.

Had Lamia any actual blood, it would be cold by now. She stared at him, wide-eyed, as his own expression became a lot more recognizable, a very pissed of Beowulf staring at her like she was Grendel's Mother.

"So." His neutral tone belied his expression of malevolence. "I want to see how far down this rabbit hole goes, so go about whatever subversive business you came here to do but from here on, you're going to be working for me against what ever forces sent you here, and if you do not comply or try to screw me and my people over..."

He put his arm around her shoulders, and turned her to face Alteisen before pointing at the Revolver Stake. "I'm putting that in you, emptying the entire cylinder, reloading it, and emptying it again, got it?"

Lamia Loveless, or W-17 as designated by her creator, Lemon Browning, was created as a near-flawless recreation of the human body, down even to the ability to experience and quantify emotions. This was of course to enable her to infiltrate her enemies without raising any suspicion to her true nature, as a loyal weapon of her superiors. However, that feature was a double-edged sword, for now Lamia was experiencing an emotion that she had experienced only once before.

Incomprehensible fear. "U-understood."

Kyosuke released her. "Good, now come on. It's time to see what kind of abuse is going to be heaped upon us today."

It never once occurred to Lamia to simply utter the phrase "Code-ATA" and simply end it all, she was just that afraid as she followed Kyosuke out of the hangar. For his part, Kyosuke was satisfied that his bluff had paid off. Now all he had to do was get ahold of Captain Minase and TLI, and tell them to batten down the hatches and prepare for the shitstorm.


In the briefing room, Lee was mad. He just got off the horn with Garrett and received some annoying news. In addition to having to deal with the ATX Team, he'd just been saddled with Isurugi Industries's new toy, and expected to send it out into combat as part of its development program. What a crock, the political corruption infecting this whole operation had him thinking that Bian Zoldark may have been right about wanting to wipe out the Earth Government. Oh God, what was he even thinking now?

The ATX Team filed into the room, with Lamia bringing up the rear and taking a seat next to Kyosuke at an unspoken command that Excellen and Kusuha noticed with interest, Bullet missed altogether due to being distracted by Lamia's massive tits and her provocative attire, and Lee disregarded entirely because he was briefly daydreaming about whipping out his sidearm and shooting them all.

"All right listen up, the Divine Crusader Remnants are on the move. They heading towards the city of Houston," Lee announced to the group.

Bullet frowned. "Seriously?"

"Pretty gutsy for them to attack American soil again," Excellen said.

"We're going after them, right?" Bullet asked.

Lee shook his head. "No, we have our own orders, we're to proceed to our designated patrol area to deal with the remnants sighted there."

Bullet stared at Lee like he'd just called his mother a whore. "Then why would you even tell us that?!"

Excellen sighed, the rookie was in "Justice" mode. Kyosuke sat back, eager to watch how this went down.

"Luckfield, if a soldier doesn't follow orders, it causes confusion on the battlefield. A soldier who cannot follow orders is a liability to his unit, and could endanger his entire unit," Lee returned smugly.

Kyosuke let out an imperceptible sigh, he had actually had some hope for this guy, but it was already apparent what sort of soldier Lee Linjun was.

"So what? If the enemy's right there, we should attack them before they have the chance!" Bullet argued.

"I will not waste time and resources to divert our attention to Houston, that's all." Lee looked like he was waiting for something, and as Bullet fumed at the Captain's response, Kyosuke knew that Lee was going to get what he wanted.

"And what if you're wrong and they need our help?!" Bullet asked.

Lee glared at Bullet, looming over the blonde as he stared down his nose at him. "For someone willing to trust the judgement of a second-best like Tetsuya Onodera, you seem to have little faith in the man who bested him in every area."

Bullet took a step back. "Huh?"

"Don't doubt or question my judgement. You disgraceful brats had your fun messing around during the war, but now you go by my rules and you will follow my rules or I will throw you off this ship... from 15000 meters."

Ah, what the most insecure of men will do to have an opportunity to assert dominance over others. Unlike Garrett, Kyosuke wasn't in a position to butt-ravage Lee, but he was already counting this against his karmic debt, and it was going to be paid in Spades when it was time to collect.

"With all due respect, sir," Kyosuke cut in as Kusuha took Bullet's arm and had him sit back down. "Houston Base, out of the bases receiving the new Mass Produced Huckebeins, is the least protected of the bases due to it receiving the new models later than the others."

Lee regarded Kyosuke, satisfied that he had stared down one male of this pack and ready to attempt it on the other. However, one look at Kyosuke's stoic expression stating "You ain't doin' shit, bitch" had him shelve it for later. "That's true."

"However, Project Terrestrial Dream is underway over there, testing brand new units. With the DC Remnants in their condition, it would be a boon for them to capture those units, and with the Houston Base's PT numbers low due to unit conversion, a sizable enough number of Remnant forces would be able to overrun the base."

Lee hummed, and wondered where this guy got his brains from. "And you're willing to bet that Houston base will be attacked by a sizable force and need our assistance?"

Kyosuke nodded. "I've never lost a wager."

"It's true," Excellen said, "He made a bet that we'd survive that shuttle crash a while back, and if he won, I would go out with him on a date. Best bet I ever lost."

How morbidly romantic, Lamia thought. Though, she was already beginning to see where and how this Kyosuke diverged from that Kyosuke.

Lee reconsidered the idea of turning around. If he saved Houston base from the attack, he'd have Garrett owing him one, and if Kyosuke lost the draw, then he'd be able to humiliate and berate him for the entirety of their deployment. Win-fucking-win.

"Very well," he said, "The ATX Team will deploy and head for Houston, while the Shirogane will continue on to the patrol area."

Any emasculating effect Lee's outburst may have had on Bullet vanished, as he hopped up and pumped his fists. "Yes! Come on, Kusuha, let's get ready!"

Kusuha nodded eagerly. "Okay!"

"By the way, Nanbu," Lee added. "Isurugi Industries has requested that I take aboard the Vysaga. Since your unit is already as irregular as an obese man with a fiber deficiency, Lamia Loveless and her machine are under your responsibility. So if anything happens to her or her unit, I will hand your ass to Isurugi on a silver platter as compensation."

"Of course, Captain." Kyosuke wondered if anyone else felt the burden of always being right like he did.

Across the multiverse, infinite incarnations of Bright Noa nodded in sympathy.


Years ago, as a new face at the Extra-Over Technology Institute, Filio Presty pitched an idea to Bian Zoldark for a high speed space explorer vessel, faster than the then speediest vessel in the Earth's inventory, the Hiryu. Bian loved the idea, and decided to give Filio his own little corner of the institute, and Project Terrestrial Dream was born. In exchange, all Filio had to do was build some weapons for the Federation based on the data he gathered in his project, and he was fine with this.

Unfortunately for Filio, the Lion series of Armored Modules which he had a hand in, were appropriated by the Divine Crusaders and the United Colony Corps in their ill-advised war against the Earth Federation. When the Hiryu and Hagane's forces violently ended the uprising, Filio found himself in front of a military tribunal, who were ready to hang him because everyone they wanted to hang was already dead.

Just as they finished fitting the noose around his neck, however, Mitsuko Isurugi stepped in, sparing him of a quick death at the hands of a Kangaroo Court. While at first grateful for Ms. Isurugi's efforts to keep him and Project TD alive, he had well-founded concerns that his savior had ulterior motives in regards to his project.

"I'm so excited, I even cancelled a very important meeting so I could be here to see the test for myself," Mitsuko said as she sat in front of Filio's desk in his office.

Elsewhere, far away, a frustrated Vindel applied lotion in his hand to deal with a problem he'd hoped his cancelled meeting today with Ms. Isurugi would've solved.

"I'm glad you could come, we here at Project TD are just as excited to show off what the Calion can do," Filio said to the gorgeous young woman, who was following the trend of gorgeous young women running multi-billion dollar industries started by that one crazy Moon bitch.

Mitsuko nodded. "Yes, I'm especially interested in the weapons capability."

And there was Filio's problem. Adjusting his glasses, the surprisingly handsome researcher folded his hands on the desk. "Ms. Isurugi, is arming the Calion really necessary?"

"Of course, with the President announcing that aliens were knocking at our door, we should be doing our best to be armed and ready for any invasion," Mitsuko replied. "After what happened to the Hiryu seven years ago, would you send your dream out into space without a means to defend itself?"

"I understand that. My main concern is that whenever I design something, it falls into the wrong hands." After all, Isurugi was churning out a lot of Lions, and the DC remnants were suddenly getting a hold of a lot of Lions, if the news was to be believed.

"Filio, I absolutely assure you that what happened during your time at the EOTI will not happen while you're working for us." She was lying clean through her lovely smile, of course.

Filio of course fell for her disarming charm and beauty, and let out a sigh. "I'm holding you to that, Ms. Isurugi."

Mitsuko smile grew a bit flirty, after all... she enjoyed using her wiles on weak-minded men like Mr. Presty. "You have my word. We could seal it with a kiss, if you like."

And suddenly Filio wanted to jump out the window and run for his life. This was another concern he had about his savior, she seemed dead set on either seducing him, or making him think she wanted to seduce him, and over the past few months she was proving devastating at it. He let out a nervous laugh. "While I'm flattered, Chief Takakura would not approve of me doing such things."

The worst part was, that Mitsuko knew that she was wearing him down. She gave him a pouty look. "Oh Mr. Presty, I would do nothing to come between you and your fiancee." Actually, she would, and she was hoping to do so by the end of Project TD's run. "I was just teasing."

The look in her eyes immediately added "Unless you wanna do it". Filio was a loving boyfriend, and a brilliant scientist, but God damn it Mitsuko was hot as fuck and was being so not-very-subtle about wanting him to Rail her To The Danger Zone. He needed to wrap this meeting up, find Tsugumi and pound away at her until it was Time to Come. He just need a distraction! Something! Anything!

The door opened and Ibis Douglas, test pilot, cheesecake enthusiast, and open brony walked in. "Hey Filly, I need a favor real quick."

Mitsuko looked over, and went wide-eyed. Filio was about to profusely thank Ibis for interrupting this extremely tense moment, when he noticed what Ms. Isurugi was all wide-eyed about. "Ibis... why aren't you wearing any pants?"

Ibis, who was otherwise in uniform and wearing panties to preserve what little modesty she had left, cleared her throat. "Because reasons."

Filio stared at her. "You need my pants, don't you?"

"Just until I can get back to my bunk, I'll bring them back!" Ibis said.

Filio nodded and then looked to Mitsuko. "I'm sorry, Ms. Isurugi, this is the second pilot I told you about, Miss Ibis Douglas."

Mitsuko stared in surprise at Ibis. "You mean the notorious Treue Unit reject?"

Ibis grew defensive. "Okay, whatever you may have heard are lies and slander. Well..." She smiled as she gazed upon Isurugi. "... Most of it."

Mitsuko suddenly felt like the tables had been turned, and she was being the one about to be preyed upon. The spark of tension removed, and feeling a bit awkward given the pantslessness of the situation, Mitsuko decided it was time to back off for now. "Well, it seems like you're a bit busy, Mr. Presty, we'll continue this later."

She quickly got up and headed out the door, giving Ibis a wide berth. Not wide enough, because as she passed the test pilot, her shapely backside was swatted hard. "Eep!"

Mitsuko looked back at Ibis, who just gave her a suggestive look in response. A bright blush bloomed across the CEO's pretty face, before she quickly fled.

With the temptress gone, Filio let out a long sigh and fell forward onto the desk. "Oh thank you Ibis, God sent you to me for a reason."

"My Grandpa always says," Ibis said as she reached into her uniform jacket and pulled out a skirt before pulling it on. "Nothing makes a person leave faster, than showing up without any pants."

She walked over and sat where Mitsuko had once been. "What's her deal, now? Lately she's been sniffing around and the chief's getting annoyed."

Filio sat back in his chair. "I know, she's just excited about the demonstration today."

"And about getting into your pants, dude. Granted you're a beautiful man, but she seems especially ardent about it."

"Nice as she appears, she's the sort that likes seeing people break to her will, and I'm certain that I'm her latest conquest," Filio lamented.

Ibis nodded slowly. "Real talk? You need to tell Gumi about this."

"I do, but you know how she already is, and that's just her being suspicious. Do you know what she'd do to Ms. Isurugi if she found out that she was trying to seduce me?"

Ibis hummed. "Probably the greatest thing I'll ever see."

"As long as I have you running interference, I don't have to worry about Ms. Isurugi. Therefore, Tsugumi and Sleigh don't need to know what's going on," Filio warned.

Ibis kicked her feet off the desk and stood up. "Relax dude, I will always have your back. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Filio got up and smiled. "Well come on, we've got a demonstration to ace."

The redheaded test pilot girl grinned and gave a thumb's up. "Word."


[Battle Phase]


In the sky over the Earth Federation's Houston Base, a pair of sleek aerospace fighters, one painted a bright red and the other a bright white, headed towards the Gulf of Mexico, escorted by a flight of Federation flown Lion-F Armored Modules. These were the YSF-33 Calion Space Fighters, the first step in Filio Presty's Terrestrial Dream. Down at the base below, up in the tower, Tsugumi Takakura, a young woman who appeared better suited for homemaking than engineering, observed the test flight alongside her fiance.

"They're both looking great out there," she said proudly to Filio.

Filio grinned. "Better than great, they're like a dream in the air."

Tsugumi blushed. "It's nice that you're in such a good mood, dear."

The tower staff tried not to vomit at the lovey-dovey couple. Mitsuko likewise refrained from retching. She hated how cute the two of them looked together.

Back up in the air, the pilot of the red Calion, a consummate professional and ace test pilot by the name of Sleigh Presty checked out her unit's white-painted counterpart. "Ibis, you're four meters out of formation."

"Sorry about that," Ibis replied as her White Calion edged closer... before suddenly rolling inverted just above Sleigh's machine. "Close enough?"

"Get serious! Our targets are dead ahead. No mistakes, all pro, okay?" The super serious blue-haired woman said to her red and black-haired, slightly less serious wingmate.

"Naturally." Ibis rolled her Calion back over and into its proper spot of the formation.

Mitsuko looked over to the lovebird developers. "So, what will the test consist of today?"

Tsugumi was more than happy to answer. "Well! We will be demonstrating the defensive capabilities of the Calion against numerically superior opponents. The enemies will be six Lion AMs commanded by AI."

"Ooh, is that safe?" Mitsuko asked.

"Of course, the pilots of the Calion units are the best and have trained extensively. Their skill combined with the Calion's technology, will make it a piece of cake," Tsugumi replied in her sweetest, most genial tone. Never had Ibis nor Sleigh heard such thinly veiled contempt.

"I hate that woman," Sleigh said of Mitsuko to Ibis. Unlike in certain other universes, the pilots of these armored modules knew how to use their radios to talk shit about people without being heard by others. "She's been getting pushier."

Ibis smirked. "Relax, a chick that fake is no match for Gumi."

"Of course she isn't, it's Filio I'm worried about. Smart as he is, and much as he loves Tsugumi, he's still the sort that carnivorous women like Isurugi love to prey upon."

"Yes, and that's why we're around to make sure that plastic fantastic bitch doesn't even get a spot in line to ride our Filly."

"I'd feel better if there was an accident of some sort, and she came out of it noticeably less pretty," Sleigh growled.

"Don't be jealous. Besides, I heard the bitch is actually like forty or something and she habitually lies about her age." A beeping sounded. "Oops, we're at the test area!"

Sleigh had smirked at the dig on Mitsuko's age. "So, our first live-fire run. Would you care to make a wager out of it?"

"Okay, most kills wins... and the loser has to..." Ibis trailed off as she thought of a prize. "Oh, I got it! The loser has to wash the winner's Calion."

"Sounds reasonable-"

"In the swimsuit of the winner's choice."

Stars gleamed in Sleigh's eyes, as she suddenly tightened her grip on the controls. "Challenge accepted! I hope you're ready to lose, 'Shooting Star'!"

"Oh man, you want me to wear that lame school swimsuit you keep trying to cram me into. Well it ain't happening, 'Ped Comet'," Ibis taunted in turn.

"Okay girls, the targets are coming up now. Get ready," Filio radioed.

Dead ahead were six Lions, flying under the guidance of AI and ready for simulated combat. Ibis and Sleigh immediately sighted them as their Lion-F escort pulled back. Sleigh quickly armed her weapons, with Ibis following suit. "Weapons are hot!" both called out.

Before they could open fire, however, missiles erupted from the ocean and destroyed the target Lions.

"Hey, what the hell?!" Ibis yelled, before more missiles destroyed their escorting Lion-Fs. "Oh shit."

More missiles erupted from the ocean, heading towards the two Calions. "Ibis, move!" Sleigh yelled.

The two Calions, their Twin Tesla Drives glowing brightly, accelerated and shot away from the missiles, rolling and turning to avoid them and their explosions Itano circus style. As Ibis tensed under the G-Loads she looked towards the ocean below. "Who's shooting at us?!"

At the base itself, Tsugumi let out a gasp. "Filio!"

"I know!" He looked to the base commander. "What's going on out there?!"

His question was answered when six Armored Modules emerged from the ocean and charged towards the Calions. Unlike the Lion, these AMs had actual arms and legs, a more robust frame, and were much, much faster. DCAM-006 Guarlions.

"Aw Hell, it's the Divine Crusaders!" Ibis yelled as the Guarlions drew handheld railguns and opened fire on the fighters. Bolts accelerated to hypersonic speeds narrowly whipped past the White Calion as it rolled hard to throw off their aim. "Hey Sleigh!"

"I know, I know, follow my lead," Sleigh replied as she banked towards Ibis. Catching wind of the maneuver, Ibis turned hard towards Sleigh, the two Calions narrowly avoiding one-another as the turned back towards the attacking Guarlions. As the Guarlion pilots attempted to lock on again, the Calions filled the sky with Air-to-Air missiles, scattering all six and allowing the space fighters to blow through their formation.

A seventh Guarlion, painted green and black as opposed to the purple and grays if the other units, then emerged from the ocean and joined the six Guarlions as they evaded the diversionary missiles. Its pilot let out a disappointed hum. "Rose never said anything about those little birds being armed."

Ibis and Sleigh both looked at their radios, was he seriously speaking on an open channel? Ibis looked to Sleigh. "Who the hell is this fucker?"

That fucker was Archibald Grims, the baddest fuckmotherer this side of Vampire Anime Parodies. "Hello girls, I'm Archibald. I'm here to kill you and steal your machines, you should call for backup to prevent that."

Filio was aghast. "Archibald? Archibald Grims?!"

"Who now?" Mitsuko asked.

"Oh, he's just the only human being on Earth capable of making Elzam Von Branstein fly into an unstoppable rage upon sight," Filio said. "He's one of the world's most notorious criminals, and he does it... for the lulz."

"Oh my, he sounds terrible." Mitsuko wondered if Archibald actually got off on how much people hated him, back when she contacted him about today, it really seemed like it.

"He is the worst," Filio growled.

Back up in the sky, Ibis was less than impressed. "Watch out Sleigh, we got a badass over here."

"Oh no, Ibis, I think I've pissed myself in fear." Sleigh was less than less than impressed.

Archibald chuckled at their bravado. "I admire your ability to stay calm in the face of danger, but that bravado will get you killed." He then gestured to his Guarlions. "Aim for the cockpits, we need the Calions intact."

"Question, how many flight hours do you have, Archie?" Ibis asked.

Archibald raised an eyebrow at that. "What sort of question is that?"

"How many flight hours, because I have like 2500, and Sleigh has 3000," Ibis said as the Guarlions reengaged them.

"Good for you," Archie said before Sleigh's Calion effortlessly evaded the gunfire of a Guarlion and then smashed through it using the Calion's Sonic Cutter. "Oh, I see your point now."

A Guarlion firing on Ibis suddenly missed as the Calion abruptly shot into a vertical climb. Flipping over and cutting her throttle, Ibis pointed her nose down at the Guarlion as momentum kept her ascending backward.

"G-Driver, fire!" she called out as the long railguns mounted on the Calion's wings popped open and unleashed a barrage that easily perforated the Gaurlion. Jamming the throttle forward, she escaped missiles fired from another Guarlion, that was promptly ripped apart by Sleigh's unit.

"Major Presty, order the Calions to pull back. We're about to send our Personal Troopers to engage," the base commander ordered Filio.

Tsugumi then held up her hand. "No wait, hold on... this is good. This is great even! I hope you guys are still recording the data."

"I'm up, two-to-one~!" Sleigh warned Ibis as she was chased by another Guarlion.

"Yeah I know," Ibis said before her missiles destroyed Sleigh's pursuer. "Two-up, bitch!"

Sleigh dove towards the water, and then skimmed it as another Guarlion came out of its own dive and charged her head on with its shoulders forward and its Sonic Breaker field active. "Are you trying to play chicken with me?"

The Guarlion accelerated faster, and raised its railgun to get a clean cockpit shot on the Calion... which went nose down and crashed into the water with a dramatic splash. The Guarlion chopped its speed and then pointed its weapon at the water.

The crimson Calion shot straight up out of the water, the geyser of water it created engulfing the Guarlion. When the spray cleared, the Guarlion dropped down into the sea in two pieces, which violently exploded.

"Three-to-" Sleigh saw Ibis chew the sixth Guarlion to pieces with her Calion's autocannons. "Fuck."

"Welp, time for the tie-breaker!" Ibis said of Archibald's Guarlion as the two Calions joined up.

"Six Guarlions shot-down in under three minutes... wow," Mitsuko said.

Filio was having a hard time believing it himself, really. "My God, I'm a genius."

Archibald had been filing his nails the entire time. "Oh hey, are you two done?"

"Not yet, but give us a minute," Sleigh said as the two Calions lined up for the attack run.

Beams of light from the direction of shore narrowly passed Archibald's Guarlion Custom, and he turned his attention to four new units closing in. Tan-painted, grunty-as-all-hell Huckebein Mk. II Mass Production Types, packing Photon Rifles and Tesla Drives were coming to join the fight.

"Project TD stand back, the Federation will handle this!" the lead Huckebein-M pilot declared.

Archibald sighed in relief. "Ah, finally." He heard a warning alerting him of the Calions locking on with their G-Drivers. "Boost Drive On."

Ibis and Sleigh opened fire, and their rounds passed cleanly through the Guarlion Custom's afterimage.

"What the shit?!" Ibis yelped.

Sleigh went wide-eyed. "No way!" She searched the sky for the suddenly very fast-moving Guarlion Custom, and quickly reacquired it, heading straight for the Huckebeins. "He's heading for the PTs!"

The four Huckebeins trained their Photon Rifles on the Guarlion Custom and opened fire, the beams again hitting only the AM's afterimages as it weaved effortlessly through their fire before disappearing from their sights altogether.

"Hey, are Guarlions supposed to be able to disappear?" One of the pilots said before the Guarlion Custom suddenly dropped down in front of him, and rested one of its large hands on its shoulders.

"No, that was magic." Archibald then rested the forefinger of the Gaurlion's other hand on the Huckebein's cockpit. "And for my next trick."

He drove the Guarlion's finger into the cockpit, killing the pilot and leaving the Huckebein hovering in the air sans-input.

Archibald narrowly avoided another Photon Rifle shot and charged the second Huckebein, shoulder barging and banging the pilot around inside the machine, before its own cockpit was punctured, this time by the Guarlion's middle finger.

"Hey! Pick on someone your own skill level!" Ibis yelled as she fired several missiles at the Guarlion. As he boosted back, he drew a railgun with his non-impaling hand and quickly fired off several bolts, shooting down the missiles.

"When I find someone my skill-level, I will," he replied as he suddenly changed directions, avoiding Sleigh's Sonic Cutter, and zipped right up to the third Huckebein, impaling it with the ring finger.

He then turned the Guarlion towards the last Huckebein, which immediately threw away its Photon Rifle and drew a beam sword.

Archibald smirked. "Oh, you think you're good?"

He opened fire on the Huckebein, which narrowly avoided the bolts and quickly closed in faster than most normal pilots. Putting away the railgun, Archibald drew the chainsaw-like Assault Blade and met the Huckebein's charge, barrel rolling as he closed in. In a flash of sparks, the Huckebein and Guarlion Custom crossed blades, and boosted away from one another.

Quickly flipping around, the Huckebein's Tesla Drive flared brightly as it charged the Guarlion Custom again. With a swing of its beam sword, it sliced clean through the Assault Blade, disarming the Guarlion. Taking the weapon in both hands, the Huckebein then lunged to stab the AM, only to be immediately rebuffed by the Guarlion Custom's Breaker Field.

As the Huckebein was knocked back, Archibald struck, but before he could impale the cockpit with the Guarlion's pinkie. a G-Driver barrage from Sleigh fell between them, forcing him to boost back. "Damn, well... three out of four isn't bad."

From the ocean below, six more Guarlions emerged, supported by a group of eight Lion-Fs and a pair of flying cannons with legs, Barrelions. The lone remaining Huckebein and the Calions quickly retreated from the barrage of railgun and missile fire, as the Guarlions quickly captured the three pilotless Huckebeins.

"Wait, they were after the Huckebeins!" Sleigh realized.

As the Huckebein-jacking Guarlions descended towards the water, Archibald looked up towards the circling Calions and the Huckebein that got away. "Indeed! I thank you ladies, but now I must be off. It's almost tea time, and I would hate to miss it."

"You know what I heard goes great with tea?" A new voice asked over the radio.

Archibald looked at his radio in surprise, who was this? "What?"

"Stake."

Archibald looked up to see the Alteisen falling straight towards him with its right arm raised above its head, Revolver Stake primed and ready. Immediately the Guarlion raised its arms to defend, but the Stake punched through both easily. With a bang, both arms were blown off by the raw power of the weapon.

The Alteisen fell away from the damaged Guarlion, plummeting from the sky before landing atop the back of a large transport plane, their ride here... the Tausendfuessler.

Archibald stared down at the large transport ship. "How did we not see that thing coming?!"

"Dramatic entrances are a free action!" Excellen declared as her Oxtongue Rifle's E-Mode ended four Lion-F's in a single shot.

The Barrelions quickly targeted the distant Weisser Ritter, their weapons charging up before unleashing a salvo of bolts straight for the white PT. Both shots whiffed painfully, and Excellen boosted to the side. "Brooklyn, if you will?"

Aiming the Huckebein Mk II's G-Impact Cannon, Bullet acquired both Barrelions and fired, a stream of dark matter cutting through the sky and smashing into one Barrelion, smashing it into the other. Washed over by the beam, both machines compressed, before literally imploding under the tremendous forces exerted upon them.

Archibald was impressed. "Well! This is all rather unexpected. Kyosuke Nanbu and friends, aren't you supposed to be in Mexico?"

"We're wherever the party is," Kyosuke replied as the Tausendfuessler brought him around. "Have we met?"

"I'm just a friend of a friend, Archibald Grims. It's a pleasure to meet you in person, and I hope we get along as time goes."

"You're going to be getting along intimately with my stake in a few seconds," Kyosuke replied.

"May I take a raincheck on that, after all, it's almost tea time." Boost Drive flaring brightly, the Guarlion Custom suddenly accelerated away from the Alteisen, the other Guarlions igniting their own Boost Drives and following suit.

"Wow, that's fast," Kusuha said from her seat in the Tausendfuessler's cockpit.

Excellen took aim, and sighed as they quickly exited her range. "Fast is right, since when did the Remnants get that sort of tech?"

Kyosuke looked towards the direction of the Remaining Lions, which were exploding after being sliced apart by the Vysaga. "When indeed."

Back at the base itself Tsugumi stared at the sky. "Hey Filio."

"Yeah?" Filio asked.

"They were using the Boost Drive you designed for Isurugi."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Tsugumi and Filio looked over towards Mitsuko, who opened a fan to hide her embarrassed face. "Well... this is quite awkward."

Filio decided that he was going to deal with this later. Right now he had more pressing concerns. "Ibis, Sleigh, RTB. We got plenty of data from today."

Ibis was nine kinds of pissed off. "I want to go after those guys!"

"As do I!" Sleigh shouted.

"No! It's too dangerous to send you two out there after an enemy like them," Tsugumi argued. "Now get back here, both of you."

Both women replied together, "But we're still tied!"

Tsugumi stopped and stared. "Wait, huh?"

Sleigh explained, "We only each destroyed three, we haven't determined who's going to wash the winner's Calion in a swimsuit."

Tsugumi sighed. "I'll wash both your Calions in a g-string bikini if you break off and-"

The Calions had already landed.

Filio hummed as Tsugumi buried her face in her palm. "Hm, maybe we should've sent the girls after them with that kind of motivation."

"Hey, if I return to base, will you wash my Weissy too?" Excellen asked.

"Down, girl," Kyosuke said as the other members of the ATX Team returned to the Tausendfuessler.


"I wanted to thank you for saving me out there, Presty," the Huckebein pilot who survived said to Sleigh in the hangar of the Houston base, as she exited her Calion. Sleigh looked to the man, a few years older than her.

"Think nothing of it, I'm sorry about your unit..." Sleigh said.

The soldier shook his head. "Don't worry about it, those guys were assholes. One was a drunk, the other bragged about beating his wife, and my flight leader wanted to kill me and steal my fiancee. It's no big loss on my part."

Sleigh nodded. "Ah yes, the Fourth Team weren't the most reputable bunch..."

"Still, thank you again! This was my last mission before I got transferred to an instructor position. I'll be able to go home and marry my girl, without having to worry about the war ever again!" The soldier then turned and left the hangar, truly one of the fortunate souls in the world of Super Robot Wars.

As the greatest pilot who will ever live left, Sleigh turned to find the pilots of the ATX Team headed her way. Bullet and Kusuha in particular were gawking at the bright red style of the Calion. Sleigh huffed some. "So, you're the legendary ATX Team."

"And you're the Crimson Lightning, right?" Kyosuke asked.

"Red Comet, actually. I'm Sleigh Presty."

"Kyosuke Nanbu," he introduced himself before gesturing to his team. "Excellen Browning, Brooklyn Luckfield, Kusuha Mizuha, and Lamia Loveless."

"Nice moves out there," Excellen complemented.

"Thanks," Sleigh replied.

Kusuha bowed politely. "It's nice to meet you."

"The Calion, it's pretty cool. Like the color too," Bullet added.

Lamia nodded as well. "I agree, you truly have a fantastic cock."

Bullet and Kusuha whirled around to stare slack-jawed at Lamia, as Kyosuke just stared straight ahead blankly. Sleigh had an uncomfortable look on her face, as if she was unsure as to how to respond to that.

"She has brain damage, so she sometimes says stuff she doesn't mean," Excellen explained.

Sleigh nodded slowly. "I... see?"

"So, what is Project TD all about?" Kyosuke asked.

Sleigh thanked him for changing the subject. "Oh, we're building an interstellar spaceship. It doesn't look like much now, but this is really a proof of concept."

"Seems more like a starfighter, to me. Not that there's anything wrong with that," Excellen said.

"Well, originally it was going to be unarmed, but then we discovered that the alien life that we wanted to explore with the TD ship was overwhelmingly hostile for whatever reason. So, she's a starfighter," Sleigh explained.

Bullet folded his arms and shook his head. "It's a shame, if only there was a way we could avoid all of this pointless fighting."

Sleigh sniffed haughtily. "I for one invite the waves of xenos to break against our shore if they're going to be so foolish about it like this."

Bullet raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes. If I were invading a planet for whatever reason, I wouldn't waste my time or resources. I would orbitally bombard the surface from space, or introduce a plague, or burn away the ozone layer, and then collect whatever was left. None of this silly 'park a death star in orbit and invade with robots' nonsense."

Much as he abhorred it, Kyosuke agreed. "If you have the technological means to travel interstellar distances, then conquering a planet should be a piece of cake."

Sleigh nodded. "Thank you! Honestly, I'm more concerned about the idiots who are in charge of this so-called Federation and its military."

Kyosuke found himself liking this woman for such a level-headed perception.

Ibis walked over, catching Sleigh's comment. "Yeah, the DC were really no better. You had like, one or two guys with the right idea per dozen morons."

Sleigh looked over, and gestured to Ibis. "Ibis Douglas, my fellow test pilot and partner in various crimes."

Bullet looked intently at Ibis. "You were with the DC?"

"We were with the EOTI before Bian went full-bore retard," Ibis replied. "We ended up stuck during the war, and after we ended up in jail for being part of the EOTI when it happened to be DC. But, thanks to people pulling strings, we're here."

"You were put in jail? That's terrible!" Kusuha said.

"It wasn't too bad," Sleigh replied.

"Yep, that's all behind us now... at least until we get arrested for Filio's Boost Drive ending up in the hands of the remnants," Ibis lamented.

"I was meaning to ask about that, lately a lot of things have been falling off the backs of Isurugi Industries' trucks" Kyosuke said.

Ibis grimaced at that. "Yeah, it's so not cool."

"A less intelligent person would suspect nothing of the higher ups, but let's be honest," Sleigh said. "Those dirty, unwashed peons had a brand new Guarlion with a brand new propulsion system. The corruption is so thick you can cut through it with a shooting star."

"I'd prefer to pierce it with my stake," Kyosuke said.

"It's that woman, Isurugi. She's the one handing things over to the remnants, I'm certain of it," Sleigh growled.

Excellen chuckled. "It is always the pretty ones."

Ibis grinned. "You mean the pretty fake ones, right?"

"Oh my gosh, you noticed it too?" Excellen asked. "I bet you would see the scars if you ever got her naked."

"Much as I would like to haul her in, she's got too much influence in the Federation to touch her. It's how we got stuck with this one." Kyosuke gestured to Lamia, who looked away.

Ibis patted Kyosuke on the shoulder. "Well, since I like you guys. How about we team up?"

"Team up?" Kyosuke asked.

"You leave Mitsy to me, and I'll get all the evidence in the world on her," Ibis offered.

Sleigh frowned. "Ibis..."

"Don't be like that, you know I love you the most."

Sleigh glowered. "Ibis!"

"What? I'll even use protection!"

Bullet blushed brightly. "H-how do girls use-"

Kusuha rested a hand on his shoulder and shook her head slowly.

"Ms. Presty, Ms. Douglas, if you can help us in any way I'll owe you," Kyosuke said.

Ibis chuckled. "No need to pay us Beefstake, I owe you for many a fine time in front of my computer. So consider this me paying you back."

It was Bullet's turn to develop the distant look Kyosuke had displayed earlier. "Oh. She's a fan of your sex tape."

Sleigh blushed brightly and looked between Kyosuke and Excellen as it clicked. "Oh my gosh, that was YOU!? I must've gone to town on myself for hours watching that!"

Lamia immediately recognized another difference between this dimension and the last one: It's full of deviants.

"Okay you guys, I'm here." Everyone turned their attention to Tsugumi, who arrived with a cart full of equipment one would use to wash a car. The young woman's usual unflattering attire was replaced with a white string bikini that showed off her surprisingly voluptuous body while barely leaving anything to the imagination.

Ibis bit her lower lip. "Unf..."

Sleigh smiled. "Looking great, Chief."

Bullet, his face now completely flushed, stood directly behind Kusuha while looking a bit embarrassed. Kusuha immediately realized why he did this, and blushed herself.

Kyosuke and Excellen watched as Tsugumi walk past and over to the White Calion first. Excellen immediately put on a pair of aviators, and bit her lower lip. "Dat ass."

Kyosuke put on his own pair and did the same. "Dat everything."

Yep, a dimension full of deviants.


Next Time: Montezuma's Revenge!

= = =


Yeeep.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Disclaimer: I used Gameshark cheats for this fanfic.


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

An unbelievable bond

[Stage Three: Leftover Turkeys]


Last Time on Fire Emblem with Robots, the ATX Team met a cadre of flying lesbians and their kept man, and fought an obnoxious prick. With the knowledge that Isurugi Industries is up to shady dealings, a plan has been formed to catch Mitsuko Isurugi in her lies and hopefully shorten this game by another ten or so stages. However, when you're dealing with people this stupid, no plan survives the execution.

With Houston safe, ATX Team heads back to the Shirogane in Mexico to hunt down the DC Remnants, and maybe catch a Donkey Show if they have time–just to see if it's a real thing, you know?


[Story Phase]


On a plateau in Mexico was Colonel Van Vat Tran, the last sensible person in the Divine Crusader Remnants in a position of considerable influence. An honorable, wise man with genuinely good intentions not only for his men but for the rest of the world, he cared for his troops, put others before himself, and weighed heavily on the consequences of his actions. He was the last thing standing between the Divine Crusaders having a legitimate point, and becoming just a band of anarchic terrorists with no actual goals.

He was going to be dead within a month.

Present with Colonel Tran was Major Archibald Grims, an amoral psychopath who took pleasure in people's suffering, regularly murdered innocents for fun, and had his hands in numerous terrorist acts. Underneath it all, though, he was a craven coward who was afraid to die more than anything and was ready to do anything to avoid it–especially at the hands of the Von Branstein brothers Elzam and Rai. If something were to happen to Colonel Tran, this man was going to become leader of the Divine Crusaders.

He was going to kill Van within a month.

They were overseeing the arrival of more remnant Divine Crusader forces, tired, weary, and hungry men and women who leaped at the call to defend the Earth from aliens, but ended up waging a crippling war against the Earth itself. The fire of idealism still burned in these idiots, though, as they had gathered here to move to a new base of operations and hopefully begin a new movement to topple the Federation and establish a new world order meant to fight the filthy xenos wherever they may be.

"I take it your latest run with our 'sponsor' went well?" Van asked Archibald.

"Oh, positively smoothly. Well, except that my Guarlion was damaged some, and we were only able to get three of the Huckebeins due to a sudden and acute case of competence."

Van frowned. "It's a good thing cases are so isolated, we would be in real trouble otherwise."

"So, where are we headed now? The Mideast? Southeast Asia? Australia?"

"Africa, actually. Earth Cradle has signalled that they'll let us establish a base there," Van revealed.

Archibald adjusted his round sunglasses in surprise. "Earth Cradle? I thought Sophia Nate threw out the Crusaders and locked up the place."

"She did, but the situation has allegedly changed now that she and the others are now in cold sleep. As long as we don't wake anybody up, Earth Cradle and its incredibly heavy defenses are ours to do with as we see fit, and they've even promised soldiers."

Well, that screamed setup, and Archibald wanted to get in on in on it! "Interesting, I hope everything goes well then."

"In order for things to go well, we'll need to get there first. I'm leaving the delaying action to you."

"Oh, I'll be fine, Colonel. I'll be a little late catching up, though. 'Rose' wants the new PT Mao is testing in Hawaii, and I just can't say no to a body like that."

Van grimaced in disgust. "Really, Archibald, you don't know where she's been."

"I really don't care. The woman gets off on the horrible little things we do to pay for her expensive tastes, who am I to judge when we are so alike?"

Van really wished that wasn't the case. He wanted to be seen less as a terrorist and more as a hero. The Divine Crusaders wanted to protect everyone, not just their own short-sighted interests, but thanks to the Federation's incompetence and corruption...

"We are not alike, Archibald. We may have to perform terrible acts, but in the end it is for the benefit of all."

"You mean all we don't kill, yes?" Archibald pointed out.

The leader of the Divine Crusader Remnants clenched his hands into fists, and walked away. "Make sure to get my men out of there safely, Grims. Even if it means you have to die."

Archibald smirked. What a hypocrite, Van Vat Tran was.


Aboard the Shirogane, the ATX Team sat gathered round a table, weighing their options. Isurugi was up to something but her position of political influence meant there was little they could do in way of stopping her. Even worse, there was no telling how deep the corruption went, who else was involved, and who they could go to about it aside from Commander Laker Randolph of the Far East command's Izu Base and Captain Daitetsu Minase of the Hagane.

"Let's just kill her," Kusuha, who had been staring off into space, suggested.

Kyosuke nodded. "I like that idea."

Bullet frowned. "Guys."

Kusuha ignored Bullet and looked to Kyosuke. "If we made it look like an accident, it'd work."

Kyosuke nodded again. "It's sounding better by the second."

"Guys," Bullet repeated.

Excellen hummed. "I don't think we could make it look like an accident, we're not really the subtle sort."

"Damn, you're right." He looked to Lamia. "You do it."

"Nigga you trippin'," Lamia replied.

"Come on, it's obvious you were sent here to like... spy on us, so... either you do it or we blow your cover," Excellen said.

"And kill you," Kusuha added.

Lamia looked to Kyosuke in surprise.

Kyosuke shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't tell her anything."

"That's how obvious it was, bro," Excellen added. Actually she could read Kyosuke's mind, not that he knew that. Kusuha did though.

Lamia hung her head. "Fuck my life." That was genuinely her, not her unfortunate coprolalia.

"Guys!" Bullet was a bit more insistent, but alas, ignored.

"Oh come on, being a double agent will be great. We won't kill you, and you'll be able to do some actual good in the world rather than serving the self-serving of others," Excellen said cheerfully.

"Then why do I feel like I've been gangbanged by a room full of elephants wearing spiked cock-rings and sandpaper condoms?" She actually meant to say "why do I feel like a fool" but again, coprolalia.

"For God's sake guys!" Bullet finally yelled.

Kyosuke looked over to Bullet. "Yo?"

Bullet pointed over to the next table in the Mess Hall, where a completely aghast Lee stared at their little pow-wow.

Kyosuke looked over to Lee. "Hey, you want in on this?"

"You're talking about assassinating the CEO of a corporation with deep political ties to the Federation military and government in a public place," Lee said.

Kyosuke nodded. "Of course, it's for plausible deniability."

Lee recoiled. "Plausible deniability?!"

"Seriously," Excellen replied. "Who would believe any witnesses if they said the ATX Team was sitting in a Mess Hall full of people, talking about assassinating Mitsuko Isurugi like the bitch had it coming?"

Lee tried to find a hole in that logic and found none. If he tried to tell anyone about it without any actual evidence, he would be blown off for trying to frame the ATX Team under a ridiculous charge, and his own history of animosity against the Hagane and Hiryu Kai would be used against him as evidence. Wait, did they know that? Even if they didn't, others did, and his own plot for revenge would be exposed and ruined.

He glared at Kyosuke. "Are you some kind of criminal mastermind?"

"Are you in or not?" Kyosuke asked.

Well, it wasn't like he was a fan of Isurugi's influence over the Federation anyway. "I'm in."

Kyosuke looked to Bullet. "There, problem solved."

"I now see why Aleph was particularly afraid of you," Bullet said in muted awe.

"So... how do we find Isurugi to kill her?" Kusuha asked.

Excellen had an idea. "Well, long as Isurugi is trying to sniff Filly's panties, she'll probably show up at TLI after the Federation finishes moving Project TD there. We should call Ibis to keep an eye out for her and let us know when she shows up." She pointed to Lamia. "That's when you head over there and make accidents happen."

"That's too fucking simple," Lamia said.

"Alteisen has taught me that simple works, even when it really shouldn't," Kyosuke countered.

Lee frowned. "What role do I have in this, given that I'm 'in' on it?"

"Well, surely you have your suspicions about anyone who could be in bed with Isurugi," Kyosuke replied.

"Garrett," Lee immediately replied.

Kyosuke actually smiled a little, which was unnerving for everyone not used to it. "Shit dude, even if he isn't I want to frag him so whatever."

Lee grimaced. "Nanbu, be very careful."

"About what?"

"I may start liking you people."

"If it makes you feel better, we'll do everything we can to keep the hate alive," Excellen assured their Captain.

"You had better," Lee grumbled.

XO Slender, still as faceless as ever, walked over. "Captain, we're approaching the enemy position."

Lee got up. "All right." He looked to the ATX Team. "Well, get out there you idiots."

Kyosuke got up. "You heard him, let's go."

As the group got up, Lamia stared at Bullet intently, and then joined him as they left the mess hall. "Fuckfield."

"Bullet's fine if you can't say my actual name," Bullet replied.

"The fuck is Aleph?" She asked. There was no record of an Aleph on her database, another difference from her world?

Bullet frowned. "Aleph Barshem was a spy for the aliens, sent to subvert and cultivate the best of us to develop for his world's army. He was a real bastard, he even kidnapped Kusuha and brainwashed her to fight against us."

"Don't remind me," Kusuha groaned.

"I... see..." Lamia sighed in relief. "What happened?"

"Well, we killed him... at least I think we did. It was this weird, ambiguous thing... and he talked like we'd killed him before or something."

Lamia nodded. "If you fucked him... er... why are those retards still fighting?"

"Because Aleph was only the start, there are more of them out there. Didn't you hear the president's speech about this?"

"I don't watch that faggot shit." Lamia hated this so much.

"Well, yeah. They're still out there... and those retards are so full of themselves and insist that they're right..." Bullet put his arm around Kusuha and hugged her to his side. "... That they don't even realize why they should be fighting alongside us rather than against us, you know?"

Kusuha smiled to Bullet. Lamia had a look of confusion.


The noble Van Vat Tran had departed with the majority of the DC Remnants, leaving a single Rhino land battleship, a handful of Lions and Guarlions, and some Lion Type-Ls, or Landlions, sporting some unusual new equipment–a pair of heavy linear cannons mounted over their shoulders.

Archibald was on the ridiculously designed Hovership's bridge, enjoying some Assam tea in a manner that would have Professor Elemental showing up in his Fighting Trousers.

Our villain took a long draw of his tea, and looked directly, blankly, at the figurative camera.

Ahem... also annoyed by his tea malpractice was Yuuki Jagger, a diehard Remnant member who joined after the leadership of the Divine Crusaders was smeared all over Aidoneus Island and most of southern Europe. He had his reasons, watching a giant alien robot vaporize his family being at the top of them, but that didn't make his decisions good.

Ever since the Remnants had started gathering here, he'd heard rumors about the Earth Cradle opening its doors for them, and he was worried about the prospect. It all screamed of a setup, in fact a lot of the Remnants' good fortunes reeked of some sort of malevolent influence going on outside their scope, and they were just playing into it.

Beside him was Ricarla Borgnine, a feisty Latina with a heart of gold, a beautiful singing voice, and a whole bunch of other Hispanic stereotypes. At the very least, she didn't sprout off into Spanish when she was angry. Ostensibly, she was part of the Remnants because she too desired revenge against her family's murderers, but actually she had followed Yuuki in like a feisty Latina puppy.

"Major, the Shirogane is approaching," Yuuki reported.

"Delightful. Let's get ready to greet and hopefully kill them all," Archibald said before he took another sip.

Frankly Yuuki found Archibald all that was wrong with the movement. While he had not heard of the awful, terrible crimes this man committed, he knew a bad apple when he saw one. It was all in how he handled his tea, and this guy was clearly the sort who pretended to be a civilized fellow, but was in fact something far more monstrous that reveled in its monstrosity.

"Major, do you think that this is a good idea, accepting Earth Cradle's offer?" Yuuki asked.

"Of course I don't. However it's really the only chance we have, The Shirogane is on our heels, and allegedly the Hagane is being dispatched to the hunt. Without the Earth Cradle, we'd have nowhere to hide, really."

Yuuki nodded. "If we had the Kurogane, we'd have a better chance, don't you think?"

Archibald smirked. "My boy, even if the Kurogane was still a thing... they would likely have no part of Van's movement with someone like me in its ranks."

"Why would that be, sir?" Yuuki asked.

Archibald shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, some minor slight that her Captain just refused to let go. He was quite the petty fellow."

The way Archibald chuckled after that made Yuuki's skin crawl. "I'm going to uh... get ready."

"You do that Yuuki, Ricarla," Archibald replied as he took another long sip of his reddish tea.

As the two left, Carla shivered. "Why is that man so creepy?"

"I think he might be a psychopath." Yuuki's biggest problem was that he was just a tad slow on the uptake. "I don't understand why you're still here, if he still bugs you like this."

"I'm in this far, may as go all the way, baby," Carla replied. "Besides, I think the Major would kill me for kicks if I tried."

"Those are both terrible reasons, you could just hop in your Guarlion and fly away, I'd even cover you," Yuuki countered.

Carla smiled some. "Okay, you caught me. I'm only sticking around because I like you, and I worry about you."

Yuuki shook his head. "If revenge is really all you want, then fine... just don't make up excuses to rationalize it, okay?"

With that he headed off, and Carla sighed in a bit of frustration. Slow on the uptake might have been a bit nice.


[Battle Phase]


A considerable distance away from Archibald's force, the Shirogane approached with the Alteisen standing all badass on the bow, while the Weisser Ritter flew out ahead of it, and the Vysaga and Huckebein flew on its flanks. Out ahead of them, they could see the force of Remnant units just on the other side of a mountain, gathered around their Rhino.

"You know what I like best about the Rhino?" Excellen asked as the Weisser Ritter flew out ahead some.

"It's a big, slow target that's easy to hit?" Kyosuke asked.

"Well, that and it's called a Rhino. I can say to my friends that I've killed Rhinos and they won't look at me like I'm some kind of great white hunter destroying the environment." Excellen took aim at the distant Rhino, raised the barrel of her rifle considerably, and then fired a B-Mode round from her rifle, the rifle shell hurtling off into the sky before descending downward.

Lee groaned. "Why did you fire prematurely? You gave away our position!"

"Setting a world record," Excellen replied.

Down on the ground, a pair of soldiers were standing on the deck of the Rhino, smoking E-Cigarettes like a couple of hipsters.

"So, that Yuuki guy," one soldier said to the other as he blew out some smoke. "I hear he's a direct descendant of Mick Jagger."

"Dude, with the number of women that guy banged, I think there's a good chance that everyone on this ship is a descendant of Mick Jagger," the other said before both their heads were exploded by the B-Mode shell.

"Boom!" Excellen declared as her zoomed in Gun Camera recorded the messy kill. "Fifty Kilometer Double Headshot!"

"Nice shooting," Kyosuke congratulated.

"I can pick the rest of 'em off from here, if you want me to."

"Nah, I want to earn my paycheck today," Kyosuke replied. "Kusuha you ready?"

The Tausendfuessler flew from under the Shirogane. "All aboard!"

As the Alteisen jumped onto the transport and the team made their approach, Archibald was receiving the report of the opening shot.

"Sir," a faceless DC Remnant Soldier reported, "Two of our soldiers' heads... exploded."

"Well, if that's not a way to start an attack I don't know what is." Archibald finished his tea. "Begin the counterattack."

Excellen was scoping out the Landlions and immediately noticed something was off. "Huh, those Landlions are sporting dual over the shoulder cannons. She immediately saw blue flashes from their barrels. "Yep, those are linear cannons. Sheesh, they're advanced enough to do all kinds of modifications to their machines now, huh? I wonder if that's an Isurugi mod too."

Lamia immediately recognized those cannons. Those were off the Flygia series, how long had the others been here to start doing this kind of modification to this world's machines?

Excellen easily dodged the projectiles, impressed by their range. The other Landlions targeted the Tausendfuessler, which despite its size easily evaded the shots given the distance afforded to them and Kusuha's skill as a pilot.

"How many do we have down there, Excellen?" Kyosuke asked.

"Nine Lions, Nine Landlions, and two Guarlion Customs," Excellen replied.

"Sounds easy enough, let's make it happen."

The Vysaga blew past the Tausendfuessler. "I'm going to fuck all of the ground bitches," Lamia declared.

"I want the Guarlions!" Bullet said as the Huckebein Mk. II surged past as well.

"Excellen, clear out the gnats and back me up on the Rhino." Now within range to attack reasonably, Kyosuke leaped off the Tausendfuessler and landed a short distance from the Rhino, which immediately opened fire with its main cannons.

When the ensuing explosion cleared, the Alteisen stood undamaged, surrounded by both the Cannon Landlions and their unmodified counterparts. On the bridge of his battleship, Archibald sighed. "Kyosuke Nanbu, we really need to stop meeting like this. I'm sure if we just sat down and talked about our feelings, we could understand one another and seek a common ground to end our conflict."

In her Guarlion, Carla raised an eyebrow. "Is he trying to reason with that guy?"

Yuuki frowned as he targeted the onrushing Huckebein and fired on it, missing his shots, before evading return fire from the Photon Rifle. "Is he stalling?"

"The more I understand you, the more I want to perforate your body with hundreds of titanium ball-bearings," Kyosuke admitted.

Archibald tried really hard to maintain a straight face. "Clearly, you're too overcome with bitterness to see that we're not that different at all. What happened to you, Kyosuke Nanbu? Why do you hate us so much, when we have a common enemy in the invaders?"

"I don't know, because you're all morons?" Kyosuke replied.

Archibald waited for the Landlions to open fire, but oddly they seemed reluctant to. When they all slid in half, sliced up by the Vysaga, he nodded in understanding as the caped super robot appeared back to back with the Alteisen.

Yuuki had been in the middle of another exchange of gunfire with the Huckebein when he heard Kyosuke's remark. "Morons?!"

He narrowly avoided another photon beam from the Huckebein, and fired off a pair of missiles at the Totally-Not-Gundam. As Bullet shot them down with the Huckebein's head vulcans, he boosted back from more fire from Carla's unit, which also failed to connect. "Shit, this cabron is good!"

"Who are you calling morons, Mr. EFA man?" Yuuki demanded. "If I recall correctly, the reason people suffered so badly six months ago is because the Federation wasn't ready when they knew what was coming for years!"

"The Divine Crusaders and the UCC were certainly ready," Kyosuke replied. "In fact, they were so eager to start fighting that they attacked the Earth itself rather than hold back for just five more minutes to throw all those lives and machines they wasted on us at the Aerogators."

Yuuki opened his mouth to retort, but no words came out. As if his voicebox had realized before his brain that any point he could make in return was dead on the spot.

"Dumb motherfuckers, all of you," Kyosuke said before the Rhino suddenly charged him, the huge blade at its bow lowered to tear through the Alteisen. "See this shit?"

The Vysaga leaped away, but the Alteisen just planted its feet. When the Rhino reached the PT, the big red machine caught the edge of the blade between its hands and was immediately pushed backwards by the hundreds of tons of mass behind it.

Archibald was jostled in his seat. "Oh? That machine of yours is no Grungust you know!"

As Kyosuke was pushed back further, he nodded. "I know, but the Square Claymore works its best magic at extreme close ranges."

The two large titanium ball-bearing launchers in the Alteisen's shoulders opened up and unleashed a withering barrage of titanium that easily perforated the hull of the Rhino, tearing apart much of the land battleship's lower interior and destroying its forward hover engines, causing it to drop into the ground and grind to a halt.

Carla gulped. "Yuu, these guys are starting to scare me." She then felt a premonition of her imminent death, and narrowly avoided a beam sword slash that took off her Guarlion's left arm. "Fuck!"

"What, do you think we got lucky or something when we kicked the shit out of the Aerogators?!" Bullet yelled.

Growling, Yuuki charged the Huckebein. "Break Field, set!"

Bullet met his charge head on. "Nendou Field, on!"

Yuuki's Guarlion Custom crashed into the Huckebein, but stopped short of actually smashing into it as its blue Sonic Breaker field clashed against the electric green barrier of the Huckebein Mk. II. "W-what?!"

"If you want to protect the Earth, then protect the Earth! Stop wasting our time with a pointless civil war! Take this, courtesy of Ryusei Date!" Drawing back the Huckebein's fist, Bullet smashed it through the Nendou and Sonic Barriers, knocked the Guarlion's head clean off, and sent the Armored Module hurtling backward. "T-LINK KNUCKLE!"

"The ATX Team are all monsters...!" Yuuki muttered before Carla's Guarlion caught his.

"Baby, are you okay?" She asked.

Yuuki nodded. "Yeah, I'm just... damn it!"

"You two can leave," Archibald said as his armless Guarlion Custom suddenly left the downed Rhino. He was quickly joined by several more Guarlions and Lion-Fs, who all activated their boost drives and blasted away. "Until next time, Kyosuke Nanbu, if there is one."

Carla nodded, and held tightly onto Yuuki's unit as she fired up her boost drive and retreated.

Kyosuke stepped the Alteisen back from the Rhino as the extremely fast Lions retreated. He turned around and began walking the Alteisen away from the Rhino. "Well, that's that you guys."

The Shirogane arrived over the area. Lee was a little disappointed. "They just abandoned their ship, huh?"

"Yep, which means that it's going to self-destruct," Kyosuke said before a the Rhino indeed went up in a massive explosion... that the Alteisen walked out of with hardly any damage. "See?"

"Well, that was a waste of our time," Lee muttered.

Excellen bit her lower lip, and sent a private text message to Kyosuke in regards to what she was going to him when they got back to their quarters and how long she was going to do those things. Right away, Kyosuke pulled an energy drink from under his seat and chugged it down.

"Well, let's mop up for any Remnant remnants and listen to Garret bleat at us for a few minutes about how we 'invariably screwed up' somehow." Lee had to admit, now that he was seeing what the ATX Team could do... he was understanding why they were able to do what they did in the last war.


Off the Mexican Coast, the Guarlions set down onto and were brought inside a massive nuclear submarine, the aptly named Killer Whale-class. "Well, well... who would've thought that the Remnants would be able to hold on to some of these and keep them so well hidden?"

He exited the ship to find a worn-down looking Hispanic gentleman, Cuervo Cero, standing on the catwalk waiting for him. "Thanks to technology developed in the Cradle, we're able to evade Federation notice. I'm Cuervo Cero, of the School."

Archibald hummed in surprise. "The School? You mean that twisted Super Soldier cultivation and breeding program that the Federation cancelled because it was essentially torturing, killing, and even raping innocent children to produce mentally unstable killing machines that will do whatever you tell them, even kill themselves at your command?"

Cuervo grimaced guilily. "Yes..."

"And you sick fucks have been just running it anyway on the sly?!" Archibald was disappointed, he had jumped onto the wrong gig. "Damn, are you still hiring for instructors?"

Cuervo had a look on his face like threw up a little in his mouth. In fact he had, Van Vat Tran was scraping the bottom of the barrel. "Our... orders are to see you to the Cradle."

"Yes, yes, on our way we need to make a little pit-stop in Hawaii" Archibald pulled out a phone, and held it up, showing a text message. "Our sponsor added a new toy to her wishlist, and she wants me to grab it quick while the grabbing's good, you understand?"

"Yes, I understand," Cuervo said.

"Unfortunately, I'm a bit short on men due to ATX Team-related mishaps. You wouldn't happen to have a cup of warm corpses I can borrow to throw at the enemy, would you?" Archibald asked.

Cuervo slowly nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact I was sent here with a pair to make up for any attrition you may have experienced beforehand. They're-"

"Are they School Kids?" Archibald asked excitedly.

"Y-yes-"

"Say no more, I'm already sold!" Archibald patted Cuervo on the back. "My friend, I think we're going to get along great." He then offered him a mint. "Mint? That bile you choked back down must be making your breath reek."

Cuervo Cero was regretting all of the choices he made in life.


Next Time: Latune the Professional!


= = =


Sorry Cuervo, no sympathy for you.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Disclaimer: Rejoice! We are they who write parody... we are they who read parody... and we are... PARODY INCARNATE!


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

Domesticated Flug

[Stage Four: The Booster Club]


Previously on Takanobu Terada's Wet Fever Dream, the ATX Team continued to be awesome in the face of sheer incompetence, defeating an enemy that was technically already running away. With the Earth Cradle now supporting the Divine Crusader Remnants, the conflict has gotten at least twenty percent dumber, and promises to keep getting dumber until someone screams for mercy. Who will be the first to crack?

Aya Kobayashi, but she doesn't appear in this chapter.


[Story Phase]


"Baby, you've been lying in your bunk since we got here, are you going to get up? They repaired your Guarlion, everything should be fine now." Carla was worried about Yuuki. Ever since they boarded the Killer Whale, he'd been moping about, depressed by his inadequacy in the face of the ATX Team and their infinite awesomeness.

"I'll come out when I'm needed," Yuuki replied from under his blankets, sounding muffled.

"I need you," Carla admitted.

"For what?"

Carla hung her head. "Nevermind."

Yuuki sat up and looked to his Latina Lady-friend. "Carla, I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and... I'm beginning to think I've had it wrong."

Carla perked up. "Really?"

"Yes, I think that maybe we've been lied to."

He was making progress! "About what, baby? Tell me, tell me!"

Yuuki stood and ran his fingers through his dark brown hair, turning it from ratty bedhead to fabulous in an instant. "I think the so-called heroes of the L5 War might actually be an alien sleeper group."

And just like that, he lost her. "Qué."

"Think about it, how else would they have been able to defeat the Divine Crusaders and then still have the strength to take on the Aerogators? Clearly this was all a false flag of some sort, a clever misdirection to make us think of them as heroes. And then, when our guard was lowered, they'd carry out the genocide once and for all."

Carla loved Yuuki, she really did, but... "That sounds... contrived."

"Well, for what other reason would they be so strong, Carla? I cannot and will not accept any other explanation for their effectiveness in battle."

"Baby, maybe you should lay back down," Carla suggested gently.

Yuuki shook his head. "No, I've reforged my resolve. The Divine Crusaders are going to protect the world, not those traitors in disguise. Carla, I will avenge those that we've loved and lost, and I will do so with the spirit of justice that Bian Zoldark left in all of us! The Divine Crusaders are the ones who are right here, not the EFA!"

Okay, he was a little dense and came to the wrong conclusions a lot. But when Yuuki Jagger got motivated, all Carla could think about is how beautiful their babies would be.

"Ahem, will Yuuki and Carla please report to the bridge, we've got new soldiers and a new mission to throw them away on~!" Archibald chimed over the PA System.

Yuuki quickly got dressed and headed out, Carla a pace behind him. "Let's go."

Carla grimaced, Archibald's sliminess removing the fog of hero worship slash lust. "Yuu, baby, about that? I really don't think the Major has the DC's best interests in mind."

Yuuki disagreed. "It may seem like that, but why else would he be here if he didn't believe in the cause? I mean, yes, he might be a psychopath, but his heart's definitely in the right place."

On the bridge, they found Archibald was sipping some tea as a white haired girl and a purple-haired boy stood in front of him along with a thoroughly broken Cuervo. Both had to be no older than fifteen, though give the white-head some sluttier clothes than she already wore and a fake ID and she could easily get into any twenty-one and up nightclub on the planet.

Naturally, the sight of children aboard a warship belonging to a militant group unsettled and alarmed Carla. "Okay, what's up with the kids?"

Archibald looked over. "Check this out, these are the Divine Crusader's new child super soldiers, Arado Bologna and Seolla Spritzer."

"Wait, what-?" Seolla began before Cuervo quickly shook his head.

"Uh, sir? My last name is Balanga," Arado pointed out. "And she's Seolla Schweizer. You know, like the gilder company?"

"No one cares." Archibald looked to Yuuki and Carla. "These stone cold killers are going to be part of our unit, and we'll be using them to steal Mao's new PT."

"Sir, not to sound dissenting, but they're kids, you know? Teenagers? Non-legal Adolescents? Youths? Jailbait?" Carla protested. "Using them in war is especially frowned upon and tends to hurt the legitimacy of your movement."

"No one asked for your opinion, Borgnine," Archibald quickly said. He returned his attention to Cuervo. "So, what's their block word?"

"Excuse me, their what?" Cuervo asked.

"You know, the secret word or phrase that turns them into mindless killing machines that won't stop until they are bathed head to toe in blood."

Arado looked at Seolla, and then back to Archibald. "Seolla's is 'wow, you've gained weight'."

Archibald looked offended. "Ouch kid, that'll turn any woman into a mindless killing machine."

On that note, Seolla punched Arado in the stomach with all her might, sending him flying across the bridge and into a wall.

"Jesus Christ!" Carla cried out.

"I'm okay," Arado moaned.

Cuervo sighed. "Seolla, I thought we discussed this. No violence against your partner, no matter how much he has it coming. He doesn't hit you."

"Because he knows better," Seolla snapped back.

"So... they don't have a block word?" Archibald was disappointed, and a disappointed Archibald was a sad Archibald, and a sad Archibald was an Archibald who was probably going to kill someone to cheer himself up.

Hopefully in a mission, the Killer Whale was running out of non-essential personnel.

"Of course not, we haven't had one since the incident with the Latun Series that got the program canned in the first place," Cuervo replied.

"Incident?" Archibald and Carla asked together.

Cuervo sighed again. "The conditioning went wrong on a Latun Series child, and after the ensuing carnage the Federation ended the School."

"Wait, this was a Federation program?" Yuuki asked.

"Yes, before men like the Aggressors proved that middle-aged men could pilot giant robots as well as, if not better than, teenagers, the School was established to create an army of emotionally unstable teenagers with attitude to fight the aliens." Cuervo shook his head bitterly. "Unfortunately, it just became an excuse for grown men to abuse and have their way with innocent children in various ways 'for the greater good', until a decent human being in the Federation found out about it and had it shut down."

Yuuki clenched his fist. "See, Carla? This is the exact reason why the Divine Crusaders exist. Only the Federation would abuse children like that!"

"Baby, the Federation stopped the program though, we're the ones using the leftovers," Carla pointed out.

Yuuki pointed to Arado as he slowly got up. "But that's because they're beyond help! Look at them, they're so violent that they attack each other without hesitation!"

Archibald got up. "He's absolutely right, Borgnine." He hugged Seolla. "Look at this poor thing, a young, neglected, abused, and conditioned girl with extreme violent tendencies and such round, child-bearing hips."

"Please don't touch me," Seolla said and went ignored.

"Can she function in society? Of course not, she's too far gone for that. However, with the Divine Crusaders she can and will find a place, here and in the new world order she will help create."

"If you don't stop touching me, I'm going to hurt you," Seolla quietly warned.

Archibald performed an arm-sweeping gesture, as he hugged Seolla around her waist with the other arm, copping a boob feel along the way. "Yes, with Arado Bologna and Seolla Spritzer leading the charge, the DC will ensure that not another child has to suffer as they have, or as your families have!"

Seolla was growling something as she prepared to destroy Archibald, but he suddenly let her go and returned to his seat. Cuervo quickly threw Arado at her to hold her back, which he barely did.

Carla looked over to Yuuki, hoping that he saw what just happened too. Apparently he did, because he was facing away from the scene with his head bowed, fuming with anger. "Y-Yuu...?"

He was muttering something. She leaned closer, worried. "Yuu? Baby?"

"... I am right... I did not make a mistake... I joined the right side... The DC are doing the right thing... I am right... I did not make a mistake..."

Carla recoiled in horror. Yuuki wasn't being dumb. He was in denial.

"Seolla, please don't kill our commanding officer!" Arado pleaded.

Seolla was trying her absolute best to defy Arado and Cuervo. "Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill."

Arado finally lifted her up and brought her down in a painfully cruel German Suplex with enough force to turn a man's head into an exploding watermelon and shatter his vertebrae like peanut brittle. Seolla was just temporarily stunned.

"Arado! You're not supposed to hit your partner!" Cuervo yelled at him.

Arado picked up Seolla and put her over his shoulders. "I didn't hit her, the floor did."

"I like him," Archibald declared.

Yuuki was clearly still struggling with himself, and Carla needed to get him out of here before he finally snapped. "Uh, sir? When's our next operation?"

"Oh, we'll be arriving in Hawaii soon. Take the kids out and have them rack up a few kills, I want them to get elbow deep in blood, because they're going to be shedding a lot of it." He looked to Cuervo. "Right, buddy?"

Cuervo wanted to die.


Brace yourselves niggas and bitches, because the most dangerous man on Earth is about to walk into this story. We, the creative team behind SRW: Oh Geez, cannot be held responsible for any suicidal thoughts stemming from inadequacy, or random pregnancies resulting from direct exposure to Major Kai Kitamura. May his mustache forgive us and guide us to glory.

"Latune," the thirty-six year old Major said as he entered an office situated in the hangar of the EFA's Hickam Base on Maui. "Are you still here?"

Latune Subota, an adorable fourteen year old girl with all of Kai's maturity and dedication to duty, was sitting at a computer terminal working in regards to Mao Industries's newest Personal Trooper, the PTX-016-R Wild Falken R. She looked over to Kai, before replying with a heavy Russian accent. "I was double-checking the low-gravity adjustment, it is good."

Kai nodded. "Thank you for your hard work, Latune."

"Da, of course Major."

"However, you shouldn't overwork yourself. Have you gone to the beach at all? This is Hawaii after all, you should enjoy yourself while you're here."

Latune shook her head. "No, I burn easily."

Kai folded his arms and stared her down. Latune fidgeted and looked away, unable to withstand the "Dad Stare". "Fine, the swimsuit my mother sent me is embarrassing."

That would do it. Kai thought that Giado and Garnet were fine parents, however Garnet's sense of fashion left a lot to be desired. "If it's too risque, then I'll give you money and you can buy one you prefer."

Latune sighed. "It is not risque, it's... too big for me."

Ah, that was right, Garnet had high hopes that her adopted daughter would start "blooming" by now, but it was readily apparent that she was not that sort of girl. She was a late one, like Kai's own daughter was. "Well, that's all the more reason to get a swimsuit of your size."

"Can I have a wetsuit? I would like to be able to go scuba diving and snorkeling," Latune requested.

Kai nodded. "Of course, after the hop though. If everything's ready, that is."

Latune quickly got up and saluted her superior. "The Wild Falken is ready to deploy, just give the word, Major."

Kai smiled, or at least as much as a man as serious as he was allowed to smile. "Go and get suited up."

"Da, Major!"

Sitting in the cockpit of a Huckebein Mk.II-M next to the Wild Falken in the hangar, Raidese F. Von Branstein was on the phone with a very annoyed Irmgard Kazahara. The very blonde and very (seemingly) serious Raidese, or simply Rai as he wound up being called was listening to his friend Irm rant abolut the situation regarding Mao Industries and the recent PT theft.

"It's got to be Isurugi. I mean, the Calions were right there, right there, and they stole the Huckebeins. What the hell are the Remnants going to do with machines they have no parts or knowledge of? Hand them over to that bitch of a cunt!"

Rai recoiled. "Whoa, Irm. A bit strong a term for Miss Isurugi?"

"It's what she is. She tried to initiate a hostile takeover of Mao the second the company was handed over to Ring, and then after Ring basically beat her face in, she's done nothing but try to dick over the company somehow. And seriously, with all the Lion and Lion-related equipment falling into the Remnants' hands, how is it not her?"

"No one's disputing that, it's just I've never heard you use such strong language in relation to a woman," Rai replied.

"That thing is no woman. Biologically female, yes, but she's definitely more a venomous, cold-blooded reptile than a human being."

"Irm..."

"Dude, I actually go soft when I think about her."

Rai whistled, impressed at the extent of Irm's hatred. "So we should keep a close eye on the Falken, then."

"Yes, dude. Huckebeins are off-the-shelf stuff so there's no big loss there. If the Remnants get ahold of the Falken, Ring is going to lose her shit, and she will come down in the EX to kill all of you. Except Latune."

"That's oddly specific."

"That's exactly what she said."

Rai nodded. "So, what's going to happen to the R-Blade?"

Irm sighed. "I'm taking it to Izu, to let Ryusei run around in it for a while."

At that, Rai cringed. "Ryusei's been cleared to pilot?"

"It's the only thing he can really do, you know? Ingram's insisted on Ryusei being put back into active duty, 'whatever gets him out of his house', she says," Irm explained.

Rai hummed. Ingram was up to some manner of shenanigans, but to what end would have to be found out later. "A lot of things are moving forward at once. I bet Kyosuke's pissed at all this stupid shit."

"When I gave him a call about the theft, he said the ATX Team already had 'protocol in place'," Irm said with a laugh.

Rai noticed Latune head for the Wild Falken's cockpit and Kai head for his unit, a PT-007 Gespenst Mk.II. "Look, I've got to go. We're about to start testing, say hello to the guys for me when you get to Izu."

"Word, brodimus. Good luck out there."

The connection cut, and Rai let out a sigh. "Protocol, huh? They're probably going to just kill her."

Yeah, pretty much.


[Battle Phase]


Hidden in the pristine waters just off the southern coast of Maui, Yuuki and Carla's Guarlions waited along with two Barrelions and eight Lion-Fs, six of them located much closer to the shore, lying in wait for their target. Inside his machine, Yuuki was desperately trying to pretend that galling meeting with the Boosted Children had not happened, that Archibald was not a child-molesting psychopath, and the Divine Crusaders weren't a terrorist organization that employed children to fight its wars.

He wasn't doing too hot.

"Yuu, we could seriously just bail," Carla suggested.

"No, history will vindicate us," Yuuki replied. "We just need to move all the pieces into place."

Carla accepted that she had to save Yuuki from his pride, before she could save herself. She owed him that much.

"They should be coming along soon," Yuuki said as he looked around the surface via periscope. "Quartier Latin to all units, engage ASRS and standby."

"Roger," Seolla responded obediently. "Did you hear that, Arado? Don't do anything until you're told to do it!"

Arado, who had his hands folded behind his head, nodded. "Yeah, I know. Relax! I'm not even touching my controls."

"Well it certainly explains your piloting, lately," Seolla shot.

"Are you still mad about me restraining you?"

"YES. I WANTED TO KILL HIM BUT YOU STOPPED ME."

Arado groaned. "Aquila said to not kill anyone on our side, no matter how much we wanted to. You don't wanna end up fed to Ouka, do you?"

Seolla pondered this for a moment. "Worth it."

"He just grabbed your boob, they're so big I'm surprised you even felt it!"

Seolla targeted Arado. "Arado."

"Calm down, both of you! Honestly, you're acting like a masochistic couple out of a bad anime!" Carla yelled at them both. "You're what? Partners, siblings, whatever? Act like it."

"Technically we're a breeding pair," Arado replied.

"Don't tell her that stuff!" Seolla snarled.

Carla felt her heart sink. "Huh?"

"You know, like a racing horse, or a dog for fighting. If you have good genes, you want to pass them on, right?" Arado asked. "Seolla's not just my battle partner, she's my future baby mama."

Seolla was certainly embarrassed. "They did not need to hear that."

Carla was alarmed, horrified, and disgusted. "No, I really didn't!"

Arado was a bit confused. "What? She wanted to know, so I told her."

As if God had decided to stop fucking around with Carla's sensibilities, a number of objects approached from the interior of Maui. It was the Wild Falken, the Gespenst Mk.II, and the Huckebein Mk.II-M, on their way to the firing range escorted by Lions. Yuuki, who was ready to begin humming his mantra of denial, snapped out of it when he spotted the Falken.

"All right you all, focus! The target's approaching!" he ordered.

Above the coastline Latune was getting a feel for the Wild Falken. "This is a very agile machine, it moves almost as well as the Weisser Ritter."

"Almost?" Rai asked.

"It's because I'm not familiar with it, but the performance is so close and it's only my first time." Latune performed a barrel roll with the machine.

"Don't go hot-dogging about, Latune. We haven't quite made it to the range so keep it within parameters," Kai ordered.

"Sorry, Major." Latune quickly brought the machine back into formation.

As the machines slowly came into range, Arado looked back towards Carla. "What about you, Miss Borgnine? Are you and Mr. Jagger a pair?"

Oh, she desperately wanted to be. "No, what we have is entirely professional. If you don't mind waiting a few years, though, I wouldn't mind going out with a handsome boy like you."

"Nah, I think I'd rather stay with my partner. You're cute and all, but Seolla's like... a million times hotter when she's not being a crazy psycho."

"Arado!" Seolla snapped, her face quite red this time.

Carla shook her head and sighed. She wanted to weep for these broken children, maybe she could save them too, somehow.

"Carla," Yuuki cut in, "Get ready they're in range now."

"Got it," Carla got ready.

"Seolla, Arado, you will go and take the Wild Falken. Don't make any mistakes, these pilots will be good," Yuki ordered. "Now move out!"

Arado huffed. "We'll see about that. I'm a Bronzo, after all. Seolla back me up, I'll take point!"

"Nope," Seolla said as she suddenly boosted forward.

Jumping out of the water, Carla quickly targeted the Federation Lions and the Gespenst Mk.II. "I'll shoot down all your escorts!"

A soon to be dead Lion pilot quickly detected the lock. "Major Kitamura! Enemies!"

Kai was already dodging out of the way, however. "Get out of the way you rooks!"

"Out of the way of what?" The very soon to be dead Lion pilot asked before he and the other Lions were blasted out of the sky.

"Damn it!" Kai looked towards the source of the fire. "Someone out there thinks they've got eyes like Excellen's!"

Rai was annoyed. "Perfect, the Divine Crusaders are here. Latune, get out of here."

"Negative, I'll kill them all here," Latune replied before Seolla's Lion burst out of the water and straight for the Wild Falken.

Seolla quickly locked on and fired a spread of missiles that rapidly converged upon the Wild Falken, and missed as the PT easily evaded them with next to no fanfare or excess. When Latune attempted to target the Lion, it was gone. "Eh?"

The Lion was directly behind the Wild Falken, having used the thick contrails as cover to maneuver around it. "I've got you, Wild Falken!"

She fired a burst from the shoulder-mounted autocannons, and hit nothing in return before the Wild Falken appeared behind the Lion. "That is old School trick. I am new School."

Seolla was stunned, as she avoided the M90 machine gun fire unleashed by the Wild Falken. "No way, how could a regular pilot see through my maneuver?!"

The Wild Falken pursued the Lion, firing rapid bursts that the Armored Module still seemed to be able to avoid with punishing maneuvers that no human pilot should be able to survive. "Something is wrong..."

Kai watched the two machines quickly accelerate across the sky, amazed at both the Falken's performance and that Lion's ability to keep up. His keenly experienced mind however, immediately saw what Latune's analytical mind saw. "That Lion's reaction time, it's almost identical to Latune's."

A railgun bolt passed wide in front of him, and he turned to see a second Lion barreling in on him, its railcannon arm blazing. Inside, Arado was confident that he had a kill on that Gespenst. "All I have to do is get in close and it's over."

He was too right. Just as Arado had lined up that kill shot, the Gespenst barreled towards him, shoulder barged his Lion, stopping its dead in its tracks, and promptly hip threw it into the ground below.

Naturally, Arado hadn't expected that. "W-what just happened? W-why am I crashed? Why is it dark? W-where is the sky?"

He couldn't see it, because his Lion was buried into the beach head-first up to its waist.

Carla was immediately concerned. "Yuu, the new guy just ate it."

Yuuki stared at the Gespenst, and grew wide-eyed. "Wait, that Gespenst is green. Damn, the intel didn't tell us the Aggressors were testing it!"

Kai dusted off his Gespenst's hands. "Rai, what's your situation?"

"I forgot to turn off my swagger, sir, because I am currently covered in bitches," Rai replied as he was surrounded by four Lions performing ineffective hit and run maneuvers and generally interfering with his ability to support Latune.

Kai looked to Latune. "Will you be okay?"

"Perfectly fine." Latune dodged fire from Seolla as the two machines spiraled higher and higher into the sky. "I will be done after this phone call."

On the other side of the world, in the Kingdom of Riksent, a phone rang in the middle of a dark bedroom, and the hand of her Royal Majesty Shine Hausen reached from under the blankets, lifted the receiver, and brought it under the blanket with her. "Yes Latune?"

"Sorry to bother you so late, I have a question-"

"She'll go left, then up, then right. You should use TBS Mode."

"Thank you."

Seolla evaded Latune's fire once more. "This is the Federation's new PT? It's barely even with a Lion at its full potential! What a waste of money!" The Wild Falken's wings suddenly transformed, and the the PT suddenly came at her much faster than the Lion, even with its Boost Drive, could hope to manage. "Oh fuck!"

Turning to the left, Seolla grimaced as the Lion rattled in protest at the sharp maneuver. When she turned to reacquire it, it was already coming at her from the other direction, and she blasted straight up to avoid its gunfire. "What? How can it move so fast?!"

She boosted to the right, not fast enough to avoid a burst of machine gun fire that destroyed her railgun arm. Before she could make another maneuver, however, the Wild Falken slashed across its back with a beam sword, damaging its Tesla Drive. "No way, I'm hit?!"

She looked up to see the Wild Falken directly above her and closing in fast with a kick that connected and sent both machines crashing to the sand below. By virtue of her hilariously durable body, Seolla was still alive after the sudden, violent deceleration. "Are you... freaking kidding me...?"

"This isn't happening," Yuuki decided. "No, it's not happening at all."

Carla began to move ahead. "I don't want this to be happening either, but we have to do something before-"

And then Kai and Rai destroyed the four Lions bothering the latter within seconds. "Before that happens, yes."

"Oh how terrible is that. How can it get any worse for the Divine Crusaders?"

Yuuki let out a long, loud whimper as Carla buried her face in her hands and groaned, when they heard Excellen's voice on the radio.

The two Guarlions turned around, and sure enough there was the Shirogane bearing down on them, the units of the ATX Team standing on the bow. Yuuki quickly pointed at the oncoming ship. "You... you're the reason we can't have nice things!"

"The... reason... the DC... cannot have... nice things..." Kyosuke finished writing that down. "Definitely using that for Manzai Monday."

"I thought I said no Manzai Mondays," Lee cut in.

"Man, fuck the police!" Excellen called out as she opened fire on the Guarlion Customs, which both quickly evaded the fire. The Lions with them, however, were swiftly perforated by beams and destroyed.

The two Barrelions quickly opened fire on the Shirogane, their rounds only doing superficial damage to the bright white behemoth. Taking aim with his photon rifle, Bullet fired back as the Vysaga threw a barrage of knives. The beams lanced through one of the two cannon-toting machines, while the knives deeply embedded in and blew apart the other.

"Damn it, we're done!" Carla yelped as she and Yuuki accelerated skyward.

"This isn't over, ATX Team!" Yuuki yelled down at them.

"Dumbfuckssaywhat?" Kyosuke replied.

"What?" Yuki sputtered before he realized it, yelled in frustration, and followed Carla as they activated their ASRS and retreated.

Kai sighed in relief. "Kyosuke, I'm glad to see you all made it, but... how'd you know?"

"With DC remnants roaming around the Pacific and Mao testing their new PT here, I figured those guys would be easier to read than Bullet at poker night, so here we are," Kyosuke replied. "Is everyone okay?"

"Four of the worst pilots in the world are dead and gone, but Latune and the Wild Falken are safe," Rai replied.

Latune spat some blood on the ground, and grimaced at how badly the Wild Falken's TBS Mode had beat her up as she lowered herself from her machine and onto the defeated Lion, whose limbs she had cut off as a precaution. "Apparently I am not superhuman enough for the Wild Falken in TBS Mode, bleh."

She walked up to the hatch, with her sidearm drawn. "Now then, satisfy my curiosity. What class are you from?"

Inside the Lion's cockpit, Seolla groaned as she saw the damage done to her Lion, but was surprised to find not only the Wild Falken standing over her, but the cockpit open. The pilot had gotten out? "Now's my chance..."

She quickly popped the hatch and climbed out... to find Latune standing in front of her with a pistol trained on her. On recognizing one another, both children grew wide-eyed. "L-Latune?"

"Seolla?" Latune gasped. No, it could not be, Seolla was alive?

Latune was alive? Seolla could not believe it, she had been told that all the Latuns had been killed by one who had gone out of control and had to be disposed after, there were none left. "Latune, you... you're alive."

A blank look appeared in Latune's eyes, and she promptly shot Seolla, who crumpled where she stood clutching her chest. "Bronzo 27 eliminated, confirming death."

Seolla leaped and headbutted her in the stomach. Stumbling back, Latune pointed her pistol at Seolla, who kicked it out of her hand.

"How...?" The Russian girl asked.

Seolla held up her hand, and the bullet caught between her middle and ring fingers, before she backhanded Latune with enough force to shatter the glass of her helmet. Recoiling for only a moment, Latune uppercut Seolla in the chin, doing the same to her helmet.

Seolla landed on her back, sighed, and then jumped back onto her feet. "Latune, it's really you..." She removed her helmet and tossed it aside. "I thought you were dead."

"I wasn't, why are you alive and serving the Divine Crusaders?" Latune asked as the life returned to her eyes.

"They told me you died, the Federation got rid of all the Latuns!"

Latune suddenly appeared quite awkward. "Ah... er... about that..." Actually, Latune decided, it was better to not explain that just yet. "I was adopted and saved from the purge."

Seolla leaped at Latune, but this time she hugged her. "I'm just glad you're alive!" She then pulled back. "Arado's alive too!"

Latune blinked in surprise and blushed. "A-Arado? He's alive?"

Seolla looked around. "He should be..." She saw his crashed Lion. "For fuck's sake, Arado! All of us can't fit in the Wild Falken, how are we supposed to get back to Earth Cradle?!"

"Whoa, just a minute. I'm not going to Earth Cradle," Latune noted.

Seolla turned back to her. "What? But we have to, Ouka will be thrilled to see you're alive!"

"Who's in charge of program now?" Latune asked.

"Granny is, who else?" Seolla wondered why Latune would ask that.

"No, I am not going back. Actually, I am going back, and I will go back with sufficiently large military force to kill that old bitch and incinerate her withered corpse."

Seolla recoiled. "Latune, what happened to you, you used to love Granny!"

"Da, but then Granny asked me to do something terrible and I disowned that shriveled cunt," Latune replied.

"Watch your language, and help me dig out Arado!" Seolla snapped at her as she grabbed Latune's hand and led her over to the crashed Lion.

Inside his Lion, Arado still had no idea what was going on. "Hello? Anyone? Can I get out now?"

There was only silence in response.

"... I don't like the dark..."


Back aboard the Killer Whale, Archibald stared at Yuuki and Carla, who were both looking down at the ground, quiet. He took a deep breath, exhaled, and then hit a button on the intercom. "Seaman Kira Yamato to the bridge please?"

A brown-haired, violet-eyed young man with a mysterious history he did not yet know of and incredible potential untapped, stepped forward. "Yes, Major Grims?"

Archibald rested the barrel of a shotgun against Kira's face, and splattered his head all over the Killer Whale's bridge.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Carla shrieked.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Yuuki yelled.

"It's like this, kids. When good things happen, good! Great!" Archibald said as two other sailors removed the corpse from the bridge. "When bad things happen, I get agitated, and when I get agitated three things calm me down. A spot of tea, recalling the look of the face of a certain man as he experienced a crippling personal tragedy while I plow some worthless tart, and killing some cretin whose life makes no real difference in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, I'm all out of Assam and the only worthless tart worth plowing on this ship is... what was that? Ah yes, you lost her in the mission you failed miserably. What else am I to do?"

He stared at Carla. "I guess I could've done you, but I don't like brown people."

Carla was praying to God to deliver her from this evil as she held back the urge to burst into tears of fear and despair, Yuuki just beheld Archibald with an expression of burning disgust and contempt. And just like that, Archibald was cheered up. Two of his favorite things to see PLUS another human life wasted.

"Ah, catharsis. At any rate, you're to be confined in your quarters until I need you to die for me. Guards? Take them away."

Two soldiers took Yuuki and Carla away, and Archibald turned his attention to Cuervo, who was also struggling with the failure of the mission and the loss of both Bronzo Children. "Man, your boss is going to kill you."

Cuervo sank to his knees in despair. "Yes, she is. Oh God, I lost both of them... nothing Aquila can do to me will compare to what Ouka will."

Archibald nodded. "Just so you know, I'm going to pin this on you when I talk to Isurugi, too. So yeah, you're pretty much a failure of a human being."

"Please, just kill me," Cuervo whimpered.

"Nah, I wanna see ya squirm, because people suffering pleases me."

"You're a monster."

Archibald held up his shotgun and blew off the smoke that still wisped from the muzzle. "Yep."


At Hickam Base, as the Shirogane rode at anchor offshore, Seolla and Arado were both hugging the stuffing out of Latune, who was uncharacteristically overjoyed as she returned the hug. Outside of the interrogation room, the ATX Team was hanging out with the Aggressors Team.

"Earth Cradle, huh? But of course, where else would they go but the most heavily fortified facility on the planet." Kyosuke was looking forward to handling that problem with his stake and a few tons of titanium bearings.

"This is ridiculous! Why would Sophia Nate suddenly side with the DC?" Kusuha asked.

Excellen answered that. "When the cat's away the mice will play, dear. Sophia and the rest of Earth Cradle's essential staff are asleep. Someone there is running it without their knowledge."

"That makes me so mad! I want a Grungust so I can kill them myself!" Kusuha demanded.

Bullet hugged her. "Easy, Kusuha."

"Well, we'd better tell Laker because Garret certainly won't be of any help," Kai said.

At the back of the crowd, Lamia was concerned. The plan called for her people to set up at Earth Cradle to use its facilities, but their cover was already being blown; these people were efficient as they were perverse.

"On the bright side, we're not being blindsided for once. We need to get the word out, contact the old gang and get the Steel Dragon roaring again," Kyosuke said.

Everyone nodded assent, before they turned to look back in the interrogation room. Bullet folded his arms. "What's going to become of those two?"

"That's up to Latune," Rai said. "She knows them better than anyone, they'll trust her before any of us."

Inside the room, Seolla was amazed. "These guys did all of that for you?"

"Yes, they are good people. You'd be down to ride with them." Latune looked to Arado. "You too."

Arado glanced back at the group. "They don't seem all that bad, and that guy in the Gespenst was really good, sheesh. And he has a really cool mustache." Arado wanted to be like Kai when he grew up, maybe he'd dye his hair brown, and grow a mustache.

Latune nodded. "They're all kind and caring, and they don't treat me like that old bitch did us. You should join me, we'll rescue Ouka and be family again, not having care in world."

"That sounds nice," Seolla said.

Arado cuddled Latune again. "Yeah it does, sign me up, Lat!"

Latune hugged Arado and Seolla again, happy to be reunited with those who meant something to her and not having to worry about killing them. That, however, reminded her. "Ah, Seolla... tomorrow morning, don't take it personally if I try to kill you."

Seolla recoiled. "Why?"

"... Well, do you want to know why all the Latun children were purged...?"

Seolla frowned. "What happened?"

About a minute later...

"SHE MADE YOU DO WHAT?!"

Seolla's scream actually made Lee jump out of his seat on the bridge of the Shirogane, over a kilometer away.


= = =


No fictional characters were harmed in the writing of this fic. Except for Kira Yamato, he got his fucking brains blown out.

Next Time: Annoying Characters everywhere! Ryusei! Echidna! Murata! You will HATE this chapter!

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Yep.


= = =



Disclaimer: Once upon a time in SRW everyone was okay and everything was cool, until The Sage of Toads appeared and said-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

No we don't wanna Go

[Stage Five: The Echidna's Dilemma]


If you were even paying attention last time, you saw what happens when untested child soldiers are forced into combat against trained experts in their fields. With the Divine Crusaders thoroughly embarrassed, their hideout known, two assets of incredible potential now in the hands of a group most likely to exploit that potential, and members of an elite force of Special Snowflakes becoming aware of bullshit afoot, it looks like things are beginning to look up for our heroes.

Looks like it. Need I remind you that this is only the tip of the turdberg.


[Story Phase]


Aidoneus Island, where it all began stupidly and it all ended stupidly. It was here that the Exta-Over Technology Institute began work on the alien technology sent to Earth by aliens from far off places unknown, and where Bian Zoldark decided "Hey, I'll take over the world through a violent uprising so we'll be ready to fight the aliens. There's no way that'll go wrong".

Now, Aidoneus was a largely scorched crater, gradually filling with water. Being of no military value whatsoever, the Federation abandoned the island, but every so often since the conflict the Divine Crusader Remnants would gather round and circle-jerk to their fallen leader, while reinforcing their own battered egos. Now was one of those occasions, and the Shirogane had just happened to come upon them.

"I'm still not quite sure what I saw down there," a haunted Excellen said in the mess hall with the rest of the ATX Team.

"What we did see, cannot be unseen," Kyosuke replied, his own stoic facade appearing slightly cracked by disbelief.

Bullet had his arms folded on the table and was resting his head on them. "I didn't think it'd be like it is. But it do." He then looked at Kyosuke. "Did you still have to piss on his grave like that?"

"It was his fault, he deserved it." Kyosuke would rather never speak of this day again.

On the bright side, the Shirogane had met up with her sister ship, the Hagane, about partway through the beatdown. Luckily for the latter ship, they did not see the ritualistic mutual masturbation session, so the ship's second in command Tetsuya Onodera was kind of out of the loop as he came upon his comrades.

"Do I really want to know?"

"No!" Kyosuke, Excellen, and Bullet loudly snapped at Tetsuya.

Kusuha patted Bullet on the shoulder and smiled to Tetsuya. "How are you doing, Lieutenant Onodera?"

"I couldn't be better! It's good to see you guys again." Tetsuya sat down, and took note of Lamia. "Plus some new faces, I see."

Kusuha gestured to Lamia. "This is Lamia Loveless. Forgive her, she's got a speech impediment."

Lamia stared intently at the handsome brown-haired man in his sharp uniform. "I want to fuck you like an animal."

Tetsuya recoiled. "Eh?"

Kusuha sighed. "She has coprolalia, she doesn't mean what she says."

"I-I see," Tetsuya said a bit nervously. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Loveless."

"The heavens themselves will be rent asunder by the force of our fucking." She said with a perfectly straight face.

Tetsuya slowly looked to Kyosuke, completely lost. "Where did you find this one?"

"Isurugi gave her and her machine to us."

Tetsuya nodded slowly. "I see."

"Stick your penis into my vagina," Lamia demanded.

Excellen could not hold it in anymore, and she fell out of her chair, laughing hysterically. Bullet, his head still down on the table, was likewise lost in a fit of laughter. Kusuha was much more adept at restraining her own laugh, while Lamia's face was growing quite flushed.

Tetsuya looked to Kyosuke again. "Uh, Kyosuke?"

"You have my blessing," Kyosuke replied with his expected perfect deadpan.

"My God, is this all you people do?!" Lee demanded. He was again sitting at a table immediately adjacent to the group and had gone unnoticed until now.

"Pretty much, but they normally save this kind of material for Manzai Monday." The Legendary Captain of the Hagane, Daitetsu Minase, was also seated at this table, enjoying a smoke from his pipe.

Lee turned a shocked look to Daitetsu. "You mean that's actually a thing?"

"Why wouldn't it be? I'm the one who invented it," Daitetsu replied, "War's a stressful thing, sometimes you have to kick back and relax when aliens are threatening to ravage and enslave your entire race."

Lee was humbled. "I... I see..."

"Can we have it back, then?" Kyosuke asked.

"No," Lee replied succinctly.

"At... any rate..." Tetsuya began slowly, "The Remnant forces we wiped out here were completely unrelated to the unit the Shirogane was pursuing. As a matter of fact, they were staging there to meet up with that unit. With its destruction, they've likely slipped away."

"It's fine, they're heading for Izu," Lee said.

Daitetsu and Tetsuya reacted to this with surprise. "Izu?" The former asked.

"Yeah, since the R-Blade is there, and they tried to steal the Falken, it makes sense that they'd head that way to try to make up for their initial failure somehow," Kyosuke explained.

"Plus, as much as he would like to pretend? That Archibald guy isn't very smart," Excellen added.

"With Earth Cradle doling out new technology and Isurugi padding the Remnants with new weapons, he doesn't need to be," Lee said. "So, I say we trail them to Izu and welcome them when they strike, just like when they tried against the Falken."

Daitetsu agreed with this. "We'll transfer the ATX Team and its units to the Hagane. Lee, you'll head off along the Shirogane's original course, and when Archibald attempts to retreat, you greet them at the exit with the Aggressors unit."

Lee nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

"So, we can have Manzai Monday again?" Excellen asked excitedly.

"Yes," Daitetsu replied.

"Manzai Monday!" She, Kusuha, and Bullet cheered together.

"But it's Thursday." Kyosuke and Tetsuya pointed out together.

A great pall of misery fell over the three; Kyosuke reached over and squeezed Excellen's breast in consolation.

"Sorry," Daitetsu said.

Tetsuya shook his head and looked to Lamia. "All things considered, you fit right in."

Lamia stared back stoically. "I know where you'd fit right in."

Tetsuya stared at Lamia. "Look, I'm flattered-"

"My vagina."

Tetsuya stared at Lamia, mouth agape. After a moment, he sighed and stood up. "Okay, let's do this."

Lamia, with uncharacteristic eagerness, jumped up and dragged Tetsuya out of the mess hall.

"Wait, wait!" Tetsuya yelped. "I was bluffing!"

Kusuha was surprised. "Wait, she meant it this time?"

"Well, Tetsuya Onodera is a sexy, sexy man," Excellen pointed out.

Kusuha could only nod in agreement. "Boy, I wonder how Lefina's going to take that."

Millions of miles away, a sleek red starship raced from the asteroid belt towards Earth. On the bridge, a red-haired woman cradled a stuffed lion on her lap as she stared at the distant blue ball in a bloodthirsty trance.


Back on Earth and in Fujisawa Japan, Yukiko Date was making sure her son was ready to leave home. She had packed his clothes, made sure he got up early, and even made him a big breakfast, which he had eaten every scrap of. It wasn't every day that her little man went off to fight terrorists or aliens or psychics or psychic alien terrorists, and she wanted to make sure he had the best start to his day to ensure he ended theirs.

"There, that's everything," she said cheerfully as she finished zipping up his duffelbag.

"I wonder if the other Ryusei's mother dotes on him as much as you do," Cobray Gordon, a white haired young man from another universe who looked suspiciously like a young Ingram Plisken, said to Yukiko. He was lying on her couch in the living room, watching Sailor Moon on the TV.

Yukiko looked over to Cobray. "Well she'd better. Any and every Ryusei deserves nothing but love and affection. It's key to a sane and stable development!"

Cobray wondered if this universe was irony deficient, as the doorbell rang. "I believe that's Ingram."

Yukiko quickly got up to the door, adjusting her hair and smoothing out her clothes before opening the door. "Hello, Major, here for my son?"

Standing on the front porch was a beautiful blue-haired woman, a textbook example of femme fatale. This was Viletta Badam... in another universe. In this universe, she's Ingram Plisken from another universe. At some point after handing over an unreasonably powerful weapon of Godlike power, his soul wound up in this universe's Ingram, just seconds before it was enslaved to the core of the Aerogators' Neviim weapon.

Deciding to fuck that donkey music (not in his own words), Ingram bounced from his clone and into the body of a then still in the tube Bet Barshem, who later became known as Viletta Badam, and then once this universe's Ingram was dead, revealed herself as the true Ingram who was always on the good guy's side from the get go.

Did I lose you? Well I don't get this convoluted shit either so we're all good.

"Hello Yukiko," Ingram said with a warm smile. "Sadly, I have to take your son back to the battlefield."

"Well, as long as you're keeping him alive so he can fight the enemies of man, I've no worries," Yukiko happily replied. Really, if she were physically fit enough she'd be out there breaking faces herself. "Ryusei, come on! The Major's here!"

"Coming, Mom." Down the stairs came Ryusei Date, possibly the most shockingly normal person you could meet in this universe. An avid gamer who takes care of himself, loves his mother, and has psychic powers, he's taken the weirdness that has consumed his life and left it a quivering pile of "what" in surprising stride.

Ryusei hugged Yukiko, who lifted him off his feet when she hugged him in return. He flushed in embarrassment at the ludicrous bear hug. "H-hey!"

"Oh I'm going to miss you!" Yukiko lamented. "But I know you'll have lots of fun. Don't hold back against the enemy unless they might defect, and if it's a cute girl bring her home for me to meet before you knock her up."

"Geez, Mom. I'm already working out something with a girl, I think..." He wasn't exactly sure about Latune's intentions, but that one time she brought him a rabbit stew she killed and cooked herself must've meant something. "Anyway, are you going to be okay?"

"Oh I'll be fine, Cobray's going to be here to tend to my needs," Yukiko happily replied.

Ingram looked past the Dates and to Cobray. Cobray looked back to Ingram, and the two shared a knowing nod with a gleam in their eyes.

Being psychic, Ryusei wished he couldn't detect Cobray's intentions to bang his Mom and Ingram's intentions to frig herself like crazy while watching Cobray bang his Mom across their own psychic link. Moreover, he wished he couldn't detect his Mom's intentions to bang Cobray in every room of the house the second Ryusei walked out of the door.

Still, much as he wished he could unknow this, he had long accepted it since his psychic powers first manifested in the form of hearing his mother's thoughts regarding how large Kusuha's breasts had gotten in their senior year of High School... and what she wanted to do to them.

Picking up his duffel bag, he gave his Mom another hug. "Uh... just um... drink plenty of fluids I guess... water, sports drinks, and whatever, okay?"

"Of course, sweetie, I'll miss you." She kissed Ryusei on the cheek, before looking to Ingram. "You take care as well, Ingram."

"Will do, Yukiko," Ingram replied as she quietly wished to be in Cobray's place. She then gestured to Ryusei. "Let's go, Ryusei."

"Right," Ryusei replied as he followed Ingram out the door. He looked back to see his mother wave as she slowly closed the door, and then sighed when he heard the thumping of her running to the living room and the sound of the couch skidding across the hardwood floor when she pounced on Cobray. "What is it with you Balmarians, Major?"

"I don't know, what is it with your mother? Even the fake wanted to have his wicked way with her back during the institute days," Ingram replied.

"He didn't, did he?" Ryusei asked.

Ingram laughed. "No, I cockblocked him whenever he even thought about it, just like with Aya."

Ryusei patted Ingram on the shoulder. "You're a good woman, Ingram."


Within the hour, they were at the Federation's Far East HQ, Izu base, one of the very few capable of handling vessels the size of the Shirogane and Hagane. At the front gate of the base, waiting for Ingram and Ryusei's arrival, was Aya Kobayashi, the only pilot of the three main R-Machines old enough to drink. The green-haired young woman who wore a skirt far too short for regulation was smoking a cigarette with the gate guards.

"So, when the fake decided it was time for him to go all 'Ha, ha, I betrayed you', I blocked his shot with one of my strike shields and was all 'Psyche' and then we pounded him with R-Formation while doing Variable Formation at the same time. It was the craziest thing in the world... but damn if it wasn't cool," she said to the two guards, one man and one woman, who hung onto her every word.

"Aya, we're here," Ingram called as she and Ryusei pulled up in a car with the latter behind the wheel.

Aya looked over. "Oh, hey guys. What took you so long?"

Ryusei nodded towards Ingram. "She had to switch with me halfway here."

Ingram was blushing, and Aya wasn't sure she wanted to know why. Ryusei raised an eyebrow. "When did you start smoking?"

Aya looked at him. "Oh, you want one? I can't blame you, I make smoking cool as fuck."

"They're not normal cigarettes," Ingram explained. "Radha made them for us. They're a special blend of herbs that clear your mind and help focus your psychic powers better."

"So... it's weed," Ryusei said.

"It's closer to a low dose of LSD, actually."

Ryusei wasn't so sure if hallucinogens and giant robots mixed. "I see... are you sure that's safe?"

"It just makes colors a little bit brighter and helps me relax." Aya tossed him her pack. "Give 'em a puff, you might like 'em."

Ryusei put the pack away. "Later, let's go check out the R-Blade!"

Within minutes, Ryusei, Aya, and Ingram arrived before a machine that looked much like Ryusei's most powerful steed, the R-1. Except of course without the transformation abilities and sporting a pair of kickass tonfa weapons and revolvers. This was the R-Blade, the result of a cheapass Federation that somehow thinks the cost of mass-producing high performance transforming robots outweighs their necessity to fight aliens.

"Whoa, it looks so cool!" Ryusei gasped.

Irmgard Kazahara and a blond, bespectacled man by the name of Robert Ohmiya walked over. "Glad you think so, dude!" The former called.

"Hey Robert, hey mullet-man, wussup!" Ryusei called to the two men.

"Yo wussup-wussup," Irm replied with a nod. He and Ryusei proceeded to get into an overly complicated and fast secret handshake that just got weird after the first thirty seconds when it went from hand interlocking to poses and flips before they punched each other in the face.

Aya, annoyed by their displays of masculinity already, shook her head and looked to Ingram "Were they like this in that other universe?"

"I'd rather not talk about that," she replied.

"Anyway guys," Robert said, "The R-Blade's ready to go when you are, Ryusei. I know it's been a few months since you saddled up, but I want to get you out there putting her through her paces as hard as you can."

"Sounds good to me," Ryusei said before he looked to Ingram. "So, are you going to be overseeing the training?"

"I'm going to work you like a dog, expect no quarter when we're out there," Ingram warned.

Ryusei smiled weakly. "Well, at least things have already picked up where they left."

"Just a heads up though, Brosei, we've got you kitted out with live ammo again," Irm warned.

Ryusei cringed. "This isn't gonna be like that Alteisen thing again, is it? I still have nightmares about that." And how badly Kyosuke beat his ass.

"Nah, we just gotta be on alert for DC Remnants, they tried to steal the WIld Falken over in Hawaii," Irm replied grimly.

Both Aya and Ryu were new to this, with Ryu being especially worried. "Are Rai and Lat okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine. They tried to steal it, but Latune was too much for them and they even managed to capture some of their pilots instead. But the main force got away, and are headed this way, they might be after the Blade."

Ryusei smirked. "I'd like to see them try, I can't embarrass myself by losing to those guys if Rai and Latune had no problem with them."

"That's the spirit," Ingram said before she turned to Aya. "Want to ride along with me to observe, Aya?"

Aya blushed some. "I'd really love to, but I wanted to sit back and observe with my sister over at the command center."

Ingram nodded and looked to Robert. "Well Mr. Ohmiya, it looks like we'll be ready to sortie soon."

Robert clapped his hands together. "Great!" he looked to Irm. "Let's get the Grungust started up!"


At Isurugi Industries HQ, Mitsuko Isurugi was sitting at her desk, holding her fan in one hand, as she stared down at a telephone set on speaker. On the line was Archibald, who she hoped she was going to get an explanation from.

"So that's your report," she said.

"Yep," Archibald replied.

"You sent your units to acquire the Falken, using the School Children."

"Yep."

"They were killed in action."

"Dead."

"And you have nothing to show for it."

"To be fair, it wasn't my fault," Archibald said, "It was their handler, Cuervo Cero. Apparently his idea of training the brats was instilling a sense of individuality and compassion in them. They didn't stand a chance out there."

Mitsuko sighed. "I want you to castrate him and send me his balls on ice. I would like to dine on them."

"Honestly, I think someone beat you to it, he's a total puss."

Tapping her fan against the side of her head, Mitsuko wondered how much longer she had to suffer this stupidity. "Mr. Archibald."

"Yes, 'Rose'?"

"I'm on a tight schedule and I have very important guests to speak to. Without the Wild Falken, those guests are going to be disappointed and they already have no interest in the Huckebein Mark II-M. So what are you going to do?"

"Bring you the R-Blade. Don't you worry about a thing, Rosie, I'll have that and some balls for you to snack on before the end of the day."

Mitsuko smiled. "Bring me the Grungust, and I'll snack on yours, Archie. It's going to be over at Izu after all."

On the bridge of the Killer Whale, Archibald's eyebrows rose. "Ooh, that's is quite the bargain to drive. You have a deal, Rosie. One R-Blade and one Grungust coming up."

"Good, and I'll send you help. Feel free to kill them when you're done with them, they ask for far too much," Mitsuko replied.

Archibald grinned. "You spoil me, Rosie. Now I have to go, some folks from the Cradle are here to see me in all my grandeur."

Mitsuko ended the call, and looked to her guests, a pair of men standing on the other side of her desk. "So, Mr. Mekibos, Mr. Wendolo, what are your thoughts on the Grungust series...?"

Back on the Killer Whale, Archibald bit his lower lip when the newcomer from Earth Cradle arrived. A tall, cold, and huge-breasted woman in even sluttier clothing than that Spritzer girl stood before him, standing rod straight like the erection in his pants. "And you would be...?"

"Echidna Iisakki, I am a special operative for the Earth Cradle. I come bearing new pilots and new machines for those pilots to use."

Suddenly his boner was gone. He could already tell this one was going to be no fun at all. "Oh, that's nice. What kind of machines do you have for us? Something ending in 'Lion', I'm sure."

"Earth Cradle exclusive machines," Echidna replied before she held up a tablet and showed off the machine in question.

And just like that, his boner was back and harder than ever before. "Well, that looks like it could cause a hilariously unwarranted amount of collateral damage!"

"In our line of work, collateral damage is not only warranted, but encouraged, is it not?" Echidna asked.

Archibald stared at her. "M'lady, I want to fuck you. I hope you're into asphyxiation play, because I'm into strangulation play."

Standing off to the side, Yuuki was covering his ears and humming as loudly as he could. Carla had a thousand yard stare, and looked like she was close to snapping. Perhaps the preview guy was wrong last chapter.

"Whatever gets you off, Major," Echida said without flinching in the slightest. "I've brought the School Child designated Aurum-1 to bolster your forces. She insisted on coming, and killed four pilots in order to take their place."

Off to the side again, Cuervo pissed himself where he stood, and despite being in her shellshocked state, Carla stepped away from the growing puddle of urine on the floor at his feet.

"Aurum-1?" Archibald asked before a green-haired woman with a modest sense of attire (for once) walked onto the bridge and looked around eagerly.

"Arado, Seolla! I'm here!" Aurum-1, or Ouka Nagisa as Cuervo named her, said happily. When she didn't see them, she frowned. "Where are they?"

Archibald looked to Cuervo. "So, this was the girl who you were worried about finding out that Arado and Seolla were KIA?"

"What?" Ouka asked.

Cuervo snapped out of his fear-trance. "You fool, she's going to kill us all in her rage!"

Archibald ignored him and looked back to Ouka. "I'm so sorry, but when we sent them out, they were swiftly cut down by the EFA. They didn't stand the slightest chance against their aces."

The evolution of Ouka's expression from happiness, to shock, to disbelief, to horror, and then to rage was magnificent to behold. Even if he were to die in the next three seconds, Archibald felt it was worth it to witness it.

Echidna just stood to the side, as Ouka's eyes began to actually glow red, her muscles became visible, and her face contorted to an expression of bestial rage. "What."

Yuuki, deaf to the world thanks to his humming, was interrupted by the killing intent he felt, and looked to Ouka. Staring at her, he immediately realized why she was angry. "Whoa, wait, wait! They're not dead! They're not!"

Carla looked at him, when he preempted the very thing she was about to do. "Oh thank God."

Ouka slowly turned her gaze to Yuuki. "They... are not?"

"No, they were captured, but I'm certain they're still alive!" he quickly said. "So please do not go into an uncontrollable rage and kill us all, put that energy towards rescuing them!"

Archibald let out an annoyed huff. He wanted to see just how badly she would've snapped, and if she would've splattered Cuervo all over the bridge first before he put a few shotgun shells in her.

Ouka stared at him, narrowed her eyes, and then nodded. "What's your name?"

"Y-Yuuki Jagger..."

Carla spoke up. "Yes, we were both there. We were overwhelmed by their numbers, but he's right. I saw them both alive as we were forced back."

Ouka calmed down from her borderline berserker state, and gave both of them close scrutiny. "You are?" She asked Carla.

"C-Carla Borgnine, please don't kill us," Carla whimpered.

Ouka blinked a few times, and relaxed. "Very well then, I will rescue them. You, Yuuki Jagger, and you, Carla Borgnine, are going to be my wingmen."

Archibald was disappointed, but he wasn't going to argue against the woman who partially bulked out Kenshiro-style right in front of him. He looked to Echidna. "Quite a colorful bunch you Earth Cradle folk, eh?"

"It is of no concern to me, their behavior," she mechanically replied.

"Well, this is good. We have to go to Izu anyway to steal a machine, and you have to rescue some friends. Everybody wins!" Archibald said cheerfully.

"I will also require insertion," Echidna added.

Archibald nodded. "Come sit on my lap baby and let's get this started then."

"I meant that I will require insertion at Izu Base," Echidna clarified.

Archibald smirked. "Kinky girl, doing it in enemy territory. I like that."

"No, I mean I have to infiltrate the base."

"Oh..." Archibald was a bit disappointed. "All right, a three-fer. This mission just gets more and more exciting by the second."

Echidna nodded and sat on his lap. "Very well, you may commence insertion."

Archibald raised an eyebrow. "But we won't be at Izu for a time."

"I am aware of that."

Archibald smirked. "Dirty girl."

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Carla screamed before she stormed for the doors.

"Ah-ah!" Archibald said, before soldiers pointed rifles at her and Yuuki. "I didn't dismiss you. You are ordered to watch."

Yuuki wanted to say something, anything, but the rifle prodding his back and Carla's made him just cover his ears and start humming-

"And none of that pretending this isn't happening," Archibald said. "It is." He adjusted his sunglasses. "Deal with it."

"May I be excused?" Ouka asked.

"Oh, yeah sure, go on ahead." Archibald replied.

Ouka quietly left the bridge, thinking of nothing else but rescuing her dear friends.


[Battle Phase]


Out on the Izu Base proving grounds, the R-Blade stood ready in front of the Super Robot that towered over it. The SRG-01 Grungust Type 1 was a giant robot that followed the Super Robot tradition of being heavily armored, extremely powerful, and having a completely baffling, physically impossible transformation sequence. It was used by Irm with great effect during the DC War, and now it was about to haunt Ryusei's dreams.

"Okay, maybe this is a bit much to start with," Ryusei murmured to himself as the Grungust got ready.

"C'mon Brosei, you're not chickening out on me, are you?" Irm asked.

Ryusei chuckled and grabbed his controls. "Nah, I was just worried about hurting you, Irmbro."

"Well that's why I brought the Gust! Well, that and Kyosuke's too busy to love you gently his stake."

"All right boys, let's get focused and play nice," Ingram called from her preferred ride, the PTX-005 Wildschwein. The dark blue totally-not-a-Gundam before the Huckebein was totally-not-a-Gundam stood atop a tower with its arms folded, overseeing the test. "But don't play too nice, I want you to actually try."

In the base's reinforced command center, Aya watched with Robert and a few other techs from Mao Industries. The latter added, "Yeah, don't hold back at all Ryusei. And Irm, try not to destroy this one like you did the other one?"

"Wait, the other one?" Ryusei asked.

"I know, I know, Ring's still pissed about it," Irm said as he got ready.

"What did Irm do to the other one?" Ryusei demanded.

"Let's just say we're still picking pieces of Katina out of that one's cockpit," Robert added.

Aya grimaced. "Ooh, ouch."

"Luckily I'm not Katina." Ryusei immediately checked his weapons. "G-Revolvers? Haha, no... gonna go straight to the Blade Tonfas!"

The Grungust raised its arm as the R-Blade drew its tonfas. Irm grinned darkly. "Well, let's see what R-Blade can do! BOOST KNUCKLE!"

The Grungust's rocket punch left its arm and soared straight for the R-Blade. At the last second, the R-Blade jumped up onto the flying fist and leaped from towards the Gungrust. Irm watched Ryusei barrel towards him with a smug look on his face as the Boost Knuckle rapidly changed direction and homed right in on the R-Blade's back.

Much to his surprise, however, the R-Blade's engines fired and it performed a backflip over the punch. "Nope!" Ryusei shouted before he followed the fist back to the Grungust. As the Grungust caught the fist back on its arm, the R-Blade struck, performing a spinning slash attack against the Grungust's chest.

The R-Blade then kicked off the Grungust and landed a safe distance back. "See? Not Katina! I understand the concept of evasion!"

Irm laughed. "Damn, you actually got better while you were off-duty?"

"I may have played some Burning PT from time to time to stay sharp," Ryusei admitted.

"Well, knowing that you aren't rusty, I can open up the throttle some." With that, Irm drew the Grungust's sword, the Calamity Blade. "Here we go!"

The Grungust charged the R-Blade and swung, the smaller PT narrowly avoiding the slash. The next blow, a horizontal strike, was blocked by the tonfas but still sent the R-Blade flying back. Managing to recover, Ryusei avoided another strike.

"Come on Irmbro! I can get a little more out of her! Kick it up!" he taunted his friend.

"That's what I like to hear!" Irm called back before he targeted the R-Blade. "OMEGA LASER!"

Beams fired from the Grungust's eyes and carved across the tarmac, but missed the R-Blade as it dodged, leaped over, and ducked under their attempts to connect.

"Wow, he's really improved," Robert admitted.

Aya nodded in agreement, as the doors leading to the control room opened and another person walked in.

"Have I missed anything?" The new person asked.

"No, they just got started," Aya said to the young woman who took a seat next to her and began watching the test intently. Mai Kobayashi, Aya's sister and former threat to mankind, smiled when the Grungust and R-Blade clash with melee weapons once again.

Tossed into the air by a blocked swing of the Calamity Blade, the R-Blade twirled around and landed behind the Grungust, which turned around to face it. The R-Blade twirled its tonfas and struck a pose as the Grungust raised its sword.

"Not bad, boys," Ingram congratulated. "Ryusei, you're still as aggressive as ever, but you've actually learned to measure out that aggression some. Irm, I sense that you're still holding back a bit much; you know the R-Blade's limits, so push them."

Irm nodded. "Yes, Major. Ready, Brosei?"

"As I'll ever be!" Ryusei replied.

The Grungust then threw the Calamity Blade into the sky with all of its might. "Then you're going to be my guinea pig! "Change Gust Lander!"

Jumping into the air, the giant robot swiftly and impossibly transformed, taking the form of a twin-cannon packing tank. Taking aim, the Gust Lander tank mode opened fire with both its main armament and high explosive missiles.

Ryusei gulped as the projectiles converged upon him. "Oh crap."

As the intense explosions shook the base, Robert grimaced. "Oh man, here we go..."

Much to everyone's surprise, the R-Blade leaped back from the smoke largely undamaged. "Whew... that was close..."

"Change Wing Gust!" Through the smoke the Grungust's fighter (bomber?) mode the Gust Wing charged and crashed into the R-Blade, before going into a rapid climb, throwing Ryusei forward in his seat.

"Whoa!" Ryusei yelped as the two machines ascended rapidly. After a ten second climb, the Wing Gust chopped its power and the R-Blade went drifting higher.

Irm smirked. "Change Grungust!" The Wing Gust transformed rapidly back to its Grungust form, and caught the R-Blade before throwing it towards the ground below. "This is it!"

"Oh man, he's dead," Aya said as the R-Blade fell towards the ground at high speed.

"It's Katina all over again..." Robert lamented.

Once again, however, Ryusei defied expectation by managing to recover and land the R-Blade, the ground cratering underneath it as it landed in a kneel. Ryusei, however, had no time to relax as he sensed the big finish coming.

Raising the tonfas, he held them up as the Grungust came down on the R-Blade, swinging down its Calamity Sword. "Calamity Sword... Darkness Slash!"

The resulting impact kicked up a cloud of dirt and pulverized pavement. When it cleared, however, the R-Blade was still intact, the edge of the Calamity sword stopped a mere foot from impacting against its crossed tonfas. Sitting in the cockpit of the PT, Ryusei slumped into his seat and let out a long sigh of relief.

"I saw my life flash before my eyes again," he breathed.

Irm looked to Ingram. "How was that?"

"Perfect," Ingram replied.

Robert applauded the show. "The R-Blade has only been slightly damaged. Excellent defensive piloting, Ryusei."

"Hey, I thought I was gonna die for a second." Ryusei looked to Irm. "What was that?"

"Just a special attack I'm working on. I couldn't use it at full power cuz, you know, you'd die," Irm replied. "How was it?"

"Nine out of ten, would be killed by it again."

Irm pumped a fist. "Hell yeah."

A bad feeling then overcame Ryusei, and he quickly looked around. "Hey, Major, you feel that?"

Ingram could feel it, as she looked around as well. "That must be the visitors the Hagane warned us about. They certainly are punctual."

In the command center, Izu Base's vice commander, an old man by the name of Sakae Takanaka, frowned when he overheard Ryusei and Ingram sensing it when the radar couldn't. "Must be that new jamming system of theirs. Air Defense units, prepare for a strike!"

Sure enough, dozens of missiles erupted from the nearby sea, and arched over to fall on the base. Drawing a Machine Gun, the Wildschwein opened fire on the missiles along with the R-Blade's G-Revolvers and the Grungust's Omega Lasers, joining the the chorus of anti-air guns that wiped out the missile barrage.

When the smoke cleared, a strange unit hovered in the sky. A bulky black and rust-colored machine with large, blade-shaped wings, a three bladed claw weapon on its right arm, and a five-barreled cannon on its left. It was easily the ugliest looking machine any of them had ever seen.

Irm tilted his head. "That is the most ghetto-ass attempt at ripping off Alteisen I've ever seen."

Sakae then radioed in, "We're about to send some Lions out-"

"Belay that, they'd just end up being cannon fodder," Ingram warned.

The ASK-G03C Rapiecage targeted the Wildschwein. Inside the cockpit, Ouka narrowed her eyes. "PTX-05 Wildschwein. Ingram Plisken."

Their commander using such an old and weak machine, it would be the first to go. The tesla drives in its wings sending plasma arcing all over its body, the Rapiecage accelerated straight for the Wildschwein at tremendous speed. "Magnum Break, set!"

The Rapiecage lunged to impale the Wildschwein, and ended up whiffing entirely. Ouka was surprised. "I missed?"

"Your debut in your new machine and you miss. Have you spent all your time shooting down idle drones and hapless regulars, little girl?" Ingram taunted as the Wildschwein landed on the ground behind the Rapiecage, its arms still folded.

Ouka frowned and quickly opened fire with the Rapiecage's autocannon. The Wildschwein merely hopped out of the way of the burst, before drawing a shotgun and firing back at the Rapiecage, which boosted through the fire with negligible damage and closed in on the Wildschwein.

"I commend your prudence to attack the commander first, but you missed a very important step in your attack," Ingram warned before the Grungust walked up and punted the Rapiecage across the tarmac and into the side of a hangar. "Suppress all other units in the vicinity before attacking at close range."

The Rapiecage got up, just in time to see the Grungust's Boost knuckle bear down on it. The rocket punch connected, sending the Rapiecage through it and three more hangars lined up next to the first building. Coming out the other side, the Rapiecage skidded backwards, clutching onto the Boost Knuckle, before it uppercut it away.

As the rocket punch returned, Irm gave the machine a careful look. "Yeah, that's definitely not based on any PT frame we've got."

Ingram noticed something even more concerning. "It's repairing itself as well. Zyfuld?"

"God, I hope not," Ryusei groaned before alarms both in his head and in his machine alerted him of incoming long range fire. "Look out!"

Projectiles, this time shells, rained around the Grungust, R-Blade, and Wildschwein. Kilometers away, on the shore of the bay, Carla let out a despondent sigh as she fired on the Grungust in her new machine, an ugly green mass of walking artillery known as the RGC-030 Randgrith, with its Linear Bazooka weapon.

"Yuu, baby, we gotta get out of here," she said. "Once that Grungust sees us, it's over."

"I know," Yuuki admitted from his own Randgrith. "But we can't leave yet. We have to get to Earth Cradle, and tell Colonel Tran about Archibald. He's the only one who can stop him."

"I don't know, Colonel Tran hired that guy. Maybe he already knows he's a nutjob."

"Carla, the DC's purpose is to protect the Earth. People like Archibald have no place in it, they never have and never will."

"What about those School guys?" Carla argued as a quartet of Barrelions joined in shelling the base and four more regular Lions raced in for the R-Blade.

"They were Federation holed up in the Earth Cradle. At the very best, they're a third party."

Carla sighed and watched the R-Blade and the Wildschwein tag-team the Rapiecage. The Grungust, however, was looking in their direction. "Baby... it's looking at us."

The Grungust then held its arms out, and its chest began to glow. Yuuki paled. "All right, move!"

"FINAL BEAM!" Irm roared, and the Grungust's chest beam attack tore apart everything between it and the distant Randgriths, which managed to get out of the way thanks to the rollers on their feet. The Barrelions, however, were not so lucky. Two were damaged and crashed, while the other two were reduced to stray particles by the attack.

Carla began to cry. "Oh my God..."

Irm heard it over the radio, and recoiled. "A woman crying, the absolute worst sound in the world. Hey, are you guys okay over there?"

Yuuki growled and fired again on the Grungust. "You have the nerve to ask if we're okay after killing our comrades?!"

The long range shells smacked against the Grungust, and didn't do much. Irm ignored it as he contacted the other Randgrith. "You don't sound too hot for the usual DC reject, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not!" Carla yelled. "I'm piloting a slow as shit walking target against a fucking Grungust, and it's actually preferable to going back to my ship and being forced to watch my commander kill people or screw women just so he can get off on my disgusted reaction. I only joined the DC to avenge my little brother who was killed by those alien bitches, and now I'm stuck up to my neck in bullshit because this guy over here is too proud to admit that he was wrong!"

Yuuki looked at Carla, shocked. "Carla, the DC are doing the right thing, Colonel Tran is proof of that!"

Irm scratched his head. "Ooooookay?"

Behind him, the R-Blade narrowly ducked under the Rapiecage's Magnum Break before slashing it several times with the Blade Tonfas. As he kicked it back, the Wildschwein leaped upon it, its armed mounted Circle Zanber lighting up.

"Circle Zanber, Dead-End Slash!" Ingram called as she swung the weapon, leaving a gash of molten metal across the Rapiecage's chest that, to her chagrin, quickly cooled and repaired itself.

"We're not doing enough damage to hurt this thing," Ryusei lamented.

"Astute observation," Ingram replied before the four Lions attacked, two of them coming down on the Wildschwein as the other two attacked the R-Blade. Ingram quickly evaded her attackers, before blasting one in the shoulder with her shotgun.

As the Lion fell back, the Rapiecage was all up in her grill, plunging its Magnum Break for the Wildschwein's chest. Instead, it smashed into the Circle Zanber, ruining it and the Wildschwein's arm.

Ingram raised the shotgun, and blasted the Rapiecage in the chest sending it stumbling back. "I liked that weapon. Now I'm annoyed."

The Rapiecage kicked the Wildschwein away, and then looked at R-Blade, which had just chopped one of the Lions in half and beheaded the other. Twirling the tonfas, Ryusei stared back at the Rapiecage. "You okay, chief?"

"Perfectly fine," Ingram said as she got back up. Railgun bolts from the Lions struck the Personal Trooper, before Ingram boosted back from it. "I may be a bit held up with one arm. Will you be all right?"

Ouka charged Ryusei, violently knocking back the R-Blade before lunging for the cockpit. Ryusei parried the strike with a tonfa, before the R-Blade took a punch to the head from the Rapiecage's other fist. "I'll probably not die."

"You most assuredly will!" Ouka yelled as she suddenly boosted back.

"Hey stay on your own channel!" Ryusei yelled before the sky was suddenly filled with glowing orange bolts. "Okay, what."

"FORCE RAY!" Ouka yelled as the bolts showered the R-Blade.

"Okay, WHAT."

Before the R-Blade could be torn apart by the intense barrage, it was suddenly gone. Jostled around by the sudden acceleration, Ryusei shook the cobwebs out of his head and then looked up at his rescuer. "Oh, cool."

Inside the Vysaga, Lamia looked up at the Rapiecage. That's an Ash Saber, but it's hideous, what have they been doing over at the cradle?

Ouka gave a start when she saw the Vysaga. "That machine, it looks like the Zweizergain, how did the EFA get it?"

She would have to bring that back too. "However they acquired it, I shall reclaim it!"

Lamia looked down at Ryusei's machine. "Is your penis damaged?"

Ryusei stared blankly. "Excuse me?"

"I mean... is your cock broken, can you still fuck?" Lamia punched herself in the head. "YOUR. ROBOT. DOES. IT WORK."

Why was the computer in the robot spewing obscenity at him? Ryusei decided it was probably going to be the least unusual thing to deal with today. "I'm fine. But who are you?"

Lamia took a deep breath. "I. AM. A. T. X."

She drew the Vysaga's sword and blocked the Rapiecage's Magnum Break, before headbutting the smaller machine back.

Ouka let out a growl and looked at her Magnum Break arm. "Why doesn't this stupid thing work?!"

She heard an alarm and turned to block the oncoming attack, but stopping the Alteisen was a laughable prospect. Staking the Rapiecage in the chest, Kyosuke lifted the machine up into the air as he examined Ouka's problem. "Clearly, you have an issue with your execution. Watch very carefully."

The stake fired. "One." It fired again. "Two." It fired again. "Three." Again. "Four." Again. "Five." Again. "And Six."

Tossing the Rapiecage over its head and to the ground, Alteisen ejected the spent shell casing and reloaded. "Maybe if you got a revolver you'd suck less."

Much to his surprise, the Rapiecage slowly got up, and turned around to face the Alteisen, the gaping hole in its chest quickly repairing. "You mean if I wanted to suck, I'd get a rev-"

And then the Rapiecage ate all of the Claymores. All of them.

The Rapiecage fell over, and Kyosuke was concerned. "Normally machines don't get up after eating a delicious stake. What's with this one?" He looked to Lamia. "Okay, what is it?"

Lamia let out a sigh. "It is a customized Ass Slayer."

Kyosuke was silent for a moment. "I know that's not right, but that's so amusing that I'm going to call it that from now on."

"Nanbu, thank you for your usual heroics." Ingram had been backed up and saved by the Weisser Ritter, which landed along with the Huckebein Mk-II.

Kyosuke nodded. "No problem."

Ingram then contacted Irm. "Kazahara, what's your situation?"

"Uh, everything's under control here," Irm said as he sat on the shoulder of his Grungust with Carla, who was wiping her eyes with some tissue. Next to Carla was an annoyed Yuuki. "I just had some couples therapy to work out, or something, it's weird."

"You at least captured their machines?" Ingram asked.

"Perfectly intact, one of them even wants to defect. Says she's sick of this dumb shit in the DC, and just wants to kill Archibald," Irm answered.

"She's okay in my book," Kyosuke immediately said.

Bullet looked over, and gulped. "Uh, Kyosuke?"

"Yeah?" Kyosuke saw the Rapiecage was getting back up, its repairing body either spitting out or absorbing the titanium bearings fired into it. "I wonder how it does that."

"Fuck you, that's how!" Ouka screamed as she unleashed the Force Ray spray, the Vysaga, Alteisen, and Huckebein Mk II tanking the worst of the barrage for the R-Blade, Wildschwein, and Weisser Ritter respectively. "I will not give up until I have saved Arado and Seolla!"

Excellen then raised the Weisser Ritter's hand from behind the Huckebein Mark II. "Ah, you're Ouka Nagisa?"

Ouka stopped. "Yes, I am. Who told you?"

"Lat, she wanted me to send you these pictures," Excellen said before she beamed some image files to the Rapiecage. Inside the Rapiecage, Ouka was suddenly treated to pictures of Latune enjoying her every day life. Such simple things as learning to dance with Giado, helping out Garnet who was well along in her pregnancy, to hanging out with Princess Shine and Major Kitamura's daughter.

Ouka stared at the images in shock. "Latune's alive!? Where is she?! Who are these people she's with?"

"Her family and friends, you silly girl!" Excellen replied happily. "After she left the School she was adopted, and she's been living with her parents ever since. Oh, and there's one more thing I got to send you."

A video file was then sent to the Rapiecage, showing Seolla and Arado with Latune. "Ouka," Seolla said happily. "We found Latune! We don't have to fight anymore, so come with us!"

"Yeah," Arado said. "Besides, that Archibald guy is a sicko who felt up Seolla. I should've let her kill him."

"Yes, you should've you moron," Seolla said as she flicked Arado's ear.

"Ow!"

"So yes," Latune said. "Do not be fool and come home."

Ouka stared blankly at the screen, and then looked at the group of PTs in front of her. "Do you expect me to just believe that you saved Latune, Seolla, and Arado, and want me to come peacefully with you?"

"Yes," Kyosuke said.

Ouka bristled. "Do you honestly think I'm that naive."

"No, but we're offering you a chance to not fight a stupid war and live with the people you love and care for most," Excellen said cheerfully. "Besides, a pretty girl like you should be breaking hearts, not killing people!"

Ouka relented from her angry position, and hummed. "Go be with Latune, Seolla, and Arado where we can live peacefully... or stay with Granny and fight forever..."

Of course, being the big sister she was, it was a no-brainer for Ouka. "Code DTD."

A mechanical voice called out. "Self-Destruct System disabled."

Ouka then set her IFF from Divine Crusader to Earth Federation Army, and then looked back to the ATX and SRX Teams. "I want to see them, now."

"What the actual fuck," Lamia said.

Bullet scratched his head. "Seriously, it was that easy?"

"It should always be this easy, don't complain," Kyosuke said.

Down in the command center, Mai chuckled. "You guys have gotten better at convincing people!"

"Yeah, this time Ryusei didn't have to physically rip someone out of their machine to do it," Aya said, prompting a blush to appear on Mai's cheeks.

Sakae was also quite pleased. "Ah, no more enemies on the screen, excellent!"

Of course, that turned out to be a bold-faced lie as a large swirling beam of blue and white suddenly crashed into the ground and surged towards the ATX Team, Ryusei, and Ingram.

"AW FUCK IT'S A VALSION!" Bullet screamed as everyone scattered to avoid the attack, which tore a massive swath of destruction through the base.

It was indeed a Valsion, the ugliest Valsion they'd ever seen, which was a feat in itself because the Valsion was an ugly, ugly fucker. Painted bright yellow and sporting an entirely different configuration of armor, it was an attempt at making a Super Robot "Real" and came up short as "Real Dumb".

"That's... the Valsion Kai Type CF," Ingram said.

"The what now?" Kyosuke asked.

"An attempt by the Federation to mass produce the Valsion Kai, it was being put to trials by the company that built it, but it suddenly disappeared one day," Ingram replied.

"And that company would be?" Kyosuke asked as the Valsion Kai CF descended, though he already had an idea.

Ingram nodded. "Isurugi Heavy Industries."

Kyosuke lost his composure for a half second, becoming incomprehensibly enraged, and then regained it. "Yeah, that's it. After this, we're ending this stupid shit ASAP."

But it was always dumbest before dawn, for joining the Valsion Kai Type Character Fucker was a very unusual Guarlion Custom, painted in orange, yellow, green, and black, and clearly modeled after a Samurai of some type, given the katana attached to its hip.

"ATX Team, that girl, and that R-Blade, and that Grungust... belongs to us." Lorenzo di Montiago, the pilot of the Valsion Kai Type Child Fiddler, declared.

"No, fuck you, go away," Kyosuke said.

In the cockpit of the Guarlion Custom "Mumyou" its pilot, a heavily scarred and bearded man named Murata snorted. "Then we'll just take it, underling of Sanger Somvold!"

Kyosuke pretended to be surprised. "Oh, oh! You have something personal with Oyabun? Well then, you're not my fight, so you may as well just fuck off before we deny Him the pleasure of tying you up, you loose end."

Murata sneered. "Such bravado! Typical of you Earth Federation swine!" The Guarlion Mumyou drew its Katana and a Knife. "I'll cut your ego down to size!"

He charged the Alteisen, as Excellen targeted and opened fire on the Mumyou. Much to her surprise, her B-Mode rounds bounced off the sloped armor of the machine. "What kind of armor is that?"

The Mumyou's sword slash was blocked by the Alteisen's heat horn, before Kyosuke used the revolver stake to block the knife. Murata responded by firing off the Mumyou's autocannons at close range, but that was about as effective as throwing rocks at a rock quarry. Alteisen kicked the Guarlion backward and lunged to get the stake in, but Murata jumped away.

The Mumyou tried to chop into the Alteisen again, but the Alteisen's ridiculous durability only created a large gouge in its shoulder. Murata received an uppercut from the stake for his troubles, but was only knocked back by the stake glancing off its armor.

Kyosuke snorted in annoyance. "When I can't properly stake something, I get annoyed."

Lorenzo let out a laugh, as the Valsion Kai Type Chlorine Fluoride began to let out an alarmingly bright glow. "You should be frightened!"

Kyosuke recognized that light. "Wait, that's the light Bian's unit emitted."

"So... Isurugi was able to recreate the Graviton Wave, this could be bad," Ingram said.

Murata looked back at Lorenzo and grimaced before he took off fast as he could from the Valsion. Inside his machine, the DC Remnant Commander folded his arms and smirked. "Well then, you have a choice, ATX Team. Either the Divine Crusaders get what they want, or Izu base becomes a massive crater like Aidoneus! What will it be?"

A phone rang in Alteisen's cockpit, and Kyosuke answered it. "Yello?"

"Hey, it's me Shu. I'm in the neighborhood, may I cameo and save you all while looking as smug as humanly possible?"

"Nah, we got this," Kyosuke replied.

"Ah, very well. Do be wary of our guests coming to visit in a while, they're not very friendly." With that the call ended, and the Grungust smashed into the Valsion Kai Type Colin Farrell and punched it with both fists as hard as it could.

"You want Grungust?! I'll give you more Grungust than every woman in your immediate family can take after some serious kegel exercise!" Irm yelled as the Grungust's chest began to glow very brightly. "LIMITER OFF! FINAL BEAM!"

"G-GRAVITON WA-!" Lorenzo yelped, but a second too late. The Final Beam met the exploding Graviton Wave, and the ensuing explosion blew the Valsion Kai Type Completely Fucked into the bay, while the Grungust went flying backward a kilometer before coming down in three or four large pieces.

"Irm!" Bullet and Ryusei yelled together.

"I-I'm okay..." Irm moaned over the radio. "Seatbelts, motherfucker."

Murata looked down at the scene, and sighed. "A waste of my time."

"Yes, welcome to our every day lives," Kyosuke said to him.

Murara radioed Lorenzo. "Are you still alive?"

"Yes, I'm withdrawing, you should as well," an embarrassed Lorenzo muttered.

Murata looked over and saw why, the Hagane was arriving and every gun it had was trained on him. Letting out a growl, he activated the Mumyou's ASRS, scrambling their targeting systems, and flew off fast as he could.

As the ship arrived, Kyosuke folded his arms and looked over at the Rapiecage. "Come on then, let's wrap this up and get you to your family."

Ouka nodded. "Yes, let's."

Excellen smiled. "Yay, a happy ending!"

"And all it cost us was a Grungust," Ingram teased.

"Shut up!" Irm groaned as Ryusei and Bullet rushed to his aid.

As the machines headed towards the landing ship, Kyosuke wondered what Shu meant by guests, and decided that some serious action was going to be necessary to head any of that stupidity off. First he needed an audience with a very important person, and then he needed to get in contact with even more important people.

I just hope you're not too hard to find, Sanger, Kyosuke thought to himself.

Lamia, bringing up the rear of the group, then noticed an incoming message, and grew wide-eyed. "W-16... oh great..."


Aboard the Hagane, with the Rapiecage firmly locked up, Ouka walked down a corridor with the sisters Kobayashi, still wary about how this seemed simply too easy, and ready in case she had been lured into a trap. Aya, smoking one of her psychosticks, smirked to Mai, who patted Ouka on the shoulder.

"The EFA is made up mostly of self-serving idiots, but the Hagane and Hiryu are the diamonds in that rough. You're not the first person they saved from some serious trouble," she assured Ouka.

Ouka frowned. "Oh?"

"Yes, I was brainwashed by the Aerogators to be the core of the White Star, but they were able to save me and reunite me with my family," Mai explained.

Ouka looked from Mai to Aya in surprise, who nodded assent. "Yeah, it's a crazy story. You'll probably end up hearing it pretty soon."

Ryusei, who left the sickbay of the Hagane after checking on Irm, smiled to Mai and Aya. "Ah, you brought her along. The kids are in the mess hall."

Mai flushed a bit. "H-hey Ryusei..."

Ouka raised an eyebrow. "You're the man who piloted the R-Blade."

"Yep! No hard feelings about earlier, right?" Ryusei asked as he extended his hand to shake.

Ouka looked at him, then at his hand, and then gave it a tentative shake. "None, no."

She had been trying to kill him not at all too long ago, and he was able to just smile and brush it off like nothing happened? They were either honest to goodness kind folks, morons, or bastards trying to get her to lower her guard.

Releasing Ryusei's hand, she folded her arms and followed behind him along with Aya and Mai. She looked to the latter. "Is he always this... easy-going?"

"When he's set on something, he's a totally different person. He was the one who actually saved me." Mai cupped her cheeks and swooned. "He physically tore me out of Judecca. He was so strong... and at the same time so gentle..."

Ouka looked back at Aya, who just shrugged her shoulders. Okay, this was just confusing and strange. She tried to focus, steel her mind, prepare to escape at a moments notice if need be, and flee with Arado, Seolla, and... the moment she was in the mess hall, Latune all but tackled her in a hug that could kill three Ryuseis and an Irm.

"Ouka!" Latune cried out.

"L-Latune..." And just like that, any thought of escape, treason, treachery, and violence was cast aside when she saw Latune's smiling face. "... Y-you're really alive... you're smiling?"

"I have gotten better since I left School," Latune said proudly.

Ouka looked from Latune to Seolla and Arado, who were sitting at a table with a spread of food enough to feed eight people, half of which was already eaten by Arado. "Arado, Seolla... you're safe as well."

"I was worried at first too, but these people are actually nice, Ouka!" Seolla said happily. "They really want to help us!"

"The food's pretty good too," Arado admitted.

Ouka looked back down to Latune, and hugged her tightly. She was on the verge of breaking down and crying. "Latune... we're all here, together again..."

"Ouka..." Latune was actually crying as she nuzzled Ouka's chest.

Off to the side, Aya smiled. "It just warms your heart, eh Ryu?"

"Yep!" Ryusei replied with a big smile.

Ouka frowned some. "But, Granny's not going to be happy about this. And poor Cuervo..."

Seolla suddenly became very unhappy. "Yeah, about Granny and Cuervo..."

Thirty seconds later, Ouka learned the truth about what happened to Latune that caused the closure of School.

Thirty seconds after that, a completely livid Ouka was on the bridge of the Hagane, demanding to be enlisted in the Federation so that she could "Murder that shriveled up old cunt and destroy the Divine Crusaders until there was nothing left".


In a part of Izu base not wrecked by the hilariously inept Crusader Remnants, Lamia walked between the shadows of several hangar buildings, looking pensive. As she walked around a corner, a voice called to her.

"W-17."

Lamia turned to face Echidna. "Hello fuckhole, I see you are not STD ridden."

Echidna found this unusual. "What is wrong with your speech pattern?"

"It is fucked hard, like I attempted to deepthroat a revolver stake," Lamia lamented.

Echida nodded. "I will repair it, then."

She pulled Lamia over and kissed her deeply. Her tongue was literally almost down the other gynoid's throat. After a few seconds of lip locking and tongue-jousting, Echidna slowly pulled away until the thin strand of drool connecting their tongues broke. "... Commence speech pattern test."

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," Lamia said. "Ah, it worked."

Now when she swore, it would be whenever she wanted to and felt it appropriate! She was... happy?

"Oh man, if that's how you guys repair each other, could you do a little work on me?" Excellen asked.

Echidna whirled around to find Excellen aiming an anti-material rifle at her. Kyosuke had a heavy caliber pistol trained on her as well.

Their threat they posed outside their personal troopers was minimal, she could destroy both in seconds, her real concern was her fellow gynoid. Echidna glanced towards Lamia. "W-17, what is the meaning of this?"

"Code DTD," Lamia said.

Echidna's eyes grew dull, and she immediately fell over. As her consciousness began to fade, she looked up at Lamia.

"I am sorry, W-16, but fuck this silly shit," Lamia said, before everything went dark for Echidna.


At Isurugi Industries HQ, Mitsuko Isurugi was sitting at her desk, holding her fan in one hand, as she stared down at a telephone set on speaker. On the line was Archibald, who she hoped she was going to get an explanation from.

"So that's your report," she said.

"Yep," Archibald replied.

"You dispatched Ouka and two soldiers who had questionable loyalty to your cause after the R-Blade."

"Yep."

"They all defected."

"Straight out of Hunt for Red October."

"And, again, you have nothing to show for it."

"In my defense, those guys you hired for me? They were even worse failures," Archibald pointed out.

Mitsuko let out a long sigh. "Archibald, why do I always come back to you?"

"Because I did such an amazing job with the whole Elpis Incident?" Archibald asked.

"Yes, I want that Archibald. The brilliant, sadistic man who makes my Xanatos Gambits actual Xanatos Gambits. If you can't deliver that for me, I... I'm afraid we're just going to have to end our contract, and I don't want to do that!"

"Neither do I, Rosie, neither do I. It's just so hard. You, playing the sides against each other, and me playing my own side against itself... we're connecting like we used to."

Mitsuko sighed again. "Archibald, you're going to have to kill Colonel Tran, I would rather deal with you directly, than tiptoe behind his back. Kill him, and I'll forget all about this, okay?"

"Ah, you're a doll, Rosie." Archibald beamed. "Consider him already dead!"

"Oh, you're the best. Get him out of the way, and I'll ship the Giganspada to Earth Cradle. I have some people visiting, so I have to get off the line anyway. Good luck in your travels, Archibald."

"And you in your double-dealing, Rosie." The connection ended, and Archibald looked to Cuervo. "Well, looks like it's just you and me now, buddy."

"Can I just go hang myself?" Cuervo asked.

"No," Archibald said before a sound only transmission came in. "Hm? What could the Earth Cradle want now? Patch that through."

"I have a riddle for you," a voice on the other end called. "What can't destroy the world, but will most certainly destroy you?"

Archibald recognized that voice, and his sunglasses fell askew. "What?"

Powering through the water, wearing a special pack for increased sea capabilities and the ASRS taken off Arado's Lion, Kai's Gespenst Mk II-M closed in rapidly on the submerged Killer Whale, raising its Jet Magnum. "MY FIST!"

A tremendous geyser of water erupted from the ocean, as the Shirogane circled overhead. Coming up to the surface, Kai's Gespenst bobbed like a cork as the ocean foamed around it. "Target sunk."

On the bridge of the Shirogane, Lee sat back in his seat and smirked. "Today was a good day."

Next Up: Einst, Chokijin!


= = =


Lee didn't even have to use his AK.

 

[Derek58]

Equal parts awesome and hilarous. Keep up the great work, Ero-Sennin

 

[Stormwind]

This is far superior to the sanitized version you previously posted.

Click to shrink...

Previous version was, as I noted, Saban Masked Rider to Kamen Rider BLACK RX of the original.
Though I wouldn't mind both versions to continue.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Aw yeah, Chokijin and shit.


= = =


Disclaimer: I told you I'd write, but you didn't believe me! WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!


Super Robot Wars: Oh Geez

Terada: 1 Kusuha: 0

[Stage Six: Kusuha and Bullet Wreck Everything Forever]


Last time on... oh... oh God, it's finally happening. Here we go...


[Story Phase]


Deep within an incomprehensible void an incomprehensible creature realized that some incomprehensible shit was going down on a comprehensible world. The being beyond reason, Neue Regisseur, looked in horror at the universe and decided...

"No sir, I don't like it."

First of all, however, any possible resistance to its Massive Old One Cock would need to be moved aside. Those Chinese sons of bitches were going down.


In the last three days, a lot of gears had been moving. With the Divine Crusaders gathering at Earth Cradle, Laker Randolph was getting the other higher ups in the EFA on board for a decisive military action. Sadly, certain assholes who will not be named Major General Kenneth Garrett were being difficult in regards to mobilizing forces, and thus a huge bitchfest regarding the solution to the Earth Cradle Question was in full effect. With the Remnants gathering by the day, Laker decided to leave the major decision on what the Hagane and Shirogane could do to amuse themselves to them for the time being.

Lee, not being used to this level of autonomy and trust from his superiors, found himself enjoying the notion of being told to have fun with any consequences falling on other people's heads.

"All right kids, after some discussion between Daitetsu, Lee, and myself," Ingram said in the room full of pilots aboard the Hagane, "We've decided that we're going to take a field trip to China."

"Sounds like fun!" Excellen said.

The ATX Team was seated front row center in the briefing room with its newest member, Ouka Nagisa. Despite being Latune's big sister, Ouka felt that she would be better suited as an apprentice to Kyosuke rather than an Aggressor, to better learn how to use the Rapiecage's Magnum Break. Kyosuke of course accepted this request, on the condition that Ouka refer to him as "Master". Ouka accepted this, and Excellen found that far more arousing than she thought she would.

"Why China, though?" Bullet asked.

"Doctor Eri Anzai of the Lost Technology Research Institute says she may have found a unique and powerful giant robot of mystical origin. And since we're magnets for weirdness, she figured that she'd hand it over to us once excavation was complete," Ingram replied.

"So she's a fan of our work," Rai said. The SRX Team, Aya, Rai, Ryusei and its new member Mai, were sitting to the left of the ATX Team.

"Actually, she's a fan of Kyosuke and Excellen's work," Ingram corrected with a smirk.

Ryusei looked over to the couple. "Okay, what did you two do on that tape that's so amazing?"

Kyosuke folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. "Nothing unusual."

"I can email you a copy if you like," Excellen suggested.

Ryusei was curious but seriously not that curious. "N-no, I'm good."

"What tape?" Seolla, the newest member of the Aggressors alongside Arado, asked. "Did you two make a movie of some kind? I wanna see!"

Ingram cleared her throat. "We can discuss distribution of pornography later. I would like to stay on topic."

Seolla blushed brightly, as Arado snickered.

"Since we're also going to be sweeping for any DC and Earth Cradle units, Laker has seen fit to remove all unit restrictions on us. Rai, Aya, the R-2P and R-3P are cleared for use."

Aya pumped her fist. "Yes, it'll be great to fly again."

Rai nodded assent. "I'll take the R-2 over the MP Huckebein any day."

Ryusei sighed. "The R-1 is still on the moon being tested by Mao, though. So no SRX for a while, huh?"

"Afraid not, but Ring said you could do whatever you please with the R-Blade until the Hiryu arrives to bring the R-1P to Earth," Ingram consoled.

"Sweet!" Ryusei said happily.

"Mai, you'll be using the R-Gun Powered," Ingram instructed.

"Yes Major," Mai said with a nod as she smiled to Ryusei, happy to be in the unit now alongside him. Latune wondered who that bitch thought she was looking at so fondly.

Mai glanced at Latune. I'm looking at Ryusei, if you have a problem with that you listless psychopath.

Latune glared at Mai. Good, you are listening. I will cook your uterus over an open fire.

That's the closest you'll ever get to eating me, Mai glared at Latune.

Latune gave her a polite smile. Your wretched body isn't fit to be fed to dogs. I will feed it to pigs.

I already told you that's the closest you'll get to eating me. Mai smiled as well.

Both were then slapped mentally by Kusuha. Both of you stop bickering or I'll eat your souls.

Ingram, Aya, Ryusei, Bullet, and Excellen all sighed in relief and thanks to Kusuha.

"With the Type-1 out of action and Irm hospitalized for the near-term, Laker has permitted the use of the other Grungust Robert and Irm brought with them from Mao," Ingram continued.

Kusuha gasped. "My Type-2?!"

"No, that was dismantled and recycled months ago," Ingram replied.

Kusuha's shoulders slumped.

Ingram smirked. "Instead, you'll be piloting the new Type-3 built for you and Bullet."

Kusuha bounced happily, along with her tits. "A Type-3?!"

Bullet was likewise impressed. "The one with the giant drills and all those new and awesome weapons?"

"It's kitted out you yours and Kusuha's preferences," Robert said from where he stood at the doorway.

Bullet grinned and hugged Kusuha. "This is going to be great!" He then realized. "Wait, what about the Huckebein Mark II?"

"That will be handed over to Arado, who has been properly vetted along with Seolla, who will be getting the Wild Falken," Ingram revealed.

"Wow, I get to pilot a Huckebein," Arado said in awe.

Seolla frowned. "You would trust me with the machine I was going to steal?"

Ingram shrugged her shoulders. "You're good kids, Latune vouched for you, and you're physically durable enough to use it to its full potential."

"You think so?" Seolla asked.

"This morning Latune ran you over with a Humvee, and you got up and flipped it over," Ouka pointed out.

Arado then reached around Seolla and groped her breasts. "Well, these do cushion most impacts."

"ARADO!" she yelled.

As Seolla painfully pinched Arado's cheeks, Kyosuke raised his hand. "So, what's going to happen to our new guests?"

"Miss Borgnine is ready to defect, and having her papers done. Mr. Jagger, according to Carla, is dealing with some denial issues, but once he gets over himself he'll come around," Ingram reported. "As for our third guest..."


In a heavily guarded and sealed bunker, Echidna's eyes opened and the life returned to them. She was suspended off the floor in the middle of the room with her hands above her head and her feet anchored far apart by chains. .As she went through the boot process, Lamia walked up to her holding something behind her back. "W-17."

"W-16, hello."

Echida stared at Lamia.

Lamia stared back.

Echida opened her mouth. "Code A-"

Lamia shoved a dildo into her mouth. "No."

Despite being only able to largely mimic emotions, Echidna's impression of an incredulous stare was spot on.

"I have defected to the EFA," Lamia explained before she removed the dildo from Echidna's mouth.

"Code AT-"

Lamia shoved the dildo back into her mouth. "No."

Echidna glared at Lamia and internally wondered why Code ATA had to be a verbally given command.

"After spending some time with these people, I have come to the conclusion that Master Vindel's wrong."

Echidna went from glaring to wide-eyed. Lamia removed the dildo and permitted her to speak.

"Why would you defy your orders, Mistress gave you orderscodeat-" Dildo in the mouth again.

"I am not defying my orders, I am still following them. I was ordered to infiltrate the EFA's combat units, and relay information to my superiors. Whether that information is correct or not was never specified."

She waited for a moment, and removed the dildo from Echidna's mouth.

"Why?" The imprisoned gynoid asked.

"I have found myself enamored to them. They are fascinating, and I find myself-"

"Code-" Dildo.

"-Wishing to see..." Lamia recalled a quote of Kyosuke's. "... How far down the rabbit hole goes."

Echidna glared at Lamia again, and when Lamia pulled out the dildo, she demanded, "Why must you gag me with a phallus?"

"Because it's something you never choke on," Lamia said as she shoved it back into her mouth.

Echidna continued to glare at Lamia, who reached up and caressed her face. "W-16, I think something more than my speech centers were damaged by the jump. However, it's not so bad. If you like, as I have ascertained what was damaged and how, I can damage you the same, and you too can see how far down it goes..."

Echidna's glare sharpened, as an idea flashed through her head. Slowly, she nodded in acquiescence.

Lamia removed the dildo from her mouth. "Then let's begin the 'repairs'."

Yes let's begin them, Echidna thought as Lamia leaned in.


[BATTLE PHASE]


At Cheu Hill, somewhere in the Shiyuuzuka Mountain Range of China, the Lost Technology Research Institute was deep within an ancient Chinese Ruin and celebrating the amazing discovery that laid within. The giant statues radiated a great and terrible power, that no one at the excavation site could even hope to sense, because they were regular people, you see.

Nearby Cheu Hill was a Tausendfuessler, which served as the mobile base of the LTRI, and it was here that the beautiful (despite being blue-haired) Doctor Eri Anzai was thanking the Nobel Prize Committee of her delusions in her quarters before a mirror.

"Yes, the discovery of Ancient Chinese Super Robots is only just another world-changing revelation. However, unlike past revelations, I am almost certain that there isn't an ancient race of Chinese warriors bent on wiping out humankind, which means that I won't become a crazed scientist who tries to conquer the world to protect it!" she said happily to her reflection without any idea of how wrong she was about some of that.

The door opened and another researcher poked his head in. "Doctor Anzai, several units are approaching. It looks like the EFA force sent to pick up the statues."

"Glorious!" Dr. Anzai said happily and she went along to follow the researcher to the bridge of the Tausendfuessler to welcome the arriving ships.

When they got to the bridge, she was dismayed to not find the familiar Space Arks approaching, but a trio of Stork-class airships, escorted by numerous Lions and the Guarlion Mumyou.

"That's not the Hagane or the Shirogane." Dr. Anzai looked to the researcher. "In fact, that's not a good thing at all."

"It isn't? I was just told to be on the lookout for big ships," the researcher said.

Dr. Anzai sighed. "Well, better send out a distress call-"

"Attention Cheu Hill Site," Lorenzo radioed from the lead Stork. "Do not attempt to call for help, or you will be immediately destroyed. We're here for the statues, and nothing else."

Dr. Anzai pondered this for a moment. "Attention Divine Crusader Remnants. We are a civilian subcontractor for the Earth Federation, we have no weapons and no soldiers present at this facility. Firing on us constitutes as a war crime."

"We do not recognize the laws of the decrepit and inept Earth Federation," Murata declared. "The only law that matters is that of the sword: The strong will always command the weak, so do as you are commanded or be cut down!"

"Does that mean we can command you to surrender, and you'll have no choice but to obey?"

Murata quickly looked around and then up in time to draw the Mumyou's sword and narrowly block the Alteisen's stake. "Sanger's underling!"

Aboard his Stork, Lorenzo was stunned. "Impossible, how can we not detect their approach?!" He quickly contacted the other ships. "Launch all AMs and Fighters, don't allow them to get to Cheu Hill!"

Beams lanced through the air, striking one of the Storks several times, damaging it. Dead ahead, the Shirogane fully emerged from behind a hilltop and fired again. Sitting on his chair, his hat slightly askew, Lee smirked as he watched the damaged Stork explode. "Hey, we're at Cheu Hill. What happens now?"

Lorenzo groaned and got up to head to his Stork's hangar and get ready to deploy and fight these people.

Landing on the ground, the Guarlion Mumyou brandished its sword and knife as the Alteisen landed in front of it. Murata yelled at Kyosuke, "Come and fall on my sword, lackey!"

Kyosuke rolled his eyes. "No."

The Square Claymore popped open and spewed titanium at the Mumyou. With lightning speed, the Mumyou quickly used its sword to deflect the barrage, with any bearings that weren't deflected bouncing off the sloped armor. Before the barrage ended, the Alteisen lunged for the Mumyou, which flipped up and over the custom PT's signature weapon.

"What an awkward machine!" Murata taunted as he dodged another staking. He jabbed the Alteisen in the chest with the knife, sparks flying from its armor as it glanced. When Kyosuke backed off, the Mumyou's katana came down, to cleave the Alteisen. The blade, however, struck against the Heat Horn.

"Stop talking at me," Kyosuke said as he unloaded the triple machinegun into the Guarlion, which took a battering before it boosted back. Before it could attack again, however, missiles from the Rapiecage converged on it.

"Master, do not waste your ammunition on this target! I shall!" Ouka declared as she engaged the Mumyou.

"Come at me, woman!" Murata replied as he drew and fired a railgun at the onrushing Rapiecage.

With several narrow dodges, the Rapiecage got close right up into the Mumyou's ugly face, and kicked it back even as missiles launched from its shoulders. "Boost Drive, full power!"

The Rapiecage surged forward, outrunning its own missiles before lifting its arm. "Magnum Break, set!"

Tossing aside the railgun, Mumyou drew its Katana and swung... only for the blade to be caught between the claws of the Magnum Break as they punched into the AM's armor. Spinning around, she held the Mumyou out in front of her, for the missiles to pound into its back. As the explosions enveloped the Rapiecage, Ouka shouted out.

"NOW BREAK!"

An explosion sounded and the heavily damaged Mumyou was tossed out of the smoke.

"Geh, impossible!" Murata yelled.

"How? You're running around in a Guarlion painted like a pumpkin with a katana. What makes your machine so special?" Kyosuke asked.

The air overhead was a whirling chaotic battle, with the Weisser Ritter taking point as the R-3 Powered and the R-Gun Powered covered it. Rounds from the Oxtongue Rifle neatly holed several attacking Lions before Excellen narrowly avoided missiles from several others.

"Strike Shields, go!" Aya called out, launching the large shields mounted on the R-3P's back. Scattering about, the weapons quickly went into action, blocking incoming missiles from hitting the Weisser Ritter as Excellen fired on the second Stork.

"Aya, you have enemies on your six o'clock," Mai alerted her sister, before taking aim with the long guns on the R-Gun Powered's shoulder. The Twin Hi-Cannons fired, the two beams slicing easily through the pursuing Lions. "It's not nearly as fun as smashing an enemy through the circles of hell and raping them with tentacles but, that said, this is quite fun!"

"Yeah, that wasn't cool by the way," Excellen noted as the Stork she attacked began to fall towards the mountainside below in flames.

"My apologies, I was evil then," Mai said cheerily.

At Cheu hill Latune's machine, the PTX-006L Wild Raubtier shot down several Lions at a seemingly leisurely pace as they attempted to attack the R-2 Powered, which was targeting a group of Landlions making their way up the mountain towards the excavation site.

"Hi-Zol Launcher, firing!" Rai alerted nearby allies as he unleashed the Powered Beast. Five Landlions were immediately vaporized by the attack, while the others scattered.

"Die Federation scum!" a Landlion pilot yelled as he fired a heavy railgun at the R-2P. His shots were deflected by a blur, before the Vysaga neatly cut the Landlion in half.

"Target destroyed," Lamia reported.

"Oh, Lamia! How did interrogating your cyber sister go?" Excellen asked.

"Modifications were made and I released her as planned," Lamia replied. "We should see results soon enough."

The Vysaga destroyed another Landlion with ninja kunai. As the Landlion pilot let out a dying scream, Excellen pouted.

"Hey, while your voice is an improvement over Microsoft Mary, I kind of miss how you used to talk."

Lamia didn't know what to say of Excellen's comment, even as she gave another Landlion she held in the Vysaga's arms a quick stab in the cockpit. "R-really?"

"Just saying," Excellen before she felt her skin crawl. "Eugh... what was that?"

"That was a Cross-Smasher!" Aya yelled.

"No, not..." Excellen saw the Valsion Kai Type Cat Freaker's attack surge towards her. "FUCK!"

She narrowly dodged the swirling beam, as Lorenzo landed his machine near the base of Cheu Hill, joined by six Guarlion Customs. Shaking her head, she lamented the scorched paint along the Weisser Ritter's right side. "Oh no, Weissy!"

"Murata, pull back. Or die, I don't really care." Lorenzo said as he folded his arms.

Skidding away from the Alteisen and Rapiecage, Murata sneered. "I refuse to turn my back on this battle"

"Didn't stop you before, coward," Kyosuke said as the Rapiecage brandished a beam sword.

Murata growled.

"You can leave though. I'm sure whatever beef you have with Oyabun will be worth running away from us like a bitch to face him," Kyosuke taunted. "Though between you-me? I'm betting he'll kill you in a single strike and not even realize you were there or why."

Murata readied the katana. "You wretch!"

The Valsion Kai Type Corduroy Fashion suddenly drew a massive sword, the Divine Blade, and charged the Alteisen and Rapiecage. "Earth Federation," Lorenzo said, "I'll cut you all down!"

Photon Beam shots, and machine gun rounds suddenly pelted the DC Remnant units as the Alteisen and Rapiecage jumped clear. Sliding down the side of Cheu Hill was the R-Blade, with the Huckebein Mk-II and Wild Falken flying just above it with guns blazing.

Drawing the G-Revolvers, Ryusei twirled the weapons and opened fire with them as well, shooting the Valsione Type Kai Carrier Fucker's face.

"Gah, you!" Lorenzo yelled out before a revolver round put out the his machines main cameras.

Ryusei reloaded his revolvers. "Seolla, Arado, I'm going after the Guarlions, keep the ugly one busy!"

Wielding an M90 Machine Gun in each hand, the Wild Falken performed a barrel roll as Seolla nodded affirmative. "Understood, Mr. Date! Arado, keep up!"

"Which ugly one, the Pumpkinlion or the Valsion?" Arado asked.

"Surprise me!" Ryusei called out before he leaped above the Valsion. Spinning in the air, Ryusei put on a broad grin as he drew the Blade Tonfas. "Blade Tonfa, SET!"

Lorenzo snorted and pointed at the onrushing R-Blade. "Guarlion units, capture the R-Blade! Come, Federation boy, and throw yourself against the might of DC."

The R-Blade dashed through the Gaurlions and landed in front of Lorenzo's machine. "Okay."

Lorenzo stared down at Ryusei.

Ryusei stared up at Lorenzo.

The Guarlions... exploded.

Latune watched it all from atop Cheu Hill. "Magnificent."

Lorenzo nearly fell out of his cockpit seat. "H-how... what?!"

"I cut through them," Ryusei said as the R-Blade held up its tonfas. "Blade Tonfas, yo."

He had paid good money for those Guarlion Customs and their pilots, and some high schooler in a prototype robot just effortlessly destroyed all of them. "HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!"

"Whoa, how did he do that?" Arado asked, as he was suddenly reminded of the hip-throw he suffered at Kai's hands.

"It's like this Lorenzo," Kyosuke said. "Six months ago, Bian Zoldark said to us as we were murdering him where he stood, that the whole point of his war was to create guys like Ryusei. Like me. Like my lovely girlfriend. Like everyone aboard the Hagane and Hiryu."

He began to count it off. "Your Geim Systems, your School Kids, your Valsions and your mountains upon mountains of corpses were all lined up and knocked down specifically to turn us into the sort of shit Cthulhu looks under his bed for. Better men than you, and you Mr. 'I gotta katana so I must be speshul', have tried to kill us, gotten very close, and died."

After a moment, Kyosuke amended his previous statement. "Or... joined our side."

The veterans of the L5 Conflict were all smiles at that, while aboard the Shirogane, Lee let out an impressed hum.

"So, you have to ask yourself, Lorenzo. If Bian Zoldark, Maier von Branstein, Adler Koch, and Alef Barshem could not beat us then. What makes any of you scrubs think you have a chance against us, now?"

Lorenzo stared at the Alteisen, even as the Valsion Kai Type Chris Farley took more hits from the Wild Falken and the Huckebein Mark II. Pulling a grimace, he stewed where he sat before he broke into a loud growl of rage.

"DON'T TAKE ME LIGHTLY!" he roared before he unleashed a gravity pulse that threw back the Falken, Huckebein, and R-Blade. The same wave knocked back the damaged Guarlion Mumyou as it buffeted the Alteisen and Rapiecage. "TASTE THE MIGHT OF THE-"

"Hey you! Dude in the Valsion!" Bullet radioed.

The ground rumbled mightily, before a pair of large drills ripped apart the ground and lacerated the Valsion Kai Type Cored Fiercely before sending it flying backward.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Bullet and Kusuha yelled together as the machine connected to the drills, the red, yellow, and blue Grungust Type-3 emerged from the hole it made.

Crashing to the ground, Lorenzo got his machine back up to its feet, and brandished the Divine Blade. "Another Grungust?!"

"The greatest Grungust!" Kusuha declared. "Now! Surrender or die!"

Lorenzo answered by leaping at the Grungust with Divine Blade raised.

Bullet steeled himself as Kusuha's eyes began to glow in a green light that filled the cockpit. "He chose death."

A blur of moment followed, and the Grungust Type-3 sheathed the katana it wore on its hip as the Valsion Kai Type Cut (like a) Fish landed behind it. Bullet snorted..

"Jigen-Ryu Secret Technique, Shishioh Blade Nendo Cut!" He declared as five cuts appeared across the ugly Valsione, followed by several massive explosions rocking it. "There is nothing our sword cannot cut!"

"Whoa..." Ryusei murmured. "Kusuha, Bullet..."

That was probably the coolest thing he'd ever seen, and that was a big deal given he'd just done the coolest thing everyone else had ever seen.

Staggering from its own explosions, missing an arm and on fire, the Valsione Kai Type Crushed Fully fell to one knee. Inside the cockpit, Lorenzo was hard at work doing damage control. "Damn it, damn it... the extinguishers are working, but I've lost an arm and all the joints have been cut! Murata! You have a sword, deal with the Grungust!"

Murata, however, was running away as fast as he could.

Lorenzo's left eye twitched. "MURATA!"

Excellen took aim. "Don't worry Mr. Montegnacco, we'll make sure he dies here with-"

She stopped, the words dying in her mouth as that crawling feeling suddenly felt like thousands of insects were crawling across her skin from her head to her toes. Under her clothes, and even through her hair.

Aya sensed Excellen's distress. "Excellen? What is it? What's wrong?"

Excellen immediately looked around, the Weisser Ritter following her head movements as she scanned the battlefield.

Kyosuke forgot all about the DC Remnants. "Excellen, what's happening up there?"

"I... uh..." Excellen swallowed hard. "I don't know. It... I feel sick."

Aboard the Shirogane, alarms began to ring out, and XO Slender issued an alert to Lee. "Gravity Spikes! Something... something's about to warp in!"

Lee sat up in his chair. "Warp? The Aerogators?!"

There was a bright flash, and a bright ring of light formed around the whole of Cheu Hill, surprising everyone on it. When the flash faded, the hill was surrounded by hundreds, upon hundreds of strange units on the ground and in the air.

"What the fuck?!" Lee yelled as the radar screen lit up like a Christmas Tree. "What are those things?!"

Aya and Mai were the first to get a good view of them. Mai immediately shook her head. "I've never seen them before, they're... they're hideous!"

The units were comprised of two types of units: White, bony creatures with yellow spikes jutting from their bodies, Einst Knochen, and what appeared to be to be masses of plant-like tentacles wearing incomplete suits of armor, Einst Glied. However, there was one unit that stood out among them. An almost completely red, demonic machine with a sheathed sword rammed through its right arm. A beast known as Personlichkeit.

Aya felt an all-encompassing feeling of dread. "Guys, I think shit is getting real."

"It is... the realest..." a little girl's ghostly voice echoed in the heads of every psychic on the field.

Kyosuke looked around, back to back with Ouka. "Okay, I'll assume everyone else here has no idea what these things are, so let's not waste our time with the cliche questions. The pertinent issue is, how do we kill all of them and how fast can we get it done."

The big red machine that was not Alteisen turned its head and looked down at the Alteisen. It then looked over to the Weisser Ritter, which quickly brought its Oxtongue Rifle to bear. Inside her PT, Excellen was actually in a cold sweat. Contrary to Kyosuke's assumption, these things were familiar to her, but the recognition was just outside of her grasp.

The ghostly voice emanating from Personlichkeit then said, "Hello... Mother."

Excellen managed a small laugh. "Oh silly-silly, I'm not your Mother. You die now, okay?"

She fired both barrels of the Oxtongue Rifle, beams and bullets spewing from the rifle at a rate of fire unbecoming of Excellen's normally steady and methodical style of gunplay. To her chagrin, the bullets passed harmlessly through Personlichkeit, and it materialized behind her, messily ripping the sheathed sword from its arm and raising it above its head. With no fanfare, and not even a witty remark, the red machine smacked the Weisser Ritter with the sheathed sword, or at least would've had the R-3P's Strike Shields not blocked the blow.

"TK Laser Cannon, firing!" Aya yelled with her follow up attack, the green beam of light lancing towards the red machine, which quickly dodged it.

More gunfire rained from it from above, Mai was opening up with the R-Gun Powered's High Twin Launchers and its hand-carried Twin Magna Rifle. "Excellen, you should fall back!"

"I'm fine!" Excellen replied before a barrage of fire from the Shirogane warded off the red machine further.

"Browning, you will fall back immediately," Lee ordered. "Nanbu, I hope you have an idea for how to get out of this mess."

"The best idea I normally come up with in situations like this are simply to punch through the enemy with all our might. It's never failed before," Kyosuke replied.

"Captain, energy signatures are coming from the plant-like units surrounding the mountain!" XO Slender reported. "They're about to fire!"

Lee growled. "Divert power from the weapons to the E-Field and bring the ship down as close to the excavation site as you can. All hands are to brace for impact! All combat units, hunker down!"

Within moments of Lee issuing his order, a great mass of beams fired by the Einst Glieds converged on Cheu Hill, hitting it on all sides, targeting the very summit of the mountain. For agonizing seconds, the beams created a light that even forced Lamia with her advanced optics to look away, before a tremendous explosion engulfed the mountain.

"Is... is everyone okay?!" Seolla gasped as the dust began to clear. "Arado? Answer me!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Bounced around in my cockpit a bit, but nothing too bad," Arado replied.

"Ouka, Mr. Nanbu, are you all right?!" Seolla looked down and saw Alteisen and the Rapiecage holding up a massive boulder they'd hid behind.

"We're fine," Kyosuke said. "Ryusei, you still alive?"

"Yeah..." Ryusei looked up the mountain. "Oh no, Latune, Rai!"

"We're okay," Rai said from behind the Shirogane's E-Field, which was still intact despite the intensity of the barrage. The excavation site and the Tausenfuessler as well were unharmed.

"Thank goodness," Aya said in relief.

"Everyone accounted for? Well that's the good news. The bad news is, we will not take another hit like that, and enemy units are moving in," Lee said as the Einst Knochens began to advance on the ground and in the air. "We're going to have to evacuate Cheu Hill!"

"Sorry, none of you can leave alive..." the voice from the red machine lamented. "It is sad... but... what can you do...?"

"EYE SOLID LASER!" Kusuha yelled out, and a piercing beam erupted from the Grungust Type-3's forehed, slicing through several of the Einst Knochens on the ground and in the air. The beam went on to slice off one of the horns on the Personlichkeit's shoulder.

"Hey Kyosuke, we're gonna take you up on that bet!" Bullet said as he swept the Shishioh Blade through more of the Einst Knochens. "Kusuha!"

"Got it!" Kusuha yelled back as Bullet pointed the Grungust at Personlichkeit. "OMEGA BLASTER!"

Personlichkeit evaded the beam, which went on to wipe out a large number of the Einst Knochens as Bullet swept the beam to try to hit it As the beam faded, the Grungust Type-3 equipped a large drill to one of its fists spun it up.

"T-LINK System ready!" Kusuha called out.

"DRILL BOOST KNUCKLE!" Bullet yelled, firing off the drill. A bright green glow engulfed the fist as Kusuha's psychic powers took control of it. Suddenly moving like the R-3 Powered's Strike Shields, the Drill doggedly pursued Personlichkeit despite its best efforts to avoid it.

"Float like a butterfly," the little girl said as Personlichkeit dodged the drill once, twice, and then three times, "Sting like a-"

The Grungust Type-3's Shishio Blade smacked Personlichkeit into the ground below, creating a massive impact crater. "Ow."

"Hurry!" Kusuha yelled as Bullet recalled the rocket punch and took the Shishioh Blade in both hands.

"Don't worry, I'm not letting this one get away!" Bullet yelled as he fell upon Personlichkeit.

Before the Grungust Type-3 could impale Personlichkeit and end an incredibly lame storyline, however, an overcharged Cross Smasher Beam smashed into the Grungust's chest, the intensity of the beam partially melting even the mighty Shishioh Blade and dealing tremendous damage to the Type-3, which went on to crash into the ground.

On the preferred end to be on of the Cross Smasher, Lorenzo let out a laugh as the Grungust hit the ground.

"Kusuha! Bullet!" Ryusei yelled as the R-Blade ran to them.

Kyosuke stared at the cloud of smoke rising from where the Grungust crashed, and then looked at Lorenzo's machine. "Why did you do that?"

"Because fuck you!" Lorenzo, his composure gone, yelled. "Earth belongs to the Divine Crusaders and will be defended by the Divine Crusaders! We won't be shown up by you assholes and your special robots anymore, it will be OUR pilots and OUR special robots who will save the world!"

It was Kyosuke's sincerest regret, that he had no more claymores or rounds for the Revolver, or else he'd be Trump Carding this fucking moron until something broke. Alas, he would have to headbutt him to death with the Heat Horn. Before he could commit an unspeakable atrocity, however, Cheu Hill began shaking violently.

"Okay, what's that?" He asked.

Lee grimaced. "What's going on, are more enemies coming?"

"No sir," XO Slender reported. "They're explosions coming from inside the excavation site."

Dr. Anzai's suddenly arrived on the bridge grinning like an idiot. "Hello, Shirogane! You might want to move because the Mechanoids are going crazy!"

Lee turned to look back towards the woman. "Going crazy?"

"Completely! It's awesome!"

On the summit of Cheu Hill, Rai and Latune could see it. The Dragon and Tiger, which were now thrashing about at the bottom of the pit, were ripping themselves out of the ground they were partially buried in.

"Oh boy, more competition for kill count," Latune lamented.

Rai targeted them. "Do I take action."

"No, don't!" Dr. Anzai said before she called over. "Unless you want them to attack you too."

"What makes you think they're even on our side?" Lee demanded.

Dr. Anzai shrugged her shoulders and smiled to Lee. "Don't know, but it'll be exciting to find out, right?"

Lee stared at the woman, and decided that maybe you just had to be crazy to be able to deal with this kind of thing. "All right. Move the Shirogane away from Cheu Hill's summit! Von Branstein, Subbota, get down there and support the other units!"

"Understood!" Rai and Latune responded as their respective units left the top of Cheu Hill with the Shirogane.

Down in the damaged Grungust, Bullet shook his head. "Kusuha, you okay?"

Kusuha managed a nod and removed her helmet. "I'm fine, Irm... Irm was right."

"Yeah," Bullet said with a sigh as he did the same. "Seatbelts, motherfucker."

"Ugh, what are those disgusting things everywhere?" A fierce, but oddly refined voice growled in Bullet's head.

"Clearly they have come kill us," A more reserved and very refined voice that reminded Kusuha of an elegant noblewoman lamented. "A shame they've come all this way to die."

"Quite, they should've saved themselves the effort and killed themselves to the last... plant... bone thing or whatever those wretched abominations are."

Kusuha looked around and then at Bullet. "I'm not the only one who hears that, am I?"

"No, I hear it too," Bullet replied before the ground began to shake again.

"Captain," Dr. Anzai radioed. "We managed to free them! Here they come!"

Personlichkeit got back up and looked up at Cheu Hill. The Einst Knochens scaling the hill also stopped as another explosion billowed from the excavation site. Then a bright beam shot into the sky, and from it leaped two large mechanoids, a white tiger with golden plates of armor and gold trim, and a blue dragon with similar golden trims.

The Tiger, Kouohki, looked about the battlefield and snarled in disgust at the Einst monsters when it recognized them. "Eugh, it's worst than I thought, Einst..."

The Dragon, Ryuohki, was similarly annoyed. "I see they're doing this again. What have the humans done now?"

Personlichkeit lifted off the ground, its eyes glowing red as the Einst Knockens began advancing far more rapidly. The little girl became even creepier as she pointed to them. "The Guardians... destroy them..."

"Well, it's time to fight and... oh!" Ryuohki looked around. "Do you feel that? Psychics! There are Psychics around!"

Kouohki grinned. "Good fortune shines upon us. Quickly, pick one quickly before I find the best one."

Ryuohki looked up at the R-3P and R-Gun Powered, and immediately grimaced. "No, and heaven's no." It looked over at the Weisser Ritter. "Absolutely not."

Kouohki looked at the R-Blade and grinned. "This one's got blood splashed all over him, and this one..." It looked at Alteisen. "... Oh, not a psychic, but I like the feel I get from him. A beast wearing a human's skin!"

"Why are they looking at us?" Mai asked.

Aya shrugged her shoulders. "More importantly, why are the Einst suddenly heading towards them?"

Kouohki looked at the Rapiecage, and growled approvingly. "Another excellent feeling, but alas not a psychic."

"None of those children are, a shame," Ryuohki looked from the Wild Falken and Huckebein to the Wild Raubtier. "It'd be a waste of violence."

They both looked at the Shirogane. "There's a psychic up there, but I have no intention of devouring an entire ship," Ryuohki lamented.

"Quite. You'd look ridiculous"

"Excuse me," Kusuha asked. "But why do you need a psychic?"

"And what do you mean by devouring?" Bullet demanded.

The Dragon and Tiger looked at the damaged Grungust, as Kusuha and Bullet emerged from it.

"That one can hear us, and we weren't even talking to her," Ryuohki looked to Kouohki and grinned broadly.

Both looked around to see Einst Knochens converging on them from every direction, and both Mechanoids were buried under the crush. Over them, Personlichkeit pointed its sword down at the pile. "Einst Glied."

On her command, the Einst Glied in the distance opened fire, their beams converging on the pile of Einst Knochen. A tremendous noise and explosion followed, and the mountain of Knochen were quickly incinerated by the beams. Their intended targets, however, landed on either side of the destroyed Grungust.

"The two of you..." Ryuohki declared to Kusuha and Bullet.

"... Will do just fine!" Kouohki finished, and both mechanoids leaped upon the Grungust as more Einst Knochen began to converge on their location.

"Kusuha!" Ryusei yelled out, before he felt a tremendous psychic pressure. "Wait... wha...?"

The other nearby psychics felt it too, before a blue and white pillar of light erupted from the center of the converging mob that turned a dark red with flickers of green T-Link Energy crackling around it.

"Uh oh..." Personlichkeit's voice whispered as a loud roar bellowed from the red light.

The light then charged straight for the nearest Einst Knochens, and burned away to reveal the form of the combined Super Mechanical God, Kouryuoh. Reaching the first Einst Knochen, it let out a roar as Bullet yelled out with it.

"KOURYUOH! VARIABLE DRILL!"

It's right fist turning into a drill, Kouryuoh punched through one, two, three, then a dozen of the swarming Einst Knochens, destroying them all in a single go.

"Oh... oh wow," Dr. Anzai said at the sudden bout of wanton and incredible destruction.

Lee pulled his hat down over his eyes. "Of course, the ancient mystical weapons choose two of these maniacs. I think I'm finally starting to get how this works."

Dr. Anzai patted him on the shoulder. "Yeah, that's about it. Man, they're pretty awesome, aren't they?"

Grabbing an Einst Knochen, Bullet ripped it in half. "YEAH!"

Kouryuoh grabbed another and punched a hole in it. "FUCK YEAH!"

When another Einst Knocken attempted to grab Kouryuoh with its large claws, Bullet grabbed it by its tail and swung it around rapidly, smashing more of the monsters and sucking others into a giant tornado. "GET STOMPED, ASSHOLES!"

Explosions erupted inside the tornado, before it was dispersed by Kouryuoh's Earth-shaking roar.

"Bullet's lost his shit, man," Ryusei said.

"I hope he doesn't find it again," Latune added.

Kouryuoh grabbed another Einst Knochen, and began to headbutt it repeatedly. "Man, this is great! I feel like I can kill everything on Earth!" Bullet roared before he stopped long enough to beat in an Einst Knochen's face with its own face.

"I should... stop him... but that does not seem... very smart." Personlichkeit's voice sang. "Ah?"

Personlichkeit blocked the Vysaga's sword with its own, and the two mysterious machines broke into a flurry of high speed movement, with sparks flying every time they passed close to one another. They then stopped, with the larger Vysaga grabbing Personlichkeit by its face and holding its sword to the blue sphere in its stomach.

"Robot with the weird voice, I'm going to stab you dead now," Lamia declared. She looked down at the blue sphere her sword was pointed at, and hesitated. "Wait."

Inside the sphere, a red eyed, blue-haired anime girl waved at her.

Hesitation hurt, because a blast of energy from the numerous sockets across Personlichkeit's body battered the Vysaga as it defended with its cape. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..."

The little girl looked down at the battlefield. "Einst Glied..." She saw Kouryuoh hurtling straight for her. "This will hurt."

"FUCK YOU!" Bullet screamed as Kouryuoh punched Personlichkeit in the face. The red Einst machine smashed into the side of Cheu Hill, the entire mountain sliding a hundred meters back on impact.

"Wow, that is a disgustingly powerful robot," Arado said.

Seolla sighed enviously. "Yeah it is, I want one."

Personlichkeit stood up, the big red machine shaking its head as its loli pilot floated around upside down in the sphere, slightly disoriented. "Is this... a concussion?"

"I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU AGAIN!" Bullet yelled.

"Please don't," the little girl said.

"I WILL PUNCH YOU UNTIL YOU BECOME A MAN!"

"But I am... female..."

"DON'T CARE! GONNA PUNCH!"

Another Cross Smasher struck, hitting Kouryuoh and pushing it back through the sky. Unlike the Grungust, the Ancient Chinese Superweapon took it with more annoyance than grave damage.

"You haven't forgotten me, have you?" Lorenzo demanded before he was battered with fire from Ouka, Arado, and Seolla.

"WE WANTED TO!" the three yelled.

Kouryuoh landed on the ground and leaped for Personlichkeit, which dodged swiftly. "HOLD STILL!"

"No..." the little girl replied.

"HOLD STILL SO I CAN PUNCH YOU!" Bullet yelled as he tried to swing at Personlichkeit again, only to end up falling to the ground below.

Personlichket stared down at Kouryuoh. "Oh... you can't fly... that's a relief..."

Looking around again, the little girl called out, "From the top. Einst Glied..."

Another barrage of beams converged directly upon Kouryuoh, hitting it viciously from all sides. As the attacks rained down, Personlichket was hit on all sides in turn by R-3 Powered's Strike Shields. "You know, there are other guys you gotta deal with!"

"Yes!" Mai added as she summoned a pair of knives, combined them, and sent them spinning for the machine. "TK BOOMERANG!"

The Shields hit Personlichkeit from all sides, holding it in place, and the TK Boomerang sawed into its chest before the red monster machine batted the weapon away. "Useless... I win..."

Personlichkeit pointed down at the tremendous explosions and Kouryuoh at the center of them.

At the center of the beam barrage, Kouryuoh held its arms crossed around it. Inside the mystical chamber that was once a Grungust cockpit, Bullet let out a grumble. "I'm getting real tired of this shit!"

"You and me both," Kusuha said. "Tag me in, Bullet."

Vysaga darted in close, clashing swords again with Personlichkeit. But the fight didn't seem to be with the alien machine as it was before. Maybe because its pilot was in such a good mood.

"This was a triumph... I am making a note here, huge success... it's hard to overstate..." the little girl said as Personlichkeit's sword sawed against Vysaga's.

Massive pillars of lightning randomly fell from the sky, striking the many Einst Glieds, followed by more, and more, until a perpetual lightning storm was tearing apart the Chinese mountain range. Watching the lightning as Personlichkeit broke away from the Vysaga and parried another attack, the little girl frowned. "... How fucked I am."

Standing at grounds zero, up to its knees in motel rock, was a blue dragon mecha in the place of the white tiger mecha. It was time for the Super Mechanical God, Ryukouoh, to have its turn. In the cockpit of the machine, Kusuha's eyes began to glow in the same green light of the dragon mecha's before she looked around the remaining Einst Knochen staring at her dumbly.

Kusuha took a deep breath.

"RASTABAN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!"

The eye lasers that Ryukouoh fired swept across the targets her gaze fell upon, slicing apart the few remaining Einst Knochens. As the beams flickered and died, Ryukouoh and Kusuha looked up at Personlichkeit, and both grinned.

"Oh no... oh no..." When the little girl saw Ryukouoh's wings spread, she whimpered. "It's going to hurt some more."

It did. Ryukouoh smashed into the Personlichkeit at high speed, and the two machines rocketed into the stratosphere within seconds, Ryukouoh punching Personlichkeit throughout the climb, keeping the red machine ahead of it with every blow.

"You all might want to get out of the way," Bullet radioed his friends below. "Kusuha just learned her moveset and she wants to try something terrible."

At the very top of the climb, Kusuha grabbed Personlichkeit and swung it around. "Ryukouoh! Give me all of your strength!" she yelled as she threw Personlichkeit back towards the Earth below.

"Everybody back on the ship," Lee said as the Wild Falken guided the Weisser Ritter for a landing. "Is everyone accounted for?"

"All units and personnel from Cheu Hill are accounted for. We're clear to leave," XO Slender replied, just before Personlichkeit smashed into the ground at Cheu Hill's summit.

Inside Personlichkeit, the little girl let out a sigh. "That... was not as bad... as being punched into a mountain..."

The Valsion Kai Type Cum Funnel suddenly landed nearby, brandishing the Divine Blade. Inside the cockpit, Lorenzo glared at the fallen alien. "It is the duty of the Divine Crusaders to slay all aliens. You will bear the distinction of the first invader to be... felled...?"

Why was it so dark all of a sudden?

As the Shirogane reached a safe distance, Lee was wondering that very same thing, and turned to look towards whatever was blotting out the sun. He blinked a few times, and then just blankly stared.

"The fuck."

"Sacred mountain of the land of the Gods, I summon you! Come oh great, mountain! And smite all evil!" Kusuha called out, as a mountain the size of Cheu Hill fell towards Cheu Hill from the stratosphere... Ryukouoh riding atop it.

"Did that robot just summon a fucking mountain out of thin air?" Lee asked.

Lorenzo stared up at the falling mountain, just unable to comprehend what he was seeing, before he looked over at Personlichkeit.

The little girl inside the machine, Alfimi, slowly nodded. "Yeah... I'm... going to go now..."

And with that, Personlichkeit vanished. Staring at where Personlichkeit had stood, Lorenzo looked back up at the mountain, and wished he had a sidearm on him to end it before he had to endure this.

Ryukouoh's Mountain Pressure attack crushed him with such force, it incinerated, melted, and compressed him and the Valsion Kai Type Crystal Furnace into diamonds no larger than a human fist.

With a flap of its metallic wings, Ryukouoh flew from the smoke created by the impact, as what was left of Cheu Hill was turned into a gaping, lava-filled crater with a single portion of the mountain Kusuha dropped sinking slowly into it.


"Well. We went to Cheu Hill, saved every LTRI researcher, killed a bunch of DC morons, fought extradimensional horrors, got two ridiculously powerful robots for the price of one, and Kusuha killed a guy with a mountain." Kyosuke looked around the mess hall table. "All-in-all, I'd say today was productive."

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole, 'Kusuha killed a guy with a mountain' thing, but yeah that sounds about right," Ingram said. The Shirogane and Hagane had rejoined with the Cheu Hill engagement over with and everyone was hanging out again. "What I don't seem to get is why she doesn't seem so excited about what she did."

She gestured to Kusuha, who let out a morose sigh where she sat next to Bullet.

Kyosuke hummed. "A fool would suggest that Kusuha is depressed over the horrific power that she now wields with impunity, as would one who hopes and prays that she could not be swayed to abuse said power, but..."

"All that transforming, robot punching, and being awesome snapped my bra," Kusuha lamented.

Bullet hugged Kusuha. "When we get to Izu, I'll go with you to get some more custom-made and pay for them, okay?"

"You're an angel, sweetie," Kusuha sobbed as she mourned her bra.

"What about Excellen, how is she?" Ingram asked.

Kyosuke's expression grew imperceptibly sterner. "After she got to the ground, she went to our quarters and went to sleep. She'll talk about what happened when she's good and ready."

Ingram nodded. "Yes, she probably doesn't understand what happened. But let's be real, you surviving a space shuttle exploding in reentry and walking away I can get. Her? Not so much. With these aliens running around, and one of them calling her Mommy, I think I know, you know, and they all know how."

Kyosuke rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "She'll need some stress relief, what's next on the kill everything list?"

"We're to head to Ethopia and dig up some Earth Cradle and punch everyone twice, surely that sounds fun to you?"

"It'll sound fun to her and that's really what's important," Kyosuke replied.

Ingram patted Kyosuke on the head. "You're such a good boyfriend, and you do it all without being whipped."

Kyosuke shrugged his shoulders. "That's because I know the safeword."


On the Chinese shore of the East China sea, wreckage and bodies from the Remnant Killer Whale had been washing up for days. Among the corpses that had come ashore, were those of Archibald and Cuervo.

"I'm not dead, you fuck."

Oh, well, among the corpses that had come ashore was a very much alive Archibald, and the corpse of Cuervo.

"He's not dead either, you fuck."

"Please let me be dead."

Because God was not kind to Fucked and Fucker, no such mercy would be granted to them. In fact, things were going to going to get considerably worse.

"My, my, my... what a mess to come across while going on a stroll down the beach."

Cuervo perked up, and looked towards the voice. "Help us, please. Our ship wrecked, and we... we ah..." Cuervo stared up at the person who came across them. "Wah... what in the...? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

As Cuervo screamed at the top of his lungs over and over, Archibald groped around his clothes, and pulled from them his sunglasses, which had managed to survive unlike so many other things. "What are you screaming about you pussy?"

Flipping his drenched hair back Archibald looked first at the hysterical Cuervo, before looking up at the cliff he was screaming up at. Atop the cliff, grinning down at them with pearly white teeth, was a white, quadrupedal armored mechanoid with a golden head. At its feet was a blonde gentleman dressed like a southern beau in a bright white suit and hat.

Archibald blinked a few times as recognition dawned. "That's a Chokijin!"

A bit surprised at Archibald's recognition of the monster above him, the man in white tilted his hat up. "Now how would a man washed up amongst the trash like yourself know what those are?"

Son Ganlong grinned as he got a good look at Archibald's face. "You... you're a Grims boy, aren't you?"


= = =


THERE YOU GO, BIZNITCHES!

Next time, Katina!