Remove ads

Sufficient Velocity, Potpourri Fiction

And it's up. I actually had this done a few hours ago but just as I was about to post it my college internet died. So much for 'high tech college' reputation :/

Anyway, I think my snip falls under the 'show not tel'l case. I dunno, and now I'm too sleepy to care. Criticism is welcome and wanted, thanks in advance. Of to bed, g'night.
 
RazorBlaxe said:
And it's up. I actually had this done a few hours ago but just as I was about to post it my college internet died. So much for 'high tech college' reputation :/

Anyway, I think my snip falls under the 'show not tel'l case. I dunno, and now I'm too sleepy to care. Criticism is welcome and wanted, thanks in advance. Of to bed, g'night.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
My only complaint is that there are two paragraphs, one four lines long and one three lines long, that have the word "bullet" appear in them seven times. I think you could have replaced a couple of instances of "bullets" with "them". Apart from that, well done.
 
*final ultimate list of Doom*

Xairathan
Quest
Axiomatic
Catty Nebulart
Drasky
Shadenight123
Razorblaxe
Omicron

*final ultimate list of Doom End*

**not really 'Ultimate', anyone wants to join the bandwagon, feel free**

it's @Omicron turn now
 
Axiomatic said:
My only complaint is that there are two paragraphs, one four lines long and one three lines long, that have the word "bullet" appear in them seven times. I think you could have replaced a couple of instances of "bullets" with "them". Apart from that, well done.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Ah, I've been working on that part. My paragraphs have a habit of either being too short or too long, thanks for telling me. And the bullet thing, heh, knew something sounded redundant, but was too sleepy to notice. Again, thanks.

Also, our plot thing is shaping up! It looks like we're gonna have a real story on our hands. Maybe.
 
I wasn't complaining about paragraph length, I like short paragraphs. It was just the repetition of the word bullet in those paragraphs that bothered me, especially since they were the only objects IN those paragraphs, so you could just call them "them".
 
Me: *Wakes up.* Let's check my e-mail... Hmm, I wonder what's happened in SV? Might as well check it out.
Xairathan: Quest, you're up!
Me: :o
Anyway, just put up a post. Hope it's good. Any comments? Also, @Axiomatic you're next on The List.....
 
Last edited:
Let's add the rule of pointing out who's about to go next.

Now, as I recall Catty can't go yet because he/she is busy?

So I'll go, if I'm not wrong.
 
You must login or register to reply here.
Remove ads
Back
Top