[???]
With all due respect, sir, fuck your order.
And before Matchsticks even can protest, you slip underneath one of his arms, allowing him to shift part of his weight onto you.
[Matchsticks]
What are you doing? I told you...
[???]
I am not letting you miss a game of Mafia just because you got shot full of holes by Nazi cosplayers. And besides, we both know what'll happen if you stay back.
[Matchsticks]
I'd be saving your life?
[???]
Sure. Until they dragged you back to their lab, turn you into one of their occult wonderwaffles, and then I'd have to fight you a year later
And then I'd be screaming about how you're still in there, and you'd be commanding me to terminate you
You notice as your commanding officer just rolls his eyes at your statement, as the two of you start moving towards where the ship is currently docked.
[???]
And somehow it will end in large mechas.
[Matchsticks]
You're trying to keep me from yelling at you, aren't you?
[???]
...A bit, yeah.
You're not lying. It's partially to keep the Moderator from insisting on sacrificing himself for you. And partially to keep yourself from dwelling on your current circumstances. You're hoping he doesn't notice too much.
[Matchsticks]
Alright, since you're set on saving my ass, let's get moving. The painkillers aren't going to last much longer, and I don't want my screams attracting attention.
Social Rank Up: John Matchsticks - Rank 2!
[Matchsticks]
You're a good kid...
[] What is your name? (Real or user name applicable, names currently in use on SV are automatically vetoed)
What is your gender?
[] Male
[] Female
[] Genderfluid
[] Non-Binary
[] Agendered
--
The scene changes to three minions in makeshift Empire clothing, saluting their commander
[Empire Cosplayer 1]
Mein Fraulein, the depot is ours!
[Empire Cosplayer 2]
Ja, and we've killed plenty of SV!
[Empire Cosplayer 3]
What do you want us to do now, Commander?
The commander, a raven-haired woman dressed in a tight military outfit, smacks a crop whip across her gloved palm.
[Commander]
What do I want you to do? Let me think about that…
Oh wait, I don't need to. Not when there are STILL SURVIVORS!
The Commander looks at her minions and just stares daggers at them.
[Commander]
If there are survivors, then there is someone who can contact their fleet. And if someone contacts the fleet, then they may get here before we get what we came for. And you know what happens if we don't get that fanfic?
The Commander pauses, waiting for an answer. Eventually, one of them finds enough of their spine to speak up
[Empire Cosplayer 2]
The Fuhrer will be upset?
[Commander]
Yes. And you know what happens when she gets upset…
And if she's upset, then I'm upset. And if I get upset…
*Whack*
[Commander]
Well, let's not get me upset.
Now, go get the trolls. I think we should let them have their fun…
[Empire Cosplayers 1-3]
Yes, Kommandant Guttenburg!
The three minions fall over themselves going towards where the cybertrolls are kept. The image changes to cages being open, and bipedal creatures walking out, keyboards in hand
[Cybertroll 1]
Hue hue hue...
[Cybertroll 2]
Of course I have proof that the white race is superior! Let me just pull out this article from Information Conflicts!
[Cybertroll 3]
Pepe memes go pepepepepe
The image changes to the cruel smile of Guttenburg, watching as the cybertrolls start hunting their prey.
[Commander Guttenburg]
Now let's see if you can escape this time, Johnny.
--
The scene moves back towards you and John Matchsticks. It is slow going, as you have to make sure your commanding moderator stays upright. It is then that you hear it.
[Cybertroll 2]
Where are you? I have Hurricaneback Articles on how socialist will destroy America and steal your sexual organs!
Matchsticks swears, before stopping the both of you in your tracks.
[Matchsticks]
Shit, cybertrolls. Right behind us as well.
[???]
Come on, we'll have to hurry.
[Matchsticks]
No time. It's way too close.
At least we can get you started on the GBF Standard Battle Device. It's already bound to you, right?
You look at your left hand, which the device has wrapped itself around it, transforming into a fingerless glove. Wait, when did it do that? You hadn't even noticed….
[???]
Yeah, How the hell...
[Matchsticks]
Good. It's how you're fighting from on now. When that cybertroll gets here, aim that device at him, and yell… crap, you need to name it.
[???]
Wait, what?
[Matchsticks]
Yeah, you need to name it. You know, basic setup. Let's do that now. Just say "Device Setup."
[???]
Device Setup…… WOAH!
DEVICE SETUP INITIALIZING
WELCOME, SPECIALIST
WHAT IS MY NAME?
[] What is the name of your device (Two words max)
