Son of the Ten Suns [Naruto SI]

[KnightDisciple]

So you kill a few tenthousand people. Big deal.

Click to shrink...

Right, I don't think I can seriously debate with someone who's genuinely professing this opinion.

 

[Namer]

Sheesh, guys, can I ask you to relax (this phrase never works and yet always feels like the one to say)?

This debate has been carried out many, many times. I myself have debated this exact point. The twist here is yet to be revealed, so please don't get so worked up!

(still am happy there's discussion though lol).

 

[Namer]

I sat there on the rain-drenched street for a long time, just staring at my hands.

Tobi's goals seemed unfathomable to me. He wanted to save this world, but how? Oh, no, he wasn't insane. He had an overarching motive. I was genre savvy enough to understand that. A man as calm and collected as him would know what to do to achieve his goal.

What was his goal? To save the world. How? I knew many stories and many methods used. Did he plan to use the same Eye of the Moon plan as in canon? That would explain why he targeted Kushina and took the Kyuubi. Did he plan to become a focal point of hatred for all the people of the world, like Angra Mainyu and Lelouch vi Britannia and even Sasuke Uchiha? That would explain the destruction of Stone. Did he plan to eradicate Chakra entirely? Or something else?

So I had to put myself in his shoes. Figure out his motives, his possible maths of action, and I could fight him on even ground. Yes, he was intangible to almost every attack, with his Kamui, but I knew his weakness. Konan's Messenger of God jutsu in the anime had forced him to sacrifice one eye to activate Izanagi.

I could do better. I just had to meet him once again, face to face. Kushina and Kakashi's faces floated before me. I clenched my fists and stood up.

Sand will be next, he had said. It was an obvious bait, maybe a trap. And yet it was an opportunity to see Tobi's truthfulness, and through that get a glimpse of what the man was planning-

"Ren!" Konan swooped down beside me. "I sensed-"

I raised a hand at her to show her I was alright. "Tobi was here." I said simply.

Her eyes widened. Instantly she motioned to the left and right, for her paper birds to fly and seek him out. I waved a hand at her to stop her. "It's useless, he's gone. Teleported."

"Teleported." She muttered, "The same technique Obito used?"

I nodded grimly, "Yes. He also becomes intangible, as I suspected. But I know his intangibility is limited: keep up continuous attacks on him with absolutely no breaks and eventually, he will have to let go of it and become vulnerable."

Konan looked thoughtful, "Do you know how long?"

"Five to ten minutes at the least. I hope." I grinned at her, "How long do you think you need to make six hundred billion of your paper tags?"

She blinked. Then slowly turned to look over. I followed her gaze. The lake.

"Oh, my god, don't tell me you did." She smiled as she nodded. I grabbed her and gave her a kiss, right on the lips.

"I don't quite have, that many, yet. The paper hasn't replicated enough yet. Maybe, a few billion at most by now?"

"You turned the bed of the lake to a farm. The tags turn industrial waste into more tags." I said, awestruck, "You created freaking von neumann explosive tags like the Second Hokage!

"And we're going to put them to good use." I finished.

---

I bit down on my thumb. Blood trickled out.

My hands moved through the seals, slowly and precisely. Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram. Then I planted the hand into the ground. Black lines spread out. I had one last split second to wonder what animal I might get, before my chakra exited.

A gasp escaped me. That technique took so much chakra. I stumbled forwards in the smoke, my vision blurring. Freaking Chakra exhaustion from one jutsu?

Then I hit the ground. It wasn't hard.

I woke up on soft grass. Someone was propping me up from the back. Someone with soft, squishy hands. Another was trying to put something in my mouth. I unconsciously opened it and took a bite. It was rice. Sweet, too. Tasted good.

I took another bite. A few more bites. I swallowed.

My body felt like it was electrocuted. Chakra surged through my pathways and veins. It was like I'd been injected with raw chakra. My eyes widened and I gasped for breath, shivering. The first thing my eyes saw then was the sky.

Pitch Black. A starless void, with two pinpricks of light in the distance. One was green and blue: mother earth, seen from so far away. And the other was the pale, distant light of a cold, dead sun that struggled even to shine.

That second light sent my body shaking and shivering, despite the fast fading warmth of whatever I'd been given.

Something warm and fluffy rolled over my body. I stopped. What. Many warm and fluffy things. Beady red eye looked up at me from amidst a sea of white and gray.

"You-" I stuttered, "You're rabbits. Are you killer rabbits?"

A deep, dry chuckle came from amidst the swarm of fluffiness. One rabbit, as tall as I was, spoke. His fur was darker than the rest, closer to a shade of metal than snow.

"We have long awaited you, Son of Suns. Come."

He led me through the lunarscape. It was a surreal walk, under that sky, walking through a literal city of rabbits living in beautifully made burrows. "You may call me Usaragi," he said as we walked.

I asked "Are we on the moon?"

Usaragi hesitated for the smallest of seconds. A lot of shinobi wouldn't have caught it. "I am told you have the mindset to understand. This place is a planar fragment broken off long, long before even the Otsutsuki set foot beyond their world. This place is connected to your world, yes. But it also exists independently. That's why we have no stars and yet our one everdistant sun. Space-Time Ninjutsu is the only way to travel here."

"Wait, what?" I stopped, "You know about the Otsutsuki?"

Usaragi's mouth tightened, or however the equivalent motion went with his rabbit-mouth. "We do not speak of them. Elder Rabbit will explain all. Come."

We reached a clearing, right at the edge of the city. Usaragi gave me a little push, "Go on, child," into the middle of the clearing. And at the other end was a old, old throne carved out of silvery rock. One rabbit sat upon it.

His fur drooped with age, yet gleamed like freshly polished metal, clean and pristine. To his side lay an old gnarled staff. His eyes were huge, staring at me unblinking. His ears were motionless.

I stared back at him. Ten seconds passed. Twenty. FInally, Elder Rabbit blinked, his ears twitched, then he spoke. "Leave us!" he said to Usaragi. "Would you like some cake?" he said to me. He held it up to me.

I took it from his hands with slightly narrowed eyes. "What's this?" I asked, as I took a bite.

The same jolting electric sensation went down my throat as I swallowed it. My chakra pathways were ablaze. "Holy shit," I muttered and asked again, "What is this?"

Elder Rabbit chuckled, "The food we served to our Princess. The rice is harvested from there." He beckoned to an open field behind the throne that stretched to the horizon. The field was full of rice plants, from the foot of…

"My god…" I muttered. Indeed.

It was a God Tree.

---

I wrapped the cloak around me tighter, squeezing my eyes shut against the stinging sand. Beside me, Konan's skin had taken on an eerie, double-layered appearance as she peeled off paper to cover herself from the blistering winds.

"This is not natural," I cried out.

Konan shouted back, "Do you think it's the One-Tails?"

"Maybe. I fucking hope not!"

We were a few hours outside Sunagakure, having sneaked inside after I shot down the idea of anything official. I had no intention of letting Tobi have advance warning and knowledge of our whereabouts, even if he did expect me to be present at Sand. The sky had been clear one moment, and the next the sandstorm had erupted.

"Wait! I see it!" Konan held up a hand, pointing to a dark shadow to our right. I advanced towards it. Walls. I followed it to the left, keeping the wall to my right. A gate and a lifeless body. The sand kunoichi looked like she had been choked to death.

I knelt down to examine the body. "Sand in the mouth." Konan grimly nodded, no doubt thinking of a way to avoid a similar fate. Well, it'd be easy for her, considering she could disassemble her entire body at a moment's notice. My heart quickened. I bit into a rice cake, slowly moving along the deserted streets of the village. Visibility was still nil, anything beyond a few meters just a hazy wall of gold.

Gold.

I yelped and dodged backwards. The landscape in front of me seemed to shift, shimmering and rippling. The wall rose up into the sky, out of visibility. From a great distance there seemed to be a crash, like waves breaking on rocks. Or sand breaking on gold dust.

"It's the Kazekage!" I hissed. "Be careful of the gold."

Suddenly, the sand cleared. The eye of the storm. Tobi stood at the top of a pillar, a crying, squirming bundle in one arm. Across a courtyard was Rasa of the Gold Dust, the Fourth Kazekage, bleeding from his eyes and hands.

"Welcome, Hokage." Tobi said without turning to look at you. Rasa looked up instead, staring in surprise at you.

"What-" Rasa spoke. That's as far as he got, before he started screaming. Screaming louder than anything else. The gold dust swirled around him, buffeting him, then enclosing him. The onyx flames spread into the dust, licking the grains with thousands of little tongues. But Rasa continued to scream, and then with a whimper faded. The dust dropped down to the ground, lifeless.

It took less than a second for Amaterasu to burn him to death. Tobi had been toying with him, waiting for my arrival.

Konan moved her paper instantly, scattering it across the battlefield, creating barriers between her and Tobi. I had briefed her on how Amaterasu worked by line of sight.

"You did the same thing again." I whispered,

Tobi turned around to face us. "As I said I would."

Gaara squirmed in Tobi's hands. My eyes widened in shock. The infant's limbs had turned to sand. The child's torso was pale and grainy. Only the face, with a tuft of red hair and that birthmark, was intact. Love.

And he cried.

"What- What're you doing to him?" I shouted.

"Nothing." Tobi replied, "Sealing a Tailed Beast into an infant can have consequences. All it takes are whispers, and…"

"Gaara." I said, "Give him to me!" It wasn't too late for Gaara, Konan could still put the basic seals on him to restrain Shukaku temporarily. It wasn't too late.

Shaking his head, Tobi replied, "I'm sorry, it's too late for him." He whispered.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. I saw every detail of the infant's face, every grain of sand on Gaara's face. I saw Tobi's unmoving mask, the grains of sand in the air, the paper Konan had scattered around. I saw Gaara disintegrate entirely into sand and blow away into the wind.

I howled.

The sand was rising up like it was a living, breathing thing. It was. The sand rose dozens of meters into the sky, arranging tightly. Darker slashes began to form. A tail, a body, a head. Shukaku was free.

"Konan," I muttered, locking everything else away, "Take the One-Tail."

Then I focused solely on the masked man before me.

"I'll kill you."

"I know, gladly."

My hands moved in a flash, hurling half a dozen kunat at him. He sidestepped two, letting the rest pass through him. The explosive tags on them detonated just as they entered Tobi, though he didn't even flinch. I put my hands together. Fire Style: Orb of Incineration! The inferno began at Tobi's center and expanded outwards in a sphere to engulf him entirely. Tobi moved like a bolt of lightning and the sphere moved with him, completely engulfing him in scorching flames.

"I will chain you at the heart of a sun if I must." The fire was too bright and hot to see anything through it, but I could tell Tobi was inside it, alive and unharmed. All I had to do was keep the orb up for five minute. Then another five minutes, maybe.

Above us the sky screamed. Explosions lit up the body of the One Tails by the scores and streaks of white and dark careened by like soaring doves. The explosions were as big as a house, kilotons of explosives' worth of firepower being lobbed around.

Tobi had stopped moving, realising the futility of it. He was standing still, as if thinking about what to do. It had been a minute and half. Three and a half or so to go, before he lost an eye.

I talked on. "If… this were a story, you'd a fucking terrible villain," I said, my fingers still locked in the handseal for the jutsu, "You show up out of nowhere, with no explanations as to your goal except some vague words, and just start killing left and right. Until you're put down."

Tobi might've cocked an eyebrow. "You still compartmentalize amazingly. And if you think this is a story, you should also think-"

There was a shift. The orb began to twist and churn, as if something was spinning inside it and sucking part of the flames into a whirlpool from within. Then like a ball, one end of it exploded with a 'pop'. The fire was being swept away and extinguished. Tobi's hand was visible, holding…

"-isn't this a little early to end?"

"You are fucking kidding me." I muttered, and released the orb. It wouldn't hold up to that. Hoyui'yan was in my hands with an arrow nocked, in an instant. I loosed a split second after Tobi hurled his attack.

Rasenkiriyin.

The swirling torrent of water, spinning within an orb of chakra the size of my head, flew through the air. Slower and dimmer than a Rasenshuriken, but heavier and sharper and nearly the equal of Naruto's technique. The ball tore through the first arrow with ease, shredding it to pieces and extinguishing a few flickers of flame. I quickly shot a second arrow, this one laden with earth chakra. Earth to counter Water.

The Rasenkiriyin cut through that with ease as well. I saw a flash of azure, then it detonated with the force of a tsunami of scarlet steel.

---

This one was getting kindof long, so just cut it off here. And, meh, my Japanese isn't good enough to come up with any very original names, as I mentioned, and hence I took a leaf out of The New Dawn's page (which, by the way, is well on its way to my favourite Naruto fanfic) and named it Rasenkiriyin to sound vaguely in line with Rasenshinsei and Rasenhakkou.

 

[Yarudazuigu]

Why people try t become Kages?! So much dreadful paperwork ... so much.

Also, that Tobi of yours, dear Author, is a one sick min/maxing sun-ov-a-biatch. Who seemingly knows SI very thoroughly ... because so far it seems that Ren is just responding to his foe.

 

[Namer]

Why people try t become Kages?! So much dreadful paperwork ... so much.

Also, that Tobi of yours, dear Author, is a one sick min/maxing sun-ov-a-biatch. Who seemingly knows SI very thoroughly ... because so far it seems that Ren is just responding to his foe.

Click to shrink...

You see, Tobi is something close to an OCP for him.

 

[Namer]

I was alive. My arms were bleeding, the skin and blood vessels under it ripped apart simply by the sheer force of the technique from a distance. The wall of paper Konan had enacted at the last moment was so much shredded leaves in the wind. But it had saved my ass.

No time to say thanks.

Konan landed beside me, "What the hell was that technique? It ripped through almost of all my paper!"

"You remember the wind-infused Rasengan I helped Minato with?"

She nodded. "That, but with water." I panted, as she gasped lightly, "But, how-"

"Fuck if I know…"

Tobi made no move to attack me further. Before I could ponder on why he waited, Shukaku instead took a swing, a pillar of sand a dozen meters wide flying down at me. I dodged back just in time. Konan took flight again , but her wings were smaller, lighter. The sandstorm was buffeting her too heavily now.

I stared the cloaked figure down, bow ready, grabbing another rice cake and wolfing it down. Tobi watched me.

"You should dial back on those. I can't have you exploding just yet." He said.

My eyes widened. My knuckles went white. "You know what they are?" I whispered, the words barely loud to carry over to him in the storm. But he seemed to hear them nonetheless.

"I know a lot of things you wouldn't expect me to know. I also know it doesn't matter how many of them you take in now. This is not the day you win."

I grit my teeth. "Try me, you bastard! Nine Suns: Nine Lives of Naught!"

The world went white for a single, pure, eternal instant; and hell rained.

Konan screamed and threw herself back out of the sky, narrowly avoiding the first pillar of fire. I went down on my knees, but with squinted eyes I watched Tobi dodge to the side desperately. He didn't make it, the light engulfing his entire body, white-hot. The sand around the edge of the beam blackened instantly and began to shift, sinking inward as if into a sinkhole.

The first pillar began to flicker. Tobi's dark figure appeared as a hazy shimmer of black amidst the white fire, half buried in glass.

The second pillar came down. The light was blinding, the heat splitting and cracking apart my skin from even this distance.

A third pillar came down. The sound, thumping and cracking and hissing, was tremendous. I howled in pain, clutching Konan tighter, putting my body between her and Nine Suns.

The fourth pillar obliterated the clouds. The world was a flashbang of white and blindness. I felt with my chakra only. Tobi still lay directly under the pillars, each homing onto him. Shukaku was a vanishingly small presence in the distance, growing fainter. All I could think of was, damn, he ran. Could be a problem later.

If there was a later.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine. The ninth star fell and faded. The light ceased.

Had it been enough? Continuous annihilation. Izanagi or no, the land was glass and he would be buried under. Almost the same thing I'd done to Zetsu.

Konan whimpered, shifting in my embrace. All her paper was in ashes and the exposed parts of her cloak had been burned away. I groaned as I shifted: my back hurt. Second degree burns, maybe third. I pushed through the pain nonetheless, slowly standing up, resisting the urge to fall over and give up. She gasped as she saw my back, but set to healing it anyway, what minor healing she could.

I scanned the devastation. Sunagakure was gone, and all that remained was a flat hollow scores of meters across shaped like a cone, the surface black and shining. The sun shone down brilliantly, sending the glass shimmering.

"Tobi," I said hoarsely, "Do you see Tobi?"

Konan shook her head, "There's so much lingering chakra, I can't sense anything anymore. My god, Ren, I never imagined…"

Something shifted in the sands. I looked at Tobi's slender body, still twitching. The cloak was in tatters, but there was nothing to be seen behind it: skin and flesh had molten and charred into an unrecognizable slurry. But Tobi moved slowly, rhythmically, alive and breathing.

"I forgot." He says, voice distorted, "I forgot just how fucking ridiculous you were. Goddamn, it's been a while since you pulled that out so fast. You almost killed your wife there, you know."

I sighed. I tried to walk forwards, but I only made a few tottering steps before collapsing onto my knees on the sand. All was quiet.

"You fucker…"

A dry chuckle came from Tobi's body.

"Did I at least make you sacrifice an eye?" I asked.

"Hah, no. They hurt like hell though. I was taken off guard this time, Ren, I won't do that again." Tobi slowly stood up, facing away from me. Amazingly, his body was already healing, the blackened skin cracking away bit by bit and pale flecks of pink appearing underneath

He took a step.

"Who are you, really?" I asked after him. Neither I not Konan had chakra left to stop him with, nor were any of us in a condition to fight anymore.

Space twisted, and Tobi was gone. I fell back to Konan's arms and let myself fade away to the sight of the Sun.

---

An wizened rabbit and a self-proclaimed child of prophecy sat in the shadow of the God Tree to discuss the End of the World.

The conversation dragged on fairly long. Elder Rabbit spoke of things nobody should know but I *did* know. Of Kaguya Otsutsuki's origins and tale. Of the Ten Tails and the founding of Ninjutsu. And past that, beyond the confines of the world.

Of the scores of clans beyond, roving across the Universe in search of worlds to seed with Chakra fruit and later harvest. The very same empire Kaguya rebelled from and raised the Zetsu army to combat.

"You have already changed far too much," Elder Rabbit told me, in a tone that was both praise and admonishment. "Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha will not inherit Hagoromo's power now. Someone else must step forward to claim that mantle now."

I looked at the God Tree, then down at the small pile of rice cakes on the plate set aside. "You want me to do it. To actually save this world from the storm that's coming."

"Indeed."

I sighed, looking down even as the weight of the world fell upon my shoulders.

"Then I will." I said, making a fist. Determination or something or other.

I wouldn't know for a long time after that about the full breadth of plans the Rabbits had made, and all their contingencies upon contingencies.

Eventually, Elder Rabbit brought out a scroll. There was a single name before mine, but it was smudged out and unreadable. I signed it in blood, making a narrow slice in my fingers with a kunai. The agreement wasn't what I wanted originally, but now I realized it had so much more potential than any kind of battle summon.

"Time to go back, I guess." I decided I couldn't tell my team about the Rice Cakes, nor the Rabbits' plans, but I could tell them I made contact with my summons and they weren't battle summons.

Elder Rabbit nodded sagely and waved me away. I felt a moment of weightlessness, then I was unceremoniously dumped into damp grass.

"Well?" Jiraiya stood over me with his arms crossed.

"Whoa! You made it back!" Minato said excitedly, "Did you get the summon?"

"Um, kinda..." I began.

---

One might think being heavily injured and unconscious in the middle of the desert with no other living person around but an also heavily injured and chakra drained woman would be a dangerous proposition.

But I woke up in the Konoha hospital nonetheless, bandaged all over. My body was really sore, though not as bad as it could be. I just lay there, slowly breathing. Thinking.

"He's awake, go in already" I heard Tsunade say as her footsteps left the room and faded away. Three people rushed in. Konan grabbed me and hugged me tightly, muttering "Thank god you're okay."

Behind her, Minato looked almost normal. I gave him a small smile he tried to return. There were bags under his eyes. "Wow, I leave you by yourself for a week…" he said, "Thankfully, Konan had the presence of mind to trigger my alarm seal."

I chuckle, "It's good to have you back."

He nodded, "I shouldn't have left. I want to know what's going on, as soon as you're back on your feet." He looked determined, though I could see actual Minato, still weary, still forlorn, behind the facade.

"Blast it, boy." Jiraiya grumbled, "Nine Suns at point blank... I thought I taught you better than that!"

"It worked though!" I protested.

Konan said glumly, "Tobi's still alive, you know."

I nodded. "Yeah. But I'm getting closer and closer. I don't know who he is or what he is yet, but I'm figuring out his abilities."

At the others' inquisitive looks, I said, "Everything. He can do everything. I underestimated his Rinnegan."

There was a shocked silence. It was like the world had frozen. I knew what each of them was thinking, "Rinnegan? Like Nagato's?"

I replied to that for them, "Yes, like Nagato's. I don't know how he got his hands on them, but there's no doubt about it, he has both a Rinnegan and a Sharingan."

"How?" Jiraiya whispered. "Nagato-"

"-is perfectly fine. Tobi's Rinnegan is something else." I looked at Konan, "I have no idea how he got both of those. There's no one he could've taken a Sharingan from, not while I still live. You know that" I turned back to Jiraiya and Minato as I said the last line.

I continued, "His defense is threefold: the Mangekyo Sharingan's Kamui, which lets him phase out of this reality into a pocket dimension, allowing him to pass through attacks harmlessly; the Izanagi, which lets him literally re-write reality around him to reverse any effects or attacks on him for a few minutes, but will cost him his Sharingan; and finally the Rinnegan's ability to absorb jutsu."

"He's killed two of the major villages already. How do we beat him?" Minato asked simply. "Give us the plan, Ren."

"I nearly burned him to ash even through all those defenses, with Nine Suns. He can't use Kamui any longer than ten minutes, and he's unwilling to sacrifice his Sharingan. And the Rinnegan's ability is jutsu absorption, not nullification, which means there is a limit to it. A limit Nine Suns clearly surpassed."

I thought for a moment. "We need an alliance with the remainder of the villages. Even if we kill him, the effects of losing hidden villages will resonate through the Elemental Nations and destabilize it for decades. We have a breather now, with how I injured him. We'll need to contact both Cloud and Mist, regardless of our past histories." I didn't really want to try pulling off a Shinobi Alliance, not when our enemy was one man and the current Kage were so much more antagonistic. I didn't even know who the Mizukage was. Still, we needed coordination.

Jiraiya and Minato shared a glance.

Minato looked dark. "Ren, you didn't hear who the new Mizukage and the Sanbi's new host are, did you?"

I shook my head.

Jiraiya said "The host of the Three-tails is Ryuugetsu Hozuki. The Fourth Mizukage is Yukari Yuki, the Crystal Princess."

My blood ran as cold as ice.

---

Ohai, not dead. We're actually getting close to the halfway mark, so I want to get back to a regular schedule and finish this before the end of the year. Thankfully, Boruto airing is keeping up the writing spirit for the moment. Hopefully, the nine month break hasn't frayed apart all the plot threads and I should have a relatively smooth sail from here.

I'll probably start working on at least one of my other quests and get back to a regular schedule for writing. Been too long, sheesh.

 

[Krazyfan1]

Three tails Jinchuriki as a Hozuki....

the Biju that spends most of his time underwater, with a Jinchuriki that can breath and BECOME water....

......i get the feeling that when they arrive at battles, its in the middle of a tsunami or flood or something....
home advantage...

 

[Namer]

Then it boiled. My anger sent my chakra spinning through my system as a torrent of fire. If my control had been any less I would've set fire to the sheets.

"Those two? The ones who-" I asked in between deep breaths.

Jiraiya nodded grimly. Minato had turned away from the bed to look out the window, arms crossed.

"Who are they?" Konan looked between us curiously. "I've heard their names before but… do you know them?"

The answer came from Minato. "They killed Okita." He said simply.

"I swore I would kill them, one day," I said, "I- I didn't think one of them would become the Fourth Mizukage. All my sources said Yagura Karatachi was ready to take the seat for himself."

But then you went and killed the Sanbi outright with your own hands. Of course shit changed!

"What did Dan say? Mist was all but about to tear itself apart hunting down its own bloodlines. How did two heirs of old bloodline clans then suddenly grab the most powerful position?"

Jiraiya shrugged, "Things got pretty heated. They won the fight in the end, according to Dan."

I sighed, "Damn, I need to think." I said, steepling my fingers.

"Well, that's our Ren back," Minato said with a tiny chuckle, turning away from the window.

After a few minutes' deliberation, I reached a decision. "We reach out to Cloud first. Call the Raikage and his Jinchuuriki. Both of them, unless the Two-Tails hasn't been sealed into a new container yet. Tobi seems to have plans regarding the jinchuuriki as well: he's targeted both-" my voice faltered, "-the Nine and One-tails, and Kitsuchi has heard nothing from the Four and Five-tails since the fall of Iwa."

"Minato, you have Thunder God seals in Rain, right?" I asked him. He nodded, "I want you to put them directly on Nagato and Kitsuchi as well. Tell them I ordered you to do so. Then find the Nanabi's Jinchuuriki in Hidden Waterfall and bring them here with all speed."

"We need an united front." Jiraiya stated simply.

I shook my head, "Not just that. I want a bounty posted for Tobi. Ten billion ryō."

"Can we even pay that?" Konan asked incredulously.

With a shrug, I replied, "We won't have to. Tobi isn't going to die to any random hunter-nin, not even to any of those S-classes floating around. But it'll bring the heat on him, and he won't be able to move freely like he's done so far. Announce him as the killer of Stone and Sand."

"You sure that's smart?" Jiraiya raised an eyebrow at the last part.

"Oh, right, don't say this guy single handedly destroyed a hidden village'. Keep that part a little lowkey." My former teacher, current spymaster, rolled his eyes.

I went back to thought. "What else… what else…" I muttered.

"I want to speak to Obito. That should be all. Minato, let him know I'll see him first thing tomorrow morning in my off-" I was cut off by Konan poking me in the side.

"Lady Tsunade said you're staying here for another day." She told me, then added with utter mock-solemnity, "It's my duty to ensure that."

I muttered, "Oh no…"

---

I watched the end of the world, and I burned.

There was fire. Fire in my heart, my flesh, my thoughts, my skin, my self.

I was the Son of Ten Suns. I was born in flame and I would die in flame.

Hoyui's Heart: Soul of the Ten Su-

I woke up.

---

Night before last's dream had rattled me. Sure, I always had dreams after a big ingestion of the cakes, a side effect of throwing ripoff God-fruits down my throat at whim.

But I had never seen the same dream twice. They were always at an indeterminate point in the future. Did that mean there was no other future past Hoyui's Heart?

It didn't seem that far off. It scared me a little. It felt far too close to the present, far too close for me to end. Even moving past Tobi, I had things to do, nations to save. I looked over at Naruto's crib, bought to my office so I could do my duties as Hokage while also watching over him. He was fast asleep, his whiskers twitching now and then. Raise children, too.

I put my pen down. There was a knock at the door.

"Come on in, Obito." I called.

"Lord Hokage." He bowed as he entered.

He looked beaten up. A lot in the same way as Minato. There was a very similar shadow behind his eyes, from the same kind of loss.

I gave him a wan smile, "How're you holding up? It's been a hard few days for us all, but especially for you and Minato. I know how he's doing, but, you... we haven't really talked."

Obito gave me a sullen look, "I already talked to the Yamanaka."

"I'm sure you have." I said, standing up, "I'm also sure said Yamanaka hasn't fought Tobi, or lost their teammate to a far superior foe they honestly thought they could beat."

A quiet "Oh."

"C'mon." I put a hand on his shoulder and guided him past my desk to the balcony, taking a quick glance at Naruto before stepping out. Leaf stretched out before us, as quiet and idyll as ever. A couple birds alighted from the balcony as we stepped out.

"What do you see when you look around?" I swept an arm out.

Obito gave me a sideways glance, "Kohona? Is this another spiel about the Will of Fire?"

"As Hokage, I'm contractually obligated to give regular spiels about the Will of Fire." I muttered. Obito choked a bit.

There was a tiny bit of smoke in the distance, from one of the training fields. I made a mental note to ask genins to use fewer fire techniques in forested grounds.

"As shinobi, we have to protect all of this. We have to protect Konoha first and foremost, and then maybe even the world." I said.

"Huh."

"There was one a boy who wanted to be a hero." I continued. "But after a long time, he learned that it wasn't possible to save everyone. On one hand, he could've chosen the world, sacrificing those he loved and even himself, turning his mind into steel and breaking it. Or, on another hand, he could've chosen those he loved above all else, the world be damned. What do you think he picked?"

Obito thought for a moment. "What would you pick, sir?"

I smiled, "Neither."

At his surprised look, I went on, "There's no point to living in a world if those you love can't share it with you. But nor is there any point in living with them, huddled up, in a dead, empty world.

"This isn't something one should make compromises on. If you want to save people, do it absolutely, or not at all. No compromises. No choices. You dive headfirst into hell and fury, with the knowledge in your head that you won't lose."

"Is that what you think, sir?" Obito half growled at me, "You're the Hokage! Even if I became Hokage I wouldn't ever reach your level. You're practically the strongest shinobi alive! Why're you telling me 'don't lose' like it's no big deal?"

I met his gaze. "Because I wasn't always who I am now. Because I was once in the very same position you're in now. But, more than that, I need your help."

"Really?" Obito looked up at me, his earlier anger wiped away by surprise.

I nodded as I reached down inside my coat, debating internally. "I can kill Tobi, but I can't catch him. I need your Kamui for that. Tobi has the same ability, but you can catch him out and counter him."

Obito finally managed a hard grin. "Damn right. Tha-"

"Don't get too carried away." I told him, "You're going to help, but you're also going to stay safe. That's an order. I'm not losing anyone else."

I drew out a rice cake and tossed it to him. "Here you go. Have it all, slowly, and don't give it to anyone else." I watched as he took a bite. His face practically lit up, eyes flying wide open as if jolted by electricity.

Damn, I don't want to do this, but I don't have a choice either. The rabbits had told me to avoid handing out the rice cakes to anyone else, because the chakra it was filled with was a variation of Six Path's Chakra. It would go badly for most normal people to take in too much of that suddenly.

But I'd drip fed Okita, Minato and Jiraiya-sensei the rice cakes for years, crushed and sneakily added into our food whenever it was my turn to cook. They'd come out of a lot stronger than they should've been with no side effects. I still put it in my food regularly and had Minato over for dinner often (barring recent events).

Fortunately, Obito seemed fine. Just really startled, with every bite. Well, he was Uchiha, descendant of Hagoromo.

"I'm giving you an opportunity, Obito. Try not to mention this, and meet me behind the Hokage monument tomorrow morning too."

He nodded, more energetic than I'd seen him in weeks, wiping the last crumbs from his mouth.

I hoped this wasn't mistake.

I watched him go.

---

Once a month is regular, right, ecks dee?

 

[varoksa]

Really enjoy this story alot, love how it basically skips all the regular build-up of a SI and gets to the end result of their meddling.

 

[Namer]

Obito picked things up fast, I'll give him that. He was slowly starting to hold out longer than a few seconds against me, though I almost never fought for real without eating a bunch of the cakes and I wasn't doing so here. I also wasn't incinerating half the mountain and turning it to a blackened mound of glass.

It wasn't easy to train a Jounin-level Shinobi to be on par with a Kage within a matter of weeks. Still, I like to think Obito got further along than most others. He pushed himself every morning, training from dawn to dusk, and improved by leaps and bounds… literally, I mused as he bounded past yet another streak of fire I shot at him.

I had twenty shadow clones continuously using Six Suns at him, albeit at a tiny fraction of its full strength. They were merely small fireballs any Uchiha could throw. The test for Obito was the sheer volume.

He dodged, ducked, weaved in between using his Kamui, both facets of it. Some of the arrows were pulled into Kamui while midair, others passed through him harmlessly.

"Time to ramp it up!" I called out to Obito. He was still several dozen meters away, his goal being to get in melee range of me. I saw his eyes widen, as I quickly flashed through hand seals.

Water Style: Water Wall!

A towering wave of water erupted out of nowhere, covering the whole plateau and spilling over the side. It was half again as tall as I was and crashed into Obito, sending him yelping as he was washed away. I wasn't done, though, and I channelled Lightning into the water. Obito wasn't fast enough to dodge and groaned as it passed through him.

I let up only after a second. I'd kept the voltage low, so Obito should just be feeling some numbness for a few minutes.

He groaned some more as he stood back up, rubbing at his arms. "That hurt…" He muttered.

I gave him an exasperated look, "How did you not remember to phase through the water wall? It was so obviously telegraphed.

He looked to the sides and then past me sheepishly, not meeting my eyes.

"Oh." I realized, "Come on over, Rin." I said, turning to her. She had a lunch box in her hands, most likely for Obito.

I waved Obito off. "Take a break, hang out with your lady love. We'll start again later."

The training ground, a wide rocky plateau behind the Hokage Monument, was still flooded, though. I beckoned for the two of them to move behind me, and once they were, I released Wind Style: Sweeping Gale, a wide-angle, continuous wave of wind that quickly pushed the water off the opposite side of the mountain.

As Obito and Rin sat down to ate, I gave the two of them some privacy, moving away to sit at the edge of the Hokage Monument to look over the village.

Although Obito had both Mangekyo, he had yet to manifest his Susanoo. I'd asked Fugaku to look into the clan's scrolls from any historical information, but while accounts of the Susanoo were present here and there, the actual details of using it after awakening the Mangekyou were rare.

A lot of the times, it activated instinctively as a defensive mechanism. But that wouldn't work for Obito, who already had an even better defense.

"Good morning, Hokage."

Orochimaru came within milliseconds of complete incineration. I sighed and relaxed only outwardly when I recognized the Sannin.

"How the hell did you…"

Orochimaru chuckled. It was creepy. "A new stealth technique of my own devising. It's nothing too extraordinary, but it should fool most conventional senses or detection."

"I blow shit up, Orochimaru. I'm hardly a good candidate to test something like this." I replied, "Also I'm your goddamn Hokage." I punctuated the last line with some heat.

Orochimaru continued without his eyebrows. "I've made a breakthrough with the Second's technique." He didn't sound entirely satisfied with himself, however.

"Finally," I muttered, "I'll be down at your lab later."

He nodded, then craned his head to look at Obito, tongue snaking out to lick his lips. I narrowed my eyes.

"The boy doesn't stand a chance."

"He will." I said.

"You're the strongest shinobi alive, and you lost." The fact that Orochimaru had just flat out admitted I was stronger than him was drowned under what he said.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I growled through clenched teeth, "You know nothing. You're valuable, but ultimately not indisposable, so do be a little more careful."

Before he could say anything else, I added, "I know you want to mess around with Obito, make him stronger by putting a curse seal or whatever on him. You won't."

"I see." Orochimaru said with uncharacteristic demureness. "I'll take your leave, Lord Hokage."

He slipped off the edge of the cliff and vanished out of sight below Tobirama's face.

I let out a long sigh. That was a bad move. I still need him. But I'd lost my temper anyway. He'd prodded a sensitive spot. Strongest in the world and can't save a single fucking person I love.

What a fucking joke.

"A-Are you okay, Lord Hokage?" Rin ventured after a few moments of quietness. The two of them weren't eating but looking at me. I realised I was still scowling and gnashing my teeth.

I wasn't.

"No. I'm not, really." I replied.

I didn't say anything more; they didn't pry any further.

After another round of training in which Rin stood by the sidelines and watched, cheering Obito on, I called him over.

"What I'm about to tell you is… not widely known. You might as well listen in, Rin." I aimed the second sentence at Rin, who had been fidgeting by the side, unsure whether to listen in or not.

"Every Mangekyo Sharingan gives its owner a set of abilities. You already have two forms of Kamui, though others with the Mangekyou would likely have different abilities. But you'll be able to unlock a third ability, the Susanoo."

Obito looked interested right away, "What's the Susanoo?"

"Imagine it as a giant spectral avatar that manifests around your body. It armours you and gives your attacks incredible range and power. Madara Uchiha's Susanoo, at full power, could cleave mountains with a single swing.

"Are you serious?" Obito said incredulously, no doubt imagining himself in the same shoes. I bit back a light chuckle. I would've liked to fight Madara at full power, instead of barging into a cave and beheading an old man with one stroke.

"What's the catch?" He asked.

I shrugged as I said, "Well, I have absolutely no idea how to go about manifesting it."

"Oh." Obito's mood dropped.

Rin added cheerfully at that, "Don't worry! I'm sure we'll be able to figure it out with the help of the lord Hokage."

"Might as well." I said as I stood up. "Ready for round three?"

---

"You overstep your bounds, Son of Suns."

Elder Rabbit loomed over me. Once upon a time I might've shrunk back, but now I held my ground.

"Our bargain was that I'd shield you and this world from the Otsutsuki. I can't do that if everyone is killed by a lunatic with a fucking Rinnegan!"

The rabbit gave out something close to a sigh, turning away from me to look up at the God Tree looming beyond. It was daytime, drawing near to dusk, and the cold sun silhouetted the flower.

"Remember, the Otsutsuki will sense the Chakra emanating from your- our world. They will come for it, and when they do, they'll also discover our refuge. That must not hap-"

"I know, I know!" I cut him off, pacing around the clearing. "We don't have to argue here. I'm indebted to you for keeping Okita's body at rest, and we have our contract. You need me to make your plans come into fruition. None of us factored Tobi into our plans. So when I tell you I'm working on bringing this whole thing back on track before it gets derailed and blasted to orbit, let me do it."

The rabbit looked at me as I spoke, before turning back away.

Of course, Tobi could very well go along with your backup plan. Destroy everything, wipe out all traces of ninjutsu, minimize chakra usage so that the Otsutsuki never even notice this world.

"So, can I take more rice cakes now?"

Elder Rabbit still didn't reply. I waited for a few moments, then internally sighed, throwing up my arms.

I took a few steps away from him. Unlike the previous time I'd been here just after Tobi's first appearance, the clearing was empty. I reached the edge and took a deep breath of the cool, fresh air, positively brimming with chakra. The endless fields of rice stretched on below me, the rabbits working on it no bigger than mites at this distance.

"Your memories weren't fully clear, when you first came to us." Elder Rabbit suddenly said, "Do you remember?"

"Yeah," I answered, "You helped me unlock most of the hazy parts."

"But not all." Elder Rabbit turned around.

I turned around at the same time too, "What? But you said-" I started.

"We were able to make the… partial memories whole. But some knowledge, some memories that should've existed, simply didn't."

My eyes narrowed, "Why're you telling me this this now, and not fucking years ago?"

"It wasn't relevant before."

"Fuck you too."

"There is a possibility," Elder Rabbit continues, "That there may be a hint to your adversary's identity, or a means of defeating them, in those memories."

"Ah, great," I muttered. "Time for some inner peace, maybe meditating under moonlit skies? Or a journey of self-discovery to find the truth?"

Elder Rabbit looked excited, "Precisely!"

Sighing, I replied, "Where do I start? C'mon, give me something useful here."

"Your ancestors' lives, perhaps. The ruins of Stone, where you know your father was once, or perhaps even Uzushiogakure."

"Helpful for once. Good ideas, actually. But I still need the-"

"No. Not yet, while you have other options available. You may take the allotted amount, and no more for others."

I stared Elder Rabbit down for a moment, looking right into his great red eyes. I wasn't winning here today, apparently.

"Alright." I finally said

---

"ARE YOU SURE THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?" Konan screamed into my ear.

"RELAX! WE'LL BE FINE! IT'S JUST A BIT OF WIND AND RAIN!" I yelled back.

I could tell she was shaking her head exasperatedly. I grinned. It felt just like home.

As much a home as a rock in the middle of the sea, amidst howling torrential winds and freezing, sheets of rain could be called home. The sea around us boiled and churned in a great whirlpool, one so big across the center of the vortex was beyond the horizon. The crag we stood upon was barely holding up, and the boat that had bought us near here had almost sunk four times, before I used Hoyui's Bone: Shaper of Worlds, to raise up a five-mile long wall from the seabed itself.

Said wall had disintegrated within moments, even though I'd put four whole cakes' worth of chakra into it, but it had been enough to get us to this point.

"So, how does it feel?" Konan asked, still shouting in my ears. I wanted to use Taker of the Skies, but I had to conserve chakra, for the first time in my life in almost a decade, because I was burning through way too many, and not getting enough extra. She was fully bodied now: the winds were just too wrong for her to control any paper, making it risky to disassemble herself.

"Like homecoming. Even though I barely remember anything!" I called back, my mouth stretching.

I grinned as I looked down at the Ruins of Uzushiogakure.

---

The next arc wasn't actually present in the original conception, but only got added recently. But it should make the overall flow better.

Might also throw in another interlude next. Any suggestions for who you want to see?

 

[gaouw]

Uhh,,,

Forgive me for saying this, but I think your stories kinda sorta weaken in this arc.

We have no Journey to Power, no Worldbuilding, no Bifurcation Point from OTL. Just "The Strongest Man in The World" getting his ass kicked (how could the strongest get his ass kicked?) in a conflict of unknown reason, and a looming threat that is actually more interesting than the current one, and his mental breakdown due to said conflict that unfortunately is just, flat.

I'll be honest, I liked the beginning of this story, what with Sun-themed power and stuff. But I felt that you just assumed the reader will understand all the difference between OTL's lore and yours. And that is grating. Especially his dependence on obvious doping item.

Just my two cent.

 

[Namer]

Uhh,,,

Forgive me for saying this, but I think your stories kinda sorta weaken in this arc.

We have no Journey to Power, no Worldbuilding, no Bifurcation Point from OTL. Just "The Strongest Man in The World" getting his ass kicked (how could the strongest get his ass kicked?) in a conflict of unknown reason, and a looming threat that is actually more interesting than the current one, and his mental breakdown due to said conflict that unfortunately is just, flat.

I'll be honest, I liked the beginning of this story, what with Sun-themed power and stuff. But I felt that you just assumed the reader will understand all the difference between OTL's lore and yours. And that is grating. Especially his dependence on obvious doping item.

Just my two cent.

Click to shrink...

That's the kind of feedback I like XD

The first point is kinda intentional. I didn't want to step on most of the conventional story hooks and bases. Just an SI at his height getting his feet cut out from under him by the only thing that could, an OCP. In a sense, this arc should set up something of a 'journey' arc along with some worldbuilding. Mental breakdown, I fully attribute to my own wooden personality and my lack of experience writing such stuff.

As for OTL's lore vs mine, huh, did it get confusing? I did try to make it so you get bits and pieces of the divergences Ren caused here and there, and most of them should be fairly evident at this point. The only distinct piece of lorebuilding left is the Son of Suns aspect, and the Rabbits. Anything I was unclear about?

 

[Dark as Silver]

"Otter," I ordered, "What do your byakugan eyes see?"

Click to shrink...

...

 

[gaouw]

That's the kind of feedback I like XD

The first point is kinda intentional. I didn't want to step on most of the conventional story hooks and bases. Just an SI at his height getting his feet cut out from under him by the only thing that could, an OCP. In a sense, this arc should set up something of a 'journey' arc along with some worldbuilding. Mental breakdown, I fully attribute to my own wooden personality and my lack of experience writing such stuff.

As for OTL's lore vs mine, huh, did it get confusing? I did try to make it so you get bits and pieces of the divergences Ren caused here and there, and most of them should be fairly evident at this point. The only distinct piece of lorebuilding left is the Son of Suns aspect, and the Rabbits. Anything I was unclear about?

Click to shrink...

Okay, I shall comment on the mental breakdown and the lore difference.

A. About the mental breakdown, honestly, I am not a social person. As such, I don't exactly knows what constitute a normal mental threshold. Furthermore, to show a good mental breakdown, you have to first shows how strong MC's mental fortitude first. Without showing it, we, the reader, has got no idea how he faced his daily life as a ninja, Hokage, and Strongest Man.

Putting the story in media res in regard to MC's mental breakdown is fine if you then makes it the focus of the arc itself. However, without knowing what happens since his birth in narutoverse, what changed from OTL-verse, and all that lore that is supposed to be the background of the story, the focus weaken into how MC defeat an unknown and insurmountable foe that turns out IS another OCP.

This segue into my next point:

B. The lore/world building.

Now, I can't claim that I understand both Naruto's OTL lore flawlessly, but, what I do understand is the fact that:

1. It is true that you are trying to put an interesting story, in which SI is stumped by the only thing he can not expect, an OCP. BUT,,,

2. The SI is, in of itself, and OCP to the world of Naruto.

It will be fine if you have finished the worldbuilding inside the story after one OCP. But you haven't finished the WB for your OCP. The MC itself changes matter in the Narutoverse. There are roads that now is forever more will not be taken because of his existence. As such:

3. You put an entangled story on 2 node that is both is still an unknown factor. To put this in a simple mathematical analogy, basic linear function should be ==> Y = a + bx. In this function, Y, a, and b, is a known factor while the unknown element, X, is what we shall process to see the result of. However, in this story, you put the analogical equivalent of ==> Y = X + Z, in which Y is known, while X and Z is both an unknown element.

I butcher this mathematical explanation and I'm sure those of us who know better will correct me, but my point stands.

By putting two unknown element (MC and Tobi, each with his own bullshit even by the standard of Elemental Nation) without even stabilizing (the background of) one of them in the mind of the reader make the story weaken despite the strong start.

To summary, a suspension bridge (of disbelief) should be anchored on both of it's end in a solid material. You can't anchor a suspension bridge in another suspension.

As a note, You should in no way rewrite your story unless you have finished it. I believe that rewriting a story is a TRAP!!! Most of the story that is rewritten DIES. As such, while you should take my post into consideration, please don't rewrite it.

Just my two cent.

 

[Namer]

We dove into the maw of darkness.

All about us the sea swirled, a titanic whirlpool as big as the entire island of Uzushiogakure had been. A single misstep could see us sucked into that torrent and crushed under a mountain of water.

There was a safe way down into the ruins. Mito-baa had told us, a lifetime ago, of the seals specially designed for this very eventuality. Kushina and I had planned to someday return home, but now…

The eye of the whirlpool seemed to go down into infinity. I hugged Konan close to me as fell. We weren't quite falling through air, not quite sinking through water. There was so much spray and foam here the there was no distinguishing between liquid and gas here. So we plummeted through the foam.

It slowly grew more dense. The sky vanished entirely. Our whole world became a narrow tunnel walled all in by the ocean.

And below us, there was water.

"We're going to hit the water!" Konan shouted.

"Use your paper to funnel us through!" I called out, "Wind Style: Piercing Breakthrough!"

Unlike the wave of air from Breakthrough or Great Breakthrough, this jutsu shot a cannonball of air out of my mouth. It crashed against the water surface, creating a colossal splash and sending a huge plume towards us. Konan yelled something and all her paper shot forwards, forming a hollow cone around us and spinning rapidly like a drill.

My senses vanished amidst whirling spray and paper for a few moments, and then we were past.

"Oh, my god…" Konan whispered.

I nodded, "It's beautiful.

A wide flat circle, with the village of Uzushiogakure in the middle, amidst a pocket of dry air. A great dome powered by glowing seals kept the rushing torrent of water away and the motion of the dome created the massive whirlpool right above our head. The entire village seemed eerie, like something out of a long forgotten dream: the air was stale and still, the streets and houses utterly empty. There's no litter, as if the whole place had just recently been wiped clean. Soft golden light from lamps, powered by seals, lit up the whole village.

It's quite a fall to the ground, but Konan unfurled her wings and lowered me to safety. With a muttered 'thanks', we landed on grass. It's damp, like it's recently rained.

"It's beautiful, but… strange." Konan commented, as I began walking across the field towards the village proper. I didn't have memories of the actual layout, but I did know that the Uzumaki were methodical in the planning of their home in the same way they would methodically design their seals. The dome, likely activated by the last of my clansmen who'd remained behind, in a desperate attempt to stop the island from sinking. It'd been a futile effort, since the entire bedrock of the island had been blasted apart by the forces of Mist and Cloud and they hadn't been build the correct sealing arrays to counteract that in time.

I was torn for a moment between searching my old family home for anything I could find, or examining the seals at the edge of the dome to figure out exactly what was going on here.

Realizing my entrance here could've easily disrupted the seals maintaining this place, I move to the edge of the dome quickly. The dome is like a swirling torrent of air a lot like my Taker of the Skies kyūjutsu, supported by a solid, transparent barrier.

The seal, one of nineteen placed equidistantly in a circle around the village, was engraved in a silver disc, about a meter across. The ink actually glowed to show it was active. I motioned for Konan to stand back, as I approached it. It looked like one big seal from the distance, but at a closer glance, the seal itself was made up of dozens of smaller seals arranged at perfect angles to form the bigger shape. I squinted and realized the smaller seals were themselves made up of hundreds of tiny shapes.

I wasn't really into sealing. A lot of other self-inserts went that route, but I'd quickly learned that either you were naturally talented at it, or you spent twenty years figuring out the basics before you called yourself a connoisseur at making anything more than storage scrolls or explosive tags. It wasn't so cut and dry as reading a few books and making a few scribbles.

I did know some of the basics, though, and a smattering of more advanced aspects.

For instance, I knew that the seal in front of me had branches for blood and soul. There shouldn't have been enough chakra available naturally to hold this seal up for as long as it had.

"Ah, fuck." I muttered, and rapidly, deliberately, stepped back.

Sheets of paper rose up at my alarm, settling down only when I did.

"They didn't have enough time to channel chakra into the seal to power it." I explained, "As a last contingency, it was designed to use a human to power it. Blood and Flesh and Soul."

Konan raised an eyebrow, "What nice in-laws I must've had."

"Shush," I said, "So when the island went under, the seals activated. To stop the rush of all the water at the same time, they grabbed as much energy as possible. Every living Uzumaki clansman was literally absorbed completely into these seals, except for those who'd already left the village. Most likely, the seal searched for the presence of a soul and grabbed that, and pulled the owner's body, flesh and blood and all, in with it."

"Aren't those kinds of techniques forbidden?"

"Yeah. Definitely forbidden, but I don't blame them. It would've been a good thing anyway. If someone had managed to penetrate the dome, they could've, well, done a lot of things with a city full of Uzumaki corpses."

"Anyways," I looked up, "Less about corpses and forbidden blood seals, and more about finding my house."

We headed to the residential district. It looked a lot like Konoha: a lot of the same architecture, though with distinct influences from Kiri as well. There was sealwork everywhere, the majority simple seals adapted for daily use such as storage and force. The sealwork was mixed in with actual artwork. They were quite pretty to look at, really.

"Do you smell that?" Konan suddenly stopped me. "Somewhere up ahead…"

Ohh, we knew that smell well.

Death.

"Someone died here." I stated.

The house was the third one on the right down a side street. It was nothing out of the ordinary, then I saw the sealwork painted on the door.

Nine spheres, curving across, painted ice at the leftmost end and red at the rightmost side.

"This is it!" I spoke, and pushed open the door.

The smell grew stronger instantly. There was a body propped up against the far wall. I knelt down in front of it and examined the corpse: it was partially decomposed, but there hadn't been enough living organisms around to finish the job. The face was recognizable, though. So very close to my own, only older and deader.

"Kazan Uzumaki." I murmured, "Hello, Father."

---

"Found it!" I pulled out a old leather-bound book from one of the drawers.

At Konan's inquisitive glance, from the other side of the room where she had been looking through sealing notes, I explained, "Since I found one journal in Stone, I had a hunch. I- He would've been the type to write things down, I think."

Unlike the one I'd been given by Kitsuch, this one was intact. The writing was sharp and clear as the day it'd been written, a testament to Uzushio Ink.

And like the other, it was written in English.

I flipped it open to the first page, as Konan walked up to me and leaned over to read it. She couldn't read English, but I read it out loud for her. The handwriting was so creepily similar to my own.

I can't believe I lost my journal somewhere in Iwa. I can't get it back now either, but Ohnoki and I have an agreement. I can rest assured he will safeguard it if he finds it.

Sometimes I wonder if keeping this is worth it. But father and grandfather, and all those before them to the First Sun, kept them. Since I remember each of them keeping one, I'll have to keep mine too. After all, the time hasn't yet come. It'll be Renaro who finally fulfills His destiny, my destiny, our destiny.​

Our destiny? And what the hell did he mean, remembering each of them? I didn't have any memories of my ancestors' lives, only my own and those of Earth.

This must've been what Elder Rabbit meant, when he said my memories had been lost. The… transfer of memories or whatever between me and my father had been incomplete. That was the only explanation I had for it.

I read on.

---

By putting two unknown element (MC and Tobi, each with his own bullshit even by the standard of Elemental Nation) without even stabilizing (the background of) one of them in the mind of the reader make the story weaken despite the strong start.

To summary, a suspension bridge (of disbelief) should be anchored on both of it's end in a solid material. You can't anchor a suspension bridge in another suspension.

As a note, You should in no way rewrite your story unless you have finished it. I believe that rewriting a story is a TRAP!!! Most of the story that is rewritten DIES. As such, while you should take my post into consideration, please don't rewrite it.

Click to shrink...

Mm, well, the former gets addressed this arc, as I planned, and the latter, kek, I'm too lazy to actually go to all the work of going back to rewrite it. The most that might ever happen is a recompilation of the scenes with a couple more added, if I think that's worth.

 

[varoksa]

Really enjoyed the imagery in this chapter could have described the village itself a bit more though like the style of buildings etc.

 

[AtomicGeneral25]

Love this story, keep up the good work!

 

[Ant-Man]

"Oh, a mystery, I'm sure I won't regret reading this"
But I did. Please don't take this as a criticism of your story, but I like mysteries in movies. I like mysteries in books. I like mysteries in video games and graphic novels. But I don't like mysteries in fanfiction.