Colony 03
Vherstinae
Patron Saint of Cuddlebugs
- Location
- Home
A/N: In order to further flesh out the world of Worm, I'm borrowing blatantly from real life. I'm not writing any real people, as that's just awkward, but I expect a number of you will recognize the upcoming format.
Colony 6.03
The floodgates had opened.
Talk of my being the new Nilbog had spread like wildfire across PHO and even moved into Brockton Bay itself. My bugs could hear absent conversations regarding me; while it was a bit of a comfort that I wasn't received entirely with fear – awe and intrigue were two other major emotions people seemed to have – I really didn't want to be correlated with an S-class mass murderer.
Dad rolled his eyes as I paced past the couch yet again. "Taylor, you're gonna make me strain my neck. Will you perch or something?"
Dammit, parent playing the guilt card. I should see these things coming, but even when I do they still sting. And here I was happy you finally got released from the hospital, I thought wryly. I sat down beside Aisha, who gave me a hug.
From his seat beside my father, Brian spoke up. "I still don't get why you're so dead-set against another press conference. The last one went pretty well."
Lisa and I replied at the same time, our voices mingling into nonsense. She stopped and nodded for me to talk. "Yes, it did go well last time, but now people are already commenting on the PRT making major allowances for me. I can't come out and reveal the reasons why Piggot trusts me, so something like that is going to lead to suspicion. Corruption at best; thinking I've got the Director mind-controlled at worst."
The blonde shrugged. "Roughly what I was gonna say. Way I see it, we're kind of up shit creek."
Lying atop a spiker, the both of them in a patch of sun, Alec added his two cents. "Why not go around giving out your little squishy-bugs? Seemed to work with the Dallons."
I shook my head, inadvertently whipping Aisha with my hair. She let out a few choice curse words before going off to flop beside Alec. After I took a moment to blink at that turn of events, I recovered my train of thought. "Problem is, people would think I'm trying to go all brain slug on them. I wouldn't have too many volunteers...here..."
"Oh good god," Lisa said, noticing as the gears in my head began to turn. Maybe she knew what I was going to say before I said it, but she didn't necessarily protest.
"Alec, you're right in a way. We need the human element, a way to show people I just want to help. Something not as...sterile as a press conference."
"Fuck me, this is such a bad idea but I can't say no," Lisa muttered.
I smiled around the room. "What do you guys think of doing a talk show?"
Brian and my dad had nearly identical nonplussed expressions. "...Taylor," Brian started, "you do realize why heroes don't do talk shows, right? The drama, the blindsiding, the danger of being in a less-than-secure location?"
"That's why it's a good idea," I argued. "For one, nobody will be expecting it. For another, it'll give people the chance to observe us in a much more...congenial setting. When we're not being badasses we're just a goofy bunch of kids trying to get by. I'd peg us for a sitcom rather than a horror movie."
"I dunno; you're practically giving me a heart attack right about now." While I understood my father's objection, his phrasing still felt like a low blow. "Taylor..." He must've noticed how his words affected me. "I'm just afraid for you. So much could go wrong."
I tried not to sniffle. "Dad, Nilbog isn't a name people throw around casually. Sure, not everybody's freaked out, but if I keep fighting villains things are eventually going to escalate and more people will get scared. If we don't do something to show them our good side, to give them hope, then eventually I'll end up labeled a threat."
"And you haven't done enough of that already? Taylor, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like powers just make everything worse."
I laughed; it sounded a little hysterical. "No, you're totally right. Powers...we trigger when we're at our absolute lowest. I don't think it's the universe's way of making up for a shitty life; I think it's yet another challenge piled onto us." I toyed with a dreadlock. "But I have powers, and other people have them. People can do things we can barely imagine, and a lot of them use those powers for really bad things. It's not fair, but I feel obligated to use my powers to stop those really bad things."
Alec piped up again. "We gonna be having this same philosophical discussion every week? 'Cause if so I can write up a script for you guys."
"Well I'm sorry we can't all channel Cheech and Chong," dad retorted. He moved his eyes back to me. "Look, this still worries me, but Lisa hasn't nixed it yet and I'd figure she'd say something out of self-preservation at least. So maybe this idea of yours has a chance. And yeah, life sucks, but we make the best of it. And I'm proud of you, kiddo."
"I think it does have a chance," Lisa confirmed, "especially if you bring more squishies."
Brian just facepalmed. "Why did I ever let myself get saddled with you people?"
"What do you mean, 'you people'!?" Aisha snapped. "You're sayin' it that way because I'm black, aren't you?" Her brother just let out a groan of endless suffering.
"It'll be a good chance to see if my power works through cameras," Alec grinned. "Look for a news story the next day about rampant cases of open masturbation."
Aisha slapped him upside the head this time.
Brian shook his head. "Okay, fine. We're doing this. Now, who's gonna tell Rachel?" Before the last syllable had fully left his mouth, he transitioned into two dreaded words. "Not it!"
(BREAK)
New York was still arguably the media capital of the world. That it was relatively close to the Bay also helped. Dad always had a soft spot for The Late Show, so we contacted Terry Norman's people. Thankfully, the host and his producers all smelled ratings gold and jumped at the chance to get us on set. After only a couple hours' negotiations, we were scheduled to appear on Friday.
Preparing for the trip, though? That was the problem.
Alec waved his wallet at Brian. "I've got my license, dammit! I'll drive!"
"It's fake. Plus, you're a dick."
"What's your point?"
Across the room, Rachel was debating which dogs to bring, and looking terribly cute doing her best mother-hen. Not that I'd ever tell her that. "But Angelica gets nervous when she's alone, and Brutus doesn't like loud noises, and Cassie has bad experiences with cars..." A spiker wrapped its tail around her and snuggled her close, making her pause.
"Look," Aisha interjected now that Rachel had quieted down, "we'll only be gone for a day or two. We can put most of the pups in HQ and they'll be fine. Judas and Twinkles are registered therapy dogs, and Bentley's cute. How 'bout we bring them? We can rent a minivan or something to keep 'em in the back."
Rachel nodded, the spiker gently nomming her hair. "Okay, that sounds...yeah, that sounds okay. You gonna help me with that?"
Our youngest member shrugged. "Why not?" They got the spiker to release Rachel – albeit grudgingly – and went to round up the dogs.
I sat with dad, going over the security schtick. "So are you okay with just two raptors here?"
He chuckled. "Yes, kiddo. Two armored deathbugs should be enough to keep your old man safe."
"They're not just deathbugs. They'll help you around the house, grab drinks, that kind of thing. They can't open doors, though."
"Long as they can use the fridge handle, I should be good."
I giggled. "Yeah, they can do that."
"Cool. And at headquarters?"
"Two raptors and a spiker will take shifts keeping watch. With the dogs in the kennel, we should be safe in that department." I sighed. "I'm not sure if I want to bring Atlas. He could be a big help in keeping you safe..."
Dad rested a hand on mine. "Yeah, but he helps you with your stress. You'll need him more than I will, little owl." He drew my hand over and gave it a little kiss. "I might not be able to keep you safe, but I can still give you good advice. Take him with, kiddo."
And then Lisa spoke up. "Everybody shut your ass. I got us a van."
(BREAK)
Manhattan was huge. Yes, Brockton Bay covered more area than New York's most famous island, but Manhattan made far better use of the space it had. Buildings towered into the sky, narrow streets crisscrossed in order to make the most of the limited room. There weren't really any single-story places to be found: everything was built on top of everything else.
I found it to be incredibly efficient, even if the human element led to congestion. The idea of building up and using the underneath for transit was a good one, like those giant African anthills, and gave me ideas for updates to the hive. Perhaps I could install a second story, bring in some sheet metal and hold it up with creep. It'd give my critters a lot more room.
Lisa had recommended that we go straight to the studio and see the sights afterwards, which was a sensible suggestion. In light of that, I'd had Atlas rest up in an old farmhouse the night before so that he could fly straight in. No sense in having him flit from building to building and draw too much attention.
We pulled up to the back of the studio and were surreptitiously ushered inside, fawned over by a number of crew and interns before finally getting to the green room. We must have looked like something out of a comic book: six capes, three dogs, two raptors, one spiker and a partridge in a pear tree. And Atlas, who would be flying in a few minutes before the show started.
As we did our best to center ourselves, Terry Norman himself came into the green room. He was a little taller than me and a little shorter than Brian, his skin a light tan sort of like Nurse Shelby's. His ash-colored suit was crisply pressed and his black hair was clipped short. The talk show host gave an easy smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you all in person," he said, immediately plunking into one of the unoccupied chairs. "I figured I should double-check with you before the show, make sure you don't have any other topics I should avoid, that sort of thing." He was doing his best not to glance nervously at the spiker.
"Well, I'm still not sure how well-publicized it is, but trigger events – the things that unlock powers – tend to come from Silence of the Lambs-level shit," Foresight expounded, "at least for first-generation capes. So just remember not to press too much if we start getting uncomfortable. For as badass as we are, we all suffered through nightmarish situations when we were just kids."
Norman shuddered a bit. "Gotcha. And I didn't know that about powers, thanks." He looked over to me. "I know you've assured us all those things are safe, but they're still kinda scary..."
Before I could reply, Regent stepped in. "Did Cujo make you scared of Saint Bernards? Just because you saw 'em at their worst doesn't mean they're not good pets." He skritched behind a raptor's horn and it gurgled happily.
He shrugged. "Fair enough. And the other critters?"
Buzzing from the roof was his answer. "Right on time," I grinned. I stood and my raptors rose with me. "We'll be right back." After only a couple of minutes, we returned with four bucket of uglybugs. "If one of the crew could show me to a stock room or something, I can turn these ugly things into pure adorableness."
(BREAK)
It was interesting, sitting in the green room and waiting for our cue. The TV showed us a live feed and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bouncing in my seat. Despite everything, this was still ridiculously exciting. Three beeps in a row signaled the beginning of the broadcast and we all turned to watch.
"From New York, the greatest city in the world! It's the Late Show with Terry Norman!" The usual opening video played. "Tonight, in a VERY special episode: straight from Brockton Bay, New Hampshire... The Undersiders!"
Terry did his usual schtick, various current-events wisecracks and mocking over-the-top news stories. The words were so much noise to me; I think I was suffering stage fright. I'd actually be exposing my powers and personality in a live, mostly unscripted broadcast. Old anxieties flared and I almost started hyperventilating. Before it could progress further, a cloak of comfort settled around my shoulders. Atlas connected his mind to mine, accepting my stress. I let it wick away and took the time to re-center myself. I didn't need to be scared. This was where I'd truly prove I was a good guy, where the Undersiders would reassure the nation.
A page poked her head in and smiled at us. "Okay, c'mon out. He's about to announce you."
Sure enough, as we walked, Terry's voice echoed through the speakers. "And now, for our special guests. In the first parahuman interview in, jeez, twenty years? We have Grue, Foresight, Cerberus, Regent, Imp and Skitter. Ladies and gentlemen, the Undersiders!"
Lisa had selected the music for our walk over to the chairs, and I could have kissed her.
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good... Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.
We took our seats, Grue in the front and Cerberus and I furthest from Terry, mostly so we could keep close to our pets. Judas and Twinkles were decked out in their orange vests and Bentley had his big mouth open in a huge doggy smile, hamming it up for the cameras. My raptors laid at my feet and the spiker rested his head on my shoulder.
"Now, it's great to have you all here," Terry smiled, "but what made you decide to come on the show? I was under the impression that capes were boycotting talk shows."
Grue shrugged. "We needed the human element. There's only so much you can convey in a sterile press conference, and that creates distance between us and the people. After our last fight, some folks are understandably scared. We want to fix that, show them we're not here to hurt innocents."
"You gotta admit, though, you're all pretty intimidating. And the fact that Cerberus has living tanks and Skitter has...whatever those critters are, well, it's not the easiest thing to be comfortable around."
"I don't think people should be comfortable around us," I interjected. "We don't do PR events like most other heroes; if we show up, that means there's a good chance something bad is going to happen. What we want is for people to not be afraid of us. Yes, our being somewhere means danger is on the way, but we're there to prevent that danger and keep people safe."
Norman nodded. "Good point. Now, I'm sure what everybody's wondering is, how did you all get started? What caused the Undersiders?"
Foresight fielded that one. "It's not too exciting. We all got hired by a client to run a job; I guess they wanted to cover their bases, so they grabbed four different capes. Turned out, we worked pretty well as a team. Figured it'd be safer to keep working together than to go out alone."
"And what about the name?"
She laughed. "Would you believe none of us remember? I'm sure we came up with it at too-damn-early o'clock and thought it sounded good. Guess we stuck with it because we couldn't think up anything better. Now, of course, it makes more sense: as heroes, we cover the seedier sides of the cape world. We have insight into villain culture, for lack of a better phrase, so we can handle threats from different angles than the Protectorate or New Wave. It also helps that we're not so mired in organizational red tape."
Terry took the reins of the conversation. "And speaking of your being heroes, I understand you had a lot to do with that, Skitter."
I blushed; it was probably visible at the borders of my mask. "I don't know about that. My teammates are all good people who just ended up in bad situations. I think I might've been the final push they needed to genuinely do good, but they all had it in them."
"That's sweet of you to say. Now, Imp, you're the youngest member of the team; how'd you join?"
She shrugged. "Well, Grue's my brother. He didn't want me getting into danger, so I wasn't part of the Undersiders until Bakuda went Sum of All Fears on us. At that point it was too dangerous to keep me tucked away, so I made a nuisance of myself until they let me help."
"She's good at that," Grue confirmed.
"You're all teens, working close together," Terry's grin was like a shark's. "Is there any inter-office romance going on?"
"You got us," Regent confessed. "They're all in my harem and Grue's my bouncer."
Foresight, Grue and I all slapped him upside the head in succession. He just laughed.
"No," Foresight corrected, "there's no romance yet. But we are hormonal teenagers, so it's a possibility. But it certainly won't be in the tabloids if something does happen."
"Spoilsport," the host said with a good-natured grumble. "Anyway, I've been dancing around the topic for long enough, but I think the audience will skin me alive if I keep going." He paused for the audience to laugh. "Skitter, from your perspective, what happened with Animos?"
All the laughter died off and I almost froze. Being put on the spot like that was a surprise, even though I'd been expecting the question. "W-well," I stammered, "you're familiar with flashbangs, right? They blind and deafen you, leaving you totally disoriented. While most capes simply lose their powers, I lost a whole suite of senses. It was like waking up and finding out you're paralyzed."
"Even without her powers, though," Foresight added, "her critters are still good animals. They lined up to protect us. You've seen news stories about, say, a dog fighting off a bear? Same principle. The raptors – these guys," she tapped the sleepy one with her foot and it cracked an eye and grunted grumpily, "really are like big dogs. They'll protect those they care about. The spikers – like this guy – wanted to keep their mommy from getting hurt."
I picked back up. "They would've been fine with just staring down the baddies until they left. It was the Teeth who escalated, trying to attack us. Without my control to keep them from exercising lethal force, they met attempted murder with attempted murder. My critters were just more successful."
"Dark," Norman said flatly. "Still, at least it's a little comforting hearing you explain things." He turned toward the camera. "We'll be back with more dirt on everyone's favorite former criminals."
The house band teased me by playing Jitterbug during the commercial break.
"Annd we're back," the host smiled at the camera. "So we're here with the Undersiders and their pets. Now, something I think we've all been wondering is how secret identities work out. Cerberus and Regent, your alter-egos are public knowledge and Skitter, your...appearance means you can't really have a secret identity. How does that work for you?"
"I don't really care," Cerberus grunted.
"One of the rules of parahuman conduct is that we don't go after people's alter-egos," Foresight explained. "For people like Skitter, Narwhal or Case-53s, that means when they're off the clock. You're probably all wondering why villains would go along with this. Well, that's pretty simple: if the villains don't obey those rules, we won't either. We'd seize all their assets, throw their loved ones in the slammer, or just snipe 'em while they slept." She shrugged. "It's a code that keeps crime from turning into full-out war. It's not necessarily the most pleasant idea, but villains have just as much of an interest in keeping the status quo so they come down hard on any baddies who get the idea of breaking that rule."
"Pretty much the Golden Rule for capes," Regent affirmed.
Terry nodded, the wheels in his head turning. "So, you three go to Arcadia, right? How's school treating you?"
"I want to murder everyone associated with school."
I sighed at Cerberus' statement. Yeah, that's what the public wants to hear...
"Except Sean." I could hear Regent's grin from behind his mask. He stage-whispered over to Terry. "First crush." The brunet found himself bonked in the head by one of Cerberus' boots. "Aww, she wants to defend her boyfr-wagh!"
Cerberus tackled him and the pair rolled around behind the couches. None of us flinched.
Grue took hold of the conversation. "While those two settle their differences, what else did you want to ask?"
"...I take it this happens a lot?"
"We're teens and Regent's an ass. Yes."
Terry let out a genuine guffaw. "Alright then. Let's see...well, I was gonna ask if Cerberus had any Stupid Pet Tricks, but since she's busy..." He stood up as the pair rolled past him, taking out his chair in the process. "You're sure we don't need security?"
The audience was dying with laughter. I think they were under the impression this was a skit. Well, it might as well have been.
"How about you, Skitter? Your guys do any tricks?"
My raptors stood up. One moved into a handstand, its forelegs and blade limbs supporting it. The other stood on his companion's rump, balancing precariously. It gurgled in the rhythm of a common Arcadia High cheer. The spiker slithered over and the topmost raptor hopped off his companion to stand on the spiker's head. The serpentine critter hissed happily and did a little dance.
"We just came up with that on the spot," I smirked.
Terry grinned. "Well I'm impressed. Now, I've gotten word that we have the go-ahead on your next little idea."
My smirk erupted into a thousand-watt smile. "Well then, allow me to do the pitch." The raptors ambled backstage and began to bring out large cardboard boxes. "With my father's help, I'm starting a business: Skitter's Critters. Panacea of New Wave is already a satisfied customer, and to help with publicity I'm giving everyone in the audience my company's first product." I reached into the box and lifted out a round, squishy little critter. It waved a pincer. "The cuddlebug!" I handed that one to Terry.
He stared at it. It gurgled. "...This is almost painfully cute."
"Give him a squeeze," I grinned.
The host did so and was rewarded with a soft, gentle squeak. "Okay, so I'm keeping this one. The rest of you can get your own."
"That's the plan!" I directed the raptors to lift cuddlebugs out of the boxes and hand them to audience members, two by two.
The cameras switched to the audience, showing people cuddling their gurgling new pets.
I smirked up at the announcer. "Give 'em the spiel, Rick."
"If you say so... Introducing the cuddlebug, the world's first no-maintenance pet! It never needs to be fed, needs no litterbox, and is there to be your friend! Cuddlebugs are the perfect first pet, durable and able to generate antibacterial goop to help with cleaning or injuries. They can tell you when they're upset and make it known when they're happy. The cuddlebug: it's like a pillow that hugs you back! ...Really, Skitter? That's your tagline? Whatever."
"You do need to get a professional writer," Terry confirmed. "Still, for anybody in the audience who's nervous, we've had these little bugs checked out and they're not dangerous at all. If you don't want it, you're free to return it at the end of the show. Otherwise, enjoy!" He squeaked his again. "After the break is the Top Ten!"
I smiled warm and wide. This was what genuine hope felt like.
Colony 6.03
The floodgates had opened.
Talk of my being the new Nilbog had spread like wildfire across PHO and even moved into Brockton Bay itself. My bugs could hear absent conversations regarding me; while it was a bit of a comfort that I wasn't received entirely with fear – awe and intrigue were two other major emotions people seemed to have – I really didn't want to be correlated with an S-class mass murderer.
Dad rolled his eyes as I paced past the couch yet again. "Taylor, you're gonna make me strain my neck. Will you perch or something?"
Dammit, parent playing the guilt card. I should see these things coming, but even when I do they still sting. And here I was happy you finally got released from the hospital, I thought wryly. I sat down beside Aisha, who gave me a hug.
From his seat beside my father, Brian spoke up. "I still don't get why you're so dead-set against another press conference. The last one went pretty well."
Lisa and I replied at the same time, our voices mingling into nonsense. She stopped and nodded for me to talk. "Yes, it did go well last time, but now people are already commenting on the PRT making major allowances for me. I can't come out and reveal the reasons why Piggot trusts me, so something like that is going to lead to suspicion. Corruption at best; thinking I've got the Director mind-controlled at worst."
The blonde shrugged. "Roughly what I was gonna say. Way I see it, we're kind of up shit creek."
Lying atop a spiker, the both of them in a patch of sun, Alec added his two cents. "Why not go around giving out your little squishy-bugs? Seemed to work with the Dallons."
I shook my head, inadvertently whipping Aisha with my hair. She let out a few choice curse words before going off to flop beside Alec. After I took a moment to blink at that turn of events, I recovered my train of thought. "Problem is, people would think I'm trying to go all brain slug on them. I wouldn't have too many volunteers...here..."
"Oh good god," Lisa said, noticing as the gears in my head began to turn. Maybe she knew what I was going to say before I said it, but she didn't necessarily protest.
"Alec, you're right in a way. We need the human element, a way to show people I just want to help. Something not as...sterile as a press conference."
"Fuck me, this is such a bad idea but I can't say no," Lisa muttered.
I smiled around the room. "What do you guys think of doing a talk show?"
Brian and my dad had nearly identical nonplussed expressions. "...Taylor," Brian started, "you do realize why heroes don't do talk shows, right? The drama, the blindsiding, the danger of being in a less-than-secure location?"
"That's why it's a good idea," I argued. "For one, nobody will be expecting it. For another, it'll give people the chance to observe us in a much more...congenial setting. When we're not being badasses we're just a goofy bunch of kids trying to get by. I'd peg us for a sitcom rather than a horror movie."
"I dunno; you're practically giving me a heart attack right about now." While I understood my father's objection, his phrasing still felt like a low blow. "Taylor..." He must've noticed how his words affected me. "I'm just afraid for you. So much could go wrong."
I tried not to sniffle. "Dad, Nilbog isn't a name people throw around casually. Sure, not everybody's freaked out, but if I keep fighting villains things are eventually going to escalate and more people will get scared. If we don't do something to show them our good side, to give them hope, then eventually I'll end up labeled a threat."
"And you haven't done enough of that already? Taylor, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like powers just make everything worse."
I laughed; it sounded a little hysterical. "No, you're totally right. Powers...we trigger when we're at our absolute lowest. I don't think it's the universe's way of making up for a shitty life; I think it's yet another challenge piled onto us." I toyed with a dreadlock. "But I have powers, and other people have them. People can do things we can barely imagine, and a lot of them use those powers for really bad things. It's not fair, but I feel obligated to use my powers to stop those really bad things."
Alec piped up again. "We gonna be having this same philosophical discussion every week? 'Cause if so I can write up a script for you guys."
"Well I'm sorry we can't all channel Cheech and Chong," dad retorted. He moved his eyes back to me. "Look, this still worries me, but Lisa hasn't nixed it yet and I'd figure she'd say something out of self-preservation at least. So maybe this idea of yours has a chance. And yeah, life sucks, but we make the best of it. And I'm proud of you, kiddo."
"I think it does have a chance," Lisa confirmed, "especially if you bring more squishies."
Brian just facepalmed. "Why did I ever let myself get saddled with you people?"
"What do you mean, 'you people'!?" Aisha snapped. "You're sayin' it that way because I'm black, aren't you?" Her brother just let out a groan of endless suffering.
"It'll be a good chance to see if my power works through cameras," Alec grinned. "Look for a news story the next day about rampant cases of open masturbation."
Aisha slapped him upside the head this time.
Brian shook his head. "Okay, fine. We're doing this. Now, who's gonna tell Rachel?" Before the last syllable had fully left his mouth, he transitioned into two dreaded words. "Not it!"
(BREAK)
New York was still arguably the media capital of the world. That it was relatively close to the Bay also helped. Dad always had a soft spot for The Late Show, so we contacted Terry Norman's people. Thankfully, the host and his producers all smelled ratings gold and jumped at the chance to get us on set. After only a couple hours' negotiations, we were scheduled to appear on Friday.
Preparing for the trip, though? That was the problem.
Alec waved his wallet at Brian. "I've got my license, dammit! I'll drive!"
"It's fake. Plus, you're a dick."
"What's your point?"
Across the room, Rachel was debating which dogs to bring, and looking terribly cute doing her best mother-hen. Not that I'd ever tell her that. "But Angelica gets nervous when she's alone, and Brutus doesn't like loud noises, and Cassie has bad experiences with cars..." A spiker wrapped its tail around her and snuggled her close, making her pause.
"Look," Aisha interjected now that Rachel had quieted down, "we'll only be gone for a day or two. We can put most of the pups in HQ and they'll be fine. Judas and Twinkles are registered therapy dogs, and Bentley's cute. How 'bout we bring them? We can rent a minivan or something to keep 'em in the back."
Rachel nodded, the spiker gently nomming her hair. "Okay, that sounds...yeah, that sounds okay. You gonna help me with that?"
Our youngest member shrugged. "Why not?" They got the spiker to release Rachel – albeit grudgingly – and went to round up the dogs.
I sat with dad, going over the security schtick. "So are you okay with just two raptors here?"
He chuckled. "Yes, kiddo. Two armored deathbugs should be enough to keep your old man safe."
"They're not just deathbugs. They'll help you around the house, grab drinks, that kind of thing. They can't open doors, though."
"Long as they can use the fridge handle, I should be good."
I giggled. "Yeah, they can do that."
"Cool. And at headquarters?"
"Two raptors and a spiker will take shifts keeping watch. With the dogs in the kennel, we should be safe in that department." I sighed. "I'm not sure if I want to bring Atlas. He could be a big help in keeping you safe..."
Dad rested a hand on mine. "Yeah, but he helps you with your stress. You'll need him more than I will, little owl." He drew my hand over and gave it a little kiss. "I might not be able to keep you safe, but I can still give you good advice. Take him with, kiddo."
And then Lisa spoke up. "Everybody shut your ass. I got us a van."
(BREAK)
Manhattan was huge. Yes, Brockton Bay covered more area than New York's most famous island, but Manhattan made far better use of the space it had. Buildings towered into the sky, narrow streets crisscrossed in order to make the most of the limited room. There weren't really any single-story places to be found: everything was built on top of everything else.
I found it to be incredibly efficient, even if the human element led to congestion. The idea of building up and using the underneath for transit was a good one, like those giant African anthills, and gave me ideas for updates to the hive. Perhaps I could install a second story, bring in some sheet metal and hold it up with creep. It'd give my critters a lot more room.
Lisa had recommended that we go straight to the studio and see the sights afterwards, which was a sensible suggestion. In light of that, I'd had Atlas rest up in an old farmhouse the night before so that he could fly straight in. No sense in having him flit from building to building and draw too much attention.
We pulled up to the back of the studio and were surreptitiously ushered inside, fawned over by a number of crew and interns before finally getting to the green room. We must have looked like something out of a comic book: six capes, three dogs, two raptors, one spiker and a partridge in a pear tree. And Atlas, who would be flying in a few minutes before the show started.
As we did our best to center ourselves, Terry Norman himself came into the green room. He was a little taller than me and a little shorter than Brian, his skin a light tan sort of like Nurse Shelby's. His ash-colored suit was crisply pressed and his black hair was clipped short. The talk show host gave an easy smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you all in person," he said, immediately plunking into one of the unoccupied chairs. "I figured I should double-check with you before the show, make sure you don't have any other topics I should avoid, that sort of thing." He was doing his best not to glance nervously at the spiker.
"Well, I'm still not sure how well-publicized it is, but trigger events – the things that unlock powers – tend to come from Silence of the Lambs-level shit," Foresight expounded, "at least for first-generation capes. So just remember not to press too much if we start getting uncomfortable. For as badass as we are, we all suffered through nightmarish situations when we were just kids."
Norman shuddered a bit. "Gotcha. And I didn't know that about powers, thanks." He looked over to me. "I know you've assured us all those things are safe, but they're still kinda scary..."
Before I could reply, Regent stepped in. "Did Cujo make you scared of Saint Bernards? Just because you saw 'em at their worst doesn't mean they're not good pets." He skritched behind a raptor's horn and it gurgled happily.
He shrugged. "Fair enough. And the other critters?"
Buzzing from the roof was his answer. "Right on time," I grinned. I stood and my raptors rose with me. "We'll be right back." After only a couple of minutes, we returned with four bucket of uglybugs. "If one of the crew could show me to a stock room or something, I can turn these ugly things into pure adorableness."
(BREAK)
It was interesting, sitting in the green room and waiting for our cue. The TV showed us a live feed and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bouncing in my seat. Despite everything, this was still ridiculously exciting. Three beeps in a row signaled the beginning of the broadcast and we all turned to watch.
"From New York, the greatest city in the world! It's the Late Show with Terry Norman!" The usual opening video played. "Tonight, in a VERY special episode: straight from Brockton Bay, New Hampshire... The Undersiders!"
Terry did his usual schtick, various current-events wisecracks and mocking over-the-top news stories. The words were so much noise to me; I think I was suffering stage fright. I'd actually be exposing my powers and personality in a live, mostly unscripted broadcast. Old anxieties flared and I almost started hyperventilating. Before it could progress further, a cloak of comfort settled around my shoulders. Atlas connected his mind to mine, accepting my stress. I let it wick away and took the time to re-center myself. I didn't need to be scared. This was where I'd truly prove I was a good guy, where the Undersiders would reassure the nation.
A page poked her head in and smiled at us. "Okay, c'mon out. He's about to announce you."
Sure enough, as we walked, Terry's voice echoed through the speakers. "And now, for our special guests. In the first parahuman interview in, jeez, twenty years? We have Grue, Foresight, Cerberus, Regent, Imp and Skitter. Ladies and gentlemen, the Undersiders!"
Lisa had selected the music for our walk over to the chairs, and I could have kissed her.
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good... Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.
We took our seats, Grue in the front and Cerberus and I furthest from Terry, mostly so we could keep close to our pets. Judas and Twinkles were decked out in their orange vests and Bentley had his big mouth open in a huge doggy smile, hamming it up for the cameras. My raptors laid at my feet and the spiker rested his head on my shoulder.
"Now, it's great to have you all here," Terry smiled, "but what made you decide to come on the show? I was under the impression that capes were boycotting talk shows."
Grue shrugged. "We needed the human element. There's only so much you can convey in a sterile press conference, and that creates distance between us and the people. After our last fight, some folks are understandably scared. We want to fix that, show them we're not here to hurt innocents."
"You gotta admit, though, you're all pretty intimidating. And the fact that Cerberus has living tanks and Skitter has...whatever those critters are, well, it's not the easiest thing to be comfortable around."
"I don't think people should be comfortable around us," I interjected. "We don't do PR events like most other heroes; if we show up, that means there's a good chance something bad is going to happen. What we want is for people to not be afraid of us. Yes, our being somewhere means danger is on the way, but we're there to prevent that danger and keep people safe."
Norman nodded. "Good point. Now, I'm sure what everybody's wondering is, how did you all get started? What caused the Undersiders?"
Foresight fielded that one. "It's not too exciting. We all got hired by a client to run a job; I guess they wanted to cover their bases, so they grabbed four different capes. Turned out, we worked pretty well as a team. Figured it'd be safer to keep working together than to go out alone."
"And what about the name?"
She laughed. "Would you believe none of us remember? I'm sure we came up with it at too-damn-early o'clock and thought it sounded good. Guess we stuck with it because we couldn't think up anything better. Now, of course, it makes more sense: as heroes, we cover the seedier sides of the cape world. We have insight into villain culture, for lack of a better phrase, so we can handle threats from different angles than the Protectorate or New Wave. It also helps that we're not so mired in organizational red tape."
Terry took the reins of the conversation. "And speaking of your being heroes, I understand you had a lot to do with that, Skitter."
I blushed; it was probably visible at the borders of my mask. "I don't know about that. My teammates are all good people who just ended up in bad situations. I think I might've been the final push they needed to genuinely do good, but they all had it in them."
"That's sweet of you to say. Now, Imp, you're the youngest member of the team; how'd you join?"
She shrugged. "Well, Grue's my brother. He didn't want me getting into danger, so I wasn't part of the Undersiders until Bakuda went Sum of All Fears on us. At that point it was too dangerous to keep me tucked away, so I made a nuisance of myself until they let me help."
"She's good at that," Grue confirmed.
"You're all teens, working close together," Terry's grin was like a shark's. "Is there any inter-office romance going on?"
"You got us," Regent confessed. "They're all in my harem and Grue's my bouncer."
Foresight, Grue and I all slapped him upside the head in succession. He just laughed.
"No," Foresight corrected, "there's no romance yet. But we are hormonal teenagers, so it's a possibility. But it certainly won't be in the tabloids if something does happen."
"Spoilsport," the host said with a good-natured grumble. "Anyway, I've been dancing around the topic for long enough, but I think the audience will skin me alive if I keep going." He paused for the audience to laugh. "Skitter, from your perspective, what happened with Animos?"
All the laughter died off and I almost froze. Being put on the spot like that was a surprise, even though I'd been expecting the question. "W-well," I stammered, "you're familiar with flashbangs, right? They blind and deafen you, leaving you totally disoriented. While most capes simply lose their powers, I lost a whole suite of senses. It was like waking up and finding out you're paralyzed."
"Even without her powers, though," Foresight added, "her critters are still good animals. They lined up to protect us. You've seen news stories about, say, a dog fighting off a bear? Same principle. The raptors – these guys," she tapped the sleepy one with her foot and it cracked an eye and grunted grumpily, "really are like big dogs. They'll protect those they care about. The spikers – like this guy – wanted to keep their mommy from getting hurt."
I picked back up. "They would've been fine with just staring down the baddies until they left. It was the Teeth who escalated, trying to attack us. Without my control to keep them from exercising lethal force, they met attempted murder with attempted murder. My critters were just more successful."
"Dark," Norman said flatly. "Still, at least it's a little comforting hearing you explain things." He turned toward the camera. "We'll be back with more dirt on everyone's favorite former criminals."
The house band teased me by playing Jitterbug during the commercial break.
"Annd we're back," the host smiled at the camera. "So we're here with the Undersiders and their pets. Now, something I think we've all been wondering is how secret identities work out. Cerberus and Regent, your alter-egos are public knowledge and Skitter, your...appearance means you can't really have a secret identity. How does that work for you?"
"I don't really care," Cerberus grunted.
"One of the rules of parahuman conduct is that we don't go after people's alter-egos," Foresight explained. "For people like Skitter, Narwhal or Case-53s, that means when they're off the clock. You're probably all wondering why villains would go along with this. Well, that's pretty simple: if the villains don't obey those rules, we won't either. We'd seize all their assets, throw their loved ones in the slammer, or just snipe 'em while they slept." She shrugged. "It's a code that keeps crime from turning into full-out war. It's not necessarily the most pleasant idea, but villains have just as much of an interest in keeping the status quo so they come down hard on any baddies who get the idea of breaking that rule."
"Pretty much the Golden Rule for capes," Regent affirmed.
Terry nodded, the wheels in his head turning. "So, you three go to Arcadia, right? How's school treating you?"
"I want to murder everyone associated with school."
I sighed at Cerberus' statement. Yeah, that's what the public wants to hear...
"Except Sean." I could hear Regent's grin from behind his mask. He stage-whispered over to Terry. "First crush." The brunet found himself bonked in the head by one of Cerberus' boots. "Aww, she wants to defend her boyfr-wagh!"
Cerberus tackled him and the pair rolled around behind the couches. None of us flinched.
Grue took hold of the conversation. "While those two settle their differences, what else did you want to ask?"
"...I take it this happens a lot?"
"We're teens and Regent's an ass. Yes."
Terry let out a genuine guffaw. "Alright then. Let's see...well, I was gonna ask if Cerberus had any Stupid Pet Tricks, but since she's busy..." He stood up as the pair rolled past him, taking out his chair in the process. "You're sure we don't need security?"
The audience was dying with laughter. I think they were under the impression this was a skit. Well, it might as well have been.
"How about you, Skitter? Your guys do any tricks?"
My raptors stood up. One moved into a handstand, its forelegs and blade limbs supporting it. The other stood on his companion's rump, balancing precariously. It gurgled in the rhythm of a common Arcadia High cheer. The spiker slithered over and the topmost raptor hopped off his companion to stand on the spiker's head. The serpentine critter hissed happily and did a little dance.
"We just came up with that on the spot," I smirked.
Terry grinned. "Well I'm impressed. Now, I've gotten word that we have the go-ahead on your next little idea."
My smirk erupted into a thousand-watt smile. "Well then, allow me to do the pitch." The raptors ambled backstage and began to bring out large cardboard boxes. "With my father's help, I'm starting a business: Skitter's Critters. Panacea of New Wave is already a satisfied customer, and to help with publicity I'm giving everyone in the audience my company's first product." I reached into the box and lifted out a round, squishy little critter. It waved a pincer. "The cuddlebug!" I handed that one to Terry.
He stared at it. It gurgled. "...This is almost painfully cute."
"Give him a squeeze," I grinned.
The host did so and was rewarded with a soft, gentle squeak. "Okay, so I'm keeping this one. The rest of you can get your own."
"That's the plan!" I directed the raptors to lift cuddlebugs out of the boxes and hand them to audience members, two by two.
The cameras switched to the audience, showing people cuddling their gurgling new pets.
I smirked up at the announcer. "Give 'em the spiel, Rick."
"If you say so... Introducing the cuddlebug, the world's first no-maintenance pet! It never needs to be fed, needs no litterbox, and is there to be your friend! Cuddlebugs are the perfect first pet, durable and able to generate antibacterial goop to help with cleaning or injuries. They can tell you when they're upset and make it known when they're happy. The cuddlebug: it's like a pillow that hugs you back! ...Really, Skitter? That's your tagline? Whatever."
"You do need to get a professional writer," Terry confirmed. "Still, for anybody in the audience who's nervous, we've had these little bugs checked out and they're not dangerous at all. If you don't want it, you're free to return it at the end of the show. Otherwise, enjoy!" He squeaked his again. "After the break is the Top Ten!"
I smiled warm and wide. This was what genuine hope felt like.