Second thoughts. You have them aplenty, cavorting and consorting with the ever-present doubts. But your first thoughts...
Well, no. Your first thought is just a touch of panic-tinged terror that you're not equipped to give advice to Homura. You know her story. Of course you do. But you haven't been through anything like it before, and for all you know, you're not really qualified to give advice for it.
But-
"I don't agree with that," you say, touching her shoulder gently. "I'd never agree with that, Homura."
She nearly flinches away from you, but doesn't fully retreat.
"May I hug you?" you murmur.
She nods jerkily, and you wrap your arm around her. She doesn't relax, but she doesn't pull away, either. She's tense and stiff, corded tension running like a live wire through her body.
"I can't possibly agree with that," you murmur slowly. "I... may I ask you a few more questions, Homura? I'd... I think I know how you feel, but I'd like to be sure of my thoughts, then I can explain. Do you need a moment?"
She nods, minutely. You smile at her, and wait.
Homura's willing to accept that victory is possible... No. She's always believed that victory was possible. She had to. It's the only thing that kept her moving forward, day after day, loop after loop. She had to believe it, or she would have despaired long ago.
And once upon a never, that was what did cause her to despair. The revelation that she couldn't win, that she was inextricably making things worse by increasing Madoka's potential every loop. That revelation broke her, and it's what Oriko warned you of.
The thing is, believing in victory doesn't mean believing that she could win this time. Victory had always been some far off, unattainable dream, snatched away every single time no matter how hard she sought it. But now...
Now, you think she might, just might, be willing to hope. Just a little.
But she's been hurt so much. She's caused so much pain, and even if only she remembers, she still bears the brands upon her soul.
You grimace to yourself, breathing out slowly. You look at Mami, frozen in the timestop, and even with the faint worry on her face, even with the churning dismay in your gut, you manage to calm yourself a little more. You check Homura's Soul Gem, just to be sure. Clean enough. You'll get to it in a bit, but for now, you'll give Homura the peace she needs to work through this as much as she can.
Seeming to feel your attention, Homura nods, the barest twitch of her head.
"I..." you start slowly. "Homura, I'm your friend. You know that, right?"
She nods again.
"And I'm not trying to hurt you. I wouldn't try to hurt you intentionally. But," you say, licking your lips. "I... would like to know, if you're willing to answer me."
Another tiny bob of her head, and she seems to hunch in upon herself.
"Do... do you feel that you don't deserve happiness because of your actions in the loops?" you murmur gently.
"I-" Homura jerks under your arm, eyes twitching up to stare at you. "You- you know what I've done."
"I know," you say, bowing your head and closing your eyes. "I know, Homura. But I... I had to be sure. I... trust me? I'm going somewhere with this."
Homura's mouth opens, but her voice seems to fail her. She shuts it, and slumps.
"OK," you murmur. "And... do you think what you've done in the loops has hurt Madoka?"
She doesn't even raise her head this time, curling up smaller in your hug. "Yes," she whispers.
"OK," you murmur, nodding. "I- that's the last of the... the personal questions, Homura. I'm sorry. Do you need a moment?"
She doesn't respond, but you can feel her shaking, just a bit. Gently, you draw the Grief away from her Soul Gem, letting it wick away into the frozen air. You pull Homura into a proper hug. She collapses against you, trembling and stiff.
You stroke her back in careful, rhythmic circles. You wonder, vaguely, how long it's been since Homura allowed herself human contact, until you elbowed your way into her life. Everyone's different, but... from what you remember, Homura wasn't one to deny herself the contact, the comfort. Not until she'd been forced to kill Madoka, all those loops ago.
Homura gathers herself, her trembling slowly stilling. You pull back and smile at her.
"Alright," you murmur. "Then... Homura, this is something I don't think you know, but I could be wrong. Please tell me, if I am, OK?"
You take a breath, meeting her eyes. "Madoka dreams about you at the start of each loop, before you meet," you say.
Apocalyptic visions of Walpurgisnacht, of Homura.
Homura, whose eyes go wide. "W-what?" she whispers, searching your face. "No, she- I don't want her to-"
She falls silent, squeezing her eyes shut.
[] Write-in
Breaking to vote as requested.
Also, folks? I see a lot of anger and worry in the thread. Look, I love that you all care about PMAS so much, but take care of yourselves. All of you. OK? If you need time, tell me so. Take that time.
And don't forget - I'm as invested in telling this story as you guys are.
Well, no. Your first thought is just a touch of panic-tinged terror that you're not equipped to give advice to Homura. You know her story. Of course you do. But you haven't been through anything like it before, and for all you know, you're not really qualified to give advice for it.
But-
"I don't agree with that," you say, touching her shoulder gently. "I'd never agree with that, Homura."
She nearly flinches away from you, but doesn't fully retreat.
"May I hug you?" you murmur.
She nods jerkily, and you wrap your arm around her. She doesn't relax, but she doesn't pull away, either. She's tense and stiff, corded tension running like a live wire through her body.
"I can't possibly agree with that," you murmur slowly. "I... may I ask you a few more questions, Homura? I'd... I think I know how you feel, but I'd like to be sure of my thoughts, then I can explain. Do you need a moment?"
She nods, minutely. You smile at her, and wait.
Homura's willing to accept that victory is possible... No. She's always believed that victory was possible. She had to. It's the only thing that kept her moving forward, day after day, loop after loop. She had to believe it, or she would have despaired long ago.
And once upon a never, that was what did cause her to despair. The revelation that she couldn't win, that she was inextricably making things worse by increasing Madoka's potential every loop. That revelation broke her, and it's what Oriko warned you of.
The thing is, believing in victory doesn't mean believing that she could win this time. Victory had always been some far off, unattainable dream, snatched away every single time no matter how hard she sought it. But now...
Now, you think she might, just might, be willing to hope. Just a little.
But she's been hurt so much. She's caused so much pain, and even if only she remembers, she still bears the brands upon her soul.
You grimace to yourself, breathing out slowly. You look at Mami, frozen in the timestop, and even with the faint worry on her face, even with the churning dismay in your gut, you manage to calm yourself a little more. You check Homura's Soul Gem, just to be sure. Clean enough. You'll get to it in a bit, but for now, you'll give Homura the peace she needs to work through this as much as she can.
Seeming to feel your attention, Homura nods, the barest twitch of her head.
"I..." you start slowly. "Homura, I'm your friend. You know that, right?"
She nods again.
"And I'm not trying to hurt you. I wouldn't try to hurt you intentionally. But," you say, licking your lips. "I... would like to know, if you're willing to answer me."
Another tiny bob of her head, and she seems to hunch in upon herself.
"Do... do you feel that you don't deserve happiness because of your actions in the loops?" you murmur gently.
"I-" Homura jerks under your arm, eyes twitching up to stare at you. "You- you know what I've done."
"I know," you say, bowing your head and closing your eyes. "I know, Homura. But I... I had to be sure. I... trust me? I'm going somewhere with this."
Homura's mouth opens, but her voice seems to fail her. She shuts it, and slumps.
"OK," you murmur. "And... do you think what you've done in the loops has hurt Madoka?"
She doesn't even raise her head this time, curling up smaller in your hug. "Yes," she whispers.
"OK," you murmur, nodding. "I- that's the last of the... the personal questions, Homura. I'm sorry. Do you need a moment?"
She doesn't respond, but you can feel her shaking, just a bit. Gently, you draw the Grief away from her Soul Gem, letting it wick away into the frozen air. You pull Homura into a proper hug. She collapses against you, trembling and stiff.
You stroke her back in careful, rhythmic circles. You wonder, vaguely, how long it's been since Homura allowed herself human contact, until you elbowed your way into her life. Everyone's different, but... from what you remember, Homura wasn't one to deny herself the contact, the comfort. Not until she'd been forced to kill Madoka, all those loops ago.
Homura gathers herself, her trembling slowly stilling. You pull back and smile at her.
"Alright," you murmur. "Then... Homura, this is something I don't think you know, but I could be wrong. Please tell me, if I am, OK?"
You take a breath, meeting her eyes. "Madoka dreams about you at the start of each loop, before you meet," you say.
Apocalyptic visions of Walpurgisnacht, of Homura.
Homura, whose eyes go wide. "W-what?" she whispers, searching your face. "No, she- I don't want her to-"
She falls silent, squeezing her eyes shut.
[] Write-in
-[X] Break to voting if any point needs more detail, or if Homura seems troubled. Don't be pushy.
-[X] Relax. Comment:
--[X] Homura's hair and higher dimensions.
--[X] Raiding Yakuza for (4D) pocket money.
[X] O&K.
-[X] Probably a 'random' apartment.
-[X] You don't know the Kure adults. Could be a bad idea.
[X] Everyone.
-[X] Explain your discomfort when dropping heavy topics. Ask if there's anything you can do to make it less stressful?
-[X] Offer to watch the spar video.
[X] Put in an order for the tracking devices.
[X] If there's time, practice enchantment:
-[X] Try using Control Magic...
--[X] On Grief.
--[X] To shape something into a Pocket Brina.
-[X] Relax. Comment:
--[X] Homura's hair and higher dimensions.
--[X] Raiding Yakuza for (4D) pocket money.
[X] O&K.
-[X] Probably a 'random' apartment.
-[X] You don't know the Kure adults. Could be a bad idea.
[X] Everyone.
-[X] Explain your discomfort when dropping heavy topics. Ask if there's anything you can do to make it less stressful?
-[X] Offer to watch the spar video.
[X] Put in an order for the tracking devices.
[X] If there's time, practice enchantment:
-[X] Try using Control Magic...
--[X] On Grief.
--[X] To shape something into a Pocket Brina.
=====
Breaking to vote as requested.
Also, folks? I see a lot of anger and worry in the thread. Look, I love that you all care about PMAS so much, but take care of yourselves. All of you. OK? If you need time, tell me so. Take that time.
And don't forget - I'm as invested in telling this story as you guys are.
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