I don't always threaten to get my dorm mate kicked out of the building, but when I do, he bribes me with his computer.
-x-
"If you don't mind me asking…"
"I don't."
"Oh, good, well, what exactly is your plan for recruiting Shigagawaru?"
"Shishigawara," I corrected Orihime with a sidelong look, "Is going to get in the fucking van."
She blinked at my brilliance, "That is… simple." She smiled, "But, and while I'm sure that works very often–"
"Every time, actually," I looked at her. "If I want to get someone some place, I tell them to get in the fucking van. And, surprisingly, they get in the fucking van." Looking ahead of me I nodded at a wall, "It really is impressive, in hindsight."
"…I'm sure." Orihime flatly gazed at my nonplussed expression, "But, maybe this time we can approach him in a more… delicate manner?"
"…Delicate?"
"Well, when you tried to bring me to Urahara's, I did not see an employee of a valued friend."
"…What did you see instead?" Please don't compliment me, I thought to myself. I was too old for her. I was way too old for her. If she hit on me, it wouldn't just be creepy; it'd be disturbing on multiple levels. Actually, wait, why would she hit on me? Was she thinking of abandoning Ichigo? But she liked him, didn't she? "I'm not interested in a relationship. You should ask Ichigo out."
She went beat red. "That's…"
"Maybe take him to the movies or something." I suggested, "What's playing now? Actually, no, scratch that. Don't take my opinion right now. I have no opinion." Fuck romance, stay in the subplot area where you belong!
"…I think you're getting ahead of what I'm saying…" she trailed, "And I'm not sure where this came from, but–"
"He's saying you have amazing boobs!" Kon cried out.
If there was a deer in a forest far, far away from here, it would have perked up its head to listen for the sound of impending death. To others, this sound would be called silence. To the occupants of the magic van, that sound was Orihime's gentle exhale as she looked at the hula girl on the dashboard.
I said no words as Orihime specifically corrected Kon's line of reasoning. Now, Kon and Orihime on the other hand…
"Don't worry! This will only hurt for… a few hours…? I wouldn't know. I've never popped someone's arm off, before!"
"OH GOD WHY?! WHY DOES IT HURT?!" the sound of cheap plastic striking the side of the door resonated throughout the alley I'd parked the wonder van.
"I am doing this because I care!"
-Thump!-
-Thump!-
-Thump!-
-x-
"In all seriousness," Orihime continued, "You can't just barge in and pull Shigashiworu into your van. It's strange. And if he's anything like I am, he might actually hurt you if you try."
I considered it. Maybe she had a point with this… I suppose, in the right circumstances, Shishigawara wasn't someone to take lightly. If Orihime wanted to try her approach, I'd let it go. I looked at her, "Well, fine. We're across the street from his home, so if you really don't mind… go. Unleash hell." I waved her out of the van of whimsical miracles.
"…I beat you in a fair fight, you know." She pouted in something resembling annoyance.
I picked at something in my ear and flicked it out the open window. "And?"
"Shouldn't you maybe treat me nicer or… or something?"
"You already have a boyfriend. He doesn't know it yet. But that's because he's in denial. Help him before you help me, yadda-yadda, blah-blah, rassum-frassum – I've got no fucks to give."
She stared at me incredulously, "That's…"
I smiled, "Just kidding. Honestly, we just don't have time."
"What? How is that possible? I mean, Ichigo is becoming stronger, and we're arranging Rukia's 'kidnapping'… we have the upper-hand in time and information and… we're just doing so much better than, um," she looked to me for help, "What was his name again?"
"Aizen," I sighed, "And there's the first problem. We might seem to be doing better, but for all we know Aizen already knows we know about his plan, so he's probably made a plan that plans around our plan. And Urahara is good, but he can't plan around the plan Aizen planned around the plan planned around his plan – the first one. My point is… we could have all the time in the world, but Aizen would have just as long to screw us over as we have him." My shrug was almost helpless, "It's messed up."
"Is that why we're recruiting Shishikokora?"
"Shishigawara. Quit messing up his name, that's only going to piss him off," I looked at her with a frown, "And… maybe? The original team sent to the Soul Society consisted of Yoruichi – I'm not sure if you've met her yet – Uryu, Chad, you, and Ichigo. Urahara never went, I was never there to go, and Shishigawara had no idea this was happening." My frown stretched wide and thin as I shifted my lip, "If we can't find Chad, we need a heavy hitter specializing in close range. Ichigo's our best fighter, or he has the potential to be, you're our mid-range and support expert, Uryu would have been long range, which left Chad as a close-range tank. Shishigawara…"
He was none of those things. His ability was almost the exact opposite of how Chad's worked. If Chad relied on direct and blatant physical attacks, Shishigawara relied on probability manipulation to alter the effectiveness of his otherwise pathetic attacks. Was this kid a strong fighter? Not necessarily. But was his ability incredibly powerful and potentially useful? Certainly.
With the right training, there was no doubt in my mind that Shishigawara could become an incredible threat to anyone he faced. If he could figure out the weak point of his opponent, alter probability to score a 'jackpot' hit, then he'd be able to put even the highest level foes out of commission. In simplest terms, if Chad was a tank of the original group, Shishigawara would be the glass cannon of this group.
He could hit very hard, but after that he'd likely be spent. And one hit from an enemy would screw him over. So, at all times, he'd likely require support from Orihime. And after seeing her abilities first hand, I knew that would be a waste. Orihime was an absurdly strong supporting fighter, but she could stand up against other opponents much stronger than her and likely win through sheer willpower.
What was Urahara thinking?
"…Shishigawaka…?" Orihime led me.
I shook my head, "If you want to go in there and get him your way, I'm fine with that. But when you fail, I'll run by and grab him. He's going in the van one way or another, if you can coax him in peacefully, I guess that just makes my job all that much easier." I leaned back and fiddled with the cassette player in the van… empty?
"Alright, then," Orihime shrugged and exited the van, walking at a sedate pace to Shishigawara's incredibly small, rundown apartment in the bad neighborhood. I checked if maybe the CD player – empty as well. Okay, then. I turned on the radio and leaned back. No CDs, no mix tapes, just smooth, pleasant, J-Pop.
…Sky rockets in flight! Afternoon delight~!
Or I could listen to Elton John. I was fine with that.
-x-
Kon was sitting on the dashboard, watching as I rocked out to Queen, when something seemed to catch his attention. "Hey, uh, Poe?"
"Not now, Kon. It's getting to the best part." I composted myself with a deep breath, "So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye~!"
He blinked. "That… That was impressively bad."
"Fuck you I was in chorus for six years! So you think you can love me and leave me to die~!"
"…Seriously, Poe, this is important."
I turned off the awesome, "Okay, Kon. What? What is it?"
He gestured outside. Following his little plastic hula girl arms, I saw some punk in a red shirt beating his way past a glowing orange shield – oh, hey, Orihime and Shishigawara were fighting.
Orihime's shield shattered at an impossibly weak punch.
…Yeah, it was time to help Orihime. I turned off the radio, opened the door, and jumped out of the van of wow. Even as the door shut behind me, I began to pull out my Asauchi.
-x-
If I had to guess, Orihime couldn't say Shishigawara's name properly. That was a pretty good way to set him off, if he was anything like he was portrayed in canon. But for his ability to be able to so effectively strike through Orihime's shield… it was impressive, to say the least.
I ran at him as he prepared to send another punch at Orihime just as she brought another shield up to block him. And, suddenly, I was behind him. My left hand was on his shoulder; my right was holding my sword.
"Hey," I said to him. He suddenly stopped. All his momentum was arrested so he could stand there with me right behind him. Orihime stared with wide eyes.
It didn't take long to figure out what was happening here. Orihime wanted to bring Shishigawara along, she set him off, and they started to fight. But because she lacked the will to hurt him, her shield and offense were both useless. She didn't want to hurt him, so she lacked the necessary will to use her abilities properly.
Meanwhile, Shishigawara had no such problems. His ability could just break through her shield again and again. And why not? Every time she made a new shield, it became something different for his jackpot ability to work on. In a way, even if Orihime had all the willpower in the world, she would not be able to play a defensive game against Shishigawara. His power said no to hers.
If it were a fight where she was supposed to kill him, if she had the willpower to do that much, then it would be a very different story. But because the goal was to recruit him… that left her with a defensive ability that couldn't stop a single strike. She could use her offensive ability against him, but if his fist struck Tsubaki, she'd be out an attack and would be forced to waste precious time bringing him back.
Her shield was good, but if it could be broken through so easily, she'd have to abandon healing Tsubaki in favor of healing herself after a hit that may well have killed her.
Shishigawara, would probably be the weakest member of our group if we recruited him. But his ability was a terrifying thing for a kido specialist or someone who used spiritual constructs like Orihime. Sending her ahead was a mistake on my part.
"Ah! Mister Poe!" Orihime gasped, "You… How did you get so fast?"
That was a very good question. What I just did there, to get so quickly from one point to another, it felt like everything was a blur for the briefest second. I was running from my super-great van, and now I stood behind Shishigawara. Something about this was… not right.
What I just did there… was that Shunpo? I thought it was. It felt like it, or as close to how I thought it might feel. But when did I get so fast? Did it happen out of desperation? Did it just occur out of the blue? The last time something like this happened, Omaeda was about to kill me, so it couldn't really be desperation. Unless I was desperate to save Orihime?
…nah, she was a big girl. She could take care of herself. So how did I suddenly develop this power?
"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Shishigawara looked at me with a curled lip. He was trying to look tough. It was half working, but mostly failing terribly. "You want some of this?"
My gaze was half-lidded, "Moe Shishigawara," I said to him, "You are needed. Get in the van."
He stared at me with incredibly wide eyes. "You… You know my name?"
"Is that a problem?" I raised an eyebrow.
He shook his head, "Uh… Uh, no sir! Not a problem at all!" Did… Did he just call me 'sir'?
I sheathed my Asauchi and turned to leave, "Great. Orihime, let's go!"
That was… that was surprisingly easy. No big fight between me and him, just me calling him by his name, moving faster than he could see, and holding a blade really close to him.
…well, when one put it like that, it sounded like I was threatening him with death, but he seemed pretty willing to come with me in my van of versisitude… was versisitude even a word? It was halfway through pondering that when I noticed the tires were slashed.
Looking at Shishigawara I stared at him. "Your neighborhood sucks ass."
He blinked at that. "Uh, well, you left your van alone. So… that happens, here."
"…I was out of the van for…" I checked my watch, "…three minutes. It took three minutes for some random punk to slash my tires. Dude, bro. Your neighborhood sucks ass." I looked at Orihime, "Please heal the car."
Orihime nodded and got right to it with a flash of orange light. But, well… "The tires aren't, um, unslashing themselves… It's very strange!"
Thank you, Orihime, for stating the obvious. I could have been listening to Queen, but no. I had to walk out, develop another superpower, break up a fight, and, "I'm calling Urahara. I refuse to let my van get towed because of some jackass with a switchblade."
"Well that's a real shame, huuuh…?" the slimy voice trailed from the opposite end of the street.
…why were we suddenly surrounded by a group of cheap looking gang members? I mean, how does that even work? Where does that begin to effing function?
"We saw that supernatural stuff you were doing, too!" called out another one, "We can blackmail you and you'd never know what to do!"
I looked at Shishigawara. He couldn't even meet my gaze, "Yeah, this neighborhood sucks."
"I thought so," I pinched the brow of my nose, "Okay. Shishigawara, Orihime, go, just… just go. Unleash hell. I'll call Urahara and see if he can get us a spare tire. Or four."
The sound of gang members getting the stuffing beaten out of them filled the area as Urahara kept me on hold.
…that bastard.
-x-
One Foot on the Platform
OR: One Foot on the Train
End-17
