- Pronouns
- He/Him
Well, here goes.
Edit: As ever, the rolls are cursed.
Edit: As ever, the rolls are cursed.
Ogre Advenchurin'-Inn Quest
- Thread starter Blorp
- Start date
- Original Fantasy
Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
Rolls!
Edit: At long last.
Also Blorp you are very welcome for making literally every conversation from now on into a linguistic nightmare. Whoever could have guessed that it would come to this? Nobody, clearly.
Edit: At long last.
Also Blorp you are very welcome for making literally every conversation from now on into a linguistic nightmare. Whoever could have guessed that it would come to this? Nobody, clearly.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
Clearly, the license really does solve everything. And create a new bureaucratic bloodbath, but that goes without saying.
ArchAIngel
Sorcerer Supreme.
- Location
- Right behind you.
Let's see if we can use our new trick!
EDIT: No.
EDIT: No.
Turn 2.1: Getting a License for That
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
WINNING VOTE said:
With one guest(?) currently sleeping in their inn(??) and a new staff member(???, night falls swiftly for the ogres, and the rain seems to taper off with the fading sunlight. Sleep, however, is more of a suggestion than a requirement for the lumbering brutes, and so Big Ogre sits cross-legged in the wet sand, thinking long and hard.
"A'right, I fink you got a point." Short Ogre clambers out from the artificial caves of the Advenchurin'-Inn, patting rock dust from his shoulders. "I guess people could eat an' sleep in these rooms, it ain't as small as I thought-" He cuts himself off, staring at the steam rolling off the top of Big Ogre's head. "Say, wot're you doin'?"
Big Ogre doesn't answer for a moment. "Food," he eventually says, standing back up. There's a determined glint in his eyes that Short Ogre has begun to dread seeing. "We gotta have food for da guests."
"Well… we already got it, don't we?" Short Ogre looks around at the veritable smorgasbord laid out before them. "See, dat there's sand, an' we got some rocks over there-"
"No, no, dat's ogre food," Big Ogre replies patiently. "But inn guests can't eat dat stuff 'cause dey got weak stomachs. Dey gotta have real good eats dat smells good, too."
"Huh." The ogres share a moment of shared bafflement over the gastronomical failings of non-ogres before Short Ogre nods in understanding. "So we just gotta find softer-lookin' food-like foods, right?"
"Yup. Let's get to it."
The three ogres stare down at the pile of pebbles and sand they've assembled.
"I don't fink dis is workin'," Big Ogre mutters, kicking despondently at the assorted debris in the half-hearted hope it'll turn into a five-course meal.
"Mebbe we ought to wait 'til we find someone to help us? Not another ogre," Short Ogre adds quickly, helping himself to a particularly chewy-looking rock. "Someone with, y'know, gas-tro-nom-y-cal know-how."
"Bless you," the third ogre says helpfully, already mumbling around a mouthful of dirt.
Big Ogre sighs. The road to innkeepin'-ship is real long, he reflects (while slurping up some crunchy sand- waste not, want not, why not).
---
The moon rises high in the sky, illuminating the Advenchurin'-Inn far, far below.
"Hey, you!" Short Ogre says. "Gimme a hand over here!"
Two ogres look up from where they were, respectively, hitting rocks together and eating dirt. "Huh?" "What?"
"No, no- you!" Short Ogre repeats, waving a meaty hand in their general direction.
Two ogres look at each other, and then back at Short Ogre. "What?" "Huh?" they say.
"Oh, for cryin' out loud-" He pauses, a distinctly un-ogre-like idea percolating through his skull. "I can't just keep callin' you you. We gotta make up somethin' to call each other. Names," Short Ogre adds, his voice hushed.
"Names!?" The third ogre visibly recoils, looking at the speaker like he's grown a second head. "But dat's like magic, ain't it? Ogres is just ogres, an'-"
"Oh, I already got a name," Big Ogre rumbles, continuing to bash rocks together. It's only when the incredulous silence stretches on past the half-minute mark that he looks up, still unaware of the sizable bombshell he just dropped on the conversation. "Wot?"
"You never told me you had a name!" Short Ogre squawks, scandalized beyond all belief. "When did dis even happen!?"
"Well, you see-"
---
"Oh, come on," Mayj snarls. "Are you being absolutely serious right now?"
"Perfectly serious," snipes the old frowny guy known to Big Ogre only as Chance-lor, crossing his fancily robed arms. "The greatest heroes of the known world cannot be seen slumming around with an ogre, and I cannot register it as a member of your team. The crown won't stand for it."
"I will have you know, sirrah," Erchir says stiffly, mandibles clacking unconsciously, "that his aid has been invaluable-"
"He is an ogre," Chance-lor cuts in stubbornly. "If you're looking for someone to hold your baggage, a mule would be more intelligent and hygienic, and you would have better luck placing it on the Empire's payroll."
"First off, that's none of your business," Mayj hisses. "And secondly-" Wise to her ways, Erchir immediately holds the dwarf back mid-lunge, preventing her from going for her trusty staff. "Let me go! The worst that happens is I get an achievement in breakin' the law!"
"Now, now." The third 'hero' present chooses this moment to step in languidly, the elf's disarmingly fey smile ratcheting down the tension (despite Mayj's best wishes). "We can surely reach a compromise. Chancellor," Dewrid all but purrs. "If the only problem with registering our companion is that he is an ogre, then would it not be easier to simply omit that information entirely?"
Chance-lor sputters for a few seconds, but he rallies magnificently. "B-But that's absurd!"
"Why?" Dewrid asks with an innocent tilt of her head, a stray leaf from her hair fluttering to the floor.
"He, uhm. He doesn't have a name?" the government official hedges, sounding less sure of himself in the face of good old-fashioned elven charm.
A smile graces the elf's dainty features. "What's to stop you from entering a simple 'nobody' into the records?"
Chance-lor opens his mouth. Then, with a glance at the still-rabid Mayj, he closes his mouth.
---
"So dat's my name," Big Ogre says. "I'm Nobody, so you can just call me dat if you need somethin'."
"Amazing, dat won't be confusin' at all!" Short Ogre points to himself. "So wot about me?"
Nobody frowns, taken off-guard by this curveball. How does one name somebody, anyway? "I'unno, you can be whoever."
"Ooh, dat's nice," says the newly christened Whoever. "Very chic."
"Anyway, wot's dat you need my help with?" Nobody trundles over, leaving the nameless third ogre to his dirt-tasting session.
"Well, I was finkin'," replies Whoever. The shorter ogre holds up a makeshift sign cobbled together from the cross-section of what appears to be a palm tree trunk, seashells, and a wooden signboard. "Mebbe the reason we ain't been getting' off da ground is 'cause we ain't official yet. How's dis look?"
Nobody squints at the hieroglyphs scrawled on the waterlogged sign, made even more illegible by the passage of time and exposure to the elements, before shaking his head. "Dat's a good idea, but before dat, we gotta have, whaddaya call it…" The larger ogre mouths the word quietly to himself before continuing. "A Right an' Propa License."
Whoever's already busy trying to hang the sign from a protruding bit of rock. "Well, how do we get one of those?"
---
The moon rises over the glorious Solspire Empire, known far and wide as the rampart standing between the beating heart of civilization and the untamed wilderness of the so-called Far Reaches. Famed for the strength of its adventurers, a state of affairs it has taken great pains to keep as-is, a not-inconsiderable portion of the nation's coffers are dedicated to backing its many adventurers with a robust support network consisting of everything from financial benefits to coordination between its many member guilds and those who would seek their services…
Which sounds great in theory and manages to work in practice, but translates to an incredible amount of paperwork, unavoidable errors, and headaches for the many, many individuals whose work with adventurers are limited to the unforgiving battles waged on quill and parchment.
This goes doubly so for the affairs of a certain increasingly famous party. While the satisfaction of lending a helping hand to world-saving heroes should be its own reward, Solspire set aside a fund specifically to honor those who made the six heroes' journey possible, in accordance with what is known about their wishes. Weeding out ne'er-do-wells with more daring than sense- those who would lie and cheat just for the chance to grab at the heroes' coattails- does take a fair amount of work.
But sometimes, it's also no easy task to reward those confirmed to be directly connected to the heroes.
"Huh. What's this?"
A young elven clerk stares down at the odd name scrawled onto the payroll (form 9576y, sub-category G-1893), long ears twitching thoughtfully. She can't rule out the possibility of an alias, as adventurers are wont to adopt, but the handwriting is also absolutely atrocious (as is common for the noble-run Ministry, damn the Chancellor and his hoity-toity blueblood cronies). As is often the case, the clerk finds herself bumping the matter up to her manager… whose reaction takes her wholly off-guard.
"My goodness!" the older man all but shouts, holding the parchment like the most fragile of holy relics. "For the love of- pass me my stamp. Hurry, now!"
The young clerk does so, watching with a mix of bemusement and concern as her boss carefully affixes the seal of approval with all the care in the world. "Are you certain? We don't even know who-"
"Oh, for crying out loud. Look closer, woman! This is for the Heroes' group!" her manager hisses, the capital 'H' clanking into place with a reverence she's never heard from him before. "They saved my life once, you know, during the great Siege. So whoever this fine upstanding gentleman is, he helped them on their journey, and we must reward him for his service. Simple as that."
The clerk mulls this over. "Yes, but there's hardly any recorded information as to who this person is or what they did, other than 'luggage carrying,'" she insists. "And the reward is to be the owner of an inn?"
"Even simpler. Why should we not honor the modest aspirations of-" the bureaucrat pauses, shooting another glance at the barely legible handwriting "- N. Tiberius Ogrehand? Go on, then. I'll see to this personally."
Knowing a dismissal when she hears one, the clerk tilts her head and heads back to her station.
Neither of them is aware that the Chancellor had, with ill grace, written 'Nobody the Ogre.'
---
"I'm licensed," Nobody says suddenly.
Whoever and the third ogre look at each other, and then back at their erstwhile boss. "Sorry to hear dat?" Whoever hazards.
"Nah, I mean, we got the inn license. Da Advenchurin'-Inn is official," Nobody proudly insists.
The other ogres share another look before shrugging. If the head of this operation says that it's so, then who are they to gainsay him?
---
Nobody sits cross-legged on the sand, staring at the bag of coins in front of him. Seconds pass, then minutes, then hours.
Eventually, the large ogre closes his eyes and nods to himself, the truth laid bare.
"I got one money," he concludes.
The bag sits there, as baffled as an inanimate object could possibly be.
---
The dawn of the next day sees three ogres clustered around one of Da Holes, the one filled with dirty dirty water. Despite their patience, not a ripple breaks its muddy, opaque surface under their watchful gaze. Eventually, it's Nobody who breaks the silence.
"I don't fink the snaky guy's comin' back up," the large ogre says.
"Ooh, so da snaky guy's name is Aboard," the third ogre nods sagely. Everyone ignores him.
"Izzat normal for inn guests?" Whoever asks, honestly baffled. "Should we check on 'im?"
"I'll do it," the third ogre cuts in again. "I know a fing or two 'bout swimmin'. It's just like walkin', but in da water." Before either of his compatriots can stop him, he hops into the hole and immediately sinks like a rock.
Half an hour passes uneventfully. This would, perhaps, be more alarming to everyone involved if they were aware that people can't breathe underwater, but as no one thought to teach this to ogres, Nobody and Whoever are unsurprised when the third ogre emerges none the worse for wear. What does confuse them is-
"Hey, you jumped into Da Hole," Whoever says. "So why'd you come out from da sea?"
The third ogre knocks some seawater out of one ear before answering. "Because I followed Da Hole an' it goes out there," he replies. "I fink dat's where da snakey guy went. Out into da sea."
"Huh." Nobody shakes his head. "He didn't even pay us or nuffin'."
Whoever squints out past the Monstrous Beach, as if trying to find their errant guest by eyesight alone. "Wonder where he went?"
---
"Hey, did you hear!? There's been a report of-"
"A spire serpent, right?"
"Seriously? This far from the Infinite Grasslands?"
"Yeah, but get this, it's some kind of freak with arms and horns…"
"Hey, you guys are talking about that serpent that blew up a mountain, right?"
"Gods above, it flattened a mountain!?"
"Nah, I hear it was the top of a mountain, but yeah. It's setting up a nest or something, there's already a bounty for its head-"
"Good luck getting anyone to go for that, there's already talk about classifying it as a named monster, and you know how that goes-"
---
"Wherever he went, I'm sure it'll be fine," Nobody shrugs.
---
START OF TURN 2
(Four dice rolls total will be required on vote closing: three Ogre Luck dice, one regular dice.)
CHOOSE THREE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[ ] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - OUCH HOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Now that there's a place squared away for food prep, now is definitely time to unlock the secret of making things hot enough to eat.
[ ] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - WHY OUTSIDE] Good smells, good food, good eats- wait, hold on, kitchens aren't usually supposed to be on the outside, right? They've got to be on the inside. This must be fixed!!
[ ] (NEW!) [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
[ ] (NEW!) [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - TOWER] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Erchir always went on and on about how walls were useless without actual watchtowers to shoot baddies from.
[ ] (NEW!) [A STEED STABLIN' SPOT] A bunch of adventurers ride on these big weird animals, right? Inns always have a place to put 'em, feed 'em, and water 'em. Fyteur said so, and wot she said is usually true. So the Advenchurin'-Inn's gotta have a steed stablin' spot too.
[ ] [A GEAR FIXIN' BERTH] Adventurers gotta have a lot of stuff, but it's useless if it don't work- or so Rowgg says. There's always somethin' that needs fixin'. Scrape up a place to bang some stuff together!
[ ] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS-BEACH BORDER] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of the edge of the beach and the edge of the edge of the grasslands- and yet it ain't really like either of those places. It might be worth lookin' into.
[ ] [EXPLORE DA BEACH] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of a neat ocean. It'd be a waste not to learn about the Monstrous Beach; the ogres can give future guests directions, and you might also find more glittery stones.
[ ] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS] The ogres settin' up an inn right on the edge of a really weird plainsy area. It'd be a waste not to learn about the Infinite Grasslands; they can give future guests directions, and might figure out what's up the snakes.
[ ] [AGGRESSIVE MARKETING] The inn is totally mostly finished, right? So it's time to start bringin' in (more) customers! Spread the word that Ogre Advenchurin'-Inn is very much open for business. Somehow.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]
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RecurringExtra
Designated Background Character
- Location
- Out of Focus
This honestly got me to burst out laughing. I've had a long day, so I'm very much thankful.
[X] [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[X] [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
[X] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS-BEACH BORDER] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of the edge of the beach and the edge of the edge of the grasslands- and yet it ain't really like either of those places. It might be worth lookin' into.
Getting the new central area set up, as well as a perimeter would probably be wise. Also, we should probably get to trying to figure out the area around us sooner rather than later, and just putting it off forever.
Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
Let's do some last minute fixups and get some guests rollin' in!
[X] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[X] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - OUCH HOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Now that there's a place squared away for food prep, now is definitely time to unlock the secret of making things hot enough to eat.
[X] [AGGRESSIVE MARKETING] The inn is totally mostly finished, right? So it's time to start bringin' in (more) customers! Spread the word that Ogre Advenchurin'-Inn is very much open for business. Somehow.
Missing a quote mark here.
[X] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[X] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - OUCH HOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Now that there's a place squared away for food prep, now is definitely time to unlock the secret of making things hot enough to eat.
[X] [AGGRESSIVE MARKETING] The inn is totally mostly finished, right? So it's time to start bringin' in (more) customers! Spread the word that Ogre Advenchurin'-Inn is very much open for business. Somehow.
Missing a quote mark here.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[X] [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
[X] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS-BEACH BORDER] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of the edge of the beach and the edge of the edge of the grasslands- and yet it ain't really like either of those places. It might be worth lookin' into.
[X] [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
[X] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS-BEACH BORDER] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of the edge of the beach and the edge of the edge of the grasslands- and yet it ain't really like either of those places. It might be worth lookin' into.
- Location
- Outside the Box
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Said with absolute, complete sincerity.
I love the background lore for Nobody Tiberius Ogrehand's brilliant name. The comedy in this quest is seriously brilliant.
[X] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
[X] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - WHY OUTSIDE] Good smells, good food, good eats- wait, hold on, kitchens aren't usually supposed to be on the outside, right? They've got to be on the inside. This must be fixed!!
[X] [EXPLORE DA GRASSLANDS-BEACH BORDER] The ogres are settin' up an inn right on the edge of the edge of the beach and the edge of the edge of the grasslands- and yet it ain't really like either of those places. It might be worth lookin' into.
ArchAIngel
Sorcerer Supreme.
- Location
- Right behind you.
...Tiberius?
A Star Trek joke? Here?
I love it to bits. Now, voting!
[X] (NEW!) [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
We're ogres, we're too stupid to shoot people, but walls are something that works even if you're stupid!
[X] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - OUCH HOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Now that there's a place squared away for food prep, now is definitely time to unlock the secret of making things hot enough to eat.
Food? Food!
[X] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
And this is just obvious, really.
A Star Trek joke? Here?
I love it to bits. Now, voting!
[X] (NEW!) [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE, TAKE 2 - WALLS] Now that there's an actual building to protect, maybe it's best to make an actual perimeter or some such. Fyteur always went on and on about the importance of walls, that's a great way to keep the baddies out.
We're ogres, we're too stupid to shoot people, but walls are something that works even if you're stupid!
[X] (NEW!) [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT, TAKE 2 - OUCH HOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Now that there's a place squared away for food prep, now is definitely time to unlock the secret of making things hot enough to eat.
Food? Food!
[X] (NEW!) [INTERIOR RENOVATING] The ogres' first guest turned their pile of rocks into an semi-functional building with kinda spacious spaces inside! With a little bit of work, these could be turned into a central space with actual rooms off to the side. This ought to open up more options, right?
And this is just obvious, really.
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
Apologies for the delayed update! I had the bulk of it written out for a while but got sidetracked. Also forgot to set an end date for the vote, it'll likely go to 9 pm EST tomorrow as usual. As always, thanks for reading.
Fixed, thanks! No idea how that went missing.
Fixed, thanks! No idea how that went missing.
Vote closed
Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
Rolls! I think?
Edit: Big meh.
Edit: Big meh.
ArchAIngel
Sorcerer Supreme.
- Location
- Right behind you.
Let's be about it.
Jeez, our luck.
Jeez, our luck.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This really is a cursed quest.
Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
At our darkest our, we rolled a REALLY WEIRD result! Hell yes, the special modifiers are always amazing.
Turn 2.2.1: Plains Pals!
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
WINNING VOTE said:
Leaving Whoever and Ogre #3 to "hold the fort" (much to their confusion), Nobody trundles off to have a quick look around. Despite being the only landmark around for miles (aside from the ever-present towers of the Grasslands), the large ogre's long strides put distance between him and the Advenchurin'-Inn, and his pride and joy disappears over the horizon before too long.
Reddish sand crunches beneath Nobody's calloused feet, and the jagged no-man's land between the two vastly different regions stretches on endlessly. All that breaks up the monotony is the occasional prickly shrub and exposed rock- well, that and the breathtaking view, of course. To one side is the Infinite Grasslands, rolling plains of windswept grasses dotted with pearly white towers stretching into the deep blue sky; on the other side is the jet-black cliffs of the Monstrous Beaches, massive fangs of stone jutting out haphazardly into the crashing tide or reaching for the clouds.
Nobody frowns. The lack of any definitive landmarks is kinda concerning, sure, but if any inn guest asks, he'll at least be able to tell 'em which way to the grass and which way to the sea. That's got to count for something, right?
Just as he thinks that, of course, the large ogre finally finds a landmark.
Or to be more specific, a landmark bursts violently into existence in a blast of sulfurous heat that melts the surrounding sand into glass. Once Nobody blinks the light from his eyes, he finds himself staring at a ragged tear in reality about half a mile to the north, glowing a mind-bending shade of purplish-green and vomiting a frankly terrifying amount of magic into the surrounding air. Those few plants that survived the initial explosion are either flash frozen, melted, or both.
The next things that pour out of the rift are- in Nobody's expert opinion- heavily armored, kinda people-shaped lizard-frog-octopus-things who forgot how many and what kind of limbs they ought to have. But hey, Nobody ain't gonna judge- maybe spiked tentacles are what's hot this season and acidic drool is all the rage. If the large ogre could count, he'd realize that about twenty of the creatures are now milling around on the sands; if he knew anything at all about demonology, he would know for a fact that even this many would be enough to send any sane person screaming for the hills.
As it is, Nobody watches the proceedings with the sort of vacant interest unique to all ogres, and wonders what the spiky boys are supposed to be called. Demon? Demons? Demen? Dewomen?
The monster in charge, presumably because he's twice as large as the others, draws everyone's attention by messily devouring the guy who just tried to stab him in the back. "Twelfth Legion!" he shouts, his throat sac vibrating around a hoarse screech and his maw spraying ichor. "This base, this foothold, represents the first step toward restoring our great leader's good name. You have your orders! Today, we march upon the realm of the sun and strike fear into the cursed!"
This proclamation is met with possibly approving howls and roars, a great many flailing claws and tentacles, and dozens of blood-rusted violence-dispensing implements being brandished with little regard for safety or personal space.
Meanwhile, the gears in Nobody's head grind against each other. As his mind churns toward the only possible outcome, the large ogre grins slowly, and he nods to himself. Because… well.
This is what his old pals would call a business opportunity, ain't it?
EMERGENCY VOTE! (One Ogre Luck dice to be rolled after voting)
CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [NEW GUESTS: THE TOTALLY NICE AND NOT AT ALL VIOLENT PEOPLE] The spiky guys aren't in a hurry, right? They look tired and worn out, especially after being spat out of a glowy fing, right? They gotta be tired and hungry and with tools that need fixin' right? They can all stay at the Advenchurin'-Inn!
[ ] [CATERING SERVICE: THE TOTALLY NORMAL AND NOT AT ALL SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE] The Advenchurin'-Inn isn't in the greatest shape right now… so why not bring the service to these kind and law-abiding folk? Give 'em food, give their gear a good spit-shining, and send them off to their fun times with a smile!
[ ] [THE VIP TREATMENT: THE TOTALLY REGULAR AND NOT AT ALL WARMONGERING BOSS] Quality over quantity. Let the rank and file troops do what they will, but focus the Inn's efforts on the big boss bloke. Give 'im room and board, and show that you can hobnob with the nobbest of nobs!
[ ] [NO, YOU ARE THE LOCAL ATTRACTION] Sure, these guys might not be the best guests, but there's no question that the Advenchurin'-Inn's intended clientele will get a kick out of meeting and greeting these fine folk- and vice versa. The demons don't need to go anywhere- the Advenchurin'-Inn will bring the main attraction to them!
(Remaining options and rolls to be resolved later.)
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Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
[X] [NEW GUESTS: THE TOTALLY NICE AND NOT AT ALL VIOLENT PEOPLE] The spiky guys aren't in a hurry, right? They look tired and worn out, especially after being spat out of a glowy fing, right? They gotta be tired and hungry and with tools that need fixin' right? They can all stay at the Advenchurin'-Inn!
We gotsta show as many of these fine folk as possible our good ol' fashioned ogre hospitality! How will they all fit inside? Well, Nobody knows!
We gotsta show as many of these fine folk as possible our good ol' fashioned ogre hospitality! How will they all fit inside? Well, Nobody knows!
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] [CATERING SERVICE: THE TOTALLY NORMAL AND NOT AT ALL SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE] The Advenchurin'-Inn isn't in the greatest shape right now… so why not bring the service to these kind and law-abiding folk? Give 'em food, give their gear a good spit-shining, and send them off to their fun times with a smile!
Corn for the Khornates!
Corn for the Khornates!
- Location
- Outside the Box
- Pronouns
- She/Her
[X] [NO, YOU ARE THE LOCAL ATTRACTION] Sure, these guys might not be the best guests, but there's no question that the Advenchurin'-Inn's intended clientele will get a kick out of meeting and greeting these fine folk- and vice versa. The demons don't need to go anywhere- the Advenchurin'-Inn will bring the main attraction to them!
I'm sure these folks would love to meet new friends!
I'm sure these folks would love to meet new friends!
Crawkid
Lover of quests and community
- Location
- holed up in my room
[x] [NO, YOU ARE THE LOCAL ATTRACTION] Sure, these guys might not be the best guests, but there's no question that the Advenchurin'-Inn's intended clientele will get a kick out of meeting and greeting these fine folk- and vice versa. The demons don't need to go anywhere- the Advenchurin'-Inn will bring the main attraction to them!
(because this amuses me the most)
(because this amuses me the most)