Ogres, the dumbest yet luckiest creatures to ever walk the earth, open their own adventuring inn. May all the gods have mercy.
Ogre Advenchurin'-Inn Quest
- Thread starter Blorp
- Start date
- Original Fantasy
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- Status
- Ongoing
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Statistics (9 threadmarks, 19k words)
User Total Blorp 9 -
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Turn 1: Location, Location, Location
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
What are ogres, you may ask?
Tall, brutish humanoids packed with muscle and fat. Blue of skin and thick of skull, their feeble brains are incapable of anything even remotely resembling coherent thought. Capable of speech, if barely, but bereft of culture and unable to settle down into organized societies. Ogres roam the land not in packs or even in pairs, but as solitary wanderers.
But the humble ogre is not a dangerous monster; far from it, in fact. For all their prodigious strength, ogres are placid creatures who are quite difficult to anger. While they can defend themselves, no one bothers to hunt them, for their body parts are worthless as magical or alchemical reagents. Ogres are also worth nothing as citizens; they do not understand the concept of tax and barter, let alone what constitutes edible food, and many adventurers have seen these piteous creatures eating naught but rocks and dirt.
So how, then, do the ogres survive? As unbelievable as it may sound, the answer is as simple as it is well-documented:
Dumb luck.
Ogres are, by far, the luckiest race in all the world. All attempts to enslave them as brute labor have failed, for they slip their bonds and wander off without ever realizing what their erstwhile slavers were trying to do. Similarly, attempting to clear one's territory of ogres is far more trouble than it's worth, and only an idiot would waste their time trying. Many scholars have theorized that, perhaps, even the fact that ogre cadavers are utterly bereft of value is one of many strokes of luck that have all but guaranteed their continued survival…
By and large, the world leaves ogres alone, and the ogres are more than happy to be nothing more than a footnote in history.
~Excerpt from "A Comprehensive Guide to the Known Races of the World," thirteenth edition,
Written by Sir Ionarth Silverlight the Insufferably Racist
---
Innocence is their shield.
Stupidity is their armor.
Luck is their angel.
Armed with ignorance,
They hold all the dice.
What thoughts lurk,
In the abyss of their minds?
O! To be an ogre.
To be an ogre! O!
~Excerpt from "Ogre Ogre Ogre,"
Written by Mygil Mallus the Madman
---
Two ogres sit in a clearing. The smaller one chews placidly on a particularly crunchy rock; the larger one stares blankly at the bag in his hand, a deep frown creasing his forehead.
Seconds, minutes, or hours pass. Eventually, the big ogre speaks up, his voice a bass rumble. "So I've been thinkin'."
The smaller ogre eyes him as one would eye someone who just professed their undying love for uncomfortably awkward silences. "Gesundheit," he replies uncertainly.
"No fanks, I just ate. So I've been thinkin'," Big Ogre says again. "I wanna make a fing."
This does not help Short Ogre's understanding of the situation. Staring at the rock in his hand, likewise, yields no answers, so he resigns himself to what promises to be a confusing conversation. "What kind of fing?"
Big Ogre pulls himself up from his habitual slouch, paying no heed to the squawking bird that had been trying to nest on his shoulder. "I am going to make-" Here, he pauses just long enough for his two brain cells to meander toward each other. "An advenchurin-'inn," Big Ogre says grandly.
"Ooh." Short Ogre frowns, scratching his head. "Wot's n'advenchurin'in'inn?"
Big Ogre opens his mouth to reply, hesitates, closes his mouth, and then closes his eyes.
Lights shine brightly against the darkness, and muffled, joyous noises fend off the quiet of the night. Then the thick, homey-looking door opens, and Big Ogre is hit by a blast of warmth and the incredibly delicious smell of incredibly delicious food. Tables and chairs sit haphazardly around the massive hearth dominating the middle of the room, yet servers navigate expertly around the chaotic mess, bringing drinks and soups and meats and veggies to all manner of beings. Dozens of adventurers laugh and make merry, cry and mourn the loss of their comrades, and shout with glee as they're reunited with familiar faces. Swords and staves and bows and axes abound, but they are never drawn in anger, only presented to their fellows as part of their boasts or handed off to the forge out back for sharpening or repairs.
But the ambient noise is nothing compared to the cheers that nearly blow the top off the ceiling. Cheers for his friends, the heroes of the whole wide world, who laugh and pull Big Ogre inside for one last night of celebration before The Big Fight To End All Fights...
Eventually, Big Ogre opens his eyes back up. "The advenchurin'-inn is a comfy place," he rumbles with a sage nod. "So I'm gonna make one just like it."
"Okay." Short Ogre eyes him warily. Ogres don't make things, he could say, but just this once, dashing the hopes and dreams of his fellow ogre doesn't sit right with him. What he says instead is, "an' how're you gonna do that?"
With the solemn air of someone presenting a holy relic, Big Ogre holds up his bag, whose contents jingle in a manner that suggests coins of some sort. (This fact, of course, wholly escapes one of the two ogres.) "With this money."
"Okay," Short Ogre repeats, more interested in the bag than in its contents. "Hey, where'd you get that fing?"
"The City," Big Ogre responds. To ogres, 'The City' is a catch-all term used to describe any settlement with a population of 'more than one' and less than 'a lot more than one.' As with most ogre vocabulary words, that this utterly fails to specify anything of note is lost on them.
"Okay," Short Ogre says for the third time in as many minutes, with the same air of blank incomprehension that he's kept up from his first waking moments. "Wot's money?"
That gives the larger ogre pause. Eventually, what he settles on is "a fing that the frowny guys give you when you do a fing for them."
Big Ogre does not like the frowny guys. Way back when, they protested when his friends brought in Big Ogre to 're-gis-ter' as a guy wot carries big bags. Most recently, in the absence of his friends doing their talky fing, the frowny guys brought in dozens more frowny guys who all ran around and shouted stuff at each other before handing Big Ogre the bag wot was full of money and telling him to go away.
"More importantly," Big Ogre continues, shaking off the unwelcome memory. "Money's what's gonna let me make this inn."
Short Ogre squints uncertainly at the bag. When this so-called money fails to hop out and start laying down building foundations, he looks back up at Big Ogre. "Wot, like, right here?" he says.
That nets him a blank stare, which fades into another thoughtful frown that scrunches up Big Ogre's face. What's that thing that one friend of his always said? 'Location, location, location'? After a moment, the ogre figures he probably didn't mean to literally split his advenchurin'-inn into three parts and plop them all in different places, which means…
It's time to make a great big decision.
Where does the ogre wish to open his establishment?
CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
[ ] [THE RESTLESS FOREST] Trees are nice, and there're a lot of them! So many, in fact, that it gets super dark and spooky in places. It's also very loud, wot with the horrible shrieking every few hours. Always stuff that needs to be done in the forest for adventurers and mercenaries. Good thing you'll give 'em the perfect place to take refuge from the trees!
[ ] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
[ ] [THE FORBIDDEN DESERT] Lotsa sand, lotsa heat, lotsa weird stuff going on! Somethin' about old fights when people smashed each other with the biggest magics and left behind big pits full of glowy things. No matter where people wanna go or what they wanna do with the stuff here, they'll need water and supplies. Perfect for a cool, cozy bed!
[ ] [THE TERROR TUNDRA] Cold, icy, and crazy with mountains! Adventurers are always pushing into new frontiers for whatever reason, wot with all the talk of the world growing bigger due to weird wotsits deep under the ice. No clue what they're talking about, of course, but the warmth of a good fire is what we can give 'em!
[ ] [THE DREAD SWAMP] Muddy an' squelchy an' tickly! No one really likes the swamp, but there's so much stuff to find there anyway, like evil bones that keep getting back up. Dunno what an 'undead tide' or 'root of all evil' is, or why everyone's worried about the swamp sucking up the world, but it's surely a great place for a rest stop!
Tall, brutish humanoids packed with muscle and fat. Blue of skin and thick of skull, their feeble brains are incapable of anything even remotely resembling coherent thought. Capable of speech, if barely, but bereft of culture and unable to settle down into organized societies. Ogres roam the land not in packs or even in pairs, but as solitary wanderers.
But the humble ogre is not a dangerous monster; far from it, in fact. For all their prodigious strength, ogres are placid creatures who are quite difficult to anger. While they can defend themselves, no one bothers to hunt them, for their body parts are worthless as magical or alchemical reagents. Ogres are also worth nothing as citizens; they do not understand the concept of tax and barter, let alone what constitutes edible food, and many adventurers have seen these piteous creatures eating naught but rocks and dirt.
So how, then, do the ogres survive? As unbelievable as it may sound, the answer is as simple as it is well-documented:
Dumb luck.
Ogres are, by far, the luckiest race in all the world. All attempts to enslave them as brute labor have failed, for they slip their bonds and wander off without ever realizing what their erstwhile slavers were trying to do. Similarly, attempting to clear one's territory of ogres is far more trouble than it's worth, and only an idiot would waste their time trying. Many scholars have theorized that, perhaps, even the fact that ogre cadavers are utterly bereft of value is one of many strokes of luck that have all but guaranteed their continued survival…
By and large, the world leaves ogres alone, and the ogres are more than happy to be nothing more than a footnote in history.
~Excerpt from "A Comprehensive Guide to the Known Races of the World," thirteenth edition,
Written by Sir Ionarth Silverlight the Insufferably Racist
---
Innocence is their shield.
Stupidity is their armor.
Luck is their angel.
Armed with ignorance,
They hold all the dice.
What thoughts lurk,
In the abyss of their minds?
O! To be an ogre.
To be an ogre! O!
~Excerpt from "Ogre Ogre Ogre,"
Written by Mygil Mallus the Madman
---
OGRE ADVENCHURIN'-INN QUEST
Two ogres sit in a clearing. The smaller one chews placidly on a particularly crunchy rock; the larger one stares blankly at the bag in his hand, a deep frown creasing his forehead.
Seconds, minutes, or hours pass. Eventually, the big ogre speaks up, his voice a bass rumble. "So I've been thinkin'."
The smaller ogre eyes him as one would eye someone who just professed their undying love for uncomfortably awkward silences. "Gesundheit," he replies uncertainly.
"No fanks, I just ate. So I've been thinkin'," Big Ogre says again. "I wanna make a fing."
This does not help Short Ogre's understanding of the situation. Staring at the rock in his hand, likewise, yields no answers, so he resigns himself to what promises to be a confusing conversation. "What kind of fing?"
Big Ogre pulls himself up from his habitual slouch, paying no heed to the squawking bird that had been trying to nest on his shoulder. "I am going to make-" Here, he pauses just long enough for his two brain cells to meander toward each other. "An advenchurin-'inn," Big Ogre says grandly.
"Ooh." Short Ogre frowns, scratching his head. "Wot's n'advenchurin'in'inn?"
Big Ogre opens his mouth to reply, hesitates, closes his mouth, and then closes his eyes.
Lights shine brightly against the darkness, and muffled, joyous noises fend off the quiet of the night. Then the thick, homey-looking door opens, and Big Ogre is hit by a blast of warmth and the incredibly delicious smell of incredibly delicious food. Tables and chairs sit haphazardly around the massive hearth dominating the middle of the room, yet servers navigate expertly around the chaotic mess, bringing drinks and soups and meats and veggies to all manner of beings. Dozens of adventurers laugh and make merry, cry and mourn the loss of their comrades, and shout with glee as they're reunited with familiar faces. Swords and staves and bows and axes abound, but they are never drawn in anger, only presented to their fellows as part of their boasts or handed off to the forge out back for sharpening or repairs.
But the ambient noise is nothing compared to the cheers that nearly blow the top off the ceiling. Cheers for his friends, the heroes of the whole wide world, who laugh and pull Big Ogre inside for one last night of celebration before The Big Fight To End All Fights...
Eventually, Big Ogre opens his eyes back up. "The advenchurin'-inn is a comfy place," he rumbles with a sage nod. "So I'm gonna make one just like it."
"Okay." Short Ogre eyes him warily. Ogres don't make things, he could say, but just this once, dashing the hopes and dreams of his fellow ogre doesn't sit right with him. What he says instead is, "an' how're you gonna do that?"
With the solemn air of someone presenting a holy relic, Big Ogre holds up his bag, whose contents jingle in a manner that suggests coins of some sort. (This fact, of course, wholly escapes one of the two ogres.) "With this money."
"Okay," Short Ogre repeats, more interested in the bag than in its contents. "Hey, where'd you get that fing?"
"The City," Big Ogre responds. To ogres, 'The City' is a catch-all term used to describe any settlement with a population of 'more than one' and less than 'a lot more than one.' As with most ogre vocabulary words, that this utterly fails to specify anything of note is lost on them.
"Okay," Short Ogre says for the third time in as many minutes, with the same air of blank incomprehension that he's kept up from his first waking moments. "Wot's money?"
That gives the larger ogre pause. Eventually, what he settles on is "a fing that the frowny guys give you when you do a fing for them."
Big Ogre does not like the frowny guys. Way back when, they protested when his friends brought in Big Ogre to 're-gis-ter' as a guy wot carries big bags. Most recently, in the absence of his friends doing their talky fing, the frowny guys brought in dozens more frowny guys who all ran around and shouted stuff at each other before handing Big Ogre the bag wot was full of money and telling him to go away.
"More importantly," Big Ogre continues, shaking off the unwelcome memory. "Money's what's gonna let me make this inn."
Short Ogre squints uncertainly at the bag. When this so-called money fails to hop out and start laying down building foundations, he looks back up at Big Ogre. "Wot, like, right here?" he says.
That nets him a blank stare, which fades into another thoughtful frown that scrunches up Big Ogre's face. What's that thing that one friend of his always said? 'Location, location, location'? After a moment, the ogre figures he probably didn't mean to literally split his advenchurin'-inn into three parts and plop them all in different places, which means…
It's time to make a great big decision.
Where does the ogre wish to open his establishment?
CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
[ ] [THE RESTLESS FOREST] Trees are nice, and there're a lot of them! So many, in fact, that it gets super dark and spooky in places. It's also very loud, wot with the horrible shrieking every few hours. Always stuff that needs to be done in the forest for adventurers and mercenaries. Good thing you'll give 'em the perfect place to take refuge from the trees!
[ ] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
[ ] [THE FORBIDDEN DESERT] Lotsa sand, lotsa heat, lotsa weird stuff going on! Somethin' about old fights when people smashed each other with the biggest magics and left behind big pits full of glowy things. No matter where people wanna go or what they wanna do with the stuff here, they'll need water and supplies. Perfect for a cool, cozy bed!
[ ] [THE TERROR TUNDRA] Cold, icy, and crazy with mountains! Adventurers are always pushing into new frontiers for whatever reason, wot with all the talk of the world growing bigger due to weird wotsits deep under the ice. No clue what they're talking about, of course, but the warmth of a good fire is what we can give 'em!
[ ] [THE DREAD SWAMP] Muddy an' squelchy an' tickly! No one really likes the swamp, but there's so much stuff to find there anyway, like evil bones that keep getting back up. Dunno what an 'undead tide' or 'root of all evil' is, or why everyone's worried about the swamp sucking up the world, but it's surely a great place for a rest stop!
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THE DICE
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
THE RULES
On all rolls: the higher, the better. The lower, the worse. The middle-er, the boring-er.
On any dice involving ogres (marked as OGRE LUCK DICE), the following exceptions apply:
??? LOCKED
- Whenever the QM says "ROLL 'EM" in big honking red letters, please roll one (1) d100. The first roll will be used.
- Rolls will usually happen after a vote closes. (Unless they're not needed, in which case, yeah.)
- Each poster only gets one roll per round, using SV's built-in dice roller.
- The QM may need multiple d100 rolls, which will also be used on a first come, first served basis.
- Please don't roll any dice until the QM says so! (I mean, you could, but any unsanctioned results won't be counted toward actual rolls. You have been warned!)
On all rolls: the higher, the better. The lower, the worse. The middle-er, the boring-er.
On any dice involving ogres (marked as OGRE LUCK DICE), the following exceptions apply:
- 100: STUPID LUCKY
- 50: REALLY WEIRD
- 1: LUCKY STUPID
- CLOSE ENOUGH:
- STUPID LUCKY gets activated on 97-100. LUCKY STUPID gets activated on 1-3. Exactly 50 becomes REALLY WEIRD.
??? LOCKED
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Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
It's Blorpin' time, and it's time for the classic OGRE QUEST.
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
Surf's up.
And, hell, let's see what the dice have to say about it.
Edit: Oh shoot I messed up GM posts. Sorry Blorp.
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
Surf's up.
And, hell, let's see what the dice have to say about it.
Edit: Oh shoot I messed up GM posts. Sorry Blorp.
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ADVENCHURIN'-INN STATS
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
UPDATED: Start of Turn 2
THE STATS
STAFFS
BOSS: BIG OGRE (Nobody)
HELP: SHORT OGRE (Whoever)
OTHER STAFF: One (1) ogre
ADVENCHURIN' INN (NAMELESS):
WHERE WE AT: On the border of the Infinite Grasslands and the Monstrous Beach
BUILDING: A ROCK BUILDING
SLEEPY-IN': DIRT
FOOD NOM-IN': Rudimentary Food-Makin' Spot
GEAR REPAIRIN': MIGHT BE DIRT
STEED STABLIN': HOPE THEY LIKE DIRT
SAFE KEEPIN': UNDER THE DIRT
OUCH HEALIN': KINDA DIRTY
GUD SERVICE: AGAIN, HOPE THEY LIKE DIRT
BADDIE BEATIN': NOT INTO THE DIRT
UPGRADES:
- A License For That (+10 to inn-building actions, among other things)
- Shelterin' Tree
- Slightly Confusing Water System
VIPS: NOT DIRT (I MEAN, I HOPE)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: YEAH, IT'S ALL JUST DIRT
THE STATS
STAFFS
BOSS: BIG OGRE (Nobody)
HELP: SHORT OGRE (Whoever)
OTHER STAFF: One (1) ogre
ADVENCHURIN' INN (NAMELESS):
WHERE WE AT: On the border of the Infinite Grasslands and the Monstrous Beach
BUILDING: A ROCK BUILDING
SLEEPY-IN': DIRT
FOOD NOM-IN': Rudimentary Food-Makin' Spot
GEAR REPAIRIN': MIGHT BE DIRT
STEED STABLIN': HOPE THEY LIKE DIRT
SAFE KEEPIN': UNDER THE DIRT
OUCH HEALIN': KINDA DIRTY
GUD SERVICE: AGAIN, HOPE THEY LIKE DIRT
BADDIE BEATIN': NOT INTO THE DIRT
UPGRADES:
- A License For That (+10 to inn-building actions, among other things)
- Shelterin' Tree
- Slightly Confusing Water System
VIPS: NOT DIRT (I MEAN, I HOPE)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: YEAH, IT'S ALL JUST DIRT
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RecurringExtra
Designated Background Character
- Location
- Out of Focus
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
I literally just teared up seeing this, god damn it Blorp why are you making me feel old.
Also, I'm tempted to vote for the desert again, but I'm not sure trying to summon Bawss again will end well considering how the previous reality ended.
I literally just teared up seeing this, god damn it Blorp why are you making me feel old.
Also, I'm tempted to vote for the desert again, but I'm not sure trying to summon Bawss again will end well considering how the previous reality ended.
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Dermonster
The Shittiest Wizard
Mistakes were made. By me, specifically. 💚
LucidProp
Pocky Eating MafiaDoka
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
No sand for a beach?
Very simple solution. Crush rock into powder with ogre grip strength. Repeat as many times as needed until we get a sandy beach!
No sand for a beach?
Very simple solution. Crush rock into powder with ogre grip strength. Repeat as many times as needed until we get a sandy beach!
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- Location
- Brazil
[X] [THE RESTLESS FOREST] Trees are nice, and there're a lot of them! So many, in fact, that it gets super dark and spooky in places. It's also very loud, wot with the horrible shrieking every few hours. Always stuff that needs to be done in the forest for adventurers and mercenaries. Good thing you'll give 'em the perfect place to take refuge from the trees!
Euclaid Galieane
Addicted to Words
- Location
- Inside a Book
[X] [THE TERROR TUNDRA]
[X] [THE RESTLESS FOREST] Trees are nice, and there're a lot of them! So many, in fact, that it gets super dark and spooky in places. It's also very loud, wot with the horrible shrieking every few hours. Always stuff that needs to be done in the forest for adventurers and mercenaries. Good thing you'll give 'em the perfect place to take refuge from the trees!
- Location
- The Milky Way Galaxy, Presumably
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
Singing caves? Will give inn good am-bi-ance.
Singing caves? Will give inn good am-bi-ance.
Amazing, I'm in
[x] [THE DREAD SWAMP] Muddy an' squelchy an' tickly! No one really likes the swamp, but there's so much stuff to find there anyway, like evil bones that keep getting back up. Dunno what an 'undead tide' or 'root of all evil' is, or why everyone's worried about the swamp sucking up the world, but it's surely a great place for a rest stop!
[x] [THE DREAD SWAMP] Muddy an' squelchy an' tickly! No one really likes the swamp, but there's so much stuff to find there anyway, like evil bones that keep getting back up. Dunno what an 'undead tide' or 'root of all evil' is, or why everyone's worried about the swamp sucking up the world, but it's surely a great place for a rest stop!
SleepyCaterpilar
Just a Rapariga
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
- Location
- France
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
Edited the dice rules to clarify a few things! Namely to note when ROLL 'EM will usually happen, and that OGRE LUCK will apply to rolls "involving ogres," which should be specific enough.
I'll probably close the vote earlier than midnight, perhaps at around 10 pm EST. Currently, turning the quest into one great big beach episode is ahead in the votes!
Thanks for joining me on this ride, and I hope you all enjoy the quest.
I'll probably close the vote earlier than midnight, perhaps at around 10 pm EST. Currently, turning the quest into one great big beach episode is ahead in the votes!
Thanks for joining me on this ride, and I hope you all enjoy the quest.
- Location
- Pilipinas
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
- Location
- Outside the Box
- Pronouns
- She/Her
[X] [THE DREAD SWAMP] Muddy an' squelchy an' tickly! No one really likes the swamp, but there's so much stuff to find there anyway, like evil bones that keep getting back up. Dunno what an 'undead tide' or 'root of all evil' is, or why everyone's worried about the swamp sucking up the world, but it's surely a great place for a rest stop!
The 'root of all evil' sounds like a popular adventuring place.
The 'root of all evil' sounds like a popular adventuring place.
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
I'll go ahead and close the vote, on account of having 95% of the next update written- it's a tie between Infinite Grasslands and Monstrous Beach.
On that note, time to break in the quest with a dice roll!
On that note, time to break in the quest with a dice roll!
**ROLL 'EM!**
One (1) d100 roll needed, first one will be taken.
OGRE LUCK applies!
(Next time, I'll write whether a roll will be needed under the voting options, rather than springing it on the "vote closed" post.)One (1) d100 roll needed, first one will be taken.
OGRE LUCK applies!
Turn 1.1: Grass and Sand and Rocks and Water
- Location
- Stupid Lucky Time
Tie between:
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
[X] [THE MONSTROUS BEACH] Waves an' water an' seagulls! There's all sorts of crazy stuff in and over and under the sea, and stuff about old ships wot move without any sails or rowers. Plenty of mysteries that draw people in. Sure, there's no sand, just big spiky rocks and weirdo singing caves all over the place, but everyone loves a good beachy resort!
[X] [THE INFINITE GRASSLANDS] Yes, right here is fine. There's grass, grass, rocks, and more grass, and everyone who comes by always looks exhausted. That probably has to do with the big ol' weirdo towers all over the place- some of them even reach way up past the clouds. That just means all this grass isn't a bad place for a quick lie-down!
Big Ogre remains motionless for some time, his face scrunched up in concentration as he engages in a bout of somewhat hazardous Thinkin' With A Capital Think. His contemplation goes on for long enough that birds come home to roost on the leaves and dirt clinging to his shoulders, squirrels start trying to hide acorns in his ears, and Short Ogre casts about for his next meal (which ends up being a clump of dirt, nutritional value yet to be determined).
Twelve long hours later, Big Ogre gives a solemn nod before standing up, sending a veritable tide of forest critters scampering away and nearly giving his compatriot a heart attack. "I'm gonna make the Advenchurin'-Inn," he rumbles apropos of nothing. "Right 'ere."
Short Ogre blinks, fumbling his delicious dirt with a muttered curse. "Wot, like, 'ere 'ere?"
There's a hesitant pause as Big Ogre stops to think (but not Capital Thinkin'), scratching his chin and ignoring the resulting shower of long-accumulated grime. "Well, not 'ere 'ere. Just grass would be kinda boring. We're gonna need some water too."
And so it is that they arrive at the oft-contested border between two wholly different biomes. To the east, the greenery of the Infinite Grasslands stretches boundlessly into the horizon, dotted only by the occasional lone tree- which are, one and all, dwarfed by the dozens upon dozens of pearly-white stone towers that stretch up into the sky and pierce the very clouds themselves. To the west, rolling waves crash loudly against the rocky fangs lining the whimsically named Monstrous Beach. Still sharp despite being weathering centuries of tidewater, the "beach's" pitch-black stone glints dully under the sunlight, hiding labyrinthine caverns from sight; otherworldly notes linger on the salty breeze, carried up from deep beneath the earth.
The two ogres stand right where the lush rolling plains and physics-defying structures of the Infinite Grasslands fade into a no-man's land of rough red sand dotted with ragged, hardy tufts of grasses, which eventually give way to the sheer cliffs and jagged coastline of the Monstrous Beach-
"Wait, huh?" Short Ogre says, his head whipping back and forth in confusion. "Weren't we just at a different grassy place just now?"
"No we wasn't," Big Ogre rumbles.
"But there were lots of trees an' everythin', and now they're all gone-"
"We was always here."
This pulls Short Ogre up short(er). "An' there ain't no mistake 'bout that?"
"Nah. We was always here, just now," Big Ogre says.
In the face of the ironclad logic of the Nah, Short Ogre can only shrug. "A'right then." He picks up a handful of coarse sand, sniffing at it dubiously before cramming it into his maw. "So wot now?" he says, ignoring the grains trickling from his mouth.
Big Ogre hefts the crucial little bag, listening to the coins clinking against each other. "Well, uh…" He pauses, surveying the local area. All he can see is a bunch of sand, some soft grasses over yonder, and a bunch of icky salty water in the other direction. Inns are places to eat and make merry, but they're also places to sleep, places to get their stuff fixed up all proper-like, places to get drinks, places to figure out what jobs to take next, places to find people to fight with…
His brow furrows as thoughts grind through his mind, in danger of eventually colliding at very slow speeds. "Huh," Big Ogre says, his voice a bass rumble. "We gotta start makin' things."
Short Ogre shifts in place, looking increasingly uncomfortable. "Can I, uh, not do this stuff and go somewhere else?"
"Nah."
Once again, there's no arguing with the authoritative Nah, and Short Ogre lets out an explosive sigh. "Aww."
What do the ogres begin working on first?
CHOOSE TWO (2) OF THE FOLLOWING:
(
[ ] [A DOORWAY OVER DA HEAD] is worth two birds in the bush. That's how the saying goes, innit, Clayrikk? Anyway, people can't enter the inn if there's no door to open and building to enter!
[ ] [A FOOD MAKIN' SPOT] Good smells, good food, good eats. Like Dewrid says, it all starts at the… place where food is made, however that works. Might as well square away a place to put all the munchies!
[ ] [A SLEEP BEDDY AREA] Mayj always went on and on about how a good night's sleep is the most important thing: it's gotta be quiet, private, and soothing. T'ain't an inn without a beddy area!
[ ] [A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE] It's totally fine for brawls to happen in the inn, but not comin' in from outside the inn, as Erchir always grumbled. Set up one of them fancy perimeters. Inns should be comfy!
[ ] [A GEAR FIXIN' BERTH] Adventurers gotta have a lot of stuff, but it's useless if it don't work- or so Rowgg says. There's always somethin' that needs fixin'. Scrape up a place to bang some stuff together!
[ ] [LANDSCAPIN' TIME] This ugly sand is rough and coarse and gets everywhere. Maybe it'd be best to just do somethin' about it? This whole place is also kinda… weird, and neither grassy nor beachy. Surely something can be done about it!
[ ] [WRITE-IN]
---
Elsewhere, an overworked clerk squints at the map she's been annotating for the past six months. The young elf sits up straighter, waving down her passing colleague. "Hey, the Infinite Grasslands border the Monstrous Beach, right?"
"What?" He adjusts his monocle before joining in the confused squinting. "Er… well, yes, of course they do," the older gentleman eventually says, his uncertainty fading with every subsequent word. "It's common knowledge."
The younger clerk hesitates, on the verge of asking whether they always bordered each other before just now, before dismissing it as a silly question. Of course they have. It must have slipped her mind. Besides, massive, civilization-defining geographical features don't just move around on their own, at least not without the aid of frankly apocalyptic levels of magic that would ping on the radars of every country within a thousand mile radius, if not more.
Right? Right.
And so she promptly forgets her momentary confusion, never to know that the innocent actions of two ogres were the driving force behind the ensuing decades of mild bureaucratic and geopolitical bedlam.
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- Location
- Outside the Box
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Oh no. Big Ogre is so smart he warps reality.
[X] [A DOORWAY OVER DA HEAD] is worth two birds in the bush. That's how the saying goes, innit, Clayrikk? Anyway, people can't enter the inn if there's no door to open and building to enter!
[X] [LANDSCAPIN' TIME] This ugly sand is rough and coarse and gets everywhere. Maybe it'd be best to just do somethin' about it? This whole place is also kinda… weird, and neither grassy nor beachy. Surely something can be done about it!
Start with the foundation. A solid foundation makes for a good place to put stuff on top of. Like an inn.
[X] [A DOORWAY OVER DA HEAD] is worth two birds in the bush. That's how the saying goes, innit, Clayrikk? Anyway, people can't enter the inn if there's no door to open and building to enter!
[X] [LANDSCAPIN' TIME] This ugly sand is rough and coarse and gets everywhere. Maybe it'd be best to just do somethin' about it? This whole place is also kinda… weird, and neither grassy nor beachy. Surely something can be done about it!
Start with the foundation. A solid foundation makes for a good place to put stuff on top of. Like an inn.