[OC][Non-BB] Welcome to the Glass Castle

[Tascion]

I must admit that I failed to find an emotional investment with the characters or their powers, and I often got confused as to whether Andrea or Valerie was the weird one, if the glass power was metaphorical or literal, and how much of the narrator's perspective was reliable.

Each scene was evocative, which kept me reading. Even for my disinterest in this story, it retains and even improves on average for the descriptive qualities that first led me to follow your works. I simply no longer believed in the accuracy of narrator for connecting each chapter into a cohesive plot.

The story mostly makes sense, in retrospect, but I was here for each chapter instead of the story. I hope that is clear.

I do really enjoy your descriptions, they are excellently uncanny for the level of gore you use.

 

[untimely_gyre]

(Disclaimer: I've been reading the chapters as they come out and haven't reread before posting this, so i may be misremembering or misinterpreting things.)

I really enjoyed the ambiguities in the plot. Like, is Andrea hurt and/or changed by her trigger event, or is someone replacing her? If replaced, is Andrea dead or missing (or alive and present, but her body Mastered)? Is the Stranger impersonating Andrea culpable in her death or disappearance, or another victim of the same event, or mostly unrelated? Some of the questions got resolved in the narrative, and some did not, but the tension/curiosity they all created was very fun.

I don't blame Valerie at all, but I was really rooting for the Stranger here. They read to me as being confused and hurt and making an honest albeit terrifying attempt at figuring themselves out and being (or finding out how to be) a good person.

It's the exact same tone in the stranger's voice. The exact same inflexion, the exact same tinge of frantic dread. How did Valerie not notice earlier?

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This is a great detail. If the Stranger's learning by imitating Valerie, their tone here doesn't necessarily reflect how they're feeling; i'm left wondering how they *would* sound if they knew how to express themselves. What are they actually feeling, and what do they actually want Valerie to hear? The limitation can't have helped with the communication barriers; the Stranger can only answer Valerie in echoes of Valerie's own fear, discomfort, despair, and suspicion. Maybe without even knowing what they're signifying.

I did feel like the story was going somewhere longer, but this ending makes sense and is satisfying.

(Am reminded of another Wormfic about a similar power; the main character was a swarm of flying insect-like creatures that could puppet dead (or possibly living?) bodies. I don't recall that character being a Case 53, though; and the fic started at a point well after their trigger, after they'd mostly gotten used to the situation. Wish i remembered the title/author/site.)

 

[michaelb958]

(Am reminded of another Wormfic about a similar power; the main character was a swarm of flying insect-like creatures that could puppet dead (or possibly living?) bodies. I don't recall that character being a Case 53, though; and the fic started at a point well after their trigger, after they'd mostly gotten used to the situation. Wish i remembered the title/author/site.)

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Perhaps you're thinking of Wasp by Tiberia1313?

 

[Jake]

On another note, can we take a moment to appreciate Valerie's commendably swift and pragmatic response to this situation as soon as she realises what's happening? No screaming, no panic, no stereotypical girl-in-a-horror-story reactions at all. Just grabs the accelerant and applies a very, very definite solution.

 

[YseultNott]

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I'm glad that you enjoyed the descriptions, even if I'm sorry to hear that the plot and characters failed to engage you. If I may ask, what caused you to doubt the reliability/accuracy of the narration? Was it the confusion as to the existence of the glass power? The imagery getting in the way of comprehension? Something else?

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I'm glad that you enjoyed this story and that it worked for you! And yes, the story, at east in its initial version, was supposed to be a tragedy on all sides (although much of that was lost alongside the focus on Dance Macabre's powers and motives).

And both of you, thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed comments!

 

[Tascion]

I'm glad that you enjoyed the descriptions, even if I'm sorry to hear that the plot and characters failed to engage you. If I may ask, what caused you to doubt the reliability/accuracy of the narration? Was it the confusion as to the existence of the glass power? The imagery getting in the way of comprehension? Something else?

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I've heard depression described as feeling like being underwater, behind curtains, or in a fog. The ability to share and feel understood is muted. The depressed person might feel distant, as if the vivacity of life couldn't reach them.

Andrea talking about glass walls keeping Valerie separated from her seemed entirely reasonable to take metaphorically.

Another part of this is likely personal, as I'm bad with names. The short updates and sentences like "She went looking for the dog." or "She watched her quietly for a while." occasionally left my memories of some next chapter less than helpful as to which of the two people had done something.

Overall, I do want to stress that I found the internal monologues enticing and interesting.

 

[untimely_gyre]

Perhaps you're thinking of Wasp by Tiberia1313?

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Yes, that was the one! Thank you.

 

[Ziel]

Hm... I liked the powers on their own, but I feel like Andrea being a cape muddied the water. It made a lot of the mirror/glass metaphors make sense with how she sees the world, but I think liked them better as metaphor for the emotional distance and isolation that serves as the conflict here. Her having the glass resolves the conflict at the end a bit too easily as well.

I feel like this is one of those ones where it'd probably be stronger as a standalone original story, and the Worm stuff distracts from the point and doesn't really add anything. Taken as a regular horror story, I really like the vibe of "loved one comes home inexplicably strange."

I definitely prefer it as more of the stuff between just the two of them, and minus all the zombies and hit and runs and stuff. Keeping it intimate works better. Just the hint of something squirming inside Andrea at the end is enough to keep it spooky.

But it doesn't quite go far enough though... We have the bones of a good story, and I know drabbles are your thing, but I could see this really thriving as a 10-15k word story where we get a bit more time to see their relationship when it's normal, and some more to hammer home the horror bits once Andrea is creepy.